April 2, 2025 • 37 mins
Unlocking your leadership energy isn't just for executives—it's for anyone navigating life's complex challenges. In this episode, I dive deep into how we can shift from reactive stress responses to intentional, powerful action. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by uncertainty or stuck in unproductive patterns, I'll share transformative insights from the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) that can help you understand your inner dynamics, break free from limiting beliefs, and step into a more empowered version of yourself. Join me as we explore practical strategies to lead more effectively, both in your personal life and professional journey.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore a specialized tool to facilitate unlocking your leadership energy, so you can act with intention instead of reacting from stress.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Why understanding your energy patterns is key to responding rather than reacting in high-stress situations.
- How the ELI differs from personality tests and provides actionable insights for leadership and resilience.
- The seven levels of energy and how they shape your mindset, communication, and decision-making.
- Practical steps to start shifting your energy today—even if you don’t take the assessment.
Through this episode you’ll gain insights, a framework, and a reflection tool to engage stress proactively without toxic positivity.
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for the Energy Leadership Index Assessment
Forbes article Best Tests to Help You Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses
You’re More Than Your Personality Test episode
Identifying Your True Goals with Amy Pons episode
Stress Release Strategies guide
PROMOTIONAL LINK: Queer News with Anna Deshawn
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Apply to be coached on the podcast
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of Mindset unlimitedtoday, we are talking about
unlocking your leadershipenergy, how to shift from stress
response to intentional action.
And we're talking about thisbecause we're in a period of
time where being able to stepinto our leadership ability is
key, whether you want to be aleader or not, being able to
lead in the world, in your ownlife, your your way, is really
(00:27):
important. And as I talked aboutin the last episode with Amy
pons, we were sharing a littlebit about how our brains like
patterns. You've heard me saythis a lot, and because of that,
when we experience a stressor,our brains go, Oh, here's this
(00:47):
tool to use, because it's tryingto help us trying to reduce the
amount of energy we need toexpend so that we have more
energy to address the potentialdanger, ie, the stressor, and
unfortunately, the tool that ithands us is the tool that we're
most familiar with, which is notnecessarily the tool that we
(01:08):
want to be using, and especiallyin a period like the one we're
in, we need to be able to haveas much as we can to create
something new and yetuncertainty, even if we know
that this is uncertainty that'salways been there, yet it is
(01:33):
feeling bigger. Uncertaintycreates stress, and we are more
likely to fall back into thepatterns that have created and
recreated what we currentlyknow. So we want to talk about,
what can you do about that? Ihave a tool that I really love
that I want to share with youback, way back the beginning of
(01:56):
this podcast. I have a wholeepisode where I really dig deep
into the Eli and I had awonderful person recently
volunteer to share their Elidebrief experience through the
podcast. So this is kind of aprecursor to that. But I also
wanted to make sure that notonly are you going to get from
(02:17):
that episode insights fromlistening to her walk through
that process, but also some tipstools that you can use, whether
you do the ELI or not. Now Iwill little hint here is that I
am offering a major discount onthe ELI right now. I'll have
(02:38):
more about that at the end. Butif it sounds like something you
might want, I think it's such animportant tool for where we're
at right now to have thatunderstanding of ourselves,
because we can't prepare for allcircumstances. We can't go,
okay, when this happens, thenI'll do this. And if this
happens, then I'll do that.
(02:59):
There are some things we can dothat with, but there's a lot
that we just aren't gonna knowahead. And so when we have an
understanding of our generalself and the patterns that are
present that are helping us dowhat we're trying to do, and
that tend to interrupt that andpull us back into our usual
(03:22):
patterns, the ones that we mightcall self sabotage. Well, we
want to be able to engage that.
And this is a way that we cankind of do that more generally,
that it kind of works in allscenarios. So I wanted to make
sure that you have some of someof this for you as you move
forward, regardless. So whatwe're going to be talking about
(03:47):
is why, understanding yourenergy patterns is key to
responding rather than reactingin high stress situations, or
just stress situations, theydon't have to be high stress.
It's it comes up in these liketimes where, like, why? So we'll
get more into that. But how theELI differs from personality
tests and provides actionableinsights for leadership and
(04:09):
resilience definitely neededsome of that resilience, the
seven levels of energy and howthey shape your communication
and your decision making andpractical steps to start
shifting your energy today, evenif you don't take the
assessment. So now I'm going toshare a little promo for one of
(04:32):
my fellow podcasters, because Ireally want to start shouting
those folks out, because there'ssome amazing people doing
amazing podcasts out there. Solittle shout out. And then,
without further ado, we'll getstarted
Queer News Ad (04:45):
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Valerie Friedlander (05:25):
The way we perceive situations influences
how we engage them, andultimately what we're creating
in our lives. This is aboutleadership. It's how we lead our
lives. So whether you aresomeone in a position of
leadership, or whether you arejust doing life we lead other
people, because how we lead ourlife influences other people.
(05:49):
Like it or not, that's just howit is, and it's not to say that
we manifest everything thatcomes into our life. I really
want to be clear about thatthere are plenty of things that
we did not create, and ourperception still influences the
dynamics between us and thosethings, it influences how we
(06:10):
engage them. So basically, atthe root of it, it's about
relationships, how we relate toourselves, to our life, to other
people, to situations. Andbecause brains like patterns, we
build up a story, we build up ahistory about these certain
situations, and go, Oh, thismeans this. This means that this
(06:32):
equates to this. And most ofthat's happening in our
subconscious. 95% of that ishappening in our subconscious.
We don't even see it. So I workwith a lot of very self aware
people most of the time, as Imentioned with Amy last episode,
they're self aware enough tobeat themselves up with that
(06:54):
self awareness, oh, I shouldn'tdo this. Oh, I shouldn't do
that. The problem that happensis that people have a self
awareness, but they don't havean understanding of what to do
with it. There's like, thesurface of, this is the right
thing, this is the wrong thing.
And now, of course, we have abinary, and then our stress
(07:15):
response gets activated andwe're not acting in alignment
with what we want to create. Sowe're like, oh, I'm out of
alignment, and now I'm evenfurther out of alignment. What I
like about the ELI is that ithelps get to a root of those
dynamics. So rather than goingthis specific thing is wrong or
(07:37):
this specific thing is right, orthis specific thing, whatever,
it helps understand, oh, this isthe pattern. This is the
perception. So the example Iusually give has to do with
colors, which is, if you haveall these experiences where this
green thing has been dangerous,right? Slime, whatever, and
(07:59):
you're like, oh, green. You seesomething green, and you're
like, Ah, I want to get awayfrom that. Whatever your stress
response is, whether it isfight, flight, freeze, whatever,
you're like, oh, beef, if youknow that your lens has
developed into being kind ofblue tinted. Then you could go,
(08:20):
Oh, I'm seeing that green thing.
I'm having this reaction to it.
But how green is it really? Whatif it were yellow? What would I
do differently if it wereyellow? How interested Am I in
finding out if it's yellow? Andif I am, what could I try to
explore in a way that feels safefor me how yellow it might be?
(08:43):
So what it does is it gives somecuriosity. It's like it infuses
curiosity and infusesexpansiveness, to be able to
say, Oh, I know that my standardis this, level three. If that's
the case, then what would alevel four look like? What might
I want to explore related tothat? What could I try now? So
(09:04):
it works kind of like a tool,essentially a framework for
understanding. And it's notquite that simplistic, but it
can be used in a very simpleway. Now, I've been using this
for about nine, almost 10 yearsnow, wow, when I got trained as
a coach, this was one of thethings that I was also trained
(09:26):
in, I did not realize when Isigned up for my training. I
don't know if I've talked aboutmy history with this, maybe I
will do that at some point, notthis episode, but I didn't
realize. And then we got to thesection where we were learning
this and getting certified toadminister it, and I was like,
(09:48):
whoa. This is so. Cool, and I'vebeen using it with clients ever
since, and they all love it,whether they do it as just a one
off session or whether it's thefirst start of a coaching
package. It's really powerfulbecause it allows us to engage
the energy behind the actionsand behind the experience,
(10:10):
instead of just the specificsthemselves, which means that we
can carry it forward regardless.
So it essentially infuses alevel of resiliency that we
couldn't do if we were onlysolving for particular
situations while we are engagingparticular situations. It allows
(10:31):
for those to be applicable inany kind of scenario. It also
allows for a deeperunderstanding when dealing with
other people of the dynamicsthat are at play, because it is
a dynamic experience. So I willquickly share some of the
reasons people say they want todo this assessment, and what
(10:53):
they say when they sign uporiginally, it has to do with
having deep insights intomyself, to understand what's
blocking my goal achievement,and to be able to stop repeating
old stories in my life, tofigure out how to get out of
feeling stuck and be lessstressed, or at least get out of
(11:14):
the stress mode faster, and beable to work in a way that is
sustainable. Self awareness andclarity around where to direct
my energy. Stop making excusesand feel more empowered to take
action. Understand why I keepgetting the same things. Stop
getting frustrated andoverwhelmed and learn to respond
(11:35):
better. Stop taking thingspersonally that I know I
shouldn't and feel moreconfident in my choices I how to
be a better leader for my teamand be more present in my life.
Get out of survival mode. I haveall this knowledge, but then
things don't work out the way Iexpect, and people don't react
(11:57):
the way I expect. Understand whyI keep self sabotaging and be
more confident and fulfilled inlife, understand how I'm coming
across to others, and live lifemore proactively. I'll share
what people actually say they'vegotten out of it in a moment.
But what I want to highlightwithin this is that a lot of
(12:19):
times these folks have donepersonality assessments, which
can be really great in affirmingcertain experiences that it's
not just you. It can also bereally helpful to recognize that
other people experience thingsdifferently than you. So like,
when we say personality typethis, personality type that, and
(12:42):
like, oh, then you can have moreunderstanding, more empathy,
perhaps, for someone who mightbe showing up a little bit
differently to a situation. Andwhile that can be helpful, and
I've talked about this withlike, the love languages and
that sort of thing, it can alsolead to people putting
(13:03):
themselves into boxes. So, oh,I'm just this person, or I'm
just that person, oh, I'm apeople pleaser, oh, I'm an
introvert, oh, I'm an Enneagrameight I'm whatever it is. And
again, I don't want to say thatany of those things are wrong or
bad, because they're not. Theycan be really helpful again, in
(13:25):
understanding yourself andhonoring what you need and what
works for you. And when we putourselves into a box around it
and say, Well, this is just whoI am. It limits what we think we
have access to. It limits ourpotential to do something
different if something isn'tworking for us. And then when we
(13:47):
do that, when we create a limitfor ourselves like that, then we
place the responsibility onsomebody else to change, and
that's when our attention goesoutward into things that we
can't control, instead oflooking at what we do. Have
power over where we can makechoices which are ourselves. So
(14:08):
when we put those boxes aroundwho we are and who we can be in
the way we can be in the way wecan show up. We lose power, and
then again, it's on other peopleor on situations, and we've
handed our power over to otherthings in a time like this,
where it is so important that weown as much of our power is that
(14:31):
we can to be able to say, Well,what do I want to do with that?
Or who do I want to grow to be?
I loved Amy in the last episode,herphrase of what is my favorite
version of myself, like I wantto. I become my favorite version
of myself, and that can be anever evolving process. What I
like about the ELI as a tool, asfar as assessments go, is that
(14:54):
it isn't static, it is dynamic,so it allows us to understand a
dynamic that's present in ourlife that has to do with what's
going on in our life right now,instead of this is who I am,
this is the way I am. It willalways be like that. The one
thing that I struggle with, andI always share this when I'm
(15:16):
doing a debrief with someone, isabout how the framework is done
in levels of energy, so you havelevel one through seven. I
struggle a little bit with thisbecause of the way our brains
tend to see hierarchies. We'vegot a lot of conditioning around
hierarchies. So we tend to thinkthat the lower numbers, right?
(15:39):
Are less than are lower in termsof not as good, and the higher
numbers are better. So I alwaysemphasize that that's not the
case, but it's hard, becausethose lower levels, or what I
will say is the more constrictedlevels aren't comfortable. Those
are the stress response, andthey're very important. So this
(16:01):
is where we need to take a lookat like stress isn't bad in and
of itself. It is there for areason. So having a tool that
allows it to be well, we're justtrying to understand the reason.
We're not trying to say thatthis is wrong. We just want to
know what's happening. Becausewhen we can understand what's
(16:24):
happening, then we can engage itand decide what to do with it
when we have choice. Ultimately,what all of this is is about
choice, and choice is where ourpower is. So being able to go,
Oh, I've got a lot of stressgoing on. That's, yeah, that's
great. And how is that workingfor you? Where is it working?
(16:46):
What is it doing? How is ittrying to help you, because
ultimately, we have a stressresponse as a way to try and
help us. So understanding thisis what's going on, and here are
the levels that are helping youdo the things you might find
that you have higher levels thatare actually creating more
(17:08):
obstacle in connection becauseof various factors of the other
people that you're navigatinglife with, or whatever is,
there's disconnection that canhappen. So being able to just
understand what the picture is,instead of going this is good,
this is bad, this is greater,this is lesser. I want more
(17:30):
higher and less lower, all thatstuff, really, the more access
to the higher levels, as itwere, mostly means that you have
access there. If you have lessthere, then you have less access
there. And so then you get todecide, well, how is that
working for you? What do youwant to do with that? So let's
(17:52):
talk a little bit about thelevels themselves. I have a
whole episode where I deep diveinto the levels. So we're not
going to spend a whole lot oftime on this, because if you
want to, like, really dig inthat episode that I did way back
at the beginning of thispodcast. I cannot believe that
(18:13):
it's been five seasons, but wayback then, I did this episode
about your more than yourpersonality test. And so I will
link that in the show notes ifyou want a really deep dive into
the levels to use. Because,honestly, having an
understanding of these levels,you can utilize them like you
(18:34):
may look at them and go, ohyeah, no, I see that one. The
benefit with the debrief part tolike, actually take it yourself.
You'll see your own patterns.
And then we work together to gothrough it. We spend 90 minutes
really digging in to make surethat you understand what the
(18:56):
patterns are that are showing upfor you, the ones that are
working for you when life'sgoing as it normally does for
you, and the ones that areworking when you're in stress,
and how they relate to eachother. So we really dig in. And
I mean, I spend about an hourahead of time, going through and
(19:18):
really looking at everything,pulling things forward so that
we can make the most of our timetogether on that so very helpful
to dig in, but the frameworkitself is something that you can
absolutely use without havingdone the assessment. Yeah. So
let's just do a really quickoverview. And if you want to
(19:40):
follow along, on my Eli page,there's a little chart, but you
know what? I'll put it in theblog post to the picture of the
circle chart is what I call it,for the energy leadership index.
So you can follow along if youwant. Okay, so let's dig into
what the levels are. Just realbriefly I will have in the blog
(20:03):
post the circle chart, which isthe energy leadership index. And
you can also, of course, look atthe page that I have for the
energy leadership indexassessment, where I have a
little example of what thereport looks like. So in the
center, and I think of this kindof like a lens, like, if you
(20:24):
think of like a camera lens thatexpands and contracts, that's
essentially how this works. Sothat that's why the circle makes
a lot of sense. So in the centerof that is what we call the
circle of self. This is allcatabolic energy. And I didn't
explain catabolic energy inanabolic energy. So catabolic
(20:46):
energy is breaking down energy.
Anabolic energy is creatingenergy. So just super simple,
again, I go into way more detailin that other episode, but
breaking down energy can be veryimportant as can be building
creating energy in that circlein the center is the circle of
self. You might think of it likeego, but that that gets a little
(21:09):
complicated into other things.
But this is your selfprotection. So this is defense
mode, armor on protect oneself.
Very, very center is the mostconstricted energy. So this is
level one, and the core thoughtin level one is, I'm wrong.
Something's happening to me,self doubt, guilt, all that sort
(21:30):
of stuff. The main feeling isjust crappy, fear, overwhelm.
This is where you're avoidingindecisive in action. When we
move up from that, we're in thefight response. Essentially,
this is like, You're wrong. Soone is I'm wrong. Two is you're
wrong. So there's this need tobe right. Things are good and
(21:52):
bad. There's conflict,frustration, anger, resentment,
and the actions tend to be tofight, to argue. There's lack of
trust, there's force, push. Soyou might experience this with
yourself. You might experiencethis with someone else. Level
one is usually where it's comingat ourselves, but I will
(22:14):
highlight here that all of theenergies are all present all the
time, just in different amounts.
So it's not like you either haveone or the other. I'm separating
them out so that you have anunderstanding of them, but it's
not one of the other. Again,that other episode, I talk a
(22:37):
little bit more about theinteractions between the levels
and how they might show up incombination, which they do,
which is why we do the debrief.
Anyway. When we move up to levelthree, we head into a circle of
self mastery. This is wherewe're releasing some of that
catabolic energy, but it's stillthere. So it's kind of it's a
(22:58):
little bit of a slippery slope,like level three feels a lot
better than one and two, but itcan be hard to sustain. It takes
a lot of energy. I think oflevel three as, like the I'm
making lemonade out of lemons,but I really don't like lemons,
but lemonade is okay. I can dolemonade and I have sugar. You
(23:21):
run out of sugar. You're in oneor two, we're done. So level
three, you do you, I'll do me.
You can rationalize it. You takeresponsibility, accept, forgive,
and you're able to makecompromises. You're able to
tolerate. I want to highlightreal quick because I didn't
(23:42):
before, but I do like to showwhere some of these levels can
be beneficial, even when we'relike, oh, that's so bad. Being a
victim is crappy. Well, yeah, itdoesn't feel good. But if you
actually are a victim, thenlevel one makes a lot of sense.
So it's not bad to be in levelone if you are sick, if you need
(24:05):
someone to care for you, ifthings are happening to you,
level one makes a lot of sense.
If you're overwhelmed, there istoo much to hold. Level one
makes a lot of sense. Doesn'tmean we want to stay there, and
that's part of the idea ofhaving a tool like this is to be
able to understand the dynamics,so that if it is accessible to
(24:27):
do something different, then youcan activate that. Or maybe you
can go, Oh, I'm in level one,but it's okay that I need to ask
for help, and we can give somegrace around that, instead of
beating ourselves up aroundthat. And then. Just
exacerbating level one, so thatawareness is important. Level
(24:49):
two, you can get a lot done thatway. It's just that in the
process, things may be missed orthere might be some harm to some
relationships when that energyis utilized without maybe some
guardrails or some supportsaround it when it's just used by
itself. You see a lot of leveltwo, I mean that that one's
(25:11):
pretty predominant in the USright now, so you're probably
very familiar with that, and wehave a reaction to that. This,
actually, I really want tohighlight here. I know I haven't
got it to the other levels, butlevel two is a dominant level in
our society right now. That'syou lose. You're wrong. That
(25:33):
level tends to activate levelone, which is overwhelm and
shutting down, or level three, Ican rationalize, I can release,
but it depends on how much ourcapacity is, whether we can use
level three or not. Level one isnot going to help us right now.
So this is one of the bigreasons why I want to engage
(25:55):
this right now. And I think thisunderstanding is so critical
right now is because with leveltwo being the dominant, if we
want to change that, we can't beshowing up with level one. That
won't work for us. So I'm notsaying level one's bad. It makes
sense. We need to care for that,and we need to make sure that
(26:18):
we're doing what we can so we'renot staying there so that we can
lead more effectively. I wish Ithought of that earlier, because
I would have put it earlier inthis episode, but here we are.
So level four, I want to helpyou concern about other people.
I feel for you, compassion,people pleasing can show up
(26:40):
here, and one and four tend tocombined to create a lot of the
codependency people pleasingthat like I'm over giving and
then I'm depleted. So that sortof stuff can happen with level
four. I work with a lot ofpeople who are navigating those
dynamics. So that's a big onelevel five. I see opportunities.
(27:02):
I can reconcile, I can balancethe books. I can see a win for
everybody, including myself. Iunderstand you. There's calm
here. We're collaborative,acceptance, trust, things will
work out. I don't necessarilysee what the answer is, but
we'll find it. It'll happenlevel six. We're moving into the
(27:24):
circle of self transcendence. Sothis is I'm experiencing life,
and that is the opportunity.
You're tapped into intuition.
We're in synergy. We'reexperiencing the now there's a
sense I am, you, Joy,inspiration, connection, flow.
We're looking at the bigpicture. We're present and
(27:45):
connected. Level seven is likethis is one we might tap into,
but we don't stay here. My gameof life and its rules are
created by me, completely nonjudgmental. We are the same.
We're in passion, fearless,unconditional love, creation,
being vision, as Amy said thelast time, like knowing that
(28:06):
unlimitedness is one thing, butthen being in the human
experience is another. So thisis why I really emphasize it's
not like the higher levels arebetter levels. I think of them
as more expansive viewpoint, butthat's not necessarily going to
help us in certain instances. Soit's about access and choice.
(28:28):
I'm going to share a couple ofthe testimonials that people
have shared. I shared why theysigned up. This is what they've
experienced when they've donethe assessment and when they've
utilized this as a tool. The ELIinvestment was one of the best
personal development investmentsI've ever made. Suddenly, I had
(28:51):
this deeper sense ofunderstanding of the sources of
frustration, motivation andaccomplishment in my life,
Valerie has this uncanny abilityof quickly knowing exactly who
you are and encouraging you totake ownership of your mindset.
After taking the ELI, I've beenable to be more proactive with
(29:12):
my reactions and mindset andbeen able to seek more positive
outcomes. The information Igained has not only helped me on
a personal level, but has shapedthe way I'm growing my business.
The ELI assessment Valerieadministered was amazing. It was
like she knew me for years and Ihad only just met her. I quickly
(29:35):
became aware of the things I wasdoing and how they were
impacting my life. Somethingthat I uncovered in our meeting
had me take action to alter thecourse of my career. I. I did
the ELI with Valerie yesterday.
What an eye opening experience.
This assessment was incrediblyaccurate, and Valerie offered
(29:57):
great insights while helping meconnect the dots on a lot of
things. The ELI assessment wasmind blowing. I think in that
session alone, Valerie was ableto get and understand me more
than 95% of the people in mylife. I loved how she was able
to help me reprioritize myenergy and recognize certain
(30:19):
things that give me more energyand that stress is a real thing
that can wear on you physically.
Valerie makes a big impact in ashort amount of time. In our
call, I had several AHA and mindblowing moments. Valerie is
fantastic to work with andprovide so much value with her
(30:41):
insights and energy assessment,one of the best investments I've
made in myself and my business.
I share all of that to highlightthe impact, and I want you to
know that it's not just me whoreally finds this to be super
valuable, if you like morebusinessy sort of stuff. Forbes
actually has a thing talkingabout how helpful it is was one
(31:03):
of the best assessments anywhothe tool is so helpful, if you
want to use it, I'm happy tochat with you like I said. I'm
doing a sale on it. However, Iknow that's not for everybody
right now. I know that there's alot of factors to consider with
that, so I want to make surethat you have this support to
(31:26):
meet you where you're at withthis, first and foremost,
recognizing that level two isour primary energy in our
current society. So go listen tothat podcast episode I did way
back when to understand allthese energy levels and how
that's showing up for you. Soyou can even check in and see
(31:47):
what happens for me. What energyis showing up for me when I am
showing up the way I want toshow up. What are the dynamics
at play? And when I'm in stressresponse, which energy tends to
show up for me? And maybe evenjust noticing that. The other
tool that I want to give you,alongside of this is actually
(32:09):
one that's in my free resources,and it's tied to my stress
release strategies, quiz andguide. So this tool is different
than the ELI, obviously I madethis one. This is all mine, but
I made it because being able tounderstand what you need to care
for your stress response iscritical to being able to
(32:32):
intentionally engage your stressresponse. So I have a podcast
episode that talks about that,but also this guide has a little
cheat sheet in it that walks youthrough a quick tool. I framed
it a little differently in awebinar that I did a while back,
and I called it the pinkyprocess, so it's not framed that
(32:54):
way in this guide, but I'm goingto give that to you in case
you're just listening in the carand you need something that you
can hold on to and remembereasily. So the pinky process is
first to pause, take a breath.
We're not trying to figureanything out right now. We just
(33:16):
noticed that we're in the stressresponse. So we're like, okay,
just pause. Pause. Breathe, feelthe body, get back into the
moment, get back into thepresent, back into yourself.
Then we're going to check inInsight. That's I so please
pause. I is insight. Check inwith yourself. What's going on
(33:37):
with you, what's happeninginside of you. What need do you
have right now? So you know, areyou hungry? Are you tired? Is
there something additionallyimpacting your capacity and thus
magnifying the sense of dangerthat your brain is picking up
from whatever the situation isthen and is noticing the
(33:59):
narrative. What story are youtelling about what's happening
in your body? Talked about thiswith Amy in the last episode,
but we all tell stories aboutwhat's happening. It's not to
say that those stories aren'ttrue. There might be something
actually happening, and we tendto layer that with other
(34:21):
stories. So what's thenarrative? Notice the narrative.
That's the end. Notice thenarrative. What am I saying?
Just to notice it, just to bringit forward. Because sometimes we
have this narrative going andwe're not noticing it. It's just
there, and then it's influencingour perception and our actions.
(34:43):
And then k is, know what'simportant, what matters to you?
What are your values, what whatis most important in this
situation? And get curious aboutwhat you don't know. So the
knowing part, what do you know?
What don't you know? What. Whatcould you do to find out more?
So this is goes back to thatgreen thing, right? Like, how
(35:05):
green is it really what don't Iknow that I am making an
assumption about, and then youget to choose what you create.
So this is what's important tome. This is what I know. This is
what I don't know. This is whatI'm going to do with what I
don't know. This is what I'mgoing to do with what I know,
(35:27):
whether it's knowing aboutsomething outside of myself or
knowing about something insideof myself. So that tool is
something you can just tap into,check in run through that
checklist, pause, gather someinsight in yourself. Notice the
narrative, know what's importantand what you know and what you
(35:48):
don't know, and then you choose.
So that's Pinky. The ELI is anice addition to layer onto
that, because you can still usethat process, and you will have
a deeper understanding of thedynamics going on for you that
are the patterns that areunderneath all of these things,
(36:10):
and then so you can utilize thattool of like, well, what would
it look like if I looked At itthrough this level, I know this
is my primary level, but if Itapped into my secondary level
or my tertiary level, what wouldthat look like? So that's
something we do in the debrief,is really dig into how do you
(36:33):
use these other levels tosupport you in a different way?
So this is what may be working.
This is what may be not workingso well, or this is how it's
working. These are how all thethings are working. How do you
feel about how those things areworking? And how could we use
some of what you like aboutwhat's working to reduce some of
(36:55):
what you don't like about what'sworking? And we can give you
some actionable tactics,strategies to engage it so that
you can be leading your life anddirectly or indirectly the
people around you with thatdeeper understanding. Okay, if
you have questions, please don'thesitate to reach out and ask
(37:17):
me. I'm happy to answeranything, whether it's just
sending you an email back ormaybe we need to do another
episode. That's all good. Iwould love to hear from you.
Definitely stay tuned for thenext episode where you'll get to
hear an actual debrief and whatthat experience looks and sounds
(37:38):
like thank you so much forjoining me today, and I will
talk to you all next time.
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of Mindset unlimitedtoday, we are talking about
unlocking your leadershipenergy, how to shift from stress
response to intentional action.
And we're talking about thisbecause we're in a period of
time where being able to stepinto our leadership ability is
key, whether you want to be aleader or not, being able to
lead in the world, in your ownlife, your your way, is really
(00:27):
important. And as I talked aboutin the last episode with Amy
pons, we were sharing a littlebit about how our brains like
patterns. You've heard me saythis a lot, and because of that,
when we experience a stressor,our brains go, Oh, here's this
(00:47):
tool to use, because it's tryingto help us trying to reduce the
amount of energy we need toexpend so that we have more
energy to address the potentialdanger, ie, the stressor, and
unfortunately, the tool that ithands us is the tool that we're
most familiar with, which is notnecessarily the tool that we
(01:08):
want to be using, and especiallyin a period like the one we're
in, we need to be able to haveas much as we can to create
something new and yetuncertainty, even if we know
that this is uncertainty that'salways been there, yet it is
(01:33):
feeling bigger. Uncertaintycreates stress, and we are more
likely to fall back into thepatterns that have created and
recreated what we currentlyknow. So we want to talk about,
what can you do about that? Ihave a tool that I really love
that I want to share with youback, way back the beginning of
(01:56):
this podcast. I have a wholeepisode where I really dig deep
into the Eli and I had awonderful person recently
volunteer to share their Elidebrief experience through the
podcast. So this is kind of aprecursor to that. But I also
wanted to make sure that notonly are you going to get from
(02:17):
that episode insights fromlistening to her walk through
that process, but also some tipstools that you can use, whether
you do the ELI or not. Now Iwill little hint here is that I
am offering a major discount onthe ELI right now. I'll have
(02:38):
more about that at the end. Butif it sounds like something you
might want, I think it's such animportant tool for where we're
at right now to have thatunderstanding of ourselves,
because we can't prepare for allcircumstances. We can't go,
okay, when this happens, thenI'll do this. And if this
happens, then I'll do that.
(02:59):
There are some things we can dothat with, but there's a lot
that we just aren't gonna knowahead. And so when we have an
understanding of our generalself and the patterns that are
present that are helping us dowhat we're trying to do, and
that tend to interrupt that andpull us back into our usual
(03:22):
patterns, the ones that we mightcall self sabotage. Well, we
want to be able to engage that.
And this is a way that we cankind of do that more generally,
that it kind of works in allscenarios. So I wanted to make
sure that you have some of someof this for you as you move
forward, regardless. So whatwe're going to be talking about
(03:47):
is why, understanding yourenergy patterns is key to
responding rather than reactingin high stress situations, or
just stress situations, theydon't have to be high stress.
It's it comes up in these liketimes where, like, why? So we'll
get more into that. But how theELI differs from personality
tests and provides actionableinsights for leadership and
(04:09):
resilience definitely neededsome of that resilience, the
seven levels of energy and howthey shape your communication
and your decision making andpractical steps to start
shifting your energy today, evenif you don't take the
assessment. So now I'm going toshare a little promo for one of
(04:32):
my fellow podcasters, because Ireally want to start shouting
those folks out, because there'ssome amazing people doing
amazing podcasts out there. Solittle shout out. And then,
without further ado, we'll getstarted
Queer News Ad (04:45):
Family. It's your favorite queer radio
personality, Anna DeShawn, and Ibring you the queer news podcast
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Valerie Friedlander (05:25):
The way we perceive situations influences
how we engage them, andultimately what we're creating
in our lives. This is aboutleadership. It's how we lead our
lives. So whether you aresomeone in a position of
leadership, or whether you arejust doing life we lead other
people, because how we lead ourlife influences other people.
(05:49):
Like it or not, that's just howit is, and it's not to say that
we manifest everything thatcomes into our life. I really
want to be clear about thatthere are plenty of things that
we did not create, and ourperception still influences the
dynamics between us and thosethings, it influences how we
(06:10):
engage them. So basically, atthe root of it, it's about
relationships, how we relate toourselves, to our life, to other
people, to situations. Andbecause brains like patterns, we
build up a story, we build up ahistory about these certain
situations, and go, Oh, thismeans this. This means that this
(06:32):
equates to this. And most ofthat's happening in our
subconscious. 95% of that ishappening in our subconscious.
We don't even see it. So I workwith a lot of very self aware
people most of the time, as Imentioned with Amy last episode,
they're self aware enough tobeat themselves up with that
(06:54):
self awareness, oh, I shouldn'tdo this. Oh, I shouldn't do
that. The problem that happensis that people have a self
awareness, but they don't havean understanding of what to do
with it. There's like, thesurface of, this is the right
thing, this is the wrong thing.
And now, of course, we have abinary, and then our stress
(07:15):
response gets activated andwe're not acting in alignment
with what we want to create. Sowe're like, oh, I'm out of
alignment, and now I'm evenfurther out of alignment. What I
like about the ELI is that ithelps get to a root of those
dynamics. So rather than goingthis specific thing is wrong or
(07:37):
this specific thing is right, orthis specific thing, whatever,
it helps understand, oh, this isthe pattern. This is the
perception. So the example Iusually give has to do with
colors, which is, if you haveall these experiences where this
green thing has been dangerous,right? Slime, whatever, and
(07:59):
you're like, oh, green. You seesomething green, and you're
like, Ah, I want to get awayfrom that. Whatever your stress
response is, whether it isfight, flight, freeze, whatever,
you're like, oh, beef, if youknow that your lens has
developed into being kind ofblue tinted. Then you could go,
(08:20):
Oh, I'm seeing that green thing.
I'm having this reaction to it.
But how green is it really? Whatif it were yellow? What would I
do differently if it wereyellow? How interested Am I in
finding out if it's yellow? Andif I am, what could I try to
explore in a way that feels safefor me how yellow it might be?
(08:43):
So what it does is it gives somecuriosity. It's like it infuses
curiosity and infusesexpansiveness, to be able to
say, Oh, I know that my standardis this, level three. If that's
the case, then what would alevel four look like? What might
I want to explore related tothat? What could I try now? So
(09:04):
it works kind of like a tool,essentially a framework for
understanding. And it's notquite that simplistic, but it
can be used in a very simpleway. Now, I've been using this
for about nine, almost 10 yearsnow, wow, when I got trained as
a coach, this was one of thethings that I was also trained
(09:26):
in, I did not realize when Isigned up for my training. I
don't know if I've talked aboutmy history with this, maybe I
will do that at some point, notthis episode, but I didn't
realize. And then we got to thesection where we were learning
this and getting certified toadminister it, and I was like,
(09:48):
whoa. This is so. Cool, and I'vebeen using it with clients ever
since, and they all love it,whether they do it as just a one
off session or whether it's thefirst start of a coaching
package. It's really powerfulbecause it allows us to engage
the energy behind the actionsand behind the experience,
(10:10):
instead of just the specificsthemselves, which means that we
can carry it forward regardless.
So it essentially infuses alevel of resiliency that we
couldn't do if we were onlysolving for particular
situations while we are engagingparticular situations. It allows
(10:31):
for those to be applicable inany kind of scenario. It also
allows for a deeperunderstanding when dealing with
other people of the dynamicsthat are at play, because it is
a dynamic experience. So I willquickly share some of the
reasons people say they want todo this assessment, and what
(10:53):
they say when they sign uporiginally, it has to do with
having deep insights intomyself, to understand what's
blocking my goal achievement,and to be able to stop repeating
old stories in my life, tofigure out how to get out of
feeling stuck and be lessstressed, or at least get out of
(11:14):
the stress mode faster, and beable to work in a way that is
sustainable. Self awareness andclarity around where to direct
my energy. Stop making excusesand feel more empowered to take
action. Understand why I keepgetting the same things. Stop
getting frustrated andoverwhelmed and learn to respond
(11:35):
better. Stop taking thingspersonally that I know I
shouldn't and feel moreconfident in my choices I how to
be a better leader for my teamand be more present in my life.
Get out of survival mode. I haveall this knowledge, but then
things don't work out the way Iexpect, and people don't react
(11:57):
the way I expect. Understand whyI keep self sabotaging and be
more confident and fulfilled inlife, understand how I'm coming
across to others, and live lifemore proactively. I'll share
what people actually say they'vegotten out of it in a moment.
But what I want to highlightwithin this is that a lot of
(12:19):
times these folks have donepersonality assessments, which
can be really great in affirmingcertain experiences that it's
not just you. It can also bereally helpful to recognize that
other people experience thingsdifferently than you. So like,
when we say personality typethis, personality type that, and
(12:42):
like, oh, then you can have moreunderstanding, more empathy,
perhaps, for someone who mightbe showing up a little bit
differently to a situation. Andwhile that can be helpful, and
I've talked about this withlike, the love languages and
that sort of thing, it can alsolead to people putting
(13:03):
themselves into boxes. So, oh,I'm just this person, or I'm
just that person, oh, I'm apeople pleaser, oh, I'm an
introvert, oh, I'm an Enneagrameight I'm whatever it is. And
again, I don't want to say thatany of those things are wrong or
bad, because they're not. Theycan be really helpful again, in
(13:25):
understanding yourself andhonoring what you need and what
works for you. And when we putourselves into a box around it
and say, Well, this is just whoI am. It limits what we think we
have access to. It limits ourpotential to do something
different if something isn'tworking for us. And then when we
(13:47):
do that, when we create a limitfor ourselves like that, then we
place the responsibility onsomebody else to change, and
that's when our attention goesoutward into things that we
can't control, instead oflooking at what we do. Have
power over where we can makechoices which are ourselves. So
(14:08):
when we put those boxes aroundwho we are and who we can be in
the way we can be in the way wecan show up. We lose power, and
then again, it's on other peopleor on situations, and we've
handed our power over to otherthings in a time like this,
where it is so important that weown as much of our power is that
(14:31):
we can to be able to say, Well,what do I want to do with that?
Or who do I want to grow to be?
I loved Amy in the last episode,herphrase of what is my favorite
version of myself, like I wantto. I become my favorite version
of myself, and that can be anever evolving process. What I
like about the ELI as a tool, asfar as assessments go, is that
(14:54):
it isn't static, it is dynamic,so it allows us to understand a
dynamic that's present in ourlife that has to do with what's
going on in our life right now,instead of this is who I am,
this is the way I am. It willalways be like that. The one
thing that I struggle with, andI always share this when I'm
(15:16):
doing a debrief with someone, isabout how the framework is done
in levels of energy, so you havelevel one through seven. I
struggle a little bit with thisbecause of the way our brains
tend to see hierarchies. We'vegot a lot of conditioning around
hierarchies. So we tend to thinkthat the lower numbers, right?
(15:39):
Are less than are lower in termsof not as good, and the higher
numbers are better. So I alwaysemphasize that that's not the
case, but it's hard, becausethose lower levels, or what I
will say is the more constrictedlevels aren't comfortable. Those
are the stress response, andthey're very important. So this
(16:01):
is where we need to take a lookat like stress isn't bad in and
of itself. It is there for areason. So having a tool that
allows it to be well, we're justtrying to understand the reason.
We're not trying to say thatthis is wrong. We just want to
know what's happening. Becausewhen we can understand what's
(16:24):
happening, then we can engage itand decide what to do with it
when we have choice. Ultimately,what all of this is is about
choice, and choice is where ourpower is. So being able to go,
Oh, I've got a lot of stressgoing on. That's, yeah, that's
great. And how is that workingfor you? Where is it working?
(16:46):
What is it doing? How is ittrying to help you, because
ultimately, we have a stressresponse as a way to try and
help us. So understanding thisis what's going on, and here are
the levels that are helping youdo the things you might find
that you have higher levels thatare actually creating more
(17:08):
obstacle in connection becauseof various factors of the other
people that you're navigatinglife with, or whatever is,
there's disconnection that canhappen. So being able to just
understand what the picture is,instead of going this is good,
this is bad, this is greater,this is lesser. I want more
(17:30):
higher and less lower, all thatstuff, really, the more access
to the higher levels, as itwere, mostly means that you have
access there. If you have lessthere, then you have less access
there. And so then you get todecide, well, how is that
working for you? What do youwant to do with that? So let's
(17:52):
talk a little bit about thelevels themselves. I have a
whole episode where I deep diveinto the levels. So we're not
going to spend a whole lot oftime on this, because if you
want to, like, really dig inthat episode that I did way back
at the beginning of thispodcast. I cannot believe that
(18:13):
it's been five seasons, but wayback then, I did this episode
about your more than yourpersonality test. And so I will
link that in the show notes ifyou want a really deep dive into
the levels to use. Because,honestly, having an
understanding of these levels,you can utilize them like you
(18:34):
may look at them and go, ohyeah, no, I see that one. The
benefit with the debrief part tolike, actually take it yourself.
You'll see your own patterns.
And then we work together to gothrough it. We spend 90 minutes
really digging in to make surethat you understand what the
(18:56):
patterns are that are showing upfor you, the ones that are
working for you when life'sgoing as it normally does for
you, and the ones that areworking when you're in stress,
and how they relate to eachother. So we really dig in. And
I mean, I spend about an hourahead of time, going through and
(19:18):
really looking at everything,pulling things forward so that
we can make the most of our timetogether on that so very helpful
to dig in, but the frameworkitself is something that you can
absolutely use without havingdone the assessment. Yeah. So
let's just do a really quickoverview. And if you want to
(19:40):
follow along, on my Eli page,there's a little chart, but you
know what? I'll put it in theblog post to the picture of the
circle chart is what I call it,for the energy leadership index.
So you can follow along if youwant. Okay, so let's dig into
what the levels are. Just realbriefly I will have in the blog
(20:03):
post the circle chart, which isthe energy leadership index. And
you can also, of course, look atthe page that I have for the
energy leadership indexassessment, where I have a
little example of what thereport looks like. So in the
center, and I think of this kindof like a lens, like, if you
(20:24):
think of like a camera lens thatexpands and contracts, that's
essentially how this works. Sothat that's why the circle makes
a lot of sense. So in the centerof that is what we call the
circle of self. This is allcatabolic energy. And I didn't
explain catabolic energy inanabolic energy. So catabolic
(20:46):
energy is breaking down energy.
Anabolic energy is creatingenergy. So just super simple,
again, I go into way more detailin that other episode, but
breaking down energy can be veryimportant as can be building
creating energy in that circlein the center is the circle of
self. You might think of it likeego, but that that gets a little
(21:09):
complicated into other things.
But this is your selfprotection. So this is defense
mode, armor on protect oneself.
Very, very center is the mostconstricted energy. So this is
level one, and the core thoughtin level one is, I'm wrong.
Something's happening to me,self doubt, guilt, all that sort
(21:30):
of stuff. The main feeling isjust crappy, fear, overwhelm.
This is where you're avoidingindecisive in action. When we
move up from that, we're in thefight response. Essentially,
this is like, You're wrong. Soone is I'm wrong. Two is you're
wrong. So there's this need tobe right. Things are good and
(21:52):
bad. There's conflict,frustration, anger, resentment,
and the actions tend to be tofight, to argue. There's lack of
trust, there's force, push. Soyou might experience this with
yourself. You might experiencethis with someone else. Level
one is usually where it's comingat ourselves, but I will
(22:14):
highlight here that all of theenergies are all present all the
time, just in different amounts.
So it's not like you either haveone or the other. I'm separating
them out so that you have anunderstanding of them, but it's
not one of the other. Again,that other episode, I talk a
(22:37):
little bit more about theinteractions between the levels
and how they might show up incombination, which they do,
which is why we do the debrief.
Anyway. When we move up to levelthree, we head into a circle of
self mastery. This is wherewe're releasing some of that
catabolic energy, but it's stillthere. So it's kind of it's a
(22:58):
little bit of a slippery slope,like level three feels a lot
better than one and two, but itcan be hard to sustain. It takes
a lot of energy. I think oflevel three as, like the I'm
making lemonade out of lemons,but I really don't like lemons,
but lemonade is okay. I can dolemonade and I have sugar. You
(23:21):
run out of sugar. You're in oneor two, we're done. So level
three, you do you, I'll do me.
You can rationalize it. You takeresponsibility, accept, forgive,
and you're able to makecompromises. You're able to
tolerate. I want to highlightreal quick because I didn't
(23:42):
before, but I do like to showwhere some of these levels can
be beneficial, even when we'relike, oh, that's so bad. Being a
victim is crappy. Well, yeah, itdoesn't feel good. But if you
actually are a victim, thenlevel one makes a lot of sense.
So it's not bad to be in levelone if you are sick, if you need
(24:05):
someone to care for you, ifthings are happening to you,
level one makes a lot of sense.
If you're overwhelmed, there istoo much to hold. Level one
makes a lot of sense. Doesn'tmean we want to stay there, and
that's part of the idea ofhaving a tool like this is to be
able to understand the dynamics,so that if it is accessible to
(24:27):
do something different, then youcan activate that. Or maybe you
can go, Oh, I'm in level one,but it's okay that I need to ask
for help, and we can give somegrace around that, instead of
beating ourselves up aroundthat. And then. Just
exacerbating level one, so thatawareness is important. Level
(24:49):
two, you can get a lot done thatway. It's just that in the
process, things may be missed orthere might be some harm to some
relationships when that energyis utilized without maybe some
guardrails or some supportsaround it when it's just used by
itself. You see a lot of leveltwo, I mean that that one's
(25:11):
pretty predominant in the USright now, so you're probably
very familiar with that, and wehave a reaction to that. This,
actually, I really want tohighlight here. I know I haven't
got it to the other levels, butlevel two is a dominant level in
our society right now. That'syou lose. You're wrong. That
(25:33):
level tends to activate levelone, which is overwhelm and
shutting down, or level three, Ican rationalize, I can release,
but it depends on how much ourcapacity is, whether we can use
level three or not. Level one isnot going to help us right now.
So this is one of the bigreasons why I want to engage
(25:55):
this right now. And I think thisunderstanding is so critical
right now is because with leveltwo being the dominant, if we
want to change that, we can't beshowing up with level one. That
won't work for us. So I'm notsaying level one's bad. It makes
sense. We need to care for that,and we need to make sure that
(26:18):
we're doing what we can so we'renot staying there so that we can
lead more effectively. I wish Ithought of that earlier, because
I would have put it earlier inthis episode, but here we are.
So level four, I want to helpyou concern about other people.
I feel for you, compassion,people pleasing can show up
(26:40):
here, and one and four tend tocombined to create a lot of the
codependency people pleasingthat like I'm over giving and
then I'm depleted. So that sortof stuff can happen with level
four. I work with a lot ofpeople who are navigating those
dynamics. So that's a big onelevel five. I see opportunities.
(27:02):
I can reconcile, I can balancethe books. I can see a win for
everybody, including myself. Iunderstand you. There's calm
here. We're collaborative,acceptance, trust, things will
work out. I don't necessarilysee what the answer is, but
we'll find it. It'll happenlevel six. We're moving into the
(27:24):
circle of self transcendence. Sothis is I'm experiencing life,
and that is the opportunity.
You're tapped into intuition.
We're in synergy. We'reexperiencing the now there's a
sense I am, you, Joy,inspiration, connection, flow.
We're looking at the bigpicture. We're present and
(27:45):
connected. Level seven is likethis is one we might tap into,
but we don't stay here. My gameof life and its rules are
created by me, completely nonjudgmental. We are the same.
We're in passion, fearless,unconditional love, creation,
being vision, as Amy said thelast time, like knowing that
(28:06):
unlimitedness is one thing, butthen being in the human
experience is another. So thisis why I really emphasize it's
not like the higher levels arebetter levels. I think of them
as more expansive viewpoint, butthat's not necessarily going to
help us in certain instances. Soit's about access and choice.
(28:28):
I'm going to share a couple ofthe testimonials that people
have shared. I shared why theysigned up. This is what they've
experienced when they've donethe assessment and when they've
utilized this as a tool. The ELIinvestment was one of the best
personal development investmentsI've ever made. Suddenly, I had
(28:51):
this deeper sense ofunderstanding of the sources of
frustration, motivation andaccomplishment in my life,
Valerie has this uncanny abilityof quickly knowing exactly who
you are and encouraging you totake ownership of your mindset.
After taking the ELI, I've beenable to be more proactive with
(29:12):
my reactions and mindset andbeen able to seek more positive
outcomes. The information Igained has not only helped me on
a personal level, but has shapedthe way I'm growing my business.
The ELI assessment Valerieadministered was amazing. It was
like she knew me for years and Ihad only just met her. I quickly
(29:35):
became aware of the things I wasdoing and how they were
impacting my life. Somethingthat I uncovered in our meeting
had me take action to alter thecourse of my career. I. I did
the ELI with Valerie yesterday.
What an eye opening experience.
This assessment was incrediblyaccurate, and Valerie offered
(29:57):
great insights while helping meconnect the dots on a lot of
things. The ELI assessment wasmind blowing. I think in that
session alone, Valerie was ableto get and understand me more
than 95% of the people in mylife. I loved how she was able
to help me reprioritize myenergy and recognize certain
(30:19):
things that give me more energyand that stress is a real thing
that can wear on you physically.
Valerie makes a big impact in ashort amount of time. In our
call, I had several AHA and mindblowing moments. Valerie is
fantastic to work with andprovide so much value with her
(30:41):
insights and energy assessment,one of the best investments I've
made in myself and my business.
I share all of that to highlightthe impact, and I want you to
know that it's not just me whoreally finds this to be super
valuable, if you like morebusinessy sort of stuff. Forbes
actually has a thing talkingabout how helpful it is was one
(31:03):
of the best assessments anywhothe tool is so helpful, if you
want to use it, I'm happy tochat with you like I said. I'm
doing a sale on it. However, Iknow that's not for everybody
right now. I know that there's alot of factors to consider with
that, so I want to make surethat you have this support to
(31:26):
meet you where you're at withthis, first and foremost,
recognizing that level two isour primary energy in our
current society. So go listen tothat podcast episode I did way
back when to understand allthese energy levels and how
that's showing up for you. Soyou can even check in and see
(31:47):
what happens for me. What energyis showing up for me when I am
showing up the way I want toshow up. What are the dynamics
at play? And when I'm in stressresponse, which energy tends to
show up for me? And maybe evenjust noticing that. The other
tool that I want to give you,alongside of this is actually
(32:09):
one that's in my free resources,and it's tied to my stress
release strategies, quiz andguide. So this tool is different
than the ELI, obviously I madethis one. This is all mine, but
I made it because being able tounderstand what you need to care
for your stress response iscritical to being able to
(32:32):
intentionally engage your stressresponse. So I have a podcast
episode that talks about that,but also this guide has a little
cheat sheet in it that walks youthrough a quick tool. I framed
it a little differently in awebinar that I did a while back,
and I called it the pinkyprocess, so it's not framed that
(32:54):
way in this guide, but I'm goingto give that to you in case
you're just listening in the carand you need something that you
can hold on to and remembereasily. So the pinky process is
first to pause, take a breath.
We're not trying to figureanything out right now. We just
(33:16):
noticed that we're in the stressresponse. So we're like, okay,
just pause. Pause. Breathe, feelthe body, get back into the
moment, get back into thepresent, back into yourself.
Then we're going to check inInsight. That's I so please
pause. I is insight. Check inwith yourself. What's going on
(33:37):
with you, what's happeninginside of you. What need do you
have right now? So you know, areyou hungry? Are you tired? Is
there something additionallyimpacting your capacity and thus
magnifying the sense of dangerthat your brain is picking up
from whatever the situation isthen and is noticing the
(33:59):
narrative. What story are youtelling about what's happening
in your body? Talked about thiswith Amy in the last episode,
but we all tell stories aboutwhat's happening. It's not to
say that those stories aren'ttrue. There might be something
actually happening, and we tendto layer that with other
(34:21):
stories. So what's thenarrative? Notice the narrative.
That's the end. Notice thenarrative. What am I saying?
Just to notice it, just to bringit forward. Because sometimes we
have this narrative going andwe're not noticing it. It's just
there, and then it's influencingour perception and our actions.
(34:43):
And then k is, know what'simportant, what matters to you?
What are your values, what whatis most important in this
situation? And get curious aboutwhat you don't know. So the
knowing part, what do you know?
What don't you know? What. Whatcould you do to find out more?
So this is goes back to thatgreen thing, right? Like, how
(35:05):
green is it really what don't Iknow that I am making an
assumption about, and then youget to choose what you create.
So this is what's important tome. This is what I know. This is
what I don't know. This is whatI'm going to do with what I
don't know. This is what I'mgoing to do with what I know,
(35:27):
whether it's knowing aboutsomething outside of myself or
knowing about something insideof myself. So that tool is
something you can just tap into,check in run through that
checklist, pause, gather someinsight in yourself. Notice the
narrative, know what's importantand what you know and what you
(35:48):
don't know, and then you choose.
So that's Pinky. The ELI is anice addition to layer onto
that, because you can still usethat process, and you will have
a deeper understanding of thedynamics going on for you that
are the patterns that areunderneath all of these things,
(36:10):
and then so you can utilize thattool of like, well, what would
it look like if I looked At itthrough this level, I know this
is my primary level, but if Itapped into my secondary level
or my tertiary level, what wouldthat look like? So that's
something we do in the debrief,is really dig into how do you
(36:33):
use these other levels tosupport you in a different way?
So this is what may be working.
This is what may be not workingso well, or this is how it's
working. These are how all thethings are working. How do you
feel about how those things areworking? And how could we use
some of what you like aboutwhat's working to reduce some of
(36:55):
what you don't like about what'sworking? And we can give you
some actionable tactics,strategies to engage it so that
you can be leading your life anddirectly or indirectly the
people around you with thatdeeper understanding. Okay, if
you have questions, please don'thesitate to reach out and ask
(37:17):
me. I'm happy to answeranything, whether it's just
sending you an email back ormaybe we need to do another
episode. That's all good. Iwould love to hear from you.
Definitely stay tuned for thenext episode where you'll get to
hear an actual debrief and whatthat experience looks and sounds
(37:38):
like thank you so much forjoining me today, and I will
talk to you all next time.
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