April 15, 2025 • 24 mins
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The words we use when talking to ourselves carry immense power to shape our identity, confidence, and entire life trajectory. Yet for many young women, that inner voice often becomes their harshest critic. In this enlightening conversation, author Kristina Hardy shares her remarkable journey from severe unhappiness and being 170 pounds heavier to finding joy and self-acceptance through transforming her inner dialogue.
Kristina reveals the unique guided journal she created specifically for teen girls that combines poetry with reflective questions. Unlike typical journals with blank pages, her approach guides users through a structured process of self-discovery that can be revisited over time to track personal growth. "Words take root, they start to bloom, and what you speak, your soul consumes," reads one of her poems, capturing how casual self-criticism gradually becomes our deepest beliefs.
What makes Kristina's method powerful is that it addresses both the content and method of self-reflection. She explains why physically writing thoughts on paper creates a different psychological impact than typing notes on a phone. The journal helps teens identify negative thought patterns they might not even recognize—those casual self-deprecating jokes and fleeting criticisms that gradually erode self-worth. Through guided questions following each poem, users explore how their words shape their reality and learn to replace harmful patterns with affirming ones.
Host Fatima Bey builds on Kristina's insights by suggesting teens document every thought about themselves for 24 hours, revealing how we often speak to ourselves in ways we'd never address a friend. This eye-opening exercise pairs perfectly with Kristina's journal process, helping young women develop the self-awareness needed for meaningful change. Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? Grab Kristina's journal with our exclusive listener discount and start speaking to yourself with the same compassion you offer others.
To purchase Kristina's journal, There's Poetry is Self-Discovery with the special MindShift Power Podcast listener discount, please click below.
https://beaniesbooksandstuff.etsy.com/?coupon=MINDSHIFT25
To listen to or read the blog Fightn' Words referred to during this episode, please click below.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fatima (00:01):
Welcome to MindShift Power Podcast, the only
international podcast focused onteens, connecting young voices
and perspectives from around theworld.
Get ready to explore the issuesthat matter to today's youth
and shape tomorrow's world.
I'm your host, fatima Bey, theMindShifter, and welcome
(00:23):
everyone.
Today we have with us KristinaHardy.
She is in upstate New York, sheis an author and she is a
regular everyday woman who hascome a long way with her own
growth and development and shehas something she wants to share
that is especially meaningfulfor teen girls.
How are you doing today,Kristina?
I'm doing well, thank you Great, so tell us a bit about who you
(00:46):
were versus who you are now.
That's a tough question.
Kristina (00:51):
The person I used to be was very unhappy.
I was very overweight, I wasunhealthy in a lot of ways and
today I am about 170 pounds lessthan I used to weigh.
I am in a happy, healthyrelationship and I have a very
(01:11):
positive outlook on life.
Fatima (01:12):
Wow, that is a very, very big difference.
So what happened in betweenthose two people?
Kristina (01:20):
A lot of growth, a lot of soul searching, a lot of
going inside.
Fatima (01:25):
Was that always comfortable?
No, can you give us an exampleof something that happened or
that you did?
That was a part of that journey?
Kristina (01:32):
Absolutely.
There's a couple things, one ofwhich is mantras.
I think that mantras are veryimportant.
I think that the words that youtell yourself make a difference
on the inside, and words arevery, very important.
So I would say mantras everyday.
I would look in the mirror, andthe mirror was another thing
(01:54):
that was very difficult for meto get past.
I had a hard time looking atmyself in the mirror.
Fatima (01:58):
There are a lot and I do mean a lot of young women out
there that can make that verysame statement.
To get them to look in themirror and really, really look
in the mirror, and not justteenage girls.
I have counseled grown women intheir 60s and it's difficult
for them to look in the mirror.
So it is not just you, and I'mmentioning that because I really
(02:21):
want the audience to know thatthey're not alone in that.
They're not alone in thatstruggle.
So mantras.
So what are some of thosemantras?
Kristina (02:29):
They are.
Anything it has to be.
It can be something simple andnot complicated, like.
I am worthy, I am beautiful,I'm a good person, I deserve to
be happy and that worked for you.
Fatima (02:42):
It did, it did.
I deserve to be happy.
Kristina (02:42):
And that worked for you.
It did, it did, and as timegrew on, I got more complicated,
let's say with them, as to whatI needed to work on.
Fatima (02:52):
What made you believe that you're worthy?
Kristina (02:56):
I think that just hearing myself say that helped
make me feel worthy.
But there's so many reasons whyI'm worthy so I didn't really
why.
Fatima (03:07):
Why are you worthy?
Kristina (03:09):
I am worthy because I add value to things in people's
lives.
I am a great listener, I givegreat advice.
I have a certain way to addvalue to anybody's life,
depending on who they are.
Fatima (03:26):
So you didn't just say these things because they're
great soundbites.
You actually dug deep intofiguring out why.
Kristina (03:33):
Correct and at first yeah, but at first they were
just soundbites and then after awhile, they became more than
soundbites.
Fatima (03:43):
Very, very good point, christina.
So, having said all of that,you've created this journal and
we're on here to talk about thisjournal and I don't typically
have people on here talkingabout journals because, quite
frankly, journals are a dime adozen, but yours is different
and that's why I have you onhere today.
So tell the audience about thisjournal that you created.
Kristina (04:02):
It is a process.
It is not just a journal with abunch of lines on a page.
It has seven poems I think it'sseven and each poem then has
questions that follow it.
So these poems are all aboutdifferent types of things to
work on in your life.
And then there's self-discoverypages that help guide you with
(04:25):
the things that you might'veread in the poem.
And then this book repeats fourdifferent times and what you do
is you take a period of time,be it six weeks, three months.
I suggest doing this over thecourse of a year, just because
it gives you a long period oftime to get some sort of results
.
You read the poems, you gothrough the first section in
(04:47):
whatever period of time.
You come back, you read thepoems, you go through the
section again and then youcompare what you did from the
previous one or two or whateversection you're on.
When you get done with that,you can kind of see things
starting to filter out as towhat you need to work on, where
you've gone.
Where you're going, it willhelp you to find your direction
(05:11):
to grow.
Fatima (05:11):
And it'll also show where you already have grown.
Kristina (05:14):
Correct.
Fatima (05:15):
Correct, and that's.
I think that that is huge.
I like the fact that youincorporated poetry into it,
because I think that that'sdifferent.
Maybe there's another journalwith poetry out there, but if
there is, I've never seen it orheard of one.
That's quite like what you havehere.
It's comprehensive, it's prettysimple, really, and I do believe
(05:36):
very strongly in comparingnotes, so to speak, on who you
were six months ago versus whoyou are now or whatever
timeframe, because you reallydon't see your growth unless you
compare.
You really really don't.
It's kind of like watching aplant grow.
You can see it sprouting out ofthe ground Okay, you could see
(05:56):
that but the rest of the timeit's growing, if you stare at it
long enough, you won't see thegrowth.
You have to come back in a dayor two or a week or a month or
whatever the plan is, and youcan see the growth, but only if
time has lapsed in between.
And people, we're like that too.
We don't notice our own growthmost of the time, and I don't
know about you, but it's reallyencouraging to me if I can
(06:17):
actually see my growth.
I love watching growth in otherpeople and I'm always able to
point it out for other people,but I rarely see it in myself.
It's hard to be objective aboutourselves, so that's why I like
that you have it set up the wayyou do.
So, speaking of the poetrypiece, why did you decide to?
Kristina (06:34):
add poetry to it.
It's written in poetry and thereason why I went to poetry is
well, first of all I came upwith a poem first and that
actually started this wholething.
But the other reason is poetryis like music.
The words have a cadence tothem or rhythm to them that you
can memorize it and you can feelit.
(06:55):
And it's there, it's tangible,you can feel it.
So the poems are kind of likemusic.
Music is a poem basically withinstruments.
Fatima (07:06):
That's true.
I think that that's different.
Now, I've seen some of the,I've read some of the poems and
but I want you to read just alittle snippet of one of the
poems to the audience so theyget an idea of what's in the
journal.
Kristina (07:19):
I can read you the whole poem on this one.
And the reason why are thepoems are very short, they're
only a few stanzas.
This one is three stanzas, soit's really short.
It's called Words we Weave, andthis one has particular meaning
for me.
So Words we Weave, she laughedit off.
A casual phrase, a joke, shethought would fade like haze.
(07:43):
Yet words take root, they startto bloom and what you speak,
your soul consumes.
A fleeting sight, a fleetingslight, a thoughtless jest can
carve a doubt within the breast.
Her mind won't question.
If it's true, it holds eachword and shapes anew.
So let her speak with kindness,art to lift herself, to heal,
(08:04):
to start, for every thought.
Each word she sows becomes thepath on which she goes.
Fatima (08:11):
I like that and I think it's pretty obvious what it's
about.
What is that one about?
Kristina (08:15):
Our words, that we say to ourselves, whether it's oh,
what a jerk I am, somethingcasual like that, everything has
a meaning to you.
Your brain doesn't know thatyou're being sarcastic.
Your brain doesn't know thatyou're just joking.
Your brain hears every word.
It's very literal and you needto use positive words to speak
(08:38):
of yourself, because it makes adifference.
Fatima (08:41):
It really does.
It's interesting we're talkingabout this because I have a blog
post that I wrote years ago andI just recently started my blog
again, so I was actuallyreading it and it's called
Fighting Words.
And I was talking one day.
I was just casually talking badabout myself.
I don't know what comment Imade, but it was a negative
comment about myself.
I wasn't even aware that I wasdoing it really, and my coworker
(09:03):
looked at me, got upset andsaid don't you be talking about
my Fatima like that, I'll fightyou.
And then, a couple of monthslater, another friend did the
same thing, but much worse, much, much, I wouldn't say worse,
much harder.
We were at some event I thinkit was her birthday party, and I
don't know what I said, somesome sort of insult to myself.
(09:23):
She got all up in my face andsaid what did you say about my
friend?
And I was just laughing becauseshe was acting crazy.
And then she just stared,looked at me intensely in my
face and wouldn't leave me aloneuntil I took it back.
She, she was.
She looked like she was about tokick my ass, and but what that
made me recognize was that I wasstill in, that, that I was
(09:43):
still at that point that I wasdoing a lot of negative
self-talk and I didn't and thiswas only a few years ago and I
didn't even recognize that I youknow that I I was still doing
that, Like I thought I had grownpast that, but it was still a
part of my psyche and so I hadto make a concerted effort to
get out of that and not talk,talk to myself like that, and
(10:05):
now I help other people to notdo the same, and I love that
your journal has a piece aboutthat, because that is one of the
number one things.
There is no number one thing,but it's one of the top things.
That is an issue especially foryoung women.
There's some guys that have theissue too, but especially for
young women, where the way wetalk to ourselves is so
(10:26):
important.
Kristina (10:27):
Absolutely.
And if you wouldn't talk toyour best friend like that, if
you wouldn't say those things toyour best friend, then don't
say them to yourself.
You're absolutely right, goodadvice.
I think one of the things thatwe learn, though, is that if we
are mean to ourselves first isthat if we are mean to ourselves
first, we take away somebodyelse's power to be mean to us,
(10:49):
and so we teach ourselves totalk that way so we don't get
hurt so bad, but what we do iswe end up hurting ourselves
worse than anybody else couldever hurt us.
Fatima (10:57):
Yeah, because words matter.
Yeah, Words matter and they'rean expression of where your mind
already is.
Anyway.
If you think you're a piece ofcrap, you're going to talk to
yourself like you're a piece ofcrap.
If you think you're worthsomething, you are going to talk
to yourself like you're worthsomething.
It's really, it's an expressionof what's already there.
But it also helps, and wespecifically are targeting teen
girls when we're talking aboutthe journal.
Why should a young woman wantto use it?
(11:19):
Why can't she just talk intoher phone and save it?
Kristina (11:33):
Because a couple of things.
I guess one of the first thingsthat I'm going to say is that
talking into your phone is great, but when you write something,
that talking into your phone isgreat, but when you write
something, you are committingthose words to a piece of paper
and you can't just hit a buttonand take it away.
Those words are there foranyone who picks up the piece of
(11:54):
paper to see, so it becomesmore real to somebody.
And the other thing is becausethis is guided with questions
after each thing.
There's even some of these evenhave pictures to draw.
Because of that, it makes iteasier than just writing words
on a page that has just lines onit.
So you're being guided to helpyou find the best way to express
(12:20):
yourself.
Fatima (12:21):
Yes, I completely agree with you.
Writing something out is notthe same thing as recording
something digital that you canthrow away later, or click and
hit delete.
Now you could throw a piece ofpaper away after you write it
down, sure, but it's just.
It's not the same expression aswhen you're writing it down,
writing it out.
Here's something that pointsthat out.
(12:43):
I'll take a little bit evenmore.
Sometimes, when we're dealingwith hard stuff, it can be hard
to come out of our mouths.
Kristina (12:50):
Yes.
Fatima (12:51):
You get this lump in your throat, you can't even say
the words, but you might be ableto write it down and if you
write down the hard thing, itactually makes it easier for you
to let it come out of yourmouth later or after, or maybe
immediately after, depending onthe situation.
But writing something out thatyou cannot say, you don't know
(13:11):
how to say, it's difficult tocome out of your mouth because
it runs so deep.
Writing it out actually canhelp you get there and that is
one of the tools that actually,when I'm coaching and when I'm
doing therapy sessions that Ihave people do, because
sometimes they can't, they don'tknow how to express it.
They just it's just so hard andI, which I get and that's one
of the reasons why I likejournaling in general, but
(13:34):
especially yours, because youhave very specific guided
questions on journaling thatmake you think, which is the
whole point that make you think,and some of those answers might
not be easy to say, but you canwrite it down.
And writing stuff down alsohelps us to straighten out our
thoughts, because when we keepeverything jumbled up in our
(13:54):
head, it's a jungle in there andyou've got all these monkeys
and elephants running around andTarzan running around trying to
find people.
So you got all this stuff goingaround your head and it's hard
sometimes to keep those thoughtsstraight, and writing them down
actually helps to organize them, to really kind of look at them
one at a time, and I like thatyou do that.
Can you give them an example ofone of the questions that you
(14:16):
have?
Kristina (14:17):
Sure, I'll take it from this poem because each
section has different questions.
So, after you read the poem,the first question is what does
the line?
Yet words take root, they startto bloom and what you speak,
your soul consumes, mean to you.
So it's to bring you back intothe poem to say, okay, what does
(14:39):
this mean to me, how does thisaffect me, what does your soul
consumes mean?
And it allows you to ask thequestions quietly in your head
and then write down your answersto that.
The next question is how mightbeing mindful of a fleeting
slight, a thoughtless jest,change how you speak to and
(15:00):
about yourself?
Fatima (15:01):
So, going back to like the self-deprecating and, you
know, casual sort of slightsthat we give ourselves every day
, I like that you asked thosequestions afterwards and didn't
just give them a poem with blanklines, because the questions
force.
It forces us to look in amirror, even if we're not
physically looking at one.
It forces us to look atourselves and say, well, do I do
(15:23):
that?
Oh man, I should stop doingthat.
And those sorts of thoughtsthey matter.
They give that self-examined.
So, like I was in the example Iwas using earlier, my friends
that told me they wanted tofight me for talking bad about
myself.
That's what they did for me.
They forced me to look atmyself and go oh so you're
helping people to do thatwithout their friends trying to
(15:44):
fight them.
That's nice.
Kristina (15:47):
Yes, that's true, but I go ahead.
Well then, what happens withthis is you've got these words
down on this page, you'veanswered your questions, you've
read your poems.
You paperclip this section, allof the poems.
You paperclip it together andyou save it aside.
Now, whether you know it or not, what's happening is these
(16:10):
little things start to filterback into your head when you're
doing them.
So now you might do somethingand say God, what a jerk I am.
And all of a sudden it's goingto come back to what things did
you say about yourself?
What slight did you have?
What mean thing did you say?
And you can go back into thepoem in your brain without ever
(16:33):
actually picking the book backup and remember oh, but don't
stop talking bad about myself.
Fatima (16:40):
Can I add to that?
Sure, I'm going to say forthose of you, please do get the
journal.
I do think if you areinterested in actually growing a
better, you then get thejournal.
If you do, here's my suggestionthat you add with it,
especially after this poem inparticular, one day, just one
day you can do it on your phoneor do it on a piece of paper,
whatever works for you Writedown every single sentence that
(17:05):
you say to yourself, internallyor externally, just for 24 hours
.
Write down every thought youhave about yourself and
everything you said aboutyourself, even in jest, even
joking to your friends I knowI'm such a loser.
Or you were thinking, damn,nobody likes me because I'm so
freaking stupid.
Whatever the thought is thatyou have, or wow, I am so
(17:26):
awesome, good or bad write themdown and then go back to the
journal.
You'll begin to see things.
Some will be good, some will bebad, but you'll begin to see
things.
I always tell people documentsthemselves for 24 hours whenever
they're trying to look atsomething, because we're not
even self-aware.
You know, just like I wasn'taware of just how negative I was
(17:49):
about myself and I understandits root and it was there for a
long time, most of my life, andI've worked very hard to
actively out uproot it.
But you can't uproot what youdon't see, and that's what a
journal helps with.
Absolutely To see the thingsthat we can uproot and deal with
and make better, becauseeverything we don't deal with is
already dealing with us.
We can run around and act likethe fire's not burning, but when
our house burns down, go, oh, Ishould have put the fire out.
(18:10):
And that's what happens when wedon't deal with our stuff.
So I love that this journalkind of helps us to explore
these things in a gentle way.
That's not in your face that wehave total control over, and
it's not just you randomly putwords on a page although there's
a place for that too.
There's absolutely a place forthat too, and that's necessary
(18:32):
as well.
But because sometimes peopleneed that and I even encourage
people to do that in certainsituations that they just need
to express themselves withoutdoing other things.
But I like that there is anorganization to it and the
comparison and you really juststuff like that.
You don't realize until youcompare and it takes time to do
(18:54):
that.
Now you said that you yourecommend that people take about
a year to go through this.
I know that for most teenagers,a year is like 142,000 years,
it's about the same.
So can the average teen, likesomeone who's 14, do this within
six months?
Kristina (19:13):
Absolutely, absolutely .
There is no strict guideline tosay this.
This is what I felt like wouldbe the right amount of time for
an adult to get through it, butby all means, if you're going to
do one a month even you knowone section a month you can
probably be done in four months.
Are you going to see a lot ofchange?
(19:34):
Probably not.
Fatima (19:36):
But every little bit counts, every little bit counts
Absolutely.
Kristina (19:41):
But somebody who might be looking to see big changes.
You know those people.
For the instant gratification,you're not going to see as much
change.
Fatima (19:49):
It's there but you won't see as much A year is a much
longer time than it is forsomeone like you and I.
I agree, sometimes just seeinga tiny little bit of progress
(20:10):
encourages you to keep going,because people get discouraged
easily.
That's why I'm mentioning that,because I know that you have no
strict timeline on it, and I dobelieve that it can work for
them.
But no matter what the timelineis, I'm talking to the teenage
girls right now is I'm talkingto the teenage girls right now,
no matter what the timeline is,you're the one that has to keep
up with it.
You're the one that has to wantchange and want to be the best
you, and not just be the girlthat gets by, because if you
(20:31):
want that, then this is for you.
So, christina, what message doyou have for young women around
the world right now?
Kristina (20:39):
I would have to say that treating yourself with the
respect that you treat otherswith is probably the biggest
thing that you can do to openeverything else up around you.
You have to have a certainamount of self-respect and
respect for the person who youare, the person who you are
(21:02):
going to become, in order forthat to happen.
So I think respect is huge.
Fatima (21:08):
Yes, and even if you don't feel like you deserve it,
do what Kristina said just starttreating yourself as good as
you treat your friends and yourfamily and other people, because
I do see that a lot.
I see girls who are wonderfulto everybody else I used to be
that, actually but not so greatto ourselves.
So I completely agree with thatand I think that's strong
(21:28):
advice and I think it's a goodstarting point that anybody can
start at.
So, Kristina, tell people wherethey can find you.
Kristina (21:35):
I sell the book actually in my Etsy shop.
It's called Beanie's Books andStuff.
I gave you the link, and you'regoing to put the link up for
everybody, correct?
Yep, yep, okay, and I do have.
I'll send you the other linkstoo.
I have it in Amazon.
It's in IngramSpark, which is abook publishing company, and
(21:58):
Lulu Book, which is also a bookpublishing company.
Fatima (22:01):
I am running a discount on it in my Etsy shop, though
for just you, for just listenersof Mind Shift Power podcast,
you can get a special discount.
So I will put a link to thatdiscount in the show notes, in
the podcast description.
It'll also be on my podcastpage on the recent episodes the
(22:23):
week that this episode airs.
So you'll be able to grab thatlink and get a discount and get
this journal if you really wantto start your self-improvement
journey in a way that's good foryou.
So thank you so much, christina, for offering that discount to
my listeners.
Oh, you're welcome, Iappreciate it and thank you for
coming on.
Kristina (22:41):
Thank you for having me.
I really enjoyed this.
Fatima (22:46):
And now for a mind shifting moment.
I want to take a moment to goback to something we talked
about a little earlier in thisepisode.
How you talk to yourself isvery, very important to yourself
(23:06):
, is very, very important.
That inner dialogue, thatconversation that happens inside
your head.
It is affecting every singlearea of your life.
It is building you up ortearing you down.
I want you to examine how doyou talk to yourself, what
thoughts do you say to yourself?
What do you believe aboutyourself in the conversation
inside your head?
Not just the words that comeout your mouth, but the
(23:27):
conversation inside your headthat you don't let anyone else
hear.
What are you really saying toyourself?
It's something I want you tothink about.
Some of the answers, the realanswers, will be good and some
will be bad.
Work on the bad ones, praiseyourself for the good ones.
Work on the bad ones.
Praise yourself for the goodones, but work on the bad ones.
What you believe about yourselfis the ultimate driver of the
(23:52):
opportunities you do or don'ttake or make in every single
area of life.
I want you to think about that.
Thank you for listening.
Every single area of life.
I want you to think about that.
Welcome to MindShift Power Podcast, the only
international podcast focused onteens, connecting young voices
and perspectives from around theworld.
Get ready to explore the issuesthat matter to today's youth
and shape tomorrow's world.
I'm your host, fatima Bey, theMindShifter, and welcome
(00:23):
everyone.
Today we have with us KristinaHardy.
She is in upstate New York, sheis an author and she is a
regular everyday woman who hascome a long way with her own
growth and development and shehas something she wants to share
that is especially meaningfulfor teen girls.
How are you doing today,Kristina?
I'm doing well, thank you Great, so tell us a bit about who you
(00:46):
were versus who you are now.
That's a tough question.
Kristina (00:51):
The person I used to be was very unhappy.
I was very overweight, I wasunhealthy in a lot of ways and
today I am about 170 pounds lessthan I used to weigh.
I am in a happy, healthyrelationship and I have a very
(01:11):
positive outlook on life.
Fatima (01:12):
Wow, that is a very, very big difference.
So what happened in betweenthose two people?
Kristina (01:20):
A lot of growth, a lot of soul searching, a lot of
going inside.
Fatima (01:25):
Was that always comfortable?
No, can you give us an exampleof something that happened or
that you did?
That was a part of that journey?
Kristina (01:32):
Absolutely.
There's a couple things, one ofwhich is mantras.
I think that mantras are veryimportant.
I think that the words that youtell yourself make a difference
on the inside, and words arevery, very important.
So I would say mantras everyday.
I would look in the mirror, andthe mirror was another thing
(01:54):
that was very difficult for meto get past.
I had a hard time looking atmyself in the mirror.
Fatima (01:58):
There are a lot and I do mean a lot of young women out
there that can make that verysame statement.
To get them to look in themirror and really, really look
in the mirror, and not justteenage girls.
I have counseled grown women intheir 60s and it's difficult
for them to look in the mirror.
So it is not just you, and I'mmentioning that because I really
(02:21):
want the audience to know thatthey're not alone in that.
They're not alone in thatstruggle.
So mantras.
So what are some of thosemantras?
Kristina (02:29):
They are.
Anything it has to be.
It can be something simple andnot complicated, like.
I am worthy, I am beautiful,I'm a good person, I deserve to
be happy and that worked for you.
Fatima (02:42):
It did, it did.
I deserve to be happy.
Kristina (02:42):
And that worked for you.
It did, it did, and as timegrew on, I got more complicated,
let's say with them, as to whatI needed to work on.
Fatima (02:52):
What made you believe that you're worthy?
Kristina (02:56):
I think that just hearing myself say that helped
make me feel worthy.
But there's so many reasons whyI'm worthy so I didn't really
why.
Fatima (03:07):
Why are you worthy?
Kristina (03:09):
I am worthy because I add value to things in people's
lives.
I am a great listener, I givegreat advice.
I have a certain way to addvalue to anybody's life,
depending on who they are.
Fatima (03:26):
So you didn't just say these things because they're
great soundbites.
You actually dug deep intofiguring out why.
Kristina (03:33):
Correct and at first yeah, but at first they were
just soundbites and then after awhile, they became more than
soundbites.
Fatima (03:43):
Very, very good point, christina.
So, having said all of that,you've created this journal and
we're on here to talk about thisjournal and I don't typically
have people on here talkingabout journals because, quite
frankly, journals are a dime adozen, but yours is different
and that's why I have you onhere today.
So tell the audience about thisjournal that you created.
Kristina (04:02):
It is a process.
It is not just a journal with abunch of lines on a page.
It has seven poems I think it'sseven and each poem then has
questions that follow it.
So these poems are all aboutdifferent types of things to
work on in your life.
And then there's self-discoverypages that help guide you with
(04:25):
the things that you might'veread in the poem.
And then this book repeats fourdifferent times and what you do
is you take a period of time,be it six weeks, three months.
I suggest doing this over thecourse of a year, just because
it gives you a long period oftime to get some sort of results
.
You read the poems, you gothrough the first section in
(04:47):
whatever period of time.
You come back, you read thepoems, you go through the
section again and then youcompare what you did from the
previous one or two or whateversection you're on.
When you get done with that,you can kind of see things
starting to filter out as towhat you need to work on, where
you've gone.
Where you're going, it willhelp you to find your direction
(05:11):
to grow.
Fatima (05:11):
And it'll also show where you already have grown.
Kristina (05:14):
Correct.
Fatima (05:15):
Correct, and that's.
I think that that is huge.
I like the fact that youincorporated poetry into it,
because I think that that'sdifferent.
Maybe there's another journalwith poetry out there, but if
there is, I've never seen it orheard of one.
That's quite like what you havehere.
It's comprehensive, it's prettysimple, really, and I do believe
(05:36):
very strongly in comparingnotes, so to speak, on who you
were six months ago versus whoyou are now or whatever
timeframe, because you reallydon't see your growth unless you
compare.
You really really don't.
It's kind of like watching aplant grow.
You can see it sprouting out ofthe ground Okay, you could see
(05:56):
that but the rest of the timeit's growing, if you stare at it
long enough, you won't see thegrowth.
You have to come back in a dayor two or a week or a month or
whatever the plan is, and youcan see the growth, but only if
time has lapsed in between.
And people, we're like that too.
We don't notice our own growthmost of the time, and I don't
know about you, but it's reallyencouraging to me if I can
(06:17):
actually see my growth.
I love watching growth in otherpeople and I'm always able to
point it out for other people,but I rarely see it in myself.
It's hard to be objective aboutourselves, so that's why I like
that you have it set up the wayyou do.
So, speaking of the poetrypiece, why did you decide to?
Kristina (06:34):
add poetry to it.
It's written in poetry and thereason why I went to poetry is
well, first of all I came upwith a poem first and that
actually started this wholething.
But the other reason is poetryis like music.
The words have a cadence tothem or rhythm to them that you
can memorize it and you can feelit.
(06:55):
And it's there, it's tangible,you can feel it.
So the poems are kind of likemusic.
Music is a poem basically withinstruments.
Fatima (07:06):
That's true.
I think that that's different.
Now, I've seen some of the,I've read some of the poems and
but I want you to read just alittle snippet of one of the
poems to the audience so theyget an idea of what's in the
journal.
Kristina (07:19):
I can read you the whole poem on this one.
And the reason why are thepoems are very short, they're
only a few stanzas.
This one is three stanzas, soit's really short.
It's called Words we Weave, andthis one has particular meaning
for me.
So Words we Weave, she laughedit off.
A casual phrase, a joke, shethought would fade like haze.
(07:43):
Yet words take root, they startto bloom and what you speak,
your soul consumes.
A fleeting sight, a fleetingslight, a thoughtless jest can
carve a doubt within the breast.
Her mind won't question.
If it's true, it holds eachword and shapes anew.
So let her speak with kindness,art to lift herself, to heal,
(08:04):
to start, for every thought.
Each word she sows becomes thepath on which she goes.
Fatima (08:11):
I like that and I think it's pretty obvious what it's
about.
What is that one about?
Kristina (08:15):
Our words, that we say to ourselves, whether it's oh,
what a jerk I am, somethingcasual like that, everything has
a meaning to you.
Your brain doesn't know thatyou're being sarcastic.
Your brain doesn't know thatyou're just joking.
Your brain hears every word.
It's very literal and you needto use positive words to speak
(08:38):
of yourself, because it makes adifference.
Fatima (08:41):
It really does.
It's interesting we're talkingabout this because I have a blog
post that I wrote years ago andI just recently started my blog
again, so I was actuallyreading it and it's called
Fighting Words.
And I was talking one day.
I was just casually talking badabout myself.
I don't know what comment Imade, but it was a negative
comment about myself.
I wasn't even aware that I wasdoing it really, and my coworker
(09:03):
looked at me, got upset andsaid don't you be talking about
my Fatima like that, I'll fightyou.
And then, a couple of monthslater, another friend did the
same thing, but much worse, much, much, I wouldn't say worse,
much harder.
We were at some event I thinkit was her birthday party, and I
don't know what I said, somesome sort of insult to myself.
(09:23):
She got all up in my face andsaid what did you say about my
friend?
And I was just laughing becauseshe was acting crazy.
And then she just stared,looked at me intensely in my
face and wouldn't leave me aloneuntil I took it back.
She, she was.
She looked like she was about tokick my ass, and but what that
made me recognize was that I wasstill in, that, that I was
(09:43):
still at that point that I wasdoing a lot of negative
self-talk and I didn't and thiswas only a few years ago and I
didn't even recognize that I youknow that I I was still doing
that, Like I thought I had grownpast that, but it was still a
part of my psyche and so I hadto make a concerted effort to
get out of that and not talk,talk to myself like that, and
(10:05):
now I help other people to notdo the same, and I love that
your journal has a piece aboutthat, because that is one of the
number one things.
There is no number one thing,but it's one of the top things.
That is an issue especially foryoung women.
There's some guys that have theissue too, but especially for
young women, where the way wetalk to ourselves is so
(10:26):
important.
Kristina (10:27):
Absolutely.
And if you wouldn't talk toyour best friend like that, if
you wouldn't say those things toyour best friend, then don't
say them to yourself.
You're absolutely right, goodadvice.
I think one of the things thatwe learn, though, is that if we
are mean to ourselves first isthat if we are mean to ourselves
first, we take away somebodyelse's power to be mean to us,
(10:49):
and so we teach ourselves totalk that way so we don't get
hurt so bad, but what we do iswe end up hurting ourselves
worse than anybody else couldever hurt us.
Fatima (10:57):
Yeah, because words matter.
Yeah, Words matter and they'rean expression of where your mind
already is.
Anyway.
If you think you're a piece ofcrap, you're going to talk to
yourself like you're a piece ofcrap.
If you think you're worthsomething, you are going to talk
to yourself like you're worthsomething.
It's really, it's an expressionof what's already there.
But it also helps, and wespecifically are targeting teen
girls when we're talking aboutthe journal.
Why should a young woman wantto use it?
(11:19):
Why can't she just talk intoher phone and save it?
Kristina (11:33):
Because a couple of things.
I guess one of the first thingsthat I'm going to say is that
talking into your phone is great, but when you write something,
that talking into your phone isgreat, but when you write
something, you are committingthose words to a piece of paper
and you can't just hit a buttonand take it away.
Those words are there foranyone who picks up the piece of
(11:54):
paper to see, so it becomesmore real to somebody.
And the other thing is becausethis is guided with questions
after each thing.
There's even some of these evenhave pictures to draw.
Because of that, it makes iteasier than just writing words
on a page that has just lines onit.
So you're being guided to helpyou find the best way to express
(12:20):
yourself.
Fatima (12:21):
Yes, I completely agree with you.
Writing something out is notthe same thing as recording
something digital that you canthrow away later, or click and
hit delete.
Now you could throw a piece ofpaper away after you write it
down, sure, but it's just.
It's not the same expression aswhen you're writing it down,
writing it out.
Here's something that pointsthat out.
(12:43):
I'll take a little bit evenmore.
Sometimes, when we're dealingwith hard stuff, it can be hard
to come out of our mouths.
Kristina (12:50):
Yes.
Fatima (12:51):
You get this lump in your throat, you can't even say
the words, but you might be ableto write it down and if you
write down the hard thing, itactually makes it easier for you
to let it come out of yourmouth later or after, or maybe
immediately after, depending onthe situation.
But writing something out thatyou cannot say, you don't know
(13:11):
how to say, it's difficult tocome out of your mouth because
it runs so deep.
Writing it out actually canhelp you get there and that is
one of the tools that actually,when I'm coaching and when I'm
doing therapy sessions that Ihave people do, because
sometimes they can't, they don'tknow how to express it.
They just it's just so hard andI, which I get and that's one
of the reasons why I likejournaling in general, but
(13:34):
especially yours, because youhave very specific guided
questions on journaling thatmake you think, which is the
whole point that make you think,and some of those answers might
not be easy to say, but you canwrite it down.
And writing stuff down alsohelps us to straighten out our
thoughts, because when we keepeverything jumbled up in our
(13:54):
head, it's a jungle in there andyou've got all these monkeys
and elephants running around andTarzan running around trying to
find people.
So you got all this stuff goingaround your head and it's hard
sometimes to keep those thoughtsstraight, and writing them down
actually helps to organize them, to really kind of look at them
one at a time, and I like thatyou do that.
Can you give them an example ofone of the questions that you
(14:16):
have?
Kristina (14:17):
Sure, I'll take it from this poem because each
section has different questions.
So, after you read the poem,the first question is what does
the line?
Yet words take root, they startto bloom and what you speak,
your soul consumes, mean to you.
So it's to bring you back intothe poem to say, okay, what does
(14:39):
this mean to me, how does thisaffect me, what does your soul
consumes mean?
And it allows you to ask thequestions quietly in your head
and then write down your answersto that.
The next question is how mightbeing mindful of a fleeting
slight, a thoughtless jest,change how you speak to and
(15:00):
about yourself?
Fatima (15:01):
So, going back to like the self-deprecating and, you
know, casual sort of slightsthat we give ourselves every day
, I like that you asked thosequestions afterwards and didn't
just give them a poem with blanklines, because the questions
force.
It forces us to look in amirror, even if we're not
physically looking at one.
It forces us to look atourselves and say, well, do I do
(15:23):
that?
Oh man, I should stop doingthat.
And those sorts of thoughtsthey matter.
They give that self-examined.
So, like I was in the example Iwas using earlier, my friends
that told me they wanted tofight me for talking bad about
myself.
That's what they did for me.
They forced me to look atmyself and go oh so you're
helping people to do thatwithout their friends trying to
(15:44):
fight them.
That's nice.
Kristina (15:47):
Yes, that's true, but I go ahead.
Well then, what happens withthis is you've got these words
down on this page, you'veanswered your questions, you've
read your poems.
You paperclip this section, allof the poems.
You paperclip it together andyou save it aside.
Now, whether you know it or not, what's happening is these
(16:10):
little things start to filterback into your head when you're
doing them.
So now you might do somethingand say God, what a jerk I am.
And all of a sudden it's goingto come back to what things did
you say about yourself?
What slight did you have?
What mean thing did you say?
And you can go back into thepoem in your brain without ever
(16:33):
actually picking the book backup and remember oh, but don't
stop talking bad about myself.
Fatima (16:40):
Can I add to that?
Sure, I'm going to say forthose of you, please do get the
journal.
I do think if you areinterested in actually growing a
better, you then get thejournal.
If you do, here's my suggestionthat you add with it,
especially after this poem inparticular, one day, just one
day you can do it on your phoneor do it on a piece of paper,
whatever works for you Writedown every single sentence that
(17:05):
you say to yourself, internallyor externally, just for 24 hours
.
Write down every thought youhave about yourself and
everything you said aboutyourself, even in jest, even
joking to your friends I knowI'm such a loser.
Or you were thinking, damn,nobody likes me because I'm so
freaking stupid.
Whatever the thought is thatyou have, or wow, I am so
(17:26):
awesome, good or bad write themdown and then go back to the
journal.
You'll begin to see things.
Some will be good, some will bebad, but you'll begin to see
things.
I always tell people documentsthemselves for 24 hours whenever
they're trying to look atsomething, because we're not
even self-aware.
You know, just like I wasn'taware of just how negative I was
(17:49):
about myself and I understandits root and it was there for a
long time, most of my life, andI've worked very hard to
actively out uproot it.
But you can't uproot what youdon't see, and that's what a
journal helps with.
Absolutely To see the thingsthat we can uproot and deal with
and make better, becauseeverything we don't deal with is
already dealing with us.
We can run around and act likethe fire's not burning, but when
our house burns down, go, oh, Ishould have put the fire out.
(18:10):
And that's what happens when wedon't deal with our stuff.
So I love that this journalkind of helps us to explore
these things in a gentle way.
That's not in your face that wehave total control over, and
it's not just you randomly putwords on a page although there's
a place for that too.
There's absolutely a place forthat too, and that's necessary
(18:32):
as well.
But because sometimes peopleneed that and I even encourage
people to do that in certainsituations that they just need
to express themselves withoutdoing other things.
But I like that there is anorganization to it and the
comparison and you really juststuff like that.
You don't realize until youcompare and it takes time to do
(18:54):
that.
Now you said that you yourecommend that people take about
a year to go through this.
I know that for most teenagers,a year is like 142,000 years,
it's about the same.
So can the average teen, likesomeone who's 14, do this within
six months?
Kristina (19:13):
Absolutely, absolutely .
There is no strict guideline tosay this.
This is what I felt like wouldbe the right amount of time for
an adult to get through it, butby all means, if you're going to
do one a month even you knowone section a month you can
probably be done in four months.
Are you going to see a lot ofchange?
(19:34):
Probably not.
Fatima (19:36):
But every little bit counts, every little bit counts
Absolutely.
Kristina (19:41):
But somebody who might be looking to see big changes.
You know those people.
For the instant gratification,you're not going to see as much
change.
Fatima (19:49):
It's there but you won't see as much A year is a much
longer time than it is forsomeone like you and I.
I agree, sometimes just seeinga tiny little bit of progress
(20:10):
encourages you to keep going,because people get discouraged
easily.
That's why I'm mentioning that,because I know that you have no
strict timeline on it, and I dobelieve that it can work for
them.
But no matter what the timelineis, I'm talking to the teenage
girls right now is I'm talkingto the teenage girls right now,
no matter what the timeline is,you're the one that has to keep
up with it.
You're the one that has to wantchange and want to be the best
you, and not just be the girlthat gets by, because if you
(20:31):
want that, then this is for you.
So, christina, what message doyou have for young women around
the world right now?
Kristina (20:39):
I would have to say that treating yourself with the
respect that you treat otherswith is probably the biggest
thing that you can do to openeverything else up around you.
You have to have a certainamount of self-respect and
respect for the person who youare, the person who you are
(21:02):
going to become, in order forthat to happen.
So I think respect is huge.
Fatima (21:08):
Yes, and even if you don't feel like you deserve it,
do what Kristina said just starttreating yourself as good as
you treat your friends and yourfamily and other people, because
I do see that a lot.
I see girls who are wonderfulto everybody else I used to be
that, actually but not so greatto ourselves.
So I completely agree with thatand I think that's strong
(21:28):
advice and I think it's a goodstarting point that anybody can
start at.
So, Kristina, tell people wherethey can find you.
Kristina (21:35):
I sell the book actually in my Etsy shop.
It's called Beanie's Books andStuff.
I gave you the link, and you'regoing to put the link up for
everybody, correct?
Yep, yep, okay, and I do have.
I'll send you the other linkstoo.
I have it in Amazon.
It's in IngramSpark, which is abook publishing company, and
(21:58):
Lulu Book, which is also a bookpublishing company.
Fatima (22:01):
I am running a discount on it in my Etsy shop, though
for just you, for just listenersof Mind Shift Power podcast,
you can get a special discount.
So I will put a link to thatdiscount in the show notes, in
the podcast description.
It'll also be on my podcastpage on the recent episodes the
(22:23):
week that this episode airs.
So you'll be able to grab thatlink and get a discount and get
this journal if you really wantto start your self-improvement
journey in a way that's good foryou.
So thank you so much, christina, for offering that discount to
my listeners.
Oh, you're welcome, Iappreciate it and thank you for
coming on.
Kristina (22:41):
Thank you for having me.
I really enjoyed this.
Fatima (22:46):
And now for a mind shifting moment.
I want to take a moment to goback to something we talked
about a little earlier in thisepisode.
How you talk to yourself isvery, very important to yourself
(23:06):
, is very, very important.
That inner dialogue, thatconversation that happens inside
your head.
It is affecting every singlearea of your life.
It is building you up ortearing you down.
I want you to examine how doyou talk to yourself, what
thoughts do you say to yourself?
What do you believe aboutyourself in the conversation
inside your head?
Not just the words that comeout your mouth, but the
(23:27):
conversation inside your headthat you don't let anyone else
hear.
What are you really saying toyourself?
It's something I want you tothink about.
Some of the answers, the realanswers, will be good and some
will be bad.
Work on the bad ones, praiseyourself for the good ones.
Work on the bad ones.
Praise yourself for the goodones, but work on the bad ones.
What you believe about yourselfis the ultimate driver of the
(23:52):
opportunities you do or don'ttake or make in every single
area of life.
I want you to think about that.
Thank you for listening.
Every single area of life.
I want you to think about that.
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