November 23, 2025 • 30 mins
Feeling like you’re out of options as a parent is terrifying, and too many of us are facing that quiet crisis alone. We sat down with teen and parent well-being coach Laura Ollinger to name what’s really happening—hopelessness and despair—and then replace it with a grounded approach that actually works in 2025. Together we unpack the limits of the old control-first playbook and build a new one around connection, clarity, and consistent follow-through.
Laura breaks down a balanced framework that pairs love and empathy with expectations and discipline. We talk about why “take the phone” rarely solves the real problem, how to set tech boundaries that protect sleep and safety, and how to explain the why so teens feel respected even when they disagree. You’ll hear a simple but powerful shift: focus on results over reactions. A slammed door is a moment; the long game is raising a person who knows they are valued and accountable.
We also explore what subtle disengagement looks like—endless scrolling, transactional parenting, and treating kids like roommates—and how to re-engage with short daily rituals that say you matter. Modeling repair becomes a standout skill: when parents own mistakes and apologize, they teach emotional maturity, earn respect, and strengthen the bond. Laura shares how she supports families through coaching, workshops, and even immersive in-home transformations, guiding both parents and teens toward calm, structure, and trust.
If you’ve been tempted to give up, this conversation offers a hopeful reset and a clear path forward. Subscribe, share this with a parent who needs it, and leave a review with the one boundary you’re committed to setting this week. Your choices teach worth—make them count.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
This is Mind Shift PowerPodcast, the number one
critically acclaimed podcastwhere we have raw, unfiltered
conversations that shapetomorrow.
I'm your host, Fatima Bay, theMind Shifter.
And welcome everyone.
(00:22):
Today we have with us LauraOllinger.
She is out of Texas in the USA.
She is a teen and parentwell-being coach.
It's not often we get someonewho can actually bridge that gap
between teens and parents, butwe have someone on today who's
really good at it.
One of the hardest things to doin 2025 is parenting.
(00:46):
I really believe that.
So, parents, this conversationis for you.
How are you doing today, Laura?
Laura Ollinger (00:54):
I'm good.
It's good to be here.
Thank you.
Fatima Bey (00:57):
I'm really looking forward to this conversation and
especially with you.
So tell us today why are you onthis podcast?
Laura Ollinger (01:07):
Yeah, man, I'm so glad you asked that.
It's I know how passionately Ifeel about parenting.
And when I find somebody thatfeels equally as passionate, I
get excited because I feel likeit's like the most important job
in the world.
I really do.
And so I just want to sharekind of my knowledge and also my
(01:31):
passion for parenting.
Fatima Bey (01:34):
And we're gonna hear that.
So I like to dive right in.
So let's start off with this.
A lot of parents won't admitit, but many are tempted to give
up on their kids.
From what you've seen, why doparents get to that point?
Laura Ollinger (01:52):
Man, that's that's it's it's a big question.
Um, I think to simplify, themost simple answer is they just
aren't equipped um emotionally,mentally, um, with the tools.
They don't know how to do it.
They don't know what to do.
And so when they don't knowwhat to do, they start to feel
(02:15):
incompetent, like they're afailure.
They start to feel scared.
Uh, and it's just kind ofeasier to just say, hey, I'm
putting my hands up, I'm out.
And go ahead, sorry.
Fatima Bey (02:32):
No, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Laura Ollinger (02:35):
Yeah, no, uh just as opposed to rolling up
their sleeves and putting in thework because if you're at that
point, there's obviously areason, and it does require a
lot of work.
It requires one of the hardestthings is introspection.
(02:55):
So self-awareness, lookinginward.
Like, where is this coming frominside of me?
And that can really dig up somepain for a lot of people.
Fatima Bey (03:06):
Yeah.
Laura Ollinger (03:07):
Um, because it generally, I hate to generalize,
but I'm generalizing itgenerally stems from the way
they were parented in theirchildhood.
And that can be really messyand really painful for so many
people.
And so it's easier to just kindof like keep a block up and
keep a wall up and not kind ofconnect with that.
(03:29):
They're almost likedisassociating from that.
And so they're disassociatingfrom their past, but then
they're also disassociating fromthe present, the current time,
because they're like, I can't doit.
Fatima Bey (03:40):
I want to go back to something you said in the very
beginning of answering that.
One key word that pops up.
Now, the reason I'm having thisepisode is because in talking
with, you deal with parents morethan I do, but in talking with
parents and school counselors,um, the people and community
organizers and just people whowork with parents and kids in
(04:02):
general, this is a theme thatI'm constantly hearing.
It's an epidemic right now,with parents wanting to give up
on their kids, and it's notbeing talked about.
One of the key words that Ithink of is hopeless.
Do you think that that is anaccurate term for how a lot of
parents are feeling right now?
Laura Ollinger (04:23):
Yeah, hopeless sounds uh right.
I agree because when you'rehopeless, it's like there's no
other options, right?
Like you're out of options.
And I think when a parent isgiving up on their child, that's
exactly where they are.
They're out of options.
Fatima Bey (04:43):
Right.
I said I wanted to point thatout because most people don't
think of that word.
They think of the explanation.
They don't think of that actualword.
And I want some of themlistening right now to recognize
that that's the term that goeswith how they're feeling right
now.
Laura Ollinger (04:59):
Yeah.
And can I say something?
I it it it kind of resonateswith to me the word like
despair.
And and that's like one ofdespair is really one of the
most, the most uh painful humanemotions that there is, right?
Like hope is when you havehope, that means, oh, there's a
chance, oh, there's apossibility, even if it's just
(05:21):
1%.
But when you are hopeless,you're down to zero, right?
And that is like despair that'skind of like on uh on the
equivalent of like total justyeah, giving up.
Fatima Bey (05:34):
Yeah.
And I I I it's it's so hard toput words to it.
It's just where a lot ofparents are, and and want to do,
I just want to talk about itand acknowledge it.
So here's another thing that Ifind is an issue, and it's
something I talk about on thispodcast in various forms all the
time.
We were raised in a differentworld.
(05:55):
It's not 1984, 1991, 1976.
Many parents are still tryingto parent with the old playbook.
What happens when we try to usethose old tools in today's
reality?
Laura Ollinger (06:13):
Yeah.
Um I think it just makeseverything worse, to be honest.
There are um when I think ofthe old school old playbook of
parenting, I think of umharshness, I think of control, I
think of punishment.
Um the other thing I think ofis the kind of uh a little bit
(06:36):
checked out, kind of notinvolved.
I think of, you know, back inthe day when, you know, they
told us to go play outside anddon't come home until it's dark
or or whatever.
It's just, it was kind of likeyou're on your own.
So um that just doesn't workbecause they're they're between
the kind of the two things Ijust described, uh that's just a
(06:56):
recipe for disaster.
Fatima Bey (07:00):
Yes.
So what happens is people checkout.
The k and the kids check outfrom listening to what we have
to say when we're not beingrelatable.
Is that a good way to say it?
Laura Ollinger (07:13):
Yeah.
Yeah.
If and I I I'm gonna use thiswhole cell phone and technology
thing as an example, but it'sjust an example.
It really relates to everyother thing that's going on in
today's society.
But parents don't understandhow crucial that is for a
(07:36):
teenager to feel connected.
Fatima Bey (07:37):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Laura Ollinger (07:38):
And it's the very first thing that almost
every parent I've seen it'stheir go-to as far as trying to
control the child.
That's it.
I'm taking your phone, I'mtaking your phone, I'm taking
your phone.
Like I can't tell you how manytimes I hear parents say, I'm
taking your phone.
You don't get your phone thisweekend, you don't get it
tonight, you don't get it,right?
And it's just like it's very umwhat?
(08:05):
It's very uh I don't know, it'skind of giving me this feeling
of um disgust, almost inhuman,because and I'm not making an
argument, by the way, that ateenager should have their phone
24-7 or access 24-7.
I'm actually not saying that atall.
Like there does need to be somestructure in place.
You can't just hand a kid aphone and be like, good luck.
(08:28):
Hope you don't run into anyweird psychos out there who try
to take your money and sixthortyou.
Right.
Fatima Bey (08:34):
It's not that real, right?
Laura Ollinger (08:36):
Because then there's, you know, it's not that
at all.
But when a parent resorts tosome type of tactic, and that's
typically the one to try to getcooperation, that just doesn't
work either.
And and I'm talkingspecifically about teenagers,
but really any kids, no personwants to be controlled.
Like we're humans, we don'toperate that way, we resist.
Fatima Bey (09:02):
Yes.
And um I want to ask you this.
So, because I think this is abig one, and it really could be
a whole episode by itself.
Parents are afraid of twoextremes.
At least American parents,anyway.
Being too harsh and losingtheir kid, you know, being that
(09:23):
militant disciplinarian, orbeing too soft and losing
authority, which is, you know,being that that rug that the kid
walks all over, they candisrespect you anytime.
How do how do parents staybalanced without giving up or
going to those two extremes?
Laura Ollinger (09:43):
That is kind of the pinnacle of what my work is
about.
So uh hard to sum it up in justa a short answer.
However, if you if if I had to,it would just be the two simple
concepts of love andexpectations or um discipline.
(10:08):
Like the expectations anddiscipline kind of go together,
and love and empathy kind of gotogether and combine those
things together.
Fatima Bey (10:16):
Go ahead and break that break that down, Laura.
Laura Ollinger (10:18):
Yeah.
So for example, I'm gonna setup a boundary or an expectation
for my child because I lovethem.
So say I'm a parent who doesn'twant to their kid to have their
phone in their room at night,it's because I love them and
because I care.
If I had no rules whatsoever,then that would just mean kind
(10:42):
of I either A, I'm just not astrong enough person or a leader
to be able to implement them,but B, it means I don't care.
And so when a parent, so sowhen a parent who's too soft,
the one that the pain thechild's walking all over, that's
the parent that really needs tosee themselves identify
themselves more as the leader inthe role model.
(11:04):
And and we're not friends withour kids where they're parent.
There's a power differential.
Yes.
But that doesn't mean thatwe're taking advantage of the
power differential.
It just means that it exists.
And so kids feel loved whenthey feel safe.
The number one thing I alwayssay is safety, safety, safety.
That means emotional safety,physical safety, psychological
(11:26):
safety, every type of safety.
And so those parents who arejust letting their kid do
whatever or walk all over them,their kid probably doesn't feel
safe.
They probably need, or theythey definitely need those uh
parameters or those boundariesin place.
And it will be amazing, kind ofthe the shift that happens.
(11:47):
They think, oh gosh, I'm justsetting myself up for fights or
whatever if I do that.
But no, it's actually theopposite.
Like you'll actually, your yourchild will, and and I'm not I'm
careful to use the word respectbecause I think respect has to
go both ways.
Yes, I agree.
The parent needs to respect thechild, but the child needs to
respect the parent.
And so when we're too soft, wejust like are not even setting
(12:09):
up an environment for any typeof respect.
And then the kind of theopposite end, like you were
talking about that militantstyle, they're really lacking
that warmth and empathy andconnection.
And and are you um, you know,how are you feeling about this
thing?
And and I understand why youmight be mad that I took your
phone.
That makes total sense to me.
(12:30):
And I'm doing it because I careabout you, right?
And so it sometimes people,kids don't like just blanket
rules without an explanation.
They need to understand likethere's a reason behind it.
And you know, kids can bringthey're they're logical people.
Like if they hear to from theparent, this is why.
Look, they don't have to agree,they don't have to be happy
about it, but at least theyunderstand.
Fatima Bey (12:51):
Right.
They can still have anattitude.
So you can still have anattitude, be pissed off that I
took your phone, but don't bedisrespectful.
That's that's right, that'sthat balance.
And uh yeah, I I sometimesunfortunately, when I hear other
people giving parenting advice,they're giving this fluffy,
ideally, you know, oh littleJohnny, don't I don't want you
(13:13):
to be upset.
No, little Johnny, it's okayyou pissed off right now, but
I'm doing this because it'sbetter for you.
When you have thoseconversations, they might be.
I think sometimes, and you canuh respond to this, Laura.
I think sometimes people don'trecognize there's a difference
between response and results.
When it comes to parenting, weneed to be more focused on
(13:37):
results than response, correct?
Laura Ollinger (13:41):
I love that.
I think that is so such a greatway to put it because yeah,
we're so, we're so um, we kindof not we, but people tend to
get overly sensitive about theresponse.
Like, oh my gosh, they slammedthe door, or oh my gosh, they
yelled at me, or oh my gosh,they did this, and oh my, and
(14:03):
it's like so reactive.
Like it's very reactive.
And it's like that's not, Imean, imagine if like that's how
the world ran.
I mean, maybe it does, butthat's not ideal.
We don't want to just bereactive.
We want to be proactive.
We want to be planning, we wantto be kind of using our
prefrontal cortex because we'rethe adult and we want to be the
planner.
And if we can see the bigpicture, that's our job to kind
(14:26):
of see how all these pieces aregonna come together.
Then yeah, it's like we need tobe more focused on that part,
the overall process.
Fatima Bey (14:35):
I have a quote that I think that you'll find
interesting.
I have uh, well, the audiencemay or may not know this, but I
have over 500 of my own quotes.
I'm not exaggerating.
When you see me posting stuffall over social media, those are
literally all my own words.
They're not all quotes,sometimes they're words of
wisdom, but one of them is thatI say that, uh, and I don't even
remember how I worded this,because they come to me in
(14:57):
moments and I write them down.
But parenting isn't just aboutdeveloping the child, it's also
developing the parent.
And I think when parents don'trecognize that, sometimes they
unnecessarily beat themselves upbecause they think they're
supposed to be perfect, which isa bunch of bullshit.
There's no such thing as aperfect parent.
Well, there is.
There is perfect parents doexist.
(15:18):
All we have to do is close oureyes and then we'll find them.
But but I mean reality, theydon't, even the best of best
parents made mistakes.
And that's just that's justnormal, honestly, right?
Laura Ollinger (15:35):
Well, I think it's crucial that a parent
almost does make mistakesbecause that way it's a model
for the teenager of, hey, Imessed up.
Can you accept my apology?
Um, let's repair this.
And I'm sorry, I messed up.
And that way, when the teenagermesses up, they don't feel so
bad about themselves becausethey're like, oh yeah, this is
(15:55):
normal.
My mom or my dad has modeledmistakes and repair for me.
Fatima Bey (16:00):
Yes.
And let me tell you, I'm gonnaadd to that.
One of the key things thatparents don't think about, they
try to hide their mistakes andlie to the kids.
Trust me, you ain't lying tonobody, they know, even if they
don't say anything to you.
You ain't lying to nobody, theyknow.
But what matters isn't themistake, but how we deal with
it, right?
Yeah.
Because when when a when a kidsees that we were wrong and we
(16:24):
adulted, had an adult responseand we admitted it and made a
change so we don't make thatmistake again, that teaches that
child a skill that's going toget them promotions, that's
gonna get them ahead inbusiness, that's gonna get them
ahead in relationships.
Am I right?
Laura Ollinger (16:41):
Oh my gosh.
I mean, I'm nodding.
You can't, and I know theaudience can't see me, but um,
yes, I'm like nodding big timebecause yeah, I mean, that is if
if everybody could master that,think of it uh what a different
world would be.
And um, the other thing aboutthat is talk about earning or
gaining respect from your child.
(17:03):
If you can own up to yourmistake, oh my gosh, that child
will respect you all times morethan if you try to lie about it,
cover it up, pretend like itdidn't happen, whatever it might
be.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it because it's a sign,it's a true sign of strength
that someone can say, hey, Iscrewed up, it's on me, it's my
bad, you know, please forgiveme.
Fatima Bey (17:25):
Yeah, that's uh that's a yeah, that's a really
big deal.
That key word respect.
And one of the ways you winrespect isn't being perfect,
it's admitting when you're not.
Because even just think aboutit, outside of parenting, when
you see someone cover up theirtheir wrongs, you don't respect
them.
But when you see someone gothrough the vulnerability of
(17:48):
admitting their mistake and thentrying to write it, you do gain
respect for that person.
Parents are not, yeah, andthat's just a human thing.
And don't forget, parents arehumans, at least most of you.
So, you know, um, but let me, Iwanna, I wanna really uh uh go
back to to um what we talkedabout in the beginning, because
(18:09):
we talked about parents checkingout or giving up, but I think a
lot of times people don'trecognize what that actually
looks like.
So, what are the subtle waysparents check out without even
realizing it?
Like the signs that they'reemotionally given up, or even
even though they're stillphysically present.
Laura Ollinger (18:27):
Yeah.
I mean, I think just like withalmost everything that I do and
talk about, there is kind of aspectrum with this.
But the most, I would say, likevisible sign is the parent who
is staring at their phone allthe time, or staring at their
computer all the time, orstaring at their TV all the
time, or um, you know, they'rephysically there, but they're
(18:49):
not engaged, they're not havingconversation, they're not
checking in with their child.
I'm not saying you have to talkto your kid for an hour every
day.
I'm saying two minutes there,good morning, let me hug you.
How did you sleep?
You know, get home from school,hey, you know, um, what was the
best part of your day?
Just small, simple things arewhat we're looking for.
And so when a parent isn'tdoing that, when they're giving
(19:12):
up, they're either on theirdevices, they're just occupying,
they're kind of like it's it'salmost like self-medication, um,
overstimulated.
They're, they don't, they'retrying to like really calm their
nervous system.
And so whatever that might be,it could be phone, it could be
drugs or alcohol or any kind ofthing that is a coping mechanism
that we kind of classify aslike an unhealthy healthy.
(19:33):
So when a parent is going tosome type of a coping mechanism,
it's a way to calm theirnervous system.
They're like overstimulated andand they just need to calm
themselves.
And so that's where um kind ofpart of what I do is is help
everybody just get emotionallyregulated because that's how we
connect.
Fatima Bey (19:54):
So would you say an example would be of someone
who's kind of checked out um asa parent, is oh, uh, I don't
really care what little Johnnydoes.
I'm I don't really ask abouthis friends, I don't ask about
how his day was at school, Idon't really get involved in his
(20:15):
personal life.
I just provide a house and somefood and give him rides.
Is that a form of checking out?
Laura Ollinger (20:24):
That's a hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
I mean, that talk about makinga kid feel just like they're
either a burden or a nuisance ora roommate.
Like a kid doesn't feel thatthey have a parent if that's all
that's happening.
Fatima Bey (20:37):
Right.
A parent isn't just about beinga provider, that's a piece of
the pie, it's not the whole pie.
Um, but I I've said thatbecause I think that it at least
in the US, that's a hugeproblem is the kids are raising
themselves.
And they're not being taughtanything.
Um when and I want to say thisto parents, and Laura, you can
(21:01):
chime in here.
When it comes to when it comesto parenting, I think one of the
things that uh parents a lotsometimes don't realize, maybe
because of how they were raised,but whatever you don't teach
them, society will.
And that's fucking scary.
Laura Ollinger (21:15):
Oh, really?
Yes.
Yeah.
Which is why the very firstthing I said is parenting is the
most important job of theworld, and I can't emphasize
that enough because and then andthose give up parents are gonna
be like, well, I don't carewhat my kid learns.
It's like, you no offense, butyou should, you should care, you
(21:36):
should care.
Fatima Bey (21:37):
So we only we only talked about a couple of the
subtle ways that parents checkout, but we could have a whole
episode just on that.
But let me ask you this ifthere's one mind shift you want
parents to walk away from thisconversation, one thought that
would keep them from giving up,what would that be?
Laura Ollinger (22:00):
Oh man, I love that question so much.
And I really just want to umbridge from the last thing we
were just talking about, whichis the thing that came to my
mind is that I think a lot oftimes, or probably a good
portion of the time when thoseparents are giving up and
they're just providing the houseand the rides and the food or
whatever, a lot of parents Ithink are just resentful of
(22:23):
their kids.
They resent that it's they'recosting them money.
Like you're a pain in my butt,you cost me money, you eat my
food, you don't say thank you,you're not grateful.
Um, you're just kind of like anuisance.
And the thing that I would wantto share is to completely
really attempt to flip that onits head and realize what a
(22:46):
blessing it is.
I don't know if everybody likesthat word, but that's the word
I use.
Blessing.
Yeah, I like that word too.
It's a human, it's a child.
You brought them into thisworld.
I would love every parent tojust have some gratitude.
And it's so ironic because whatthey want is their kid to have
gratitude, but the pain needs tostart from the parent.
The parent needs to havegratitude that they have this
(23:10):
child in their life.
There's so much gift in that.
So that's that's what I wouldsay.
Just just be thankful for thishuman, be thankful for them.
Fatima Bey (23:21):
Girl, this is why I had you on.
You just said a powerfullyimpactful statement right there.
It's probably the biggest thingyou've said.
Maybe ever.
You know, it's yeah, yeah,they're not just a burden,
they're a gift, they're anopportunity for you to make a
difference in the world.
You have a chance to shape alife that might go on to shape
(23:43):
other lives.
That's a big freaking deal.
Yeah.
You know, it's also why someparents, the good ones, you
know, feel uh pressured, andunderstandably so.
But at the end of the day, likeI said, parenting isn't just
about shaping the child, it'salso about shaping the parent.
Because now you're learning howto be a better human now that
(24:04):
you have to take care of one,now that you have to raise one,
now that you have to realize,oh, I gotta be responsible for
what comes out of my mouth.
Oh, I need to care about myattitude because they're
learning to be a jerk to peoplelike me, whatever it is, you
know, whatever it is, or to benice and giving, whatever it is.
But I think what you just saidis is extremely powerful to be
(24:25):
grateful.
So, Laura, you do a lot.
Um, I know that you you'rereally good at speaking and
doing seminars.
So, what services do you offerand and how can people find you?
Laura Ollinger (24:37):
Yeah, thank you.
Um, I the easiest way to findme is my website, positively
healthycoaching.com.
And my services are I have akind of a gamut from one-on-one
coaching.
Um, and by the way, one-on-oneis never one-on-one.
Um, people come to me and theysay, here, fix my child.
My child has a problem.
And I say, Yes, and you will beinvolved with this process.
(25:01):
Um, I will be coaching theparent as well.
Um, and so I do that coaching,but I also um a deeper level I
have of that is something that'spretty intense.
And I don't accept, well, Idon't accept every client that
comes my way in the first placefor the one-on-one coaching, but
I also offer an in-hometransformation, which is I'll
actually come live with a familyfor four days and I will come
(25:23):
in your house.
Yes.
Fatima Bey (25:24):
Wait, I didn't see that on your site.
What?
Laura Ollinger (25:26):
Yes, yes, it's not listed.
It's not listed.
Um, I will come in your homeand I will uh transform it.
And that includes coaching.
Like we're gonna coach, we'renot gonna just get everything
done in four days, but we'regonna change a lot in four days.
I would say 80% changes in fourin those four days, and then
the 20% is kind of themaintenance and the kind of
(25:46):
tweaking, tweaking things as wego.
Um, and then after that, yeah,I do workshops for parents,
workshops for teenagers, um,keynotes, speaking, all the
stuff.
And I do have my own podcast.
It's called the PositivelyHealthy Mom Podcast.
So yep, those are those are allthe things I do.
Fatima Bey (26:03):
Wow, you do a lot more than I thought.
Um I didn't know about the wow,that's different.
I'll talk to you about thatafter we're done recording.
Now thank you, Laura, so muchfor coming on.
I've absolutely love, love,love, love talking to you.
Um, and I look forward to ourother conversations.
And you've you've been a treat.
And I hope that parents outthere listening really recognize
(26:27):
there's somebody out there whois positive but not full of
fluff, who's real and relatable,um, and realize that's you.
Thank you so much.
And now for a mind-shiftingmoment.
Parents listening right now, Iwant you to understand something
(26:52):
very deeply.
As we stated earlier in thisepisode, parenting is not easy,
it's a challenge.
It's the life your life'sbiggest challenge, really.
It's hard.
But I want you to alsounderstand a different
perspective that you're probablynot thinking about.
What it feels like to be givenup on.
Your child is growing up,they're deciding who they are,
(27:17):
they're learning what theirvalue is.
The first place we learn whatour value is is at home.
And when we give up on them, wesend all kinds of messages, we
make all kinds of statementsthat our mouth may never have.
You see, as parents, everythingthat we do makes a statement,
whether we want it to or not.
(27:38):
Some are good and some are bad.
Quite frankly, that's normal.
But when we give up on ourchildren, whether they're in the
house or you sent them to livewith grandma, we send the
message that you're not worthy.
Now, if you have a child whoalready has low self-esteem, and
(28:01):
most of the ones who do don'trealize that that's the case,
and they're the ones that wehave the biggest problems with
90% of the time.
If someone already has lowself-esteem, when you give up on
them, what you say is, I amconfirming that you're a piece
of shit.
No, that's not the message youwant to send, but I'm letting
(28:22):
you know is the one that'sreceived.
When we give up on ourchildren, when we stop
disciplining them, we stopgiving efforts at what's going
to be better for them and focuson what's going to be better for
us.
We send the message to confirmtheir bad feelings about
(28:43):
themselves, to confirm those badthoughts about themselves in
their head.
And once you do that, thedamage is almost permanent.
They will go through lifeaccepting relationships they
should not because they don'tthink they're worth anything.
If my own parent doesn't wantme, how worthy can I be?
(29:05):
How can I be worth anything ifmy own parent doesn't want me?
I just want you to think aboutthat.
This is not about a guilt trip,but about reality.
You have to think about what'sgoing on in their developing
brain.
And I don't mean developingbecause of their age, I mean
(29:29):
developing their sense of self,their sense of worth, and how
you respond right now is shapingthat and or confirming
something, good or bad.
I want you to think about thatbecause I know that damage.
(29:50):
You've been listening to myshape to power podcast for
complete show notes on thisepisode.
And to join our globalmovement, find us at
FatimaBay.com.
Until next time, alwaysremember, there's power in
shifting your thinking.
This is Mind Shift PowerPodcast, the number one
critically acclaimed podcastwhere we have raw, unfiltered
conversations that shapetomorrow.
I'm your host, Fatima Bay, theMind Shifter.
And welcome everyone.
(00:22):
Today we have with us LauraOllinger.
She is out of Texas in the USA.
She is a teen and parentwell-being coach.
It's not often we get someonewho can actually bridge that gap
between teens and parents, butwe have someone on today who's
really good at it.
One of the hardest things to doin 2025 is parenting.
(00:46):
I really believe that.
So, parents, this conversationis for you.
How are you doing today, Laura?
Laura Ollinger (00:54):
I'm good.
It's good to be here.
Thank you.
Fatima Bey (00:57):
I'm really looking forward to this conversation and
especially with you.
So tell us today why are you onthis podcast?
Laura Ollinger (01:07):
Yeah, man, I'm so glad you asked that.
It's I know how passionately Ifeel about parenting.
And when I find somebody thatfeels equally as passionate, I
get excited because I feel likeit's like the most important job
in the world.
I really do.
And so I just want to sharekind of my knowledge and also my
(01:31):
passion for parenting.
Fatima Bey (01:34):
And we're gonna hear that.
So I like to dive right in.
So let's start off with this.
A lot of parents won't admitit, but many are tempted to give
up on their kids.
From what you've seen, why doparents get to that point?
Laura Ollinger (01:52):
Man, that's that's it's it's a big question.
Um, I think to simplify, themost simple answer is they just
aren't equipped um emotionally,mentally, um, with the tools.
They don't know how to do it.
They don't know what to do.
And so when they don't knowwhat to do, they start to feel
(02:15):
incompetent, like they're afailure.
They start to feel scared.
Uh, and it's just kind ofeasier to just say, hey, I'm
putting my hands up, I'm out.
And go ahead, sorry.
Fatima Bey (02:32):
No, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Laura Ollinger (02:35):
Yeah, no, uh just as opposed to rolling up
their sleeves and putting in thework because if you're at that
point, there's obviously areason, and it does require a
lot of work.
It requires one of the hardestthings is introspection.
(02:55):
So self-awareness, lookinginward.
Like, where is this coming frominside of me?
And that can really dig up somepain for a lot of people.
Fatima Bey (03:06):
Yeah.
Laura Ollinger (03:07):
Um, because it generally, I hate to generalize,
but I'm generalizing itgenerally stems from the way
they were parented in theirchildhood.
And that can be really messyand really painful for so many
people.
And so it's easier to just kindof like keep a block up and
keep a wall up and not kind ofconnect with that.
(03:29):
They're almost likedisassociating from that.
And so they're disassociatingfrom their past, but then
they're also disassociating fromthe present, the current time,
because they're like, I can't doit.
Fatima Bey (03:40):
I want to go back to something you said in the very
beginning of answering that.
One key word that pops up.
Now, the reason I'm having thisepisode is because in talking
with, you deal with parents morethan I do, but in talking with
parents and school counselors,um, the people and community
organizers and just people whowork with parents and kids in
(04:02):
general, this is a theme thatI'm constantly hearing.
It's an epidemic right now,with parents wanting to give up
on their kids, and it's notbeing talked about.
One of the key words that Ithink of is hopeless.
Do you think that that is anaccurate term for how a lot of
parents are feeling right now?
Laura Ollinger (04:23):
Yeah, hopeless sounds uh right.
I agree because when you'rehopeless, it's like there's no
other options, right?
Like you're out of options.
And I think when a parent isgiving up on their child, that's
exactly where they are.
They're out of options.
Fatima Bey (04:43):
Right.
I said I wanted to point thatout because most people don't
think of that word.
They think of the explanation.
They don't think of that actualword.
And I want some of themlistening right now to recognize
that that's the term that goeswith how they're feeling right
now.
Laura Ollinger (04:59):
Yeah.
And can I say something?
I it it it kind of resonateswith to me the word like
despair.
And and that's like one ofdespair is really one of the
most, the most uh painful humanemotions that there is, right?
Like hope is when you havehope, that means, oh, there's a
chance, oh, there's apossibility, even if it's just
(05:21):
1%.
But when you are hopeless,you're down to zero, right?
And that is like despair that'skind of like on uh on the
equivalent of like total justyeah, giving up.
Fatima Bey (05:34):
Yeah.
And I I I it's it's so hard toput words to it.
It's just where a lot ofparents are, and and want to do,
I just want to talk about itand acknowledge it.
So here's another thing that Ifind is an issue, and it's
something I talk about on thispodcast in various forms all the
time.
We were raised in a differentworld.
(05:55):
It's not 1984, 1991, 1976.
Many parents are still tryingto parent with the old playbook.
What happens when we try to usethose old tools in today's
reality?
Laura Ollinger (06:13):
Yeah.
Um I think it just makeseverything worse, to be honest.
There are um when I think ofthe old school old playbook of
parenting, I think of umharshness, I think of control, I
think of punishment.
Um the other thing I think ofis the kind of uh a little bit
(06:36):
checked out, kind of notinvolved.
I think of, you know, back inthe day when, you know, they
told us to go play outside anddon't come home until it's dark
or or whatever.
It's just, it was kind of likeyou're on your own.
So um that just doesn't workbecause they're they're between
the kind of the two things Ijust described, uh that's just a
(06:56):
recipe for disaster.
Fatima Bey (07:00):
Yes.
So what happens is people checkout.
The k and the kids check outfrom listening to what we have
to say when we're not beingrelatable.
Is that a good way to say it?
Laura Ollinger (07:13):
Yeah.
Yeah.
If and I I I'm gonna use thiswhole cell phone and technology
thing as an example, but it'sjust an example.
It really relates to everyother thing that's going on in
today's society.
But parents don't understandhow crucial that is for a
(07:36):
teenager to feel connected.
Fatima Bey (07:37):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Laura Ollinger (07:38):
And it's the very first thing that almost
every parent I've seen it'stheir go-to as far as trying to
control the child.
That's it.
I'm taking your phone, I'mtaking your phone, I'm taking
your phone.
Like I can't tell you how manytimes I hear parents say, I'm
taking your phone.
You don't get your phone thisweekend, you don't get it
tonight, you don't get it,right?
And it's just like it's very umwhat?
(08:05):
It's very uh I don't know, it'skind of giving me this feeling
of um disgust, almost inhuman,because and I'm not making an
argument, by the way, that ateenager should have their phone
24-7 or access 24-7.
I'm actually not saying that atall.
Like there does need to be somestructure in place.
You can't just hand a kid aphone and be like, good luck.
(08:28):
Hope you don't run into anyweird psychos out there who try
to take your money and sixthortyou.
Right.
Fatima Bey (08:34):
It's not that real, right?
Laura Ollinger (08:36):
Because then there's, you know, it's not that
at all.
But when a parent resorts tosome type of tactic, and that's
typically the one to try to getcooperation, that just doesn't
work either.
And and I'm talkingspecifically about teenagers,
but really any kids, no personwants to be controlled.
Like we're humans, we don'toperate that way, we resist.
Fatima Bey (09:02):
Yes.
And um I want to ask you this.
So, because I think this is abig one, and it really could be
a whole episode by itself.
Parents are afraid of twoextremes.
At least American parents,anyway.
Being too harsh and losingtheir kid, you know, being that
(09:23):
militant disciplinarian, orbeing too soft and losing
authority, which is, you know,being that that rug that the kid
walks all over, they candisrespect you anytime.
How do how do parents staybalanced without giving up or
going to those two extremes?
Laura Ollinger (09:43):
That is kind of the pinnacle of what my work is
about.
So uh hard to sum it up in justa a short answer.
However, if you if if I had to,it would just be the two simple
concepts of love andexpectations or um discipline.
(10:08):
Like the expectations anddiscipline kind of go together,
and love and empathy kind of gotogether and combine those
things together.
Fatima Bey (10:16):
Go ahead and break that break that down, Laura.
Laura Ollinger (10:18):
Yeah.
So for example, I'm gonna setup a boundary or an expectation
for my child because I lovethem.
So say I'm a parent who doesn'twant to their kid to have their
phone in their room at night,it's because I love them and
because I care.
If I had no rules whatsoever,then that would just mean kind
(10:42):
of I either A, I'm just not astrong enough person or a leader
to be able to implement them,but B, it means I don't care.
And so when a parent, so sowhen a parent who's too soft,
the one that the pain thechild's walking all over, that's
the parent that really needs tosee themselves identify
themselves more as the leader inthe role model.
(11:04):
And and we're not friends withour kids where they're parent.
There's a power differential.
Yes.
But that doesn't mean thatwe're taking advantage of the
power differential.
It just means that it exists.
And so kids feel loved whenthey feel safe.
The number one thing I alwayssay is safety, safety, safety.
That means emotional safety,physical safety, psychological
(11:26):
safety, every type of safety.
And so those parents who arejust letting their kid do
whatever or walk all over them,their kid probably doesn't feel
safe.
They probably need, or theythey definitely need those uh
parameters or those boundariesin place.
And it will be amazing, kind ofthe the shift that happens.
(11:47):
They think, oh gosh, I'm justsetting myself up for fights or
whatever if I do that.
But no, it's actually theopposite.
Like you'll actually, your yourchild will, and and I'm not I'm
careful to use the word respectbecause I think respect has to
go both ways.
Yes, I agree.
The parent needs to respect thechild, but the child needs to
respect the parent.
And so when we're too soft, wejust like are not even setting
(12:09):
up an environment for any typeof respect.
And then the kind of theopposite end, like you were
talking about that militantstyle, they're really lacking
that warmth and empathy andconnection.
And and are you um, you know,how are you feeling about this
thing?
And and I understand why youmight be mad that I took your
phone.
That makes total sense to me.
(12:30):
And I'm doing it because I careabout you, right?
And so it sometimes people,kids don't like just blanket
rules without an explanation.
They need to understand likethere's a reason behind it.
And you know, kids can bringthey're they're logical people.
Like if they hear to from theparent, this is why.
Look, they don't have to agree,they don't have to be happy
about it, but at least theyunderstand.
Fatima Bey (12:51):
Right.
They can still have anattitude.
So you can still have anattitude, be pissed off that I
took your phone, but don't bedisrespectful.
That's that's right, that'sthat balance.
And uh yeah, I I sometimesunfortunately, when I hear other
people giving parenting advice,they're giving this fluffy,
ideally, you know, oh littleJohnny, don't I don't want you
(13:13):
to be upset.
No, little Johnny, it's okayyou pissed off right now, but
I'm doing this because it'sbetter for you.
When you have thoseconversations, they might be.
I think sometimes, and you canuh respond to this, Laura.
I think sometimes people don'trecognize there's a difference
between response and results.
When it comes to parenting, weneed to be more focused on
(13:37):
results than response, correct?
Laura Ollinger (13:41):
I love that.
I think that is so such a greatway to put it because yeah,
we're so, we're so um, we kindof not we, but people tend to
get overly sensitive about theresponse.
Like, oh my gosh, they slammedthe door, or oh my gosh, they
yelled at me, or oh my gosh,they did this, and oh my, and
(14:03):
it's like so reactive.
Like it's very reactive.
And it's like that's not, Imean, imagine if like that's how
the world ran.
I mean, maybe it does, butthat's not ideal.
We don't want to just bereactive.
We want to be proactive.
We want to be planning, we wantto be kind of using our
prefrontal cortex because we'rethe adult and we want to be the
planner.
And if we can see the bigpicture, that's our job to kind
(14:26):
of see how all these pieces aregonna come together.
Then yeah, it's like we need tobe more focused on that part,
the overall process.
Fatima Bey (14:35):
I have a quote that I think that you'll find
interesting.
I have uh, well, the audiencemay or may not know this, but I
have over 500 of my own quotes.
I'm not exaggerating.
When you see me posting stuffall over social media, those are
literally all my own words.
They're not all quotes,sometimes they're words of
wisdom, but one of them is thatI say that, uh, and I don't even
remember how I worded this,because they come to me in
(14:57):
moments and I write them down.
But parenting isn't just aboutdeveloping the child, it's also
developing the parent.
And I think when parents don'trecognize that, sometimes they
unnecessarily beat themselves upbecause they think they're
supposed to be perfect, which isa bunch of bullshit.
There's no such thing as aperfect parent.
Well, there is.
There is perfect parents doexist.
(15:18):
All we have to do is close oureyes and then we'll find them.
But but I mean reality, theydon't, even the best of best
parents made mistakes.
And that's just that's justnormal, honestly, right?
Laura Ollinger (15:35):
Well, I think it's crucial that a parent
almost does make mistakesbecause that way it's a model
for the teenager of, hey, Imessed up.
Can you accept my apology?
Um, let's repair this.
And I'm sorry, I messed up.
And that way, when the teenagermesses up, they don't feel so
bad about themselves becausethey're like, oh yeah, this is
(15:55):
normal.
My mom or my dad has modeledmistakes and repair for me.
Fatima Bey (16:00):
Yes.
And let me tell you, I'm gonnaadd to that.
One of the key things thatparents don't think about, they
try to hide their mistakes andlie to the kids.
Trust me, you ain't lying tonobody, they know, even if they
don't say anything to you.
You ain't lying to nobody, theyknow.
But what matters isn't themistake, but how we deal with
it, right?
Yeah.
Because when when a when a kidsees that we were wrong and we
(16:24):
adulted, had an adult responseand we admitted it and made a
change so we don't make thatmistake again, that teaches that
child a skill that's going toget them promotions, that's
gonna get them ahead inbusiness, that's gonna get them
ahead in relationships.
Am I right?
Laura Ollinger (16:41):
Oh my gosh.
I mean, I'm nodding.
You can't, and I know theaudience can't see me, but um,
yes, I'm like nodding big timebecause yeah, I mean, that is if
if everybody could master that,think of it uh what a different
world would be.
And um, the other thing aboutthat is talk about earning or
gaining respect from your child.
(17:03):
If you can own up to yourmistake, oh my gosh, that child
will respect you all times morethan if you try to lie about it,
cover it up, pretend like itdidn't happen, whatever it might
be.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it because it's a sign,it's a true sign of strength
that someone can say, hey, Iscrewed up, it's on me, it's my
bad, you know, please forgiveme.
Fatima Bey (17:25):
Yeah, that's uh that's a yeah, that's a really
big deal.
That key word respect.
And one of the ways you winrespect isn't being perfect,
it's admitting when you're not.
Because even just think aboutit, outside of parenting, when
you see someone cover up theirtheir wrongs, you don't respect
them.
But when you see someone gothrough the vulnerability of
(17:48):
admitting their mistake and thentrying to write it, you do gain
respect for that person.
Parents are not, yeah, andthat's just a human thing.
And don't forget, parents arehumans, at least most of you.
So, you know, um, but let me, Iwanna, I wanna really uh uh go
back to to um what we talkedabout in the beginning, because
(18:09):
we talked about parents checkingout or giving up, but I think a
lot of times people don'trecognize what that actually
looks like.
So, what are the subtle waysparents check out without even
realizing it?
Like the signs that they'reemotionally given up, or even
even though they're stillphysically present.
Laura Ollinger (18:27):
Yeah.
I mean, I think just like withalmost everything that I do and
talk about, there is kind of aspectrum with this.
But the most, I would say, likevisible sign is the parent who
is staring at their phone allthe time, or staring at their
computer all the time, orstaring at their TV all the
time, or um, you know, they'rephysically there, but they're
(18:49):
not engaged, they're not havingconversation, they're not
checking in with their child.
I'm not saying you have to talkto your kid for an hour every
day.
I'm saying two minutes there,good morning, let me hug you.
How did you sleep?
You know, get home from school,hey, you know, um, what was the
best part of your day?
Just small, simple things arewhat we're looking for.
And so when a parent isn'tdoing that, when they're giving
(19:12):
up, they're either on theirdevices, they're just occupying,
they're kind of like it's it'salmost like self-medication, um,
overstimulated.
They're, they don't, they'retrying to like really calm their
nervous system.
And so whatever that might be,it could be phone, it could be
drugs or alcohol or any kind ofthing that is a coping mechanism
that we kind of classify aslike an unhealthy healthy.
(19:33):
So when a parent is going tosome type of a coping mechanism,
it's a way to calm theirnervous system.
They're like overstimulated andand they just need to calm
themselves.
And so that's where um kind ofpart of what I do is is help
everybody just get emotionallyregulated because that's how we
connect.
Fatima Bey (19:54):
So would you say an example would be of someone
who's kind of checked out um asa parent, is oh, uh, I don't
really care what little Johnnydoes.
I'm I don't really ask abouthis friends, I don't ask about
how his day was at school, Idon't really get involved in his
(20:15):
personal life.
I just provide a house and somefood and give him rides.
Is that a form of checking out?
Laura Ollinger (20:24):
That's a hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
I mean, that talk about makinga kid feel just like they're
either a burden or a nuisance ora roommate.
Like a kid doesn't feel thatthey have a parent if that's all
that's happening.
Fatima Bey (20:37):
Right.
A parent isn't just about beinga provider, that's a piece of
the pie, it's not the whole pie.
Um, but I I've said thatbecause I think that it at least
in the US, that's a hugeproblem is the kids are raising
themselves.
And they're not being taughtanything.
Um when and I want to say thisto parents, and Laura, you can
(21:01):
chime in here.
When it comes to when it comesto parenting, I think one of the
things that uh parents a lotsometimes don't realize, maybe
because of how they were raised,but whatever you don't teach
them, society will.
And that's fucking scary.
Laura Ollinger (21:15):
Oh, really?
Yes.
Yeah.
Which is why the very firstthing I said is parenting is the
most important job of theworld, and I can't emphasize
that enough because and then andthose give up parents are gonna
be like, well, I don't carewhat my kid learns.
It's like, you no offense, butyou should, you should care, you
(21:36):
should care.
Fatima Bey (21:37):
So we only we only talked about a couple of the
subtle ways that parents checkout, but we could have a whole
episode just on that.
But let me ask you this ifthere's one mind shift you want
parents to walk away from thisconversation, one thought that
would keep them from giving up,what would that be?
Laura Ollinger (22:00):
Oh man, I love that question so much.
And I really just want to umbridge from the last thing we
were just talking about, whichis the thing that came to my
mind is that I think a lot oftimes, or probably a good
portion of the time when thoseparents are giving up and
they're just providing the houseand the rides and the food or
whatever, a lot of parents Ithink are just resentful of
(22:23):
their kids.
They resent that it's they'recosting them money.
Like you're a pain in my butt,you cost me money, you eat my
food, you don't say thank you,you're not grateful.
Um, you're just kind of like anuisance.
And the thing that I would wantto share is to completely
really attempt to flip that onits head and realize what a
(22:46):
blessing it is.
I don't know if everybody likesthat word, but that's the word
I use.
Blessing.
Yeah, I like that word too.
It's a human, it's a child.
You brought them into thisworld.
I would love every parent tojust have some gratitude.
And it's so ironic because whatthey want is their kid to have
gratitude, but the pain needs tostart from the parent.
The parent needs to havegratitude that they have this
(23:10):
child in their life.
There's so much gift in that.
So that's that's what I wouldsay.
Just just be thankful for thishuman, be thankful for them.
Fatima Bey (23:21):
Girl, this is why I had you on.
You just said a powerfullyimpactful statement right there.
It's probably the biggest thingyou've said.
Maybe ever.
You know, it's yeah, yeah,they're not just a burden,
they're a gift, they're anopportunity for you to make a
difference in the world.
You have a chance to shape alife that might go on to shape
(23:43):
other lives.
That's a big freaking deal.
Yeah.
You know, it's also why someparents, the good ones, you
know, feel uh pressured, andunderstandably so.
But at the end of the day, likeI said, parenting isn't just
about shaping the child, it'salso about shaping the parent.
Because now you're learning howto be a better human now that
(24:04):
you have to take care of one,now that you have to raise one,
now that you have to realize,oh, I gotta be responsible for
what comes out of my mouth.
Oh, I need to care about myattitude because they're
learning to be a jerk to peoplelike me, whatever it is, you
know, whatever it is, or to benice and giving, whatever it is.
But I think what you just saidis is extremely powerful to be
(24:25):
grateful.
So, Laura, you do a lot.
Um, I know that you you'rereally good at speaking and
doing seminars.
So, what services do you offerand and how can people find you?
Laura Ollinger (24:37):
Yeah, thank you.
Um, I the easiest way to findme is my website, positively
healthycoaching.com.
And my services are I have akind of a gamut from one-on-one
coaching.
Um, and by the way, one-on-oneis never one-on-one.
Um, people come to me and theysay, here, fix my child.
My child has a problem.
And I say, Yes, and you will beinvolved with this process.
(25:01):
Um, I will be coaching theparent as well.
Um, and so I do that coaching,but I also um a deeper level I
have of that is something that'spretty intense.
And I don't accept, well, Idon't accept every client that
comes my way in the first placefor the one-on-one coaching, but
I also offer an in-hometransformation, which is I'll
actually come live with a familyfor four days and I will come
(25:23):
in your house.
Yes.
Fatima Bey (25:24):
Wait, I didn't see that on your site.
What?
Laura Ollinger (25:26):
Yes, yes, it's not listed.
It's not listed.
Um, I will come in your homeand I will uh transform it.
And that includes coaching.
Like we're gonna coach, we'renot gonna just get everything
done in four days, but we'regonna change a lot in four days.
I would say 80% changes in fourin those four days, and then
the 20% is kind of themaintenance and the kind of
(25:46):
tweaking, tweaking things as wego.
Um, and then after that, yeah,I do workshops for parents,
workshops for teenagers, um,keynotes, speaking, all the
stuff.
And I do have my own podcast.
It's called the PositivelyHealthy Mom Podcast.
So yep, those are those are allthe things I do.
Fatima Bey (26:03):
Wow, you do a lot more than I thought.
Um I didn't know about the wow,that's different.
I'll talk to you about thatafter we're done recording.
Now thank you, Laura, so muchfor coming on.
I've absolutely love, love,love, love talking to you.
Um, and I look forward to ourother conversations.
And you've you've been a treat.
And I hope that parents outthere listening really recognize
(26:27):
there's somebody out there whois positive but not full of
fluff, who's real and relatable,um, and realize that's you.
Thank you so much.
And now for a mind-shiftingmoment.
Parents listening right now, Iwant you to understand something
(26:52):
very deeply.
As we stated earlier in thisepisode, parenting is not easy,
it's a challenge.
It's the life your life'sbiggest challenge, really.
It's hard.
But I want you to alsounderstand a different
perspective that you're probablynot thinking about.
What it feels like to be givenup on.
Your child is growing up,they're deciding who they are,
(27:17):
they're learning what theirvalue is.
The first place we learn whatour value is is at home.
And when we give up on them, wesend all kinds of messages, we
make all kinds of statementsthat our mouth may never have.
You see, as parents, everythingthat we do makes a statement,
whether we want it to or not.
(27:38):
Some are good and some are bad.
Quite frankly, that's normal.
But when we give up on ourchildren, whether they're in the
house or you sent them to livewith grandma, we send the
message that you're not worthy.
Now, if you have a child whoalready has low self-esteem, and
(28:01):
most of the ones who do don'trealize that that's the case,
and they're the ones that wehave the biggest problems with
90% of the time.
If someone already has lowself-esteem, when you give up on
them, what you say is, I amconfirming that you're a piece
of shit.
No, that's not the message youwant to send, but I'm letting
(28:22):
you know is the one that'sreceived.
When we give up on ourchildren, when we stop
disciplining them, we stopgiving efforts at what's going
to be better for them and focuson what's going to be better for
us.
We send the message to confirmtheir bad feelings about
(28:43):
themselves, to confirm those badthoughts about themselves in
their head.
And once you do that, thedamage is almost permanent.
They will go through lifeaccepting relationships they
should not because they don'tthink they're worth anything.
If my own parent doesn't wantme, how worthy can I be?
(29:05):
How can I be worth anything ifmy own parent doesn't want me?
I just want you to think aboutthat.
This is not about a guilt trip,but about reality.
You have to think about what'sgoing on in their developing
brain.
And I don't mean developingbecause of their age, I mean
(29:29):
developing their sense of self,their sense of worth, and how
you respond right now is shapingthat and or confirming
something, good or bad.
I want you to think about thatbecause I know that damage.
(29:50):
You've been listening to myshape to power podcast for
complete show notes on thisepisode.
And to join our globalmovement, find us at
FatimaBay.com.
Until next time, alwaysremember, there's power in
shifting your thinking.
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