June 18, 2024 • 20 mins
Kyla recalls an online dating experience that had her acting out of character.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cecilia Rodriguez (00:05):
Hi there, and welcome to Modern Day Mirror.
This is a place to get curiousabout the feelings and
experiences we see reflected inthe stories of others. We're
here to celebrate and learn fromour neighbors as living,
breathing, modern day mirrors.
(00:29):
Hey there, folks, this is yourhost, Cecilia, and thanks for
tuning into our debut episode.
During this first season ofModern Day Mirror, we've got a
collection of stories for youfeaturing endings our guests did
not see coming. To start us off,we're talking surprise endings
and ... online dating. I've beenoff the apps for quite some time
now. But I'll admit, theromantic and me still loves the
(00:52):
idea of all the potential inthese virtual matchmaking
spaces, even if it can sometimesfeel like the odds are stacked
against you. Our first episodefeatures a fabulous storyteller
and one of my dearest friends,Kyla, who begrudgingly gave
online dating a try after 18whole months off the market.
(01:12):
Let's take a listen as she opensup about a risky first date
she'll never forget.
Kyla (01:20):
So I was sitting in Inks Eats & Drinks with someone
sitting across from me rightnow. And you were probing me to
get back in like the datingworld and get into this whole
swipe left swipe light, rightstuff hadn't been talking to
anybody for like 18 plus ishmonths. So with a little bit of
(01:44):
liquid I-don't-give-a-heck, westarted my profile and picked
some pictures, let you tear themapart, picked some other
pictures because again, I'm likeI don't want to do this. So put
some pictures up there and justroll the dice pretty much. And
as you re- if you remember - Iwas done. I was like this is a
Cecilia Rodriguez (02:02):
What do you think - before that experience -
joke.
what was the hesitation toonline dating, do you think?
Kyla (02:08):
Being ... I don't wanna say complacent... content! That
will probably be the best word.
Being content with my space. Iwas fine. Not talking to
anybody. I was fine doing me ifI wanted to leave my drawers on
the couch, I would leave themthere. My son's not gonna say
anything. He might be like,Ewww, Mom! But, you know what I
mean? If I wanted to leave themthere and go to work and come
home, they would still be there.
(02:30):
I didn't have to worry aboutanybody else in the space. I
could do what I want. If my sonwasn't home, I could drink my
wine for dinner and go to bed.
Like I was just really contentand comfortable. In the little
life that I had created withjust myself and my son. I had my
girlfriends I was still goingout hanging out and all that
kind of stuff. So like life, mysocial life didn't stop. But I
wasn't worried about fillingthat man space. It didn't feel
(02:53):
like a void so I was good withit. Right? I had my ups and
downs it was ebbs and flows. Sosometimes I'd be like, I want
somebody and it wasn't justlike, you know, cuffing season
wintertime stuff, it was justsometimes you did want that
companion. Then I startedtalking and I'm like, And the
dating pool is trash. So I goback to my I'm cool just you
(03:14):
know what I mean? I'll exchangenumbers Kiki with somebody but I
never was finding anybody thatwas worth me kind of shaking up
my my comfortable little youknow, home that I had and 18
months later you get realcomfortable it's just really
easy to do your own thing andnow I got to think about
(03:36):
somebody else and split time andget dressed when you come over
that was another thing everybodywho knows me knows I'm very laid
back I'm pretty chill like I'mnot gonna be glammed up on a
Tuesday in my house. I'm gonnacome over my clothes will not
match my hair's probably a mess.
Cecilia Rodriguez (03:55):
Bra optional
Kyla (03:57):
Bra definitely off.
Absolutely off. So yeah, I makethe profile and just let it go
right getting some very goodlaughs out of it by far.
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:06):
I remember laughing so hard in that
restaurant, people probablythought we were drunk and we
were not.
Kyla (04:13):
We were not.
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:14):
And if you remember, that was one of the
first times that we hung outtoo.
Kyla (04:17):
Was it?
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:18):
It was you were you were your little
beautiful Aries self, who wasvery kind of you know, you're
friendly and cordial witheveryone. But you're very, very
protective with who you let intoyour inner circle. And so I had
spotted your energy from acrossthe room months before that,
right? I'm like, oh, I want tobe this girl's friend. And so I
remember you were kind of like,oh, like Yeah, we could I had
(04:39):
suggested we get together andlike do the online dating stuff
and take a look and you werekind of like yeah, I guess you
know, it wasn't even like primehours right? It wasn't like a
Friday I think it was like aTuesday after work or something
Kyla (04:51):
Ya, bar was kinda gonna empty. Like couple regulars
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:53):
We just laughed and laughed. That was so
fun.
Kyla (04:58):
It was definitely fun when I look back it It was definitely
fun. It really helped me realizelike, what do you want? You know
what I mean? Because I'm notinto the whole, like, what are
you doing? What did you dotoday? Good morning Gorgeous.
Like, errrrt! Stahp stahhhhp. Iam 30 something years old. I
(05:18):
don't need you like
Cecilia Rodriguez (05:19):
Team Too Much.
Kyla (05:19):
Right?! I don't need your "good morning gorgeous" unless
you like there's coffee moneyunder the mat when you leave
like, okay, yeah. So. Soswiping, swiping, I'm over it. I
didn't delete the app. And thisis when I think things are
supposed to happen the way theydid for a reason I didn't delete
my account, I deleted the app.
So I still had a notificationthat was set up to send me
(05:41):
emails if somebody directmessaged me. So I'm sitting at
work one day, and I'm bored.
That's always when I get myselfin trouble. So sitting at work
bored, and I get an email that Igot a direct message. This is
from the app that I've deletedoff my phone, but I just deleted
the app. So my account was stillactive, I guess. So I'm like,
(06:03):
oh, first message is Hi, how'reyou doing? It wasn't the Good
morning. Gorgeous, you'rebeautiful and all that riffraff,
right. So bored at work? Let'stalk. So I get back on. And
we're messaging back and forth.
And the dude is actually chill,like, he's not trying to butter
me up. He's not trying to giveme all these accolades. We're
(06:26):
having a little bit of justregular conversation. And I was
okay with that. He wasn't reallylike the physical type that I
would go for. But he wasn't uglyto me. He just wasn't really
just the type that I will checkfor like I if I couldn't talk to
you and I had to pick you out ofa crowd. He wouldn't be that
person. Once talking to him,definitely would be someone I'd
pick out the crowd, right. Butthose first impressions are
(06:48):
usually visual. So chatting backand forth, or whatever. It's a
couple of maybe a couple ofweeks of chatting. It was right
before my birthday. And I thinkhe I want to say he messaged me
and was like, here's my numberI'm getting off of, you know,
this app or whatever. And I'mlike, okay, so got the number.
Thought about it, sat on it fora second. Reached out,
(07:12):
conversation continued via text,so I was cool with it. Then like
the weekend of my birthday thatyear, he went ghost and I was
like this motha! we're havinglike decent conversation. We're
not talking about like gettingtogether. We're not talking
about dating,
Cecilia Rodriguez (07:32):
Just like getting to know each other as
friends.
Kyla (07:33):
Just talking right? Just conversation like I would have
with anybody. I'm pretty, prettyclever with the tongue kind of a
smart aleck. So I would shootthem and I get a little laugh,
shoot them back, whatever. Sowe're just we're just talking
have a good conversation. Thenmy birthday comes which he does
not know my birthday. And thisis this is ladies where we have
to, like really have a moment oflike self checking, because I'm
(07:55):
like, It's my birthday weekendand he ain't even called me.
Honey. He don't know it's yourbirthday. He don't know.
Cecilia Rodriguez (08:03):
What do you mean he can't read my mind?
Kyla (08:04):
Exactly. Like you didn't look at my profile. I'm pretty
sure my birthday was on myprofile. He had just went ghost
like I just didn't hear from himfor the like Friday through all
of Sunday. Then Monday, he comesback like hey, how are you? My
first thought was like, Uh uhn****, where you been?! Like you
know what I mean? So when he gotback in, he was like, Hey, how
(08:24):
are you? How you doing? Orwhatever, how was your weekend?
But then he says my son and Iwent to Yosemite and I didn't
have any reception. We leftFriday or whatever day that I
realized that I had stoppedhearing from him. And instantly
I was like, Oh, it's okay. LikeI felt better all of a sudden
right? But I went into this justtalking. I went into this being
(08:46):
my sarcastic smart aleck youknow, sharp tongue self. I went
into it not caring about reallywhat I said how I said when I
said it, because I wasn'tworried about trying to like
this person or this persontrying to like me so especially
because he wasn't like that. Oh,who is he like you what I mean,
it wasn't one of those evenphysical attractions for me. So
(09:08):
there was nothing pulling at meto make me feel like I needed to
be on top of my game. You gotreal deal Holyfield, Kyla. So
anywho chit chatting orwhatever. And we start hanging
out. So the first time heinvites me over, and this was on
some, this was on some realweird stuff. But he was telling
(09:30):
me... oh, I think it wascriminal now that I think about
it. He was telling me that helike drives this lady like
almost chauff- chauffeur ish.
Like, he drives this lady likeshe'll rent the car. He drives
her wherever He'll either waitor he'll come back return the
car and I'm just like, Okay, I'mlike, I'm about to see him on
first 48 or something.
Cecilia Rodriguez (09:51):
Like, what do you got goin on?
Kyla (09:53):
Yeah, so it was very weird, but he had told me that
the lady had got given him orgifted him. Like a really nice
bottle of wine mind you werechatting and getting to know
each other so he knows I likewine. He was like you want to
come try it with me? And I'mlike, hey, just asked me. Do you
want me to come over?
Cecilia Rodriguez (10:09):
Yeah. Yeah.
That was kinda smooth though.
Kyla (10:12):
It was, it was. I'll give it to him, I'll give it to him.
He was like, you want to cometry with me or whatever. And I'm
like, okay, cool. Again, notbeing normal Kyla. Normal Kyla
is you're not gonna know where Ilive. We're gonna meet in
public. This Kyla, I don't knowwho the hell she was. This Kyla
went to this man's house at dark30
Cecilia Rodriguez (10:31):
Oh, no!
Kyla (10:32):
To go drink wine. Like, girl just walk in there with
your panties in your hand,because that's what it looks
like. Right? So I get on thereand it was you and it was my, my
bestie Liz. Hey, y'all, if Idon't come back, this is what he
look like. This is where helives. This is the phone number.
I've been texting. Like, youknow, you give your girls all
(10:53):
the details. And you're like,I'll text you when I come up for
air, right? Yeah. So we getthere. And I'm like, you know,
hey, I'm here in where do I parkand so he lives in an apartment.
He comes out and he ends upmoving his car out of his stall
so that I can park in his stalland he goes and find somewhere
to park. Kudossss!
Cecilia Rodriguez (11:13):
Love that!
Kyla (11:14):
Kudos, right? Off the top.
So then we get in the house andhe actually had wine. It was not
that special. It was not thatspecial but I'm like it's okay.
And he's like, ends up being anAfrican man. So I'm hearing all
the accent I remember jokingabout he couldn't say Berkeley
Cecilia Rodriguez (11:32):
Oh! Because you hadn't talked to each other
on the phone or...?
Kyla (11:35):
We talked once or twice on the phone like voice we talked a
couple of times on the voiceI've heard the accent over the
phone was so I wasn't shocked inperson. But when you hear like
naked ear hear it, I was like,Dang. He really like you really
ain't from here, bro. So justhanging out, everything's cool
or whatever. He pours the wineglasses don't match like total
(11:59):
bachelor.
Cecilia Rodriguez (11:59):
Typical bachelor.
Kyla (12:00):
Exactly. He's washing them out before he gives them to me
which you don't even realize I'mOCD so I appreciate that. But
like total bachelor pad, he'sgot like random rugs and
different couches, big old TV,of course. But we sit down and
we have just good conversationagain. Like that's always been a
good thing for us. We always hadgood conversation. We could talk
(12:22):
about anything for ever right?
So sitting down or whateverhaving conversation we're chit
chatting and watching like TVish, a little bit drinking the
wine. And it's like, okay, wineis gone and it's like time to
figure out if you're gonna youknow, shit or get off the pot. I
ended up staying on the pot. AndI don't know why. Because again,
not normal Kyla move. I'm atyour house at dark 30 I'm doing
(12:46):
all these things I don'tnormally do. I stayed the night
at the man's house. I don't evenknow why. I think I was just
rolling with it. Like, oh, and Iremember was it the first time I
don't think it was the firsttime I went over there. that was
a couple times later. I wentover there with my hair. Like I
had my friend twist my hairbecause I'm natural. You got to
(13:06):
start that stuff the nightbefore. While it's wet. You got
to twist it up, put the producton there let it dry overnight.
Cecilia Rodriguez (13:13):
Cause it takes a day and a half to dry.
Kyla (13:14):
Mann. So I went to my friends and had her twist and it
was like okay, but Mimi. I'mabout to go see this dude like
how can I what can I do withthis hair? So put on my little
Erykah Badu boomp boomp wrappedit up and was like we gonna make
it work still just being myselfor whatever? It's not really
caring like I kind of like himnow I'm kinda digging him, but
(13:35):
I'm still okay walking away.
It's still fresh it's still new.
It is what it is. So spent thenight the first time. my panties
stayed on just for those who'swondering.
Cecilia Rodriguez (13:45):
No judgment.
Kyla (13:46):
No judgment cause the second time they came off. So
spent the night the first nightor whatever we get up in the
morning I slept on top of thebed jeans on shirt on on the
side of the bed because old Kylawas starting to come out like
wait a minute girl What are youdoing like got a little nervous
but it was like but I ain'tleaving now.
Cecilia Rodriguez (14:06):
Cause that's really vulnerable
Kyla (14:07):
Absolutely I don't know you you can chop me up you know
what I mean and I'd be done likeI just I don't know I'm out in
like Citrus Heights. I think atthe time I was living in South
Sac so like all my people is wayon the other side of the world.
So it kind of got like Ugh so Ikind of clammed a little bit but
finally went to sleep I reallyhad no problems going to sleep.
(14:28):
But then wake up in the morninghe's like Are you a coffee
drinker and I'm like, I likecoffee with my creamer and he
was like oh okay, I don't reallyhave... I got some instant
coffee but I don't have nocreamer And I was like, It's
okay. You know, don't worryabout it or whatever.
Cecilia Rodriguez (14:44):
So thoughtful!
Kyla (14:45):
Very! very, very thoughtful. And that was
something that every time afterthat went to stay the night I
woke up with a little Starbuckson the side of the bed because
he's an early riser and I am notand then I lived in South Sac
South Sac is hood. So it's like,you know, is that a gunshot or a
firework you never know. I'm outat his apartment in Citrus
Cecilia Rodriguez (15:04):
Awwwww, I just got chills! I mean, I knew
Heights. It's quiet. And it'scool because there's like a big
tree in front of his window. Andso I'm like snoozing every
morning, he gets up on theweekends and goes and gets his
son. And he's leaving me in theapartment by himself. But I have
my little Starbucks on the side.
He did get some creamer andinstant coffee, because he
didn't have a coffee maker. Butthat's cool. I appreciated the
(15:25):
thought. So all of those thingsjust started happening. And
continuing like it wasn't, I'mdoing this in the beginning, it
was just like, No every time,then it was like, here. I'm out
of coffee, but get you some onthe way to work. Because now, I
went from staying Fridays tocoming over on Saturdays or
Sunday, when he didn't want hedidn't have his son and stuff.
(15:46):
So I'm now leaving from workthat but it still gave me
chills!from Citrus Heights on my big
girl stuuuffff. You know. Butyeah, so it just, it just kind
of started to develop and become
Kyla (15:54):
But in hindsight, kind of looking at just all the things
something. And I'll say longstory short, we're getting
married October 6.
that I did in the verybeginning, I was my absolute
(16:15):
self. And I was comfortablebeing my absolute self, because
I did not care what was going tohappen afterwards. comfortable
in my skin and who I am and howI speak, how I look and all of
the things if I would have donethat a long time ago, I just
really wonder what would havehappened, what things I might
have missed out on what thingsthat would have maybe happened
(16:37):
differently or relationshipsbeen different if I was just
myself.
Cecilia Rodriguez (16:42):
When we know better we do better. Right?
Kyla (16:44):
That part, that part. So now you get Kyla and Kyla still
needs a little softeningsometimes.
Cecilia Rodriguez (16:53):
As we all do.
Kyla (16:55):
Sometimes you get a little too much Kyla. But I'm just me
now I'm just me now and I it. Ilike me, I like that I'm just
kind of carefree to a certaindegree. And with my circle with
my people I'm still me, but I'mlearning to be me in new spaces.
(17:17):
And if you like me, that'sgreat. If you don't, that's
cool. I'm not everybody's cup oftea. And I'm not here to be
everybody's cup of tea. BecauseI also know the me that I give
off is a lot I give 10 toes downme and if you like me like me
and if you don't your loss notmine, you know?
Cecilia Rodriguez (17:33):
Yeah, but can I can I offer another reframe
here? I don't think that all ofyou is a lot. I actually think
that you bringing all of you isunusual, which is why it can be
perceived as being a lot.
Kyla (17:49):
I like that outlook. I really do. Yeah, I just I really
feel like if I wasn't me,especially if anybody if anybody
knows my dude, he's probably waymore I could care less about the
fan the fancy the trendy thatyeah, you know what I mean he's
so he'd probably wear the samepair of pants if I didn't make
him change em. So it's like inthat aspect, we really just we
(18:12):
worked very well together. Andif I wasn't being me, I might
have missed my opportunity. Imight have missed my person. So
I don't know it's it's somethingthat has changed who I am or who
I want to be. It went fromcaring and trying to be others
(18:34):
to caring and be myself. Forsure. For sure. Most authentic
time of my life.
Cecilia Rodriguez (18:41):
I love that.
Kyla (18:43):
So yeah, pretty cool.
Pretty cool. Now I'm like, hey,no, take backs. Sorry. I like to
remind him, open the door and belike, Hey, by the way, you
picked this bro. You're welcome.
So yeah, when he walks into thekitchen, and I'm in there
dancing with a spatula in myhand, I'm like, It's all yours,
Baby. It's all yours!
Cecilia Rodriguez (19:05):
Big big thank you to Kyla for reminding us of
what's possible when we're braveenough to show up authentically.
Be sure to check out the podcastshow notes where you can find
the Modern Day Mirror Linktreefeaturing a direct link to our
Instagram with photos of Kylaand her boo, and more
information on how you can beour next guest on the podcast.
(19:25):
If you enjoyed today's episode,please leave us a rating
subscribe and share it with afriend. Thanks so much for being
here.
Hi there, and welcome to Modern Day Mirror.
This is a place to get curiousabout the feelings and
experiences we see reflected inthe stories of others. We're
here to celebrate and learn fromour neighbors as living,
breathing, modern day mirrors.
(00:29):
Hey there, folks, this is yourhost, Cecilia, and thanks for
tuning into our debut episode.
During this first season ofModern Day Mirror, we've got a
collection of stories for youfeaturing endings our guests did
not see coming. To start us off,we're talking surprise endings
and ... online dating. I've beenoff the apps for quite some time
now. But I'll admit, theromantic and me still loves the
(00:52):
idea of all the potential inthese virtual matchmaking
spaces, even if it can sometimesfeel like the odds are stacked
against you. Our first episodefeatures a fabulous storyteller
and one of my dearest friends,Kyla, who begrudgingly gave
online dating a try after 18whole months off the market.
(01:12):
Let's take a listen as she opensup about a risky first date
she'll never forget.
Kyla (01:20):
So I was sitting in Inks Eats & Drinks with someone
sitting across from me rightnow. And you were probing me to
get back in like the datingworld and get into this whole
swipe left swipe light, rightstuff hadn't been talking to
anybody for like 18 plus ishmonths. So with a little bit of
(01:44):
liquid I-don't-give-a-heck, westarted my profile and picked
some pictures, let you tear themapart, picked some other
pictures because again, I'm likeI don't want to do this. So put
some pictures up there and justroll the dice pretty much. And
as you re- if you remember - Iwas done. I was like this is a
Cecilia Rodriguez (02:02):
What do you think - before that experience -
joke.
what was the hesitation toonline dating, do you think?
Kyla (02:08):
Being ... I don't wanna say complacent... content! That
will probably be the best word.
Being content with my space. Iwas fine. Not talking to
anybody. I was fine doing me ifI wanted to leave my drawers on
the couch, I would leave themthere. My son's not gonna say
anything. He might be like,Ewww, Mom! But, you know what I
mean? If I wanted to leave themthere and go to work and come
home, they would still be there.
(02:30):
I didn't have to worry aboutanybody else in the space. I
could do what I want. If my sonwasn't home, I could drink my
wine for dinner and go to bed.
Like I was just really contentand comfortable. In the little
life that I had created withjust myself and my son. I had my
girlfriends I was still goingout hanging out and all that
kind of stuff. So like life, mysocial life didn't stop. But I
wasn't worried about fillingthat man space. It didn't feel
(02:53):
like a void so I was good withit. Right? I had my ups and
downs it was ebbs and flows. Sosometimes I'd be like, I want
somebody and it wasn't justlike, you know, cuffing season
wintertime stuff, it was justsometimes you did want that
companion. Then I startedtalking and I'm like, And the
dating pool is trash. So I goback to my I'm cool just you
(03:14):
know what I mean? I'll exchangenumbers Kiki with somebody but I
never was finding anybody thatwas worth me kind of shaking up
my my comfortable little youknow, home that I had and 18
months later you get realcomfortable it's just really
easy to do your own thing andnow I got to think about
(03:36):
somebody else and split time andget dressed when you come over
that was another thing everybodywho knows me knows I'm very laid
back I'm pretty chill like I'mnot gonna be glammed up on a
Tuesday in my house. I'm gonnacome over my clothes will not
match my hair's probably a mess.
Cecilia Rodriguez (03:55):
Bra optional
Kyla (03:57):
Bra definitely off.
Absolutely off. So yeah, I makethe profile and just let it go
right getting some very goodlaughs out of it by far.
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:06):
I remember laughing so hard in that
restaurant, people probablythought we were drunk and we
were not.
Kyla (04:13):
We were not.
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:14):
And if you remember, that was one of the
first times that we hung outtoo.
Kyla (04:17):
Was it?
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:18):
It was you were you were your little
beautiful Aries self, who wasvery kind of you know, you're
friendly and cordial witheveryone. But you're very, very
protective with who you let intoyour inner circle. And so I had
spotted your energy from acrossthe room months before that,
right? I'm like, oh, I want tobe this girl's friend. And so I
remember you were kind of like,oh, like Yeah, we could I had
(04:39):
suggested we get together andlike do the online dating stuff
and take a look and you werekind of like yeah, I guess you
know, it wasn't even like primehours right? It wasn't like a
Friday I think it was like aTuesday after work or something
Kyla (04:51):
Ya, bar was kinda gonna empty. Like couple regulars
Cecilia Rodriguez (04:53):
We just laughed and laughed. That was so
fun.
Kyla (04:58):
It was definitely fun when I look back it It was definitely
fun. It really helped me realizelike, what do you want? You know
what I mean? Because I'm notinto the whole, like, what are
you doing? What did you dotoday? Good morning Gorgeous.
Like, errrrt! Stahp stahhhhp. Iam 30 something years old. I
(05:18):
don't need you like
Cecilia Rodriguez (05:19):
Team Too Much.
Kyla (05:19):
Right?! I don't need your "good morning gorgeous" unless
you like there's coffee moneyunder the mat when you leave
like, okay, yeah. So. Soswiping, swiping, I'm over it. I
didn't delete the app. And thisis when I think things are
supposed to happen the way theydid for a reason I didn't delete
my account, I deleted the app.
So I still had a notificationthat was set up to send me
(05:41):
emails if somebody directmessaged me. So I'm sitting at
work one day, and I'm bored.
That's always when I get myselfin trouble. So sitting at work
bored, and I get an email that Igot a direct message. This is
from the app that I've deletedoff my phone, but I just deleted
the app. So my account was stillactive, I guess. So I'm like,
(06:03):
oh, first message is Hi, how'reyou doing? It wasn't the Good
morning. Gorgeous, you'rebeautiful and all that riffraff,
right. So bored at work? Let'stalk. So I get back on. And
we're messaging back and forth.
And the dude is actually chill,like, he's not trying to butter
me up. He's not trying to giveme all these accolades. We're
(06:26):
having a little bit of justregular conversation. And I was
okay with that. He wasn't reallylike the physical type that I
would go for. But he wasn't uglyto me. He just wasn't really
just the type that I will checkfor like I if I couldn't talk to
you and I had to pick you out ofa crowd. He wouldn't be that
person. Once talking to him,definitely would be someone I'd
pick out the crowd, right. Butthose first impressions are
(06:48):
usually visual. So chatting backand forth, or whatever. It's a
couple of maybe a couple ofweeks of chatting. It was right
before my birthday. And I thinkhe I want to say he messaged me
and was like, here's my numberI'm getting off of, you know,
this app or whatever. And I'mlike, okay, so got the number.
Thought about it, sat on it fora second. Reached out,
(07:12):
conversation continued via text,so I was cool with it. Then like
the weekend of my birthday thatyear, he went ghost and I was
like this motha! we're havinglike decent conversation. We're
not talking about like gettingtogether. We're not talking
about dating,
Cecilia Rodriguez (07:32):
Just like getting to know each other as
friends.
Kyla (07:33):
Just talking right? Just conversation like I would have
with anybody. I'm pretty, prettyclever with the tongue kind of a
smart aleck. So I would shootthem and I get a little laugh,
shoot them back, whatever. Sowe're just we're just talking
have a good conversation. Thenmy birthday comes which he does
not know my birthday. And thisis this is ladies where we have
to, like really have a moment oflike self checking, because I'm
(07:55):
like, It's my birthday weekendand he ain't even called me.
Honey. He don't know it's yourbirthday. He don't know.
Cecilia Rodriguez (08:03):
What do you mean he can't read my mind?
Kyla (08:04):
Exactly. Like you didn't look at my profile. I'm pretty
sure my birthday was on myprofile. He had just went ghost
like I just didn't hear from himfor the like Friday through all
of Sunday. Then Monday, he comesback like hey, how are you? My
first thought was like, Uh uhn****, where you been?! Like you
know what I mean? So when he gotback in, he was like, Hey, how
(08:24):
are you? How you doing? Orwhatever, how was your weekend?
But then he says my son and Iwent to Yosemite and I didn't
have any reception. We leftFriday or whatever day that I
realized that I had stoppedhearing from him. And instantly
I was like, Oh, it's okay. LikeI felt better all of a sudden
right? But I went into this justtalking. I went into this being
(08:46):
my sarcastic smart aleck youknow, sharp tongue self. I went
into it not caring about reallywhat I said how I said when I
said it, because I wasn'tworried about trying to like
this person or this persontrying to like me so especially
because he wasn't like that. Oh,who is he like you what I mean,
it wasn't one of those evenphysical attractions for me. So
(09:08):
there was nothing pulling at meto make me feel like I needed to
be on top of my game. You gotreal deal Holyfield, Kyla. So
anywho chit chatting orwhatever. And we start hanging
out. So the first time heinvites me over, and this was on
some, this was on some realweird stuff. But he was telling
(09:30):
me... oh, I think it wascriminal now that I think about
it. He was telling me that helike drives this lady like
almost chauff- chauffeur ish.
Like, he drives this lady likeshe'll rent the car. He drives
her wherever He'll either waitor he'll come back return the
car and I'm just like, Okay, I'mlike, I'm about to see him on
first 48 or something.
Cecilia Rodriguez (09:51):
Like, what do you got goin on?
Kyla (09:53):
Yeah, so it was very weird, but he had told me that
the lady had got given him orgifted him. Like a really nice
bottle of wine mind you werechatting and getting to know
each other so he knows I likewine. He was like you want to
come try it with me? And I'mlike, hey, just asked me. Do you
want me to come over?
Cecilia Rodriguez (10:09):
Yeah. Yeah.
That was kinda smooth though.
Kyla (10:12):
It was, it was. I'll give it to him, I'll give it to him.
He was like, you want to cometry with me or whatever. And I'm
like, okay, cool. Again, notbeing normal Kyla. Normal Kyla
is you're not gonna know where Ilive. We're gonna meet in
public. This Kyla, I don't knowwho the hell she was. This Kyla
went to this man's house at dark30
Cecilia Rodriguez (10:31):
Oh, no!
Kyla (10:32):
To go drink wine. Like, girl just walk in there with
your panties in your hand,because that's what it looks
like. Right? So I get on thereand it was you and it was my, my
bestie Liz. Hey, y'all, if Idon't come back, this is what he
look like. This is where helives. This is the phone number.
I've been texting. Like, youknow, you give your girls all
(10:53):
the details. And you're like,I'll text you when I come up for
air, right? Yeah. So we getthere. And I'm like, you know,
hey, I'm here in where do I parkand so he lives in an apartment.
He comes out and he ends upmoving his car out of his stall
so that I can park in his stalland he goes and find somewhere
to park. Kudossss!
Cecilia Rodriguez (11:13):
Love that!
Kyla (11:14):
Kudos, right? Off the top.
So then we get in the house andhe actually had wine. It was not
that special. It was not thatspecial but I'm like it's okay.
And he's like, ends up being anAfrican man. So I'm hearing all
the accent I remember jokingabout he couldn't say Berkeley
Cecilia Rodriguez (11:32):
Oh! Because you hadn't talked to each other
on the phone or...?
Kyla (11:35):
We talked once or twice on the phone like voice we talked a
couple of times on the voiceI've heard the accent over the
phone was so I wasn't shocked inperson. But when you hear like
naked ear hear it, I was like,Dang. He really like you really
ain't from here, bro. So justhanging out, everything's cool
or whatever. He pours the wineglasses don't match like total
(11:59):
bachelor.
Cecilia Rodriguez (11:59):
Typical bachelor.
Kyla (12:00):
Exactly. He's washing them out before he gives them to me
which you don't even realize I'mOCD so I appreciate that. But
like total bachelor pad, he'sgot like random rugs and
different couches, big old TV,of course. But we sit down and
we have just good conversationagain. Like that's always been a
good thing for us. We always hadgood conversation. We could talk
(12:22):
about anything for ever right?
So sitting down or whateverhaving conversation we're chit
chatting and watching like TVish, a little bit drinking the
wine. And it's like, okay, wineis gone and it's like time to
figure out if you're gonna youknow, shit or get off the pot. I
ended up staying on the pot. AndI don't know why. Because again,
not normal Kyla move. I'm atyour house at dark 30 I'm doing
(12:46):
all these things I don'tnormally do. I stayed the night
at the man's house. I don't evenknow why. I think I was just
rolling with it. Like, oh, and Iremember was it the first time I
don't think it was the firsttime I went over there. that was
a couple times later. I wentover there with my hair. Like I
had my friend twist my hairbecause I'm natural. You got to
(13:06):
start that stuff the nightbefore. While it's wet. You got
to twist it up, put the producton there let it dry overnight.
Cecilia Rodriguez (13:13):
Cause it takes a day and a half to dry.
Kyla (13:14):
Mann. So I went to my friends and had her twist and it
was like okay, but Mimi. I'mabout to go see this dude like
how can I what can I do withthis hair? So put on my little
Erykah Badu boomp boomp wrappedit up and was like we gonna make
it work still just being myselfor whatever? It's not really
caring like I kind of like himnow I'm kinda digging him, but
(13:35):
I'm still okay walking away.
It's still fresh it's still new.
It is what it is. So spent thenight the first time. my panties
stayed on just for those who'swondering.
Cecilia Rodriguez (13:45):
No judgment.
Kyla (13:46):
No judgment cause the second time they came off. So
spent the night the first nightor whatever we get up in the
morning I slept on top of thebed jeans on shirt on on the
side of the bed because old Kylawas starting to come out like
wait a minute girl What are youdoing like got a little nervous
but it was like but I ain'tleaving now.
Cecilia Rodriguez (14:06):
Cause that's really vulnerable
Kyla (14:07):
Absolutely I don't know you you can chop me up you know
what I mean and I'd be done likeI just I don't know I'm out in
like Citrus Heights. I think atthe time I was living in South
Sac so like all my people is wayon the other side of the world.
So it kind of got like Ugh so Ikind of clammed a little bit but
finally went to sleep I reallyhad no problems going to sleep.
(14:28):
But then wake up in the morninghe's like Are you a coffee
drinker and I'm like, I likecoffee with my creamer and he
was like oh okay, I don't reallyhave... I got some instant
coffee but I don't have nocreamer And I was like, It's
okay. You know, don't worryabout it or whatever.
Cecilia Rodriguez (14:44):
So thoughtful!
Kyla (14:45):
Very! very, very thoughtful. And that was
something that every time afterthat went to stay the night I
woke up with a little Starbuckson the side of the bed because
he's an early riser and I am notand then I lived in South Sac
South Sac is hood. So it's like,you know, is that a gunshot or a
firework you never know. I'm outat his apartment in Citrus
Cecilia Rodriguez (15:04):
Awwwww, I just got chills! I mean, I knew
Heights. It's quiet. And it'scool because there's like a big
tree in front of his window. Andso I'm like snoozing every
morning, he gets up on theweekends and goes and gets his
son. And he's leaving me in theapartment by himself. But I have
my little Starbucks on the side.
He did get some creamer andinstant coffee, because he
didn't have a coffee maker. Butthat's cool. I appreciated the
(15:25):
thought. So all of those thingsjust started happening. And
continuing like it wasn't, I'mdoing this in the beginning, it
was just like, No every time,then it was like, here. I'm out
of coffee, but get you some onthe way to work. Because now, I
went from staying Fridays tocoming over on Saturdays or
Sunday, when he didn't want hedidn't have his son and stuff.
(15:46):
So I'm now leaving from workthat but it still gave me
chills!from Citrus Heights on my big
girl stuuuffff. You know. Butyeah, so it just, it just kind
of started to develop and become
Kyla (15:54):
But in hindsight, kind of looking at just all the things
something. And I'll say longstory short, we're getting
married October 6.
that I did in the verybeginning, I was my absolute
(16:15):
self. And I was comfortablebeing my absolute self, because
I did not care what was going tohappen afterwards. comfortable
in my skin and who I am and howI speak, how I look and all of
the things if I would have donethat a long time ago, I just
really wonder what would havehappened, what things I might
have missed out on what thingsthat would have maybe happened
(16:37):
differently or relationshipsbeen different if I was just
myself.
Cecilia Rodriguez (16:42):
When we know better we do better. Right?
Kyla (16:44):
That part, that part. So now you get Kyla and Kyla still
needs a little softeningsometimes.
Cecilia Rodriguez (16:53):
As we all do.
Kyla (16:55):
Sometimes you get a little too much Kyla. But I'm just me
now I'm just me now and I it. Ilike me, I like that I'm just
kind of carefree to a certaindegree. And with my circle with
my people I'm still me, but I'mlearning to be me in new spaces.
(17:17):
And if you like me, that'sgreat. If you don't, that's
cool. I'm not everybody's cup oftea. And I'm not here to be
everybody's cup of tea. BecauseI also know the me that I give
off is a lot I give 10 toes downme and if you like me like me
and if you don't your loss notmine, you know?
Cecilia Rodriguez (17:33):
Yeah, but can I can I offer another reframe
here? I don't think that all ofyou is a lot. I actually think
that you bringing all of you isunusual, which is why it can be
perceived as being a lot.
Kyla (17:49):
I like that outlook. I really do. Yeah, I just I really
feel like if I wasn't me,especially if anybody if anybody
knows my dude, he's probably waymore I could care less about the
fan the fancy the trendy thatyeah, you know what I mean he's
so he'd probably wear the samepair of pants if I didn't make
him change em. So it's like inthat aspect, we really just we
(18:12):
worked very well together. Andif I wasn't being me, I might
have missed my opportunity. Imight have missed my person. So
I don't know it's it's somethingthat has changed who I am or who
I want to be. It went fromcaring and trying to be others
(18:34):
to caring and be myself. Forsure. For sure. Most authentic
time of my life.
Cecilia Rodriguez (18:41):
I love that.
Kyla (18:43):
So yeah, pretty cool.
Pretty cool. Now I'm like, hey,no, take backs. Sorry. I like to
remind him, open the door and belike, Hey, by the way, you
picked this bro. You're welcome.
So yeah, when he walks into thekitchen, and I'm in there
dancing with a spatula in myhand, I'm like, It's all yours,
Baby. It's all yours!
Cecilia Rodriguez (19:05):
Big big thank you to Kyla for reminding us of
what's possible when we're braveenough to show up authentically.
Be sure to check out the podcastshow notes where you can find
the Modern Day Mirror Linktreefeaturing a direct link to our
Instagram with photos of Kylaand her boo, and more
information on how you can beour next guest on the podcast.
(19:25):
If you enjoyed today's episode,please leave us a rating
subscribe and share it with afriend. Thanks so much for being
here.
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