Financial Secrets in Relationships: Understanding Infidelity and Its Impact on Love and Money

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! I’m your host, Jim Grace, and I’m excited to share today’s episode—a deep dive into one of the most complex and sometimes overlooked aspects of couples and money: financial infidelity. If you’ve ever wondered what counts as a financial secret, how keeping money habits under wraps can impact a relationship, or how big the gap is between you and your partner’s approach to hidden spending, you won’t want to miss this episode.

Our guest today is a returning favorite, Dr. Jenny Olson, marketing professor at Indiana University's Kelley School of Business. If you caught our last conversation, you’ll remember her research on the benefits of merging finances and the factors that help couples create financial harmony. This time, she’s back to unpack her latest study, “Financial Infidelity Asymmetry Predicts Couples’ Financial and Relationship Well-Being,” and the results might surprise you.

5 Key Takeaways from the Episode

1. Financial Infidelity Is More Than Just Hiding Purchases
2. Dr. Jenny Olson defines financial infidelity as intentionally doing something with money you know your partner wouldn’t approve of, and hiding it. It’s not about every little purchase, but the concealment of actions you expect would cause conflict.
3. Asymmetry Predicts Relationship Health
4. The greater the gap between partners’ tendencies toward financial infidelity, the worse off the couple is—leading to less money, lower financial well-being, and decreased relationship satisfaction. Aligning values and habits is more important than just being thrifty.
5. Differences Aren’t Always Destructive—Unless They’re Secretive
6. Partners can have very different approaches to money (tightwad vs. spendthrift, saver vs. spender), but when these differences are out in the open, couples can thrive. The problem comes when one or both partners start hiding financial behavior.
7. Transparency and Planned Conversations Are Crucial
8. Touch base with your partner regularly about money—don’t just spring it on them when tensions are high. Scheduling money talks and setting clear parameters for what needs to be discussed helps keep communication healthy and nonjudgmental.
9. Joint Mindset Beats Scorekeeping
10. Healthy couples focus on “how can we work together?” instead of “who spent more?” Moving away from tit-for-tat or exchange norms toward a communal approach—“we’re on the same team”—makes it easier to address challenges and prevent financial secrets.

Resources Mentioned

• Dr.Jenny Olson’s website: http://www.jennyginolson.com/
• “Tightwads and Spendthrifts” by Scott Rick
• “Money Together” by the Boneparths

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this episode or you’re navigating finance in your own relationship, share it with your partner or anyone who might benefit. And remember, nothing you hear on the podcast is a substitute for personal financial advice—always consult your own advisors!

Catch us next time for more on financial wellness, or check out Dr. Jenny Olson’s research for more insights.