August 5, 2024 • 26 mins
In this episode of the Mom Owned and Operated podcast, Rita Suzanne and Angela Griffith discuss raising a family, running a business and remembering yourself.
A challenger of the status quo and a disruptor of what has always been, Angela Griffith is known as The Christian Sexpert to her thousands of social media followers. She has dedicated over 20 years to the study of human sexuality and God's design for sex. Her passion is coaching women to discover a healthier relationship with their God-given sexuality.
Angela's relationship with Jesus started at age 19 and while she wasn't raised in purity culture, she did get a heaping helping of it at college after her salvation experience. She has a unique perspective on how purity culture impacts marriages. She uses social media as a way to change the narrative from inside the house. She sees the damage of purity culture but knows that God tells us He wants us to have abundance in all areas of our lives – including sex.
She is a sex and intimacy coach and uses her social media platform to provide the sex education you wish you had received. She has created multiple products designed to improve the sexual and non-sexual intimacies in your marriage. She will have you reaching for pearls to clutch, make you laugh, make you blush, and make you search your Bible, asking, “Is she serious? It really says THAT?”
She and her husband have one child. She is a leader for the international women’s ministry Natural Christian Mommas, a homeschool mom, a lover of all things glitter, and ready to set you on a new path with your husband, telling you to, “Go have good sex!”
You can connect with Angela on her website, on TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Send a text message! Email, if you want a reply though. ;)
P.S. You can find more interviews at momownedandoperated.com and learn about working with Rita at ritasuzanne.com/apply/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, this is Mom Owned and Operated.
I am Rita, Suzanne, and today Ihave my guest Angela with me.
Angela, please tell everyoneall about you, your business and
your family.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hi, I'm Angela.
I'm the Christian sexpert.
I talk all about sex andintimacy, primarily in Christian
marriage, but you don't have tobe a Christian to follow me.
In fact, about half of myfollowers would claim no
particular faith at all, butthey all tell me that this is
the sex ed they wish they wouldhave gotten.
I have been married for over 20years.
(00:36):
We have one nine-year-old sonwith some extra needs that I
also homeschool, on top of beinga sex and intimacy coach and
influencer and public speaker.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I love it.
I love it.
I always feel like anybody whohomeschools on top of running a
business is just like so amazing, because it's so much work and,
as we all learned from beinghome with our kids during COVID,
like it's so crazy.
So how do you manage doing allof those things, especially, you
(01:07):
know, with a son that has someextra requirements?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Um, and as I have scaled it, I've always
prioritized, um, you know, myfamily and I've made sure that
the business fits around, um thestuff that I have going with my
family.
My husband is a truck driver.
Um, he's home most nights buthe's actually as we're recording
this.
His truck broke down in anotherstate yesterday and we don't
know when he's going to be home.
Oh no, um, it could be today,it could be next week, who knows
(01:53):
?
But because his job, he'llrandomly be home on like a
Tuesday.
He won't have a load.
And so that's great because,depending on what I've got going
on for the business, either youknow we're going to take off
and we're going to have a familyday at the zoo, or because you
know, with homeschooling we havethat flexibility, or if I have
meetings scheduled for that daythat he's off, he can take my
(02:14):
son out of the house, they cango on an adventure and I can
have all kinds of quiet, focusedtime to do administrative stuff
on my website or whatever.
I do a lot of work after my songoes to bed at night.
My husband goes to bed earlybecause of his job.
A lot of times he has to get upat one and two in the morning.
So I do a lot of working on mybusiness from like 930 to one
(02:39):
o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I feel like a lot of moms do that.
They do the juggle during theday and then they hustle on
their businesses at night.
And you know, it's just sosometimes can just be so
overwhelming and just.
But you know, we we just makeit happen because we want to
make our businesses workAbsolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Absolutely.
It's kind of I have found.
So I also have ADHD and I'vekind of found it's just kind of
pushing from one dopamine hit toanother, you know.
So I really struggle with thelike more mundane things like
working on my website, but if Ihave a big dopamine push of like
(03:25):
a video popping off on mysocials, I try and really funnel
that dopamine into doing themundane things that I've been
procrastinating.
So really figuring out thatpattern was helpful.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, yes, definitely .
So what inspired you to evenstart your business, especially
because it's a little bitcontroversial?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
It's a lot controversial, come on Sex and
Christianity.
It's a lot controversial andthat's why I started.
It was because I saw the damagethat purity culture did to
women and to marriages, and Isee the damage that certain
teachings within the church arestill doing the obligation, sex
(04:09):
message, the orgasm gap and Iknew that.
You know, my faith tells me Godhas better for us.
God wants us to enjoy sex, godwants us to be having good sex,
and so it was really like thereis better and I want to help
women and men as well, havebetter marriages, better sex.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, cause I?
I know some women who've beenmarried for a long time who,
just quite honestly, they don'teven orgasm with their husband
anymore, or if I have ever, andit's a very one-sided
relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
There is a massive orgasm gap in this country.
So let me pull up my statisticsso I'm talking about them
correctly.
So we've got 95% of men orgasmduring a sexual encounter with
their wives, versus 49% of womenwill orgasm during a sexual
encounter with their husbands.
And that doesn't make any senseto me, because we are the
(05:17):
multi-orgasmic creatures.
Men orgasm once and then.
They need hours to recover.
But we can go again and againand again.
There should be no orgasm gap,because it should be a five to
one women to men ratio.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah.
What do you think is causingthe gap in those situations?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
There's a lot of reasons.
So we know that research showsus that evangelical women have a
almost twice the rate of sexualdysfunction than
non-evangelical women.
Or put it another way, womenwho grew up in purity culture
will experience sexualdysfunction at almost twice the
rate, as someone who did not.
(05:58):
So sexual dysfunction for womencould look like things like
vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition whereif anything tries to enter the
vaginal canal, it involuntarilyspasms and closes up and makes
it incredibly painful.
There are some women who cannoteven use tampons because of
vaginismus.
So that's one of the leadingproblems with the orgasm gap.
(06:22):
Other things include, you know,religious trauma.
Things like you were taught.
Well, men is just for sex.
Women don't really need toenjoy it.
I even saw that there was aChristian sex therapist this
week who said women don't reallyneed to orgasm.
Are you kidding me?
(06:43):
Are you kidding me?
Me, in the year of our lord?
On Beyonce's internet, 2024, asex therapist is saying women do
not need to orgasm.
No, that is no.
And then that's a whole otherthing.
I can go for hours on that.
One reel it in.
(07:04):
There's also things like a lackof education.
A lot of my coaching calls Iget on with my client and I say
okay, do you know how to orgasm?
And they're like well.
I'm like okay, do you knowwhere your clit is?
And they're like well.
And I have to bring out mymodel, lovina Von Trapp, and
show, teach this 34-year-oldwoman where her clit is.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And so you know there's a lack of education.
So if she doesn't know, herhusband certainly isn't going to
know.
And there's things like theaverage man takes about 5.4
minutes in order to orgasm.
On average, about 80% or moreof women need 14 to 20 minutes
of direct clitoral stimulationin order to orgasm.
(07:48):
You are not going to get that14 to 20 minutes of direct
clitoral stimulation from themissionary position, which is
the go-to position for mostcouples.
And so now the couple thinksthat she's broken because five
minutes of poking does not gether there Right, and that's not.
She's not the problem.
Neither one of you areproviding her the stimulation
(08:11):
that she needs in order toorgasm.
So there's a lot of factorsthat can lead into the orgasm
gap.
Lack of education is one of thebiggest.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, I think, and then become, and then I think
that creates a disconnectbetween the couples right and
then neither one are reallyputting forth the effort in
order to make anything happen.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Well, and then she's coming to me and saying well, I
just have a low libido, whatkind of herbs can I take?
And I'm like babe, why wouldyou be interested in having sex
if you're not orgasming?
Why should you want to have sexif you're not orgasming?
And you know, then we get intothe obligation, sex messaging.
Well, my husband really needsit.
Does he, though?
Is he going to explode if hegoes for a week without an
(08:55):
orgasm, and that pressure of theobligation is going to further
suppress any libido that existswithin her body.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Well, she doesn't have to cheat on her, so then
she feels obligated to do itbecause of that more.
So then is he going to rightLike, explode, right exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Because you know, like the first thing that people
say is if they find out thathe's cheating or he's using
pornography as well, are yougiving him enough sex?
No, that has nothing to do withit.
Bad men, of bad character arethe ones who cheat.
Rate of orgasm has no effect oncheating.
If you look at the studies,it's bad character.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
It's moral, right it's.
Your morals are definitelymessed up.
Yes, I know because my secondhusband we got divorced because
he cheated on me, so I am sosorry.
Yeah, that was horrible, butyeah, it was the same thing.
And there was a disconnect inour sex life too, because he was
(09:59):
extremely selfish, did not careabout anybody but himself, and
I think that goes in in linewith a lot of men as well.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, so my, my, one of the pillars of my business is
healthy women in safe marriagesdo not turn down good sex for
no reason, and so if a couple ishaving a sexual disconnect, I
want to look at that phrase andsee where the disconnect is
happening.
Healthy women so is there somesort of depression, anxiety,
(10:33):
purity, culture, trauma?
Is there some sort of hormonalimbalance?
Is she pregnant, nursing,postpartum?
You know all of those things insafe marriages.
So do you feel safe with yourhusband?
Is he, you know?
Do you sense that he is usingsex to prep up his ego?
Is he using sex to achieveintimacy rather than engaging in
(10:58):
the intimacy that is necessaryfor good sex, right?
So we know that intimacy?
So sex is supposed to be thecelebration of intimacy that
you've already establishedbefore you've ever reached the
bedroom, whereas a lot of menhave been raised and socialized
that, you know, real men don'thave feelings.
Real men, you know, don't cry,whatever, and it takes an
(11:22):
intense level of vulnerabilityto experience real, true,
emotional intimacy, and that isterrifying to a man who has not
been raised and socialized tounderstand that.
And so they use sex as a way tofeel connected rather than
doing the work that is requiredto feel connected so that they
can have sex and have the realintimacy that comes from truly
(11:46):
vulnerable intimacy, sex rightand then going back to healthy
women, safe marriages.
Don't turn down good sex for noreason.
Is he good in bed?
Are you you orgasming, or is hejust really selfish?
Does he care about yourpleasure and your orgasm Right?
So you can pin almost any sortof sexual disconnect to one of
(12:11):
those issues in that phrase.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
So if someone is in a marriage like that and they're
having some issues, what do yourecommend to them?
What would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Get into therapy or coaching with someone like me
who does sex coaching to helpyou identify where the breakdown
is happening and make a plan toremedy that breakdown.
So I have a Excuse me.
I have a holistic healthpractitioner.
So if I talk to you and I don'tthink like you, you know we
(12:50):
established that the marriage ishealthy, you are safe within
the marriage and I'm like, well,I really think that this could
be hormones.
I have a holistic healthpractitioner that I will refer
you to to check your hormones.
Right hormones right?
If it's, you guys are notestablishing intimacy before you
(13:10):
ever reach the bedroom.
I hope you make a plan tointentionally work on the
non-sexual intimacies so thatsex becomes the natural overflow
of the other intimacies,because there's actually 12
different types of intimacy wecan experience in marriage and
sex is the one of those that isthe overflow of when all the
other ones are created andexperienced.
(13:33):
So I help couples make thatplan to identify where the
breakdown is happening andremedy it is happening and
remedy it.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
It's so interesting to me because I was just
thinking I don't even understandwhy this is even controversial
at all.
Like you're having sex withyour partner, like this is your
spouse, why is this even evencontroversial or taboo?
Or why is why are you gettinglike these haters or any issues
at all?
I don't understand that hatersor any issues at all.
I don't understand that Becauseyou're advocating for women to
(14:10):
actually speak up for themselves.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yes, because I challenge, especially in the
evangelical church.
There is this messaging aboutyou know, the Bible says do not
deprive.
You cannot deprive your husband.
Men need sex every three days.
God created men to need sexevery three days, need sex every
three days.
God created men to need sexevery three days.
And those verses are beingtaken out of context and
weaponized against women.
(14:31):
And when I teach about theactual historical and cultural
context of those verses andchallenge what has been taught
for years and years within thechurch, men suddenly think well,
if she's allowed to say no tome, I will never have sex again.
Because there's this narrative,both within the church and
(14:52):
within the larger Americanculture, that women just don't
like sex.
And that's not true.
Women are just not allowed toexpress our sexuality in the
same way that men are.
Men are expected to be thisvirile sexual being and his ego
rests on his sexualaccomplishments.
Women are supposed to be thesevirginal, you know, not
(15:18):
interested in sex at all untilyou get married.
And then, once you're married,you're supposed to be the sex
goddess, fulfilling his everywhim, totally dedicated to his
sexuality.
And so our sexuality issilenced from the time that
we're teenagers, right,especially in the evangelical
church, 12-year-old girls aretold to cover up their shoulders
lest a grown man lust afterthem.
(15:39):
So our sexualities have beensilenced from the time that
we're teenagers and just revolvearound male sexuality.
And my messaging threatens thatstatus quo, because these men
have created the system wherewomen are obligated to have sex
with them and they think if shehas a choice she won't want to
have sex with me, so I have tomake sure that she's still
(16:03):
obligated to have sex with me soI can continue to have the sex
that I want.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
I mean I mean, yeah, it's really sad that you know,
making them step up and actuallytreat their partner like an
equal and care about thepartner's satisfaction is really
like threatens them and theirmanhood so much really like,
threatens them and their manhoodso much it's.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It's and you can tell in my comments when a man is
not a bad man, he just was nevertaught any better and he's
trying to learn and do betterversus the truly selfish men who
don't want to have to put inthe work of real vulnerable
intimacy to build a saferelationship with their wife and
they are just in it for theirown orgasm and not having to do
(16:51):
any work or emotional labor.
You can tell the difference.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
That's really sad, okay, so one thing that I like
to talk about or I want to talkabout is what are like to talk
about or I want to talk about iswhat are?
We're going to be just slightlyaway from like the actual
aspects of your business andtalk more about the day-to-day
operations.
What are some of the thingsthat you use in your business
(17:17):
that are helping you kind ofmanage everything?
Like do you have a favoriteproject management system?
Like what are you using?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So one of the big things that I talk about when I
talk about the business of mybusiness is I'm a content
creator.
I start when I started.
I started as a content creator.
I'm an influencer, publicspeaker, and when I first
started I did not have a way ofkind of indexing my content,
(17:48):
right, because I will.
I get the same questions overand over and over and it's great
for me to make new videos allthe time answering those same
questions in a chat with aclient and I just want to be
able to send her a video whereI've explained this thing 750
(18:10):
times.
Right, and I didn't.
I would.
I would be like, oh, I justposted a video about this two
weeks ago and now I have to likescroll my content and figure
out where it is.
So I started using MicrosoftOneNote as a way to create a
content index for myself.
So on the left side of thescreen is my sort of meta topics
.
So I will have topics likeactually I have it up on my
(18:33):
other screen here, so justreading through them, I've got
things about like oral sex,orgasms, the orgasm gap,
ovulation, hormones, parenting,bringing novelty into the
bedroom, breaking down specificverses like where I talk about,
like oral sex, is referenced inthe Bible, the verse about do
(18:53):
not deprive right, and so underthose meta concepts I have the
smaller concepts that would bewithin it.
So like I have one that's forbooks.
And so every time I talk abouta marriage book or the book like
, she comes first, that's in mylike smaller concepts, and then
I drop the links to my videosunder those other concepts with
(19:14):
the date that I posted it.
So if a client asks me, hey,what do you think about the book
, she comes first, no-transcript, and they can watch it and I
don't have to answer thequestion again.
(19:35):
And the other thing that thisdoes for me is I post videos
three times a day, and a lot oftimes I will, because my niche
is sex and intimacy.
I don't record content when myson is in my house house, my
(19:57):
husband takes our son out of thehouse so he does not overhear
anything I'm talking about,which means at once.
I have to record all of mycontent for the week once a week
.
So on Saturday or Sunday I'mrecording at least 21 videos,
right, and so I might record alike trending music, something
with no idea how I'm going touse it.
So after I record it, you know,over the next couple of days
(20:19):
I'm going to sit down with myindex and I'm going to scroll
through that for inspiration,for that trending sound, and
then I'm going to add my text soI can post it.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Right, I love that.
That's.
I absolutely love that.
That is so smart because thenyou can share it.
And back back in the day, backin the Odin days, everybody used
to say all the coaches wouldsay you know, make your, make a
blog post and share the blogposts.
But now that we're everybody'smaking content based on their
(20:52):
specialty, it's share yourcontent so that the the answer.
You can answer all of thequestions for the client or the
prospect or whomever, and Ithink that that way of keeping
it organized is structured, isbrilliant and it helps you save
time and keeps things organizedfor you in multiple ways.
(21:12):
So I love that you shared that.
Next thing is what are youlistening to or reading right
now?
This could be personal orbusiness or both.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I am.
So I do mostly audio booksbecause the ADHD is strong.
So I am listening to PowerMoves by Sarah Jakes Roberts
because I will be speaking ather conference come September.
She does a women's conferenceevery fall, women Evolve in
Texas.
It's this year.
(21:44):
50,000 women will be inattendance and I am speaking at
the conference and so, asidefrom just loving her as an
author and speaker, I was like Ishould be familiar with her
work.
So I am listening to PowerMoves and it has.
(22:06):
I highly recommend everybodylisten to it because she's
talking about moving in powerand getting rid of the things
that like the beliefs and thesystems that are holding us back
, and it's been mind blowing.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I love it.
I'm going to have to add thatto my list to check out.
I have not listened to it andI'm going to check it out.
And again, congratulations onbeing a speaker, in that.
I'm so excited for you.
I'm looking forward to that,okay, so last question that I
always ask all of my guests andand that is what are you doing
(22:36):
for yourself?
That's something that I alwayslove to ask all of my guests,
right?
What are you doing forself-care for you?
Because as we become moms andwives and business owners, we
often neglect ourselves.
So what are you doing for you,angela?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
With my busy life, it can be really easy for me to
and especially ADHD objectpermanence right it can be easy
for me to forget to connect withmy friends and I'll go weeks
without having actually talkedto one of my friends or
something.
And so we also.
(23:15):
A lot of my friends are boardgame fanatics, and I myself am
one of them, and so there's thiswebsite called
boardgamearenacom where you canplay all kinds of board games
online with your friends, and soa bunch of my friends and I got
memberships and so we've beenplaying board games together
(23:38):
online and you can play when youhave just like a few minutes.
But something that we will dois we will get onto FaceTime and
like play in real time againsteach other, and that has been so
amazing to.
It gives us a reason, right,not like I need a reason to
connect with my friends, but asbusy moms, sometimes you're like
I need the reason, you know.
(24:02):
So it gives us a reason toconnect, to take an hour on
FaceTime together, play someboard games, have that time to
be in each other's faces.
So that has been amazing for melately.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I love that.
I love it because I and I getthat, because for me, going to
the gym is that's, that's thetime that I go and I see my
friends, right, Like all myfriends are at the gym, and so
that's my reason.
Right To go to the gym is tosee all of them, and so it's
almost like it works hand inhand the accountability, but
(24:40):
also I get to hang out with themand it's the most fun and also
gets my mind off of all of thebusiness things and all of the
kid things and all of thepressures and the stresses and
all of the life situations.
So where can everyone find you?
Where are you hanging out?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
My website is thechristiansexpertcom and all
of my socials are linked there.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Okay, do you have a Facebook group or anything like
that, or no?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I do not have a Facebook group but I do have a
private Patreon community and Itell people that's where I teach
all the spicy things I can'tteach on regular socials.
So things like positions, kinkystuff, role plays, toys, all of
that stuff is available in myprivate Patreon community and
that's where I have theopportunity to kind of connect
(25:30):
with people a little bit deeperthan I can on regular socials
without risking losing myaccount.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I love it.
That is so amazing.
It's been such a pleasurechatting with you.
Thank you so much for takingthe time and jumping on this
call with me.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Thank you for inviting me.
It was wonderful.
Hi, this is Mom Owned and Operated.
I am Rita, Suzanne, and today Ihave my guest Angela with me.
Angela, please tell everyoneall about you, your business and
your family.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hi, I'm Angela.
I'm the Christian sexpert.
I talk all about sex andintimacy, primarily in Christian
marriage, but you don't have tobe a Christian to follow me.
In fact, about half of myfollowers would claim no
particular faith at all, butthey all tell me that this is
the sex ed they wish they wouldhave gotten.
I have been married for over 20years.
(00:36):
We have one nine-year-old sonwith some extra needs that I
also homeschool, on top of beinga sex and intimacy coach and
influencer and public speaker.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I love it.
I love it.
I always feel like anybody whohomeschools on top of running a
business is just like so amazing, because it's so much work and,
as we all learned from beinghome with our kids during COVID,
like it's so crazy.
So how do you manage doing allof those things, especially, you
(01:07):
know, with a son that has someextra requirements?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Um, and as I have scaled it, I've always
prioritized, um, you know, myfamily and I've made sure that
the business fits around, um thestuff that I have going with my
family.
My husband is a truck driver.
Um, he's home most nights buthe's actually as we're recording
this.
His truck broke down in anotherstate yesterday and we don't
know when he's going to be home.
Oh no, um, it could be today,it could be next week, who knows
(01:53):
?
But because his job, he'llrandomly be home on like a
Tuesday.
He won't have a load.
And so that's great because,depending on what I've got going
on for the business, either youknow we're going to take off
and we're going to have a familyday at the zoo, or because you
know, with homeschooling we havethat flexibility, or if I have
meetings scheduled for that daythat he's off, he can take my
(02:14):
son out of the house, they cango on an adventure and I can
have all kinds of quiet, focusedtime to do administrative stuff
on my website or whatever.
I do a lot of work after my songoes to bed at night.
My husband goes to bed earlybecause of his job.
A lot of times he has to get upat one and two in the morning.
So I do a lot of working on mybusiness from like 930 to one
(02:39):
o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I feel like a lot of moms do that.
They do the juggle during theday and then they hustle on
their businesses at night.
And you know, it's just sosometimes can just be so
overwhelming and just.
But you know, we we just makeit happen because we want to
make our businesses workAbsolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Absolutely.
It's kind of I have found.
So I also have ADHD and I'vekind of found it's just kind of
pushing from one dopamine hit toanother, you know.
So I really struggle with thelike more mundane things like
working on my website, but if Ihave a big dopamine push of like
(03:25):
a video popping off on mysocials, I try and really funnel
that dopamine into doing themundane things that I've been
procrastinating.
So really figuring out thatpattern was helpful.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, yes, definitely .
So what inspired you to evenstart your business, especially
because it's a little bitcontroversial?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
It's a lot controversial, come on Sex and
Christianity.
It's a lot controversial andthat's why I started.
It was because I saw the damagethat purity culture did to
women and to marriages, and Isee the damage that certain
teachings within the church arestill doing the obligation, sex
(04:09):
message, the orgasm gap and Iknew that.
You know, my faith tells me Godhas better for us.
God wants us to enjoy sex, godwants us to be having good sex,
and so it was really like thereis better and I want to help
women and men as well, havebetter marriages, better sex.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, cause I?
I know some women who've beenmarried for a long time who,
just quite honestly, they don'teven orgasm with their husband
anymore, or if I have ever, andit's a very one-sided
relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
There is a massive orgasm gap in this country.
So let me pull up my statisticsso I'm talking about them
correctly.
So we've got 95% of men orgasmduring a sexual encounter with
their wives, versus 49% of womenwill orgasm during a sexual
encounter with their husbands.
And that doesn't make any senseto me, because we are the
(05:17):
multi-orgasmic creatures.
Men orgasm once and then.
They need hours to recover.
But we can go again and againand again.
There should be no orgasm gap,because it should be a five to
one women to men ratio.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah.
What do you think is causingthe gap in those situations?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
There's a lot of reasons.
So we know that research showsus that evangelical women have a
almost twice the rate of sexualdysfunction than
non-evangelical women.
Or put it another way, womenwho grew up in purity culture
will experience sexualdysfunction at almost twice the
rate, as someone who did not.
(05:58):
So sexual dysfunction for womencould look like things like
vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition whereif anything tries to enter the
vaginal canal, it involuntarilyspasms and closes up and makes
it incredibly painful.
There are some women who cannoteven use tampons because of
vaginismus.
So that's one of the leadingproblems with the orgasm gap.
(06:22):
Other things include, you know,religious trauma.
Things like you were taught.
Well, men is just for sex.
Women don't really need toenjoy it.
I even saw that there was aChristian sex therapist this
week who said women don't reallyneed to orgasm.
Are you kidding me?
(06:43):
Are you kidding me?
Me, in the year of our lord?
On Beyonce's internet, 2024, asex therapist is saying women do
not need to orgasm.
No, that is no.
And then that's a whole otherthing.
I can go for hours on that.
One reel it in.
(07:04):
There's also things like a lackof education.
A lot of my coaching calls Iget on with my client and I say
okay, do you know how to orgasm?
And they're like well.
I'm like okay, do you knowwhere your clit is?
And they're like well.
And I have to bring out mymodel, lovina Von Trapp, and
show, teach this 34-year-oldwoman where her clit is.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And so you know there's a lack of education.
So if she doesn't know, herhusband certainly isn't going to
know.
And there's things like theaverage man takes about 5.4
minutes in order to orgasm.
On average, about 80% or moreof women need 14 to 20 minutes
of direct clitoral stimulationin order to orgasm.
(07:48):
You are not going to get that14 to 20 minutes of direct
clitoral stimulation from themissionary position, which is
the go-to position for mostcouples.
And so now the couple thinksthat she's broken because five
minutes of poking does not gether there Right, and that's not.
She's not the problem.
Neither one of you areproviding her the stimulation
(08:11):
that she needs in order toorgasm.
So there's a lot of factorsthat can lead into the orgasm
gap.
Lack of education is one of thebiggest.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, I think, and then become, and then I think
that creates a disconnectbetween the couples right and
then neither one are reallyputting forth the effort in
order to make anything happen.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Well, and then she's coming to me and saying well, I
just have a low libido, whatkind of herbs can I take?
And I'm like babe, why wouldyou be interested in having sex
if you're not orgasming?
Why should you want to have sexif you're not orgasming?
And you know, then we get intothe obligation, sex messaging.
Well, my husband really needsit.
Does he, though?
Is he going to explode if hegoes for a week without an
(08:55):
orgasm, and that pressure of theobligation is going to further
suppress any libido that existswithin her body.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Well, she doesn't have to cheat on her, so then
she feels obligated to do itbecause of that more.
So then is he going to rightLike, explode, right exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Because you know, like the first thing that people
say is if they find out thathe's cheating or he's using
pornography as well, are yougiving him enough sex?
No, that has nothing to do withit.
Bad men, of bad character arethe ones who cheat.
Rate of orgasm has no effect oncheating.
If you look at the studies,it's bad character.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
It's moral, right it's.
Your morals are definitelymessed up.
Yes, I know because my secondhusband we got divorced because
he cheated on me, so I am sosorry.
Yeah, that was horrible, butyeah, it was the same thing.
And there was a disconnect inour sex life too, because he was
(09:59):
extremely selfish, did not careabout anybody but himself, and
I think that goes in in linewith a lot of men as well.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, so my, my, one of the pillars of my business is
healthy women in safe marriagesdo not turn down good sex for
no reason, and so if a couple ishaving a sexual disconnect, I
want to look at that phrase andsee where the disconnect is
happening.
Healthy women so is there somesort of depression, anxiety,
(10:33):
purity, culture, trauma?
Is there some sort of hormonalimbalance?
Is she pregnant, nursing,postpartum?
You know all of those things insafe marriages.
So do you feel safe with yourhusband?
Is he, you know?
Do you sense that he is usingsex to prep up his ego?
Is he using sex to achieveintimacy rather than engaging in
(10:58):
the intimacy that is necessaryfor good sex, right?
So we know that intimacy?
So sex is supposed to be thecelebration of intimacy that
you've already establishedbefore you've ever reached the
bedroom, whereas a lot of menhave been raised and socialized
that, you know, real men don'thave feelings.
Real men, you know, don't cry,whatever, and it takes an
(11:22):
intense level of vulnerabilityto experience real, true,
emotional intimacy, and that isterrifying to a man who has not
been raised and socialized tounderstand that.
And so they use sex as a way tofeel connected rather than
doing the work that is requiredto feel connected so that they
can have sex and have the realintimacy that comes from truly
(11:46):
vulnerable intimacy, sex rightand then going back to healthy
women, safe marriages.
Don't turn down good sex for noreason.
Is he good in bed?
Are you you orgasming, or is hejust really selfish?
Does he care about yourpleasure and your orgasm Right?
So you can pin almost any sortof sexual disconnect to one of
(12:11):
those issues in that phrase.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
So if someone is in a marriage like that and they're
having some issues, what do yourecommend to them?
What would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Get into therapy or coaching with someone like me
who does sex coaching to helpyou identify where the breakdown
is happening and make a plan toremedy that breakdown.
So I have a Excuse me.
I have a holistic healthpractitioner.
So if I talk to you and I don'tthink like you, you know we
(12:50):
established that the marriage ishealthy, you are safe within
the marriage and I'm like, well,I really think that this could
be hormones.
I have a holistic healthpractitioner that I will refer
you to to check your hormones.
Right hormones right?
If it's, you guys are notestablishing intimacy before you
(13:10):
ever reach the bedroom.
I hope you make a plan tointentionally work on the
non-sexual intimacies so thatsex becomes the natural overflow
of the other intimacies,because there's actually 12
different types of intimacy wecan experience in marriage and
sex is the one of those that isthe overflow of when all the
other ones are created andexperienced.
(13:33):
So I help couples make thatplan to identify where the
breakdown is happening andremedy it is happening and
remedy it.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
It's so interesting to me because I was just
thinking I don't even understandwhy this is even controversial
at all.
Like you're having sex withyour partner, like this is your
spouse, why is this even evencontroversial or taboo?
Or why is why are you gettinglike these haters or any issues
at all?
I don't understand that hatersor any issues at all.
I don't understand that Becauseyou're advocating for women to
(14:10):
actually speak up for themselves.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yes, because I challenge, especially in the
evangelical church.
There is this messaging aboutyou know, the Bible says do not
deprive.
You cannot deprive your husband.
Men need sex every three days.
God created men to need sexevery three days, need sex every
three days.
God created men to need sexevery three days.
And those verses are beingtaken out of context and
weaponized against women.
(14:31):
And when I teach about theactual historical and cultural
context of those verses andchallenge what has been taught
for years and years within thechurch, men suddenly think well,
if she's allowed to say no tome, I will never have sex again.
Because there's this narrative,both within the church and
(14:52):
within the larger Americanculture, that women just don't
like sex.
And that's not true.
Women are just not allowed toexpress our sexuality in the
same way that men are.
Men are expected to be thisvirile sexual being and his ego
rests on his sexualaccomplishments.
Women are supposed to be thesevirginal, you know, not
(15:18):
interested in sex at all untilyou get married.
And then, once you're married,you're supposed to be the sex
goddess, fulfilling his everywhim, totally dedicated to his
sexuality.
And so our sexuality issilenced from the time that
we're teenagers, right,especially in the evangelical
church, 12-year-old girls aretold to cover up their shoulders
lest a grown man lust afterthem.
(15:39):
So our sexualities have beensilenced from the time that
we're teenagers and just revolvearound male sexuality.
And my messaging threatens thatstatus quo, because these men
have created the system wherewomen are obligated to have sex
with them and they think if shehas a choice she won't want to
have sex with me, so I have tomake sure that she's still
(16:03):
obligated to have sex with me soI can continue to have the sex
that I want.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
I mean I mean, yeah, it's really sad that you know,
making them step up and actuallytreat their partner like an
equal and care about thepartner's satisfaction is really
like threatens them and theirmanhood so much really like,
threatens them and their manhoodso much it's.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It's and you can tell in my comments when a man is
not a bad man, he just was nevertaught any better and he's
trying to learn and do betterversus the truly selfish men who
don't want to have to put inthe work of real vulnerable
intimacy to build a saferelationship with their wife and
they are just in it for theirown orgasm and not having to do
(16:51):
any work or emotional labor.
You can tell the difference.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
That's really sad, okay, so one thing that I like
to talk about or I want to talkabout is what are like to talk
about or I want to talk about iswhat are?
We're going to be just slightlyaway from like the actual
aspects of your business andtalk more about the day-to-day
operations.
What are some of the thingsthat you use in your business
(17:17):
that are helping you kind ofmanage everything?
Like do you have a favoriteproject management system?
Like what are you using?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So one of the big things that I talk about when I
talk about the business of mybusiness is I'm a content
creator.
I start when I started.
I started as a content creator.
I'm an influencer, publicspeaker, and when I first
started I did not have a way ofkind of indexing my content,
(17:48):
right, because I will.
I get the same questions overand over and over and it's great
for me to make new videos allthe time answering those same
questions in a chat with aclient and I just want to be
able to send her a video whereI've explained this thing 750
(18:10):
times.
Right, and I didn't.
I would.
I would be like, oh, I justposted a video about this two
weeks ago and now I have to likescroll my content and figure
out where it is.
So I started using MicrosoftOneNote as a way to create a
content index for myself.
So on the left side of thescreen is my sort of meta topics
.
So I will have topics likeactually I have it up on my
(18:33):
other screen here, so justreading through them, I've got
things about like oral sex,orgasms, the orgasm gap,
ovulation, hormones, parenting,bringing novelty into the
bedroom, breaking down specificverses like where I talk about,
like oral sex, is referenced inthe Bible, the verse about do
(18:53):
not deprive right, and so underthose meta concepts I have the
smaller concepts that would bewithin it.
So like I have one that's forbooks.
And so every time I talk abouta marriage book or the book like
, she comes first, that's in mylike smaller concepts, and then
I drop the links to my videosunder those other concepts with
(19:14):
the date that I posted it.
So if a client asks me, hey,what do you think about the book
, she comes first, no-transcript, and they can watch it and I
don't have to answer thequestion again.
(19:35):
And the other thing that thisdoes for me is I post videos
three times a day, and a lot oftimes I will, because my niche
is sex and intimacy.
I don't record content when myson is in my house house, my
(19:57):
husband takes our son out of thehouse so he does not overhear
anything I'm talking about,which means at once.
I have to record all of mycontent for the week once a week
.
So on Saturday or Sunday I'mrecording at least 21 videos,
right, and so I might record alike trending music, something
with no idea how I'm going touse it.
So after I record it, you know,over the next couple of days
(20:19):
I'm going to sit down with myindex and I'm going to scroll
through that for inspiration,for that trending sound, and
then I'm going to add my text soI can post it.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Right, I love that.
That's.
I absolutely love that.
That is so smart because thenyou can share it.
And back back in the day, backin the Odin days, everybody used
to say all the coaches wouldsay you know, make your, make a
blog post and share the blogposts.
But now that we're everybody'smaking content based on their
(20:52):
specialty, it's share yourcontent so that the the answer.
You can answer all of thequestions for the client or the
prospect or whomever, and Ithink that that way of keeping
it organized is structured, isbrilliant and it helps you save
time and keeps things organizedfor you in multiple ways.
(21:12):
So I love that you shared that.
Next thing is what are youlistening to or reading right
now?
This could be personal orbusiness or both.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I am.
So I do mostly audio booksbecause the ADHD is strong.
So I am listening to PowerMoves by Sarah Jakes Roberts
because I will be speaking ather conference come September.
She does a women's conferenceevery fall, women Evolve in
Texas.
It's this year.
(21:44):
50,000 women will be inattendance and I am speaking at
the conference and so, asidefrom just loving her as an
author and speaker, I was like Ishould be familiar with her
work.
So I am listening to PowerMoves and it has.
(22:06):
I highly recommend everybodylisten to it because she's
talking about moving in powerand getting rid of the things
that like the beliefs and thesystems that are holding us back
, and it's been mind blowing.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I love it.
I'm going to have to add thatto my list to check out.
I have not listened to it andI'm going to check it out.
And again, congratulations onbeing a speaker, in that.
I'm so excited for you.
I'm looking forward to that,okay, so last question that I
always ask all of my guests andand that is what are you doing
(22:36):
for yourself?
That's something that I alwayslove to ask all of my guests,
right?
What are you doing forself-care for you?
Because as we become moms andwives and business owners, we
often neglect ourselves.
So what are you doing for you,angela?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
With my busy life, it can be really easy for me to
and especially ADHD objectpermanence right it can be easy
for me to forget to connect withmy friends and I'll go weeks
without having actually talkedto one of my friends or
something.
And so we also.
(23:15):
A lot of my friends are boardgame fanatics, and I myself am
one of them, and so there's thiswebsite called
boardgamearenacom where you canplay all kinds of board games
online with your friends, and soa bunch of my friends and I got
memberships and so we've beenplaying board games together
(23:38):
online and you can play when youhave just like a few minutes.
But something that we will dois we will get onto FaceTime and
like play in real time againsteach other, and that has been so
amazing to.
It gives us a reason, right,not like I need a reason to
connect with my friends, but asbusy moms, sometimes you're like
I need the reason, you know.
(24:02):
So it gives us a reason toconnect, to take an hour on
FaceTime together, play someboard games, have that time to
be in each other's faces.
So that has been amazing for melately.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I love that.
I love it because I and I getthat, because for me, going to
the gym is that's, that's thetime that I go and I see my
friends, right, Like all myfriends are at the gym, and so
that's my reason.
Right To go to the gym is tosee all of them, and so it's
almost like it works hand inhand the accountability, but
(24:40):
also I get to hang out with themand it's the most fun and also
gets my mind off of all of thebusiness things and all of the
kid things and all of thepressures and the stresses and
all of the life situations.
So where can everyone find you?
Where are you hanging out?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
My website is thechristiansexpertcom and all
of my socials are linked there.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Okay, do you have a Facebook group or anything like
that, or no?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I do not have a Facebook group but I do have a
private Patreon community and Itell people that's where I teach
all the spicy things I can'tteach on regular socials.
So things like positions, kinkystuff, role plays, toys, all of
that stuff is available in myprivate Patreon community and
that's where I have theopportunity to kind of connect
(25:30):
with people a little bit deeperthan I can on regular socials
without risking losing myaccount.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I love it.
That is so amazing.
It's been such a pleasurechatting with you.
Thank you so much for takingthe time and jumping on this
call with me.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Thank you for inviting me.
It was wonderful.
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