November 3, 2024 • 19 mins
Imagine standing in a grocery store, faced with a choice that tests your integrity when no one's watching. I'll share how this moment and other personal experiences from my 30 years as a single mom have shaped my understanding of integrity in parenting. Together, we'll explore how crucial it is to uphold strong moral principles and set an example for our children, showing them the power of honesty and transparency. Learn why embracing the title of "single mom" is not just about acceptance but also about finding strength in integrity, even through life's challenges.
But that's not all—we'll also unravel the art of critical thinking and why it's indispensable for single moms steering their households. Discover how taking charge as the head of your family can empower you to break free from societal expectations and lead with confidence. I'll offer a glimpse into transforming the "impossible" into achievable milestones in our lives. Let's create a supportive community where single moms can connect, share, and grow. Join the conversation, reach out with your thoughts, and let's support each other in this remarkable journey of single motherhood.
https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United
podcast.
If this is your first timejoining, welcome If you are a
repeat listener.
Thank you for your time andyour loyalty.
Now keep in mind it's not abouthow you arrived at the single
mom title, it's all about whatyou do with it.
(00:27):
You either acquired it bychoice or by divorce, but at the
end of the day, it's up to youto own your title mom, and it's
okay to be called a single mom.
You know how I'm now BecauseI'm a single mom and I've been a
single mom let's see, 30 plusyears.
(00:48):
How about that?
It was difficult, but I'mgrateful for where my kids are
and where I am today, because Iknow it's not because I'm a
perfect mom and there were timesI was a bad mom, but I'm
thankful all of the bad andimperfectness turned out that
(01:08):
some good things happenedthrough that journey, through
that experience.
And that's what this is allabout is sharing with you,
paying for my own experiences asa single mom and also invite
critical thinking To me.
That's what separates thispodcast from others.
By the time this episode isover, I'm hoping you say, hmm,
(01:35):
can I apply that to my life?
Can I apply this to my ownparenting skills.
Because why is it important?
Mom, you're no longer just amom, you're no longer just a
nurturer, you're a provider,you're a leader.
Okay, and until you get into arelationship, your title changes
(02:00):
.
You have to own it.
You have to own it as a singlemom.
These past few episodes I'vebeen talking about the letter I
and extracting words that linkback to the letter I and what it
means as it relates toparenting, and so today I'm
(02:21):
going to talk about integrity.
Ooh, that's a big one.
That is a big one.
So when I look it up and say,well, how does Webster's or
Google define integrity?
The definition that I found isintegrity is the quality of
(02:41):
having strong moral principlesand uncompromisingly adhering to
them.
Integrity can be defined as thepractice of doing the right
thing all the time.
It is doing what is morallyright.
My definition is how yourespond when no one is looking,
(03:05):
because that's real integrity.
It's easy to be honest andupfront when someone's looking
at you, but when you by yourselfand the opportunity presents
itself to not practice integrity, how do you respond to that?
Once upon a time ago, way backwhen, I had a few integrity
(03:29):
issues.
One was before I had my kids.
As a Christian, I do believe inGod and I do believe he
disciplined us when we misbehave.
And one example of me having anintegrity issue, notice.
I said one because, listen, I'mjust going to be real with you
(03:50):
all, ladies.
I mean, there's no reason tosugarcoat things.
We're talking about real lifehere, is it right?
No, but it's up to us to betransparent when it comes to
some things.
But anyway, all right, sorry, Igot off the highway again.
I'm getting back on.
But once upon a time I waschecking out at a grocery store
(04:13):
and I had given the cashier themoney to pay for my items and
sis gave me my change back andshe gave me an extra 10.
So I'm like, oh okay, it ain'tmy fault, she don't know how to
count.
But here's the thing and Ibelieve this, I honestly believe
(04:35):
this the whooping I got fromGod.
I went right out that store,happy-go-lucky, thinking I got
ahead because sis made an errorin giving me my change.
And I promise you, ladies, Iwent right out there and got a
ticket.
So not only did I have to paythat $10 that I got, that I
(04:58):
received an error, but I had toadd five more tens to it because
that ticket was $60.
And, of course, this was 30years plus ago, but I had to end
up paying it back.
And then some, and I thank Godfor the whooping right, because
I knew better.
I should have told her you gaveme too much change.
(05:23):
Shame on me.
Shame on me, I didn't do it.
And so, as a result of that, Igot my whooping and I accepted.
As a single mom and as we areparents over our children, we
have to practice integrity.
(05:43):
We have to be honest.
We have to have that discussionwith our children, why they're
watching, they're listening,they're mimicking everything we
do.
Well, I saw mama do it, sonothing happened to her.
So I'm going to go out here anddo it too.
(06:04):
No, no, no, no.
Just because you don't see therepercussions of what happened
to me doesn't mean that nothinghappened, okay.
So, moms, I would implore youif there is anything you are not
being honest about as itrelates to raising your children
(06:26):
, please.
It's time to correct thatbehavior Again.
Once upon a time, way back whennow I do have my kids, and I was
asked if I wanted some extrafood stamps.
Now, keep in mind I never wason public assistance.
I just felt like it wasdishonoring my mom, who was able
(06:50):
to manage a household of eightand didn't go out and be on
public assistance.
Yeah, we were poor.
I didn't feel comfortable withsaying, oh, let me get on public
assistance, knowing what my momwas able to achieve without it.
So I never applied for publicassistance.
(07:12):
But one time I was tempted.
Someone offered me some foodstamps and then I think the
individual did ask me if Iwanted to give a little cash for
them or something for a verylow price, and I would get like
a hundred.
I don't remember.
So I'm making these numbers upmaybe a hundred dollars worth of
food stamps for 20 bucks orsomething like that.
(07:34):
But don't quote me on that, I'mmaking that up.
But anyway, at the time my kidswere there, we were hungry.
We could have used some food.
We could have used $100 worthof food stamps, right, but you
know what it was like.
No, no, I'm not going to do thisbecause, number one, my kids
(07:57):
were there.
They're watching.
So what am I teaching them?
What am I teaching them, moms?
What are we teaching them?
So integrity is not aboutothers, but it's about what's
within me, what's within you.
(08:17):
Why do we need integrity?
Why is it necessary?
Because it's not, it's nolonger me, it's we.
We have children.
Now we have a child, nowthey're paying attention and
(08:42):
then I've said it practicallyevery episode we have to release
them into the world.
Now, how would you feel if yourchild saw you doing something
unethical, unmoral, not havingintegrity?
And then somebody say where'dyou learn that from?
I saw my mama.
How would you feel?
Wow, now, if someone or thiswould have happened with my kids
(09:05):
, you know what?
I would walk away.
I would, oh my gosh, I'dprobably try to come up with
some excuse.
You thought you saw that, butyou didn't see me do that.
You didn't see me take thembooze dance thought you saw that
, but you didn't see me do that.
You didn't see me take thembooze stamps no, that was a
(09:27):
piece of paper that was on thefloor.
I mean, I could see myselfmaking up all kind of excuses to
justify my bad behavior and notowning that decision.
But, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,mom, it is extremely important
that you practice integrity forthat reason, not just because it
(09:47):
could be called out, but youhave to have standards and your
children are watching and youwant the best for them.
So when you're not practicingintegrity and you're lying and
you're manipulating situations,that's who you want your child
to be.
Think about it.
At the end of the day, that badbehavior that they're seeing
(10:13):
and they're absorbing becausethey are like a sponge, they're
going to take that and produceit in the world.
So you can either be the changeagent or you can support the
bad behavior that's gettingready to happen and to flow
outside of your household.
So here's a question.
Here's another question Do youhave time?
(10:34):
Do you have time to changebehavior that your child may
have seen?
Do you have time to recover orrepair that bad behavior?
And the answer is yes, yes, youcan.
And how?
So?
Just by talking to yourchildren, having an open
conversation.
Don't try to skirt it, don'ttry to fake it, don't try to put
(10:59):
the mask on.
Just have a conversation.
You know, sweetheart, babylittle Ruthie, little Johnny,
you know you saw mama do this.
I did it because I was put in aposition that I didn't think I
could get myself out of, andmost of the times that's why we
do that single moms right out of, and most of the times that's
(11:22):
why we do that, single moms,right.
We are faced with thesechallenges, these financial
challenges that come.
I don't know where I'm gettingthe money from.
So, therefore, I think I haveto resort to this in order to
achieve where I want to go andmake sure that I'm providing for
my household At the end of theday.
Have that open dialogue withyour children, not just tell
(11:45):
them what you did, why you didit, because children are smarter
than we think they are.
They really are.
My daughter today stillenlightens me on a lot of things
.
Yeah, she's a lot older.
I'm a lot older.
A lot of what she's learned isthrough this life's journey and
(12:07):
she's able to share with me herknowledge and her perspective.
And I'm like, oh wow, I didn'tthink of it that way, it's all
because, thankfully, she sawmore integrity coming from me
than dishonesty.
And again, I am not perfect.
Am I a bad mom?
Yeah, there were some days Iwas a bad mom because, remember,
(12:29):
my definition of a bad mom isyou're not teaching your
children, and there were manyopportunities that I missed in
teaching my children.
There were also someopportunities I was able to
teach them.
And here's the good news, mom.
Here's the good news.
Not all teaching comes throughverbal acknowledgement, some of
(12:52):
them.
You just have to let them seeyou practicing good behavior,
practicing integrity, beinghonest, being transparent,
because that's how they're goingto get through things, that's
how they're going to get throughlife, that's how they're going
to get through these temptations, because at some point, when
(13:16):
they are faced with differenttemptations, that's going to
challenge their integrity.
They should be able to reflect,like my mom went through this
and she came out okay becauseshe didn't compromise her
integrity.
All right, ladies, that'senough for the day.
I hear you.
I hear you.
If you enjoyed today's episode,you know what to do.
(13:40):
Tap another single mom on theshoulder and say, hey, are you
up to critical thinking?
Are you up for a different typeof podcast?
This one is all about criticalthinking with your parenting
skills.
Why do you need it?
Why is it important?
(14:00):
Because you're a single mom,you're a head of household,
right when it comes to yourchildren, you're the CEO of your
family, you're managingfinances, you're making
decisions, you are in aleadership role.
You are in a leadership roleand your children are watching,
(14:21):
they're listening.
So, moms, this isn't about you,it's not about me, but at the
end of the day, it's about thechildren, or the child that
you're raising.
To give you a little bit of apreview of what the next word
choice is going to be, I'm goingto talk about impossible.
(14:41):
Yeah, you're going to have tocome back for that one.
Ladies, I'm really going tojump in with both feet because
we're going to talk aboutimpossible, how it can improve,
how it can improve your life asa single mom.
(15:01):
So again, tell another singlemom visit my website,
singlemomsunitedpodcastcom.
Visit my YouTube channel.
Would love to hear from you andany ideas you have on other
words, to start with the letterI, because this is about you,
this is about your success.
(15:22):
This is about you feelingcomfortable with your title,
trying to do it on your own.
This is all about encouragementand motivation.
So, hopefully, something wassaid to encourage and motivate
you to go forward and hold yourhead high with confidence, not
arrogance confidence.
(15:43):
So when people see you like, ohwow, you're a single mom,
aren't you supposed to beholding your head down and
feeling sorry for yourself?
Not today.
I am confident because I amexercising critical thinking
when it comes to my parenting.
All right, ladies, I'm reallydone this time.
(16:04):
You all have a fantastic day, awonderful week and a marvelous
month.
Take care.
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United
podcast.
If this is your first timejoining, welcome If you are a
repeat listener.
Thank you for your time andyour loyalty.
Now keep in mind it's not abouthow you arrived at the single
mom title, it's all about whatyou do with it.
(00:27):
You either acquired it bychoice or by divorce, but at the
end of the day, it's up to youto own your title mom, and it's
okay to be called a single mom.
You know how I'm now BecauseI'm a single mom and I've been a
single mom let's see, 30 plusyears.
(00:48):
How about that?
It was difficult, but I'mgrateful for where my kids are
and where I am today, because Iknow it's not because I'm a
perfect mom and there were timesI was a bad mom, but I'm
thankful all of the bad andimperfectness turned out that
(01:08):
some good things happenedthrough that journey, through
that experience.
And that's what this is allabout is sharing with you,
paying for my own experiences asa single mom and also invite
critical thinking To me.
That's what separates thispodcast from others.
By the time this episode isover, I'm hoping you say, hmm,
(01:35):
can I apply that to my life?
Can I apply this to my ownparenting skills.
Because why is it important?
Mom, you're no longer just amom, you're no longer just a
nurturer, you're a provider,you're a leader.
Okay, and until you get into arelationship, your title changes
(02:00):
.
You have to own it.
You have to own it as a singlemom.
These past few episodes I'vebeen talking about the letter I
and extracting words that linkback to the letter I and what it
means as it relates toparenting, and so today I'm
(02:21):
going to talk about integrity.
Ooh, that's a big one.
That is a big one.
So when I look it up and say,well, how does Webster's or
Google define integrity?
The definition that I found isintegrity is the quality of
(02:41):
having strong moral principlesand uncompromisingly adhering to
them.
Integrity can be defined as thepractice of doing the right
thing all the time.
It is doing what is morallyright.
My definition is how yourespond when no one is looking,
(03:05):
because that's real integrity.
It's easy to be honest andupfront when someone's looking
at you, but when you by yourselfand the opportunity presents
itself to not practice integrity, how do you respond to that?
Once upon a time ago, way backwhen, I had a few integrity
(03:29):
issues.
One was before I had my kids.
As a Christian, I do believe inGod and I do believe he
disciplined us when we misbehave.
And one example of me having anintegrity issue, notice.
I said one because, listen, I'mjust going to be real with you
(03:50):
all, ladies.
I mean, there's no reason tosugarcoat things.
We're talking about real lifehere, is it right?
No, but it's up to us to betransparent when it comes to
some things.
But anyway, all right, sorry, Igot off the highway again.
I'm getting back on.
But once upon a time I waschecking out at a grocery store
(04:13):
and I had given the cashier themoney to pay for my items and
sis gave me my change back andshe gave me an extra 10.
So I'm like, oh okay, it ain'tmy fault, she don't know how to
count.
But here's the thing and Ibelieve this, I honestly believe
(04:35):
this the whooping I got fromGod.
I went right out that store,happy-go-lucky, thinking I got
ahead because sis made an errorin giving me my change.
And I promise you, ladies, Iwent right out there and got a
ticket.
So not only did I have to paythat $10 that I got, that I
(04:58):
received an error, but I had toadd five more tens to it because
that ticket was $60.
And, of course, this was 30years plus ago, but I had to end
up paying it back.
And then some, and I thank Godfor the whooping right, because
I knew better.
I should have told her you gaveme too much change.
(05:23):
Shame on me.
Shame on me, I didn't do it.
And so, as a result of that, Igot my whooping and I accepted.
As a single mom and as we areparents over our children, we
have to practice integrity.
(05:43):
We have to be honest.
We have to have that discussionwith our children, why they're
watching, they're listening,they're mimicking everything we
do.
Well, I saw mama do it, sonothing happened to her.
So I'm going to go out here anddo it too.
(06:04):
No, no, no, no.
Just because you don't see therepercussions of what happened
to me doesn't mean that nothinghappened, okay.
So, moms, I would implore youif there is anything you are not
being honest about as itrelates to raising your children
(06:26):
, please.
It's time to correct thatbehavior Again.
Once upon a time, way back whennow I do have my kids, and I was
asked if I wanted some extrafood stamps.
Now, keep in mind I never wason public assistance.
I just felt like it wasdishonoring my mom, who was able
(06:50):
to manage a household of eightand didn't go out and be on
public assistance.
Yeah, we were poor.
I didn't feel comfortable withsaying, oh, let me get on public
assistance, knowing what my momwas able to achieve without it.
So I never applied for publicassistance.
(07:12):
But one time I was tempted.
Someone offered me some foodstamps and then I think the
individual did ask me if Iwanted to give a little cash for
them or something for a verylow price, and I would get like
a hundred.
I don't remember.
So I'm making these numbers upmaybe a hundred dollars worth of
food stamps for 20 bucks orsomething like that.
(07:34):
But don't quote me on that, I'mmaking that up.
But anyway, at the time my kidswere there, we were hungry.
We could have used some food.
We could have used $100 worthof food stamps, right, but you
know what it was like.
No, no, I'm not going to do thisbecause, number one, my kids
(07:57):
were there.
They're watching.
So what am I teaching them?
What am I teaching them, moms?
What are we teaching them?
So integrity is not aboutothers, but it's about what's
within me, what's within you.
(08:17):
Why do we need integrity?
Why is it necessary?
Because it's not, it's nolonger me, it's we.
We have children.
Now we have a child, nowthey're paying attention and
(08:42):
then I've said it practicallyevery episode we have to release
them into the world.
Now, how would you feel if yourchild saw you doing something
unethical, unmoral, not havingintegrity?
And then somebody say where'dyou learn that from?
I saw my mama.
How would you feel?
Wow, now, if someone or thiswould have happened with my kids
(09:05):
, you know what?
I would walk away.
I would, oh my gosh, I'dprobably try to come up with
some excuse.
You thought you saw that, butyou didn't see me do that.
You didn't see me take thembooze dance thought you saw that
, but you didn't see me do that.
You didn't see me take thembooze stamps no, that was a
(09:27):
piece of paper that was on thefloor.
I mean, I could see myselfmaking up all kind of excuses to
justify my bad behavior and notowning that decision.
But, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,mom, it is extremely important
that you practice integrity forthat reason, not just because it
(09:47):
could be called out, but youhave to have standards and your
children are watching and youwant the best for them.
So when you're not practicingintegrity and you're lying and
you're manipulating situations,that's who you want your child
to be.
Think about it.
At the end of the day, that badbehavior that they're seeing
(10:13):
and they're absorbing becausethey are like a sponge, they're
going to take that and produceit in the world.
So you can either be the changeagent or you can support the
bad behavior that's gettingready to happen and to flow
outside of your household.
So here's a question.
Here's another question Do youhave time?
(10:34):
Do you have time to changebehavior that your child may
have seen?
Do you have time to recover orrepair that bad behavior?
And the answer is yes, yes, youcan.
And how?
So?
Just by talking to yourchildren, having an open
conversation.
Don't try to skirt it, don'ttry to fake it, don't try to put
(10:59):
the mask on.
Just have a conversation.
You know, sweetheart, babylittle Ruthie, little Johnny,
you know you saw mama do this.
I did it because I was put in aposition that I didn't think I
could get myself out of, andmost of the times that's why we
do that single moms right out of, and most of the times that's
(11:22):
why we do that, single moms,right.
We are faced with thesechallenges, these financial
challenges that come.
I don't know where I'm gettingthe money from.
So, therefore, I think I haveto resort to this in order to
achieve where I want to go andmake sure that I'm providing for
my household At the end of theday.
Have that open dialogue withyour children, not just tell
(11:45):
them what you did, why you didit, because children are smarter
than we think they are.
They really are.
My daughter today stillenlightens me on a lot of things
.
Yeah, she's a lot older.
I'm a lot older.
A lot of what she's learned isthrough this life's journey and
(12:07):
she's able to share with me herknowledge and her perspective.
And I'm like, oh wow, I didn'tthink of it that way, it's all
because, thankfully, she sawmore integrity coming from me
than dishonesty.
And again, I am not perfect.
Am I a bad mom?
Yeah, there were some days Iwas a bad mom because, remember,
(12:29):
my definition of a bad mom isyou're not teaching your
children, and there were manyopportunities that I missed in
teaching my children.
There were also someopportunities I was able to
teach them.
And here's the good news, mom.
Here's the good news.
Not all teaching comes throughverbal acknowledgement, some of
(12:52):
them.
You just have to let them seeyou practicing good behavior,
practicing integrity, beinghonest, being transparent,
because that's how they're goingto get through things, that's
how they're going to get throughlife, that's how they're going
to get through these temptations, because at some point, when
(13:16):
they are faced with differenttemptations, that's going to
challenge their integrity.
They should be able to reflect,like my mom went through this
and she came out okay becauseshe didn't compromise her
integrity.
All right, ladies, that'senough for the day.
I hear you.
I hear you.
If you enjoyed today's episode,you know what to do.
(13:40):
Tap another single mom on theshoulder and say, hey, are you
up to critical thinking?
Are you up for a different typeof podcast?
This one is all about criticalthinking with your parenting
skills.
Why do you need it?
Why is it important?
(14:00):
Because you're a single mom,you're a head of household,
right when it comes to yourchildren, you're the CEO of your
family, you're managingfinances, you're making
decisions, you are in aleadership role.
You are in a leadership roleand your children are watching,
(14:21):
they're listening.
So, moms, this isn't about you,it's not about me, but at the
end of the day, it's about thechildren, or the child that
you're raising.
To give you a little bit of apreview of what the next word
choice is going to be, I'm goingto talk about impossible.
(14:41):
Yeah, you're going to have tocome back for that one.
Ladies, I'm really going tojump in with both feet because
we're going to talk aboutimpossible, how it can improve,
how it can improve your life asa single mom.
(15:01):
So again, tell another singlemom visit my website,
singlemomsunitedpodcastcom.
Visit my YouTube channel.
Would love to hear from you andany ideas you have on other
words, to start with the letterI, because this is about you,
this is about your success.
(15:22):
This is about you feelingcomfortable with your title,
trying to do it on your own.
This is all about encouragementand motivation.
So, hopefully, something wassaid to encourage and motivate
you to go forward and hold yourhead high with confidence, not
arrogance confidence.
(15:43):
So when people see you like, ohwow, you're a single mom,
aren't you supposed to beholding your head down and
feeling sorry for yourself?
Not today.
I am confident because I amexercising critical thinking
when it comes to my parenting.
All right, ladies, I'm reallydone this time.
(16:04):
You all have a fantastic day, awonderful week and a marvelous
month.
Take care.
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