March 21, 2024 • 26 mins
In this episode, we explore motherhood and its challenges with our guest is Lizzy Mathis, host of The Cool Mom Podcast and host of the TV show Honest Renovations with Jessica Alba.
We discuss:
- How motherhood shows us how to value ourselves
- How we become like our parents
- Ups and downs of motherhood
- Miscarriage experiences
- Changing the societal norms and the role of community
- Guilt and healing in parenthood
- Normalizing healthy black love and black families
- Creating supportive environments for ourselves and our kids
We also discuss a big question: Would you rather have lunch with Oprah or a million dollars?
This episode is for mothers questioning their worth or choices. Remember, by being yourself, you can inspire others to get to the other side of what they are fighting.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I walk into my kids room like, uh-uh, this is not
going down like this.
And now I'm like, oh, that's acheat name.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
What's up?
What's up, hey Mom, what's up?
Hey Mom, what's up?
Hey Mom, what's up?
Hey Mom, what's up?
Welcome back to Moms, actually,where Moms go to find
themselves my name is Morgan andI am Blair and we have our
lovely guest.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm Lizzie.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Yes, yes, do you want to be with people who you are
like bragging with yourself abit Sure.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I'm Lizzie Mathis.
I am a host.
I have a podcast called theCool Mom Code podcast.
I have a website calledthecoolmomco.
I have a TV show, honestRenovations.
I'm an executive producerco-creator.
So you know I got a couplethings going on.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Come on, run down the list.
We love to see it.
Well, welcome back to our show.
We are so excited to haveLizzie and just take a minute
first of all, before we get intothe conversation, to subscribe,
please, we'll wait.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Okay, great, all right, so let's get started with
our little game.
It's giving motherhood.
If you've watched before, youknow it's about to happen, but
we're going to introduce it toyou really quick.
So we have a little icebreakerso you can get to know us a
little bit more and we can getto know you.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
This is what the paddles are for.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
The gold means yes or it means, or it's the first
answer.
The white side means no or thesecond answer option that we
give you.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Okay, Are we all answering these questions?
Yeah, we're all answering it.
We're all going to just go tothe side.
No, we're just going to sithere and judge.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
You're going to be like you're not no, no, no, no,
I'm going to actually be in acollection.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Okay, okay, I'm good, whatever y'all do.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm going to follow the lead.
Okay, okay.
So the first question is wouldyou rather five months of
maternity leave or a postpartumdoula?
I'm going for the doula, You'regoing for the doula.
I'm going for the doula all day.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
What'd you want?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I mean, I work from home for myself, so I guess the
doula Okay.
So but wait, wait, wait, wait.
How long can the doula stay?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, that's a good question.
How long is the doula,therefore?
I mean, can I do three months?
Wow, yes, you can.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
If you want to Sure.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
How long would you have the doula there?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I mean I would do it, I don't know.
See, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I don't know because I don't like people in my space
like that.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I don't mind the doula there for the process of
labor and like having the baby,and then maybe like you know,
come check in on me like acouple days after, but then I'm
good after that.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I think it depends on what the doula's doing and you
can give them like differenttasks.
Like I thought, I wouldn't wantmy mom at the house after I had
my kid, but then I'm like no,come, because she was doing
laundry and because I'm like.
I don't need help with thispart, but you can go, do all the
like secret elf stuff aroundthe house.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Just switch the tasks Like month one these are your
responsibilities.
Month two this is what I needyou to do.
But is that still a doula?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:51):
They'll do the baby laundry and stuff, like they'll
do stuff for the kids.
I want someone to take care ofme.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I mean, that's when your mom comes.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
But there are people, there are doulas that take care
of the mom.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yes, that's what I like.
I think, I like the doulas thattake care of me, because you
know, the whole theory with youhave babies is like I want to be
, like I want to take care ofthe baby, I want to nurture the
baby, but who's taking care ofme Exactly?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Because, after you have the baby.
No one thinks about you.
No, Not at all.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I think that's half the reason I got pregnant the
second time.
I was like you were so nice tome.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I miss it Okay.
Do you see yourself turninginto your mom in certain areas?
As you raise your kids oreither be disciplined, strict
schedule, routine, encouragementDo you see yourself turning
into your mom?
Are you your mama?
Yes, yes, yes.
I catch myself saying certainthings.
I'm like oh my gosh, I soundjust like Crystal For real.
Yes, I was like who's Crystal?
(03:42):
Yeah, I was like, oh, I mean,get it Crystal.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yes, hey, ma I think it's natural, yeah, I think it's
natural.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I think you realize you understand your parents a
lot more.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Oh, yeah, oh my.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
God, I remember calling my mama and being like
mama.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry to do this.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I went her help, tell her how I saw the thing on.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Instagram where they said I finally get why my
parents were so upset with mewhen I didn't take the chicken
out the freezer.
Oh, absolutely, I'm like.
I get it.
I didn't think it was a bigdeal back then, but now I'm like
.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
My room was a mess.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
And now I understand the full capability.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I've been like I walk into my kids room like uh-uh,
this is not going down like this, and now I'm like oh, that's
what she meant.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
That's what she meant .
Speaker 1 (04:20):
And you know I get it OK.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Ooh, would you rather have?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
lunch with.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Oprah, or have $1 million magically appear in your
bank account.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Which one?
What's the second one?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
The $1 million appearing.
I love.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Oprah.
I mean I love Oprah, but I meanI could do more.
I feel like I could still need.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Oprah.
I feel like I could pay forOprah's time once I got the $1
million.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
No, you can't do that .
That's not the only one.
Oh, it doesn't count.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
No, oprah doesn't do that.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
No, I have to choose.
Here's the thing.
Oprah doesn't do that.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Here's what I was saying I would take the $1
million, invest it to get youknow, like get the book do the
thing.
That's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So you can make Oprah's book so that Oprah now
is like she cares about you nowshe cares about you now.
That's right.
Boom, do the $1 millionincrease the bank to get where
you need to be.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, I would get the $1 million, because I wouldn't.
I'd probably talk about thedumbest stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I'd be like hey girl, hey girl, hey girl.
I love your dress, You're good,Like you're dope You're so dope
and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm not exactly the same.
I'm like no, no.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Exactly she was like and that was a great match, that
was so good yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Is your.
If your daughter asked for atattoo or nose piercing at 16,
are you?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
taking her.
I would do.
I'm not big on her gettingtattoos, but I would do a nose
piercing.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
OK, I'd say no to the tattoo and gold to the nose
piercing, because I got a tattooillegally at 16.
And I wasn't the same person at20 as I was at 16.
I wasn't the same person as 25.
So now I have this big thing onmy arm.
That's my tattoo removal,because it's something I did at
16.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Put it in a frame.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Love it for 10 years and then put it on your body, if
you really need it there.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
But now you have the experience to tell a story.
Oh yes, that's the beauty in it.
I had to go through it, but youknow well, they make them tiny.
Now I was going to say peoplecan get marks on their noses.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So you see, yeah, hey , I talked so tiny.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I mean, you have a tiny little one in this too.
I do and I think also why Isaid no to the piercing, because
I kind of want one even now.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Oh, but do it together, you can get it.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
You can get it.
Yes, you have the nose for it.
Yes, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You do.
No, you do Absolutely.
Ok, cool, I'll take it.
I'll take it all day, wait.
Did you answer?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
No, I would not, you would Neither of them.
No, not at 16.
I think, because 16, we justthink we know what we want.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
And we don't.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And so I would, even though it would be cool to say,
yeah, me and my daughter wenttogether.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But then you went up with the 16 year old like me
that gets my co-worker's ID andshows up at a tattoo shop.
I would hope that.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Leila or Zoe, you would know better.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yeah.
Why does it have to be one orthe other?
Why does it have to be?
You say no, and then, if not,they just going to rebel.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Because that's what happens, it happens.
It happens, but my hope andprayer is going to rebel.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
The first thing I did when I went to college is get
my tongue pierced.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, wow, because I wasn't allowed to do anything.
Well, tell me you were that oneand see, that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I'm not rigid.
I'm not that rigid.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And I always give my kids the reason why I say no.
So I think they were respected.
And then I also give them whatto look forward to.
Like all right.
How about we wait when you turn18?
If you still want this, we'regoing together.
I hated the tattoo.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I got it I like that idea.
I regret that tattoo.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, yeah, If your kids.
Maybe.
If you have a good relationwith your kids and you feel like
they listen to you in otherways, then perhaps yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah, I like it.
Well, check in in 10 years.
I'll take all that.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
We'll check you out.
I know I have five.
What?
Five years I was like, oh no.
I was going to say I'm like,who are the other two kids?
I have five years guys, godJesus.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
We got one more question right.
Yes, One more.
Do you feel like we actuallyhave the power to change the way
motherhood is viewed around theworld or in the US?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Let's do this.
Yeah, yeah, yes, of course,absolutely.
That's why we're here.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah, I mean, I think we have the power to change a
lot of things, you know, aswomen, as Black women, as
leaders, as thinkers.
I mean we have the power tochange a lot not just the way
motherhood is viewed, but theway we are viewed as a people.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah, yes, absolutely .
So why do you think a lothasn't changed?
So I feel like my favoritethings to do is to say like the
feminism movement happened andso everybody got jobs, and then
we still have to do all thewoman stuff.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Well, listen, I mean, I think it takes generations
for thought process of people tochange.
Because, it can't just be blackpeople it has to be all people
and so for you to integrate adifferent thought process into
all people, it takes time.
You know, but do I see a change?
(09:03):
Yes, do I see a differencebetween my grandmother's era and
our era, 1,000%.
Do I see it between even my momand what she thought her
limitations were, as opposed towhat I think mine are?
Yes, 1,000%, so I see a changeand do I see how my daughters
think as opposed to how I eventhink there's a big change.
There's no limitations on them.
(09:24):
The sky, I mean, is literallythe limit for them.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
The world of social media.
The internet has opened up allnew possibilities to what they
can achieve, and it's justdifferent now.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Speaking of achieving things.
How have you found yourself?
Have you ever found yourselfpushing aside your passions or
motherhood?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, I did in the very beginning of motherhood.
It was a lesson I think I hadto learn early on.
When I first had my oldest, Ithink, I leaned all in on
motherhood.
It was the only thing that Icared about.
It was the only thing that Iwas focused on.
I paused on everything else,and before that I was traveling
(10:08):
three, four times a week.
I was on a straight grind, ahustle.
I was doing so many differentthings and when I miscarried
before I had a healthy, myhealthy daughter, and so I think
that shifted something in me.
So by the time I got my child,my first born, I was all in I
was like no nothing elsemattered Everything.
(10:28):
My time is important.
I'm going to focus in on her,and so it did.
I had to learn that lesson,though, and so it took me about
I want to say almost like twoyears that I was all in on her,
and then it took friends to belike.
No, lizzie.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Where's that?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Like what's going on.
You're not shaving.
You're on some old like oh, youwere on the like I went on,
some old like I am like EarthMother.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Oh, you were like a crunchy mom I was just like in
my stuff.
Yeah, I don't know if I cancurse.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
But, I was in that zone and I needed that for that
time period of my life and oncethat was over, it was like all
right, my kids are good, I lovethem and I can still be
functioning and all the things,yeah.
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I think two things.
One, it's important for thefact that you leaned into it
Like you leaned into that season, you were like you know what
All these things are going to behere, because look at you now.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
All those things are going to be here.
My kids need me.
I want to lean in and I'm goingto do that.
But then the importance of acommunity, because your
community was like OK, girl, wesee you.
Right, you're a good mom.
All right, now let's shave,that's right.
Let's do your hair, let's getit together.
Like she dropped themaintenance yeah, I was just
like I think I was just.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I just didn't, it wasn't important.
Just at that moment it wasn'timportant.
Other things mattered more andI was just in this whole like
you know what I love her.
This is what we're doing,what's best for her.
Up we're eating avocados today.
I'm cooking everything we'resteaming this.
And breast milk we'rebreastfeeding.
It was all of that and I leanedso far in that I think I lost a
(12:03):
little bit of me, as much as Iwas enjoying it.
I lost a little bit of me and Ihad to find me again.
And so that took a second.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Do you think you would have been like that if you
hadn't miscarried?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
No, I can't see myself necessarily being like
that if I hadn't, but Itreasured it so much and it was
like I wanted this phase so muchand so in that process that's
just kind of how it's done Didyou get a guilt response.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
That's what I was going to ask.
I miscarried my first child,but I remember when I found out
I was pregnant, it was rightafter getting married and I was
like didn't really want to bepregnant.
My birth control failed becauseI took antibiotics and so I was
like eating whatever I'm likeyou know whatever, you can do
whatever and then I miscarried.
It had nothing to do with that,Right.
But I found out a little bitlater, but I felt so guilty and
(12:52):
I was like man, I didn'tappreciate it, I wasn't happy.
So then it's like the next time.
It's like you overcompensatefor that.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, you know, I don't know if it was guilt.
Ok, I don't know if it wasguilt, but I remember when I
miscarried, I called mygrandmother.
And I was like devastated.
I was like I don't know whathappened.
I don't know what happened andI remember she said to me Lizzie
, things happen, you're healthy,you're strong, you come from
good stock.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I love that I'll never forget that.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
She said you're going to have a baby.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
You are going to go on to have many healthy babies
and for some reason, I thinkit's just the grandparent or
whatever it is.
I believe there.
And so that was it, and I saidokay and I moved forward.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
You moved forward, okay.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I don't know if it was guilt, but I think it was
just what I needed.
It was what my soul needed yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
That makes sense.
Yeah, you went all in and sonow you were like, okay, it's
Lizzie time, that's right.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
And Lizzie has been doing the thing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So about a second and third baby came around.
I was like y'all rolling away.
Let's make it ourselves, y'allin this moment now.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yes, and how do you do that, like, how is Lizzie
going after her wildest dreamsamongst motherhood?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, you know, I think that motherhood has
enhanced who I am so much.
I love that, you know.
It has not stopped me.
It really has brought outqualities in me that I didn't
even know existed beforemotherhood, and I think that's
the best I can say just becauseof it.
I know isn't an option, my timeis important, there's nothing
(14:29):
to hold me back, there's reasonsto push me forward, and so, and
they are that, and so there isno like, it's just like, let's
figure it out, let's do it, likeokay, what's the issue?
All right, now let's solve that.
All right, cool, that's solved,now we're going.
So if you have a mind frame andif you keep with that mind
frame over and over and overagain, then now your routine is
that your routine is not tosecond guess and to doubt
(14:51):
yourself and to say oh no, okay,well, I'm just going to be here
for a second.
Okay, well, I'm just going tochill over here.
Okay, we'll never mind.
Your routine now becomes okay.
Now what?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
And so, if that's, your mindset.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
That's what you are now training yourself to do.
I'm on with the motivation.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So when you're like friends shook you out and got
you to shave, or what have you,did you already?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
have that.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
We got to bring it back I feel like my husband.
We got to do that.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
We're going to let nothing go Every time we talk,
every time we talk, I'm going tobe touching me.
She's going to be shaking, girl.
They're shaking, they'reshaking.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, I'm just checking in on the friends.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
So I got you back.
So when they like got youtogether, like you have that
mindset now, but is that themindset that got you going?
Or like what got you from?
Because your friends could ourfriends have told us stuff and
we sometimes stay where we are.
They told her shame to.
I don't know, I don't know.
But, it's like how do you likeget from there, like actually
(15:48):
get to that mindset?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
You know I think that I had to rethink how I wanted
to use my time.
So, yes, girlfriends come inand they're like yo, like what's
up, Like what's happening,let's figure this out.
And it took that and I was likeoh you know what?
You're absolutely right Likelet's go do something.
And let's just do something,just me and my friends.
And you know, let's leave thebaby here with husband and
family or whatever.
And that's you know.
So it's that versus becomeslike all right, let's, let's
(16:12):
figure out what steps that welost.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Right.
Where is that?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
So first I figured out that, and then from there
it's like all right now, whatdoes this new world look like?
Because you, this is a newworld for you right.
Like motherhood, this journey.
No two journeys are the same,not even as a mother.
No, two children are the same.
So it's like, okay now, so whatdoes this look like?
Life with baby is different.
So now we're figuring that out,and then I had to figure out
(16:38):
what worked, look like for meand what I wanted it to be.
And then that was the journey.
And so once I figured out that,and I figured out the sight and
figured out that I wanted to bea voice, and I figured out
there was a void, becauseeverywhere me and my husband
went, there was like we were thepink elephant in the room with
this baby.
(17:00):
And no one.
At the time.
It wasn't cool yet to be amother, so it was like this
whole time.
And then we were also a blackfamily, and so my husband is a
model and so he's very handsomeand we'd walk in this room and
people would just be like who,what?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
the hell.
Yeah, like OK, y'all aremarried.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm like yes, we're married and we're happy and
there's so it was like that, andso then it became OK.
Why are we an elephant in theroom?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
And why?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
are we?
Why is the Hux DeVos the onlyfamily that's shown?
As black love, yeah, and sothen, we started to move through
that and I was like, ok, so Istarted the site.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
And then from there I was going to ask does that help
.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Cool mom, and that's how it came about that Right,
wow.
What would you say to someoneyou talked about looking for the
missteps or the missing pieces?
What is the first step for amom who's like, ok, no, I'm
right where you were, lizzie, Iliterally poured my all into my
children, but I do feel likeit's time for me to take the
(18:02):
first step.
What would you say to thatmother?
That is ready.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I think the first thing you have to do is and I
know this is so cliche and Ihate to be the person to also
reiterate it you have to findwhat your passion is, and I
think it's the hardest thing totell someone, because it's
almost like you know, it's likean athlete right, like they know
they love football.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
They know, they love basketball.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
It's like my husband used to play football.
He's like yeah, I just alwayslove football.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I don't want to pass my passion.
I've always loved sports.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
And so for me, I don't know.
You have to figure out whatthat passion is, what brings you
the most joy when you're doingit and for me, it was cooking
brought me joy.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Thank you, you know, you know right, I love it I love
it.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
It just felt like it was in a zone that everyone did
it.
And I love speaking yes, it's amoment, a moment.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I'm not in the kitchen right now, not every
night, not every night.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Sometimes you've got to cook and go, yeah, well, it's
not when it becomes like a job.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Like you know it's like it's hard as a job, yeah,
but so I think it was that andit was finding what brought me
joy.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
What are the?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
moments that I really started to feel like oh, I'm
happy when I'm doing this, yeah,and I think it's that.
And so finding your passion isvery hard, but I think you start
by just saying OK, when do Ismile the most?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
OK, when do?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I feel that little like oh, this feels good the
most.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I think too, not being afraid to try the things
and not like it or fail at it,because I think we all, because
we want so hard and so we justwant to do right in all the
things that we're like.
Well, what if this goescompletely wrong?
Or you know what if I tell myfriends and family that I'm
getting ready to start this newventure and then it goes south.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
That's right, you know what I'm saying.
You can't tell anybody yourgoals.
Yeah, that's right.
I know that's hard, but youknow also what's for me is
saying yes, yeah.
So I would start to say yes.
People would ask me things andI was like yes, I'll go, yes,
I'll do that.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yes, I'll collaborate on that.
Yes, I'll do this.
And it's like I started justslowly to say yes instead of
saying no, and that opened upthings as well.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Is that how you winded up?
Well, we thank you for your yeshere.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
That's right Because, wow, you just never know.
Is that how you ended up goinginto business with a friend?
Because you know some peopleare like don't go into business
with your friends.
I know.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Now, that journey was an interesting one, I mean it
was.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It's Jess, right, yes , so.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Jess and I have been.
We were friends.
We met through our kids and sowe met in preschool with our
children and they were friends.
And so we became friends.
And, you know, we started likewe knew we were on a similar
wavelength.
We knew that we had similarethos.
We both, you know, championwomen, champion mothers Like
(20:39):
that was big for us.
And so we knew we wanted to dosomething.
We just never quite couldfigure it out.
And then COVID hit.
And then COVID hit.
We were both busy, you know,doing our things, yada, yada,
yada, and we just didn't havetime.
Yeah, we were just like wedon't have time to figure this
out, yeah, and then COVID hit.
Yeah, and so when COVID hit, weimmediately put up a together
(21:03):
like a little shack kind of, youknow, content house.
We started shooting a lot ofdifferent types of content, one
of them being renovations andlike OK, things and stuff like
that.
And then we were like yo, let'ssee how we can make this
something bigger.
And make a shake, yeah, make ashake.
Yeah, it shook, and it shook,it shook, it shook.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Love it.
There you go.
It shook, so we're happy aboutthat.
That's really good.
Is there anything that you arelike unapologetically proud of
in your life, like business-wiseand mother-wise, like, yeah,
you don't care what it affects,but you're like?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I think I'm just unapologetically proud of the
skin I'm in now.
You know it took me a while toget here, although I feel like
I've always been a confidentperson on the inside, like I've
always appreciated who I was andI never compared myself or ran
with people for just because I'm, my mom raised a confident
(22:02):
woman and I'm proud of that, andso the journey that I've had to
get to where I am right now hasbeen a long one, but I'm proud
and unapologetically proud ofwho I am and where I stand today
, and can't nobody shake that.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
And how did you get to the proud?
I say because it was instilledin you as a child.
But it's like, yeah, it's justit's instilled as a child.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yes, like I come from , I come from strong stuff.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Like my mother was strong.
You know what I mean, and mygrandmother was strong.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
But you know, there's a journey that you you have to
take to get to where you are,and I think I am now coming into
the realization that I'm I'm OKwith my journey.
You know, what I mean, whereasyou know if there was other
moments of life that I wouldfeel was this the right step.
Was this the right move?
(22:52):
Should I have stayed there?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Should I have done this instead.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
You know that kind of thing.
Now I'm in a phase where, look,everything has led me to this
moment.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah, and this moment is exactly where I'm supposed
to be.
You're like, even if I get itwrong, it's going to get yeah,
and that's the beauty in it.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
There is no wrong.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
The wrongs are all lessons, right?
Yeah, there is no wrong.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You make the best choice you can at the time you
make it.
And then from there, you justkeep moving forward.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Makes sense.
Yeah, what do you think momsactually need to hear?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Hmm, moms actually need to hear.
This is a good one.
I think moms actually need tohear that they are loved.
They are loved, they are valued, they are important.
I mean, if you really thinkabout it, and I think that this
hit me like a lightning boltwhen I had kids without mothers
(23:49):
where are we all Right?
Like we are critical.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Is it show Literally being yes Of the science.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yes, like we are creators, you know and.
God has given us that free.
I mean that right and that gift.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
You know and so for us.
I just feel like moms actuallyneed to hear that you know you
are the rock of it all and itdoesn't mean that you always
have to be strong.
It doesn't mean that you can'tbreak down and be vulnerable and
be sensitive.
It does not mean that.
It just means that you are soimportant and you are such a
gift and because of that walk inyour life always.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Wow, man, I mean that's, that's the way to go,
it's good, you're positive.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
You can like like Photoshop lights just like a
beam of light around you,because you know why you have to
walk in light.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
I mean you really do.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
There's so much in this world that can bring you
down.
And there's so many people whowant to take that light from you
.
You do, and if you don'tsurround yourself with them, you
block them out, you don'tmanifest them into your world.
And I don't, I don't manifestany of it into my world.
And so, if you see me, I'mgoing all.
I'm going to instantly love youuntil you tell me that I
shouldn't, until you pull me.
Otherwise, yeah, you'll seenothing but love from me, and
(25:02):
that's just how I like to live.
Yeah, you know I treat everyonelike that.
And I think there's somethingto it.
You just have to walk in light,because that's what you will
bring to yourself, and that'swhy I teach my kids.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
And I just hope it sticks I have to and we all, you
guys, come a good stop.
Well, we hope that you guyshave enjoyed this.
I think that really, you havehonestly inspired me to continue
to not second guess myself,because that's really what it
sounds like.
It's just making sure that weare really like standing in our
decisions, standing in ourmoment and being present in that
(25:34):
and just being proud.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
That's right, you can't get it wrong.
You can't get it wrong, so justkeep going, you guys hear that
you cannot get it wrong.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yes, for all the moms out there that are literally
second guessing their choices,second guessing their parenting.
You know all of the things.
Whether you're a good wife ornot, you are that and walk in
light and walk in love.
Hey, what's up?
I walk into my kids room like, uh-uh, this is not
going down like this.
And now I'm like, oh, that's acheat name.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
What's up?
What's up, hey Mom, what's up?
Hey Mom, what's up?
Hey Mom, what's up?
Hey Mom, what's up?
Welcome back to Moms, actually,where Moms go to find
themselves my name is Morgan andI am Blair and we have our
lovely guest.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm Lizzie.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Yes, yes, do you want to be with people who you are
like bragging with yourself abit Sure.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I'm Lizzie Mathis.
I am a host.
I have a podcast called theCool Mom Code podcast.
I have a website calledthecoolmomco.
I have a TV show, honestRenovations.
I'm an executive producerco-creator.
So you know I got a couplethings going on.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Come on, run down the list.
We love to see it.
Well, welcome back to our show.
We are so excited to haveLizzie and just take a minute
first of all, before we get intothe conversation, to subscribe,
please, we'll wait.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Okay, great, all right, so let's get started with
our little game.
It's giving motherhood.
If you've watched before, youknow it's about to happen, but
we're going to introduce it toyou really quick.
So we have a little icebreakerso you can get to know us a
little bit more and we can getto know you.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
This is what the paddles are for.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
The gold means yes or it means, or it's the first
answer.
The white side means no or thesecond answer option that we
give you.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Okay, Are we all answering these questions?
Yeah, we're all answering it.
We're all going to just go tothe side.
No, we're just going to sithere and judge.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
You're going to be like you're not no, no, no, no,
I'm going to actually be in acollection.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Okay, okay, I'm good, whatever y'all do.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm going to follow the lead.
Okay, okay.
So the first question is wouldyou rather five months of
maternity leave or a postpartumdoula?
I'm going for the doula, You'regoing for the doula.
I'm going for the doula all day.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
What'd you want?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I mean, I work from home for myself, so I guess the
doula Okay.
So but wait, wait, wait, wait.
How long can the doula stay?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, that's a good question.
How long is the doula,therefore?
I mean, can I do three months?
Wow, yes, you can.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
If you want to Sure.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
How long would you have the doula there?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I mean I would do it, I don't know.
See, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I don't know because I don't like people in my space
like that.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I don't mind the doula there for the process of
labor and like having the baby,and then maybe like you know,
come check in on me like acouple days after, but then I'm
good after that.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I think it depends on what the doula's doing and you
can give them like differenttasks.
Like I thought, I wouldn't wantmy mom at the house after I had
my kid, but then I'm like no,come, because she was doing
laundry and because I'm like.
I don't need help with thispart, but you can go, do all the
like secret elf stuff aroundthe house.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Just switch the tasks Like month one these are your
responsibilities.
Month two this is what I needyou to do.
But is that still a doula?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:51):
They'll do the baby laundry and stuff, like they'll
do stuff for the kids.
I want someone to take care ofme.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I mean, that's when your mom comes.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
But there are people, there are doulas that take care
of the mom.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yes, that's what I like.
I think, I like the doulas thattake care of me, because you
know, the whole theory with youhave babies is like I want to be
, like I want to take care ofthe baby, I want to nurture the
baby, but who's taking care ofme Exactly?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Because, after you have the baby.
No one thinks about you.
No, Not at all.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I think that's half the reason I got pregnant the
second time.
I was like you were so nice tome.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I miss it Okay.
Do you see yourself turninginto your mom in certain areas?
As you raise your kids oreither be disciplined, strict
schedule, routine, encouragementDo you see yourself turning
into your mom?
Are you your mama?
Yes, yes, yes.
I catch myself saying certainthings.
I'm like oh my gosh, I soundjust like Crystal For real.
Yes, I was like who's Crystal?
(03:42):
Yeah, I was like, oh, I mean,get it Crystal.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yes, hey, ma I think it's natural, yeah, I think it's
natural.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I think you realize you understand your parents a
lot more.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Oh, yeah, oh my.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
God, I remember calling my mama and being like
mama.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry to do this.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I went her help, tell her how I saw the thing on.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Instagram where they said I finally get why my
parents were so upset with mewhen I didn't take the chicken
out the freezer.
Oh, absolutely, I'm like.
I get it.
I didn't think it was a bigdeal back then, but now I'm like
.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
My room was a mess.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
And now I understand the full capability.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I've been like I walk into my kids room like uh-uh,
this is not going down like this, and now I'm like oh, that's
what she meant.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
That's what she meant .
Speaker 1 (04:20):
And you know I get it OK.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Ooh, would you rather have?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
lunch with.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Oprah, or have $1 million magically appear in your
bank account.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Which one?
What's the second one?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
The $1 million appearing.
I love.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Oprah.
I mean I love Oprah, but I meanI could do more.
I feel like I could still need.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Oprah.
I feel like I could pay forOprah's time once I got the $1
million.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
No, you can't do that .
That's not the only one.
Oh, it doesn't count.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
No, oprah doesn't do that.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
No, I have to choose.
Here's the thing.
Oprah doesn't do that.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Here's what I was saying I would take the $1
million, invest it to get youknow, like get the book do the
thing.
That's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So you can make Oprah's book so that Oprah now
is like she cares about you nowshe cares about you now.
That's right.
Boom, do the $1 millionincrease the bank to get where
you need to be.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, I would get the $1 million, because I wouldn't.
I'd probably talk about thedumbest stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I'd be like hey girl, hey girl, hey girl.
I love your dress, You're good,Like you're dope You're so dope
and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm not exactly the same.
I'm like no, no.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Exactly she was like and that was a great match, that
was so good yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Is your.
If your daughter asked for atattoo or nose piercing at 16,
are you?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
taking her.
I would do.
I'm not big on her gettingtattoos, but I would do a nose
piercing.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
OK, I'd say no to the tattoo and gold to the nose
piercing, because I got a tattooillegally at 16.
And I wasn't the same person at20 as I was at 16.
I wasn't the same person as 25.
So now I have this big thing onmy arm.
That's my tattoo removal,because it's something I did at
16.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Put it in a frame.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Love it for 10 years and then put it on your body, if
you really need it there.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
But now you have the experience to tell a story.
Oh yes, that's the beauty in it.
I had to go through it, but youknow well, they make them tiny.
Now I was going to say peoplecan get marks on their noses.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So you see, yeah, hey , I talked so tiny.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I mean, you have a tiny little one in this too.
I do and I think also why Isaid no to the piercing, because
I kind of want one even now.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Oh, but do it together, you can get it.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
You can get it.
Yes, you have the nose for it.
Yes, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You do.
No, you do Absolutely.
Ok, cool, I'll take it.
I'll take it all day, wait.
Did you answer?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
No, I would not, you would Neither of them.
No, not at 16.
I think, because 16, we justthink we know what we want.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
And we don't.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And so I would, even though it would be cool to say,
yeah, me and my daughter wenttogether.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But then you went up with the 16 year old like me
that gets my co-worker's ID andshows up at a tattoo shop.
I would hope that.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Leila or Zoe, you would know better.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yeah.
Why does it have to be one orthe other?
Why does it have to be?
You say no, and then, if not,they just going to rebel.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Because that's what happens, it happens.
It happens, but my hope andprayer is going to rebel.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
The first thing I did when I went to college is get
my tongue pierced.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, wow, because I wasn't allowed to do anything.
Well, tell me you were that oneand see, that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I'm not rigid.
I'm not that rigid.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And I always give my kids the reason why I say no.
So I think they were respected.
And then I also give them whatto look forward to.
Like all right.
How about we wait when you turn18?
If you still want this, we'regoing together.
I hated the tattoo.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I got it I like that idea.
I regret that tattoo.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, yeah, If your kids.
Maybe.
If you have a good relationwith your kids and you feel like
they listen to you in otherways, then perhaps yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah, I like it.
Well, check in in 10 years.
I'll take all that.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
We'll check you out.
I know I have five.
What?
Five years I was like, oh no.
I was going to say I'm like,who are the other two kids?
I have five years guys, godJesus.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
We got one more question right.
Yes, One more.
Do you feel like we actuallyhave the power to change the way
motherhood is viewed around theworld or in the US?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Let's do this.
Yeah, yeah, yes, of course,absolutely.
That's why we're here.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah, I mean, I think we have the power to change a
lot of things, you know, aswomen, as Black women, as
leaders, as thinkers.
I mean we have the power tochange a lot not just the way
motherhood is viewed, but theway we are viewed as a people.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah, yes, absolutely .
So why do you think a lothasn't changed?
So I feel like my favoritethings to do is to say like the
feminism movement happened andso everybody got jobs, and then
we still have to do all thewoman stuff.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Well, listen, I mean, I think it takes generations
for thought process of people tochange.
Because, it can't just be blackpeople it has to be all people
and so for you to integrate adifferent thought process into
all people, it takes time.
You know, but do I see a change?
(09:03):
Yes, do I see a differencebetween my grandmother's era and
our era, 1,000%.
Do I see it between even my momand what she thought her
limitations were, as opposed towhat I think mine are?
Yes, 1,000%, so I see a changeand do I see how my daughters
think as opposed to how I eventhink there's a big change.
There's no limitations on them.
(09:24):
The sky, I mean, is literallythe limit for them.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
The world of social media.
The internet has opened up allnew possibilities to what they
can achieve, and it's justdifferent now.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Speaking of achieving things.
How have you found yourself?
Have you ever found yourselfpushing aside your passions or
motherhood?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, I did in the very beginning of motherhood.
It was a lesson I think I hadto learn early on.
When I first had my oldest, Ithink, I leaned all in on
motherhood.
It was the only thing that Icared about.
It was the only thing that Iwas focused on.
I paused on everything else,and before that I was traveling
(10:08):
three, four times a week.
I was on a straight grind, ahustle.
I was doing so many differentthings and when I miscarried
before I had a healthy, myhealthy daughter, and so I think
that shifted something in me.
So by the time I got my child,my first born, I was all in I
was like no nothing elsemattered Everything.
(10:28):
My time is important.
I'm going to focus in on her,and so it did.
I had to learn that lesson,though, and so it took me about
I want to say almost like twoyears that I was all in on her,
and then it took friends to belike.
No, lizzie.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Where's that?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Like what's going on.
You're not shaving.
You're on some old like oh, youwere on the like I went on,
some old like I am like EarthMother.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Oh, you were like a crunchy mom I was just like in
my stuff.
Yeah, I don't know if I cancurse.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
But, I was in that zone and I needed that for that
time period of my life and oncethat was over, it was like all
right, my kids are good, I lovethem and I can still be
functioning and all the things,yeah.
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I think two things.
One, it's important for thefact that you leaned into it
Like you leaned into that season, you were like you know what
All these things are going to behere, because look at you now.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
All those things are going to be here.
My kids need me.
I want to lean in and I'm goingto do that.
But then the importance of acommunity, because your
community was like OK, girl, wesee you.
Right, you're a good mom.
All right, now let's shave,that's right.
Let's do your hair, let's getit together.
Like she dropped themaintenance yeah, I was just
like I think I was just.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I just didn't, it wasn't important.
Just at that moment it wasn'timportant.
Other things mattered more andI was just in this whole like
you know what I love her.
This is what we're doing,what's best for her.
Up we're eating avocados today.
I'm cooking everything we'resteaming this.
And breast milk we'rebreastfeeding.
It was all of that and I leanedso far in that I think I lost a
(12:03):
little bit of me, as much as Iwas enjoying it.
I lost a little bit of me and Ihad to find me again.
And so that took a second.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Do you think you would have been like that if you
hadn't miscarried?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
No, I can't see myself necessarily being like
that if I hadn't, but Itreasured it so much and it was
like I wanted this phase so muchand so in that process that's
just kind of how it's done Didyou get a guilt response.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
That's what I was going to ask.
I miscarried my first child,but I remember when I found out
I was pregnant, it was rightafter getting married and I was
like didn't really want to bepregnant.
My birth control failed becauseI took antibiotics and so I was
like eating whatever I'm likeyou know whatever, you can do
whatever and then I miscarried.
It had nothing to do with that,Right.
But I found out a little bitlater, but I felt so guilty and
(12:52):
I was like man, I didn'tappreciate it, I wasn't happy.
So then it's like the next time.
It's like you overcompensatefor that.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, you know, I don't know if it was guilt.
Ok, I don't know if it wasguilt, but I remember when I
miscarried, I called mygrandmother.
And I was like devastated.
I was like I don't know whathappened.
I don't know what happened andI remember she said to me Lizzie
, things happen, you're healthy,you're strong, you come from
good stock.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I love that I'll never forget that.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
She said you're going to have a baby.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
You are going to go on to have many healthy babies
and for some reason, I thinkit's just the grandparent or
whatever it is.
I believe there.
And so that was it, and I saidokay and I moved forward.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
You moved forward, okay.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I don't know if it was guilt, but I think it was
just what I needed.
It was what my soul needed yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
That makes sense.
Yeah, you went all in and sonow you were like, okay, it's
Lizzie time, that's right.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
And Lizzie has been doing the thing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So about a second and third baby came around.
I was like y'all rolling away.
Let's make it ourselves, y'allin this moment now.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yes, and how do you do that, like, how is Lizzie
going after her wildest dreamsamongst motherhood?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, you know, I think that motherhood has
enhanced who I am so much.
I love that, you know.
It has not stopped me.
It really has brought outqualities in me that I didn't
even know existed beforemotherhood, and I think that's
the best I can say just becauseof it.
I know isn't an option, my timeis important, there's nothing
(14:29):
to hold me back, there's reasonsto push me forward, and so, and
they are that, and so there isno like, it's just like, let's
figure it out, let's do it, likeokay, what's the issue?
All right, now let's solve that.
All right, cool, that's solved,now we're going.
So if you have a mind frame andif you keep with that mind
frame over and over and overagain, then now your routine is
that your routine is not tosecond guess and to doubt
(14:51):
yourself and to say oh no, okay,well, I'm just going to be here
for a second.
Okay, well, I'm just going tochill over here.
Okay, we'll never mind.
Your routine now becomes okay.
Now what?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
And so, if that's, your mindset.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
That's what you are now training yourself to do.
I'm on with the motivation.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So when you're like friends shook you out and got
you to shave, or what have you,did you already?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
have that.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
We got to bring it back I feel like my husband.
We got to do that.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
We're going to let nothing go Every time we talk,
every time we talk, I'm going tobe touching me.
She's going to be shaking, girl.
They're shaking, they'reshaking.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, I'm just checking in on the friends.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
So I got you back.
So when they like got youtogether, like you have that
mindset now, but is that themindset that got you going?
Or like what got you from?
Because your friends could ourfriends have told us stuff and
we sometimes stay where we are.
They told her shame to.
I don't know, I don't know.
But, it's like how do you likeget from there, like actually
(15:48):
get to that mindset?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
You know I think that I had to rethink how I wanted
to use my time.
So, yes, girlfriends come inand they're like yo, like what's
up, Like what's happening,let's figure this out.
And it took that and I was likeoh you know what?
You're absolutely right Likelet's go do something.
And let's just do something,just me and my friends.
And you know, let's leave thebaby here with husband and
family or whatever.
And that's you know.
So it's that versus becomeslike all right, let's, let's
(16:12):
figure out what steps that welost.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Right.
Where is that?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
So first I figured out that, and then from there
it's like all right now, whatdoes this new world look like?
Because you, this is a newworld for you right.
Like motherhood, this journey.
No two journeys are the same,not even as a mother.
No, two children are the same.
So it's like, okay now, so whatdoes this look like?
Life with baby is different.
So now we're figuring that out,and then I had to figure out
(16:38):
what worked, look like for meand what I wanted it to be.
And then that was the journey.
And so once I figured out that,and I figured out the sight and
figured out that I wanted to bea voice, and I figured out
there was a void, becauseeverywhere me and my husband
went, there was like we were thepink elephant in the room with
this baby.
(17:00):
And no one.
At the time.
It wasn't cool yet to be amother, so it was like this
whole time.
And then we were also a blackfamily, and so my husband is a
model and so he's very handsomeand we'd walk in this room and
people would just be like who,what?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
the hell.
Yeah, like OK, y'all aremarried.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm like yes, we're married and we're happy and
there's so it was like that, andso then it became OK.
Why are we an elephant in theroom?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
And why?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
are we?
Why is the Hux DeVos the onlyfamily that's shown?
As black love, yeah, and sothen, we started to move through
that and I was like, ok, so Istarted the site.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
And then from there I was going to ask does that help
.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Cool mom, and that's how it came about that Right,
wow.
What would you say to someoneyou talked about looking for the
missteps or the missing pieces?
What is the first step for amom who's like, ok, no, I'm
right where you were, lizzie, Iliterally poured my all into my
children, but I do feel likeit's time for me to take the
(18:02):
first step.
What would you say to thatmother?
That is ready.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I think the first thing you have to do is and I
know this is so cliche and Ihate to be the person to also
reiterate it you have to findwhat your passion is, and I
think it's the hardest thing totell someone, because it's
almost like you know, it's likean athlete right, like they know
they love football.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
They know, they love basketball.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
It's like my husband used to play football.
He's like yeah, I just alwayslove football.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I don't want to pass my passion.
I've always loved sports.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
And so for me, I don't know.
You have to figure out whatthat passion is, what brings you
the most joy when you're doingit and for me, it was cooking
brought me joy.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Thank you, you know, you know right, I love it I love
it.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
It just felt like it was in a zone that everyone did
it.
And I love speaking yes, it's amoment, a moment.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I'm not in the kitchen right now, not every
night, not every night.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Sometimes you've got to cook and go, yeah, well, it's
not when it becomes like a job.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Like you know it's like it's hard as a job, yeah,
but so I think it was that andit was finding what brought me
joy.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
What are the?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
moments that I really started to feel like oh, I'm
happy when I'm doing this, yeah,and I think it's that.
And so finding your passion isvery hard, but I think you start
by just saying OK, when do Ismile the most?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
OK, when do?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I feel that little like oh, this feels good the
most.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I think too, not being afraid to try the things
and not like it or fail at it,because I think we all, because
we want so hard and so we justwant to do right in all the
things that we're like.
Well, what if this goescompletely wrong?
Or you know what if I tell myfriends and family that I'm
getting ready to start this newventure and then it goes south.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
That's right, you know what I'm saying.
You can't tell anybody yourgoals.
Yeah, that's right.
I know that's hard, but youknow also what's for me is
saying yes, yeah.
So I would start to say yes.
People would ask me things andI was like yes, I'll go, yes,
I'll do that.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yes, I'll collaborate on that.
Yes, I'll do this.
And it's like I started justslowly to say yes instead of
saying no, and that opened upthings as well.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Is that how you winded up?
Well, we thank you for your yeshere.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
That's right Because, wow, you just never know.
Is that how you ended up goinginto business with a friend?
Because you know some peopleare like don't go into business
with your friends.
I know.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Now, that journey was an interesting one, I mean it
was.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It's Jess, right, yes , so.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Jess and I have been.
We were friends.
We met through our kids and sowe met in preschool with our
children and they were friends.
And so we became friends.
And, you know, we started likewe knew we were on a similar
wavelength.
We knew that we had similarethos.
We both, you know, championwomen, champion mothers Like
(20:39):
that was big for us.
And so we knew we wanted to dosomething.
We just never quite couldfigure it out.
And then COVID hit.
And then COVID hit.
We were both busy, you know,doing our things, yada, yada,
yada, and we just didn't havetime.
Yeah, we were just like wedon't have time to figure this
out, yeah, and then COVID hit.
Yeah, and so when COVID hit, weimmediately put up a together
(21:03):
like a little shack kind of, youknow, content house.
We started shooting a lot ofdifferent types of content, one
of them being renovations andlike OK, things and stuff like
that.
And then we were like yo, let'ssee how we can make this
something bigger.
And make a shake, yeah, make ashake.
Yeah, it shook, and it shook,it shook, it shook.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Love it.
There you go.
It shook, so we're happy aboutthat.
That's really good.
Is there anything that you arelike unapologetically proud of
in your life, like business-wiseand mother-wise, like, yeah,
you don't care what it affects,but you're like?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I think I'm just unapologetically proud of the
skin I'm in now.
You know it took me a while toget here, although I feel like
I've always been a confidentperson on the inside, like I've
always appreciated who I was andI never compared myself or ran
with people for just because I'm, my mom raised a confident
(22:02):
woman and I'm proud of that, andso the journey that I've had to
get to where I am right now hasbeen a long one, but I'm proud
and unapologetically proud ofwho I am and where I stand today
, and can't nobody shake that.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
And how did you get to the proud?
I say because it was instilledin you as a child.
But it's like, yeah, it's justit's instilled as a child.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yes, like I come from , I come from strong stuff.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Like my mother was strong.
You know what I mean, and mygrandmother was strong.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
But you know, there's a journey that you you have to
take to get to where you are,and I think I am now coming into
the realization that I'm I'm OKwith my journey.
You know, what I mean, whereasyou know if there was other
moments of life that I wouldfeel was this the right step.
Was this the right move?
(22:52):
Should I have stayed there?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Should I have done this instead.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
You know that kind of thing.
Now I'm in a phase where, look,everything has led me to this
moment.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah, and this moment is exactly where I'm supposed
to be.
You're like, even if I get itwrong, it's going to get yeah,
and that's the beauty in it.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
There is no wrong.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
The wrongs are all lessons, right?
Yeah, there is no wrong.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You make the best choice you can at the time you
make it.
And then from there, you justkeep moving forward.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Makes sense.
Yeah, what do you think momsactually need to hear?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Hmm, moms actually need to hear.
This is a good one.
I think moms actually need tohear that they are loved.
They are loved, they are valued, they are important.
I mean, if you really thinkabout it, and I think that this
hit me like a lightning boltwhen I had kids without mothers
(23:49):
where are we all Right?
Like we are critical.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Is it show Literally being yes Of the science.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yes, like we are creators, you know and.
God has given us that free.
I mean that right and that gift.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
You know and so for us.
I just feel like moms actuallyneed to hear that you know you
are the rock of it all and itdoesn't mean that you always
have to be strong.
It doesn't mean that you can'tbreak down and be vulnerable and
be sensitive.
It does not mean that.
It just means that you are soimportant and you are such a
gift and because of that walk inyour life always.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Wow, man, I mean that's, that's the way to go,
it's good, you're positive.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
You can like like Photoshop lights just like a
beam of light around you,because you know why you have to
walk in light.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
I mean you really do.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
There's so much in this world that can bring you
down.
And there's so many people whowant to take that light from you
.
You do, and if you don'tsurround yourself with them, you
block them out, you don'tmanifest them into your world.
And I don't, I don't manifestany of it into my world.
And so, if you see me, I'mgoing all.
I'm going to instantly love youuntil you tell me that I
shouldn't, until you pull me.
Otherwise, yeah, you'll seenothing but love from me, and
(25:02):
that's just how I like to live.
Yeah, you know I treat everyonelike that.
And I think there's somethingto it.
You just have to walk in light,because that's what you will
bring to yourself, and that'swhy I teach my kids.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
And I just hope it sticks I have to and we all, you
guys, come a good stop.
Well, we hope that you guyshave enjoyed this.
I think that really, you havehonestly inspired me to continue
to not second guess myself,because that's really what it
sounds like.
It's just making sure that weare really like standing in our
decisions, standing in ourmoment and being present in that
(25:34):
and just being proud.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
That's right, you can't get it wrong.
You can't get it wrong, so justkeep going, you guys hear that
you cannot get it wrong.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yes, for all the moms out there that are literally
second guessing their choices,second guessing their parenting.
You know all of the things.
Whether you're a good wife ornot, you are that and walk in
light and walk in love.
Hey, what's up?
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