How to Set Healthy Boundaries Ft. Massy Arias

Ready to be read for filth?? But in a good way… 👀 

This conversation  with Massy Arias, a health and fitness coach, is as real as it gets. If you want to figure out how to  make positive changes in your life.. this will change your life.. We talk about:

• Massy’s experiences with pregnancy, fitness, and body image, and how they've shaped her personal growth.
• Setting boundaries and accountability  for our well-being 
• How to stick to our boundaries even when it's tough.
• Emotional intelligence, finding strength in vulnerability, and navigating relationships.

If you’re looking to thrive in life's many roles, this is a reminder that personal growth and community support can bring resilience (and even happiness) in the face of life's challenges. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Start making a relation between how you feel
and what you do.
Your brain is going to do therest, hey mom what's up?

Speaker 2 (00:07):
What's up, hey mom.
What's up, hey mom.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
What's up, hey mom?
What's up, hey mom, what's up?
Welcome to Moms.
Actually, I'm Blair and I'mMorgan, and this is our special
guest, our favorite guest of theday, masi Arias.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Thank you guys.
Thank you for having me.
Did I get it right?

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Yes, Masi, as you can get without an accent.

Speaker 4 (00:31):
Right, she's like I didn't have to do the accent,
but I did it, right, woo.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
I love you.
Masi, yes, can you tell us alittle bit about yourself for
the one and a half people thatmay not know?
You Like brag on yourself alittle bit.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
I don't brag.
Ok, I try to level withabsolutely everyone and I
believe this is what I do.
Ok, I am a health and fitnesscoach.
I work mostly with females alot of moms and I help women

(01:07):
change their lifestyles throughbehavioral change, through a
better understanding andperception on their relationship
with exercise and nutrition andmental health.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
Very clear.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
I like that I like that.
I'm like.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
I need to figure out my life.
I get it.
I immediately like, hey, how doI sign up?
I literally just got reallyintrigued?

Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yes, well, you can tell this is going to be an
interesting conversation.
I am ready for it, but beforewe start, make sure you
subscribe.
Take a moment, pause.
Subscribe, yes, thank you.
Ok, and now we're going to getstarted.
So you were interested in thepaddles.
Yes, so I'm going to actuallytell you what these paddles are.

Speaker 4 (01:53):
If you guys are new here, you get to know what this
is too.
But all my OGs, y'all know thisis.
It's giving motherhood, andthis is when we just do a rapid
fire.
So I'm going to ask a question,blair and I.
The first answer is the rightanswer.
Ok, so first question when Iask the question, yes is gold or
the first choice and white isno or the second choice, this is

(02:16):
like pickleball.
No, oh, all right, she's likewe're about to do a sport.
Nope, we're just going to hearhere.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
And we're going to know.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yes, yes, or the first choice, and then no, or
the second choice.
Ok, let's go.
All right.
Was your pregnancy planned orwas it a surprise?

Speaker 3 (02:35):
My first one was a surprise.
My second one was like fakeplans.

Speaker 4 (02:40):
OK, oh right, ok yeah , mine wasn't planned.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
It wasn't planned, it was a surprise.

Speaker 4 (02:45):
Surprise, the best surprise has been right, the
best surprise.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yes, I would say, the very, very first time I got
pregnant, the one that happenedwith the miscarriage, I was not.
It was not a good surprise.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
I didn't want to be pregnant.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
I just got married.
I just wanted to be married.
I was so sad, yeah, and then Igot pregnant again after that,
but I think it was because ofthe hormones made me feel like
somebody needs to be pregnant,yeah, so you actually tried to
get pregnant the second time.
I did not try.

Speaker 4 (03:12):
You were like I'm not going to stop it, yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
And then with Colby, I was like I'm getting to the
geriatric pregnancy age, so ifthis is going to happen, it's
going to happen, got you, it'snot You're like, I'm not going
to stop it.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Exactly you got it OK , yep, what about you?
Mine wasn't, oh you.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Ok, no Mine wasn't planned, but I welcomed it.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
And I'm glad.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
What was your face when you found out?

Speaker 4 (03:35):
I don't really know.
I thought it was that I wasjust like very blank, Got it.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, yeah, I was happy, yeah, and so it was a
blessing.
Yeah, it was I always.
I maybe manifested it OK,because I said I was going to be
pregnant by 28.
And it happened at 28.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
So you planned it yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:58):
She was like in my mind In the weird way I did yeah
.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yeah In my mind, but I guess it does happen.

Speaker 4 (04:05):
Well, I already said I'd be pregnant.
I mean surprise surprise,surprise.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
I figured you didn't plan at least the first one.
Definitely not the first one,but she was 19 when she got
pregnant the first time.
And how was?

Speaker 2 (04:15):
that.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
It was crazy, but that crazy was crazy.
It was crazy, but no, it was asurprise, especially with all of
my health things that I've hadgoing on.
So I truly did not think Icould get pregnant, but yeah, I
did it.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
Three times, three times.
But isn't it better to get itout when you're young?
Yeah, that way you can justexperience that.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
I will say I'm very glad that I'm like three and
done now because I'm 32.
And everybody's like you'redone, yep, I'm good and I can
still.
Now I can really focus on my30s and then focus on them, you
know.
No, and not raising a brand newnewborn.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
That was my plan in my head In your head.
I planned it OK, at this timeI'll go to school, I'll do this
and by this time I'm ready tohave a child.

Speaker 4 (05:04):
And yeah, it just didn't happen, not the way you
thought it would, but it'shappening.
Yeah, dish.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Yeah, yes.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
Kind of.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Have you ever struggled with your body image
after having a child?
Yes, after my second, yes, yeah, what was your struggle?

Speaker 1 (05:23):
After having a child, my struggle was the opposite
the perception of being.
Let me backtrack.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
I had a six-pack when I was six months pregnant.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
We know OK, so my pregnancy was really
controversial, but I was healthy.
I was just at the fittest everin my core.
I carry a lot of muscle in mycore, so it was just like a
corset, right, yes?
So after having my child ninedays in, I had a four-pack.

(05:58):
Yeah, right, and I received alot of backlash.
Wow, and it was horrible.
Society is so cruel.
And I felt that I had the needto explain myself and it was
just yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
But I'm sorry, I have a four-pack and not a six-pack.

Speaker 4 (06:19):
Right, yeah, but people just want to be mad.
Well, yeah, I have a four-packand not a fupa.
I'm so sorry, yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
But I put on most of my weight breastfeeding OK, and
most people didn't see that.
Ok, I went up all the way tolike 180.
Yeah, wow, and I'm a prettypetite.
Yes, I'm tall but I'm prettypetite.
Yes, and it was the opposite.
Like I never cared.
All I wanted, I wanted so badto breastfeed.

(06:47):
Yeah, I had in my mind that Iwas going to breastfeed up until
like I was two years old.
I was going to be that mompopping the boob and it happened
for me.
Oh, ok, because young, when Iwas younger, I had a breast
augmentation and I was lied to.
My breasts were put over themuscle and I've been delaying
this procedure for a very longtime.
I have to do another procedureand it's been years how they

(07:13):
just lied to you.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
It's over 10 years Because that's a whole big deal,
yeah, I have them minor underthe muscle, and that was
actually my body image issue.
They kept getting bigger, yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
But they lied to me because it was in Caribbean and
I was young.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
I was so young.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
And I couldn't breastfeed.
So it was like the opposite forme and everything that I wanted
to do I just couldn't do, andI'm someone that I don't like
drama yeah, I stay away fromdrama and I just wanted to
connect, and connect in a waythat was judgment free, even
though I got maybe people'sprojections in their

(07:52):
insecurities.
Obviously, I have a reallypositive try.
But I was exposed to everyoneand everything.
So I had the positives, I alsohad the negatives.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
But you live and you learn.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
No, I don't need to block anyone, you just leave
your urges.
Because eventually people arejust going to have their
opinions.
The way you react, the way thatyou carry yourself, it's like
you're not going to at least, Idon't try to respond in an
unkind way, it's usually theopposite and then that person is

(08:30):
going to be like whoa.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah, I wasn't expecting that.
I was like let me treat them.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
I'm a really positive tribe, and that's what they
mean.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
You do respond, you just don't respond.
Just kindly, just kindly.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Because, at the end of the day, you don't know what
that person has been taught.
You don't know their emotionalstate, you don't know their
lives, so of course they're justgoing to be open.
So the way that you respond isthe way that you teach.
Yeah, so maybe you just turnthem around and now they're just
a fan.
Yeah, and they're just not evena fan, they're just now.

(09:04):
You can relate, now you cantalk and say like are you okay,
what's?

Speaker 3 (09:09):
going on, and then they have nothing to come back
with either, because, you knowme, I like to throw people for a
loop that way too, and theydon't have anything to say after
that, because they're ready togo back?

Speaker 4 (09:17):
Yeah, go back, and forth Maybe.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
I need to heal.
When you approach things withlove, with honesty, with
kindness, usually that is whatyou get back.
I am that person.
I am very positive.

Speaker 4 (09:29):
Yes, I've gathered that Is motherhood different
than you expected, I would sayhere.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (09:40):
I think it's because I don't know what I expected.
Like I read the book what toExpect when You're Expecting
yeah, my mom got it from I meanI was 19.
So she's like here, read thisbook and you do all the things.
But to the point of why we evenstarted this, those books and
stuff like that talk about thebaby.
They talk about what your bodyis doing and what the baby is

(10:01):
doing inside your body and howto feed the baby, how to clothe
it.
Everything is focused aroundthe baby.
So I didn't know what to expectmotherhood wise, other than
like, of course, seeing what mymom and aunt and grandma did.
But I still was like OK, maybeI'll repeat some of these things
, maybe I won't, but there wasno true idea of what I had in my

(10:25):
mind, other than maybe TV, butstill again, that's.
TV.
What about you?

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Nobody gives you a handbook to your mom and
everything.
I had to eat my words because Iused to see the way you know
parenthood was.
I would never do that.
I would never, do that I wouldnever do that and then caught
myself doing that.
So once I became a mom, it'slike a hood.

(10:52):
Yes, you know, like all thechildren are my children, yeah,
and I'm here for it, and it's ahood, so I understand how hard
it is, how it's very individualto every single human or parent,
how we are going to bedifferent and not judge.
Yes and yeah, it's completelydifferent than I imagined.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah, I'm going to say I didn't really have a lot
of examples.
I didn't grow up seeing anybodybut my mom and like I love you
mom, but she, you know, sheraised me like she had like a
parenting book and was likechecking everything off.
So I was just like I don't know.
But we're going to figure itout.
And of course there's thethings like I swear, I was like
no screen time and I'm like them, ipads, these.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
CB saved my life in moments that I need them.

Speaker 3 (11:37):
You know it's just.
You just realize everybody'strying to make it, make it
Everybody's just trying to makeit and we're all figuring it out
and it's like it's what wetalked about before.
Some people try to give youinsight and, especially when
you're pregnant, sometimesyou're like I got this, I'm
going to figure it out, I don'tneed the unsolicited advice.
And then you have the kid andit's like no one told me, no one

(11:59):
told me, but you can't, youcan't really win until you have
the child.
Sometimes you figure it out onyour feet.
You do your best, do your best.

Speaker 4 (12:09):
You do your best Figure out the rest, and
sometimes it's you know Stillnot the best.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
Still not the best, but you get another day, yep, ok
.
Next question Are you surprisedat the things you do now as a
mom?
Oh, versus the things you saidyou wouldn't do, like no
excessive sugar juice iPads,like specific things?
Well, clearly, mine's a yes,Because I said there were just
going to be no screen time.
Now my iPads stay charged.

(12:36):
Ok, kind of yeah, I'll go here.
Ok, what'd you stick to andwhat did you give into?

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I stick to health.
Ok, yes, so, but it's hard tocontrol.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
So it's hard to control because my daughter has
two different homes and she isinfluenced by cousins or like
she's the only child.
So as soon as she saw my niecebe picky about, oh I don't like
this.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
That in the third there's options.
I can have a few Like we can dothat.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Or when she got invited to her first birthday
party and there's like a cakeand you're just like, oh, ok.

Speaker 4 (13:18):
She's been keeping all this from me.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
So I went through the whole phase of sugar and candy
and whatnot.
But now that she's becomingolder, the education.
I spent a lot of time talkingto her like she's an adult.
If she was here, she's wisebeyond her years.
It's like she's a 10-year-oldor an 11-year-old they're a
teenager right.

(13:41):
And as much as I spent oneducating her, giving her
examples and whatnot and I livethat life, so she's going to
emulate this.
Like it's not that she doesn'thave cakes or we may go and have
pro-yo.
But, it's not the norm.
At home it's fruits, and it'sgotten to a point like now,

(14:06):
maybe the six months and on, shedoesn't even ask for any candy.
It's just like fruit.
She goes to school with herfruit.
Whether or not she has candywith her dad or whatnot, that's
on her.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
But, with me we can control this.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Screen time, though she'll have certain screen time.
We watch movies.
Or it'll be educational, orit'll be just for fun, because
as an adult, how will you growup?
You need something mind-numbingfor you to just relax Sometimes
you need it.

Speaker 4 (14:37):
Yeah, I like that mind-numbing.
Yeah, Like we do it all thetime, whether it's like ranging
on TV or doing somethingdifferent?

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah, so I find myself going back and forth.
I'm not perfect, no, it isRight.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yeah, I thought it'd be more strict about food and
sweets and stuff like that.
But then I realized it madesense of how I became because my
parents were strict about thatkind of stuff.
But I actually opened them upto it because I realized if you
deny them like purposely, thenit's like they want it even more
.
So I think it's good she hadthe options, because then she
got to choose what she wanted todo.

(15:12):
Because now my kids, especiallymy son, like he doesn't want
cakes or candies, like mydaughter does sometimes, but
it's out there in the open andthey don't choose it all the
time, so it doesn't feel like Ihired my dad.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
I love that, ok.
Last one, can you honestly sayyou have mastered keeping strong
batteries for the sake of yourown sanity?
I was going to say I feel likeyou're going to say, yes, you
have a whole.
That's your lifestyle.
Yeah, oh, so yes.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
Look at her face.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
She said she's like absolutely Boundaries with,
whether it's friends, family,coworkers.
Like I respect my boundariesand some people may see you as
oh no, like people know, yeah,my friends and my family know I,
yeah, you have to have thecourage of being disliked.

(16:00):
And that's actually a book thatI recommend, if you guys have
the courage to understandyourselves, having the courage
of being disliked.
I love that.
But respecting yourself andyour boundaries and what's
important to you is going tomake you a happy person.
So I have boundaries, likeafter a certain time, that phone

(16:21):
, I don't touch it.
Whether that email gets sentnow or gets sent tomorrow at 9,
it doesn't really matter.
So why am I going to obsess,yeah, or if I let's say I'm
going to be a little bit moreboundaries with my family, like
I'm sorry, but this is somethingimportant to me and I cannot do

(16:43):
X, y and Z and finally, peopleare gonna get upset in the
beginning, but then they'regonna come around because they
love you and that's important toyou.
So I don't mess with myboundaries.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Boundaries need to be creative and if you're
consistent with them, the issueis if you're not consistent with
them because people can onlycontinually do what you allow.
So if one day you have theboundary and the one day you
don't, you can't be mad atanybody.
It's just so your kids willteach you that.

Speaker 4 (17:08):
I think that's why I said I haven't mastered it.
I'm very good at my boundaries,but then I have moments where
I'm like, well, you know what Imean.
Like you said, oh, sending theemail at nine versus right now.
Sometimes I'm like, well, Icould just do it really quick.
Or you know, and I know thatI'm not supposed to, because
I've set that boundary, but I'llbend it a little bit.

Speaker 3 (17:29):
So, mastered, I'm taking that pretty literal and I
would say no, my importantboundaries I keep like the kids,
not in my like stuff like that.

Speaker 4 (17:38):
I'm very yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
My closed doors.
But there are some that areflexible because they're like
nice to have.
But the ones I have I don'tplay about them Like ever,
Because of my sanity.

Speaker 4 (17:50):
No okay Masi question , because you opened up and you
were talking about what you doand you said something very
intriguing to the both of us,because we're like, ooh, let's
sign up.
Everyone knows you as a fitnessguru, like instructor, but I
don't know that a lot of peopleknow you for truly helping women

(18:14):
change their lifestyle, whetherit be behavioral you said
health and then just mentally aswell.
Could you talk to us more aboutthat, or are there other things
that you're like?
Okay, yeah, I do all of that,but these are some of the things
that no one even understandsthat I do.
That I would love to discuss.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, so for the past 10, 11 years I've been building
a community and the goal isthat people can fly on their own
at some point, that you're nothooking them to a point where
they don't have the tools right.
You want to be able to providea service that, if you're coming

(18:53):
back, is because you wantsomething new, it's because
something may be happening inyour life and you need a
refresher, but not because I'monly giving you enough for you
to keep coming back.

Speaker 4 (19:05):
So you're not a drug dealer.
I love this.
No, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
I am here because this mentality is how I've grown
.
One person is going to tell thenext person, he's going to tell
the next person, he's going totell the next person.
So I can actually hear you.
So there's exactly, and thetruth will set people free.
Come on and it doesn't matter,like let's say I always say I am
not that person that is goingto tell you what you want to

(19:31):
hear.
I am that person that is goingto work with facts and tell you
what you need to hear, becauseeverybody knows what comes easy
goes easy.
Oh, yeah.
Life, it's not rainbows androses.
You're going to have to buildmental grit, resilience.
Things are going to be hard.

(19:52):
This is how you get to the nextlevel, and you mentioned guru.
I don't believe in gurus, bythe way, if the moment you stop
growing, the moment you believethat you know absolutely
everything about everything isthe moment that you stop growing
and you stop learning and youbecome ignorant, and I don't

(20:13):
believe in that.
I believe every area or industry.
You have to keep learning.
Even if you take it from ascientific perspective, it's
proven.
We really don't know anythingabout anything.
Like today we say, okay, thisis the truth, but then a year or

(20:34):
two years from now, you're like, oh well, the research finds
that this was a lie, Right so.
I've become agnostic to a lot ofthings.
I say this about a lot ofthings.
So the goal is can we continueto learn and evolve with the

(20:54):
information and the researchthat's being provided on a
regular basis, whether you're adoctor, personal trainer?

Speaker 4 (21:05):
a beauty expert right .

Speaker 1 (21:08):
And or enthusiast, and you have to continue to
learn.
So I've built a community inwhich, if the general population
understands that I believelosing weight, keeping the
weight off, burning fat, gainingmuscle is not hard Once you
have the tools and once you aretaught a sustainable path to

(21:32):
reach that goal and it goesfarther than just this is what
you eat, this is how you train.
You have to be able to make ita lifestyle here.
It smells delicious, the chefamazing, but I control what I
eat and you're mentally strong.
Right, people do not understandin the general population that

(21:56):
in order for you to look acertain way, you have to keep
consistent.
So, personally, even if I'mgoing to be three, four hours
outside of my environment, I'vealready eaten.
I really don't feel like eatingoutside or I just control that
environment.
That makes sense and that'swhat I teach people.

Speaker 3 (22:19):
I'm like dang.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
I'm literally just a little, can I just say this?
And the more you know theSaturday gets, because I look at
ingredients, I look at wherefood is being outsourced and it
can become obviously I'm notgonna obsess over it, but I'm
here.
I'm in a way I'm 15 minutes awayLike I just ate and I just came

(22:43):
here and I'm good, I had somenuts, I had some water, I had
some coffee and I'm good right.
So I think, when people aregiving the tools, and this is
where a community gets, this iswhat I'm trying to build People
on social media, that's my tribeMitribu right.
And I here.

(23:04):
Once I came to America, Iunderstood that the culture is
very individualistic.
You do, I'm gonna do for me.
It's in the audience andinstead of thinking as a whole.
So within this community, wehave sisterhood right, we have
camaraderie, we have everythingthat you can think of.

(23:25):
People can relate.
It's like what you guys aredoing, it's a mommyhood, and
that's where we bring how tohelp you understand and have a
better relationship with food,your workouts as a whole, the
community part, the mental part,getting you ready for what's to
come.

(23:46):
Whether it's a holiday, whetherit's family, whether it's your
support system, it's as a whole.
If you obviously you can givesomeone a diet plan, you can
give them a great workoutroutine and they can do it for a
little bit and then fall off,and that's when you gain it all
back.
Or because you haven't beengiven the tools to make that

(24:07):
lifestyle change in thattransition, and especially, as I
get really serious with this,african-americans and Latinos,
we have to change our culture.
I'm sorry, but we are dying andthey're making literally a lot
of money out of our sickness.
That becomes its lifestyle andhow we live.

(24:28):
And I'm not saying like you'rejust gonna go out and maybe you
know you have to find moderation.
I eat all the foods that youcan imagine, but I make them
healthy because the way that Ifeel and how I wanna live, I
don't wanna be in pain.
I'm 35 this year and I'm movingbetter than in my 20s.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
Period it just makes me realize how mentally weak,
because I was literally in thegym the other day, about to cry
because I'm like I gotta do thisfor the rest of my life if I
wanna look good and feel good.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
Start thinking like if you go to the gym and I say
this all the time focus onperformance, getting stronger
right.
Getting stronger, gettingfaster, getting better right.
Start thinking about thephysiological changes in the
brain, chemistry and whathappens.
You never.
Obviously.
If you're operating from astandpoint like I gotta make

(25:22):
this bigger, I have to make thissmaller, the body is going to
come.
Think about this.
Weight loss wise.
You're doing more.
What's gonna happen?
You're burning more calories.
You're getting stronger.
What's gonna happen?
You are going to put them onmuscle.
You're eating healthier.
It doesn't matter even.
Oh, cut this or cut.

(25:43):
Start eating healthy.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
You're creating the deficit.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
And start making a relation between how you feel
and what you do.
Your brain is going to do therest.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
Wow.
I'm like this is a great timefor this, though, because we're
you know, this is right afterthe new year, right after the
holidays, when everybody isliterally they're on that wagon
of we're gonna go to the gym andI've got my new goals and all
of these things.
So I'm so glad that you areeven here talking to our

(26:15):
audience about this, because Ithink, with moms especially, we
have not only the just theinternal narrative of okay, I
gotta go to the gym, but it'sthe I have to go to the gym to
lose this mom weight.
So, like what, you know, whatI'm saying Like it's almost like
what I'm hearing you say is weneed to change all of that.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
It's your perception that you have to change, like
how many resolutions have youmade?
Every single year is the sameresolution.
Yeah, we're gonna do this Nowthe gym hat.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
And then February, it's 15.
Ooh, that's important.
It's important.
She's like you never told a lie, blair.

Speaker 4 (26:51):
You never told a lie, I mean it's hacked, you know,
and then you fall off Like youcan be in denial so you have to
okay.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
So let's say here we're laughing, even though it's
like kinda sad.
Yes, you know no seriously, andI'm laughing because I've seen
every single thing that you canthink of.
I've seen it.
So what I do and say it's,instead of you thinking that
you're just gonna make a newresolution, start thinking about
what has stopped you fromactually making that happen If

(27:23):
you start taking account andbeing present.
Be present with yourself.
Stop being distracted.
Stop being distracted by the 10, 15 social media stars or
reality TV stars that you canthink of because they're doing
this or the media or this.
Shut the noise.

(27:43):
This is your life.
You don't have a stylist.
You don't have X amount ofmoney.
Things are not given for youfor free.
You may not have three nanniestaking care of your children.
This is real life okay.
And you really need tounderstand.

Speaker 4 (28:02):
Let me just sit on the couch.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
It's true, it's true because I like to stay real.

Speaker 4 (28:07):
I love it.
You have a beautiful life.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
Literally, you have a beautiful life with your
beautiful children.
Think about your supportsystems.
The right and dies, likethere's so many people that
don't realize there's so manymoms that don't realize they
have everything to be happy.
Happiness is not a dopaminerush because you got a new bag

(28:31):
or this house or this or that.
It's a state of mind and whatyou think you become.
So start making a list of thethings that truly stop you from
making those changes.
These are your boundaries.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
Way to bring it for circle Period you just taught me
.
I guess that's how you figureout the boundaries.
These are your boundaries.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Because you will have a support system that's not
ready for your changes, for thenew you.
They want to stay back there.
You're ready for a new chapter.
So now you have people, let'ssay, projecting on you.
Yes, a little bit Like this is,but why?
You know or recently I went on adate and there's a reason why I

(29:17):
don't drink.
Drinking doesn't make me feelgood Mentally, doesn't make me
feel good.
I feel horrible, it takes metime to recover and I start
thinking negatively about myself.
Okay, so this is the seconddate we go out with the drinking
.
Hey, don't make me feel likethis.
I said I personally don't drinkand I could have one drink.

(29:42):
But if you need me to drink, butif it's one drink cool, so like
a glass of wine I can drag itfor like two, three hours.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Great.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
But I know how I feel when I drink and I don't like
it.
And then who's just gonna drink?
Just one drink.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
You know you're gonna go for a second.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
And then the third, and here you go, you're down,
you know, having the greasy foodand having this, and you're
just like boom, you know.
So I just don't like the weightI feel.
So these are boundaries Ifwe're gonna make it to this
third date.
Can I just be myself?

Speaker 3 (30:19):
Yes, and if you need, someone else to you know feel
okay drinking, then you need towork with us, exactly because
I'm okay with you drinking.

Speaker 4 (30:26):
Yeah, that too I'm good, I drink, I drink, I have a
blast without drinking Me too.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
So this is what I'm saying boundaries?

Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, you know you need to get from point A to
point B, so stop being in denial.
It's going to be hard to makethose changes, make them
sustainable.
This is a question Okay Foreveryone.
Would you rather go through thegrowing pains and be at point B

(30:52):
, or would you rather just staythere in pain, feeling bad about
yourself, constantlycomplaining out loud with
yourself about the things thatyou have to change?
Something has to change, andthat is you, how you think about
things, and you have to get onthe other side.
It's going to be hard, but thatis the process.

(31:12):
You're there learning andthat's how you build mental grit
.
Every single day that you dosomething that you didn't want
to do, you get stronger,stronger, stronger, stronger,
until you get to a point whereyou have defined who you are,
where you want to be, and youstop complaining.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
So what's your program called and how do we
find out?
Oh wait, I'm sorry.
I mean, let's plug that realquick.
No, truly, let's do it yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
So I have different programs, you know, from a very
beginning, for my beginners allthe way down to, like, expert
levels.
What's?

Speaker 3 (31:43):
the beginner one, because I'm a beginner.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
I may elevate.
Okay, and now things.
We have combined everything, soa lot of people think that I am
an ambassador for the brandsthat I promote.

Speaker 4 (31:55):
They're a mind.
She said it.
No, I'm like it's yours.
Yeah, they're a mind.
Yeah, like your protein andstuff like that, right.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
But I don't push it too much, because what I push is
health and wellness.
If you are going to come backinto my companies, it's because,
okay, maybe you have learned,but I believe in continuing to
provide people with the toolsright, and then if we funnel you
and you want to learn more,then you can come Right.
So, true, supplements westarted that about eight years

(32:24):
ago and it's BS free.
Yes, it's BS free.
Yeah.
If you're a mom, if you'rebreastfeeding, if you are
pregnant, you can take most ofour products.
And it is making it easier toeither transition into a better
lifestyle, maintain thelifestyle that you have and or
just make you a better performerin the gym or out of the gym.

(32:45):
And then it coincides with thetraining any sort of training,
because at 35, if you're 40,we'll see where I'll be 10 years
from now, but I will be movingwithout pain, she's like I'm a
little bit.
My knees are great.

Speaker 4 (33:01):
My back doesn't hurt and that's what you want.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
Yes, she's working out, she's working on your
fitness.

Speaker 4 (33:07):
She is.
I've been looking at her.
She looks good, she looks Comeon.
You look good, okay, meg yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
I love it.
Have you always been thismentally strong?
Because I knew how you startedin fitness, but was your mindset
at the same point.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Oh no, this was built .
Who were you?

Speaker 3 (33:23):
10 years ago.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Mentally, I guess, body dysmorphia, depression got
me here.
It's how I started fitness.
I was raised by a very OrthodoxChristian oh wow, I come from a
very Orthodox Christian home,especially after my brother.
I believe he's a miracle and myfamily completely transformed.

(33:45):
So I was sheltered.
Coming here to America, Ithought everyone was going to be
nice.
People had the Lord in them,you know, and I'm a church girl.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
Did you come straight to LA?
No, I was in New York.
Oh, you went to.
Yeah, you definitely were niceand you worked, though.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
Sorry, new Yorkers, but you know I had a lot to
learn.
I had to learn the language,learn the culture, learn how
things are done.
I was bullied Men if theanalogy of the diamond how was
the diamond Through?
pressure.
It was pressure.
So I encourage women.
You are not a damsel indistress.
Yeah, Women are the mostreliable multi-taskers, strong

(34:32):
humans.
So if you have forgotten howstrong you are as a female, you
need to remind yourself, Becauseyou can take it, and I'm also
speaking for men.
We're resilient.
We are resilient, we're goingto rise above.
This is what we do every singleday.
We rise above.
So no, I wasn't like this and Iwas.
I'm the only girl of five boys.

(34:53):
I have two step sisters, but I,they, just they did something,
you know and live did somethingrelationships.
It was the best thing.
Emancipated when I was 17.
I strong-minded, I startedrebelling this is why I have the
tattoos, because I'm artisticand whatnot and I emancipated at

(35:17):
17.
My dad wanted me back home.
He said to him after you, takeme out of my space.
You think that I'm going to goback home?
Absolutely not.
And man, my life was rough, notbecause my parents weren't out
there, because I chose this lifeand it was the best thing that
I ever did.

(35:37):
It was rough, but it was thebest thing because it taught me
everything that I know right now, and I think that for Indy, I
shelter her in a way that I'mhere to teach you the way to fly
on your own.
But, baby girl, you're going togo out and you're going to fall
.
I'm going to let you go rightthere in the cliff, but I'm

(35:59):
never going to let you fall.
I'm here to support you, butshe has to live and understand
life, and you know book smart,street smart.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
I wasn't either, I was not street smart?

Speaker 3 (36:09):
I wasn't either.
So, speaking of your daughter.

Speaker 4 (36:12):
how has that been?
Because I feel like I used tobe a single mom, so I know what
it's like to, and my daughterwas first kind of like navigate
all that.
You know what I mean.
Like you're having the mental,your grit is on another level

(36:34):
than most, but some single momsdon't have that.
How do you get yourself there?
How do you tell yourself thatlike yes, I'm doing everything
by myself, I'm literally likeoverwhelmed, I'm burnt out, but
I have this mental grit.
Where does that come from?

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Well, it comes from life, and I think Indy made me
even better.
I can't fail.
I just can't you fail, that'sit.
That's what your daughter isgoing to see.
And the crazy thing is, I thinkyou know we have to break
cycles.
My mom was a force to bereckoned with.
I wouldn't be the woman that Iam if I didn't see what my mom

(37:17):
did.
My mom, that lady, iscompassionate, driven Like oh
that girl I like said that allthe time.
My parents.
Honestly, they're amazing.
I'm getting emotional because Imiss them, but they are amazing
and they were perfectlyimperfect.

(37:38):
There's things that I learned,even through the way that they
raised me, that I would never dothat with Indy.
And now I see them like wherewere you?
Where was that when I wasgrowing up.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
But they were too stressed surviving.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
That's why grandparents are so good.
They get to be soft, like allthe stuff that they had.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
They wanted to do Exactly.
So I think Indy made me evenbetter, I think my decision to
become a single mom I did it formany reasons, but it was that I
can't fail.
Now I'm here and my decision ofbecoming a single mom was
pretty straight.
I wanted to be happy, yeah, andI believe I've never given my

(38:25):
two cents about my past because,first and foremost, everyone
can understand here and I thinkhumans are perfectly imperfect
and when you are processingsomething that you've never
processed before it's beenalmost like four and a half

(38:46):
years and I'm still learning,I'm still processing and who am
I to speak on something that inthe moment, I'm not going to be
in a neutral space?
So now I see things different.
Divorce sucks, it's not healthyand if you, there's some things

(39:11):
that in some instances whereit's amicable and that's what I
wanted, but it wasn't.
Now I'm understanding thatcommunication, emotional
intelligence.
If you're going to teach yourkid something and that's what
I'm teaching Indy it's yourability to communicate,
discomfort, your ability tocommunicate and be okay when

(39:36):
someone has a different opinion.
It's okay to be on twodifferent pages.
How do we come together and wemake it work.
That wasn't taught to me.
Say as I say and do as I do.
That said, I'm teaching herabout emotions, how to channel
her emotions.
What are you feeling right now?
Do you need a moment?

(39:56):
Do you need to voice it out andlike okay, girl, go to your
room, it's okay to cry.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
It's okay to be angry .

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Because when we're angry, it's okay to have all
these feelings.
What is not okay is for you tomake decisions when you are
feeling either extremely sad, orextremely angry, and or
extremely happy.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
That's a good one, because we never add happy to
that list.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
You have to make decisions when you're neutral.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
I told my daughter the other day.
I said because she was pretty,I said your emotions and the
things that you do in thatmoment is for a moment, but the
action that you did when you hadthat emotion, it lasts.
It leaves a residue, residueyou can wipe all day long and
it's still there.
I was like, do you want thismoment to last?

(40:46):
Like, what are you?
You have to think this through.
Like, think it through becauseshe, you know, but we do that
and it's a lot of.
It's funny because when I saythese things to my daughter, I
have the immediate like moment.
Afterwards I'm like dang, whatabout me?
What about me?
Like I have a moments where I'memotional and I'll say things
or I'll do things, whether it bewith my husband or, you know,

(41:08):
with a friend, and I'm like, hmm, that's going to leave a
residue.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
Yeah, yeah, I teach my daughter breathwork.
I'm like just breathe becauseyou want to decide if you still
want to feel like this, becauseI'm like I get sad and there are
some moments to cry, butsometimes you just need to think
.
So you can't think while you'reupset or while you're, I guess,
even happy.
I'm like you're building uplike your, your heart is beating
, like all of the things arehappening.

(41:32):
You're not able to yeah, youradrenaline is going, so you
can't think.
So I try to get them to likebreathe.
I'm like let's just take asecond and do that, and then we
can decide how we want to feel.
Yeah, and then we go from there.
So that's what I'm teachingthem, it's?
You know, my kids are six andfour, so it's not a thing.
But I always tell myself I wantto be like the voice in the
back of their head when theygrow up.
So you will.

(41:52):
I'm like maybe I'll take thatwith me.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
But it is a thing, because at a certain age up
until your, I believe, 12, it'sindustry versus inferiority.
So you may think that your kidsare not understanding, but
everything that you're doingright now, they're building
their personalities.
They're building who they wantto be and I believe also in like
coping mechanisms, people whocan self-regulate.

(42:18):
That's without anything.
We're not talking withoutalcohol.
We do it all the time andthat's where you know.
Going back to why people canstay healthy, first of all, we
live in America.
This is a hamster wheel.
You're going to try to like,cope and get the dopamine rush
and the tarot toning andwhatever in all the unhealthy
ways.
Now can we teach you thatexercise is a way for you to

(42:41):
cope with this negative emotions, instead of you grabbing the
alcohol, instead of you maybeengaging in?
I mean unsafe behavior.
Unsafe behavior right.
Or the drugs or whatever it is,whether it's sex, whether it's
anything.
Can we teach?
If we teach our children how tocompletely become neutral by

(43:02):
themselves with all thesedifferent healthy coping
mechanisms, then that's how webreak the generational curses
that have been imposed on us.
Like you know, we have theLatino community.
That's always like hitting andwhatever.
Please, you can use your words.

Speaker 2 (43:19):
There's no.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
I've never touched on my daughters, I've never laid a
finger on my daughter and wetalk because I respect her, she
respects me, and we'll see wherewe're going to be, because they
say like, oh, mothers,relationships and mothers and
daughters is really hard, but Ifeel like that's going to be my
best friend.
She's my best friend right nowand we're going to go through it
and that's it.

(43:42):
I hope that I have morechildren.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
I think if you start an even playing field
relationship, it will go.
I know people talk about theteenage years and it's not that
it doesn't exist, but I believewhat you say is what will become
.
So I try not to like, I try tobelieve that this is going to be
our relationship throughout.
I'm not going to start talkingabout, yeah well, she's a
teenager, it's going to be hard.

(44:05):
I'm convincing myself, it'sgoing to be amazing because
we're starting that.
I'm the same.
I talk to my children like theyare adults, especially my
daughter, and I'm like it's long, Like my daughter asked how our
baby's made and I told her.
I told her penis goes into avagina.
And that is how a baby is made,and that's why you need to

(44:25):
protect, especially at this age,until you're married your
vagina.
Like it's very simple, but Iwas afraid to ask my parents
things.
And so then you go to yourfriends.
I want them to know I'm nevergoing to lie to them about
anything, so they can talk to me.
And of course you know,different stages happen and
they'll approach their friends.
But they don't have to worryabout like, oh, my mom is going
to have, so I try to be veryopen with them because I just I

(44:50):
feel like I made a lot ofmistakes, because I think I'm
going to be very open with them.
I didn't feel like I could talkto my parents.
I didn't want to let them down.
I also tell my kids you'regoing to make a whole bunch of
mistakes.
That's fine.
Just come to me after the firstmistake, because the second
mistake is for you to usuallyget you in jail.
Really Something.

Speaker 4 (45:06):
So elastic Elastic thing so come to me.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
after the first one, I got you boo.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
You can't get in trouble for the truth and like
it's like we forget At somepoint you were a teenager.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Oh gosh.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
So can we try to like understand our kids and like
level with them and still I feellike there's Indie will respect
.
Yes, you know, because Irespect her, and once you don't
hide the truth, obviously youknow there's certain things that
you have to like ageappropriate, yeah, but when you

(45:40):
you have each other's backs.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
Yeah, 100% yeah, and they feel that.
They feel that because I seehow my daughter is with me and
I'm just like it's the bestfeeling.

Speaker 2 (45:50):
It is it really is, especially at this stage, yep.

Speaker 4 (45:52):
Yep, and you mentioned earlier that you went
on a date.
Oh yeah, oh wow.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Oh yeah, I heard you talk a little bit on social
about like dating.
Yeah, how's it?
This?

Speaker 4 (46:02):
It's because and you're- like high profile, yeah
People.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
So how do you even do that?
It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
You didn't think you'd be dating again.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
It's like this world.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Oh no, I really want to find the one I believe in
marriage.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
I have beautiful examples of what that looks like
.
I hate that and you know.
Once you realize like, okay,well, this is what I did wrong
or this is maybe I didn't askthe right questions.
I was impressionable.
Yeah, I, you know, and I thinkeven in my past relationship we

(46:40):
made a beautiful human.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
There was so many synergies.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Yes, gorgeous.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
And just because there's certain things I didn't
work out and the timing wasn'tright and we didn't make the
right effort, whether no one toblame, right, because I'm not
that's, I'm healed, no, and nowI can talk about it in a way
that is not angry.
Yeah, right Now, I know how toask the right questions.
And the thing is, there's a lotof people who are not in tune

(47:07):
with themselves, yeah, and theytry to put this persona where
you think they are, like I ammyself.
I am really simple.
Yes, I have the ambition, Ihave a lot of masculine energy
to provide to do all the thingsbecause I have to be.
Yeah.
You know, I'm the sole providerfor my daughter right and in the

(47:28):
state of California.
You know if you're successfulor whatnot and it's I'm the sole
provider.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
I am not counting on anyone but myself to provide for
my daughter right.
So until energy that makes mefeel more feminine, I am, I'm,
super feminine.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Yes, oh, I believe in you when I have when that
energy matches me.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
Yeah, right, yeah.
So yeah, I believe in marriage.
I believe I would love.
I'm capping myself at 38 yearsold, okay, that's it.
If at 38 years old, I cannot,that's it, I'm good, okay.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Or maybe that's what I'm saying now.
Yeah, I thought you weretalking about children, but
you're talking about me.
No children, okay With children.

Speaker 4 (48:10):
Oh Okay, so you think you're not married by 38?
You know?

Speaker 1 (48:13):
at 38, indy's just gonna be, or who knows.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
but Well, that's true , there'd be a difference.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
So you, I mean in general.
I think you should have.
I love children.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
Would you ever do surrogate?

Speaker 1 (48:23):
I wouldn't be.
No, listen, being a single mom,I believe deep in my heart
Having a male figure and havinga female figure.
It is what's healthy.
Okay For growth.
Yes, yes, like women, like I am, yeah, I'm powerful.
And I can do this on my own youdo want to have, and whether
it's an uncle or brother thathas to be part of the child.

Speaker 4 (48:45):
You said Kim hired a man.
Oh a man, a man, a man, a man.
Yes, she said Kim.

Speaker 3 (48:50):
Kardashian hired a man.
She wanted her children to havea male figure.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
There you go and like it's Come on Like I would love.
If I have a child with anotherperson, I'm locked in.
I am not neither becoming astatistic.
Yes, I want to provide thefamily that I see in my head and

(49:13):
I want mom and dad happy.
You know figuring it out,because everybody knows that
marriage is not easy.
It's work.
You're going to go through goodseasons, hard seasons, and it's
.
Are you there with your bestfriend?
Yeah, with your right and die?
Yeah, with someone who lovesand sees that marriage is
commitment.

(49:33):
Yes, to the good, the bad, theugly, but I want to be with my
best friend and that's who Iwant to meet.
And it doesn't matter what theydo, because together we make it
work.
It doesn't matter.
We grow, we're nurturers,females, when you are in your
feminine power, it doesn'tmatter.

(49:54):
I'm not looking for someonelike money or status.
I'm looking for someone who is,who is.
It's like yin and yang.
We will make it grow together,we will be, this together and I
don't believe in the whole thinglike oh, we make each other
like whole.
No, come whole, Two whole.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
Two whole, but you're coming into this from a mint
like not just healed butmentally strong place, Like I'm
sure, whoever you were becausethink about who you are in your
20s You're a whole differentperson You're not the same
mentally strong person you arenow, so the person you attract
is going to be different to your20s than you are in your 30s.
Like if I was to get, it wouldjust be totally different who

(50:34):
I'd end up with.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
Yeah, I want that puppy love.
I want.
I don't know if she want to beon the phone all night, all
night.
Those are the most she don'tnecessarily know.

Speaker 4 (50:43):
Our first, non-negotiable I don't remember
later.
Boundaries, boundaries.
How about that?
That's the first thing when youfirst start dating.
You're like on the phonenon-stop.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
Oh yeah, that is true , and you fall asleep on the
phone.
Yeah, you gotta give them twoweeks for that.

Speaker 3 (50:55):
How about the boundaries two weeks?

Speaker 1 (50:57):
No, yeah, I mean it's not that hard, but I do,
because I do see myself talkingall the time to this person.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
Yeah, yeah so.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
I want to know.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Yeah, it's hard, it will happen.
So you better come correct,because you see how she is Right
.
You gotta be ready for her,yeah like.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
And when we say come correct, it's like just come
with an open heart, come beingyourself.
You don't have to pretend Likewhat are we trying to do here?
Trying to see if we just canbecome like this.
Okay, so like come as you are.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
Come as you are, imagine what, just like at the
church, like I don't know at allthere's a lot of barriers in my
life.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
I know you don't want to be a guru or anything, but
you know a whole lot, I'm gonnagive you a whole lot.
We won't say it all, but.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
But I want that, you know.
I want that energy.
You know I don't want to be inlike this masculine.
Yes, I know that I can do thisproven.
Yes, I can, but I don't, it'shard.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
I don't want to.
I don't want to All the timeLike it's life.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
It's better and it's easier with two people.

Speaker 3 (52:02):
Yes, no, we say all the time like the whole like
super mom or super woman thing,like great.
But if you're calling me supermom or super woman, that means I
need help, like I don't want to.
I can be, but I don't want tohave to be.
I don't want to have to be.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
I put on the cake when.
I need to, but I don't want towear it on.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
Yeah and I believe in traditional roles.

Speaker 4 (52:20):
Even though in my family mom and dad, whatever.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Like I never saw gender roles Okay, If that
needed to be picked up, whetherit was mom and dad, they used to
check each other out when youat.
Okay, you were at a 10?
Okay, I got you.
Yeah, you know, even now likewhile my mom is cooking, my dad
is doing the dishes.
Yeah, and like they're so cute.

Speaker 3 (52:39):
They're so cute, they're ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
How long have they been married?
34 years, yeah, 34 years, goingon 35, and they've married
twice.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Yeah, I can with oh, they married each other twice,
twice Wait, divorced and marriedagain.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
They just got married , yes and that are renewal, you
know they there was just thecutest thing.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
Yeah, the cutest thing.
Like you know, they came tovisit the other day.
I'm like where are they?
And they're like literally inthe backyard together like
literally belly, you know,looking at each other.
It's ridiculous.

Speaker 4 (53:10):
They're so like in love.

Speaker 1 (53:11):
It is.
They're in love.
I love that and they have gonethrough thick and thin.
Yeah, and the way they look ateach other.

Speaker 3 (53:17):
I want that.
Yes, so you talk about the next, when you get married again.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
you guys are gonna work it out?

Speaker 3 (53:24):
no, matter what, but it and you kind of you touched
on this a little bit before.
But what were the signs that,like this one, had to?
Because you sound like when Iget married it's commitment.
So like what made you realize,like I know I feel that way, but
I can't commit to this.
We were on two different pages.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
I can speak on the, you know, yeah, on the other
person, but what I value, it'svery different.
Okay, like I don't, I'm notheld by the material.
Okay, you know, I believe thatI was like people need to
understand like I love andbreathe this.
I'm successful because everysingle day that I wake up, I'm

(54:09):
doing something that I love.
Okay, I'm a people person.
Okay, right.
So I think, you know, when twopeople are just not on the same
page and it doesn't matter likeif you're reaching a
relationship or you're seeingyour relationship on who's right
or who's wrong, it's nevergonna work.
Okay, yeah, no, 100%, it hasnever worked.
It's not about being right orwrong, it's about what can okay,

(54:30):
cause we're on the same team.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
First of all, exactly If I am winning, you're winning
.

Speaker 4 (54:35):
If you're winning, I'm winning, I'm gonna fight
your teammate.
Yes, okay, you can't.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
And, like I said, you have to see, like once I had
Indy and this is biological.
Okay, in your biology as afemale, we have to carry.
We, like a male, can justimpregnate you and just move on
to the next.
But biologically speaking, wehave a lot to lose.
So, we're protecting thatoffspring right.

(55:01):
That as much as we can, right.
So I looked at her and I saidis this the life that I wanna
live?
Yeah, no, and you know I say itall the time.
When things are sped up andwhen you are trying to meet a
partner, you have to have a lotof things like link up from your

(55:23):
religion to how you wanna spendmoney, how do you wanna manage
money, what's important to you,how you wanna parent, education,
politics, like all these thingsmatter, right, because you know
they have to align and or ifthey don't align, then you have

(55:44):
to.
You know, at some point youhave to have someone who's like
oh okay, like that person's notgonna be perfect.

Speaker 3 (55:49):
What are?

Speaker 1 (55:49):
you, is your ego big enough or not big enough is your
ego?
Hmm, how do I?
Flexible, yeah, flexible enoughto say like you know what, it's
okay, you know what Like.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
I really don't like when you do that, but like okay,
like okay.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
I can just brush that off and I just knew we just
your intuition.
If you continue to feel likethings are like not aligning and
you're just going to have thisall the time when you're giving,
then it's just not.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
You know, especially when you have your parents as an
example right, the sky is blueexactly.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
So and it's not.
You know.
Of course we can say like thatwas about person or this is
because it's not aligning withyou, but I knew what I didn't
want and that's it.
I'm looking at it In everysingle year.
It's different, because as youevolve it's different.

(56:49):
Like that is the father of mychild, and it doesn't matter.
This is crazy, but this is howyou know if you're a good
Christian or not.

Speaker 4 (56:57):
He's got the blood out.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
You just can you see them differently.
You are able to turn the othercheek and just put your child
first, that, no matter what,they're going to reach that
point whenever they reach thatpoint, I was really hotheaded
you, ok, I can give and give andgive, but if you reach that
point I will freak it.
Well, I used to.
I would explode, like that's it.

Speaker 3 (57:22):
And then you're just like you probably held a lot
back.
So if you hold back, it's goingto Exactly.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
So now it's like why am I just going to hold back,
hold back, hold back until Iexplode?
No, so it's now.
It's like created somethingbeautiful.
I had a lot of things toprocess, right To the point
where I think that there's a lotof things that were unfair.
And now it's just like I'm justso hyper focused on my
happiness, so hyper focused onIndy, so hyper focused on you

(57:50):
know how can I even expand mybusiness, but expanded from a
good.
You know, at some point Ithought that I was not deserving
of this.
You know how hard I've worked.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
I can't even like the monstrosity.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
I can't even imagine you ever that I was in the
serving.
Yeah, you know when did you get?

Speaker 3 (58:09):
over that.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Not too long ago.
Wow, because it's hard to seepeople suffering and you doing
well.
Ah, I can do that.
That is just the hardest thing.
Yeah, and I had to go totherapy for that, wow.
So now it's like okay, I don'tfeel bad about providing the
business that I provide it'sinstead of giving the fish.
Let me teach you how to fish.

(58:31):
Yes, right, so, and I felt badlike there's a lot of suffering
in the world.
Yes, so for you to be doingwell.
When you hear like people arejust doing this and that and the
third, like that's.
It's rough, I can imagine, butyou give, like, yes, you're
getting, but you're giving yesand like, when you have a

(58:54):
company, that's the coolestthing To get to a point where
you can give back yes, like, oh,like.
There is no better feeling.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
You know that you can give back.
That is everything.

Speaker 4 (59:09):
But, masi, I have one last question.
Oh, one last thing.
What do you think moms actuallyneed to hear right now?
Even though, if y'all, if,y'all ain't here nothing.
This whole episode, I don'tknow what y'all might need to
put the dishes down.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
You don't hurt something.

Speaker 4 (59:24):
So the laundry down all that.
But seriously, if the lastthing you could leave them with,
what do you think they need tohear?

Speaker 1 (59:31):
OK.
So this is where it's liketough love yes, right, can't
wait.
Don't be in denial, right, thatis the worst place where you
can be.
Don't play the victim, Right.
And by saying that it's, youknow the parts that you play and

(59:52):
the situations that you're in.
So I cannot say, you know,we're talking about this, like
you're doing a great job.
I don't know who I'm speakingto.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
She said you might love me.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
Man, you know, if you are not in denial, sometimes we
are the common denominator,geez.

Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Right, oh, we're the common denominator in all of it,
we're our relationship Right.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
So don't be in denial .
You're not a damsel in distress.
You can't play this victimmentality.
You are resilient, you aregoing to thrive and maybe you
are not comfortable beinguncomfortable.
But once you get comfortablebeing uncomfortable, there's a
lot of things that are going tounlock.

(01:00:32):
So be strategic.
Set yourself a plan.
Don't start thinking about like, oh my god, this is so big and
how am I even going to start?
Break it down.
Break it down because time doesnot wait for anyone and if you
get stuck, a year, five years,10 years is going to pass by and

(01:00:53):
you're going to think about whoyou were and what you used to
be.
You are resilient.
You will evolve, you will breakthrough, but it's going to take
you not being in denial and foryou to take action for you to
make that happen.
Come on, you're a powerfulbeing, getting your power.
Trust your intuition.
Let's get it.

(01:01:14):
You got this.

Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
What's the beginner program called?
Again MA LA Bing.
She thinks I'm joking.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
No.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
She's going to see Blair Jumpy no.

Speaker 1 (01:01:24):
But think about this when you feel good, when you
look good, you have to be vainwith yourself, because it's
either you're going to bewishing something like oh my god
, I wish I look, you can, yes,you can look like that, you can
be that person, you can do thosethings, but you have to get
regimented.
Get regimented, but it's goingto be a process.

(01:01:47):
It's going to be pretty, it'sgoing to be ugly, it's going to
be all the things that you canthink of, but you're going to
get it done.
You will do this, trust me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
Snap some of these.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
No, I literally don't have anything else to say,
blair.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
That's it, thank you so much.
Thank you, no.
Thank you, you've changed mylife today.

Speaker 4 (01:02:07):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
Got rid of all my excuses.
Thank you guys.
Thank you so much.
I know my excuses are excuses.
Yeah, Thank you.
So thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:17):
Really appreciate you .
I'm going to say thank you onbehalf of our audience because I
know that there are women rightnow.
They're probably in tears, tobe totally honest.
I mean, if I was in a certainplace, I'm sure, like me two
years ago, me a year ago, Iwould be in tears right now.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Truly, I'm going to grab this paddle.
You can leave that relationship.
If it's abusive, ok, you canstep out and you will do
something with your life.
You don't have to get stuck inthere because at one point and I
left everything, didn't evenlook back and I said I will

(01:02:54):
rebuild myself and I will learnand I will grow and I would get
it done and I will never lookback and the things that I've
learned in this journey.
I've become better in everysingle way, and I'm not saying
that you're always going to belike, oh so hard, but you don't
have to be in that relationship.

(01:03:15):
If you don't need to, you canleave.
You can rebuild yourself.
You do think about it.
Vulnerability takes courage andtakes strength.
You have people around you thatcan help you.
Being vulnerable, it's one ofthe best things that you can do,

(01:03:35):
because you do have help, youdo have a community, you do have
sisterhood.
Be, honest with yourself.
You got this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:48):
Oh yeah, thank you.
Wow, this is like when yousaved to watch a week, like once
a week.
Look you guys.
You said I'm going to get.
You said I almost get thosetears.
She said I'm going to get themfrom you, girl.

Speaker 4 (01:04:00):
Yeah, no, no, no, this is great.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
This was beyond mine.

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
Yeah, way beyond Awesome guys.
Thank you so much.
Thank you guys for watching heygirl hey da bere, stay aside.

Speaker 4 (01:04:13):
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
What's up hey girl.
Thank you.