October 26, 2023 • 30 mins
Hey Ma! We’re hitting rewind and spotlighting our "MA Top 12" — the standout episodes from our first three seasons of Moms Actually. From October 12 to December 28, don’t miss the moments that defined us. Join us as a we take a trip down memory lane as we prepare for Season 4.
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Do you feel like intimacy is a distant memory after having kids? Joined by our special guests, Tammy and Carrington Franklin, we take an honest look at self-confidence, creating special moments with your partners, and setting boundaries for our kids.
We discuss:
- The reality of body image struggles post-baby and how to rewire our minds to embrace physicality and affirmations from our partners.
- The significance of mentorship and the role of a strong support system.
- The rollercoaster of motherhood, emphasizing the importance of grace, communication, and gratitude towards our pillars of support.
- Creative ways to get intimate after kids
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Tammy and I'm Carrington, and we're on the
couch of moms, actually, andwe're so excited.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Stay tuned for our episode, hey mom.
Speaker 4 (00:12):
We're back with another episode of moms,
actually where motherhood meetssisterhood.
Today we have not just onespecial guest, but two special
guests.
We have Mrs Tammy Franklin aswell as Carrington Franklin.
Thank you for the grace.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
I am Blair and.
I'm so pa.
Yes, well, y'all ready?
Yes, what are we talking abouttoday?
What we talking?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
about today.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
Today it's so here I'm gonna tell you guys what we
do.
We play a little game calledit's giving Motherhood and
honestly, this is a great gameto play before this topic today.
So this is what we're gonna do.
You get grab your paddle here.
Gold means yes, white means no.
I'm gonna read these questions.
You only have a couple secondsto answer the first answer, the
right answer.
Okay, okay, all right, allright.
(01:18):
Sex doing pregnancy or no?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Definitely.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Were you scared to have sex after babies?
Didn't feel the same after thebabies?
Did you feel sexy after havingkids Now?
Do you feel sexy now?
Do you schedule sex?
Yes, sometimes.
(01:52):
Do you feel comfortable beingnaked?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Yeah, it's like sometimes Okay so let's just
jump right into it.
Good job y'all.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
What holds you back from feeling comfortable like
being naked around your husband?
Yeah, I'm like.
Next is first.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I find the more confident I am in myself, the
more confident I am around him.
He doesn't care, and what I mean, we've been married 26 years
and one of the things that makesme feel so beautiful is that
he's loved me no matter what.
Yeah, so it's about me lovingmyself, and sometimes I
intentionally push past that andbe like girl this your man,
(02:37):
y'all be like yeah, I emptiedthis, you know.
So sometimes I do push past thefear, but it's amazing to me,
as women, how I'm letting y'allknow that you have to just
continue to work on that.
I've been married, of course,longer than you all, but it's
something that's still 26 yearslater.
I still.
It's still working.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
So do you guys get dressed up for your man, like,
do you do the whole lingeriething?
Or you're like, look, I'm nakedhere, I'm in a bed.
Take me as I am, like do you?
Do the whole thing, or do youjust it's acted all these years,
or after kids, becausesometimes after a full day of
mommying like who has time toget cute?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Well, as I said, I'm empty nester.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
Oh she has the time.
This is who has the time.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
So I got a little more time today, but it just, I
mean, it depends, I would say,for y'all.
Probably too, it just kind ofdepends on sometimes I'll go and
I'm realizing that it's been awhile since I've done something
special like that and I'm likewait a minute, let me, let me
jizz it up.
Yeah, I got like spontaneousyes.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Because I have like a , I got a drawer, I got like all
this stuff and then I don'tknow I have a morning.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
You know what I used to have all of that, but my
husband is like I don't have thetime he does like all the stuff
.
Speaker 5 (03:52):
Yes, he's like, I appreciate it, but he's like
actually I'll be fine.
Have you guys ever triedgarters?
You can't get your underwearoff.
I don't know what I'm saying.
No me, I'm just kidding.
Have your kids ever walked inon you?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yes, my kids have not , but his mom has.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh, oh, okay, we don't talk about that, but is
there like how do you?
Speaker 5 (04:14):
set the boundaries, like do you have a better time
where you're like, okay, I knowthat the kids are not going to
walk in, so I you know do you?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
have that time for you.
That time is the time.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
That's the time.
Hey, maybe I just need to getbetter.
We're not setting him outsideto the backyard.
We'd be like go play outside.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yes, I'm joyous, stay here.
Mine is old enough to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Mine is when it's three.
Oh, two, yeah, he just turnedto me so when our kids were
younger, we would just sneakaway to the closet.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Oh, and we kind of knew what that meant.
You were talking about thecloset before.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I was like me, me, me , me, me.
I'm kids.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Okay, mrs Ur, she's like wait a minute.
I went to that closet to getsomething to wear, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
She's like I remember that closet yes, we had a
closet look like oh, oh Allright, I'm going to go see you
in a minute.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
We just had the conversation about the closet.
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
It was like you know little one, two in the closet
real quick.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Not a one two, a little one two.
Was that the one?
Speaker 5 (05:12):
at the wedding.
Okay, y'all, oh, so, okay, solike, sometimes I feel like you
got to spice it up, especiallylike for me.
I'm not always the best at likeconsistency.
So one time we did, you know,sneak away.
We were a bride, I was abridesmaid, he was the groom's
men and the reception was snuckaway.
And we told the bride we waslike, yeah, we was, you know she
(05:33):
was like yeah, she was like I'mso honored.
She thought it was the greatestthing.
But yeah, I mean, I think it'smore like the spontaneity of
things can kind of spice thingsup too, Instead of like the same
old, same old.
I wish I could do it more In myhead.
I'm so spontaneous Like I thinkabout all the stuff I'm going
(05:53):
to do during the day and thenthe evening comes and it's like
the morning you and then theafternoon, the night you is not
the same person.
Suggestion like okay, pleasetell us.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Do not wait till the.
I learned not to wait till theevening.
Okay, if you feel it, you feelit.
Okay and go with it.
Otherwise things happen.
Yeah, I won't have it.
Speaker 5 (06:11):
I mean, sometimes they may say some crazy like you
know what I missed it on youdon't know what I had planned
for you.
Right, you did not do that dishI'm dry though.
Forget it.
I should try it.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I'm like yeah, yeah, you know, I'm gonna make it
through.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
I'm gonna make it.
So I learned, just if I'mfeeling it.
I'm feeling it, you know, andyou know they feel it as soon as
you feel it.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So don't practice not waiting until the night.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
There's nothing magical about the night.
Keep us married.
Keep us happily married.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Nothing, because I mean you end up being tired.
Yes, emotions change, somethinghappens.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
So do you make up for it when you fall asleep on your
man?
Like, how do you make up forthat?
Because I know I fall asleepsometimes?
Yeah, I'm falling asleep, sowhat y'all do?
Speaker 4 (06:57):
I hype him up the next day.
I'm like all day, All day,texting memes.
Does he notice?
Is?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
he going to watch this and be like, hold on?
I don't think so.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Maybe I don't know, but that's how we kind of keep
it spicy too.
It's like every day.
He does it better than me,though, of course.
Yes, but yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
Sometimes I still feel it.
I have a shared calendar, sowhen I'm really like feeling it,
I'll like put on his calendarFaceTime yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
FaceTime.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
FaceTime, facetime.
But no, I have a question foryou, karen Tim, when we were
doing the paddles, you said itdoesn't feel quite the same as
before.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Yeah, you know things are a little different.
I did have a natural birth soyeah, things seem like they
maybe moved around a little bit.
I mean it feels, you knowbetter than that.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
I'm sure it is.
I'm sure he feels fine.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I asked my husband that though.
I'm like, does it feeldifferent?
Yeah, you did.
No, really.
Yeah, they don't care at thistime they don't, and it's us.
I'm thinking a lot too Likeagain going back to the mom body
and just like my stretch marksand my boobs that have been, you
(08:05):
know, through three breastfedchildren.
I'm like, ooh, my boobs arejust kind of swinging.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:14):
They get different too, just inflated A little
communion juice.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Oh, oh, can help with that.
Speaker 5 (08:21):
Communion juice, that's true.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, help with that.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Just, you know, I'm thinking about like music, I
have to have music, so Bermondalways laughs because.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I'm like I'll put on a playlist, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I put on some like yeah, we have a playlist, yeah,
I put on, like the other day.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
I went on.
You know my iPhone.
No, I didn't make it.
I just looked up sex playlistand they exist.
It's already there.
You don't even have to make amixtape like back in the day.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Did you like the song ?
I don't remember the song.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I guess they did the job.
That's good yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
I think my thing is like, when the kids are there,
they're like knocking on thedoor, it's like it throws me off
and I'm like, or I'm alwaysthinking about, like what if,
even if they're in their room orlike doing something?
I feel like there's sometimeswhere I'm like what if the kids
need something?
Or what if they, you know, wantto walk in, or like whatever
(09:14):
the case, like in my husband,like if you like, these kids do
not matter right now, like Ithink I just have to get over
that.
Like, is that something thatyou guys have have had, where
you're like I'm always thinkingabout the kids needing something
, or you know you're like no naptime.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
They wake up during that time, they don't go to
sleep during that time.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Yeah, I know what do you do she said they outside
playing, they outside playing.
He locked the door.
Yes, he did, but we also havewindows to the backyard so we
can see them.
And it's getting.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So, you just be like.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
You know what?
Sometimes, yes, but I feel,like.
That's what makes it more fun,because, like, we're watching
them.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Make sure they're like yeah, we just laugh about
it and we just keep doing ityeah, yeah, I feel like the
quickies for me, like I'm likequickies are where it's at
because we're.
Who has time for a full song?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
and dance.
One time my daughter wasupstairs.
You said I had time.
You said I had time.
Speaker 5 (10:13):
You want a full show.
I need the full play, I needeverything.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
That's a good point.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It depends on the whole thing.
Sometimes I need quick andsometimes I do want to be
romantic, the whole romance.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
That's the thing too.
I feel like when you're for me,I'm like I've been in this
messy bun all day, just kind ofthe big t-shirt and all that
Like I want to feel sexy.
But it's hard to feel sexy ifI've been moming, so it's almost
like I need my husband to belike hey, like.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
To remind you your life as well.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
But that's why.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I got all the lingerie I don't wear because
I'm like when you try it on,it's like oh, it's like oh, I'm
hanging out by myself, you knowLike I feel
Speaker 5 (10:54):
like I like myself today.
Yes.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I think a struggle I had when it came to like my body
after having babies was the,the touching.
You know I felt likebreastfeeding and, like the
first six months, I was likedon't?
I felt tapped out, touched.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
Touched, touched.
Yeah, I was just like, well,and can y'all explain that,
because a lot of people actuallydon't even really know what
that is?
Carrington shared that with me?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, I never heard of it.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, you know, I was breastfeeding as well.
So like when you always havethe baby on you and then you put
the baby down for a quickmoment and your husband's all of
behind you, you know,whispering out I'm like, I'm
like you know, you know you'reshowing the baby.
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
That you aren't like turned on by him.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
It's not that you don't love him, but you
literally it's like it's overstimulation and you don't feel
like your body is your ownanymore, like for that moment.
I was just like.
You know that touched outfeeling is really overtaken.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yeah, I'll be cooking in the kitchen, he'll come like
try to hug me.
I'm like, I promise I love youand I like you and I'm attracted
to you, but no, like I, just Ineed my moment.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah, yeah, even for me, like the breakfast, I don't
know, I had to kind of like,like, retrain my mind.
It was like the breastfeeding,and then right after it was just
like yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I don't know if they'll be yours again, but he
loved Didn't have like the.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
I didn't feel like I felt very insecure with my
breasts, obviously because theychanged a lot, but like he
Really affirms me in that, so Ithink that made me more
comfortable.
Like he really affirms me, he'slike these are mine.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
I'm like how often do you affirm yourself yeah, cuz I
feel like we've talked aboutthat too.
Like you know, I know for me,no matter how many times my
husband says you're so beautiful, I love your body, I'm like, oh
my gosh, like if I'm lookingdown, you know, like the looking
down is a horrible.
Yeah it's.
But no, seriously, just makingsure I'm like I've started
(13:04):
trying to like wear betterthings around the house, and you
know so that when I do look inthe mirror I'm like, okay, I'm
cute.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:11):
Yeah, really showing up for yourself.
What would you say to a momthat's like struggling with that
a little bit?
I Mean.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I've expressed that in 26 years I still feel that
way and I think that it is adaily practice, depending on
what you're going through in themoment also as well.
I mean, when I find that if lifeitself is it's stressful and a
lot, then I need to maybe go anddo those things that fill me up
.
If that's, I mean, sometimesfor me that's a walk, that's
(13:41):
definitely prayer, you know,going to, you know, my mom, who
I'm really comfortable with totalk about those types of things
, or just a mentor, somebodythat can just you know, that's
been there, yeah, and that'sdone it.
I think it's so helpful to havethat.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Because that's who she is for me to play.
I know we really are like bestfriends, I mean we're close in
age, but it's just like that'swho I go to, for you made me
sign up.
That was a child.
Like you just tend to have thatclose relationship with your
(14:17):
mom.
But I know a lot of women don'thave that and so I'm really
grateful for the relationshipthat we have, but this is like
my best friend though she's likewe talk about so much and she's
like just a non-biased, likethat, like sound reason, like I
know, if I'm having a day withmy husband or my child, like
she's gonna give me some likereal advice and just be real
(14:39):
about it.
I think that's important too,just to have somebody like
around you that can, you know,pour into but also keep you
accountable.
Yeah, and that's who she is forme.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
I Want, noble, to say that.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
I have my daughter at 20, so she's 10 now, yeah, and
I'm just like I I hope to belike this, like we're pretty
close now we, you know we have agood time.
She's only 10 though, but Ihope that she is always like
leaning on me and she's becauseyou have like about, do you have
boundaries, like do you havethings where you're like I'm not
(15:16):
gonna say my mom with that.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah, of course.
Okay, I mean, yeah, there arecertain things like mama's like
really Like in your you knowmarriage, like you have to
protect your husband on acertain level when you're
telling you know your familycertain things, or your mother
certain things, but I'll alwaysknow that she's gonna be like in
(15:37):
the best interest of ourmarriage, you know so.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
Do you know pda like in front of your kids?
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
That's very important to me.
Yeah, so you saw that.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Please.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
Yeah, I'm a mama, show that like it's not a bad
thing.
You know you want them to seeyou.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
You tell that recently Me and my husband had a
little evening and you know theclothes all over the place, and
so he sends a picture.
We have a, a, a group photo op.
We have a text thread whereit's me, carrington, my sister
and then and our cousin, and soand we include him sometimes,
(16:28):
and so he sends it to the, tothe, to the music On purpose.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
On purpose, he was like this is what I gave your
mama last night.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
I want to be up.
Carrington has left theconversation.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
And I'm like yo, this is too much.
Wow, it's too much.
Yeah, I mean, I've grown toappreciate that.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
No, cause it's kind of like you you want to keep
that same energy with yourhusband, Exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Wow, noble, literally looks at us like this when we
kiss.
She's like aw, like she'll juststare at us, and I love that,
because I didn't really see thatwith my parents.
So, it's very important to me,like we're purposeful about it,
like, well, I'd say Norman'smore purposeful about it.
I try to make sure I don't dothe when he does it Cause I
don't want to teach her that,Like even things, he gives me
(17:14):
kisses and he has like wetkisses and I'm a dry kiss girl,
so it's like he'll kiss me and Iwill like go like this.
So then Noble started doingthat and talking about his wet
kisses and I'm like they'redoing everything.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
I have two kids and one is like oh, that's so sweet,
my oldest one, and the otherone, the younger one, is like ew
, every single time.
But I love it too because, youknow, I didn't have that growing
up, I didn't get to witness anytype of affection, and so it's
really cool that my husband, I,get to be an example for my kids
.
Speaker 5 (17:44):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we have every week a momwrites in for a letter and so we
want to go ahead and read.
Oh, I love that.
Do you have that?
I have the letters you do, sogo ahead and read it.
So what?
Speaker 3 (17:58):
she, she got to say.
So today's letter, this is agood one, guys.
Okay, hey, ma, I've recentlyhad our second child and I
realized I'm saying no to sex alot more than I'm saying yes.
It's not that I don't want to,but I'm tired and sex just feels
like more work between thegetting in the mood, the actual
(18:18):
act and the cleanup.
Lol.
These those things were neveran issue before kids.
How do I get back thatexcitement about sex?
How do I rebuild the intimacyso I see it as a connection and
not work, like doing it for youand not just a pleaser husband
(18:42):
Cause, like for me, like once weI'm good, like it's great, but
it's like getting to that.
Yes, exactly, yeah.
I don't have to answer girl.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, I was about to say I don't have to answer, like
I would be interested to knowwhat y'all think having multiple
kids, cause I only have oneright now.
Yeah, so what?
Speaker 5 (19:03):
I gotta think about it honestly, because for me, I
feel like I have been in thatposition where I'm so burnt out
from all the things of the dayand I have so many things going
on in my mind.
I'm just kind of like, yeah,this is when I'm in it.
It feels great.
I'm like why don't I do thismore often?
(19:24):
I always am like why don't I dothis more often?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
afterwards they roll over and go to sleep and we're
like you gotta go shower.
Just so you know you're in it,Don't like you're watching this,
but you have to pee after sex.
So that means you have to getup.
You gotta go to the restroom.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Yeah, it will be nice to, it will be nice to roll
over, but that's, that's notwhat, you know, women can do.
So, yeah, I feel like I start.
I actually before I would saylast year, no, yeah, this time
last year I actually struggledwith like endometriosis,
cervical cancer, all of thatstuff, and so prior to actually
(20:01):
it was hard to even have sex.
So even that, and now that I'vehad the surgery and I'm good,
now I'm like, okay, I'm ready.
I'm more like ready to dothings, but it still sometimes
feels like work and but I'mexcited that we can be more
consistent.
The consistency is like it'salmost like when you're like,
(20:23):
okay, I just got to get on thetrain, and once you get on that
train, because how many times aweek is like okay.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Oh, how many times a week should we be having sex?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I say as often as you want to.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
But like I mean, what would that average?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I mean, it depends on the week and it depends on the
couple.
It depends on where you, theseason of life you're in.
There's so many.
I mean you know components tothat and I love, you know, the
letter.
I love the fact that shedesires it.
That's the first part of it isis desiring it and then making
sure, okay for me.
You know, I've had all of thesefeelings and it was.
(20:59):
You know it's gonna sound weird, but it was.
It was prayer and I was.
I was like Lord, help me,prioritize, help me, desire,
help me.
I mean me and the Lord in myshower.
We was, you know my shower wasmy church and just you know,
just like help me, does thathelp me?
Because I don't.
I don't like the fact thatsometimes I would cringe, yeah.
(21:21):
And I hate it, I hate that andhate how that possibly makes
them feel as well, and so youknow there have been times where
I had to check in with Tammyand say, okay, is there any
unchecked frustrations that youhave with him or yourself?
And I can tell when I have themand I don't address them then
(21:42):
that it affects it.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
I also used to feel like I'm not, like.
I'm just like in my, mywomanhood.
I kind of like felt like I'mnot, like something's not
working or something.
Like I'm like because I'm sotired and because my desire
wasn't necessarily there all thetime.
It was like in my, a real, likewoman, like I'm supposed.
(22:04):
I feel like I'm supposed to bedoing all these things as a wife
, but I the motherhood thing isjust.
It takes me out.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
It definitely throws a curb.
It throws, and then yourhormones.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Yeah, oh, the hormones are so all over the
place after you get birth, causeI feel like that's six weeks to
me it's not enough time.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
I was so scared the first time.
I was just scared.
I was like I just put a bowlingball out of there, like what is
going to go in there, likehello Scary.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Because then I feel like I just felt like I wasn't
prepared or, you know, I wasn'tgood enough almost.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
So that's what and then their anticipation adds
yeah, like the pressure.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
They can't, they're like five weeks, six days, I
mean yeah, five weeks, six daysLiterally counting, like my
husband, I think, literally hadlike a calendar reminder, I
think Norman was like well,technically, you know you
research everything trying tofind the loophole.
Like, well, technically, youdon't have to.
He went to the doctor with meand was like so we're good now,
right?
Speaker 5 (22:58):
I'm like yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
He was like doctor.
I'm blinking twice, yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Do you have any other tips for this month?
Speaker 4 (23:08):
I think for me what helped me as like a mom too, was
just understanding or even justreminding myself that my
husband has needs too, and thatwas very helpful for me is just
like being intentional with that, because at the end of the day,
he's human, he's a parent, I'ma parent, like we're both doing
it together.
So I may feel depleted, butlike when we are together and we
(23:31):
have that intimacy, it justdoes something to you, like it
refills you, it gives you thatpeace, even though it's so hard
to do it at times or get there.
But the getting, I feel likethe getting there is the hard
part, but like, once you're init, all of the things that like
makes you feel so overwhelmed ormakes you feel like I can't
handle this.
It's a lot, it goes away, youknow.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
Do you walk your spouse through that process,
that mindset, like?
Because I think, sometimes,even with that letter, I wonder
if she has told her husband that, hey, like I'm struggling with
this right now, like I'm havinga hard time, because I think
I've, you know, expressed thatwith my husband and it's nice
that we can communicate about itso he can be more mindful and
understand where I'm at, andit's like, babe, it's not that I
(24:15):
don't love you, it's not thatI'm not attracted to you, it's
like, right now, these are allthe things that's going through
my mind and my body, and I thinkthat that part is kind of
important too.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
First kid I was definitely like that, like I
felt like I just couldn'tcommunicate because I felt so
shameful.
I was like I just didn't knowhow to tell him Like it's not
you, it's just literally me.
You know, I can't control myemotions, I can't control how I
feel.
Second kid I'm like, look, baby, I'm just really tired, you
know, and so it's like easierfor me to do.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I do, but it's like I you can only say that so much
Like if someone turned me down,like my husband was turning me
down for sex over and, over andover again, he's just, I'm tired
, I'm like I don't care how manytimes you tell me that Like I
would still take it personal.
So I feel like it has to belike fixed and addressed and you
have to work on it.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Cause it's just Well, you can't tell them and just
leave it there.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, yeah, just gotta be like actually To work.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I think it's great that you mentioned the fact that
cause that's the part ofbecoming one that you're talking
about things and you'rebecoming friends and comfortable
.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
Cause they're not my readers.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
They're not.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
They're really.
I mean literally I wish, I wishIn anything, in anything.
They do not read in my-.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Selected.
I wish I could like be like.
This is for you.
Oh yeah, that's true, yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
So we just want to say to you, the mom who wrote in
which, thank you for yourletter and your vulnerability.
Your transparency is talk withyour spouse, you know, let them
know what's going on and alsograce yourself.
A lot of motherhood and thejourney in itself is about grace
, because you have to.
(25:53):
You gotta process your body,you have to process your
hormones, you gotta process thejourney, and it's all about
grace and communication andreally just speaking into
yourself as well.
So thank you for that.
Do you guys have anything elsefor them?
Any other gems?
Some of your things.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
I just love the fact that she cares, that's.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
I mean that's like.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
The big part of it Is that she cares yeah absolutely.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
I agree.
Well, I think that's it y'all.
I think we're done, we're done,yeah, yeah that's so much fun.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yes, no more questions, no more questions no.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
more questions no.
I really thought yeah, I meanif you guys have anything that
you want to address, like is itespecially for you?
It's like you're a first timemom.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Even if it's not about intimacy.
Is there anything that youwould want?
A first time mom or a mom?
To know that no one told you oryou didn't take heed to Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You know, I would really just encourage women to
have the grace like extendyourself the grace in every day,
parenting Like you're going toneed grace, like the amount of
grace that you need to giveyourself is going to be
different from day to day,that's true and what you face on
the daily.
So I would just yeah, I wouldjust say give yourself the grace
, give your husband or yoursignificant other the grace,
(27:09):
because it can get ugly realquick and then give your baby
the grace, like y'all are alllike trying to get it out.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Y'all are all learning, yeah, all learning
together.
Y'all you knew moms.
This has been a different.
You know I have to give propsto my daughter because I have
seen her.
I'll give a little teary, butI've just seen her just be the
most amazing mom to this littleboy.
She had him four weeks withinthe shutdown.
Oh, my Birthday plan had tocompletely change.
(27:39):
That was out of the door.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, he was actually allowed to be.
He almost couldn't my momwasn't, I couldn't come, I
couldn't come to the hospital.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
And we were talking about it earlier.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
She's my first, and so I mean we were like ceiling
on color purple but so upset andheartbroken.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
But I've seen Karen to rise to the occasion for this
little boy and you know it hasgiven me a total different
sensitivity to these moms thathave had babies within this
craziness, and so she's doing adirt on that y'all.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I've just been so proud of her.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You know, now I'm good.
You know, when it was back in,you know, maybe 2020, the, you
know, april, it was so rough.
You know, mentally I was justin a really dark spot, but
through prayer, a little bit oftherapy, through my, through my
fam, bam, and that's my aunt, mymom, my cousin, you know, just
talking to other moms that weregoing through the same thing,
(28:34):
just having community, I thinkthat was the part that really,
you know, got me through towhere I am now.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
Yeah, it's really the , it's the village that matters
so so much.
That's why we're here, becausein motherhood you can have like
so many people around you andstill feel very alone.
Or like, if you don't have,like you guys are so blessed to
have the relationship that youhave.
But a lot of moms that you knowthey may have an estranged
(28:59):
relationship with their mom andthey're just trying to figure it
out, or even just having thatlike sisterhood.
It's just so important.
It's so, so important.
I feel like it's key to gettingthrough the journey.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Well, this will be helpful for those moms that
don't necessarily have that.
What you ladies are doing isamazing.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Wow, we appreciate you guys.
We appreciate you for watching.
Thank you guys so much fortuning in.
Be sure to like, comment,subscribe.
Just join us each and everyweek of moms, actually, where
motherhood meets sisterhood.
What's up, hey mom?
What's up?
What's up, hey mom.
What's up, hey mom, what's up?
(29:40):
Hey mom, what's up.
Hi, I'm Tammy and I'm Carrington, and we're on the
couch of moms, actually, andwe're so excited.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Stay tuned for our episode, hey mom.
Speaker 4 (00:12):
We're back with another episode of moms,
actually where motherhood meetssisterhood.
Today we have not just onespecial guest, but two special
guests.
We have Mrs Tammy Franklin aswell as Carrington Franklin.
Thank you for the grace.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
I am Blair and.
I'm so pa.
Yes, well, y'all ready?
Yes, what are we talking abouttoday?
What we talking?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
about today.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
Today it's so here I'm gonna tell you guys what we
do.
We play a little game calledit's giving Motherhood and
honestly, this is a great gameto play before this topic today.
So this is what we're gonna do.
You get grab your paddle here.
Gold means yes, white means no.
I'm gonna read these questions.
You only have a couple secondsto answer the first answer, the
right answer.
Okay, okay, all right, allright.
(01:18):
Sex doing pregnancy or no?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Definitely.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Were you scared to have sex after babies?
Didn't feel the same after thebabies?
Did you feel sexy after havingkids Now?
Do you feel sexy now?
Do you schedule sex?
Yes, sometimes.
(01:52):
Do you feel comfortable beingnaked?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Yeah, it's like sometimes Okay so let's just
jump right into it.
Good job y'all.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
What holds you back from feeling comfortable like
being naked around your husband?
Yeah, I'm like.
Next is first.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I find the more confident I am in myself, the
more confident I am around him.
He doesn't care, and what I mean, we've been married 26 years
and one of the things that makesme feel so beautiful is that
he's loved me no matter what.
Yeah, so it's about me lovingmyself, and sometimes I
intentionally push past that andbe like girl this your man,
(02:37):
y'all be like yeah, I emptiedthis, you know.
So sometimes I do push past thefear, but it's amazing to me,
as women, how I'm letting y'allknow that you have to just
continue to work on that.
I've been married, of course,longer than you all, but it's
something that's still 26 yearslater.
I still.
It's still working.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
So do you guys get dressed up for your man, like,
do you do the whole lingeriething?
Or you're like, look, I'm nakedhere, I'm in a bed.
Take me as I am, like do you?
Do the whole thing, or do youjust it's acted all these years,
or after kids, becausesometimes after a full day of
mommying like who has time toget cute?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Well, as I said, I'm empty nester.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
Oh she has the time.
This is who has the time.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
So I got a little more time today, but it just, I
mean, it depends, I would say,for y'all.
Probably too, it just kind ofdepends on sometimes I'll go and
I'm realizing that it's been awhile since I've done something
special like that and I'm likewait a minute, let me, let me
jizz it up.
Yeah, I got like spontaneousyes.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Because I have like a , I got a drawer, I got like all
this stuff and then I don'tknow I have a morning.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
You know what I used to have all of that, but my
husband is like I don't have thetime he does like all the stuff
.
Speaker 5 (03:52):
Yes, he's like, I appreciate it, but he's like
actually I'll be fine.
Have you guys ever triedgarters?
You can't get your underwearoff.
I don't know what I'm saying.
No me, I'm just kidding.
Have your kids ever walked inon you?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yes, my kids have not , but his mom has.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh, oh, okay, we don't talk about that, but is
there like how do you?
Speaker 5 (04:14):
set the boundaries, like do you have a better time
where you're like, okay, I knowthat the kids are not going to
walk in, so I you know do you?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
have that time for you.
That time is the time.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
That's the time.
Hey, maybe I just need to getbetter.
We're not setting him outsideto the backyard.
We'd be like go play outside.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yes, I'm joyous, stay here.
Mine is old enough to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Mine is when it's three.
Oh, two, yeah, he just turnedto me so when our kids were
younger, we would just sneakaway to the closet.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Oh, and we kind of knew what that meant.
You were talking about thecloset before.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I was like me, me, me , me, me.
I'm kids.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Okay, mrs Ur, she's like wait a minute.
I went to that closet to getsomething to wear, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
She's like I remember that closet yes, we had a
closet look like oh, oh Allright, I'm going to go see you
in a minute.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
We just had the conversation about the closet.
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
It was like you know little one, two in the closet
real quick.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Not a one two, a little one two.
Was that the one?
Speaker 5 (05:12):
at the wedding.
Okay, y'all, oh, so, okay, solike, sometimes I feel like you
got to spice it up, especiallylike for me.
I'm not always the best at likeconsistency.
So one time we did, you know,sneak away.
We were a bride, I was abridesmaid, he was the groom's
men and the reception was snuckaway.
And we told the bride we waslike, yeah, we was, you know she
(05:33):
was like yeah, she was like I'mso honored.
She thought it was the greatestthing.
But yeah, I mean, I think it'smore like the spontaneity of
things can kind of spice thingsup too, Instead of like the same
old, same old.
I wish I could do it more In myhead.
I'm so spontaneous Like I thinkabout all the stuff I'm going
(05:53):
to do during the day and thenthe evening comes and it's like
the morning you and then theafternoon, the night you is not
the same person.
Suggestion like okay, pleasetell us.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Do not wait till the.
I learned not to wait till theevening.
Okay, if you feel it, you feelit.
Okay and go with it.
Otherwise things happen.
Yeah, I won't have it.
Speaker 5 (06:11):
I mean, sometimes they may say some crazy like you
know what I missed it on youdon't know what I had planned
for you.
Right, you did not do that dishI'm dry though.
Forget it.
I should try it.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I'm like yeah, yeah, you know, I'm gonna make it
through.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
I'm gonna make it.
So I learned, just if I'mfeeling it.
I'm feeling it, you know, andyou know they feel it as soon as
you feel it.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So don't practice not waiting until the night.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
There's nothing magical about the night.
Keep us married.
Keep us happily married.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Nothing, because I mean you end up being tired.
Yes, emotions change, somethinghappens.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
So do you make up for it when you fall asleep on your
man?
Like, how do you make up forthat?
Because I know I fall asleepsometimes?
Yeah, I'm falling asleep, sowhat y'all do?
Speaker 4 (06:57):
I hype him up the next day.
I'm like all day, All day,texting memes.
Does he notice?
Is?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
he going to watch this and be like, hold on?
I don't think so.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Maybe I don't know, but that's how we kind of keep
it spicy too.
It's like every day.
He does it better than me,though, of course.
Yes, but yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
Sometimes I still feel it.
I have a shared calendar, sowhen I'm really like feeling it,
I'll like put on his calendarFaceTime yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
FaceTime.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
FaceTime, facetime.
But no, I have a question foryou, karen Tim, when we were
doing the paddles, you said itdoesn't feel quite the same as
before.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Yeah, you know things are a little different.
I did have a natural birth soyeah, things seem like they
maybe moved around a little bit.
I mean it feels, you knowbetter than that.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
I'm sure it is.
I'm sure he feels fine.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I asked my husband that though.
I'm like, does it feeldifferent?
Yeah, you did.
No, really.
Yeah, they don't care at thistime they don't, and it's us.
I'm thinking a lot too Likeagain going back to the mom body
and just like my stretch marksand my boobs that have been, you
(08:05):
know, through three breastfedchildren.
I'm like, ooh, my boobs arejust kind of swinging.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:14):
They get different too, just inflated A little
communion juice.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Oh, oh, can help with that.
Speaker 5 (08:21):
Communion juice, that's true.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, help with that.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Just, you know, I'm thinking about like music, I
have to have music, so Bermondalways laughs because.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I'm like I'll put on a playlist, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I put on some like yeah, we have a playlist, yeah,
I put on, like the other day.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
I went on.
You know my iPhone.
No, I didn't make it.
I just looked up sex playlistand they exist.
It's already there.
You don't even have to make amixtape like back in the day.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Did you like the song ?
I don't remember the song.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I guess they did the job.
That's good yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
I think my thing is like, when the kids are there,
they're like knocking on thedoor, it's like it throws me off
and I'm like, or I'm alwaysthinking about, like what if,
even if they're in their room orlike doing something?
I feel like there's sometimeswhere I'm like what if the kids
need something?
Or what if they, you know, wantto walk in, or like whatever
(09:14):
the case, like in my husband,like if you like, these kids do
not matter right now, like Ithink I just have to get over
that.
Like, is that something thatyou guys have have had, where
you're like I'm always thinkingabout the kids needing something
, or you know you're like no naptime.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
They wake up during that time, they don't go to
sleep during that time.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Yeah, I know what do you do she said they outside
playing, they outside playing.
He locked the door.
Yes, he did, but we also havewindows to the backyard so we
can see them.
And it's getting.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So, you just be like.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
You know what?
Sometimes, yes, but I feel,like.
That's what makes it more fun,because, like, we're watching
them.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Make sure they're like yeah, we just laugh about
it and we just keep doing ityeah, yeah, I feel like the
quickies for me, like I'm likequickies are where it's at
because we're.
Who has time for a full song?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
and dance.
One time my daughter wasupstairs.
You said I had time.
You said I had time.
Speaker 5 (10:13):
You want a full show.
I need the full play, I needeverything.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
That's a good point.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It depends on the whole thing.
Sometimes I need quick andsometimes I do want to be
romantic, the whole romance.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
That's the thing too.
I feel like when you're for me,I'm like I've been in this
messy bun all day, just kind ofthe big t-shirt and all that
Like I want to feel sexy.
But it's hard to feel sexy ifI've been moming, so it's almost
like I need my husband to belike hey, like.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
To remind you your life as well.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
But that's why.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I got all the lingerie I don't wear because
I'm like when you try it on,it's like oh, it's like oh, I'm
hanging out by myself, you knowLike I feel
Speaker 5 (10:54):
like I like myself today.
Yes.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I think a struggle I had when it came to like my body
after having babies was the,the touching.
You know I felt likebreastfeeding and, like the
first six months, I was likedon't?
I felt tapped out, touched.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
Touched, touched.
Yeah, I was just like, well,and can y'all explain that,
because a lot of people actuallydon't even really know what
that is?
Carrington shared that with me?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, I never heard of it.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, you know, I was breastfeeding as well.
So like when you always havethe baby on you and then you put
the baby down for a quickmoment and your husband's all of
behind you, you know,whispering out I'm like, I'm
like you know, you know you'reshowing the baby.
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
That you aren't like turned on by him.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
It's not that you don't love him, but you
literally it's like it's overstimulation and you don't feel
like your body is your ownanymore, like for that moment.
I was just like.
You know that touched outfeeling is really overtaken.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yeah, I'll be cooking in the kitchen, he'll come like
try to hug me.
I'm like, I promise I love youand I like you and I'm attracted
to you, but no, like I, just Ineed my moment.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah, yeah, even for me, like the breakfast, I don't
know, I had to kind of like,like, retrain my mind.
It was like the breastfeeding,and then right after it was just
like yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I don't know if they'll be yours again, but he
loved Didn't have like the.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
I didn't feel like I felt very insecure with my
breasts, obviously because theychanged a lot, but like he
Really affirms me in that, so Ithink that made me more
comfortable.
Like he really affirms me, he'slike these are mine.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
I'm like how often do you affirm yourself yeah, cuz I
feel like we've talked aboutthat too.
Like you know, I know for me,no matter how many times my
husband says you're so beautiful, I love your body, I'm like, oh
my gosh, like if I'm lookingdown, you know, like the looking
down is a horrible.
Yeah it's.
But no, seriously, just makingsure I'm like I've started
(13:04):
trying to like wear betterthings around the house, and you
know so that when I do look inthe mirror I'm like, okay, I'm
cute.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:11):
Yeah, really showing up for yourself.
What would you say to a momthat's like struggling with that
a little bit?
I Mean.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I've expressed that in 26 years I still feel that
way and I think that it is adaily practice, depending on
what you're going through in themoment also as well.
I mean, when I find that if lifeitself is it's stressful and a
lot, then I need to maybe go anddo those things that fill me up
.
If that's, I mean, sometimesfor me that's a walk, that's
(13:41):
definitely prayer, you know,going to, you know, my mom, who
I'm really comfortable with totalk about those types of things
, or just a mentor, somebodythat can just you know, that's
been there, yeah, and that'sdone it.
I think it's so helpful to havethat.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Because that's who she is for me to play.
I know we really are like bestfriends, I mean we're close in
age, but it's just like that'swho I go to, for you made me
sign up.
That was a child.
Like you just tend to have thatclose relationship with your
(14:17):
mom.
But I know a lot of women don'thave that and so I'm really
grateful for the relationshipthat we have, but this is like
my best friend though she's likewe talk about so much and she's
like just a non-biased, likethat, like sound reason, like I
know, if I'm having a day withmy husband or my child, like
she's gonna give me some likereal advice and just be real
(14:39):
about it.
I think that's important too,just to have somebody like
around you that can, you know,pour into but also keep you
accountable.
Yeah, and that's who she is forme.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
I Want, noble, to say that.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
I have my daughter at 20, so she's 10 now, yeah, and
I'm just like I I hope to belike this, like we're pretty
close now we, you know we have agood time.
She's only 10 though, but Ihope that she is always like
leaning on me and she's becauseyou have like about, do you have
boundaries, like do you havethings where you're like I'm not
(15:16):
gonna say my mom with that.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah, of course.
Okay, I mean, yeah, there arecertain things like mama's like
really Like in your you knowmarriage, like you have to
protect your husband on acertain level when you're
telling you know your familycertain things, or your mother
certain things, but I'll alwaysknow that she's gonna be like in
(15:37):
the best interest of ourmarriage, you know so.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
Do you know pda like in front of your kids?
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
That's very important to me.
Yeah, so you saw that.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Please.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
Yeah, I'm a mama, show that like it's not a bad
thing.
You know you want them to seeyou.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
You tell that recently Me and my husband had a
little evening and you know theclothes all over the place, and
so he sends a picture.
We have a, a, a group photo op.
We have a text thread whereit's me, carrington, my sister
and then and our cousin, and soand we include him sometimes,
(16:28):
and so he sends it to the, tothe, to the music On purpose.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
On purpose, he was like this is what I gave your
mama last night.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
I want to be up.
Carrington has left theconversation.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
And I'm like yo, this is too much.
Wow, it's too much.
Yeah, I mean, I've grown toappreciate that.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
No, cause it's kind of like you you want to keep
that same energy with yourhusband, Exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Wow, noble, literally looks at us like this when we
kiss.
She's like aw, like she'll juststare at us, and I love that,
because I didn't really see thatwith my parents.
So, it's very important to me,like we're purposeful about it,
like, well, I'd say Norman'smore purposeful about it.
I try to make sure I don't dothe when he does it Cause I
don't want to teach her that,Like even things, he gives me
(17:14):
kisses and he has like wetkisses and I'm a dry kiss girl,
so it's like he'll kiss me and Iwill like go like this.
So then Noble started doingthat and talking about his wet
kisses and I'm like they'redoing everything.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
I have two kids and one is like oh, that's so sweet,
my oldest one, and the otherone, the younger one, is like ew
, every single time.
But I love it too because, youknow, I didn't have that growing
up, I didn't get to witness anytype of affection, and so it's
really cool that my husband, I,get to be an example for my kids
.
Speaker 5 (17:44):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we have every week a momwrites in for a letter and so we
want to go ahead and read.
Oh, I love that.
Do you have that?
I have the letters you do, sogo ahead and read it.
So what?
Speaker 3 (17:58):
she, she got to say.
So today's letter, this is agood one, guys.
Okay, hey, ma, I've recentlyhad our second child and I
realized I'm saying no to sex alot more than I'm saying yes.
It's not that I don't want to,but I'm tired and sex just feels
like more work between thegetting in the mood, the actual
(18:18):
act and the cleanup.
Lol.
These those things were neveran issue before kids.
How do I get back thatexcitement about sex?
How do I rebuild the intimacyso I see it as a connection and
not work, like doing it for youand not just a pleaser husband
(18:42):
Cause, like for me, like once weI'm good, like it's great, but
it's like getting to that.
Yes, exactly, yeah.
I don't have to answer girl.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, I was about to say I don't have to answer, like
I would be interested to knowwhat y'all think having multiple
kids, cause I only have oneright now.
Yeah, so what?
Speaker 5 (19:03):
I gotta think about it honestly, because for me, I
feel like I have been in thatposition where I'm so burnt out
from all the things of the dayand I have so many things going
on in my mind.
I'm just kind of like, yeah,this is when I'm in it.
It feels great.
I'm like why don't I do thismore often?
(19:24):
I always am like why don't I dothis more often?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
afterwards they roll over and go to sleep and we're
like you gotta go shower.
Just so you know you're in it,Don't like you're watching this,
but you have to pee after sex.
So that means you have to getup.
You gotta go to the restroom.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Yeah, it will be nice to, it will be nice to roll
over, but that's, that's notwhat, you know, women can do.
So, yeah, I feel like I start.
I actually before I would saylast year, no, yeah, this time
last year I actually struggledwith like endometriosis,
cervical cancer, all of thatstuff, and so prior to actually
(20:01):
it was hard to even have sex.
So even that, and now that I'vehad the surgery and I'm good,
now I'm like, okay, I'm ready.
I'm more like ready to dothings, but it still sometimes
feels like work and but I'mexcited that we can be more
consistent.
The consistency is like it'salmost like when you're like,
(20:23):
okay, I just got to get on thetrain, and once you get on that
train, because how many times aweek is like okay.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Oh, how many times a week should we be having sex?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I say as often as you want to.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
But like I mean, what would that average?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I mean, it depends on the week and it depends on the
couple.
It depends on where you, theseason of life you're in.
There's so many.
I mean you know components tothat and I love, you know, the
letter.
I love the fact that shedesires it.
That's the first part of it isis desiring it and then making
sure, okay for me.
You know, I've had all of thesefeelings and it was.
(20:59):
You know it's gonna sound weird, but it was.
It was prayer and I was.
I was like Lord, help me,prioritize, help me, desire,
help me.
I mean me and the Lord in myshower.
We was, you know my shower wasmy church and just you know,
just like help me, does thathelp me?
Because I don't.
I don't like the fact thatsometimes I would cringe, yeah.
(21:21):
And I hate it, I hate that andhate how that possibly makes
them feel as well, and so youknow there have been times where
I had to check in with Tammyand say, okay, is there any
unchecked frustrations that youhave with him or yourself?
And I can tell when I have themand I don't address them then
(21:42):
that it affects it.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
I also used to feel like I'm not, like.
I'm just like in my, mywomanhood.
I kind of like felt like I'mnot, like something's not
working or something.
Like I'm like because I'm sotired and because my desire
wasn't necessarily there all thetime.
It was like in my, a real, likewoman, like I'm supposed.
(22:04):
I feel like I'm supposed to bedoing all these things as a wife
, but I the motherhood thing isjust.
It takes me out.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
It definitely throws a curb.
It throws, and then yourhormones.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Yeah, oh, the hormones are so all over the
place after you get birth, causeI feel like that's six weeks to
me it's not enough time.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
I was so scared the first time.
I was just scared.
I was like I just put a bowlingball out of there, like what is
going to go in there, likehello Scary.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Because then I feel like I just felt like I wasn't
prepared or, you know, I wasn'tgood enough almost.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
So that's what and then their anticipation adds
yeah, like the pressure.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
They can't, they're like five weeks, six days, I
mean yeah, five weeks, six daysLiterally counting, like my
husband, I think, literally hadlike a calendar reminder, I
think Norman was like well,technically, you know you
research everything trying tofind the loophole.
Like, well, technically, youdon't have to.
He went to the doctor with meand was like so we're good now,
right?
Speaker 5 (22:58):
I'm like yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
He was like doctor.
I'm blinking twice, yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Do you have any other tips for this month?
Speaker 4 (23:08):
I think for me what helped me as like a mom too, was
just understanding or even justreminding myself that my
husband has needs too, and thatwas very helpful for me is just
like being intentional with that, because at the end of the day,
he's human, he's a parent, I'ma parent, like we're both doing
it together.
So I may feel depleted, butlike when we are together and we
(23:31):
have that intimacy, it justdoes something to you, like it
refills you, it gives you thatpeace, even though it's so hard
to do it at times or get there.
But the getting, I feel likethe getting there is the hard
part, but like, once you're init, all of the things that like
makes you feel so overwhelmed ormakes you feel like I can't
handle this.
It's a lot, it goes away, youknow.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
Do you walk your spouse through that process,
that mindset, like?
Because I think, sometimes,even with that letter, I wonder
if she has told her husband that, hey, like I'm struggling with
this right now, like I'm havinga hard time, because I think
I've, you know, expressed thatwith my husband and it's nice
that we can communicate about itso he can be more mindful and
understand where I'm at, andit's like, babe, it's not that I
(24:15):
don't love you, it's not thatI'm not attracted to you, it's
like, right now, these are allthe things that's going through
my mind and my body, and I thinkthat that part is kind of
important too.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
First kid I was definitely like that, like I
felt like I just couldn'tcommunicate because I felt so
shameful.
I was like I just didn't knowhow to tell him Like it's not
you, it's just literally me.
You know, I can't control myemotions, I can't control how I
feel.
Second kid I'm like, look, baby, I'm just really tired, you
know, and so it's like easierfor me to do.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I do, but it's like I you can only say that so much
Like if someone turned me down,like my husband was turning me
down for sex over and, over andover again, he's just, I'm tired
, I'm like I don't care how manytimes you tell me that Like I
would still take it personal.
So I feel like it has to belike fixed and addressed and you
have to work on it.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Cause it's just Well, you can't tell them and just
leave it there.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, yeah, just gotta be like actually To work.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I think it's great that you mentioned the fact that
cause that's the part ofbecoming one that you're talking
about things and you'rebecoming friends and comfortable
.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
Cause they're not my readers.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
They're not.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
They're really.
I mean literally I wish, I wishIn anything, in anything.
They do not read in my-.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Selected.
I wish I could like be like.
This is for you.
Oh yeah, that's true, yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
So we just want to say to you, the mom who wrote in
which, thank you for yourletter and your vulnerability.
Your transparency is talk withyour spouse, you know, let them
know what's going on and alsograce yourself.
A lot of motherhood and thejourney in itself is about grace
, because you have to.
(25:53):
You gotta process your body,you have to process your
hormones, you gotta process thejourney, and it's all about
grace and communication andreally just speaking into
yourself as well.
So thank you for that.
Do you guys have anything elsefor them?
Any other gems?
Some of your things.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
I just love the fact that she cares, that's.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
I mean that's like.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
The big part of it Is that she cares yeah absolutely.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
I agree.
Well, I think that's it y'all.
I think we're done, we're done,yeah, yeah that's so much fun.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yes, no more questions, no more questions no.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
more questions no.
I really thought yeah, I meanif you guys have anything that
you want to address, like is itespecially for you?
It's like you're a first timemom.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Even if it's not about intimacy.
Is there anything that youwould want?
A first time mom or a mom?
To know that no one told you oryou didn't take heed to Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You know, I would really just encourage women to
have the grace like extendyourself the grace in every day,
parenting Like you're going toneed grace, like the amount of
grace that you need to giveyourself is going to be
different from day to day,that's true and what you face on
the daily.
So I would just yeah, I wouldjust say give yourself the grace
, give your husband or yoursignificant other the grace,
(27:09):
because it can get ugly realquick and then give your baby
the grace, like y'all are alllike trying to get it out.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Y'all are all learning, yeah, all learning
together.
Y'all you knew moms.
This has been a different.
You know I have to give propsto my daughter because I have
seen her.
I'll give a little teary, butI've just seen her just be the
most amazing mom to this littleboy.
She had him four weeks withinthe shutdown.
Oh, my Birthday plan had tocompletely change.
(27:39):
That was out of the door.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, he was actually allowed to be.
He almost couldn't my momwasn't, I couldn't come, I
couldn't come to the hospital.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
And we were talking about it earlier.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
She's my first, and so I mean we were like ceiling
on color purple but so upset andheartbroken.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
But I've seen Karen to rise to the occasion for this
little boy and you know it hasgiven me a total different
sensitivity to these moms thathave had babies within this
craziness, and so she's doing adirt on that y'all.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I've just been so proud of her.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You know, now I'm good.
You know, when it was back in,you know, maybe 2020, the, you
know, april, it was so rough.
You know, mentally I was justin a really dark spot, but
through prayer, a little bit oftherapy, through my, through my
fam, bam, and that's my aunt, mymom, my cousin, you know, just
talking to other moms that weregoing through the same thing,
(28:34):
just having community, I thinkthat was the part that really,
you know, got me through towhere I am now.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
Yeah, it's really the , it's the village that matters
so so much.
That's why we're here, becausein motherhood you can have like
so many people around you andstill feel very alone.
Or like, if you don't have,like you guys are so blessed to
have the relationship that youhave.
But a lot of moms that you knowthey may have an estranged
(28:59):
relationship with their mom andthey're just trying to figure it
out, or even just having thatlike sisterhood.
It's just so important.
It's so, so important.
I feel like it's key to gettingthrough the journey.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Well, this will be helpful for those moms that
don't necessarily have that.
What you ladies are doing isamazing.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Wow, we appreciate you guys.
We appreciate you for watching.
Thank you guys so much fortuning in.
Be sure to like, comment,subscribe.
Just join us each and everyweek of moms, actually, where
motherhood meets sisterhood.
What's up, hey mom?
What's up?
What's up, hey mom.
What's up, hey mom, what's up?
(29:40):
Hey mom, what's up.
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