October 19, 2023 • 28 mins
Hey Ma! We’re hitting rewind and spotlighting our "MA Top 12" — the standout episodes from our first three seasons of Moms Actually. From October 12 to December 28, don’t miss the moments that defined us. Join us as a we take a trip down memory lane as we prepare for Season 4.
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Have you ever questioned the fine balance between marriage, parenting, and career? It's a dance many of us attempt, often with varying degrees of success. Join us in a candid conversation with Gospel Legend, Erica Campbell. Erica, raised in an environment where her parents fought tirelessly for their marriage, shares her insights on the societal pressures that often make it easier to abandon a relationship rather than work on it.
We talk about:
- Parenting with purpose, a task that sometimes pushes our relationships with our partners into a purely transactional realm.
- Why setting boundaries for our children is essential.
- The importance of both male and female figures in a household, imparting diverse parenting styles and teaching children to handle conflicts.
- Dedicating time for your partnership, strengthening the marital bond in the process.
- The importance of a strong support system.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, I'm Erica Campbell and I'm here on the
couch on the set of Moms.
Actually, make sure you tune in.
Let's get real good, hey mom.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hey, we are back with another episode of Moms
Actually, and this week we havean amazing guest, ms Erica
Campbell.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Yes, hello, hello, hello, welcome.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
We're so excited that you'rehere.
Well, I'm glad to be here withy'all.
Yes, yes.
I'm Morgan.
I'm Blair, yes.
So let's get started, y'all.
We're just going to get rightinto it, because at this point
you guys know how the episodesgo.
We're going to do a quick rapidfire.
(00:55):
It's giving motherhood and,because of our special guests
here, we definitely want to makesure that we get all these
questions out.
So let me tell you how it goes.
You take the paddle right.
White means no.
Yes is the goal.
Okay, so I got these questions.
We have only a couple secondsto answer.
Your first answer is the whiteanswer Okay, all right, so y'all
(01:20):
ready.
Yes, okay.
Do you schedule date nights ona regular basis?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Oh, yes, oh yes, I do .
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Do you wait to have kids until?
Did you wait to have kids untila certain point after marriage?
Do you feel like kids cansometimes get in the way of
marriage?
That's a hard one.
Can I be in the middle?
I'm being a little.
Do you believe in sayingmarried just for the kids?
(01:55):
Have your kids ever walked inon you?
She said have you everprioritized your kids over your
marriage?
Have you ever felt shamed forputting your marriage over your
kids?
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, when it comes to, everybody was like I feel
like every question was like hmm.
But what I wanted to ask youreally quick is the do you
believe in staring married forthe kids?
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
It depends on the state of the marriage.
If it's violent, if it's unsafe, no, if there's personality
differences, then I think it'ssomething to be considered,
because I don't think that, Idon't think you get married just
for you to.
Well, in my case, I got marriedfor family, for legacy.
(02:57):
I wasn't thinking of, oh, Ijust want to be fulfilled, I
want someone to take care of me.
I was thinking what am I, whatis, what is my marriage going to
mean after I'm gone?
And so I thought through a lotof that, like with kids, because
I saw my mom and dad be marriedto each other three different
times, so they fought for itlike no one else had ever seen.
And so I saw that growing up Isaw people fight for love.
(03:21):
So that's what I learned.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
That's good.
That's good.
I said sort of I get it.
I think, as she mentioned, ifyou are, if it's violent, if you
can't control your attitude infront of your children and
they're seeing somethingunhealthy, then I feel like you
take the steps to try toreconcile.
But if you can't, I get it.
(03:46):
But if you can manage therelationship and push through
and hopefully rebuild yourmarriage for the children and
for yourselves, then I say fightfor it, like your parents did,
because it is about legacy.
It is about having two peoplein the household that can give
them the dichotomy of man andwoman to make them stronger
(04:10):
human beings you need both, youneed both.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's where they learn family.
It's where they learn how todeal with conflict.
It's where they learn so manythings, and so you're teaching
them, whether you know it or not.
So if every time you get upset,you throw it in someone's face,
if every time something's wrong, you leave.
That's what you're teachingyour kids to run Don't deal,
don't process, don't fight forit.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I think for me I came from a home that that's what we
did.
It was very toxic, and so Ididn't have a good example.
And so when my husband, I gotmarried, I would run Like if
there was ever an issue, I wouldpack a bag.
He's like, where are you going?
I'm like I don't know, but Ihave to go, and it would be over
the smallest little thing.
And so I think obviously we'vebeen in the married for married
(04:56):
for six years so far.
So we've come a long way.
But I think one thing is justsociety's made it so easy for
you to give up on your marriage.
You know, my husband arecompletely two different human
beings, like our personalitiesare different.
I'm very up here, he's verymellow and so like if, if that
was the case where we ourpersonalities didn't, you know,
match, I would have been lefthim, you know.
(05:18):
But that's not the reason.
Our end goal is legacy.
Our end goal is like we want toleave something behind, not
just for them but for the sakeof their kids, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
So I I love that like the legacy part.
You even saying that to me islike, oh, that it just shifts
your focus a little bit.
Because I will say for me Icame from a household where I
Was like praying for my, myparents, to just go ahead and
end it because it was so bad.
I was like y'all are doing moreharm than good.
(05:48):
So for me I'm like I never wantto put my kids through that
because us leaving in the middleof the night and, you know,
having to like Pack our thingsand me have.
I was the I'm the oldest, so Ialways felt the pressure of, oh,
I gotta protect my sister.
Now I'm like growing up alittle bit, you know quicker.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
And so.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I don't want to put my kids to that, so I always say
like if it's not working, youknow, if it's not sell yeah, but
I think that's why peopleshould put more time in before
you even get married.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
You need to find out how they operate with family.
Do they like their mama?
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Yeah, how toxic for past relationships.
How much do they like theirmama?
Speaker 1 (06:31):
But you know there's so many things to consider.
Can you pray together?
How do you feel about how theyhandle money, not just how much
they have, and does he trust youwith his money?
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So there's a lot of things to be considered and the
foundation too I think that isthe most key is like having the
same foundation, becausesometimes in marriage we're
never gonna see I.
A lot of times we don't see eyeto eye.
But even when you can't see eyeto eye, you can still hold, be
hands-in-hand.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Yeah, I think that's something.
A pastor said that the otherday.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
But it's stuck with me because it's so true, you
know.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I always tell myself remember, we're on the same team
, so no matter what we disagreeon how we feel, because me and
my husband are two differentpersonalities, even though we're
both in the entertainmentindustry.
We operate differently, and sosomething that may bother me may
not bother him I'm a touristand I got a big ego, so I'm like
, I'm not saying that you know Iwill get in my, I will get in
(07:32):
my own head and not saysomething about something that
legit, bothers me.
And then I'm trying toself-process and I got an
attitude and he's like why?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
don't you?
Yeah, I mean that you know me.
That is so me like literally,you just had a conversation.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
And then when I bring it to him, he was going that's
not what I thought, that's not,or he'll apologize quick.
And then I feel bad for beingmad for right for two whole days
.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
I'm set for no reason .
For no reason.
Even the prioritization, thoughLike we talked about that just
now of Prioritizing our marriagebefore kids, like what does
that even look like?
You know what?
What?
What is that like for y'all?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
My husband's better at it than me.
So he'll pick me up from theairport and I'll be like, yes,
get on to the kids, and he'll go.
Oh, let's go here, let's go.
You know I wouldn't go get thekids and they can go to and he's
like and he'll go.
Wait, you was my girl first.
I want to make sure that we'regood, because they gonna grow up
and go somewhere.
It's gonna be me and you.
Yes and I always appreciatethat.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
That is good.
I told my husband all the timeLike I like I don't, because
when you're in the process ofparenting it can feel almost
like a business transaction orlike you know you're so like an
actual partner.
Yeah, you feel like a businesspartner because you're like,
okay, make sure you check thecalendar today and you doing all
this stuff, and I'm like Idon't ever want to look up.
(08:51):
Kids are gone and I'm like,wait, but what do we like to do?
Well, we still like each other,right?
Or do we just like each otherand not love each other?
to the point you know what I'msaying.
Like yeah, we're good friendsor a good team, but do we
romantically intimately loveeach other?
I think with parenting.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
We have to make sure that we don't let the kids run
the house.
If all you eat is what they eatis all, if all you watch is
what they watch, or all youlisten to is what they listen to
and all you go is where they go, first of all, they ain't gonna
never wanna leave First.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
That's a bad girl.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Then you'll never teach them this is what it's
like to be an adult.
This is my choice.
So I tell my kids no, this ismy car, this is what I wanna
listen to, cause my daughter,krista, she will get in there
and put the Bluetooth and justturn it on.
I'm going hey, hey, hey, Idon't wanna listen to that, I
wanna listen to something else,mom.
I'm going yeah, so when you getyour car.
So this is what it so when youget grown, you get your car.
You can play whatever you want.
(09:49):
It's loud and as much as youwant.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
So I don't have to wait till after the kids go to
sleep, just watch my TV, mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I mean I try to make sure it's not Go to the room
cause we wanna watch a DEL TV.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
And then that's what I say, like I'm like we have
about four TVs in this house.
The whole reason for that isyeah, like, go to your space Now
.
Of course we'd be.
We're very like intentionalabout the family time, but if
it's, I'm right here in thisSunday, saturday morning and I
decided I wanna come downstairsand just chill, then go upstairs
(10:23):
.
Yeah, I'm not watching DisneyChannel all day.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Okay, yeah, like, but we love it, though Sometimes
we're definitely just singing inconcert with no kids.
Yeah, that was our turn upmusic this morning In concert we
teach our children how torespect our marriage.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yes, when you keep your kids out of your bed, you
teach them how to respect yourmarriage.
When you tell them when theyknock on the door and you go
just a minute, mom and dad arespending time then you teach
them boundaries right.
You can't just let them bust in.
You can't, because thensomebody's gonna regret it,
someone's gonna feel some typeof way in the marriage because
it's like we're not a priorityanymore.
(10:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I feel like I think of my kids as tenants Like y'all
do not own this place.
You don't, because you're gonnamove out.
You are just renting this space.
I'm gonna make it best as I canfor you, but, baby, you gonna
be gone.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I was like the opposite, though, like I felt
like my husband and I wereroommates at one point, whenever
we first had our first son, andwe were trying to operate in a
way where we were trying toconnect, but I ended up putting
my marriage on the back burnerand sacrificing so much Because
I'm like I don't know how to bea mom, I don't know how this is
supposed to go, and so it waslike a struggle for me because
(11:36):
I'm like I don't feel like we'reconnecting.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I was gonna say what was the aha moment.
Did you like?
Sound just like that?
My second kid, my second kid,oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, after the first one, it was like a trial run.
The second one I was like no,we have to do something
different.
And so what we did was we?
So now we schedule time every,we do every week because we have
the luxury to do that.
But he takes one week, I take aweek.
Well, we plan it and we plan adate and we just do what we want
to do.
And it's just made our marriageso much better.
(12:05):
It's just like making sure thathe's not on the back burner
because he's there all the time,cause work was coming first,
kids was coming first, and myhusband was just there and I was
like he's not going nowhere andlike I know I love him.
He knows, you know, I know heloves me, but like I wasn't
making him a priority or eventending to his knees, I was just
like he's just there, okay,cool.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
It's like we get like get reliant on the fact that,
oh, we're married, you're notgoing to go anywhere.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Like no boundaries and no, no balance.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Love requires conversation and attention, like
.
But life is that way If youhave two plants, and one plant
you water and sit in the sun andnurture it's going to grow.
The other plant, you sit in thedark by itself and be like, oh
it's fine, it will not grow, itliterally the leaves will wither
.
That's what happens to somemarriages.
We assume you.
Well, the baby needs morebecause it's a baby, and so you
(12:56):
give your husband less.
And then you know, not tomention how people just cut off
sex and it becomes well if youearn it like sex is creating my
mind for all these things Ihaven't talked to you about,
right?
It's crucial.
That conversation, thatattention and that connection
and sex.
It is crucial.
My uncle, who was my pastor,used to say if God made anything
(13:17):
better than sex, he left inheaven.
So I didn't grow up in asexually repressed kind of
church where femininity andbeauty and all that in
relationship was an off topic.
So I learned a lot fromwatching couples do it wrong and
some do it right.
You know and you learn to applythose things, and each marriage
is different.
So you have to do what worksfor you.
What works in some anotherhouse will not work for yours.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Have to pay attention .
I've definitely caught myselflike baby, you know.
You know I'm tired.
I've been working with thesekids all day.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
And now it's like it's not fair though.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
And now, like even hearing you talk, it's like it's
not fair because it does soundlike you can last.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
But what helped for me is I started including him in
the parenting.
I tell like, especially firsttime moms, what happens is we
like the diaper a certain way,we like to feed them a certain
way.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
We like to do everything our way, and you
don't trust him, and then he'snot a parent too, and so then we
take on more.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
And then we're more tired afterwards.
I tell people.
If that man puts the diaper onbackwards, who cares?
Who cares, Let it be.
If he wants to give the baby.
I'm really worried about juice,but you have to step back and
just let him figure out hisplace so he can take that time
doing it.
Otherwise you do get trapped inthe house and then you're so
(14:33):
tired because you're doing itall on your own.
You don't trust anybody,especially your husband, who is
their father, to help them.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
So we've been talking all things like just getting
with the marriage and the kidsand balancing.
But even when I think aboutbalance, I also think about
we're career women too and you,ma'am, you are a busy woman, and
so even when we're talkingabout the kids coming first and
(15:04):
saying, baby, I'm tired, I can'tdo X, y and Z, what is that
like, even with the career?
Because that's a whole otherlayer on top of life.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, what I say often is I wear a lot of hats,
but I don't have to wear themall the same day, at the same
time.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
And I have a great support system.
My husband is so supersupportive.
Whether I want to do a wholelot of stuff or whether I want
to stop, he pays attention to me, to the fact where he'll go.
Maybe you shouldn't take thisdate, or you need to take a
moment.
You need to go to the spa,which is really great.
Comes with maturity.
(15:42):
Wasn't the case early in ourmarriage?
Because we were both just inwork mode especially, it was
just go, go, go, work, work,work.
Like my daughter traveled withme.
Her Christmas first trip toEurope was at three months old.
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Now my husband didn't like it.
My husband.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
He was like she can stay here.
I said, well, if she ain'tgoing, I ain't going.
So I was a little neurotic anda little obsessed with my first,
but we worked our way throughit, taking moments to figure out
how this rhythm works.
I truly believe that I onlywalk through doors that God
opens for me, and if theblessings of the Lord make it
the rich and add it to thesorrow, then I am appreciative
(16:21):
for every bit of it the radioshow, the church, the marriage,
the children, the music, mary,mary or solo, all those things,
being a songwriter, all thesethings and making space and
making time and asking God am Idoing too much?
Is this about me or is thisabout you?
Because we have to manage ourego sometimes, because there's a
high that comes with successand work and power, and so you
(16:42):
have to make sure, god, are yougetting the glory out of this?
Or is this about me?
And so when I feel like I'mdoing too much, I go.
Let me take a minute, because Inever want my kids to end up in
therapy because I'm working somuch.
I don't want to be a publicsuccess and a private failure.
Where they don't listen to me,they go.
Yeah, you talk encouragement toeverybody else, but you don't
say that to us.
I don't want that.
(17:02):
So the balance takes time.
It takes a good team, a lot ofprayer and seeking the Lord for
your rights and your less, youryeses and your noes, your stops
and your goes.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I'm like.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I have to Downloading , yes.
Yes, I'm just, I'm really at aloss of words, because I'm just
thinking about myself.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I'm thinking about me and my husband and I'm like man
, there are some touch pointsthat we could add.
You know, we could add thosethings to make it so that the
balance is a little bit better.
Because, like you said, there'srhythms and there are times
where you are running hard and Ido feel like I'm in a season
where I'm running really hardand I've even what I have tried
(17:46):
to do is communicate that evenwith my kids, so, like, even
though they're young, I'm likeokay, this is why mommy is doing
this, you know.
And so then it's like okay,well, this is cool, you know.
And it doesn't feel like yousaid.
It doesn't feel like, oh,you're doing all that, but
you're not a mom to us, oryou're preaching motherhood, but
, girl, when you come home, it'snot given Exactly, exactly,
(18:10):
it's not given motherhood.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
I'm trying to say not given motherhood, but that's
the balance.
I'm trying to, because you knowI travel a lot, you know you
know I travel a lot probablyjust a ridiculous amount.
So the balance.
And we have great community andgreat help and they're great
influences.
But I always say there are kidsthat I want to make sure
they're tapping into our DNA andthey're reflecting who we are.
(18:33):
So I always make sure that whenI am home I'm giving them as
much as I can but at the sametime saying when I'm home I also
need to meet time.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
So what is?
Speaker 4 (18:45):
that like, even though I give the advice, it
still brings mom guilt, becauseI know, because I'm like oh, I
was just gone a week and now I'mhere and I already need a break
, you know, to go somewhere.
But I do want to spend thistime because I know my children
need it.
So I haven't quite figured itout, because it is a balance and
it's all.
A lot of it is new, but it's aprocess.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Give yourself time you know you'll figure it out.
There's.
Sometimes I come right back intown and my kids will go mom, we
really want tacos.
I will literally put bags downand make tacos.
Now, while y'all eating, I'mgonna go make, take a bath and
come upstairs and my kids are mykids, so they'll come in and
they'll want to talk.
Or my youngest, you know,she'll still say mommy, can I
get in the tub with you?
I'll go.
It's mommy time.
(19:28):
Y'all give me some space.
So, learning those boundaries,and sometimes I will let them
sit there next to me and talkand stuff like that, just
because I miss them, like theymiss me.
But we, like I said before, weteach them how to love us.
We teach them how to treat us.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
That's so good.
Oh, I'm full, just from thatlike I feel like refreshed just
from those little, those nuggets.
I think I can, I definitely amlearning.
Well, I think that that wrapsup this segment.
We got our another Hay Maletter.
Blair, do you want to take thatone?
Speaker 4 (19:58):
Yes, so we have another letter for Hay Ma.
Hay Ma is where we answer yourquestions, we give advice, and
so we're going to start withthis one.
Right now I'm not Hay Ma.
I'm not sure what to say, otherthan I can use some tips.
I'm a mother of a baby girl.
Her father and I are currentlygoing through a divorce and some
days I feel like it's hard forme to stay encouraged as a woman
(20:21):
who still desires marriage, amother, a daughter and a friend.
Any advice on how I could stayencouraged through motherhood
and divorce?
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Well, I would say your community is everything.
What you surround yourself withis so important.
So I have a new song calledpositive, and it starts off
saying I know who I am and Iknow who I'm not.
And so you have to watch whatyou say to yourself.
Right, if you say I'm no goodat this, if you say I'll never
get married again, if you say Ican't do this.
(20:52):
Saying those things, they theynot only go in your ears, they
send messages sometimes to yoursoul.
So it's not about ignoring howyou feel, because you can be
honest, but you need to followthat bad boy up with what God
says.
Right, if I can do all thingsthrough Christ, this is tough,
but I can do all things throughChrist.
I don't feel good, but God is ahealer.
Right, I feel by myself, but hesaid he'd never leave me nor
(21:13):
forsake me.
So you can acknowledge thehumanity that you're going
through as a mom.
You know and, and, and maybeyou want to share some with your
child, but not too much,because it wasn't her divorce,
it was yours, and I think a lotof moms and dads make the
mistake of acting like they wasmarried to the children.
They were not right, and so wejust allow the kids to be kids.
(21:34):
You know, if there's a changeof course, you have to explain
some things, but you don't haveto give them everything.
Let them have their childhood.
That was your breakup right andthe whole family has to suffer,
but don't change what they thinkabout marriage and relationship
or make them hate their fatherbecause you had an issue, or the
mother, because sometimes itgoes the other way.
But what you say to yourselfand who you surround yourself
with, what are you listening to?
(21:54):
Maybe you might not want towatch all the shows with
everybody's divorce.
Maybe you don't want to watchall the shows where everybody's
angry and frustrated.
Find a place of peace so thatcan feel you and fuel you and
also help you heal.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Yes, one of the things that I've heard is facts
versus truth.
So it might be factual, but itdoesn't mean it's truth.
And just reminding that, nomatter what you see, no matter
what looks real and tangiblelike, the truth is the truth
right like what does god sayabout?
You absolutely.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
What does he say about your situation?
And even if and he makes somemistakes- either he can't.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Actually, that's hard to process at times, it is it
really?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
is right, I'm like wait.
But he allows us to make ourchoices right.
And so god didn't say, hey, Iwant you to be divorced.
He gave y'all the choice, andsomeone chose to do or not do
right.
And so sometimes you in thatsituation here's what I love.
It'll all work together for mygood.
I don't know how and I don'tknow when, but it's going to
work together for my good.
And I have to tell myselfsometimes those things to get
(22:55):
through those tough days.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
You know it's not like you said, it's not going to
be.
I think that is a big, big keyis recognizing that it's not
going to be easy, it's not goingto be perfect, right, jesus?
Jesus, like he did the humanityof him, like he made sure to
show his sorrow, his pain, sothat we can feel okay, doing the
same thing, and saying the samethings like that, that's ooh I
(23:18):
don't know, I'm just like it'snot always going to be good, and
that's okay.
Yeah, I think we we want so badto be like oh my gosh, I'm like
sorrowful or I'm sad, and thisis not good.
You supposed to feel thoseemotions though yes, otherwise
you can't heal.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
And a lot of times, especially with black women, um,
we feel like it is weakness toshow our emotions now.
Some of us over show and thensome of us suppress.
Yeah, I don't want to cry, Idon't want to feel sad, I want
to act like everything is okay.
You know what I mean.
It's okay to say I'm having abad day, you know.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
But then you know tomorrow's coming.
I'm like you can feel sad, youcan say that, but we also have
to process and you can both endyes, I can't stay there forever
one time we were, I was at yourhouse and you they were like she
was.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
she was having kind of like a meltdown.
You were like the first thingyou said to her was you can feel
sad.
What do you feel?
Tell me what you feel.
That part like in the parentingmoment to me was so beautiful,
because she's four and for youto be like what do you feel?
Tell me what you feel.
It's okay and I think it waslike something really like a
snack, but it's teaching themthat early that, no matter what
(24:23):
it is like, show your feelings.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
You can process it, but think about why you feel
that way, because you might notneed that emotion in that moment
.
It can't be.
It might not be your go-to, soI told her to process and then,
if you still need to cry, youcan cry, but let's process this
real quick, like let's thinkabout this one.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Do we really want to cry over chips, right?
Speaker 4 (24:42):
now first Right.
That's all.
Do chips hold that big of aweight in?
Speaker 3 (24:44):
your life Not for chips.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Let's take that for later.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Yeah, right, what about you?
Do you have like anything forthis mom who is like I just need
some extra encouragement?
I'm finding encouragement, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Well, I have a couple of friends right now who are
walking through the voice andit's been really hard for me
because I don't have the wordsto say to them.
I don't know how they'refeeling, what they're going
through, but I'm able to, like,listen to them and be there for
them and be that support.
And so for this woman I wouldjust say just find people in
(25:19):
your corner that you trust, thatyou're able to vent to who's
not going to share your businessand use it as a prayer request
to be able to talk about it witheverybody else, but just being
able to have people who can pourback into you know, because
I'll drop anything Like if sheever, when she needs me to be
there for her, I will jump on aplane to be there for her
because, like I know that shewould do the same for me.
(25:41):
But, like I said, I don't have,I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
But it's people I missed.
I think did you say use it as aprayer request to talk?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
about it.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, I don't know what in the church shade.
Yeah, I'm really going to prayfor her.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
So-and-so because she's going.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Oh, I've seen that before.
I heard that.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
I was like ooh, ooh, ooh, that's funny.
No, that is good To sign yourpeople, mm-hmm.
I feel like we've helped her,though, like I feel like, if
anything, if I, we could all sayit's just find your, find your
sister, find your community.
It's okay to feel what you feel, but find that support that
(26:23):
will uplift you, that will allowyou to cry, that will wipe your
tears and that will love on youand love on your kid at the
same time, so that you both feelsupported and uplifted.
Do you guys have anything elsebefore we just end it, cause I
feel like this is full.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I feel full.
You know, I kind of want to saya prayer for the moms watching.
Yes, yes, please.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
God, I thank you because you're good and you're
mercy and do it forever.
Before you made a church, youmade a man and a woman.
You made a family.
So we know that family mattersand, god, I thank you for
allowing the moms and maybe evensome dads are watching to feel
your love and your guidance aswe try to raise children,
navigate through life, which ismessy and difficult and
uncomfortable.
But I know that you came, thatwe might have life, and life
(27:05):
more abundantly.
So we thank you for yourstrength, we thank you for your
wisdom.
We thank you for your love,your power and your strength and
the ability to forgive, toreconcile, to talk, to be
patient, to be long sufferingAll the things that love is.
Help us to embody and exudethat.
In your name, I pray and thankyou for this show.
Thank you for these amazingladies.
Bless this and allow it to goand bless women everywhere In
(27:28):
your name, amen, amen.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Amen, well, y'all, thank you so.
So much for tuning in to Moms.
Actually, wear Motherhood meetsSisterhood.
Y'all tune in next week.
We cannot wait to see you.
Hey there, I'm Erica Campbell and I'm here on the
couch on the set of Moms.
Actually, make sure you tune in.
Let's get real good, hey mom.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hey, we are back with another episode of Moms
Actually, and this week we havean amazing guest, ms Erica
Campbell.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Yes, hello, hello, hello, welcome.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
We're so excited that you'rehere.
Well, I'm glad to be here withy'all.
Yes, yes.
I'm Morgan.
I'm Blair, yes.
So let's get started, y'all.
We're just going to get rightinto it, because at this point
you guys know how the episodesgo.
We're going to do a quick rapidfire.
(00:55):
It's giving motherhood and,because of our special guests
here, we definitely want to makesure that we get all these
questions out.
So let me tell you how it goes.
You take the paddle right.
White means no.
Yes is the goal.
Okay, so I got these questions.
We have only a couple secondsto answer.
Your first answer is the whiteanswer Okay, all right, so y'all
(01:20):
ready.
Yes, okay.
Do you schedule date nights ona regular basis?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Oh, yes, oh yes, I do .
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Do you wait to have kids until?
Did you wait to have kids untila certain point after marriage?
Do you feel like kids cansometimes get in the way of
marriage?
That's a hard one.
Can I be in the middle?
I'm being a little.
Do you believe in sayingmarried just for the kids?
(01:55):
Have your kids ever walked inon you?
She said have you everprioritized your kids over your
marriage?
Have you ever felt shamed forputting your marriage over your
kids?
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, when it comes to, everybody was like I feel
like every question was like hmm.
But what I wanted to ask youreally quick is the do you
believe in staring married forthe kids?
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
It depends on the state of the marriage.
If it's violent, if it's unsafe, no, if there's personality
differences, then I think it'ssomething to be considered,
because I don't think that, Idon't think you get married just
for you to.
Well, in my case, I got marriedfor family, for legacy.
(02:57):
I wasn't thinking of, oh, Ijust want to be fulfilled, I
want someone to take care of me.
I was thinking what am I, whatis, what is my marriage going to
mean after I'm gone?
And so I thought through a lotof that, like with kids, because
I saw my mom and dad be marriedto each other three different
times, so they fought for itlike no one else had ever seen.
And so I saw that growing up Isaw people fight for love.
(03:21):
So that's what I learned.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
That's good.
That's good.
I said sort of I get it.
I think, as she mentioned, ifyou are, if it's violent, if you
can't control your attitude infront of your children and
they're seeing somethingunhealthy, then I feel like you
take the steps to try toreconcile.
But if you can't, I get it.
(03:46):
But if you can manage therelationship and push through
and hopefully rebuild yourmarriage for the children and
for yourselves, then I say fightfor it, like your parents did,
because it is about legacy.
It is about having two peoplein the household that can give
them the dichotomy of man andwoman to make them stronger
(04:10):
human beings you need both, youneed both.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's where they learn family.
It's where they learn how todeal with conflict.
It's where they learn so manythings, and so you're teaching
them, whether you know it or not.
So if every time you get upset,you throw it in someone's face,
if every time something's wrong, you leave.
That's what you're teachingyour kids to run Don't deal,
don't process, don't fight forit.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I think for me I came from a home that that's what we
did.
It was very toxic, and so Ididn't have a good example.
And so when my husband, I gotmarried, I would run Like if
there was ever an issue, I wouldpack a bag.
He's like, where are you going?
I'm like I don't know, but Ihave to go, and it would be over
the smallest little thing.
And so I think obviously we'vebeen in the married for married
(04:56):
for six years so far.
So we've come a long way.
But I think one thing is justsociety's made it so easy for
you to give up on your marriage.
You know, my husband arecompletely two different human
beings, like our personalitiesare different.
I'm very up here, he's verymellow and so like if, if that
was the case where we ourpersonalities didn't, you know,
match, I would have been lefthim, you know.
(05:18):
But that's not the reason.
Our end goal is legacy.
Our end goal is like we want toleave something behind, not
just for them but for the sakeof their kids, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
So I I love that like the legacy part.
You even saying that to me islike, oh, that it just shifts
your focus a little bit.
Because I will say for me Icame from a household where I
Was like praying for my, myparents, to just go ahead and
end it because it was so bad.
I was like y'all are doing moreharm than good.
(05:48):
So for me I'm like I never wantto put my kids through that
because us leaving in the middleof the night and, you know,
having to like Pack our thingsand me have.
I was the I'm the oldest, so Ialways felt the pressure of, oh,
I gotta protect my sister.
Now I'm like growing up alittle bit, you know quicker.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
And so.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I don't want to put my kids to that, so I always say
like if it's not working, youknow, if it's not sell yeah, but
I think that's why peopleshould put more time in before
you even get married.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
You need to find out how they operate with family.
Do they like their mama?
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Yeah, how toxic for past relationships.
How much do they like theirmama?
Speaker 1 (06:31):
But you know there's so many things to consider.
Can you pray together?
How do you feel about how theyhandle money, not just how much
they have, and does he trust youwith his money?
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So there's a lot of things to be considered and the
foundation too I think that isthe most key is like having the
same foundation, becausesometimes in marriage we're
never gonna see I.
A lot of times we don't see eyeto eye.
But even when you can't see eyeto eye, you can still hold, be
hands-in-hand.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Yeah, I think that's something.
A pastor said that the otherday.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
But it's stuck with me because it's so true, you
know.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I always tell myself remember, we're on the same team
, so no matter what we disagreeon how we feel, because me and
my husband are two differentpersonalities, even though we're
both in the entertainmentindustry.
We operate differently, and sosomething that may bother me may
not bother him I'm a touristand I got a big ego, so I'm like
, I'm not saying that you know Iwill get in my, I will get in
(07:32):
my own head and not saysomething about something that
legit, bothers me.
And then I'm trying toself-process and I got an
attitude and he's like why?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
don't you?
Yeah, I mean that you know me.
That is so me like literally,you just had a conversation.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
And then when I bring it to him, he was going that's
not what I thought, that's not,or he'll apologize quick.
And then I feel bad for beingmad for right for two whole days
.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
I'm set for no reason .
For no reason.
Even the prioritization, thoughLike we talked about that just
now of Prioritizing our marriagebefore kids, like what does
that even look like?
You know what?
What?
What is that like for y'all?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
My husband's better at it than me.
So he'll pick me up from theairport and I'll be like, yes,
get on to the kids, and he'll go.
Oh, let's go here, let's go.
You know I wouldn't go get thekids and they can go to and he's
like and he'll go.
Wait, you was my girl first.
I want to make sure that we'regood, because they gonna grow up
and go somewhere.
It's gonna be me and you.
Yes and I always appreciatethat.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
That is good.
I told my husband all the timeLike I like I don't, because
when you're in the process ofparenting it can feel almost
like a business transaction orlike you know you're so like an
actual partner.
Yeah, you feel like a businesspartner because you're like,
okay, make sure you check thecalendar today and you doing all
this stuff, and I'm like Idon't ever want to look up.
(08:51):
Kids are gone and I'm like,wait, but what do we like to do?
Well, we still like each other,right?
Or do we just like each otherand not love each other?
to the point you know what I'msaying.
Like yeah, we're good friendsor a good team, but do we
romantically intimately loveeach other?
I think with parenting.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
We have to make sure that we don't let the kids run
the house.
If all you eat is what they eatis all, if all you watch is
what they watch, or all youlisten to is what they listen to
and all you go is where they go, first of all, they ain't gonna
never wanna leave First.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
That's a bad girl.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Then you'll never teach them this is what it's
like to be an adult.
This is my choice.
So I tell my kids no, this ismy car, this is what I wanna
listen to, cause my daughter,krista, she will get in there
and put the Bluetooth and justturn it on.
I'm going hey, hey, hey, Idon't wanna listen to that, I
wanna listen to something else,mom.
I'm going yeah, so when you getyour car.
So this is what it so when youget grown, you get your car.
You can play whatever you want.
(09:49):
It's loud and as much as youwant.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
So I don't have to wait till after the kids go to
sleep, just watch my TV, mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I mean I try to make sure it's not Go to the room
cause we wanna watch a DEL TV.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
And then that's what I say, like I'm like we have
about four TVs in this house.
The whole reason for that isyeah, like, go to your space Now
.
Of course we'd be.
We're very like intentionalabout the family time, but if
it's, I'm right here in thisSunday, saturday morning and I
decided I wanna come downstairsand just chill, then go upstairs
(10:23):
.
Yeah, I'm not watching DisneyChannel all day.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Okay, yeah, like, but we love it, though Sometimes
we're definitely just singing inconcert with no kids.
Yeah, that was our turn upmusic this morning In concert we
teach our children how torespect our marriage.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yes, when you keep your kids out of your bed, you
teach them how to respect yourmarriage.
When you tell them when theyknock on the door and you go
just a minute, mom and dad arespending time then you teach
them boundaries right.
You can't just let them bust in.
You can't, because thensomebody's gonna regret it,
someone's gonna feel some typeof way in the marriage because
it's like we're not a priorityanymore.
(10:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I feel like I think of my kids as tenants Like y'all
do not own this place.
You don't, because you're gonnamove out.
You are just renting this space.
I'm gonna make it best as I canfor you, but, baby, you gonna
be gone.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I was like the opposite, though, like I felt
like my husband and I wereroommates at one point, whenever
we first had our first son, andwe were trying to operate in a
way where we were trying toconnect, but I ended up putting
my marriage on the back burnerand sacrificing so much Because
I'm like I don't know how to bea mom, I don't know how this is
supposed to go, and so it waslike a struggle for me because
(11:36):
I'm like I don't feel like we'reconnecting.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I was gonna say what was the aha moment.
Did you like?
Sound just like that?
My second kid, my second kid,oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, after the first one, it was like a trial run.
The second one I was like no,we have to do something
different.
And so what we did was we?
So now we schedule time every,we do every week because we have
the luxury to do that.
But he takes one week, I take aweek.
Well, we plan it and we plan adate and we just do what we want
to do.
And it's just made our marriageso much better.
(12:05):
It's just like making sure thathe's not on the back burner
because he's there all the time,cause work was coming first,
kids was coming first, and myhusband was just there and I was
like he's not going nowhere andlike I know I love him.
He knows, you know, I know heloves me, but like I wasn't
making him a priority or eventending to his knees, I was just
like he's just there, okay,cool.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
It's like we get like get reliant on the fact that,
oh, we're married, you're notgoing to go anywhere.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Like no boundaries and no, no balance.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Love requires conversation and attention, like
.
But life is that way If youhave two plants, and one plant
you water and sit in the sun andnurture it's going to grow.
The other plant, you sit in thedark by itself and be like, oh
it's fine, it will not grow, itliterally the leaves will wither
.
That's what happens to somemarriages.
We assume you.
Well, the baby needs morebecause it's a baby, and so you
(12:56):
give your husband less.
And then you know, not tomention how people just cut off
sex and it becomes well if youearn it like sex is creating my
mind for all these things Ihaven't talked to you about,
right?
It's crucial.
That conversation, thatattention and that connection
and sex.
It is crucial.
My uncle, who was my pastor,used to say if God made anything
(13:17):
better than sex, he left inheaven.
So I didn't grow up in asexually repressed kind of
church where femininity andbeauty and all that in
relationship was an off topic.
So I learned a lot fromwatching couples do it wrong and
some do it right.
You know and you learn to applythose things, and each marriage
is different.
So you have to do what worksfor you.
What works in some anotherhouse will not work for yours.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Have to pay attention .
I've definitely caught myselflike baby, you know.
You know I'm tired.
I've been working with thesekids all day.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
And now it's like it's not fair though.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
And now, like even hearing you talk, it's like it's
not fair because it does soundlike you can last.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
But what helped for me is I started including him in
the parenting.
I tell like, especially firsttime moms, what happens is we
like the diaper a certain way,we like to feed them a certain
way.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
We like to do everything our way, and you
don't trust him, and then he'snot a parent too, and so then we
take on more.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
And then we're more tired afterwards.
I tell people.
If that man puts the diaper onbackwards, who cares?
Who cares, Let it be.
If he wants to give the baby.
I'm really worried about juice,but you have to step back and
just let him figure out hisplace so he can take that time
doing it.
Otherwise you do get trapped inthe house and then you're so
(14:33):
tired because you're doing itall on your own.
You don't trust anybody,especially your husband, who is
their father, to help them.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
So we've been talking all things like just getting
with the marriage and the kidsand balancing.
But even when I think aboutbalance, I also think about
we're career women too and you,ma'am, you are a busy woman, and
so even when we're talkingabout the kids coming first and
(15:04):
saying, baby, I'm tired, I can'tdo X, y and Z, what is that
like, even with the career?
Because that's a whole otherlayer on top of life.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, what I say often is I wear a lot of hats,
but I don't have to wear themall the same day, at the same
time.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
And I have a great support system.
My husband is so supersupportive.
Whether I want to do a wholelot of stuff or whether I want
to stop, he pays attention to me, to the fact where he'll go.
Maybe you shouldn't take thisdate, or you need to take a
moment.
You need to go to the spa,which is really great.
Comes with maturity.
(15:42):
Wasn't the case early in ourmarriage?
Because we were both just inwork mode especially, it was
just go, go, go, work, work,work.
Like my daughter traveled withme.
Her Christmas first trip toEurope was at three months old.
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Now my husband didn't like it.
My husband.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
He was like she can stay here.
I said, well, if she ain'tgoing, I ain't going.
So I was a little neurotic anda little obsessed with my first,
but we worked our way throughit, taking moments to figure out
how this rhythm works.
I truly believe that I onlywalk through doors that God
opens for me, and if theblessings of the Lord make it
the rich and add it to thesorrow, then I am appreciative
(16:21):
for every bit of it the radioshow, the church, the marriage,
the children, the music, mary,mary or solo, all those things,
being a songwriter, all thesethings and making space and
making time and asking God am Idoing too much?
Is this about me or is thisabout you?
Because we have to manage ourego sometimes, because there's a
high that comes with successand work and power, and so you
(16:42):
have to make sure, god, are yougetting the glory out of this?
Or is this about me?
And so when I feel like I'mdoing too much, I go.
Let me take a minute, because Inever want my kids to end up in
therapy because I'm working somuch.
I don't want to be a publicsuccess and a private failure.
Where they don't listen to me,they go.
Yeah, you talk encouragement toeverybody else, but you don't
say that to us.
I don't want that.
(17:02):
So the balance takes time.
It takes a good team, a lot ofprayer and seeking the Lord for
your rights and your less, youryeses and your noes, your stops
and your goes.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I'm like.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I have to Downloading , yes.
Yes, I'm just, I'm really at aloss of words, because I'm just
thinking about myself.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I'm thinking about me and my husband and I'm like man
, there are some touch pointsthat we could add.
You know, we could add thosethings to make it so that the
balance is a little bit better.
Because, like you said, there'srhythms and there are times
where you are running hard and Ido feel like I'm in a season
where I'm running really hardand I've even what I have tried
(17:46):
to do is communicate that evenwith my kids, so, like, even
though they're young, I'm likeokay, this is why mommy is doing
this, you know.
And so then it's like okay,well, this is cool, you know.
And it doesn't feel like yousaid.
It doesn't feel like, oh,you're doing all that, but
you're not a mom to us, oryou're preaching motherhood, but
, girl, when you come home, it'snot given Exactly, exactly,
(18:10):
it's not given motherhood.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
I'm trying to say not given motherhood, but that's
the balance.
I'm trying to, because you knowI travel a lot, you know you
know I travel a lot probablyjust a ridiculous amount.
So the balance.
And we have great community andgreat help and they're great
influences.
But I always say there are kidsthat I want to make sure
they're tapping into our DNA andthey're reflecting who we are.
(18:33):
So I always make sure that whenI am home I'm giving them as
much as I can but at the sametime saying when I'm home I also
need to meet time.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
So what is?
Speaker 4 (18:45):
that like, even though I give the advice, it
still brings mom guilt, becauseI know, because I'm like oh, I
was just gone a week and now I'mhere and I already need a break
, you know, to go somewhere.
But I do want to spend thistime because I know my children
need it.
So I haven't quite figured itout, because it is a balance and
it's all.
A lot of it is new, but it's aprocess.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Give yourself time you know you'll figure it out.
There's.
Sometimes I come right back intown and my kids will go mom, we
really want tacos.
I will literally put bags downand make tacos.
Now, while y'all eating, I'mgonna go make, take a bath and
come upstairs and my kids are mykids, so they'll come in and
they'll want to talk.
Or my youngest, you know,she'll still say mommy, can I
get in the tub with you?
I'll go.
It's mommy time.
(19:28):
Y'all give me some space.
So, learning those boundaries,and sometimes I will let them
sit there next to me and talkand stuff like that, just
because I miss them, like theymiss me.
But we, like I said before, weteach them how to love us.
We teach them how to treat us.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
That's so good.
Oh, I'm full, just from thatlike I feel like refreshed just
from those little, those nuggets.
I think I can, I definitely amlearning.
Well, I think that that wrapsup this segment.
We got our another Hay Maletter.
Blair, do you want to take thatone?
Speaker 4 (19:58):
Yes, so we have another letter for Hay Ma.
Hay Ma is where we answer yourquestions, we give advice, and
so we're going to start withthis one.
Right now I'm not Hay Ma.
I'm not sure what to say, otherthan I can use some tips.
I'm a mother of a baby girl.
Her father and I are currentlygoing through a divorce and some
days I feel like it's hard forme to stay encouraged as a woman
(20:21):
who still desires marriage, amother, a daughter and a friend.
Any advice on how I could stayencouraged through motherhood
and divorce?
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Well, I would say your community is everything.
What you surround yourself withis so important.
So I have a new song calledpositive, and it starts off
saying I know who I am and Iknow who I'm not.
And so you have to watch whatyou say to yourself.
Right, if you say I'm no goodat this, if you say I'll never
get married again, if you say Ican't do this.
(20:52):
Saying those things, they theynot only go in your ears, they
send messages sometimes to yoursoul.
So it's not about ignoring howyou feel, because you can be
honest, but you need to followthat bad boy up with what God
says.
Right, if I can do all thingsthrough Christ, this is tough,
but I can do all things throughChrist.
I don't feel good, but God is ahealer.
Right, I feel by myself, but hesaid he'd never leave me nor
(21:13):
forsake me.
So you can acknowledge thehumanity that you're going
through as a mom.
You know and, and, and maybeyou want to share some with your
child, but not too much,because it wasn't her divorce,
it was yours, and I think a lotof moms and dads make the
mistake of acting like they wasmarried to the children.
They were not right, and so wejust allow the kids to be kids.
(21:34):
You know, if there's a changeof course, you have to explain
some things, but you don't haveto give them everything.
Let them have their childhood.
That was your breakup right andthe whole family has to suffer,
but don't change what they thinkabout marriage and relationship
or make them hate their fatherbecause you had an issue, or the
mother, because sometimes itgoes the other way.
But what you say to yourselfand who you surround yourself
with, what are you listening to?
(21:54):
Maybe you might not want towatch all the shows with
everybody's divorce.
Maybe you don't want to watchall the shows where everybody's
angry and frustrated.
Find a place of peace so thatcan feel you and fuel you and
also help you heal.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Yes, one of the things that I've heard is facts
versus truth.
So it might be factual, but itdoesn't mean it's truth.
And just reminding that, nomatter what you see, no matter
what looks real and tangiblelike, the truth is the truth
right like what does god sayabout?
You absolutely.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
What does he say about your situation?
And even if and he makes somemistakes- either he can't.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Actually, that's hard to process at times, it is it
really?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
is right, I'm like wait.
But he allows us to make ourchoices right.
And so god didn't say, hey, Iwant you to be divorced.
He gave y'all the choice, andsomeone chose to do or not do
right.
And so sometimes you in thatsituation here's what I love.
It'll all work together for mygood.
I don't know how and I don'tknow when, but it's going to
work together for my good.
And I have to tell myselfsometimes those things to get
(22:55):
through those tough days.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
You know it's not like you said, it's not going to
be.
I think that is a big, big keyis recognizing that it's not
going to be easy, it's not goingto be perfect, right, jesus?
Jesus, like he did the humanityof him, like he made sure to
show his sorrow, his pain, sothat we can feel okay, doing the
same thing, and saying the samethings like that, that's ooh I
(23:18):
don't know, I'm just like it'snot always going to be good, and
that's okay.
Yeah, I think we we want so badto be like oh my gosh, I'm like
sorrowful or I'm sad, and thisis not good.
You supposed to feel thoseemotions though yes, otherwise
you can't heal.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
And a lot of times, especially with black women, um,
we feel like it is weakness toshow our emotions now.
Some of us over show and thensome of us suppress.
Yeah, I don't want to cry, Idon't want to feel sad, I want
to act like everything is okay.
You know what I mean.
It's okay to say I'm having abad day, you know.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
But then you know tomorrow's coming.
I'm like you can feel sad, youcan say that, but we also have
to process and you can both endyes, I can't stay there forever
one time we were, I was at yourhouse and you they were like she
was.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
she was having kind of like a meltdown.
You were like the first thingyou said to her was you can feel
sad.
What do you feel?
Tell me what you feel.
That part like in the parentingmoment to me was so beautiful,
because she's four and for youto be like what do you feel?
Tell me what you feel.
It's okay and I think it waslike something really like a
snack, but it's teaching themthat early that, no matter what
(24:23):
it is like, show your feelings.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
You can process it, but think about why you feel
that way, because you might notneed that emotion in that moment
.
It can't be.
It might not be your go-to, soI told her to process and then,
if you still need to cry, youcan cry, but let's process this
real quick, like let's thinkabout this one.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Do we really want to cry over chips, right?
Speaker 4 (24:42):
now first Right.
That's all.
Do chips hold that big of aweight in?
Speaker 3 (24:44):
your life Not for chips.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Let's take that for later.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Yeah, right, what about you?
Do you have like anything forthis mom who is like I just need
some extra encouragement?
I'm finding encouragement, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Well, I have a couple of friends right now who are
walking through the voice andit's been really hard for me
because I don't have the wordsto say to them.
I don't know how they'refeeling, what they're going
through, but I'm able to, like,listen to them and be there for
them and be that support.
And so for this woman I wouldjust say just find people in
(25:19):
your corner that you trust, thatyou're able to vent to who's
not going to share your businessand use it as a prayer request
to be able to talk about it witheverybody else, but just being
able to have people who can pourback into you know, because
I'll drop anything Like if sheever, when she needs me to be
there for her, I will jump on aplane to be there for her
because, like I know that shewould do the same for me.
(25:41):
But, like I said, I don't have,I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
But it's people I missed.
I think did you say use it as aprayer request to talk?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
about it.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, I don't know what in the church shade.
Yeah, I'm really going to prayfor her.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
So-and-so because she's going.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Oh, I've seen that before.
I heard that.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
I was like ooh, ooh, ooh, that's funny.
No, that is good To sign yourpeople, mm-hmm.
I feel like we've helped her,though, like I feel like, if
anything, if I, we could all sayit's just find your, find your
sister, find your community.
It's okay to feel what you feel, but find that support that
(26:23):
will uplift you, that will allowyou to cry, that will wipe your
tears and that will love on youand love on your kid at the
same time, so that you both feelsupported and uplifted.
Do you guys have anything elsebefore we just end it, cause I
feel like this is full.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I feel full.
You know, I kind of want to saya prayer for the moms watching.
Yes, yes, please.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
God, I thank you because you're good and you're
mercy and do it forever.
Before you made a church, youmade a man and a woman.
You made a family.
So we know that family mattersand, god, I thank you for
allowing the moms and maybe evensome dads are watching to feel
your love and your guidance aswe try to raise children,
navigate through life, which ismessy and difficult and
uncomfortable.
But I know that you came, thatwe might have life, and life
(27:05):
more abundantly.
So we thank you for yourstrength, we thank you for your
wisdom.
We thank you for your love,your power and your strength and
the ability to forgive, toreconcile, to talk, to be
patient, to be long sufferingAll the things that love is.
Help us to embody and exudethat.
In your name, I pray and thankyou for this show.
Thank you for these amazingladies.
Bless this and allow it to goand bless women everywhere In
(27:28):
your name, amen, amen.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Amen, well, y'all, thank you so.
So much for tuning in to Moms.
Actually, wear Motherhood meetsSisterhood.
Y'all tune in next week.
We cannot wait to see you.
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