Online Dating With Abby Sterner

Episode Transcript
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(00:21):
Who you listen, I's gonna showyou how to shake from hips. Why
don't you get about the deskball?Stop to body? Happy ma'am day everyone,
thank you for tuning into Mom's andMayham. I am your host hand
of the pook today, Leah Kasari, and with me as always, we

(00:45):
have the fabulous Buffalo Billy Jean,Robin Lynn. How are we dealing?
Robin? How are we? Youknow? We're so great that I ripped
off all of my nails and ifyou can see that, I can.
Why why did we reb um?Stress? Look, stress be happening up
in her But it's okay. We'rehere and um, I'm here and I

(01:11):
just got promoted today in my sidehustle. So I saw to write me
a check for this side hustle.I'd be more happy to catch that.
Asked to listen if Jeff is catchingany checks, they're going to up Like
who's a go to first? Like, that's a good question. I don't
know who. It goes to myrolling chair, It goes to your rolling
chair first, that's the very firstthing. Um. And also with us

(01:37):
today we have a very special guesthost, the lovely Abigail Stirner, Hi
Abby, Hey, good to bewith you guys. Thank you so much
for filling in. So Wags hasdisappeared first, well she is so since

(01:57):
y'all wanted to throw me a surpriseparty in my own house, told me
not to clean my house, Iactually have captives and I'm making her from
my house right now, like she'slike a Cinderella, like she thought she
had to handle, you know,clear her house and the kids and shit.
Like her act of service cleaning thisgoddamn house she did not know me

(02:19):
to do before she opened my hometo your friends, well to your friends,
who wasn't her friends disappear? I'mholding her cats of ransom. I
thought I thought maybe that she decidedto join Mounts Media USA and her and
Mounts ran off to have a towardslevel. No, he actually in the

(02:40):
kitchen making me something to eat whilecleans. So oh lucky you. Yeah,
Look, when you're a boss,you're a boss. So have you
sent them over to my house afterthey're done that? Yours? M fact?
I think it's one Wags's list toremove the ketchup that's in your fridge

(03:00):
so that Greg is no longer everallowed to put that on steak again.
Can we actually have this conversation,because yes, we had this conversation before
you got here. I was that'sexactly what I was doing. So we
decided that that Greg is going tobe served in Charlie's high chair and he

(03:25):
will have very small bites pieces toavoid choking, because if you want to
catch up on your steak like achild, you will be treated like a
child. Does he always do this? Is this like a regular thing?
Yeah, Greg? So Greg hasso many wonderful qualities, which is why

(03:46):
I'm married to him. I justhave to bite my tongue about the pudding
ketchup on literally every year, chef, so listen the post. I always
give him shit about that every timehe does it. But this one night
in particular, it was like,no, I think I'm pretty good at
cooking meat in general, but youknow, like everyone, but every now

(04:15):
and then it's like you cook onethat's just like so perfect, like it
didn't need to be a degree moreor less. I know that. So
on top of that, it waslike perfect medium. And I had splurged
and got like Usda Prime, whichis like you can get and it was

(04:38):
like the inch and a half thickcut. It was beautiful, and I
like, I cut into it andI was like, oh my god,
this is so good. And Ialways like, I never take the catchup
out. I always like push itto the back of the fridge, so
like you're hiding it. Like I'mnot like hiding it, hiding it,
but I'm like, if you reallywant it, you're gonna have to work
for it. A little bit rumand put it on and I was like,

(05:00):
listen, it kills my soul justa little bit every time I see
you do this, like it's erodingmy soul away. And I asked first,
but I said to him, Iwas like, would you think it
was funny if I put something upon Facebook making fun of you for this,

(05:20):
or would you like not take itas a joke and be really pissed
off? And he was like,ah, no, it's fine whatever.
So I did, and then itlike blew up. He was a really
good sport about it. But Idon't think he had any idea that it
was going to get the reaction thatit did. I think I don't know.

(05:43):
I thought he thought because I'm achef, and I was like touchy
about him putting ketchup on something thatI had made, and it was like
just me being my crazy and likethe overly overwhelming majority of people were like
like they were putting up like theSarcy Lanister doing the wh Yeah, I

(06:04):
have an idea, Abie. Ithink that every time he puts ketchup on
steak, you should withhold some kindof sexual favor. No that's not,
but that that punishes her. Iwas gonna say punish him, but I
mean kind of, but still like, just teach it, Greg Sterner.
Through the goddamn catch up away.I know you're like Wednesday right now,

(06:26):
but through the goddamn ketch up away, I will. I will find some
way to punish him, but like, I'm not going to mess up what
we have going on because yeah,you know I want to do that.
Okay, let's take it back.It's only because I'm getting any right now.
So so this is actually a goodsegue because, um, we talk
about sex on this show quite abit. I don't know if you ever
caught that, but um, he'sa little So your husband is so amazing

(06:53):
because for our listeners who don't know, Abby is married to Greg Sterner,
who does um who rose romain sideand also is the host of teat Um
and every Wednesday. We're always alsojealous because it's like he needs to have
his special love and time before orafter tea and like we all know it.
We're all like, oh, likewe're else. Had dreams with Craig

(07:18):
Sterner only mounts, only mouths yeah. And I think Jeff had once or
twice. I don't remember it,but apparently we had drink sex once or
twice. But you know, that'sall I get. So I live likecariously
through the romance of the Sterners,because you guys have a great marriage.
We have a great marriage, althoughwith two young kids, I can't say

(07:40):
the romance is like at a ten, it's okay, yeah, Charlie,
and then you only have to worryabout Jeff. And Thence was actually person
line for Charlie. He looks justthat kid belongs to me. I was
really I was really debating about doingthis show because I was like, I

(08:01):
don't know if I can be ona show with Robin. I've been thinking
about getting a restraining order. I'mtalking about stealing my baby. You see
me like this in your window,waiting to get home. I thought I
saw someone in the bushes and Iwas like, it was me. I
thought it was I thought it wasa bug at first, but I was
like, no, it's just thelashes poking out. They were like tapping

(08:22):
on the window like a little cricket. Knowing Charlie, he would willingly go
with him. He's packed. Hetold me that hat. You had an
aviator hat on that kid. Iswear to God, I was like,
oh my god, I want tolike my uterus started crying. I wanted
a baby so bad looking at Charlieso cute. I'm at the point where,

(08:45):
like Greg and I have both said, like, Charlie's the last one.
We're not having anymore. Um,but I know I'm going to be
in that boat where I see cutelittle babies and I'm gonna be like,
oh, that's me every day.I know. But now I just encourage
other people to have babies so thatI can. I can struggle them and
then just hand them right back over. You can try, but it's not

(09:13):
going to happen. Sorry. Sothis episode is very interesting because from the
beginning of the show, we hadbeen planning on doing like Robbin's online dating
horror stories and then COVID hit andshe really couldn't you know, tinder her
way through life anymore. I couldn'tput anybody's ballet on my back, couldn't

(09:37):
or height um. And then whenAbby did agree to step up. So
so for anybody listening, wags isshe has internet issues um at the house
and she can't so she had tolike, she's not on Facebook, she's
not doing anything for like two weeks. She's she got sucked into my loophole
and now she's stuck there. Sohopefully she'll be back. But Abby was

(10:01):
like, what about online dating?And I was like, perfect, So
this episode is going to be aboutdating online? Um, so, uh,
Trese, you want to pop in? I believe that I know that
Abby. You met Greg online?Is that correct? Yes? And Terse,

(10:24):
did you meet um Kyle online?Two? Yes? Okay, so
it can be successful. Robin,did you meet Joe online? Uh?
No, I did not? Okay, okay. Did you have any serious
relationships with anyone that you met online? I did? You did? So

(10:45):
you've had success up with online dating. I mean we're not together so exactly,
but you know it was decent untilhe decided to fucking jack in.
Well, you know that happens,and Eggs married her husband too, she
met him online. So I amfascinated by this. But I assume all

(11:05):
three of you have horror stories also, is that right? Absolutely? So
I don't know. I don't knowwho wants to go first. I you
know what Abby, who are theguests? So I want to hear one
how you started online thing, whatmade you, what profile, what website?

(11:28):
And then your worst experience first?Okay, Okay, So I it's
a long it's a long history ofonline dating. I mean, I guess
not that long, but it feltreally long. Um, So I think
I probably started when I was liketwenty, so I've I've been um,

(11:54):
super outgoing. I've never been superflirty. So I was like intimidated by
just trying to like meet somebody outin the world, especially when I was
that young. So I decided thatI was going to try online dating so
that I could put myself out therebut like not have to deal with potential

(12:16):
rejection, you know, um,just things that everyone's worried about. And
I did meet my first like longterm boyfriend on there. I think I
did. I think I did.Okay, Cupid, are you guys familiar
with that one. Okay, yeah, yeah, So I did that and

(12:39):
I met my first long term boyfriendwho I was on and off with for
like three years, and I mean, he was a really nice guy,
just like the chemistry wasn't really there. And then I feel like all of
my horrible, horrible dating stories comefrom when I had moved to Philly to
go to culinary school, and thatwas like a whole different ball game because

(13:05):
it went from being what I felt. I mean, there was like the
hook up aspect, but I feltlike when I was like still living in
Berks County, it was more ofa dating site. And then when I
moved to Philly and tried it again, like a year after breaking up with
my longtime boyfriend, it was likejust hook up and like yeah, like

(13:28):
every message I would get would justbe like it would either just be hey,
just like obviously people like spamming messagesto see who was going to respond,
or you'd have people who would justbe like no intro whatsoever, just
like send me a pick of yourtits or oh my god, I'm one

(13:48):
hundred percent serious. And then thisdid not happen to me, but I
had a friend who was doing onlinedating, and I saw her profile totally
normal, normal pictures, nothing provocative, nothing like over the top sexy.
Um. Nothing in the actual profilethat said anything along the lines of like
being uh, just looking for lookingto hook up uh. And this guy

(14:11):
sent her a message that was like, hey, beautiful, I looked at
your pictures and you really look likea girl who'd be down for anal Oh
my god. Probably probably. Sothere are just some real pigs out there.
Um. And just a side note, I like, there are some

(14:31):
really great things about online dating,but I also feel like, because you
have this barrier, this this computerinternet barrier between you and the person you're
talking to, guys are so willingto say things that they would never say
to you in public, like ifyou were out at a bar with them.

(14:52):
There's like no filter. It's justkind of like I wanna, you
know, I want to get inyour pants right now? Do you think
that? Like? Okay, so, I I mean, I have you
finished your story. But in yourexperience the three of you, have you
ever had a guy that is veryupfront and like you look like you eat
DTF or whatever, and then youmeet them in person and they're like nothing

(15:16):
like that like, are they differentin person or do you usually just turned
the perpets down anyone who was thatover the top I didn't even respond to
Yeah, exact, I generally didn'tmeet people like that. Yeah, Robin,
what do you think? Have you? Right? Yeah? And I
have met some stereotypical ass See whenthat happens, I usually send a dick

(15:39):
pick back to them. Well,the ones that have that's amazing, So
that's amazing. I'm kind of like, oh, really, mine's bicker and
then I send it and I askedthem if it matches my face or was
it what they were expecting or theylike to see a video, and that
typically is too you know. Itry to get those those schemes away from

(16:00):
Oh that's what I was gonna say, like do you you don't meet them
in person? Like usually if they'rethat like oh okay, because I would
be curious, Like I almost wantto set up a profile just to meet
people and be like, yeah,you were really big talk when I'm sure
in person there's no way they're goingto be that. I mean our words,
I'm not I'm not gonna lie.Who was it this past summer or

(16:22):
last I forget I did. Imet two different guys, both on tender
and I mean they came and theygot the jobs out and they left.
That was it, right, Okay, no, juck not please. If
I if I were single, Iwould totally be online. So got back.
It was my decision. It wasn'ttheirs. But yeah, so it

(16:44):
wasn't like they were asking two.I simply said, yo, you look
good. Yeah why not? Yeah, I totally agree with that. Um,
okay, so you moved to PhillyAbbey and you start dating? Yes
again? I you know, Iwent on a lot of first dates and
almost no second date, so itwas, you know, some real sketch

(17:06):
balls, some people I had nochemistry with. But the two stories I
have for you guys, I hadone person I went on a date with
and I actually thought the date wentreally well. We just went and got
a couple of years and took Theplace we went was a little far away
from where I was living, sowe took a walk back together at the

(17:27):
end of the night. And Iwas still living in the dorms at the
culinary school I was going to.And regardless, regardless of the rules,
I wouldn't have had this guy comeback to my room on the first date.
But the rules were that you weren'tallowed to have any guests in after

(17:48):
midnight, and if you did haveguests and they had to leave by midnight,
like you had to sign them in. So we get back and there
was a like a good a goodnight kiss and I was like, I
had a really nice time, thankyou for taking me out. I'd like
to go out again. And hevery clearly thought he was like coming back

(18:11):
up to my room with me.Oh oh my god. And there had
been like no discussion of this.I didn't say that. I was like
fuck up for the night. SoI told I told him. I was
like, oh, I'm like,I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give
that impression, but like I'm notgoing to have you come up to the
room. And he got mad atme. Not like I wasn't afraid he

(18:32):
was gonna like hit me or anything, but he was like, well,
why didn't you tell me that earlier? And I was like, well,
I didn't tell you you were goingto come up to my room with me,
and and he was like, well, I took regional rail to get
into the city and it stopped runningat midnight, and if I had known
that you were going to let mecome up to your room with you,
I would have left earlier. AndI was like, well, we never

(18:55):
talked about this. I was likeregardless. I was like, I'm not
allowed to have anyone come up withme. And he was like, well,
like he's like, I can't evencome up and like sleep on your
sofa, and I was like,oh my god. I was like,
I was like no. I waslike, I never told you you could.
You're not allowed to. Even ifI wanted you to, you're not
allowed to. And he like stormedoff, and I guess he called a

(19:18):
cab or whatever to go home.And I never talked to him again after
that, and I'm so okay withthat. I'm glad you never talked to
him again, because oh my god, I was just like, are you
kidding me? And then there wasanother guy. This was the worst one.
There was another guy who you know, he messaged me I put you

(19:41):
know, I had pictures of myselfup on my profile, and none of
them were like provocative or skimpy oranything, but they were like full body
pictures. I'm not petite, I'mnot skinny, I'm curvy. I was
very upfront about that. I havepictures of myself up and this guy messaged

(20:03):
me. We were talking for alittle while. I felt like things were
good. There was good chemistry,we had things in common. So we
go out on a date. Um. He was very nice. We went
and got wine at a wine barand then had dinner afterwards. Um.
And then I leave for the nightthinking the date went great. I get

(20:26):
home and I get a text messagefrom him that was, like, I
had a really great time with you. I feel like we have so much
chemistry and so much in common.Um, but if we're going to be
serious, like in a serious romanticrelationship, I really need you to lose

(20:48):
like thirty or forty hounds and throughthe fucking phone and just like rip his
dick off because I would have thatis. I wasn't even mad, because
like I realized that like people whoare attracted to what they're attracted to,
and that's fine. I'm not goingto be everybody's cup of tea. And

(21:10):
I'm okay with that. I knowthat such a stronger woman than I.
Well, I mean, it wasn'tthe first time. It wasn't the first
time that like I've had someone notattracted because of my weight and that's fine.
Um. I just kind of letit roll off my back because like,
at that point in time, Ihad been on enough dates with enough

(21:33):
people, and I'd been in acouple of relationships that I didn't have like
low self esteem or low confidence.So I was like, if I'm not
for you, that's fine. ButI was like, I didn't lie about
who I was. I didn't lieabout what I looked like. You messaged
me and asked me to go outwith you, and then when I expressed
expressed to him that like that's notokay, Like I'm like, I am

(21:56):
who I am, and if you'renot romantically attracted to me, that's totally
fine. Um. Did yeah,but I was probably just shouldn't go out
again. And then he got somad at me and was like, you
used me so that I would takeyou out for drinks and dinner and you
should pay me back for it,and like, oh my god. And

(22:21):
I was just like, dude,oh my god, if you can't be
seen in the streets, you can'tsee me in a yo sheets. Yeah,
fucking works. I had a guyasked me to get rid of my
good did get get rid of whatoh Olivia. She was young, she
was like three, And this guywas like, I'm not really inso the

(22:42):
whole single mom thing. And Iwas like, oh, we're not really
into you. Oh my god.This was like four dates in like you
knew I had a kid. Guysare fucking crazy. So, oh my
god, Oh my god. Sookay, so how long then? So
you continued online dating? Right?Is that I did? I did?

(23:07):
Um? I like, I'm notI'm not doing very well here. This
is not these are not good stories. Oh they are. They're fascinating.
Well, so I'm not going togo into all of it. But um,
I I dated several other people.None of the dates were very good
dates. Uh. And then Imet Jack's dad, um, who was

(23:30):
the last person I dated before Ieventually met Greg, but there was a
couple of years between him and Greg. Did you meet him online too?
Yes? You did? Yay?Um? And that was obviously obviously that
didn't work out. I did notturn out. Well, well we'll let
that one apply. We'll leave it. We'll leave it at that. Um.

(23:52):
So I had Jack, and veryshortly after I had Jack, my
relationship with his dad ended. Andthen I took a year after having Jack,
like not thinking about dating at all, and then I got to the
point where I was just like,like, I'm lonely. I want to

(24:17):
be with somebody. But once youhave a kid, it's like you really
really don't want to have a stringof people coming through your life who you're
introducing to your kid, Like youwant to bring somebody in who's going to
be like a long term, permanentpart of your life and your kid's life.

(24:37):
So I was really really picky aboutwho I even talked to, who
I spent any time on, andGreg was the first person who I I
messaged, messaged. I messaged him, and uh, you know, I
looked over his profile. He hadsome pictures up with his his daughter,

(25:00):
so I knew he was like afamily guy, and he was still in
school at the time, working onhis master's degree. There was just like
a lot of stuff that was reallyappealing to me. So I messaged him
and I didn't hear anything back forthree months, three months, three months,

(25:21):
and I was starting to feel likeJesus, like, yeah, I
was just like what am I puttingout there that like no one's getting back
to me. And finally he messagedme back, and what had ended up
happening was he was just like overthe online dating thing was he had sent
messages to a few people and nobodywas responding to him, or if they

(25:44):
did, it felt like they werejust kind of like stringing him along and
not really interested in anything serious.So he took a break from that,
and then he had been dating somebodythat he knew I think through work.
I'm not sure. And then thingsended there and he was like, well,
I don't know. I guess I'llcheck. Uh, I guess I'll

(26:06):
check the online thing again. Andhe checked and he had this message from
me from like three months ago.So he reached out to me. I
hadn't talked to anybody since then.He was like, the only person I'd
send a message too. I waskind of over it, and I was,
you know, I had a oneyear old, so I wasn't like
really like actively looking at date people. UM, and you know, from
there, it's it's history. Uh. We've been together since then and everything's

(26:32):
been you know, great, keen. Oh when you look at you when
you tell that story, you getlike, oh, like, oh it's
really cute. That was really sweet. Oh thanks cute he's great. I
love that. I love that,like you managed to keep going like I
can't imagine, Like Sreef, Iknow you have some amazing stories to tell

(26:56):
too, um, but like mylike dating with kids, I can't imagine,
Like you got really lucky because toend up with not only just to
not have to go through the datingpool all that much, but to end
up with a guy like Greg likethat, that's a one in a million
shot, you know what I mean. Like, Yeah, I was so
conflicted because it was like, isit is it worse to try to date

(27:22):
and have it fail and create likechaos and uncertainty in my kid's life,
or is it worse to have himgrow up with only one parent and like
no model. So you know,I wasn't sure. I wasn't really sure
what I wanted to do or whatwas the right thing. But I'm I'm
obviously glad that I did because yes, because it worked out beautifully. All

(27:49):
right. So we heard Abbey story, and then at the end, I
want to get everybody's story separately.I want to hear each of your online
dating stories, and then I wantto get kind of a perspective on like
what you would do now like,if you were single, if you could
do it again, what would youdo differently? And would you do it
online or would like can you datein real life now without online dating?

(28:15):
Like? Is there a way todo that? So we're gonna take a
quick break and we will be rightback after these words from our sponsors.
Welcome back to Mom's and mayhem andit is Robin's turn, ladies and gentlemen.
And as we all know, wehave she has our loose cannon and

(28:38):
who you care? Not yet it'scommon though, don't worry. Thanks.
So when did you first start onlinedating? Um? I would say probably
when I was like a little holein high school with the whole asl Right.
Oh, so you're gonna say,well, in like chat rooms and

(29:02):
I would meet people. Um,but I think I would probably say in
my twenties that I've started like theonline dating like way back in the day.
Um, I don't know, yeah, something like that. And I've
met some real winners, which iswhy I am still single. Um.
No, I met a guy whowe had great conversation back and forth,

(29:25):
and he was like my type,like a little dirty, little rugged like
he just looked like he could fuckme. Up if I asked them what
was for dinner? Yeah? Yeah, And I kind of liked it.
I kind of liked that little catmouse scheme. And everything was fine,
and we're taxing, we're you know, we're friends. Were like hanging out
once or twice. Then we goto dinner down in Cecil County, which

(29:48):
should have been indicator red flag andnumero uno. What's Cecil County? Um,
that's gonna be like where the KKKis? Oh, I know this
guy keep going. So we're downthere and we go to dinner and so
like an eye wolder wings because yourgirl really likes wings. And then he

(30:11):
sup asked me, I'm gonna getso much fucking hate for this. He's
like, girl, are you turneddown with the brown or are you down
with the King? He said,are you down with the King? And
I was like like Elvis, Like, I mean I can get down my
Elvis at school right, Like,oh my god, fine with me right,
like I could down with anything.And he was like, no,

(30:32):
you look like you had a bunchof black dick running up in you.
And I mean Martin Luther to them, my god what He was like,
you just look like the type andand if you've slept with the black man,
I can't sleep with you. AndI was like, who said I
was going to sleep with you anyway? And my past is my past,

(30:53):
regardless of who I have slept with, what race, what color, what
preference. That is none of yourhistory, Like none, I'm sorry,
none of your business. My historyis my history, right right. So
what I did, I was like, all right, like it's getting a
little like tense. And then Iremember my surroundings where I was at,

(31:17):
So I decided to politely excuse myselfand use the restroom to wash my hands
because your girl's a messy eater becauseI sucked a band a bone marrow out
them wangs. So I go tothe bathroom and I write on a note
like this guy's a racist. Igot a roll, and I went up
to the bartender to order a drink, and I slipped him the note and

(31:40):
I stepped out the backroom. Ihad to block him on I had to
block him on Facebook. Got ablock like and his name is Mitch and
he's a true And he was reallyscary because he was like, well,
I know where you live and Iknow your license plate. And I was
like, huh, Oh yeah,that's cool, like cool racist and creepy,

(32:01):
creepy. And then he was like, you just look like that type.
Well, I mean, I don'tknow what that means, and that
just leads me to believe. AndI have heard that from numerous people,
and it's not racial in any way, shape or form. But I am
not what people expect in any way, shape or form. I'm not.
I opened my mouth and you don'tknow what's going to come out. You

(32:22):
come in my home and you wouldthink that I live a certain way,
but I don't. Yeah, that'svery true. You would think the country
houses is would not look the waythat it does, or that I would
listen to what I listen to orlike what I like. There's a lot
about me that is undiscovered or andI don't hide anything, but you make
pre judgmental, stereotypical, biased opinionsbased off of what you see, and

(32:49):
that's human nature. We all dothat. So that was that that was
a real winner, obviously. AndI actually just a few weeks ago I
looked at my blocked list on Facebook. He's still there. Good. So
I wonder if he was actually racistor if he was just gauging how many
black dicks you've seen to know howdisappointed you would be and how small his

(33:10):
was. And I've had guys definitely, Yeah, But that to the conversation
when guys want to just send youdick picks because they have that freedom on
the Internet. So what I dois I just have a little album in
my phone of all of the dickpics that I've received. Videos I've taken
myself of guys, you know,jerking off, because I kind of like

(33:32):
that sometimes I'm a filthy perv.I don't care what I'll do if you
like, if you piss if youkind of take a turn, I don't
like, because I'm a kind ofone and done like you piss me off
once. I can't entertain this anymore, Like life is too short. I
got too much going on then toworry about you fucking up. So if
you fuck up and if you annoyme, what you're going to get is

(33:55):
any one of the hundreds of dickpicks that I have. And then I
asked you to compare your words tomine. That's what I've done. I
had a guy I met. Helived in Green Lane, right outside Norristown,
and he went to UM to seeif I could like adopt Olivia out,
like an open adoption, so thatlike we should like run away and
like do our own thing. AndI was like, bro, are you

(34:19):
serious, like she's a tax writeoff? And I was maybe twenty one
or twenty two, and yeah,I've met some. I've met some.
I've met some good people. Thereare some quality people. Khakis was a
good Khakis was a good guy.Chad was not a good guy. He
was a good guy telling you whatcrazy. And his name had not Khaki.

(34:42):
Yeah, cha, Khakis is notChad, but Chad is is.
Yeah, Chad, just like myBrad feel Chad. And then I met
a guy who, um, hewas great. He was everything you want,
sweet, good morning, how areyou? He wasn't like I hate

(35:05):
the guys like good morning, beautiful. First of all, have you seen
me or smelled me in the morning? You will change your tone real fucking
quick. Okay. So I don'tlike that overbearing, like I'm not like
a cute see like I don't likethat. I'm affectionate, yes, but
don't like drown me with your words. I that I can't stand you know,

(35:29):
I can't. I can't do it. So he was good you know,
good morning. Hey, I hopeyou have a great day. He
wasn't overbearing. I was like,oh, kind of light this guy,
like I light. This guy's gottwo bikes, he's got a trailer,
like he goes, you know,he does drags. We're gonna have a
good time. We went down toLee's landing doc a couple of weeks like
it was fun. You're two weeksan our three weeks of a row.

(35:52):
And then he turns a little crazy. So he had asked me where I
keep a spare key to my housebecause I made the joke that like I'll
leave the we're open if you wantto come, you know, throw it
in real quick. And he waslike do you have a spare kay?
And I was like yeah, no, of course you do. Yeah,
And he was like, well,I mean it's cool. And then I
was like, what didn't realize likewe're locking it down like that like now,

(36:14):
like I didn't like I missed,like there's no recording, like it's
and yeah, So he was alittle I was like, well what happened
too, because it immediately turned forlike what are you doing? You didn't
answer my my text message in tenminutes do I have to worry about where
you are. He wanted to puta track or on my phone so that

(36:35):
he could he did the panty checkwhen I went out, like he was
that guy that was let me checkyour panties, and I was like,
for fucking one, your role,what the fuck is a penny check?
So his idea, Now there areseveral different panting checks, but his idea
was to make sure like that Iwasn't hooking up with anybody. So if
my panties, if I came homewith like wet panties, you know,

(37:00):
with like discharge in them, thenI was with somebody. I'm like,
first of all, I may befucking cheap, but I ain't free.
Okay, so everybody's running up inhere or is not? You know he's
yeah, but I mean like youknow, when you're drinking, or if
you laugh a little, like alittle bit of coomes out, you say

(37:23):
this all the time. I havenever paid myself. I myself a lot.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait,I know, Leah, you have
had three kids. How have younever paid yourself even a little? I
had even a little. I hadsections, Okay, I had three,
I had three c sections. Inever had to. Well I had a

(37:45):
vaginal but no, Yeah, hewanted to do the panty check and I
was like, yeah, like that'snot fucking okay. First of all,
so I may sleep with you afew times, right, and we're vibe
and we're having a good time.Don't get fucking crazy. Don't get you're
not moving in my house. I'mnot having your kid, you're not getting
a spare key, you're not gettingany of this shit. So is distant

(38:08):
when that happens. What was thetimeline here? Like when did the craziness
start? It's well, it dependson who. So like this guy later,
yeah, this is three or fourweeks. Oh my god, God
be like, oh we're sew inlove. No, we had a good
time and it was cool because wewere like friends, but there was no

(38:30):
feelings, like, not on myend. I was gonna say, it
sounds like there's feeling end Yeah,not on my end. And then when
he was like, when I madea joke like y'all leave the front door
open, just you know, comethrough grant me like a mcflurry or something.
I don't know, right, Sohe was like, well, where
is your spare kay? Okay,So a side note too, am I

(38:52):
the only like guys always act likeit's women. We're clingy, we're obsessive,
we're five stage clicker guy. It'sthe ones that have no self esteem
or either well, and then youtake that on the other side. I
have messages from Tinder and these arerecent, I would say, within the

(39:12):
last six months, where I havehad the same guy and it has to
be the same guy message me.He wants to be humiliated, like he
wants to simp. He wants meto like make fun of him. He
wants to come clean my house now. He does not show pictures of himself.
He says, you know, hewould show pictures if we were to
exchange phone numbers, But he isdying for somebody. He wants to like

(39:37):
suck on dirty toes that have beenleather shoes with no socks, and I'm
kind of like, first of all, that's a little gross, But if
you want to buy a pair ofmy shoes, like we're cool, give
me your address that I'm mount toyou, right. But at the same
time, no, people don't givea fuck these days, and that's why
I'm single, Like I just Ican't with the nonsense. But I do.

(40:00):
I entertain the messages and I typicallysend dick picks back again, probably
why I'm single. I'm totally puttingoff the wrong you know um agenda if
you will, but I don't know. Sucks like, so here's my question
about men, because I really needto know. I don't think I have
ever told a guy I loved himfirst. It's always the guy first.

(40:23):
I agree this This happened with meand Greg Um. So I told you,
I was like, I wasn't lookingto casually date, which made things
really hard because you don't like,you don't know someone after a month,
three months, six months, likeyou're only just five years exactly. So

(40:46):
it was really hard for me tolike really open up and put myself out
there because I just wasn't sure.I was like, I don't know which
way this is going right, Andafter four four months I believe of us
dating. He told me that hethought he was falling in love with me,

(41:06):
and it scared the shit out ofme. And if you know anything
about me, I can't control myfacial expressions and I tend to be kind
of I'm not like rude, butI tend to just say my honest opinion,
tell people what I'm thinking. Idon't really mince words, so I

(41:27):
don't think it went the way hewas thinking it was going to go.
Oh oh, I know, soI feel like from the time that he
said that, so that was aroundfour months till about like we were dating
for nine months, it was kindof like this dipping one toe, like
each of us took turns dipping atoe in the water, like like,

(41:51):
how are things going? What wayis this gonna go? How does he
feel? How does she feel?And then he was all late though right
like you could he was. Imean, well, so he was all
in, but he had also comeout of a fifteen year marriage and had
just come off of a divorce.He took like two years from the time
that he was officially divorced until heeven like started dating again. But like,

(42:15):
yeah, he wasn't He was comingwith some baggage and he wasn't really
ready to like put himself all outthere all over again. So then when
it was like I didn't respond theway he thought I might have, then
he kind of pulled back a littlebit. This kind of like dance between

(42:35):
the two of us, like howhow into this are you? How are
into this or you. I don'twant to put myself out here again and
then believe it or not. Thething that, like, I feel like
the tipping point for us was thisone day. We were supposed to pick
his daughter up from school, andwe would pick her up and usually go

(42:55):
out to lunch. And I wasdriving and on the way there, my
car broke down and I was like, holy shit, like I can't afford
a new car right now. Iwas so stressed out. I'd never dealt
with this before. And Greg tookcare of the whole thing. He called
the dealership, he arranged to havethe car toad, he called Enterprise so

(43:22):
that I could get a rental untilit was fixed. He took care of
the whole thing for me. Andthat was the point at which I was
like, I've always said, like, I don't need a man. I'm
fine on my own. I'm myown person. I don't need anyone taking
care of me. But to havesomebody step up, up, step up,
and be like I care about youenough that I want to help you

(43:45):
and I want to take care ofyou, that was the point that I
was like, all right, I'min. I'm totally in. Okay,
that is the greatest thing I've everheard in my life. And car trouble.
It's nice to have a man aroundfor that. I'm just saying,
like, I've actually had a similarsituation happen, and I know exactly what

(44:08):
you mean. That feeling is likeI just don't know what to do,
and then there they just handle it. And there's something nice about that.
I have to say, because I'mjust like I can I can figure this
out. I'll figure it out andI'll make it work. But just to
have him there and be like,you're already stressed out because you're gonna have
to deal with getting a new car, paying for repairs, whatever it is,

(44:30):
it's like I got this, Ohyeah, thank you. It was
like I feel like not like Iwanted you, and now I feel like
I need you. Did you haveto change the panties? Yeah? Maybe

(44:52):
she will when she leaves. Shewon't because he's gonna right up. Yes,
this is true. Okay, Sonow I think, wait, how
about you. Have you had aguy? Are you usually the first one
to say I love you? Oris it the guy that's all in first?

(45:14):
I think historically it's been pretty balanced. Really, Yeah, you're just
a very balanced person, aren't youshu guy to say it first, and
then I usually wait like a weekor two or maybe longer, and I'm
like giddy on the inside, butthen I'm like I want to say it
back. Then I'm like, fuckingfine, I love you too, Jesus

(45:35):
Christ. Yeah. I usually yeah, yeah. For me, it's always
it's it's always been the guy first. Um, but sometimes it's like way
too. I've had guys. Afterone guy after like four or five dates,
I was like, are you kidding? I was like, I was
like eighteen. I was like,well, when I was gonna say,
when you're a teenage ken like myguy who used to sing to me,

(45:59):
like the guy is saying better rosesto me, like when he was like
maybe laid down on like his parentsstupid little Chase lounge. Yeah, yeah,
I was in love with him,Like I wouldn't. I would have
had that man's tattooed. I dohave a guy who asked my name tattooed
on him. Damn. Yeah.We went to get tat matching tattoos,
but I made him go first,and then you didn't know one. I

(46:22):
fucking didn't get a tattoo that's whenI was allergic to the inc you recovered
it. You you are a badbitch, and you had some cred for
that. That is like he hasa picture or he has my name tattooed
right on him. I will neverget a man's name tattooed on me at
all. Lever I would maybe nota name. I wouldn't get a name.

(46:45):
Maybe the right guy I would getsomething, but I don't know if
I would do a name. It'slike a curse, isn't it. Like
it's even better because it's the bonJovi cover album. The Happy Face is
the Yellow Faces rabid and I hatea bunch of me. I god,
that's how I made him go first, and I was like cool, I

(47:07):
changed my mind. I mean thenI we like dated for a little while
after that, but I had nointention of it was never going to go
anywhere. It was just I wantedto see if I could do it.
You know, you always had that. I wonder if I could make him
do that. And I did,And I had taken advantage of a lot
of people. I've done a lotof things I'm not proud of at all.
But again, my past my business, and it doesn't matter who was

(47:29):
running up in them cheeks because it'snot going to be you. Sometimes I
wonder when guys put it out thereso soon, like is it really how
they're feeling or do you like isit to hear? No? I think
they're free to be alone. Ithink that's possible too. Like Leah,

(47:49):
you're asking before when Robin was talkingabout her her crazy spare key guy,
uh like or like what like?What's they say that women get more attached
and more clingy. I think thatthat probably is generally true because I think
women are just like warranting with theiremotions. They're more willing to like open

(48:14):
up sooner. Um. But Ithink on some level with like that guy,
it's like a control thing and itdoesn't have anything to do with the
gender. It's just like they needthe control. Yeah, with that guy
that that sounds like a little bitpsychotic guy who had who didn't know how
to be alone? Or do youknow a woman who does it? Like

(48:37):
I don't know I was that person, so yeah, yeah, so I
you know, I know how thatis and why they like, oh it's
going good for right now, solet me lock this shit down. And
to me, that does it's socounterproductive because it does for me personally speaking,

(48:57):
it does the complete opposite because ofyour showing. I pay all my
own bills, I live alone,Like I don't need you if I want
to spend my time with you inmy very limited free time that I have.
Like, clearly, I can doeverything for myself, and all of
my toys plug in, so Ido not need to worry about replacing batteries.
So there's really not much that Ican't do for myself. But at

(49:21):
the same time, like, andI think the older that I get and
just experiencing and talking to so manypeople and meeting so many people. Yeah,
you've had a lot. So luckythat you're in relationships and that you're
married to bite your tongue. Neckfucking sucks, monkey, peanut. Grass
is always greener, grass is alwaysget so Sureresio, it is your turn,

(49:47):
my little Mormon now speaking out ofx MOS. So you went from
you you really like kind of justyou came out of the gate swinging.
In my opinion, she divorced herhusband, she starts drinking and online dating.

(50:10):
Tell us your story, what wasyour first experience, like let us
know, Oh my goodness, well, Yeah, it was a kind of
surreal because when I got married,online dating wasn't really a thing. I
think Match dot Com existed, butlike, it really wasn't. There weren't

(50:31):
apps, like the cell phones didn'teven have that technology. What did you
get married? I got married intwenty eleven. Okay, I got married
in No. Nine and it reallywasn't a thing. Yeah, I have
never online dated never. It's soweird. It's so weird. So I
got divorced in twenty seventeen, andsmall asterisk care, I immediately started dating,

(50:53):
which I would not recommend, likeespecially I was not in a good
place coming out of my marriage.I was very codependent and like not a
healthy person. But I obviously selfrecognize that. I didn't recognize that.
So I was like, I'm aloneand I need someone to fill this void,
right, And so I just immediatelylike dove head first into Tinder and

(51:17):
Hinge I think was one that Iused quite a bit of Hinge. Yeah,
yeah, I liked it better thanTinder. But I never used Bumble.
I never used like Plenty of Fishor any of those. Hinge and
Tinder the were the main ones.And because you know, even my dating

(51:40):
experience before I got married. Igot married when I was twenty one,
so dating was just a totally differentball game. And I didn't know how
to tell people no. Like thatwasn't the skill that I had. And
I mean that's a whole other conversationabout like, you know religious, you'relready

(52:00):
are and um. But like Iliterally had been taught from the time that
I started dating that like, hey, it takes a lot of guts for
someone to ask you out, solike it just be nice and like go
on one date with them. Sothat was the attitude I had going into
online dating. I don't want tobe to anyone you would know, oh

(52:21):
my god, I didn't. Ilike, I had been taught that saying
no was mean, and so Iwas like, well, I don't want
to be mean. You know,it takes a lot of guts for them
to ask me out, so I'llgo on one date. So I went
on a lot of dates with alot of really creepy people. And I
mean, in Utah, dating isan ex Mormon. I was like,

(52:43):
do I date like Mormon guys,or do I date like X Mormon guys?
Or do I date people that arekind of like in the same place
that I was at that time,which was like teetering on the fence.
And that's like a whole mess becauseI mean I dated a lot of people
that were like in the same veryunstable place that I was, like with

(53:07):
my faith transition, and so itwas a lot of like Mormon guys that
were so like sexually deprived that itwas like, I just like, can
we watch a movie so I canlike hump your leg? Like basically was
like yeah, because it was like, we obviously can't have sex because that's
a sin, but if I couldjust like rub up against you while we

(53:29):
watch you know, Titanic or somethingbetween the leg rubbing and Kate Winslet's boobs
like idea, I am. Iwish I was exaggerating more than I am,
Like this really happened, Oh mygod. And then um, I
am too. Yeah, It's it'sjust it was like a whole experience and

(53:52):
there's just there are some really reallycreepy, creepy guys out there. I
had one guy, um asked.He was like, so, uh,
I have this like fantasy that I'vebeen wanting to play out, And I
was like okay, and I'm liketrying to be open minded. You know,
I'm not. I'm like, I'mnot religious anymore, and I'm I'm

(54:13):
a worldly woman. I want toexperience all these things. And this guy's
like, yeah, so, um, well I would like to do is
actually like wear a cock cage,which I did not know what that was.
I was like, wait, pause, I don't know what a cock
cage is. I have pictures ofthem. Yeah. It's like a device

(54:35):
that a man wears so that ifhe becomes erect, like it's like painful.
Yeah, like he can't he can'tget it contains the flask, so
like when he starts to become erect, it doesn't allow space for that.
Right, Oh god, that justokay, okay, okay. So he

(54:57):
was like, I was wondering ifyou if I would wear that, you
would peg me in the ass andthen my roommate will videotape it. And
I was like, oh, um, so I appreciate you being so open
with me because zero judgment, Likeif you know different strokes for different folks,
you're into what you're into. Butlike we've literally never met, so

(55:22):
obviously wait wait, you hadn't evengone out on a date with this guy
yet know this was like in tendermessages. Oh my god, So please
share any and all stories that youwant to share. But I do have
to ask because I never tried Tinder. I always thought it was more of

(55:42):
like a hook up app. Haveyou had any good experience on there with
like actual dating? Yes? Ihad my current boyfriend and I met on
Tinder. It was very much likewaiting through a wet, soggy dumpster looking
for a diamond. But it didwork. That's well, so I did.

(56:04):
I did okay Cupid, and Ifeel the exact same way about that,
right really yeah? Yeah? Andactually a side note, my mom,
who turned sixty this July, shewas just dating like four years ago,
and she had the exact same kindof stories that we are sharing right

(56:25):
now. Yes, and she's tellingthem to me, and I'm like horrified
to know that these men who werelike her age act the exact same way
these like twenty thirty forty year oldmen are acting. And she was telling
me like horrified. Now, keepin mind, my mom got married to
my dad in I think nineteen eightythree. They were married for like seventeen

(56:50):
years, and then they got divorcedand then My mom did not date for
the longest time because she, youknow, she was a single parent,
she had three kids, she wasworking full time, she was going back
to school to get her teaching certificate. Uh So then finally, after like
all her children were grown and shehad her career, she started dating again.
And I was so happy for her. I'm so excited. And she's
telling me these stories, and I'mjust like, I know, like I'm

(57:17):
trying to be encouraging, and I'mlike, it's not always like that,
like it might take you a littlewhile to find somebody good. But she's
telling me these stories and like shewas having like twenty five year old guys
message her to be like I'm intoI'm into Mills, like yes, and
I'm just like, oh, mom, I'm so sorry. On that note,

(57:39):
my mother passed away last year theyear tomorrow actually, and my father
um is dating and met a girland Tinder like Dad, he's from the
eighth rise. It's me come back. Oh my god, Oh my god.

(58:05):
Private private messages because I just sentyou screenshots and the messages are from
February of twenty twenty, so Ican't open the pictures that are attached.
It won't let me, but youcan. He describes in great detail the
um uh thing that he does have, the k the cock cage. If

(58:25):
you will, Oh Jesus Christ,I will check it. Yeah, I
gotta wait. I need a momentto check that. But I will check
it and maybe I'll have Facebook.Oh that's not going to do it for
me. But like Sheari said,no judgment, I don't. I don't
care. People are into what they'reinto, and I didn't want to again
like I have, I always havethis undeniable fear of like being rude,

(58:47):
Like I don't want people to thinkI'm rude. I think it might be
a Mormon thing. So I'm justlike, thank you for sharing that with
me. I'm not interested in doingthat with you. Did you have any
like success before your current boyfriend,like where you dated for a while or
was mostly just hookups or um,I did go through a hook up stage,

(59:13):
which um, I'm always like hesitantto talk about because I still feel
like there's such a stigma around likewomen just enjoying like casual dating. But
it was so liberating and honestly,it was very important for me to like
a healthy sexuality. It really was. But I did. Yeah, I

(59:34):
did have relationships. I met aguy on Hinge and we we were kind
of like friends with benefits okay fora while. And then right before I
moved to Pennsylvania, Um, wehad like a heart to heart and we
were like, oh my god,like I think we're in love with each

(59:54):
other. Well, shit, likeI'm moving two thousand miles away. And
so we had this whole conversation ofand he was like, you know what,
it's okay, Like you move outthere. You took this job,
I work remotely, Like I willfollow you, like we will figure this
out. Um. So I movedout here in a long distance relationship and

(01:00:14):
then like two months into living maybethree months into living here, he was
like, yeah, I'm not I'mnot going to move out there. Oh
oh that must have been horrible.I mean he's allowed to change his mind.
It sucked, Like, but yeah, the long distance thing is difficult.

(01:00:36):
It's I don't know how people doit. M It's difficult. I
mean I'm sure you figure it out, but you know I can't. But
like with with dating apps, isthat something where like does it paying your
location? How do you know?Yes? Oh it does you put in
where you live, like your zipcode, and you say I'm only interested

(01:00:59):
in dating people who live within fiveor ten miles or like twenty five to
thirty miles. Sounds like if you'reokay with traveling, you know, right,
right? So it seems here thatyou really do estuaries. Put it,
you have to dig through a sagiwet diaper to find these diamonds.

(01:01:21):
It's a dumpster. But I likeeither way, um, obviously a mother
um. So like, do youthink that you could have found the people
that you guys are with now,specifically Abbey and Trees without online dating?

(01:01:43):
Like could you do you think youwould have met a Greg or a Kyle
at first? Yeah? Definitely not. That's why I say, Like,
I have an aunt who is latesixties, early seventies. I don't know
exactly her I'm sorry, cousin,not aunt. Uh, and I have
been talking to her because she recentlygot divorced, but she like wanted to

(01:02:07):
get back out there again. Andshe was telling me the same stories that
we've been telling on this episode.Uh. And I was like, hang
in there, I am positive youwill find somebody. Um. And I
told her a little bit about myexperience and finally meeting Greg. And she
actually just messaged me on Sunday andtold me that she found somebody. They

(01:02:29):
have made it official. They're movingin together. Um so I'm so happy
for her. But it is beautiful. Uh and you know how great to
find love at that point in lifetoo. It's like there's always time,
It's always but yeah, it's like, um so, here's the thing that

(01:02:50):
I really like about online dating.Uh, if you were to go out
to a bar or wherever and meetsomebody, you have to dating is kind
of like an interview process where you'retrying to figure out who they are,
what they do, what they're into, what they're um, what their deal

(01:03:13):
breakers are, all of that,and you can kind of wade through that
better on an online platform where youcan like see a profile someone's put together.
They can tell you exactly what they'reinterested in and Leah, you know,
if you've never done stock of socialmedia, but like if you've never

(01:03:34):
if you've never done online dating before, they are like filters when you're searching
for people where you can say,I'm only interested in people who live within
twenty miles of me, I'm onlyinterested in people who are you know,
thirty to forty, I'm only interestedin people who make this much money.
Like that's something that you can putin there too, so it can to

(01:04:00):
filter out all the people who youdon't even want to waste any time on
nothing. That being said, youstill have to like wade through a lot
of really shitty people, but eventuallythere is the possibility that you find somebody
who really is a great match foryou. And I don't think I would

(01:04:25):
have found Greg otherwise. So I'mhappy I did it. I'm happy I
stuck with it. Yeah for sure. Yeah. What about usually The other
caveat to that is is people canlie on social media. That's true.
They can lie on Facebook, theycan lie on Instagram, they can lie
in their dating profiles. I've seenit. I've we've seen it. So

(01:04:49):
it's you know, that is interestingbecause I don't think that a lot of
people organically meet these days anymore,whether it's in their grocery store, the
launch ement, wherever you are.Um, and then people have this luxury
to self inflate or to totally alteruntil they feel like they're comfortable enough to

(01:05:09):
you know, if you're going togas like the shit out of somebody once
you have them, you have them, right, somebody double edged sword with
the online dating, which is whyI'm the type of person that there's a
lot that I won't entertain. There'sa lot of bullshit that and a lot
of it is myself, and youknow, and I get it. I
am a little less than perfect.I'm not perfect. I'm slightly less than

(01:05:34):
perfect. So I don't know whatyou're talking like a flaw or two,
like one or two flaws, butI mean everybody else has a ton,
so yourself. Okay. But I'veI think i've I've met really good people
and then I've ruined it because maybeI was in a mood that day and

(01:05:56):
I just didn't like what they said. So I'm like moving on, um,
And I have no attention span andnot even a little bit, you
know, and I think that there'sjust so much going on. So until
you can meet my level of crazyand you can match my level of intensity
and passion and then laziness and filth, like I just can't and just be
the right mind. Like some daysI'm like, oh, this is gonna

(01:06:18):
really work out. We're gonna goout to dinner, and then I cancel
before I even get there and allright, so what do you think you
will not great? What do youthink do you think that, um,
you could have met Kyle? Andwhat are the bonuses of online dating?

(01:06:39):
Do you think? Yeah, Inever would have met Kyle if it weren't
for tender so um. And andit's interesting, like I used to work
in the wedding industry and I wouldsay overwhelmingly, ninety percent of the couples
that I worked with, you know, that was one of the questions I
asked, how did you guys meet? And ninety percent of them were like

(01:07:00):
line everyone, Oh yeah. Everyonce in a while you'd get like,
oh, we went to school together, or you know, we worked together
or whatever, but yeah, overwhelminglypeople were meeting online. So I mean
it obviously works. But yeah,I mean Kyle was just different from the
get go, and I think that'swhat gave me hope. It's like he

(01:07:21):
was very flirtatious, but like classyabout it. It wasn't like, let
me put my dick on the table. It was right right. He was
just very classy and like made surethat I knew he was interested, but
he wasn't like pushy. And thenI also think there's like this kind of

(01:07:41):
dance that you play of like Okay, I want to talk to you and
like vet to you on the appbefore we actually set up a date.
But you don't want to wait toolong to set up the date because then
you're gonna like exhaust topics to messageabout, and then meeting in person is
going to be awkward. But youdon't want to do that too soon because
it's like, oh, I completelywasted in an evening and this person is

(01:08:02):
like not going to work out.So there's all these like elements to online
dating that you probably wouldn't have toworry about otherwise. But I do agree
with Abby. It's nice. It'snice to be able to like have the
filters and it really is like flippingthrough like resumes, like it's just like,
Okay, this person says they smokea lot of weed, Like that's

(01:08:25):
cool, you do you, Butlike I don't really want to if you
don't have a car or a job, I don't really want to date you,
like right, right, And peopledo lie, But I mean,
you'd be surprised how honest people aren'ton their dating profiles too. I would
think you would be because like whyI wouldn't I get that people lie,
but I mean I would be Iwould just be like, this is who

(01:08:47):
I am to deal with it.But that's just me now. I don't
know me at twenty I probably wouldhave lied my ass off. I don't
know. I wish I could putlike their credit scores, like I need
to know what you do for aliving. I need to know your credit
score. You're like children. Idon't really care how much money you make,
but just like how responsible are you? Exactly exactly, but yeah,

(01:09:13):
exactly do you have a four onecage? I'm going to need you to
have a lot of investment opportunities forme because clearly one of us is going
to the outlet the other and Iplan on that being made. Its specistically
it's women. Yeah, and Ilive such a healthy lifestyle, you know,
right, all right, I'm thatnote. We're going to take a

(01:09:35):
break and we will be back withour ending sentiments. But I want to
thank all three of you for beingso open and honest about your Gating horror
stories. It was beautiful. Andand Addie, thank you for talking so
much about Gregg. It was beautiful. He's so sweet. It gives me
a new aspect about how sweet itGreg is. I love it. I

(01:09:55):
think I don't we need the manfan to just bombard the man's page with
no ketchup hashtag hashtags up put itput that only every single White Horse media
group post I will no context,nothing, just it's like poor amounce well,

(01:10:19):
poor amounce hashtag, no catchups.We're just going to doing that with
everything. All right, We'll beright back with our ending segments. Welcome
back to Mom's in Mayhem. Wejust learned all about Robin's um vagina,
and you guys didn't it, Soso we're gonna jump right into our ending

(01:10:46):
segments here and with um wags beinggone this week, we are going to
have our Charisi poo um pop inor are it's the last segment anyway,

(01:11:14):
What is your crazy stupid outland law? Okay, so naturally I had to
look up weird laws in Utah obviously, Uh huh? All right, So
in Ogden, Utah. So Ogdenis the largest city in Utah other than
Salt Lake City. Okay, itwas about twenty minutes north of where I

(01:11:35):
grew up. Okay, in Ogden, Utah, it is unlawful for any
person to molest an animal that isconfined to the owner's property. There is
an exception. The exception is anexception to this. Y I thought the

(01:11:57):
exception was owner's property. Yeah.Yeah, So apparently like you can molest
animals if it's off the owner's property. Um. But also this does not
apply to animal services officers or lawenforcement officers acting within the scope of their
authority. The way through, you'retelling me a strike hat running around if

(01:12:24):
it's not on the owner's property oryou are a lawn for it, because
obviously, like molesting an animal wouldwould be the scope of their authority at
any given time. Of course,they're out there fucking crazy, y'all.
I mean, what cobs have beensaid at least one time in their life.
So I was arresting this guy andthere was a cow there and I
just had to molest it because itwas within my scope. But being there's

(01:12:45):
the scope of my authority. God, I loved the segment. It's my
favorite time and I wanted to knowwhy these laws exist. This is the
thing, like the laws are there. Have to go to these places in
New York City after ten o'clock.We have to molest a cat. We

(01:13:08):
have to go to Utah and findsome Willie Milly animal. Well, the
Utah thing is a tufer. TheUtah thing is a twofer because Cherie is
also taking mounts in Jeffs so thatthey can stand outside of What were they
gonna do? Remember, they're gonnastand outside the temple grounds in hand out
acid. Yeah, they're gon we'regonna do That's right. I have a

(01:13:30):
listerine strip. Period. That's hilarious. All right? So moving or right
along? Because I mean, howelse? Wait before I do mounts?
Go on to Yahoo answers and askwhy why why cops are allowed to molest

(01:13:51):
animals in Utah? I want toknow. I really want to know,
and under what kind of authority isthat? Okay, I need to know
why? It doesn't trust of theday they are. It's Very's why they
go through police training they learn.I wonder if that's what they learn police.
They have to get tased to beallowed to taste someone else, and

(01:14:13):
they also have to fondle some animals. Yes, yes, they have just
open up a rescue up in Utahand let my animals just fuck out of
the case, right animal? Ohmy god? But well, if I'm
like a beast drumming the streets?Would they molest me? I don't know.

(01:14:36):
People. What I want to knowis if somebody gets in trouble from
molesting an animal, do they askwhat was that chicken wear? Though?
Oh my god, yes, anda good one. Did you ask for
it? Did you ask for it? If you go upstairs with you,
what is she drinking her egg?Which? Yeah, exactly all right?

(01:15:03):
Next we have our why would yousay that? And it's my turn,
and I am going to go withsomething that I say all the time.
And I chose dollars to donuts.And I never realized how much I say

(01:15:25):
dollars to donuts until I started listeningback to the shows. I say it
all the fucking time. I don'tknow why, but I do. O.
Dollars to donuts is one of theseveral dollars to phrases, like dollars
to buttons. I never heard thatbefore, and dolls dollars to cobwebs?
Who has ever said dollars to cobwebs? Which date from eighteen eighty four in

(01:15:50):
GW. Peck's Boss Book. Innineteen o four the Boston Herald, respectively,
buttons and cobwebs are presumably chosen fortheir obvious lack of value, but
the expressions failed to catch to catchon as they lacked the perky alteration of

(01:16:10):
dollars to donuts. This is,of course an American phrase. It is
occasional felled, and there's a differentspelling now. So dollars to donuts is
a pseudo betting pseudo in that itdidn't originate in the actual betting involving donuts,
but just as a pleasant sounding alternativephrase which indicative of short odds.

(01:16:33):
Dollars are valuable but donuts aren't.The phrase parallels the earlier English betting expression
a pound to a penny. Sothat is dollars to donuts, and my
sentences this week dollars to donuts.There is a cop somewhere in molesting a

(01:16:56):
cow right now. See what Idid there? I tied the two together.
Look at me. I'm so good. And you didn't get that to
work? Really hard at it?I didn't. I didn't I struggle that
hard with that one. You wantto go next, robbing? What your
dollars to donuts? Sentence? Dollarsto donuts. I we'll be single for

(01:17:17):
the rest of my life. No, not a good one, but good
sentence. Good sentence, but nota good sent dollars another cat there?
There you go. That's true.You will have another animal and a cop
will molest it and you talk.Abby here turning. Oh my gosh,
um dollars to donuts. Charlie ismy last baby. Oh I don't like

(01:17:45):
that sentence. Sorry, because weneed to steal down like that at all.
Cheerisi boo. How about you?Hmmm, let's see see I was
gonna I'm gonna challenge Robin's a littlebit and say, dollars cha donuts.
I think she's going to meet thelove of her life in the next six
months. Oh, I hope so. I hope so too. We get

(01:18:08):
to work on that resource network.We have that dating game we have we're
working on the dating game. Wegotta we gotta get that live going.
Abby, would you like to bea guest judge for our dating game episodes?
Would you like to come on andpick Robin's date? Anything made me
for I am so happy to doit, and yes, definitely to that.

(01:18:30):
We gotta get that good going becauseit's going to be so much fun
when it happens. All right,it is time for our favorite segment of
the show, the would you rather? This week? And Robin's up,

(01:18:51):
so we know it's going to bea good one. What do you got
to? And it's funny because Iactually gave us this original segment. I'm
like the og you are, allright? Would you rather have a flying
magic carpet? Or would you ratherhave a Pegasus as your mode of transportations?

(01:19:14):
Oh god damn, that is youwant a whole new world or a
bit you want to trample on somefolks? M all right? Who think
it? Who has an answer first? Who wants to go first? All
right? Robin fucking Pegasus? Iall right, I dig it? All

(01:19:34):
right, Abby, I think Iwould also go with Pegasus. Okay,
because I love I love beasts.My last dog was a Saint Bernard,
and I have been dying to getanother one, or like a Bernese mountain
dog or something. If I couldhave a unicorn, I would take a

(01:19:56):
unicorn. I'm with you, andI love Saint Bernard's. You need to
get one of those, and thenI'll steal that and it'll be perfect.
Well you you whisper that into Greg'sear, because I've been doing it for
like three years now, oh,I'll have Jeff just send him repetitive photos
of puppy. That's just what hedoes, so he'll search for it.

(01:20:17):
Yeah y'all, well yeah, untilyou can name it ketchup so he can
have his ketchup. Oh my god, ketchup. No ketchup on steaks journery

(01:20:38):
curiously though, uh have any ofyou guys seen Avatar the Last Airbender the
show? Now, it's good,it's it's amazing. Um. But there
is a flying bison named Appa,and he's just like this big beast.
Um. So if I get aSaint Bernard, its name will be Appa.

(01:20:59):
Oh that's Disney remake of Beauty ofthe Beast. I prefer beast as
the actual beast. Well, yeah, I think, yeah, yeah,
I like the beef too. He'sthere's something I like. Hairy, big
like human. Yeah yeah, hairy, big manly men. That's what I
like. HER's it's your turn.Oh, I would definitely do a Pegasus,

(01:21:23):
but I've all I've always wondered,if you're riding a pegasus, where
did your legs go? Because aren'tthere wings in the way. You're gonna
sad saddle that bit like a fuckinglady, Oh you don't your legs go
No, you have to definitely bytheir neck grattle it. Yeah, I
thought the well, obviously this isnot a real creature, but I thought

(01:21:43):
the wings like at the shoulder bladearea, Yeah they are Oh okay,
yeah, their wings are in there. You can lay down like I envisioned
myself as like this beautiful, majesticlike Berry, just like shirking its neck
like this as we fly, youknow. I'm like yeah, and like
our hairs braided together and we becomeone or I jumpled and I pull the

(01:22:08):
fucking reins back and we're out ofhere, like a bad out of hell.
I want one neck and like totalspeed like a Hammy. I need
a Pegasus with a Honey preferred diesel. But that's okay, So I am
trying to she's I am, butmy reasoning there's a reason behind it.

(01:22:29):
So I just started watching the mcuUM. I just got into like the
Marble movies, and I um sawthe whole thing. But Thor the Third
Door Ragnarok is my favorite. Henand Balgury I like Ury Valgury Valgury has
a Pegasus, and um, thewings are up by the neck so you

(01:22:54):
can straddle it completely um and butI also Aladdin. It's my favorite movie,
and growing up I always wanted tohave magic carpet. So I'm trying
to get a loophole here, andI can't really think of one. But
if I had to pick, I'mgonna go with I would just be Valkyrie
and ride a fucking pegasus because it'sclose to a dragon too, Like it's

(01:23:15):
as closest I can get to adragon. What's your loophole? The loophole
would be that the cloth or blanketthat your pegasus wears. If you ride
horses, you know that one doesunderneath the saddle, that could be your
magic carpet. And then if andthen if you have to get off the
horse, get out of the way. I gave you a loophole. Thank

(01:23:38):
you, Thank you for that.I appreciate the pass. I want me
and my big fucking snaggly tooth horse. But then I think of like a
try you, and the sadness waslike, I would never let my horse
die in the saddest swamp. It'snot a horse's pegasus, but we're not
going to be in the saddest swamp. I would my steroid my my,

(01:23:58):
my horse would be just so everybodyknows, my pegassist would be pink.
It wouldn't be white, it wouldbe pink. But yeah, mine's gonna
be white with fucking black litter allover, like a my little phony,
but like a my big pony.Right. I want a black one?
Yeah, Oh, black one wouldbe cool. What color would yours be?
Abby? Cotton candy blue? Oh? Love? That's Would they have

(01:24:20):
the same color hair or like theirtheir man and their tail or. Would
it be like? Well for me, I think I'd do cotton candy blue
with like silver hair like yet Iwould have several shades of pink. That
would be wine, be like apollomino like. I want rainbow, Oh,
a rainbow one. Val Gary shouldhave a rainbow one because I read

(01:24:43):
that she's she's gay and that LenaHatty, who plays Cercy in Game of
Thrones is going to be her loveinterest in the next floor. I'm so
tired, I can't even be I'mso excited about that. That'll be fine,
right, all right, ladies andgentlemen, that's our show for this
week. Um. I want tothanky for filling in for our wonky stuck

(01:25:05):
in a loophole. UM. Idon't know if she'll be back next week,
and if not, UM, wewould love to have you back again.
You can, that would be wonderful. UM. Thank you Cherise for
joining the show today and not justproducing and Robin as always, thank you
for being my my, my partner, and my anchor and my badass bitch

(01:25:29):
sharing your stories especial state. No, that's why they say, because they
want you to be stable. Ohwow, see there we got two.
Why would you say that? Yeah, two for the price of one.
All right, everybody, enjoy therest of your week by little dubs or

(01:25:54):
accordions for lady accordions likes. Andthat's just when I walked, and that's
when I write a tick. Youget on the dance bow, let your

(01:26:18):
head down. Let's have some fun. Hey, you get on the man.
I love you, love your shottonight, let's have some fun.

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