The Rooted Relationship Program
Book: Befriending Your Nervous System- by Deb Dana
Understanding
- Teen behavior is often just the "tip of the iceberg" visible to parents. Underlying the behavior are emotions, thoughts, and nervous system states
- Behavior is a communication of needs, wants, or fears.
Nervous System
- Ventral state: Calm, safe, socially engaged ("sunbathing elephant")
- Sympathetic state: Fight/flight, high energy ("cheetah in action")
- Dorsal state: Shut down, disconnected ("bear in hibernation")
- Freeze state: High energy but immobilized ("deer in headlights")
- States are automatic protective responses, not consciously controlled
Techniques
- Yoga: Combines mindfulness, breathing, body awareness
- Longer exhales help activate the parasympathetic system
- Physical touch: Hand on chest, self-hug, weighted blankets
- Tapping: Butterfly taps or other bilateral stimulation
- Mindfulness: Non-judgmental awareness of present moment sensations
- Co-regulation: Connecting with a calm person to help regulate
Parenting Strategies
- Practice regulation techniques regularly, not just in stressful moments
- Create a "safety sandwich"
- Stay regulated yourself to co-regulate your teen
- Offer connection and validation, even when teens are dysregulated
- Understand
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