October 6, 2025 • 10 mins
If you’ve ever made a budget but still find yourself overspending, you’re not broken—you’re human. In this Question of the Day episode, Laura unpacks why smart, capable people often sabotage their financial goals and what it really takes to build lasting change. Learn how your identity, emotions, and mindset shape your spending—and how to retrain your brain to work with your budget instead of against it.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- Why budgeting is logical but spending is emotional
- How self-sabotage points to an inner conflict (comfort vs. growth, fear vs. freedom)
- The 3 mindset traps that derail your budget—and how to overcome them
- How to align your budget with your values and create space for small “yeses”
- Why mindset work is money work—and how to start shifting yours today
💡 Join the free 7-Day Money Mindset Shift Challenge inside the Legacy Builders Network Facebook group
to stop sabotaging and start building financial peace.
Learn more about working with Laura Sexton
. Join the Facebook group Legacy Builders Network.
· Become a master with your money. Learn more here!
· Checkout the resource library here!
Want to ask a question Laura can answer on the podcast? Connect with her here!
Want to receive a live money or career audit? Apply Here
Send an email to Laura@AccelerateYourLegacy.com or send a DM on Instagram @accelerateyourlegacy
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
hello, and welcome to thequestion of the day series here
(00:02):
on Money and Career Mastery,where we tackle real questions
from real people who are tryingto make money, feel less chaotic
and work feel more meaningful.
Think of it like chatting with afriend.
If your friend also happened tobe a money coach.
Okay, let's jump in to today'squestion.
Laura (00:25):
Accelerators, welcome back.
Today's question comes fromAmanda in California.
She writes, Laura, I know how tomake a budget.
I've done it before I even haveit written out right now, but
every month I still find myselfoverspending, especially on
things I didn't plan for.
It's like I know better, but Ikeep sabotaging my own goals.
(00:46):
What's wrong with me?
Oh, Amanda.
Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're absolutely.
The same place that most peopleare.
You're not alone.
This is so common, especiallyamong people who are smart and
capable and deeply aware thatthey want change.
You're not broken, but yourbrain is probably working
(01:10):
against your goals right now, solet's train it otherwise.
Budgeting is logical, butspending is emotional.
Two totally.
Separate parts of your brain areworking on this right now.
Your habits so far have beenidentified by your identity and
(01:30):
not just by information.
So what do I mean by that?
I can know that buying, aSnickers when I leave Target is
a poor financial choice and alsonot a good health choice.
But my identity as a person whocan afford that, that was a big
(01:52):
deal for me when I first was ata place where I could afford to
buy myself a candy bar when Iwas leaving the store.
Because growing up, that wasn'treally an option.
And so you hear no enough times,you're like, oh, we can't afford
it.
Right.
When I started buying things formyself, I became a person that
just got a nice little treat formyself, and that was the one
that I would choose.
And so now I have to rememberthat my habit is driven based on
(02:17):
somebody that I identify as.
I identify as somebody who canbuy those little luxuries.
It's not just about theinformation.
And self-sabotage often pointsto an internal conflict.
Okay, so it's the comfort versusthe growth.
It's fear versus freedom.
It's scarcity versus security.
So one of the things I thinkthat you need to look at is
(02:41):
what's coming up inside of mewhen I am self-sabotaging.
When I put myself in a positionto where I'm starving at 6:00 PM
and I am just exhausted and Idon't want to go out and I don't
wanna make anything, so I wantto order it right?
What.
What is happening, what iscoming up inside of me at that
(03:02):
point, that's a comfort thing.
I'm, I'm more focused on comfortthan I am on growth.
Maybe it's a situation wheresomething comes up and you're
like, I have to do this rightnow, because if I don't do it
right now, I may never get it.
That's scarcity.
It could also be fear.
I'm so afraid that I'm not gonnahave this, and so I have to do
(03:24):
it right now.
That could be a fear thinginstead of looking at the
freedom.
So I do want you to look atthree different mindset traps to
see if any of these help withyour budget sabotage.
All or nothing thinking, this iswhere I got into that big spiral
when I first started working onit.
And I would go, well, I messedit up.
The whole thing's messed up, andI'm never gonna be able to do it
(03:44):
again.
I would go out to eat, blow upmy going out to eat budget and
say, well, I'll try again in acouple of weeks.
You're never gonna get therebecause a couple of weeks are
gonna happen.
You're gonna make anothermistake.
Mistakes happen.
This is not all or nothing.
Do we make mistakes?
Yes.
That doesn't mean we bloweverything else up.
(04:06):
Do not allow yourself to spiral.
If you do find yourselfspiraling, please reach out to
me.
Amanda, I have been there.
Spiraling is what I do reallywell.
And so now that I know and I cansee the signs, I can help you
stop the spinning because we'regoing to stop when we're feeling
that emotion and we're gonnawork through it.
(04:28):
I also want you to reward.
I also want to work with you ona reward mindset.
So this came up for me a lotwhen I was in my spending era.
I work hard, so I deserve this.
That's me in the Snickers bar.
It's an impulse purchase.
I deserve this.
No, you don't.
You deserve freedom.
(04:51):
You were allowing little choicesand little sabotages to take
away your freedom.
And a lot of times, yes, you dowork hard and I want you to work
hard because working hard,there's so much dignity in that.
So work hard.
But remember that everythingwe're doing has a forward focus.
(05:12):
It's going to affect our futurein some way.
So plan on.
I work hard.
So I deserve a future me thatwill get to rest.
I promise you future Amandawill.
Thank you.
And the third mindset trap wouldbe avoidance.
I don't wanna feel restricted.
Because your budget doesn't tellyou what to do until after you
(05:32):
tell it what you want it to tellyou to.
The only person putting arestriction on you is yourself.
Sometimes that's hard.
Sometimes it's like, I don'twanna tell myself what to do.
I don't wanna be in charge.
If you are putting your head inthe sand, though, you are making
your own choices.
Whether your choice is to berestricted now or restricted
(05:53):
later, you are making your ownchoices.
So instead of.
Allowing everything to blow upin your face.
I need you to get curious what'striggered your choice.
Is there one instance you canpoint to if we were coaching
together, I would ask you giveme one or two instances where
you feel like you'veself-sabotaged, and then let's
(06:16):
look at.
What are the circumstancesaround that choice that you
made?
What made you feel like that wasthe best decision?
Because something made you thinkthat that was really smart and
so you went with it.
It's possible that you havebuilt yourself a budget that is
impossible to live with.
(06:38):
You have to build in some smallyeses in your budget.
So sometimes we build in thosesmall.
Yes to a candy bar.
We build in those small, gueststo going out to eat, you know,
picking up fast food one time ina two week period.
We have to build in those smallthings.
But you know what else You needto build into your budget
(06:58):
margin.
You need a miscellaneouscategory for when stuff comes
up.
You know what else you need.
You need an emergency fund.
Your emergency fund will coverthe bigger things that you
weren't expecting.
Another thing you need with yourbudget is a long time horizon.
You need to be able to lookback.
This time last year, what cameup for me, so in October of last
(07:23):
year, was there something inparticular that I need to be
planning for so I can beprepared for that.
If you haven't been making abudget for over a year, what you
can do is pull up bankstatements from a year ago and
you can go ahead and lookthrough those and that's gonna
give you a bigger focus, abigger time horizon, something
(07:47):
to look at and go, okay, thewhat's the same and what's
different, and you can adjustbased on that.
You also want to focus onvalues-based budgeting.
If you are a person who isbuilding wealth and peace for
your family, how do the items inyour budget reflect that?
(08:09):
Because sometimes what happensis we have a value that's not
reflected in our budget, and soyes, we're gonna go over if one
of your values is that you onlyshop at Whole Foods because you
have a desire for this top-notchingredients, if that's a value
that you hold that this is whereI will be shopping.
(08:29):
I'll only do organic and I'monly gonna do top, top of the
line qualities and I only ordersteak.
But you have a$200 grocerybudget for six people.
That's not gonna work out.
Also, if you have a$200 grocerybudget for six people, you need
to increase that dramatically.
When you have a values-basedbudget, you are able to build
(08:55):
for yourself a budget that youcan stick with.
But if your budget does notfollow along with what you
value, you going to find thatyou cannot stick with it.
You're not self-sabotagingbecause you're weak, Amanda,
(09:17):
you're sabotaging because yourcurrent system does not support
who you are becoming yet.
Your mindset work is your moneywork, and this is exactly the
kind of work that we are goingto be doing in the seven day
money mindset shift, challengehappening.
Today in the free Facebook groupthat I have called the Legacy
(09:42):
Builders Network, we will helpyou stop sabotaging and start
aligning your thoughts with yourgoals.
So Amanda, I've already reachedout to you, but come join us.
The link is down in the shownotes.
If you have a friend that youwanna do this with, if anybody
listening wants to come join uson the seven day Money mindset
shift challenge, please do.
(10:03):
It's gonna be amazing.
I'm still working on how we'regonna have winners because a
breakthrough is kind ofdifficult to to measure.
But I know that we can do it.
I know that we can figure itout.
So Amanda, I hope that this washelpful.
I hope that we were able to lookat sabotaging a little bit
differently.
(10:23):
Maybe you and I need to sit downand have a conversation, and I'm
happy to do that either throughthe group or one-on-one.
Feel free to reach out to usthere that's it this week,
accelerators.
Thanks for joining me for thisquick question of the day.
If you have a question of theday that you wanna submit, you
just do it over athello@accelerateyourlegacy.com.
Shoot me an email and I will behappy to respond to that on air.
(10:47):
Thanks, accelerators.
Go out and make a difference.
hello, and welcome to thequestion of the day series here
(00:02):
on Money and Career Mastery,where we tackle real questions
from real people who are tryingto make money, feel less chaotic
and work feel more meaningful.
Think of it like chatting with afriend.
If your friend also happened tobe a money coach.
Okay, let's jump in to today'squestion.
Laura (00:25):
Accelerators, welcome back.
Today's question comes fromAmanda in California.
She writes, Laura, I know how tomake a budget.
I've done it before I even haveit written out right now, but
every month I still find myselfoverspending, especially on
things I didn't plan for.
It's like I know better, but Ikeep sabotaging my own goals.
(00:46):
What's wrong with me?
Oh, Amanda.
Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're absolutely.
The same place that most peopleare.
You're not alone.
This is so common, especiallyamong people who are smart and
capable and deeply aware thatthey want change.
You're not broken, but yourbrain is probably working
(01:10):
against your goals right now, solet's train it otherwise.
Budgeting is logical, butspending is emotional.
Two totally.
Separate parts of your brain areworking on this right now.
Your habits so far have beenidentified by your identity and
(01:30):
not just by information.
So what do I mean by that?
I can know that buying, aSnickers when I leave Target is
a poor financial choice and alsonot a good health choice.
But my identity as a person whocan afford that, that was a big
(01:52):
deal for me when I first was ata place where I could afford to
buy myself a candy bar when Iwas leaving the store.
Because growing up, that wasn'treally an option.
And so you hear no enough times,you're like, oh, we can't afford
it.
Right.
When I started buying things formyself, I became a person that
just got a nice little treat formyself, and that was the one
that I would choose.
And so now I have to rememberthat my habit is driven based on
(02:17):
somebody that I identify as.
I identify as somebody who canbuy those little luxuries.
It's not just about theinformation.
And self-sabotage often pointsto an internal conflict.
Okay, so it's the comfort versusthe growth.
It's fear versus freedom.
It's scarcity versus security.
So one of the things I thinkthat you need to look at is
(02:41):
what's coming up inside of mewhen I am self-sabotaging.
When I put myself in a positionto where I'm starving at 6:00 PM
and I am just exhausted and Idon't want to go out and I don't
wanna make anything, so I wantto order it right?
What.
What is happening, what iscoming up inside of me at that
(03:02):
point, that's a comfort thing.
I'm, I'm more focused on comfortthan I am on growth.
Maybe it's a situation wheresomething comes up and you're
like, I have to do this rightnow, because if I don't do it
right now, I may never get it.
That's scarcity.
It could also be fear.
I'm so afraid that I'm not gonnahave this, and so I have to do
(03:24):
it right now.
That could be a fear thinginstead of looking at the
freedom.
So I do want you to look atthree different mindset traps to
see if any of these help withyour budget sabotage.
All or nothing thinking, this iswhere I got into that big spiral
when I first started working onit.
And I would go, well, I messedit up.
The whole thing's messed up, andI'm never gonna be able to do it
(03:44):
again.
I would go out to eat, blow upmy going out to eat budget and
say, well, I'll try again in acouple of weeks.
You're never gonna get therebecause a couple of weeks are
gonna happen.
You're gonna make anothermistake.
Mistakes happen.
This is not all or nothing.
Do we make mistakes?
Yes.
That doesn't mean we bloweverything else up.
(04:06):
Do not allow yourself to spiral.
If you do find yourselfspiraling, please reach out to
me.
Amanda, I have been there.
Spiraling is what I do reallywell.
And so now that I know and I cansee the signs, I can help you
stop the spinning because we'regoing to stop when we're feeling
that emotion and we're gonnawork through it.
(04:28):
I also want you to reward.
I also want to work with you ona reward mindset.
So this came up for me a lotwhen I was in my spending era.
I work hard, so I deserve this.
That's me in the Snickers bar.
It's an impulse purchase.
I deserve this.
No, you don't.
You deserve freedom.
(04:51):
You were allowing little choicesand little sabotages to take
away your freedom.
And a lot of times, yes, you dowork hard and I want you to work
hard because working hard,there's so much dignity in that.
So work hard.
But remember that everythingwe're doing has a forward focus.
(05:12):
It's going to affect our futurein some way.
So plan on.
I work hard.
So I deserve a future me thatwill get to rest.
I promise you future Amandawill.
Thank you.
And the third mindset trap wouldbe avoidance.
I don't wanna feel restricted.
Because your budget doesn't tellyou what to do until after you
(05:32):
tell it what you want it to tellyou to.
The only person putting arestriction on you is yourself.
Sometimes that's hard.
Sometimes it's like, I don'twanna tell myself what to do.
I don't wanna be in charge.
If you are putting your head inthe sand, though, you are making
your own choices.
Whether your choice is to berestricted now or restricted
(05:53):
later, you are making your ownchoices.
So instead of.
Allowing everything to blow upin your face.
I need you to get curious what'striggered your choice.
Is there one instance you canpoint to if we were coaching
together, I would ask you giveme one or two instances where
you feel like you'veself-sabotaged, and then let's
(06:16):
look at.
What are the circumstancesaround that choice that you
made?
What made you feel like that wasthe best decision?
Because something made you thinkthat that was really smart and
so you went with it.
It's possible that you havebuilt yourself a budget that is
impossible to live with.
(06:38):
You have to build in some smallyeses in your budget.
So sometimes we build in thosesmall.
Yes to a candy bar.
We build in those small, gueststo going out to eat, you know,
picking up fast food one time ina two week period.
We have to build in those smallthings.
But you know what else You needto build into your budget
(06:58):
margin.
You need a miscellaneouscategory for when stuff comes
up.
You know what else you need.
You need an emergency fund.
Your emergency fund will coverthe bigger things that you
weren't expecting.
Another thing you need with yourbudget is a long time horizon.
You need to be able to lookback.
This time last year, what cameup for me, so in October of last
(07:23):
year, was there something inparticular that I need to be
planning for so I can beprepared for that.
If you haven't been making abudget for over a year, what you
can do is pull up bankstatements from a year ago and
you can go ahead and lookthrough those and that's gonna
give you a bigger focus, abigger time horizon, something
(07:47):
to look at and go, okay, thewhat's the same and what's
different, and you can adjustbased on that.
You also want to focus onvalues-based budgeting.
If you are a person who isbuilding wealth and peace for
your family, how do the items inyour budget reflect that?
(08:09):
Because sometimes what happensis we have a value that's not
reflected in our budget, and soyes, we're gonna go over if one
of your values is that you onlyshop at Whole Foods because you
have a desire for this top-notchingredients, if that's a value
that you hold that this is whereI will be shopping.
(08:29):
I'll only do organic and I'monly gonna do top, top of the
line qualities and I only ordersteak.
But you have a$200 grocerybudget for six people.
That's not gonna work out.
Also, if you have a$200 grocerybudget for six people, you need
to increase that dramatically.
When you have a values-basedbudget, you are able to build
(08:55):
for yourself a budget that youcan stick with.
But if your budget does notfollow along with what you
value, you going to find thatyou cannot stick with it.
You're not self-sabotagingbecause you're weak, Amanda,
(09:17):
you're sabotaging because yourcurrent system does not support
who you are becoming yet.
Your mindset work is your moneywork, and this is exactly the
kind of work that we are goingto be doing in the seven day
money mindset shift, challengehappening.
Today in the free Facebook groupthat I have called the Legacy
(09:42):
Builders Network, we will helpyou stop sabotaging and start
aligning your thoughts with yourgoals.
So Amanda, I've already reachedout to you, but come join us.
The link is down in the shownotes.
If you have a friend that youwanna do this with, if anybody
listening wants to come join uson the seven day Money mindset
shift challenge, please do.
(10:03):
It's gonna be amazing.
I'm still working on how we'regonna have winners because a
breakthrough is kind ofdifficult to to measure.
But I know that we can do it.
I know that we can figure itout.
So Amanda, I hope that this washelpful.
I hope that we were able to lookat sabotaging a little bit
differently.
(10:23):
Maybe you and I need to sit downand have a conversation, and I'm
happy to do that either throughthe group or one-on-one.
Feel free to reach out to usthere that's it this week,
accelerators.
Thanks for joining me for thisquick question of the day.
If you have a question of theday that you wanna submit, you
just do it over athello@accelerateyourlegacy.com.
Shoot me an email and I will behappy to respond to that on air.
(10:47):
Thanks, accelerators.
Go out and make a difference.
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