Caravan and Chaos - Ep 5 - Whiskey Fight!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Previously on Monster Monster, Vance and Dolan
discovered that Essel, the localpriest, used to be a holy
soldier for Soldeus.
Just in time for him to gettaken, and Zang has just went
inside the castle to check in onwhat's happening with the vote.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Welcome to Monster Monster, a live play D&D podcast
where comedians play thetabletop role-playing game that
is Dungeons Dragons 5th edition.
I am Tyson Cox, my name isTyler Waltz and I'm Brianth
Edition.
I am Tyson Cox.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
My name is Tyler Waltz and I'm Brian Petrie.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
I am playing Vance Ironside.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
I am the Dungeon Master.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
And I am Toland Mir.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Zendrin, why are we doing this?

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yes, For fame.
Tyler, we're doing this forfame.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Either way, thank you all so much for joining us on
episode five, season two, andwe're just going to get right
into it.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Let's go, baby.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Immediately where we left off was Essel getting
kicked out of this fortmakeshift house by a rather
large orc in full Suleyman armor, laughing as you think you've
pulled the wool over their eyes,when in actuality they know
exactly where Essel is.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Well, we never said it was Essel specifically.
That is true.
We don't know who got taken.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
So you're still keeping up the facade.

Speaker 3 (01:16):
Yeah, okay, hello, bloody sir, hello, not bloody
sir.
He goes.
You don't look like no soldiersof mine.
No, no, no, no, we just.
Uh, one of your soldiers justgot taken, I believe.
Um, all we know is that someoneran over there.

(01:39):
We were minding our ownbusiness.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
We're just just trying to help.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Yeah, he's a cleric.
He likes healing people Alittle horny, but you know we're
leaving that in episode four.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Most of them are.
I just look like a guy.
Don't you do that?
Don't you put that on me?

Speaker 3 (01:56):
But no, we found this and the only other place we
could see to find in the areathat had one of these was here
we could see to find in the areathat had one of these was here.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Well, if you're saying one of my men was taken,
then let's just do a quicklittle roll call and he goes,
boys.
And then about that time someguards block off the gate to
where you can't get out and hegoes well, do the head count and
then everybody kind of files inand he looks at you and he goes
just to let you know if you'relying to me, there's going to be
two less people in this town.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
You're kicking two of your guards out, if we lied.
Yeah, he just starts counting.
What he said.
Is there anything that you guysare going to do while?

Speaker 3 (02:40):
he's doing the head count.
I speak Draconic.
Okay yeah, because growing upin the orphanage that was my
buddy and I'm gonna whisper overto Essel, essel, yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
What the fuck is going on.
He goes.
I don't speak Draconic Not allDragonborn Shit.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
It's like one of those ones when you say gracias
at a restaurant and they look atyou and go okay, I was born in
Missouri.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
They're like you're welcome.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
He whispers back.
I do that to white people.
That's what I do.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Gracias, senor.
But he looks back at you and hegoes.
They discovered that I wasn'tparticularly down with Sodeus
anymore and made sure that Icouldn't help anymore.
He was like coughing and justreal beat up.
He goes.
I'm not really sure Greg iskind of known for, uh, not

(03:45):
really asking many questions uhsurvivors, don't he?
He's like very nervous, he'slike I think you get what I'm
trying to say, but he's more ofa like survivors, don't ask
questions, kind of deal.
So it's not good right now.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
They were trying to hey, hey, there, greg, is it cra
Craig?

Speaker 1 (04:05):
He goes oh, I'm counting.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
Now, how many soldiers did you have in this
fort?
About 32.
32 is an oddly specific number,and you said about he's about
four foot tall.
Would you say that that'scorrect?

Speaker 1 (04:22):
He looks at.
You're talking about the dwarf.
Seems more like 310.

Speaker 3 (04:31):
I mean, I'm for one on my profile, so it's safe to
say, you could give or take twoinches, just like you could give
or take two soldiers.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Oh I know you can't give up manpower like that.
That's how you lose battles,yeah all 30 men strong.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Here you gaslighting me Kind of Wait if we're missing
one.
All 33 strong men you got.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
And about that time he goes.
Oh well, do you know theirnames?

Speaker 3 (04:57):
No, all we had was this.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
And you also didn't say two soldiers, you said one.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
But just a second ago you said two of your soldiers.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Well, we were comparing them to inches of
height in dwarves.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Yeah, I was four foot one.
We're just saying a bunch ofnumbers to try to mess with his
head, uh-huh.
He goes, I don't have time tomess with any of this.
Have you heard of the bandAvenged Sevenfold?
Or Five Finger Death Punch?
Three Finger Death punchactually, oh.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
He goes, just wrangle them up, throw them in prison
and we'll deal with them later.
Do you know who my dad is?

Speaker 3 (05:32):
Hit him.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
What do we do?
Huh, what do we do?
Well, traditionally, you can'tjust barge into a military
outpost and not expect anyconsequences For entering.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
We're just trying to help.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Yeah, we came in to tell you your guys were missing
and then you threw a bloody andbattered man at our feet Pretty
weird and then tried to arrestus for telling you you're
missing someone.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
I know I'm not missing anybody.
Roll deception checks Withdisadvantage.
Oh shoot 15 7.
So you matched in a 15 16.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
Oh okay, cool, roll real life deception check.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
At least you didn't do the weird double blink From
last time.
He goes.
Well, I'm not taking any riskswith some of these locals that
are already trying to fuck up agood election.
Just lock them up.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
We're getting arrested.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
And a couple of soldiers come up to try and put
handcuffs on you, how do youreact?

Speaker 2 (06:38):
You're not going to want to do that.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
That's probably not the best idea, oh is that a
threat?
No, it's a promise.
Two, that's probably not thebest idea.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Oh, is that a threat, no, it's a promise.
Two versus 32.
You're that cocky, eh?

Speaker 3 (06:47):
You're still missing a guy.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, if you had 33, it'd be a different story.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah well you're going to be missing a few teeth.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
I don't enjoy your company Roll initiative.
I'm just being honest.
Oh fuck 18.
Nat 20.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
Greg was ready to go.
12.
Because of that, I'm not goingto be mean and make them all
share initiative because then itwould just be 32 soldiers, just
a cartoon dust cloud.
Yeah, thank you for tuning intoseason two.
Our heroes fucking died.
They got the shit beat out ofthem.
What's he?

Speaker 2 (07:25):
wearing Greg.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Soldean armor Yep, just normal half plate With that
.
Greg will go first with his nat20.
And he goes oh, it's gettingawfully boring in this town and
he pulls out a two-handed axe.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
And he goes.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
I think we've gotten enough information out of this
one and he swings it down atEssel.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
I stop him.
Ow, I wish I don't.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
Oh, no, I prefer if you didn't.
He is prone, so he getsadvantage.
And Essel is not wearing armorright now.
Yeah, so right square into theside of essel, the axe buries
deep, leaving essel in a verycritical condition.

(08:17):
Well, he's not gonna be inepisode seven.
He, it's episode five right now.
So what's gonna happen inepisode 6?

Speaker 2 (08:26):
oh god, it's a, just a flashback episode of just his
whole life.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
Yeah right, we're not even, it's just you in a closet
and then he takes one of hishands off of the axe and he
reaches behind him to grab ahand axe and just laser beams
that straight at you, vance,does a 17 hit.
17 does hit, as you are hitwith 4 slashing damage as the

(08:51):
hand axe bounces off yourshoulder armor my body.
Vance, it is now your turn.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
I'm going to go ahead .
There's the guy that's right atme, and then there's the the
two like right at me, and thenthere's the the two soldiers
that blocked your exit.
Behind you at the gate.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
Essel is about five-ish feet in front of you
and then about Five feet behindhim.
Well, Greg, excuse me, ran upto him and then right behind him
is Greg.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
And then all the other soldiers scattered about.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
I would like to do a guiding bolt at Greg Okay.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, and that is a dexterity saving throw on my end
.
No.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
I believe I make a ranged attack spell on a target,
23 to hit.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Nice, all right.
So that does hit Greg.
What is the damage on that?

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Hell yeah 5d6.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
12.
16.
16 damage on Greg Uh-huh.
All right, anything else onyour turn.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
And the next attack made against it before the end
of my next turn has advantage.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
Nice, Okay, good to know.
Up next we've got Dolan.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Where am I in?

Speaker 1 (09:57):
relation to Greg, about 10 feet away from him, 5,
10 feet-ish.
You said they were all drinkingwhiskey.
The ones around the campfirewere so about half of them.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
Whiskey barrels, I'm assuming, yeah, the soldiers
that are over there.
How many are there near thecampfire with the barrels?
Probably about 10.
I'm going to cast a firebolt atthe barrels of whiskey.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Okay, pew.
Yeah roll me that two hit.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
Yeah, that's a 15.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
15.
That absolutely hits astationary barrel.
Yeah, nice.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Roll me your damage.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
That's a four.
That's a four, okay.
Okay, you notice that the topof the barrel ignites, but the
explosion hasn't happened yet.
Hmm, so it's more of like a.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Now you've created a ticking time bomb In that case,
I will use a bonus action todash towards it.
Okay, donkey Kong it.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
That's pretty much what I'm doing I will say that
you'll take an opportunityattack from the soldiers that
went behind you.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
Okay, they take a swing with a sword and I'm
assuming a nine does behind you.
Yeah, okay, they take a swingwith a sword and I'm assuming a
nine does not hit Nope.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
Okay, I was about to say, if it did, we need to
rework your character.
We are in trouble.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
I'm going to dash towards it and while I'm sliding
towards it, I'm just going tokick it towards the campfire.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
Okay, yeah, sounds good.
Roll me an acrobatics check orathletics Dealer's choice,
that's a 15.
A 15.
Yeah, you successfully knockover the barrel and as you knock
it over, the cork that was init, because it's rolling, busts
off, leaving a trail of whiskeyas it slides into the group and

(11:40):
the fire path has started.
Next turn, it will explode andwith that it is now the
soldier's turn to the group andthe fire path has started.
Next turn it will explode andwith that it is now the
soldier's turn.
The two that are behind Vancewill take their swings.
That's definitely going to miss.
Not even going to ask.
And that one was one better, sonope, nice.
And then three more.
Jump in 17 does hit, miss, anddefinitely hit, miss, and

(12:07):
definitely miss.
Okay, so one out of the fivehit you with a short sword,
doing four piercing damage.
That's not a lot, but it'sgoing to add up real fast it
could.
Yeah, with this many people.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Remember, we're level three.
Yeah, I'm very aware.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
You guys went to a fort.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, we entered the fort we didn't think we were
like, hey, we're here Kill themoh.
You guys don't get a lot ofmail, do you?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
And then about three more jump over to you, brian,
sorry.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
I just used your legal name.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Christian name, yeah, my gub name yeah, dolan Dolan.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
Does a 14 hit you?
It does not.
Okay, that's an 18.
Yeah, that hit and then an 11.
So only one of them hit youwith a short sword, doing five
piercing damage.
The other ones are stillholding back because you don't
want to get too many cooks inthe kitchen.

(13:07):
We're back up to Greg and Gregputs his second hand back and he
sees that Essel is bleeding out.
Oh, actually I forgot to.
You guys won't know whetherit's a success or not but,
Essel's first death saving throw.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
We'll know if he lives or dies by the fact that,
if he's dead or not.
But Essel's first death savingthrow, we'll know if he lives or
dies by the fact that, if he'sdead or not, correct, but right
now you don't know how he'sstabilizing or not?

Speaker 1 (13:30):
So, he just did his first saving.
Throw Back up to Greg.
He puts his hand back, he'slike I think I can join this
fight, and he turns around toyou, dolan, and he takes a
mighty swing with a greataxe fora 13.
13 misses.
And he follows it up with hisextra attack, which is a 15.

(13:52):
Yeah, you hit me, oh, okay.
Well, I found the magic numberand that is 8, slashing damage
Oof.
And at about that time you seethe blood red shoot through his
eyes as he rages Mm-hmm.
And now we are back to Vance.

(14:12):
You have five soldiers on youat the moment.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
I'm gonna go ahead and just do another guiding bolt
on.
Oh, you said there's five on me.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
And the damage carries over.
I'm just gonna shoot it intothe crowd of soldiers that are
wailing on me.
Okay, yeah, go for it.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
Non-natural 20.
All right, that definitely hits.
Roll your damage.
Ah, 15.
15?
Yeah, three of the soldiers godown.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
They're just in a straight line.
I point my stubby littledwarven finger and, like Frieza,
just a laser beam shoots out.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah, so three of them go down.
Anything else you'd like to do?

Speaker 2 (14:47):
I'd like to run to.
Well, I guess I'm in the.
I can't really run because I'msurrounded.
Well, you killed three of themso you got two, well, still two,
that's two dudes.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Bye Dolan, it's like a good luck.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
No, I was going to run towards Esen, but that feels
bad, so no, I'm just going tonothing.
Okay, I snarl at the tworemaining soldiers.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Like I said, you're not going to want to do that.
All right, Dolan.
What would you like to do?
Back to you?

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I'm over by the barrels.
There is a trail of firerolling towards the campfire.
Yep, how many soldiers aresurrounding me?
Again Five.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yes, two of them split from the fire area, so now
there's eight over there and acouple came in from the outside.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
So there's eight by the fire and two on the outside.
I am going to how many barrelsare there?

Speaker 1 (15:46):
Whiskey, there was just that one.

Speaker 3 (15:48):
They were all just sharing that one barrel.
I'm going to dash towards Vance.
And yeah, I'm going to dashtowards Vance.
That's opportunity attacks.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yes, he could disengage right, yeah, I can,
I'm going to use my Vance.

Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's opportunity attacks.
Yes, he could disengage right,yeah, I can.
I'm going to use my monkability to disengage Cool Yep.
I'm going to dash over by Vance.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
I just imagine like a kung fu movie, where you just
like jump and spin, crouchingtight.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
Yes, just laying right next to you.
What's up, vince?
What an?
A Every time you say that Ithink you forgot my name, then
you pull it out right at thevery end.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
It's an impressive tactic.
It's frustrating, but alsoheartwarming.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
And then I'm going to use Gust at the campfire to
just spread that fire around.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
Okay, all right, awesome, sounds great.
Anything else on your turn?

Speaker 3 (16:39):
No, that's it.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
All right, it is now back to the soldier's turn.
No, that's it.
All right, it is now back tothe soldier's turn.
And about that time that barrelhits that sweet spot by the
campfire and ignites, doing thesoldier's like oh my God, that
guy's so graceful, yeah, woof.
Doing 42 damage to thesurrounding area, killing all
but one of those soldiers.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
Vance is like that guy does not fuck around.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
The remaining two on Vance start swinging and two
more come in, so you're eachgoing to get two attacks against
you.
Dolan will do you first, 13.
So a 13 and a 19.
Oh, 19 hits, that is two.

(17:26):
Piercing damage, minimum damageTwo on you, vance, 10.
And a 13.
Miss and miss Alrighty Esselmakes his second death saving
throw.
You did it, I did.
And then back up to Greg.
Greg, seeing this explosionjust sets him off and he charges

(17:53):
both of you, make me dexteritysaving throws.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
As I'm jumping out of the way I'm like you should get
therapy yeah, that'll help.
Seven, twelve and twelve.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
Okay, both Twelve and twelve.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Both of you take four damage but are knocked prone.
But then we're back to Vance.
Actually, that move that I madeworks a lot better if him and
the soldiers go at the same time.
Because they'll knock you overand then they just kick the shit
out of you.
Get him.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
I am going to go ahead, ahead and, since I'm
prone, use half my movement toget up, and then I'm going to
swing at him with my mace.
Okay, does a 15 hit, it doesNice, and I'll hit him for four
damage.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Okay, anything else there's still time to give up.
Alright, just trying he looksat you and he goes.
I haven't given up in years.
I will, however, make sure that, regardless of what happens
here, you will not make it outof this city.
And he says boys wrangle themup as he continues on his path

(19:00):
and starts heading towards thecastle.

Speaker 3 (19:02):
That's right run.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Coward.
Now you're trying to bait himback.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Roll an intimidate.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
I don't think we want him to go there.
Yep Intimidation Good luck 15.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Ooh, 19.
I was like 23.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
23.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
You just roll it again.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
No, I just say a bigger number.
That's how math works.
Yeah, I could just lie.
I don't have to fake a roll.
Yeah, yeah, we're on camera.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
So he just keeps going and uh, you now have about
14 ish soldiers left.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
Well, anything else.
I feel that's like I attacked,I intimidated.
This feels like it's a lot ofactions.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Okay, right on.
Well, you still, becausetalking is a free action.
So you still have like a bonusaction if you have like a
healing word or something.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
Don't play my character better than me.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
I'm not, I'm just looking out for Essel.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
I would like to do that.
Then I'd like to cast healingword.
Do you have?

Speaker 1 (20:02):
Healing.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Word I do Nice 2d4 plus 2.
Okay so 9.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
9.
All right, essel is back up,very beaten, bruised, basically
just wearing a pair of shoddypants.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
Get that dragonborn stank on it yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Yeah, yep, that was a big, a big point to bring up.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
Last episode.
If you guys are confused,listen to the last episode.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
With that Dolan we are on you.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
You said, there's 14 soldiers left surrounding us.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Five are on you, the rest are behind Essel, coming
out of the buildings and tents.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
How far are they from me?

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Probably about 30, 40 feet.

Speaker 3 (20:44):
Is there anything by my feet?
And is there anything around melike any?
Because after that explosionI'm surprised.
Things probably blew up andflew around everywhere oh yeah,
there's wood scraps and stuffeverywhere.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
The only like weapons that are near you is that hand
axe that was thrown by greg yeah, I'm gonna grab that okay, yeah
, just out of my shoulder.

Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, it bounced off your armor, it landed somewhere
uh, I'm gonna snatch that up, um, and then I'm going to look at
vince with an, a yep, and tellhim that we should get the hell
out of here all right okay, yeah, dude, we gotta go.

(21:23):
All right, I'm not taking on 14.
I I can't.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
He looks like coming from the guy that just killed
eight in a turn.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yeah, but that I mean , look at us man, he looks like
half an eaten sandwich.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's not we gotta get him out of here.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
All right, I say we disengage and take off running.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Okay, essel is not by you guys.
He's up where he was gettingattacked by Greg.
So, it's you guys and thesoldiers around you, and then
five to ten feet in front of youis Essel.

Speaker 3 (21:59):
I see now and the exit is behind the soldiers,
correct?

Speaker 1 (22:05):
The ones that are surrounding you.
There's like two behind you andthen a couple on your flank.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
I'm going to say take this axe, and I'm going to cut
Essel's shackles.
I'm just going to hit hisshackles loose Sounds good.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Roll me a two hit.
You don't have to roll damage,that is a 17.
Perfect, yep, you slice itclean in half, freeing his hands
.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
Nice, nice.
How do we get the hell out ofhere, essel?

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Essel basically is like we just need to push
through those ones behind you,and then he's kind of getting
himself put back together andthen does that end your turn.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
That's going to end my turn.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
All right, it is now the soldier's turn.
So, all the five that arearound you, we'll do three on
Vance with a 12.
, a 12.
And a 13.
Just real, slightly aboveaverage, but you can't do it
though.

Speaker 3 (23:04):
Stormtroopers over there, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
And the two on Dolan, and one of those is a 17.
That hits Shortsword, doingfour piercing.
Two of them run up to Esselrolling a nine and an eight
Missing him.
You guys are shitty.
You guys are shitty.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
You guys are bad.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
It is now Essel's turn To where Essel almost like
just that old school soldier inhim just locks in Like no
weapons, Just reaches over andgrabs the head of the.
Well, I guess he's going toattempt to grab the head of the
soldier next to him With anopposed strength check.

(23:52):
He succeeds and he just buriesit into the ground doing five
bludgeoning damage, killing thesoldier, and then he back elbows
at the other soldier, but he'svery caught up in the moment and
misses.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
God, everyone here is so much cooler than I am.
I'm trying, man Damn.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Back up top.
No, greg.
And then now we are back atVance.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Okay, we're just going to go ahead.
So we've got to clear outbehind me, right?
Yes, I'm going to just go aheadand do another guiding bolt,
first level.
All right Boop Ooh, 23 to hit23 to hit is definitely it yeah.
And 13 damage Okay.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Yep.
Three of the soldiers go down.
There's still time to leave anda bonus action.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
I like to healing word myself Cool For six damage
or six health.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Dolan, we are getting pretty close to the end of this
.
There are two soldiers stillaround you, guys, and one next
to Essel.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
I'm going to focus on the two that are next to us.
Okay, I'm going to.
How are they standing?

Speaker 2 (25:03):
On their feet.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
Yeah, that's probably best.
Stay tuned for our next play ornext episode.
Yeah, that's probably best.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Stay tuned for our next player next episode.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
I'm still here.
I have to set up the equipment,so I'm just sat in the
background, where Vance willalso be disappearing.
Monster, monster, New playersevery two episodes.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
So yeah, the ones that are still surrounding you.
I would say that Vance hit likea cone-ish in front of him.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
I know that's not how the spell works.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
We're doing pack, you know.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
He probably got the three to his side.
My God is thick, so there's onebehind you and off to your side
.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
And then I guess, the one in between you and Essel.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
I'm going to look at the one that's between me and
the exit, the one that's behindme, and I'm just going to chunk
this ax straight at his face.
Go for it.
Yeah, give me that sweet sweetto hit.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Yeah, no, a two does not hit.
No, Unfortunately it doesn't?

Speaker 3 (26:02):
Oh, what if you had your bonuses?
Do you have a?

Speaker 2 (26:05):
plus 13?
Not hit.
No, oh, what if you had yourbonuses?
Do you have a plus 13?
No, no, alright.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
Rooting for it.
No I miss, and so what I willdo in that case is I will dash
towards.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
Essel.
Okay, not disengaging.

Speaker 3 (26:23):
No, not disengaging.
Yeah, I've already used that 15.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
It hits.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Yeah, you can use disengage.
Is it your whole action?

Speaker 3 (26:33):
Once per turn.
Yeah, it's a new turn.
Oh yeah, it is a new turn andthat's a monk ability.
Yeah, Okay.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
I got you.
So, yeah, you can use yourdisengage.
Yeah, okay, alright, so youwill not take that.
Three piercing damage, sweet,and you make it over next to
Essel.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
So that would still leave the other two standing.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
By Vance.

Speaker 3 (26:51):
By Vance.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
Now the one in front of you and Essel.

Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yes, I get.
Oh, that was my bonus action.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
That's the end of my turn.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Okay, yep.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
It is now the soldier's turn.
Two swings on Vance Nine Eleven.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
I'm just going to say that's a 12.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's like.
I rolled the first one and thenthe second one was like oh well
, so two misses, there's stilltime to leave.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
All right, You're going to roll that intimidation
I would freak out If I misstwice.
The guy's very calm about it,Like, ah, you're probably right
13.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Okay, he goes.
Yeah, fuck this man.
And then he drops his weaponsand runs.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Or I guess both of them do.
Um, and then the one takesanother swing at Essel, hitting
him with a 15.
Cause he's not wearing anyarmor, and Essel takes four
piercing damage.
It is now Essel's turn and hetakes that hit like a champ and
then just dukes Two swings.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Shits.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Yeah, big stinky, big stain, dragon board stain.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
It's like.
This is how I get away from thepain.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
I flexed too hard, guys, I flexed it out.

Speaker 3 (28:07):
He squeezes up like an iguana.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
He gets one hit, knocking out the soldier clean.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Nice, that's all of them, right, yep.
So are we out of combat now?

Speaker 1 (28:18):
You are out of combat .

Speaker 2 (28:19):
I'd like to quickly be like quick assets here and I
pick up the sword.
Are you going to get his nameright?
No, no, asshole here and gonnaget his name right?
No, no, uh, essel here and I.
I grabbed the uh, like panic,like the fight's still going,
but like here and I pick up asword from the ground.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
I just throw it over to him and he catches it and
then he looks around to seeeverybody gone and then he drops
it and he says thank you forthe consideration, but a little
late you had a sword this wholetime.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
I got it just now, damn it.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
Why don't you have weapons?
I have weapons.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
I just don't want to lose them.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
So you just picked up that hand axe.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Alright, that makes sense.
That adds up and Essel goes weneed to get to the castle.
That's just the plan.
We just need to get to thecastle.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Could just need to get to the castle.
Could we do that in like 18hours?
Is that a possibility for along rest?
No, we need to go now.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
The vote is being finalized right now and I'm
deathly afraid of what couldhappen.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Alright, hey, good job exploding all those dudes
and he starts just making hisway towards the castle.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
okay, so you guys head to the castle and I just
nudge Essel and I go.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
It's so great watching him run.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
It's hilarious yeah, I'm like, I'm like spreading
ears, just like long steppingfrolicking so mystical, so
mystical, do you give Essel likehis Long?

Speaker 3 (29:51):
stepping Frolicking.
So mystical, so mystical.
Do you give Essel like hisarmor?
Yeah, we give him his armor.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
We go to that alley and we fight off some homeless
people off of it and we give itto him.
So you gear him back up and hegoes.
We have a little bit of timeand then he gets.
You guys go back to the churchand you are able to get healing.
Oh, nice, so you guys don't getany of your spell slots or
anything back, but you will getfully restored when it comes to
your health.
Nice, and he goes look, I don'tknow if we're necessarily going

(30:20):
to be able to come back hereafter tonight, so we need to be
ready.
And he opens up a cupboard andhands each of you a potion of
healing.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Oh nice.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
So this is our last chance being here.
I walk up to that nun we weretalking to earlier.
I'm like I love you.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
I've always loved you .

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Run away with me.
No, I'm just kidding.
I was like roll, one hell of apersuasion Roll is creep.
Yeah, roll to get her todisengage from her religion.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
So is that athletics check Just flex out her.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
You make it to the front of the castle where a
crowd is gathering and themurmurings are so loud it's hard
to even hear your own thoughtsas you wait on the results and
at about that time royal hornslike a big proclamation is about
to happen that's why you getpaid the big bucks that's why I

(31:19):
don't have to edit it in, it'sjust right, yeah like on the
michaelinslow of D&D podcast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, as thecastle doors open on the balcony
, the doors open as the kingcomes out to greet his subjects

(31:41):
and he goes.
Ladies and gentlemen, it seemsas though there are certain
people around that do not wantthe will of the people to go
through, and at about that timeyou see Greg holding up with one
hand Zang.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Is that?

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Zang, or is that just ?
Am I racist?
Why would you do that toyourself?

Speaker 1 (32:11):
He's like oh, this is my foot.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
And I just go, I pat him on the head.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah , dolan, oh damn it.
And he's holding up Zang, whoseems unconscious, and he's
holding up Zhang, who seemsunconscious, and he goes for
those of you that believe in thewill of the people, what shall
we do with this traitor to ournation?

(32:38):
Put him down and leave himalone and give him a nice back
rub.
Seize him, god damn it.

Speaker 3 (32:54):
And the crowd just starts murmuring Exile exile?

Speaker 2 (32:55):
yeah, is that what you're saying I'm yelling yeah,
um.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
And then, as he's looking around the crowd, you
start to hear uh, roll meinsight checks 20, 19.
Okay, look at us most of themurmurs are people very confused
because they haven't even saidthe results or anything yet.
So this person is gettingaccused of something before we

(33:17):
even know what happened.
Yeah, so it seems like thegeneral populace isn't
necessarily buying into it, withthe exception of some scattered
groups that are just infuriatedalready.

Speaker 2 (33:30):
How do we?
How do we know anything?
Because the results aren't inyet it's very specific.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah, phrasing coming out.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
Yeah, those are the crowd members screaming that
yeah and he goes.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
now we have a general idea of how we expected this
election to go, so before we getahead of ourselves.
And then he gestures and asoldier comes out with a piece
of paper and he goes we shallsee these results and then make
a decision from here.
And the crowd is just gettingvery uncomfortable at this point

(34:05):
because, like they're clearlysaying that this seems like a
big presentation like this isall very convenient for what's
happening around and he opens upthe piece of paper and give me
another insight check 13, 9vance, you notice.
And he looks at the paper, justshocked and he goes secession

(34:31):
has been denied yeah and a largegroup just start cheering in
front of the castle yeah, Istart a slow clap.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
I start a slow clap, but everyone, start a slow clap,
but everyone else is alreadyfull cheering.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
So I'm just whoo so people are like ah, but a few
select groups within the crowdstart lashing out and shoving
and stuff like that and a veryvocal and straight up just
partially violent group ofpeople start causing immediate

(35:11):
tension in this crowd, as mostof these people seem
extraordinarily happy, and theKing just starts mumbling to
himself.
He's like, I mean, just justvery angry Mumbling, is saying
tries to stand up as Gregdelivers a swift kick to his
side.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Hey, should we get that dude?

Speaker 3 (35:33):
Not right now.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Fair enough, you remember how hard he hit you.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah very.
I don't, which is kind of aproblem.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
That means it was probably pretty hard.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Very hard.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
And in this chaos, guards start rounding people up,
but it's not the ones that arecausing the ruckus.
It is the people that are beingthe most vocal about liking the
results.
And from behind the king, avery mysterious and almost

(36:11):
ethereal voice erupts, but youcan't hear it.
It's almost like it's in yourmind and you just hear.
Then we shall do it ourselves,as a mystical, shadowy blade

(36:33):
appears through the chest of theking.

Speaker 3 (36:37):
Oh shit it's my mom.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
Do you think that's going to be bad for him.
It don't look good.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
As he coughs up blood .

Speaker 2 (36:50):
Yeah, that's not good .

Speaker 3 (36:52):
They're usually supposed to stay in you, yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
And staggers forward.
But he's not the only victim.
As she brings her attention toZhang and says well, since you
got what you want, I thinkyou're not long for this world.
As she steps and crushes hishead in front of you.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Ah, hefty, lady.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
That's what you think , and she's made of smoke.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah, god.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
And seemingly rising from the shadow of the king is
this woman in a bright,brilliant sorcerer's robe.
But roll me insight, checksEight.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
Thirteen.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Eight and thirteen, dolan.
You are actually the only onethat sees her Vance.
You see that it looks like Gregdid it.
As the king falls to his kneescoughing blood and Zhang dies in
front of you, you hear Dolanrise as a bunch of shadowy

(38:04):
figures completely envelop thecrowd, and that is where we're
leaving off.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
Ooh.
Ah Well, well Darkness.
It's not going to be.
It's not the orgy I expected.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
That is not.
It's not what I was trying toyell about last time?

Speaker 1 (38:25):
Yeah, just proclamations and then getting
pierced from behind.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
They didn't even do an announcement.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
They did Nobody there was no checkered flags what I
was trying to yell about lasttime?

Speaker 3 (38:30):
Yeah, just proclamations and then getting
pierced from behind.
They didn't even do anannouncement.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
They did Nobody.
There was no checkered flags,nothing.
Yeah, because I would havethrown in a white flag
immediately.
We're out, I'm out.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
That's the episode guys.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
That is the episode.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Check out our live shows.
We got coming up.
I'll get those posted.
We also, you know, new episodeevery other week.
Tell a friend, like, share,subscribe, review, all that fun
stuff.
It helps us out a ton becausecurrently we have no advertising
.
So all the growth we've seen,which is actually pretty good,
I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
We're very excited, we are very thankful it's just
been word of mouth and sharing.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
So thank you again.
You guys are fantastic.
If you'd like, we have aPatreon where we put our live
shows on and all that stuffexclusive swag and da da, da, da
, da, da you know how Patreonswork yeah, thanks for having me,
guys.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
I'm excited to be a part of this new story we're
very excited to have you nice.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Thank you all so much and we'll see you in the next
episode, boop.