October 23, 2024 • 55 mins
What happens when a party turns into a battle against time-bending cultists and bony adversaries? Join us as we navigate a city in chaos, where Tyler Waltz as Ekrem the shadow sorcerer and Tyson Cox as Chester Blackfield the charming fighter, bring their characters to life. Amidst the turmoil, we're aided by the formidable Kaga the Blood Axe, who makes a dramatic entrance to confront a monstrous foe. With the city under siege by a cult hell-bent on attacking the lair of a fearsome time dragon, our adventure is packed with unexpected twists, strategic battles, and a sprinkle of humor to keep things lively.
Prepare for a rollercoaster of a session as our heroes face challenges that range from reality-rewriting cultists to a fierce bone monster. The unpredictability of tabletop role-playing shines through as Ekrem and Chester engage in creative combat, employing everything from prestidigitation to impressive switcheroo moves. It's not just about the battles, though. Our characters find themselves in humorous exchanges about tactics and spell usage, all while trying to avoid the chaos of magical surges. This episode captures the camaraderie and quick thinking essential to surviving the unpredictable nature of Dungeons & Dragons.
But the adventure doesn't stop with the gaming table. We’re excited to share updates about our incredible community and upcoming live shows, all made possible by our supportive listeners. A special shoutout goes to Robert Schmaubert, our master editor-in-chief, whose work helps bring these moments to life. Keep an ear out for our humorous behind-the-scenes banter and the light-hearted approach to even the most intense of battles. With surprises at every turn, this session promises a thrilling mix of suspense, strategy, and laughter, making it an episode you won't want to miss.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll, I just
wanna, I just wanna, I justwanna roll, I just wanna, I just
wanna, I just wanna roll At 20on that troll.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hit that shit like real.
Welcome to Monster.
Monster, a real play DungeonsDragons show featuring comedians
as your favorite lovablecharacters.
I'm your Dungeon Master, cavanEggleston.
Today I'm joined by Tyler Waltz.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I will be playing Ekrem, the shadow sorcerer who
wants to destroy dark with dark.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Ooh, a little black noir over there, huh.
Hi, I'm Tyson Cox and I'll beplaying Chester Blackfield just
a lovable punch guy with no hairand a mustache.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
So yourself, but he grew a mustache.
So yourself with a mustache,but he grew a mustache.
Yeah, he's better than me.
Yeah, very much a fantasycharacter, you can grow facial
hair.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
People like him.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It's crazy oh I kind of got sad hey robert, can you
put in the the hulk walking awaymusic from the old tv?
Speaker 3 (00:59):
show legally distinct .
Hulk walking away.
Sad music yeah I wasn't gonnasay anything.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I'm not a.
I don't fight the truth veryoften, so yeah, sometimes
darkness is inside you all along.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Uh, all right, on our last episode, you folks had
managed to save the fey dragon.
Uh, that was an anchor to thecity.
One and one, yeah, a 50 rate.
We are shack at the free throwline.
That's a relevant reference.
In 2024.
Um, you guys have managed to dothis, uh, as you had emerged
(01:29):
from the feywild, teleportedthere by the magics of the
dragon.
Uh, you find a city in chaos.
The uh cult, in its kind ofimpotent rage and fury at being
thwarted, has now launched anall-out assault seeking to break
one of the final anchors, theperson that or the creature that
(01:50):
is responsible for holdingtogether the city itself.
They have begun their assaulton the lair of the time dragon,
the lore worm that is yourpatron and benefactor.
You manage to navigate the city, saving a few civilians and
(02:12):
meeting Pewter's cousin, andfrom there you manage to make
your way to the Lore Worm'smansion.
You found yourself at the gates,where you were greeted by Kaga,
the Blood Axe.
The defenses of the manor areholding for the moment.
You see cultist wizards,warlocks, spellcasters fighting
(02:36):
against magical wards, and justsheer numbers are on their side.
It feels like um, at the top ofthe stairway, a figure stands
alone against the cultists.
Uh, a massive axe swingingbetween them, uh, gore flying
(02:58):
through the air.
You see the hulking form ofkaga, the blood axe, uh, as she
cleaves through cultists.
You two, you two took yoursweet time getting here hey,
hiro, it's good to see you kaga.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh man, we gotta do more cardio bud.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Oh actually quick little side note.
We leveled up between lastsession.
Are we doing like skyrim rulesor am I still at 11 hp?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
you leveled up.
Uh, I'll let you.
I'll let you the magic of thefeywild he breathed on you.
Okay, thank god, because I hadtwo spell slots left.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, that'd be so fun and 11 hp.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
So I'm like cocky, you're gonna have to do a lot of
heavy lifting on this one.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I got my shit pushed in yeah, I do every time you
guys are.
You know, I think the lore wormkeeps you guys around as a joke
that's fine, it's all right.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
She had a girlfriend like that once.
You had a wife like that?
Yeah, that's true.
I didn't have a wife.
I was never married common lawanyways.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
uh, she, it cuts through.
Uh, colt is kind of clearing apath for you and she's like come
in, she's waiting for you.
All right, go ahead and give meperception.
Checks there, gentlemen, okay.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Perception check.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Not the best 10.
Oh, better than that, 12.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
All right, we got some C-plus students in this
room today she's getting degreesbaby.
You see Kaga again, just herkind of workman-like clothing is
covered in blood and ichor fromthese cultists and their
creations, icor from thesecultists and their creations.
(04:48):
And in her hand is not thatplain axe that you remember.
She was a person that valuespracticality over ornamentation.
The axe she had was very boringbut efficient.
Now in her hand is one thatalmost seems formed out of
obsidian and a blood-likecrystal.
She wields it deftly, cleavingcultists in twain as she throws
(05:17):
open the door with one hand.
This massive, two-handed axeshe just wields like a child
would wield a toy.
You enter the chamber, you seeanimated servants, armors,
rushing around, kind of going tobolster defenses.
You hear the sounds of scuffleshappening on different floors.
(05:41):
The area around you is bathedin kind of a dim red light, like
almost like this place is inbattle stations and we're
running with her right now, yeah, she slams the door behind it's
a nice axe, it's pretty good.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
It's new, is it?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
new you don't get a name like the blood axe without
some backing it up.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah I'm gonna be completely honest with you.
I was a bit suspicious becauseit's like, oh, weird cult, now
you've got a weird blood axe,but I never really thought about
your name, so that's kind of onme.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Well, everyone thinks it's a family name.
She's like give the Montaukblood axes.
But no, it's one you earn.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Oh Well, then how'd I get Blackfield?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Awkward pause.
She's like how did he?
What's your name?
Chester Blackfield?
Oh well, actually.
She's like I did some research,some genealogy you were
actually Dookie Pit and thenyour family changed it when they
moved to the city.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
That's good, that was for the best.
Yeah, that way I can get a loan.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah there's people dying.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
We should go no, we've got time to explore this
uh, what's yours, ekram?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
do you even have a last name?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I don't it's just all I've ever been known by is
ekram dark edged man it could bedark, edging man no no, no, I'm
chester Goon.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
She leads you through there Again.
As you kind of go through thesehallways, you actually never
noticed that this place it'sdesigned to have natural choke
points and places for people tokind of set up ambushes like
(07:26):
this.
While it looked like this kindof library, you realize it's
been set up to be heavilyfortified, like a very
defensible position.
The lore worm literally has theembodiment of time, nothing but
time to prepare for this stuff.
So she leads you deeper intothe library until you uh emerge
(07:49):
to the central area where youfirst met uh, your patron.
You see the uh lore room, thiskind of long-armed majestic,
long-limbed majestic creature.
Uh, a glowing crown of uh bonyhorn wraps around her head and
the a gem rests in the centerglowing.
(08:11):
She is kind of doing theminority report thing with
magical like defenses, justmanipulating where automatons
are going, where uh defenses are, where spells are being cast,
and it's just almost visualhologram of the manor grounds is
being projected in front of heras she moves these things
around.
Oh, thank you, you two arefirst off.
(08:36):
Well done, much better thistime around.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Practice makes perfect.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Yeah, I told you, the first round was learning.
We're good now.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah, no, I'm proud of you.
This is one of the moresuccessful times we've had.
This.
I have good feelings.
Is it the most successful?
Look, let's not.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Take a win.
Take a win when we get it.
Take a win when we get it.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Go ahead and give me an insight check there.
Ekrem Survey says three.
You know what you were like,Gold star.
Ekrem this one's going in diarytoday.
She fiddles about With somethings and she goes.
We have Breaches on the third,fifth and sixth floor.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Gentlemen, I hate to not give you, uh, your rest or
your respite, but uh we leveledup, it's fine yeah, we got
sneezed on by a green dragonwe're good.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, we're fine I have so many questions, but you
know what I'm not going tochoose to examine any of this.
Would you kindly go out and ridmy house of these unwanted
guests of course you got it sodo we need to split up?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
kaga on one floor, me on one floor and you on one
floor.
That should work out fine.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I've never had any problems with that how do you
guys want to do this?
Uh, I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
uh, kaga just kind of looks at you guys and she's
like I don't want to do that,kaga just kind of looks at you
guys and is just like third orsixth, which one has more
important stuff to protect?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Can we do third, this last stairs.
Can we do third?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Wait is there an elevator?
No yeah, can we do stairs.
Third, what's an elevator?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Is there a?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
There's a chute.
Do you want to take the shoot?
No, I'll take third uh, soshe's, she's gonna head up to
the sixth floor.
Uh guys, go ahead and give meuh, I'm just gonna say a dumb
luck check yeah, you said third,fifth and sixth.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yeah, okay, but kaga didn't say fifth floor, huh huh
14 14.
You said dumb luck.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, both of us are just one I'll let you do both
and I'll just do an average 18,okay we dummy thick with luck.
Yeah, not smarts, but we madeit uh, you guys make your way up
to the third floor.
Chester, give me a constitutioncheck to see how winded you are
(11:10):
, big guy.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Ekrem got a six.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yeah, you're fine you never, made it canonical that
you don't exercise.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
More of a brain guy, yeah 16.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Okay, you muster like you get your second wind action
.
He's my action series to climbstairs I mean, I've been there,
you do what you gotta sometimes.
Uh, all right, you guys uharrive in the landing.
You see um again.
You see in front of you justkind of a a herd of cultists
(11:46):
that they're kind of rampagingbetween rooms um tossing things.
They seem to be searching forsomething.
But uh, go ahead and give me um.
I'll let you say either like aperception or an insight check.
I'll let you make your choicethere if you want to, if you
want to see if you can figureout what they're looking for, or
if you want to see if you theyseem to have intentions.
(12:07):
I guess it matters.
13, 13 what you're gonna do.
An insider perception perceptionokay, and what about you, ekram
?
Zero that's a nat one minus onebecause I decided insight okay
yeah, you just look at the,you're like help, we don't know
(12:28):
that they weren't already here.
Maybe these aren't cultistsyeah, why is?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
the staff being rowdy oh no it's like we need to
clean your bookshelf.
You take everything off andyou're like I regret this.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, bad judgment call on my end.
I was like he's got perception,I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, no it's like you were like, uh, I'm gonna
alphabetize these, but then youforgot the alphabet.
You're like wait a minute,there's numbers here now.
Uh, all right, with the 13 andperception.
Uh, this seems to not beparticularly aimless.
They're looking for something,though you're not sure if you
could figure out whether it'svaluables or, uh, like something
(13:06):
hey necessary.
Uh okay, one of the cult.
You shout hey to one of thecultists.
Point okay, we could have beensneaky.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
You point uh, you just say hey yeah when he does
that, can I react and try andhide?
Speaker 2 (13:23):
yeah, I'll let you take a hide action while he's
shouting hey.
So they're just like it's theone guy, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Even Kago hid for some reason.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Kago went to a different floor.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
So that is a 23.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
23.
You are very hidden in thiskind of dimly lit I mean it's
still this red kind of glow, um,so there's plenty of places for
you to hide.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
cool, uh, these cultists turn I go you stop and
you put all that stuff back.
You're making a hell of a mess.
Or we're gonna kick your or I'mgonna kick your ass all right,
they look, they're just gonna.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
There's just just one guy, just just one.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Oh, we can got a three intimidation check wow
ready in action to throw adagger you sure?
Can and are you gonna be niceenough to let me have it be a
shadow dagger, or am I just youcan cast a spell you're not an
initiative.
Nice, because it is a bonus.
So I'll go ahead and do myshadow dagger and as soon as
they start to even try and jumpon Chester, I'm throwing the
(14:29):
first one.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Okay.
Is that a save on their part toget hit, or is it an?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
attack.
It's a two-hit on my end.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Okay, All right, so I'll let you have advantage when
you do that too, because you'reCultists.
Step out of the room.
You see five of them, butbehind them, this creature that
seems to be a misshapen bone,all kind of held together with
(15:00):
dark magic and inky tendrils ofshadow.
Uh, one giant claw of bone digsinto the floor as it pulls
itself into the hallway that youstand.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Oh, that's not going to buff out.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
It chitters at you just like a clacking skull, like
the teeth.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
That's what I want to throw the dagger at.
I was thinking cultist, but nowthat one's priority number one.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
The head cultist, the one that's leading this group.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
He's got a bigger hat on yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
No, it's a pope situation.
You can always tell in a cultOoh sorry Catholics.
You can always tell who's themost important based on the
headwear.
You see one guy wearing afootball helmet and he's just
like I mean, I'm not powerful,but I'm prepared.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
That's my kind of guy .
Hey, you want to get a beerafter all?
This is done.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, that'd be nice.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I really came to these for thepie and the punch and then they
started saying, like we're gonnarewrite reality, and I was like
, but does it care where?
About the pie?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
well, you're in luck because I brought the punch and
I cocked my arms all right, giveme a persuasion check, just see
if you can make him rethink hislife ekram's in the corner
Rethinking his life.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
He's like I'm gonna let him coach 16.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
He's like hey, you guys, I he has puns I.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
He cocks his arms Akram's like Damn.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
I love Henry.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
Cavill yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
That guy's like, his mustache gets bigger.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
He just kinda.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You can just see him Shrinking in the back.
You just like One of the cults.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
He's like call me, call me after this.
If you're not dead and they'renot dead, you know, we'll meet
up, we'll find a way.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Someone's going to die.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
All right Go ahead, and roll initiative, gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Do I get my dagger through?
Yes, to start the fight.
Yeah, that was a uh 12 plus 5,so 17.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
All right, that sinks into this bony boy okay and it
dies.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
That's crazy.
So good, tyler, you killed it?
I sure hope so.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
It's super dead, I just casted it did I say that,
yeah, no, did I narrate that?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
you also said we leveled up and it was full of
gold.
So that's 12 psychic damage.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And four piercing damage from the dagger.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Fantastic.
Your dagger sinks into thisthing.
You hear it sink into thatflesh and it doesn't react.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
There is no residual psychic effect on this, Is it
like?
Speaker 2 (17:51):
oh my brain.
No, there is no residualpsychic effect on this brain.
No, uh, this thing is justanimated by hate and malice and
uh, calcium wasted a spell slot.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
That sounds like no, you dealt for piercing damage
you got you.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
You know you take a w where you get a w.
Big guy learned yeah, yeah yeah, what did we learn?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
To now kill the cultists?
So because their brain's alert.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
Oh, I scream too fast .
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Switching targets is the lesson.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
All right, go ahead and roll.
Initiative gentlemen All right,five.
God, I don't want to say thisis not going great for you guys,
role wise, but I've seen better.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Natural one.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Oh no, it's the animated armor.
All over again it is.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Oh God, gentlemen, so technically a three because I
have a plus two to my dex.
So take that cultists.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
I just feel that like you threw the knife and you're
a little off balance, I'm justlike where the hell did that
knife come from?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Oh God, or I'm just real disappointed in the life.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I'm like dang it.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
All right.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Man, that was a lot of buildup for fucking nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I did not anticipate that going poorly.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
I was really With us, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I had my hopes up for you, gentlemen.
I honestly, I honestly did.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
We've been on a hot streak lately, so yeah, no.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Honestly, they were like are these the?
Same guys that were in theFeywild.
That married guy he was likeNot married, he was real mad.
I saw him shoot a ballista at agroup of mages.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But also you make the world no, I do mostly psychic
damage and then put a creatureimmune to psychic damage.
So it is your fault.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Oh, I'm the bad guy here.
No, that's fine.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
You are literally the bad guy.
You're a lot of the good guys,but right now he's got you there
.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah, no, I Fair, you know, we'll just go fair.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah, DMs love getting pedantically needled.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Historically, it's never gone bad for a player.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah, we're always the hero, so We'll remember that
.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Anyways, this thing rushes forward at you, just
these claws just tearing at theground as it just kind of
Scooby-Doo runs at you a littlebit Like terrifying.
Scooby-doo runs at you a littlebit like terrifying Scooby-Doo
Chester me.
Oh you know, you're not hiddenanymore you threw a knife at it.
I did uh.
All right, so it is going to goahead and, uh, take two swipes
(20:28):
at Chester and then launch athim with a mouthful of bony
fangs.
Alright, that is a 16.
Does that hit?
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Miss Fangs level up 27.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Holy shit 19.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Alright, right, go ahead, make a uh constitution
saving throw I think I have aplus eight to hit yeah okay,
because I was like it didn'tcrit, because you would have
said crit, yeah uh 16, 16, okay,roll 10, I got good con meets
beats, uh, all right.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
So, uh, you shake off .
You feel, uh, this venom sinkinto your bones, but you uh feel
that surge of that feywildmagic kind of purify you at the
same time.
You're gonna go ahead and takeoh boy, that's a lot of dice,
tyson.
Uh, that always feels good whenthe DM says that, right, always
(21:30):
so good, 15.
, 17.
Or 21.
You're going to take 22 pointsof piercing damage as everything
slams into you.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Hey, that's bad.
That hurts a lot.
I don't know if you guys knewthat you said 20.
How long?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
22 piercing damage 22 piercing damage.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
There's just a tooth in my neck.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I'm like we got this Akram, Then the bones fall apart
and collectively are druggedbehind you in the tendrils and
it reforms behind you.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Hmm.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Well, my pants are shit.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Ekram used prestidigitation, just didn't
tell him yeah, double shit hispants you were going to like, as
a goof make his pants shit andthen he actually shit them and
you're like oh, this is mean,this is now a mean goof.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
I can't fit my fake poop in there, because all the
real poop uh, all right, uh, thecultists are gonna charge at
you.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
12 miss 12.
Yes, 16 miss 16?
Miss 22.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Yeah, okay, well, you know what these guys are softer
Five points of piercing damageas one of their daggers sinks
under your armor.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Get him buddy All right, I'm warning you guys, you
knock it off.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah man, all right, I'm warning you guys, you knock
it off.
Yeah man, maybe we should havebacked up our initiative roles
before we uh got into the wholelike talking shit at the cultist
thing.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
that's kind of what he does yeah, all right, chester
, it is your turn uh, I am goingto go ahead and uh, so you said
the creature is right behind me, okay, okay, I'm just going to
turn around and, as a bonusaction, use Mr Wait.
Yeah, we'll do that.
(23:43):
We'll do Mr Action on it as abonus action.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
It needs to make a DC 15 save Intelligent save.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Okay, Well seven.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Does seven do it?
No, no, no.
Seven is definitely lower than15.
And now it is a failure.
They must spend their reactionto attack a creature of your
choice within five feet of them.
If no other creature arepresent within five feet, they
waste the reaction.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
All right.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I'd like to do that just by kind of like stepping
out of the way, kind of likepushing the cultist where I was
standing so you just do kind oflike a uh, that switcheroo, like
you just turn and grab him yeah, yeah.
When I turn around, I just liftthe cultist in front of me, I
just turn around 180 degrees andset him down all right, yeah,
this thing's uh with it behindyou.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
It goes to kind of like take a swipe uh at you.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
That are that claw-like arm, almost like
scything at you and you justsidestep and turn that cultist
into the way and you just watchit get cleaved yeah, oh, can I
just do the thing where, likeit's yeah, I didn't know it's
gonna cleave at me.
It cleaves, I just duck and itjust cuts the guy right behind
me and half.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah, sure Ah.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, you like cartoon duck you.
Just as you pop back up, youlook at that cultist and he's
just giving you that blank likeand then the head slowly slides
off.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
He's just like why'd you do this?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Slurp All right, oh hell.
Yeah, that's cool, it's strongas hell.
Yeah, that's dope, especiallyfor dumb bone boys.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah just making him clean up the cultists for me,
then I'm just going to go aheadand take a couple of swings,
does a 18 hit.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Who are you striking at?
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Oh, the creature Creature, yeah an 18 will hit
Second attack, a non-natural 20.
Okay, cool.
So first round of damage is 10.
Second is 11.
22 damage.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Okay, and then that's magical.
So you see, it's having aneffect.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Nice Hell yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
But not psychic magical because fuck me, I guess
.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
You know, I'm just going to go on the record here.
If you saw a skeleton coming atyou, would you be like?
I bet I can hurt its feelingsto death.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well, psychic, I think could also be like I
disrupted its connection to theplane, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Oh, is that that's what you think?
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yes to the plane.
You know just, oh, is thatthat's what you think?
Okay, yeah, I'm not.
Yes, yeah, I'm not gonna think.
Man, I hope this doesn'tfucking work.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Uh, I do.
Every time you do something I'mlike I hope this does not work.
Um, all right, go ahead androll a 2d20s for your.
Uh, wild magic surge, fistypunchy boy.
Uh six and seven okay, nothinghappens, but you do feel, uh,
that surge.
Now that you've been to thefeywild, you feel it as like the
you very much know.
This is connected to that planeof life and emotion.
(26:42):
Ekram, what would you like todo?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I'll, uh, I'll be realizing that the whole psychic
dagger thing didn't work on thething and I'll just go fine and
I'll, I'll just like akram'sreal upset about that yeah is it
akram or tyler?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
we're really having to just have to separate art
from artist.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Here I just saw my buddy get like hurt real bad.
He's doing pretty good overthere still, but my big plan
didn't pay off, so akram isdefinitely disappointed he
prides himself as a bit of astrategist.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Big plan Throw dagger .
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Psychic dagger from the shadows.
It's my theme, it's my thing.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
From the shadows.
You do hear in your ear youshut the fuck up you just hear
it breathe in.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
You're like you shut the fuck up.
Yeah, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
no, oh oh, is this a bad time?
I'm sorry.
This felt like a bad.
This felt like a moment youmight need my help.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
It's never a good time.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
I'll call you.
Is that easier?
Is that better?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I'll be here waiting.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I know.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Your shadow self is just like man.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
I'm standing in the corner like yeah, yeah, Just
like hand gestures, talking tonobody.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Chester's like, surrounded by cultists, got hit
by a big skeleton guy and you'rejust, he's like.
Hey, I didn't think he wasgoing to be the one that lost it
.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Um so I will snap my fingers and, like Brad Pitt and
once upon a time in Hollywood,just go.
And then my dog, a hound of illomen, will attack the skeleton
thing.
Okay, um, that's a bonus action.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I know the dog is supposed to be scary, but the
hell of Ill Omen, I just thinkhe's got a sideways hat and
sunglasses it does.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
It also sounds like Approaches playing Limp Bizkit.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Yeah, it does feel like you could flavor it as a
white rapper in the 90s that'slike no Eminem did it, I can too
.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
That dog's cool as hell.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Yeah, they call me the hound ill omen okay, I live
in spulman pullman.
I like ramen.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
That's a slant rhyme, emily dickinson uh, so because
chester's there, it has packtactics okay.
So with an advantage, it got a19 to hit, okay, and you have
called a dog to fight a bonemonster.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
That dog you just see , the happiest hound of ill omen
um, and that is 10 piercingdamage from the bite.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Okay, um, and then it has to make a strength saving
throw or be pinned, needs topass a 13, jesus.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Okay, this thing actually has really good
strength and that sucked it gota 14.
Oh damn.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Okay, cowabummer, and then for my action, I will use
my shadow dagger and throw it atone of the cultists.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Okay, go ahead and make that attack roll.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
And that was a 17 on the dice, so I'm guessing that
hits a cultist.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, they're wearing robes, and then wearing robes,
and then that's 2d8 plus psychic.
Uh, yes, okay, damn that daggerhits, he goes.
Oh, there's definitely.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I feel it in my brain yeah, fuck you.
Uh, that was two uh ones on myd8, so two psychic damage, golly
.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
So definitely not oh, I didn't feel it in my brain as
bad as I thought, but luckily,the piercing damage from the
dagger also a one on the dice.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
So that's three piercing damage this guy's just
like.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
It's like when you have to sneeze but don't so
three piercing, two psychic, andthen the hound of ill omen will
now be relentlessly attackingthe bone monster okay, fantastic
, uh, that brings us back up tothe top of the order.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
The bone monster chester, go ahead and make a
grapple or, I'm sorry, uh, anathletics check how does this
thing have high strength if ithas no muscles?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
if I can't hurt its fucking brain with psychic 10, 3
plus 7 10 hey I don't know man,what do you want here?
Speaker 2 (30:33):
these are, this is a magical time it is consistently
a strong, psychicallyinvulnerable monster, that is
not changed strong no brain haveyou never had a bully that you
like said something to?
And they're just so tough thatthey're like, yeah, I don't I
going to punch you about myfeelings.
I'm not going to feel thesefeelings, that's what's
(30:53):
happening right now?
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Just so dumb.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, all right.
Those bones swarm up around you, almost binding you in place.
You are grappled right now.
All right, that means a lot ofcultists are going to get a lot
of fun stuff right now.
I don't like how happy you look.
He's the villain.
(31:16):
Yeah, all the terrible thingsin your life, chester, you
becoming the number one killeryour wife leaving you.
All are because of me.
I am the master of all yoursorrows.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
It's true.
Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Anyways, cultists kind of run at you and make some
stabs, they're going to haveadvantage on these.
Okay, that one definitely hits.
That's a crit.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I'll use my reaction to do mine sliver to negate that
crit you mean silvery barbsthat's it more psychic damage
okay, so it'll re-roll and itmisses.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
So you're going to take three dagger attacks as
these guys kind of pile on youand just stab at you.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Can I say something cool?
Like I'm not trapped in herewith you, You're trapped in here
with me.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Go ahead and roll an intimidation check.
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
But you can use your strength right, Because you're a
fighter thingy Mm-hmm, yourfighter thingy.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Mm-hmm.
Well, it doesn't help.
When I roll a three on the die,they're like, hey, that's.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
One of the head guys is like that sounds really cool.
I feel like you are trapped inhere.
You're literally in a boneprison.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
You are.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Yes, I am.
I am in a prison of flesh.
That's why we will unmake itfor the future.
Yes, I am, I am in a prison offlesh.
That's why we will unmake itfor the future.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Ah damn, I'm really still on their point.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
For them, that's not yeah these daggers cut into you
for seven slashing damageCouldn't have been worse.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Could have.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
It could have been worse.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Also, don't forget, you have advantage on your next
attack roll because of it Nextattack.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Is it just next roll, or he might use it to break out
of his?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
grapple no, but it does specifically say attack.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Okay, also, he could prove his point right now and
just start headbutting the shitout of his bone guy which, yeah,
that's what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I'm gonna second wind , okay, as a bonus action
Everyone loves healing but thenI'm gonna just headbutt the shit
out of him.
Uh, first attack 16 plus 8, 24.
(33:44):
Yeah, that'll hit Second attack21.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Okay, that'll hit.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Then I'm going to action surge 26.
Okay, and 19.
Yeah, you headbutt the fuck outof this thing, all right damage
is?
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Did he fix his CTE?
Speaker 2 (34:03):
You know it's like the end of Rocky V yeah 12, 12.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
13.
11.
12, 12, 13, 11, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Wow, okay, surprisingly effective strategy
I don't gotta go anywhere uhyeah um, all right, roll your
four magic surges, wild magicsurges.
See if anything happens withyour punchy punches.
You're at what you did two lasttime, so that's, anything
(34:36):
higher than an 18 will triggerit.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
So my head punches.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, no, it's built on emotion and violence 16, 16,
4, 19.
Okay, that 19 does cause asurge.
Go ahead and roll a D100 for me.
My man, If this just makes yougrow a beard, I'm going to laugh
so hard.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
As long as it's not hair on his head.
86.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Okay, an 86 on the wild magic surge table 86 being
a loser because I'm kicking assuh 86 is a restaurant term to be
like we're done, we don't haveit.
Yeah, yeah, okay, that's for myservice industry people out
there hey, service industrypeople shout out to you you're
the real heroes.
Your customers are allmonstrous monsters.
(35:22):
Um, all right as you.
You slam into this.
You feel this burst of magicalenergy.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Suddenly, around you are three duplicates of yourself
it just got a whole lot sexierin here and I wait it just
change.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, no I'm now worried his next turn is going
to be spent like is itmasturbation right, robert, take
that out.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
We're switching it, it's 85.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
It's different now yeah, no, I could have picked
any number.
All right, yeah, you've castMirror Image.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Nice.
That will confuse them, for oneof them is in the grisp of the
animal monster and the other twoare just like, floating with
their arms to their sides.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
No man, that would be really mean to be like, hey,
you had a cool thing happen, butanyways, they just see the guy
floating in midair being like,oh, invisible bones, yeah all
right, uh, ekron, what would youlike to do?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
well I'm sorry, go ahead and roll me, uh, a d20, oh
okay just a just a random oldd20 no, nothing nefarious here,
just flat d20, and that's a nat20, baby.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Okay With a nat 20, you hear above you sounds of
something large and just acalamitous crash Time Dragon
please.
Followed quickly by another one.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Time Dragon please.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Fuck, crash, followed quickly by another.
One time, dragon, please fuck.
All of a sudden the roof or theI'm sorry, the the ceiling
above you caves in.
You see this massive creatureof just spindly multiple arms,
uh, kind of flailing.
You see kaga just burying thataxe in its face.
(37:22):
She yanks it free, black bloodsplashes over her.
She lets out an unholy, deathlyroar.
Which one of you fuckers isnext?
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Ekrem, it's your turn , conker, believe it or not,
before you got here, we weredoing pretty good, I needed to
roll a perception check to seeif I could see that.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
No, no, it wasn't perception, it was just a dumb
luck.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Check to see if that's what happened.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Gotcha, if you rolled below a 10, she just would have
been up on the sixth floorbeing like dumb shit.
This is a snack floor.
It's just.
This is where the time dragondoes Willy Wonka shit.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Oh wow, I will go ahead and do my dog's bite, just
to get that out of the way.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
Everything on that floor is a health potion.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
With a 16 to hit.
Okay, for the bone thing,that'll hit Awesome and that is
a bite for eight damage.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
And then I will throw my shadow, dragon, shadow,
dragon, shadow, dagger atanother cultist.
Okay, for a 15 to hit.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Okay, that last, or, I'm sorry, one of the cultists
drops your dagger embedded in it.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I don't have to roll damage.
Oh yeah, roll your damage.
It didn't have a ton of health.
I assumed it was the woundedone.
I did three, last time with 2d8and a d4.
They're not tough boys, they'recultists.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
They're like we really are more planners and
thinkers than we are fighters.
Max damage 20 damage.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Where was?
Speaker 3 (38:55):
that.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Real.
Where was that real whiplasheffect here?
My closest.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
He meant bone monster you usually you're like, please
be cool in front of kaga.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Please be cool in front of kaga.
Yeah, yeah, you can do overdamage like it went through a
guy and no, it's psychic.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
It's just how do you make hurt feelings?
Speaker 3 (39:09):
technically six of its piercing okay it could be
like uh chain lightning.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
It works like it's trauma from watching his buddy
die.
Maybe they were brothers, wedon't know.
That's up to you.
Yeah, it's up to you, he's uhyours.
Speaker 4 (39:22):
No, you would stop doing this.
You can't real life persuasion.
Check me guys.
We can't, you know, be realcool if you did that cabin.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Uh, all the cool dms do it.
Uh, you know who does that mattmercer yeah think of the
listeners, think of the list Ilove there's that one moment
where he's like, yeah, no, waita minute you guys can't
gaslight me into making thiscampaign easy we gaslighted him
into having a wife.
Yeah he doesn't have a wife sheleft him.
Uh yeah, he drops.
(39:54):
Uh you know what?
Sure fuck it.
Uh, the dagger, the sixpiercing damage since it's kind
of overkill rolls into the nextguy and he's like, ow, thank god
, this deck don't.
This is my groove, robert no,only play that.
Speaker 4 (40:07):
Every time something bad happens to akram, just that
that was a big one can you startuh like sexy porn music when
that?
Speaker 1 (40:18):
happens as long as he gets the point across, yeah
that's your sexy point noise.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Yeah, I feel bad.
Look, I don't explain.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
You know we're learning a lot about each other.
You had a why.
Uh all right, uh, that's gonnabring us back up to the top of
the order.
This thing uh kind of justreleases you, realizing like
you're not the biggest threat,and immediately starts like this
(40:49):
bone mass just rolling towardsuh kaga opportunity attacks.
Yeah, you are gonna get anopportunity attack hell yeah, my
wolf too yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Oh, I forgot about the wolf Shit yeah okay, Don't
take it back cabin.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Hey cog, look out, it's going for the biggest
threat in the room.
I'm not mad about it 15?
Speaker 2 (41:09):
15, no 15 hit the bone.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
All right, cowabunga.
Cowabung does a ooh, 20 fuckingseven.
Yeah, you punched the shit outof its ass.
Uh, 12 damage.
It doesn't have a brain, but ithas shit in its ass.
What?
Speaker 2 (41:27):
did you say have shit , listen okay.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Use of language 13 on the uh wild magic.
So okay, yeah no, we were.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
We're back up to 20 for that.
Uh, all right.
So yeah, you punch into thisthing more uh bone chips,
shatter off um, and your, whatdid?
Your hound didn't hit, it,didn't.
Okay, uh, it's gonna go aheadand take a couple swipes at kaga
and then, because you did punchit, it's going to turn one of
(41:53):
those uh claws claws back on you.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Nuh-uh Jesus.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Too quick.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
That's funny.
Roll a dice high or low, reallyquick these are fun.
Low.
Okay, you're safe Because liketwo misses and then one hit.
And I was like that'd be ironicbecause I had said take swings
at Kaga.
And I was like it'd behilarious if the one that hits
is jester.
It's like a weird, like backsquawk yeah, yeah, you got so
(42:22):
like overextended on that punchthat it just catches you.
Uh, all right, okay, so it'sgonna deal its damage to her.
Uh, let's see where's my d12.
Okay, fantastic, uh, that goingto be her turn.
She's going to just like she isall rage and anger.
(42:46):
She's going to lunge at thisthing, wrapping it up Cool, and
just whiffs through it becauseher strength, she all of a
sudden just got a shitty two.
She dives through it, kind ofcomes up in a role, her axe in
front of her, right next to you,chester.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
Uh, there's what two cultists left I think so yeah,
there were five to start.
Did you include that one guythat was like I'll just call you
later.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Okay, he's like sitting in the corner, just be
like.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
I'm kind of glad I sat this one out now actually,
uh, one of the better decisionsI've made.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
All right, they're going to kind of.
Let's have them run up at Ekrem.
Ekrem, you've been hiding inthe shadows long enough.
All right, is the 17 hit.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Yeah, yeah, yep.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yep and another 17.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Yep, I was debating on whether to use shield or not.
I don't think I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
I'm going to hold out , it's only going to be like
eight damage max.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Yeah, take four damage.
Oh yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Chester, what would you like to do?
I'm trying to think if there'sanything interesting around the
room.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
What's in the room with everything that's been kind
of cluttered up?
Uh, you see, there's uh chairs.
This looks like it's a roomthat was uh like a kind of an
informal study area, like uhresearch notes tables, chairs uh
, I'd like to uh, just forflavor.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I'd like to run and jump off of a table and, like
elbow, drop them for one of myattacks and then punch them in
the back of the head hell yeah,I love flavor.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Flavor is the spice of life all right, so I'm gonna
run up wwe from the top ropes.
Uh, 25 yeah definitely I'll hituh for the elbow drop and uh 25
jesus.
Nice, so low damage.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Seven plus six, 15 damage all right, uh man I don't
, I don't want to reward badrolls, but how do you want to
finish this thing?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
uh, can it be?
Can it be where, like I justdidn't plan this out at all and
I elbow drop and I just kind oflike and sink into him, get like
kind of stuck?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
yeah, you.
It's just that, like you didn'tanticipate the skull, the like
cave, like that, yeah it's likesoft yeah, because there's no
brain in it, which yeah as itcracks open.
Uh, you see, no brain.
You're like oh, all the psychicstuff makes sense now.
It's almost like my DM wasconsistent.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
I don't think it doesn't make sense.
It doesn't mean I'm not upsetabout it still.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Yeah, I just kind of like into it.
I'm like oh, oh, oh, oh God.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
Yeah, as you do this, the magic holding this thing
together deanimates and it fallsto the ground.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Oh, this is worse than touching the food in the
bottom of the sink when you'rewashing dishes.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah, I mean, it's a little gross.
Also, again, shout out to yourserver friends on this one.
He was really doing this onefor them.
All right, Ekron, what wouldyou like to do?
Speaker 1 (45:49):
So the bones thing just died.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
You have two cultists left.
There's two cultists left.
You have your shadowhound still.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Or shadowhound still, well or no, it goes away when
that thing dies.
Yeah, something I didn'trealize when I first had it.
Um, but I will try.
And true, I'll just keep goingwith the shadow dagger.
And then, for the first swingwith my dagger, I got a 16 to
hit okay that's the 2d8 plus thed4, so on the first guy, that
is, uh, 17 plus 2, so 19 damage.
(46:19):
Okay, does it matter whetherit's like do I need to divvy up
the damage?
Okay, and then I will offhanddagger just because I can, and
that is a probably a miss.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
12 yeah, okay, just barely so I miss my offhand
dagger attack okay but I'mguessing I killed one of them.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Yeah, there's one left alive.
I'm just going to do a roll forhim here.
Is he going to try to flee?
Is he going to keep fighting?
Pick high or low there, guys.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
High, you went low last time.
Speaker 2 (46:57):
Okay, you rolled a 12 .
Do you want him?
To flee 12 do you want him toflee or do you want him to fight
?
Speaker 1 (47:02):
it's one cult.
He's gonna die next roundanyway, yeah frick off you nerd
yeah.
I just it's one of those thingswhere if I pick flee, is he
gonna warn his buddies and fuckus later.
Kevin, is that what's gonnahappen if we?
Speaker 4 (47:13):
pick that he's gonna be like hey, this one guy uses
psychic.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
We need to remove all of our fucking brains.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Everyone drink your potions of psychic immunity.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Fuck him.
I'm going to kill him, oh no.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Yeah, he just he's going to just take off and flee
like in fear of you guys.
You're in this pile of bones.
Chester Kaga kind of gives youthat predator handshake up.
Speaker 4 (47:38):
You're in this pile of bones.
Chester Kaga kind of gives youthat predator handshake up.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Yeah, you feel like you were getting ready to pull
yourself up and she just likeFantastic, hey Kaga.
Thank you for the help.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
I mean we could have done it, but it's good to have
you here.
It's good to see you.
I like your ex.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Hi you boys running into any other trouble.
Speaker 3 (48:06):
Yeah, mostly just this for right now.
We are the trouble and I lookat the guy in the corner that
wants the punch and I give him alittle point and a wink.
Speaker 4 (48:16):
He's like they did good they did real good.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
She hands you a potion of greater healing oh no.
Speaker 3 (48:26):
I drink it.
It's what 2d4 both of us.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Just, chester, I'll just put it in my pocket because
I took 4 damage.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
Cool what's that you tough boy, it's a 2d4 plus 4.
I think I should look it uphere.
That would be wrong of me tonot let you have a bunch of
health 4d4 plus 4 does she giveme a potion of get two spells
(48:57):
back?
Speaker 1 (48:57):
is it no?
It's weird how that works.
You do have sorcery points youconvert.
Does she give me a potion ofget two spells back?
Is it no?
I don't know it's weird howthat works.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
Just thought I'd ask.
You do have sorcery points youconvert into spell slots too.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
But I've got new things I can do with those
sorcery points that seem alsocool yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
Thank you for the blue Gatorade.
It was so delicious.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Yeah, I prefer it.
You know, like the time TimeDragon only stocks Power 8.
And I'm like it's fine.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
But this is my stash.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
How much health are you missing?
Still 20 points about.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
I'll pat you on the back and I'll go.
We got this buddy, andsomething I've had for a while
completely forgot about is onceper long rest.
I can use an action, touch acreature and restore eight hit
points to it.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
I've had that for a long time.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Oh, your ASMR ability .
Speaker 3 (49:41):
I've had that since the beginning Dude, my back
feels way better.
Thank God, you just learned howto do that.
I was born with it, I forgot.
The power deep within you, andyou've now learned how to access
it, right Just now.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
I just fucked up, man .
Your shadow self's like yes,I'm not a liar.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
You didn't give him the health because you know the
dark.
I said I would call you.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I said I would fucking call you.
I've said it multiple timesI'll call you when I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
Alright Kaga kind of wipes her axe off on one of
these cultists and she goes areyou boys ready to end this?
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Yes, I believe we are .
That would be very convenient.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
She leads you to up a flight of stairs up to the
fifth floor, the floor that hadbeen previously unoccupied.
She kind of likeconspiratorially follow me and
she kind of stealthily.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Did you say conspiratorially?
Speaker 2 (50:49):
She's like conspiratorially, like hey guys,
follow me, she's letting you inon a secret.
Go ahead and roll me bothstealth checks.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
Oh, good, For a second.
I was worried and then you saidstealth, so I should be fine.
That is a what?
Is your stop talking shit.
That's a net one are youshitting me.
Speaker 3 (51:09):
I got a net one, jesus christ it's the thing.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
I'm good she starts doing like a sneaky crawl with
her axe, like, just like, justlike.
Army crawl running somehow likeit's just a very impressive.
You guys both try to imitate itand just fall.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah because I have a plus seven, like I have a plus
seven.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
This is crazy, oh my god, we both should be competent
yeah I just fall down and fart.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Akram starts laughing yeah, there it is yeah, yeah uh
, oh, man, it's good that evenin these hard times, our
friendship is still strong ohman, hope this doesn't upset
kaga in any way she just kind oflooks and just is shaking her
head at you guys.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Uh, save the fuck out that dragon, though am I right
as you?
Speaker 2 (52:02):
guys.
Uh, notice her just shaking herhead.
Uh, from the shadows, you see,uh, cultists emerging around you
.
She grabs her axe and bracesherself and she says well, I was
(52:25):
hoping to do this a little bitmore discreet, but she's going
to kill the shit out of thoseguys.
Speaker 3 (52:31):
It's going to be so cool.
My nipples are going to get sohard.
Speaker 2 (52:36):
No, you boys want to kill a time dragon, and that's
where we're going to end thisone no, I don't in fact hang on
wait, maybe, maybe we I'm doingquotes here maybe we do you get
what I'm guys, the session'sover.
(52:56):
You can't, you can't, you can'tsay that.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
I'll text you session's over.
We're back in the real world.
You're not my boss anymore.
Speaker 3 (53:05):
Oh, hell yeah hey Kevin, good session Ryan.
Where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (53:09):
thank you everybody, hey guys this has been Monster
Monster, a real play, dungeonsand Dragons podcast featuring
comedians playing characters.
I'm DM Kevin Egg Eggleston.
You can find me atCavanEgglestoncom or at Cavan
underscore Egg, or just liveshows all around you.
Tyson, where can we find you?
Speaker 3 (53:24):
Where can we see you.
Hi, I'm a stand-up comedian.
You can find me at Tyson CoxComedy, on all social media
platforms and I tour the countryand do stand-up comedy, so find
me.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
Nice, my name is Tyler Waltz.
I'm also a stand-up comedian.
Speaker 2 (53:37):
You can find me at nerd news yes, or at the nerd
news network on Instagram oh, itis different because it was
already taken on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
Yeah, stupid.
Yeah, so I know you've beenjust sending people to someone
else this whole time.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
Some random channel is like man, I'm getting a lot
of cool traction.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
I'm pretty sure the Instagram one for nerd news is
like cosplay girls and stuff, soI don't know how disappointed
they'll be when they get there.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
That's pretty good, yeah, and a big shout out to
Robert Schmaubert, our mainmaster editor-in-chief.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
Robert, you're pretty dope.
He's Robert Schmaubert on allthe stuff he does Gutter Nuggets
on Twitch with Ben Monster.
Thanks, robert, yeah, bye.
Speaker 3 (54:17):
Hello Robert, yeah Bye.
Hello everybody.
It's Tyson, with some justquick announcements.
Thank you for everyone that'ssigned up for our Patreon.
We really appreciate it.
Every little bit helps.
It helps us increase ourproduction value, helps us just
honestly create better contentfor you all.
So thank you for that and ifyou want to pitch in, please do.
It's incredible.
We're trying to build acommunity, we're trying to make
this as big as possible, andthat's with your help.
(54:40):
So we're going to throw somemoney in.
Or if you don't want to throwmoney in, just tell friends
about the podcast.
We're growing.
I have access to the stats andhoo hoo hoo, we are growing.
Yes, we're finishing up seasonone, getting into season two
Tyler's and just a reminderabout our live shows the first
Wednesday at Planet of the Tapesin Louisville, kentucky.
Second, tuesday at the WhiteRabbit Cabaret in Indianapolis,
(55:02):
indiana, and the third Thursdayin Commonwealth.
So, yep, that's it.
Mike says bye.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
Bye, I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll.
Speaker 2 (55:35):
I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll you
boys.
You boys want to kill a shadowor a time dragon.
Fuck robert, cut that last one,god damn it.
I just hear you talking aboutyour goddamn hard nipples and
your shitty stealth.
Check farts.
Try to build some fuckingtension in this scene.
I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll, I just
wanna, I just wanna, I justwanna roll, I just wanna, I just
wanna, I just wanna roll At 20on that troll.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hit that shit like real.
Welcome to Monster.
Monster, a real play DungeonsDragons show featuring comedians
as your favorite lovablecharacters.
I'm your Dungeon Master, cavanEggleston.
Today I'm joined by Tyler Waltz.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I will be playing Ekrem, the shadow sorcerer who
wants to destroy dark with dark.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Ooh, a little black noir over there, huh.
Hi, I'm Tyson Cox and I'll beplaying Chester Blackfield just
a lovable punch guy with no hairand a mustache.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
So yourself, but he grew a mustache.
So yourself with a mustache,but he grew a mustache.
Yeah, he's better than me.
Yeah, very much a fantasycharacter, you can grow facial
hair.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
People like him.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It's crazy oh I kind of got sad hey robert, can you
put in the the hulk walking awaymusic from the old tv?
Speaker 3 (00:59):
show legally distinct .
Hulk walking away.
Sad music yeah I wasn't gonnasay anything.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I'm not a.
I don't fight the truth veryoften, so yeah, sometimes
darkness is inside you all along.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Uh, all right, on our last episode, you folks had
managed to save the fey dragon.
Uh, that was an anchor to thecity.
One and one, yeah, a 50 rate.
We are shack at the free throwline.
That's a relevant reference.
In 2024.
Um, you guys have managed to dothis, uh, as you had emerged
(01:29):
from the feywild, teleportedthere by the magics of the
dragon.
Uh, you find a city in chaos.
The uh cult, in its kind ofimpotent rage and fury at being
thwarted, has now launched anall-out assault seeking to break
one of the final anchors, theperson that or the creature that
(01:50):
is responsible for holdingtogether the city itself.
They have begun their assaulton the lair of the time dragon,
the lore worm that is yourpatron and benefactor.
You manage to navigate the city, saving a few civilians and
(02:12):
meeting Pewter's cousin, andfrom there you manage to make
your way to the Lore Worm'smansion.
You found yourself at the gates,where you were greeted by Kaga,
the Blood Axe.
The defenses of the manor areholding for the moment.
You see cultist wizards,warlocks, spellcasters fighting
(02:36):
against magical wards, and justsheer numbers are on their side.
It feels like um, at the top ofthe stairway, a figure stands
alone against the cultists.
Uh, a massive axe swingingbetween them, uh, gore flying
(02:58):
through the air.
You see the hulking form ofkaga, the blood axe, uh, as she
cleaves through cultists.
You two, you two took yoursweet time getting here hey,
hiro, it's good to see you kaga.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh man, we gotta do more cardio bud.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Oh actually quick little side note.
We leveled up between lastsession.
Are we doing like skyrim rulesor am I still at 11 hp?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
you leveled up.
Uh, I'll let you.
I'll let you the magic of thefeywild he breathed on you.
Okay, thank god, because I hadtwo spell slots left.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, that'd be so fun and 11 hp.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
So I'm like cocky, you're gonna have to do a lot of
heavy lifting on this one.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I got my shit pushed in yeah, I do every time you
guys are.
You know, I think the lore wormkeeps you guys around as a joke
that's fine, it's all right.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
She had a girlfriend like that once.
You had a wife like that?
Yeah, that's true.
I didn't have a wife.
I was never married common lawanyways.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
uh, she, it cuts through.
Uh, colt is kind of clearing apath for you and she's like come
in, she's waiting for you.
All right, go ahead and give meperception.
Checks there, gentlemen, okay.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Perception check.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Not the best 10.
Oh, better than that, 12.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
All right, we got some C-plus students in this
room today she's getting degreesbaby.
You see Kaga again, just herkind of workman-like clothing is
covered in blood and ichor fromthese cultists and their
creations, icor from thesecultists and their creations.
(04:48):
And in her hand is not thatplain axe that you remember.
She was a person that valuespracticality over ornamentation.
The axe she had was very boringbut efficient.
Now in her hand is one thatalmost seems formed out of
obsidian and a blood-likecrystal.
She wields it deftly, cleavingcultists in twain as she throws
(05:17):
open the door with one hand.
This massive, two-handed axeshe just wields like a child
would wield a toy.
You enter the chamber, you seeanimated servants, armors,
rushing around, kind of going tobolster defenses.
You hear the sounds of scuffleshappening on different floors.
(05:41):
The area around you is bathedin kind of a dim red light, like
almost like this place is inbattle stations and we're
running with her right now, yeah, she slams the door behind it's
a nice axe, it's pretty good.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
It's new, is it?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
new you don't get a name like the blood axe without
some backing it up.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah I'm gonna be completely honest with you.
I was a bit suspicious becauseit's like, oh, weird cult, now
you've got a weird blood axe,but I never really thought about
your name, so that's kind of onme.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Well, everyone thinks it's a family name.
She's like give the Montaukblood axes.
But no, it's one you earn.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Oh Well, then how'd I get Blackfield?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Awkward pause.
She's like how did he?
What's your name?
Chester Blackfield?
Oh well, actually.
She's like I did some research,some genealogy you were
actually Dookie Pit and thenyour family changed it when they
moved to the city.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
That's good, that was for the best.
Yeah, that way I can get a loan.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah there's people dying.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
We should go no, we've got time to explore this
uh, what's yours, ekram?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
do you even have a last name?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I don't it's just all I've ever been known by is
ekram dark edged man it could bedark, edging man no no, no, I'm
chester Goon.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
She leads you through there Again.
As you kind of go through thesehallways, you actually never
noticed that this place it'sdesigned to have natural choke
points and places for people tokind of set up ambushes like
(07:26):
this.
While it looked like this kindof library, you realize it's
been set up to be heavilyfortified, like a very
defensible position.
The lore worm literally has theembodiment of time, nothing but
time to prepare for this stuff.
So she leads you deeper intothe library until you uh emerge
(07:49):
to the central area where youfirst met uh, your patron.
You see the uh lore room, thiskind of long-armed majestic,
long-limbed majestic creature.
Uh, a glowing crown of uh bonyhorn wraps around her head and
the a gem rests in the centerglowing.
(08:11):
She is kind of doing theminority report thing with
magical like defenses, justmanipulating where automatons
are going, where uh defenses are, where spells are being cast,
and it's just almost visualhologram of the manor grounds is
being projected in front of heras she moves these things
around.
Oh, thank you, you two arefirst off.
(08:36):
Well done, much better thistime around.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Practice makes perfect.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Yeah, I told you, the first round was learning.
We're good now.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah, no, I'm proud of you.
This is one of the moresuccessful times we've had.
This.
I have good feelings.
Is it the most successful?
Look, let's not.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Take a win.
Take a win when we get it.
Take a win when we get it.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Go ahead and give me an insight check there.
Ekrem Survey says three.
You know what you were like,Gold star.
Ekrem this one's going in diarytoday.
She fiddles about With somethings and she goes.
We have Breaches on the third,fifth and sixth floor.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Gentlemen, I hate to not give you, uh, your rest or
your respite, but uh we leveledup, it's fine yeah, we got
sneezed on by a green dragonwe're good.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, we're fine I have so many questions, but you
know what I'm not going tochoose to examine any of this.
Would you kindly go out and ridmy house of these unwanted
guests of course you got it sodo we need to split up?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
kaga on one floor, me on one floor and you on one
floor.
That should work out fine.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I've never had any problems with that how do you
guys want to do this?
Uh, I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
uh, kaga just kind of looks at you guys and she's
like I don't want to do that,kaga just kind of looks at you
guys and is just like third orsixth, which one has more
important stuff to protect?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Can we do third, this last stairs.
Can we do third?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Wait is there an elevator?
No yeah, can we do stairs.
Third, what's an elevator?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Is there a?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
There's a chute.
Do you want to take the shoot?
No, I'll take third uh, soshe's, she's gonna head up to
the sixth floor.
Uh guys, go ahead and give meuh, I'm just gonna say a dumb
luck check yeah, you said third,fifth and sixth.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yeah, okay, but kaga didn't say fifth floor, huh huh
14 14.
You said dumb luck.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, both of us are just one I'll let you do both
and I'll just do an average 18,okay we dummy thick with luck.
Yeah, not smarts, but we madeit uh, you guys make your way up
to the third floor.
Chester, give me a constitutioncheck to see how winded you are
(11:10):
, big guy.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Ekrem got a six.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yeah, you're fine you never, made it canonical that
you don't exercise.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
More of a brain guy, yeah 16.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Okay, you muster like you get your second wind action
.
He's my action series to climbstairs I mean, I've been there,
you do what you gotta sometimes.
Uh, all right, you guys uharrive in the landing.
You see um again.
You see in front of you justkind of a a herd of cultists
(11:46):
that they're kind of rampagingbetween rooms um tossing things.
They seem to be searching forsomething.
But uh, go ahead and give me um.
I'll let you say either like aperception or an insight check.
I'll let you make your choicethere if you want to, if you
want to see if you can figureout what they're looking for, or
if you want to see if you theyseem to have intentions.
(12:07):
I guess it matters.
13, 13 what you're gonna do.
An insider perception perceptionokay, and what about you, ekram
?
Zero that's a nat one minus onebecause I decided insight okay
yeah, you just look at the,you're like help, we don't know
(12:28):
that they weren't already here.
Maybe these aren't cultistsyeah, why is?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
the staff being rowdy oh no it's like we need to
clean your bookshelf.
You take everything off andyou're like I regret this.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, bad judgment call on my end.
I was like he's got perception,I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, no it's like you were like, uh, I'm gonna
alphabetize these, but then youforgot the alphabet.
You're like wait a minute,there's numbers here now.
Uh, all right, with the 13 andperception.
Uh, this seems to not beparticularly aimless.
They're looking for something,though you're not sure if you
could figure out whether it'svaluables or, uh, like something
(13:06):
hey necessary.
Uh okay, one of the cult.
You shout hey to one of thecultists.
Point okay, we could have beensneaky.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
You point uh, you just say hey yeah when he does
that, can I react and try andhide?
Speaker 2 (13:23):
yeah, I'll let you take a hide action while he's
shouting hey.
So they're just like it's theone guy, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Even Kago hid for some reason.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Kago went to a different floor.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
So that is a 23.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
23.
You are very hidden in thiskind of dimly lit I mean it's
still this red kind of glow, um,so there's plenty of places for
you to hide.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
cool, uh, these cultists turn I go you stop and
you put all that stuff back.
You're making a hell of a mess.
Or we're gonna kick your or I'mgonna kick your ass all right,
they look, they're just gonna.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
There's just just one guy, just just one.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Oh, we can got a three intimidation check wow
ready in action to throw adagger you sure?
Can and are you gonna be niceenough to let me have it be a
shadow dagger, or am I just youcan cast a spell you're not an
initiative.
Nice, because it is a bonus.
So I'll go ahead and do myshadow dagger and as soon as
they start to even try and jumpon Chester, I'm throwing the
(14:29):
first one.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Okay.
Is that a save on their part toget hit, or is it an?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
attack.
It's a two-hit on my end.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Okay, All right, so I'll let you have advantage when
you do that too, because you'reCultists.
Step out of the room.
You see five of them, butbehind them, this creature that
seems to be a misshapen bone,all kind of held together with
(15:00):
dark magic and inky tendrils ofshadow.
Uh, one giant claw of bone digsinto the floor as it pulls
itself into the hallway that youstand.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Oh, that's not going to buff out.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
It chitters at you just like a clacking skull, like
the teeth.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
That's what I want to throw the dagger at.
I was thinking cultist, but nowthat one's priority number one.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
The head cultist, the one that's leading this group.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
He's got a bigger hat on yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
No, it's a pope situation.
You can always tell in a cultOoh sorry Catholics.
You can always tell who's themost important based on the
headwear.
You see one guy wearing afootball helmet and he's just
like I mean, I'm not powerful,but I'm prepared.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
That's my kind of guy .
Hey, you want to get a beerafter all?
This is done.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, that'd be nice.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I really came to these for thepie and the punch and then they
started saying, like we're gonnarewrite reality, and I was like
, but does it care where?
About the pie?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
well, you're in luck because I brought the punch and
I cocked my arms all right, giveme a persuasion check, just see
if you can make him rethink hislife ekram's in the corner
Rethinking his life.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
He's like I'm gonna let him coach 16.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
He's like hey, you guys, I he has puns I.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
He cocks his arms Akram's like Damn.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
I love Henry.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
Cavill yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
That guy's like, his mustache gets bigger.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
He just kinda.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You can just see him Shrinking in the back.
You just like One of the cults.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
He's like call me, call me after this.
If you're not dead and they'renot dead, you know, we'll meet
up, we'll find a way.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Someone's going to die.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
All right Go ahead, and roll initiative, gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Do I get my dagger through?
Yes, to start the fight.
Yeah, that was a uh 12 plus 5,so 17.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
All right, that sinks into this bony boy okay and it
dies.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
That's crazy.
So good, tyler, you killed it?
I sure hope so.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
It's super dead, I just casted it did I say that,
yeah, no, did I narrate that?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
you also said we leveled up and it was full of
gold.
So that's 12 psychic damage.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And four piercing damage from the dagger.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Fantastic.
Your dagger sinks into thisthing.
You hear it sink into thatflesh and it doesn't react.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
There is no residual psychic effect on this, Is it
like?
Speaker 2 (17:51):
oh my brain.
No, there is no residualpsychic effect on this brain.
No, uh, this thing is justanimated by hate and malice and
uh, calcium wasted a spell slot.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
That sounds like no, you dealt for piercing damage
you got you.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
You know you take a w where you get a w.
Big guy learned yeah, yeah yeah, what did we learn?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
To now kill the cultists?
So because their brain's alert.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
Oh, I scream too fast .
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Switching targets is the lesson.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
All right, go ahead and roll.
Initiative gentlemen All right,five.
God, I don't want to say thisis not going great for you guys,
role wise, but I've seen better.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Natural one.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Oh no, it's the animated armor.
All over again it is.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Oh God, gentlemen, so technically a three because I
have a plus two to my dex.
So take that cultists.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
I just feel that like you threw the knife and you're
a little off balance, I'm justlike where the hell did that
knife come from?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Oh God, or I'm just real disappointed in the life.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I'm like dang it.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
All right.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Man, that was a lot of buildup for fucking nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I did not anticipate that going poorly.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
I was really With us, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I had my hopes up for you, gentlemen.
I honestly, I honestly did.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
We've been on a hot streak lately, so yeah, no.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Honestly, they were like are these the?
Same guys that were in theFeywild.
That married guy he was likeNot married, he was real mad.
I saw him shoot a ballista at agroup of mages.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But also you make the world no, I do mostly psychic
damage and then put a creatureimmune to psychic damage.
So it is your fault.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Oh, I'm the bad guy here.
No, that's fine.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
You are literally the bad guy.
You're a lot of the good guys,but right now he's got you there
.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah, no, I Fair, you know, we'll just go fair.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah, DMs love getting pedantically needled.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Historically, it's never gone bad for a player.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah, we're always the hero, so We'll remember that
.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Anyways, this thing rushes forward at you, just
these claws just tearing at theground as it just kind of
Scooby-Doo runs at you a littlebit Like terrifying.
Scooby-doo runs at you a littlebit like terrifying Scooby-Doo
Chester me.
Oh you know, you're not hiddenanymore you threw a knife at it.
I did uh.
All right, so it is going to goahead and, uh, take two swipes
(20:28):
at Chester and then launch athim with a mouthful of bony
fangs.
Alright, that is a 16.
Does that hit?
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Miss Fangs level up 27.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Holy shit 19.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Alright, right, go ahead, make a uh constitution
saving throw I think I have aplus eight to hit yeah okay,
because I was like it didn'tcrit, because you would have
said crit, yeah uh 16, 16, okay,roll 10, I got good con meets
beats, uh, all right.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
So, uh, you shake off .
You feel, uh, this venom sinkinto your bones, but you uh feel
that surge of that feywildmagic kind of purify you at the
same time.
You're gonna go ahead and takeoh boy, that's a lot of dice,
tyson.
Uh, that always feels good whenthe DM says that, right, always
(21:30):
so good, 15.
, 17.
Or 21.
You're going to take 22 pointsof piercing damage as everything
slams into you.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Hey, that's bad.
That hurts a lot.
I don't know if you guys knewthat you said 20.
How long?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
22 piercing damage 22 piercing damage.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
There's just a tooth in my neck.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I'm like we got this Akram, Then the bones fall apart
and collectively are druggedbehind you in the tendrils and
it reforms behind you.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Hmm.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Well, my pants are shit.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Ekram used prestidigitation, just didn't
tell him yeah, double shit hispants you were going to like, as
a goof make his pants shit andthen he actually shit them and
you're like oh, this is mean,this is now a mean goof.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
I can't fit my fake poop in there, because all the
real poop uh, all right, uh, thecultists are gonna charge at
you.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
12 miss 12.
Yes, 16 miss 16?
Miss 22.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Yeah, okay, well, you know what these guys are softer
Five points of piercing damageas one of their daggers sinks
under your armor.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Get him buddy All right, I'm warning you guys, you
knock it off.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah man, all right, I'm warning you guys, you knock
it off.
Yeah man, maybe we should havebacked up our initiative roles
before we uh got into the wholelike talking shit at the cultist
thing.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
that's kind of what he does yeah, all right, chester
, it is your turn uh, I am goingto go ahead and uh, so you said
the creature is right behind me, okay, okay, I'm just going to
turn around and, as a bonusaction, use Mr Wait.
Yeah, we'll do that.
(23:43):
We'll do Mr Action on it as abonus action.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
It needs to make a DC 15 save Intelligent save.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Okay, Well seven.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Does seven do it?
No, no, no.
Seven is definitely lower than15.
And now it is a failure.
They must spend their reactionto attack a creature of your
choice within five feet of them.
If no other creature arepresent within five feet, they
waste the reaction.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
All right.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I'd like to do that just by kind of like stepping
out of the way, kind of likepushing the cultist where I was
standing so you just do kind oflike a uh, that switcheroo, like
you just turn and grab him yeah, yeah.
When I turn around, I just liftthe cultist in front of me, I
just turn around 180 degrees andset him down all right, yeah,
this thing's uh with it behindyou.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
It goes to kind of like take a swipe uh at you.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
That are that claw-like arm, almost like
scything at you and you justsidestep and turn that cultist
into the way and you just watchit get cleaved yeah, oh, can I
just do the thing where, likeit's yeah, I didn't know it's
gonna cleave at me.
It cleaves, I just duck and itjust cuts the guy right behind
me and half.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah, sure Ah.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, you like cartoon duck you.
Just as you pop back up, youlook at that cultist and he's
just giving you that blank likeand then the head slowly slides
off.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
He's just like why'd you do this?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Slurp All right, oh hell.
Yeah, that's cool, it's strongas hell.
Yeah, that's dope, especiallyfor dumb bone boys.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah just making him clean up the cultists for me,
then I'm just going to go aheadand take a couple of swings,
does a 18 hit.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Who are you striking at?
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Oh, the creature Creature, yeah an 18 will hit
Second attack, a non-natural 20.
Okay, cool.
So first round of damage is 10.
Second is 11.
22 damage.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Okay, and then that's magical.
So you see, it's having aneffect.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Nice Hell yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
But not psychic magical because fuck me, I guess
.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
You know, I'm just going to go on the record here.
If you saw a skeleton coming atyou, would you be like?
I bet I can hurt its feelingsto death.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well, psychic, I think could also be like I
disrupted its connection to theplane, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Oh, is that that's what you think?
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yes to the plane.
You know just, oh, is thatthat's what you think?
Okay, yeah, I'm not.
Yes, yeah, I'm not gonna think.
Man, I hope this doesn'tfucking work.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Uh, I do.
Every time you do something I'mlike I hope this does not work.
Um, all right, go ahead androll a 2d20s for your.
Uh, wild magic surge, fistypunchy boy.
Uh six and seven okay, nothinghappens, but you do feel, uh,
that surge.
Now that you've been to thefeywild, you feel it as like the
you very much know.
This is connected to that planeof life and emotion.
(26:42):
Ekram, what would you like todo?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I'll, uh, I'll be realizing that the whole psychic
dagger thing didn't work on thething and I'll just go fine and
I'll, I'll just like akram'sreal upset about that yeah is it
akram or tyler?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
we're really having to just have to separate art
from artist.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Here I just saw my buddy get like hurt real bad.
He's doing pretty good overthere still, but my big plan
didn't pay off, so akram isdefinitely disappointed he
prides himself as a bit of astrategist.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Big plan Throw dagger .
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Psychic dagger from the shadows.
It's my theme, it's my thing.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
From the shadows.
You do hear in your ear youshut the fuck up you just hear
it breathe in.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
You're like you shut the fuck up.
Yeah, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
no, oh oh, is this a bad time?
I'm sorry.
This felt like a bad.
This felt like a moment youmight need my help.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
It's never a good time.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
I'll call you.
Is that easier?
Is that better?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I'll be here waiting.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I know.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Your shadow self is just like man.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
I'm standing in the corner like yeah, yeah, Just
like hand gestures, talking tonobody.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Chester's like, surrounded by cultists, got hit
by a big skeleton guy and you'rejust, he's like.
Hey, I didn't think he wasgoing to be the one that lost it
.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Um so I will snap my fingers and, like Brad Pitt and
once upon a time in Hollywood,just go.
And then my dog, a hound of illomen, will attack the skeleton
thing.
Okay, um, that's a bonus action.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I know the dog is supposed to be scary, but the
hell of Ill Omen, I just thinkhe's got a sideways hat and
sunglasses it does.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
It also sounds like Approaches playing Limp Bizkit.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Yeah, it does feel like you could flavor it as a
white rapper in the 90s that'slike no Eminem did it, I can too
.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
That dog's cool as hell.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Yeah, they call me the hound ill omen okay, I live
in spulman pullman.
I like ramen.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
That's a slant rhyme, emily dickinson uh, so because
chester's there, it has packtactics okay.
So with an advantage, it got a19 to hit, okay, and you have
called a dog to fight a bonemonster.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
That dog you just see , the happiest hound of ill omen
um, and that is 10 piercingdamage from the bite.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Okay, um, and then it has to make a strength saving
throw or be pinned, needs topass a 13, jesus.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Okay, this thing actually has really good
strength and that sucked it gota 14.
Oh damn.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Okay, cowabummer, and then for my action, I will use
my shadow dagger and throw it atone of the cultists.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Okay, go ahead and make that attack roll.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
And that was a 17 on the dice, so I'm guessing that
hits a cultist.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, they're wearing robes, and then wearing robes,
and then that's 2d8 plus psychic.
Uh, yes, okay, damn that daggerhits, he goes.
Oh, there's definitely.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I feel it in my brain yeah, fuck you.
Uh, that was two uh ones on myd8, so two psychic damage, golly
.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
So definitely not oh, I didn't feel it in my brain as
bad as I thought, but luckily,the piercing damage from the
dagger also a one on the dice.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
So that's three piercing damage this guy's just
like.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
It's like when you have to sneeze but don't so
three piercing, two psychic, andthen the hound of ill omen will
now be relentlessly attackingthe bone monster okay, fantastic
, uh, that brings us back up tothe top of the order.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
The bone monster chester, go ahead and make a
grapple or, I'm sorry, uh, anathletics check how does this
thing have high strength if ithas no muscles?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
if I can't hurt its fucking brain with psychic 10, 3
plus 7 10 hey I don't know man,what do you want here?
Speaker 2 (30:33):
these are, this is a magical time it is consistently
a strong, psychicallyinvulnerable monster, that is
not changed strong no brain haveyou never had a bully that you
like said something to?
And they're just so tough thatthey're like, yeah, I don't I
going to punch you about myfeelings.
I'm not going to feel thesefeelings, that's what's
(30:53):
happening right now?
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Just so dumb.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, all right.
Those bones swarm up around you, almost binding you in place.
You are grappled right now.
All right, that means a lot ofcultists are going to get a lot
of fun stuff right now.
I don't like how happy you look.
He's the villain.
(31:16):
Yeah, all the terrible thingsin your life, chester, you
becoming the number one killeryour wife leaving you.
All are because of me.
I am the master of all yoursorrows.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
It's true.
Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Anyways, cultists kind of run at you and make some
stabs, they're going to haveadvantage on these.
Okay, that one definitely hits.
That's a crit.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I'll use my reaction to do mine sliver to negate that
crit you mean silvery barbsthat's it more psychic damage
okay, so it'll re-roll and itmisses.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
So you're going to take three dagger attacks as
these guys kind of pile on youand just stab at you.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Can I say something cool?
Like I'm not trapped in herewith you, You're trapped in here
with me.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Go ahead and roll an intimidation check.
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
But you can use your strength right, Because you're a
fighter thingy Mm-hmm, yourfighter thingy.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Mm-hmm.
Well, it doesn't help.
When I roll a three on the die,they're like, hey, that's.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
One of the head guys is like that sounds really cool.
I feel like you are trapped inhere.
You're literally in a boneprison.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
You are.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Yes, I am.
I am in a prison of flesh.
That's why we will unmake itfor the future.
Yes, I am, I am in a prison offlesh.
That's why we will unmake itfor the future.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Ah damn, I'm really still on their point.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
For them, that's not yeah these daggers cut into you
for seven slashing damageCouldn't have been worse.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Could have.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
It could have been worse.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Also, don't forget, you have advantage on your next
attack roll because of it Nextattack.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Is it just next roll, or he might use it to break out
of his?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
grapple no, but it does specifically say attack.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Okay, also, he could prove his point right now and
just start headbutting the shitout of his bone guy which, yeah,
that's what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I'm gonna second wind , okay, as a bonus action
Everyone loves healing but thenI'm gonna just headbutt the shit
out of him.
Uh, first attack 16 plus 8, 24.
(33:44):
Yeah, that'll hit Second attack21.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Okay, that'll hit.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Then I'm going to action surge 26.
Okay, and 19.
Yeah, you headbutt the fuck outof this thing, all right damage
is?
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Did he fix his CTE?
Speaker 2 (34:03):
You know it's like the end of Rocky V yeah 12, 12.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
13.
11.
12, 12, 13, 11, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Wow, okay, surprisingly effective strategy
I don't gotta go anywhere uhyeah um, all right, roll your
four magic surges, wild magicsurges.
See if anything happens withyour punchy punches.
You're at what you did two lasttime, so that's, anything
(34:36):
higher than an 18 will triggerit.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
So my head punches.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, no, it's built on emotion and violence 16, 16,
4, 19.
Okay, that 19 does cause asurge.
Go ahead and roll a D100 for me.
My man, If this just makes yougrow a beard, I'm going to laugh
so hard.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
As long as it's not hair on his head.
86.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Okay, an 86 on the wild magic surge table 86 being
a loser because I'm kicking assuh 86 is a restaurant term to be
like we're done, we don't haveit.
Yeah, yeah, okay, that's for myservice industry people out
there hey, service industrypeople shout out to you you're
the real heroes.
Your customers are allmonstrous monsters.
(35:22):
Um, all right as you.
You slam into this.
You feel this burst of magicalenergy.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Suddenly, around you are three duplicates of yourself
it just got a whole lot sexierin here and I wait it just
change.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, no I'm now worried his next turn is going
to be spent like is itmasturbation right, robert, take
that out.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
We're switching it, it's 85.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
It's different now yeah, no, I could have picked
any number.
All right, yeah, you've castMirror Image.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Nice.
That will confuse them, for oneof them is in the grisp of the
animal monster and the other twoare just like, floating with
their arms to their sides.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
No man, that would be really mean to be like, hey,
you had a cool thing happen, butanyways, they just see the guy
floating in midair being like,oh, invisible bones, yeah all
right, uh, ekron, what would youlike to do?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
well I'm sorry, go ahead and roll me, uh, a d20, oh
okay just a just a random oldd20 no, nothing nefarious here,
just flat d20, and that's a nat20, baby.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Okay With a nat 20, you hear above you sounds of
something large and just acalamitous crash Time Dragon
please.
Followed quickly by another one.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Time Dragon please.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Fuck, crash, followed quickly by another.
One time, dragon, please fuck.
All of a sudden the roof or theI'm sorry, the the ceiling
above you caves in.
You see this massive creatureof just spindly multiple arms,
uh, kind of flailing.
You see kaga just burying thataxe in its face.
(37:22):
She yanks it free, black bloodsplashes over her.
She lets out an unholy, deathlyroar.
Which one of you fuckers isnext?
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Ekrem, it's your turn , conker, believe it or not,
before you got here, we weredoing pretty good, I needed to
roll a perception check to seeif I could see that.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
No, no, it wasn't perception, it was just a dumb
luck.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Check to see if that's what happened.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Gotcha, if you rolled below a 10, she just would have
been up on the sixth floorbeing like dumb shit.
This is a snack floor.
It's just.
This is where the time dragondoes Willy Wonka shit.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Oh wow, I will go ahead and do my dog's bite, just
to get that out of the way.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
Everything on that floor is a health potion.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
With a 16 to hit.
Okay, for the bone thing,that'll hit Awesome and that is
a bite for eight damage.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
And then I will throw my shadow, dragon, shadow,
dragon, shadow, dagger atanother cultist.
Okay, for a 15 to hit.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Okay, that last, or, I'm sorry, one of the cultists
drops your dagger embedded in it.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I don't have to roll damage.
Oh yeah, roll your damage.
It didn't have a ton of health.
I assumed it was the woundedone.
I did three, last time with 2d8and a d4.
They're not tough boys, they'recultists.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
They're like we really are more planners and
thinkers than we are fighters.
Max damage 20 damage.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Where was?
Speaker 3 (38:55):
that.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Real.
Where was that real whiplasheffect here?
My closest.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
He meant bone monster you usually you're like, please
be cool in front of kaga.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Please be cool in front of kaga.
Yeah, yeah, you can do overdamage like it went through a
guy and no, it's psychic.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
It's just how do you make hurt feelings?
Speaker 3 (39:09):
technically six of its piercing okay it could be
like uh chain lightning.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
It works like it's trauma from watching his buddy
die.
Maybe they were brothers, wedon't know.
That's up to you.
Yeah, it's up to you, he's uhyours.
Speaker 4 (39:22):
No, you would stop doing this.
You can't real life persuasion.
Check me guys.
We can't, you know, be realcool if you did that cabin.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Uh, all the cool dms do it.
Uh, you know who does that mattmercer yeah think of the
listeners, think of the list Ilove there's that one moment
where he's like, yeah, no, waita minute you guys can't
gaslight me into making thiscampaign easy we gaslighted him
into having a wife.
Yeah he doesn't have a wife sheleft him.
Uh yeah, he drops.
(39:54):
Uh you know what?
Sure fuck it.
Uh, the dagger, the sixpiercing damage since it's kind
of overkill rolls into the nextguy and he's like, ow, thank god
, this deck don't.
This is my groove, robert no,only play that.
Speaker 4 (40:07):
Every time something bad happens to akram, just that
that was a big one can you startuh like sexy porn music when
that?
Speaker 1 (40:18):
happens as long as he gets the point across, yeah
that's your sexy point noise.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Yeah, I feel bad.
Look, I don't explain.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
You know we're learning a lot about each other.
You had a why.
Uh all right, uh, that's gonnabring us back up to the top of
the order.
This thing uh kind of justreleases you, realizing like
you're not the biggest threat,and immediately starts like this
(40:49):
bone mass just rolling towardsuh kaga opportunity attacks.
Yeah, you are gonna get anopportunity attack hell yeah, my
wolf too yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Oh, I forgot about the wolf Shit yeah okay, Don't
take it back cabin.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Hey cog, look out, it's going for the biggest
threat in the room.
I'm not mad about it 15?
Speaker 2 (41:09):
15, no 15 hit the bone.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
All right, cowabunga.
Cowabung does a ooh, 20 fuckingseven.
Yeah, you punched the shit outof its ass.
Uh, 12 damage.
It doesn't have a brain, but ithas shit in its ass.
What?
Speaker 2 (41:27):
did you say have shit , listen okay.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Use of language 13 on the uh wild magic.
So okay, yeah no, we were.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
We're back up to 20 for that.
Uh, all right.
So yeah, you punch into thisthing more uh bone chips,
shatter off um, and your, whatdid?
Your hound didn't hit, it,didn't.
Okay, uh, it's gonna go aheadand take a couple swipes at kaga
and then, because you did punchit, it's going to turn one of
(41:53):
those uh claws claws back on you.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Nuh-uh Jesus.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Too quick.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
That's funny.
Roll a dice high or low, reallyquick these are fun.
Low.
Okay, you're safe Because liketwo misses and then one hit.
And I was like that'd be ironicbecause I had said take swings
at Kaga.
And I was like it'd behilarious if the one that hits
is jester.
It's like a weird, like backsquawk yeah, yeah, you got so
(42:22):
like overextended on that punchthat it just catches you.
Uh, all right, okay, so it'sgonna deal its damage to her.
Uh, let's see where's my d12.
Okay, fantastic, uh, that goingto be her turn.
She's going to just like she isall rage and anger.
(42:46):
She's going to lunge at thisthing, wrapping it up Cool, and
just whiffs through it becauseher strength, she all of a
sudden just got a shitty two.
She dives through it, kind ofcomes up in a role, her axe in
front of her, right next to you,chester.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
Uh, there's what two cultists left I think so yeah,
there were five to start.
Did you include that one guythat was like I'll just call you
later.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Okay, he's like sitting in the corner, just be
like.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
I'm kind of glad I sat this one out now actually,
uh, one of the better decisionsI've made.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
All right, they're going to kind of.
Let's have them run up at Ekrem.
Ekrem, you've been hiding inthe shadows long enough.
All right, is the 17 hit.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Yeah, yeah, yep.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yep and another 17.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Yep, I was debating on whether to use shield or not.
I don't think I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
I'm going to hold out , it's only going to be like
eight damage max.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Yeah, take four damage.
Oh yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Chester, what would you like to do?
I'm trying to think if there'sanything interesting around the
room.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
What's in the room with everything that's been kind
of cluttered up?
Uh, you see, there's uh chairs.
This looks like it's a roomthat was uh like a kind of an
informal study area, like uhresearch notes tables, chairs uh
, I'd like to uh, just forflavor.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I'd like to run and jump off of a table and, like
elbow, drop them for one of myattacks and then punch them in
the back of the head hell yeah,I love flavor.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Flavor is the spice of life all right, so I'm gonna
run up wwe from the top ropes.
Uh, 25 yeah definitely I'll hituh for the elbow drop and uh 25
jesus.
Nice, so low damage.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Seven plus six, 15 damage all right, uh man I don't
, I don't want to reward badrolls, but how do you want to
finish this thing?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
uh, can it be?
Can it be where, like I justdidn't plan this out at all and
I elbow drop and I just kind oflike and sink into him, get like
kind of stuck?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
yeah, you.
It's just that, like you didn'tanticipate the skull, the like
cave, like that, yeah it's likesoft yeah, because there's no
brain in it, which yeah as itcracks open.
Uh, you see, no brain.
You're like oh, all the psychicstuff makes sense now.
It's almost like my DM wasconsistent.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
I don't think it doesn't make sense.
It doesn't mean I'm not upsetabout it still.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Yeah, I just kind of like into it.
I'm like oh, oh, oh, oh God.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
Yeah, as you do this, the magic holding this thing
together deanimates and it fallsto the ground.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Oh, this is worse than touching the food in the
bottom of the sink when you'rewashing dishes.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah, I mean, it's a little gross.
Also, again, shout out to yourserver friends on this one.
He was really doing this onefor them.
All right, Ekron, what wouldyou like to do?
Speaker 1 (45:49):
So the bones thing just died.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
You have two cultists left.
There's two cultists left.
You have your shadowhound still.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Or shadowhound still, well or no, it goes away when
that thing dies.
Yeah, something I didn'trealize when I first had it.
Um, but I will try.
And true, I'll just keep goingwith the shadow dagger.
And then, for the first swingwith my dagger, I got a 16 to
hit okay that's the 2d8 plus thed4, so on the first guy, that
is, uh, 17 plus 2, so 19 damage.
(46:19):
Okay, does it matter whetherit's like do I need to divvy up
the damage?
Okay, and then I will offhanddagger just because I can, and
that is a probably a miss.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
12 yeah, okay, just barely so I miss my offhand
dagger attack okay but I'mguessing I killed one of them.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Yeah, there's one left alive.
I'm just going to do a roll forhim here.
Is he going to try to flee?
Is he going to keep fighting?
Pick high or low there, guys.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
High, you went low last time.
Speaker 2 (46:57):
Okay, you rolled a 12 .
Do you want him?
To flee 12 do you want him toflee or do you want him to fight
?
Speaker 1 (47:02):
it's one cult.
He's gonna die next roundanyway, yeah frick off you nerd
yeah.
I just it's one of those thingswhere if I pick flee, is he
gonna warn his buddies and fuckus later.
Kevin, is that what's gonnahappen if we?
Speaker 4 (47:13):
pick that he's gonna be like hey, this one guy uses
psychic.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
We need to remove all of our fucking brains.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Everyone drink your potions of psychic immunity.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Fuck him.
I'm going to kill him, oh no.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Yeah, he just he's going to just take off and flee
like in fear of you guys.
You're in this pile of bones.
Chester Kaga kind of gives youthat predator handshake up.
Speaker 4 (47:38):
You're in this pile of bones.
Chester Kaga kind of gives youthat predator handshake up.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Yeah, you feel like you were getting ready to pull
yourself up and she just likeFantastic, hey Kaga.
Thank you for the help.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
I mean we could have done it, but it's good to have
you here.
It's good to see you.
I like your ex.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Hi you boys running into any other trouble.
Speaker 3 (48:06):
Yeah, mostly just this for right now.
We are the trouble and I lookat the guy in the corner that
wants the punch and I give him alittle point and a wink.
Speaker 4 (48:16):
He's like they did good they did real good.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
She hands you a potion of greater healing oh no.
Speaker 3 (48:26):
I drink it.
It's what 2d4 both of us.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Just, chester, I'll just put it in my pocket because
I took 4 damage.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
Cool what's that you tough boy, it's a 2d4 plus 4.
I think I should look it uphere.
That would be wrong of me tonot let you have a bunch of
health 4d4 plus 4 does she giveme a potion of get two spells
(48:57):
back?
Speaker 1 (48:57):
is it no?
It's weird how that works.
You do have sorcery points youconvert.
Does she give me a potion ofget two spells back?
Is it no?
I don't know it's weird howthat works.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
Just thought I'd ask.
You do have sorcery points youconvert into spell slots too.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
But I've got new things I can do with those
sorcery points that seem alsocool yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
Thank you for the blue Gatorade.
It was so delicious.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Yeah, I prefer it.
You know, like the time TimeDragon only stocks Power 8.
And I'm like it's fine.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
But this is my stash.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
How much health are you missing?
Still 20 points about.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
I'll pat you on the back and I'll go.
We got this buddy, andsomething I've had for a while
completely forgot about is onceper long rest.
I can use an action, touch acreature and restore eight hit
points to it.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
I've had that for a long time.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Oh, your ASMR ability .
Speaker 3 (49:41):
I've had that since the beginning Dude, my back
feels way better.
Thank God, you just learned howto do that.
I was born with it, I forgot.
The power deep within you, andyou've now learned how to access
it, right Just now.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
I just fucked up, man .
Your shadow self's like yes,I'm not a liar.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
You didn't give him the health because you know the
dark.
I said I would call you.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I said I would fucking call you.
I've said it multiple timesI'll call you when I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
Alright Kaga kind of wipes her axe off on one of
these cultists and she goes areyou boys ready to end this?
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Yes, I believe we are .
That would be very convenient.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
She leads you to up a flight of stairs up to the
fifth floor, the floor that hadbeen previously unoccupied.
She kind of likeconspiratorially follow me and
she kind of stealthily.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Did you say conspiratorially?
Speaker 2 (50:49):
She's like conspiratorially, like hey guys,
follow me, she's letting you inon a secret.
Go ahead and roll me bothstealth checks.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
Oh, good, For a second.
I was worried and then you saidstealth, so I should be fine.
That is a what?
Is your stop talking shit.
That's a net one are youshitting me.
Speaker 3 (51:09):
I got a net one, jesus christ it's the thing.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
I'm good she starts doing like a sneaky crawl with
her axe, like, just like, justlike.
Army crawl running somehow likeit's just a very impressive.
You guys both try to imitate itand just fall.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah because I have a plus seven, like I have a plus
seven.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
This is crazy, oh my god, we both should be competent
yeah I just fall down and fart.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Akram starts laughing yeah, there it is yeah, yeah uh
, oh, man, it's good that evenin these hard times, our
friendship is still strong ohman, hope this doesn't upset
kaga in any way she just kind oflooks and just is shaking her
head at you guys.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Uh, save the fuck out that dragon, though am I right
as you?
Speaker 2 (52:02):
guys.
Uh, notice her just shaking herhead.
Uh, from the shadows, you see,uh, cultists emerging around you
.
She grabs her axe and bracesherself and she says well, I was
(52:25):
hoping to do this a little bitmore discreet, but she's going
to kill the shit out of thoseguys.
Speaker 3 (52:31):
It's going to be so cool.
My nipples are going to get sohard.
Speaker 2 (52:36):
No, you boys want to kill a time dragon, and that's
where we're going to end thisone no, I don't in fact hang on
wait, maybe, maybe we I'm doingquotes here maybe we do you get
what I'm guys, the session'sover.
(52:56):
You can't, you can't, you can'tsay that.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
I'll text you session's over.
We're back in the real world.
You're not my boss anymore.
Speaker 3 (53:05):
Oh, hell yeah hey Kevin, good session Ryan.
Where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (53:09):
thank you everybody, hey guys this has been Monster
Monster, a real play, dungeonsand Dragons podcast featuring
comedians playing characters.
I'm DM Kevin Egg Eggleston.
You can find me atCavanEgglestoncom or at Cavan
underscore Egg, or just liveshows all around you.
Tyson, where can we find you?
Speaker 3 (53:24):
Where can we see you.
Hi, I'm a stand-up comedian.
You can find me at Tyson CoxComedy, on all social media
platforms and I tour the countryand do stand-up comedy, so find
me.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
Nice, my name is Tyler Waltz.
I'm also a stand-up comedian.
Speaker 2 (53:37):
You can find me at nerd news yes, or at the nerd
news network on Instagram oh, itis different because it was
already taken on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
Yeah, stupid.
Yeah, so I know you've beenjust sending people to someone
else this whole time.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
Some random channel is like man, I'm getting a lot
of cool traction.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
I'm pretty sure the Instagram one for nerd news is
like cosplay girls and stuff, soI don't know how disappointed
they'll be when they get there.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
That's pretty good, yeah, and a big shout out to
Robert Schmaubert, our mainmaster editor-in-chief.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
Robert, you're pretty dope.
He's Robert Schmaubert on allthe stuff he does Gutter Nuggets
on Twitch with Ben Monster.
Thanks, robert, yeah, bye.
Speaker 3 (54:17):
Hello Robert, yeah Bye.
Hello everybody.
It's Tyson, with some justquick announcements.
Thank you for everyone that'ssigned up for our Patreon.
We really appreciate it.
Every little bit helps.
It helps us increase ourproduction value, helps us just
honestly create better contentfor you all.
So thank you for that and ifyou want to pitch in, please do.
It's incredible.
We're trying to build acommunity, we're trying to make
this as big as possible, andthat's with your help.
(54:40):
So we're going to throw somemoney in.
Or if you don't want to throwmoney in, just tell friends
about the podcast.
We're growing.
I have access to the stats andhoo hoo hoo, we are growing.
Yes, we're finishing up seasonone, getting into season two
Tyler's and just a reminderabout our live shows the first
Wednesday at Planet of the Tapesin Louisville, kentucky.
Second, tuesday at the WhiteRabbit Cabaret in Indianapolis,
(55:02):
indiana, and the third Thursdayin Commonwealth.
So, yep, that's it.
Mike says bye.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
Bye, I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll.
Speaker 2 (55:35):
I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll you
boys.
You boys want to kill a shadowor a time dragon.
Fuck robert, cut that last one,god damn it.
I just hear you talking aboutyour goddamn hard nipples and
your shitty stealth.
Check farts.
Try to build some fuckingtension in this scene.
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