Eldrichville Ep 21 - There and Back Again. Season Finale - Monster Monster

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll, I just
wanna, I just wanna, I justwanna roll, I just wanna, I just
wanna, I just wanna roll At 20on that troll.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hit that shit down pretty low, I just wanna roll.
Welcome to Monster Monster, areal-play Dungeons Dragons
experience with comediansplaying your favorite characters
.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
I'm your Dungeon Master, kevin Eggleston, joined
today by Hi, I'm Tyson Cox andI'm playing Chester Blackfield,
who's not dead.
Okay, alright, Deep lore.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
Deep lore for him.
Fact, and my name is TylerWaltz.
I'm playing, playing Ekrem, whois getting more and more
concerned with being forever inthe bad type of darkness, not
the kind that he tends to keephimself in question is.
Is he dead?

Speaker 2 (00:56):
I don't think so now that uh Tyson's brought up the
idea that we have to announcewhether or not our characters
are alive or dead, I havequestions.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
I was pretty confident until he brought it up
.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Last session, you guys faced against the
formidable Kaga Blood Axe.
You slew her and saved the lifeof the Lore Worm, the massive
time dragon that serves as theanchor to time and space in this
reality.
Massive time dragon that servesas the anchor to time and space
in this reality, and you arerushing off to try to prevent
the awakening of the elder Godon which your entire city, nay,

(01:33):
your entire existence, is built.
How are you guys feeling aboutthat?
Pretty good, yeah, what'sChester's like?
What's?

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Chester's feeling right now.
What's his inner monologue like?
It's kind of like after you'vebeen in a car accident You're
like, well, there's a lot ofstuff I got to do, but not a lot
of thought going on.
There's a lot of autopilot.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I guess I get like how far after the car accident,
because you're like right afteror you're like the next day
where you're like I got to callinsurance.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
Is he like that?
Where he's like I?

Speaker 3 (02:05):
got to call my time insurance.
Yeah, he's like thank God I gotprogressive.
They're pretty good.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Hashtag not sponsored yeah, not sponsored yeah no,
that's going to really infuriateour sponsor, Geico.
Yeah right, Geico, we don't dotime stuff.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
Geico.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
It's not a catchy slogan.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
I told him to change it Anyways yeah, he's just a
little bit like oh boy.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I just want to go back to punching things.
All right, Ekrem, what's goingthrough your head during this?

Speaker 4 (02:35):
Ekrem would probably be going back and cataloging,
because the last I don't know 24to 48 hours for the two of us
have been insane.
We literally went from whateverlevel we were I can't even
remember to 15, I think it waslike eight.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
So he's probably still just cataloging, like I
don't even know what new stuff Ican do yet, but we're gonna
find out how does that work foryour character like in the
mindset of like oh, I can justmine is like I'm just stronger,
can punch gooder.
Like yours is like I haveaccess to new infinite powers oh
no, I'm a god I have access toknowledge that I don't even know

(03:10):
I have yet.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
It's kind of like it's like a second awakening of
power and it's like untilsomething emotional or something
draws it out of me, I literallydon't know what I can do right
now so you went through likewizard puberty.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, gross, yep, I was gonna try to make a pun word
out of it.
You got you got.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
You got hair popping up on your spell books.
The familiars are starting tolook kind of cute my component
pouch itches I don't know, Idon't know how far we carry this
metaphor, but it's gettingweird.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
Your staff is more gnarled.
Yeah, you wake up some daysit's just pointing north.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
All right, the lore worm.
She ushers you quickly upthrough the crumbling remains of
her spiral, you guys.
Just as you go, you see kind ofscattered resistance from the
cultists.
They seem to have largelyabandoned, as if they all know
this place.
This front of their war is lost.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
Oh no, they're going to move in a spirit Halloween.
Is that what we're worried?

Speaker 2 (04:14):
about Is just discount novelties, seasonal
novelties.
Is that now the big bad?
Yeah, capitalism.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Capitalism.
All right, anyways.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Consumerism, seasonal novelties.
Is that now the big bad?
Yeah, cap, capitalism,capitalism yeah, all right,
anyways, let's uh mention ourpatreon now uh, we have one,
yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, do it sowe don't have to engage in
capitalism.
All right, not every slogan'sgonna be a good one, tyler.
Okay, I'm not even trying, I'mjust I'm sorry m sorry,
mcdonald's took the mm-mm.
Loving it.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
So I can't do that for Patreon.
I'm just letting you guys dig ahole so I can piss in it.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
Kinky yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
Gross this podcast brought to you by FetLife where
you can find somebody to digholes and pee in them.
Fetlife.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
Dildo shovel.
Hold on In.
All seriousness, is FetLife athing?

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah, oh boy, hey guys, you're going to hear a
pause in this audio and this iswhere Tyler is going to learn
some things.

Speaker 4 (05:12):
It wouldn't surprise me at all if it did no it did.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
I found my third grade teacher on it.
All right, anyways, moving on,that's how they hired them.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
Hold on.
Were you in third grade?
No, we didn't have the internetthen, Tyler.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Thanks for making me feel old.
No that's right.
Yeah, no, we had.
What was that shitty Mac game?
Kid Picks.
Remember Kid Picks?

Speaker 3 (05:34):
That sounds terrible.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, I don't know that at all.
Was it Click Picks?
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Anyways, I'm going to edit this out.
It's black and white.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
As you move to the roof, you burst out onto the top
of the tower at the heart ofthe city, at the center of the
city, I should say no longer theheart.
You already visited there whenyou went to the feywild.
Yeah, the center of the city isuh kind of a building that
you've never like.
It's always dominated theskyline, but it's never one
you've really paid attention to.
You see it glowing with thiscolor of octarine, this color of
magic, this kind of it almostis like a purplish orange.

(06:09):
It's very like for you whoschooled in magic and the arcane
.
You're like oh, that's that'spurplish orange.
Oh my god, yeah, I'm sorry, Idon't own a color wheel you're
just like orange.
You just know that like this iskind of the that color of raw
magic.
Um, it's, and it's usually notassociated with like hey, this

(06:30):
is a good time, we should justall be fiddling with the
fundamental forces of unphysics.
I prefer my magic medium rare 20episodes, and this is where he
decides to all of a sudden be azip zap zopper all right, go
ahead and give me an arcanacheck there, uh, chester, to see
how things are going for you.
Well, you know it's bad magiclet's see what chester thinks it

(06:53):
is, that's mean negative one.
Okay, 14, that's pretty okay youknow, uh well, you, deep in
your heart, you you're likethat's not a good sign.
You also are thinking toyourself, well, magic's not bad
People that use magic.
Bad are bad Words.
Don't kill people.
Power word kill kills people.

(07:14):
Well, technically, the only wayto stop a bad guy with wish is
a good guy with wish, doublewish.
Anyways, this part of thepodcast brought to you by the
nra, editing that out, thenational rangers association
where are we getting all thesesponsors?

Speaker 4 (07:34):
where's that money going?

Speaker 2 (07:36):
to get this audited.
Uh, all right, she, uh, boy,boys, I, I uh, are you up for
one last trip, one last run?
Just hop on and she has.
You guys climb across her back.
That kind of frail older woman,the librarian that you've known

(07:58):
the time dragon to be, fallsaway and, uh, instead you're
confronted with this massivescaled beast that she.
You scurry up her back and kindof find a a resting place as
she launches herself into theair.
Uh, both you give me, go aheadand give me, uh, athletics
checks 10.
All right, you kind of fallback and like, have to grab on

(08:19):
to a little bit of a scale but Imade it.
Yeah, no, you're still on there.
Chester just plants his feetand he's just like where'd?

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Ikram, go you all right back there, bud, I'm
making it.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
It's probably all that hair got you all thrown off
balance.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
You're not aerodynamic like Chester.

Speaker 4 (08:35):
I honestly probably could have just floated up there
, I just forgot.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
All right, you guys are soaring over the city.
This is providing you a vantagepoint you've never seen.
Go ahead and give me perceptionchecks.

Speaker 4 (08:49):
Wow, nine, no Just.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Thirteen.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
Okay, ekram, you're still kind of taken aback by
everything You're trying to sortthrough what all this could
mean, what could be happening atthe center of the city, through
what all this could mean, whatuh could be happening at the
center of the city.
Chester, you're seeing, eventhough you're seeing some of the
, the destruction, the likechaos that's being unleashed by
these cultists as they kind ofransack and rampage through the

(09:14):
city.
You are taken aback by how, nowthat you're seeing it from this
high up, it's like you'reseeing um, a series of arteries
and veins, the, just the naturalstreets of the city, kind of
showing that like this is almostlike its own living entity.

(09:35):
You can almost feel that pulseof the place, I turned to echo.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
now that I'm seeing it from this vantage point, it
is almost as if that magic islike arteries and veins Wow.

Speaker 4 (09:50):
Did you not also notice that from taking a look
around?
I had no idea until you told me.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving, throw there
Ekram, oh shit.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
You're very intelligent, but not very wise,
if I remember correctly.
I'm not really either.

Speaker 4 (10:03):
but hey, for this one shit You're very intelligent,
but not very wise, if I remembercorrectly.
I'm not really either, but hey,for this one 17.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Okay, you resist the urge to sing?
I Can Show you the World.

Speaker 4 (10:15):
Oh, I would have chose to fail.
That that's not fair.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
This part of the podcast brought to you by Disney
Can.
I say that I don't know whattheir lawyers are okay with.
Yeah, editing that out.
You guys sail over the city.
It's going to take you threerounds to get to the city.
Essentially, three randomencounter checks.
Chester, why don't you go aheadand give me the first one?
Just roll a D6.

(10:41):
Five.
Fantastic.
Both of you give me dexterity,saving throws dexterity saving
throws good thing.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
I'm pretty good at those 15 fantastic eight.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
All right with the 15 .
Uh, you see the the time dragon.
She violently like veers banksto left and a ballista bolt
sails past her.

Speaker 4 (11:07):
Right into the throat of Ekrem.
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
Ekrem, you kind of are caught off guard because
you're still kind of stunned bythe sight of the city.
You begin to fall.

Speaker 3 (11:21):
Quick use power word bald, so you're Hair, hair so he
falls faster.
I had that, I had that preppedin my head and he said he fell
not, was falling so I was likewell, this doesn't make sense
well, you tried.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
Yeah, I, I don't have any spells for, like, get back
on dragon.
I don't know what level spellthat is, but I don't have it
deep yell or anything, just likewhat yeah all

Speaker 2 (11:50):
right the dragon, she , she course corrects and she
kind of banks for you.
You do have a chance here tograb back on.
I'm gonna let you guys bothroll a like combined athletics,
check or acro well, acrobaticsor athletics to see if you guys
get snagged.
You can get snagged here.

Speaker 3 (12:08):
27 you I forgot what level we were like yeah, you,
son of a bitch, you can rollanything now you know what, just
roll a d4 I got pick a number.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
Yeah, I got 10.
Okay, not a good.
Good finale for ekram?
I no, it's just.
Ekrem is a Falling apart at thebuzzer.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
You're falling to your death and you're like I
have one chance to save myself.
And you're like.
I better average it.
I better just do average onthis one.

Speaker 4 (12:34):
I kind of care, I kind of don't.
Yeah, I rolled a 10, 9, 8, 10,and a 17.
Woo, 17.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
17, just to not sing a beloved childhood song.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Yeah, which you would have failed.
You would have relented.
I imagine that Chester seesyou're falling and then, with
the bank, crouches down and usesthe scales to make sure he
stays attached.
And then, when she banks, I dothat sprint thing where I jump
and I catch you in the air and Ifly and hit the tail, grab on

(13:06):
one of the spikes and swing backup and around.
I got you bud, you alright.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
Yeah, I just realized I could have vortex warped to
save myself.

Speaker 3 (13:11):
But I appreciate the effort, save that for the anime.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
I do like the idea of you just now vortex warping
Like no.
No, I want to be closer.

Speaker 3 (13:30):
I want to be closer to her.
It's a second level spell.

Speaker 4 (13:30):
I can actually do it quite a bit just totally
invalidating all the things thathe did for you.
But no, I really do appreciate,because I forgot I would have
died and it would have been areally dumb death.
It was a stressful time allright this time.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Uh, you're a little bit closer to the tower now.
Ekram, why don't you go aheadand give me a D6 roll?

Speaker 4 (13:44):
Survey says five.
Another ballista bolt.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Another ballista goes flying towards you guys.
Go ahead and make dexteritysaving throws.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
There we go 21.
23.
I am locked in.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, now that you guys are like hey, people can
throw ballistas at us, Well, weshould pay attention, yeah
because I got that eight with aplus five.
So it's real dicey today.
All right.
And then, chester, why don'tyou go ahead and make the third
one?

Speaker 3 (14:12):
Third encounter Six.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
Okay, okay, very cool .
As you guys make your way inthe air, you hear this shriek as
if it's coming from too manymouths.
Oh no, landing on the back ofthe time dragon with you guys,
you see this kind of misshapenfleshy blob.

(14:38):
Go ahead and roll initiativegotten 11 17 fantastic bud, 17,
11 and this guy is gonna have a15.
All right, uh, eckerman, whydon't you go ahead and go first?

Speaker 4 (14:52):
let's see, I'm going to cast vortex warp on it okay,
it needs to save on theconstitution saving throw of 18
okay, fantastic bud, okay, itdoes save damn it well, that
would have been cool if I couldhave just been like nope and

(15:12):
just poofed him off it to fallto his death.
Um, but yeah, that's one ofthem.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
We're on a failed save, nothing happens okay,
fantastic, that thing looks atyou and it's gonna go ahead and
just charge at you One of itsmouths, its main mouth, snapping
at the air, and take a bite atyou and then lash out at Chester
with two tentacle attacks.
Okay, that's going to be a 17.
Did that hit?

Speaker 4 (15:35):
Akram, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, sorcerers don't gain
a lot of AC as they level up.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
All right, and then I know one of those is going to
hit so 25.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
Okay, roll me a athletics check, both, or just
Chester 21.
21?
Okay, so one of those tentacleswraps around you but you just
kind of like rip and tear it offof you.
Yeah, akram, you're going totake 19 piercing damage from
that bite and, chester, you'regoing to take 10 damage against

(16:09):
the tentacles.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Ow.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, it slapped you real good.
Yeah, he didn't like it.
No, I love the foley work we'redoing here Making it feel lived
in All right, Chester what?

Speaker 1 (16:20):
do you want to do.
I thought it was Tyler's turnfor a second.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
I was like well and making it feel lived in All
right.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Chester, what do you want to do?
I forgot.
I thought it was Tyler's turnfor a second.
I was like, well yeah, weswitched bodies.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
What does Chester want to do?
Vortex Warfare really does afreaky Friday in 2024.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
Well, I'm going to go ahead, and of course, there's
no like improvised weaponsaround me, son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
I mean, you can yank a dragon scale off.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
I'm not going to do that, I'm just going to do a
bunch of punches, Punch, punch,punch 26.
Okay, that'll hit.
Okay, Second attack 23.
Definitely hit.
Third attack 28.
Fantastic Four 12, 16, and 13.
41 damage 41?

Speaker 2 (17:01):
Okay, fantastic, this thing's looking a little goofed
up.
Go ahead and roll me your d20son those.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
And that's per attack or per Per attack.
Eight six three.

Speaker 4 (17:11):
Okay, all right, back up to the top, oh actually,
this thing does have somelegendary actions Fucking
legendary blob that's what we'regetting hit with right now.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
It uses gossip.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
It's going to go ahead and it's going to just go
ahead, and oh, it doesn't get toWow.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
You disappointed in yourself?

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah, I did a little bit.
It's like it can bite, but onlya thing that's grappled and
you're like so, nobody can'tbite at you.
If it doesn't hold you Allright, it's going to go ahead
and turn invisible.

Speaker 4 (17:49):
Hmm, all right, ekron , what would you like to do?
What if I'm just like no, uhand I, and I counterspell it?
Yeah, it's a spell like abilityunfortunately you can't
counterspell.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, um, now you guys, it's not like, uh, not
like in previous editions, whereinvisibility meant like oh, you
can't target it, it's just uh,it's done with disadvantage
gotcha, I will try and fire,bolt it.

Speaker 4 (18:07):
Okay, you said with disadvantage.
My first roll was a 21 and mysecond roll was a 19 okay,
that'll hit pretty good on thoseall.
Right, that will be pretty low.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Nine damage, yeah, but it lets out a cry of pain
Good, it's like ow.

Speaker 3 (18:25):
Ow, ow, ow.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
One of the mouths is Ray Romano, and it's just like
ow.

Speaker 4 (18:32):
You sound like a goose, all right.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
It's going to pop out of invisibility, taking a bite
at Chester, and then tentacleattacks at Ekram, so Chester 13.
Hentacle attacks at Ekrem, soChester 13.
Hits real good, right, missDouble crit.
Okay, no, all right, fine, 18,ekrem, I will.
Silvery Barbs.
Okay, all right 18, again HitsSilvery Barbs again.

Speaker 4 (18:59):
No, that's a bummer, but my buddy Chester gets some
advantage.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
All right.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Hell yeah, go ahead and make your DC 15 athletics
check.
Oh, natural 20, baby Doesn'teven fucking matter.

Speaker 4 (19:14):
I just like flexed my calves or whatever to just grip
onto this dragon, just took it.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
I need our audience at home to understand.
When he said I just flexed mycalves, he did his whole upper
body, so I don't know if heknows where calves are.
No, no, no.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
The calves.
It's like a full body reactionto get the muscles to.
You know you got to pivot it.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
I've never worked out Terrible form.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
All right, fantastic, okay.
So, yeah, you escape thetentacles of this thing.
Chester, what would you like todo?

Speaker 3 (19:46):
I'm going to go ahead and, believe it or not, punch
him three times.

Speaker 4 (19:51):
All right, with advantage on the first punch.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah, when in doubt, punch it out.
Okay, so the first attack 28.
Okay, 23.
Okay, 19.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
That'll hit.
All three will hit.

Speaker 4 (20:05):
Believe it or not, goo monsters, not well armored,
no, but they apparently canresist getting warped into
oblivion.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
How's that?

Speaker 4 (20:10):
feel.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Shitty.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Like a wasted third level spell slot 40?

Speaker 2 (20:15):
40 total.
Okay, this thing is lookingbloodied, to use the old timey
words.
All right.

Speaker 3 (20:22):
Hey Chester heads up.
I think I got it below half.
Health hey, chester heads up, Ithink I got it below half
health.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
Hey, I know you've taken a lot of hits lately, but
you're Chester, I know.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Have you ever watched somebody get CTE?

Speaker 1 (20:37):
from their character's actions In real time
.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
You're getting really into character Tyson's got a
TBI.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Chester got hit too hard.

Speaker 3 (20:49):
He's like nuh-uh, you said you're shut up, ekrem, and
he just keeps acting likenothing happened.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
All right, that's going to go up to Ekrem.

Speaker 4 (20:58):
All righty man, I'm just going to firebolt again.
Okay, does it have disadvantageor do I have disadvantage?
What gave me disadvantage lasttime?
It's invisible, it's not.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Oh, it's not invisible anymore, right.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
Okay, cool 28 to hit Okay that'll hit and the damage
is 14 fire.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
Okay, cool, cool.
Alright, it's gonna do the sameroutine again.
This time it's gonna try tograpple Ekrem.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
I'd like to try to get its attention Okay 23.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
You don't got to purr him out 16.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
You need to see a dentist.
Great, I'm trying to go withthe creature.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
Okay, and it's going to try to bite you.
You look British 19.

Speaker 4 (21:40):
Got him.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
I bet you put beans on toast asshole.

Speaker 4 (21:44):
I'm just trying to see if it understand okay, it
doesn't.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Uh, it understands deep speech, it's just gonna be
like if it understands common,it's gonna be like hey bud, fuck
you uh can I roll dex to opposethe grapple?
I'll let you run a roll inathletics, okay, so strength
athletics, that is I'm sorry,acrobatics, I'm sorry acrobatics
, I'll let you roll thatAcrobatics.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
Okay, that is a 17?

Speaker 2 (22:06):
then Okay, fantastic.
What about on the second one?
Oh second one.
That was first saving throw.
What about second saving throw?
Second saving throw.
It did a 19 hit Chester.

Speaker 4 (22:15):
Oh, yes, 15, so not as good.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Okay, you take points of piercing damage and then you
take 20 points of bludgeoningdamages.
Two tentacles.
Slap you there, ekram yeah, Idon't like these videos, and
that's all I say you hear itseveral of the mouths yes,
several of the mouths makemacaroni in the pot sounds.

(22:39):
Go ahead and make wisdom savingthrows yeah that's on me,
that's see, if you take ickydamage, I do there's a four I
don't know if you need to hearit.
You just hear one of them belike senpai kawaii you're
bringing me back.

(23:01):
I took icky damage, all right I,I think.

Speaker 3 (23:05):
I'm just going to edit this whole episode.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
And episode 20 never was heard.

Speaker 4 (23:11):
I think it just real life.
Silvery barbed you.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
All right, Chester, it is your turn.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Why won't you die?
I want to try to pick it up andthrow it Okay let me just real
quick see.
How big is it?
I swear it's large.

Speaker 4 (23:23):
I swear that if I try and vortex warp this thing and
it's like no, but you're justlike I'm going to be a little
upset, but that means I can.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
It's only one size up , right.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, I'll let you try to do a grapple against it.
19.
Roll off.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
Oh no, Natural one.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
So you go up to You're like oh, damn it.
Yeah, you go up to grapple thisthing you accidentally put your
fist into the mouth with noteeth and it just gums you a
little.
I imagine, like in PrincessBride, when Dread Pirate Roberts
tries to fight Andre the Giant,he's like yeah, uh, except if

(24:10):
andre the giant had a bunch ofmouths and tentacles and you
pooped yourself a little bit, uh, when you tried to grapple it
oh, that means you pooped on thedragon oh the time dragon's
like nobody better be shittingback there.
This happens every time, nomatter how many worlds, no
matter how many timelines Ialways get pooped on by chester,

(24:31):
it's the universal constant.
Okay, so you tried to grapplethis thing.
It's gonna gonna go ahead andtake its one of its actions and
just teleport away from youcloser to the other side of
Ekrem.
Just give it a little bit ofspace, all right.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
Ekrem, what would you like to do?
Can I use a free action to doperception, to see if my fire is
weakening it more, or justnormal Sure and that perception
will Never mind.
It's not even worth it.
I'm done.
Fuck this game.
It's like stupid five each shit.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
I mean fire doesn't seem to not be not working.

Speaker 4 (25:07):
Yeah right, I just got firebolted again Because
we're not even at the big baddieyet 18.
That'll hit, all right, and oh,that was a really high roll 23.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Nice, with that firebolt that.
You were like I don't thinkthis is doing anything, and then
your firebolt hits it.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
It that you were like I don't think this is doing
anything, and then your firebolthits it.
It dies.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Good, I wonder if this will hurt it more.
Dead.
Well, chester, give me anathletics check to see if you
can kick it off the dragon Now.
Vortex warp.

Speaker 4 (25:38):
That seems like an efficient use of a spell slot.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
You're like?
Resist this dickhead 27.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
Okay, you give it the shove, it falls to the ground,
it lands on a ballista and theguy's like hey, did you see?
The guy with the wife dropped amonster on us how can you?
even I didn't have a wife withthat, you guys kind of make it
to the, the tower, uh,surrounded by this kind of
shimmering shroud of magicalenergy, the time dragon lands.

(26:06):
And you see in front of you,kind of in this area you see a
twin staircase leading up to aplatform.
On that staircase is almostevery step is a cultist, all of
them funneling what it seems tobe is their focus, their magical
energy towards the centralfigure of the platform.

(26:27):
You recognize the cult leaderfrom your very first mission for
the lore worm.
He raises his dagger high.
You guys are each going to havea round, or I should say an
action, before that dagger comesplunging down.
How far away is he?
You're about 60 feet throughseveral cultists.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
I think, I have Misty Step from being fey-touched.

Speaker 4 (26:55):
I have an idea.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
If it's Vortex Warp, I'm going to be like get fucked.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
Bet your ass it is.

Speaker 3 (27:04):
If it is yeah, you can do.
If it is yeah, yeah, you can dothat to me.
Yeah, are you willing?
I just look at you, I just turnand I hold out my hand.
It's like send it, and then Ijust like we like lock Predator.

Speaker 4 (27:15):
Like predator arm lock, and then he's gone.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
Oh no, he was holding onto your hand too tight, it
ripped your arm off, worth ityeah.
All right, do you get sentChester?
You are now next to this guythe cult.

Speaker 4 (27:30):
I was imagining like in front, so like he's literally
the knife, so he's getting orstab.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
Chester, Either way, it stops him.
Yeah, the guy's like oh no, thestabbing is actually symbolic.

Speaker 4 (27:41):
Yeah, is actually symbolic.
Pass or fail the knife doesn'thit the thing.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
I think Chester would want to be.
That's exactly where he wouldwant to be, because he's like
well, even if I miss, he's goingto stab me.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Yeah, but he's got the dagger raised up in front of
him looking to stab down, andso you just teleport between his
arms just embracing.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
you Give him a little smooch on the cheek.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
Just embracing you, give him a little smooch on the
cheek.

Speaker 4 (28:05):
Just nose to nose like you're going to give him
Eskimo kisses.
Who knew a second level spell?

Speaker 3 (28:09):
was going to carry a lot of weight in the final
episode.
Yeah, no, I'd like to just workright in front of him and say
his arms are up Just a threepiece combo into his tummy, tum,
tum.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
Okay, oh, don't grab the knife, Just pop pop pop.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Hey, you know, you don't send a bare-knuckle boxer
to disarm a man.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
All right, that's going to be a 26 to hit.
Okay, 28 to hit.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
I'm sorry, 32 to hit, okay, and then a 23 to hit,
okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
And then do I have oh , we didn't get anything back
from that, we didn't short restor anything before here, well,
well, yeah, you guys haveessentially a long rest since
you, oh, we did, yeah, oh, dopegonna, then I'm gonna uncheck
that and then I'm going to checkit again in action search.
Okay, with a two piece to thetummy, tum, tum and then one

(28:59):
uppercut to the chin, playingthat sweet chin music 25.
That'll hit 24.
And 18.
Everything except the 18 willhit Everything but the uppercut.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
So that's going to be write this down 17 plus 14 plus
17 plus 10 plus 15 73 points ofdamage yeah, that feels good,
all right, uh, you just rockthis dude's core like he uh kind

(29:39):
of takes a step back, thedagger clattering to the ground.
Uh, several cultists all turn,uh almost in lockstep, half of
them looking towards ekram, halfof them looking towards you,
chester I, I turned to the, Iturned to the cult leader and go
.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
I thought this party could use some punch.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
And then I looked like huh huh remember that one
cultist that you guys saved.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
Oh no.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
No.

Speaker 4 (30:07):
He stabs you.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
Where you were like hey does anybody want to go home
?

Speaker 2 (30:10):
And he's like, yeah, I kind of want to go home.
He just is from the back.
He's like, hey, that was apretty good pun, buddy.

Speaker 3 (30:18):
I got you All for you .
Murphy, can I still go home?
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
All.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
Can I still?

Speaker 2 (30:23):
go home.
Oh yeah, All right.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
What are you doing here?
I told you to go home.
I'm a natural follower.
I can't help it.
Go meet me at the bar.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
So we're going to go ahead and start initiative on
this.
Go ahead and roll your guys'initiative.

Speaker 3 (30:39):
All right, buddy Pull me back Akron.

Speaker 4 (30:43):
what'd you get?

Speaker 2 (30:44):
19.
19.
What'd you get?
Chester 10, chester 10, I'veseen better.
Chester, I've seen better I'vebeen worse yeah, it could be
these cultists with a six.
Yeah all right, oh, I guessthat the time dragon, she's here
too I guess that all-powerfulancient being oh yeah, I forget.
She gets like a crazy bonus toinitiative too.
It's just like no, she goeswhen she wants.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
Um oh well, she has control at times.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah, no, uh, akram, go ahead, and what would you
like to do?

Speaker 4 (31:13):
um, so I will.
I'm trying to frame this upbecause I've never done this
before and I'm trying to thinkhow magically it manifests.
But, like, my whole thing issummoning right, so I will use
my bonus action to get my Houndof Illumina out and then, for my
action, I'll put my handstogether and I'll touch the
ground and I'm trying to cast myReaper Spirit at a higher level

(31:39):
but it manifests and I actuallysummon a Draconic Spirit of a
black dragon.
Okay, so, like the Shadow Dragonfrom the Shadowfell, yes, and I
actually summon a draconicspirit of a black dragon.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Okay, so, like the shadow dragon from the
Shadowfell yes, that youremember.
All right, yeah, so just livingsmoke pours from you up from
the ground.
You see the somehow in thislike inky blackness, you see two
silvery twin flames of eyeslooking out, and your hound is

(32:08):
there too.
So you've just got the mostbadass buddy cop movie.
Yeah, just 80's heavy metalguitar like if Slayer did Turner
and Hooch is what you've gotyeah, you have those two there
now.
Do they go on after your turn,or how's the initiative work on

(32:28):
that they share?

Speaker 4 (32:29):
my initiative um the hound I can summon, like further
away, so I'll summon him nextto the cult leader.
Okay, and his command will beto destroy that cult leader so
he'll go away when the cultleader guy is dead.
Uh dragons uh will take actionsthat I choose up to two from
its list.
Okay, so does it.
It it's not specific in thespell.

(32:51):
Do I get it attacks this turnor does it start next?

Speaker 2 (32:55):
turn.
I don't think they getsummoning sickness.
Well, you wouldn't have anaction, so it wouldn't be.
I don't think it would get totake an action okay because my
action is summoning.

Speaker 4 (33:02):
Yeah, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
So I just summon everything and that's the end of
my turn yeah, and like a sick,like the time dragon's like oh
shit, I got something for thisshe like plays just sick guitar
music and you're like that's howyou use prestidigitation just
thunder and lightning, yeah uh,she's gonna actually go and she
is going to go ahead and she isgoing to go ahead and breathe on

(33:27):
that group of cultists up thestairs.
They're going to make ODC 24Constitution saving throws.
Oh, this is not good.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Yeah, no, they don't make they don't make it.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
You just watch them wither and die as the ravages of
time pour over them it's likethe ada silica gel packet yeah,
no, it's like the ending of uh,what is it?
Last crusade yeah you justshe's like they chose poorly and
you're like is that a referenceto something?

Speaker 3 (34:01):
that's a cool line.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, that was way cooler than my punch thing yeah,
I thought this party, chester,could use some time death.
God, you're so cool.
All right, chester, what?
Oh yeah, chester, what wouldyou like to do?

Speaker 3 (34:18):
that cult is on the ground, right, yeah, cult
leaders on the ground okay, whatI want to do is, if he was
standing up, I was going to tryto just like suplex the shit out
of them.
Actually, what I'm going to dois I'm just going to grapple him
.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
Okay, uh, yeah go ahead and uh roll your grapple
check uh, which is strength,right, yep, uh 19 created he,
you go to wrap him up and you'resurprised because he just grabs
both of those arms and juststands up to his full height and

(34:52):
you're like I just punched anerd and now the nerd's holding
me back.

Speaker 3 (34:58):
Oh no, the nerd learned jujitsu yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
You can do anything with your bonus action or
anything like that that you wantto do.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
I think, yeah, my misdirection is a bonus action.
So I would like them to make aDC 21 strength check and they
must spend their reaction toattack a creature of my choice.
If no other creature is presentwith 515, they just waste the
reaction.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
Okay, you burned his reaction.
Nice, yeah, because all theother guys he's like.
You want me to punch the?

Speaker 3 (35:28):
piles of dust, I think.
It's kind of like he'sobviously going to try to get
away, but I'm just preventinghis arm.
So he's kind of like a weirdarm movement where he's like
stop it, all right.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Okay, you don't get no dagger.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Fantastic, all right, that's going get no dagger.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Fantastic.
All right, that's going to makeit his turn.
He releases your hands and youdon't understand what we're
doing here, and it's just thisvery halting like he's holding

(36:07):
something back.
As you look at him, you realizethe skin on his face is
bubbling and roiling, as ifsomething underneath it is
fighting to get out.
I hate that.
And with that you see the startof something bursting out of
him.
You are splashed with crimsongore and in front of you is no

(36:31):
longer this kind of pudgy, goofy, nerdy-looking cultist that
just wanted to be, just wantedto matter.
This cult leader Instead isthis tall, almost chalky, pale
creature.
Looks vaguely human, like avery handsome man, except you

(36:57):
see where his hands at the topof each hand is actually two
long tentacles that end withlamprey mouths I hate this and
he just says you little thing,you think you can stop me from

(37:18):
waking up my brother?

Speaker 3 (37:22):
yes, brothers not not important right now, yeah, but
you're not here for thisconversation.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
This is an a and b conversation.
See yourself out we gotta killthis guy well, I, I do believe
yes all right, he is going to goahead and give you You're going
to have to make a constitutionsaving, throw 26.
Okay, remarkable.

(37:52):
Okay, does a 26 hit?
Does it yes?

Speaker 3 (37:57):
Okay, go ahead and make your athletics check 17.
Okay, okay, ah 17.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Okay, One of those tentacles bashes you for 24
damage and you feel it wraptight around you, binding you.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Just a straight aircraft.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
And then I hit you.
That hit got him right in thehead.
Yeah, All of a sudden justpictures of a wife.
He's pretty sure he didn't haveflash before him.
He's like wait a minute.

Speaker 3 (38:27):
You said how much damage was it?
24?
We're getting rough.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Alright, okay, and then.
So it's got you grappled.
You'll be able to save it yournext turn.
Cool, and he goes.
Yes, it's so surprising thatgods have families too.
That's to you, you little shitdown at the base of this

(38:55):
pedestal.
That was all judgy-judgy aboutfamily.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
Chester's like what?
I couldn't hear you.
Who are you talking to?
Because there's no way he wouldhave heard.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
Ekron.
He is telepathic out to adistance of 500 feet.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
But like Chester's, like what are you talking about?
No one said nothing about that.

Speaker 4 (39:14):
As I'm just being choked out.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
You're being a real silly billy.

Speaker 4 (39:20):
Yeah, it is it is your turn, okay, yeah, so I'll
look back at him and I'll belike well, I guess I'll just
have to end the bloodline as Icast my eighth level spell.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
Child of light and darkness question the hound was
going after the cultist.
Is it because that guy stillconsidered the cultist for the
purpose of the hound?

Speaker 2 (39:35):
yeah, okay, okay, cool um, that'd be really fun,
like, hey, you know that coolthing you did, that was really
fun.

Speaker 4 (39:40):
No, nope, so I rolled an 18.
Okay, and according to thisspell, you roll a d20 on a 1
through 10, you turn into oneform, and on an 11 through 20,
you turn into another form.
The 11 through 20 is the puredarkness form.
So all the remaining smoke anddarkness that was remaining
after summoning the dragon goesback into my body and explodes

(40:02):
out as I become a shadow, beingOkay, and then I will mount the
dragon.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
I don't know why fucking a dragon's gonna help us
no.

Speaker 4 (40:11):
I planned this he just looks and he's like ew
gross, don't do that yeah, yeah,yeah, I'm like Donkey from
Shrek and he just looks and he'slike ew, gross, don't do that.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like Donkey from.
Shrek and in nine months.
It's going to be a problem.
You're going to have so manydragon worm wings up in here.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
I'm creating an army.
So then, as I climb the dragon,how close is he?

Speaker 2 (40:32):
to me he's at the top of that pedestal, so it's about
60 feet.

Speaker 4 (40:37):
Okay, so it's about 60 feet.
Okay, so it's about 60 feet.
Okay, so I will work my way tohim, but there's a bunch of
cultists around, right no,they're all.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
They got wiped out by that time.
Breath, oh yeah, yeah she.
She did really good work.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
She's cool huh, okay, cool, let's just roll with this
.
So then I'll have the dragonuse its flying speed to swoop in
and use its three claw attackson him.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
Okay, it's red claw, it's blue claw and it's white
claw.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
This podcast, brought to you by Truly, the first
swipe was a 15.

Speaker 4 (41:12):
Misses, the second swipe was an 18.
Misses and the third swipe wasa 17.
Misses.
The second swipe was an 18.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Misses and the third swipe was a 17.
Misses.

Speaker 4 (41:19):
That's wild.
So anyway, I'll use my bonusaction to use a dark tendril to
pull him 30 feet closer.
Okay, and then I will have mydragon do its fire breath at the
ground as we ascend.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
Does it release me?
It's totally got this Jester.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
Jester's like well, I'm on for this ride, Woo-hoo.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
Well, it's more important that he dies than I
live, so All right, so does heget a save or anything?

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Is that tentacle or tendril the?

Speaker 4 (41:52):
tendril is a strength save.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
And would he have disadvantaged since he is
currently grappled?
That's a good question.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
I mean.

Speaker 3 (42:01):
Well, he's grappling, but yeah, 18.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
Oh that matches it Okay.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
If it meets, it baits Dragon Breath.
What's the radius on thatDragon Breath 30-foot cone?
Okay, are you trying to make itso it doesn't hit chester?

Speaker 3 (42:18):
I'm doing my best bud it's like we got a mission.
It takes 27 and a half feet.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
Steps, foot, step back really this is ekram's
version of fireball, yeah uh,all right go.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
What's the role for that?
Is it a good?

Speaker 4 (42:30):
deck saving throw, saving throw, yeah all right,
he's gonna burn a legendaryresistance on that okay, so
he'll still take half damage,which or well, I don't know with
the legendary, but it was 13total.
I don't know what hisresistances and stuff are, but
okay, all right, fantastic.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
Uh, that's going to be the time.
Dragon's turn, the loreworm'sturn.
She is going to go ahead, andit is going to go ahead, and
it's going to go ahead and let'ssee if it gets its time breath
back.
It does not.
It's just going to jump andtake three rend attacks on this
thing.
All right, so it is going to.
She gets one attack at thisthing and hits it pretty good,

(43:13):
so about 30 points of damage,and then that's going to go
ahead and be chester, your turnI would like to pick up that.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
I would like and I could like to get out of this
crap.
I'd like to just walk over tothe grant, casually, walk over
and be released.
No, I guess I have to get outthe grapple, right, yeah, 22
nope dc.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
23 uh you.
Okay.
You moaned at him.
He's like all right, I'm gonnalower it I don't want this.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
I guess I will.
Can I take swings at him?

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I'm going to say you can take attacks at him.
Okay, cool.
You would have a disadvantageon him, but he would have
disadvantage or advantageagainst people attacking him.
So it's just a flat roll,non-nat 20.
Okay, that will miss 27.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
That'll hit.
And a Ooh baby, baby 28.
Okay, that'll hit.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
For 28 damage.
Okay, fantastic.
Go ahead and also make me anintelligence saving.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
throw Great my strong suit, 11.
There's a 12 on the die.
That's good.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
As you land those punches, you feel your kind of
will to fight drained from you.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
You feel uh kind of stunned.
Oh, and I need to do my uh.
Wild magic surges right for thetwo that hit.
Yes, uh, 20 to 19.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Okay, yeah, wow uh, roll two wild magic surges.
Go ahead and roll your D100s 52and 78.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
Okay, wow, 52.
Your body becomes ungrappableas you're covered in a thin film
of bacon grease.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Oh, no, that's fine.
A spectral shield hovers nearyou for the next minute,
granting you a plus two bonus toAC and immunity to magic
missile.
Ooh, and then what was theother one?

Speaker 4 (44:55):
I immunity to magic missile.
And then what was the other one?
I was just gonna magic missile.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
I was gonna magic missile, chester, because I saw
speed and you removed thehostage.
Sorry, chester, you're JeffDaniels in this situation.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
I think it was 73.
You cast fear.
Hell yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Yeah, he's not afraid of you.
I was gonna be like I could dothe math on that, but I was like
there's no way, with his saves,that that wouldn't even matter.
You'd have to get a one to beatyour save, All right.
So you are still stunned, butcongrats.
I mean you got to punch him.

Speaker 4 (45:31):
I really need you to get away from him bud.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
Just do it.
Get the rat All right.
Frick him up, my dude from him,bud.
Just do it Get out of here, rat.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Alright.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
Frick him up, my dude .

Speaker 2 (45:41):
Alright, how much health you got.
Just do it.
Are you about 60 feet away fromit, Ekrem?

Speaker 4 (45:47):
I flew up 30, so I'm above them 30 feet.
Okay, pythagoreus theorem.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Okay, I'm going to say you are Go ahead and give me
a constitution saving, throwyou and your dragon.

Speaker 4 (45:57):
Ooh, my saving throw was a 13.
And the dragon's was a 21.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Both of you feel this unnatural corruption, as if
reality itself is pushing backagainst your existence.
Corruption, as if realityitself is pushing back against
your existence.
Uh, your flesh begins to warpand waver in just terrifying
ways what type?
Of damage is this you're gonnatake 22, both of you 22 necrotic
damage dope guess who's fuckingimmune in their shadow form?

Speaker 4 (46:31):
bitch, get fucked doesn't even matter.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
How's your dragon doing?

Speaker 4 (46:36):
That's not me, oh man .

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Again, he flexed his whole body to get those calves
going.

Speaker 4 (46:45):
The dragon has.
You said it was 22?
Mm-hmm, about two-thirds asgood as like full, you know.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
All right, you also are going to need to make
intelligence checks to castspells going forward for the
next minute.

Speaker 4 (47:02):
That's fun for everyone.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
Oh, and actually we'll be able to make a saving
through each turn too.

Speaker 4 (47:06):
You said to us like Chester's casting spells.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
No, you and the dragon.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
Chester's got spells.
I mean he did have misty step.
He could have misty stepped outof this grapple.

Speaker 3 (47:19):
I don't know if I have misty step.
I don't see it on my sheet.
Amazing, there's so much stuffat high levels.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Oh, buddy boy, oh bud Does a natural 20 with a plus
15 to hit Hit 35.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
Who are you talking to you, chester?
You're talking about the dragon.
No, I'm talking to you, but youknow you're talking about
Tyler's dragon, right?
No, you're just asking me aboutTyler's dragon.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
No, I'm pretty sure I'm asking Chester Chester
Blackfield.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
All right, well, let me check my notes here.
I lean in and I'm to name youChester in his honor.
It does indeed, but I get thatplus two, so it still hits.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
He pulls you forward as he does, his jaw distends,
opens and you see just rows ofrazor-sharp teeth as he chomps
down on your head, does 55points of damage.
What's that do to you?

Speaker 3 (48:20):
I mean, it depends what you want it to do, because,
like it could kill me, where'smy?
Oh, there it is.
Yeah, it could put me atnegative.
How much was it 55?
It could put me at negative 14.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
The last thing you hear is the chomping sound in
your brain as everything startsto go black.
You see a faint silvery lightand you see in your mind as
everything fades around you.
You see the lore worm.
She goes, chester, you have achoice here.

(48:58):
I can reset this, I can undoall of this and we can try again
.

Speaker 4 (49:10):
We haven't lost yet, have we?

Speaker 3 (49:13):
You're not here.
Don't we have like a breakingcase of emergency thing that
takes us back?

Speaker 2 (49:20):
Yeah, she used that.
Remember, when you guys failedto save the shadow dragon.

Speaker 3 (49:24):
Alright, just trying to remember all the items in the
bag.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
Yeah, just trying to remember all the times you
failed.
You can do this again if youwant.
I thought we were going to havethis one this time.
I really did believe in it.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
I believe in you and I believe in Ekrem.
I need you guys to stop this InEkrem.
I need you guys to stop thisJust because.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
I won't be there doesn't mean that the world
can't be left a better place.
Oh, you dumb, simple man, don'tyou realize this world has
always been a better place withyou in it?
Well, I think every world needsa little bit more chester in it
.
With that, you see yourself asshe sees you, not the goofy mess

(50:36):
up, screw up, that failed atalmost everything that he tried
and that, just for a briefshining moment, saved the world.
You see this person that she'sseen countless times through
resets and reality.
She's seen you succeed and fail.
She's seen better versions ofyou and she's seen worse
versions of you, but throughthem all, you're still this

(51:00):
person that doesn't give up.
You see a version of yourselfthat almost looks like a
cyberpunk cowboy, like a roboticlaser gatling gun arm.
He looks sick as shit.

Speaker 4 (51:20):
If that one didn't fucking win.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
You see a version of you that is just you, but like
blue oh.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
You see a version of you that's just a sad podcaster.
She's like, yeah, that onedidn't do anything.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
At least he wasn't a stand-up comedian, oh no uh, she
goes, I think.
I think what we do need is alittle bit more chester, and you
see her kind of plucking thesevarious versions of you out of
the timelines that either endedor haven't yet existed.

(51:59):
Time rewinds ever so slightlyInstead of biting down or on
your fleshy bald head.
If only you had just a littlebit of hair, those teeth
wouldn't be able to sink in.

Speaker 4 (52:16):
No remodel.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
He's like no, that's fair yeah add it to the list of
regrets.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
Thanks, nature, yeah one of the chesters you see,
luscious as fudge like he justis it's flowing locks god he
uses head and shoulders for likethe hair, not just for like oil
control as you do this, you seetwo other versions of yourself
kind of shimmering intoexistence next to you and you

(52:41):
hear one of them I'm you,chester, and I'm you too,
chester.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
And then you guys do that Spider-Man thing where
you're all pointing at eachother Howdy fellas, how far back
did we go?
Do I get that 54 back?
Yeah, that attack never landedthis is a real roller coaster.
Chester has died and come backand died and not died quite a
bit.
Just get like health potions.
Just thrown that into hiswounds.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
It is yeah, yeah, no, it's hey akram, have you ever
died, have you ever taken damagein this?

Speaker 3 (53:14):
show not as much I remember the first episode I get
stabbed to death, yeah, while.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
Ekram was just messing around.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
Oh, good times.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Save it for the highlight reels bud.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
All right.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
So yeah, ekram, you're watching.
Time just rewind itself aroundChester and all of a sudden
you're like, oh goddammit,there's three of them now,
chester, what are the?
Two Chers that have been pulledinto this reality, we couldn't
afford one of them's drinkbudget.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
Uh, that's okay, I'm sober.
What the fuck that one's better.
My wife made me quit.
Uh, so there is.
There is better chester, whoyou see him in just like male
armor, with like a like a greataxe, a battle axe, a halbert,
like he's just looks cool ashell just like a golf club bag
full of weapons.

Speaker 4 (54:08):
Oh yeah, so this was the chester.
That was like wait a minute, Ican hold stuff, old stuff.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
I don't have to use these hands that hurt so bad.

Speaker 3 (54:21):
And then the other Chester is I'm going to go with
the cyberpunk cowboy one.
He's just got like justfuturistic Laz weapons, because
for some reason the new PHB justcomes stacked with Laz weapons.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
Also, I like that you say Laz weapons, as if we have
like six Warhammer fans, they'regoing to be like yeah, oh, yeah
, sorry, he's the emperor of man.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
Yeah, he's just like in a cowboy hat with like a cool
cyberpunk leather jacket andjust like a laser rifle, a
repeating laser, like a pistolrevolver, like all this, like
what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (54:51):
All right, go ahead and roll initiative for your two
Chesters.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
Oh, okay.
Well, the laser one isdefinitely very good.
22 for the cowboy, one Nat 20plus 10, so 30 for the cowboy
cyberpunk cowboy.

Speaker 4 (55:05):
Does he say anything cool?

Speaker 3 (55:08):
No, he just has a look, you know he's like, oh
he's so cool, nice.

Speaker 4 (55:12):
I was really hoping for a yeet your last haul, or
something.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
Ah, yeah, he says, you yeed your last haul.
There it is.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
That's what I was looking for.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
And then the wind brustles through his big, burly
Sam Elliott style mustache.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
It's also a cyberpunk version, so it's also got to be
vaguely that dumb cyberpunklike future speak.
You gronked your last grink.
You don't's up my chum.
Yeah, all right.
Uh, that brings us up to thetop.
That is going to be laserchester late laser chester.
We're going to call him lesterfor laser chester.

(55:51):
It's faster that way and alsomakes him sound less cool, so
I'm not intimidated uh, we'regonna go ahead and hit.
He's gonna whip out hisantimatter rifle jesus christ, I
love how I gave you like hey,have fun with these new versions
of yourself.
And you're like all right Iwon't abuse this power.

Speaker 4 (56:07):
I'm up on the dragon like fuck magic all of a sudden
ekram's Hang on, I might takethat off my character.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
Does the city have a second?

Speaker 2 (56:17):
amendment no, you can use the anti-matter rifle.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
It's 68 plus 5 for damage.
Oh, fuck you man.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:25):
I don't think I'm going to do that.
That feels like I didn't read.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
There should be a rule that lets anybody have one
of these.
I take proficiencies, so I'lljust hit him.

Speaker 3 (56:33):
Proficient.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
So I'll just hit him.
Proficient in it, that's good.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
Yeah, I hit him with a laser rifle, not the
antimatter rifle.
17 misses.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
You should start with the antimatter rifle.
You shot 17 times and missedevery single time 23.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Okay 23, I do believe , hits All right, and then a 25.
Okay, that'll hit Real quick.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
What are the sounds of the hits and the misses.
Ow, and so which one?
Was the hit the the one whereyou yelled out okay, oh, okay,
good to know mysteriously.

Speaker 4 (57:10):
That's what dirt sounds like when you hit it.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Oh, 17 plus 23 40 total okay, fantastic uh he's
gonna go ahead and take alegendary action here.
His mouth opens up wide and hevomits out a brain gross that
quickly grows four legs andlittle flappy tentacles.
He's vomited out an intellectdevourer.

(57:34):
I'm fine, are you All right?

Speaker 3 (57:40):
And then we're going to go ahead and that's going to
make other Chesters bestersbetter Chester's turn, oh yeah,
he's looking like all cool withlike his big glaive and armor,
like Xin Zhao in League ofLegends, Just proficient as hell
.
Sorry, I'm juggling Chestershere.
Sorry, bear with me.

(58:01):
Welcome to our next podcast.
Juggling Chesters.
He's going to go ahead and runup with a battle axe.
Okay, and two-handed 26.
Okay, 22.
Okay, Ooh, baby, almost a crit32.
Okay, that is three hits for 13plus 9 plus 13, okay fantastic,

(58:24):
he's looking pretty messed up.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
You've cut off one of those tentacle arms oh wait I
did critical on one of them.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
Oh, look at you.
So then add another eightpoints of damage.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
Okay, all of my chesters make intelligence
saving throws.
And he just mocks you In everyreality.
You are the stupidest creatureI've ever met.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
If I'm so dumb, why would I get a 13, a 17, and a 6?
Good.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
All right, you just feel wave after wave of psychic
energy making you nauseous.
You almost vomit as all threeChesters are stunned.
Robot Chester goes, ow, error,better Chester goes.
Oh man, I got the highest roll,not like that dummy next to me
that got a six.
Because they can see theirstats, because that's how good

(59:17):
they are, they know they're in agame they're in the they broke
the fourth wall.
All right, ekram, what wouldyou like to do?

Speaker 4 (59:23):
well, it definitely doesn't stun me for a second
that, like my buddy, justmultiplied somehow.
It's like I guess this is justwhat's happening.
Um is, is base chester stillgrappled or when he went down
he's ungrappled?
He is ungrappled.
I will use my bonus action andI'll fly down a little bit and
pull him to me on the dragon.

(59:45):
Okay, so we're both riding thedragon and I'll use my action to
heal him 15 points with myhealing touch.
Okay.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
As you come near him, he's like hey, buddy, get me
the fuck out of here yeah theirtwo Chers are like hey, but what
about us?

Speaker 2 (59:56):
We're also pretty cool, right Expendable.

Speaker 4 (59:59):
You got this, guys, and then my dragon will do its
three rend attacks for a 19,which you said misses, a 21.
That'll hit, okay, cool.
And then a 23.
Okay that'll hit.
All righty, there's the threerend attacks.
Let's do that, or two of them,because only two of them hit.
So that'll be 12 damage on thefirst one and 10 damage on the

(01:00:23):
second one.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:00:25):
And then I will do the breath attack.
So 18 dexterity.
Get a little bit of this hotbreath.
It passes that one it passes sohalf, or whatever its
resistance is, our total damagewould have been 10.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
Okay, all right, it's looking good and messed up.
It's going to go ahead andvomit out another Intellect
Devourer.
So another brain falls to theground, and so you've got two
little brain boys just wigglingat you.

Speaker 4 (01:00:51):
Oh yeah, Did the other Intellect Devourer get a
dex save?
Do we have homework?

Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
Teacher?
I'm trying to kill you.
Yeah, it got to nat 20.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
It is the most dexterous brain you've ever,
fucking seen it still takes thehalf damage.
Fuck you All.
Right, okay, fine, whatever, Idon't even care anymore.
God, this is not fun.
I mean it's fun, but it's notfun because it's just like oh no
, when you're flying, it's like.

Speaker 4 (01:01:17):
It's called planning.
Right, You're a tactical genius.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Oh, yeah, did you cast a spell with any of that?
No, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:01:26):
Fucker.
They were all class abilities,all right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Go ahead and make a constitution.
Saving throw.
Who?
Oh not you, Chester?
Make a saving throw?
What?
What immune to necrotic mother?
Yeah, 16 hey, bud take 22necrotic.
Oh my god just embrace darkness.

Speaker 4 (01:01:54):
Yeah, I'm glad I didn't get the light form
because it's like bonus damagefrom necrotic, but you're immune
to radiant.
I'm like I guarantee you don'tuse that chester.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
What would you like to do?

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
oh, we're top of the order with a hat count cyberpunk
chester, right no it's you justregular chest, oh, regular
chester regular chester stillhas to go.

Speaker 2 (01:02:17):
I know you want to play cyberpunk chester real bad
I do so bad, he's going to useone of his.

Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
He's going to use his second wind ability.
It's called planning.
That's the wrong character.
All right, second wind, oh max.
So uh, 25 health back, and allright, that's my bonus action
it's time to do matthewmcconaughey.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
Yeah, I was gonna say I jump off.

Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
Uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna jump off and elbow drop
him okay, go ahead and make thatattack roll I mean, we are only
20 feet up, so it's not thatbig of a deal.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Yeah, but the time dragon teleports him 100 feet up
, it's like this this will looksicker and shit.
Yeah, oh baby.

Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
Time slows down.
I got a 17 plus 14, 31.
Okay, that hits oh man.
So he stands up and he goes uh,thanks for the lift.
And then he rips his shirt openwwe style, and then from the
top ropes he'd like just a coolback flip into the oh man real
quick.
Uh, you just removed your armorno, no, no, that was my

(01:03:17):
undershirt.
You it's.

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
It's the implied she's got like armor he just
takes this shirt off underneathyeah, he's like oh, he's chafing
my nipples now.

Speaker 4 (01:03:24):
This is way less sexy than the girl removing her
underwear.
She's like.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Did anybody know he was wearing a shirt under there?
All right, damage me on that,uh, so it's about 20 feet up.
You said, okay, you're going toroll an extra D10.

Speaker 4 (01:03:43):
I can only pull 20 feet towards me.

Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
And then rolling an extra D10.
Okay, that's pretty good.
19 damage from the initial.

Speaker 2 (01:03:54):
Okay, then you clobber into him.
I'm going to say, just forsticks and giggles, go ahead and
give me a contested athleticscheck or contested strength
check to see if it knocks himdown.
You might have a chance here 23.
Yeah, you knock him prone, soyour next two attacks are going

(01:04:14):
to have advantage hell yeah, sodoes that count as one attack?

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
and then, yeah, I want to do some like goofy some.

Speaker 4 (01:04:21):
I'm gonna do some goofy stuff yeah, as I leveled
up, I've realized that almostall of my skills have like a
radius of 30 feet and it's likethat's hard to do when your ally
is in their face yeah, a lot ofAoE Like oh this would be so
useful if you weren't standingright there, bud, but it would
be fun to just take this momentfrom him and be like Vortex Warp
out.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
Ooh baby, all right.
So I got a 24 on the firstattack and then I crit it on the
second.

Speaker 2 (01:04:48):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
So for the second crit attack, that's going to be
23 damage plus my normal damageon the first one, uh, which is
16, so 39.
Okay, I think that's about allI can do.
Okay, uh, hang on, uh, and I'dlike to use my blind side.
That feels very appropriate,okay, that just kind of adds an

(01:05:09):
extra 5d6 points of damage, soI'll like to add that to the
initial the drop, because thatfeels like the most appropriate
place.
Okay, uh, add another 14 damageokay, fantastic.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
This thing is looking pretty messed up.
Uh, chester, go ahead and giveme a uh strength saving, throw
your grapple, check 30, okay,but does a 20 hit.
It would match with that shield, okay, so so, yeah, it would.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
So you get slapped.
Okay, do I got to roll theFeywild stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Oh, yeah, yeah, Roll me three magic surges.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
Okay, that is a 10, a 13, and a 7.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
All right.
So nothing happens on that one.
So you get a tentacle attackfor 24 damage.

Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
Oh God, it's so, not, so, not good.

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
All right, the Time Dragon.
She's just preparing.
You know what this will be fun.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
She goes, we have.

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
Chesters, but you two are so formidable a team it
would be unfair not to haveEkrums here.
She pulls one Ekrum out of thetimeline so you can go ahead and
roll a initiative.
Roll for a copy of yourselfwhat ekram oh, is that up?

Speaker 4 (01:06:19):
is that up for me to decide?
Yeah, I'll let you pick whichone you bring forth.
I will bring forth a uh, aranger ekram.
That's uh, oh, he gets a hugebonus to initiative.
That's 22 on the initiative.
Okay, ooh, baby.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
All right.
I mean that's not as good asLaser Chester, but you know
that's fine.
Then our little beefy boy, ourlittle cult god, he's going to
take a look, like a baleful look, at one of the Chesters, the
Cyborg Chester.

Speaker 3 (01:06:59):
Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw, it has
disadvantage on this, since itis stunned Well seven.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
Okay, then roll me a d4.

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
Well, if I don't ever tell you we don't have to,
Whatever happens won't happen.
I got a four.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
This blast of psychic energy hammers into your cyborg
chester.
You see for a second, like alittle bit of the light going
out of his eyes.
Uh, as he takes four points ofdamage to his intelligence score
that's bad that puts him at.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
Uh, that puts him at said four points.
He has a five intelligence, Idon't think he can function.

Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
No three.
No we Cyborg Chester, kind of aForrest Gump.
Wow, all right, hot beans ontoast.
Go ahead and have him make hisuh, wisdom saving throw to see
if he breaks out of this.
Come on good, roll plus zeronine he's still stunned.

(01:08:03):
Robo chester or, I'm sorry,better chester go ahead and make
your your same throw okay,three okay, also, both of those
are going to take tentacleattacks.
That's going to hit and that's19?

Speaker 3 (01:08:16):
19 will hit both.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
Okay, both of those take two tentacle attacks, so
that's going to be 24 points ofpiercing damage Each Yep or, I'm
sorry, slashing damage.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
Ranger Akram Rekram, damn near, killed him.

Speaker 4 (01:08:34):
Nice, acram recrum damn near killed him, nice, um,
so he will step through and heis, uh, well, he's a ranger.
So obviously the first thingthat happens is hunters mark
right, um, but he doesn't use abow.
He dual wields, uh short swords, so he's going to run up and
just make some slashes okay, oh,you don't come.

Speaker 3 (01:08:54):
You don't complain when that guy gets too close
into melee because he he's goingto run up and just make some
slashes.
Oh, you don't complain whenthat guy gets too close into
melee.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
Because he's not going to yell at himself.
He does it with style.

Speaker 4 (01:09:02):
And then I'm just going to roll the four attacks
because of the offhand attack.
The first one was a 21,.
Second one was an 18,.
Third one was a 22, and fourthone was a 22 as well.
Okay, so you have three hits.
Three, a 22 and fourth one wasa 22 as well.

(01:09:24):
Okay, so you have three hits,three of those hit, and so that
will be a total of only 18damage was a pretty, pretty low
roll.

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
So is that also with your hunter's mark as well?
So with the hunter's mark?
Okay, all right, ekram regularflavor, ekram your turn.

Speaker 4 (01:09:30):
Okay, I will uh.
To cut down on as muchcollateral damage as possible,
I'll use a fourth level spell,my last one to psychic.
Lance the uh the cultist.

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
Dc18, intelligence save okay, ah, that's gonna be
interesting and it does have abrain.

Speaker 3 (01:09:48):
He finally gets to use his psychic abilities.

Speaker 2 (01:09:50):
Yeah, does he though?
Uh, because that's a 30 to saveoof.

Speaker 4 (01:09:55):
Well, that's a lot well, he's still gonna take half
and half.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
Damage would be 60 okay, fantastic, this is gonna
be his turn.
He is going to take twotentacle attacks on yep, hit
gonna hit.
Okay, both your chesters take24 each and then, oh, they're
grappled.
Okay, yeah, that crits boy.

(01:10:25):
You watch one of your chesters,just get his old noggin.
Which one do you want?
Cyber chester or?

Speaker 3 (01:10:30):
cyber chester yeahester.

Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
He bites down, crunching through that metal
exoskeleton, devouring his brain.
He, just his last words arebeep boop.

Speaker 3 (01:10:42):
At least I was cool.
He's as he's being eaten.
He just puts the Terminatorthumbs up through the lava as he
goes into the guy's mouth andhe's just like you think at
first.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
it's like him being like it's okay, Chester mouth,
yeah, and he's just like youthink at first it's like him
being like it's okay chester.

Speaker 3 (01:10:58):
But then you realize it's just a spasm.
All right, all right.

Speaker 2 (01:11:00):
Well, so he's uh gone yeah all right, and then gonna
turn to you.
Chester, go ahead and give mean intelligence saving throw
regular chester yep okay, it'shard to keep track.

Speaker 3 (01:11:11):
I don't know if I'll be able to pass it, even with a
20.

Speaker 2 (01:11:14):
What is a 9?
.
You feel a bunch of psychicenergy slam into you.
You're going to take 30 pointsof damage.

Speaker 3 (01:11:22):
I am going to die.

Speaker 4 (01:11:26):
Shouldn't have left the dragon dickhead.

Speaker 2 (01:11:30):
Don't you have Indomitable, pretty sure you
have an ability that lets youredo a saving throw.

Speaker 3 (01:11:35):
I do have Indomitable .
Pretty sure you have an abilitythat lets you redo a saving
throw.
I do have Indomitable.
Oh my God, You're not going tobelieve this 20.
So 19.

Speaker 2 (01:11:42):
Okay, I'm going to say with a nat 20, you resist
that stunning effect of it, youstill take half that damage.
So it's your turn, chester.

Speaker 3 (01:11:52):
All right.
What I want to do is so CyberChester got picked up and brain
crunched.
I want regular Chester to seethe antimatter rifle laying on
the ground and be like look upat Ekron and be like, don't

(01:12:13):
worry, I got this.
And I want him to pick up thelaser rifle by the barrel and
then just smash it on top of theuh, so you're using it as an
improvised weapon yes, and I'musing my scoff law, so I'm doing
the full damage on it, okay, byjust exploderating the weapon.
An extra 2d6, yeah, okay, so I'mgonna go ahead and smash that
on him, okay, 28.

(01:12:34):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:12:34):
Definitely a hit 26.
Okay 30.
All right, and go ahead androll your three magic surges too
, before we get into damage.

Speaker 3 (01:12:42):
Okay, four, nine, 17.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
That's 17.
You got one surge.

Speaker 3 (01:12:46):
Roll a D100.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
78.
Ooh, all right, give me Allthree of these.
Hits land.
You deal this damage and then,as you do this, go ahead and
give me a what is polymorphsaving throw.

Speaker 4 (01:13:07):
Oh no, I wonder what's going to happen.

Speaker 2 (01:13:12):
Make a wisdom saving.
Throw no, I'm so.
Does a four do it?
So you pick up this piece ofsuper advanced technology.
It's just like I've got thisacrum.
You swing it into this creature.
What was your damage for allthat?
Oh, yeah, I haven't rolleddamage.

(01:13:33):
Roll the damage, yeah, becauseit it explodes, because we have
a series of events here thatneed to, I think, be narrated.
Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:13:40):
So how's it work on the stack?

Speaker 2 (01:13:42):
yeah, so the first one is 12 plus 12 plus 12 okay
all right plus 2d6 if that alsois a 12, I'm gonna be like fuck
you I was gonna.

Speaker 3 (01:13:57):
It's a 7 okay I was gonna say 12 because it was
gonna be funny, but no, it's a 7, so that's 41 points of damage.

Speaker 2 (01:14:04):
Yeah, okay, 41 points of damage.
How do you want to finish thisguy?

Speaker 3 (01:14:08):
I want the uh last.
I want that antimatter rifle tolike rupture whatever tank of
the antimatter is and have itlike do that when you you know
you detonate somethingunderwater, it goes out and it
contracts back in.

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
I'd like to have just like a dark, black, purple,
writhing like antimatter so okay, so you hit this thing, uh,
cracking whatever's poweringthis rifle, this alien
technology, this unearthlytechnology, this little core,
almost like expands and thenimmediately collapses into a
black hole in this creature,sucking it in, it just

(01:14:43):
spaghettifies, pulling itselfinto the mass of this.
Uh, without you just hear asound like a wordless,
screeching sound, as like all ofreality kind of gets sucked
into this little hole and thenjust like fills up and goes and
it's just like he was neverthere, and then you, with that
last swing, become a sheep.

(01:15:05):
So you just do all this seriesevents for Ekram You're just
watching three swings this thingget winked out of existence as
it gets like stretched apartinto Laffy, taffy, into infinity
, and then Ekrem's or, I'm sorry, chester's just there as a
sheep.
Not so easy, is it?
Huh, you have one person's nameto remember.

Speaker 4 (01:15:27):
Does the sheep have wool?

Speaker 1 (01:15:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:15:30):
Does it?

Speaker 1 (01:15:32):
I don't know yes.
I'm bald.

Speaker 2 (01:15:34):
Yeah, the sheep has it just only on the top of his
head.
Yeah, there's a big mustache.

Speaker 3 (01:15:40):
There's a bald spot, so, and you're just like what
the fuck, I mean, we won shitthis is exhausting.

Speaker 4 (01:15:51):
I'm gonna get him some alfalfa ranger ekram's,
like I didn't really do shit didI.

Speaker 2 (01:16:00):
This wasn't this easy when I did it.

Speaker 4 (01:16:03):
I don't even think they needed me.

Speaker 2 (01:16:07):
All right, you guys have successfully kind of
banished this cult leader.
As you look out at the city, uh, you see it burning in the
night.
Um, there's still these rovinggroups of cultists.
But you see, uh, kind of thetown or the city's constable,

(01:16:29):
constabulary, the town's policeforce guards are all kind of
like wrangling them up.
You can hear kind of the chaosis subsiding next to you.
The time dragon just has thisbaffled look and she's like I
did not see that coming.

Speaker 4 (01:16:45):
You're still a sheep she's just like I guess you can
say we didn't do that bad.

Speaker 3 (01:16:52):
No, roll credit and that's season one everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:16:57):
Chester does like a freeze frame.
Jump in the air.
She kicks you.
It's enough damage to knock youout of polymorph.

Speaker 3 (01:17:07):
What happened?
I finally felt peace.

Speaker 2 (01:17:11):
As you guys stand there looking out at the city,
she's like Well, let's hope wedon't have to do that again.
Right, or did you guys stillwant me to reset this?
We do it all over again, kindof fun, no, no, no, it was
pretty fun.

Speaker 4 (01:17:25):
No, hang on you.

Speaker 3 (01:17:26):
I died so many times.

Speaker 4 (01:17:28):
Yeah, I did fine my body hurt.

Speaker 3 (01:17:30):
My body's just like Wrung with scars and wounds.

Speaker 4 (01:17:33):
It's like this is a bad time?
Is this like in the spongebobmovie, where they're like we
saved the city, patrick?

Speaker 2 (01:17:37):
and it's all on fire, uh as you guys are kind of
doing, kind of like taking stockof everything, uh, a small
dwarven woman kind of comes upto you and, just well, you boys
did good this time around.
Hey, I'm proud of you.
Thanks for not waking me up.
Thanks for dropping me off.

(01:17:58):
Yeah, it's Pewter.

Speaker 3 (01:18:02):
Oh Well.

Speaker 2 (01:18:05):
I reckon I'll be seeing you boys around.

Speaker 3 (01:18:08):
Have a good one, bye, bye.

Speaker 4 (01:18:11):
What the shit.
After all, that it was a thanks.
See you later.

Speaker 3 (01:18:18):
I think every day going forth is the thanks we get
for what we've done.

Speaker 2 (01:18:23):
In front of you where she leaves you.
Notice the box, the one thatyou opened, that started this
whole thing.

Speaker 4 (01:18:30):
Do not fucking touch it, don't touch it, don't even
look at it.

Speaker 3 (01:18:36):
Chester's like oh, look a bird All right.

Speaker 2 (01:18:40):
How do you guys want to end this?
You have a choice to open thebox, you could also just not,
and you could go to the bar.
Maybe that cultist that youkicked out is there waiting for
you.

Speaker 4 (01:18:50):
Our one ally that we made.

Speaker 3 (01:18:52):
Do we know what the consequences of that box is?

Speaker 2 (01:18:56):
It's just the one that you opened at the start of
all this.

Speaker 3 (01:19:00):
I mean, we should probably see what's inside.

Speaker 4 (01:19:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:19:03):
I mean, obviously we should check it out.

Speaker 4 (01:19:05):
Let's take it back to the bar, where this all started
and open her up.

Speaker 2 (01:19:08):
Oh God is that guy's body still there.

Speaker 3 (01:19:10):
That's up to you, dog , how much time has passed.

Speaker 4 (01:19:13):
It's only been like three days Since the campaign
started.
Yeah, no way.

Speaker 1 (01:19:20):
Yeah, he's still there.
Yeah, Was it the bar owner?

Speaker 3 (01:19:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:19:24):
All right, cool Eyes burned out, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:19:26):
We go back with the box and Chester tidies some
things up, and by that he meansget rid of the bodies that are
in there and like kind of youguys murdered some cultists in
there yeah, I just realized.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
I just summoned my hellhound and he just chilled
that whole fight he didn't do Iwasn't gonna say it if you
weren't gonna I completelyforgot.

Speaker 3 (01:19:46):
I'd like to have chester, kind of like, become
the de facto uh barkeep okay hejust kind of like of starts
taking care of it.
As time goes on, people justkind of assume he's the owner,
because he's working it andkeeping it tidy.
He's buying the bar sling anddrinks.

Speaker 2 (01:20:03):
Do you guys ever open the box?
You don't have to.

Speaker 3 (01:20:07):
Can we just have that box on the?
I would open it for sure, youwould open it for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:20:11):
Chester, you're the bartender.
You change the name to NumberOnes.
Yeah, Number.
Ones no we don't.

Speaker 4 (01:20:18):
No, we don't.
Is it me or is it piss?
I don't know who knows.

Speaker 3 (01:20:25):
No I change it to the Sheep's Mustache.

Speaker 2 (01:20:27):
Okay, well, that's fun.

Speaker 4 (01:20:30):
That joke, that only you get.

Speaker 2 (01:20:33):
Everyone's like.
Why Is?

Speaker 3 (01:20:34):
this named for something you're like shut up,
jester is like just, he's likeyou don't get it, you don't.
You.
Don't you remember that onetime that?

Speaker 2 (01:20:42):
do you think everyone can see your mind movies?

Speaker 3 (01:20:45):
no, I think it happens.
He is the sign finallycommissioned and done.
He hangs it up and someone'slike why?
And he's like well about thatone time that we saved the
planet but I got turned into asheep and they're like no one
else knows about that.
He's like oh fuck, I gotta geta new sign everyone's just like
oh god, he got punched a lot.
No, he I changed the bar nameto ctes yeah cte fridays.

Speaker 2 (01:21:07):
All right, ekram, what do you do?

Speaker 4 (01:21:08):
um ekram would probably be.
Now that he is like thissupreme shadow, like summoner,
he would probably try and likepseudo.

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
Take over is like the local, like I don't want to say
law enforcement, because that'snot the right word, but
essentially somebody who worksin the shadows to make sure that
the remaining cultists are goneokay, like a batman yeah, yeah
all right, uh, and then, uh,after things have settled down,
um, one day you, you guys, getthe urge to open the box, or at

(01:21:41):
least ekram does, because it'sjust that like, just that
feeling yeah, I'd like toimagine that.

Speaker 3 (01:21:49):
Uh, chester put it up on like the bat, like behind
the bar like there's the uhthere's there's like the
fractured antimatter there'spieces of the rifle, there's the
blood axe yeah under that

Speaker 2 (01:22:00):
and then there's the box, and when anybody asks,
you're like, don't open the box,yeah, you uh open it.
Inside it are two rings.
One is uh almost made out of uh, the closer you look at it you
think at first it's just asimple onyx ring.
But you look at it it almostseems to be made out of living
moving inky shadow.

(01:22:21):
You can see kind of theseswirling figures in it.
And then the other one seems tobe this band of almost bright
light.
You feel like as you look at ityou see the sky and if you
stared at it long enough youcould almost swear you see a

(01:22:41):
goose.

Speaker 4 (01:22:45):
Well, that one's mine .
Can I get the glowy one?
I thought that you'd want theshadow one.
No, no, we will take the ringthat seems appropriate for the
two of us.

Speaker 2 (01:22:56):
You guys take the two rings.
You're both teleported to theFeywild or the Shadow Realm
respectively.

Speaker 4 (01:23:04):
Is this like a Sauron thing?

Speaker 2 (01:23:06):
No, you guys are just , and when you're there, you
have a whole other series ofwild adventures.

Speaker 3 (01:23:14):
Oh shit.

Speaker 4 (01:23:14):
Oh, on our own, like separately.
Oh no, my bar, I just became abusiness owner all right, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:23:21):
Uh, that's the end of our first campaign.
Uh, I've been your dungeonmaster, kavin eggleston.
Uh, tyson, go ahead and plugyourself hi, I'm tyson cox.

Speaker 3 (01:23:29):
I played chester blackfield uh wow, thanks for
listening everybody.
You can find me at Tyson CoxComedy on all the things I'm on
Instagram at Tyson Cox.

Speaker 4 (01:23:39):
Comedy.
Wow, and my name is Tyler Waltz.
I've been playing Ekrem theShadow Sorcerer.
Yeah, just same thing as Tyson.
Thank you all so much.
You can find everything that Ido at Nerd News or Nerd News
Network.

Speaker 2 (01:23:53):
Alright, and I'm Kevin Egglestleston.
You can find me at cabinegglestoncom or at cabin
underscore egg or just cabin eggon the blue skies now.
Yeah, uh, thank you guys forlistening.
Um, share this with a friend,or go to an iphone store and
take all their phones and makeit play this yeah, steal phones
make them play this.
Don't do that one and staytuned for season two.

(01:24:15):
Oh yeah, season two coming soon.

Speaker 3 (01:24:18):
Yeah, I think we're gonna do like a little uh, like
a little short post pod thatwe're gonna put out and kind of
set up what's going on.

Speaker 4 (01:24:24):
It's like a one episode recap, thank you.
Our thoughts on the season andthen kind of a session zero into
the next cool all right, seeyou guys then

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Eldrichville Ep 21 - There and Back Again. Season Finale

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Eldrichville Ep 21 - There and Back Again. Season Finale