September 11, 2024 • 47 mins
What happens when a comedic crew takes on a universe-threatening cult in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign? Join us on Monster Monster as I, Cavin Eggleston, guide our heroes Tyson Cox as Chester Blackfield and Tyler Waltz as Ekrem through a thrilling quest to save an ancient fey dragon. Broadcasting from the Elfin Moon game store in Indianapolis, we navigate intense battles, solve complex puzzles, and unleash spell-casting mayhem. Chester takes to the skies on a massive goose while Ekrem faces the daunting task of freeing the dragon from a ballista's chain. Expect a rollercoaster of emotions as we blend high-stakes action with our signature humor.
In the heart of the dragon's lair, the chaos intensifies as a monstrous oak tree tears through foes and portals close amid retracting vines. The episode is filled with hilarious debates about the right term for skin bumps and the absurdity of wizards magically appearing on beaches. Ekrem steals the spotlight with flame feet and a shadow blade, dishing out significant damage to beefy cultists while Chester skillfully evades attacks. As the battle rages, Chester grapples with invisibility and existential realizations, and we can't help but chuckle at the humorous tension of not negging a dragon.
The climactic finale features our heroes preventing an apocalyptic event and being rewarded with a mysterious, incredibly heavy bag by a dragon who transforms into a wise old man. The return of his precious eggs brings gratitude and a promise of future exploits. We wrap up with a tease of upcoming adventures, our excitement for leveling up, and a heartfelt thank you to our listeners. Don't miss out on this action-packed, laughter-filled journey where bravery, banter, and bizarre magical effects collide to create an unforgettable D&D campaign experience.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to Monster Monster, a real play Dungeons
and dragon show featuringcomedians as your favorite
characters.
I am your dm kavin eggleston,joined today by hi, I'm tyson
cox.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Uh, I'm uh fist fighting rough, tough, scrambly,
rambly.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Good man, chester blackfield yep, a master of
fisting, chester blackfield meand him.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Both have the same haircut now.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
And my name is Tyler Waltz.
I will be playing Ekrem whohonestly in the moment is just
really pissed off and shadowy atthe moment.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
So we're going to see how this shakes out All right
and we are recording from ournew home base for the
foreseeable future.
We are recording.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Three months maybe months maybe we're recording in
a beautiful alchemy lab in elfinmoon in glorious indianapolis
great game store, fountainsquare, indianapolis.
Come on down, yeah, check itout, get some dice get some, get
some other stuff elfin moontell a monster.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Monster sent you yeah , and you'll probably see us in
the back of the room.
Don't't make eye contact.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Make a lot of eye contact.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Gross Robert, make that less creepy, Keep it he
needs to learn his lesson butless creepy.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Make it more creepy.
Make it more creepy.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
All right.
Last session, all right.
Last session you were fightingto save an ancient fey dragon.
As the forces of this cult haveswarmed it, tried to drag it
from the skies itself and, byslaying it, hopefully undo one
(02:00):
of the last anchors of reality,all in their effort to awake a
sleeping elder god and by doingso, unmake the universe.
How you guys feeling.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Oh, we're so good at this, we've yet to fail all of
them, because he's still there.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So Now that the geese are here, I think oh yeah, we
forgot to mention that Divine.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Is it divine intervention if it's a goose boy
?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
yeah, maybe in real life it feels like an omen, like
from hell, but in this world,is it?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I know flock of ravens, but flock of geese way
worse.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yeah, honestly we know nothing all right, uh, you
can fly.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Why are you walking in front of my car?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
because are you gonna do something about it?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I just say every goose.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I know they're canadian geese, but they always
feel like they have a reallythick brooklyn accent.
Look, what are you doing aboutit?
I'm a goose in here it's prettyclose to canada all right, uh,
I'm goosing here.
That's gonna be my new thing.
All right, put it on a shirt.
Uh the archfey, this massivegoose.
(03:13):
Uh, chester, he landsgoosefully in front of you.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Oh, how graceful that goose-like landing was.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Lowers a wing.
Come on, bud, let's go savesome eggs.
I hop on.
All right, I hop on.
Real cool, he is going to flyyou towards the dragon Ekrem.
What would you like to do?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Well, there's one ballista left, correct?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Ooh, but will it take my full action to get the bolt
disconnected from his wing?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
You know you could attack that.
How are you going to try to getit out?
Are you going to try toathletics it?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Break the chain with your brain.
Well, that's kind of what I wasthinking.
I didn't know if it'd be betterto try and use, like fire to
melt it, or if I could.
I didn't know if I could use myintuition to be like, hey, I
should melt through this, or ifit's just like, oh, if I hit
this little button, the chainwill fall out and get loose, you
know I gotcha uh, go ahead andgive me an investigation.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Check to see if you can figure out how this ballista
operates that's's not great.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
That's an 11.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Okay, yeah, it looks kind of complicated like a
series of levers and pulleys tokind of connect this chain
together and make it all so itdoesn't get bound up.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Just punch it.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
I was about to say how about I just cast a firebolt
on it and use my ability tomake it necrotic?
Fire, Will that melt throughthe chain?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Necrotic fire?
Will that melt through thechain?
Necrotic fire, mm-hmm, you meancasting a thing that's like the
antithesis of life on a thingthat's not alive.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
It might melt it and the necrotic would be Rods.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Sorry, Necrotic fuel can't melt steel chains.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
We're doing Fantasy 9-11?
.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Well, technically you let one of the tower dragons
fall.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Quick perception check to see where george bush
is at you cut.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
The mayor of the city is reading a book to children
and he's like I feel adisturbance.
He yuck all right.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
So did I just screw myself.
Did that not work?
Speaker 4 (05:26):
No, if I was going to say maybe putting fire on a
very thick chain to hold adragon won't melt through it,
because that's going to take alot of fire for a long time
Maybe.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
But we have time.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
That is one thing I believe we don't have?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Is the ballista made out of wood?
Speaker 2 (05:49):
It is.
I mean, it's a thick hardwood.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I heard it after I said it Say it slower.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
What do you want me to respond to?
It was a thick hardwood, like amahogany.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Ballista is girth master.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Also just so you guys know.
Uh, you guys are at initiativeor at turn 10 on the dice I'm on
a goose, what do you?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
want more from me.
Oh, you know what?
Fuck all this?
I'm just gonna vortex warp theballista gone.
How about that?
I don't think you can warp anobject.
What?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
do you mean?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
it literally says object yeah, it says magically
twist space around anothercreature.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Oh, it does say another creature you can see
within range can you get theballista alive, can you?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I don't know what.
Give me a wacky voice for theballista I'm a ballista I also
work at a deli.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
What was that?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
oh man, you hear in your mind just leave it in and
go to the other ballista then.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
You hear it in your mind.
Ekrem, I can help you with this.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Just let me in Ekrem, Not yet, not yet.
Give me, like once the dicehits 13, talk to me.
It's like.
What does that mean?
Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Always have hope.
Buddy, hey, buddy, always havehope.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
That's what I've been trying to show to you.
Yeah, I'll just head over tothe other ballista and attack
the person firing it with afirebolt.
Okay, 13 to hit.
That'll hit.
Okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
We should have worn armor.
Why did we show?
Up in robes to a dragon fight.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
They were on bulk sale from the Fantasy.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Costco, we couldn't even put on layers 11.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
They were on bulk sale from the fantasy Costco.
We couldn't even put on layers11 fire 6 necrotic damage Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
The other crew members of this ballista, just
watch you incinerate their chieflike the chief ballista
operator and they're like good.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Okay, okay, this is a lot.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Yeah, no shit's real.
There are consequences to youractions.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Oh man, Did he also have sex with your wife?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I don't have a wife From past Because of the sex His
wife.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
This is now canon.
She's like I was never married.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
It was a ruse.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
Alright, cool you have taken outuse.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
All right, cool, you have taken out one of those guys
that's going to buy you sometime on that ballista attack.
Chester's just on the gooselike jokes on you.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
I'm into that shit.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
I'm going to gaslight Chester into thinking he
actually did have a wife.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
It's not going to be Arnie.
He's not a smart boy.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
I do have a lot of CTE going on yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
All right, yeah, you guys didn't realize this.
Chester Blackfield anagram forChris Benoit.
Oh no, all right, that was dark, almost as dark as our shadow
sorcerer Ekrom Brought it backaround Proud of me.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
On stage number two dancing cinnamon and ekram.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
All right, these cultists are gonna get some
swings on the dragon there.
They're swarming it.
Uh, it is again trying to justreally just use his body to
cover up its eggs.
Um, but it's not looking hot.
It's going to get a turn to doa Tail Lash.
(09:10):
It does get itself somebreathing room as it knocks out
more of these cultists.
The Beefy Boys I think there'sonly two left are going to make
their attacks.
Okay, okay, the beefy boys missand the spell casters go after
(09:33):
our favorite chester blackfield.
What do you want to do, chester?
You're riding a goose.
You're about 20 feet in the air.
You've taken no damage.
He is hurtling you towards thedragon.
He's like curling this great.
Hey, I don't know why I'm doing.
The Olympics are on.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
They are.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I'm just very intense .
Speaker 4 (09:48):
But that's a winter sport.
I would like to try to help,just kind of like be a second
pair of eyes for the.
What was the goose's name again, Lord Featherton?
Oh no, we both forgot, didn'twe?
Yeah right, LFG, LordFeatherton?
Oh no, we both forgot didn't we?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah right, LFT Shut up.
You didn't know either, Ekrem.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Didn't claim to.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Me and LFT.
I want to be an extra set ofeyes for him, so like if people
are hucking stuff at him, justlike maybe like help adjust the
wings to like dip and dodge anddive a little better.
Okay, I guess I just assist LFT.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Take the health back.
You can also hold your actionuntil he gets you.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Oh then I'll let go of that yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Okay, fantastic Dragon is going to get to do
another attack here.
That's going to go turn tothose spellcasters.
There's only two groups ofspellcasters left, I do believe,
or is there three, because you?
Changed it to taking out aportal.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
That's what I thought .
I thought the spellcasters wereholding the portal open, so I
wanted to kill the spellcaster.
There's multiple spellcasters.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I wanted to go for the portal guy.
Okay, all right, dragon's goingto make a dex saving throw here
, so lightning bolt sears itsway towards it.
Hey, chester, you want to rollme 8d6, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I do.
This is not our fault.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
This is the dragon you hear the time dragon, just
be like.
Actually this all is probablyyour fault.
You guys could have donesomething.
I'm sure it's not true.
Speaker 4 (11:26):
It feels like if all of existence is at trouble,
don't hire two guys, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Also if 16, by the way, if we're talking about it
like 8D6 only rolled 16.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
What did you roll?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I can check the history.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I'll re-roll it.
I think I rolled 60 historyI'll re-roll it I think I rolled
60 don't re-roll it.
You said 8d6.
Why would you agree to that?
No, it was oh no, it's almostmathematically impossible.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
It was a lot of ones, almost not I will believe you
yeah, no.
I wrote yeah, okay.
Yeah, all right that lightningbolt, it just tickles it.
Good yeah, it acted kind oflike a jolt cola, the dragon's
like that was refreshing.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Thank, you, because this dragon has shit the bed on
all of its rolls, all of them.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
All of its saving throws, it's done pretty good.
Everywhere else it'spreoccupied.
Give a dragon a little bit ofcredit.
No, you hear in your mind.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I'm doing a lot, so are we?
It's not about who does themost, it's a competition.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
All right, guys, it's a team effort.
We're all on the same team.
How about we bring this one tovictory?
Alright?
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Hey, I didn't invite you to this group chat.
You fucking left the.
I'm already in it.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Alright.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Oh, I gotta roll a d6 .
Oh you guys, hell yeah brother,that dragon, just like
summoning the last of itsstrength, rears up and again,
lets out just one of thosemassive breaths of just life
energy.
You watch as one of those beefyboys in front of your eyes,
(13:14):
just as skewered, as a massiveoak tree grows up through it and
all of a sudden, from saplingto mighty tree, in a matter of
seconds it rips apart this whipstitched body.
Uh, you see one of the portals,uh, slam closed as vines crawl
back through it.
(13:34):
All right, he's feeling prettygood.
He's like is that enough?
Did I do enough for you there?
Speaker 4 (13:41):
all right he, we gotta just badger him till, he
does better apparently I'm justdon't neg a dragon I'm not
complaining about the damageyou're doing.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
It's just like let's not block things with our
forehead.
How about that?
Just move a little.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That's all I'm asking all right, I learned how to
punch from rocky, I learned howto fight, you know, like the one
where he got brain damage andthey were like no more punching
and then he fixed it with apunch to the head you guys ever
watch goon good movie?
all right, I like how chilly isfor just being murdered with his
kids behind him you know youjust think about a lot when this
(14:17):
is you, in the moments youthink about what's important uh
right, that's gonna be his lairuh action, oh, which reminds you
no longer have a disadvantageon your yeah ability checks hell
yeah uh, he's gonna go aheadand uh, try to wink one of these
guys out to a dream dimensionagain.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Tyler, go ahead and give me a.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Uh, wisdom saving, throw the dragon is not you
personally, but just a flat d2013 on the die the dragon just
looks over real, like intenselyhere, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum sandman bring me adream hey, robert uh do we have
the rights to that song it wasunder four seconds I don't know
why.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I assume that you are also our legal team.
He's yep, yeah, I mean, he kindof does everything.
Uh, all right, uh, one of thegroups of wizards just winks out
.
Uh, somewhere they come to on abeach, one of those fleshy
golem type creatures.
Uh just is like it's 11.
(15:24):
He's got like six coconutdrinks.
Uh, these wizards are like thisdoes seem better.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell, that one
fella existence pretty good allright.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Uh, it wasn't the guy with the flesh.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Oh, it's never me, yeah always a bridesmaid, never
a bride when you have your fleshripped off your face all he
wants is a symmetrical face, butit's just.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
The other half is off too.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
All right, uh, that is gonna make the the goose.
Uh, the goose lands in front ofyou, he spews flames towards
these cultists, creating abarrier, sealing some of them
off from the front of thisdragon.
So you are left with just onlya small handful, a small little
(16:19):
force that didn't get singed up,that are kind of sneaking
towards these eggs or trying tomake a rush for these eggs.
Get singed up, that are kind ofsneaking towards these eggs or
trying to make a rush for theseeggs.
Um, we're gonna go ahead and,uh, jump to ekram.
So you just got a couplecultists between you and this
dragon and the eggs, ekram.
What would you like to do, myman?
Speaker 3 (16:39):
um, so all the ballistas are taken care of.
There's two groups of magesleft, two groups of mages left
and one and one beefy boys, canI get to the beefy guy?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I bet you can get to a group of beefy boys.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Okay, I've seen how you run towards the beefy boys
so this is going to be a littlebit of timing, but I will keep
my flame feet on till I make itto the beast guy right, okay.
Or the beefy boy.
So he'll take the 1d6 firedamage.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
His name is John T Beefington.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Okay, john T Beefington takes two fire damage
.
Okay, and then I will dropconcentration on that to summon
my shadow blade at third level,and then that will.
I'll take a swing at him.
Okay, and then that will.
I'll take a swing at him.
Okay, does a 14 plus 5 hit?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
That'll hit Okay.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
And then he will take 3d8.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
All right.
Which was very good 20.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
That's 20 damage Also statistically could have been 3
.
I'm just throwing that outthere from earlier.
No, I just don't it could havebeen three.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I'm just throwing that out there from earlier.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I just I think you were just proving that the
dragon is both lucky and unluckyin opposite times we contain
multitudes.
Okay, uh, so that guy, thatthing, you, you kind of shear
off a couple of those extralimbs.
Uh, you singe flesh.
It smells gross like renderedfat.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
All right, that actually makes it Okay.
The cultists turns.
They're between you, chester,and the dragon, that group of
cultists that aren't blocked offby the fire.
They're going to rush at you.
You've got three of them thatare going to charge at you and
one that's going to oh, I'msorry While I'm in my shroud, it
takes just a flat six necroticdamage on top of everything.
(18:31):
So 26.
Okay, it's looking prettymessed up.
Cool, all right.
Three are going to charge atyou.
Chester.
One is going to make a run forthose 12?
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Miss Five, miss Six Miss.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Okay, all right, all of them take these dagger stabs
at you and you're like noChester's in his element.
All right, they just swipe atyou, you duck, dodge, dip and
dive out of the way.
The beefy boy, ekrem it st,stares at you and it's going to
take two swings with its massivehands.
(19:12):
Cool, a 17 and a 5 the 17definitely hits you okay, okay,
it's gonna deal 15 points ofbludgeoning damages.
It's massive hands.
Just smack you and then goahead and give me a dexterity
(19:33):
saving throw, actually, no,let's say strength saving throw
oh cool, make it the thing.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
That was.
Okay.
That's a 18 on the die, so I'lltake that, but it's still minus
one, okay.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
17 yeah, so it just takes a swing to like try to
knock you off your feet and youbrace yourself and I'm able to
stay standing, but that handjust slams into you.
All right, you don't haveballista to worry about, chester
, what would you like to do?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
I would like to call out the one that's trying to go
for the egg and like kind of amass intimidation.
But like specifically, I'd be'dbe like you.
You do not know who I am.
You may know my name, though.
I am a cursed man.
I want nothing but peace myentire life, but I've done
nothing but death.
I have yet to be killed and ifyou continue on your way, I will
(20:22):
visit you.
I am killer number one.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
I can't wait for you to fail this.
Yeah, that one.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I'm going to say roll with advantage because, man, I
got the goose.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
lord Lord Featherton is like I got goose pimples and
I'm made of them.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So that was.
We would just call them pimples.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Yeah, do you say goose pimples, or is it goose
bumps?
Because when I grew up, it wasalways goosebumps we don't need
to worry about that right now uhno, no, let's have this out
Speaker 4 (20:53):
I gotta take this moment away from you 19.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
He freezes, uh, for a second.
Uh, I'm gonna say, okay, he'sgonna freeze for a second.
We'll deal with what happens asa consequence of that later.
So he's stopped.
He's not going to continuemaking his dash.
What do you want to do?
(21:17):
That should be it.
I'm going to make that yourbonus action.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Okay, then I would like to action surge to maybe
help add to that.
You said I have four cultistsaround me.
You have three around you.
Okay, then I would like toaction surge to maybe help add
to that by.
You said I have four cultistsaround me, you have three around
you.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Three around me and then one that's made the dash
for those eight.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
That was my bonus action.
I'd like to take three attacks,so it'd be four attacks total
for my action surge.
Go for it.
11 on the first one, that's notgreat.
15 in the second andnon-natural 20 on the third.
Okay, and for the last one 12okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
So two of those are going to hit.
Go ahead and roll while we'reat it.
Go ahead and roll your wildmagic surges.
Let's see if you how many times.
You're going to roll it fourtimes.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Okay, got a nat 20.
Okay, a three.
Oh, that is 17 and a 14.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
All right, go ahead and roll your damages for those
attacks while I figure out whatyou get on a three.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
You said two of those hit.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yes, oh, I'm sorry.
Yes, two of those hit.
Go ahead and roll your magicsurge, though, because you did
trigger one 29 damage total andthen a d20 to trigger it.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
All right.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
So yeah, you punch 17 on the trigger, punch two of
those cultists.
They just fall limp.
Just what do you think is goingthrough that other cultist's
head that like stopped and justwatched you just turn around say
that intimidating thing andthen watched you just punch two
of his friends' faces off.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
Yeah, three of them tried to stab.
All of them tried to stamp allof the mist.
I call him out in the middle ofthat and then just knock two of
his dudes out, like that's Allright.
What'd you say?
17 on the surge?
No, no, is this where it fallsapart?
Is this where it falls apart?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
So you've done this incredibly badass thing.
You have literally bullied aman into stopping his holy
mission, killed two of hisfriends in front of him, missed
one, but that one's probablypooping his pants a little bit.
And then you just lock eyes anda feathery beard just pops out
(23:49):
from your face.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
I am backed by the Fae Lord of this realm.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
You just hear kahunk motherfucker, yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Yeah, LFT back there.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Wow, of all the wild surges to get you gain a feather
beard it's like in thespongebob movie when the biker
grows a mustache yeah, dungeonsand dragons is weird, um, but do
you still have your handlebarmustache around, okay?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
he's like oh shit, he's a whole goose.
It's branding did you get bitby?
Are you aware goose?
I got bit by a radioactivegoose.
I have all the powers of beingan obstinate asshole.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
None of their weaknesses.
Airplanes oh no, you havevulnerability to Solis.
Ooh, all right.
Okay, that is your turn.
Spellcasters Do we have anyspellcasters left?
Yeah, they're going to go ahead.
(24:51):
It's up to you.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Tyler, go ahead and give me a.
I check my notes, no.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Go ahead and give me a deck saving throw for this
dragon.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
For the dragon?
Yeah, fucking damn it, it's afive.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Lie?
No, that's what he did with alightning bolt.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I thought about it.
I was like 15, 58, chester, goahead and give me a deck saving
throw for this thunder or forthis fireball, son of a beasting
, oh and board feathers.
Okay, he makes it, he justflaps out of the way can he take
?
Speaker 3 (25:26):
can he get in the way to take the hit?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
uh 15 all right, you're gonna take half damage on
these uh 8d6.
Go ahead and roll me 86, oh nonegative five crazy, I'm healed.
Is that 8d6, uh 20 okay, allright, so you're gonna take half
(25:51):
that.
You're gonna take 10 thisfireball bursts, uh at you
launching in front of the dragonas well.
Uh, akram, you hear again thatthat voice.
Are you really going to deny mejust for your pride?
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yes, Isn't it technically our pride?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Look you want to argue semantics right now?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Fuck you, oh, you mean, fuck us.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Is that what you think?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, see.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Goes both ways.
Okay, so I guess that meansit's my turn.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
No.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Okay, because I'm just going to ignore him.
I'm not even going toacknowledge that he's talking to
me.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
I know you can hear me, stop doing that.
You're trying to give me thesilent treatment.
It's not cool, she's just veryimmature.
All right, that is going to bethe dragon's turn.
Let's see, because we have noballista to worry about.
Let's see if he gets his breathweapon back, does not?
Um, all right, he is going to.
(26:52):
Uh, you just see him wink outof existence the dragon go ahead
and give me a perception.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Check there, chester better than him being here here.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Maybe Question mark Eight.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Yep, yep, here you go .
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Feathers are in my eyes.
You hear in your voice.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh man, invisibility.
Oh, it's pretty cool.
Hell yeah, dude, I should havecast it on you, but I was also
like, please stop throwingfireballs at the one giant thing
no, it's pretty reasonable.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
You put it on yourself, you're kind of a
target and uh, well, if you die,everything stops, and if I die,
well, also, everything stops.
But that's just my perspective,so that's uh oh, how
existentially enlightened of youit's all right.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Well, if you're having a lot of moments.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Today, big day for old chester huh yeah, I think
things are finally starting toclick and connect all right,
ekram, that's gonna make it.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
You're actually that's gonna make it the lair's
turn.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I don't even think I had a wife I don't care what
they said, I'll use my abilitybut not notify chester and be
like no you definitely had awife her name was Ellen.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
All right, the voice in your head's like I can make
him see a wife.
We can put one in there.
Offer accepted.
All right, Go ahead and give mejust a dumb luck.
Check both of you.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
A dumb luck.
I'm good with those 13.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Nat 20?
Nat 1.
Nat 19?
There it is.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Nat 19.
The most exciting roll.
Okay, if you're a champion,roll a D4.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Pick Ottery.
Or, I'm sorry, just roll a D4.
Okay A, you're a champion, rolla D4.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Pick Audrey or, I'm sorry, just roll a D4.
Okay, a D4?
Yeah, oh, none of my spells useD4, so I didn't get one out.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
D4.
Fine, I'll do it.
Fine, I will do the bad thingsto you guys.
One.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Odds I picked odds.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
That group of wizards winks into existence, just with
decorative lays looking alittle bit more calm.
They look like they had amassage, like a shiatsu.
One of them's got suntan lotionon his face, just awkwardly
applied.
He's like I didn't anticipatethis would be a problem, at
least they'll die relaxed.
He's like.
Well, skin cancer is really thesilent killer in this existence
.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
Terrifying.
Yeah, he never thought aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
All right, Lord Featherton is let's see if he
gets his breath weapon back.
Let's go LFT.
He does not.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Son of a bitch, he's going to turn around, I'm just
going to Chester.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
The one cultist you didn't kill with all your
punches, your flurry of balls no.
You just watch Lord Feathertonlike the T-Rex in Jurassic Park.
Just lock eyes with him likethe lawyer on the toilet that's
so much scarier than a T-Rex.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Because, a T-Rx is like chomp, chomp a goose.
Like you can hear the guy onhis way down.
It's like, oh, this isn't so,oh god it's all knives and just
still looking at the frozen guy.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Just stroke my feathery beard it's like fucking
birds man.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
They say they're not real, but these are real, real,
scary.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
All right, akram that is your turn.
Okay, so you said that thisbeefy boy that I am in front of
is very hurt right.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
I will take out my actual dagger, so I'm
two-handing daggers.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
And then I will jump up and do my offhand strike
first.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
For a 13 to hit.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Okay, so I will jump up just thematically.
This is how this is working,and I stab him in the shoulder
neck area to hold on to him, andthen I'll stab him in the
stomach with my shadow dagger.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Oh, that's going to counteract my probiotics.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
I've been eating With a 17 to hit.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Surprisingly no.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
His stomach is actually all armor, all armor.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
I've been eating a lot of pots and pans lately.
Oh hey, he's a diet high iniron, 15 damage.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Okay, all right, you do this, yet that dagger, as
like you, slide down, just gutsthis thing and I was gonna say I
grow it from a dagger to ashort sword, because it just
says so it blows out the otherend of them.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Wow, fuck this guy he's a grower, not a shower all
right one of the wizards is likeyou should have.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Should have showed your wife that it grew like that
Probably wouldn't have left you.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Chester's wife.
I fucked her too, that's theguess.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
That's the guess.
All it takes is a robe with ahood and you're in.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Yeah, it really doesn't even have to be a robe.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
You got a snuggie.
She's down the front robe.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I never had a wife what is happening or?
Speaker 3 (32:09):
did I uh, I roll for gaslight I'm gonna have to look
into.
Yeah, deception, check, it's aseven.
Okay, nope, that wasn't thatone.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I fucked that up, oh well, let's see what Chester
roll your insight to see if Tosee if I had.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
To see if I had a wife.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
My deception is plus seven, so technically it's an
eight.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
Fucking 17.
Plus zero 17.
Silvery barbs.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
This feels an appropriate use of spells.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
All right Did you burn the spell slot.
You can't see me.
You can't see me.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
So you killed the beefy boy.
Does that buy us some more time?
Yeah, it does Good.
All right, you are at turn 11on that of the dice.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I will say in hindsight the omen hounds sounds
really cool, but they go awayas soon as they kill the one
target that you've assigned.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I guess hounds sounds really cool, but they go away
as soon as they kill the onetarget that you've assigned.
I guess it's yeah, you got toput them on your beefy, a beefy
target.
The big guy, yeah, yeah, johnny, big fight, uh, some of these,
oh uh, that last cultist, um,we're just gonna see if he still
is like in shock of you goahead and make his.
I'm gonna say gosh, I'm gonnasay a wisdom like he's like.
I mean, the beard is cool, Ikind of want to touch it, but he
(33:27):
also kind of looks like a, likea angry.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
My pillow right now can it be a disadvantage?
Because, like all of the thingsthat have happened, yeah, he's
seen a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, uh, 10 on the die okay, yeah, he's, he's kind
of just kind of going to take asecond to.
He's going to still darttowards those eggs, but it's
going to now be at disadvantageto try to smash one of them.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
I turn around like Yoshi and shoot an egg out of my
ass with my newfound goosepowers.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
It's an ostrich egg, but you can, yeah, roll,
constitution saving, throw mynewfound goose powers.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
It's an ostrich egg, but you can do it.
Yeah, roll, constitution savingthrow to see how destroyed your
b-hole is.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
It's for the sake of Chester.
If that could do it to savereality, chester would do it.
Roll that con save.
Oh no I don't want this.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Not like this.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I mean he missed the egg.
But also now you've justwatched you shit yourself at him
.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
I have to help him 21 .
21 constitution saver.
You enjoy it.
Good, I'm saving the world.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
There's no way I summoned an egg to shoot out.
I was trying to make a goof.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Lord Featherton's like there's nothing in you, man
, it's just a feather beard.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
But you.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I don't actually turn around, you're wearing pants.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
You just shit your pants, I'm just walking around
like a toddler.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
Why is that the goof You're like.
This happens.
You're so pick and choosy withwhat goofs happen and don't
happen that's because I'm a dm,it's what I get to do.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Oh man, all right.
Uh, you don't shit your pants,you don't shit an egg you shit
both gotcha yeah, it's like acadbury egg of poop.
All right, okay, that cultist,uh, takes those swipes, misses.
That dragon is going to justfrom the shadows, it gets
(35:27):
advantage on this.
Okay, it just tail slams downon this thing.
This last cultist All right,that is going to make it.
That was Ekrem.
Okay, beefy, bull, beefy.
Okay, chester, what do you wantto do, uh?
Speaker 4 (35:47):
so you said the it killed the cultist just checking
.
Yeah, uh, I guess I'll just goahead and take a swing at the
one, like I'll do, like atwo-piece the one guy that's
still there, just to geteveryone away from the eggs.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
There's still one portal.
No, you should be one.
Speaker 4 (36:04):
Okay, there's one portal left.
One cultist, though there's theI I killed.
There's four, I killed two.
One just got crushed the gooseate one oh, the goose ate one.
Yeah, you're right, I forgot.
How could I?
Sorry I I repressed that frommy memory uh, you're busy
shitting your pants, yeah, likean old-timey riddle if, if I
punch two people to death, agoose eats one.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
The harvest will be bountiful.
It's like a common core mathproblem.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
I'm kind of at a loss , for I want to protect these
eggs.
I don't have a bag of holdingor anything like that that I
remember in my notes, but I wantto protect these eggs.
Can I take a perception checkto see what I could do?
Yeah, like what's around uh 16.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Okay, you notice, uh, around this there's a an alco
like a crack that you couldprobably go and hide them uh in,
and or you could even post up,put them, slip them in there and
then just that's what I woulddo.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
uh, I would quickly gather them gingerly, as quickly
as I can, without beingdetrimental.
They're dragon eggs.
They're pretty tough, they'recovered in scales.
They're hot to the touch, myskin hurts.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
It's fine Actually they feel oh, these are mossy.
They do.
They feel like soft moss, andyou also get just that calm
feeling when you're in natureand you're like this is nice,
and then the mushrooms kick inand you're like this is nice and
a little terrifying.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
But yeah, I'd like to just quickly get them in there
and then post my body betweenthe just ready.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
All right, you're not going to say anything cool Like
look at a cultist and be likesorry, we scrambled your plans.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
No.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
To who?
They're all dead around here.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
What a sociopath For me that's even worse.
Just be like hey, dead guy whoI killed, egg pun.
I'm having a shell of a time.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Oh, see you in shell would have been.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
Good, see you in shell would have been good, See
you in shell would have beengood.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah, yeah no See, this is why we workshop these
things.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Yeah, yeah, all right , I would make a joke, but I'm
Fuck, fuck you, man.
I'd say something funny, butI'm all out of yolks.
There it is.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Well, you really suck cloaca.
All right.
That suck cloaca, all right.
That's what dragons have tohave, right?
No, I don't know, um, that'sgonna bring us back up to the
top.
There is just one uh portalleft open.
Ekram, go ahead and give me uh,just a dumb luck.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Check oh god, the last one wasn't so well cool,
it's better than that one.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Three okay getting more lucky, nothing happens.
Good, good, all right.
You do see.
However, the remainingspellcaster cultist that's
keeping this portal open, divesthrough it and it winks out of
existence behind him.
Damn it.
So an attempt to follow thatisn't going to work.
(38:58):
All right, you guys havesurvived this.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Hey, that's great, but did the dragon?
Don't do this.
He's actually like you hear inyour head hey guys, that was
pretty.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Oh my God, I slept on this dead guy.
Oh my God, if somebody wouldhave said an egg pun, I would
have known he was there.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
There's like a stool on the ground and just million
dollar babies themselves on anormal size stool.
We can't do that.
That's how.
Speaker 4 (39:26):
Ekron became or Chester became killer number one
, so you can't self-referenceourselves, re-traumatize them.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Hey everybody, good job.
Let's celebrate by eating somecraft services.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Oh, no, is there shellfish in this.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Then we could have a subplot where that stool's been
following Chester.
The stool's like.
I'm the real killer number one.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
The stool's like I fucked his wife.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
So now you agree, you have a wife.
No, there's no wife.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
You know how goofs work, Kevin.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Yeah, selectively.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
No, so the fight's over.
Yeah, I'm gonna walk up tochest and be like buddy.
I'm sorry about your wife.
What the fuck.
Speaker 4 (40:07):
What are you?
Speaker 3 (40:07):
talking about.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
I overheard that cult to say he fucked your wife I'd
like to do an insight check tosee if that's actually uh ekram
or maybe a cult member indisguise, because he's talking
about something I only mentionedto the cult members.
All right, Don't worry, it's aplus zero buddy and 11.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Do I have to roll against that?
Speaker 2 (40:28):
No, he's just like.
I don't know about you.
Well, you're all shadowy andangry.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
You're a shadow angry man right now.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
That's true For at least another, like probably
nine minutes, Because it lastsfor 10 minutes and I'm a cool
guy.
Like I said something cool, Idid like I did my job real good.
So this, we seem weird to eachother.
Yeah, oh is?
Speaker 2 (40:52):
uh, is my shadow clone still off watching?
Uh, you just hear good job, yousurprised me there, but you'll
still need me sometime.
I can wait.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I've waited for so long.
Okay, I'm gonna wait.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
Even the shadow's lame.
Nobody says ominous and thenphases out Don't say it no, he
reverses, he phases in.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
You're like whoa.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Ominous.
Oh whoa, oh shit.
Yeah, he just tried to get likea jump scare on you, like it
was the end of Insidious.
All right, lord Featherton, thegoose kind of looks over
everything and just surveys thekind of carbon.
She sees a lot of his soldiers,his loyal followers and
(41:42):
subjects dead um.
But you do also sense thatsense of relief of like they've
prevented something terriblefrom happening.
Uh, the dragon shrinks down, uhto kind of this withered,
(42:02):
looking wise old man, just aballista, just threw his arm,
yeah.
He actually plucks it out likeit's almost like a splinter to
him in this form.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
Ooh.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
And.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Oh, thank you guys.
I appreciate your efforts andChester, if you don't mind.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
And he holds out his hands I shake his hand.
Speaker 4 (42:27):
Oh, I go for a hand like oh sorry, buddy, I uh yeah,
so I go like the weird left andright to do like two handshakes
.
Is this how it's accustomedhere?
Speaker 1 (42:34):
okay, I meant give me my eggs, oh oh shit, oh yeah.
He moves out the way and helike, oh no, picks him up also
I've been shot in the arm andyou're like let's touch the arm.
Speaker 3 (42:45):
Huh, in my head I imagined you like, panicking in
the moment to reach out to shakehis hand, forgetting you're
holding the egg.
No, no, no, we don't make goofshere because cavan will make it
a reality that's why I said inmy head oh, you're just holding
the one remaining egg like, ohmy god all right, I hand him the
(43:07):
eggs he uh well, let's put thisa little bit somewhere safe.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
He snaps his fingers, uh, and that egg disappears.
Back to that dream dimensionnot the one where the beefy boy
is enjoying like I imagine he'senjoying some kebabs.
We're putting a lot of.
Speaker 4 (43:26):
We've done a lot of like where these cultists go and
what are they're doing in theirdreamland.
We've put a lot of effort intothat, ekram, and we would have
no idea yeah, no, I need you toknow they're having a better
time than you have.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yep Well thank you, I appreciate you guys.
This doesn't always go this wayfor us.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
We were told, sometimes it goes bad.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
Hopefully we win this one for good.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
You know, I think you boys might just have a chance
and uh, you see eckham's like orhe's a chest.
You just lean over to eckham,like he, uh, he reaches behind
his back and you don't even knowhow he could have done this,
because there's like, not like,there's anything back there.
He pulls out, uh a sack justinto magic, now just a bag and
he, he hands it to you, ekram,and give me a uh, give me just
(44:31):
an athletics check athletics youlooked at chester.
Oh, I said ekram so well, healso is like.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
I'm going to go over here now.
Speaker 4 (44:44):
You still got angry face.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Don't even look at my eggs, that's clearly like you
don't get this bag.
Speaker 4 (44:50):
This is his.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
What did you do?
Do you remember the shit youtalked?
Speaker 3 (44:56):
He's actually way worse with money, so if it is
some kind of payment, What'd youget 14.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Okay, you see a small bag and you are like well this
is just a little tiny guy.
I don't need to brace my, andyou immediately get pulled to
the ground uh, it's every look,I swear you realize, whatever's
in here is just absolutelymassive.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
Or dense.
It's very small but heavy.
That's dense, yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
You boys, I think you're going to have some.
You guys are going to have somefun.
Hell, yeah, it's a JeepCherokee.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Yes, what this podcast bought to you by Jeep
Cherokee.
What if this was just one bigplug?
All right, and that's wherewe're going to end this session.
Oh shit, you guys are going toget to level up as you have
basically averted this versionof the apocalypse.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
That's exciting.
Speaker 4 (45:56):
Hell yeah, I'm very excited Scott Flaws gets fun
stuff down there.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
All right, hey, so this is our session.
Tysonyson, where can we findyou?
Where can we see you?
Speaker 4 (46:06):
uh.
You can find me sometimes atelephant moon really cool place
uh in indianapolis, indiana.
So come by, check out that coolgame shop where we recorded at
today, uh.
But if you want to find meonline, you can find me at tyson
cox comedy all one word on allthe platforms my name is ty
Walton.
Speaker 3 (46:20):
You can find me at Nerd News.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
And I am Cavan Eggleston.
You can find me at Cavan,underscore Egg or
CavanEgglestoncom.
Hello, it is I, the fella.
Speaker 4 (46:29):
That talks after the show, but before the outro music
.
I just want to say thank youagain for listening.
It's super cool that you guysare here and we get to do this
goofy cool thing.
So are here and we get to dothis goofy cool thing, so that's
amazing.
Uh, we have a patreon.
If you guys want to support us,we would love it.
Uh, that way, the more money weget, the more we can do make
exclusive pod content, do morevideo stuff, it's all that kind
(46:53):
of stuff, uh.
So if you want to do that,that'd be amazing.
Uh.
But I just wanted to let youguys know we got some shows
coming up.
We got the september 19th we'reat commonwealth uh, that's
right outside of Cincinnati andthen we have our usual upcoming
normal ones.
So the 2nd of October we're atPlanet of the Tapes and the 9th
of October we are back at theWhite Rabbit.
(47:13):
Other than that, we got a lotof cool stuff going on.
So stay tuned.
Thank you again for listeningand may your rolls be 20s.
Welcome to Monster Monster, a real play Dungeons
and dragon show featuringcomedians as your favorite
characters.
I am your dm kavin eggleston,joined today by hi, I'm tyson
cox.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Uh, I'm uh fist fighting rough, tough, scrambly,
rambly.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Good man, chester blackfield yep, a master of
fisting, chester blackfield meand him.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Both have the same haircut now.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
And my name is Tyler Waltz.
I will be playing Ekrem whohonestly in the moment is just
really pissed off and shadowy atthe moment.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
So we're going to see how this shakes out All right
and we are recording from ournew home base for the
foreseeable future.
We are recording.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Three months maybe months maybe we're recording in
a beautiful alchemy lab in elfinmoon in glorious indianapolis
great game store, fountainsquare, indianapolis.
Come on down, yeah, check itout, get some dice get some, get
some other stuff elfin moontell a monster.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Monster sent you yeah , and you'll probably see us in
the back of the room.
Don't't make eye contact.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Make a lot of eye contact.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Gross Robert, make that less creepy, Keep it he
needs to learn his lesson butless creepy.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Make it more creepy.
Make it more creepy.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
All right.
Last session, all right.
Last session you were fightingto save an ancient fey dragon.
As the forces of this cult haveswarmed it, tried to drag it
from the skies itself and, byslaying it, hopefully undo one
(02:00):
of the last anchors of reality,all in their effort to awake a
sleeping elder god and by doingso, unmake the universe.
How you guys feeling.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Oh, we're so good at this, we've yet to fail all of
them, because he's still there.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So Now that the geese are here, I think oh yeah, we
forgot to mention that Divine.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Is it divine intervention if it's a goose boy
?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
yeah, maybe in real life it feels like an omen, like
from hell, but in this world,is it?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I know flock of ravens, but flock of geese way
worse.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yeah, honestly we know nothing all right, uh, you
can fly.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Why are you walking in front of my car?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
because are you gonna do something about it?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I just say every goose.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I know they're canadian geese, but they always
feel like they have a reallythick brooklyn accent.
Look, what are you doing aboutit?
I'm a goose in here it's prettyclose to canada all right, uh,
I'm goosing here.
That's gonna be my new thing.
All right, put it on a shirt.
Uh the archfey, this massivegoose.
(03:13):
Uh, chester, he landsgoosefully in front of you.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Oh, how graceful that goose-like landing was.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Lowers a wing.
Come on, bud, let's go savesome eggs.
I hop on.
All right, I hop on.
Real cool, he is going to flyyou towards the dragon Ekrem.
What would you like to do?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Well, there's one ballista left, correct?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Ooh, but will it take my full action to get the bolt
disconnected from his wing?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
You know you could attack that.
How are you going to try to getit out?
Are you going to try toathletics it?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Break the chain with your brain.
Well, that's kind of what I wasthinking.
I didn't know if it'd be betterto try and use, like fire to
melt it, or if I could.
I didn't know if I could use myintuition to be like, hey, I
should melt through this, or ifit's just like, oh, if I hit
this little button, the chainwill fall out and get loose, you
know I gotcha uh, go ahead andgive me an investigation.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Check to see if you can figure out how this ballista
operates that's's not great.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
That's an 11.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Okay, yeah, it looks kind of complicated like a
series of levers and pulleys tokind of connect this chain
together and make it all so itdoesn't get bound up.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Just punch it.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
I was about to say how about I just cast a firebolt
on it and use my ability tomake it necrotic?
Fire, Will that melt throughthe chain?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Necrotic fire?
Will that melt through thechain?
Necrotic fire, mm-hmm, you meancasting a thing that's like the
antithesis of life on a thingthat's not alive.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
It might melt it and the necrotic would be Rods.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Sorry, Necrotic fuel can't melt steel chains.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
We're doing Fantasy 9-11?
.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Well, technically you let one of the tower dragons
fall.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Quick perception check to see where george bush
is at you cut.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
The mayor of the city is reading a book to children
and he's like I feel adisturbance.
He yuck all right.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
So did I just screw myself.
Did that not work?
Speaker 4 (05:26):
No, if I was going to say maybe putting fire on a
very thick chain to hold adragon won't melt through it,
because that's going to take alot of fire for a long time
Maybe.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
But we have time.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
That is one thing I believe we don't have?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Is the ballista made out of wood?
Speaker 2 (05:49):
It is.
I mean, it's a thick hardwood.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I heard it after I said it Say it slower.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
What do you want me to respond to?
It was a thick hardwood, like amahogany.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Ballista is girth master.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Also just so you guys know.
Uh, you guys are at initiativeor at turn 10 on the dice I'm on
a goose, what do you?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
want more from me.
Oh, you know what?
Fuck all this?
I'm just gonna vortex warp theballista gone.
How about that?
I don't think you can warp anobject.
What?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
do you mean?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
it literally says object yeah, it says magically
twist space around anothercreature.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Oh, it does say another creature you can see
within range can you get theballista alive, can you?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I don't know what.
Give me a wacky voice for theballista I'm a ballista I also
work at a deli.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
What was that?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
oh man, you hear in your mind just leave it in and
go to the other ballista then.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
You hear it in your mind.
Ekrem, I can help you with this.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Just let me in Ekrem, Not yet, not yet.
Give me, like once the dicehits 13, talk to me.
It's like.
What does that mean?
Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Always have hope.
Buddy, hey, buddy, always havehope.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
That's what I've been trying to show to you.
Yeah, I'll just head over tothe other ballista and attack
the person firing it with afirebolt.
Okay, 13 to hit.
That'll hit.
Okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
We should have worn armor.
Why did we show?
Up in robes to a dragon fight.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
They were on bulk sale from the Fantasy.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Costco, we couldn't even put on layers 11.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
They were on bulk sale from the fantasy Costco.
We couldn't even put on layers11 fire 6 necrotic damage Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
The other crew members of this ballista, just
watch you incinerate their chieflike the chief ballista
operator and they're like good.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Okay, okay, this is a lot.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Yeah, no shit's real.
There are consequences to youractions.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Oh man, Did he also have sex with your wife?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I don't have a wife From past Because of the sex His
wife.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
This is now canon.
She's like I was never married.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
It was a ruse.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
Alright, cool you have taken outuse.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
All right, cool, you have taken out one of those guys
that's going to buy you sometime on that ballista attack.
Chester's just on the gooselike jokes on you.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
I'm into that shit.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
I'm going to gaslight Chester into thinking he
actually did have a wife.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
It's not going to be Arnie.
He's not a smart boy.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
I do have a lot of CTE going on yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
All right, yeah, you guys didn't realize this.
Chester Blackfield anagram forChris Benoit.
Oh no, all right, that was dark, almost as dark as our shadow
sorcerer Ekrom Brought it backaround Proud of me.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
On stage number two dancing cinnamon and ekram.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
All right, these cultists are gonna get some
swings on the dragon there.
They're swarming it.
Uh, it is again trying to justreally just use his body to
cover up its eggs.
Um, but it's not looking hot.
It's going to get a turn to doa Tail Lash.
(09:10):
It does get itself somebreathing room as it knocks out
more of these cultists.
The Beefy Boys I think there'sonly two left are going to make
their attacks.
Okay, okay, the beefy boys missand the spell casters go after
(09:33):
our favorite chester blackfield.
What do you want to do, chester?
You're riding a goose.
You're about 20 feet in the air.
You've taken no damage.
He is hurtling you towards thedragon.
He's like curling this great.
Hey, I don't know why I'm doing.
The Olympics are on.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
They are.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I'm just very intense .
Speaker 4 (09:48):
But that's a winter sport.
I would like to try to help,just kind of like be a second
pair of eyes for the.
What was the goose's name again, Lord Featherton?
Oh no, we both forgot, didn'twe?
Yeah right, LFG, LordFeatherton?
Oh no, we both forgot didn't we?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah right, LFT Shut up.
You didn't know either, Ekrem.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Didn't claim to.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Me and LFT.
I want to be an extra set ofeyes for him, so like if people
are hucking stuff at him, justlike maybe like help adjust the
wings to like dip and dodge anddive a little better.
Okay, I guess I just assist LFT.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Take the health back.
You can also hold your actionuntil he gets you.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Oh then I'll let go of that yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Okay, fantastic Dragon is going to get to do
another attack here.
That's going to go turn tothose spellcasters.
There's only two groups ofspellcasters left, I do believe,
or is there three, because you?
Changed it to taking out aportal.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
That's what I thought .
I thought the spellcasters wereholding the portal open, so I
wanted to kill the spellcaster.
There's multiple spellcasters.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I wanted to go for the portal guy.
Okay, all right, dragon's goingto make a dex saving throw here
, so lightning bolt sears itsway towards it.
Hey, chester, you want to rollme 8d6, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I do.
This is not our fault.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
This is the dragon you hear the time dragon, just
be like.
Actually this all is probablyyour fault.
You guys could have donesomething.
I'm sure it's not true.
Speaker 4 (11:26):
It feels like if all of existence is at trouble,
don't hire two guys, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Also if 16, by the way, if we're talking about it
like 8D6 only rolled 16.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
What did you roll?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I can check the history.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I'll re-roll it.
I think I rolled 60 historyI'll re-roll it I think I rolled
60 don't re-roll it.
You said 8d6.
Why would you agree to that?
No, it was oh no, it's almostmathematically impossible.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
It was a lot of ones, almost not I will believe you
yeah, no.
I wrote yeah, okay.
Yeah, all right that lightningbolt, it just tickles it.
Good yeah, it acted kind oflike a jolt cola, the dragon's
like that was refreshing.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Thank, you, because this dragon has shit the bed on
all of its rolls, all of them.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
All of its saving throws, it's done pretty good.
Everywhere else it'spreoccupied.
Give a dragon a little bit ofcredit.
No, you hear in your mind.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I'm doing a lot, so are we?
It's not about who does themost, it's a competition.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
All right, guys, it's a team effort.
We're all on the same team.
How about we bring this one tovictory?
Alright?
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Hey, I didn't invite you to this group chat.
You fucking left the.
I'm already in it.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Alright.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Oh, I gotta roll a d6 .
Oh you guys, hell yeah brother,that dragon, just like
summoning the last of itsstrength, rears up and again,
lets out just one of thosemassive breaths of just life
energy.
You watch as one of those beefyboys in front of your eyes,
(13:14):
just as skewered, as a massiveoak tree grows up through it and
all of a sudden, from saplingto mighty tree, in a matter of
seconds it rips apart this whipstitched body.
Uh, you see one of the portals,uh, slam closed as vines crawl
back through it.
(13:34):
All right, he's feeling prettygood.
He's like is that enough?
Did I do enough for you there?
Speaker 4 (13:41):
all right he, we gotta just badger him till, he
does better apparently I'm justdon't neg a dragon I'm not
complaining about the damageyou're doing.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
It's just like let's not block things with our
forehead.
How about that?
Just move a little.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That's all I'm asking all right, I learned how to
punch from rocky, I learned howto fight, you know, like the one
where he got brain damage andthey were like no more punching
and then he fixed it with apunch to the head you guys ever
watch goon good movie?
all right, I like how chilly isfor just being murdered with his
kids behind him you know youjust think about a lot when this
(14:17):
is you, in the moments youthink about what's important uh
right, that's gonna be his lairuh action, oh, which reminds you
no longer have a disadvantageon your yeah ability checks hell
yeah uh, he's gonna go aheadand uh, try to wink one of these
guys out to a dream dimensionagain.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Tyler, go ahead and give me a.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Uh, wisdom saving, throw the dragon is not you
personally, but just a flat d2013 on the die the dragon just
looks over real, like intenselyhere, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum sandman bring me adream hey, robert uh do we have
the rights to that song it wasunder four seconds I don't know
why.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I assume that you are also our legal team.
He's yep, yeah, I mean, he kindof does everything.
Uh, all right, uh, one of thegroups of wizards just winks out
.
Uh, somewhere they come to on abeach, one of those fleshy
golem type creatures.
Uh just is like it's 11.
(15:24):
He's got like six coconutdrinks.
Uh, these wizards are like thisdoes seem better.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell, that one
fella existence pretty good allright.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Uh, it wasn't the guy with the flesh.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Oh, it's never me, yeah always a bridesmaid, never
a bride when you have your fleshripped off your face all he
wants is a symmetrical face, butit's just.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
The other half is off too.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
All right, uh, that is gonna make the the goose.
Uh, the goose lands in front ofyou, he spews flames towards
these cultists, creating abarrier, sealing some of them
off from the front of thisdragon.
So you are left with just onlya small handful, a small little
(16:19):
force that didn't get singed up,that are kind of sneaking
towards these eggs or trying tomake a rush for these eggs.
Get singed up, that are kind ofsneaking towards these eggs or
trying to make a rush for theseeggs.
Um, we're gonna go ahead and,uh, jump to ekram.
So you just got a couplecultists between you and this
dragon and the eggs, ekram.
What would you like to do, myman?
Speaker 3 (16:39):
um, so all the ballistas are taken care of.
There's two groups of magesleft, two groups of mages left
and one and one beefy boys, canI get to the beefy guy?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I bet you can get to a group of beefy boys.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Okay, I've seen how you run towards the beefy boys
so this is going to be a littlebit of timing, but I will keep
my flame feet on till I make itto the beast guy right, okay.
Or the beefy boy.
So he'll take the 1d6 firedamage.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
His name is John T Beefington.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Okay, john T Beefington takes two fire damage
.
Okay, and then I will dropconcentration on that to summon
my shadow blade at third level,and then that will.
I'll take a swing at him.
Okay, and then that will.
I'll take a swing at him.
Okay, does a 14 plus 5 hit?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
That'll hit Okay.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
And then he will take 3d8.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
All right.
Which was very good 20.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
That's 20 damage Also statistically could have been 3
.
I'm just throwing that outthere from earlier.
No, I just don't it could havebeen three.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I'm just throwing that out there from earlier.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I just I think you were just proving that the
dragon is both lucky and unluckyin opposite times we contain
multitudes.
Okay, uh, so that guy, thatthing, you, you kind of shear
off a couple of those extralimbs.
Uh, you singe flesh.
It smells gross like renderedfat.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
All right, that actually makes it Okay.
The cultists turns.
They're between you, chester,and the dragon, that group of
cultists that aren't blocked offby the fire.
They're going to rush at you.
You've got three of them thatare going to charge at you and
one that's going to oh, I'msorry While I'm in my shroud, it
takes just a flat six necroticdamage on top of everything.
(18:31):
So 26.
Okay, it's looking prettymessed up.
Cool, all right.
Three are going to charge atyou.
Chester.
One is going to make a run forthose 12?
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Miss Five, miss Six Miss.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Okay, all right, all of them take these dagger stabs
at you and you're like noChester's in his element.
All right, they just swipe atyou, you duck, dodge, dip and
dive out of the way.
The beefy boy, ekrem it st,stares at you and it's going to
take two swings with its massivehands.
(19:12):
Cool, a 17 and a 5 the 17definitely hits you okay, okay,
it's gonna deal 15 points ofbludgeoning damages.
It's massive hands.
Just smack you and then goahead and give me a dexterity
(19:33):
saving throw, actually, no,let's say strength saving throw
oh cool, make it the thing.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
That was.
Okay.
That's a 18 on the die, so I'lltake that, but it's still minus
one, okay.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
17 yeah, so it just takes a swing to like try to
knock you off your feet and youbrace yourself and I'm able to
stay standing, but that handjust slams into you.
All right, you don't haveballista to worry about, chester
, what would you like to do?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
I would like to call out the one that's trying to go
for the egg and like kind of amass intimidation.
But like specifically, I'd be'dbe like you.
You do not know who I am.
You may know my name, though.
I am a cursed man.
I want nothing but peace myentire life, but I've done
nothing but death.
I have yet to be killed and ifyou continue on your way, I will
(20:22):
visit you.
I am killer number one.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
I can't wait for you to fail this.
Yeah, that one.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I'm going to say roll with advantage because, man, I
got the goose.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
lord Lord Featherton is like I got goose pimples and
I'm made of them.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So that was.
We would just call them pimples.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Yeah, do you say goose pimples, or is it goose
bumps?
Because when I grew up, it wasalways goosebumps we don't need
to worry about that right now uhno, no, let's have this out
Speaker 4 (20:53):
I gotta take this moment away from you 19.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
He freezes, uh, for a second.
Uh, I'm gonna say, okay, he'sgonna freeze for a second.
We'll deal with what happens asa consequence of that later.
So he's stopped.
He's not going to continuemaking his dash.
What do you want to do?
(21:17):
That should be it.
I'm going to make that yourbonus action.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Okay, then I would like to action surge to maybe
help add to that.
You said I have four cultistsaround me.
You have three around you.
Okay, then I would like toaction surge to maybe help add
to that by.
You said I have four cultistsaround me, you have three around
you.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Three around me and then one that's made the dash
for those eight.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
That was my bonus action.
I'd like to take three attacks,so it'd be four attacks total
for my action surge.
Go for it.
11 on the first one, that's notgreat.
15 in the second andnon-natural 20 on the third.
Okay, and for the last one 12okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
So two of those are going to hit.
Go ahead and roll while we'reat it.
Go ahead and roll your wildmagic surges.
Let's see if you how many times.
You're going to roll it fourtimes.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Okay, got a nat 20.
Okay, a three.
Oh, that is 17 and a 14.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
All right, go ahead and roll your damages for those
attacks while I figure out whatyou get on a three.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
You said two of those hit.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yes, oh, I'm sorry.
Yes, two of those hit.
Go ahead and roll your magicsurge, though, because you did
trigger one 29 damage total andthen a d20 to trigger it.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
All right.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
So yeah, you punch 17 on the trigger, punch two of
those cultists.
They just fall limp.
Just what do you think is goingthrough that other cultist's
head that like stopped and justwatched you just turn around say
that intimidating thing andthen watched you just punch two
of his friends' faces off.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
Yeah, three of them tried to stab.
All of them tried to stamp allof the mist.
I call him out in the middle ofthat and then just knock two of
his dudes out, like that's Allright.
What'd you say?
17 on the surge?
No, no, is this where it fallsapart?
Is this where it falls apart?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
So you've done this incredibly badass thing.
You have literally bullied aman into stopping his holy
mission, killed two of hisfriends in front of him, missed
one, but that one's probablypooping his pants a little bit.
And then you just lock eyes anda feathery beard just pops out
(23:49):
from your face.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
I am backed by the Fae Lord of this realm.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
You just hear kahunk motherfucker, yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Yeah, LFT back there.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Wow, of all the wild surges to get you gain a feather
beard it's like in thespongebob movie when the biker
grows a mustache yeah, dungeonsand dragons is weird, um, but do
you still have your handlebarmustache around, okay?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
he's like oh shit, he's a whole goose.
It's branding did you get bitby?
Are you aware goose?
I got bit by a radioactivegoose.
I have all the powers of beingan obstinate asshole.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
None of their weaknesses.
Airplanes oh no, you havevulnerability to Solis.
Ooh, all right.
Okay, that is your turn.
Spellcasters Do we have anyspellcasters left?
Yeah, they're going to go ahead.
(24:51):
It's up to you.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Tyler, go ahead and give me a.
I check my notes, no.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Go ahead and give me a deck saving throw for this
dragon.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
For the dragon?
Yeah, fucking damn it, it's afive.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Lie?
No, that's what he did with alightning bolt.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I thought about it.
I was like 15, 58, chester, goahead and give me a deck saving
throw for this thunder or forthis fireball, son of a beasting
, oh and board feathers.
Okay, he makes it, he justflaps out of the way can he take
?
Speaker 3 (25:26):
can he get in the way to take the hit?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
uh 15 all right, you're gonna take half damage on
these uh 8d6.
Go ahead and roll me 86, oh nonegative five crazy, I'm healed.
Is that 8d6, uh 20 okay, allright, so you're gonna take half
(25:51):
that.
You're gonna take 10 thisfireball bursts, uh at you
launching in front of the dragonas well.
Uh, akram, you hear again thatthat voice.
Are you really going to deny mejust for your pride?
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yes, Isn't it technically our pride?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Look you want to argue semantics right now?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Fuck you, oh, you mean, fuck us.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Is that what you think?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, see.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Goes both ways.
Okay, so I guess that meansit's my turn.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
No.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Okay, because I'm just going to ignore him.
I'm not even going toacknowledge that he's talking to
me.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
I know you can hear me, stop doing that.
You're trying to give me thesilent treatment.
It's not cool, she's just veryimmature.
All right, that is going to bethe dragon's turn.
Let's see, because we have noballista to worry about.
Let's see if he gets his breathweapon back, does not?
Um, all right, he is going to.
(26:52):
Uh, you just see him wink outof existence the dragon go ahead
and give me a perception.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Check there, chester better than him being here here.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Maybe Question mark Eight.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Yep, yep, here you go .
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Feathers are in my eyes.
You hear in your voice.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh man, invisibility.
Oh, it's pretty cool.
Hell yeah, dude, I should havecast it on you, but I was also
like, please stop throwingfireballs at the one giant thing
no, it's pretty reasonable.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
You put it on yourself, you're kind of a
target and uh, well, if you die,everything stops, and if I die,
well, also, everything stops.
But that's just my perspective,so that's uh oh, how
existentially enlightened of youit's all right.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Well, if you're having a lot of moments.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Today, big day for old chester huh yeah, I think
things are finally starting toclick and connect all right,
ekram, that's gonna make it.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
You're actually that's gonna make it the lair's
turn.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I don't even think I had a wife I don't care what
they said, I'll use my abilitybut not notify chester and be
like no you definitely had awife her name was Ellen.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
All right, the voice in your head's like I can make
him see a wife.
We can put one in there.
Offer accepted.
All right, Go ahead and give mejust a dumb luck.
Check both of you.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
A dumb luck.
I'm good with those 13.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Nat 20?
Nat 1.
Nat 19?
There it is.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Nat 19.
The most exciting roll.
Okay, if you're a champion,roll a D4.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Pick Ottery.
Or, I'm sorry, just roll a D4.
Okay A, you're a champion, rolla D4.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Pick Audrey or, I'm sorry, just roll a D4.
Okay, a D4?
Yeah, oh, none of my spells useD4, so I didn't get one out.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
D4.
Fine, I'll do it.
Fine, I will do the bad thingsto you guys.
One.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Odds I picked odds.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
That group of wizards winks into existence, just with
decorative lays looking alittle bit more calm.
They look like they had amassage, like a shiatsu.
One of them's got suntan lotionon his face, just awkwardly
applied.
He's like I didn't anticipatethis would be a problem, at
least they'll die relaxed.
He's like.
Well, skin cancer is really thesilent killer in this existence
.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
Terrifying.
Yeah, he never thought aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
All right, Lord Featherton is let's see if he
gets his breath weapon back.
Let's go LFT.
He does not.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Son of a bitch, he's going to turn around, I'm just
going to Chester.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
The one cultist you didn't kill with all your
punches, your flurry of balls no.
You just watch Lord Feathertonlike the T-Rex in Jurassic Park.
Just lock eyes with him likethe lawyer on the toilet that's
so much scarier than a T-Rex.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Because, a T-Rx is like chomp, chomp a goose.
Like you can hear the guy onhis way down.
It's like, oh, this isn't so,oh god it's all knives and just
still looking at the frozen guy.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Just stroke my feathery beard it's like fucking
birds man.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
They say they're not real, but these are real, real,
scary.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
All right, akram that is your turn.
Okay, so you said that thisbeefy boy that I am in front of
is very hurt right.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
I will take out my actual dagger, so I'm
two-handing daggers.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
And then I will jump up and do my offhand strike
first.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
For a 13 to hit.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Okay, so I will jump up just thematically.
This is how this is working,and I stab him in the shoulder
neck area to hold on to him, andthen I'll stab him in the
stomach with my shadow dagger.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Oh, that's going to counteract my probiotics.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
I've been eating With a 17 to hit.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Surprisingly no.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
His stomach is actually all armor, all armor.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
I've been eating a lot of pots and pans lately.
Oh hey, he's a diet high iniron, 15 damage.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Okay, all right, you do this, yet that dagger, as
like you, slide down, just gutsthis thing and I was gonna say I
grow it from a dagger to ashort sword, because it just
says so it blows out the otherend of them.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Wow, fuck this guy he's a grower, not a shower all
right one of the wizards is likeyou should have.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Should have showed your wife that it grew like that
Probably wouldn't have left you.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Chester's wife.
I fucked her too, that's theguess.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
That's the guess.
All it takes is a robe with ahood and you're in.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Yeah, it really doesn't even have to be a robe.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
You got a snuggie.
She's down the front robe.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I never had a wife what is happening or?
Speaker 3 (32:09):
did I uh, I roll for gaslight I'm gonna have to look
into.
Yeah, deception, check, it's aseven.
Okay, nope, that wasn't thatone.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I fucked that up, oh well, let's see what Chester
roll your insight to see if Tosee if I had.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
To see if I had a wife.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
My deception is plus seven, so technically it's an
eight.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
Fucking 17.
Plus zero 17.
Silvery barbs.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
This feels an appropriate use of spells.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
All right Did you burn the spell slot.
You can't see me.
You can't see me.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
So you killed the beefy boy.
Does that buy us some more time?
Yeah, it does Good.
All right, you are at turn 11on that of the dice.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I will say in hindsight the omen hounds sounds
really cool, but they go awayas soon as they kill the one
target that you've assigned.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I guess hounds sounds really cool, but they go away
as soon as they kill the onetarget that you've assigned.
I guess it's yeah, you got toput them on your beefy, a beefy
target.
The big guy, yeah, yeah, johnny, big fight, uh, some of these,
oh uh, that last cultist, um,we're just gonna see if he still
is like in shock of you goahead and make his.
I'm gonna say gosh, I'm gonnasay a wisdom like he's like.
I mean, the beard is cool, Ikind of want to touch it, but he
(33:27):
also kind of looks like a, likea angry.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
My pillow right now can it be a disadvantage?
Because, like all of the thingsthat have happened, yeah, he's
seen a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, uh, 10 on the die okay, yeah, he's, he's kind
of just kind of going to take asecond to.
He's going to still darttowards those eggs, but it's
going to now be at disadvantageto try to smash one of them.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
I turn around like Yoshi and shoot an egg out of my
ass with my newfound goosepowers.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
It's an ostrich egg, but you can, yeah, roll,
constitution saving, throw mynewfound goose powers.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
It's an ostrich egg, but you can do it.
Yeah, roll, constitution savingthrow to see how destroyed your
b-hole is.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
It's for the sake of Chester.
If that could do it to savereality, chester would do it.
Roll that con save.
Oh no I don't want this.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Not like this.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I mean he missed the egg.
But also now you've justwatched you shit yourself at him
.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
I have to help him 21 .
21 constitution saver.
You enjoy it.
Good, I'm saving the world.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
There's no way I summoned an egg to shoot out.
I was trying to make a goof.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Lord Featherton's like there's nothing in you, man
, it's just a feather beard.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
But you.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I don't actually turn around, you're wearing pants.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
You just shit your pants, I'm just walking around
like a toddler.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
Why is that the goof You're like.
This happens.
You're so pick and choosy withwhat goofs happen and don't
happen that's because I'm a dm,it's what I get to do.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Oh man, all right.
Uh, you don't shit your pants,you don't shit an egg you shit
both gotcha yeah, it's like acadbury egg of poop.
All right, okay, that cultist,uh, takes those swipes, misses.
That dragon is going to justfrom the shadows, it gets
(35:27):
advantage on this.
Okay, it just tail slams downon this thing.
This last cultist All right,that is going to make it.
That was Ekrem.
Okay, beefy, bull, beefy.
Okay, chester, what do you wantto do, uh?
Speaker 4 (35:47):
so you said the it killed the cultist just checking
.
Yeah, uh, I guess I'll just goahead and take a swing at the
one, like I'll do, like atwo-piece the one guy that's
still there, just to geteveryone away from the eggs.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
There's still one portal.
No, you should be one.
Speaker 4 (36:04):
Okay, there's one portal left.
One cultist, though there's theI I killed.
There's four, I killed two.
One just got crushed the gooseate one oh, the goose ate one.
Yeah, you're right, I forgot.
How could I?
Sorry I I repressed that frommy memory uh, you're busy
shitting your pants, yeah, likean old-timey riddle if, if I
punch two people to death, agoose eats one.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
The harvest will be bountiful.
It's like a common core mathproblem.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
I'm kind of at a loss , for I want to protect these
eggs.
I don't have a bag of holdingor anything like that that I
remember in my notes, but I wantto protect these eggs.
Can I take a perception checkto see what I could do?
Yeah, like what's around uh 16.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Okay, you notice, uh, around this there's a an alco
like a crack that you couldprobably go and hide them uh in,
and or you could even post up,put them, slip them in there and
then just that's what I woulddo.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
uh, I would quickly gather them gingerly, as quickly
as I can, without beingdetrimental.
They're dragon eggs.
They're pretty tough, they'recovered in scales.
They're hot to the touch, myskin hurts.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
It's fine Actually they feel oh, these are mossy.
They do.
They feel like soft moss, andyou also get just that calm
feeling when you're in natureand you're like this is nice,
and then the mushrooms kick inand you're like this is nice and
a little terrifying.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
But yeah, I'd like to just quickly get them in there
and then post my body betweenthe just ready.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
All right, you're not going to say anything cool Like
look at a cultist and be likesorry, we scrambled your plans.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
No.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
To who?
They're all dead around here.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
What a sociopath For me that's even worse.
Just be like hey, dead guy whoI killed, egg pun.
I'm having a shell of a time.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Oh, see you in shell would have been.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
Good, see you in shell would have been good, See
you in shell would have beengood.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah, yeah no See, this is why we workshop these
things.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Yeah, yeah, all right , I would make a joke, but I'm
Fuck, fuck you, man.
I'd say something funny, butI'm all out of yolks.
There it is.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Well, you really suck cloaca.
All right.
That suck cloaca, all right.
That's what dragons have tohave, right?
No, I don't know, um, that'sgonna bring us back up to the
top.
There is just one uh portalleft open.
Ekram, go ahead and give me uh,just a dumb luck.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Check oh god, the last one wasn't so well cool,
it's better than that one.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Three okay getting more lucky, nothing happens.
Good, good, all right.
You do see.
However, the remainingspellcaster cultist that's
keeping this portal open, divesthrough it and it winks out of
existence behind him.
Damn it.
So an attempt to follow thatisn't going to work.
(38:58):
All right, you guys havesurvived this.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Hey, that's great, but did the dragon?
Don't do this.
He's actually like you hear inyour head hey guys, that was
pretty.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Oh my God, I slept on this dead guy.
Oh my God, if somebody wouldhave said an egg pun, I would
have known he was there.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
There's like a stool on the ground and just million
dollar babies themselves on anormal size stool.
We can't do that.
That's how.
Speaker 4 (39:26):
Ekron became or Chester became killer number one
, so you can't self-referenceourselves, re-traumatize them.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Hey everybody, good job.
Let's celebrate by eating somecraft services.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Oh, no, is there shellfish in this.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Then we could have a subplot where that stool's been
following Chester.
The stool's like.
I'm the real killer number one.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
The stool's like I fucked his wife.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
So now you agree, you have a wife.
No, there's no wife.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
You know how goofs work, Kevin.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Yeah, selectively.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
No, so the fight's over.
Yeah, I'm gonna walk up tochest and be like buddy.
I'm sorry about your wife.
What the fuck.
Speaker 4 (40:07):
What are you?
Speaker 3 (40:07):
talking about.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
I overheard that cult to say he fucked your wife I'd
like to do an insight check tosee if that's actually uh ekram
or maybe a cult member indisguise, because he's talking
about something I only mentionedto the cult members.
All right, Don't worry, it's aplus zero buddy and 11.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Do I have to roll against that?
Speaker 2 (40:28):
No, he's just like.
I don't know about you.
Well, you're all shadowy andangry.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
You're a shadow angry man right now.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
That's true For at least another, like probably
nine minutes, Because it lastsfor 10 minutes and I'm a cool
guy.
Like I said something cool, Idid like I did my job real good.
So this, we seem weird to eachother.
Yeah, oh is?
Speaker 2 (40:52):
uh, is my shadow clone still off watching?
Uh, you just hear good job, yousurprised me there, but you'll
still need me sometime.
I can wait.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I've waited for so long.
Okay, I'm gonna wait.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
Even the shadow's lame.
Nobody says ominous and thenphases out Don't say it no, he
reverses, he phases in.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
You're like whoa.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Ominous.
Oh whoa, oh shit.
Yeah, he just tried to get likea jump scare on you, like it
was the end of Insidious.
All right, lord Featherton, thegoose kind of looks over
everything and just surveys thekind of carbon.
She sees a lot of his soldiers,his loyal followers and
(41:42):
subjects dead um.
But you do also sense thatsense of relief of like they've
prevented something terriblefrom happening.
Uh, the dragon shrinks down, uhto kind of this withered,
(42:02):
looking wise old man, just aballista, just threw his arm,
yeah.
He actually plucks it out likeit's almost like a splinter to
him in this form.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
Ooh.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
And.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Oh, thank you guys.
I appreciate your efforts andChester, if you don't mind.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
And he holds out his hands I shake his hand.
Speaker 4 (42:27):
Oh, I go for a hand like oh sorry, buddy, I uh yeah,
so I go like the weird left andright to do like two handshakes
.
Is this how it's accustomedhere?
Speaker 1 (42:34):
okay, I meant give me my eggs, oh oh shit, oh yeah.
He moves out the way and helike, oh no, picks him up also
I've been shot in the arm andyou're like let's touch the arm.
Speaker 3 (42:45):
Huh, in my head I imagined you like, panicking in
the moment to reach out to shakehis hand, forgetting you're
holding the egg.
No, no, no, we don't make goofshere because cavan will make it
a reality that's why I said inmy head oh, you're just holding
the one remaining egg like, ohmy god all right, I hand him the
(43:07):
eggs he uh well, let's put thisa little bit somewhere safe.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
He snaps his fingers, uh, and that egg disappears.
Back to that dream dimensionnot the one where the beefy boy
is enjoying like I imagine he'senjoying some kebabs.
We're putting a lot of.
Speaker 4 (43:26):
We've done a lot of like where these cultists go and
what are they're doing in theirdreamland.
We've put a lot of effort intothat, ekram, and we would have
no idea yeah, no, I need you toknow they're having a better
time than you have.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yep Well thank you, I appreciate you guys.
This doesn't always go this wayfor us.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
We were told, sometimes it goes bad.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
Hopefully we win this one for good.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
You know, I think you boys might just have a chance
and uh, you see eckham's like orhe's a chest.
You just lean over to eckham,like he, uh, he reaches behind
his back and you don't even knowhow he could have done this,
because there's like, not like,there's anything back there.
He pulls out, uh a sack justinto magic, now just a bag and
he, he hands it to you, ekram,and give me a uh, give me just
(44:31):
an athletics check athletics youlooked at chester.
Oh, I said ekram so well, healso is like.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
I'm going to go over here now.
Speaker 4 (44:44):
You still got angry face.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Don't even look at my eggs, that's clearly like you
don't get this bag.
Speaker 4 (44:50):
This is his.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
What did you do?
Do you remember the shit youtalked?
Speaker 3 (44:56):
He's actually way worse with money, so if it is
some kind of payment, What'd youget 14.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Okay, you see a small bag and you are like well this
is just a little tiny guy.
I don't need to brace my, andyou immediately get pulled to
the ground uh, it's every look,I swear you realize, whatever's
in here is just absolutelymassive.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
Or dense.
It's very small but heavy.
That's dense, yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
You boys, I think you're going to have some.
You guys are going to have somefun.
Hell, yeah, it's a JeepCherokee.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Yes, what this podcast bought to you by Jeep
Cherokee.
What if this was just one bigplug?
All right, and that's wherewe're going to end this session.
Oh shit, you guys are going toget to level up as you have
basically averted this versionof the apocalypse.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
That's exciting.
Speaker 4 (45:56):
Hell yeah, I'm very excited Scott Flaws gets fun
stuff down there.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
All right, hey, so this is our session.
Tysonyson, where can we findyou?
Where can we see you?
Speaker 4 (46:06):
uh.
You can find me sometimes atelephant moon really cool place
uh in indianapolis, indiana.
So come by, check out that coolgame shop where we recorded at
today, uh.
But if you want to find meonline, you can find me at tyson
cox comedy all one word on allthe platforms my name is ty
Walton.
Speaker 3 (46:20):
You can find me at Nerd News.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
And I am Cavan Eggleston.
You can find me at Cavan,underscore Egg or
CavanEgglestoncom.
Hello, it is I, the fella.
Speaker 4 (46:29):
That talks after the show, but before the outro music
.
I just want to say thank youagain for listening.
It's super cool that you guysare here and we get to do this
goofy cool thing.
So are here and we get to dothis goofy cool thing, so that's
amazing.
Uh, we have a patreon.
If you guys want to support us,we would love it.
Uh, that way, the more money weget, the more we can do make
exclusive pod content, do morevideo stuff, it's all that kind
(46:53):
of stuff, uh.
So if you want to do that,that'd be amazing.
Uh.
But I just wanted to let youguys know we got some shows
coming up.
We got the september 19th we'reat commonwealth uh, that's
right outside of Cincinnati andthen we have our usual upcoming
normal ones.
So the 2nd of October we're atPlanet of the Tapes and the 9th
of October we are back at theWhite Rabbit.
(47:13):
Other than that, we got a lotof cool stuff going on.
So stay tuned.
Thank you again for listeningand may your rolls be 20s.
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