August 8, 2024 • 46 mins
"Hey, this random dude I just met in the bathroom invited us to their table in the VIP section. Free drinks."
Ahmed Al-khadri didn't have to say much more to his two female companions. As 20-somethings, they were ready to party and this was a shortcut.
Little did they know that accepting the offer would lead them on the wildest night they had ever experienced.
Ahmed recounts the story.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Max Chopovsky (00:02):
This is Moral of the Story Interesting people
telling their favorite shortstories and then breaking them
down to understand what makesthem so good.
I'm your host, max Tchaikovsky.
Today's guest is comedian AhmedAl-Khadri, who has blazed a,
shall we say, unorthodox path tofunny.
After all, how many comediansdo you know that started their
careers in private equityaccounting?
(00:23):
But we need to go a bit furtherback, all the way to Yemen.
Yes, the one in the ArabianPeninsula, right next to Saudi
Arabia, right by Oman, acrossfrom Djibouti yeah, that one.
Now Ahmed's parents, in theirquest to GTFO and in search of a
better life, emigrated to theUS and then they got to work
having kids.
Ahmed is the second oldest ofsix, born in New Mexico, he grew
(00:47):
up in a small community inDallas, texas.
As an immigrant kid he likelyreceived clear marching orders
on career choices Doctor, lawyer, maybe something in IT.
He chose something that he knewwould get approved by his
parents, while also providingtons of material for his nascent
comedy career accounting.
That's right, becauseaccounting is hilarious.
(01:08):
But where did he get the ideafor comedy?
Well, when his parents moved,the culture shock was real.
As an immigrant myself, I canvouch for this.
So they watched shows they werecomfortable with Mr Bean,
charlie Chaplin, I Love Lucy,like comedic fare, easy on the
psyche.
Ahmed ate it up.
The shows were a crash courseon physical comedy, and he spent
(01:30):
hours glued to the TV learninghow facial expressions can
elevate a joke and how toperfectly time a punchline.
But it wasn't until he saw Dumband Dumber that his love for
funny went into overdrive, andso he became the funniest
accountant in training at theUniversity of Texas at Dallas.
It didn't hurt that he wasprobably the only funny
(01:51):
accountant in training, but thatdidn't matter.
He was hooked.
Graduating in 2014, ahmednaturally got a job with asset
management firm Neuberger Berman, where he used more of his
accounting skills than hiscomedy skills, but he honed the
ladder at the Dallas ComedyHouse, which he joined in 2016
to pursue improv.
This was the move that changedhis life.
(02:12):
By the time he was 23, ahmedwas taking stand-up more
seriously, and a short timelater he left his accounting job
and moved to LA Taking classesfor sketching and improv at UCP
and Groundlings.
Ahmed was all in being atypical hardworking immigrant
kid.
His hustle started to pay off.
One thing led to another, with afew viral jokes leading to a
(02:34):
large TikTok and Instagramfollowing, and Ahmed found
himself playing Liam in DavidDiamond Hands, playing himself
on Fox's Love Connection andeventually he found himself on
tour himself on Fox's LoveConnection.
And eventually he found himselfon tour and his loyal followers
known as Breadcrumbs or PureBreads, depending on probably an
intricate system of loyaltydebits and credits devour his
(02:57):
content about as rabidly as hedevoured all those episodes of
Mr Bean.
Of course, as an overachieverwho's not content to just do one
thing, ahmed also hosts biketours of LA and indulges his
inner foodie by writing Yelpreviews for new restaurants near
Hollywood.
So he's kind of like a turnkeyexperience concierge you hop on
a bike, you get some fabulousgrub and you laugh the whole way
.
Well played, my friend, wellplayed.
So my man, ahmed the Polymath,welcome to the show.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (03:22):
What is going on .
This is the greatest intro I'veever had in my entire life
Amazing, thank you.
I've never been more honored inmy life.
You made me seem like I'm thiscool guy that blogs on history
books.
I'm in a black and white photowith a suit on.
Max Chopovsky (03:39):
I'm just stating facts, bro.
I'm just stating facts, that'sall.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (03:41):
Yeah, I know, I was just like God damn, I did a
lot.
Max Chopovsky (03:45):
It's all real, it's all true.
Yeah, I know, and I'm justgetting started, dude, is there
anything that you want to say toset the stage before we get
started, or do you want to justgo right in?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (04:07):
I guess like I'm just going to jump into the
story and just go from there.
I mean, I guess the best way toput it is we all do some crazy
shit in our 20s, huh, all right,so anyways, it all started in
December of 2014,.
Right, I just finished myfinals a bit early and I was
feeling really good because Iwas like this is my last finals
of the year.
So I was like feeling reallygood and I was commuting to
school.
So I was going to UTD and I waslike just driving in Richardson
where my parents' house is, Idrive over there and I play the
(04:28):
number one song at the timeBruno Mars, uptown Funk Play
that I'm shucking and jiving,telling my mom like, hey, we
just finished finals.
I'm the first kid in the familyto finish college.
So I was very happy, drove backto UTD and I drove back to my
little house.
I lived in like the fraternityhouse at the time and well, not
really a fraternity, we didn'thave Greek life, but we just had
(04:51):
me and my fraternity brothers.
We just like rented a house.
So I was like just chilling andI finished finals early and all
of a sudden, I get a text fromtwo of my friends.
They're two sorority girls Forfriends.
They're two sorority girls Forthe sake of this story, I'm
going to give them differentnames.
So we got Kelly and Shelly.
So Kelly and Shelly hit me upand they're always like.
They're like really goodfriends of mine and it's always
(05:12):
like, hey, let's go out.
We just finished finals.
Early too.
Everybody else was takingfinals.
I was like, yeah, that's fine.
So there's in Dallas, especiallywhen you went to UTD, there was
like two kinds of places youcould drink.
There was actually severalneighborhoods you could drink,
but there was one everyoneusually goes to is Uptown, right
Uptown, very bougie.
(05:33):
A lot of you had 30,000 Dallasmillionaires.
There was like the stereotypein Dallas where you make 30K but
then you pretend like you makea year of millionaires, one of
those.
It's like a wish version ofMiami.
And then instead we're likelet's go to Shops at Legacy.
I used to make this joke I go.
Shops at Legacy is where uptowngirls grow up and go retire, so
(05:57):
it's all older people there atShops at Legacy.
So we go.
We find this bar.
It's like me, kelly and Shelly,they hop in.
I had like a 2011 rundown hondaaccord.
No, not even 2011, it was like2004 or some shit like that.
Right, right, I had to likepull a string to rev the engine.
So we like, we pull up and wego to this bar and we already
(06:22):
pre-gamed that, obviously, at myplace and we go over and I go,
there's a cover band playingBruno Mars.
I was like, alright, it's thatfucking song again, I'll fuck
you up.
I was like, alright, we're at ashop at Legacy now, but you do,
you, bro?
So they're playing, it's acover band.
And then we're like, okay, thisis cool.
But we noticed this is allolder people.
(06:44):
I had just turned 21.
Kelly and Shelly are 21.
We are the youngest people atthat bar by at least 20 years,
right.
So I was like, hey, guys, I'mgoing to go to the bathroom.
I go to the bathroom, I'mwashing my hands, and then this
guy next to me, this big dudetill this day I don't really
remember his name, but we'lljust call him Matt I don't
(07:04):
really specifically remember hisname for a reason and I'm
washing my hands and he was like, hey, what's up, bro?
Look at you, good looking youngkid.
And I was like, yeah.
And he was like, yeah, I sawyou walking with those two girls
, nice, nice.
And I was like, yeah, man, justyeah, just hanging out.
And he was just like, bro, Ithink you're fucking cool, you
should join me and my table.
(07:25):
We're at the VIP section,drinks on us.
And I was just like free.
I mean listen, if you're goingto offer free drinks to a
21-year-old kid, that's likeoffering free candy.
Well, I'm fucking 30 years old,you give me free candy and I'm
just as excited.
But I was like, yeah, sure,just as excited.
But I was like, yeah, sure.
So I go over to Kelly andShelly.
(07:45):
I was like yo, this random dudeI met in the bathroom just
invited me to the VIP sectionand he's giving us free drinks.
And Kelly and Shelly are likefree drinks, don't mind if we do
so.
We go to the VIP section.
I was trying to meet this guynamed Matt and then Matt's wife
named let's call her Matt's wife, call her Matt's wife.
Great name.
I know Matt's wife and you knowI introduced.
(08:07):
And then I meet his Matt'sfriend and then Matt's friend's
wife.
So Bob and Bob's wife.
I was like okay.
And then a couple other friendsthat they're around.
They're all giving us freedrinks and all of a sudden I see
Bob's wife making out withMatt's wife and I'm looking at
Matt and he's looking at me.
(08:28):
He's like so hot, am I right?
I was just like the fuck ishappening, what is this?
And then he was like check thisout.
And then he pulls out his phoneand then he just starts showing
me pictures of Bob's wife, boband Matt's wife and him.
They're all naked, they're allhooking up with each other.
What so?
(08:49):
We joined a swingers club.
That's outstanding.
So we joined a swingers cluband I was just like, and he was
just like bro, I think you wouldlook so hot.
I've always wanted.
Here's the thing I grew up inTexas there's not a lot of brown
people there.
Cause, like I've always wanted,here's the thing I grew up in
Texas there's not a lot of brownpeople there.
Because I've always wanted afucking sexy Arab dude, just to
(09:10):
rail my wife.
Max Chopovsky (09:12):
What, what.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (09:16):
I'm already three drinks in.
I was just like huh, I was likeyo what?
And I was like yo what?
And I was like first off, I'm21.
So I was like have sex whilethe guy is watching, that's kind
of gay, isn't it?
Max Chopovsky (09:35):
That's what you said to him.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (09:37):
Yeah, I was like this cover band is loud as shit
, so I was like that's kind ofgay, isn't it?
Max Chopovsky (09:44):
Oh my God, what did he say?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (09:46):
And he was just like bro, it's not gay.
And he starts laughing.
He was like bro, it's not gay.
And he was like come onwhatever.
And I was just like, I didn'treally think anything of it, but
I was like go to Killing Chet.
I was like and they're like oh,no, worries, bob guy just gave
us some cocaine.
And then the Bob guy gives him.
He's like yo, you want somecocaine.
(10:07):
He gives us this little thing.
I've only done cocaine twotimes before.
That Like already.
I usually don't do cocaine, I'mannoying enough already.
Imagine me on cocaine.
Just like y'all, just likepitching business meetings to
you.
I was like y'all, she's likepitching business meetings to
you.
I was like yo, I'll have thewebsite by Monday bro.
Yeah, let's do this Anyways.
(10:29):
So all of a sudden, like youknow, we start snoring some
cocaine.
And all of a sudden, like I wasjust like, all right, we'll
take some more drinks and thenI'll tell Kelly and Shelly I was
like we're going to get out ofhere.
We're like, whenever it's timewe'll leave, you know.
(10:49):
And they're like, okay, well,we're having fun right now.
I was like, okay, they didn't.
They don't know the situation.
He just told me what happened.
I was like, okay, this is crazy.
All of a sudden, they close outthe tab and they're like, hey,
we're going to another bar.
I was like, yeah, sure, noproblem.
So we all you know migrate tothe other bar and they're still
giving us free drinks and freeCoke and we're like I mean,
we're 21.
Like, looking back, I couldhave just been like thank you so
(11:14):
much, let's leave.
But one thing about myself and Ithink this is like just I've
been trying to teach myself islearn when to say no and draw
boundaries.
But to me I'm like yo, you'regiving me free shit, and plus,
also, when you're like drunk andcoked out, there's no such
thing as boundaries and whatever.
So all of a sudden, like we goto the other bar and then, like,
(11:37):
I'm like grabbing some, we'relike still drinking.
They get another VIP section,right, another couple comes,
joins them and then they allstart the older people.
They're all just making outwith each other, right, and
we're all like just me and theother 21-year-olds.
We're just like watching, likeall right, cool, just drinking,
but also like coked out.
So we're just like these peopleare weird, but they're so nice.
(11:59):
We kept saying they're so nice,they're real nice.
And then all of a sudden I'mlike I go to the dance floor.
They're playing some songs.
I, you know, I'm grooving, youknow I'm feeling loose barbecue
sauce on my titties, like I'mout here, right, and I'm out
here, I'm shucking and jiving,I'm grooving out.
And then all of a sudden,matt's wife.
(12:21):
She grabs butt, like in themiddle of the dance floor, and I
turn.
I was like what.
And then she grabs my balls.
She grabs it and then, in themiddle of the dance floor, it
starts making out with me.
I'm 21 years old and I was like,fuck yeah, I'm about to have
sex with an older girl.
So I was just like.
Now, all of a sudden, I'm like,oh yeah, cool, I'm about to.
(12:44):
I'm making out with this olderwoman.
Hell, yeah, you know how, whenyou're 20 years old I remember
at 21, we were all like you knowhow, when you're 21 in college,
you try to have that checklistlike, oh, have you hooked up
with a girl twice your age?
You know we've.
Yeah, max is nodding.
Okay, good, so we've all beenthere.
So I was like okay, I thinkshe's twice my age based on the
(13:04):
wrinkles on her forehead.
So I think I'm 21,.
Bro, I don't know.
Max Chopovsky (13:10):
Right now I'm 30.
That's the KPI foreheadwrinkles.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (13:13):
Yeah, forehead wrinkles.
So then we're like making out.
I was like oh yeah, cool.
And then all of a sudden she waslike okay, I tried to like take
her to the bathroom.
She was like I'm not going tohook you up with the bathroom,
but I'm coked out.
I was like let's go hook up inthe bathroom.
She was like no, they stillgave me enough drinks.
And then they were like allright, let's all go back to our
condo.
And then I was like okay.
(13:35):
And then Kelly and Shellythey're like yeah, let's go back
to the condo and then have agood feeling about this.
I don't have a good feelingabout this.
So we all go back to the condoand they're like living at the
Shopside Legacy, they go up tolike the top floor.
Bro, it was like six.
So it was six older people, allcouples.
(13:56):
And then it was me and my twofriends.
They've given us so much drinksand all that stuff.
All of a sudden, like I waslike we're in the apartment,
we're in their condo.
Shelly, fortunately, she justlike goes straight to the couch
and passes out, she's sleeping.
And then I was like okay, allright, she's sleeping and I'm
like standing next to her makingsure she's okay.
(14:17):
And then, like all of a sudden,like one of the swingers, like
three, like a guy and two of thegirls they like went into a
room like a random room Right,and then all of a sudden Matt's.
I go to the bathroom, matt'swife follows me into the
bathroom and she's trying tohook up with me.
Oh, so now the bathroom is okay,right, good catch.
(14:40):
So I was just like I don't wantto say it's assault, because
maybe it's because I'm an oldergeneration and I'm like women
can't assault you, come on.
It's like that scene in Curbyour Enthusiasm, when that child
, that boy child actor, was likeI was abused by an older woman.
And then Larry David was likecome on, Like, come on.
(15:05):
So I was like hooked out andthen, like she starts like
making out with me and thenshe's like pulling my pants down
and I'm like coked out and Iwas just like I'm like getting
into it.
But then also, like I was likewait a minute, I just left Kelly
and Shelly in that living roomwith, like like those two other
guys.
Right, bro, this was, it'scrazy.
Until this day I don't know, Iwas like how long was I in that
(15:27):
bathroom.
So I was like hey, like can yougive me a second?
I'll be right back.
I pull up my pants and I'm likelike, like I was like what the
fuck is going on?
Like I'm like coked out.
And then, like I go into theliving room, there is two more
guys there.
I was like where the fuck didthose come from.
I was like some old like I'mtalking about.
He looked like he was in hissixties.
(15:48):
Two more guys were in theliving room.
I was like what the fuck?
So now there's four dudes andthey're all surrounding in the
kitchen, around Kelly, andthey're all talking.
Kelly's just like you know,talking entertaining them.
I don't know what they weresaying.
And then I just see Shellypassed out and then I see some
random dude, another guy,another five.
(16:09):
I don't know where these guyscame from till this day.
I was like did they come whileI was in the bathroom?
What was going on?
And I was just like what'sgoing on?
I see Kelly surrounded by dudes,and I see Shelly passed out and
one guy just like with a drinkand just staring at her and I
was like I don't have a goodfeeling about this.
And he's just like.
He's like slowly, likecaressing her hair, and she's
(16:32):
passed out.
I was like, oh shit, oh no,yeah, I know.
So then, like, I was like Igotta think quick.
So I ran over to that littletable of all the cocaine and I
took a big old line and I waslike Popeye's and I went over.
I was like Kelly, we got to go.
Something came up.
She was like okay, and then Iwent over to Shelly and I picked
(16:55):
her up off the couch likeoverhead Thank God she was a
small girl.
And I was like all right, thankyou guys so much.
And they were all like cokedout staring at me like thank you
so much, take our number down.
I was like okay, sorry,something came up.
It's fucking 5 am.
And I'm like yeah, somethingcame up Bro.
(17:16):
I was like okay, we gotta go,we gotta go.
And Kelly's like what happened?
I was like I'll tell you laterin the car and like what
happened?
I was like I'll tell you laterin the car.
And then like I like slowly, Iput like Shelly in the back of
the Honda and all of a sudden,right when I put her in the car,
she wakes up.
She was like oh man, whathappened?
I just took a nice nap orsomething.
And I was just like you don'twant to know.
(17:39):
And then, like I put Kelly inthe passenger, shelly's in the
back and I start driving.
And it's 5 am, I'm driving backto from Plano to Richardson and
I'm swifting through makingsure cops don't catch me.
But what's cool is, like youknow 10 on two not to brag Max.
I'm a great driver on under theinfluence.
You know that trick you like.
By the way, guys, I'm joking, Iam not, I don't recommend.
Max Chopovsky (18:01):
I was like are you actually driving when you're
that hammered?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (18:04):
Yeah, I was.
I was drunk and coked out and Iwas like driving.
And I was like driving all theway back to Richardson.
I get back to my place and thenall of a sudden, like we're in
the bed.
And then Kelly and Shellyjoined me in the bed.
I was like, okay, that's new,this is new.
And thenlly was like.
(18:28):
She was like, oh my god, like Istill can't sleep.
She pulls up my laptop andstarts pulling up porn.
So now me, kelly and shellywere all watching porn together
and I was like, oh my god, am Iabout to have my first threesome
because she pulls up threesome?
And I was like, oh my God, am Iabout to have my first
threesome?
Oh my God, hey, forget thesleeping with a girl twice your
(18:52):
age.
Next on the list is threesomeand we're about to mark that off
.
I'm feeling good, all right,barbecue sauce on my chin,
feeling great.
And all of a sudden, rightbefore like I didn't make a move
, we're just watching.
All of a sudden I hear a knockon my door and I was like what?
What's going on?
It's 530 at this point and it'sVarun, my roommate, and I was
(19:16):
like what the fuck do you want?
And Varun's like dude, I'm sosorry, can you give me a ride to
the airport?
I was like what?
What do you mean?
You need a ride to the airport?
I was like go ask.
I was like I was like literallygo ask the other roommates
right now, go ask the other.
I was like no, no.
And he was like please.
He was like come on.
He closed.
He was like okay, I closed thedoor.
(19:37):
And then we're like we go back.
And then like all of a sudden,like two minutes later I get
another knock on the door.
It's Varun.
And I was like what do you wanthe goes?
I am so sorry, but right now,like all the other roommates
won't wake up, you're awake,please just take me to the
airport.
And I was like why didn't hetell me a night sooner or a
(19:58):
night before?
He was like I forgot, smart kid, he wasn't the best planner,
anyways.
And I was like fuck, are youserious?
And he was like yeah, I waslike God damn it.
So I go to Kelly and Shelly.
He's like I am so sorry, andI'm still drunk and coked out,
obviously.
And I was like hey, I have totake Varun to the airport.
(20:20):
And they're like why do youhave to take him to the airport?
I was like he's bad at planningand they're like, hey, on your
way back, can you bringWhataburger?
I was like, yeah, sure, why not?
I take Varun to the airport.
The whole time I'm bitching athim.
I was like you don't even knowthe night I'm having right now.
And he was just like you don'teven know the things I'm doing
(20:40):
right now.
I was like you don't even know.
So I drop him off at theairport.
And the airport is like DFW islike kind of not too far, but
it's farther.
I mean like all airports, bro,it's like it's an hour trip,
it's not a long trip, it's not afast trip.
Take him to the airport, blah,blah, blah.
Drop him off.
(21:01):
On my way home I stop by getsome Whataburger and I get back
to my place and I see Kelly andShelly and they're just passed
out, they're sleeping.
And I was like man, like I'mfucking, like that little
depressed donkey from we Needthe Poo, eeyore.
I was fucking Eeyore.
So I put the Whataburger likebag, big bag, put it to the side
(21:24):
.
I like move Kelly and Shelly,and I like just sleep.
I don't even sleep, I just laydown and I'm staring at the
ceiling and I was just like man,what the fuck just happened.
I was like I had so many missedopportunities here and I was
like I could have just said no.
And I was just like lookingback at the night, I was like,
(21:47):
bro, I could have just when youshould have zigged, but you
zagged One of those.
And then, literally 20 minuteslater, my alarm hits.
I was like, oh yeah.
So, max, I put on my cap andgown.
So, max, I put on my cap andgown, and then I went over to
UTD and I graduated and got mydegree from the University of
(22:07):
Texas at Dallas.
So I'm literally like watching.
And then they were like up nextI'm at El Cadre and I'm like
slouching and I grab, I get mylittle paper and then I go down
and then I see my mom and I'mlike sorry, I don my mom.
And then, like I sit back down,I'm like all right, we
graduated.
Oh my God, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(22:30):
So that was the night Igraduated college, or the day
the morning of, yeah, what I didthe night before, yeah, it was
crazy.
Max Chopovsky (22:38):
That is insane.
Yeah, your mom would have beenlike how you don't look, all
right, you, all right, you looktired.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (22:44):
You were just so happy.
You were just so happy.
When you saw me the nightbefore, I was like I know, oh,
one more piece of detail,because, rule of threes, I
forgot On my way driving backfrom the airport.
I'm fucking pissed because Iwas like, dude, I'm missing out,
I'm missing out, I'm missingout.
I'm trying to keep myself awake.
I turn on the radio.
Uptown Funk is playing.
(23:04):
I was like, oh, come on, ofcourse, of course it's playing.
So yeah, that night was crazy.
Just some follow-up details.
Like that same swinger guy,matt, I remember like months
later I once saw him.
I was at Shopsideite Legacy andI was like, oh, last time I was
(23:25):
here it was wild.
But I was leaving a bar and Ihear beep, beep, beep, beep in
the parking lot of that bar.
It's Matt and he's waving meover and he was like yo, what's
up, dude?
And then he was like you want abump?
Oh my God.
And I was like you have aproblem?
Oh man.
But yeah, these were like older, 40s, 50s years old.
(23:45):
That was crazy.
Later on I realized Dallas hasa huge swingers community and
Florida.
Max Chopovsky (23:51):
I did not know about Dallas.
I would have assumed Florida.
I did not know about Dallas.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (23:55):
Yeah, dallas, and the sign for swingers.
It's an upside down pineapple.
Max Chopovsky (24:01):
Like the universal sign for swingers.
I didn't know that either.
Yeah, that's wild.
I could picture you drivingfrom the airport and like Uptown
Funk is playing.
It's a remix, that's in a minorkey, and now it's a ballad and
there's like the world'ssmallest violin is just playing
and you're just like just comingdown off of everything that
(24:24):
you've been doing for the last Idon't know eight hours and it's
like what an arc from thebeginning where you're so pumped
and you're hearing Uptown Funkin the beginning of the night.
And then now you're drivingback and the sun is rising and
everybody's chipper ready tograduate and you're just like
FML right now.
Just FML, like, seriously, Iwould have gone to Varun and
(24:47):
been like dude, you owe me big,you owe me big.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (24:51):
Oh, he did, he did owe me big.
Till this day I was like, did Iever tell him?
I know he remembers, but I haveto like remind him.
I got to call him and tell himwhat's up, but like it was like
one of the wildest nights everand I'm glad I got to share it
on this podcast Cause I was like, oh, I can't tell this story,
oh, I cannot.
Max Chopovsky (25:09):
But now this is a perfect podcast.
You have to pick, like theright opportunity.
Well, let me ask you thisthere's probably more than one,
but what would you say is themoral of that story?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (25:21):
Oh my God.
Initially the first cause thatis the title of this podcast I
was like what is the moral ofthe story?
And for me it was boundaries,like learning when to say no and
making decisions.
Because throughout my twentiesit was always yes.
One of my favorite movies isyes man starring Jim Carrey
(25:42):
Cause.
Like even before I was likethat was already me.
I was like, yeah, I say yes toevery single thing because you
never know what's going tohappen.
But I, the one that was likeboundaries and saying no other
boundaries is moral of the story, is cocaine is a hell of a drug
.
I'd say that one definitely islearning to say no and
(26:06):
boundaries and like having morecontrol over, like don't let
your desires take advantage.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I'd say those for sure.
Max Chopovsky (26:16):
I mean it's interesting because, like when I
think about being a yes man, Ithink part of the reason that
people do that is because theyhave massive, massive FOMO, just
massive.
Because hey, if I don't say yesto this, who knows, this could
be the greatest story of my lifedown there.
This could be the greatestexperience of my life.
And so FOMO drives being a yesman.
(26:39):
But the older you get and I'vestarted to really embrace this
the more you can lean into beinga no man, and that is driven by
JOMO.
Have you heard of JOMO?
What's that?
The joy of missing out?
Oh, wow.
So it's like that's my new thing, because I make all these.
(26:59):
I set my goals for every yearand I'll make lists of things
that I want to do, and when Iwas in my twenties, these
documents that I would puttogether before the beginning of
every year were like a dozenpages long.
I'd have multiple categoriesacross multiple areas of my life
, from health to fitness, tofriendships, to social, to like
mental growth and all of thisshit.
And the older I've gotten, themore I've been able to narrow
(27:25):
that down and the shorter thosedocuments have gotten, until I
literally said you know whatthis is going to be about Jomo
and it isn't just like here arethe things that I don't really
want to do, so I'm just notgoing to put them on my priority
list.
It's like here are actually somethings that I would love to do
this year, but I am consciouslygoing to not do them because it
(27:46):
allows me to spend more time onthings that I really, really
want to do, like the much moreimportant things that I want to
do, and that's hard.
But also there's probably areally strong corollary between
Jomo and staying out of jail andnot ODing and all of these
(28:06):
other things that in ourtwenties we just say fuck it,
like who cares?
You know, and it's a wonder tome that people don't get
arrested as much as they shouldin their 20s, like there are so
many, so many close calls thatI've personally had that were
(28:30):
just like I can't believe Isurvived my 20s, like I cannot
believe I survived my 20s, andso it actually becomes kind of a
wonderful thing to be able tobe like.
You know what I'm going toreally enjoy missing out on some
of this stuff, because I knowthat the stuff that I'm doing is
actually more important.
So why did you choose to tellthis story?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (28:53):
Honestly, it's because it was one like.
It's the story that I couldnever tell, like you just made
it to where this is a perfectenvironment where I could tell
this story like free of judgment, and I mean it's just like a
wild story of like, especiallybecause you just said my intro
before and the reason why I keptsmiling and getting all giddy,
(29:14):
because I was like, oh dude, I'mabout to tell this story,
they're all gonna be like.
Going to be like what?
Max Chopovsky (29:24):
Because I know my face looks like the vice
president of student council.
This story just shatters theimpression that people have of
you that's been carefullycurated through that well-worded
intro and suddenly they're like, damn, that's not where I
thought that was going to go.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (29:39):
Yeah, and people don't expect it.
So I think that one and also Ichose it because it's just like,
it's just a crazy story and Iwas like, oh, you were like a
crazy story you have never toldbefore.
And I was like I could havegone with, like like I have some
other stories when I used to bea drug dealer and I had like a
pound of weed in my trunk, but Idon't have any like.
(30:00):
It's not like a specific storyof just like certain times, but
Wow.
Max Chopovsky (30:07):
Is that actually?
Is that true?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (30:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah , like I was.
I was a great drug I talk aboutin my special too.
So you were like something younever told before, like I even
talk about it.
Like I used to sell peopledrugs and then invite them to my
improv comedy show.
Max Chopovsky (30:20):
Oh, that's amazing.
I feel like that would be aloyal audience, because they
kind of rely on you, they kindof want to continue doing
business with you and you'relike, hey, you know what it's,
what it's going to take, it's alittle loyalty situation.
That's how you get, you know,upgraded from to a breadcrumb.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (30:38):
Yeah, to a purebred baby like I don't know.
And it's the first story thatpopped up right when you were
telling me.
You were telling me aboutcertain stories, or like a story
you'd never told before, blah,blah, blah.
Like that was the first storythat came up to my head.
I was like bro, I've never.
I was like the fact that itjust immediately popped up in my
head.
I was like I have to tell it.
Max Chopovsky (30:58):
I have to tell it , I have to tell people about
that.
You got to go, yeah.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (31:01):
Yeah, I'm trying to think like is there any
other like moral of the story oranything like that, other than
that?
I think that's the only moralis like learn when to say no.
And this, jomo, is a great lifelesson you just taught me.
I'm 30 now.
I still get better at saying no, but I am still a people
pleaser.
So what I mean by that, as inlike if I say, hey, I'm going to
(31:26):
come support you at your showor I'm going to come to your
birthday dinner, I will show up,I won't cancel unless I'm sick.
But I won't cancel Because it'sa combination of people
pleasing.
But also it's like if I tell aperson I'm going to show up or
I'm going to do something, Iwill do it.
You know, I don't want to befalse promises.
Max Chopovsky (31:47):
Well, and look, let me caveat this it's easy,
with a clear mind, to say no,I'm not going to do that.
But when you have been drinkingand doing blow and you're
surrounded by people that areolder and making out and
continue to provide you withboth substances, you're probably
suffering from a bit of cloudyjudgment.
So it is understandable why youkept going.
(32:10):
I get that, but I do have togive you props because I think
most people, if they're hookingup with somebody in the bathroom
and they're totally in themoment, they are unlikely to be
like, oh my God, like there aretwo unattended girls that that
effectively I'm responsible for,because I'm the guy that Matt
(32:34):
found in the bathroom andbrought us that agreed to go and
join these people.
So I feel kind of a sense ofresponsibility, and so the fact
that you were able agreed to goand join these people, so I feel
kind of a sense ofresponsibility, and so the fact
that you were able to do that,that to me is like if you're
peeing and you stop midstream,it's that difficult, like it's a
mental, it's a mental exercise.
That is not easy.
So props to you for that.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (32:54):
I think when you're coked out you're not as
like, you're not as horny either, so like I think that helped
too.
But also like, especiallybecause I was in a fraternity,
so like a lot of our talks orlike conferences or anything
like with fraternities was likeyou have to make sure you're in
a safe environment for women oryou're providing a safe
(33:15):
environment for women, becauseit's like you know, especially
with that stereotypes of of theassault that like women get
assaulted at fraternity houses.
So even during my time incollege, that's you know.
So I remember like when we werein college we had like a little
program where if a girl was toodrunk we made sure she went
(33:37):
home.
Or you know because like thelast thing especially, I was in
a fraternity called SAE, so thenational stereotype was sexual
assault expected.
That was SAE.
So like our chapter, we liketried really hard to make sure
we didn't have that.
So instead they called us snort, almost everything, and I was
like fair enough.
Max Chopovsky (33:59):
Hold on a sec.
Isn't SAE a Jewish fraternity?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (34:03):
No, no, no, it's a white one.
No, it's Sigma Alpha, epsilon.
Oh, okay, okay, that'd behilarious.
As an Arab, I'm in a Jewishfraternity.
That'd be hilarious.
I was like, hey, L'chaim boys.
Max Chopovsky (34:17):
L'chaim baby, all right.
So let me ask you this as acomedian, you tell stories for a
living and they have to betight stories and they have to
be well thought out and storiesthat you basically hone over
multiple appearances atdifferent clubs where you're
(34:38):
really trying to sort of like,test your material right.
So, when you think about goodstories, what do good stories
have in common?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (34:48):
One of my favorite, a lot of my favorite
storytellers.
There's Mike Birbiglia andthere's a guy named do you know?
He's on YouTube Ali Sadiq.
Have you heard of him?
Check him out.
Oh, my God, you would love thisguy, especially because you
like storytelling.
Ali Sadiq, he's a this blackMuslim comedian.
He initially blew up years agofrom this story called Mexican
(35:11):
got on boots.
It's about how he was on jail.
He just got in and someone likepeople were running around
they're like yo, mexican got onboots and like it means that
there was going to be a riot andhe talks about his journey,
trying to find a knife to try todefend himself, stuff like that
.
It's a really good story.
That one's only like what eightminutes long it's at Ali Sadiq,
(35:32):
this Is Not Happening.
That one's good.
And then he has two specialsout called Domino Effect Part
One and Domino Effect Part Two.
Bro, ali Sadiq, one of the beststorytelling comedians of our
time.
So I think, like a couple ofthings with storytelling is they
have your attention the wholetime, and a good storyteller is
(35:52):
there is no fluff, and that'ssomething I'm trying to work on.
Where it's like the fat of astory, a great storyteller is
like there's no fat on the story.
Everything he says is anessential's no fat on the story.
Everything he says is aessential piece of information
for the story.
Personally, for me, not allstories need to have it, but a
lot of stories have like a greatcallback or like a rule of
(36:13):
threes.
That's why I was like, oh yeah,the Uptown Funk.
I was like I need to throw inthat third one, driving Back,
because I started with it andstarted with it, ended with it.
Personally, everyone has adifferent the angle of how to
attack a story, like mepersonally.
Like I just know, I was likeI'm not the best storyteller.
Again, I used to always fluff.
(36:33):
I would add so much fluff andgive so much backstory when they
didn't need it a lot.
It was really bad.
It's like George Lucas' firstdraft of Star Wars.
It's not good.
So the way I hacked myself intobeing a better storyteller, or
trying to be a betterstoryteller, is I try to think
of it as jokes.
So I do like jokes periodically.
So like in my new act I havethis story of, but I wrote it in
(36:59):
multiple jokes.
But I have this bit about howyou know, I went to a music
festival on mall and I tookMolly and then my phone got
stolen while I was on Molly andit's like this journey trying to
find my friends and find my wayback and all these crazy things
that happened and it's fun,it's a great bit.
Hopefully next time you see melive you'll hear the bit, but
(37:21):
everyone has a different hack.
But I guess, like the essentialsfor being a good storyteller is
something that is relatable tothat you could connect with.
Even though you didn't livethat experience, you still
connect with it in some way,shape or form.
It's like, yeah, I don'tconnect with you know being in
prison, but I do connect withbeing in fear and trying to
(37:43):
figure out like a solution to aproblem you know and also like,
also what keeps for me at leastfor storytelling, it's gotta be,
I mean, funny.
I like funny, you know, likejokes along the way.
We'll keep you grabbing youattention.
And Jim Jeffries, also greatstoryteller, jim Jeffries, ali
Sadiq and, uh, mike Birbiglia Ihighly recommend.
(38:06):
I know I keep bringing them up,but you got to check out Ali
Sadiq when you get a chance.
Max Chopovsky (38:09):
Definitely Mike Birbiglia.
I highly recommend.
I know.
I keep bringing him up.
But you got to check out AliSadiq when you get a chance.
Definitely he kind of lookslike DMX.
It's a strange, it's a strange.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (38:13):
Oh, you're looking him up right now.
Yeah, yeah, I looked him up.
Max Chopovsky (38:16):
He looks like DMX .
It's awesome, you know.
So the fluff thing, that's areally interesting point.
So I think I told you I wrotethis script and we're shooting
this short film in May that I'mdirecting, and the original
script was almost 40 pages and alot of it was just almost like
(38:37):
soundbites or snippets ofconversations that I had with my
parents that are like you can'tmake this shit up Like the most
ridiculous sort of exchangesthat you have with parents,
especially immigrant parents.
The things they'll say to theirkids are just crazy.
And so I kept thinking of thesethings and I found ways to fit
them into the script.
But then, after I learned that,hey, if you want a short get
into festivals, it's got to belike 12 minutes tops.
(38:59):
So I was like all right, I gotto go Rick Rubin on this thing
and just commence the mostruthless edits possible, right.
And I hesitated so much to cutany of that stuff out because
I'm like man, this is a reallyfunny joke, like this is a
really good piece of the story,and yet I had to cut.
And every time I would cut andI would send it to people to get
(39:20):
their thoughts on it.
My main question was is itmissing anything Like?
Do you feel like something ismissing?
Is the story suffering?
And they're like no, like Ican't even remember what was in
there before, because the storystands on its own even after you
remove some of these things.
And that's when I was like allright, cool.
So I rolled up my sleeves and Ireally went ham on it, because
(39:42):
you have to cut a lot of thisstuff out.
I mean, I had to cut out entirescenes, I cut out a character
and looking back on it inhindsight, because I saved all
the prior versions of the script, you can see how much of it was
maybe fluff, maybe it'ssomething that, if it were a
longer form project, would makeperfect sense to have in,
(40:03):
because you could develop thestorylines and the arcs a little
bit more in depth.
But for something short, itjust makes perfect sense to cut
some of that stuff out.
And some of the advice I got wasif it doesn't serve the story,
it's not needed and it doesn'tmatter how good it is.
(40:23):
If it doesn't serve the story,you don't need it and once you
cut it, you don't really evenmiss it.
You know, like I used to have avideo production company and I
would edit a lot of our higherprofile videos myself, and I
hated the editing processbecause I was the DP for most of
(40:44):
those projects and cutting alot of that stuff out was like
damn, that's such a good shot tothose projects.
And cutting a lot of that stuffout was like damn, that's such
a good shot, that's such a goodshot.
And then after I cut it down tothe final length, I didn't even
remember what shots I cut,because it doesn't matter, right
, the only things that shouldstay in are those that are in
service of the story, all right.
So let me ask you this If youcould say one thing to your
(41:08):
20-year-old self, we could endon this, because I think this
will be a good ending.
Note One thing to 20-year-oldAhmed.
What would it be?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (41:19):
I would tell him like, be comfortable with
yourself and be comfortable withsaying no.
You putting yourself firstdoesn't mean that you're hurting
others around you.
You're just putting yourselffirst.
And I think that's the onething I would tell my
20-year-old self.
It's like you don't have to sitand serve other people your
whole life and try to be the yesman and try to make everybody
(41:42):
happy.
Just make you happy.
Max Chopovsky (41:45):
That's a really insightful point actually,
because I'm also a peoplepleaser and happy.
That's a really insightfulpoint actually, because I'm also
a people pleaser and I havefound that because it was my way
as an immigrant to sort ofassimilate is to, you know, make
others laugh and be fun to bearound.
But in doing that I lost sight,I think, of who I really was as
a person, because I was kind ofthe chameleon.
(42:06):
That would be fun in whateverenvironment, but as somebody who
is sort of a chameleon, youstand for everything, right, and
if you stand for everything,you don't stand for anything.
And so it took me a long timeto embrace who I am and you
could still be kind and that'sobviously still very important,
(42:28):
but you also don't have to, asyou said, put yourself last.
That's a really, really solidpiece of advice.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (42:34):
I get that from my dad being a people pleaser,
cause my dad was like he wassuch a nice guy and he always
put other people first, to thepoint where it literally like he
didn't even take care ofhimself and that's how he died
early.
You know, that's my assumption,you know, and it's like I was
like a couple of things lookingback at his life where it's like
(42:57):
, yeah, he lived a good life andobviously at his funeral there
were like hot, thousands ofpeople that were there, you know
.
So it just proves that he would.
People loved him, but I therewas moments where I was like,
yeah, but if he just took careof himself, if he literally go I
need to all aspects, you know,so he won't have to take on
other people's stress, he wouldhave been okay.
(43:18):
So that's like a learninglesson I took from his passing
and I'm getting better atknowing my limits too.
So, like, when people ask mefor favors, I tell them I cannot
help.
You ask someone else.
Or I used to be like being ableto take it a step further.
Like, for example, like I havea, like, let's say, like I have
(43:40):
a.
I have a friend who's likelooking for a place in New York
to crash with, you know, and I,he was like, do you have a
friend?
And then the old me wouldliterally just like get on and
start calling and try to findlike Airbnbs and try to like go
the extra mile to help thisperson.
And it is a good thing, butit's also like you're
sacrificing your time.
It's like Ahmed, you got toclip up your special.
(44:02):
You got like you got a lot ofwork on your own hands.
Put yourself first, he canhandle it.
The guy, he's your friend, he'sa grown man and it's like it's
not.
He's, he's not gonna attack you.
You know what I mean.
It's like you want to be, it'slike that need that you're like
I need this person to like me.
Max Chopovsky (44:19):
With Ahmed's current philosophy?
What does the 30 year old Ahmedsay to Varun when he knocks on
your door at 5.30 in the morning?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (44:29):
I'm going to smack the shit.
Honestly, looking back, Iprobably, as a 30-year-old, like
I don't know, maybe it'sbecause I'm 30 now and I'm like
I don't really care, like Iprobably wouldn't be coked out
or drunk, so I'd probably belike you know what I mean All
right, you know.
But so I probably I'd be likeyou need a ride?
(44:52):
All right, you know, but Iwould probably be like get an
uber.
I would literally be like getan uber.
This is your problem, thisisn't my problem.
You know, if I was in thatexact situation where there was
like two girls in my bed, I'd belike get an uber.
You know, that's what I couldhave said.
But but but yeah, it really is.
Just, it's a period of justsaying yes, yes, yes, yes, okay.
(45:13):
Now.
Now look where I'm all in thesecrazy ass situations.
But yeah, yeah, no, I like this, I like you a lot because I'm
telling you this crazy ass storyand you're like finding these
beautiful meanings behind it.
It was swingers and cocaine.
And you're like, yeah, butwhat's the essence?
Max Chopovsky (45:33):
There must be an essence to coked up swingers
because, ultimately, if there isnot, what is the meaning of our
short time on this earth?
Oh man, well, that does it,ahmed Al-Khadri.
Thank you for being on the show, my friend.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (45:52):
Man Max, thank you so much for having me.
This was a lot of fun.
This was definitely like one ofthe like funnest podcasts I've
ever funnest.
One of the most fun I've had ona podcast is like you run a
great show, man.
Max Chopovsky (46:05):
Thanks, dude.
I appreciate that.
That really means a lot to mebecause I know I'm sure you've
been in a lot so that.
So you have a large sample sizeto compare it to.
So that's awesome.
Well, yeah, man, thanks againfor being on the show, for show
notes and more, head over tomosspodorg.
Find us on Apple Podcasts,spotify, wherever you get your
podcast on.
This was Moral of the Story.
(46:26):
I'm Max Trapowski.
Thank you for listening.
Talk to
This is Moral of the Story Interesting people
telling their favorite shortstories and then breaking them
down to understand what makesthem so good.
I'm your host, max Tchaikovsky.
Today's guest is comedian AhmedAl-Khadri, who has blazed a,
shall we say, unorthodox path tofunny.
After all, how many comediansdo you know that started their
careers in private equityaccounting?
(00:23):
But we need to go a bit furtherback, all the way to Yemen.
Yes, the one in the ArabianPeninsula, right next to Saudi
Arabia, right by Oman, acrossfrom Djibouti yeah, that one.
Now Ahmed's parents, in theirquest to GTFO and in search of a
better life, emigrated to theUS and then they got to work
having kids.
Ahmed is the second oldest ofsix, born in New Mexico, he grew
(00:47):
up in a small community inDallas, texas.
As an immigrant kid he likelyreceived clear marching orders
on career choices Doctor, lawyer, maybe something in IT.
He chose something that he knewwould get approved by his
parents, while also providingtons of material for his nascent
comedy career accounting.
That's right, becauseaccounting is hilarious.
(01:08):
But where did he get the ideafor comedy?
Well, when his parents moved,the culture shock was real.
As an immigrant myself, I canvouch for this.
So they watched shows they werecomfortable with Mr Bean,
charlie Chaplin, I Love Lucy,like comedic fare, easy on the
psyche.
Ahmed ate it up.
The shows were a crash courseon physical comedy, and he spent
(01:30):
hours glued to the TV learninghow facial expressions can
elevate a joke and how toperfectly time a punchline.
But it wasn't until he saw Dumband Dumber that his love for
funny went into overdrive, andso he became the funniest
accountant in training at theUniversity of Texas at Dallas.
It didn't hurt that he wasprobably the only funny
(01:51):
accountant in training, but thatdidn't matter.
He was hooked.
Graduating in 2014, ahmednaturally got a job with asset
management firm Neuberger Berman, where he used more of his
accounting skills than hiscomedy skills, but he honed the
ladder at the Dallas ComedyHouse, which he joined in 2016
to pursue improv.
This was the move that changedhis life.
(02:12):
By the time he was 23, ahmedwas taking stand-up more
seriously, and a short timelater he left his accounting job
and moved to LA Taking classesfor sketching and improv at UCP
and Groundlings.
Ahmed was all in being atypical hardworking immigrant
kid.
His hustle started to pay off.
One thing led to another, with afew viral jokes leading to a
(02:34):
large TikTok and Instagramfollowing, and Ahmed found
himself playing Liam in DavidDiamond Hands, playing himself
on Fox's Love Connection andeventually he found himself on
tour himself on Fox's LoveConnection.
And eventually he found himselfon tour and his loyal followers
known as Breadcrumbs or PureBreads, depending on probably an
intricate system of loyaltydebits and credits devour his
(02:57):
content about as rabidly as hedevoured all those episodes of
Mr Bean.
Of course, as an overachieverwho's not content to just do one
thing, ahmed also hosts biketours of LA and indulges his
inner foodie by writing Yelpreviews for new restaurants near
Hollywood.
So he's kind of like a turnkeyexperience concierge you hop on
a bike, you get some fabulousgrub and you laugh the whole way
.
Well played, my friend, wellplayed.
So my man, ahmed the Polymath,welcome to the show.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (03:22):
What is going on .
This is the greatest intro I'veever had in my entire life
Amazing, thank you.
I've never been more honored inmy life.
You made me seem like I'm thiscool guy that blogs on history
books.
I'm in a black and white photowith a suit on.
Max Chopovsky (03:39):
I'm just stating facts, bro.
I'm just stating facts, that'sall.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (03:41):
Yeah, I know, I was just like God damn, I did a
lot.
Max Chopovsky (03:45):
It's all real, it's all true.
Yeah, I know, and I'm justgetting started, dude, is there
anything that you want to say toset the stage before we get
started, or do you want to justgo right in?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (04:07):
I guess like I'm just going to jump into the
story and just go from there.
I mean, I guess the best way toput it is we all do some crazy
shit in our 20s, huh, all right,so anyways, it all started in
December of 2014,.
Right, I just finished myfinals a bit early and I was
feeling really good because Iwas like this is my last finals
of the year.
So I was like feeling reallygood and I was commuting to
school.
So I was going to UTD and I waslike just driving in Richardson
where my parents' house is, Idrive over there and I play the
(04:28):
number one song at the timeBruno Mars, uptown Funk Play
that I'm shucking and jiving,telling my mom like, hey, we
just finished finals.
I'm the first kid in the familyto finish college.
So I was very happy, drove backto UTD and I drove back to my
little house.
I lived in like the fraternityhouse at the time and well, not
really a fraternity, we didn'thave Greek life, but we just had
(04:51):
me and my fraternity brothers.
We just like rented a house.
So I was like just chilling andI finished finals early and all
of a sudden, I get a text fromtwo of my friends.
They're two sorority girls Forfriends.
They're two sorority girls Forthe sake of this story, I'm
going to give them differentnames.
So we got Kelly and Shelly.
So Kelly and Shelly hit me upand they're always like.
They're like really goodfriends of mine and it's always
(05:12):
like, hey, let's go out.
We just finished finals.
Early too.
Everybody else was takingfinals.
I was like, yeah, that's fine.
So there's in Dallas, especiallywhen you went to UTD, there was
like two kinds of places youcould drink.
There was actually severalneighborhoods you could drink,
but there was one everyoneusually goes to is Uptown, right
Uptown, very bougie.
(05:33):
A lot of you had 30,000 Dallasmillionaires.
There was like the stereotypein Dallas where you make 30K but
then you pretend like you makea year of millionaires, one of
those.
It's like a wish version ofMiami.
And then instead we're likelet's go to Shops at Legacy.
I used to make this joke I go.
Shops at Legacy is where uptowngirls grow up and go retire, so
(05:57):
it's all older people there atShops at Legacy.
So we go.
We find this bar.
It's like me, kelly and Shelly,they hop in.
I had like a 2011 rundown hondaaccord.
No, not even 2011, it was like2004 or some shit like that.
Right, right, I had to likepull a string to rev the engine.
So we like, we pull up and wego to this bar and we already
(06:22):
pre-gamed that, obviously, at myplace and we go over and I go,
there's a cover band playingBruno Mars.
I was like, alright, it's thatfucking song again, I'll fuck
you up.
I was like, alright, we're at ashop at Legacy now, but you do,
you, bro?
So they're playing, it's acover band.
And then we're like, okay, thisis cool.
But we noticed this is allolder people.
(06:44):
I had just turned 21.
Kelly and Shelly are 21.
We are the youngest people atthat bar by at least 20 years,
right.
So I was like, hey, guys, I'mgoing to go to the bathroom.
I go to the bathroom, I'mwashing my hands, and then this
guy next to me, this big dudetill this day I don't really
remember his name, but we'lljust call him Matt I don't
(07:04):
really specifically remember hisname for a reason and I'm
washing my hands and he was like, hey, what's up, bro?
Look at you, good looking youngkid.
And I was like, yeah.
And he was like, yeah, I sawyou walking with those two girls
, nice, nice.
And I was like, yeah, man, justyeah, just hanging out.
And he was just like, bro, Ithink you're fucking cool, you
should join me and my table.
(07:25):
We're at the VIP section,drinks on us.
And I was just like free.
I mean listen, if you're goingto offer free drinks to a
21-year-old kid, that's likeoffering free candy.
Well, I'm fucking 30 years old,you give me free candy and I'm
just as excited.
But I was like, yeah, sure,just as excited.
But I was like, yeah, sure.
So I go over to Kelly andShelly.
(07:45):
I was like yo, this random dudeI met in the bathroom just
invited me to the VIP sectionand he's giving us free drinks.
And Kelly and Shelly are likefree drinks, don't mind if we do
so.
We go to the VIP section.
I was trying to meet this guynamed Matt and then Matt's wife
named let's call her Matt's wife, call her Matt's wife.
Great name.
I know Matt's wife and you knowI introduced.
(08:07):
And then I meet his Matt'sfriend and then Matt's friend's
wife.
So Bob and Bob's wife.
I was like okay.
And then a couple other friendsthat they're around.
They're all giving us freedrinks and all of a sudden I see
Bob's wife making out withMatt's wife and I'm looking at
Matt and he's looking at me.
(08:28):
He's like so hot, am I right?
I was just like the fuck ishappening, what is this?
And then he was like check thisout.
And then he pulls out his phoneand then he just starts showing
me pictures of Bob's wife, boband Matt's wife and him.
They're all naked, they're allhooking up with each other.
What so?
(08:49):
We joined a swingers club.
That's outstanding.
So we joined a swingers cluband I was just like, and he was
just like bro, I think you wouldlook so hot.
I've always wanted.
Here's the thing I grew up inTexas there's not a lot of brown
people there.
Cause, like I've always wanted,here's the thing I grew up in
Texas there's not a lot of brownpeople there.
Because I've always wanted afucking sexy Arab dude, just to
(09:10):
rail my wife.
Max Chopovsky (09:12):
What, what.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (09:16):
I'm already three drinks in.
I was just like huh, I was likeyo what?
And I was like yo what?
And I was like first off, I'm21.
So I was like have sex whilethe guy is watching, that's kind
of gay, isn't it?
Max Chopovsky (09:35):
That's what you said to him.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (09:37):
Yeah, I was like this cover band is loud as shit
, so I was like that's kind ofgay, isn't it?
Max Chopovsky (09:44):
Oh my God, what did he say?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (09:46):
And he was just like bro, it's not gay.
And he starts laughing.
He was like bro, it's not gay.
And he was like come onwhatever.
And I was just like, I didn'treally think anything of it, but
I was like go to Killing Chet.
I was like and they're like oh,no, worries, bob guy just gave
us some cocaine.
And then the Bob guy gives him.
He's like yo, you want somecocaine.
(10:07):
He gives us this little thing.
I've only done cocaine twotimes before.
That Like already.
I usually don't do cocaine, I'mannoying enough already.
Imagine me on cocaine.
Just like y'all, just likepitching business meetings to
you.
I was like y'all, she's likepitching business meetings to
you.
I was like yo, I'll have thewebsite by Monday bro.
Yeah, let's do this Anyways.
(10:29):
So all of a sudden, like youknow, we start snoring some
cocaine.
And all of a sudden, like I wasjust like, all right, we'll
take some more drinks and thenI'll tell Kelly and Shelly I was
like we're going to get out ofhere.
We're like, whenever it's timewe'll leave, you know.
(10:49):
And they're like, okay, well,we're having fun right now.
I was like, okay, they didn't.
They don't know the situation.
He just told me what happened.
I was like, okay, this is crazy.
All of a sudden, they close outthe tab and they're like, hey,
we're going to another bar.
I was like, yeah, sure, noproblem.
So we all you know migrate tothe other bar and they're still
giving us free drinks and freeCoke and we're like I mean,
we're 21.
Like, looking back, I couldhave just been like thank you so
(11:14):
much, let's leave.
But one thing about myself and Ithink this is like just I've
been trying to teach myself islearn when to say no and draw
boundaries.
But to me I'm like yo, you'regiving me free shit, and plus,
also, when you're like drunk andcoked out, there's no such
thing as boundaries and whatever.
So all of a sudden, like we goto the other bar and then, like,
(11:37):
I'm like grabbing some, we'relike still drinking.
They get another VIP section,right, another couple comes,
joins them and then they allstart the older people.
They're all just making outwith each other, right, and
we're all like just me and theother 21-year-olds.
We're just like watching, likeall right, cool, just drinking,
but also like coked out.
So we're just like these peopleare weird, but they're so nice.
(11:59):
We kept saying they're so nice,they're real nice.
And then all of a sudden I'mlike I go to the dance floor.
They're playing some songs.
I, you know, I'm grooving, youknow I'm feeling loose barbecue
sauce on my titties, like I'mout here, right, and I'm out
here, I'm shucking and jiving,I'm grooving out.
And then all of a sudden,matt's wife.
(12:21):
She grabs butt, like in themiddle of the dance floor, and I
turn.
I was like what.
And then she grabs my balls.
She grabs it and then, in themiddle of the dance floor, it
starts making out with me.
I'm 21 years old and I was like,fuck yeah, I'm about to have
sex with an older girl.
So I was just like.
Now, all of a sudden, I'm like,oh yeah, cool, I'm about to.
(12:44):
I'm making out with this olderwoman.
Hell, yeah, you know how, whenyou're 20 years old I remember
at 21, we were all like you knowhow, when you're 21 in college,
you try to have that checklistlike, oh, have you hooked up
with a girl twice your age?
You know we've.
Yeah, max is nodding.
Okay, good, so we've all beenthere.
So I was like okay, I thinkshe's twice my age based on the
(13:04):
wrinkles on her forehead.
So I think I'm 21,.
Bro, I don't know.
Max Chopovsky (13:10):
Right now I'm 30.
That's the KPI foreheadwrinkles.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (13:13):
Yeah, forehead wrinkles.
So then we're like making out.
I was like oh yeah, cool.
And then all of a sudden she waslike okay, I tried to like take
her to the bathroom.
She was like I'm not going tohook you up with the bathroom,
but I'm coked out.
I was like let's go hook up inthe bathroom.
She was like no, they stillgave me enough drinks.
And then they were like allright, let's all go back to our
condo.
And then I was like okay.
(13:35):
And then Kelly and Shellythey're like yeah, let's go back
to the condo and then have agood feeling about this.
I don't have a good feelingabout this.
So we all go back to the condoand they're like living at the
Shopside Legacy, they go up tolike the top floor.
Bro, it was like six.
So it was six older people, allcouples.
(13:56):
And then it was me and my twofriends.
They've given us so much drinksand all that stuff.
All of a sudden, like I waslike we're in the apartment,
we're in their condo.
Shelly, fortunately, she justlike goes straight to the couch
and passes out, she's sleeping.
And then I was like okay, allright, she's sleeping and I'm
like standing next to her makingsure she's okay.
(14:17):
And then, like all of a sudden,like one of the swingers, like
three, like a guy and two of thegirls they like went into a
room like a random room Right,and then all of a sudden Matt's.
I go to the bathroom, matt'swife follows me into the
bathroom and she's trying tohook up with me.
Oh, so now the bathroom is okay,right, good catch.
(14:40):
So I was just like I don't wantto say it's assault, because
maybe it's because I'm an oldergeneration and I'm like women
can't assault you, come on.
It's like that scene in Curbyour Enthusiasm, when that child
, that boy child actor, was likeI was abused by an older woman.
And then Larry David was likecome on, Like, come on.
(15:05):
So I was like hooked out andthen, like she starts like
making out with me and thenshe's like pulling my pants down
and I'm like coked out and Iwas just like I'm like getting
into it.
But then also, like I was likewait a minute, I just left Kelly
and Shelly in that living roomwith, like like those two other
guys.
Right, bro, this was, it'scrazy.
Until this day I don't know, Iwas like how long was I in that
(15:27):
bathroom.
So I was like hey, like can yougive me a second?
I'll be right back.
I pull up my pants and I'm likelike, like I was like what the
fuck is going on?
Like I'm like coked out.
And then, like I go into theliving room, there is two more
guys there.
I was like where the fuck didthose come from.
I was like some old like I'mtalking about.
He looked like he was in hissixties.
(15:48):
Two more guys were in theliving room.
I was like what the fuck?
So now there's four dudes andthey're all surrounding in the
kitchen, around Kelly, andthey're all talking.
Kelly's just like you know,talking entertaining them.
I don't know what they weresaying.
And then I just see Shellypassed out and then I see some
random dude, another guy,another five.
(16:09):
I don't know where these guyscame from till this day.
I was like did they come whileI was in the bathroom?
What was going on?
And I was just like what'sgoing on?
I see Kelly surrounded by dudes,and I see Shelly passed out and
one guy just like with a drinkand just staring at her and I
was like I don't have a goodfeeling about this.
And he's just like.
He's like slowly, likecaressing her hair, and she's
(16:32):
passed out.
I was like, oh shit, oh no,yeah, I know.
So then, like, I was like Igotta think quick.
So I ran over to that littletable of all the cocaine and I
took a big old line and I waslike Popeye's and I went over.
I was like Kelly, we got to go.
Something came up.
She was like okay, and then Iwent over to Shelly and I picked
(16:55):
her up off the couch likeoverhead Thank God she was a
small girl.
And I was like all right, thankyou guys so much.
And they were all like cokedout staring at me like thank you
so much, take our number down.
I was like okay, sorry,something came up.
It's fucking 5 am.
And I'm like yeah, somethingcame up Bro.
(17:16):
I was like okay, we gotta go,we gotta go.
And Kelly's like what happened?
I was like I'll tell you laterin the car and like what
happened?
I was like I'll tell you laterin the car.
And then like I like slowly, Iput like Shelly in the back of
the Honda and all of a sudden,right when I put her in the car,
she wakes up.
She was like oh man, whathappened?
I just took a nice nap orsomething.
And I was just like you don'twant to know.
(17:39):
And then, like I put Kelly inthe passenger, shelly's in the
back and I start driving.
And it's 5 am, I'm driving backto from Plano to Richardson and
I'm swifting through makingsure cops don't catch me.
But what's cool is, like youknow 10 on two not to brag Max.
I'm a great driver on under theinfluence.
You know that trick you like.
By the way, guys, I'm joking, Iam not, I don't recommend.
Max Chopovsky (18:01):
I was like are you actually driving when you're
that hammered?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (18:04):
Yeah, I was.
I was drunk and coked out and Iwas like driving.
And I was like driving all theway back to Richardson.
I get back to my place and thenall of a sudden, like we're in
the bed.
And then Kelly and Shellyjoined me in the bed.
I was like, okay, that's new,this is new.
And thenlly was like.
(18:28):
She was like, oh my god, like Istill can't sleep.
She pulls up my laptop andstarts pulling up porn.
So now me, kelly and shellywere all watching porn together
and I was like, oh my god, am Iabout to have my first threesome
because she pulls up threesome?
And I was like, oh my God, am Iabout to have my first
threesome?
Oh my God, hey, forget thesleeping with a girl twice your
(18:52):
age.
Next on the list is threesomeand we're about to mark that off
.
I'm feeling good, all right,barbecue sauce on my chin,
feeling great.
And all of a sudden, rightbefore like I didn't make a move
, we're just watching.
All of a sudden I hear a knockon my door and I was like what?
What's going on?
It's 530 at this point and it'sVarun, my roommate, and I was
(19:16):
like what the fuck do you want?
And Varun's like dude, I'm sosorry, can you give me a ride to
the airport?
I was like what?
What do you mean?
You need a ride to the airport?
I was like go ask.
I was like I was like literallygo ask the other roommates
right now, go ask the other.
I was like no, no.
And he was like please.
He was like come on.
He closed.
He was like okay, I closed thedoor.
(19:37):
And then we're like we go back.
And then like all of a sudden,like two minutes later I get
another knock on the door.
It's Varun.
And I was like what do you wanthe goes?
I am so sorry, but right now,like all the other roommates
won't wake up, you're awake,please just take me to the
airport.
And I was like why didn't hetell me a night sooner or a
(19:58):
night before?
He was like I forgot, smart kid, he wasn't the best planner,
anyways.
And I was like fuck, are youserious?
And he was like yeah, I waslike God damn it.
So I go to Kelly and Shelly.
He's like I am so sorry, andI'm still drunk and coked out,
obviously.
And I was like hey, I have totake Varun to the airport.
(20:20):
And they're like why do youhave to take him to the airport?
I was like he's bad at planningand they're like, hey, on your
way back, can you bringWhataburger?
I was like, yeah, sure, why not?
I take Varun to the airport.
The whole time I'm bitching athim.
I was like you don't even knowthe night I'm having right now.
And he was just like you don'teven know the things I'm doing
(20:40):
right now.
I was like you don't even know.
So I drop him off at theairport.
And the airport is like DFW islike kind of not too far, but
it's farther.
I mean like all airports, bro,it's like it's an hour trip,
it's not a long trip, it's not afast trip.
Take him to the airport, blah,blah, blah.
Drop him off.
(21:01):
On my way home I stop by getsome Whataburger and I get back
to my place and I see Kelly andShelly and they're just passed
out, they're sleeping.
And I was like man, like I'mfucking, like that little
depressed donkey from we Needthe Poo, eeyore.
I was fucking Eeyore.
So I put the Whataburger likebag, big bag, put it to the side
(21:24):
.
I like move Kelly and Shelly,and I like just sleep.
I don't even sleep, I just laydown and I'm staring at the
ceiling and I was just like man,what the fuck just happened.
I was like I had so many missedopportunities here and I was
like I could have just said no.
And I was just like lookingback at the night, I was like,
(21:47):
bro, I could have just when youshould have zigged, but you
zagged One of those.
And then, literally 20 minuteslater, my alarm hits.
I was like, oh yeah.
So, max, I put on my cap andgown.
So, max, I put on my cap andgown, and then I went over to
UTD and I graduated and got mydegree from the University of
(22:07):
Texas at Dallas.
So I'm literally like watching.
And then they were like up nextI'm at El Cadre and I'm like
slouching and I grab, I get mylittle paper and then I go down
and then I see my mom and I'mlike sorry, I don my mom.
And then, like I sit back down,I'm like all right, we
graduated.
Oh my God, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(22:30):
So that was the night Igraduated college, or the day
the morning of, yeah, what I didthe night before, yeah, it was
crazy.
Max Chopovsky (22:38):
That is insane.
Yeah, your mom would have beenlike how you don't look, all
right, you, all right, you looktired.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (22:44):
You were just so happy.
You were just so happy.
When you saw me the nightbefore, I was like I know, oh,
one more piece of detail,because, rule of threes, I
forgot On my way driving backfrom the airport.
I'm fucking pissed because Iwas like, dude, I'm missing out,
I'm missing out, I'm missingout.
I'm trying to keep myself awake.
I turn on the radio.
Uptown Funk is playing.
(23:04):
I was like, oh, come on, ofcourse, of course it's playing.
So yeah, that night was crazy.
Just some follow-up details.
Like that same swinger guy,matt, I remember like months
later I once saw him.
I was at Shopsideite Legacy andI was like, oh, last time I was
(23:25):
here it was wild.
But I was leaving a bar and Ihear beep, beep, beep, beep in
the parking lot of that bar.
It's Matt and he's waving meover and he was like yo, what's
up, dude?
And then he was like you want abump?
Oh my God.
And I was like you have aproblem?
Oh man.
But yeah, these were like older, 40s, 50s years old.
(23:45):
That was crazy.
Later on I realized Dallas hasa huge swingers community and
Florida.
Max Chopovsky (23:51):
I did not know about Dallas.
I would have assumed Florida.
I did not know about Dallas.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (23:55):
Yeah, dallas, and the sign for swingers.
It's an upside down pineapple.
Max Chopovsky (24:01):
Like the universal sign for swingers.
I didn't know that either.
Yeah, that's wild.
I could picture you drivingfrom the airport and like Uptown
Funk is playing.
It's a remix, that's in a minorkey, and now it's a ballad and
there's like the world'ssmallest violin is just playing
and you're just like just comingdown off of everything that
(24:24):
you've been doing for the last Idon't know eight hours and it's
like what an arc from thebeginning where you're so pumped
and you're hearing Uptown Funkin the beginning of the night.
And then now you're drivingback and the sun is rising and
everybody's chipper ready tograduate and you're just like
FML right now.
Just FML, like, seriously, Iwould have gone to Varun and
(24:47):
been like dude, you owe me big,you owe me big.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (24:51):
Oh, he did, he did owe me big.
Till this day I was like, did Iever tell him?
I know he remembers, but I haveto like remind him.
I got to call him and tell himwhat's up, but like it was like
one of the wildest nights everand I'm glad I got to share it
on this podcast Cause I was like, oh, I can't tell this story,
oh, I cannot.
Max Chopovsky (25:09):
But now this is a perfect podcast.
You have to pick, like theright opportunity.
Well, let me ask you thisthere's probably more than one,
but what would you say is themoral of that story?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (25:21):
Oh my God.
Initially the first cause thatis the title of this podcast I
was like what is the moral ofthe story?
And for me it was boundaries,like learning when to say no and
making decisions.
Because throughout my twentiesit was always yes.
One of my favorite movies isyes man starring Jim Carrey
(25:42):
Cause.
Like even before I was likethat was already me.
I was like, yeah, I say yes toevery single thing because you
never know what's going tohappen.
But I, the one that was likeboundaries and saying no other
boundaries is moral of the story, is cocaine is a hell of a drug
.
I'd say that one definitely islearning to say no and
(26:06):
boundaries and like having morecontrol over, like don't let
your desires take advantage.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I'd say those for sure.
Max Chopovsky (26:16):
I mean it's interesting because, like when I
think about being a yes man, Ithink part of the reason that
people do that is because theyhave massive, massive FOMO, just
massive.
Because hey, if I don't say yesto this, who knows, this could
be the greatest story of my lifedown there.
This could be the greatestexperience of my life.
And so FOMO drives being a yesman.
(26:39):
But the older you get and I'vestarted to really embrace this
the more you can lean into beinga no man, and that is driven by
JOMO.
Have you heard of JOMO?
What's that?
The joy of missing out?
Oh, wow.
So it's like that's my new thing, because I make all these.
(26:59):
I set my goals for every yearand I'll make lists of things
that I want to do, and when Iwas in my twenties, these
documents that I would puttogether before the beginning of
every year were like a dozenpages long.
I'd have multiple categoriesacross multiple areas of my life
, from health to fitness, tofriendships, to social, to like
mental growth and all of thisshit.
And the older I've gotten, themore I've been able to narrow
(27:25):
that down and the shorter thosedocuments have gotten, until I
literally said you know whatthis is going to be about Jomo
and it isn't just like here arethe things that I don't really
want to do, so I'm just notgoing to put them on my priority
list.
It's like here are actually somethings that I would love to do
this year, but I am consciouslygoing to not do them because it
(27:46):
allows me to spend more time onthings that I really, really
want to do, like the much moreimportant things that I want to
do, and that's hard.
But also there's probably areally strong corollary between
Jomo and staying out of jail andnot ODing and all of these
(28:06):
other things that in ourtwenties we just say fuck it,
like who cares?
You know, and it's a wonder tome that people don't get
arrested as much as they shouldin their 20s, like there are so
many, so many close calls thatI've personally had that were
(28:30):
just like I can't believe Isurvived my 20s, like I cannot
believe I survived my 20s, andso it actually becomes kind of a
wonderful thing to be able tobe like.
You know what I'm going toreally enjoy missing out on some
of this stuff, because I knowthat the stuff that I'm doing is
actually more important.
So why did you choose to tellthis story?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (28:53):
Honestly, it's because it was one like.
It's the story that I couldnever tell, like you just made
it to where this is a perfectenvironment where I could tell
this story like free of judgment, and I mean it's just like a
wild story of like, especiallybecause you just said my intro
before and the reason why I keptsmiling and getting all giddy,
(29:14):
because I was like, oh dude, I'mabout to tell this story,
they're all gonna be like.
Going to be like what?
Max Chopovsky (29:24):
Because I know my face looks like the vice
president of student council.
This story just shatters theimpression that people have of
you that's been carefullycurated through that well-worded
intro and suddenly they're like, damn, that's not where I
thought that was going to go.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (29:39):
Yeah, and people don't expect it.
So I think that one and also Ichose it because it's just like,
it's just a crazy story and Iwas like, oh, you were like a
crazy story you have never toldbefore.
And I was like I could havegone with, like like I have some
other stories when I used to bea drug dealer and I had like a
pound of weed in my trunk, but Idon't have any like.
(30:00):
It's not like a specific storyof just like certain times, but
Wow.
Max Chopovsky (30:07):
Is that actually?
Is that true?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (30:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah , like I was.
I was a great drug I talk aboutin my special too.
So you were like something younever told before, like I even
talk about it.
Like I used to sell peopledrugs and then invite them to my
improv comedy show.
Max Chopovsky (30:20):
Oh, that's amazing.
I feel like that would be aloyal audience, because they
kind of rely on you, they kindof want to continue doing
business with you and you'relike, hey, you know what it's,
what it's going to take, it's alittle loyalty situation.
That's how you get, you know,upgraded from to a breadcrumb.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (30:38):
Yeah, to a purebred baby like I don't know.
And it's the first story thatpopped up right when you were
telling me.
You were telling me aboutcertain stories, or like a story
you'd never told before, blah,blah, blah.
Like that was the first storythat came up to my head.
I was like bro, I've never.
I was like the fact that itjust immediately popped up in my
head.
I was like I have to tell it.
Max Chopovsky (30:58):
I have to tell it , I have to tell people about
that.
You got to go, yeah.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (31:01):
Yeah, I'm trying to think like is there any
other like moral of the story oranything like that, other than
that?
I think that's the only moralis like learn when to say no.
And this, jomo, is a great lifelesson you just taught me.
I'm 30 now.
I still get better at saying no, but I am still a people
pleaser.
So what I mean by that, as inlike if I say, hey, I'm going to
(31:26):
come support you at your showor I'm going to come to your
birthday dinner, I will show up,I won't cancel unless I'm sick.
But I won't cancel Because it'sa combination of people
pleasing.
But also it's like if I tell aperson I'm going to show up or
I'm going to do something, Iwill do it.
You know, I don't want to befalse promises.
Max Chopovsky (31:47):
Well, and look, let me caveat this it's easy,
with a clear mind, to say no,I'm not going to do that.
But when you have been drinkingand doing blow and you're
surrounded by people that areolder and making out and
continue to provide you withboth substances, you're probably
suffering from a bit of cloudyjudgment.
So it is understandable why youkept going.
(32:10):
I get that, but I do have togive you props because I think
most people, if they're hookingup with somebody in the bathroom
and they're totally in themoment, they are unlikely to be
like, oh my God, like there aretwo unattended girls that that
effectively I'm responsible for,because I'm the guy that Matt
(32:34):
found in the bathroom andbrought us that agreed to go and
join these people.
So I feel kind of a sense ofresponsibility, and so the fact
that you were able agreed to goand join these people, so I feel
kind of a sense ofresponsibility, and so the fact
that you were able to do that,that to me is like if you're
peeing and you stop midstream,it's that difficult, like it's a
mental, it's a mental exercise.
That is not easy.
So props to you for that.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (32:54):
I think when you're coked out you're not as
like, you're not as horny either, so like I think that helped
too.
But also like, especiallybecause I was in a fraternity,
so like a lot of our talks orlike conferences or anything
like with fraternities was likeyou have to make sure you're in
a safe environment for women oryou're providing a safe
(33:15):
environment for women, becauseit's like you know, especially
with that stereotypes of of theassault that like women get
assaulted at fraternity houses.
So even during my time incollege, that's you know.
So I remember like when we werein college we had like a little
program where if a girl was toodrunk we made sure she went
(33:37):
home.
Or you know because like thelast thing especially, I was in
a fraternity called SAE, so thenational stereotype was sexual
assault expected.
That was SAE.
So like our chapter, we liketried really hard to make sure
we didn't have that.
So instead they called us snort, almost everything, and I was
like fair enough.
Max Chopovsky (33:59):
Hold on a sec.
Isn't SAE a Jewish fraternity?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (34:03):
No, no, no, it's a white one.
No, it's Sigma Alpha, epsilon.
Oh, okay, okay, that'd behilarious.
As an Arab, I'm in a Jewishfraternity.
That'd be hilarious.
I was like, hey, L'chaim boys.
Max Chopovsky (34:17):
L'chaim baby, all right.
So let me ask you this as acomedian, you tell stories for a
living and they have to betight stories and they have to
be well thought out and storiesthat you basically hone over
multiple appearances atdifferent clubs where you're
(34:38):
really trying to sort of like,test your material right.
So, when you think about goodstories, what do good stories
have in common?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (34:48):
One of my favorite, a lot of my favorite
storytellers.
There's Mike Birbiglia andthere's a guy named do you know?
He's on YouTube Ali Sadiq.
Have you heard of him?
Check him out.
Oh, my God, you would love thisguy, especially because you
like storytelling.
Ali Sadiq, he's a this blackMuslim comedian.
He initially blew up years agofrom this story called Mexican
(35:11):
got on boots.
It's about how he was on jail.
He just got in and someone likepeople were running around
they're like yo, mexican got onboots and like it means that
there was going to be a riot andhe talks about his journey,
trying to find a knife to try todefend himself, stuff like that
.
It's a really good story.
That one's only like what eightminutes long it's at Ali Sadiq,
(35:32):
this Is Not Happening.
That one's good.
And then he has two specialsout called Domino Effect Part
One and Domino Effect Part Two.
Bro, ali Sadiq, one of the beststorytelling comedians of our
time.
So I think, like a couple ofthings with storytelling is they
have your attention the wholetime, and a good storyteller is
(35:52):
there is no fluff, and that'ssomething I'm trying to work on.
Where it's like the fat of astory, a great storyteller is
like there's no fat on the story.
Everything he says is anessential's no fat on the story.
Everything he says is aessential piece of information
for the story.
Personally, for me, not allstories need to have it, but a
lot of stories have like a greatcallback or like a rule of
(36:13):
threes.
That's why I was like, oh yeah,the Uptown Funk.
I was like I need to throw inthat third one, driving Back,
because I started with it andstarted with it, ended with it.
Personally, everyone has adifferent the angle of how to
attack a story, like mepersonally.
Like I just know, I was likeI'm not the best storyteller.
Again, I used to always fluff.
(36:33):
I would add so much fluff andgive so much backstory when they
didn't need it a lot.
It was really bad.
It's like George Lucas' firstdraft of Star Wars.
It's not good.
So the way I hacked myself intobeing a better storyteller, or
trying to be a betterstoryteller, is I try to think
of it as jokes.
So I do like jokes periodically.
So like in my new act I havethis story of, but I wrote it in
(36:59):
multiple jokes.
But I have this bit about howyou know, I went to a music
festival on mall and I tookMolly and then my phone got
stolen while I was on Molly andit's like this journey trying to
find my friends and find my wayback and all these crazy things
that happened and it's fun,it's a great bit.
Hopefully next time you see melive you'll hear the bit, but
(37:21):
everyone has a different hack.
But I guess, like the essentialsfor being a good storyteller is
something that is relatable tothat you could connect with.
Even though you didn't livethat experience, you still
connect with it in some way,shape or form.
It's like, yeah, I don'tconnect with you know being in
prison, but I do connect withbeing in fear and trying to
(37:43):
figure out like a solution to aproblem you know and also like,
also what keeps for me at leastfor storytelling, it's gotta be,
I mean, funny.
I like funny, you know, likejokes along the way.
We'll keep you grabbing youattention.
And Jim Jeffries, also greatstoryteller, jim Jeffries, ali
Sadiq and, uh, mike Birbiglia Ihighly recommend.
(38:06):
I know I keep bringing them up,but you got to check out Ali
Sadiq when you get a chance.
Max Chopovsky (38:09):
Definitely Mike Birbiglia.
I highly recommend.
I know.
I keep bringing him up.
But you got to check out AliSadiq when you get a chance.
Definitely he kind of lookslike DMX.
It's a strange, it's a strange.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (38:13):
Oh, you're looking him up right now.
Yeah, yeah, I looked him up.
Max Chopovsky (38:16):
He looks like DMX .
It's awesome, you know.
So the fluff thing, that's areally interesting point.
So I think I told you I wrotethis script and we're shooting
this short film in May that I'mdirecting, and the original
script was almost 40 pages and alot of it was just almost like
(38:37):
soundbites or snippets ofconversations that I had with my
parents that are like you can'tmake this shit up Like the most
ridiculous sort of exchangesthat you have with parents,
especially immigrant parents.
The things they'll say to theirkids are just crazy.
And so I kept thinking of thesethings and I found ways to fit
them into the script.
But then, after I learned that,hey, if you want a short get
into festivals, it's got to belike 12 minutes tops.
(38:59):
So I was like all right, I gotto go Rick Rubin on this thing
and just commence the mostruthless edits possible, right.
And I hesitated so much to cutany of that stuff out because
I'm like man, this is a reallyfunny joke, like this is a
really good piece of the story,and yet I had to cut.
And every time I would cut andI would send it to people to get
(39:20):
their thoughts on it.
My main question was is itmissing anything Like?
Do you feel like something ismissing?
Is the story suffering?
And they're like no, like Ican't even remember what was in
there before, because the storystands on its own even after you
remove some of these things.
And that's when I was like allright, cool.
So I rolled up my sleeves and Ireally went ham on it, because
(39:42):
you have to cut a lot of thisstuff out.
I mean, I had to cut out entirescenes, I cut out a character
and looking back on it inhindsight, because I saved all
the prior versions of the script, you can see how much of it was
maybe fluff, maybe it'ssomething that, if it were a
longer form project, would makeperfect sense to have in,
(40:03):
because you could develop thestorylines and the arcs a little
bit more in depth.
But for something short, itjust makes perfect sense to cut
some of that stuff out.
And some of the advice I got wasif it doesn't serve the story,
it's not needed and it doesn'tmatter how good it is.
(40:23):
If it doesn't serve the story,you don't need it and once you
cut it, you don't really evenmiss it.
You know, like I used to have avideo production company and I
would edit a lot of our higherprofile videos myself, and I
hated the editing processbecause I was the DP for most of
(40:44):
those projects and cutting alot of that stuff out was like
damn, that's such a good shot tothose projects.
And cutting a lot of that stuffout was like damn, that's such
a good shot, that's such a goodshot.
And then after I cut it down tothe final length, I didn't even
remember what shots I cut,because it doesn't matter, right
, the only things that shouldstay in are those that are in
service of the story, all right.
So let me ask you this If youcould say one thing to your
(41:08):
20-year-old self, we could endon this, because I think this
will be a good ending.
Note One thing to 20-year-oldAhmed.
What would it be?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (41:19):
I would tell him like, be comfortable with
yourself and be comfortable withsaying no.
You putting yourself firstdoesn't mean that you're hurting
others around you.
You're just putting yourselffirst.
And I think that's the onething I would tell my
20-year-old self.
It's like you don't have to sitand serve other people your
whole life and try to be the yesman and try to make everybody
(41:42):
happy.
Just make you happy.
Max Chopovsky (41:45):
That's a really insightful point actually,
because I'm also a peoplepleaser and happy.
That's a really insightfulpoint actually, because I'm also
a people pleaser and I havefound that because it was my way
as an immigrant to sort ofassimilate is to, you know, make
others laugh and be fun to bearound.
But in doing that I lost sight,I think, of who I really was as
a person, because I was kind ofthe chameleon.
(42:06):
That would be fun in whateverenvironment, but as somebody who
is sort of a chameleon, youstand for everything, right, and
if you stand for everything,you don't stand for anything.
And so it took me a long timeto embrace who I am and you
could still be kind and that'sobviously still very important,
(42:28):
but you also don't have to, asyou said, put yourself last.
That's a really, really solidpiece of advice.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (42:34):
I get that from my dad being a people pleaser,
cause my dad was like he wassuch a nice guy and he always
put other people first, to thepoint where it literally like he
didn't even take care ofhimself and that's how he died
early.
You know, that's my assumption,you know, and it's like I was
like a couple of things lookingback at his life where it's like
(42:57):
, yeah, he lived a good life andobviously at his funeral there
were like hot, thousands ofpeople that were there, you know
.
So it just proves that he would.
People loved him, but I therewas moments where I was like,
yeah, but if he just took careof himself, if he literally go I
need to all aspects, you know,so he won't have to take on
other people's stress, he wouldhave been okay.
(43:18):
So that's like a learninglesson I took from his passing
and I'm getting better atknowing my limits too.
So, like, when people ask mefor favors, I tell them I cannot
help.
You ask someone else.
Or I used to be like being ableto take it a step further.
Like, for example, like I havea, like, let's say, like I have
(43:40):
a.
I have a friend who's likelooking for a place in New York
to crash with, you know, and I,he was like, do you have a
friend?
And then the old me wouldliterally just like get on and
start calling and try to findlike Airbnbs and try to like go
the extra mile to help thisperson.
And it is a good thing, butit's also like you're
sacrificing your time.
It's like Ahmed, you got toclip up your special.
(44:02):
You got like you got a lot ofwork on your own hands.
Put yourself first, he canhandle it.
The guy, he's your friend, he'sa grown man and it's like it's
not.
He's, he's not gonna attack you.
You know what I mean.
It's like you want to be, it'slike that need that you're like
I need this person to like me.
Max Chopovsky (44:19):
With Ahmed's current philosophy?
What does the 30 year old Ahmedsay to Varun when he knocks on
your door at 5.30 in the morning?
Ahmed Al-Kadri (44:29):
I'm going to smack the shit.
Honestly, looking back, Iprobably, as a 30-year-old, like
I don't know, maybe it'sbecause I'm 30 now and I'm like
I don't really care, like Iprobably wouldn't be coked out
or drunk, so I'd probably belike you know what I mean All
right, you know.
But so I probably I'd be likeyou need a ride?
(44:52):
All right, you know, but Iwould probably be like get an
uber.
I would literally be like getan uber.
This is your problem, thisisn't my problem.
You know, if I was in thatexact situation where there was
like two girls in my bed, I'd belike get an uber.
You know, that's what I couldhave said.
But but but yeah, it really is.
Just, it's a period of justsaying yes, yes, yes, yes, okay.
(45:13):
Now.
Now look where I'm all in thesecrazy ass situations.
But yeah, yeah, no, I like this, I like you a lot because I'm
telling you this crazy ass storyand you're like finding these
beautiful meanings behind it.
It was swingers and cocaine.
And you're like, yeah, butwhat's the essence?
Max Chopovsky (45:33):
There must be an essence to coked up swingers
because, ultimately, if there isnot, what is the meaning of our
short time on this earth?
Oh man, well, that does it,ahmed Al-Khadri.
Thank you for being on the show, my friend.
Ahmed Al-Kadri (45:52):
Man Max, thank you so much for having me.
This was a lot of fun.
This was definitely like one ofthe like funnest podcasts I've
ever funnest.
One of the most fun I've had ona podcast is like you run a
great show, man.
Max Chopovsky (46:05):
Thanks, dude.
I appreciate that.
That really means a lot to mebecause I know I'm sure you've
been in a lot so that.
So you have a large sample sizeto compare it to.
So that's awesome.
Well, yeah, man, thanks againfor being on the show, for show
notes and more, head over tomosspodorg.
Find us on Apple Podcasts,spotify, wherever you get your
podcast on.
This was Moral of the Story.
(46:26):
I'm Max Trapowski.
Thank you for listening.
Talk to
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