#168 | Curiosity Over Judgment – The Parenting Shift That Changes Everything (Courageous Allyship & LGBTQ Guidance)

Pride Month Series | More Human. More Kind. with Heather Hester

Description:

In this first episode of our special Pride Month series, Heather Hester shares one of the most transformative lessons she’s learned while parenting and advocating for her LGBTQ+ children: choosing curiosity over judgment. With honesty, vulnerability, and actionable wisdom, Heather explores how our initial reactions shape everything—and how curiosity becomes one of the most loving tools we can offer. Whether you're a parent, an ally, or simply someone who wants to show up more human and more kind, this episode is for you.

You’ll also hear the first installment of our Listener Queer-ies segment: Why we celebrate Pride—and why there’s no such need for “straight pride.”

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why curiosity is an active expression of unconditional love
• How judgment often shows up in subtle, well-meaning ways
• The powerful impact of your response when your child comes out
• How to model growth, grace, and presence—especially when it’s hard
• A deeper understanding of Pride’s history and purpose

Listener Queer-y of the Week:

"What is Pride—and why isn’t there a straight pride?"

Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!

Receive a free excerpt and reflection guide from Heather's book, Parenting with Pride.

Find out what kind of ally you are!

Share More Human. More Kind. Please subscribe, rate, and review!

Connect [e-mail]

Join the Kind Space on Patreon

Leave a message or voicemail

Book a call!

Watch on YouTube

Listen to *NEW* episodes every Tuesday and Friday!

At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ+ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and foster courageous, compassionate connection.

If you’re in the thick of parenting, allyship, or pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heart-warming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.

Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in—I see you. And I’m so glad you’re part of this journey.

More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen explores connection, courage, and community for every concerned parent, mom, or ally navigating fear, grief, and bigotry with hope, resilience, and empathy. Through open-minded education, inclusive parenting...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to More Human, MoreKind, the podcast helping parents
of LGBTQ kids move from fearto fierce allyship and feel less
alone and more informed so youcan protect what matters, raise brave
kids, and spark collective change.

(00:21):
I'm Heather Hester.
Let's get started.
Foreign welcome to More Human,More Kind and to this very special
Pride Month series.
5 Lessons from Parenting with Pride.
I'm Heather Hester, and I amso glad that you are here.

(00:42):
Over the next five episodes,I'll be sharing five transformative
lessons I've learned throughwriting Parenting with Pride, and
more importantly, throughliving it, from loving, raising,
and advocating for my LGBTQ children.
Lessons of progress, languageunlearning, and the layered experience

(01:09):
of visibility.
Whether you're a parent, anally, or someone who simply wants
to better understand how tolead with compassion and clarity
in a divided world, thisseries is for you.
So take a deep breath andlet's begin.
One of the most powerfulshifts I've experienced and witnessed,

(01:33):
and so many parents I'veworked with, is learning to choose
curiosity over judgment.
When your child comes out orbegins expressing a part of their
identity that feelsunfamiliar, it's normal to feel confused
or overwhelmed or even fearful.

(01:56):
But it is what we do in thatmoment, how we respond, that shapes
everything.
When Connor first came out asgay to Steve and me, I didn't have
all the answers.
In fact, I had very, very fewanswers in those initial moments.

(02:16):
I was only concerned for hissafety because he shared this very
important news with me overthe phone in the middle of the night
when I was 2000 miles awayfrom him.
My next priority was makingsure that he knew that we loved him
and had his back, no matter what.

(02:38):
This allowed time for all ofus to just take a breath and to pause,
so that when Steve and Ireturned home, we were able to sit
down and ask questions like,can you help us understand what this
means for you?
Tell us more.
That moment changed our relationship.

(03:02):
It was the first time Irealized that curiosity is not passive.
It.
It's an active choice.
And it's one of the mostloving things we can offer our children.
Remember, too, that you arehuman and you will make mistakes.
We certainly made plenty ofthem, like asking so many questions

(03:27):
that we now know fall into thecategory of things not to say or
ask.
Allow yourself grace, anaction that aligns both with curiosity
and being human.
If you would have asked mewhen my kids were little if I loved
them unconditionally, myanswer would have been an enthusiastic

(03:50):
yes, probably with a side of attitude.
Because how Dare you think otherwise.
However, when Connor came out,I realized there were a lot of conditions
tangled in my love,expectations, assumptions, hopes.
I didn't even know I wascarrying that movie reel that I talk

(04:15):
about.
This is where it comes in forme at the time, the realization and
explosion happened in one big muffin.
But everyone experiences this differently.
Allow yourself some grace hereand take time to acknowledge the
expectations, the subconsciousassumptions, the hopes.

(04:42):
If you aren't ready to allowyour movie reel to explode and to
process the subsequent grief,try to at least allow space for the
possibility of doing so.
True, unconditional love means this.
I don't have to understandeverything right now, but I will

(05:04):
stay with you.
I have your back.
I will keep asking, learningand growing because I love you.
Take a moment with me rightnow and ask yourself where you may

(05:25):
still be asking your child toprove or explain themselves before
offering your full love.
I know this is very personaland it requires vulnerability.
Take a deep breath and know.
I offer this reflection withlove and kindness.
What might shift if you chosepresence over certainty?

(05:50):
Judgment isn't always loud.
It's subtle, usually hidden inthe corners of our subconscious.
It can sound like, are yousure this isn't a phase?
Or that's just not how I was raised.
Or but what will people think?

(06:12):
Even well meaning questionscan shut someone down if they are
rooted in fear, not curiosity.
It is really important thatyou hear and understand that even
well meaning questions canshut someone down if they're rooted
in fear.
Meaning the questions arerooted in fear and not in curiosity.

(06:38):
I'm going to go out on a limband propose that a decent percentage
of people who make judgmentalstatements do not consider themselves
to be inherently judgmental.
They may just be naturallyinclined or we're taught to view
everything through the lens offear, not realizing the subtle and

(06:59):
not so subtle messages ofjudgment that are the result.
Worse, they likely do not seethe through line from fear to judgment
to growing distance in a relationship.
Curiosity, on the other hand,invites us into relationship.

(07:19):
It says, tell me more, help me understand.
And what does that mean for you?
When we model curiosity, weteach our kids and ourselves that
it's okay not to have all the answers.

(07:39):
We show them that growth issafe, that questions are welcome,
and that love doesn'tdisappear when things get hard or
unfamiliar.
This isn't just about parenting.
This is about creating spaceswhere people can be human.
So if there's one thing I wantyou to carry from this episode, it's

(08:04):
this.
Judgment closes.
Curiosity opens.
If you are able Take a fewminutes right now to reflect on the
following questions.
If you are driving orotherwise unable, bookmark this spot
to come Back to later.

(08:26):
1.
Where in your parenting orallyship are you still holding on
to judgment, either quietly or loudly?
2.
What's one belief you couldhold more loosely?
And three what might it feellike to lead with I don't know, but

(08:50):
I want to understand.
Today I am introducing a brandnew segment to the podcast called
Listener Queries.
This segment will be anongoing part of every solo episode
where I will answer questionsfrom you, the listener.

(09:13):
I'm starting with the mostcommon questions I've heard over
the years, but consider thisyour official invitation to email
me with your most burning questions.
Today's question is actuallytwofold what is Pride and why isn't
there a straight Pride?

(09:34):
I remember this being a bigquestion and trend right after Connor
came out in 2018 2019, and Ihave been told that it is coming
back strong in certain onlineand social media circles.
So here is the answer.
Pride isn't just a party or parade.

(09:55):
Pride actually began as aprotest and response to years of
systemic oppression,discrimination and police brutality.
It marks the courage of allwho were pivotal in and the 1969
Stonewall uprising, which iswidely regarded as the catalyst for

(10:16):
the modern LGBTQ rights movement.
Some of the most influentialwere trans women of color like Marsha
P.
Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.
Pride is now a celebration tohonor the courage of those who fought
back, the ones who weretrailblazers and those who bravely

(10:39):
stood alone in their authenticity.
Pride is an acknowledgment anda time to honor those who lost their
lives standing up for LGBTQrights or standing strong in their
orientation and or identity.
Pride is a time to model whatit looks like to speak your truth,

(11:04):
to show up as who you are, andto advocate for the rights and lives
of all LGBTQ people.
The answer to why isn't therea Straight Pride?
Is simple because straightpeople have never been jailed, beaten

(11:24):
or killed for their identity.
They've never needed to hidewho they love to survive.
Pride isn't about superiority.
It's about visibility,dignity, and the ongoing fight for
equality.
I have three takeaways fromtoday's episode that I'd love for

(11:49):
you to hang on to.
1.
Ask instead of assume.
A simple tell me more can opena door that judgment slams shut.
2.
Unconditional love is apractice, not a feeling.
It requires presence, not perfection.
And three Curiosity changesrelationships and lives.

(12:15):
It's always available to you.
Thank you so much for joiningme for today's reflection in this
special Pride Month series,the five Lessons from Parenting with
Pride.
If this episode resonated withyou, I invite you to share it with
a friend.
Remember that curiosity is notpassive, it is an active choice.

(12:37):
This is actually becoming oneof my very favorite ways to encourage
curiosity.
It is a way of doing and beingin the world.
Pride Month is a great time tofind out what kind of ally you are.
So click on the link in theshow notes to find out what your
ally superpower is.

(12:59):
Until next time, keep showing up.
Stay curious.
Never underestimate the powerof your presence.
And remember, you are not alone.
Happy Pride Sa.