#169 | 3 Ways Perfectionism Derails the Practice of LGBTQ Allyship & How Parents Can Show Up With Courage

Pride Month Series | More Human. More Kind. with Heather Hester

In this episode of Five Lessons from Parenting with Pride, Heather explores the myth of “getting it right” in parenting and allyship and why perfection isn’t the goal. Instead, she reframes both as daily, intentional practices rooted in humility, presence, and love. If you’ve ever felt stuck in silence for fear of saying the wrong thing, this episode will leave you feeling seen, empowered, and ready to move forward, messy and human.

Plus: a listener “Queer-y” on the evolution of LGBTQ+ terminology, and why the order of the letters actually matters.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why fear of imperfection keeps us from showing up
• How allyship and parenting are ongoing practices, not destinations
• What authentic progress actually looks like (hint: it’s not about getting it “right”)
• How to model repair, reflection, and growth in real time
• The inclusive history behind the shift from GLBT to LGBTQIA+

Listener Queer-y:

"Does the order of LGBTQ matter and how has it changed over time?"

Three Key Takeaways:

1. Let go of the need to be perfect. You’ll never know everything, and that’s okay.
2. Allyship is a practice. Keep showing up, especially when it’s uncomfortable.
3. Model repair and growth. Your child learns how to be human by watching you be human.

🌈 Celebrate Pride with Us in The Kind Space!

This Pride Month, you’re invited to join a community rooted in compassion, connection, and meaningful allyship:

💛 The Kind Space 💛

It’s where the More Human. More Kind. podcast comes to life and where we breathe deeper into what it means to show up for one another, especially our LGBTQ+ loved ones.

In honor of Pride, all new members receive:

✨ 50% off your first month of membership

📘 A signed copy of Parenting with Pride: a heart-centered guide to unlearning bias, embracing your LGBTQ+ child, and leading with love

Inside The Kind Space, you'll find:

🌀 Private podcast episodes

🌿 Bonus content, reflections, and guided practices

💬 LIVE monthly calls to answer your questions

💛 A safe, welcoming community of thoughtful, brave humans - just like you

This is the month to lean in. To stand up. To love out loud.

And to remember: You don’t have to do it alone.

👉 Join The Kind Space (use code B8318)

✨ Bonus:

Take the free quiz to discover your Ally Superpower!

👉 What Kind of Ally Are You?

Reflection Questions:

• What’s one way perfectionism has held you back from fully showing up?
• Where could you allow yourself to be “good enough” instead of flawless?
• What’s one small action you could take this week to move forward, even imperfectly?

This show explores connection, courage, and community for every concerned parent, mom, or ally navigating fear, grief, and bigotry with hope, resilience, and empathy. Through open-minded education, inclusive parenting guidance, and advocacy for mental health and safety, we support LGBTQ youth and stand for human rights and social justice. More Human. More Kind. empowers listeners to shift their mindset, embrace activism and allyship, and lead with kindness, healing, and purpose.

Connect with Heather:

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to More Human, more Kind.
The podcast, helping parents of LGBTQplus kids move from fear to fierce
allyship and feel less alone and moreinformed so you can protect what matters.
Raise brave kids andSpark collective change.

(00:21):
I'm Heather Huster.
Let's get started.
Welcome to More Human, more Kind, andto this very special Pride Month series
five Lessons from Parenting With Pride.
I'm Heather Hester and Iam so glad you are here.

(00:43):
Within these five episodes, I'll besharing five transformative lessons
I've learned through writing, parentingwith pride, and more importantly,
through living it, loving, raising, andadvocating for my LGBTQ plus children.
This is episode two.

(01:03):
Whether you're a parent, an ally,or someone who simply wants to
better understand how to lead withcompassion and clarity in a divided
world, this series is for you.
So let's take a deep breath and let'sbegin with the myth of getting it right.

(01:23):
One of the biggest hurdlesI see, and I experienced it
myself, especially among parents.
The fear of messing up, of saying thewrong thing, of not knowing the right
language, of being called out, or worsebeing called a bad parent or a bad ally.

(01:48):
So instead of leaning in, wefreeze, we fumble over our words,
or we don't say anything at all.
But here's the truth, there is no.
Perfect ally, no, perfect parent.
No.
Finish line.

(02:10):
Allyship in parenting is a practice,a commitment, a daily choice
to show up even when actually,especially when it's uncomfortable.
Think about how we approach.
Parenting.
We read books, we ask questions.

(02:33):
We learn from those with lived experience.
We make mistakes.
We apologize.
We grow.
We don't expect ourselvesor our kids to be perfect.
So why do we expectperfection in our allyship?

(02:54):
I used to think that Ihad to get it all right.
From the beginning to learn it allbefore I spoke up or before I advocated.
But there came a moment when I realizedsilence was no longer an option.
I couldn't wait to speak until Ilearned it all, until I had everything.

(03:16):
I was bursting with life experienceand a deep, deep desire to help.
So I started speakingeven when I stumbled.
And I stumbled a lot, and I learnedthat my kids and the people around
me weren't looking for perfection.

(03:37):
They were looking for.
Presence.
They were looking for someone who feltthe same way they did, someone who
was navigating similar situations.
They were looking for someoneto acknowledge and give
voice to the messiness.
When you're rooted in love, whenyou're coming from a place of

(04:01):
deep, deep love, your kids know it.
They feel it.
And they respond to it inall kinds of magical ways.
So what does progress look like?
Well, it can look a lot of ways.
It can look like learning a newpronoun or phrase and using it,

(04:26):
even if you trip over it at first.
It looks like saying, Idon't know what that means.
Can you help me understand?
It looks like apologizing when you messup and then doing better the next time.
It looks like letting go of ego ofthe need to perform allyship instead

(04:52):
of embodying it, speaking fromthe heart instead of overthinking.
Can you just stop for one moment and tryto think of a moment when you showed up
imperfectly, but honestly, when you justspoke what you were feeling, asked a

(05:14):
question, a time when you just owned themessiness, what did you learn from that?
And did it build trust?
These vulnerable moments arehow you initiate healing and
repair and relationships.
And here's the beautiful thing.

(05:36):
When you model repair, you give your kidsand your community permission to grow.
You show them that it's okay to evolve.
That being wrong isn'tshameful, it's a step forward.
That's allyship.
That's leadership and that's parenting.

(06:01):
Now, as a total aside here, I waslooking for a possible quote for today's
episode, and I came across two of mysister Corrine's favorite authors,
Ann Lamont and Maya Angelou, and Ijust couldn't pick one because they
both carry such beauty and because it.

(06:22):
I just felt such a connection toboth of them because of Corrine.
So you get two today instead of one.
The first is from Anne Lamont and shesaid perfectionism is the voice of
the oppressor, . Think about that.
And the second is from Maya Angelou andshe said, do the best you can until you

(06:45):
know better than when you know better.
Do better.
What's one way perfectionism hasheld you back from fully showing up?
Where could you allow yourself tobe good enough instead of flawless?

(07:05):
And what is one small action you couldtake this week right now to move forward
even, and especially and perfectly.
So now is the time for this new segmentthat I'm just loving listener queries.

(07:27):
And if you remember from last week,this will be an ongoing series and
ongoing part of every solo episodewhere I will answer questions from you.
So I am starting with the mostcommon questions I've heard over the
years I've received over the years.
But consider this yourofficial invitation to.

(07:48):
Email me with your most burning questionsin keeping with the theme of pride.
Here is this week's question.
What do the letters mean?
An L-G-B-T-Q, and does the order matter?
You may have noticed the acronym orinitialism for the community has changed

(08:10):
over the years from GLBT to L-G-B-T-Qand even beyond even more letters, and
that change is more than just cosmetic.
It tells a story of inclusion, advocacy,and growing awareness in the earlier

(08:32):
days of activism, especially after theStonewall uprising, people often referred
to the quote unquote gay community,which largely centered cisgender gay men.
As more voices pushed for visibility,we began to hear gay and lesbian

(08:52):
than GLB to include bisexual people.
Even then, key members of the movement,like transgender people were being
left out or pushed to the margins.
When GLBT became common, many transactivists still felt like an afterthought.

(09:13):
So the acronym was intentionallyreordered to LGBT, A small but
powerful shift to better reflect thecontributions and central of trans
people in the fight for equality.
The Q came next.
Standing for queer and questioningqueer is a reclaimed word for many

(09:35):
people whose identities don't fit neatlyinto boxes and questioning gives space
for those who are still exploring.
As our understanding continuesto grow, we now often see LGBTQIA
plus expanding to include intersex,asexual, aromantic, and more.

(09:57):
So yes, the letters matter.
They aren't just labels.
They represent people who have foughtfor recognition, rights and respect.
The evolution of the acronym orinitialism reminds us that inclusion
is a living ongoing practice.

(10:22):
As you can probably tell, thepractice of allyship is one of my
very favorite topics to share about.
So here are the threekey takeaways from today.
One, let go of the need to be perfect.
You'll never knoweverything, and that's okay.
Two allyship is a practice.

(10:42):
Keep showing up, especiallywhen it's uncomfortable.
And three, model repair and growth.
Your child learns how to behuman by watching you be human.
Thank you so much for joining mefor today's reflection in this
special Pride Month series fiveLessons from Parenting with Pride.

(11:04):
If this episode resonated with you, Iinvite you to share it with a friend and
definitely subscribe so you can catchnew episodes every Tuesday and Friday.
Pride month is a great time tofind out what kind of ally you are.
So click on the link in the show notesto find out your ally superpower.

(11:26):
Until next time, keep showingup, practicing allyship and
remember, you are not alone.
Happy pride.