June 23, 2024 • 31 mins
How would you handle driving through a dangerous canyon in white out blizzard conditions with no cell service and being so low on gas you have no idea if you’ll make it home safely? Join me and Abigail as she recounts this hair-raising experience from her Bible college days that lead to an unexpected revelation on trusting in God’s ability to get us through all life's unpredictable storms.
Abigail then delves into how her lesson from the canyon to always “look at Christ” has strengthened her throughout the emotional rollercoaster experienced by military spouses during deployment and military life. Furthermore, we discuss balancing the pressures of motherhood and self-criticism and how intentional discipleship and finding connection through fellowshipping others can bring relief and comfort.
Please reach out to me if you are interested in sharing your story! I would LOVE to hear from you. :)
Follow us on Social Media:
Facebook: More than Coincidence: Remembering Jesus Christ in Your Story
Instagram: mtc.rememberingjesuschrist
Website: https://morethancoincidencerememberingjesuschristinyourstory.buzzsprout.com
Email: morethancoincidence.rememberhim@gmail.com
**Transcripts available on website!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello everyone and welcome to.
More Than Coincidence,remembering Jesus Christ in your
Story as the author andfinisher of our faith, our
Savior writes personalexperiences into each of our
lives which can later strengthen, empower and bring us peace
upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories
(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
Good evening everybody.
Today we have Abigail.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
How are you Good?
(00:46):
Would you mind introducingyourself a little bit.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yes, so I'm Abigail.
I am 28 years old, I have threekids Jay, Zoe and Maddie and
I'm married.
I've been married for almosteight years.
I've done so.
I love fitness, gym stuff.
I've completed 75 hard fourtimes now, so you've probably
seen me walking in theneighborhood.
Yeah, what else?
(01:08):
I love to make sourdough bread,like I was telling you about,
and yeah, Sweet.
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
No, that's great.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Oh, wait, wait, Let me tell you I'm a convert.
I went to Bible school before Ibecame a convert.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, Well, I'm super happy that you're here tonight
and it's been really fun justcatching up.
So I'll just ask you thequestion, abigail what memories
in your life do you reflect onthat prick your heart and
remembrance of Jesus Christ andanchor you to him?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
okay, so I want to share a story from actually
Bible college.
Share this experience the bestthat I can um.
So when I was going into Biblecollege, I was in Wyoming, so
it's a town of LaGrange, wyoming, if anybody knows where that is
.
It's about 250 people that livethere.
So you can run like the wholecity within like a little bit of
time.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Just only one stop sign.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Everybody knows you yes.
Like that close and so it'sabout 45 minutes from Cheyenne.
So if you need to go to thegrocery store you've got to
really travel.
So I had this roommate that umcame over to my room today and
she's like do you want to go toDenver with us or Denver with me
?
and I was like yeah, but like wedon't have a car so we're gonna
have to find someone to get usa car and or like, let us borrow
(02:21):
theirs, and it's about two anda half hours away, so I wasn't
super close to her.
But like she's, like I like youand I want to get to know you
and I'm like I don't know if aroad trip is a good idea, then
we're stuck with each other incase something goes wrong.
You don't like me 30 minutes inthe drive.
You got a while.
And so one of these like sweetladies in our church was like,
(02:41):
oh, you can like borrow mine.
She's like one of the mom, Idon't know, she had a few kids,
but she's like, yeah, you canlike borrow my car.
And I was like, okay, perfect,so we get all ready to go and
we're talking, we're having agood time, we make it to Denver
and I have like a lot of anxiety, yeah.
And so when you get to Denver,like it's one-way streets
everywhere and so, yeah, drivingthere, you could.
GPS doesn't Like, you just haveto figure out how to.
(03:03):
And she wanted to get this likeiPad case or this like MacBook
case.
I'm like, how important is this?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Because, like I want the Virgin of.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Medjugorje to buy this like MacBook case.
Yeah, so we finally make itwhatever.
And so she's like all right,like let's head back and I'm
like have cell service inLaGrange.
Like you don't, it doesn't,your phone doesn't work out
there, right?
So when I'm going to town Icould use my phone, I could text
people from like back home.
I could call people.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
So that's usually when I called my dad, so.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I called my dad and we're just like chit chatting
and I'm just like catching up orwhatever.
And so we're, we're drivingback and I missed something with
the GPS.
So, like we take, we end upgoing a different way and I
think we're back in wyoming, butlike we're in the wrong part
and so I'm like, all right, dad,I gotta go.
Like it's starting to rain, it'sgetting stormy and like we've
got to get back or whatever, andso he's like, okay, bye, and we
(03:52):
probably have like 30 minutesleft.
So I realize, so my phone dies,okay, and something's wrong
with her phone, like it'sstarting to get into the sticks
or there's just no service yeah,and everything looks the same
in Wyoming yeah, and so she'slike, oh yeah, like I used to I
used to go and do like biblestudies in this town or whatever
like we're gonna, we're aboutto hit that area.
(04:13):
So we're like, have a, we'recheck gas.
We have like a quarter tank ofgas left, like we're fine.
She's like we'll gas up there.
Like it's this little cityright, and so she knows the
pastor there that like had achurch there or something.
These are like small, smalltowns, yeah, and so she, okay,
so we're like almost out of gasand we finally get to the city.
I'm like, thank goodness, likewe have a little bit less, like
maybe 40 miles or something.
(04:33):
We pull up to the gas station.
It is not a gas station.
They're like, oh, the gasstation got blown up like three
months ago.
Someone set it on fire and itlike exploded.
And I'm like, oh, my gosh, whatare we gonna do?
Because, like this isn't ourcar, it's starting to storm,
we're in the middle of nowhere,my phone is dead, our phones do
not work right.
And she's like, well, I knowthe pass to get back to like our
(04:54):
school.
Like you had to go through amountain pass to get back to our
school, which is terrifying.
Yes, but it's starting to storm.
So she's like we'll meet upwith the pastor and like see if
we can like maybe stay overnight, right.
So she's like we meet up withhim and like he has a whole
family if we could stay with you.
He doesn't offer for us to staywith him at all, nothing.
He's kind of like well, it'sgood seeing you guys.
We're just kind of like oh mygosh, like you're gonna make us
go through this mountain pass.
(05:14):
I don't know anything about it,right.
So I'm just like I'm freakingout, I'm about to freak out.
So we start.
Okay, so we start driving.
We're away from the church andum this is a very modest church
like this, like there is no tanktop, it's as strict as Mormons
are with clothes so it's like soI think I had like a.
(05:34):
I had a long sleeve on and thenI had like a tank top and
underneath tank top and I waslike the window was fogging up
and the ladies her likedefrosters didn't work and her
windshield wipers were old, ohno, so it's starting to get
super frosty and I'm like what?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
do I do?
That's so dangerous I'm goingto pour some water on it, so I
took off my long sleeve.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
And the girl next to me was a fennec.
She was like oh, you only havean undershirt on or something.
You're like do you want to dieon it?
Warm water, thinking it wasgonna fix it.
No, it didn't it iced it over,it made it worse.
Yeah, so we're just, we'restarting to drive and I'm like
she's gonna see my ugly side ofmy anxiety because this is so
scary for me and yeah, um, andshe's like I was like all right,
(06:14):
let's just get on the path,like we're gonna have to figure
this out, right.
So about 10 minutes in, she'slike just trying to be like very
I think she was trying to beencouraging godly, like with god
, like being like it's gonna beokay, like, and I'm like just
now it's not the time, like nowit's not the time to talk about
Jesus.
I'm so sorry that sounds,you're so raw, but I'm like can
we just get through this andthen we can just go back to like
(06:35):
our normal selves?
Like this is really hard for me.
So, anyways, we could not seeI'm talking a foot in front of
us Like it was pouring snow andthat's a two way pass and it's
really small when it looks likeit should only be one word one
road, and so it keeps, we keepgoing, we keep going, and it
gets to the point where I'm likethere's nothing I can do, that
(06:56):
we can't stop on this pass Causethere's nothing here.
We're almost out of gas.
We have no phone service.
No phone service, right, likewe're pretty close, we think
we're pretty close to the school.
We just have to get throughthis pay, this path.
And I remember praying, likejust stopping, because I'm like
we're driving so slow, we'retrying to see in front of us, we
cannot see anything.
So I slow down and I'm justlike if you, just like god, if
you just get us through, likethis little piece, like like I
(07:18):
don't know what I'm gonna do foryou, but like we'll do
something, I just need you toget me here.
Like I want to have a family, Iwant to one one day get married
, like I want to have a futureand yeah.
I feel like I'm gonna die righthere and I'm like 18, like I
haven't even graduated highschool yet, because I went to
college before I graduated andit.
So it brought me to this pointwhere I was like my hands are
(07:39):
completely tied and there'snothing I can absolutely do
right now and I just have haveto trust him.
There was nothing.
There was nothing other thanjust to trust him.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
And so I'm like let's just stop right here and just
pray and hopefully there's not acar coming another way, Cause
it's such a small lane and we'rejust like, please get us
through this.
And it's crazy, cause thisstory came up to me with Peter
walking on water.
Like he's looking at his feet.
He's looking at his feet andhe's starting to sink.
And Jesus is like look at melike look at me and I'm going to
get you to me and I just I canget chills talking about this,
(08:09):
like I just remember him, like Ijust heard it in my head, like
just look at me, look at me,look at me, stop looking at your
feet, your feet or your anxiety, and you're trying to control
the situation that only I canfix and only I can get you there
and somehow, like the stormscalmed, like it slowed down to
where we could see like feetabove us we finally got back
(08:30):
into town and I like gone, Ilike got out of the car and I
was like on my hands and kneesbe like, oh my gosh, we made it
like solid ground.
Yes, and I remember we had thiscute little snack shack, like
this one guy, joey, worked inthere and I went in there and
he's like what's wrong?
with you and I was like wealmost just like died in this
past, like and he's like youhave that little of faith that
(08:51):
you thought that jesus wouldn'tget you back here.
And I was like at first I wasso offended, yeah, I was like,
oh my gosh, he's right like Idoubted christ so much in that
experience that I just was likewe're gonna, like I just came to
the idea we're going to dieinstead of praying.
Why?
You know, Right, and that reallystuck out to me, like like our
feet hurt, our anxiety sometimes, and we're looking down and he
(09:14):
wants us to just look at him,like just trust me, just trust
me, I'm going to get you throughthis.
And I need you to go throughthis experience for you to trust
me.
Yeah, and ever since, that'sreally stuck out to me that like
a lot of the times I want tocontrol things, but it doesn't
always work that way, and sothat was like a big part of my
testimony was just like look atme just look at me and right.
(09:34):
there's a lot of situations, ofcourse, like I talked to, with
andrew being the marine corps,that, like I, don't have any
other direction to look and myanxiety can take over so fast
when, right, andrew's in themiddle of the East and I can't
talk to him and you're justthinking of the worst that's
happening and you see all of thenews articles and you're like
what's happening?
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Where is my husband?
I'm going to be a single momforever.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
And he's on his job.
He's a machine gunner.
He's on the boat protecting it.
People are you know, the enemyis taunting him and they're
trying to get him.
I can't talk to him for such along time and I'm over here like
I'm here seeing news articles,but I can't talk to you Like,
are you OK?
I sure hope, and then, I haveall these thoughts running
through my mind, like I can'thave.
I cannot take care of these kidswithout you.
(10:12):
Like I need you.
I don't know what I'm going todo without you, and you know all
those thoughts.
And then it's just, you knowcalling the store, and I
remember one specific time.
I during the middle of Andrew'sdeployment.
I was just so defeated like wecan't ever talk and this is such
a scary time and I remembersitting on the stairs like just
like mid-verge, of just losingit and like as a breakdown, and
(10:36):
I remember Jason he was only two, but he walked up and put his
hand on my shoulder and was likemom, you okay.
And I was like my heart, likeI'm, like, yeah, like I'm, I
forget that, like kids are sosensitive, like they just know,
they just know and right, youknow.
Again, keeping my eyes on Jesusduring that time, like it's
just like we're gonna getthrough this, even though it
doesn't feel like it and itlasts eternity time, you know,
(10:58):
and go so slow during that time,yeah, um, but yeah.
So that was an experience thatwill probably stick with me
forever, and I don't ever let mygas tank go a quarter tank
below anyone.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
No, I would say in a way, because, who knows?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
what's going to happen when you get to that?
Gas station, if it's going tobe blown up or not.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And that's the story you're going to tell your kids
too, when you're a little oldlady.
You're like back in my day thisis what happened, why you gotta
keep your gas tank so high whydoes this car always have full
of gas?
Dang, so that's.
That's like a really intensestory and do you feel like?
(11:36):
I think, at least for me,something that I've been
pondering on a lot is, when wehave these really kind of
intense experiences, why do welet ourselves forget them or not
necessarily forget them, butlike why can't we just keep the
faith?
Why can't we just keep lookingLike I don't know?
(11:58):
Is that something?
Have you thought about that?
Or have you thought about Idon't know, why do I not look?
Why do I not Even though I'vehad this giant experience,
because I feel like, for me, Ihave had certain experiences
like that, where it wasliterally the hand of God, and
sometimes I still sit here goingwhy, like?
Why do you?
Are you there?
(12:18):
Why are you listening, do youeven?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
care, you know yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
So how do you, having such like a contrasting
experience or like a bigexperience, how are you able to,
I don't know not let yourselfget swallowed back into that
anxiety and keep looking Likehow do you?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
I mean, I still think I do when it comes to a point
where, like my, for my anxiety,I've done every remedy, I've
done everything I can to calmmyself and it's not working it's
like there's only one lessthing to do is to pray and, just
right, he sees your struggles,he sometimes it feels like it
doesn't, though, because I'mlike I'm in the middle of an
anxiety attack and I'm like Ifeel like I'm gonna die and I
(12:56):
can't breathe and like where areyou?
Speaker 1 (12:57):
why are?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
you letting me suffer like this?
This is so miserable and itseems like since I turned 20, it
feels that way.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I wish I had the answer for you, but yeah, I, I
just think you're gonna get,you'll eventually get to the
logic part of the anxiety.
Okay, we need to pray.
There's not.
There's not anything left to do, and I wish I could tell you
that that was the first thing Ithought of was like you know,
are you listening to me?
Are you you're watching me?
Like I feel like you'rewatching me suffer and it's,
it's so intense and you know howanxiety attacks are and it's
(13:29):
just it's so miserable.
But you know I could tell youthat there's so many people that
I can relate with and haveempathy with those experiences
you know, like no one that has.
You know, there's not a personthat has anxiety, that wants to
talk to someone that's never hadanxiety yeah.
I'm not gonna sit and try totell you my struggle when you
don't get it right so it's likeexperiences like that, it's like
during.
(13:51):
I mean, obviously I learned alot from that experience and you
know, being able to I meanprevent myself from being that
position but like also beinglike hey, sometimes our hands
are tied and we need Jesus a lotof people, people in this world
just need Jesus.
There is no other way out.
Right, right, I think, justtrying to.
Yeah, I wish I could tell youthat it was the first thing I
thought of.
Yeah, but it usually is thelast thing for sure.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
And you know what I think.
As long as you get to thatpoint, I think that's all he
cares about Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
He doesn't need to take 30 minutes to spray to me
oh, what's wrong with us?
Speaker 1 (14:34):
we need jesus we all need jesus.
That's how I feel.
I feel like I don't know.
Even recently, I feel like I'vejust had such really intense
emotions and I feel like it isso hard, when you're feeling
these intense emotions, to toreach out to him and to look for
him because it's like.
It's like the intense emotionslike they cover my eyes and they
(14:57):
cover my heart and I literallywas thinking about it because, I
don't know, things have justbeen really rough and I've been
so angry.
I'm not normally like a superangry person, but I feel like
recently I've just had so muchanger and just so much rage
towards my kids, my spouse, likelots of random things, and I
literally was.
(15:17):
So.
I read President Nelson's talkthat he gave like two years ago
about being a peacemaker andthat kind of you know, it gave
me a lot of really good thingsto think about, um, and but then
the other day I was sittingthere and I was like, oh my gosh
, I think this is what it feelslike when your heart is hard and
like when you, when you're notallowing the spirit in.
But how do you?
(15:38):
But it's not like I even reallynoticed it happening.
You know, I feel like it justwith one thing after the other,
after the other, and then withall these intense emotions, it
just kind of I just found myselfin that situation and I feel
like it's been so hard becauseI'll sit and I'll like read my
scriptures and I'll be like,please, I really want this to
make me feel better, and then itdoesn't, and I'm like, oh, okay
(16:00):
, well, I guess I'll try again,and that makes me feel better
than reading the scriptures orpraying, you know.
So I feel like I don't know.
I think it is important for usto realize that that option is
always there and that sometimes,even when we try that option
(16:20):
try looking at the Savior we canstill look, but we might not
always feel the peace and wemight not always feel the
comfort and it's like trying tofigure out okay, well, how do I
feel the peace that, you know,the prophet talks about?
they always, I feel like a lotof the times they always talk
about how you feel when you goto the temple.
You'll feel so much peace.
I don't usually feel peace atthe temple like I feel peace
(16:41):
other places, and so I so I feellike I'm having to learn how to
look at him and still feel allof these emotions and not feel
like a horrible person.
At the same time, I feel likeit's just like another layer of
everything.
Recently, I feel like I just Ifeel like a despicable human
being because I'm so fortunateto have the gospel in my life,
(17:04):
because I'm so fortunate to havethe gospel in my life.
But when I pray, or when I readmy scriptures, or when I feel
all these intense emotions, it'slike, oh, come on, lily, aren't
you better than this?
You're turning to him, butyou're not really turning to him
.
What kind of a disciple ofChrist are you?
And then it's like trying topull yourself out of that spiral
hole.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I think that can be like the devil talking to us too
, or satan like being like hey,because he gets in my head.
It's like in the perfect timeto take advantage of what's in
my head is when I'm alreadystruggling and I'm already
having a hard time, like right,and I get anxiety.
It's like all these things of,probably, things that don't even
matter, that he's like whatabout this?
Like, what about that?
Like no one likes you, no onelikes to be around you, which is
(17:47):
a big lie because I know thereare people that do enjoy being
around me and right, I am, youknow.
But those, well, it's just thosethoughts of like you know, like
you know he gets in your headand it's like also, I think the
times that we're in right now,life is so overwhelming you know
, as a mother, it feels like myresponsibility to make sure my
(18:07):
kids are healthy and taken careof and that you know that my
husband can come home from workand he can vent to me about his
job or whatever.
Like I feel, like I have to bethere for everybody all the time
in my own family structureright, which eventually gives
it's, you're burned out andyou're burned out and I can't't
show up the best Abigail foreverybody when I'm spread so
thin Right and then on top ofthat, satan's taking advantage
(18:29):
of like hey, let's just likeremind her in her head that like
Right, you're not, like, you'renot a good mom, you don't do
this, you don't do this, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
like Right Over and over, andthen you know, and then it's
hard to get christ in the mix,but like I also think that
(18:51):
christ just appreciates ustrying.
And you know what, if at the endof the day, or the in the
beginning, you know, in themorning, I can give you some of
my time to pray and just evenlike I'm not the best at praying
often, I can tell you I do mybest to pray when it's time to
eat, whenever, and teach mychildren yeah yeah, but it's
like sometimes it's just prayingand like the pickup line or
like when I think about it, doit Because it's like Satan if he
has a majority of your day tomess with your mind.
(19:13):
like, where does Christ fit intothat?
And like he doesn't want you topray, he doesn't want to read
your scripture.
So it's like, even if you'renot all the way there, or like
you're just don't feel likeyou're showing up at the best
that you can, at least you'reshowing up and it's maybe that
you're spread so thin that youcan't show up as great as you
want to and you have a lot goingon.
You know, right, we all have alot going on, and it's just you
(19:35):
know as long as we're doing itand you know as long as we show
up.
I think that's what's important.
And sometimes the places wedon't want to go like we don't
want to take our kids tosacrament, or we don't want to
like like today I think my brainhas made every possible excuse
to not make it here.
Like I'm like what am I evengonna talk about?
Like I have all theseexperiences but like I think I
misunderstood a lot.
I, my brain doesn't connectwith my mouth to what I want to
(19:57):
actually say.
And then people are like is shejust like talking a lot again,
like shut up for the recordyou're totally crystal clear to
me.
I'm just like talking 10 minutesin relief society like I hope
some I feel like I'm like I'msaying what jesus needs me to
say, but it's a lot of words, sohopefully you can condense it
in your mind.
Um, but yeah, so, but I alsowanted to add to one of the
(20:19):
reasons I, or one of the thingsI did want to talk about some.
For some reason, we watched um,god's not dead it's an old
movie, but they just uploaded toNetflix and I didn't realize
that it was such a good movie.
Yeah, and um my aunt Kelly,she's like my, she's the one.
She's the one that helped mewith, like, my conversion.
She's, she helps me with all myanxiety.
She's the one that's like youneed to pray, you need to read.
(20:40):
I'm like all right, okay,you're right, yeah and um, but
she we were talking about God'sNot Dead and the big I was like
she's, like maybe it wasn't acoincidence that you like
watched that and I was like youknow, I don't think it was
because I totally forgot thatthis was coming up.
I knew it was coming.
I just didn't realize it was sosoon.
In a couple days we were.
I was like we should watch thismovie, right and um, he was
talking.
(21:00):
When he was talking to his momwith dementia he was talking
about he was like, well, howcome I have such a great life
and, like you know, like youhave problems or whatever Right,
and it really put it intoperspective.
Like I feel like I've reallysuffered my entire life, like I
really feel like I've struggled,I don't know why.
Like it's just like things comeat me left and right and it's
(21:22):
like like I've just reallystruggled my entire life and I
felt like once I got out of likemy childhood home that just had
a lot of like abuse and trauma,I thought things were going to
be perfect and they haven't.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
They haven't been like I was like once.
I'm an adult.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I get out of the situation.
I'm like I'm good no, and thenall these things were like you
got to learn this and this andthis and this and this and this,
and I'm like oh, my goshMotherhood, everything on top of
it.
And so it's like I finally putit into perspective for me that,
like, like late satan tells,shows you a lie, gives you this
(21:55):
perfect life, and then, whenit's too late, the doors are
closed right and I'm like, oh mygosh, I would rather go through
all these problems and allthese situations or whatever
trials, right to be able to likefollow christ, and satan wants
to be a part of that all thetime.
But it's like I'd rather gothrough all these things and see
jesus there you know, insteadof having this great life and
(22:17):
like wow, you go through thesetrials, like for me you're going
through maybe the suffering forme and it's to teach other
people and right follow me, tolook at me, to trust me because
I've been there's so many thingsthat I'm like and there's a lot
of people that talk about.
Um, this was a big point I waskind of thinking about on the
way here too, sorry.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I go.
No, you're in here with my ADHD.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
But, um, a lot of people talk about like an
experience they had that theywalk away from Christ and, um,
I've had a few of thoseexperiences.
I was like, okay, like I hadthis thought where I was like,
how could you ever walk?
What's, what's so bad that youwalk away from Christ?
And a big point in that was Godwas dead, was the atheist
(22:57):
professor that he lost his momto cancer and there was nothing
that he could do about it rightand he really hated God for that
.
And you know there's been a fewsituations that, um, just like
with Andrew being in themilitary, that I'm like why,
like, why are you?
Like I'm not cut out for thisman, like I can be so supportive
, but like, in this sense, it'slike I never see my husband, and
(23:19):
then he deploys, and he comesback and we don't get an
adjustment period, and then hedeploys again and then we come
back and then we decide to haveanother baby.
Like I just don't get a break.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
And it was like there's so many situations that
it's like, yeah, I could turn myback on him.
I could, but I'm not going tobecause, in all in all, he's
always been there and he willalways be there.
Right, I could definitely havea better relationship with him.
I'm learning to have my ownrelationship with them and be,
able to pray and talk about myday with him.
Yeah, and yeah it's like I thinkthere's a lot of situations
(23:50):
that people are so angry withGod, and but you have to
understand that we have freeagency.
For a reason we get to choosethose things and sometimes
choices have consequences.
Sometimes we go through trialsto learn and they're awful
trials.
They're so bad and I'm like,why am I suffering?
I don't feel like I deservethis, like right.
But then I see years down theroad, after I've been through so
(24:11):
much therapy, through certainsituations, that I'm like right,
I can, like advocate for women,I can help people that have
suffered through these types oftrials right, and like I can be
there for them and I can, youknow, give suggestions to how to
heal.
And like you know and right.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
I love how you bring up that.
Because I go through thesetrials, I'm able to sit with
those who are going through themand truly empathize with them
and be a physical, tangible,somebody that the Lord can put
into someone's life, to act asthat figure.
And then you can even say, hey,let's look to Christ, and you
can point them in that directiontoo, which I think is is really
(24:49):
powerful.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
So, yeah, I and off of that, I've felt in my life
that I've gone through trials tolike help people.
Yeah, and actually I sat downand read my patriarchal blessing
for the first time again in areally really long time.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I kind of put it away and I was just like kind of
like this doesn't make sense.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Or I got it when I was so.
I got converted at 20, yeah,got my patriarchal blessing, and
then I was just kind of like,okay, like this is so vague,
yeah, so vague and the and theguy that did it.
I'm like he's so old, does heeven know what he's talking
about?
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Like what is this?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Like this is like a bunch of words of and and it's
and like if it felt like yeah,and then I just like how this
thought to like I was like myhusband's, like let's pull out
mine, let's pull out yours outof the safe.
And like I'm a mother of Israel,like I'm a mother for other
people, and I felt like I'vealways been so motherly growing
(25:40):
up yes, just in general with alot of people and it's like okay
.
So that tells me like, and Ithink when I read it a little
while ago, a couple weeks ago, Icried because I was like, oh my
gosh, like to be a mother inIsrael.
That is so like powerful andimportant, like I'm so important
.
And even though I don't feelthat way a lot of the time, I am
(26:01):
so important and to have thosemotherly qualities and to like
help others and be be helpfuland help people through trials
and all those type of things.
Like what a blessing and likewhat a gift.
There's not anything else.
I would want more than that andI hope that with time that I
can really nurture that gift andI think, as time goes on and
(26:21):
I'm not so needed by, like theresponsibilities of my life, I
can serve others and help othershow I want and just
understanding that Christ seesme like you're a mother of
Israel and like you're here tomother, like, nurture others and
be there for people.
And I think all my life peoplehave always been like you're
here to mother, like, nurtureothers and be there for people.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
And I think all my life people have always been
like you're such a mom, Likethat's a bad thing, Like you
know, but it's only because Icare and you know, if I can be
there for other people, I will.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
And the trials I go through, they're relatable and
like like you know, I'm very raw, I'm real, I'll tell you how I
feel.
I I feel I'll tell you myexperiences.
I don't have shame behind myexperiences.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
They're just, they are what they are and if I can
share with you or relate tosomeone, I will.
I'll share it with you becauseI don't want you to feel alone.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You know right well, and that's what I love,
suffering alone, is there's nolike awful worst thing suffering
alone and just being alone andnot feeling yeah, not feeling
like someone gets it right,because if he can isolate us,
then we're stuck.
He can put on as much as hewants.
Yeah, yeah, we're completelystuck.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I think the trick is how do you not let yourself get
isolated in the first place?
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I mean, I think it all starts with fellowship and
just us simply showing up tochurch, to just get those bonds
and those relationships Right.
I actually a little side note Idid some studying on um, I have,
like, an eating disorder.
I have a really big problemwith binge eating.
Yeah and um, I was kind ofdoing some studying and this guy
(27:44):
did.
This study was, like othercountries are so family oriented
and we're not.
You know, um, they shared thesesimple things, like in italy,
when, like, families eat, theyall gather to eat as a family
and everybody's greeting eachother and there's all these
endorphins being let off byeverybody giving hugs and
talking and as they're talking,they're eating, which is we're
making their digestive systemwork, and they're able to have
(28:07):
like body cues when we're doneeating and all that kind of
stuff.
In America we just sit down andwe eat.
We just eat and we're stressedout, which aren't.
That means our digestivesystem's not working and we're
overwhelmed and stressed, and soit's like all these components
and then you know, but it's justsuch an interesting fact that,
like we need human connection,yes, and unfortunately, covid
(28:27):
really damaged that, and I thinkthere's some truth behind why
that happened.
It was like they don't want us,like just over.
Satan doesn't want us combined.
They don't want us to be united, satan doesn't want us combined
.
They don't want us to be unitedbecause united means power.
Yeah, and especially when youknow satan can weaken mothers,
we're the, we're the bridge thatyou know, we're kind of the
(28:47):
backbone of society yes, we arelike, men are super important
too, but women like do a lotwe're creating and we're we're
teaching our kids like.
Our job, solely as you know, asmothers, is to nurture and teach
our children like who jesus isright, you know.
And so when we have that typeof role and if that can be
damaged by satan and being takenthat away, the family unit gets
(29:09):
destroyed because we'rebridging that gap between our
spouse and our children andwe're just that middle piece
it's we're so important for bothsides that if he can damage us,
yeah, he can ruin the entirefamily unit.
So when we don't have thatconnection and we're isolated
already isolated as mothers,because, right as we talked
about, you know, the book that Imentioned I forgot what it's
called, but um, it just, youknow, talked so much about how
(29:31):
important mothers are and likehow they keep literally
everything together, like it'sour job to do that.
So when we isolate ourselves orwe get isolated, satan gets in
our minds and like the smallestthing we can do is just to show
up to church for fellowship, andthen I mean god created eve for
adam.
For companionship we needothers we need fellowship, we
need connection right?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
no, we're human, we need connection right and I feel
like as we do that, as weconnect together, I feel like we
are then able to better findChrist among us and in the midst
of us and being able to turn tolook at him more easily when we
are connected and casually butconfidently sharing our
(30:12):
testimonies and just these smallexperiences.
It doesn't have to be a giganticgeneral conference talk or a
talk you give in sacramentmeeting.
It literally just like I almostdied in a canyon and a gas
station blew up, but I prayedand, jesus, let me get back
right like that thatlegitimately.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Honestly, it's a lot more and I got humbled about how
much how much?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
faith I have at the worst time and it's fun, right.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
And it's fun right Like this.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
This is, this is where the connection grows, and
so thank you so much for just,you know, being willing to be
open and be vulnerable and andtalk frankly about a lot of
these things, and I cause it'sneeded.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, so Well thank you for having me.
I didn't feel worthy to come dothis but, like hey, sometimes I
have some things that peopleneed to know.
Or me, I didn't feel worthy tocome do this, but my case,
sometimes I have some thingsthat people need to know, or
hear.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I've absolutely loved all of the things that you've
had to say, and I feel likeeverything that you've said has
been insanely relevant to mylife, and so thank you so much
for coming.
This has been a really greatexperience and I hope we get to
catch up again.
We will.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
And I'll bring you some bread.
Oh yes, please, you got it.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I hope we get to catch up again another time we
will, and I'll bring you somebread.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh, yes, please, you got it.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Thanks again for tuning in to More Than
Coincidence, Remembering JesusChrist in your Story.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out tomorethancoincidencerememberhim
at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
of our Savior.
(31:39):
See you next time.
Hello everyone and welcome to.
More Than Coincidence,remembering Jesus Christ in your
Story as the author andfinisher of our faith, our
Savior writes personalexperiences into each of our
lives which can later strengthen, empower and bring us peace
upon reflection.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing these anchoring memories
(00:26):
from everyone's unique storiesin order to collectively
remember and testify of thereality of Jesus Christ and his
presence in our lives.
I'm your host, lily, and I'mvery excited to share these
experiences together.
Good evening everybody.
Today we have Abigail.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
How are you Good?
(00:46):
Would you mind introducingyourself a little bit.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yes, so I'm Abigail.
I am 28 years old, I have threekids Jay, Zoe and Maddie and
I'm married.
I've been married for almosteight years.
I've done so.
I love fitness, gym stuff.
I've completed 75 hard fourtimes now, so you've probably
seen me walking in theneighborhood.
Yeah, what else?
(01:08):
I love to make sourdough bread,like I was telling you about,
and yeah, Sweet.
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
No, that's great.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Oh, wait, wait, Let me tell you I'm a convert.
I went to Bible school before Ibecame a convert.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, Well, I'm super happy that you're here tonight
and it's been really fun justcatching up.
So I'll just ask you thequestion, abigail what memories
in your life do you reflect onthat prick your heart and
remembrance of Jesus Christ andanchor you to him?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
okay, so I want to share a story from actually
Bible college.
Share this experience the bestthat I can um.
So when I was going into Biblecollege, I was in Wyoming, so
it's a town of LaGrange, wyoming, if anybody knows where that is
.
It's about 250 people that livethere.
So you can run like the wholecity within like a little bit of
time.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Just only one stop sign.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Everybody knows you yes.
Like that close and so it'sabout 45 minutes from Cheyenne.
So if you need to go to thegrocery store you've got to
really travel.
So I had this roommate that umcame over to my room today and
she's like do you want to go toDenver with us or Denver with me
?
and I was like yeah, but like wedon't have a car so we're gonna
have to find someone to get usa car and or like, let us borrow
(02:21):
theirs, and it's about two anda half hours away, so I wasn't
super close to her.
But like she's, like I like youand I want to get to know you
and I'm like I don't know if aroad trip is a good idea, then
we're stuck with each other incase something goes wrong.
You don't like me 30 minutes inthe drive.
You got a while.
And so one of these like sweetladies in our church was like,
(02:41):
oh, you can like borrow mine.
She's like one of the mom, Idon't know, she had a few kids,
but she's like, yeah, you canlike borrow my car.
And I was like, okay, perfect,so we get all ready to go and
we're talking, we're having agood time, we make it to Denver
and I have like a lot of anxiety, yeah.
And so when you get to Denver,like it's one-way streets
everywhere and so, yeah, drivingthere, you could.
GPS doesn't Like, you just haveto figure out how to.
(03:03):
And she wanted to get this likeiPad case or this like MacBook
case.
I'm like, how important is this?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Because, like I want the Virgin of.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Medjugorje to buy this like MacBook case.
Yeah, so we finally make itwhatever.
And so she's like all right,like let's head back and I'm
like have cell service inLaGrange.
Like you don't, it doesn't,your phone doesn't work out
there, right?
So when I'm going to town Icould use my phone, I could text
people from like back home.
I could call people.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
So that's usually when I called my dad, so.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I called my dad and we're just like chit chatting
and I'm just like catching up orwhatever.
And so we're, we're drivingback and I missed something with
the GPS.
So, like we take, we end upgoing a different way and I
think we're back in wyoming, butlike we're in the wrong part
and so I'm like, all right, dad,I gotta go.
Like it's starting to rain, it'sgetting stormy and like we've
got to get back or whatever, andso he's like, okay, bye, and we
(03:52):
probably have like 30 minutesleft.
So I realize, so my phone dies,okay, and something's wrong
with her phone, like it'sstarting to get into the sticks
or there's just no service yeah,and everything looks the same
in Wyoming yeah, and so she'slike, oh yeah, like I used to I
used to go and do like biblestudies in this town or whatever
like we're gonna, we're aboutto hit that area.
(04:13):
So we're like, have a, we'recheck gas.
We have like a quarter tank ofgas left, like we're fine.
She's like we'll gas up there.
Like it's this little cityright, and so she knows the
pastor there that like had achurch there or something.
These are like small, smalltowns, yeah, and so she, okay,
so we're like almost out of gasand we finally get to the city.
I'm like, thank goodness, likewe have a little bit less, like
maybe 40 miles or something.
(04:33):
We pull up to the gas station.
It is not a gas station.
They're like, oh, the gasstation got blown up like three
months ago.
Someone set it on fire and itlike exploded.
And I'm like, oh, my gosh, whatare we gonna do?
Because, like this isn't ourcar, it's starting to storm,
we're in the middle of nowhere,my phone is dead, our phones do
not work right.
And she's like, well, I knowthe pass to get back to like our
(04:54):
school.
Like you had to go through amountain pass to get back to our
school, which is terrifying.
Yes, but it's starting to storm.
So she's like we'll meet upwith the pastor and like see if
we can like maybe stay overnight, right.
So she's like we meet up withhim and like he has a whole
family if we could stay with you.
He doesn't offer for us to staywith him at all, nothing.
He's kind of like well, it'sgood seeing you guys.
We're just kind of like oh mygosh, like you're gonna make us
go through this mountain pass.
(05:14):
I don't know anything about it,right.
So I'm just like I'm freakingout, I'm about to freak out.
So we start.
Okay, so we start driving.
We're away from the church andum this is a very modest church
like this, like there is no tanktop, it's as strict as Mormons
are with clothes so it's like soI think I had like a.
(05:34):
I had a long sleeve on and thenI had like a tank top and
underneath tank top and I waslike the window was fogging up
and the ladies her likedefrosters didn't work and her
windshield wipers were old, ohno, so it's starting to get
super frosty and I'm like what?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
do I do?
That's so dangerous I'm goingto pour some water on it, so I
took off my long sleeve.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
And the girl next to me was a fennec.
She was like oh, you only havean undershirt on or something.
You're like do you want to dieon it?
Warm water, thinking it wasgonna fix it.
No, it didn't it iced it over,it made it worse.
Yeah, so we're just, we'restarting to drive and I'm like
she's gonna see my ugly side ofmy anxiety because this is so
scary for me and yeah, um, andshe's like I was like all right,
(06:14):
let's just get on the path,like we're gonna have to figure
this out, right.
So about 10 minutes in, she'slike just trying to be like very
I think she was trying to beencouraging godly, like with god
, like being like it's gonna beokay, like, and I'm like just
now it's not the time, like nowit's not the time to talk about
Jesus.
I'm so sorry that sounds,you're so raw, but I'm like can
we just get through this andthen we can just go back to like
(06:35):
our normal selves?
Like this is really hard for me.
So, anyways, we could not seeI'm talking a foot in front of
us Like it was pouring snow andthat's a two way pass and it's
really small when it looks likeit should only be one word one
road, and so it keeps, we keepgoing, we keep going, and it
gets to the point where I'm likethere's nothing I can do, that
(06:56):
we can't stop on this pass Causethere's nothing here.
We're almost out of gas.
We have no phone service.
No phone service, right, likewe're pretty close, we think
we're pretty close to the school.
We just have to get throughthis pay, this path.
And I remember praying, likejust stopping, because I'm like
we're driving so slow, we'retrying to see in front of us, we
cannot see anything.
So I slow down and I'm justlike if you, just like god, if
you just get us through, likethis little piece, like like I
(07:18):
don't know what I'm gonna do foryou, but like we'll do
something, I just need you toget me here.
Like I want to have a family, Iwant to one one day get married
, like I want to have a futureand yeah.
I feel like I'm gonna die righthere and I'm like 18, like I
haven't even graduated highschool yet, because I went to
college before I graduated andit.
So it brought me to this pointwhere I was like my hands are
(07:39):
completely tied and there'snothing I can absolutely do
right now and I just have haveto trust him.
There was nothing.
There was nothing other thanjust to trust him.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
And so I'm like let's just stop right here and just
pray and hopefully there's not acar coming another way, Cause
it's such a small lane and we'rejust like, please get us
through this.
And it's crazy, cause thisstory came up to me with Peter
walking on water.
Like he's looking at his feet.
He's looking at his feet andhe's starting to sink.
And Jesus is like look at melike look at me and I'm going to
get you to me and I just I canget chills talking about this,
(08:09):
like I just remember him, like Ijust heard it in my head, like
just look at me, look at me,look at me, stop looking at your
feet, your feet or your anxiety, and you're trying to control
the situation that only I canfix and only I can get you there
and somehow, like the stormscalmed, like it slowed down to
where we could see like feetabove us we finally got back
(08:30):
into town and I like gone, Ilike got out of the car and I
was like on my hands and kneesbe like, oh my gosh, we made it
like solid ground.
Yes, and I remember we had thiscute little snack shack, like
this one guy, joey, worked inthere and I went in there and
he's like what's wrong?
with you and I was like wealmost just like died in this
past, like and he's like youhave that little of faith that
(08:51):
you thought that jesus wouldn'tget you back here.
And I was like at first I wasso offended, yeah, I was like,
oh my gosh, he's right like Idoubted christ so much in that
experience that I just was likewe're gonna, like I just came to
the idea we're going to dieinstead of praying.
Why?
You know, Right, and that reallystuck out to me, like like our
feet hurt, our anxiety sometimes, and we're looking down and he
(09:14):
wants us to just look at him,like just trust me, just trust
me, I'm going to get you throughthis.
And I need you to go throughthis experience for you to trust
me.
Yeah, and ever since, that'sreally stuck out to me that like
a lot of the times I want tocontrol things, but it doesn't
always work that way, and sothat was like a big part of my
testimony was just like look atme just look at me and right.
(09:34):
there's a lot of situations, ofcourse, like I talked to, with
andrew being the marine corps,that, like I, don't have any
other direction to look and myanxiety can take over so fast
when, right, andrew's in themiddle of the East and I can't
talk to him and you're justthinking of the worst that's
happening and you see all of thenews articles and you're like
what's happening?
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Where is my husband?
I'm going to be a single momforever.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
And he's on his job.
He's a machine gunner.
He's on the boat protecting it.
People are you know, the enemyis taunting him and they're
trying to get him.
I can't talk to him for such along time and I'm over here like
I'm here seeing news articles,but I can't talk to you Like,
are you OK?
I sure hope, and then, I haveall these thoughts running
through my mind, like I can'thave.
I cannot take care of these kidswithout you.
(10:12):
Like I need you.
I don't know what I'm going todo without you, and you know all
those thoughts.
And then it's just, you knowcalling the store, and I
remember one specific time.
I during the middle of Andrew'sdeployment.
I was just so defeated like wecan't ever talk and this is such
a scary time and I remembersitting on the stairs like just
like mid-verge, of just losingit and like as a breakdown, and
(10:36):
I remember Jason he was only two, but he walked up and put his
hand on my shoulder and was likemom, you okay.
And I was like my heart, likeI'm, like, yeah, like I'm, I
forget that, like kids are sosensitive, like they just know,
they just know and right, youknow.
Again, keeping my eyes on Jesusduring that time, like it's
just like we're gonna getthrough this, even though it
doesn't feel like it and itlasts eternity time, you know,
(10:58):
and go so slow during that time,yeah, um, but yeah.
So that was an experience thatwill probably stick with me
forever, and I don't ever let mygas tank go a quarter tank
below anyone.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
No, I would say in a way, because, who knows?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
what's going to happen when you get to that?
Gas station, if it's going tobe blown up or not.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And that's the story you're going to tell your kids
too, when you're a little oldlady.
You're like back in my day thisis what happened, why you gotta
keep your gas tank so high whydoes this car always have full
of gas?
Dang, so that's.
That's like a really intensestory and do you feel like?
(11:36):
I think, at least for me,something that I've been
pondering on a lot is, when wehave these really kind of
intense experiences, why do welet ourselves forget them or not
necessarily forget them, butlike why can't we just keep the
faith?
Why can't we just keep lookingLike I don't know?
(11:58):
Is that something?
Have you thought about that?
Or have you thought about Idon't know, why do I not look?
Why do I not Even though I'vehad this giant experience,
because I feel like, for me, Ihave had certain experiences
like that, where it wasliterally the hand of God, and
sometimes I still sit here goingwhy, like?
Why do you?
Are you there?
(12:18):
Why are you listening, do youeven?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
care, you know yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
So how do you, having such like a contrasting
experience or like a bigexperience, how are you able to,
I don't know not let yourselfget swallowed back into that
anxiety and keep looking Likehow do you?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
I mean, I still think I do when it comes to a point
where, like my, for my anxiety,I've done every remedy, I've
done everything I can to calmmyself and it's not working it's
like there's only one lessthing to do is to pray and, just
right, he sees your struggles,he sometimes it feels like it
doesn't, though, because I'mlike I'm in the middle of an
anxiety attack and I'm like Ifeel like I'm gonna die and I
(12:56):
can't breathe and like where areyou?
Speaker 1 (12:57):
why are?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
you letting me suffer like this?
This is so miserable and itseems like since I turned 20, it
feels that way.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I wish I had the answer for you, but yeah, I, I
just think you're gonna get,you'll eventually get to the
logic part of the anxiety.
Okay, we need to pray.
There's not.
There's not anything left to do, and I wish I could tell you
that that was the first thing Ithought of was like you know,
are you listening to me?
Are you you're watching me?
Like I feel like you'rewatching me suffer and it's,
it's so intense and you know howanxiety attacks are and it's
(13:29):
just it's so miserable.
But you know I could tell youthat there's so many people that
I can relate with and haveempathy with those experiences
you know, like no one that has.
You know, there's not a personthat has anxiety, that wants to
talk to someone that's never hadanxiety yeah.
I'm not gonna sit and try totell you my struggle when you
don't get it right so it's likeexperiences like that, it's like
during.
(13:51):
I mean, obviously I learned alot from that experience and you
know, being able to I meanprevent myself from being that
position but like also beinglike hey, sometimes our hands
are tied and we need Jesus a lotof people, people in this world
just need Jesus.
There is no other way out.
Right, right, I think, justtrying to.
Yeah, I wish I could tell youthat it was the first thing I
thought of.
Yeah, but it usually is thelast thing for sure.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
And you know what I think.
As long as you get to thatpoint, I think that's all he
cares about Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
He doesn't need to take 30 minutes to spray to me
oh, what's wrong with us?
Speaker 1 (14:34):
we need jesus we all need jesus.
That's how I feel.
I feel like I don't know.
Even recently, I feel like I'vejust had such really intense
emotions and I feel like it isso hard, when you're feeling
these intense emotions, to toreach out to him and to look for
him because it's like.
It's like the intense emotionslike they cover my eyes and they
(14:57):
cover my heart and I literallywas thinking about it because, I
don't know, things have justbeen really rough and I've been
so angry.
I'm not normally like a superangry person, but I feel like
recently I've just had so muchanger and just so much rage
towards my kids, my spouse, likelots of random things, and I
literally was.
(15:17):
So.
I read President Nelson's talkthat he gave like two years ago
about being a peacemaker andthat kind of you know, it gave
me a lot of really good thingsto think about, um, and but then
the other day I was sittingthere and I was like, oh my gosh
, I think this is what it feelslike when your heart is hard and
like when you, when you're notallowing the spirit in.
But how do you?
(15:38):
But it's not like I even reallynoticed it happening.
You know, I feel like it justwith one thing after the other,
after the other, and then withall these intense emotions, it
just kind of I just found myselfin that situation and I feel
like it's been so hard becauseI'll sit and I'll like read my
scriptures and I'll be like,please, I really want this to
make me feel better, and then itdoesn't, and I'm like, oh, okay
(16:00):
, well, I guess I'll try again,and that makes me feel better
than reading the scriptures orpraying, you know.
So I feel like I don't know.
I think it is important for usto realize that that option is
always there and that sometimes,even when we try that option
(16:20):
try looking at the Savior we canstill look, but we might not
always feel the peace and wemight not always feel the
comfort and it's like trying tofigure out okay, well, how do I
feel the peace that, you know,the prophet talks about?
they always, I feel like a lotof the times they always talk
about how you feel when you goto the temple.
You'll feel so much peace.
I don't usually feel peace atthe temple like I feel peace
(16:41):
other places, and so I so I feellike I'm having to learn how to
look at him and still feel allof these emotions and not feel
like a horrible person.
At the same time, I feel likeit's just like another layer of
everything.
Recently, I feel like I just Ifeel like a despicable human
being because I'm so fortunateto have the gospel in my life,
(17:04):
because I'm so fortunate to havethe gospel in my life.
But when I pray, or when I readmy scriptures, or when I feel
all these intense emotions, it'slike, oh, come on, lily, aren't
you better than this?
You're turning to him, butyou're not really turning to him
.
What kind of a disciple ofChrist are you?
And then it's like trying topull yourself out of that spiral
hole.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I think that can be like the devil talking to us too
, or satan like being like hey,because he gets in my head.
It's like in the perfect timeto take advantage of what's in
my head is when I'm alreadystruggling and I'm already
having a hard time, like right,and I get anxiety.
It's like all these things of,probably, things that don't even
matter, that he's like whatabout this?
Like, what about that?
Like no one likes you, no onelikes to be around you, which is
(17:47):
a big lie because I know thereare people that do enjoy being
around me and right, I am, youknow.
But those, well, it's just thosethoughts of like you know, like
you know he gets in your headand it's like also, I think the
times that we're in right now,life is so overwhelming you know
, as a mother, it feels like myresponsibility to make sure my
(18:07):
kids are healthy and taken careof and that you know that my
husband can come home from workand he can vent to me about his
job or whatever.
Like I feel, like I have to bethere for everybody all the time
in my own family structureright, which eventually gives
it's, you're burned out andyou're burned out and I can't't
show up the best Abigail foreverybody when I'm spread so
thin Right and then on top ofthat, satan's taking advantage
(18:29):
of like hey, let's just likeremind her in her head that like
Right, you're not, like, you'renot a good mom, you don't do
this, you don't do this, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
like Right Over and over, andthen you know, and then it's
hard to get christ in the mix,but like I also think that
(18:51):
christ just appreciates ustrying.
And you know what, if at the endof the day, or the in the
beginning, you know, in themorning, I can give you some of
my time to pray and just evenlike I'm not the best at praying
often, I can tell you I do mybest to pray when it's time to
eat, whenever, and teach mychildren yeah yeah, but it's
like sometimes it's just prayingand like the pickup line or
like when I think about it, doit Because it's like Satan if he
has a majority of your day tomess with your mind.
(19:13):
like, where does Christ fit intothat?
And like he doesn't want you topray, he doesn't want to read
your scripture.
So it's like, even if you'renot all the way there, or like
you're just don't feel likeyou're showing up at the best
that you can, at least you'reshowing up and it's maybe that
you're spread so thin that youcan't show up as great as you
want to and you have a lot goingon.
You know, right, we all have alot going on, and it's just you
(19:35):
know as long as we're doing itand you know as long as we show
up.
I think that's what's important.
And sometimes the places wedon't want to go like we don't
want to take our kids tosacrament, or we don't want to
like like today I think my brainhas made every possible excuse
to not make it here.
Like I'm like what am I evengonna talk about?
Like I have all theseexperiences but like I think I
misunderstood a lot.
I, my brain doesn't connectwith my mouth to what I want to
(19:57):
actually say.
And then people are like is shejust like talking a lot again,
like shut up for the recordyou're totally crystal clear to
me.
I'm just like talking 10 minutesin relief society like I hope
some I feel like I'm like I'msaying what jesus needs me to
say, but it's a lot of words, sohopefully you can condense it
in your mind.
Um, but yeah, so, but I alsowanted to add to one of the
(20:19):
reasons I, or one of the thingsI did want to talk about some.
For some reason, we watched um,god's not dead it's an old
movie, but they just uploaded toNetflix and I didn't realize
that it was such a good movie.
Yeah, and um my aunt Kelly,she's like my, she's the one.
She's the one that helped mewith, like, my conversion.
She's, she helps me with all myanxiety.
She's the one that's like youneed to pray, you need to read.
(20:40):
I'm like all right, okay,you're right, yeah and um, but
she we were talking about God'sNot Dead and the big I was like
she's, like maybe it wasn't acoincidence that you like
watched that and I was like youknow, I don't think it was
because I totally forgot thatthis was coming up.
I knew it was coming.
I just didn't realize it was sosoon.
In a couple days we were.
I was like we should watch thismovie, right and um, he was
talking.
(21:00):
When he was talking to his momwith dementia he was talking
about he was like, well, howcome I have such a great life
and, like you know, like youhave problems or whatever Right,
and it really put it intoperspective.
Like I feel like I've reallysuffered my entire life, like I
really feel like I've struggled,I don't know why.
Like it's just like things comeat me left and right and it's
(21:22):
like like I've just reallystruggled my entire life and I
felt like once I got out of likemy childhood home that just had
a lot of like abuse and trauma,I thought things were going to
be perfect and they haven't.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
They haven't been like I was like once.
I'm an adult.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I get out of the situation.
I'm like I'm good no, and thenall these things were like you
got to learn this and this andthis and this and this and this,
and I'm like oh, my goshMotherhood, everything on top of
it.
And so it's like I finally putit into perspective for me that,
like, like late satan tells,shows you a lie, gives you this
(21:55):
perfect life, and then, whenit's too late, the doors are
closed right and I'm like, oh mygosh, I would rather go through
all these problems and allthese situations or whatever
trials, right to be able to likefollow christ, and satan wants
to be a part of that all thetime.
But it's like I'd rather gothrough all these things and see
jesus there you know, insteadof having this great life and
(22:17):
like wow, you go through thesetrials, like for me you're going
through maybe the suffering forme and it's to teach other
people and right follow me, tolook at me, to trust me because
I've been there's so many thingsthat I'm like and there's a lot
of people that talk about.
Um, this was a big point I waskind of thinking about on the
way here too, sorry.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I go.
No, you're in here with my ADHD.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
But, um, a lot of people talk about like an
experience they had that theywalk away from Christ and, um,
I've had a few of thoseexperiences.
I was like, okay, like I hadthis thought where I was like,
how could you ever walk?
What's, what's so bad that youwalk away from Christ?
And a big point in that was Godwas dead, was the atheist
(22:57):
professor that he lost his momto cancer and there was nothing
that he could do about it rightand he really hated God for that
.
And you know there's been a fewsituations that, um, just like
with Andrew being in themilitary, that I'm like why,
like, why are you?
Like I'm not cut out for thisman, like I can be so supportive
, but like, in this sense, it'slike I never see my husband, and
(23:19):
then he deploys, and he comesback and we don't get an
adjustment period, and then hedeploys again and then we come
back and then we decide to haveanother baby.
Like I just don't get a break.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
And it was like there's so many situations that
it's like, yeah, I could turn myback on him.
I could, but I'm not going tobecause, in all in all, he's
always been there and he willalways be there.
Right, I could definitely havea better relationship with him.
I'm learning to have my ownrelationship with them and be,
able to pray and talk about myday with him.
Yeah, and yeah it's like I thinkthere's a lot of situations
(23:50):
that people are so angry withGod, and but you have to
understand that we have freeagency.
For a reason we get to choosethose things and sometimes
choices have consequences.
Sometimes we go through trialsto learn and they're awful
trials.
They're so bad and I'm like,why am I suffering?
I don't feel like I deservethis, like right.
But then I see years down theroad, after I've been through so
(24:11):
much therapy, through certainsituations, that I'm like right,
I can, like advocate for women,I can help people that have
suffered through these types oftrials right, and like I can be
there for them and I can, youknow, give suggestions to how to
heal.
And like you know and right.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
I love how you bring up that.
Because I go through thesetrials, I'm able to sit with
those who are going through themand truly empathize with them
and be a physical, tangible,somebody that the Lord can put
into someone's life, to act asthat figure.
And then you can even say, hey,let's look to Christ, and you
can point them in that directiontoo, which I think is is really
(24:49):
powerful.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
So, yeah, I and off of that, I've felt in my life
that I've gone through trials tolike help people.
Yeah, and actually I sat downand read my patriarchal blessing
for the first time again in areally really long time.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I kind of put it away and I was just like kind of
like this doesn't make sense.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Or I got it when I was so.
I got converted at 20, yeah,got my patriarchal blessing, and
then I was just kind of like,okay, like this is so vague,
yeah, so vague and the and theguy that did it.
I'm like he's so old, does heeven know what he's talking
about?
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Like what is this?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Like this is like a bunch of words of and and it's
and like if it felt like yeah,and then I just like how this
thought to like I was like myhusband's, like let's pull out
mine, let's pull out yours outof the safe.
And like I'm a mother of Israel,like I'm a mother for other
people, and I felt like I'vealways been so motherly growing
(25:40):
up yes, just in general with alot of people and it's like okay
.
So that tells me like, and Ithink when I read it a little
while ago, a couple weeks ago, Icried because I was like, oh my
gosh, like to be a mother inIsrael.
That is so like powerful andimportant, like I'm so important
.
And even though I don't feelthat way a lot of the time, I am
(26:01):
so important and to have thosemotherly qualities and to like
help others and be be helpfuland help people through trials
and all those type of things.
Like what a blessing and likewhat a gift.
There's not anything else.
I would want more than that andI hope that with time that I
can really nurture that gift andI think, as time goes on and
(26:21):
I'm not so needed by, like theresponsibilities of my life, I
can serve others and help othershow I want and just
understanding that Christ seesme like you're a mother of
Israel and like you're here tomother, like, nurture others and
be there for people.
And I think all my life peoplehave always been like you're
here to mother, like, nurtureothers and be there for people.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
And I think all my life people have always been
like you're such a mom, Likethat's a bad thing, Like you
know, but it's only because Icare and you know, if I can be
there for other people, I will.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
And the trials I go through, they're relatable and
like like you know, I'm very raw, I'm real, I'll tell you how I
feel.
I I feel I'll tell you myexperiences.
I don't have shame behind myexperiences.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
They're just, they are what they are and if I can
share with you or relate tosomeone, I will.
I'll share it with you becauseI don't want you to feel alone.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You know right well, and that's what I love,
suffering alone, is there's nolike awful worst thing suffering
alone and just being alone andnot feeling yeah, not feeling
like someone gets it right,because if he can isolate us,
then we're stuck.
He can put on as much as hewants.
Yeah, yeah, we're completelystuck.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I think the trick is how do you not let yourself get
isolated in the first place?
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I mean, I think it all starts with fellowship and
just us simply showing up tochurch, to just get those bonds
and those relationships Right.
I actually a little side note Idid some studying on um, I have,
like, an eating disorder.
I have a really big problemwith binge eating.
Yeah and um, I was kind ofdoing some studying and this guy
(27:44):
did.
This study was, like othercountries are so family oriented
and we're not.
You know, um, they shared thesesimple things, like in italy,
when, like, families eat, theyall gather to eat as a family
and everybody's greeting eachother and there's all these
endorphins being let off byeverybody giving hugs and
talking and as they're talking,they're eating, which is we're
making their digestive systemwork, and they're able to have
(28:07):
like body cues when we're doneeating and all that kind of
stuff.
In America we just sit down andwe eat.
We just eat and we're stressedout, which aren't.
That means our digestivesystem's not working and we're
overwhelmed and stressed, and soit's like all these components
and then you know, but it's justsuch an interesting fact that,
like we need human connection,yes, and unfortunately, covid
(28:27):
really damaged that, and I thinkthere's some truth behind why
that happened.
It was like they don't want us,like just over.
Satan doesn't want us combined.
They don't want us to be united, satan doesn't want us combined
.
They don't want us to be unitedbecause united means power.
Yeah, and especially when youknow satan can weaken mothers,
we're the, we're the bridge thatyou know, we're kind of the
(28:47):
backbone of society yes, we arelike, men are super important
too, but women like do a lotwe're creating and we're we're
teaching our kids like.
Our job, solely as you know, asmothers, is to nurture and teach
our children like who jesus isright, you know.
And so when we have that typeof role and if that can be
damaged by satan and being takenthat away, the family unit gets
(29:09):
destroyed because we'rebridging that gap between our
spouse and our children andwe're just that middle piece
it's we're so important for bothsides that if he can damage us,
yeah, he can ruin the entirefamily unit.
So when we don't have thatconnection and we're isolated
already isolated as mothers,because, right as we talked
about, you know, the book that Imentioned I forgot what it's
called, but um, it just, youknow, talked so much about how
(29:31):
important mothers are and likehow they keep literally
everything together, like it'sour job to do that.
So when we isolate ourselves orwe get isolated, satan gets in
our minds and like the smallestthing we can do is just to show
up to church for fellowship, andthen I mean god created eve for
adam.
For companionship we needothers we need fellowship, we
need connection right?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
no, we're human, we need connection right and I feel
like as we do that, as weconnect together, I feel like we
are then able to better findChrist among us and in the midst
of us and being able to turn tolook at him more easily when we
are connected and casually butconfidently sharing our
(30:12):
testimonies and just these smallexperiences.
It doesn't have to be a giganticgeneral conference talk or a
talk you give in sacramentmeeting.
It literally just like I almostdied in a canyon and a gas
station blew up, but I prayedand, jesus, let me get back
right like that thatlegitimately.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Honestly, it's a lot more and I got humbled about how
much how much?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
faith I have at the worst time and it's fun, right.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
And it's fun right Like this.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
This is, this is where the connection grows, and
so thank you so much for just,you know, being willing to be
open and be vulnerable and andtalk frankly about a lot of
these things, and I cause it'sneeded.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, so Well thank you for having me.
I didn't feel worthy to come dothis but, like hey, sometimes I
have some things that peopleneed to know.
Or me, I didn't feel worthy tocome do this, but my case,
sometimes I have some thingsthat people need to know, or
hear.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I've absolutely loved all of the things that you've
had to say, and I feel likeeverything that you've said has
been insanely relevant to mylife, and so thank you so much
for coming.
This has been a really greatexperience and I hope we get to
catch up again.
We will.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
And I'll bring you some bread.
Oh yes, please, you got it.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I hope we get to catch up again another time we
will, and I'll bring you somebread.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh, yes, please, you got it.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Thanks again for tuning in to More Than
Coincidence, Remembering JesusChrist in your Story.
Please follow us on socialmedia or share us with a friend.
If you have an experience you'dlike to share, feel free to
reach out tomorethancoincidencerememberhim
at gmailcom.
I can't wait to hear all of theamazing memories you all have
of our Savior.
(31:39):
See you next time.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.