What if the thing you're meant to do still hasn't happened yet?
In this inspiring episode of The More Than Your Age Podcast, host Erica Pasvar sits down with Cari Haim—a 55-year-old actor, breast cancer survivor, and new stand-up comic—to talk about reinvention, rejection, and reclaiming your voice at any age.
Cari shares her early experience as a teen actor and the complicated reality of having a famous last name (yes, she’s the sister of the late actor Corey Haim). She opens up about the pain of infertility, her unexpected breast cancer diagnosis, and the emotional rollercoaster of aging in an industry that glorifies youth.
Rather than give up, Cari found new creative outlets: from launching a quirky food-themed podcast with friends (Order Up!), to stepping onto the stand-up comedy stage—using cancer and aging as her comedy material. Her story is filled with resilience, humor, and hard-won wisdom.
Whether you’re 35, 55, or 75, Cari’s boldness will encourage you to try something new, speak up, and take that next step—even if you’re scared.
💬 Highlights & Takeaways:
Why starting stand-up comedy at 55 was both terrifying and freeing
Her philosophy: “The audition is the job. The booking is the bonus.”
Navigating ageism and invisibility in the entertainment industry
How cancer taught her to laugh through the hard things—and share her story
The story behind her food podcast Is a Hamburger a Sandwich? and how saying “yes” led to new community
Her mindset for overcoming fear: “You’ll be 60 with the thing… or 60 without it.”
Powerful reflections on identity, aging, and why your voice still matters
Her message to women: “You’re going to be older anyway—so just do the thing!”
Why she refuses to lie about her age in an industry that often expects it
Her advice to women who feel “too old” to chase a goal or try something new
🔗 Mentioned in the episode:
Follow Cari on Instagram: @cari_haim_actor_writer Cari's podcast: Order up! (available on major platforms)
Connect with Erica
Email // Facebook // Instagram // Linkedin
Sign up for The More Than Your Age Podcast E-mail list
***This episode is NOT sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links which means if you buy something we'll receive a small commission. ***
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Are you in a? Position where you're defined by
your age and that's limiting youto pursue a dream or goal you
want to accomplish. The More Than Your Age podcast
is about having conversations with women who fully live their
lives without being dictated or defined by their age.
This is a space to encourage women who feel blocked to pursue
(00:25):
a dream or goal based on their life circumstances.
Welcome to the more than your age podcast.
I am your host Erica Pasbard. Let's start living life fully
and become more than your age. Welcome back to the more than
(00:48):
your age podcast. This is a place to encourage
women just like you to pursue your goals and dreams,
regardless of your age. And I get the incredible
opportunity to interview women who are pursuing their dreams,
overcoming societal expectationsof where they are in their age,
and proving that it is never toolate to start something new, big
(01:14):
or small. I'm your host Erika Pazbar, and
today's episode is for anyone who has ever felt like their
time has passed or that their dream is too late to chase.
You may be familiar. With the late actor Corey Haim.
Yes, that is my guest, late brother.
But you know what? Today this story is about her.
(01:38):
Carrie Haim is an actress, a filmmaker, breast cancer
survivor, and now, at 55, a stand up comic.
She opens up about rejection, aging in Hollywood, the pain of
a 15 year infertility journey, and how cancer LED her to find
her voice in a whole new way. If you have benefited from this
(02:00):
podcast, I would love for you toshare it with a friend, post it
on social media and tag more than your age.
And if you haven't yet, take a moment to rate and review the
show on Apple Podcast or Spotifyor really anywhere you listen.
It helps more women find these encouraging stories and it truly
means the world to me. Now on to my conversation with
(02:25):
Carrie Haim. Enjoy the show.
Joining the More Than Your Age podcast is actress, podcast
host, author and comedian CarrieHaim.
Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be here. Yes, I'm so glad to have you
here, Carrie. You responded on a post on
(02:46):
Threads regarding starting over,and your response just caught my
eye. You said, or you wrote.
You said that you wrote, produced and starred in your
first short film at the age of 51.
It did well in festivals and youdid your first stand up set at
the age of 53 and you won a comedy contest 8 months later.
And I was like, yes, this is what I'm passionate about and
(03:08):
definitely want to hear. And so then you shared even more
information about you and I was just like, oh gosh.
Well, this woman even more so exudes just the mission and the
passion behind and of what I have for the More than your age
podcast and the message. And so you grew up.
You did though you grew up acting with your brother.
And I want to know what made youget into acting at such an young
(03:30):
age? And then why did your family
decide to move to LA? So you know what acting was just
one of the we put, we were a sporty family.
Like we played hockey. We grew up in Toronto, Canadian
kids, So we played hockey. My dad used to flood the
backyard playgrounds that all the families shared to create a,
(03:50):
an ice rink out there every winter.
Like so we were skating, we wereplaying baseball in the summer.
Our dad was our coach, really sporty.
But in my heart of hearts, I really loved acting.
And we met a lovely woman who lived sort of around the corner
from us at one point and she taught acting to children.
So it was, it's went from there.We had friends who had agents
and things. This is sort of late 70s, early
(04:13):
80s. And I was like, I want to do
that. I want to do that.
And then my, you know, when you're a little, I'm the older
1. And so my little brother just
kind of came along for the ride.I don't know that it was such a
passion of his in the early years, but he had a look and he
was very cute and he was very natural.
And so he started to get some roles here in in Toronto, in
Canada, like a little commercial.
(04:34):
And then he was on a little showfor a while.
And then he got cast in Americanfilm called First Born, starring
Terry Garr. It was like her first dramatic
role. He was about 12, I guess at the
time. And because it was American and
the producers were famous and itwas like a Paramount Picture
thing, you know, he started to get known in America and he got
(04:57):
more and more and more. And my parents were constantly
travelling back and forth, Toronto to LA.
And eventually around 1986, theydecided just to bite the bullet
and move. I decided at that time I went
with them that summer. I was about 16, but I decided I
wanted to come back up to Toronto and finish my schooling
(05:18):
here. So they were there.
I was here. Wow, so it's so interesting.
Were your, you know, 'cause at that time remote work wasn't as
big of a deal as it is now. So did they they just quit
everything or what were they able to do for work?
I think at the time my mom was doing different kinds of work.
She didn't have a career per SE,but she did work outside the
(05:41):
home, as we say nowadays for moms because they work lots
inside the home. But because my brother's life
became so busy and frenetic, I think she kind of, you know,
came on and there was a lot to manage there.
And my dad happened to be between things at the time and
was able to switch and get some work down there.
So it just ended up working out.Eventually, my parents
(06:02):
separated. A year or two later, my dad came
back up to Canada, went to Montreal, where he grew up.
I was in Toronto. We were all over the place and
my mom and my brother stayed in LA.
OK, did you so you know, I don'tknow the relationship with your
your family and your siblings, but did was there ever because
you did acting yourself too. Was there ever this like man,
(06:23):
why? You know why is not all of this
happening to me? To me, yeah.
You know what, to be honest withyou, I felt that more later on.
Earlier on, you know, I was kindof happy for him.
I was a little bit jealous, I suppose, but I, when I went down
to LA at 16, I, I also had the same agent he did and I got
(06:45):
booked in a couple of roles, including there was a show in
the 80s called Growing Pains. I don't know if you know that
show, but, and it was a lovely show.
Anyway, I got booked on that show and I went to work for a
couple like to play the friend of the sister and I went to work
for a couple of days and it was all exciting.
And then they fired me because Ididn't have American work permit
work papers, and I was Canadian.And it didn't occur to us at the
(07:08):
time. I mean, it was just like, I
booked it and it was great. And as a kid, I was like, you
know what, It's super disappointing, of course, that I
didn't get to film. But I was like, oh, they cast me
in this thing. I must be good enough to be
hired. And that was almost enough for
me at the time. Many, many years later when I
(07:29):
was like, you know, in the past,out of 5-10 years, you know, my
brother's been gone already almost 15 years.
But I was like, oh, I, I miss it.
I miss getting, you know, I'm atan age now where I'm not getting
too many roles or anything. And I was like, now I'm jealous.
Now I'm jealous of all the work he did.
It's a very childish, silly sortof reaction.
(07:50):
But at the time, it was just kind of all exciting.
Yeah, yeah. Huh.
That's interesting. OK, so then you you said you
moved back to Toronto at 16 and your mom and brother were in LA
and dad was in Montreal. So who were you living with in
Toronto? So in that first year, I kind of
bounced around a lot. I lived with friends of the
family. I had a boyfriend at the time
(08:11):
and I lived with his parents. I lived with his sister.
Like I, I bounced around a lot that first year and then and my
parents like didn't like abandoned me.
They were still supporting me financially.
I had a job. It was the 80s, like you could
kind of survive on less. And the year, I think a year
later, I ended up getting an apartment, like a little
basement apartment or something that, you know, wasn't too
(08:32):
expensive, but my parents were helping me out with that.
Yeah, OK. Well, so you're doing that and
then you end up going to the university and you finish high
school, go to the university. Did you at this point too, did
you feel like you were putting your acting dreams or pursuit on
hold to for your studies or because you kind of still did
(08:53):
some in your 20s? Was it like, no, I'm gonna do it
for fun or what was it like then?
Yeah, when I was getting my university degrees.
It's actually quite funny. You know how kids rebel against
the family? So we joke that I rebelled by
getting 3 university degrees cause I was, I was the first
person in my family to go to university.
My parents were born right afterWorld War 2 in Europe.
So you know, I'm a first generation Canadian.
(09:15):
So I really wanted to have that.I really wanted to go to
university. It was like a big focus of mine.
And then I did miss it. So in my 20s, I did do a lot of
community theater, which I learned, you know, sometimes
it's good, sometimes people kindof disparage community theater.
But I learned that a lot of it is really, really, really good.
And the reason it's really, really, really good is because
(09:36):
there's a lot of people who couldn't make a living doing
acting either on the stage or onfilm and TV.
They go and they find a profession.
They're a lawyer, they're an accountant, they work in a
grocery, whatever. And they're super crazy
talented. And they do this on the side.
And you have these people who are good enough to be
professional, but it just didn'twork out for them.
(09:57):
So there's a lot of really, really good sort of quote on
quote, amateur theatre everywhere probably, But in
Toronto it's really good. Yeah.
Well, and do you think that, youknow, yeah, maybe they didn't
either pursue it or they had other desires and dreams, but
it's something that they and youdid as well, just as a hobby
that you love, that you like this crap that you could keep
(10:18):
working on. And even though it wasn't your
profession, it was still something that you could enjoy.
Definitely, yeah. And I met so many good friends
from doing shows 20 years ago. Even still it's, you know,
camaraderie. And there is something about,
you know, let's get together andput on a show and, you know,
it's volunteering in the community.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
(10:39):
Was there. I mean, is there a show that you
like, you resonate with a part the most or just like the
storyline the most that you've done?
I mean, I'm sure you've done so many, but I've.
Done a lot. The best show I ever did was
He's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, written by Edward Albee.
I did it, I don't know, 1818 years ago or something.
The reason is it's a very difficult show to do.
(10:59):
It's three acts, it's highly emotional, it's exhausting.
There's and I, you know, there'sonly four roles and it's it's a
monster of a play and it's the kind of thing that once you do
that play, it's like going to war with people, you know, So
the people you act with in that play become your family forever
and ever. And so it has come to pass that
(11:22):
those people that I did that show with all those years ago,
I'm still close with. We see each other every summer,
you know, we go to see shows together.
Like it's one of those. It's more the relationships that
were built around that play. But also it's a it was a very
satisfying theatrically, it was a very satisfying show to do, to
do something so huge. Yeah.
(11:43):
Yeah, absolutely. And also the fact too, like you
said, you've been able to maintain those relationships and
those friendships with everybody.
That was a part of it as well. OK, so we mentioned you
continued, you did community theater throughout in your 20s
and you stopped due to a desire to have a child.
Yes. But the struggle with dealing
with infertility from the age of25 to 40 was very pertinent and
(12:09):
real for you. I want to know, I mean, I know
the feeling of desperately wanting a child, but to
experience love and grieving forsuch a long time, you know, for
15 years, just throughout this span of infertility.
It's a long span. But I'm just curious to know,
like some of the waves and how were you able to get through?
And were there moments of like, no, I, I need to stop.
(12:31):
This is just not going to happen.
Yeah, it was a heck of a journeyfor, I'll say for sure, like 15
years is a really long time. And I had gotten married to my
high school boyfriend and got pregnant and then lost that
baby. And that's devastating some
people. It was early on in the
pregnancy. And I know that some people
don't feel devastated when they lose early on.
(12:51):
I did, and it's all good. The way you feel is how you
feel. It was one of the first times in
my life that the thing that I wanted, I wasn't able to
achieve, right? There was nothing I could have
done. And I came up from, I worked
really hard and so therefore I achieved this thing.
I worked really hard and I got my university degree and then I
went to teachers college and then whatever like and I
(13:13):
couldn't do anything. And then it really devastated
me. We ended up separating.
I got together with somebody else.
Five years later, same situation, got pregnant, lost
the baby. And then I now I was on a
mission. Now it's twice.
So now it's not a coincidence. So doctors were like, well, we
won't really start looking and investigating until you lose 3.
(13:35):
And I, I fought for medical care.
I was like, this is ridiculous. Like you want me to do this
again? So I found that there were some
issues, blood and progesterone and all the things and I wasn't
with that partner anymore. And I really, really wanted to
do this. So I did end up going to a sperm
bank and I did about 6 cycles ofpurchasing the sperm and it was
(13:57):
quite interesting. Like it was like looking through
a little catalog trying to find,you know, the person it didn't
work and the doctor had no reason why it didn't work, but
it was so devastating every single time that it didn't work
that I said, OK, I'm done with this piece of it.
I'm going to now adopt. So I decided to adopt A baby
from China as a single parent bychoice.
(14:19):
And I, I don't know if that program is still open, but at
the time you could adopt as a single parent.
So I went through that whole thing, social worker, getting a
home study done and, you know, $10,000, like it's very, very,
very expensive reference lettersand on and on and on.
But at the time, the China adoption program really slowed
down. So all my paperwork was there,
(14:40):
but I had to wait at least six years until a baby would be
available to come home. So that was just, I was on hold.
We called it being paper pregnant in those days and you
were just waiting, you were in the line.
But it was going to take a very,very, very long time.
I met very, very, very good friends at the time.
At the time, everyone was doing a blog.
And so we all had blogs about our journeys, you know, and I
(15:03):
met five other families who weregoing through the same thing.
There's now 10 kids in our little circle of we had no kids.
What we all met. Now there's ten kids.
Some are from China, some are from other means and ways of
having babies. And in the meantime, I was
waiting and waiting and waiting.And in the meantime, Facebook
started and I met my husband, but we went, we went to high
(15:24):
school together. And at the beginning of
Facebook, it was like you were just gathering people going, oh,
I remember you. I remember you.
And I was doing shows. I was so busy.
But we went for coffee and got together and it was like, wow,
this is a thing, I think. And I wasn't in relationship
mode. I was in, I'm going to have a
baby by myself mode. I had a room for the baby in my
(15:44):
little condo. I was like, ready.
But we fell in love and he proposed and I thought we got
engaged and I said, we can't getmarried until the baby comes
home because I I can't suddenly not be a single parent because
that's the program I'm in. So we're just going to wait.
In the meantime, because it was taking so long, we said, let's
try to have a baby. The doctor said at this point
(16:07):
you're too old. We ended up going to the Czech
Republic to do egg donation. There was this program called
IVF Vacation, I'm not kidding. And you go to a little town in
the Czech Republic and it's a university town.
They have lots of young women who are donating eggs.
And he makes his little contribution.
And while everyone's cooking, you go and travel.
(16:29):
So, you know, we traveled a little bit.
I've never been to Europe before.
It did not work on this journey.We also ended up adopting
embryos from someone in Toronto who was a single mom by choice,
and she had some embryos sort ofon ice.
So we had to adopt them with a lawyer.
Didn't work and then we were going to do Europe one more
time. He said let's do it.
(16:50):
I'm doing all these things I don't even believe in.
I'm doing acupuncture, I'm doingthis, I'm doing that.
Let's just try last time and then we're done.
We'll get a dog. And I got pregnant naturally at
39. I did not believe that I would
give birth to a live baby in this journey.
I also got pregnant, like I had a not an ectopic pregnancy, but
(17:11):
like I can't remember what it was called now, but like a
pregnancy that wasn't viable. So there was another loss
somewhere in there. And then I got pregnant
naturally. The entire time I did not
believe I would give birth to a baby because my I really had
convinced myself at this point that my body does not do this.
It's 15 years and it was my entire identity that I don't
(17:34):
give birth to live babies. In the meantime, I was 35 weeks
pregnant and my brother died. Oh my gosh.
So that was a whole journey. We could discuss that in a
second. And then I gave birth five days
later, early, 5 weeks early, andshe was alive and she was there.
And it was like, Oh my God, thisactually happened.
(17:56):
And then two years later, I got pregnant spontaneously with my
little guy who's now 12. It's like, well, we did not
expect that one either. So I don't know how it all
happened because I had doctors tell me, like, you're just too
old for this. You have no more eggs.
But apparently we had a couple good eggs.
So yeah. I, I mean that what a roller
(18:18):
coaster of emotions. My goodness.
I mean, there's so much in all of that of, of, you know, being
told you're never going to be able to have kids and then
losing several pregnancies, which is horrible.
And these these hope of adoptionand then these IVF vacations.
(18:40):
Which sounds very interesting. Yeah, and and then you, you, you
have your baby early. You just lost your brother.
Like, wait. I mean, how were you able to get
through like just even this, thebirth of your your.
First child, it was very crazy. So my brother dying obviously
was not expected. My brother had a history of drug
(19:02):
addiction and so on, but he didn't die of an overdose.
He was doing very, very well when he died, but he was quite
sick. He had pneumonia and at the
autopsy we learned he also had avery enlarged heart, which is
something my mother has and it'sgenetic.
And I'm now being tested for that to see if my kids need to
get tested for that. So soon.
I get to go do lots of fun tests.
(19:23):
We're trying to figure it all out.
But he died of pneumonia. His lungs filled up with fluid.
He died. So we weren't expecting that to
happen. And then I think going into
labor obviously wasn't expected.I ended up having AC section.
I was not able to go to the funeral because I was, yeah,
because I had her on a Monday and the funeral was on a
Tuesday. It was crazy, crazy, crazy.
(19:45):
And I think the only way I survived was literally just
compartmentalizing every single thing in my brain because after
all these years of not having a baby, now I'm very pregnant with
a baby that I hope is going to be born alive.
But I don't want to stress myself too much because what if,
right? And it was just my parents
literally went from the cemeteryto the hospital to see the baby
(20:08):
like. It was such a crazy time.
And that baby is turning 15 in afew days.
Wow. Yeah.
So it's, it's just been, it's been a long journey and worth
every second, but you know, a a very difficult and amazing time.
(20:29):
Yeah, I believe that. I believe that you, the doctor
said. You're you're you know, we can't
believe you're too old to have akid, which love hearing that not
they don't know. Yeah, they think they don't know
things all the time. Yeah.
Right, right. Absolutely.
So they say you're too old to have a kid.
(20:49):
Then you have a child and you said you were.
Were you 39 when you had her or when you?
I was 40 when I gave birth. OK, 40 when you gave birth.
Yeah. OK.
OK. Just so you know, I just gave
birth, well, almost a year ago and I was 40 when I had birth.
So we're in good company. Exactly.
But anyway, so I'm curious to know because the doctor said
(21:10):
you're too old and then you havethis baby at 40, you know,
especially, I guess 15 years ago.
It happens. I mean, my grandma as well.
But society will say like you'retoo old.
Doctors say you're too old. So how were you able to, I guess
what were your thoughts of beinga 40 year old mother for the
first time, This dream that you always wanted And then also
(21:32):
everyone else quotes appear, youknow this having a newborn is 10
years younger, maybe 15. Yeah, it was.
It's interesting. We were actually at a birthday
party when my son was 5. So I had him surprised two years
later chatting with other moms and dads and one of the moms of
a 5 year old. Turns out my husband used to be
(21:53):
a school teacher like me in the school system.
He was her teach her music teacher when she was in grade
one, this mom. So that's like we have children
the same age, right? It was one of those things I
think about age a lot actually. And I just it was one of those
things where you know, there's advantages and disadvantages to
(22:14):
everything. You know, you have a lot of
energy when you're young, but you don't really know what
you're doing necessarily. And there's advantages to being
older because you've lived more.But also now I'm tired.
Like that's also becoming a little bit problematic.
I'm in my mid 50s now and sometimes my kids are still
young and they want to do this and that and I'm very tired.
(22:35):
And it's like, OK, what was my mom doing?
What was my mom doing at forty? Well, at 40 I had what my mother
was 40. I moved out.
There were no like I had alreadyleft home by the time my mother
was 40. I remember my parents turning
30, like they had me in their very early 20s.
So it's such a different thing to be an older mom.
I'm not one who all like, likes to listen too much to the
(22:58):
riffraff about being older. I have friends who had babies
older than me, like 45, whatever.
We're all doing the best we can at no matter what age we are.
And you just got to kind of plowthrough, I guess.
And just, it is what it is. This is when we had it and this
is our family, so. Yeah, yeah.
And the fact that you were able to, when you didn't think that
(23:18):
this was going to even be possible, that was.
Shocking. Yeah.
Well, and I'm even thinking too of with the adoption and then
the embryo adoption too and justnothing.
Worked. Nothing worked.
And I was very bitter about thatfor a long time.
And then other people were people around me who were also,
I knew a lot of people who dealtwith infertility because while I
(23:39):
was going through that adoption process.
So either they were able to adopt or they were able to have
a baby in some way. And I at one point I got, I was
just very bitter about it. At one point I said, no one has,
I said to my husband, no one haswaited longer than me.
It's been 15 years of this and eventually it happened.
(24:00):
I'm really glad it happened. You know, I didn't, I didn't
know if it would happen and I didn't, I wouldn't have known
how to process it if it didn't happen.
I would have, I guess because you just do.
And having kids, as you know, it's like all-encompassing and
there's never a break. And now that I'm become, I'd
love to say I'm middle-aged, butnow that I'm past middle-aged,
(24:21):
she said she lives to 110. Now I'm like, OK, I want to have
some time to myself and I have these kids.
So it's like now we're getting to a point where I can start
doing a little bit more on my own and be a little more
flexible with them because they're getting older.
Yeah, yeah. Well, it's still, I'm just, you
(24:41):
know, I I think that's so neat that that ended up happening
when that did not look like thatwas going to be the the
projection of your life. Well, so you, you know, touch
base that you're a school teacher, but to share with the
audience, you're a teacher of deaf and hard, hard of hearing
children. That's for your day job.
And you really did miss acting, though.
(25:03):
And so during COVID, you wrote apilot titled Demonstration
Sport, which is a mockumentary about a mom who dreamed of
winning a gold medal and competitive napping.
Yeah. So, so interesting.
How did you get this idea? And then I'm also curious to
know, you know, yes, it was an old COVID.
I guess we didn't, you know, have as much to do.
(25:25):
But then why? Like, OK, I'm going to write
this pilot kind of how did all that?
Kind of be. So it's a short film.
Actually, it's not a pilot. I, I had written a pilot because
there's no acting work, especially during COVID, there
was like very little for me to do acting wise.
I have a lovely, wonderful agentwho submits me for lots of work,
but it's very hard to get even an audition.
And I had friends who said got to write something.
(25:47):
All right, all right, So I started, I wrote a lovely script
and have a pilot and they're like, well, that's very nice,
but now you need to make something.
And I'm like, well, I don't knowhow to make something, so they
just make a short film. So, you know, we were, you know,
it was just one of those funny things when you're talking.
I'm God, I'm so tired. No, I'm so tired.
No, I'm Oh my God, no, I could win the gold medal in being
(26:09):
tired. Like we just, it was like a
funny conversation, like, oh, that would actually be
hilarious. Like literally training to nap
and different, you know, So I ended up writing this short film
and I didn't know how to make it, but people and I found, you
know, another actor who had madesome.
So I called her and I said, how do you do this?
And she said, oh, here, here, here, you know, and she had a
(26:31):
director who came on board and she was wonderful.
And that director knew a cinematographer.
I didn't know how to do any of this, but people knew people.
We raised some money and somehowwe got it made during COVID.
So we made sure everyone was tested and it was, you know, a
whole thing. And we ended up getting moving a
bed into the gym of a church because that's where you work
(26:54):
out is in a gym. So we've got a big queen size
bed into this church and it's it's a, I'm very happy with it
for my first film. It's hilarious, it's fun.
It was silly. You know, I put it into some
festivals. It did fairly well and it looks
good. It looks the way I wanted it to
look. And I was like, holy crow, we
(27:15):
made a movie, you know? And I'm really proud of it,
Yeah. Yeah, that, that's awesome.
When you said you had a fundraise, so 'cause I, I, you
know, I, I know some lingo, likeeven saying, oh, it wasn't a
pilot, it was a short film. I'm like, oh, there's a
difference. You know, I guess it could be a.
Pilot. Yeah.
Whole series of competitive snapping, yeah.
(27:39):
Yeah, OK, so that's now I'm like, OK, now I know where where
all that is. But like to even think, oh, you
would have to fundraise for to even have a film.
So what did you how did you do the fundraising?
How did that kind of come? I ended up doing like a GoFundMe
or one of these things and I I just made little videos,
whatever. My brother, my late brother, has
(27:59):
still a lot of fans who are super loyal and wonderful and a
lot of them donated little bits to my movie, which was so nice,
so generous, you know, and you give little incentives like you
put your name, the names and thecredits or whatever it was.
So we raised enough to do this because we, my actors didn't get
(28:20):
paid. We were doing it through
something called the Actra Co-opprogram.
Actor is the actors union here in Canada.
So basically, if the movie makesmoney, we all make money.
But short films don't usually get sold in that way.
So they all knew they were coming into it with that and
certain thing you have to rent things.
I have to feed everybody. Like it was a big crew and food
(28:40):
costs a lot of money. It was 2 full days of shooting.
And you know, the thing about GoFundMe is though, I don't
think I could do it again. All these people were super
generous and I got my movie made, but I don't think I would
do it a second time because once, you know, you can only in
my mind, you should only do it once.
(29:01):
Say everyone was generous, they threw money at you and now find
your own money. Yeah.
I just, I, I still sometimes go.I can't believe we actually did
that, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, that's, it's really neat too, to just, you know, decide,
OK, I'm going to, I'm going to do this and then you make it
happen. And you, you know, a lot of time
(29:23):
had passed since you had done acting and this whole, you know,
you're teaching and then the, the family and everything with
that, like the I mean, just to be able to do that and
accomplish that is, is huge. It's great.
So you so you had, you know, youwrote this, you got it produced,
filmed it, everything it's out there.
(29:45):
And then you also booked an agent and I can't remember what,
what time frame all of that was in together.
I. Think the agent was before the
film? Agent was formed.
OK, OK. OK.
When you booked the agent, were your hopes to kind of get, I
guess get like get more commercials, get film, TV?
(30:07):
Movies. I just wanted to start up again
and a friend of mine had this same agent and I said can you
introduce me to your agent? He said sure.
And then she told me later, I don't even know if she'd
remember this, but that because I was however old I was at the
time, 4849, I don't know. She wasn't going to sign me
because I think she had other women of the same age and, you
(30:30):
know, looking similar, whatever.But I look, I don't know so much
now, but at the time, I looked quite a bit younger than I was.
So I kind of tend to go out for rules about 10 years younger
than my actual age. So she did sign me.
I got a few, like I got a coupleof little commercials and little
things here and there. I eventually was able to join
the union, which was a goal of mine.
(30:52):
Things. When you join a union, things
slow down quite a bit because it's like a different pool of
actors. So you have to kind of get to
know all the casting people again in a different way.
So it's been slow since then, especially since COVID.
And then there was that strike in the States.
You know, the the was it the Screen Actors Guild strike or
the writer? Yeah.
(31:12):
Or the Writers Guild? I can't even remember.
They were both actually, Yeah. Yeah.
So there's a big trickle down effect to the work here because
a lot of American things shoot up here.
So it's been slow. I've tried to really shift my
attitude when I do get auditions.
I'm always super happy to get anaudition because you've already
sort of jumped through 1 hoop toeven get the audition.
And I really try to look at it now as the audition is the job
(31:35):
and the booking is the bonus. So the audition is the work.
So I always do the best I can onmy auditions.
Like I make it look good. I'm always off book.
Like I have all my lines memorized.
Like I really, really try to do an excellent job at my
auditions. And then it's kind of out of my
hands. That's the hardest part for me
(31:55):
is just forgetting about it. I think it's the hardest part
for a lot of actors. It's like, because you always
wish you're like, I can see myself doing this role.
And then and in acting, you don't hear from anybody.
Like in other industries, when you don't get a job, they send
you an e-mail and and go, we've gone another way or the role has
been filled or whatever. In acting, it's just kind of out
there. No one communicates with you.
And it's super frustrating. Yeah, but that's just the way it
(32:19):
is. So you have to kind of just go,
I haven't heard in five days, I guess nothing's happening and
you move on. Now how are you able to book the
auditions or go to the auditionsin hopes for getting a part
while working with your your teaching?
Job So now since COVID everything is self tape pretty
much. I have not been in an actual
(32:40):
audition room in about 3 years. Even a callback that I had was
on Zoom. So now I have like a little, I
don't really have a permanent set up, but it and it's a whole
thing often set up this backdropand iron the backdrop because it
gets all wrinkly from the last time you put it away and set it
up and there's a ring light and whatever.
And it's not perfect, but it's fairly good conditions to
(33:00):
record. I always get my poor husband to
read with me. He's been my daughter, he's been
my mother, he's been my husband.Like so almost every first
audition now is a self tape. If I got a call back, I would
have to somehow. And it was an in person I would
have to arrange my day to get there or arrange the time of the
(33:22):
audition to make it appropriate for me to get there.
And then if I booked it, I wouldhave to deal with that later,
how I dealt with that. So one headache at a time, but
yeah. And I find that interesting too,
that you know the the video auditions because that you feel
you get so much just from like aperson's presence when you're
around them. I miss the room, I miss going in
(33:44):
and saying hello to people and you see the and there is a sense
of camaraderie sort of and, and just that energy like, and also
like I have personal silly little rules when I am
auditioning. I don't let myself do more than
3 takes unless I've really messed something up badly, but
for all they know I did 150 takes and I've chosen the best 1
so I don't really understand howthey know how I'm going to work
(34:07):
when I'm on set that day. If I did this all day long and
I'm giving you my you know my best one, how did I don't know?
I just find it the whole thing. Like maybe they would learn more
in a callback, but my own personal rule is that I do 3
takes and I pick one and we go from there.
Because otherwise I really feel like they look at you and the
(34:29):
minute they look at you, not that they don't watch the whole
thing because they say they do and you never know that either.
But I feel like if they look, you'll go, no, that's not the
look we're looking for. Or maybe it is.
Let's think about it. And I don't want to devote my
entire day to doing this. And also there's like a time
factor to like now it's hours and hours of set up and taking
(34:52):
down and editing. And it's like you have to be
sort of this technical wizard now to do all of this stuff.
I'm very good at it now. Like I'm very good at just
putting it in and editing it andshipping it off.
And my agent has been super patient with me as I've learned,
as we've, we've all learned, as we've gone along, Right.
So yeah. Yeah, yeah, so interesting.
(35:13):
Just a whole different world over there, you know, doing all
of that. So you, you know, when you wrote
to me to, you said, you know, you weren't booking as many gigs
just, you know, kind of like youwere saying now as well.
But and so you decided to pivot to stand up and how like, how
were you looking at the nose when you when like, how was it
(35:35):
for you when you received these nose when it was just something
that you love so much? And then, you know, then you
decide I'm going to do the stand.
Up It's very frustrating. It's again for me, it's I think
it's a control thing, like the whole baby thing, like how why I
was so devastated and it became like my identity because I
couldn't get the thing that I wanted.
And that's really hard to accept.
(35:56):
And it's the same thing with acting.
It's like I know I would do a good job on this role.
Why are they not picking me? You know, I'm hilarious.
I'd be so funny as the neighbor in this whatever.
And it's frustrating and you never know why they don't give
you notes and they don't tell you anything.
Just like you and I communicatedoriginally on threads.
Another friend of mine, Kelly, who's one of my podcast Co hosts
(36:17):
found me on I think it was Instagram.
And and she does this really cute YouTube cooking show called
It'll Be fine. And she said we had a mutual
friend. She said, would you like to come
on my cooking show? I said, OK.
So I went over. We cooked an apple pie.
It was really fun and we were laughing the whole time.
And she's a go getter. She didn't start doing stand up
till she was in her early 40s mid she's only in her mid 40s
(36:41):
now and she's busy. She's everywhere.
She she's unbelievable. This woman, her name is Kelly
Zamnikis and she's amazing. She says, and one of the we were
chatting about food and she said, is a hamburger a sandwich?
And I said no. And I was like, wait, why don't
I answer so quickly? Is it a sandwich?
Like so she's like, Oh my God, this would be such a funny
(37:02):
podcast to discuss that question.
And I'm like, what are you talking about?
A podcast? Like anyway, then she and she
and then she said, and Mary Kennedy from LA, who's a stand
up in LA, she'd be also a great coast.
I don't know what she was talking about.
She sends me this e-mail. So I'm thinking we can do 6
episodes and I'm thinking 6 episodes on a is a hamburger a
(37:23):
sandwich? It's like a 20 minute
conversation at best. And she said, yeah.
And our other friend Matt Ardillwill produce and he'll be with
us. And I'm like, what are you?
She makes things happen like she's unbelievable.
So all of a sudden we have this podcast.
We are about to start recording season 10.
Every six episodes is a season and we all answer crazy food
questions like that. So Matt and Mary and Kelly, my
(37:46):
Co hosts are all stand ups. I am not a stand up.
I'm hilarious, but I'm not a stand up.
And then I was like, it was likethey were a bad influence on me.
I'm like, all right, fine, I'll try it.
And it was just one of those things like there's no work
happening, but you got to make work happen.
Yeah. So I I'm actually a breast
(38:08):
cancer survivor. I had breast cancer two years
ago and I decided I would talk about that in stand up.
It's not a hilarious topic, but I'm make it funny and I thought
I'll do it. I'm going to try.
So I went to an open mic. I tried it.
I didn't die. I wasn't worried about this
being on stage. Part of I was like, Oh my God,
it's so scary. It wasn't the stage part wasn't
(38:30):
scary for me because I've been on stage a million times.
It's the, is any of this going to be funny?
Like I think it's funny, but is my humor going to relate?
And a lot of the people in the audience are a much, much, much
younger. A lot of the comics are much,
much younger. Will it be accepted that are all
the things you worry about? But it was fun.
I haven't done it a ton. I've done and I'm, I'm doing a
show on Sunday and I'm, I'm actually going to be doing a
(38:54):
show for Gilda's club. You know, Gilda Radner, who was
on Saturday Night Live back in the 70s, she was, there's an
organization in her honor for cancer.
And I'm going to do my cancer material.
So I'm very excited about that. That's next Monday.
And it's hard. It's hard to come up with stuff.
It's hard to write the stuff. It's, it's in your head.
(39:14):
It might sound one way and then you get up there and you kind of
go, Oh my God, what did I just say?
It's all like a fever dream. But I'm super glad I did it.
Yeah. I would have always kind of
wondered, I don't know how long I'll do it for.
I don't know, you know, if it's a thing, if it's really a career
move or if it's just fun right now.
I'm glad I did it, though, you know?
(39:36):
Yeah. Absolutely.
So what are your your podcast Cohost, your stand up friends?
What do they say when they when they see see your stand up
routine? Well, I think, I think they're
happy for me. I think they're pretty proud of
me for doing it. I laugh that they're the bad
influence. I'm very impressed by all of
them and I'm so inspired by themand the things that they do.
(39:59):
So I find that great. Like, I just love that they were
such an influence on me. You know, and to try something
that I never thought I would try, like I love watching stand
up, but I I love improv, I love sketch, I love doing all of that
stuff. I never thought I would try
stand up. I just thought it's just not, I
(40:19):
love to watch it, but I don't think I could do it.
And then I did it and I was like, oh, this is interesting,
you know? Yeah, yeah.
Well, and it's like, you know, as a an observer of stand up
comedians and then just watchinganyone performing, it's it's
still it's, it is performing, but it's very different because
it's kind of like, I mean, like you're saying you're talking
(40:40):
about personal things that that you dealt with, but with a
comedic twist on it. And so it's still like part, you
know, it's, it's something that you, I guess every time you
perform, it's something you create, but it's still something
that you created yourself. I actually got invited.
I did in this little, this competition, which was super
exciting. And one of the people in the
(41:03):
audience came to me afterwards, this young woman and she said
she is a member of this place called Young Adult Cancer
Canada, and they're doing their first comedy night in a couple
weeks. What I like to come.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, yes,please.
So I went and did it. And there are five other comics
I think, that night, all of whomhad had cancer.
And it was the first time I was nervous before I went up.
(41:24):
Like we were all chatting beforethe show started.
In my head, I'm looking at them all going, Oh my God, what if
your cancer is funnier than my cancer?
Like, it was so crazy. But that was such an amazing
night to have all these people who really got it.
It was really cool. I bet.
And make it something that's like that's been, you know, a
(41:44):
very hard, hard situation, something that is very hard for
you or other people who are dealing with it and just being
able to laugh about it because that's kind of what you need.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing funny about cancer, but
there's funny experiences when you have cancer that are fun to
talk about. Or, you know, and there's
nothing fun about it and there'snothing funny about the getting
diagnosed or whatever. But some of the things that
(42:06):
happen around it are so bonkers that they're hilarious.
So yeah. And people who get it will get
it. Exactly.
Exactly. Yeah.
Yeah, so you know, something youmentioned with just the the
stand up and just, you know, obviously this is an A podcast
about age because I'm very passionate about realizing where
(42:27):
you are and being more than thatthan the number that's equated
to your age. And you know, even saying like,
OK, I'm doing stand up and and alot of the other comedians there
are a lot younger. So how even with that, whether
this stays as a hobby or you do this, it becomes a career, who
knows? We don't know what's what's
going to happen with that. But how have you had to push
(42:48):
away any negative limiting beliefs about starting something
new in your 50s, even with your film?
So this has been so I just turned 55 a couple of weeks ago.
I love my birthday, I enjoy my birthday.
I tell people about my birthday,love it, and this is the first
year ever that I was like, Oh myGod, I'm 55.
Like for the it's the first timeI'm feeling older, like really
(43:10):
older, and I'm really trying to manage that and deal with that.
I'm taking a musical improv class and almost, there's one
other guy in my class who's likemy age ish, but everyone else is
super young and I'm used to thatnow with all the classes I take.
I'm learning to embrace it a little bit.
I, I did an improv with a friendwho's my age and we just
(43:32):
embraced that. We had a young guy come and play
guitar for our musical improv set and we just called him our
grandson, you know, and we're like, this is our lovely
grandson and we're just, I'm really struggling with it
honestly to, I think it is what it is.
So I'm 55 and the, the way I always used to think about it is
(43:53):
this, listen, you can be 55 and be a comedian or be 55 and not
be a comedian, right? I can be 60 and have a finally
get my pilot made, the pilot that I wrote that I really want
to have made, but I don't know how to do that yet.
I'm learning how to do it, trying to find the people who'll
help me make it so I can be 60 with a pilot or 60 without a
pilot, you know, And I think that's the thing that kind of
(44:16):
gets me through all this. Like when I was learning, when I
went back to school to become a teacher of the deaf, I remember
thinking, uh, should I even do this?
When I graduate, I'll be 35, right?
I was already a teacher, but that to do that specialty.
And a friend of mine said, you can be 35 with this degree or 35
without this degree, Like you'llbe 35 regardless.
(44:38):
And I was like, ah, so that's the little thought in my brain.
When the age thing gets to me, I'm going, maybe I'm too old for
this because there is a thing about women in particular that
you do become very invisible when you get older.
No one is interested in what youhave to say or there's an
impression that no one is interested in what you have to
say. And I have a lot to say and I
(44:58):
want to say it and I want peoplelistening to me and I want
people listening to each other and I want to listen to the
other people. Like I don't know where we got
this thing that it's only that younger age group that has
something valid to say and how or elderly.
Like, you know, I even as a kid,I'd look at the old people and
(45:19):
my family and barely talk to them, barely look at them.
I have nothing to say to these people.
They're just kind of sitting there and in my own head now I'm
thinking, OK, at which age is that going to be me?
At which point do I think my brain will shut off and I'm not
going to be worth talking to anymore?
I don't think that at all. So why are we look like when you
(45:40):
think about your own thoughts and your own brain, like, are
you really going to get to a point, well, you're not worth
talking to and not worth listening to?
And I don't think that. And I don't think you think
that. And I don't think most people
think that. They just think, yeah, my
thoughts are important. I don't know why.
When you look at older people, we've all decided, you know,
(46:00):
you're kind of just done. I don't want to be done yet.
And I don't think anyone's done.And I love when I see older
people like me in the classes. I love it.
I'm like, OK, there's other people here who are doing this
for the first time too, like people doing stand up or doing
comedy or doing anything for thefirst time.
(46:20):
I find it really exciting and inspiring and kind of comforting
going, OK, I don't have to stop learning new stuff just because
I'm 55. My voice is valid, my work is
valid. You know, I just think there's a
lot to say. And I think as women, we kind of
have to push a little bit more to get in there to say what we
(46:42):
need to say. Yeah, yeah, You know, you saying
too, that I don't know, you know, how we got to where you or
what age you, you look at somebody who is older and you
don't care what they have to say.
You're just like, you know, they're just sitting there.
And that's heartbreaking to hearbecause like he's, you know, at
one point we will get to that age and hopefully the the ones
(47:05):
in our lives won't respond that way or we're doing all this,
this work to just like help people and tell people to
realize, you know, there's othercultures that the elders are
highly. Respected.
And esteemed. And so I guess in, in our North
American neck of the woods, it'sit's not as much the case, which
is very, very sad. But you know, I appreciate you
(47:27):
being honest too, of just stating like, yeah, turning 55
was hard. But to realize that what your
friend said to you when you got the the extra degree or
certification of you could be 35and have it or not, or you could
be 60 and riding your pilot or or not, you know, just doing all
these different things or or notbe doing it.
(47:49):
And I had somebody say that I had a guest previously who kind
of shared the same thing of something very similar of just,
you know, I could be pursuing this or just going to the grave
and that just be the end of it. Like we never know when the end
is. And that's also what I've been
thinking about is when is the end right?
(48:10):
Like I feel like obviously I'm getting closer to it.
We're all getting closer to it. But you, it could be tomorrow
and it could be in 40 years. And I don't like not knowing
stuff. I like control and there's no
control. And as I get older, I'm learning
more and more about how little control I have.
So I kind of like taking a classor learning something new or,
you know, to keep a little bit of control about what I'm doing.
(48:34):
Yeah, it's hard. It's I find it really tricky
these days, like for myself to go, OK, 55.
Like to me that's like this big huge number, more than 50, like
50 didn't bother me one bit. And not, it's not that this
bothers me. It's like this realization that
there's an end eventually. And how do I want to end it?
(48:54):
How do I want to get to the end of this?
Do I want to be that person who's trying new things and is
being brave and whatever, or do I want to hide under the covers?
Mostly I want to hide under the covers, but you have to kind of
do fun stuff. I keep saying to my husband, I
want to do more fun stuff because eventually we'll it'll
end. Yeah, you know, Absolutely.
(49:16):
Yeah, and you want to enjoy this.
And then also something good thing too, of if if people
younger are viewing people that are older, like, oh, there's
nothing left, then they're goingto continue to have that
mindset. But then if they're seeing
people like you or others who are still doing the things that
they want and they're not letting their that number get to
them, then they can realize, oh,I can look forward.
(49:37):
To it, I like that a lot and I'mvery open about my age, which
may be why I'm not getting afterwork because I, I can go out for
like 35 to 45 year old roles. But I do tell people I'm 55.
Like I don't lie about my age and a lot of actors do.
And I've been told not to be open about my age.
I don't like that. I've been told a doctor told me
(50:01):
recently, oh, you don't look 55.And I said to him, what I always
say, which other people say is this is what 55 looks like for
me. This is it.
I'm not doing anything fancy. Like right now I'm just wearing
lipstick. I'm not wearing makeup.
And this is just my face. I can't do anything about it.
Some of my friends who are my age look a little bit older.
(50:21):
Some of my friends look a littlebit younger.
I'm actually 55. Like, what do you want me to
say? Right?
Like I was born in 1970. Here's my thing, like, and I
like when I go on stage, like when I'm doing an improv class
or whatever and I'm on stage with people in their 20s and on
stage, we are equals on stage. We're together, we got to help
each other, we're A-Team, blah, blah, blah.
(50:41):
It's great. They can't look at me like,
what's this old woman doing here?
Like we got to help each other. So I just think I love that
you're doing this podcast. I love listening to your
podcast. I just think it's so inspiring.
I think having these voices is so important.
(51:01):
And I think if someone's like kind of wondering like, should I
take this class or should I do this thing that I've never done
or should I go on a vacation by myself?
Oh my God, just do it. You have to do it because you
won't regret not you won't regret doing it.
It might not be the thing that you thought it would be, but you
won't regret doing it. Right, Yeah.
(51:23):
You won't look back and say, oh man, I wish I didn't take that.
Trip, right, You might go, Oh yeah.
I decide, oh, I don't think I dolike vacationing alone.
Like if you've always wondered, right, you, you might go, Well,
I did it and I've learned, no, I'd rather have company.
Whatever. It's just I think it's so
important that we talk about this stuff and that we talk
together. And I just love that you have
this podcast. Well, thank you, Carrie.
(51:44):
I appreciate that. You kind of probably just
answered my last question, but I'm going to ask it anyway
because it's the question I ask everybody.
So if you could encourage one woman who does feel blocked or
limited to pursue whatever the dream is or the goal based on
her age or life circumstance, what would you say to her?
I would say imagine not having done that thing and picture
(52:05):
yourself in two years. So let's say you're 68 years old
now and you have this major thing you want to do or this
minor thing you want to do and you're it's really, you don't
think ready to do it. And in two years you're blowing
up the candles on your 70th birthday and you didn't do it,
whereas you could do it right now.
Go sign up for the thing. Go even if you go to one class
(52:27):
and you hate it, fine. Even if you do a stand up
routine and bomb, no one's goingto die.
Who cares? Like I think that's a lot of it
too, is realizing not everythingis as serious as we think it is.
I was like, Oh my God, what if you bomb on stage?
So what do I care? Do I know these people?
Like in my 20s that would have probably devastated me, but now
I'm like, eh, you know what? It's embarrassing for 5 minutes
(52:50):
and then you get over it. Like as you get older, you're
like, think not everything is a life and death situation.
Just try, like just try. Do it.
Do it because you're going to end up two years older anyway.
That's what I would say. I like it, I love it.
Carrie, tell us where we could find you and anything you want
(53:11):
to plug. I am at Carrie under score Haim
Haim under score actor under score writer.
I lost my Instagram 1 so Carrie Haim actor writer on Instagram
on some of the other socials as well.
Nothing major to plug if you're in the Toronto area.
I periodically do some shows here and there so you can always
(53:33):
Google and see where I end up. Awesome.
Well, Carrie, thank you so much for taking the time.
I really just appreciate your honesty and just sharing your
story as well. So thank you for joining me
today on the More Than Your Age podcast.
Thank you for having me. Absolutely.
If you were encouraged by today's episode, like and
(53:53):
subscribe to this podcast, leavea review and share this episode
with a friend. You can find me on all of the
socials at. More than your age.
Keep striving for your goals, live fully, and we'll catch you
next time on the More Than Your Age podcast.
Are you in a? Position where you're defined by
your age and that's limiting youto pursue a dream or goal you
want to accomplish. The More Than Your Age podcast
is about having conversations with women who fully live their
lives without being dictated or defined by their age.
This is a space to encourage women who feel blocked to pursue
(00:25):
a dream or goal based on their life circumstances.
Welcome to the more than your age podcast.
I am your host Erica Pasbard. Let's start living life fully
and become more than your age. Welcome back to the more than
(00:48):
your age podcast. This is a place to encourage
women just like you to pursue your goals and dreams,
regardless of your age. And I get the incredible
opportunity to interview women who are pursuing their dreams,
overcoming societal expectationsof where they are in their age,
and proving that it is never toolate to start something new, big
(01:14):
or small. I'm your host Erika Pazbar, and
today's episode is for anyone who has ever felt like their
time has passed or that their dream is too late to chase.
You may be familiar. With the late actor Corey Haim.
Yes, that is my guest, late brother.
But you know what? Today this story is about her.
(01:38):
Carrie Haim is an actress, a filmmaker, breast cancer
survivor, and now, at 55, a stand up comic.
She opens up about rejection, aging in Hollywood, the pain of
a 15 year infertility journey, and how cancer LED her to find
her voice in a whole new way. If you have benefited from this
(02:00):
podcast, I would love for you toshare it with a friend, post it
on social media and tag more than your age.
And if you haven't yet, take a moment to rate and review the
show on Apple Podcast or Spotifyor really anywhere you listen.
It helps more women find these encouraging stories and it truly
means the world to me. Now on to my conversation with
(02:25):
Carrie Haim. Enjoy the show.
Joining the More Than Your Age podcast is actress, podcast
host, author and comedian CarrieHaim.
Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be here. Yes, I'm so glad to have you
here, Carrie. You responded on a post on
(02:46):
Threads regarding starting over,and your response just caught my
eye. You said, or you wrote.
You said that you wrote, produced and starred in your
first short film at the age of 51.
It did well in festivals and youdid your first stand up set at
the age of 53 and you won a comedy contest 8 months later.
And I was like, yes, this is what I'm passionate about and
(03:08):
definitely want to hear. And so then you shared even more
information about you and I was just like, oh gosh.
Well, this woman even more so exudes just the mission and the
passion behind and of what I have for the More than your age
podcast and the message. And so you grew up.
You did though you grew up acting with your brother.
And I want to know what made youget into acting at such an young
(03:30):
age? And then why did your family
decide to move to LA? So you know what acting was just
one of the we put, we were a sporty family.
Like we played hockey. We grew up in Toronto, Canadian
kids, So we played hockey. My dad used to flood the
backyard playgrounds that all the families shared to create a,
(03:50):
an ice rink out there every winter.
Like so we were skating, we wereplaying baseball in the summer.
Our dad was our coach, really sporty.
But in my heart of hearts, I really loved acting.
And we met a lovely woman who lived sort of around the corner
from us at one point and she taught acting to children.
So it was, it's went from there.We had friends who had agents
and things. This is sort of late 70s, early
(04:13):
80s. And I was like, I want to do
that. I want to do that.
And then my, you know, when you're a little, I'm the older
1. And so my little brother just
kind of came along for the ride.I don't know that it was such a
passion of his in the early years, but he had a look and he
was very cute and he was very natural.
And so he started to get some roles here in in Toronto, in
Canada, like a little commercial.
(04:34):
And then he was on a little showfor a while.
And then he got cast in Americanfilm called First Born, starring
Terry Garr. It was like her first dramatic
role. He was about 12, I guess at the
time. And because it was American and
the producers were famous and itwas like a Paramount Picture
thing, you know, he started to get known in America and he got
(04:57):
more and more and more. And my parents were constantly
travelling back and forth, Toronto to LA.
And eventually around 1986, theydecided just to bite the bullet
and move. I decided at that time I went
with them that summer. I was about 16, but I decided I
wanted to come back up to Toronto and finish my schooling
(05:18):
here. So they were there.
I was here. Wow, so it's so interesting.
Were your, you know, 'cause at that time remote work wasn't as
big of a deal as it is now. So did they they just quit
everything or what were they able to do for work?
I think at the time my mom was doing different kinds of work.
She didn't have a career per SE,but she did work outside the
(05:41):
home, as we say nowadays for moms because they work lots
inside the home. But because my brother's life
became so busy and frenetic, I think she kind of, you know,
came on and there was a lot to manage there.
And my dad happened to be between things at the time and
was able to switch and get some work down there.
So it just ended up working out.Eventually, my parents
(06:02):
separated. A year or two later, my dad came
back up to Canada, went to Montreal, where he grew up.
I was in Toronto. We were all over the place and
my mom and my brother stayed in LA.
OK, did you so you know, I don'tknow the relationship with your
your family and your siblings, but did was there ever because
you did acting yourself too. Was there ever this like man,
(06:23):
why? You know why is not all of this
happening to me? To me, yeah.
You know what, to be honest withyou, I felt that more later on.
Earlier on, you know, I was kindof happy for him.
I was a little bit jealous, I suppose, but I, when I went down
to LA at 16, I, I also had the same agent he did and I got
(06:45):
booked in a couple of roles, including there was a show in
the 80s called Growing Pains. I don't know if you know that
show, but, and it was a lovely show.
Anyway, I got booked on that show and I went to work for a
couple like to play the friend of the sister and I went to work
for a couple of days and it was all exciting.
And then they fired me because Ididn't have American work permit
work papers, and I was Canadian.And it didn't occur to us at the
(07:08):
time. I mean, it was just like, I
booked it and it was great. And as a kid, I was like, you
know what, It's super disappointing, of course, that I
didn't get to film. But I was like, oh, they cast me
in this thing. I must be good enough to be
hired. And that was almost enough for
me at the time. Many, many years later when I
(07:29):
was like, you know, in the past,out of 5-10 years, you know, my
brother's been gone already almost 15 years.
But I was like, oh, I, I miss it.
I miss getting, you know, I'm atan age now where I'm not getting
too many roles or anything. And I was like, now I'm jealous.
Now I'm jealous of all the work he did.
It's a very childish, silly sortof reaction.
(07:50):
But at the time, it was just kind of all exciting.
Yeah, yeah. Huh.
That's interesting. OK, so then you you said you
moved back to Toronto at 16 and your mom and brother were in LA
and dad was in Montreal. So who were you living with in
Toronto? So in that first year, I kind of
bounced around a lot. I lived with friends of the
family. I had a boyfriend at the time
(08:11):
and I lived with his parents. I lived with his sister.
Like I, I bounced around a lot that first year and then and my
parents like didn't like abandoned me.
They were still supporting me financially.
I had a job. It was the 80s, like you could
kind of survive on less. And the year, I think a year
later, I ended up getting an apartment, like a little
basement apartment or something that, you know, wasn't too
(08:32):
expensive, but my parents were helping me out with that.
Yeah, OK. Well, so you're doing that and
then you end up going to the university and you finish high
school, go to the university. Did you at this point too, did
you feel like you were putting your acting dreams or pursuit on
hold to for your studies or because you kind of still did
(08:53):
some in your 20s? Was it like, no, I'm gonna do it
for fun or what was it like then?
Yeah, when I was getting my university degrees.
It's actually quite funny. You know how kids rebel against
the family? So we joke that I rebelled by
getting 3 university degrees cause I was, I was the first
person in my family to go to university.
My parents were born right afterWorld War 2 in Europe.
So you know, I'm a first generation Canadian.
(09:15):
So I really wanted to have that.I really wanted to go to
university. It was like a big focus of mine.
And then I did miss it. So in my 20s, I did do a lot of
community theater, which I learned, you know, sometimes
it's good, sometimes people kindof disparage community theater.
But I learned that a lot of it is really, really, really good.
And the reason it's really, really, really good is because
(09:36):
there's a lot of people who couldn't make a living doing
acting either on the stage or onfilm and TV.
They go and they find a profession.
They're a lawyer, they're an accountant, they work in a
grocery, whatever. And they're super crazy
talented. And they do this on the side.
And you have these people who are good enough to be
professional, but it just didn'twork out for them.
(09:57):
So there's a lot of really, really good sort of quote on
quote, amateur theatre everywhere probably, But in
Toronto it's really good. Yeah.
Well, and do you think that, youknow, yeah, maybe they didn't
either pursue it or they had other desires and dreams, but
it's something that they and youdid as well, just as a hobby
that you love, that you like this crap that you could keep
(10:18):
working on. And even though it wasn't your
profession, it was still something that you could enjoy.
Definitely, yeah. And I met so many good friends
from doing shows 20 years ago. Even still it's, you know,
camaraderie. And there is something about,
you know, let's get together andput on a show and, you know,
it's volunteering in the community.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
(10:39):
Was there. I mean, is there a show that you
like, you resonate with a part the most or just like the
storyline the most that you've done?
I mean, I'm sure you've done so many, but I've.
Done a lot. The best show I ever did was
He's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, written by Edward Albee.
I did it, I don't know, 1818 years ago or something.
The reason is it's a very difficult show to do.
(10:59):
It's three acts, it's highly emotional, it's exhausting.
There's and I, you know, there'sonly four roles and it's it's a
monster of a play and it's the kind of thing that once you do
that play, it's like going to war with people, you know, So
the people you act with in that play become your family forever
and ever. And so it has come to pass that
(11:22):
those people that I did that show with all those years ago,
I'm still close with. We see each other every summer,
you know, we go to see shows together.
Like it's one of those. It's more the relationships that
were built around that play. But also it's a it was a very
satisfying theatrically, it was a very satisfying show to do, to
do something so huge. Yeah.
(11:43):
Yeah, absolutely. And also the fact too, like you
said, you've been able to maintain those relationships and
those friendships with everybody.
That was a part of it as well. OK, so we mentioned you
continued, you did community theater throughout in your 20s
and you stopped due to a desire to have a child.
Yes. But the struggle with dealing
with infertility from the age of25 to 40 was very pertinent and
(12:09):
real for you. I want to know, I mean, I know
the feeling of desperately wanting a child, but to
experience love and grieving forsuch a long time, you know, for
15 years, just throughout this span of infertility.
It's a long span. But I'm just curious to know,
like some of the waves and how were you able to get through?
And were there moments of like, no, I, I need to stop.
(12:31):
This is just not going to happen.
Yeah, it was a heck of a journeyfor, I'll say for sure, like 15
years is a really long time. And I had gotten married to my
high school boyfriend and got pregnant and then lost that
baby. And that's devastating some
people. It was early on in the
pregnancy. And I know that some people
don't feel devastated when they lose early on.
(12:51):
I did, and it's all good. The way you feel is how you
feel. It was one of the first times in
my life that the thing that I wanted, I wasn't able to
achieve, right? There was nothing I could have
done. And I came up from, I worked
really hard and so therefore I achieved this thing.
I worked really hard and I got my university degree and then I
went to teachers college and then whatever like and I
(13:13):
couldn't do anything. And then it really devastated
me. We ended up separating.
I got together with somebody else.
Five years later, same situation, got pregnant, lost
the baby. And then I now I was on a
mission. Now it's twice.
So now it's not a coincidence. So doctors were like, well, we
won't really start looking and investigating until you lose 3.
(13:35):
And I, I fought for medical care.
I was like, this is ridiculous. Like you want me to do this
again? So I found that there were some
issues, blood and progesterone and all the things and I wasn't
with that partner anymore. And I really, really wanted to
do this. So I did end up going to a sperm
bank and I did about 6 cycles ofpurchasing the sperm and it was
(13:57):
quite interesting. Like it was like looking through
a little catalog trying to find,you know, the person it didn't
work and the doctor had no reason why it didn't work, but
it was so devastating every single time that it didn't work
that I said, OK, I'm done with this piece of it.
I'm going to now adopt. So I decided to adopt A baby
from China as a single parent bychoice.
(14:19):
And I, I don't know if that program is still open, but at
the time you could adopt as a single parent.
So I went through that whole thing, social worker, getting a
home study done and, you know, $10,000, like it's very, very,
very expensive reference lettersand on and on and on.
But at the time, the China adoption program really slowed
down. So all my paperwork was there,
(14:40):
but I had to wait at least six years until a baby would be
available to come home. So that was just, I was on hold.
We called it being paper pregnant in those days and you
were just waiting, you were in the line.
But it was going to take a very,very, very long time.
I met very, very, very good friends at the time.
At the time, everyone was doing a blog.
And so we all had blogs about our journeys, you know, and I
(15:03):
met five other families who weregoing through the same thing.
There's now 10 kids in our little circle of we had no kids.
What we all met. Now there's ten kids.
Some are from China, some are from other means and ways of
having babies. And in the meantime, I was
waiting and waiting and waiting.And in the meantime, Facebook
started and I met my husband, but we went, we went to high
(15:24):
school together. And at the beginning of
Facebook, it was like you were just gathering people going, oh,
I remember you. I remember you.
And I was doing shows. I was so busy.
But we went for coffee and got together and it was like, wow,
this is a thing, I think. And I wasn't in relationship
mode. I was in, I'm going to have a
baby by myself mode. I had a room for the baby in my
(15:44):
little condo. I was like, ready.
But we fell in love and he proposed and I thought we got
engaged and I said, we can't getmarried until the baby comes
home because I I can't suddenly not be a single parent because
that's the program I'm in. So we're just going to wait.
In the meantime, because it was taking so long, we said, let's
try to have a baby. The doctor said at this point
(16:07):
you're too old. We ended up going to the Czech
Republic to do egg donation. There was this program called
IVF Vacation, I'm not kidding. And you go to a little town in
the Czech Republic and it's a university town.
They have lots of young women who are donating eggs.
And he makes his little contribution.
And while everyone's cooking, you go and travel.
(16:29):
So, you know, we traveled a little bit.
I've never been to Europe before.
It did not work on this journey.We also ended up adopting
embryos from someone in Toronto who was a single mom by choice,
and she had some embryos sort ofon ice.
So we had to adopt them with a lawyer.
Didn't work and then we were going to do Europe one more
time. He said let's do it.
(16:50):
I'm doing all these things I don't even believe in.
I'm doing acupuncture, I'm doingthis, I'm doing that.
Let's just try last time and then we're done.
We'll get a dog. And I got pregnant naturally at
39. I did not believe that I would
give birth to a live baby in this journey.
I also got pregnant, like I had a not an ectopic pregnancy, but
(17:11):
like I can't remember what it was called now, but like a
pregnancy that wasn't viable. So there was another loss
somewhere in there. And then I got pregnant
naturally. The entire time I did not
believe I would give birth to a baby because my I really had
convinced myself at this point that my body does not do this.
It's 15 years and it was my entire identity that I don't
(17:34):
give birth to live babies. In the meantime, I was 35 weeks
pregnant and my brother died. Oh my gosh.
So that was a whole journey. We could discuss that in a
second. And then I gave birth five days
later, early, 5 weeks early, andshe was alive and she was there.
And it was like, Oh my God, thisactually happened.
(17:56):
And then two years later, I got pregnant spontaneously with my
little guy who's now 12. It's like, well, we did not
expect that one either. So I don't know how it all
happened because I had doctors tell me, like, you're just too
old for this. You have no more eggs.
But apparently we had a couple good eggs.
So yeah. I, I mean that what a roller
(18:18):
coaster of emotions. My goodness.
I mean, there's so much in all of that of, of, you know, being
told you're never going to be able to have kids and then
losing several pregnancies, which is horrible.
And these these hope of adoptionand then these IVF vacations.
(18:40):
Which sounds very interesting. Yeah, and and then you, you, you
have your baby early. You just lost your brother.
Like, wait. I mean, how were you able to get
through like just even this, thebirth of your your.
First child, it was very crazy. So my brother dying obviously
was not expected. My brother had a history of drug
(19:02):
addiction and so on, but he didn't die of an overdose.
He was doing very, very well when he died, but he was quite
sick. He had pneumonia and at the
autopsy we learned he also had avery enlarged heart, which is
something my mother has and it'sgenetic.
And I'm now being tested for that to see if my kids need to
get tested for that. So soon.
I get to go do lots of fun tests.
(19:23):
We're trying to figure it all out.
But he died of pneumonia. His lungs filled up with fluid.
He died. So we weren't expecting that to
happen. And then I think going into
labor obviously wasn't expected.I ended up having AC section.
I was not able to go to the funeral because I was, yeah,
because I had her on a Monday and the funeral was on a
Tuesday. It was crazy, crazy, crazy.
(19:45):
And I think the only way I survived was literally just
compartmentalizing every single thing in my brain because after
all these years of not having a baby, now I'm very pregnant with
a baby that I hope is going to be born alive.
But I don't want to stress myself too much because what if,
right? And it was just my parents
literally went from the cemeteryto the hospital to see the baby
(20:08):
like. It was such a crazy time.
And that baby is turning 15 in afew days.
Wow. Yeah.
So it's, it's just been, it's been a long journey and worth
every second, but you know, a a very difficult and amazing time.
(20:29):
Yeah, I believe that. I believe that you, the doctor
said. You're you're you know, we can't
believe you're too old to have akid, which love hearing that not
they don't know. Yeah, they think they don't know
things all the time. Yeah.
Right, right. Absolutely.
So they say you're too old to have a kid.
(20:49):
Then you have a child and you said you were.
Were you 39 when you had her or when you?
I was 40 when I gave birth. OK, 40 when you gave birth.
Yeah. OK.
OK. Just so you know, I just gave
birth, well, almost a year ago and I was 40 when I had birth.
So we're in good company. Exactly.
But anyway, so I'm curious to know because the doctor said
(21:10):
you're too old and then you havethis baby at 40, you know,
especially, I guess 15 years ago.
It happens. I mean, my grandma as well.
But society will say like you'retoo old.
Doctors say you're too old. So how were you able to, I guess
what were your thoughts of beinga 40 year old mother for the
first time, This dream that you always wanted And then also
(21:32):
everyone else quotes appear, youknow this having a newborn is 10
years younger, maybe 15. Yeah, it was.
It's interesting. We were actually at a birthday
party when my son was 5. So I had him surprised two years
later chatting with other moms and dads and one of the moms of
a 5 year old. Turns out my husband used to be
(21:53):
a school teacher like me in the school system.
He was her teach her music teacher when she was in grade
one, this mom. So that's like we have children
the same age, right? It was one of those things I
think about age a lot actually. And I just it was one of those
things where you know, there's advantages and disadvantages to
(22:14):
everything. You know, you have a lot of
energy when you're young, but you don't really know what
you're doing necessarily. And there's advantages to being
older because you've lived more.But also now I'm tired.
Like that's also becoming a little bit problematic.
I'm in my mid 50s now and sometimes my kids are still
young and they want to do this and that and I'm very tired.
(22:35):
And it's like, OK, what was my mom doing?
What was my mom doing at forty? Well, at 40 I had what my mother
was 40. I moved out.
There were no like I had alreadyleft home by the time my mother
was 40. I remember my parents turning
30, like they had me in their very early 20s.
So it's such a different thing to be an older mom.
I'm not one who all like, likes to listen too much to the
(22:58):
riffraff about being older. I have friends who had babies
older than me, like 45, whatever.
We're all doing the best we can at no matter what age we are.
And you just got to kind of plowthrough, I guess.
And just, it is what it is. This is when we had it and this
is our family, so. Yeah, yeah.
And the fact that you were able to, when you didn't think that
(23:18):
this was going to even be possible, that was.
Shocking. Yeah.
Well, and I'm even thinking too of with the adoption and then
the embryo adoption too and justnothing.
Worked. Nothing worked.
And I was very bitter about thatfor a long time.
And then other people were people around me who were also,
I knew a lot of people who dealtwith infertility because while I
(23:39):
was going through that adoption process.
So either they were able to adopt or they were able to have
a baby in some way. And I at one point I got, I was
just very bitter about it. At one point I said, no one has,
I said to my husband, no one haswaited longer than me.
It's been 15 years of this and eventually it happened.
(24:00):
I'm really glad it happened. You know, I didn't, I didn't
know if it would happen and I didn't, I wouldn't have known
how to process it if it didn't happen.
I would have, I guess because you just do.
And having kids, as you know, it's like all-encompassing and
there's never a break. And now that I'm become, I'd
love to say I'm middle-aged, butnow that I'm past middle-aged,
(24:21):
she said she lives to 110. Now I'm like, OK, I want to have
some time to myself and I have these kids.
So it's like now we're getting to a point where I can start
doing a little bit more on my own and be a little more
flexible with them because they're getting older.
Yeah, yeah. Well, it's still, I'm just, you
(24:41):
know, I I think that's so neat that that ended up happening
when that did not look like thatwas going to be the the
projection of your life. Well, so you, you know, touch
base that you're a school teacher, but to share with the
audience, you're a teacher of deaf and hard, hard of hearing
children. That's for your day job.
And you really did miss acting, though.
(25:03):
And so during COVID, you wrote apilot titled Demonstration
Sport, which is a mockumentary about a mom who dreamed of
winning a gold medal and competitive napping.
Yeah. So, so interesting.
How did you get this idea? And then I'm also curious to
know, you know, yes, it was an old COVID.
I guess we didn't, you know, have as much to do.
(25:25):
But then why? Like, OK, I'm going to write
this pilot kind of how did all that?
Kind of be. So it's a short film.
Actually, it's not a pilot. I, I had written a pilot because
there's no acting work, especially during COVID, there
was like very little for me to do acting wise.
I have a lovely, wonderful agentwho submits me for lots of work,
but it's very hard to get even an audition.
And I had friends who said got to write something.
(25:47):
All right, all right, So I started, I wrote a lovely script
and have a pilot and they're like, well, that's very nice,
but now you need to make something.
And I'm like, well, I don't knowhow to make something, so they
just make a short film. So, you know, we were, you know,
it was just one of those funny things when you're talking.
I'm God, I'm so tired. No, I'm so tired.
No, I'm Oh my God, no, I could win the gold medal in being
(26:09):
tired. Like we just, it was like a
funny conversation, like, oh, that would actually be
hilarious. Like literally training to nap
and different, you know, So I ended up writing this short film
and I didn't know how to make it, but people and I found, you
know, another actor who had madesome.
So I called her and I said, how do you do this?
And she said, oh, here, here, here, you know, and she had a
(26:31):
director who came on board and she was wonderful.
And that director knew a cinematographer.
I didn't know how to do any of this, but people knew people.
We raised some money and somehowwe got it made during COVID.
So we made sure everyone was tested and it was, you know, a
whole thing. And we ended up getting moving a
bed into the gym of a church because that's where you work
(26:54):
out is in a gym. So we've got a big queen size
bed into this church and it's it's a, I'm very happy with it
for my first film. It's hilarious, it's fun.
It was silly. You know, I put it into some
festivals. It did fairly well and it looks
good. It looks the way I wanted it to
look. And I was like, holy crow, we
(27:15):
made a movie, you know? And I'm really proud of it,
Yeah. Yeah, that, that's awesome.
When you said you had a fundraise, so 'cause I, I, you
know, I, I know some lingo, likeeven saying, oh, it wasn't a
pilot, it was a short film. I'm like, oh, there's a
difference. You know, I guess it could be a.
Pilot. Yeah.
Whole series of competitive snapping, yeah.
(27:39):
Yeah, OK, so that's now I'm like, OK, now I know where where
all that is. But like to even think, oh, you
would have to fundraise for to even have a film.
So what did you how did you do the fundraising?
How did that kind of come? I ended up doing like a GoFundMe
or one of these things and I I just made little videos,
whatever. My brother, my late brother, has
(27:59):
still a lot of fans who are super loyal and wonderful and a
lot of them donated little bits to my movie, which was so nice,
so generous, you know, and you give little incentives like you
put your name, the names and thecredits or whatever it was.
So we raised enough to do this because we, my actors didn't get
(28:20):
paid. We were doing it through
something called the Actra Co-opprogram.
Actor is the actors union here in Canada.
So basically, if the movie makesmoney, we all make money.
But short films don't usually get sold in that way.
So they all knew they were coming into it with that and
certain thing you have to rent things.
I have to feed everybody. Like it was a big crew and food
(28:40):
costs a lot of money. It was 2 full days of shooting.
And you know, the thing about GoFundMe is though, I don't
think I could do it again. All these people were super
generous and I got my movie made, but I don't think I would
do it a second time because once, you know, you can only in
my mind, you should only do it once.
(29:01):
Say everyone was generous, they threw money at you and now find
your own money. Yeah.
I just, I, I still sometimes go.I can't believe we actually did
that, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, that's, it's really neat too, to just, you know, decide,
OK, I'm going to, I'm going to do this and then you make it
happen. And you, you know, a lot of time
(29:23):
had passed since you had done acting and this whole, you know,
you're teaching and then the, the family and everything with
that, like the I mean, just to be able to do that and
accomplish that is, is huge. It's great.
So you so you had, you know, youwrote this, you got it produced,
filmed it, everything it's out there.
(29:45):
And then you also booked an agent and I can't remember what,
what time frame all of that was in together.
I. Think the agent was before the
film? Agent was formed.
OK, OK. OK.
When you booked the agent, were your hopes to kind of get, I
guess get like get more commercials, get film, TV?
(30:07):
Movies. I just wanted to start up again
and a friend of mine had this same agent and I said can you
introduce me to your agent? He said sure.
And then she told me later, I don't even know if she'd
remember this, but that because I was however old I was at the
time, 4849, I don't know. She wasn't going to sign me
because I think she had other women of the same age and, you
(30:30):
know, looking similar, whatever.But I look, I don't know so much
now, but at the time, I looked quite a bit younger than I was.
So I kind of tend to go out for rules about 10 years younger
than my actual age. So she did sign me.
I got a few, like I got a coupleof little commercials and little
things here and there. I eventually was able to join
the union, which was a goal of mine.
(30:52):
Things. When you join a union, things
slow down quite a bit because it's like a different pool of
actors. So you have to kind of get to
know all the casting people again in a different way.
So it's been slow since then, especially since COVID.
And then there was that strike in the States.
You know, the the was it the Screen Actors Guild strike or
the writer? Yeah.
(31:12):
Or the Writers Guild? I can't even remember.
They were both actually, Yeah. Yeah.
So there's a big trickle down effect to the work here because
a lot of American things shoot up here.
So it's been slow. I've tried to really shift my
attitude when I do get auditions.
I'm always super happy to get anaudition because you've already
sort of jumped through 1 hoop toeven get the audition.
And I really try to look at it now as the audition is the job
(31:35):
and the booking is the bonus. So the audition is the work.
So I always do the best I can onmy auditions.
Like I make it look good. I'm always off book.
Like I have all my lines memorized.
Like I really, really try to do an excellent job at my
auditions. And then it's kind of out of my
hands. That's the hardest part for me
(31:55):
is just forgetting about it. I think it's the hardest part
for a lot of actors. It's like, because you always
wish you're like, I can see myself doing this role.
And then and in acting, you don't hear from anybody.
Like in other industries, when you don't get a job, they send
you an e-mail and and go, we've gone another way or the role has
been filled or whatever. In acting, it's just kind of out
there. No one communicates with you.
And it's super frustrating. Yeah, but that's just the way it
(32:19):
is. So you have to kind of just go,
I haven't heard in five days, I guess nothing's happening and
you move on. Now how are you able to book the
auditions or go to the auditionsin hopes for getting a part
while working with your your teaching?
Job So now since COVID everything is self tape pretty
much. I have not been in an actual
(32:40):
audition room in about 3 years. Even a callback that I had was
on Zoom. So now I have like a little, I
don't really have a permanent set up, but it and it's a whole
thing often set up this backdropand iron the backdrop because it
gets all wrinkly from the last time you put it away and set it
up and there's a ring light and whatever.
And it's not perfect, but it's fairly good conditions to
(33:00):
record. I always get my poor husband to
read with me. He's been my daughter, he's been
my mother, he's been my husband.Like so almost every first
audition now is a self tape. If I got a call back, I would
have to somehow. And it was an in person I would
have to arrange my day to get there or arrange the time of the
(33:22):
audition to make it appropriate for me to get there.
And then if I booked it, I wouldhave to deal with that later,
how I dealt with that. So one headache at a time, but
yeah. And I find that interesting too,
that you know the the video auditions because that you feel
you get so much just from like aperson's presence when you're
around them. I miss the room, I miss going in
(33:44):
and saying hello to people and you see the and there is a sense
of camaraderie sort of and, and just that energy like, and also
like I have personal silly little rules when I am
auditioning. I don't let myself do more than
3 takes unless I've really messed something up badly, but
for all they know I did 150 takes and I've chosen the best 1
so I don't really understand howthey know how I'm going to work
(34:07):
when I'm on set that day. If I did this all day long and
I'm giving you my you know my best one, how did I don't know?
I just find it the whole thing. Like maybe they would learn more
in a callback, but my own personal rule is that I do 3
takes and I pick one and we go from there.
Because otherwise I really feel like they look at you and the
(34:29):
minute they look at you, not that they don't watch the whole
thing because they say they do and you never know that either.
But I feel like if they look, you'll go, no, that's not the
look we're looking for. Or maybe it is.
Let's think about it. And I don't want to devote my
entire day to doing this. And also there's like a time
factor to like now it's hours and hours of set up and taking
(34:52):
down and editing. And it's like you have to be
sort of this technical wizard now to do all of this stuff.
I'm very good at it now. Like I'm very good at just
putting it in and editing it andshipping it off.
And my agent has been super patient with me as I've learned,
as we've, we've all learned, as we've gone along, Right.
So yeah. Yeah, yeah, so interesting.
(35:13):
Just a whole different world over there, you know, doing all
of that. So you, you know, when you wrote
to me to, you said, you know, you weren't booking as many gigs
just, you know, kind of like youwere saying now as well.
But and so you decided to pivot to stand up and how like, how
were you looking at the nose when you when like, how was it
(35:35):
for you when you received these nose when it was just something
that you love so much? And then, you know, then you
decide I'm going to do the stand.
Up It's very frustrating. It's again for me, it's I think
it's a control thing, like the whole baby thing, like how why I
was so devastated and it became like my identity because I
couldn't get the thing that I wanted.
And that's really hard to accept.
(35:56):
And it's the same thing with acting.
It's like I know I would do a good job on this role.
Why are they not picking me? You know, I'm hilarious.
I'd be so funny as the neighbor in this whatever.
And it's frustrating and you never know why they don't give
you notes and they don't tell you anything.
Just like you and I communicatedoriginally on threads.
Another friend of mine, Kelly, who's one of my podcast Co hosts
(36:17):
found me on I think it was Instagram.
And and she does this really cute YouTube cooking show called
It'll Be fine. And she said we had a mutual
friend. She said, would you like to come
on my cooking show? I said, OK.
So I went over. We cooked an apple pie.
It was really fun and we were laughing the whole time.
And she's a go getter. She didn't start doing stand up
till she was in her early 40s mid she's only in her mid 40s
(36:41):
now and she's busy. She's everywhere.
She she's unbelievable. This woman, her name is Kelly
Zamnikis and she's amazing. She says, and one of the we were
chatting about food and she said, is a hamburger a sandwich?
And I said no. And I was like, wait, why don't
I answer so quickly? Is it a sandwich?
Like so she's like, Oh my God, this would be such a funny
(37:02):
podcast to discuss that question.
And I'm like, what are you talking about?
A podcast? Like anyway, then she and she
and then she said, and Mary Kennedy from LA, who's a stand
up in LA, she'd be also a great coast.
I don't know what she was talking about.
She sends me this e-mail. So I'm thinking we can do 6
episodes and I'm thinking 6 episodes on a is a hamburger a
(37:23):
sandwich? It's like a 20 minute
conversation at best. And she said, yeah.
And our other friend Matt Ardillwill produce and he'll be with
us. And I'm like, what are you?
She makes things happen like she's unbelievable.
So all of a sudden we have this podcast.
We are about to start recording season 10.
Every six episodes is a season and we all answer crazy food
questions like that. So Matt and Mary and Kelly, my
(37:46):
Co hosts are all stand ups. I am not a stand up.
I'm hilarious, but I'm not a stand up.
And then I was like, it was likethey were a bad influence on me.
I'm like, all right, fine, I'll try it.
And it was just one of those things like there's no work
happening, but you got to make work happen.
Yeah. So I I'm actually a breast
(38:08):
cancer survivor. I had breast cancer two years
ago and I decided I would talk about that in stand up.
It's not a hilarious topic, but I'm make it funny and I thought
I'll do it. I'm going to try.
So I went to an open mic. I tried it.
I didn't die. I wasn't worried about this
being on stage. Part of I was like, Oh my God,
it's so scary. It wasn't the stage part wasn't
(38:30):
scary for me because I've been on stage a million times.
It's the, is any of this going to be funny?
Like I think it's funny, but is my humor going to relate?
And a lot of the people in the audience are a much, much, much
younger. A lot of the comics are much,
much younger. Will it be accepted that are all
the things you worry about? But it was fun.
I haven't done it a ton. I've done and I'm, I'm doing a
show on Sunday and I'm, I'm actually going to be doing a
(38:54):
show for Gilda's club. You know, Gilda Radner, who was
on Saturday Night Live back in the 70s, she was, there's an
organization in her honor for cancer.
And I'm going to do my cancer material.
So I'm very excited about that. That's next Monday.
And it's hard. It's hard to come up with stuff.
It's hard to write the stuff. It's, it's in your head.
(39:14):
It might sound one way and then you get up there and you kind of
go, Oh my God, what did I just say?
It's all like a fever dream. But I'm super glad I did it.
Yeah. I would have always kind of
wondered, I don't know how long I'll do it for.
I don't know, you know, if it's a thing, if it's really a career
move or if it's just fun right now.
I'm glad I did it, though, you know?
(39:36):
Yeah. Absolutely.
So what are your your podcast Cohost, your stand up friends?
What do they say when they when they see see your stand up
routine? Well, I think, I think they're
happy for me. I think they're pretty proud of
me for doing it. I laugh that they're the bad
influence. I'm very impressed by all of
them and I'm so inspired by themand the things that they do.
(39:59):
So I find that great. Like, I just love that they were
such an influence on me. You know, and to try something
that I never thought I would try, like I love watching stand
up, but I I love improv, I love sketch, I love doing all of that
stuff. I never thought I would try
stand up. I just thought it's just not, I
(40:19):
love to watch it, but I don't think I could do it.
And then I did it and I was like, oh, this is interesting,
you know? Yeah, yeah.
Well, and it's like, you know, as a an observer of stand up
comedians and then just watchinganyone performing, it's it's
still it's, it is performing, but it's very different because
it's kind of like, I mean, like you're saying you're talking
(40:40):
about personal things that that you dealt with, but with a
comedic twist on it. And so it's still like part, you
know, it's, it's something that you, I guess every time you
perform, it's something you create, but it's still something
that you created yourself. I actually got invited.
I did in this little, this competition, which was super
exciting. And one of the people in the
(41:03):
audience came to me afterwards, this young woman and she said
she is a member of this place called Young Adult Cancer
Canada, and they're doing their first comedy night in a couple
weeks. What I like to come.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, yes,please.
So I went and did it. And there are five other comics
I think, that night, all of whomhad had cancer.
And it was the first time I was nervous before I went up.
(41:24):
Like we were all chatting beforethe show started.
In my head, I'm looking at them all going, Oh my God, what if
your cancer is funnier than my cancer?
Like, it was so crazy. But that was such an amazing
night to have all these people who really got it.
It was really cool. I bet.
And make it something that's like that's been, you know, a
(41:44):
very hard, hard situation, something that is very hard for
you or other people who are dealing with it and just being
able to laugh about it because that's kind of what you need.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing funny about cancer, but
there's funny experiences when you have cancer that are fun to
talk about. Or, you know, and there's
nothing fun about it and there'snothing funny about the getting
diagnosed or whatever. But some of the things that
(42:06):
happen around it are so bonkers that they're hilarious.
So yeah. And people who get it will get
it. Exactly.
Exactly. Yeah.
Yeah, so you know, something youmentioned with just the the
stand up and just, you know, obviously this is an A podcast
about age because I'm very passionate about realizing where
(42:27):
you are and being more than thatthan the number that's equated
to your age. And you know, even saying like,
OK, I'm doing stand up and and alot of the other comedians there
are a lot younger. So how even with that, whether
this stays as a hobby or you do this, it becomes a career, who
knows? We don't know what's what's
going to happen with that. But how have you had to push
(42:48):
away any negative limiting beliefs about starting something
new in your 50s, even with your film?
So this has been so I just turned 55 a couple of weeks ago.
I love my birthday, I enjoy my birthday.
I tell people about my birthday,love it, and this is the first
year ever that I was like, Oh myGod, I'm 55.
Like for the it's the first timeI'm feeling older, like really
(43:10):
older, and I'm really trying to manage that and deal with that.
I'm taking a musical improv class and almost, there's one
other guy in my class who's likemy age ish, but everyone else is
super young and I'm used to thatnow with all the classes I take.
I'm learning to embrace it a little bit.
I, I did an improv with a friendwho's my age and we just
(43:32):
embraced that. We had a young guy come and play
guitar for our musical improv set and we just called him our
grandson, you know, and we're like, this is our lovely
grandson and we're just, I'm really struggling with it
honestly to, I think it is what it is.
So I'm 55 and the, the way I always used to think about it is
(43:53):
this, listen, you can be 55 and be a comedian or be 55 and not
be a comedian, right? I can be 60 and have a finally
get my pilot made, the pilot that I wrote that I really want
to have made, but I don't know how to do that yet.
I'm learning how to do it, trying to find the people who'll
help me make it so I can be 60 with a pilot or 60 without a
pilot, you know, And I think that's the thing that kind of
(44:16):
gets me through all this. Like when I was learning, when I
went back to school to become a teacher of the deaf, I remember
thinking, uh, should I even do this?
When I graduate, I'll be 35, right?
I was already a teacher, but that to do that specialty.
And a friend of mine said, you can be 35 with this degree or 35
without this degree, Like you'llbe 35 regardless.
(44:38):
And I was like, ah, so that's the little thought in my brain.
When the age thing gets to me, I'm going, maybe I'm too old for
this because there is a thing about women in particular that
you do become very invisible when you get older.
No one is interested in what youhave to say or there's an
impression that no one is interested in what you have to
say. And I have a lot to say and I
(44:58):
want to say it and I want peoplelistening to me and I want
people listening to each other and I want to listen to the
other people. Like I don't know where we got
this thing that it's only that younger age group that has
something valid to say and how or elderly.
Like, you know, I even as a kid,I'd look at the old people and
(45:19):
my family and barely talk to them, barely look at them.
I have nothing to say to these people.
They're just kind of sitting there and in my own head now I'm
thinking, OK, at which age is that going to be me?
At which point do I think my brain will shut off and I'm not
going to be worth talking to anymore?
I don't think that at all. So why are we look like when you
(45:40):
think about your own thoughts and your own brain, like, are
you really going to get to a point, well, you're not worth
talking to and not worth listening to?
And I don't think that. And I don't think you think
that. And I don't think most people
think that. They just think, yeah, my
thoughts are important. I don't know why.
When you look at older people, we've all decided, you know,
(46:00):
you're kind of just done. I don't want to be done yet.
And I don't think anyone's done.And I love when I see older
people like me in the classes. I love it.
I'm like, OK, there's other people here who are doing this
for the first time too, like people doing stand up or doing
comedy or doing anything for thefirst time.
(46:20):
I find it really exciting and inspiring and kind of comforting
going, OK, I don't have to stop learning new stuff just because
I'm 55. My voice is valid, my work is
valid. You know, I just think there's a
lot to say. And I think as women, we kind of
have to push a little bit more to get in there to say what we
(46:42):
need to say. Yeah, yeah, You know, you saying
too, that I don't know, you know, how we got to where you or
what age you, you look at somebody who is older and you
don't care what they have to say.
You're just like, you know, they're just sitting there.
And that's heartbreaking to hearbecause like he's, you know, at
one point we will get to that age and hopefully the the ones
(47:05):
in our lives won't respond that way or we're doing all this,
this work to just like help people and tell people to
realize, you know, there's othercultures that the elders are
highly. Respected.
And esteemed. And so I guess in, in our North
American neck of the woods, it'sit's not as much the case, which
is very, very sad. But you know, I appreciate you
(47:27):
being honest too, of just stating like, yeah, turning 55
was hard. But to realize that what your
friend said to you when you got the the extra degree or
certification of you could be 35and have it or not, or you could
be 60 and riding your pilot or or not, you know, just doing all
these different things or or notbe doing it.
(47:49):
And I had somebody say that I had a guest previously who kind
of shared the same thing of something very similar of just,
you know, I could be pursuing this or just going to the grave
and that just be the end of it. Like we never know when the end
is. And that's also what I've been
thinking about is when is the end right?
(48:10):
Like I feel like obviously I'm getting closer to it.
We're all getting closer to it. But you, it could be tomorrow
and it could be in 40 years. And I don't like not knowing
stuff. I like control and there's no
control. And as I get older, I'm learning
more and more about how little control I have.
So I kind of like taking a classor learning something new or,
you know, to keep a little bit of control about what I'm doing.
(48:34):
Yeah, it's hard. It's I find it really tricky
these days, like for myself to go, OK, 55.
Like to me that's like this big huge number, more than 50, like
50 didn't bother me one bit. And not, it's not that this
bothers me. It's like this realization that
there's an end eventually. And how do I want to end it?
(48:54):
How do I want to get to the end of this?
Do I want to be that person who's trying new things and is
being brave and whatever, or do I want to hide under the covers?
Mostly I want to hide under the covers, but you have to kind of
do fun stuff. I keep saying to my husband, I
want to do more fun stuff because eventually we'll it'll
end. Yeah, you know, Absolutely.
(49:16):
Yeah, and you want to enjoy this.
And then also something good thing too, of if if people
younger are viewing people that are older, like, oh, there's
nothing left, then they're goingto continue to have that
mindset. But then if they're seeing
people like you or others who are still doing the things that
they want and they're not letting their that number get to
them, then they can realize, oh,I can look forward.
(49:37):
To it, I like that a lot and I'mvery open about my age, which
may be why I'm not getting afterwork because I, I can go out for
like 35 to 45 year old roles. But I do tell people I'm 55.
Like I don't lie about my age and a lot of actors do.
And I've been told not to be open about my age.
I don't like that. I've been told a doctor told me
(50:01):
recently, oh, you don't look 55.And I said to him, what I always
say, which other people say is this is what 55 looks like for
me. This is it.
I'm not doing anything fancy. Like right now I'm just wearing
lipstick. I'm not wearing makeup.
And this is just my face. I can't do anything about it.
Some of my friends who are my age look a little bit older.
(50:21):
Some of my friends look a littlebit younger.
I'm actually 55. Like, what do you want me to
say? Right?
Like I was born in 1970. Here's my thing, like, and I
like when I go on stage, like when I'm doing an improv class
or whatever and I'm on stage with people in their 20s and on
stage, we are equals on stage. We're together, we got to help
each other, we're A-Team, blah, blah, blah.
(50:41):
It's great. They can't look at me like,
what's this old woman doing here?
Like we got to help each other. So I just think I love that
you're doing this podcast. I love listening to your
podcast. I just think it's so inspiring.
I think having these voices is so important.
(51:01):
And I think if someone's like kind of wondering like, should I
take this class or should I do this thing that I've never done
or should I go on a vacation by myself?
Oh my God, just do it. You have to do it because you
won't regret not you won't regret doing it.
It might not be the thing that you thought it would be, but you
won't regret doing it. Right, Yeah.
(51:23):
You won't look back and say, oh man, I wish I didn't take that.
Trip, right, You might go, Oh yeah.
I decide, oh, I don't think I dolike vacationing alone.
Like if you've always wondered, right, you, you might go, Well,
I did it and I've learned, no, I'd rather have company.
Whatever. It's just I think it's so
important that we talk about this stuff and that we talk
together. And I just love that you have
this podcast. Well, thank you, Carrie.
(51:44):
I appreciate that. You kind of probably just
answered my last question, but I'm going to ask it anyway
because it's the question I ask everybody.
So if you could encourage one woman who does feel blocked or
limited to pursue whatever the dream is or the goal based on
her age or life circumstance, what would you say to her?
I would say imagine not having done that thing and picture
(52:05):
yourself in two years. So let's say you're 68 years old
now and you have this major thing you want to do or this
minor thing you want to do and you're it's really, you don't
think ready to do it. And in two years you're blowing
up the candles on your 70th birthday and you didn't do it,
whereas you could do it right now.
Go sign up for the thing. Go even if you go to one class
(52:27):
and you hate it, fine. Even if you do a stand up
routine and bomb, no one's goingto die.
Who cares? Like I think that's a lot of it
too, is realizing not everythingis as serious as we think it is.
I was like, Oh my God, what if you bomb on stage?
So what do I care? Do I know these people?
Like in my 20s that would have probably devastated me, but now
I'm like, eh, you know what? It's embarrassing for 5 minutes
(52:50):
and then you get over it. Like as you get older, you're
like, think not everything is a life and death situation.
Just try, like just try. Do it.
Do it because you're going to end up two years older anyway.
That's what I would say. I like it, I love it.
Carrie, tell us where we could find you and anything you want
(53:11):
to plug. I am at Carrie under score Haim
Haim under score actor under score writer.
I lost my Instagram 1 so Carrie Haim actor writer on Instagram
on some of the other socials as well.
Nothing major to plug if you're in the Toronto area.
I periodically do some shows here and there so you can always
(53:33):
Google and see where I end up. Awesome.
Well, Carrie, thank you so much for taking the time.
I really just appreciate your honesty and just sharing your
story as well. So thank you for joining me
today on the More Than Your Age podcast.
Thank you for having me. Absolutely.
If you were encouraged by today's episode, like and
(53:53):
subscribe to this podcast, leavea review and share this episode
with a friend. You can find me on all of the
socials at. More than your age.
Keep striving for your goals, live fully, and we'll catch you
next time on the More Than Your Age podcast.
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