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May 9, 2025 13 mins

Mother’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of the superheroes we call Mom — but far too often, it ends in disappointment, unmet expectations, and what Hannah Keeley, America's #1 Mom Coach likes to call “Mother’s Day Remorse.” Hannah provides practical steps and the mindset necessary to skip the remorse and step into joy, connection, and fulfillment this year to help you self-curate your Mother's Day celebration.

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Episode Transcript

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S1 (00:03):
So, Tom, I didn't realize this, but Hannah Kiely writes
that the Mother's Day is supposed to be a celebration
of the superheroes that we call mom. Far too often
it ends in disappointment, unmet expectations, and what Hannah likes
to call Mother's Day remorse. So we got to jump
into this.

S2 (00:21):
We got to ask her because she is joining us
right now. Hannah, what exactly are you talking about here
this Mother's Day? Remorse. And what do we need to
do about it?

S3 (00:29):
Well, Tom, that's what happens when expectations are not met.
And it happens a lot of times in motherhood. And
you think, okay, this is my day. I'm going to
be appreciated. And you have your concept of what that
looks like. And sadly, it almost never turns out to
be like that. And then you feel bad, you feel
frustrated at the fact that you don't feel appreciated. And

(00:53):
then on top of that, now you feel guilt, that
you feel frustrated. So it's like this whole thing. It's
always a whole thing with moms.

S1 (01:00):
Okay. All right. So those expectations can really trip us up.
We're doing a contest even this week, and I'm sure
there are some people who are thinking, well, who's going
to enter me into the contest? Right? You know.

S3 (01:13):
Absolutely. Enter yourself.

S1 (01:15):
Yeah. There you go. We tried to say that. Enter yourself.
Enjoy this. So what can what can a mom do?
You know, as she heads towards Mother's Day, how can
she keep those expectations in check and make sure that
she has a good weekend?

S3 (01:30):
Well, honestly, I don't think you have to keep the
expectations in check. I think you have to exercise a
little authority over it and self curate your day. Like
why not? I mean, if we're waiting around for people
to read our minds. I don't know about you, but
with seven kids, it still hasn't happened yet. I kind
of have to explain things. I mean, honestly, I'm going
to tell you something funny. Uh, I homeschool all my

(01:52):
seven kids, right? So guess what the art project was
the week before Mother's Day?

S4 (01:59):
Mhm.

S2 (02:00):
I'm not sure.

S3 (02:02):
Everybody's making mama a cards. Like if you you have
to get proactive instead of sitting around and complaining that
no one appreciates me. And I work so hard around
here and I don't get a break, girl, then do
something about it. Sorry, is it too early in the
morning for.

S2 (02:22):
Me all morning? I know that people through like the, the, um,
impersonation of the way that they share their feelings, that
they feel the love coming through right now. Hannah.

S3 (02:33):
I hope they feel the love. That's why I'm here, baby.

S1 (02:36):
You know what? This is really important, though, because a
lot of times women are told to be. You're literally even,
I would say literally told. Or it's inferred that you
should be passive in your life. You should just be
in that receiving, um, energy that that's the feminine energy.
But you are you're turning that on its head and

(02:57):
saying it is perfectly fine to take action and to
create and curate what you need. And that is good.

S3 (03:05):
Right? Absolutely. And you're right about the female energy. The
female energy is a receptive. It's a pull energy. But
the problem is, women aren't specific about what they're pulling
into their lives. And now they're pulling in things that
are that just create more disappointment and despair. Instead of deciding,
you know what, I am worthy not because of my performance,

(03:27):
but because of just being me. And I think that's
a problem. Moms are like, I need to be a
perfect mom in order for me to feel worthy and appreciated.
I don't know about you. I have been a mom
coach for decades. I haven't come across that woman. I mean,
maybe she's out there, but I don't know where the
perfect mom is. But we can all be perfected. That's

(03:47):
what the Bible says. Be perfected. It means we're always growing.
And so have mercy with yourself. Have compassion and decide.
You know what? I am worthy because I. I show
up and I can show up for me today.

S2 (04:00):
This is mornings with Tom and Tom be working our
way towards Mother's Day. It's always good to have America's
number one mom coach in preparation for Mother's Day. Hannah
Keeley is Kiely is our guest this morning.

S1 (04:11):
And hey, just want to say, if you're listening and
you're thinking, oh, I would love to ask her a
question about my situation, you can go ahead and do that.
423629 8900. We'll keep a look out and present those questions, um,
to Hannah before she leaves us this morning. And Hannah,
you have been talking to us about those expectations that

(04:32):
sometimes our unfulfilled. But the fact that moms can do
something about it. So how do they begin to curate
their day?

S3 (04:41):
Well, first of all, decide what you want your dream
day to be without holding responsibility that you need to
show up a certain way. So, for example, if you
want to just go to a movie by yourself girl,
then then get on Fandango and buy that ticket like
you can get to do this. So design your dream
day and then clearly communicate it to everyone who's involved.

(05:03):
So for example, if you want breakfast in bed, don't
like put out the brain waves and think they're going
to pick up on it, say, okay, here's what I want.
You're going to make me breakfast. And I even bought
the pancake mix. And here's the chocolate chips. And you
guys can do this and and let people express their
love for you. The problem is, we don't read each

(05:25):
other's language all the time. And so kids do appreciate you,
but they don't know how. It's like, oh yeah, that's right.
Happy Mother's day. Hey, mom. Thanks. Like, they they just
don't understand. And so however you want to have that
day experience that day, do that for you. Design it.
Do you want to go out shopping. Do you want
to spend it with your own mom? Do you want
to spend it with some friends? Your sister? Do you

(05:45):
want to go out to dinner? What do you want
to do? And then take action? Communicate that.

S2 (05:50):
Okay, so let me ask you this. You've made that decision.
All right. Here's here's what I want it to look like.
And then then how do you I'll just say make
it happen. Do you have to like, step by step
it for people around you? Kind of, uh, what we
call here in radio. Bad timing to get to where
we need to be at a certain time. Is it
sort of reverse engineering it? So this and this and
this needs to be in place. So making sure that

(06:11):
it's set for you.

S3 (06:13):
Yeah. But don't make it work. Like that's just it.
Don't make it work for yourself. Because then you're. You
could even be disappointed in yourself. Moms are really notorious
for being disappointed. So it might be kids. This is
this is what I want to do for Mother's Day.
And then give them the step by step directions if
they need it. But I mean, you know, it depends

(06:35):
on age and and kind of ability of your children,
of course. But yeah, just just make sure you take
action with this and you can just design it. Design
your dream day. If you just want to go out shopping,
do it.

S2 (06:46):
Yeah. And thank you so much for putting age on
it because. Right, I'm 62, so I think I get
three more years of this of knowing exactly what I'm
supposed to do moving into this.

S1 (06:55):
Hey, okay. So I, I'm a lot like you what
you're talking about, Hannah. Like, I will tell people, hey,
this is my suggestion for what you can give me
for my birthday. I just sent out an email to
my family.

S3 (07:08):
Actually, here's the.

S1 (07:09):
Link to.

S3 (07:09):
My Amazon wishlist.

S1 (07:11):
Yes I did, I was like, this is my wish list.

S2 (07:14):
I love it until February. I think that that's what's
funny about it.

S1 (07:18):
So they could be ready, you know, and like, hey,
I love this. Can somebody do this? Okay. So I'm
that way. It doesn't bother me. It probably bothers them.
But what do you what do you say to that
woman that feels it's rude to do something like that
or or, you know, okay, here's what that woman's thinking.

S3 (07:33):
Here's what that woman is thinking. I'm going to climb
in her head right now. Here's what she's thinking. I
just want them to express appreciation for once. I don't
want to have to tell them. Tell them to appreciate me.
All right, get over it. I'm sorry, but they don't know.
And you waiting around to be appreciated is not really

(07:54):
taking action and declaring your own worth. You get to
decide this. And yes, it would be lovely if everyone
liked threw flowers at you and sang praises and and
danced around you all day long. Actually, that would be heinous.
But but let's.

S1 (08:09):
Dance for.

S3 (08:09):
Real. No one's going to read your mind, and everyone
has a different way of expressing gratitude. So be clear
about this and then you're not going to deal with
remorse at the end of the day.

S2 (08:20):
Mother's day is right around the corner. Hannah Kiely, America's
number one mom coach, is here with us, and we're
learning a little bit about Mother's Day. Mother's day remorse,
which is a phrase that we've never really heard before.
But you maybe you've experienced that and we've asked you
to share some stories and maybe some questions for Hannah.

S1 (08:38):
Yeah. So Hannah, one of our listeners, really has an
interesting situation that she's going through. She has a child
that's special needs. And so, um, she never knows what
day it is. Or and holidays mean nothing to her child.
So she doesn't she doesn't know how to recognize, you know,
Mother's Day. Um, so generally, this person doesn't get anything

(09:01):
for Mother's Day. Um, especially since her husband has passed away.
Her mom has also passed away. Um, so she does
try to make it about her mother's in laws or
other women in her life, but but she, you know, basically,
there's no one to celebrate her. And so she's.

S3 (09:19):
Thinking about this hard situation. And one thing I see
with moms of special needs is they are so in
the serve mentality they have to be. I mean, for survival,
they have to be constantly on call that it's hard
to to change gears. You know, you're always thinking serve, serve, serve.
And so even around the holidays, here's this precious woman thinking, okay,

(09:43):
I need to now serve in some capacity. So let
me appreciate my mother in law. And so when when
this happens, we forget that we get to appreciate ourselves.
We do have that opportunity. So this may be a
great opportunity. And it could be very unfamiliar. Sometimes unfamiliar
things are scary to do. And so it might feel unfamiliar.

(10:04):
But what if, um, you know, if your daughter needs care,
then bring someone in and give yourself a day where
you can just breathe and not have any responsibility. And
it would feel so strange for a lot of moms
with special needs. It feels really strange to just take
time for themselves because you're always thinking like, it's like

(10:24):
you're in this subconscious fight or flight. I gotta be somewhere.
I gotta do something. But learn to just breathe and
enjoy the presence of God. Just if it's. I want
to just go out to target or I want to.
I want to take myself out to lunch. Give yourself
that freedom and just experience it. You might realize that
this is what you've been eating all along.

S1 (10:46):
Wow. I love that. Um. And I love how. Because again,
in the church, that's always the answer. Well, serve someone else,
you know? Yeah. Um, but you're actually to give yourself
permission to do what you want every. Write it all down,
enjoy it, curate it. Maybe a weekend away, maybe a
weekend at the spa that you make for yourself. Maybe

(11:08):
you invite a friend with you, maybe not whatever. But
you do what you want and enjoy it and give
yourself permission to be self focused for one day out
of this year.

S3 (11:19):
Absolutely. I remember one time with one of my newsletters,
I actually drew out a permission slip and I said,
if you need this, it's already signed. Print it out.
Cut it out. I signed it. You have permission to
appreciate yourself. You do so much.

S2 (11:36):
Beautiful. Hannah Keily is our guest. We're talking about Mother's Day. And, uh,
you had listed just something here for us. And this
really piqued my curiosity about Mother's Day. Because there's so
many moms in your life trying to figure out, well,
I would like this, but I've got my mom and
my mother in law and. And, well. Oh, my sister
in law, she's a mom. And, you know, she's trying
to figure out how to do this. And it's just like,

(11:57):
figure out who's participating in the day and what. So
there's permission in that as well, right?

S3 (12:02):
Yeah. And, you know, there's this crazy thing you can
actually buy cards in mass.

S2 (12:09):
I've never heard of that.

S3 (12:10):
Just go to the store, get all the cards, send
them out. You're good. We always think that. Here's the.
If I could sum up the mom brain in one sentence,
it's this. I'm not enough.

S1 (12:21):
Mhm.

S3 (12:22):
So whenever these holidays come around, we're always thinking I
got to do more. I got to do more, I
got to do more. No you don't. You actually can
do enough. And only you can define what that is.

S1 (12:34):
This is.

S2 (12:34):
Good. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful. Uh, Hannah. Alright, so somebody's in
the middle of it right now. They're listening to you.
But the guilt brain is starting to take over. They're
hearing it, but they're having a hard time absorbing it.
You're having a cup of coffee with them right now. Um,
what would you say to them to help them absorb
this truth?

S3 (12:52):
Okay. I don't know if you're. Are you ready for this?
Are you ready for this truth? Alright.

S1 (12:56):
I'm talking to handle the truth.

S5 (12:58):
I can't handle. You can handle this.

S3 (13:00):
I have faith in you. Okay. With my clients, with moms.
This is what I tell them. Guilt is optional. You
can opt in or opt out. It's optional. And so
hold this idea. I'm feeling guilty, but I'm actually manifesting this.
I'm creating this only because I don't feel worthy. So
what would happen if you just decided to opt out

(13:23):
of guilt? Think about the freedom. Think about the joy.
And guess what? When you opt out of guilt, you
show up as a better mom.
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