November 26, 2025 • 25 mins
The holidays can be magical — but if you’re trying to conceive, they can also feel incredibly heavy. Between family gatherings, triggering comments, pregnancy announcements, disrupted routines, and the emotional weight of longing for a baby, this season brings unique challenges that often go unspoken.
In today’s solo episode, Jacqueline shares a supportive and practical guide for navigating the holiday season while TTC. You’ll learn how to protect your emotional well-being, set healthy boundaries, handle difficult conversations, and understand the real impact stress and travel can have on your cycle. (Spoiler: it’s less than you think!)
Whether you’re heading into Thanksgiving, preparing for December festivities, or simply trying to stay grounded, this episode offers comfort, clarity, and actionable tools to help you move through the holidays with more compassion for yourself.
In this episode, we cover:
✨ Why the holidays often feel harder when you’re TTC
✨ Emotional triggers and how to prepare for them
✨ Simple scripts for handling intrusive questions
✨ Boundaries that protect your peace during gatherings
✨ What holiday stress actually does to your hormones + cycle
✨ How travel, sleep disruption, and routine changes impact fertility
✨ Small, supportive habits you can use all season long
✨ A grounding message for anyone feeling overwhelmed
You deserve support — especially during the holidays.
If you need a community that understands the emotional, physical, and mental weight of TTC, join Your Fertility Village as a Founding Member (for only $7/mo thru 2025) here:
https://your-fertility-village.mn.co/landing
Take a deep breath… you’re not alone this season. 💛
Listen now for a mix of validation, science, and big-sister-energy support to carry you through the holidays.
__________________________________________________________________________________
💛 You don’t have to do this alone. Join Your Fertility Village — a safe, supportive community for women on their fertility journey. 🌻__________________________________________________________________________________
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see
the highlight reel version ofmotherhood?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
Welcome to the MotherhoodIntended podcast.
I'm your host, Jacqueline Baird,and I'm a passionate mom here to
support women like you in theirunique journeys to and through
motherhood.
I have been through it all.
We're gonna be talking aboutthings like trying to conceive,
(00:22):
infertility, IVF, surrogacy, momlife, and more.
It's time to get real about whatit takes to be a mom and come
together in the fact that thingsdon't always go as planned.
So here we go.
Hey friend, it's Jaclyn.
Welcome back to MotherhoodIntended.
I'm so glad you pressed playtoday, especially in the middle
of a week that can feelcomplicated.
(00:44):
You know, the holidays aregearing up.
This past weekend, um, myhusband and I hosted
Friendsgiving at our house,which was so much fun.
We had, let's see, I think wehad like nine adults and seven
kids over, and it was a lot offun.
It was a little loud because allthe kids are like age seven and
under with a few toddlers in themix.
Um, but it was a lot of fun.
(01:07):
And even in the midst of fun, Icouldn't help but notice that
the topic of IVF or familyplanning or talking about how
families were complete, youknow, all these things came up.
I heard in one conversation oranother throughout the night,
whether it was with the women orthe men.
So this topic it comes up a lot,I feel like at the end of the
(01:29):
year and around holidays aseveryone's talking about the new
year and just thinking aboutwhat your goals are.
And unfortunately, that meansthat others are probably going
to ask about your family plansas well.
And I don't know about you, butThanksgiving week kind of always
brings up a mix of emotions.
You know, there's theexcitement, the family, the
(01:51):
traditions.
And then if you're trying toconceive, there's the other
layer, you know, the hard stuff,the quiet stuff, the moments you
prepare for in your head beforeyou walk into a room full of
aunts and uncles and cousins andwhoever.
So today's episode is all aboutholding space for you, your
feelings, your boundaries, andyes, even the science behind how
(02:13):
stress and travel impact yourcycle.
Consider this your Thanksgivingsurvival guide, a blend of
emotional support and practicalreassurance for navigating
everything from Aunt Linda'squestions to a sleep schedule
that's already out the window.
So we're gonna get intotriggers, scripts, holiday
stress, cycle timing, all of it.
(02:34):
So take a deep breath, grab awarm drink, and let's walk into
this holiday week together.
First, I want to start withsomething important.
If Thanksgiving week feelsheavier for you this year,
there's nothing wrong with you.
Okay?
Holidays tend to magnifywhatever we're already carrying.
If you're grieving a loss,longing for a baby, feeling
(02:55):
stuck in the waiting, theholidays act like a bright
spotlight on it.
Everyone posts their big familyannouncements, everyone talks
about their kids at the table,there's matching pajamas and
holiday cards arriving in themail.
And for a lot of peoplelistening, it's beautiful, but
also incredibly painful.
I absolutely remember certainholidays where I truly had to
(03:19):
mentally like rehearse how Iwould respond to questions
before I even left the house.
You know, there were the yearswhere I longed to be a mom and
gifting things for my nieces andnephews and getting all the
holiday cards with pregnancyannouncements was just too much
to bear sometimes.
I mean, there were some holidayseasons in there where I just
(03:39):
took myself off social mediabecause I just couldn't see it
anymore.
It was too painful for myself.
And like I said, there wereyears where I'd have to like
prepare myself to walk in to seefamily members I haven't seen in
a while and just like rehearsewhat I wanted to say.
And then there were years Iwalked into Thanksgiving feeling
really hopeful.
And then years where I walked inafter a loss, feeling absolutely
(04:02):
shattered.
One year I remember takingpictures before holiday season
or announcement photos.
I remember just kind of likeholding my breath and saying,
okay, don't get ahead ofyourself.
Don't get excited.
Honestly, the emotionalgymnastics of it all is
exhausting and it's allheightened during the holiday
(04:24):
season.
And then there are the comments.
You know, even when people meanwell, they'll be like, So when
are you two going to have kids?
Or you'd better start tryingsoon.
Or even for those who have hadchildren and maybe with the help
of fertility treatments, IVF,whatever it is, people will
still go on and ask you, oh mygosh, are you when are they
(04:46):
gonna have a sibling?
I kid you not, even after peopleknowing my whole history of
three losses, IVF, complicatedpregnancies, and having my
daughter via surrogacy, I stillhave people ask me, so are you
guys done or do you think youwant one more?
What a loaded question.
(05:07):
Am I right?
First off, not even for her toask.
Second of all, you have no ideahow hard it was for every single
one of my children to be here.
And honestly, it just goes toshow that people don't know a
lot about surrogacy because thatis a big undertaking, especially
financially.
So, yeah, would I love to haveanother child?
Yes.
Is that feasible?
(05:28):
No.
People mean well, they really,really do.
But the questions, oh, it canland differently when you are in
the thick of trying to conceivebefore IVF, after losses, after
months of nothing working.
It's like everyone else isplaying a holiday movie on a
screen and you're watching itfrom the outside.
And if that's you this year, Isee you.
(05:48):
And today's episode is here tomake this week even just
slightly easier.
That's my goal for you.
So let's get practical for aminute.
Because honestly, no matter howemotionally prepared you are,
there's always going to be thatperson, the one who asks
something insensitive withoutrealizing the impact.
So here are a few gentle, easyresponses you can use.
(06:09):
So if someone asks, so when areyou having kids?
Here are some ways to respond.
One, we're focusing on ourhealth and enjoying the season
we're in.
We'll share when there'ssomething to share.
Or on a firmer boundary, that'sactually something we're keeping
private.
Don't be afraid to just shut itdown.
Okay.
You don't have to have theseconversations if you don't want
(06:31):
to.
And I will tell you fromexperience, there were holidays
where I needed to talk about it.
I needed that off my shoulders.
I wanted people to know what Iwas going through in that season
of life.
And I wanted the support.
And obviously, it depends whatkind of company you're in and
what your comfortability is withthat.
(06:52):
But there were years where Ireally did need to talk about it
and I needed those around me toknow where I was at.
And then there were years whereI was so incredibly exhausted
and just wanted to have oneholiday and one afternoon
without being bogged down by thethoughts of infertility and all
the dreams I was uncertain wouldcome true.
(07:13):
If somebody makes a commentabout your biological clock,
first of all, rude.
But here's a response.
You can say, There's morehappening behind the scenes than
you know, and we're moving atour own pace.
Because you know there's alwaysthat aunt or that grandma or
somebody who says, Well, youknow, time's a ticking.
(07:33):
So rude.
So rude.
Again, they usually mean well,but like, ugh.
So if someone announces apregnancy and you feel that
sting, because chances are itcould happen.
And while some friends andfamily members are aware of
maybe your circumstance andmight be sensitive to how they
(07:55):
announce, or maybe they, youknow, I've had friends announce
to other friends privatelybefore being public about their
news.
That could be one scenario.
But also if you're keepingeverything kind of close to you,
which is perfectly fine, someoneelse might announce their good
news and you're gonna feel thatsting.
And it's not their fault.
It's just where you're at andhow it's gonna feel to hear it.
(08:18):
It's okay to like take a stepoutside, take a breath, or leave
early.
You know, a simple, I'm reallyhappy for you and I need a
moment to process, I'll be back.
That's enough.
You don't have to cause a scene,you don't have to pretend to be
any kind of way.
It is perfectly fine to take aminute and process and come back
(08:39):
to it, or leave early if it'struly affecting you to the point
where you're just not feelingbeing around everybody.
And if you're not feeling up fora big gathering this year, you
are allowed to say, you know,we're keeping it low-key this
holiday, but sending all ourlove.
Okay.
You don't owe anyone the reason.
You don't have to go explainingyour why, like you're in the
(09:01):
middle of IVF or you're just notfeeling being around all the
children in your family thisyear.
Like whatever it is, you don'towe anyone the reason.
You're going through a lot andyou are allowed to do what feels
best for you.
If you decide to go to thefamily gathering, the
Thanksgiving dinner, and youneed an escape during the event,
(09:22):
try like a planned break.
All right.
Tell your partner ahead of time,say, like, hey, if I squeeze
your arm twice, that means Ineed a quick breather.
Or have a phrase you can uselike, I'm gonna go help in the
kitchen.
Even if you just go sit in thebathroom for a moment of peace.
My husband and I have startedusing, based on the
recommendation of our therapist,um, like a code word for when
(09:44):
either of us are overwhelmed orwhen we need to table a
conversation.
If it's getting heated and weneed to pause, we just throw out
the code word and we both kindof know where we're at and we
circle back.
Give that a try too.
A phrase, a code word, just alittle squeeze of your partner's
arm.
Just let them know that like youneed a quick breather and
they've got your back.
(10:05):
This one is really importantbecause I didn't always do this
and I've learned that this isokay.
Okay.
You have permission, you'rehearing it here today.
You have permission to stepback.
Meaning you don't have to showup as the happy holiday person
if that's like not where you'reat emotionally.
You can show up as the real you,the I'm doing my best, but this
(10:28):
is hard version of you.
And by the way, none of thismeans like you aren't grateful.
As I've said it a million times,grief and gratitude can
absolutely coexist.
They do so for many of us.
I mean, you can be very gratefulfor the family that you have and
to have people to spend theholidays with and thankful for
other things in your life, butalso grieve what you don't have
(10:51):
yet.
Kids of growing family, apartner, like whatever it is,
you can be grateful and feelgratitude at the same time and
also be managing grief and allthe things.
Okay.
So take it from me.
Don't feel like you need to showup as a fake version of
yourself.
Like it's fine, everything'sfine.
I'm happy.
It's Christmas.
I have to be happy because it'sChristmas.
(11:12):
It's Thanksgiving.
Like, I'm so thankful.
Don't waste your energy.
Okay.
You're human.
You are allowed to be theversion that is just doing their
best, but it's hard.
And that's okay.
Shifting gears a bit, let's talkabout the physical side of this
week.
Obviously, there's a lot ofemotional things that will come
(11:32):
up around the holidays, like wejust talked about.
There's family members,conversations we need to
navigate, emotions we need to bein tune with, but there's also
kind of this whole physical sideof stress, travel, your cycle.
So I want to talk about whatactually matters.
There's so much fear aroundholiday stress, messing up our
(11:53):
cycles, or delaying ovulation,or ruining timed intercourse,
right?
I know those of you listeningout there can understand the
pressure of timed intercourse,right?
You know you are ovulating andyou just happen to have to be at
Aunt Susie's Thanksgivingdinner, and you're trying to
(12:14):
cram everything all in.
And not only is it not a magicalexperience when you are often
doing timed intercourse monthafter month with no success, but
the holidays even throw a biggerwrench into the whole situation.
So let me say this clearly: stress during Thanksgiving does (12:28):
undefined
not ruin your cycle.
Okay.
Your body is a lot moreresilient than you think.
I used to worry abouteverything, absolutely
everything, when I was trying toget pregnant.
You know, like, oh my gosh, am Iworking out enough?
Am I not working out too much?
Did I eat the right way?
(12:49):
Am I feeling too much anxiety?
Is my stress?
Is this medication like stressedabout absolutely everything?
And you have to know that yourbody is a lot more resilient
than you think.
I mean, think about years andyears and years of people
getting pregnant through reallydifficult times, the Great
Depression, wars, like all thesethings, and their bodies were
definitely experiencing stress.
(13:10):
Your body is a lot moreresilient than you think.
Sure, does extreme prolongedstress impact ovulation?
Yes.
But short-term stress fromtravel or just holiday chaos,
not usually.
Okay.
So here's what might shiftslightly, though.
If you're traveling across timezones, it could nudge your cycle
(13:32):
timing just a bit.
If you have major sleepdisruptions, so if you are just
constantly staying up late, notgetting enough sleep, that could
shift things slightly.
If you're not eating enough oryou're skipping meals, which is
important because I feel like itgoes one way or the other around
the holidays, right?
You're either like overeatingand overindulging and not moving
(13:52):
your body enough, or you're sobusy with all the places you're
going and things that you'redoing, you're not eating enough,
or you're skipping meals.
Getting sick, unfortunately, weall know that this time around
the holidays and being aroundmore people spreads germs.
That could affect things.
And then intense emotionalstress, like a loss or trauma.
(14:12):
That can mess up your cycle,that can mess up your body.
But here's what won't ruin yourcycle: having a late night, one
stressful family dinner, a fewdrinks, one or two days off with
your nutrition, eating stuffinginstead of your usual
fertility-friendly food or beingout of your routine.
(14:34):
Your hormones don't operate on aminute-by-minute basis.
Okay, they adjust over time.
So breathe.
One chaotic Thanksgiving week isnot going to derail your trying
to conceive journey.
So just right here, hit pause ifyou need to.
(15:18):
First off, and this is an easyone or should be in theory, but
I know I've struggled with thistoo.
Hydrate.
Okay, especially if you'retraveling or drinking.
Keep water nearby during mealsand car rides.
If you're indulging in holidaycocktails, take this tip from
me.
And this isn't even like, I'mnot trying to conceive at the
(15:38):
moment, but just with age, uh,my body is not as good at
drinking alcohol.
So I will have a cocktail andthen a water.
A cocktail and then a water.
That will help you stayhydrated.
Don't let yourself have thatsecond glass of wine until
you've had a glass of water.
Next, I want you to prioritizesleep when you can, even if it's
(15:58):
not perfect.
Okay.
An early bedtime, great.
Midday nap, also great.
Nurture yourself, take care ofyourself.
I know it's a hard time toprioritize sleep if you are busy
traveling or, you know,preparing whatever side dish you
have to bring to the holidaydinner.
But just, you know, maybe get inbed one night early this week or
(16:19):
you've got the day off work,take a nap, right?
Ugh, naps for adults are thebest.
And then aim for balancedplates.
There is absolutely no need forperfection.
Just think protein, carb, fat tokeep your blood sugar steady.
Okay, don't go heavy in onedirection or the other.
Just kind of think about thatbalance, and that is perfectly
(16:42):
great for Thanksgiving week.
And then I want to challenge youto plan one grounding ritual.
By this I mean like take a deepbreath before walking into the
gathering.
Or maybe you take a quickbathroom break to reset.
Ask your partner for a groundinghand squeeze.
Put on calming music before youdrive over somewhere.
(17:03):
Whatever is going to feel goodto you, make that your like
grounding ritual.
And that way you kind of can setthe tone for your body and
regulate your emotions and beprepared for what you're about
to do.
That deep breath before walkinginto a gathering can do wonders.
This is one that I always gavemyself a hard time with,
(17:24):
especially over the holidays.
I want you to give yourselfgrace with alcohol.
Okay.
We limit ourselves to so manyspecific guidelines when we are
trying to conceive, especiallywhen it's not working.
You know, when months go by oryou're in the middle of
fertility treatments, an IVFcycle, whatever it is.
(17:45):
If you're like me, you aretrying to do every single thing
right to give yourself the bestchance of success.
Sometimes you just need to dowhat feels right, and it will
actually have a better impact onyour overall health if you are
not just totally stressed outand anxiety ridden with all the
things you should or should notbe doing.
(18:07):
Sometimes you just got to careless.
So one or two drinks during theholidays is not harmful to
fertility unless you're in avery like specific medical
window, thinking like rightafter a retrieval or it is your
transfer week, or there's likespecific medication
instructions.
Those scenarios are different,but for the person who is just
(18:28):
trying to conceive or not inlike a very specific medical
window in your cycle, like oneor two drinks during the
holidays is definitely notharmful to your fertility.
This next one, I want you tohave an exit plan.
Okay.
AirPods in your pocket plus awalk outside equals your
lifeline if you're like me.
Sometimes a quick walk aroundthe block when things are
(18:51):
feeling overwhelming or theThanksgiving gathering is
feeling a little stuffy or highemotions if you are having
conversations that you weren'tready for.
Just have an exit plan and takea walk.
Okay.
Bring your AirPods, get outsidefor some fresh air.
It'll work wonders.
Lastly, I want you to stayconnected to your why this week.
(19:13):
This week and going into theother holidays, Christmas,
whatever you celebrate throughthe end of the year.
There's lots going on.
I want you to stay connected toyour why.
When the noise gets loud, likecomments, announcements,
emotions, remember, your journeyis unfolding on your timeline.
Your story is still beingwritten.
(19:34):
This season is definitely notyour forever.
Okay.
It will feel like it when you'rein the thick of it.
Uh, so many Thanksgivings Ispent just with a big question
mark on my heart of wondering ifit's ever going to happen for
me.
Will I ever be a mom?
Will I ever carry a pregnancy toterm?
(19:54):
Will I ever get pregnant again?
Will surrogacy work out for us?
I there were so many emotions.
And mixed in with those emotionsas we grew our family was also,
wow, I'm so thankful that thischild is here while pregnant,
you know, with a high-riskpregnancy with another.
Wow, I'm so incredibly thankfulfor IVF and science and our
(20:17):
faith that I have two boys hereon earth.
Will I ever have a daughter?
Will I ever have another childon earth?
The emotions that crossed overfor many, many years were a lot.
They can be really heavy.
But if I could go back and tellmyself, I would say just what
I'm telling you.
Your journey is unfolding onyour timeline.
(20:38):
Your story is still beingwritten.
This season is not your forever.
And I promise you that theholidays will hit different one
day.
I don't know what your journeyhas in store for you.
I don't know how your story isgoing to unfold, but I do know
that you will not feel the wayyou feel this holiday season
forever.
And that's for everyone, whetheryour family is complete, whether
(20:59):
you've started a family, whetheryou're still building your
family, whatever it is, everyyear looks different.
There's always going to bedifferent emotions.
So this season is not yourforever.
Remember that.
As I wrap up this episode, Iwant to leave you with this.
Thanksgiving doesn't have to beall gratitude and joy.
It can be complicated, like Isaid.
(21:19):
It can be tender, it can bepainful and hopeful at the same
time.
And if this week feels heavy,you're allowed to let it be
heavy.
You're allowed to protect yourpeace.
You are allowed to setboundaries, and you're allowed
to receive support.
You're not doing this alone.
And if you need a place wherepeople truly get what this feels
like, your fertility village ishere for you.
(21:42):
It's a space where you don'thave to explain yourself, a
space where the emotional,physical, and mental pieces of
trying to conceive are allwelcomed.
And right now, we're welcomingfounding members of your
fertility village.
From now until the end of theyear, everyone who joins your
fertility village gets afounding member badge and we'll
be on the ground floor ofbuilding this community and
(22:04):
setting the tone for what it isgoing to be.
I'm so excited.
I'm definitely in there leadingthe way.
But the village is made up ofwomen like you, women who can
tell each other what they need,who can be open and honest about
what they're experiencing.
And most importantly, connectwith other women who get it.
In your fertility village, youwill have your own app where you
(22:26):
can connect with people who areeven physically nearby you.
You can make a new friend.
You can reach out withquestions.
And most importantly, thevillage is full of a whole
resource library of alldifferent things to help you on
your journey.
As a founding member, you getthis membership for only$7 a
month.
I don't know if you're like me,but I spend at least$7 a day,
(22:49):
definitely a week, on Starbucks.
So give up that one coffee, giveup a couple coffees, and you
could have access to your ownfertility village.
People say this all the time.
It takes a village to raisekids.
As a mom now, I definitelyunderstand that is true.
It takes a village to raisekids.
But I learned about theimportance of a village long
(23:11):
before I became a mom.
And sadly, that village justdidn't exist.
Sure, there are message boardsand Facebook groups and
information overload everywherewhen it comes to infertility,
but a true village who is therefor you, just like someone would
be there for you in motherhood,that's what's missing.
And that's what I want to do foryou with your fertility village.
(23:34):
This will be your place to carryyou through an infertility
journey, to carry you throughthe family-building experience,
no matter which road you take.
And you know what?
Your village isn't goinganywhere after that.
Because in your fertilityvillage, this community will
grow with you.
So once you get that positivepregnancy test, once you bring a
baby home, once your family'scomplete, you will still have
(23:57):
the village that is in the sameseason of life as you.
(24:21):
And so your fertility villagewill be that community for you
through every step of the wayfrom just starting to conceive
long past achieving motherhood.
So join me in the village as afounding member.
The best part is that you lockin that$7 a month membership for
life.
Come the new year, the pricewill increase.
(24:42):
And honestly, locking in thatfor life is amazing because the
resources will continue to grow,the community will continue to
grow.
We have things on the horizonlike a nonprofit organization to
raise money for FertilityVillage members.
We have events planned, futuremeetups, webinars, so many
amazing things coming your way.
(25:02):
So get in on the ground floornow because your membership
price will never increase if youjoin before the end of the year.
Everything is linked in the shownotes, so check there.
You can also send me an email,hello at motherhoodintended.com,
send me a DM on Instagram atmotherhood underscore intended,
and I'm happy to send you adirect link to invite you
(25:22):
straight into the village.
I would love to have you there.
Wherever you are listening fromtoday, I'm sending you so much
love this holiday week.
You are strong, you are allowedto rest, and you deserve to feel
supported.
Thanks for spending this timewith me.
I'm wishing you a gentleThanksgiving week, and I'll
catch you in the next episode.
(25:43):
Until then, take care and knowthat you are not alone.
Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see
the highlight reel version ofmotherhood?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
Welcome to the MotherhoodIntended podcast.
I'm your host, Jacqueline Baird,and I'm a passionate mom here to
support women like you in theirunique journeys to and through
motherhood.
I have been through it all.
We're gonna be talking aboutthings like trying to conceive,
(00:22):
infertility, IVF, surrogacy, momlife, and more.
It's time to get real about whatit takes to be a mom and come
together in the fact that thingsdon't always go as planned.
So here we go.
Hey friend, it's Jaclyn.
Welcome back to MotherhoodIntended.
I'm so glad you pressed playtoday, especially in the middle
of a week that can feelcomplicated.
(00:44):
You know, the holidays aregearing up.
This past weekend, um, myhusband and I hosted
Friendsgiving at our house,which was so much fun.
We had, let's see, I think wehad like nine adults and seven
kids over, and it was a lot offun.
It was a little loud because allthe kids are like age seven and
under with a few toddlers in themix.
Um, but it was a lot of fun.
(01:07):
And even in the midst of fun, Icouldn't help but notice that
the topic of IVF or familyplanning or talking about how
families were complete, youknow, all these things came up.
I heard in one conversation oranother throughout the night,
whether it was with the women orthe men.
So this topic it comes up a lot,I feel like at the end of the
(01:29):
year and around holidays aseveryone's talking about the new
year and just thinking aboutwhat your goals are.
And unfortunately, that meansthat others are probably going
to ask about your family plansas well.
And I don't know about you, butThanksgiving week kind of always
brings up a mix of emotions.
You know, there's theexcitement, the family, the
(01:51):
traditions.
And then if you're trying toconceive, there's the other
layer, you know, the hard stuff,the quiet stuff, the moments you
prepare for in your head beforeyou walk into a room full of
aunts and uncles and cousins andwhoever.
So today's episode is all aboutholding space for you, your
feelings, your boundaries, andyes, even the science behind how
(02:13):
stress and travel impact yourcycle.
Consider this your Thanksgivingsurvival guide, a blend of
emotional support and practicalreassurance for navigating
everything from Aunt Linda'squestions to a sleep schedule
that's already out the window.
So we're gonna get intotriggers, scripts, holiday
stress, cycle timing, all of it.
(02:34):
So take a deep breath, grab awarm drink, and let's walk into
this holiday week together.
First, I want to start withsomething important.
If Thanksgiving week feelsheavier for you this year,
there's nothing wrong with you.
Okay?
Holidays tend to magnifywhatever we're already carrying.
If you're grieving a loss,longing for a baby, feeling
(02:55):
stuck in the waiting, theholidays act like a bright
spotlight on it.
Everyone posts their big familyannouncements, everyone talks
about their kids at the table,there's matching pajamas and
holiday cards arriving in themail.
And for a lot of peoplelistening, it's beautiful, but
also incredibly painful.
I absolutely remember certainholidays where I truly had to
(03:19):
mentally like rehearse how Iwould respond to questions
before I even left the house.
You know, there were the yearswhere I longed to be a mom and
gifting things for my nieces andnephews and getting all the
holiday cards with pregnancyannouncements was just too much
to bear sometimes.
I mean, there were some holidayseasons in there where I just
(03:39):
took myself off social mediabecause I just couldn't see it
anymore.
It was too painful for myself.
And like I said, there wereyears where I'd have to like
prepare myself to walk in to seefamily members I haven't seen in
a while and just like rehearsewhat I wanted to say.
And then there were years Iwalked into Thanksgiving feeling
really hopeful.
And then years where I walked inafter a loss, feeling absolutely
(04:02):
shattered.
One year I remember takingpictures before holiday season
or announcement photos.
I remember just kind of likeholding my breath and saying,
okay, don't get ahead ofyourself.
Don't get excited.
Honestly, the emotionalgymnastics of it all is
exhausting and it's allheightened during the holiday
(04:24):
season.
And then there are the comments.
You know, even when people meanwell, they'll be like, So when
are you two going to have kids?
Or you'd better start tryingsoon.
Or even for those who have hadchildren and maybe with the help
of fertility treatments, IVF,whatever it is, people will
still go on and ask you, oh mygosh, are you when are they
(04:46):
gonna have a sibling?
I kid you not, even after peopleknowing my whole history of
three losses, IVF, complicatedpregnancies, and having my
daughter via surrogacy, I stillhave people ask me, so are you
guys done or do you think youwant one more?
What a loaded question.
(05:07):
Am I right?
First off, not even for her toask.
Second of all, you have no ideahow hard it was for every single
one of my children to be here.
And honestly, it just goes toshow that people don't know a
lot about surrogacy because thatis a big undertaking, especially
financially.
So, yeah, would I love to haveanother child?
Yes.
Is that feasible?
(05:28):
No.
People mean well, they really,really do.
But the questions, oh, it canland differently when you are in
the thick of trying to conceivebefore IVF, after losses, after
months of nothing working.
It's like everyone else isplaying a holiday movie on a
screen and you're watching itfrom the outside.
And if that's you this year, Isee you.
(05:48):
And today's episode is here tomake this week even just
slightly easier.
That's my goal for you.
So let's get practical for aminute.
Because honestly, no matter howemotionally prepared you are,
there's always going to be thatperson, the one who asks
something insensitive withoutrealizing the impact.
So here are a few gentle, easyresponses you can use.
(06:09):
So if someone asks, so when areyou having kids?
Here are some ways to respond.
One, we're focusing on ourhealth and enjoying the season
we're in.
We'll share when there'ssomething to share.
Or on a firmer boundary, that'sactually something we're keeping
private.
Don't be afraid to just shut itdown.
Okay.
You don't have to have theseconversations if you don't want
(06:31):
to.
And I will tell you fromexperience, there were holidays
where I needed to talk about it.
I needed that off my shoulders.
I wanted people to know what Iwas going through in that season
of life.
And I wanted the support.
And obviously, it depends whatkind of company you're in and
what your comfortability is withthat.
(06:52):
But there were years where Ireally did need to talk about it
and I needed those around me toknow where I was at.
And then there were years whereI was so incredibly exhausted
and just wanted to have oneholiday and one afternoon
without being bogged down by thethoughts of infertility and all
the dreams I was uncertain wouldcome true.
(07:13):
If somebody makes a commentabout your biological clock,
first of all, rude.
But here's a response.
You can say, There's morehappening behind the scenes than
you know, and we're moving atour own pace.
Because you know there's alwaysthat aunt or that grandma or
somebody who says, Well, youknow, time's a ticking.
(07:33):
So rude.
So rude.
Again, they usually mean well,but like, ugh.
So if someone announces apregnancy and you feel that
sting, because chances are itcould happen.
And while some friends andfamily members are aware of
maybe your circumstance andmight be sensitive to how they
(07:55):
announce, or maybe they, youknow, I've had friends announce
to other friends privatelybefore being public about their
news.
That could be one scenario.
But also if you're keepingeverything kind of close to you,
which is perfectly fine, someoneelse might announce their good
news and you're gonna feel thatsting.
And it's not their fault.
It's just where you're at andhow it's gonna feel to hear it.
(08:18):
It's okay to like take a stepoutside, take a breath, or leave
early.
You know, a simple, I'm reallyhappy for you and I need a
moment to process, I'll be back.
That's enough.
You don't have to cause a scene,you don't have to pretend to be
any kind of way.
It is perfectly fine to take aminute and process and come back
(08:39):
to it, or leave early if it'struly affecting you to the point
where you're just not feelingbeing around everybody.
And if you're not feeling up fora big gathering this year, you
are allowed to say, you know,we're keeping it low-key this
holiday, but sending all ourlove.
Okay.
You don't owe anyone the reason.
You don't have to go explainingyour why, like you're in the
(09:01):
middle of IVF or you're just notfeeling being around all the
children in your family thisyear.
Like whatever it is, you don'towe anyone the reason.
You're going through a lot andyou are allowed to do what feels
best for you.
If you decide to go to thefamily gathering, the
Thanksgiving dinner, and youneed an escape during the event,
(09:22):
try like a planned break.
All right.
Tell your partner ahead of time,say, like, hey, if I squeeze
your arm twice, that means Ineed a quick breather.
Or have a phrase you can uselike, I'm gonna go help in the
kitchen.
Even if you just go sit in thebathroom for a moment of peace.
My husband and I have startedusing, based on the
recommendation of our therapist,um, like a code word for when
(09:44):
either of us are overwhelmed orwhen we need to table a
conversation.
If it's getting heated and weneed to pause, we just throw out
the code word and we both kindof know where we're at and we
circle back.
Give that a try too.
A phrase, a code word, just alittle squeeze of your partner's
arm.
Just let them know that like youneed a quick breather and
they've got your back.
(10:05):
This one is really importantbecause I didn't always do this
and I've learned that this isokay.
Okay.
You have permission, you'rehearing it here today.
You have permission to stepback.
Meaning you don't have to showup as the happy holiday person
if that's like not where you'reat emotionally.
You can show up as the real you,the I'm doing my best, but this
(10:28):
is hard version of you.
And by the way, none of thismeans like you aren't grateful.
As I've said it a million times,grief and gratitude can
absolutely coexist.
They do so for many of us.
I mean, you can be very gratefulfor the family that you have and
to have people to spend theholidays with and thankful for
other things in your life, butalso grieve what you don't have
(10:51):
yet.
Kids of growing family, apartner, like whatever it is,
you can be grateful and feelgratitude at the same time and
also be managing grief and allthe things.
Okay.
So take it from me.
Don't feel like you need to showup as a fake version of
yourself.
Like it's fine, everything'sfine.
I'm happy.
It's Christmas.
I have to be happy because it'sChristmas.
(11:12):
It's Thanksgiving.
Like, I'm so thankful.
Don't waste your energy.
Okay.
You're human.
You are allowed to be theversion that is just doing their
best, but it's hard.
And that's okay.
Shifting gears a bit, let's talkabout the physical side of this
week.
Obviously, there's a lot ofemotional things that will come
(11:32):
up around the holidays, like wejust talked about.
There's family members,conversations we need to
navigate, emotions we need to bein tune with, but there's also
kind of this whole physical sideof stress, travel, your cycle.
So I want to talk about whatactually matters.
There's so much fear aroundholiday stress, messing up our
(11:53):
cycles, or delaying ovulation,or ruining timed intercourse,
right?
I know those of you listeningout there can understand the
pressure of timed intercourse,right?
You know you are ovulating andyou just happen to have to be at
Aunt Susie's Thanksgivingdinner, and you're trying to
(12:14):
cram everything all in.
And not only is it not a magicalexperience when you are often
doing timed intercourse monthafter month with no success, but
the holidays even throw a biggerwrench into the whole situation.
So let me say this clearly: stress during Thanksgiving does (12:28):
undefined
not ruin your cycle.
Okay.
Your body is a lot moreresilient than you think.
I used to worry abouteverything, absolutely
everything, when I was trying toget pregnant.
You know, like, oh my gosh, am Iworking out enough?
Am I not working out too much?
Did I eat the right way?
(12:49):
Am I feeling too much anxiety?
Is my stress?
Is this medication like stressedabout absolutely everything?
And you have to know that yourbody is a lot more resilient
than you think.
I mean, think about years andyears and years of people
getting pregnant through reallydifficult times, the Great
Depression, wars, like all thesethings, and their bodies were
definitely experiencing stress.
(13:10):
Your body is a lot moreresilient than you think.
Sure, does extreme prolongedstress impact ovulation?
Yes.
But short-term stress fromtravel or just holiday chaos,
not usually.
Okay.
So here's what might shiftslightly, though.
If you're traveling across timezones, it could nudge your cycle
(13:32):
timing just a bit.
If you have major sleepdisruptions, so if you are just
constantly staying up late, notgetting enough sleep, that could
shift things slightly.
If you're not eating enough oryou're skipping meals, which is
important because I feel like itgoes one way or the other around
the holidays, right?
You're either like overeatingand overindulging and not moving
(13:52):
your body enough, or you're sobusy with all the places you're
going and things that you'redoing, you're not eating enough,
or you're skipping meals.
Getting sick, unfortunately, weall know that this time around
the holidays and being aroundmore people spreads germs.
That could affect things.
And then intense emotionalstress, like a loss or trauma.
(14:12):
That can mess up your cycle,that can mess up your body.
But here's what won't ruin yourcycle: having a late night, one
stressful family dinner, a fewdrinks, one or two days off with
your nutrition, eating stuffinginstead of your usual
fertility-friendly food or beingout of your routine.
(14:34):
Your hormones don't operate on aminute-by-minute basis.
Okay, they adjust over time.
So breathe.
One chaotic Thanksgiving week isnot going to derail your trying
to conceive journey.
So just right here, hit pause ifyou need to.
(15:18):
First off, and this is an easyone or should be in theory, but
I know I've struggled with thistoo.
Hydrate.
Okay, especially if you'retraveling or drinking.
Keep water nearby during mealsand car rides.
If you're indulging in holidaycocktails, take this tip from
me.
And this isn't even like, I'mnot trying to conceive at the
(15:38):
moment, but just with age, uh,my body is not as good at
drinking alcohol.
So I will have a cocktail andthen a water.
A cocktail and then a water.
That will help you stayhydrated.
Don't let yourself have thatsecond glass of wine until
you've had a glass of water.
Next, I want you to prioritizesleep when you can, even if it's
(15:58):
not perfect.
Okay.
An early bedtime, great.
Midday nap, also great.
Nurture yourself, take care ofyourself.
I know it's a hard time toprioritize sleep if you are busy
traveling or, you know,preparing whatever side dish you
have to bring to the holidaydinner.
But just, you know, maybe get inbed one night early this week or
(16:19):
you've got the day off work,take a nap, right?
Ugh, naps for adults are thebest.
And then aim for balancedplates.
There is absolutely no need forperfection.
Just think protein, carb, fat tokeep your blood sugar steady.
Okay, don't go heavy in onedirection or the other.
Just kind of think about thatbalance, and that is perfectly
(16:42):
great for Thanksgiving week.
And then I want to challenge youto plan one grounding ritual.
By this I mean like take a deepbreath before walking into the
gathering.
Or maybe you take a quickbathroom break to reset.
Ask your partner for a groundinghand squeeze.
Put on calming music before youdrive over somewhere.
(17:03):
Whatever is going to feel goodto you, make that your like
grounding ritual.
And that way you kind of can setthe tone for your body and
regulate your emotions and beprepared for what you're about
to do.
That deep breath before walkinginto a gathering can do wonders.
This is one that I always gavemyself a hard time with,
(17:24):
especially over the holidays.
I want you to give yourselfgrace with alcohol.
Okay.
We limit ourselves to so manyspecific guidelines when we are
trying to conceive, especiallywhen it's not working.
You know, when months go by oryou're in the middle of
fertility treatments, an IVFcycle, whatever it is.
(17:45):
If you're like me, you aretrying to do every single thing
right to give yourself the bestchance of success.
Sometimes you just need to dowhat feels right, and it will
actually have a better impact onyour overall health if you are
not just totally stressed outand anxiety ridden with all the
things you should or should notbe doing.
(18:07):
Sometimes you just got to careless.
So one or two drinks during theholidays is not harmful to
fertility unless you're in avery like specific medical
window, thinking like rightafter a retrieval or it is your
transfer week, or there's likespecific medication
instructions.
Those scenarios are different,but for the person who is just
(18:28):
trying to conceive or not inlike a very specific medical
window in your cycle, like oneor two drinks during the
holidays is definitely notharmful to your fertility.
This next one, I want you tohave an exit plan.
Okay.
AirPods in your pocket plus awalk outside equals your
lifeline if you're like me.
Sometimes a quick walk aroundthe block when things are
(18:51):
feeling overwhelming or theThanksgiving gathering is
feeling a little stuffy or highemotions if you are having
conversations that you weren'tready for.
Just have an exit plan and takea walk.
Okay.
Bring your AirPods, get outsidefor some fresh air.
It'll work wonders.
Lastly, I want you to stayconnected to your why this week.
(19:13):
This week and going into theother holidays, Christmas,
whatever you celebrate throughthe end of the year.
There's lots going on.
I want you to stay connected toyour why.
When the noise gets loud, likecomments, announcements,
emotions, remember, your journeyis unfolding on your timeline.
Your story is still beingwritten.
(19:34):
This season is definitely notyour forever.
Okay.
It will feel like it when you'rein the thick of it.
Uh, so many Thanksgivings Ispent just with a big question
mark on my heart of wondering ifit's ever going to happen for
me.
Will I ever be a mom?
Will I ever carry a pregnancy toterm?
(19:54):
Will I ever get pregnant again?
Will surrogacy work out for us?
I there were so many emotions.
And mixed in with those emotionsas we grew our family was also,
wow, I'm so thankful that thischild is here while pregnant,
you know, with a high-riskpregnancy with another.
Wow, I'm so incredibly thankfulfor IVF and science and our
(20:17):
faith that I have two boys hereon earth.
Will I ever have a daughter?
Will I ever have another childon earth?
The emotions that crossed overfor many, many years were a lot.
They can be really heavy.
But if I could go back and tellmyself, I would say just what
I'm telling you.
Your journey is unfolding onyour timeline.
(20:38):
Your story is still beingwritten.
This season is not your forever.
And I promise you that theholidays will hit different one
day.
I don't know what your journeyhas in store for you.
I don't know how your story isgoing to unfold, but I do know
that you will not feel the wayyou feel this holiday season
forever.
And that's for everyone, whetheryour family is complete, whether
(20:59):
you've started a family, whetheryou're still building your
family, whatever it is, everyyear looks different.
There's always going to bedifferent emotions.
So this season is not yourforever.
Remember that.
As I wrap up this episode, Iwant to leave you with this.
Thanksgiving doesn't have to beall gratitude and joy.
It can be complicated, like Isaid.
(21:19):
It can be tender, it can bepainful and hopeful at the same
time.
And if this week feels heavy,you're allowed to let it be
heavy.
You're allowed to protect yourpeace.
You are allowed to setboundaries, and you're allowed
to receive support.
You're not doing this alone.
And if you need a place wherepeople truly get what this feels
like, your fertility village ishere for you.
(21:42):
It's a space where you don'thave to explain yourself, a
space where the emotional,physical, and mental pieces of
trying to conceive are allwelcomed.
And right now, we're welcomingfounding members of your
fertility village.
From now until the end of theyear, everyone who joins your
fertility village gets afounding member badge and we'll
be on the ground floor ofbuilding this community and
(22:04):
setting the tone for what it isgoing to be.
I'm so excited.
I'm definitely in there leadingthe way.
But the village is made up ofwomen like you, women who can
tell each other what they need,who can be open and honest about
what they're experiencing.
And most importantly, connectwith other women who get it.
In your fertility village, youwill have your own app where you
(22:26):
can connect with people who areeven physically nearby you.
You can make a new friend.
You can reach out withquestions.
And most importantly, thevillage is full of a whole
resource library of alldifferent things to help you on
your journey.
As a founding member, you getthis membership for only$7 a
month.
I don't know if you're like me,but I spend at least$7 a day,
(22:49):
definitely a week, on Starbucks.
So give up that one coffee, giveup a couple coffees, and you
could have access to your ownfertility village.
People say this all the time.
It takes a village to raisekids.
As a mom now, I definitelyunderstand that is true.
It takes a village to raisekids.
But I learned about theimportance of a village long
(23:11):
before I became a mom.
And sadly, that village justdidn't exist.
Sure, there are message boardsand Facebook groups and
information overload everywherewhen it comes to infertility,
but a true village who is therefor you, just like someone would
be there for you in motherhood,that's what's missing.
And that's what I want to do foryou with your fertility village.
(23:34):
This will be your place to carryyou through an infertility
journey, to carry you throughthe family-building experience,
no matter which road you take.
And you know what?
Your village isn't goinganywhere after that.
Because in your fertilityvillage, this community will
grow with you.
So once you get that positivepregnancy test, once you bring a
baby home, once your family'scomplete, you will still have
(23:57):
the village that is in the sameseason of life as you.
(24:21):
And so your fertility villagewill be that community for you
through every step of the wayfrom just starting to conceive
long past achieving motherhood.
So join me in the village as afounding member.
The best part is that you lockin that$7 a month membership for
life.
Come the new year, the pricewill increase.
(24:42):
And honestly, locking in thatfor life is amazing because the
resources will continue to grow,the community will continue to
grow.
We have things on the horizonlike a nonprofit organization to
raise money for FertilityVillage members.
We have events planned, futuremeetups, webinars, so many
amazing things coming your way.
(25:02):
So get in on the ground floornow because your membership
price will never increase if youjoin before the end of the year.
Everything is linked in the shownotes, so check there.
You can also send me an email,hello at motherhoodintended.com,
send me a DM on Instagram atmotherhood underscore intended,
and I'm happy to send you adirect link to invite you
(25:22):
straight into the village.
I would love to have you there.
Wherever you are listening fromtoday, I'm sending you so much
love this holiday week.
You are strong, you are allowedto rest, and you deserve to feel
supported.
Thanks for spending this timewith me.
I'm wishing you a gentleThanksgiving week, and I'll
catch you in the next episode.
(25:43):
Until then, take care and knowthat you are not alone.
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