September 25, 2025 • 18 mins
Have you ever left a doctor's appointment feeling unheard, overwhelmed, or with more questions than answers? You're not alone.
Self-advocacy is a skill many of us weren't taught but desperately need, especially when navigating fertility challenges and motherhood. Jacqueline shares her personal experiences with infertility, pregnancy loss, and raising children with special needs, and how she discovered that being your own advocate isn't optional—it's essential.
In this episode you'll learn:
- Practical strategies for making your voice heard in medical settings.
- How to prepare for appointments.
- The importance of second opinions and switching providers when it's just not a good fit.
- Your body, your voice, and your story matter.
- You deserve care that sees you, hears you, and respects you. Whether you're sitting in a fertility clinic, an OB/GYN office, or a pediatrician's waiting room, this episode will empower you to advocate with confidence.
✨ Free Resource for You ✨
Want to feel more confident and prepared at your next doctor’s appointment? I created a simple, one-page tool just for you — the Doctor’s Appointment Prep Sheet.
With space to track your symptoms, jot down questions, and take notes, this free worksheet will help you walk into your appointment feeling empowered and walk out with clarity.
👉 Grab your free copy here: https://motherhoodintended.kit.com/prepsheet
Connect beyond the podcast:
- Your Village
- Facebook group
- Text
- Email: hello@motherhoodintended.com
- Support the show!
CURIOUS ABOUT SURROGACY? Help give the absolute greatest gift to deserving intended parents and learn more about becoming a surrogate (plus you can earn up to $650 just for taking the first few simple steps!): share.conceiveabilities.com/hello12
__________________________________________________________________________________
💛 You don’t have to do this alone. Join Your Fertility Village — a safe, supportive community for women on their fertility journey. 🌻__________________________________________________________________________________
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see
the highlight reel version ofmotherhood?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
Welcome to the MotherhoodIntended Podcast.
I'm your host, jacqueline Baird, and I'm a passionate mom here
to support women like you intheir unique journeys to and
through motherhood.
I have been through it all.
We're going to be talking aboutthings like trying to conceive,
(00:22):
infertility, ivf, surrogacy,mom life and more.
It's time to get real aboutwhat it takes to be a mom and
come together in the fact thatthings don't always go as
planned.
So here we go.
Hi, friends, and welcome backto Motherhood Intended.
I'm your host, jacqueline.
I hope your week is going well.
For me it's been well.
(00:44):
I'm just going to say not justfor me.
I just feel like the world isextra heavy these days for so
many reasons.
It's like I will wake up, Iwill look at my Instagram, I
will read a news article andjust feel completely deflated.
If you can relate, regardlessof your beliefs, your political
(01:04):
views, whatever it is, I thinkwe can all agree that at one
point or another, there is justheaviness in the world on all
fronts.
So much going on at all timesand obviously all the
information, whether it is trueor false, is always at our
fingertips, and it can be a lot.
It can be overwhelming, it canbe overstimulating and if you're
(01:28):
super empathetic, like I am, itcan bog you down the worries of
the world right, as if we don'thave enough on our shoulders as
women, and especially women whoare going through infertility
or women who are busy moms,we've all got a lot on our
plates, so I just hope that youknow that you're doing great
(01:49):
Deep breaths, unplug when youneed to hang in there, call a
friend, go for a walk.
Don't let the weight of theworld pull you down all the time
.
Okay, this is advice I need totake for myself, because I keep
getting sucked in to the newsand social media and it's taking
a toll on my mental health.
So I'm happy to be on the mictalking to you today, especially
(02:13):
with this topic, because it isone that is near and dear to my
heart.
It is something I kind ofalmost preach to people now,
just because live and learn.
It is something that I had tolearn to do for myself, based on
trial and error, essentially.
So if you've been on any kind offertility or motherhood journey
, you probably know howoverwhelming it can feel when
(02:35):
you're sitting across from adoctor, sometimes scared,
sometimes hopeful, sometimesexhausted, and you walk away
thinking wait a minute, minute,did they really hear me?
Like?
Did I even get my questionsanswered?
I've been there, truly.
I've been there more times thanI can count.
I've been there myself throughinfertility and different
(02:57):
medical diagnosis andunexplained things that were
going on with my health, andI've been there with my kids as
well.
I've been there with my son inthe NICU.
I've been there with my kids aswell.
I've been there with my son inthe NICU.
I've been there throughout mykid's childhood.
So far in these seven years ofparenthood, whether it was with
injuries or sensory processingor autism, adhd, hitting
(03:17):
milestones right, the one thingwith babies and toddlers is
always on our mind is thosemilestones, and I can tell you
more times than I can count thatI sit in an appointment and be
like hold on, did I actually getout of this what I need?
Did I get my questions answered?
It's more times than I cancount that I've been in this
position and one thing I'velearned, and learned the hard
(03:38):
way, is this you deserve to beyour own best advocate.
No one else will speak up foryou in the same way that you can
.
Today, I'm going to share somepractical tools and mindset
shifts that will help you feelconfident in advocating for
yourself at doctor'sappointments, when seeking
second opinions and when findingthe right care.
(04:00):
So let's start with why thiseven matters, right, why does
self advocacy matter?
So doctors are trainedprofessionals.
They've studied for years andbring expertise that we need.
But here's the truth you arethe expert on your own body.
(04:21):
I remember times when I sat inan office sharing my symptoms or
my concerns and I could tellthe doctor was just like
brushing past it or minimizingit.
Maybe they were rushed, maybethey didn't see the urgency, but
I felt it Deep down.
I knew something wasn't rightand, honestly, this began long
ago, when I was a preteen, ateenager.
I was 12 years old, 13 yearsold, actually.
(04:44):
It probably took a few moreyears than that, because my
first issue was with mymenstrual cycle.
Although at that young, youngage, when I first got my period,
I didn't know what was right,what was common, what wasn't
common.
I just thought well, this ishow it is.
I have debilitating periods.
They are heavy, they arepainful.
I can barely get through aschool day with them.
(05:05):
They were awful, let me justsay, and at that point I didn't
know to share concerns.
But as I got older, I just knewsomething wasn't right and so I
asked questions, and one of thetimes that I also remember
speaking up was when I wasn'tgetting pregnant.
I had read that for my age youknow, I was 26, that I should
(05:26):
try for a year, try for a yearand then, if I'm still not
pregnant, then I can go back tomy doctor and we can talk about
seeing a fertility specialist ormake a choice from there.
Well, I'm going to be honest, Ididn't do that.
I waited about six months,because you know what, I know my
body and I knew that justsomething was off.
(05:48):
I knew that there had to be areason why I was still not
pregnant, and you know whatthere was.
At that point I found out that Ihad a blocked fallopian tube.
I had polyps that needed to beremoved.
My thyroid was not in the rightlevel that it should be.
I was dealing withhypothyroidism and needed
medication to help deal withthis and increase my chances of
(06:10):
getting pregnant.
If I hadn't spoken up, if Ihadn't pressed for answers, I
would not have gotten the care Itruly needed.
And honestly, this comes uplater in my motherhood journey
as well, with my son.
If I did not express myconcerns for some of his
behaviors and ask the hardquestions that so many people
brushed off, I wouldn't knowthat my oldest son is on the
(06:33):
autism spectrum.
He's level one and highfunctioning, which is hard
oftentimes to detect.
But the older he got and I sawhim in more social situations, I
said you know what?
I need to advocate for himbecause I need to make sure that
he has the tools that he needsto succeed in a world that might
not necessarily be built forhim, and I know many of you
(06:55):
listening have been through thesame situation, especially if
it's with yourself.
I already know you'reconstantly thinking of your
fertility, when you want a babyso bad and you are trying and
month after month it's nothappening for you.
You're thinking about what youtruly need.
Self-advocacy isn't about beingdifficult or questioning
(07:17):
authority.
It's about protecting yourhealth, your dreams and your
future family.
I spent so many years justlistening to doctors meaning
whatever they said, I was goingto take it at face value because
I felt like they knoweverything.
They know my body more than Ido, but I learned many times
(07:38):
over, in many situations, thatthat's just not the case.
At the end of the day, you knowyour body and you need to trust
your gut, which is whyself-advocacy is so important.
So how do we actually do this?
How do we advocate forourselves?
Let's start with appointments.
My first suggestion is to writeeverything down.
I'm talking symptoms, timelines, questions.
(08:01):
Don't rely on your memory,because once you're in that exam
room it's really easy to justfreeze up or feel rushed, and so
having notes in front of youmake sure your voice is heard
clearly and it makes sure you'regoing to address all those
things that have been on yourmind.
Secondly, bring support, if youcan A partner, a trusted friend
, even like a notebook on yourphone, someone or something to
(08:25):
back you up at that appointment.
Sometimes just having anotherset of ears in the room can make
all the difference.
I know that in the past therehas been appointments where I'm
already feeling overwhelmed andyou know I might hear something
that is starting to make sensethat the doctor's mentioning,
and so I'll kind of back offwith some of the other concerns
I had, and you know what.
No, don't make yourself smallerto kind of fit the narrative of
(08:50):
what you're being told, even ifyour doctor's right and of
course, doctors are veryeducated and skilled but you owe
it to yourself to still ask.
There's no harm in askingquestions when you have concerns
.
Third, practice your script.
Okay, it might feel silly, butrehearse how you'll say what's
important to you.
Try something like I'm reallyconcerned about whatever
(09:14):
specific symptom you have andI'd like us to explore it
further.
When you say it that way calm,clear and direct it's a lot
harder for your concerns to bebrushed aside.
I mean, picture if you're goingin there and be like oh my gosh
, I've had this pain and thatpain and I don't even know, and
you're kind of just all over theplace.
Right away, your doctor'sprobably just going to like want
(09:34):
to calm you down and reassureyou, as opposed to investigating
further and hearing your actualconcerns.
And lastly, it's kind of what Ijust said don't minimize your
pain.
Okay, you don't need toapologize for being there or for
asking questions.
You are allowed to take upspace in that room.
(09:55):
For those of you who are goingthrough infertility and you
finally get pregnant, I feellike I especially want you to
hear this, because this issomething that I did and it
wasn't until later I learnedthat I shouldn't.
I should not minimize my pain,because your pain, your feelings
, your concerns, they're allvalid.
(10:15):
The first time I was pregnant,any little thing, I was like, oh
that's, you know, it's no bigdeal, like this is pregnancy.
Right, I'm pregnant, this iswhat's supposed to happen, and
most of the time you know it wasnothing to be concerned about.
But why should I bog down mymental health and my worry to
make my pain smaller?
Like, just be honest about whatyou're feeling.
(10:37):
No question is silly.
No pain is too small.
Do not minimize your pain.
Now let's talk about secondopinions.
It's very likely that on aninfertility journey, whether
you're doing IVF, you're lookingfor different treatment options
, you're considering differentfamily building avenues.
You're probably going to wantto ask for a second opinion, and
(10:57):
I want to normalize this rightnow.
Asking for a second opiniondoes not mean you don't trust
your doctor.
It means you're gathering moreinformation to make the best
decision for yourself and,honestly, if you have a good
doctor in the first place,they'll probably even suggest or
welcome you to get a secondopinion.
I remember my MFM doctor.
(11:18):
I will never forget him tellingme when we were having the
discussion of what had happenedwith my placental abruption and
losing my daughter, maren, at 20weeks.
You know that was a hardconversation to have, but he was
honest with me and said I don'tknow what we would do
differently in a subsequentpregnancy to avoid this or any
(11:40):
other issue that has come up inyour previous pregnancies.
Could it be fine?
Yes, he said, but it alsocouldn't be fine, he said.
From my opinion, I just can'tpinpoint one reason why I can
confidently say you would have anext uneventful pregnancy.
And the next thing he said wasI consulted the other doctors in
(12:03):
my practice and unfortunatelythey're stumped as well, but I
highly recommend you get asecond opinion.
He said I want what's best foryou and your family and I want
you to feel good about thisdecision, decision meaning that
it wasn't going to be safe forme to carry another pregnancy,
which ultimately led me tosurrogacy and was an amazing
choice for our family.
But I respected him so much inthat moment, so I want to
(12:25):
normalize it.
Asking for a second opinion doesnot mean you don't trust your
doctor, because I trust thatdoctor with my life.
So think of it like this If youwere planning a wedding, you
wouldn't just get one quote fromone photographer and call it a
day.
You'd compare, you'd research,you'd make sure it felt like the
right fit.
Why should your health, yourfertility, your family be any
(12:46):
different?
When I sought second opinionsin my own journey, I sometimes
walked away realizing okay, likemy doctor really does have the
right plan.
And other times it completelychanged the direction of my care
.
Both outcomes were valuable.
Side note most insurance planscover second opinions and in
many cases, like I said, doctorsand good doctors expect you to
(13:10):
get them.
It's a sign you're taking yourhealth seriously.
Now let's go a step furtherFinding the right provider for
you.
So here's the truth.
Not every doctor will be theright doctor for you.
So here's the truth Not everydoctor will be the right doctor
for you, and that's okay.
For example, the very firstfertility doctor I saw.
Obviously I didn't have anyoneto compare it to and truthfully,
(13:30):
I did not search around for thebest fertility doctor.
I did a quick Google search.
It was near my house.
According to everybody else, hewas very highly rated.
And you know what we did getpregnant.
I was on our fourth IUI.
That was when we got pregnantwith our twins.
Now, unfortunately and ifyou've been with this podcast
for a while, you know my story,but unfortunately I miscarried
(13:51):
the twins in my second trimester.
But from a fertility gettingpregnant perspective, that
doctor did help me get pregnant.
He also helped unblock myfallopian tube, put me on the
right medications and gave me ageneral path for care.
Now, after that loss and aftersome time, we came back the next
year to do more IUIs.
But everything kind of rubbedus the wrong way after that.
(14:14):
It wasn't the right doctor forme.
His bedside manner, the way hebrushed off our loss, the way he
didn't investigate or offer upany kind of support as to why
this happened or even lead me inthe direction of a doctor who
could help kind of make sense ofall this before just blindly
getting pregnant again.
That didn't sit well with meand that's okay, because you
(14:35):
know what I've met many otherwomen and he still has rave
reviews and that this doctor wasamazing for so many people.
For me it was not the right fit, which is why we ended up
switching providers, moving onto IVF, and that is the person
who has helped us complete ourfamily, even through surrogacy.
So here are a few signs you'rein the right place.
(14:55):
Your provider listens withoutinterrupting.
They take time to explainthings in a way you can actually
understand.
They respect your feelings,even if they don't have all the
answers right away.
So, on the flip side, here aresome red flags to keep in mind A
doctor that dismisses yourconcerns, they gaslight your
(15:16):
symptoms or they push treatmentswithout explaining why.
This was the issue with me andmy first fertility doctor is
that he just kept pushing IVF,ivf, ivf, ivf.
And I didn't understand becausewe were essentially unexplained
infertility and we had gottenpregnant from an IUI before,
which is less expensive, lessinvasive, all the things.
(15:38):
And I just didn't like thepushiness without understanding
the science behind it and all ofthat.
Another red flag is if you walkout of an appointment feeling
more confused or unseen thanwhen you walked in, that's your
sign that it's not a good fit.
Okay, and please remember,switching providers is not
failure, it's an act ofself-love.
(16:01):
You're literally saying I'mworthy of care that sees me,
hears me and respects me.
So here's what I want you totake away from today I want you
to remember that your voicematters, your story matters and,
most importantly, your bodymatters.
You don't need to be easy, youdon't need to be quiet.
(16:22):
You need to be heard, respectedand cared for, and sometimes
that means showing up with anotebook full of questions,
asking for another opinion oreven walking away from a
provider who isn't serving youwell.
And trust me, I know that thatcan often be difficult,
especially when you've beenworking with a provider for so
long, or you've been on a longjourney and you just want to get
(16:46):
pregnant, or you just want ananswer to your medical question.
But I promise you, in the longrun, if you are feeling those
ways and you really it's justtime to walk away from a
provider that's not serving you.
It will benefit you in the longrun.
If this episode spoke to you,I'd love for you to share it
with a friend who might needthat reminder too.
(17:07):
And if you're craving acommunity of women who really
get it, come join us inside yourFertility Village.
It's a safe place where yourvoice will always matter.
There's a link in the shownotes to get on the waitlist,
because doors for your fertilityvillage will be opening in the
next few weeks and by joiningwhen the doors open, you will be
a founding member of yourfertility village.
(17:27):
Not only will you get to be onthe ground floor of this amazing
community and help build italongside me, but you will lock
in a $7 a month, lifetime price.
That's literally one Starbuckscoffee and that's a monthly
price.
So give up one Starbucks coffeea month and price that's
literally one Starbucks coffeeand that's a monthly price.
So give up one Starbucks coffeea month and you could be a
founding member of yourfertility village, and that
(17:48):
membership price is for life.
So as this community grows, asthe resources build and we offer
more and more for you, yourcost will stay the same and the
founding member window won't beopen forever.
So join while you can and takeadvantage of this amazing
opportunity.
The link in the show notes willget you on the email list so
(18:09):
you'll be the first to know whenthose doors are open and you
can join us.
Your village is waiting for you.
I'll leave you with thisaffirmation today Hear this,
remember it and repeat after me.
This affirmation today.
Hear this, remember it andrepeat after me you are worthy
of care that listens, honors andsupports you.
Your voice matters.
(18:29):
Your body matters and yourstory matters.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me today.
I hope you have a great rest ofyour week Until next time.
I'm Jacqueline, and this isMotherhood Intended.
Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see
the highlight reel version ofmotherhood?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
Welcome to the MotherhoodIntended Podcast.
I'm your host, jacqueline Baird, and I'm a passionate mom here
to support women like you intheir unique journeys to and
through motherhood.
I have been through it all.
We're going to be talking aboutthings like trying to conceive,
(00:22):
infertility, ivf, surrogacy,mom life and more.
It's time to get real aboutwhat it takes to be a mom and
come together in the fact thatthings don't always go as
planned.
So here we go.
Hi, friends, and welcome backto Motherhood Intended.
I'm your host, jacqueline.
I hope your week is going well.
For me it's been well.
(00:44):
I'm just going to say not justfor me.
I just feel like the world isextra heavy these days for so
many reasons.
It's like I will wake up, Iwill look at my Instagram, I
will read a news article andjust feel completely deflated.
If you can relate, regardlessof your beliefs, your political
(01:04):
views, whatever it is, I thinkwe can all agree that at one
point or another, there is justheaviness in the world on all
fronts.
So much going on at all timesand obviously all the
information, whether it is trueor false, is always at our
fingertips, and it can be a lot.
It can be overwhelming, it canbe overstimulating and if you're
(01:28):
super empathetic, like I am, itcan bog you down the worries of
the world right, as if we don'thave enough on our shoulders as
women, and especially women whoare going through infertility
or women who are busy moms,we've all got a lot on our
plates, so I just hope that youknow that you're doing great
(01:49):
Deep breaths, unplug when youneed to hang in there, call a
friend, go for a walk.
Don't let the weight of theworld pull you down all the time
.
Okay, this is advice I need totake for myself, because I keep
getting sucked in to the newsand social media and it's taking
a toll on my mental health.
So I'm happy to be on the mictalking to you today, especially
(02:13):
with this topic, because it isone that is near and dear to my
heart.
It is something I kind ofalmost preach to people now,
just because live and learn.
It is something that I had tolearn to do for myself, based on
trial and error, essentially.
So if you've been on any kind offertility or motherhood journey
, you probably know howoverwhelming it can feel when
(02:35):
you're sitting across from adoctor, sometimes scared,
sometimes hopeful, sometimesexhausted, and you walk away
thinking wait a minute, minute,did they really hear me?
Like?
Did I even get my questionsanswered?
I've been there, truly.
I've been there more times thanI can count.
I've been there myself throughinfertility and different
(02:57):
medical diagnosis andunexplained things that were
going on with my health, andI've been there with my kids as
well.
I've been there with my son inthe NICU.
I've been there with my kids aswell.
I've been there with my son inthe NICU.
I've been there throughout mykid's childhood.
So far in these seven years ofparenthood, whether it was with
injuries or sensory processingor autism, adhd, hitting
(03:17):
milestones right, the one thingwith babies and toddlers is
always on our mind is thosemilestones, and I can tell you
more times than I can count thatI sit in an appointment and be
like hold on, did I actually getout of this what I need?
Did I get my questions answered?
It's more times than I cancount that I've been in this
position and one thing I'velearned, and learned the hard
(03:38):
way, is this you deserve to beyour own best advocate.
No one else will speak up foryou in the same way that you can
.
Today, I'm going to share somepractical tools and mindset
shifts that will help you feelconfident in advocating for
yourself at doctor'sappointments, when seeking
second opinions and when findingthe right care.
(04:00):
So let's start with why thiseven matters, right, why does
self advocacy matter?
So doctors are trainedprofessionals.
They've studied for years andbring expertise that we need.
But here's the truth you arethe expert on your own body.
(04:21):
I remember times when I sat inan office sharing my symptoms or
my concerns and I could tellthe doctor was just like
brushing past it or minimizingit.
Maybe they were rushed, maybethey didn't see the urgency, but
I felt it Deep down.
I knew something wasn't rightand, honestly, this began long
ago, when I was a preteen, ateenager.
I was 12 years old, 13 yearsold, actually.
(04:44):
It probably took a few moreyears than that, because my
first issue was with mymenstrual cycle.
Although at that young, youngage, when I first got my period,
I didn't know what was right,what was common, what wasn't
common.
I just thought well, this ishow it is.
I have debilitating periods.
They are heavy, they arepainful.
I can barely get through aschool day with them.
(05:05):
They were awful, let me justsay, and at that point I didn't
know to share concerns.
But as I got older, I just knewsomething wasn't right and so I
asked questions, and one of thetimes that I also remember
speaking up was when I wasn'tgetting pregnant.
I had read that for my age youknow, I was 26, that I should
(05:26):
try for a year, try for a yearand then, if I'm still not
pregnant, then I can go back tomy doctor and we can talk about
seeing a fertility specialist ormake a choice from there.
Well, I'm going to be honest, Ididn't do that.
I waited about six months,because you know what, I know my
body and I knew that justsomething was off.
(05:48):
I knew that there had to be areason why I was still not
pregnant, and you know whatthere was.
At that point I found out that Ihad a blocked fallopian tube.
I had polyps that needed to beremoved.
My thyroid was not in the rightlevel that it should be.
I was dealing withhypothyroidism and needed
medication to help deal withthis and increase my chances of
(06:10):
getting pregnant.
If I hadn't spoken up, if Ihadn't pressed for answers, I
would not have gotten the care Itruly needed.
And honestly, this comes uplater in my motherhood journey
as well, with my son.
If I did not express myconcerns for some of his
behaviors and ask the hardquestions that so many people
brushed off, I wouldn't knowthat my oldest son is on the
(06:33):
autism spectrum.
He's level one and highfunctioning, which is hard
oftentimes to detect.
But the older he got and I sawhim in more social situations, I
said you know what?
I need to advocate for himbecause I need to make sure that
he has the tools that he needsto succeed in a world that might
not necessarily be built forhim, and I know many of you
(06:55):
listening have been through thesame situation, especially if
it's with yourself.
I already know you'reconstantly thinking of your
fertility, when you want a babyso bad and you are trying and
month after month it's nothappening for you.
You're thinking about what youtruly need.
Self-advocacy isn't about beingdifficult or questioning
(07:17):
authority.
It's about protecting yourhealth, your dreams and your
future family.
I spent so many years justlistening to doctors meaning
whatever they said, I was goingto take it at face value because
I felt like they knoweverything.
They know my body more than Ido, but I learned many times
(07:38):
over, in many situations, thatthat's just not the case.
At the end of the day, you knowyour body and you need to trust
your gut, which is whyself-advocacy is so important.
So how do we actually do this?
How do we advocate forourselves?
Let's start with appointments.
My first suggestion is to writeeverything down.
I'm talking symptoms, timelines, questions.
(08:01):
Don't rely on your memory,because once you're in that exam
room it's really easy to justfreeze up or feel rushed, and so
having notes in front of youmake sure your voice is heard
clearly and it makes sure you'regoing to address all those
things that have been on yourmind.
Secondly, bring support, if youcan A partner, a trusted friend
, even like a notebook on yourphone, someone or something to
(08:25):
back you up at that appointment.
Sometimes just having anotherset of ears in the room can make
all the difference.
I know that in the past therehas been appointments where I'm
already feeling overwhelmed andyou know I might hear something
that is starting to make sensethat the doctor's mentioning,
and so I'll kind of back offwith some of the other concerns
I had, and you know what.
No, don't make yourself smallerto kind of fit the narrative of
(08:50):
what you're being told, even ifyour doctor's right and of
course, doctors are veryeducated and skilled but you owe
it to yourself to still ask.
There's no harm in askingquestions when you have concerns
.
Third, practice your script.
Okay, it might feel silly, butrehearse how you'll say what's
important to you.
Try something like I'm reallyconcerned about whatever
(09:14):
specific symptom you have andI'd like us to explore it
further.
When you say it that way calm,clear and direct it's a lot
harder for your concerns to bebrushed aside.
I mean, picture if you're goingin there and be like oh my gosh
, I've had this pain and thatpain and I don't even know, and
you're kind of just all over theplace.
Right away, your doctor'sprobably just going to like want
(09:34):
to calm you down and reassureyou, as opposed to investigating
further and hearing your actualconcerns.
And lastly, it's kind of what Ijust said don't minimize your
pain.
Okay, you don't need toapologize for being there or for
asking questions.
You are allowed to take upspace in that room.
(09:55):
For those of you who are goingthrough infertility and you
finally get pregnant, I feellike I especially want you to
hear this, because this issomething that I did and it
wasn't until later I learnedthat I shouldn't.
I should not minimize my pain,because your pain, your feelings
, your concerns, they're allvalid.
(10:15):
The first time I was pregnant,any little thing, I was like, oh
that's, you know, it's no bigdeal, like this is pregnancy.
Right, I'm pregnant, this iswhat's supposed to happen, and
most of the time you know it wasnothing to be concerned about.
But why should I bog down mymental health and my worry to
make my pain smaller?
Like, just be honest about whatyou're feeling.
(10:37):
No question is silly.
No pain is too small.
Do not minimize your pain.
Now let's talk about secondopinions.
It's very likely that on aninfertility journey, whether
you're doing IVF, you're lookingfor different treatment options
, you're considering differentfamily building avenues.
You're probably going to wantto ask for a second opinion, and
(10:57):
I want to normalize this rightnow.
Asking for a second opiniondoes not mean you don't trust
your doctor.
It means you're gathering moreinformation to make the best
decision for yourself and,honestly, if you have a good
doctor in the first place,they'll probably even suggest or
welcome you to get a secondopinion.
I remember my MFM doctor.
(11:18):
I will never forget him tellingme when we were having the
discussion of what had happenedwith my placental abruption and
losing my daughter, maren, at 20weeks.
You know that was a hardconversation to have, but he was
honest with me and said I don'tknow what we would do
differently in a subsequentpregnancy to avoid this or any
(11:40):
other issue that has come up inyour previous pregnancies.
Could it be fine?
Yes, he said, but it alsocouldn't be fine, he said.
From my opinion, I just can'tpinpoint one reason why I can
confidently say you would have anext uneventful pregnancy.
And the next thing he said wasI consulted the other doctors in
(12:03):
my practice and unfortunatelythey're stumped as well, but I
highly recommend you get asecond opinion.
He said I want what's best foryou and your family and I want
you to feel good about thisdecision, decision meaning that
it wasn't going to be safe forme to carry another pregnancy,
which ultimately led me tosurrogacy and was an amazing
choice for our family.
But I respected him so much inthat moment, so I want to
(12:25):
normalize it.
Asking for a second opinion doesnot mean you don't trust your
doctor, because I trust thatdoctor with my life.
So think of it like this If youwere planning a wedding, you
wouldn't just get one quote fromone photographer and call it a
day.
You'd compare, you'd research,you'd make sure it felt like the
right fit.
Why should your health, yourfertility, your family be any
(12:46):
different?
When I sought second opinionsin my own journey, I sometimes
walked away realizing okay, likemy doctor really does have the
right plan.
And other times it completelychanged the direction of my care
.
Both outcomes were valuable.
Side note most insurance planscover second opinions and in
many cases, like I said, doctorsand good doctors expect you to
(13:10):
get them.
It's a sign you're taking yourhealth seriously.
Now let's go a step furtherFinding the right provider for
you.
So here's the truth.
Not every doctor will be theright doctor for you.
So here's the truth Not everydoctor will be the right doctor
for you, and that's okay.
For example, the very firstfertility doctor I saw.
Obviously I didn't have anyoneto compare it to and truthfully,
(13:30):
I did not search around for thebest fertility doctor.
I did a quick Google search.
It was near my house.
According to everybody else, hewas very highly rated.
And you know what we did getpregnant.
I was on our fourth IUI.
That was when we got pregnantwith our twins.
Now, unfortunately and ifyou've been with this podcast
for a while, you know my story,but unfortunately I miscarried
(13:51):
the twins in my second trimester.
But from a fertility gettingpregnant perspective, that
doctor did help me get pregnant.
He also helped unblock myfallopian tube, put me on the
right medications and gave me ageneral path for care.
Now, after that loss and aftersome time, we came back the next
year to do more IUIs.
But everything kind of rubbedus the wrong way after that.
(14:14):
It wasn't the right doctor forme.
His bedside manner, the way hebrushed off our loss, the way he
didn't investigate or offer upany kind of support as to why
this happened or even lead me inthe direction of a doctor who
could help kind of make sense ofall this before just blindly
getting pregnant again.
That didn't sit well with meand that's okay, because you
(14:35):
know what I've met many otherwomen and he still has rave
reviews and that this doctor wasamazing for so many people.
For me it was not the right fit, which is why we ended up
switching providers, moving onto IVF, and that is the person
who has helped us complete ourfamily, even through surrogacy.
So here are a few signs you'rein the right place.
(14:55):
Your provider listens withoutinterrupting.
They take time to explainthings in a way you can actually
understand.
They respect your feelings,even if they don't have all the
answers right away.
So, on the flip side, here aresome red flags to keep in mind A
doctor that dismisses yourconcerns, they gaslight your
(15:16):
symptoms or they push treatmentswithout explaining why.
This was the issue with me andmy first fertility doctor is
that he just kept pushing IVF,ivf, ivf, ivf.
And I didn't understand becausewe were essentially unexplained
infertility and we had gottenpregnant from an IUI before,
which is less expensive, lessinvasive, all the things.
(15:38):
And I just didn't like thepushiness without understanding
the science behind it and all ofthat.
Another red flag is if you walkout of an appointment feeling
more confused or unseen thanwhen you walked in, that's your
sign that it's not a good fit.
Okay, and please remember,switching providers is not
failure, it's an act ofself-love.
(16:01):
You're literally saying I'mworthy of care that sees me,
hears me and respects me.
So here's what I want you totake away from today I want you
to remember that your voicematters, your story matters and,
most importantly, your bodymatters.
You don't need to be easy, youdon't need to be quiet.
(16:22):
You need to be heard, respectedand cared for, and sometimes
that means showing up with anotebook full of questions,
asking for another opinion oreven walking away from a
provider who isn't serving youwell.
And trust me, I know that thatcan often be difficult,
especially when you've beenworking with a provider for so
long, or you've been on a longjourney and you just want to get
(16:46):
pregnant, or you just want ananswer to your medical question.
But I promise you, in the longrun, if you are feeling those
ways and you really it's justtime to walk away from a
provider that's not serving you.
It will benefit you in the longrun.
If this episode spoke to you,I'd love for you to share it
with a friend who might needthat reminder too.
(17:07):
And if you're craving acommunity of women who really
get it, come join us inside yourFertility Village.
It's a safe place where yourvoice will always matter.
There's a link in the shownotes to get on the waitlist,
because doors for your fertilityvillage will be opening in the
next few weeks and by joiningwhen the doors open, you will be
a founding member of yourfertility village.
(17:27):
Not only will you get to be onthe ground floor of this amazing
community and help build italongside me, but you will lock
in a $7 a month, lifetime price.
That's literally one Starbuckscoffee and that's a monthly
price.
So give up one Starbucks coffeea month and price that's
literally one Starbucks coffeeand that's a monthly price.
So give up one Starbucks coffeea month and you could be a
founding member of yourfertility village, and that
(17:48):
membership price is for life.
So as this community grows, asthe resources build and we offer
more and more for you, yourcost will stay the same and the
founding member window won't beopen forever.
So join while you can and takeadvantage of this amazing
opportunity.
The link in the show notes willget you on the email list so
(18:09):
you'll be the first to know whenthose doors are open and you
can join us.
Your village is waiting for you.
I'll leave you with thisaffirmation today Hear this,
remember it and repeat after me.
This affirmation today.
Hear this, remember it andrepeat after me you are worthy
of care that listens, honors andsupports you.
Your voice matters.
(18:29):
Your body matters and yourstory matters.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me today.
I hope you have a great rest ofyour week Until next time.
I'm Jacqueline, and this isMotherhood Intended.
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