September 18, 2023 • 50 mins
Ever felt the burden of old stories or felt shackled by guilt and shame from the past? We've got a refreshing conversation that will guide you on the path to release these chains, journeying to self-forgiveness and authenticity. Together, we'll uncover the power of releasing old stories and energies that are keeping us stuck. By acknowledging our worth and embracing our divine feminine, you'll discover a newfound comfort within your own skin.
This soulful discussion uncovers the taboo subject of our emotions. The societal norm is to suppress our feelings, but we're here to tell you that it's okay to face them. Confronting our emotions is a vital step towards progress and inner peace. You'll learn how to protect your precious energy by setting healthy boundaries, safeguarding yourself from harmful situations and people. We're not saying you'll have to forgive the assholes, but you'll learn to let go of the energy they've imparted on you.
As we conclude this enlightening episode, we delve into the beautiful art of self-healing, and how journaling can be a therapeutic form of expression. We'll introduce you to rituals of forgiveness that can facilitate your journey towards self-love and acceptance. The power of penning down a letter to a person who has wronged you or even to your own self can be tremendously liberating. So, are you ready to embark on this transformative journey of self-forgiveness and authenticity with us? Don't just hear it from us, experience it for yourself. Let's journey together.
Make sure to Subscribe and follow us at:
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/motherlandthepodcast/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@motherlandpodcast/
Email: podcastmotherland@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
That sounds good.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's talk about someforgiveness, forgiving yourself.
I think that's the thing.
Yeah, forgiving yourself.
I'll take a deep breath.
Are you ready for it?
Yes, and what's your sweatshirt, say, let's see that sweatshirt
.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It says emotional labor union strike.
My friend Brie found this and Iabsolutely love it.
When I was doing, I was takinga walk this morning and so many
people were like smiling andlike giggling, like looking at
me.
I'm like why is everybody sofriendly?
(00:39):
And then I'm like, oh, I'mwearing this sweatshirt.
Yeah, especially a lot of womenwho I walk by, they were like
it's up, sis.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I always think about like different little funny.
Like you know, you buysweatshirts with like things on
it, but like, if I said certainthings on my sweatshirt, if
people would like approach me,like approach me and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
You know I just put mybillboard out there.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, yeah, I do.
It's so funny that as a over 50person, I'm really into like
graphic teas with messages andstuff.
But yeah, no, I no longerbelieve.
I think I used to be reallystuck in the fact that you have
to sort of dress your age orwhatever, and I think all of
that's total bullshit.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Girl, you have no idea, I do not dress my age.
I do not dress my age.
I don't even know what my ageis supposed to dress like.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Exactly.
I think all of that's changingand I think that's really good
because I think, especially forwomen and femmes, there's this
idea that we have to sort ofuphold some standard to be
acceptable or presentable.
But I've been, I think, lettinggo of a lot of that, which I
think ties in with forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I think that right now is the time of divine
feminine.
I really feel like, even whenI've been working on my clients,
I'm like bringing through theenergy of divine feminine and I
think it's really empowering.
And I think that a lot of us aswomen are no longer following
those social whatever that is,whatever social rules or
whatever we can hold anymore,and I think people are just
(02:11):
learning to have thatcomfortability and like I am who
I am, you like it or you don'tlike it.
You know, this is what it is.
I was telling somebody recently, like if you've noticed, my
feeds changed on Instagram inthe last couple of weeks and I
was saying like I'm just beingme, like yeah, you don't like it
, but like I just was like Idon't want to do this or this or
(02:31):
this anymore, I'm just gonna bewho I am.
And I was telling someone I waslike I have had more business in
the last couple of weeks thanI've had in the longest time and
I think it's because of justyour authenticity shines out.
Yeah, and that's it.
Yeah, it's like this is who Iam, but anyways, we'll talk, I'm
sure.
Authenticity, forgiveness, allof that All right.
So welcome to Motherland.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah, welcome to Motherland.
We do always forget that part.
(03:17):
So welcome to Motherland.
I like this idea of forgivenessand let me tell you why.
When I was doing my meditationteacher training, I was having
lunch with somebody, with afriend who I value his opinion
greatly.
He was also a meditationteacher doing the training and
as we were doing the training, Iwas talking about another
(03:39):
training that I wanted to do andhe said and I'm paraphrasing
but like when are you gonna stopdoing trainings and recognize
that you are enough already?
And it was sort of like what'sinside you that you think that
you need to keep doing this tobe valid?
And I wanted to think both likeslap and kiss him at the same
(04:02):
time, because I was like, oh, Ihate you and I love you because
you like, you see me.
And it shifted something in methat for so often I thought my
practice was about making mefeel whole.
And then I had empty spots thatI was feeling, but I needed to
fill it with myself.
But then I started to thinkabout are there things inside me
that I no longer need or thatI'm holding on to, that have
(04:23):
been holding me back, that Ineed to sort of let go of and I
think, sort of old stories aboutme not being enough for things
that I needed to sort of releaseand forgive myself for, for
sort of holding myself back andor harms that people have caused
me that made me have those oldstories, or the way that I've
harmed people that made me hadold stories.
(04:44):
But I think forgiveness isabout letting go of energy.
That's the way of saying it.
It's not necessarily like, it'snot even necessary.
If you forgive somebody fordoing something to you, it's not
even about that person, it'sabout you and cutting that cord
of connection from the thingthat happened.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, I think that's a important part for you, for
this episode, for people tounderstand.
It's not about.
It's not about we're notfocusing on forgiving others.
We're focusing on ourselvesright now, but I'm sure that's
gonna tie in cause.
It does tie in.
Would you say, though, thatyou're taking more classes and
more of these things to almostcover up maybe for yourself
moving within yourself?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yes, and I think, pushing down something in me
that I didn't want toacknowledge, a part of me that
felt shame about something.
And I think that's because mypractice at the time, as I
mentioned, was more about sortof filling myself with things
rather than going inside andseeing what was there.
And I think that's why I use ateaching lately about what's
(05:50):
alive inside of you, because Ithink when you can notice what's
alive inside of you, you canexplore that and then you can
either welcome things in or letthings go.
But you can't do that until younotice what's alive inside of
you in a moment.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I love, that what's alive inside of you.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Instead of saying how are you what's alive inside of
you?
Woo Right, it hits differentDang.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Woo, that's alive inside of you.
Ooh, that's a good one.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, and I like to give credit where credit is due.
It's not even I didn't come upwith this when I was in Slovenia
, I think in April, at a retreat.
It was an arts-based retreat,so there were a lot of acting
exercises and one of thefacilitators during the session
we were doing a journalingsession and said what's alive
inside of you.
I literally busted out intotears as soon as it was said.
(06:48):
Like as soon as it was said,because it hit me so hard like
oh my God, how have I not askedmyself this question before,
like as a teacher?
And it was such a powerfulmoment.
I was like, wow, am I doing mystudents a disservice by not
asking this question?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So yeah, that's really good, because I think
what you're saying right now iswhat I think I always try to
tell people.
We always try to move forward.
I had this talk yesterday.
This talk has been coming up alot.
Actually.
We're always constantly tryingto move on to the next step.
We're trying to move forward,we're trying to set our goals,
we're trying to do all of thisbut in reality, we haven't
(07:28):
actually went within ourselves,so we haven't made or cleared
that space.
Like you talked about energywithin ourselves.
So most people want to move onand do whatever they need to do,
but they're not making peacewithin themselves.
And I always tell people howcan you sit here?
I said this the other day wejust have a new moon right now.
You guys want to manifest, youguys want to create, but you
(07:50):
don't have any room in you tocreate.
You have no room to manifestand in order to do that, that
means you're going to have to gowithin and you're going to have
to clear that space and you'regoing to have to make the room
for what that looks like.
And part of that is what you'resaying is realizing and asking
yourself that question what'salive inside of you?
And then looking at it andconnecting that feeling of
(08:11):
forgiveness and coming to that.
You did that to me, I did thatto you when, when.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
It might have been me and you, or me, you and Mel.
No, I think it was just you.
You were interviewing me andthis might have been pre-show or
after the show, but in ourconversation I was like screwing
around about leaving Rikers andyou said there's so much energy
(08:40):
around that that you have toget rid of.
You were too connected to thatplace and I was like, yeah, I
need to give notice.
And you said so what are you?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Oh yeah, I'll call someone out in a second oh yeah,
you called me out of mybullshit quick.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You said give me a date, yeah, 100%.
And I was like, well, and youjust pick a date.
And I picked a date inside inthat spot and I gave my notice
the next week and it was apivotal moment, right, you have
those peak or quantum momentswhen something's happening,
(09:13):
because I remember sitting I wasjust finished shooting for Yoga
International, andre and I werein a car service coming back
from Pennsylvania and I was onmy phone and I typed that
resignation letter and I clickedit and in that moment I could
hear your voice saying like picka date.
And because it was importantand you can even hear yourself
(09:34):
saying it, right?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Can I say it to people?
I'll tell you after you talk.
But yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And there was a moment and I don't know if
you've had these were like it'salmost like time stops because
you know something is going onin that moment when I clicked
send and I was like nothing isever going to be the same after
I've done this and it wascompletely necessary and it
needed to happen in this moment,and I don't know what the heck
(10:00):
is gonna happen next with mylife and I'm absolutely
terrified.
But like, let's go.
And it's been awesome, right,it's been awesome and it's been
scary and it's awesome.
But if I didn't make room byleaving, I wouldn't have been
able to do this podcast, Iwouldn't be writing my book and
come up with a proposal that Iam so proud of, and I wouldn't
(10:24):
have gone to Slovenia.
I wouldn't have done any of thethings that I've been doing and
ready for all of the things thatare coming.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Yeah, I have a student and she's gonna laugh
because I know she listens toour podcast.
I love her to death.
I have a student and so she's agreat reader.
She's a great reader and I meanshe can give good readings.
And so she said the other dayshe's like I'm like, yeah, what
do you want?
She's like I wanna change theworld, I wanna do this with it,
I wanna change the world.
I'm like so when are you?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
gonna do it Wednesday ?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
That's at the date.
She's like what At the date?
When are you gonna do it?
I'm like I will pump you outwhen you go live.
You tell me when you're gonnago live and you start taking
that initiative when you'regonna do it.
She just looked at me, thosedead eyes, like what?
And I'm like give me a date.
I want to do something and godo it.
Like, just do it.
But yeah, I'll call it.
My guides get like that and Iknow it's me, but I also know
(11:15):
it's my guides.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
So like when it comes to me, when you spoke to me it
was you and something behind itit's my guides.
It was because what you saidwas the energy of Rikers and I'm
also paraphrasing a little bitbut like the energy of Rikers is
all over you, you're holdingtoo much of it inside you.
Yeah, and I had told you aboutsome, you know, some very sort
(11:37):
of scary experienceenergetically that had happened
to me that prompted you to sayyou got to go, like you got to
get out of there.
But I think this goes back toforgiveness too.
I think I felt guilty aboutleaving and being able to pursue
what I think are like my dreamsand wanting to sort of do
(11:58):
service on a different scale,and I think that came from a
place of lack that I was holdingon to inside, that I needed to
punish myself or something, andso by forgiving myself, I made
space, and sometimes the spacedoesn't even need to be filled
with anything Sometimes you justneed the space.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
That's exactly it.
Sometimes you just need space.
You know, it's funny.
I think as humans, we'reconstantly looking to feel the
void, feel the void, feel thevoid.
Why, like?
Why, you know, and I was sayingthat to somebody recently.
When we're just talking, I mean, I think this goes hands in
hands with healing, and I wassaying, sometimes healing you
said it too.
(12:40):
I think Sometimes healing isjust resting.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You don't have to do something.
You don't have to.
Oh, I got to meditate, I got todo this.
I got to go do this.
I got to, you know, goinner-child healing.
I got to just sit, just rest.
You want to take a nap?
Take a nap, Like that's healingtoo, Like you know, and that's
where I'm like you don't have toconstantly fill stuff in.
Leave that space for, like, theuniverse to give you whatever
(13:06):
it needs to give you to breathe,whatever that needs to bring in
.
I'm laughing because theuniverse is like and when we do,
because then you run, no, butwhen you do I'm laughing.
I'm laughing.
I'm laughing Because my guidesare like and we did, and you
what I said, I ran so, but youget better.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
What do we do as a bell when you get what you?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
want, I'm done.
No, we don't, guys, we don't.
I'm so upset, we panicked.
We actually do, though, don'twe?
But I think we do.
Like that goes into whole otherissues.
I think that there's timeswhere we get what we want and
we're like oh wait, like now,like right now, like you're oh,
you really were meaning likeright now.
(13:49):
Like we're like I'm not ready,but it's like no, the universe
is like you're so, so ready,like you're more ready than you
think you are, and you need tojust let that space you give
yourself and let it just kind offlow with it.
But it's interesting because inmy topic that I'm talking about
, I think it also comes withthat room of forgiving, because
for me, something came in I'mnot giving all my details, but
(14:10):
something came in and I wasthinking, I'm quote, not ready,
because I felt guilt forsomething.
But I was like well, I feel badif I step into something else.
I feel bad if I move into this,because I'm holding guilt into,
you know, something of the past, like maybe I haven't healed
this, or maybe I haven't, youknow, let this go, or maybe it's
too soon, or whatever it is,and there's a lot of guilt and
(14:32):
shame, I think, around forgivingourselves.
It's like it's funny that we'remore comfortable, maybe in the
guilt and shame than actuallythe healed versions of who we
actually are meant to be.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Oh shit, yeah, I think I'm you said it like this
idea that we're not ready toforgive ourselves or we're
afraid to forgive ourselves, Ifeel sometimes guilt and this is
, you know.
I think this is why my practiceis so important and this is why
(15:05):
I think, when it comes to blackand indigenous folks, exploring
spirituality, sort of separatingourselves from dominant culture
, is really important because weget caught up in this idea of
capitalism or having to earncertain things or be really
productive.
And I had a lot of guilt andshame about who I used to be
(15:29):
when I was in my other career.
I was mean, I was selfish andbecause I was scared and I moved
from a place of lack andscarcity because I didn't think
that there was, I had to fightfor my seat at the table, like
as a black woman doing stuff.
(15:49):
So I wasn't always kind andsometimes I was downright mean
and I think even in thinkingabout that part of myself I a
couple of years ago I wouldn'thave been able to articulate
this out loud because I probablywould have been broken down
into tears or felt so terribleand a big part of my practice,
and sort of coming back toremembering who I was was saying
(16:13):
like you were that personbecause that was the only way
that you knew how to be in orderto do what you needed to get
done.
But you don't have to do thatanymore and you have to forgive
yourself of that if you're goingto move forward.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yeah, yeah, well, when you don't like we said a
little bit like when you don'tforgive yourself, right, we get
caught up in that shame, we getcaught in that anger, we get
caught up in low self-esteem.
You guys probably realize yourcommunication skills suck
because you're like trying tofight back some stuff like that.
But I'm listening to you andI'm thinking how in the past you
know I'll be straight out likein the past people are like
(16:48):
you're a bitch.
I think before they're likeIsabel, you were a bitch, you, I
didn't know that my my friendsat that time they're no longer
my friends, but my friends atthat time would be like Isabel's
always down and ready to fightand I was like old people, that
like what.
And they're like, yeah, youwere always looking for the
fight and I was like I didn'tthink that of myself.
But I say that as we hold thisenergy inside of ourselves that
(17:12):
we don't realize at timesactually there, because we don't
want to pay attention to it.
But I say, right, energy has tocome out some way.
Whether it's grief, whetherit's pain, whether it's anger,
it has to come out some way.
And if you're not forgivingyourself and you're not honoring
whatever those things arewithin yourself, like I think it
projects outwards in a way andthat's where that you know it
negatively impacts yourrelationships with others.
(17:34):
And yeah, I think you leakright Like a perfect word.
You leak right I'm imaginingright now, like a balloon that's
letting go of its helium.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Absolutely, and you know you overreact in certain
situations, you underreact inother situations, because you're
never coming from a place ofauthenticity.
Right, You're you.
You don't know what's aliveinside of you.
Yeah, so it's like nothing ison even ground, Nothing's real
and everything's shaky.
And out of that shakiness wereact and we lash out because we
(18:06):
don't feel safe insideourselves.
And so I think forgivenesshelps us feel safe inside
ourselves, even if we don't likewhat we're feeling.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Right, I was saying this.
Yes, it's funny because Iliterally had this talk
yesterday.
I was saying yesterday about,though, and the fact that, in
order for you to work onforgiving yourself, right, where
does it start?
You have to focus on youremotions.
You have to acknowledge andprocess your emotions, and I was
saying that we though I thinksociety has taught us not to do
that right you keep moving, youkeep moving, you just keep going
(18:36):
, suck it up, deal with it, makethe best of it, and I know for
myself and my own family I'monly speaking from my own
culture and heritage I watched,right, I watched my grandfather
watched everybody just, okay,they're going to give you slack.
You keep going, you keep moving, you keep moving.
You know you show what you'rebetter, and you just push that.
You push it, you push it.
So I think there's so much ofthat deconstructing of learning
(18:57):
how to really acknowledge andfeel into your emotions and your
feelings, because we have beentaught not to be safe in it.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Oh, absolutely, you're so emotional, onika, I
can't tell you how awesomeYou're, so sensitive.
You're so sensitive.
Oh, here goes Onika being sosensitive, oh, onika.
So here's emotional Onika.
She's always got to get all ofyou know whatever about whatever
we're talking about.
(19:25):
And I, I embodied that and Isort of held on to that sort of
identification of I'm toosensitive, I'm too emotional,
and wasn't allowing myself to toexplore the things that I
needed to explore.
I kept on taking on all theseexternal stories about what
people thought of me, believingthat they were true, and then to
making them true inside myself.
(19:47):
And it took a long time tounlearn that and heart.
And, believe me, there aretimes that, you know, I think
about certain things or thingsthat I've done, and I still feel
flushed with shame about theways that I acted.
Sometimes and, you know, andbecause I have this practice, I
have forgiven myself for that.
So there's some tendernessaround it too, but it doesn't
(20:08):
mean that the shame goes away.
It's just that I can live withit now and I think that's what
it is.
You don't necessarily have tomake anything go away, but you
learn and sometimes it doesdissipate and go away, but it's
also.
We can get re-triggered and welearn how to deal with it.
So it's not something that youknow sort of takes us under.
You know things would take meunder.
You know I could get upset andhold onto it for like weeks and
(20:30):
months, just like doing andstewing.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Oh, my God, I've not realized right now how focused
this whole conversation is.
Sorry, I'm laughing becauseeverything is clicking right now
.
I'm like oh, oh, my God, I'mhaving epiphanies.
You guys, I'm having epiphaniesand I'm having a therapy
session with herself right now,oh, got it.
But that's the biggest thing,like you know, you said
(20:54):
triggered and I'm like yeah, yougot to give yourself that
permission to recognize andaccept, like, where you have
been triggered, and welcome them.
I think the other part intoforgiving yourself too and I was
talking to somebody recently isit doesn't mean that you have
to like.
Some people are like I don't, Idon't know if I can do that
Like, I don't know if I canactually have the strength to
process this, or I don't know ifI want to feel this again.
(21:16):
I don't know if I want to lookat this again, and I think it's
a matter of like just do whatyou can, just like, if you can't
have to do it all at once youdon't have to say that again for
the people in the back.
What you can.
You don't have to do it all atonce.
You just do it little by little, by little, and I was saying
that you know I was like thatmeans you have to doggy paddle.
Then doggy paddle, that meansyour toes just get dipped in the
(21:38):
water.
Dip it in the water, likewhatever it looks like in,
whatever it like, you can handleit.
Then handle that and then takea step back, go back in.
Take a step back, go back in.
But I think you make a goodpoint where I think the better
way for me to say it is that thememory of maybe something
doesn't dissipate, but at leastyou're willing to let go of the
(21:58):
energy that you are holding on.
That's what's important.
You might not let go of thememory, but you can let go of
the energy, and it's moreimportant that you let go of
that energy, like we said at thebeginning, in order to create
that space.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
And I think that goes to forgiving other people as
well.
Right, nadia Bolls Weber is areverend.
She's a reverend.
The sarcastic Lutheran is herInstagram, but she has a
fantastic oh, she's awesome.
(22:35):
She's like cover and tattoo.
She's a bad ass.
She curses.
I love her.
I love everything about her.
But she has this video onYouTube.
It's called Forgive theAssholes it's the name of it,
and I know how can you not lovea reverend who says forgive the
asshole, like you have got to?
I can't tell you how manypeople I played that for at
(22:56):
Rikers because I think it was soimportant.
And she talks about taking boltcutters and cutting the ties of
people who have hurt you, andit's not about saying, yes, I'm
okay with what you did to me,but I am releasing myself of the
energy of the thing thathappened, and I would also add
(23:17):
on to that, and I think this isalso important too.
You may not be able to forgivepeople who have hurt you and
guess what?
That's okay.
You don't have to.
I think the word forgiveness isalso like hella, triggering in
itself, because instantly in oursociety, forgiveness is
(23:38):
associated with doormat.
It's associated with you know,like you have to take it or suck
it up or turn the other cheekor all of these things that are
seen as being like weak or lessthan.
But I think forgiveness is oneof the most powerful things that
we can do for ourselves,because it truly frees us.
(23:58):
It's an act of liberation tocut yourself off from something
that was holding you back.
It cuts bonds right, it cutschains, it lets you, sort of
like, stand on your own.
I don't think I would be who Iam without forgiveness, and
(24:19):
there's some things I won't that.
I don't know if I can forgive Iwon't say never but there are
also things that I still knowthat I'm not in a place to
forgive that person or evenforgive myself for some things
that I've done you know, I thinkthe most important part in that
is you're talking aboutforgiving other people is I
think you said it right thereare some people in life that I
think you just, yeah, you don'tforgive.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
There's just too big of an issue, and I don't think
we need to list them.
I think we all know what someof those are for ourselves.
But I think the bigger part isto look at energetically, though
.
Are you giving too much ofyourself to that situation?
Right, that's something else.
Like, that's where it's like,am I giving my anger?
Am I giving my you know energyinto that situation?
(25:02):
Right, that's different.
I think, when we look at it like, you know, am I asking for the
why or why or how or how couldyou know all these things?
It's like, focus on like, do Iwant to continue giving my
energy to this person?
Do I want to continue givingthat to them?
Um, no, like, the answer is no,but that doesn't mean that you
(25:22):
have to necessarily be like.
You know what?
I Forgive you for that mistake.
You didn't know better.
No, you can just be like.
No, I choose not to like, put myfocus on there, and this is my
energy and it's my power, andI'm gonna call it back and I'm
gonna be with it.
Right, I'm gonna.
I'm just gonna be with it andI'm gonna call that back.
I'm gonna mourn whatever I needto mourn, I'm gonna grieve
whatever I need to grieve, I'mgonna be pissed off and mad for
(25:44):
a little bit and I'm gonna getit out, because you FN did not
need to do that, or whatever itis.
But then now I'm gonna call itback, yeah, well, back, and I'm
gonna choose to separate myself.
I think it's like you said,cutting it.
It's your separation that youneed to pull yourself back from,
because I think that's where,like a lot of my clients can get
caught up in the why or how, oryou know things and Sometimes
(26:06):
you don't have.
You don't have the answers.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah, and it's like I mean, there's always there's so
many great Um visuals for it,but it's like somebody pushes
you into a pool and you can'tswim.
Are you gonna like yell at theperson who pushed you into a
pool or are you gonna try tofind a light preserver so you
don't drown, right like?
You need to focus on takingcare of yourself and and and
(26:29):
sort of not drowning and notputting the finger at like why'd
you push me into the pool?
That doesn't matter right now.
You got to take care ofyourself and I think that's
that's an.
It's an important thing toremember, um, that we do this so
we can take care of ourselvesand and, by extension, you know,
we show up better for for theworld when we're taking care of
ourselves, because we are Um allconnected.
(26:52):
But that's why we haveboundaries.
You can forgive and haveboundaries, and you can forgive
yourself, um, and create healthyboundaries going forward, so
you're not finding yourselvesdoing the same things over and
over and over again, whetherit's allowing yourself to be
hurt or whether it's somebodyhurting you.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, I agree.
There's a lot of people that donot know how to do boundaries
though, like that's a lot.
Most people do not understandwhat boundaries are.
They don't know how to createboundaries.
They don't know how to keepboundaries right.
That's a big one Maybe that'sanother app, is that's a big one
?
Where they're like I have myboundaries up but I'm like all
right, but how many times didyou let him back in Right?
How many times did you say,okay, but he understands my
(27:33):
boundaries, does he?
Because you keep opening thedoor, do they?
Whatever it is right.
So, yeah, I think the other parttoo, when we talk about, you
know, forgiving yourself is likewe said, like I think we kind
of said it in not so many words,but it's to give yourself that
grace and compassion, and Idon't think that we offer that
enough to ourselves.
(27:53):
Like you know, I always saywe're human, you guys are human.
You may come down to this earthto live a human experience, to
experience all these emotions,to experience all this energy,
and you're human.
We, I think we somehow, somehow, have put ourselves On a
pedestal.
That that is not, that's notreality.
That is like perfectionism, bythe way, is a total, total, um,
(28:19):
is it?
I'm losing my words right now.
But if you're perfectionist,it's a trauma response.
So we.
We put ourselves on thesepedestals and you know we beat
ourselves up over maybe mistakesor things we should have or
shouldn't have done, rather thanlooking at them as like I was.
I had to do this lesson theother day.
I I'm a Health mindset coachfor another company and we're
(28:40):
talking about fixed mindsetversus growth mindset right and
looking at things as anopportunity for learning how to
grow right.
Like, how how can I look atthis quote mistake as an as an
opportunity to grow, as anopportunity to better myself, as
an opportunity to learn, likethis is school, this is school,
this is your soul school.
So you're learning lessonsconstantly.
(29:02):
So I think that's the otherpart of looking at it is great.
You made a quote mistake.
I hate the word mistake, that'swhy I'm quoting it.
You made a quote mistake andnow what are you going to do
about it?
Are you going to learn from it?
Are you going to learn from itRight?
My mom said it the other day.
I was talking to her about um,I Don't care whatever.
I was talking to her about mypast relationships and she was
(29:23):
like the most important part isyou don't focus on I should have
and I shouldn't have and Ishouldn't have done this.
She goes did you learn?
Would you learn?
Yeah, yeah, she's like that'sall that matters.
You grew and I was right, andshe's like that's it in every
circumstance and I'm like, Imean, I teach it, but sometimes
you just got to hear it, youknow.
So it's like okay, like so,just looking at what can you
(29:44):
learn and what did you?
What did you learn from this?
And even if it is just the factthat I have the awareness into
my emotions right now, cool,let's start there.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
That's really powerful and I think it's really
helpful in relationships thatwe have with other people when
we can start to Do that andforget ourselves and recognize.
You know that we, you know,make mistakes or create
opportunities, or however Do youwant to frame it.
One of my favorite bosses, um,he, used to say Make all of the
mistakes in the world, justdon't make him twice.
(30:18):
Like learn something from it.
You know what I mean.
Allow yourself to say like, oh,won't do that again.
And I have to tell you it was areally powerful thing because he
was like new to the companythat I was working at and my
company was very closed, like weweren't good at like letting
new people in, and.
But I have to tell you, when hesaid that to me, I called him
(30:41):
all the time and you know weworked remotely, like I would
see him once a month or onceevery you know Other month.
But if something happened and Iwas like, oh, I gotta let Bob
know, I would call him rightaway because if I made a mistake
, I'd like he's like all right,let's lay it on me, what's going
on, because we could workthrough it and figure out how it
wouldn't happen again.
(31:02):
He's like I can defend anybodywho's learned from something
because I can say, listen, thishappened and they're not gonna
do it again, because this isgonna go on right.
But Now, and that kind ofattitude allows for open
communication, healthy conflictand creates I think, creates
real lasting bonds with people,whether it's professionally or
(31:24):
personally.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, I think I, I wholeheartedly agree with that
and I think when you have thatthat part, what you're saying I
agree with, like being thehonesty and speaking, and I
think even in you know, we'retalking right now about
forgiving ourselves.
But when you're looking atforgiving other people or even
asking somebody else forforgiveness, right, like I did
wrong, can you forgive me?
I made a mistake, forgive me.
(31:48):
Yeah, that person has an energyto to tie into it.
Yes, they have something tobring to it, but, like you said,
that makes the bond stronger.
If you guys can have thatcommunication, if you can come
back through it, um, I don'tknow, that's why I see it.
But the other part that I wasthinking about too and I'm going
back into flashing into my pastpersonality guys would have all
loved me.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
You're not gonna love me, you wouldn't have loved me,
we still probably would havebeen friends, which is really
sort of terrifying.
I was just thinking that.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I was actually like, oh my gosh, we would have been,
we would have had so much fun.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Girls, it would have been really awful you can't sit
with us.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Yeah, oh, I used to always hashtag all of my posts
no new friends, old like, no newfriends, like, like all sorts
of things.
Like I was very closed in, Iwas very In for someone.
That's who I am now.
Like I was like nope, this ismy, this is not the box.
You fit it and you don't fit it.
And if you don't fit it, likeyou're gonna get every dirty
look in the book because youbetter.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Yeah, you know I'm gonna go ahead.
I want to hear, I want to hearyour flash.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
But I was thinking about in the sense that I think
I look back at it and I don'tknow if it was so much that I I
think I had a lot of emotions inme period, a process that maybe
it wasn't so much for me atthat point about forgiving
myself but just forgiveness ingeneral.
And I want to say, though, thatI didn't have.
I lacked the ability to becompassionate towards other
(33:16):
people.
I can see it now where Icouldn't understand People's
emotions.
I couldn't understand how to becompassionate, because my life
was, oh well, that sucks too bad.
Okay, on to next.
Like there was no compassion inme.
Like you know and I think that'sthe other part that you're that
(33:36):
you have to realize is thatwhen you choose to forgive
yourself, it can definitely helpyou be more compassionate
towards other people.
So, you know, I tell peoplelike look, there's times where
we make choices in our liveswhere we're like I have a really
hard time focusing on me.
I have a hard time focusing onwhat my healing, it on me that I
need to do, and I'm like well,great, if that's hard, then
focus on the benefit it's goingto have to others.
(33:57):
Focus on the benefit that it'sgoing to help you be more
compassionate, or or forgiving,or, you know, help that person
with whatever they need to.
But I think that's just a partof it.
Is that, yeah, it blockscertain Sensors that's my guides
are like sensors and I'm like,yeah, that's kind of what it is.
A block certain sensors withinyou.
If you don't have thatcompassion towards yourself,
(34:19):
you're not going to be able togive that compassion towards
other people.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, I couldn't forgive myself, so I was very
unforgiving with the magma.
I'm very exacting witheverything.
Everything was very black andwhite.
Nothing could be in a gray zone.
It was all about what I couldunderstand and if I couldn't
(34:45):
understand I wasn't interestedand in a lot of ways it served
me.
In working in a corporateenvironment it was very helpful
because I could have nocompunction about doing the
things that I needed to do Someof the things I'm really not
very proud of at all, but itallowed me to be successful and
(35:05):
I put that in really giant airquotes in one way, but in other
ways I think it separated mefrom my own heart the more that
I did it.
And I think when I left thatlife and sort of wanted to
figure out who that person was,I realized when I quit that job
(35:28):
I didn't have an identitybecause I was that person and I
was what I did for a living.
And it was kind of good in away, because that person
completely died and I could bereborn or reconnected to the
person that I think I always was, or I was when I was little, or
yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
It's good, I don't know.
I just I think for myself, justI created the space and I think
it was really hard.
Like, I'll be honest, it wasreally hard, like I don't know.
I think there's still parts ofme that still come up where I'm
(36:09):
like, oh, like, you need to.
You know, you need to let go ofthis.
You need to let go of that.
You need to let go of this.
My I'll be dead honest.
My ex-husband is great athelping me realize all these
little things I have to forgive.
Like you know, there'sconstantly situations, not for
myself, like within myself, butlearning how to give that grace
to other people and be like,okay, you know.
(36:32):
Like what can you do?
Like, let it go, let it go.
But I think the thing is too.
I always tell people the onlyperson you can control and
change is yourself.
You can't control Absolutely,like even in you wondering the
why of circumstances or howthings happened or what happened
.
The only person you havecontrol of is you.
That's it at the end of the day.
And if you're not willing tocontrol your own self and look
(36:52):
at your own self, then what,then what?
What are you doing?
You're not growing it.
You're feeling stuck, you'reconfused, you're lost in it.
Right, I was telling somebodyagain guys, I do a lot of
teaching all the time.
I saw something but I was like,you guys are constantly
processing your life outside ofyou.
You're constantly processingeverything out here I'm pointing
(37:17):
above my head but, like youknow, in this space of quote
logic, you're trying to pullfrom this and pull from that and
keep going and find thestrength and just focus and
you're processing everythingoutside of you.
But that's not the way it works.
Like, that's the way society'staught us to work.
That's the way you know we'vebeen taught.
But it all has to be processedinside of you.
(37:37):
That's why, like, I always talkabout being present.
Like, pull all of that in.
You want growth?
Pull it in.
You want to understand yourselfbetter?
Pull it in.
Like, you guys have to learnhow to process your emotions,
you have to learn how to forgiveyourself.
You have to learn how to do allthese things inside yourself,
not out here in this bubble,where it's quote safe outside of
you.
Because for us, that'scapitalism.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Cause if you look at it from like a wellness
perspective, the wellness world,the spiritual world, will tell
you, when it's taught through alens of dominant culture, that
everything that you need toquote, unquote, heal and fix
yourself is outside of you.
You know why they tell you thatso you can buy something, so
(38:23):
you can sign up for something,so you can constantly find
yourself shelling out dollars tokeep a system going.
So you're constantly feelinglike you're never enough, so
there's a never ending funnelgoing to sort of try to fill up
that hole inside of you withexternal things.
(38:44):
And the truth is it's nevergoing to be enough if you do it
that way.
But can you imagine if thewhole world realized that all we
need to do is sit withourselves and when we can do
that, we can be with each other?
The whole shit falls apart, thewhole system falls apart.
Yeah.
It really needs to disintegrate.
If we're like wait, we can justtalk to each other and love
(39:07):
each other and maybe even barterthings, and we don't even need
money.
Wait what Nope, it all fallsapart.
Yep, yep, you're right.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
It's terrifying, it's horrible.
We've been taught to go intothis cycle and cycle and cycle
and be our worst critic and yeah, yeah, by crystals.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Take this course, my gosh, and I'm not saying that
crystals aren't great andcourses aren't great, but you
know what I'm.
You guys know what I'm talkingabout.
You folks know what I'm talkingabout.
I'm talking about this excessof, like yoga pants and things
that are completely unnecessaryby of this really expensive
table to make an altar or bythis very expensive meditation
(39:50):
cushion, or you can only do thisif you do this Right, and it's
completely unnecessary.
Find teachers who resonate withyou, who speak to you in a way
that, if you're working withteachers who are telling you the
answers are inside you, theyare the teachers that you need
to be working with.
People, teachers who areconstantly telling you that they
only you need them more thanyou need them, more than you
(40:13):
need yourself.
You need to run in the otherdirection, and you can quote me
on that and I will die on thathill.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, 100%.
You know, any teacher that'snot teaching you how to look
within yourself is not the rightteacher.
They're not teaching youanything.
That's why I tell people too.
I was like, when it comes toteachers, make sure your
teacher's always growing, alwaysdoing the work, always studying
, becoming a bit like no, youdon't want anyone that stale,
Like you don't want anyonethat's just sitting there and
saying like oh, this, this, this, so that's good.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Yes, your teacher should also be evolving.
I'm a completely differentteacher than I was even a year
ago, let alone like 15 years ago.
Completely different, and Ieven cringe at parts of that
teacher too, but she did whatshe needed to do to get to where
she is now.
So it's okay, but some of thestuff just makes me really like
(41:00):
I'm, like I, I roll myself forsome of the things that I said.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Oh my God, I'm really right now thinking about.
I have those memories that popup on Facebook and I'm like Ah,
like, oh God, like who is that?
Like, stop talking.
Like you know, trying to belike okay guys, like this is
just to let you know.
Like these are the things.
Like, if you know me, I don'teven talk like that.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Like Love and light.
I can't tell you how many timesI said love and light.
I'm embarrassed, I'membarrassed.
Love and light.
I said it a lot.
People Don't at me, I don't sayit anymore.
But grow, you know we grow.
But that's the thing.
Right, you have to grow.
Your teachers have to begrowing and changing and they
(41:44):
should be telling you whenthey're growing and changing.
I just learned this.
Let me share it with you.
Like that's what this shouldall be about.
And teachers should also, youknow, be talking about when they
learn something or where theylearned it from.
So your own teaching lexiconfor yourself gets bigger and
bigger.
Like there should be a greatpoint when you go to another
(42:04):
teacher because you've outgrownyour teacher and and that's
great.
You know, I, even when I was adistrict manager, I wanted a
point where, like you don't needme, like I could like disappear
and things would keep moving.
Like that's how you empowerpeople and I think it's, I think
it's so, I think it's soimportant.
(42:25):
But if you don't have space tohave that grace with yourself,
you will never be able to dothat with other people.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Right, yeah, 100%.
You said everything.
I think it's just the tips onhow do you do it.
Now, how do people learn?
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Yeah, how do people do it, and so, from a more
traditional perspective, I teachmeta meditation.
You know it's my favorite, someta is loving, kindness.
But what goes hand in hand withmeta is forgiveness, and
there's a forgiveness meditationthat you can do and you know
there's scripts for them butbasically you allow yourself
(43:00):
just to sit and maybe even thinkabout something where you need
to forgive yourself and you can,you know, use phrases like I
forgive myself for the personthat I was.
Then I know that I'm alwaysgrowing and changing and I allow
myself to make mistakes andgrow.
I forgive myself, and then youcan repeat that and then maybe,
even if you want to forgivesomebody for what they've done,
(43:21):
you can use those same phrasesfor them.
That's like that's somethingyou can do.
Do you want to create a ritualfor yourself for forgiveness?
Do you write down the thingthat you want to forgive
yourself for and burn it?
Or imagine you don't even haveto do it, like?
Can you just like, visualize it?
Speaker 1 (43:37):
I think those are great.
Can you send that link to theMetta so we can put it in the?
I think that for me, journalingis a really big thing and it's
something I always tell myclients as well.
If you're trying to forgivesomebody, I highly suggest
writing a letter to them.
Doesn't mean to give it to them, just write it out.
Give it.
However, you need to let thoseemotions out.
Let them out.
Burn it, bury it, get rid of it.
(43:57):
Don't keep the letter.
I think too, in the sense of thesound, learning how to like
listen to yourself andacknowledge yourself because we
are a worst critic is also.
Journaling can go into there,like you can journal, you know,
into what needs to be releasedor into what you need to forgive
.
So I think journaling is areally powerful thing to do.
I journal all the time.
(44:17):
I literally woke up I'm lookingright now to my bed because I'm
like 6.30 yesterday my mind wasspinning.
It was spinning 6.30 in themorning.
I woke up.
The light wasn't even on and Ijournaled in the dark because I
was just like I gotta journalthis out, I gotta get this out
so that I'm not sabotagingmyself.
So I have the ability to createthat space because you know
(44:37):
those overwhelming thoughts.
They do have that ability tosabotage yourself.
So just finding any way torelease, I don't care like I
tell people scream in the car,talk in the car.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yeah, I talk out loud , I actually.
I talk out loud on my walks, Ido too.
I put in my headphones too.
So sometimes I guess maybepeople think I'm talking to
somebody.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
But I know AirPods and earphones are so great
nowadays because, like you,don't look crazy, I Tell you, if
I didn't know any better,there's times in the stores I'm
talking to myself out loud and Ido it so much I just I Don't
know what to say.
Like I'm like yeah, that's me.
(45:25):
Like I'm walking on the aisletalking to myself, like I
Probably do look crazy, it'sokay, that's what I do.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
My dog jet, knows every single secret about me.
Jet and I have had some veryserious conversation.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
Yes, I have my, my companion, my two.
So yeah, but I mean the otherpart too.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
I think it's being gentle on yourself Just gentle,
the movement can be a great wayto to, you know, release things
or give yourself some care.
I love hopping on my bike.
If you know, I'm sort ofworking something out that could
be helpful.
Sometimes I'll lay down youknow, I'm just during to my yoga
mat behind me.
You know, there's lots ofdifferent ways and sometimes the
(46:13):
same way won't work all of thetime, and that's why having a
variety of things can be useful.
Sometimes it's journaling,sometimes it's walking,
sometimes it's working out,sometimes it's crying in the
chapel.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Oh, like when you guys are journaling, I want to
encourage you to leave space forwhatever else may rise because,
like I'm talking aboutautomatic writing or whatever it
is that needs to you tellpeople what automatic writing is
.
So automatic writing I I had a.
Here we go.
(46:45):
My guides are like how do youguys want to explain it?
That's when I'm trying to.
Automatic writing for me, or foranyone, is when you call in
your spirit team.
So what I do when I'm goinginto automatic writing mode,
just let you guys know grab apen, grab a paper, grab your
phone.
I don't care what you guyswrite on and I call in my guides
by simply saying I call myhigher self, my angels, my
(47:06):
guides, just surround me andguide me.
That's it.
Um, my, my automatic writingalways starts with dear spirit.
Dear spirit, and this will looklike, sometimes, me just
writing like I'm just pouringout my heart, I'm pouring out
whatever I need to talk about,but I'm also asking questions.
What does this look like?
Why are you teaching me thisand I'm listening to what those
(47:28):
answers are and just letting thepen guide me, without judgment,
without ego, just freely writewhatever comes to mind.
Do not judge it, don't have egoin it and don't think like this
isn't me.
You may notice your writing ischanging, your writing styles
changing, your words arechanging.
Just let it flow, and that'swhere automatic writing is.
(47:49):
We do it often like I tellpeople like you ever write down
an email and you're like waitwhen that email come from.
You automatic wrote, you justwent in and you just freely
flowing out of your fingertips.
Same thing when it comes tocotton paper and oftentimes,
sometimes it's one word,sometimes it's a sentence,
sometimes it's a paragraph.
It doesn't have to be a lot,but it needs to be whatever it
is, whatever you probably needto receive.
(48:10):
My thing is keep digging.
I always tell people keepasking questions when, how, why,
what does it look like?
What is this?
Break this down?
Why do I feel this way?
What am I supposed to beacknowledging?
What do I need to learn?
I Will ask my spirit team athousand and one questions to
just okay, I surrender, Isurrender.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Okay, we feel better.
So yeah, but I'm doingautomatic writing.
I Do it on my phone, on mynotes, doc, my notes on my
iPhone is amazing, and foriPhone people, there's also a
hashtag feature now, so you canhashtag and you can organize all
(48:50):
of your notes with thosehashtags.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
I think it's the same for our Samsung.
Oh is it?
Speaker 2 (48:55):
It's a great tool because I literally I write
everything down on my notesthing and it's not organized and
I actually just yesterdaystarted hashtagging everything.
So now I can find it.
But my point is is that was notmy point.
My point is is what I'm doing,my automatic writing?
I don't edit, don't worry aboutspelling, I just I just put it
(49:19):
down.
Sometimes punctuation isn'thappening and I don't go back,
it's just I just get it outuntil I feel like I'm at the end
of it.
As, as you know, isabelle and Iare both writers, but as
writers so for the writers outthere there might be a tendency
to do, you get into writer modeand you think you need to edit
and you know and and put yourstyle Into it, and that's not
(49:42):
what this is.
This isn't like you writing anessay or writing your book or a
poem.
This is just an experience thatyou're supposed to be having
with yourself and spirit.
It's for you, it's not forsomething that you're
necessarily going to publish.
So get so to separate yourselffrom that.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
I think that's a good point.
Yeah, don't go back, don't golike oh, that it makes sense, I
don't just get it out, just getwhatever it is out.
Yeah, I guess that's everythingyou have anything yeah.
No, all right guys.
Thanks for following, thanksfor listening.
Please leave a comment if yousee any problems or any problems
(50:27):
On your own or here on youtube.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
Of course it's just a personal benefits.
That sounds good.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's talk about someforgiveness, forgiving yourself.
I think that's the thing.
Yeah, forgiving yourself.
I'll take a deep breath.
Are you ready for it?
Yes, and what's your sweatshirt, say, let's see that sweatshirt
.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It says emotional labor union strike.
My friend Brie found this and Iabsolutely love it.
When I was doing, I was takinga walk this morning and so many
people were like smiling andlike giggling, like looking at
me.
I'm like why is everybody sofriendly?
(00:39):
And then I'm like, oh, I'mwearing this sweatshirt.
Yeah, especially a lot of womenwho I walk by, they were like
it's up, sis.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I always think about like different little funny.
Like you know, you buysweatshirts with like things on
it, but like, if I said certainthings on my sweatshirt, if
people would like approach me,like approach me and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
You know I just put mybillboard out there.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, yeah, I do.
It's so funny that as a over 50person, I'm really into like
graphic teas with messages andstuff.
But yeah, no, I no longerbelieve.
I think I used to be reallystuck in the fact that you have
to sort of dress your age orwhatever, and I think all of
that's total bullshit.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Girl, you have no idea, I do not dress my age.
I do not dress my age.
I don't even know what my ageis supposed to dress like.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Exactly.
I think all of that's changingand I think that's really good
because I think, especially forwomen and femmes, there's this
idea that we have to sort ofuphold some standard to be
acceptable or presentable.
But I've been, I think, lettinggo of a lot of that, which I
think ties in with forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I think that right now is the time of divine
feminine.
I really feel like, even whenI've been working on my clients,
I'm like bringing through theenergy of divine feminine and I
think it's really empowering.
And I think that a lot of us aswomen are no longer following
those social whatever that is,whatever social rules or
whatever we can hold anymore,and I think people are just
(02:11):
learning to have thatcomfortability and like I am who
I am, you like it or you don'tlike it.
You know, this is what it is.
I was telling somebody recently, like if you've noticed, my
feeds changed on Instagram inthe last couple of weeks and I
was saying like I'm just beingme, like yeah, you don't like it
, but like I just was like Idon't want to do this or this or
(02:31):
this anymore, I'm just gonna bewho I am.
And I was telling someone I waslike I have had more business in
the last couple of weeks thanI've had in the longest time and
I think it's because of justyour authenticity shines out.
Yeah, and that's it.
Yeah, it's like this is who Iam, but anyways, we'll talk, I'm
sure.
Authenticity, forgiveness, allof that All right.
So welcome to Motherland.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah, welcome to Motherland.
We do always forget that part.
(03:17):
So welcome to Motherland.
I like this idea of forgivenessand let me tell you why.
When I was doing my meditationteacher training, I was having
lunch with somebody, with afriend who I value his opinion
greatly.
He was also a meditationteacher doing the training and
as we were doing the training, Iwas talking about another
(03:39):
training that I wanted to do andhe said and I'm paraphrasing
but like when are you gonna stopdoing trainings and recognize
that you are enough already?
And it was sort of like what'sinside you that you think that
you need to keep doing this tobe valid?
And I wanted to think both likeslap and kiss him at the same
(04:02):
time, because I was like, oh, Ihate you and I love you because
you like, you see me.
And it shifted something in methat for so often I thought my
practice was about making mefeel whole.
And then I had empty spots thatI was feeling, but I needed to
fill it with myself.
But then I started to thinkabout are there things inside me
that I no longer need or thatI'm holding on to, that have
(04:23):
been holding me back, that Ineed to sort of let go of and I
think, sort of old stories aboutme not being enough for things
that I needed to sort of releaseand forgive myself for, for
sort of holding myself back andor harms that people have caused
me that made me have those oldstories, or the way that I've
harmed people that made me hadold stories.
(04:44):
But I think forgiveness isabout letting go of energy.
That's the way of saying it.
It's not necessarily like, it'snot even necessary.
If you forgive somebody fordoing something to you, it's not
even about that person, it'sabout you and cutting that cord
of connection from the thingthat happened.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, I think that's a important part for you, for
this episode, for people tounderstand.
It's not about.
It's not about we're notfocusing on forgiving others.
We're focusing on ourselvesright now, but I'm sure that's
gonna tie in cause.
It does tie in.
Would you say, though, thatyou're taking more classes and
more of these things to almostcover up maybe for yourself
moving within yourself?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yes, and I think, pushing down something in me
that I didn't want toacknowledge, a part of me that
felt shame about something.
And I think that's because mypractice at the time, as I
mentioned, was more about sortof filling myself with things
rather than going inside andseeing what was there.
And I think that's why I use ateaching lately about what's
(05:50):
alive inside of you, because Ithink when you can notice what's
alive inside of you, you canexplore that and then you can
either welcome things in or letthings go.
But you can't do that until younotice what's alive inside of
you in a moment.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I love, that what's alive inside of you.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Instead of saying how are you what's alive inside of
you?
Woo Right, it hits differentDang.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Woo, that's alive inside of you.
Ooh, that's a good one.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, and I like to give credit where credit is due.
It's not even I didn't come upwith this when I was in Slovenia
, I think in April, at a retreat.
It was an arts-based retreat,so there were a lot of acting
exercises and one of thefacilitators during the session
we were doing a journalingsession and said what's alive
inside of you.
I literally busted out intotears as soon as it was said.
(06:48):
Like as soon as it was said,because it hit me so hard like
oh my God, how have I not askedmyself this question before,
like as a teacher?
And it was such a powerfulmoment.
I was like, wow, am I doing mystudents a disservice by not
asking this question?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So yeah, that's really good, because I think
what you're saying right now iswhat I think I always try to
tell people.
We always try to move forward.
I had this talk yesterday.
This talk has been coming up alot.
Actually.
We're always constantly tryingto move on to the next step.
We're trying to move forward,we're trying to set our goals,
we're trying to do all of thisbut in reality, we haven't
(07:28):
actually went within ourselves,so we haven't made or cleared
that space.
Like you talked about energywithin ourselves.
So most people want to move onand do whatever they need to do,
but they're not making peacewithin themselves.
And I always tell people howcan you sit here?
I said this the other day wejust have a new moon right now.
You guys want to manifest, youguys want to create, but you
(07:50):
don't have any room in you tocreate.
You have no room to manifestand in order to do that, that
means you're going to have to gowithin and you're going to have
to clear that space and you'regoing to have to make the room
for what that looks like.
And part of that is what you'resaying is realizing and asking
yourself that question what'salive inside of you?
And then looking at it andconnecting that feeling of
(08:11):
forgiveness and coming to that.
You did that to me, I did thatto you when, when.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
It might have been me and you, or me, you and Mel.
No, I think it was just you.
You were interviewing me andthis might have been pre-show or
after the show, but in ourconversation I was like screwing
around about leaving Rikers andyou said there's so much energy
(08:40):
around that that you have toget rid of.
You were too connected to thatplace and I was like, yeah, I
need to give notice.
And you said so what are you?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Oh yeah, I'll call someone out in a second oh yeah,
you called me out of mybullshit quick.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You said give me a date, yeah, 100%.
And I was like, well, and youjust pick a date.
And I picked a date inside inthat spot and I gave my notice
the next week and it was apivotal moment, right, you have
those peak or quantum momentswhen something's happening,
(09:13):
because I remember sitting I wasjust finished shooting for Yoga
International, andre and I werein a car service coming back
from Pennsylvania and I was onmy phone and I typed that
resignation letter and I clickedit and in that moment I could
hear your voice saying like picka date.
And because it was importantand you can even hear yourself
(09:34):
saying it, right?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Can I say it to people?
I'll tell you after you talk.
But yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And there was a moment and I don't know if
you've had these were like it'salmost like time stops because
you know something is going onin that moment when I clicked
send and I was like nothing isever going to be the same after
I've done this and it wascompletely necessary and it
needed to happen in this moment,and I don't know what the heck
(10:00):
is gonna happen next with mylife and I'm absolutely
terrified.
But like, let's go.
And it's been awesome, right,it's been awesome and it's been
scary and it's awesome.
But if I didn't make room byleaving, I wouldn't have been
able to do this podcast, Iwouldn't be writing my book and
come up with a proposal that Iam so proud of, and I wouldn't
(10:24):
have gone to Slovenia.
I wouldn't have done any of thethings that I've been doing and
ready for all of the things thatare coming.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Yeah, I have a student and she's gonna laugh
because I know she listens toour podcast.
I love her to death.
I have a student and so she's agreat reader.
She's a great reader and I meanshe can give good readings.
And so she said the other dayshe's like I'm like, yeah, what
do you want?
She's like I wanna change theworld, I wanna do this with it,
I wanna change the world.
I'm like so when are you?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
gonna do it Wednesday ?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
That's at the date.
She's like what At the date?
When are you gonna do it?
I'm like I will pump you outwhen you go live.
You tell me when you're gonnago live and you start taking
that initiative when you'regonna do it.
She just looked at me, thosedead eyes, like what?
And I'm like give me a date.
I want to do something and godo it.
Like, just do it.
But yeah, I'll call it.
My guides get like that and Iknow it's me, but I also know
(11:15):
it's my guides.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
So like when it comes to me, when you spoke to me it
was you and something behind itit's my guides.
It was because what you saidwas the energy of Rikers and I'm
also paraphrasing a little bitbut like the energy of Rikers is
all over you, you're holdingtoo much of it inside you.
Yeah, and I had told you aboutsome, you know, some very sort
(11:37):
of scary experienceenergetically that had happened
to me that prompted you to sayyou got to go, like you got to
get out of there.
But I think this goes back toforgiveness too.
I think I felt guilty aboutleaving and being able to pursue
what I think are like my dreamsand wanting to sort of do
(11:58):
service on a different scale,and I think that came from a
place of lack that I was holdingon to inside, that I needed to
punish myself or something, andso by forgiving myself, I made
space, and sometimes the spacedoesn't even need to be filled
with anything Sometimes you justneed the space.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
That's exactly it.
Sometimes you just need space.
You know, it's funny.
I think as humans, we'reconstantly looking to feel the
void, feel the void, feel thevoid.
Why, like?
Why, you know, and I was sayingthat to somebody recently.
When we're just talking, I mean, I think this goes hands in
hands with healing, and I wassaying, sometimes healing you
said it too.
(12:40):
I think Sometimes healing isjust resting.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You don't have to do something.
You don't have to.
Oh, I got to meditate, I got todo this.
I got to go do this.
I got to, you know, goinner-child healing.
I got to just sit, just rest.
You want to take a nap?
Take a nap, Like that's healingtoo, Like you know, and that's
where I'm like you don't have toconstantly fill stuff in.
Leave that space for, like, theuniverse to give you whatever
(13:06):
it needs to give you to breathe,whatever that needs to bring in
.
I'm laughing because theuniverse is like and when we do,
because then you run, no, butwhen you do I'm laughing.
I'm laughing.
I'm laughing Because my guidesare like and we did, and you
what I said, I ran so, but youget better.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
What do we do as a bell when you get what you?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
want, I'm done.
No, we don't, guys, we don't.
I'm so upset, we panicked.
We actually do, though, don'twe?
But I think we do.
Like that goes into whole otherissues.
I think that there's timeswhere we get what we want and
we're like oh wait, like now,like right now, like you're oh,
you really were meaning likeright now.
(13:49):
Like we're like I'm not ready,but it's like no, the universe
is like you're so, so ready,like you're more ready than you
think you are, and you need tojust let that space you give
yourself and let it just kind offlow with it.
But it's interesting because inmy topic that I'm talking about
, I think it also comes withthat room of forgiving, because
for me, something came in I'mnot giving all my details, but
(14:10):
something came in and I wasthinking, I'm quote, not ready,
because I felt guilt forsomething.
But I was like well, I feel badif I step into something else.
I feel bad if I move into this,because I'm holding guilt into,
you know, something of the past, like maybe I haven't healed
this, or maybe I haven't, youknow, let this go, or maybe it's
too soon, or whatever it is,and there's a lot of guilt and
(14:32):
shame, I think, around forgivingourselves.
It's like it's funny that we'remore comfortable, maybe in the
guilt and shame than actuallythe healed versions of who we
actually are meant to be.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Oh shit, yeah, I think I'm you said it like this
idea that we're not ready toforgive ourselves or we're
afraid to forgive ourselves, Ifeel sometimes guilt and this is
, you know.
I think this is why my practiceis so important and this is why
(15:05):
I think, when it comes to blackand indigenous folks, exploring
spirituality, sort of separatingourselves from dominant culture
, is really important because weget caught up in this idea of
capitalism or having to earncertain things or be really
productive.
And I had a lot of guilt andshame about who I used to be
(15:29):
when I was in my other career.
I was mean, I was selfish andbecause I was scared and I moved
from a place of lack andscarcity because I didn't think
that there was, I had to fightfor my seat at the table, like
as a black woman doing stuff.
(15:49):
So I wasn't always kind andsometimes I was downright mean
and I think even in thinkingabout that part of myself I a
couple of years ago I wouldn'thave been able to articulate
this out loud because I probablywould have been broken down
into tears or felt so terribleand a big part of my practice,
and sort of coming back toremembering who I was was saying
(16:13):
like you were that personbecause that was the only way
that you knew how to be in orderto do what you needed to get
done.
But you don't have to do thatanymore and you have to forgive
yourself of that if you're goingto move forward.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yeah, yeah, well, when you don't like we said a
little bit like when you don'tforgive yourself, right, we get
caught up in that shame, we getcaught in that anger, we get
caught up in low self-esteem.
You guys probably realize yourcommunication skills suck
because you're like trying tofight back some stuff like that.
But I'm listening to you andI'm thinking how in the past you
know I'll be straight out likein the past people are like
(16:48):
you're a bitch.
I think before they're likeIsabel, you were a bitch, you, I
didn't know that my my friendsat that time they're no longer
my friends, but my friends atthat time would be like Isabel's
always down and ready to fightand I was like old people, that
like what.
And they're like, yeah, youwere always looking for the
fight and I was like I didn'tthink that of myself.
But I say that as we hold thisenergy inside of ourselves that
(17:12):
we don't realize at timesactually there, because we don't
want to pay attention to it.
But I say, right, energy has tocome out some way.
Whether it's grief, whetherit's pain, whether it's anger,
it has to come out some way.
And if you're not forgivingyourself and you're not honoring
whatever those things arewithin yourself, like I think it
projects outwards in a way andthat's where that you know it
negatively impacts yourrelationships with others.
(17:34):
And yeah, I think you leakright Like a perfect word.
You leak right I'm imaginingright now, like a balloon that's
letting go of its helium.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Absolutely, and you know you overreact in certain
situations, you underreact inother situations, because you're
never coming from a place ofauthenticity.
Right, You're you.
You don't know what's aliveinside of you.
Yeah, so it's like nothing ison even ground, Nothing's real
and everything's shaky.
And out of that shakiness wereact and we lash out because we
(18:06):
don't feel safe insideourselves.
And so I think forgivenesshelps us feel safe inside
ourselves, even if we don't likewhat we're feeling.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Right, I was saying this.
Yes, it's funny because Iliterally had this talk
yesterday.
I was saying yesterday about,though, and the fact that, in
order for you to work onforgiving yourself, right, where
does it start?
You have to focus on youremotions.
You have to acknowledge andprocess your emotions, and I was
saying that we though I thinksociety has taught us not to do
that right you keep moving, youkeep moving, you just keep going
(18:36):
, suck it up, deal with it, makethe best of it, and I know for
myself and my own family I'monly speaking from my own
culture and heritage I watched,right, I watched my grandfather
watched everybody just, okay,they're going to give you slack.
You keep going, you keep moving, you keep moving.
You know you show what you'rebetter, and you just push that.
You push it, you push it.
So I think there's so much ofthat deconstructing of learning
(18:57):
how to really acknowledge andfeel into your emotions and your
feelings, because we have beentaught not to be safe in it.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Oh, absolutely, you're so emotional, onika, I
can't tell you how awesomeYou're, so sensitive.
You're so sensitive.
Oh, here goes Onika being sosensitive, oh, onika.
So here's emotional Onika.
She's always got to get all ofyou know whatever about whatever
we're talking about.
(19:25):
And I, I embodied that and Isort of held on to that sort of
identification of I'm toosensitive, I'm too emotional,
and wasn't allowing myself to toexplore the things that I
needed to explore.
I kept on taking on all theseexternal stories about what
people thought of me, believingthat they were true, and then to
making them true inside myself.
(19:47):
And it took a long time tounlearn that and heart.
And, believe me, there aretimes that, you know, I think
about certain things or thingsthat I've done, and I still feel
flushed with shame about theways that I acted.
Sometimes and, you know, andbecause I have this practice, I
have forgiven myself for that.
So there's some tendernessaround it too, but it doesn't
(20:08):
mean that the shame goes away.
It's just that I can live withit now and I think that's what
it is.
You don't necessarily have tomake anything go away, but you
learn and sometimes it doesdissipate and go away, but it's
also.
We can get re-triggered and welearn how to deal with it.
So it's not something that youknow sort of takes us under.
You know things would take meunder.
You know I could get upset andhold onto it for like weeks and
(20:30):
months, just like doing andstewing.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Oh, my God, I've not realized right now how focused
this whole conversation is.
Sorry, I'm laughing becauseeverything is clicking right now
.
I'm like oh, oh, my God, I'mhaving epiphanies.
You guys, I'm having epiphaniesand I'm having a therapy
session with herself right now,oh, got it.
But that's the biggest thing,like you know, you said
(20:54):
triggered and I'm like yeah, yougot to give yourself that
permission to recognize andaccept, like, where you have
been triggered, and welcome them.
I think the other part intoforgiving yourself too and I was
talking to somebody recently isit doesn't mean that you have
to like.
Some people are like I don't, Idon't know if I can do that
Like, I don't know if I canactually have the strength to
process this, or I don't know ifI want to feel this again.
(21:16):
I don't know if I want to lookat this again, and I think it's
a matter of like just do whatyou can, just like, if you can't
have to do it all at once youdon't have to say that again for
the people in the back.
What you can.
You don't have to do it all atonce.
You just do it little by little, by little, and I was saying
that you know I was like thatmeans you have to doggy paddle.
Then doggy paddle, that meansyour toes just get dipped in the
(21:38):
water.
Dip it in the water, likewhatever it looks like in,
whatever it like, you can handleit.
Then handle that and then takea step back, go back in.
Take a step back, go back in.
But I think you make a goodpoint where I think the better
way for me to say it is that thememory of maybe something
doesn't dissipate, but at leastyou're willing to let go of the
(21:58):
energy that you are holding on.
That's what's important.
You might not let go of thememory, but you can let go of
the energy, and it's moreimportant that you let go of
that energy, like we said at thebeginning, in order to create
that space.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
And I think that goes to forgiving other people as
well.
Right, nadia Bolls Weber is areverend.
She's a reverend.
The sarcastic Lutheran is herInstagram, but she has a
fantastic oh, she's awesome.
(22:35):
She's like cover and tattoo.
She's a bad ass.
She curses.
I love her.
I love everything about her.
But she has this video onYouTube.
It's called Forgive theAssholes it's the name of it,
and I know how can you not lovea reverend who says forgive the
asshole, like you have got to?
I can't tell you how manypeople I played that for at
(22:56):
Rikers because I think it was soimportant.
And she talks about taking boltcutters and cutting the ties of
people who have hurt you, andit's not about saying, yes, I'm
okay with what you did to me,but I am releasing myself of the
energy of the thing thathappened, and I would also add
(23:17):
on to that, and I think this isalso important too.
You may not be able to forgivepeople who have hurt you and
guess what?
That's okay.
You don't have to.
I think the word forgiveness isalso like hella, triggering in
itself, because instantly in oursociety, forgiveness is
(23:38):
associated with doormat.
It's associated with you know,like you have to take it or suck
it up or turn the other cheekor all of these things that are
seen as being like weak or lessthan.
But I think forgiveness is oneof the most powerful things that
we can do for ourselves,because it truly frees us.
(23:58):
It's an act of liberation tocut yourself off from something
that was holding you back.
It cuts bonds right, it cutschains, it lets you, sort of
like, stand on your own.
I don't think I would be who Iam without forgiveness, and
(24:19):
there's some things I won't that.
I don't know if I can forgive Iwon't say never but there are
also things that I still knowthat I'm not in a place to
forgive that person or evenforgive myself for some things
that I've done you know, I thinkthe most important part in that
is you're talking aboutforgiving other people is I
think you said it right thereare some people in life that I
think you just, yeah, you don'tforgive.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
There's just too big of an issue, and I don't think
we need to list them.
I think we all know what someof those are for ourselves.
But I think the bigger part isto look at energetically, though
.
Are you giving too much ofyourself to that situation?
Right, that's something else.
Like, that's where it's like,am I giving my anger?
Am I giving my you know energyinto that situation?
(25:02):
Right, that's different.
I think, when we look at it like, you know, am I asking for the
why or why or how or how couldyou know all these things?
It's like, focus on like, do Iwant to continue giving my
energy to this person?
Do I want to continue givingthat to them?
Um, no, like, the answer is no,but that doesn't mean that you
(25:22):
have to necessarily be like.
You know what?
I Forgive you for that mistake.
You didn't know better.
No, you can just be like.
No, I choose not to like, put myfocus on there, and this is my
energy and it's my power, andI'm gonna call it back and I'm
gonna be with it.
Right, I'm gonna.
I'm just gonna be with it andI'm gonna call that back.
I'm gonna mourn whatever I needto mourn, I'm gonna grieve
whatever I need to grieve, I'mgonna be pissed off and mad for
(25:44):
a little bit and I'm gonna getit out, because you FN did not
need to do that, or whatever itis.
But then now I'm gonna call itback, yeah, well, back, and I'm
gonna choose to separate myself.
I think it's like you said,cutting it.
It's your separation that youneed to pull yourself back from,
because I think that's where,like a lot of my clients can get
caught up in the why or how, oryou know things and Sometimes
(26:06):
you don't have.
You don't have the answers.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah, and it's like I mean, there's always there's so
many great Um visuals for it,but it's like somebody pushes
you into a pool and you can'tswim.
Are you gonna like yell at theperson who pushed you into a
pool or are you gonna try tofind a light preserver so you
don't drown, right like?
You need to focus on takingcare of yourself and and and
(26:29):
sort of not drowning and notputting the finger at like why'd
you push me into the pool?
That doesn't matter right now.
You got to take care ofyourself and I think that's
that's an.
It's an important thing toremember, um, that we do this so
we can take care of ourselvesand and, by extension, you know,
we show up better for for theworld when we're taking care of
ourselves, because we are Um allconnected.
(26:52):
But that's why we haveboundaries.
You can forgive and haveboundaries, and you can forgive
yourself, um, and create healthyboundaries going forward, so
you're not finding yourselvesdoing the same things over and
over and over again, whetherit's allowing yourself to be
hurt or whether it's somebodyhurting you.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, I agree.
There's a lot of people that donot know how to do boundaries
though, like that's a lot.
Most people do not understandwhat boundaries are.
They don't know how to createboundaries.
They don't know how to keepboundaries right.
That's a big one Maybe that'sanother app, is that's a big one
?
Where they're like I have myboundaries up but I'm like all
right, but how many times didyou let him back in Right?
How many times did you say,okay, but he understands my
(27:33):
boundaries, does he?
Because you keep opening thedoor, do they?
Whatever it is right.
So, yeah, I think the other parttoo, when we talk about, you
know, forgiving yourself is likewe said, like I think we kind
of said it in not so many words,but it's to give yourself that
grace and compassion, and Idon't think that we offer that
enough to ourselves.
(27:53):
Like you know, I always saywe're human, you guys are human.
You may come down to this earthto live a human experience, to
experience all these emotions,to experience all this energy,
and you're human.
We, I think we somehow, somehow, have put ourselves On a
pedestal.
That that is not, that's notreality.
That is like perfectionism, bythe way, is a total, total, um,
(28:19):
is it?
I'm losing my words right now.
But if you're perfectionist,it's a trauma response.
So we.
We put ourselves on thesepedestals and you know we beat
ourselves up over maybe mistakesor things we should have or
shouldn't have done, rather thanlooking at them as like I was.
I had to do this lesson theother day.
I I'm a Health mindset coachfor another company and we're
(28:40):
talking about fixed mindsetversus growth mindset right and
looking at things as anopportunity for learning how to
grow right.
Like, how how can I look atthis quote mistake as an as an
opportunity to grow, as anopportunity to better myself, as
an opportunity to learn, likethis is school, this is school,
this is your soul school.
So you're learning lessonsconstantly.
(29:02):
So I think that's the otherpart of looking at it is great.
You made a quote mistake.
I hate the word mistake, that'swhy I'm quoting it.
You made a quote mistake andnow what are you going to do
about it?
Are you going to learn from it?
Are you going to learn from itRight?
My mom said it the other day.
I was talking to her about um,I Don't care whatever.
I was talking to her about mypast relationships and she was
(29:23):
like the most important part isyou don't focus on I should have
and I shouldn't have and Ishouldn't have done this.
She goes did you learn?
Would you learn?
Yeah, yeah, she's like that'sall that matters.
You grew and I was right, andshe's like that's it in every
circumstance and I'm like, Imean, I teach it, but sometimes
you just got to hear it, youknow.
So it's like okay, like so,just looking at what can you
(29:44):
learn and what did you?
What did you learn from this?
And even if it is just the factthat I have the awareness into
my emotions right now, cool,let's start there.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
That's really powerful and I think it's really
helpful in relationships thatwe have with other people when
we can start to Do that andforget ourselves and recognize.
You know that we, you know,make mistakes or create
opportunities, or however Do youwant to frame it.
One of my favorite bosses, um,he, used to say Make all of the
mistakes in the world, justdon't make him twice.
(30:18):
Like learn something from it.
You know what I mean.
Allow yourself to say like, oh,won't do that again.
And I have to tell you it was areally powerful thing because he
was like new to the companythat I was working at and my
company was very closed, like weweren't good at like letting
new people in, and.
But I have to tell you, when hesaid that to me, I called him
(30:41):
all the time and you know weworked remotely, like I would
see him once a month or onceevery you know Other month.
But if something happened and Iwas like, oh, I gotta let Bob
know, I would call him rightaway because if I made a mistake
, I'd like he's like all right,let's lay it on me, what's going
on, because we could workthrough it and figure out how it
wouldn't happen again.
(31:02):
He's like I can defend anybodywho's learned from something
because I can say, listen, thishappened and they're not gonna
do it again, because this isgonna go on right.
But Now, and that kind ofattitude allows for open
communication, healthy conflictand creates I think, creates
real lasting bonds with people,whether it's professionally or
(31:24):
personally.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, I think I, I wholeheartedly agree with that
and I think when you have thatthat part, what you're saying I
agree with, like being thehonesty and speaking, and I
think even in you know, we'retalking right now about
forgiving ourselves.
But when you're looking atforgiving other people or even
asking somebody else forforgiveness, right, like I did
wrong, can you forgive me?
I made a mistake, forgive me.
(31:48):
Yeah, that person has an energyto to tie into it.
Yes, they have something tobring to it, but, like you said,
that makes the bond stronger.
If you guys can have thatcommunication, if you can come
back through it, um, I don'tknow, that's why I see it.
But the other part that I wasthinking about too and I'm going
back into flashing into my pastpersonality guys would have all
loved me.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
You're not gonna love me, you wouldn't have loved me,
we still probably would havebeen friends, which is really
sort of terrifying.
I was just thinking that.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I was actually like, oh my gosh, we would have been,
we would have had so much fun.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Girls, it would have been really awful you can't sit
with us.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Yeah, oh, I used to always hashtag all of my posts
no new friends, old like, no newfriends, like, like all sorts
of things.
Like I was very closed in, Iwas very In for someone.
That's who I am now.
Like I was like nope, this ismy, this is not the box.
You fit it and you don't fit it.
And if you don't fit it, likeyou're gonna get every dirty
look in the book because youbetter.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Yeah, you know I'm gonna go ahead.
I want to hear, I want to hearyour flash.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
But I was thinking about in the sense that I think
I look back at it and I don'tknow if it was so much that I I
think I had a lot of emotions inme period, a process that maybe
it wasn't so much for me atthat point about forgiving
myself but just forgiveness ingeneral.
And I want to say, though, thatI didn't have.
I lacked the ability to becompassionate towards other
(33:16):
people.
I can see it now where Icouldn't understand People's
emotions.
I couldn't understand how to becompassionate, because my life
was, oh well, that sucks too bad.
Okay, on to next.
Like there was no compassion inme.
Like you know and I think that'sthe other part that you're that
(33:36):
you have to realize is thatwhen you choose to forgive
yourself, it can definitely helpyou be more compassionate
towards other people.
So, you know, I tell peoplelike look, there's times where
we make choices in our liveswhere we're like I have a really
hard time focusing on me.
I have a hard time focusing onwhat my healing, it on me that I
need to do, and I'm like well,great, if that's hard, then
focus on the benefit it's goingto have to others.
(33:57):
Focus on the benefit that it'sgoing to help you be more
compassionate, or or forgiving,or, you know, help that person
with whatever they need to.
But I think that's just a partof it.
Is that, yeah, it blockscertain Sensors that's my guides
are like sensors and I'm like,yeah, that's kind of what it is.
A block certain sensors withinyou.
If you don't have thatcompassion towards yourself,
(34:19):
you're not going to be able togive that compassion towards
other people.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, I couldn't forgive myself, so I was very
unforgiving with the magma.
I'm very exacting witheverything.
Everything was very black andwhite.
Nothing could be in a gray zone.
It was all about what I couldunderstand and if I couldn't
(34:45):
understand I wasn't interestedand in a lot of ways it served
me.
In working in a corporateenvironment it was very helpful
because I could have nocompunction about doing the
things that I needed to do Someof the things I'm really not
very proud of at all, but itallowed me to be successful and
(35:05):
I put that in really giant airquotes in one way, but in other
ways I think it separated mefrom my own heart the more that
I did it.
And I think when I left thatlife and sort of wanted to
figure out who that person was,I realized when I quit that job
(35:28):
I didn't have an identitybecause I was that person and I
was what I did for a living.
And it was kind of good in away, because that person
completely died and I could bereborn or reconnected to the
person that I think I always was, or I was when I was little, or
yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
It's good, I don't know.
I just I think for myself, justI created the space and I think
it was really hard.
Like, I'll be honest, it wasreally hard, like I don't know.
I think there's still parts ofme that still come up where I'm
(36:09):
like, oh, like, you need to.
You know, you need to let go ofthis.
You need to let go of that.
You need to let go of this.
My I'll be dead honest.
My ex-husband is great athelping me realize all these
little things I have to forgive.
Like you know, there'sconstantly situations, not for
myself, like within myself, butlearning how to give that grace
to other people and be like,okay, you know.
(36:32):
Like what can you do?
Like, let it go, let it go.
But I think the thing is too.
I always tell people the onlyperson you can control and
change is yourself.
You can't control Absolutely,like even in you wondering the
why of circumstances or howthings happened or what happened
.
The only person you havecontrol of is you.
That's it at the end of the day.
And if you're not willing tocontrol your own self and look
(36:52):
at your own self, then what,then what?
What are you doing?
You're not growing it.
You're feeling stuck, you'reconfused, you're lost in it.
Right, I was telling somebodyagain guys, I do a lot of
teaching all the time.
I saw something but I was like,you guys are constantly
processing your life outside ofyou.
You're constantly processingeverything out here I'm pointing
(37:17):
above my head but, like youknow, in this space of quote
logic, you're trying to pullfrom this and pull from that and
keep going and find thestrength and just focus and
you're processing everythingoutside of you.
But that's not the way it works.
Like, that's the way society'staught us to work.
That's the way you know we'vebeen taught.
But it all has to be processedinside of you.
(37:37):
That's why, like, I always talkabout being present.
Like, pull all of that in.
You want growth?
Pull it in.
You want to understand yourselfbetter?
Pull it in.
Like, you guys have to learnhow to process your emotions,
you have to learn how to forgiveyourself.
You have to learn how to do allthese things inside yourself,
not out here in this bubble,where it's quote safe outside of
you.
Because for us, that'scapitalism.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Cause if you look at it from like a wellness
perspective, the wellness world,the spiritual world, will tell
you, when it's taught through alens of dominant culture, that
everything that you need toquote, unquote, heal and fix
yourself is outside of you.
You know why they tell you thatso you can buy something, so
(38:23):
you can sign up for something,so you can constantly find
yourself shelling out dollars tokeep a system going.
So you're constantly feelinglike you're never enough, so
there's a never ending funnelgoing to sort of try to fill up
that hole inside of you withexternal things.
(38:44):
And the truth is it's nevergoing to be enough if you do it
that way.
But can you imagine if thewhole world realized that all we
need to do is sit withourselves and when we can do
that, we can be with each other?
The whole shit falls apart, thewhole system falls apart.
Yeah.
It really needs to disintegrate.
If we're like wait, we can justtalk to each other and love
(39:07):
each other and maybe even barterthings, and we don't even need
money.
Wait what Nope, it all fallsapart.
Yep, yep, you're right.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
It's terrifying, it's horrible.
We've been taught to go intothis cycle and cycle and cycle
and be our worst critic and yeah, yeah, by crystals.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Take this course, my gosh, and I'm not saying that
crystals aren't great andcourses aren't great, but you
know what I'm.
You guys know what I'm talkingabout.
You folks know what I'm talkingabout.
I'm talking about this excessof, like yoga pants and things
that are completely unnecessaryby of this really expensive
table to make an altar or bythis very expensive meditation
(39:50):
cushion, or you can only do thisif you do this Right, and it's
completely unnecessary.
Find teachers who resonate withyou, who speak to you in a way
that, if you're working withteachers who are telling you the
answers are inside you, theyare the teachers that you need
to be working with.
People, teachers who areconstantly telling you that they
only you need them more thanyou need them, more than you
(40:13):
need yourself.
You need to run in the otherdirection, and you can quote me
on that and I will die on thathill.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, 100%.
You know, any teacher that'snot teaching you how to look
within yourself is not the rightteacher.
They're not teaching youanything.
That's why I tell people too.
I was like, when it comes toteachers, make sure your
teacher's always growing, alwaysdoing the work, always studying
, becoming a bit like no, youdon't want anyone that stale,
Like you don't want anyonethat's just sitting there and
saying like oh, this, this, this, so that's good.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Yes, your teacher should also be evolving.
I'm a completely differentteacher than I was even a year
ago, let alone like 15 years ago.
Completely different, and Ieven cringe at parts of that
teacher too, but she did whatshe needed to do to get to where
she is now.
So it's okay, but some of thestuff just makes me really like
(41:00):
I'm, like I, I roll myself forsome of the things that I said.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Oh my God, I'm really right now thinking about.
I have those memories that popup on Facebook and I'm like Ah,
like, oh God, like who is that?
Like, stop talking.
Like you know, trying to belike okay guys, like this is
just to let you know.
Like these are the things.
Like, if you know me, I don'teven talk like that.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Like Love and light.
I can't tell you how many timesI said love and light.
I'm embarrassed, I'membarrassed.
Love and light.
I said it a lot.
People Don't at me, I don't sayit anymore.
But grow, you know we grow.
But that's the thing.
Right, you have to grow.
Your teachers have to begrowing and changing and they
(41:44):
should be telling you whenthey're growing and changing.
I just learned this.
Let me share it with you.
Like that's what this shouldall be about.
And teachers should also, youknow, be talking about when they
learn something or where theylearned it from.
So your own teaching lexiconfor yourself gets bigger and
bigger.
Like there should be a greatpoint when you go to another
(42:04):
teacher because you've outgrownyour teacher and and that's
great.
You know, I, even when I was adistrict manager, I wanted a
point where, like you don't needme, like I could like disappear
and things would keep moving.
Like that's how you empowerpeople and I think it's, I think
it's so, I think it's soimportant.
(42:25):
But if you don't have space tohave that grace with yourself,
you will never be able to dothat with other people.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Right, yeah, 100%.
You said everything.
I think it's just the tips onhow do you do it.
Now, how do people learn?
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Yeah, how do people do it, and so, from a more
traditional perspective, I teachmeta meditation.
You know it's my favorite, someta is loving, kindness.
But what goes hand in hand withmeta is forgiveness, and
there's a forgiveness meditationthat you can do and you know
there's scripts for them butbasically you allow yourself
(43:00):
just to sit and maybe even thinkabout something where you need
to forgive yourself and you can,you know, use phrases like I
forgive myself for the personthat I was.
Then I know that I'm alwaysgrowing and changing and I allow
myself to make mistakes andgrow.
I forgive myself, and then youcan repeat that and then maybe,
even if you want to forgivesomebody for what they've done,
(43:21):
you can use those same phrasesfor them.
That's like that's somethingyou can do.
Do you want to create a ritualfor yourself for forgiveness?
Do you write down the thingthat you want to forgive
yourself for and burn it?
Or imagine you don't even haveto do it, like?
Can you just like, visualize it?
Speaker 1 (43:37):
I think those are great.
Can you send that link to theMetta so we can put it in the?
I think that for me, journalingis a really big thing and it's
something I always tell myclients as well.
If you're trying to forgivesomebody, I highly suggest
writing a letter to them.
Doesn't mean to give it to them, just write it out.
Give it.
However, you need to let thoseemotions out.
Let them out.
Burn it, bury it, get rid of it.
(43:57):
Don't keep the letter.
I think too, in the sense of thesound, learning how to like
listen to yourself andacknowledge yourself because we
are a worst critic is also.
Journaling can go into there,like you can journal, you know,
into what needs to be releasedor into what you need to forgive
.
So I think journaling is areally powerful thing to do.
I journal all the time.
(44:17):
I literally woke up I'm lookingright now to my bed because I'm
like 6.30 yesterday my mind wasspinning.
It was spinning 6.30 in themorning.
I woke up.
The light wasn't even on and Ijournaled in the dark because I
was just like I gotta journalthis out, I gotta get this out
so that I'm not sabotagingmyself.
So I have the ability to createthat space because you know
(44:37):
those overwhelming thoughts.
They do have that ability tosabotage yourself.
So just finding any way torelease, I don't care like I
tell people scream in the car,talk in the car.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yeah, I talk out loud , I actually.
I talk out loud on my walks, Ido too.
I put in my headphones too.
So sometimes I guess maybepeople think I'm talking to
somebody.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
But I know AirPods and earphones are so great
nowadays because, like you,don't look crazy, I Tell you, if
I didn't know any better,there's times in the stores I'm
talking to myself out loud and Ido it so much I just I Don't
know what to say.
Like I'm like yeah, that's me.
(45:25):
Like I'm walking on the aisletalking to myself, like I
Probably do look crazy, it'sokay, that's what I do.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
My dog jet, knows every single secret about me.
Jet and I have had some veryserious conversation.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
Yes, I have my, my companion, my two.
So yeah, but I mean the otherpart too.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
I think it's being gentle on yourself Just gentle,
the movement can be a great wayto to, you know, release things
or give yourself some care.
I love hopping on my bike.
If you know, I'm sort ofworking something out that could
be helpful.
Sometimes I'll lay down youknow, I'm just during to my yoga
mat behind me.
You know, there's lots ofdifferent ways and sometimes the
(46:13):
same way won't work all of thetime, and that's why having a
variety of things can be useful.
Sometimes it's journaling,sometimes it's walking,
sometimes it's working out,sometimes it's crying in the
chapel.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Oh, like when you guys are journaling, I want to
encourage you to leave space forwhatever else may rise because,
like I'm talking aboutautomatic writing or whatever it
is that needs to you tellpeople what automatic writing is
.
So automatic writing I I had a.
Here we go.
(46:45):
My guides are like how do youguys want to explain it?
That's when I'm trying to.
Automatic writing for me, or foranyone, is when you call in
your spirit team.
So what I do when I'm goinginto automatic writing mode,
just let you guys know grab apen, grab a paper, grab your
phone.
I don't care what you guyswrite on and I call in my guides
by simply saying I call myhigher self, my angels, my
(47:06):
guides, just surround me andguide me.
That's it.
Um, my, my automatic writingalways starts with dear spirit.
Dear spirit, and this will looklike, sometimes, me just
writing like I'm just pouringout my heart, I'm pouring out
whatever I need to talk about,but I'm also asking questions.
What does this look like?
Why are you teaching me thisand I'm listening to what those
(47:28):
answers are and just letting thepen guide me, without judgment,
without ego, just freely writewhatever comes to mind.
Do not judge it, don't have egoin it and don't think like this
isn't me.
You may notice your writing ischanging, your writing styles
changing, your words arechanging.
Just let it flow, and that'swhere automatic writing is.
(47:49):
We do it often like I tellpeople like you ever write down
an email and you're like waitwhen that email come from.
You automatic wrote, you justwent in and you just freely
flowing out of your fingertips.
Same thing when it comes tocotton paper and oftentimes,
sometimes it's one word,sometimes it's a sentence,
sometimes it's a paragraph.
It doesn't have to be a lot,but it needs to be whatever it
is, whatever you probably needto receive.
(48:10):
My thing is keep digging.
I always tell people keepasking questions when, how, why,
what does it look like?
What is this?
Break this down?
Why do I feel this way?
What am I supposed to beacknowledging?
What do I need to learn?
I Will ask my spirit team athousand and one questions to
just okay, I surrender, Isurrender.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Okay, we feel better.
So yeah, but I'm doingautomatic writing.
I Do it on my phone, on mynotes, doc, my notes on my
iPhone is amazing, and foriPhone people, there's also a
hashtag feature now, so you canhashtag and you can organize all
(48:50):
of your notes with thosehashtags.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
I think it's the same for our Samsung.
Oh is it?
Speaker 2 (48:55):
It's a great tool because I literally I write
everything down on my notesthing and it's not organized and
I actually just yesterdaystarted hashtagging everything.
So now I can find it.
But my point is is that was notmy point.
My point is is what I'm doing,my automatic writing?
I don't edit, don't worry aboutspelling, I just I just put it
(49:19):
down.
Sometimes punctuation isn'thappening and I don't go back,
it's just I just get it outuntil I feel like I'm at the end
of it.
As, as you know, isabelle and Iare both writers, but as
writers so for the writers outthere there might be a tendency
to do, you get into writer modeand you think you need to edit
and you know and and put yourstyle Into it, and that's not
(49:42):
what this is.
This isn't like you writing anessay or writing your book or a
poem.
This is just an experience thatyou're supposed to be having
with yourself and spirit.
It's for you, it's not forsomething that you're
necessarily going to publish.
So get so to separate yourselffrom that.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
I think that's a good point.
Yeah, don't go back, don't golike oh, that it makes sense, I
don't just get it out, just getwhatever it is out.
Yeah, I guess that's everythingyou have anything yeah.
No, all right guys.
Thanks for following, thanksfor listening.
Please leave a comment if yousee any problems or any problems
(50:27):
On your own or here on youtube.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
Of course it's just a personal benefits.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.