November 29, 2023 • 41 mins
From the depths of our hearts, we invite you along on a transformative journey exploring the intricate intersection of sexuality and spirituality.
What if we told you that the imposter syndrome you're fighting is deeply rooted in systemic oppression and skewed societal narratives? We tackle these difficult issues, emphasizing the dire need for authenticity and honest representation.
We then navigate the beautiful maze of love languages and attraction. Personal experiences and preferences are shared, as we discuss the attractiveness of qualities such as drive and revolution. We transition from love for others to self-love, manifestation, and authenticity, showcasing the importance of knowing oneself and holding space for others.
We encourage everyone to embrace their sexuality and love themselves unconditionally, to start the new year with an abundance of love and self-love. Join us on this journey of liberation, empowerment, and authenticity.
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Email: podcastmotherland@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
think that's you.
I think we're both hitting that, that area where you know you.
We strive so hard to let go ofall those things that you know
projections or beliefs or stufflike that and then there comes a
point where you truly doembrace your whole self.
Yes, and it's, and I thinkthat's where it's like you know
(00:21):
whether we want to give it aname of Kingdom or Divine Family
or Mass, but it comes a pointwhere you're just like I know
who the fuck I am.
That like I just I know who thefuck I am and I feel like
that's that's where that's thesame with me.
I'm like I feel like I'm justlike no, I know who I am.
You like it, you don't like it,but I know who I am.
(00:41):
And for us both, I think youknow, you say you have a long
fucking time, yeah Long time,yeah, but you look amazing and
you know what and I feel likeyou feel younger.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm supposed to be 52 because I feel like if things
had come earlier, yeah, howweird.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You're 52 and I'm 42.
And I feel like this is thesame.
This is where I always and it'sweird that I've always known 42
.
This is where you will be andI'm still not there yet, but I'm
also very, very much in thatmotion of like.
Oh no, we're about to like.
It'll be really, reallyfreaking good.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, it feels really good.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Well, what are we talking?
I know last time we talkedabout I know I was looking at
our text messages to see and Isaid we could do about sexuality
, spirituality, self, which Ifeel like we kind of are moving
into a little bit of that.
I've just yeah.
I like that, all right.
Well, let's just navigate thisand see.
I have no idea how this isgoing to look or sound, like we
(01:55):
ever freaking do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I don't, and this is our season finale.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It's so sad.
Do you know how many peoplehave been asking, like, when you
coming back?
When you come back, what areyou guys doing?
And I'm just like, oh my gosh,like the grief pod, the grief
episode got good feedback frommy side.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah, yeah, people love people love grief.
People have been asking me towhen we're coming back, but I
think it's good for us to haveour season finale so we can even
plan what season two looks like.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, we're going to bring season two back After the
new year, huh.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
After the new year and I something tells me we'll
be doing a lot of episodes inperson.
Yeah, I feel it.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I feel that too.
That's because I'm going to bein LA and you're going to be in
LA, and we're going to be in LAtogether.
We're going to be in LAtogether.
I'm telling you, I didn't jointhat place that I told you about
, but there, I want to, I wantto, but I don't know yet.
Their, their podcast room, isabsolutely amazing, but I know
(03:05):
regardless if we have a podcastroom or not.
Uh huh, I definitely think thatwe need to be in person any.
Absolutely we do.
We should do like a fun.
I know we're probably going toget so many hits if I say this
right now It'd be fun to do likea live, a live recording with
people.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That would be awesome and I pulled.
I pulled a card while we weretalking.
The three of discs from this isfrom the Rachel, true, rachel,
true from the craft, this tarotdeck.
It's gorgeous, like it's every.
Every card is like a work ofart.
But I pulled the three of discs, which is teamwork, mentorship,
(03:50):
collaboration and planningstages.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
That's where we're going.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
That's where we're going In professional life.
Your hard work and egosacrifices have not gone
unnoticed.
Progress and recognition maynet you an investor who sees
your vision.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Calling it in, calling it in.
There we go, calling it in, allright, well, welcome to
motherland, let's go.
So I know that's that's ourgoal and I know a lot of it is
(04:44):
just like, I think, between megetting more clarity into my job
and like trying to redo thatwebsite and then we got to do
our other stuff and, yeah, it'sgoing to work out.
We will.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
We will.
And as we're talking about likesexuality and spirituality, I
love thinking of the idea, likethe conversation that we were
having, like pre show about justwho we are and what we're
stepping into, you know, andcalling it whatever kingdom,
divine, feminine, as you weresaying.
But I think one of the thingsI've been thinking about is, for
(05:17):
those of you who can't see, Istarted growing in my gray, I
noticed it.
Let's bring that, thank you.
And I think part of this islike me just stepping into who I
am.
And this is no shame againstpeople who color the gray.
I mean, I colored it for yearsand one day I may decide to
again but but there's this senseof you need to be exactly who
(05:39):
you are right now and sort ofjust take off any masks.
And that, I think, is also partof my sexuality and
spirituality not being able tobe boxed, not being able to be
told who I should be or could be, but letting it all come from.
All come from within.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well, I think when we talk about like you, when we
talked about it before, like youjust stepping, there comes a
stage where you step into yourwhole self and you start living
in that space.
Yeah, you can't box one thingup and then have the other box
open.
It has to be all boxes areflowing free.
And there the thing that I'vebeen learning, as I've been in
(06:24):
my situation, is is that thatsense of security to open up all
the boxes.
You know, and I've been talkinga lot to, like the people I say
whatever people and tick, talkand different things about, like
those different attachmentstyles, but in the sense that we
have to feel secure in ourselfin order to open up all of those
boxes, right.
(06:45):
So it's like I have to feelvery secure to have all my boxes
open and how I present myself,my sexuality right now, is
presented so freaking differentthan I was presenting a year ago
?
Tell me.
I don't have presenting is rightword.
But like I think, in the waythat I'm showing up for myself,
(07:07):
I feel so much more sexual thanI have felt in a really long
time I mean in a really longtime.
I'm very comfortable in my skin, I'm very comfortable with who
I am, you know.
That's why I was like oh, I'mdoing burlesque dancing because
I freaking just want to doburlesque dancing.
Or feeling into my sexuality,or in my expression of like you
(07:29):
know, my, I don't care wholistens my sex game is different
.
That's an entirely free game.
Whether it's the compatibilityof my partner, I don't know.
Like it's entirely different,but like I think, yeah, like
that's kind of it.
So I think that's just anoutward expression of what I'm,
(07:52):
the way that I show up formyself I don't know how to
explain it the way that I lookat it, I feel I don't know.
Everybody's always like now,they're like you look different,
you feel different.
Everyone's like you're on this,like, glow up, you're showing
up differently, and I think it'sjust the comfortability of self
.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I'm like, yeah, that's just who I am.
I think owning menopause andnot saying that like, oh,
menopause is this thing that Ihave to manage and it was in the
beginning.
I think, like the symptoms andalso acknowledging this
beautiful transition that I'mgoing through right, like
menopause is a threshold anddoing some things for myself
(08:30):
like HRT actually kicked my sexdrive back into gear and just
this sense of being a person whoconnects with the erotic, no
matter what I'm doing.
Do you know, like Audrey Lordused to talk about living an
erotic life even outside of sex,but just the way that you write
and I've been writing aboutthat actually and like just
(08:53):
being able to live lifesensually, whether it's eating
or working out.
But I find myself findingpleasure in so many things that
I didn't before and I thinkthere's a freedom for me that
I'm over 50.
And like this is like thesecond half of my life that I'm
(09:15):
supposed to really be enjoyingand it's really wonderful.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Is it weird that I feel like?
I mean, I have four kids, I wasmarried for 17 years, but I
feel like life is just startingfor me.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, I think that's, and it is some ways starting
again, starting.
You know, whatever you, howeveryou wanna call it, I actually
feel like parts of my life arejust starting for the first time
as well, and I don't wanna saylate bloomer.
I think things happen whenthey're supposed to happen, but
I think there was a lot of meholding on to external
(09:54):
narratives Of what I thought mylife was supposed to look like,
did you?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
find, yeah, that's the whole reason I have a job.
And that's the whole reason Ihave a job is when I coach
people in letting go of thoseexternal narratives.
But that's also what I had todo, too is letting go and
shedding all those externalnarratives.
You know it sucks.
I did a TikTok video recentlythat actually had a lot.
(10:20):
It was a TikTok Instagram andhad a lot of feedback where I
think I was, I don't know, Idon't know if it was TikTok or
Twitter, it doesn't matter.
The point is is I was sharingthat kind of those factors.
And I think what's hard is I canhear spirit saying just because
we let go of our externalfactors or we let go of those
certain beliefs, doesn't meanthat other people are going to
(10:41):
as well.
Right, and so I find now thatas I become more comfortable in
my own skin, as I become more myown self-expression, a lot of
people don't know how to come tothat.
They don't understand.
They don't understand it in away.
But the more comfortable I amin just knowing my sense of self
(11:02):
like it matters, but it alsodoesn't matter.
And I say it matters because,at the end of the day, I still
have feelings.
So when somebody still saysthings, it can hurt or sting.
But you know, yeah, I thinkwe're always letting go of, like
the external narratives, andthat's what we have to learn is
like who are you?
Who are you?
What brings me happinessdoesn't necessarily bring you
happiness.
The way that I show up isn'tnecessarily the way you show up
(11:25):
and then all of that's okay.
All of that's okay and that'swhy I think your big one that
talks about it and I talk aboutit too is the idea of
perfectionism doesn't reallyexist.
It's a man-made factor.
We don't even need to startwhere that actually fricking
started from right.
We all know If you listen topodcasts, you probably fricking
know.
So my point is it's not realand we're all chasing this idea
(11:47):
of being perfect.
We're all chasing this idea ofthings and it doesn't exist.
So giving yourself thatpermission to create your life
for yourself and what it lookslike is a huge fricking factor.
But it's scary as hell.
Everybody's like you know thatI work with is like what's it
gonna look like?
What does failure look like?
What if I don't succeed?
What if this doesn't work?
(12:08):
Or what if that doesn't?
Or what if this?
And and I always tell peopleyou gotta let go of the what ifs
and you have to just allowyourself to step forward and
navigate it and see what happens, because I don't think that any
of us are ever in a situationthat I can hear spirit saying
this sounds weird saying it butthat we're ever in a situation
that we don't need to be in,meaning that the situation that,
(12:30):
whatever good or bad thatyou're in, is where you need to
be in that moment in order tolearn whatever lesson that
you're having to learn.
And that sucks.
I get it.
I get there's a lot of thingsthat we could say in that, but I
think there's some truth inthat too.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Thank you, I like that.
I also don't think that there'simposter syndrome.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
You don't think there's imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I think imposter syndrome is just more oppression
and us believe swallowingnarratives, and so we don't
believe that we are who, exactlywho we are.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
That's an interesting thought.
I don't necessarily think itcomes from self.
I think it's swallowed storiesfrom external that we've
swallowed so we fool ourselvesinto thinking that we're not
worthy.
But once we start to do exactlyas you're talking about that
imposter syndrome or peoplesociety unconsciously telling us
(13:34):
that we aren't worthy we startto recognize, when we start to
claim ourselves and claim all ofourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I was okay.
So before we got on, I wastelling you how, like the other
day, I had that meeting with thebook coach and we're going over
what the book was going to looklike and I was telling her you
know, this is what I want towrite about and this is what the
book's looking like.
And she was like there's nobodyout there doing that, you know,
and, summing up, it's basicallycalling bullshit on all the
spirituality aspects, callingbullshit and all of it and how
(14:05):
it all just comes back withinyourself.
And then giving the tools forthat, as well as guiding the
factors, of course, like we'renot whitewashing the shit out of
spirituality anymore.
We're going to own for what itis right.
And then I moved from thatmeeting on to the other meeting
of the donation planning, adonation drive, and then also
planning not planning, but liketalking about an event in LA and
(14:29):
all of this is activism work,as far as you know, helping this
side.
So at the end of it, I verymuch at that end of those that
those two calls was in who thefuck am I Like to say?
Any of this fucking shit?
I don't know what I'm doing.
This is insane.
(14:51):
Like who am I to talk aboutactivism stuff or to speak up on
this, or who am I to shake upthe spiritual world?
And so I very much felt like inthat moment I was having an
imposter syndrome.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
And yes, and what I mean is that there's no imposter
syndrome.
I think we think we're told,through that white washing of
spirituality that you've alwaystalked about, that imposter
syndrome is us just not livingup to our potential and I'm like
no, I think that's centuries ofoppression telling us that we
(15:28):
aren't worthy.
So I think imposter syndromefor Black, brown and indigenous
women looks different than itmight for other people who have
proximity to whiteness.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Oh, that 100%.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah, that's, that's so that's what.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
I'm saying yeah, I think that's, that's 100%.
I mean, that's the whole reason, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I think that like imposter syndrome, or is it
shaking off of?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
oppression, shaking off of oppression yeah, I think
that's really what it is, youknow, and that's where I was on
a rant the other day about thison a live, and I was saying that
, you know, I finally realizedlike, yeah, I do life coaching,
I do all of these things, but mygoal is to be that voice, you
know, that voice for my people,or that voice for Black, brown,
whatever indigenous people ofcolor, to see somebody else out
(16:16):
there in the spiritual fieldleading it, versus the white
person that's leading it rightnow.
You know, and it's like youdon't see it and everybody's
like you're right, there isnobody out there and I'm like,
yeah, there's no one out thereBecause I'm not, I'm not soluble
.
I'm not soluble.
You know the chick with thetattoos and the and the.
(16:36):
You know I'm going to cuss thehell out of shit, like I'm not
soluble.
I'm not, you know, wearing thebig crystal on my forehead or
having the, you know the hugecrown on.
I'm not, you know, openlyspeaking my language all the
time, or I'm not soluble, andthat's.
(16:57):
I think that's one of thehardest things that I'm always
like I don't think it's yeah, Idon't know, but the right people
will be there.
I know that I think we'removing into a different stage.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Absolutely, I mean.
That's why I think my memoirwas a tougher sell at first to
get to get repped, because itwasn't a story that necessarily
everybody was interested inhearing about, like hearing
about people who areincarcerated, like doing
meditation.
Like you know, if most peoplewant to, don't want to think
about that.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I think that's the beauty, though I'm really
interested in 2024 because Ithink a lot of us are moving
into like we're becoming morerealistic.
People don't want the BS.
People want it real.
They want it raw.
They don't.
They don't want that BS part oflike you know, don't give me
the crap anymore.
I want to know what's works,what doesn't work, and I want to
know how to do it versus let'smake it a fairy tale and make it
(17:52):
you know, all the gimmicky andpretty and all that stuff and I
don't think people like thatanymore.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
No, I think people are interested in seeing things
clearly for what they really are, rather than what they want
them to be.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, because then they can actually
make a change and things canactually make a difference.
Right, right, it's always beenlike we're gonna teach you a
little bit, but we're not gonnateach you everything.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Not gonna teach you enough, because we still want
you to come back and buy ourother stuff.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
That's exactly what I'm saying.
That's exactly what I'm sayingyou need another Yoni ball.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Never try to.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yoni ball.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah, um, you know what I mean, I know.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I'm like, no, I'm like I've always thought about
this and no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, Yoni
balls.
But you know what I'm talkingabout.
I do, I do.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
This is this whole idea of sort of giving people
crumbs so they keep trying tocome back for more Exactly,
Rather than saying like no,let's just really talk about it
so you can step into your ownpower and you don't need a
teacher anymore.
That's the beauty of it.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
That's what we all teach.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
We all teach each other because we're all in
community together, and that'swhat this is all about.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, yeah.
It's a false sense of control.
I'm going to give you enough,that I'm going to give you
everything, and it's like no,that's not the way.
I don't believe that's the wayspirituality works.
I think that's why I always say, like you know, I think
spirituality is a sense of likeyou coming into yourself, you
finding what works for you andyou navigating it, and it's not
going to look like I said, it'snot going to look the same for
(19:26):
me as it looks for you, and Ithink collective care is very
sexy.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
To be honest with you , I think this idea of being in
community and sharing resourcesand talking about you know
what's really going on.
I don't think there's anythingsexier than talking about
revolution and how to dismantlethis shit.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I need one of you in my life.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
No, I'm saying like it's hot, like, really like,
let's talk about it.
I mean, it's amazing to be ableto talk about that and to do it
from a place of, like joyfulrevolution, right, like Alice
Walker said, at hard timesrequire furious dancing, and
that it doesn't have to be alldoom and gloom when we're
(20:08):
talking about it.
And yeah, we can grieve and cryand be mad because we should,
and we should be having sex andorgasms and enjoying life
because both are necessary,right?
Yes, both are definitelynecessary Definitely necessary.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
You know it's funny, you say it like this and I had
this.
This is just random.
The other day I was talking to,I'm gonna say, my friend I
don't know what to call them.
I was talking to my friend andwe were talking.
I was asking about lovelanguages, like what's your love
language, right?
And their response was acts ofservice.
(20:48):
And I was like, oh, like in myhead I was like well, that sucks
, because I'm all the way overhere, I can't do that.
But their response was it's notthe acts of service for me,
it's the acts of service forself.
It's the acts of service thatif you say you're gonna do
something and you say you'regonna like okay, he didn't use
this as an example, but I'msaying it you know, like I'm
(21:09):
gonna plan a donation drive,right, and then you go out and
you actually do what you'resaying you're gonna do fucking
hot.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I 100% and I was like I love that.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Oh my God, do you see what I'm having issues right
now?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I was like oh no, I really like that.
People doing what they saythey're gonna do is hot, people
taking care of themselves, andeach other is hot Like it is.
It's very, you know, it is sexyTo sort of.
You know, allow yourself tostep into your own brilliance.
How I mean, that's incredible.
(21:50):
Yeah, we don't celebrate itenough.
And the fact that you're datingsomebody who thinks that's hot,
that is hot.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
No, it is.
I was like, oh my God, I wasjust like taking back.
I was like I've never thoughtof it like that.
That is okay.
Okay, that's cool, that's cool.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, would you add other love languages, cause I
feel like there's more than justthe five love languages out
there.
I feel like that's what youneed to do you need to come up
with black, brown, indigenouslove languages that are outside
of this Right chat Michael'scute he is.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Her dog is in the background and it's the cutest
dog.
And a turtleneck and aturtleneck.
A pit bull and a turtleneckdoesn't get much cuter than that
.
Mine's like banging it out.
Yeah, there would be other lovelanguages, I think you know.
I think one of the biggestthings for me when I think of
that like what I find fuckingsexy as hell oh my God, this is,
(22:52):
I guess, in the line, like myeyes are actually getting watery
.
That means like I'm likeexcited about it Is drive.
And I'm not talking about sexdrive, I'm talking about your
drive and life.
That's right.
You are driving for something.
You are like you're hustlingbut you're achieving it.
Oh my God, that's hot.
(23:14):
I literally send him a messagesaying I just want you to know
that your hustle and your driveis so freaking attractive.
Yeah, like I was, like that ishot.
I don't know if that's a lovelanguage, but I think no, but I
think you know I think this isactually something I say.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
we talk about in season two is reframing the love
languages through our lens.
The same love languages, butlike looking at them differently
, just like that, as acts ofservice, as being an act of
service to yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I think, like you said earlier, like I think
revolution is a big, is a hot,like I think, in the sense that
you are gonna actually, you know, stand up for whatever it is
black, brown, identity Like youare revolutionist.
I think that's you know, it'slike okay, you know, I don't
know, I don't know.
That's one of those things thatI yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Closing.
You know, like I don't know,what a reframing of physical
touch would be.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I don't know.
Open, I don't know.
Yeah, I think like the physicaltouch.
Maybe I'm correct me if I'mwrong on this.
That's what he said Like so doyou know what mine are?
And goes physical touch isdefinitely one of yours and I'm
like absolutely.
But here's one of the thingsthat I was gonna say.
I think that the love languageof physical touch that we read
(24:43):
it is so like maybe it's becausethe person that actually wrote
the love language books was aChristian.
I don't know if you know that.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, I feel like they do needlike a they're very like watered
A reframing.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Where I'm like you wanna give.
I'm gonna talk to you about myphysical touch.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Okay, we talk yeah, it's physical touch, Like you
know, talking about consent andBDSM and talk to them.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah, you gotta throw me over this large table.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Like all of that kind of stuff goes under.
You know, like that reframingof physical touches is like that
, like I think we always talkabout it in sort of like these
dainty sort of generic ways thatare sort of like you know
what's the word that a whitewashis the one in, and I don't
(25:32):
literally mean white, but that'sjust, yeah, generic.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Or vanilla vanilla is the word that I'm looking for,
yeah that's a good way andthat's the what I was thinking
too when I was trying to say itwithout saying it.
But like the physical touches,exactly, it's very vanilla and
whereas, like, if you guys, Idon't care, I don't care who
fucking listens, if you know howI really get down, it's like I
don't care, you flip me, dip me.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I'm, I'm here, I'm showing up, yep, I'm showing up,
you know and and if you canarticulate that right somebody
who can articulate who they arebecause they know who they are
and can talk about the thingsthat they want like that's
incredibly important.
And I think all of that lendsitself to you know, this
(26:19):
dismantling and this revolutionand this collective care that
we're talking about, like it'sall about really knowing who you
are and knowing what you wantand knowing how you're going to
get there and being able to holdspace for the people in your
world to be able to do that too.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
And that's that's that's the biggest key.
There is that I don't thinkthat I'm interested.
I'm actually getting a readingright now, as I'm saying this
because, you know, a lot ofpeople were like read 2024 and
I'm like I can get like dips andglimpses.
I think the false, the falseteachers or the people that
aren't doing the work, aren'tgoing to show up anymore.
They just can't.
(26:59):
That's what I'm picking up onright now.
They can't, and so it's like,unless you really are living the
game and you're really doingthe work, then yeah, that's it,
and I really feel that, cominginto 2024, it's like okay, who's
still here?
Because those people that aregoing to be remaining or
successful or growing are thepeople that are actively.
This is my real, this is who Iam, this is me on an everyday
(27:21):
life, like when you guys here, Ithink, between me and Onika
talking is me and Onikaoffscreen too, like off that's
even the idea that when westarted working, just the two of
us together, that these werereally just conversations that
we would be having if no oneelse was listening yeah, but
knowing yourself, knowingyourself, raleigh, you know like
(27:41):
raw, like knowing that part ofyou is so important in order to
show up and hold that space forother people, or else you just
can't.
You can't, you know, I don'tknow, I spirits still calls me
out on my shit, like I still getcalled out where I'm like okay,
all the time.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
There is a teacher who I have a lot of respect for.
He had posted on his storieslike why do you, why do you have
a spiritual practice?
That was one of the questions.
And I wrote so I'm not anasshole.
And he, he messaged me and hewas like I think that's the best
answer I've ever read and I'mlike it's true, though, like I
(28:20):
really do practice.
So I'm not an asshole, becausefor so long I was so blocked
from my own heart, and beingblocked from my own heart made
me mean, because I didn't know.
I didn't know how to to act,because I was so far away from
myself and my practice crackedmy heart open so I could fall in
love with myself and I couldshow up authentically.
(28:40):
So that's why I continue topractice, so I don't go back to
that place and I and I recognizethat and I think that's
important, you know, I thinkit's important to say like I'm
not going to give you somebullshit answer like oh it's,
you know, I used to be a dickand I don't want to be a dick
anymore.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
I don't yeah, no, I like that.
I always talk about, I'm likeokay, when we block our hearts
because of whatever occurs to usin life, it's not just you
blocking others out, but it'syou blocking yourself out as
well.
And that's the most importantpart and that's why it's like
I'm always talking to peopleabout like be safe, you know,
coming back in yourself, tellingyourself I have permission to
(29:18):
come back in.
I allow myself to feel safe inmy body, I allow myself these
things and so coming into thatpart of it it's so interesting,
it's super intriguing.
I'm just like I.
It's weird because, like, asI'm talking to you, I can
actually see the energy of likehow we embody and don't embody
certain things.
(29:39):
Like I'm looking at how, likewe live in such a way that most
of us, throughout the years,haven't just embodied ourselves,
we haven't come into ourselves,and then how we now moving into
a different of embodiment oflike this is truly embodying
energetically myself on all likelevels and sort of going back
to love languages and likephysical touch and your practice
(30:00):
and sexuality.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
It's like learning how to touch yourself intimately
and you know whether it'smasturbation or whether it's
just sort of like being able tosay to yourself you're, you're
okay, you're okay, right.
I don't care, I'm gonna straightout say it everyone needs to
masturbate well, no, I mean yes,absolutely, you know, keeps the
(30:22):
, I think, the drama away.
But, like, I think it's alsothis idea that there are
different ways that we learnedhow to touch ourselves.
But if we don't practice right,if we don't have this place
that we start from where we know, sometimes the touch that I
need is like like a warm hug ofan embrace that I didn't get
(30:46):
from, maybe growing up to.
You know, sexual touch thatfeels safe and friendly, because
that was something that Ididn't get or I'm learning how
to foster that.
All of that, I think, should bea part of the spiritual
practice and and we have to beable to talk about it without it
, like you know, people be like,oh no, you can't say that.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I mean, why can't I talk about masturbation and
spirituality at the same time,because hand in hand, there's so
many people that manifestthrough orgasm.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Do you know how many times I've had orgasm and I've
manifested at the same time,like all the time, all the time,
all the time.
And you know, I used to do iton my own.
And then I actually read thatthat's a thing and I was like,
well, god damn, amika, you arejust really clever.
Yeah, I didn't know it was athing.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
What was it?
God, I hope they don't listento this podcast, because it's
true you do manifest when you'rewhatever you're thinking about
or whatever you're focusing onduring the course, you know,
(32:00):
okay, rewinding a little bitbefore I go forward into the
manifestation part.
I was on this podcast and itwas.
It was not what I thought itwas going to be.
It was about talking about sex.
It was like mom's talking aboutsex and so I was really
intrigued and kind of likeexcited to kind of talk about it
.
But the person that wasinterviewing me had wanted me to
talk about my marriage and Iwas like that was not.
(32:22):
That was like horrible sex.
Marriage, like sex, washorrible.
It was sexless by the end of it.
You know, there was, there wasjust not.
And she was like well, how didyou come into your own?
How did you come into your ownLike, how did you find sex or
things.
And I don't think she guidedthe conversation correctly, but
the answer was I, freaking,learned how to love myself, and
(32:45):
I meet that both by I worked out, I did self care, but I also
fucking loved myself, right,like I learned how to pleasure
myself in ways that I was likethis is me coming into myself
because I can't do it over here,like I'm not getting what I
need.
So it's like I always tellpeople look, we often time are
(33:08):
looking at our partners or otherpeople to give us what we are
lacking within ourselves.
Whether consciously orsubconsciously, you're
constantly being like I needthis, I need this, right, just
listen to the words that you'resaying, like what you need from
the person, when in reality,what you were seeking in the
other person is what you need tobe seeking in yourself and
giving yourself.
And when you find that balance,oh my God, game fucking changer
(33:33):
.
Yes, right.
And so somebody, even in a live, was like how do we, how do we
go from not needing somebody?
And I'm like by not puttingthat on them and giving yourself
what you need, right, so if I'mfeeling anxious or loveless or
whatever it is, I need to givethat to myself.
If I'm not feeling sexy, I'mgoing to feeling fucking hot,
sexy for myself, right, exactly,there's reasons why, like for
(33:57):
me, I'm like I'll buy fuckingmatching lingerie, not for them,
yeah, not for them, for me, andit's just about showing up for
yourself in a way that's like sothat's, that's one.
But that podcast was horrible.
It was horrible podcast.
She wasn't hitting it right.
I said no pun intended, no punintended.
I thought that when I said itright now, I was like she wasn't
(34:23):
hitting it right.
She wasn't hitting it right andI was like okay, so anyways, I
had to teach myself how to hitit right.
But yeah, that's kind of youknow what it is.
But the manifestation part ofsex is so real.
I was talking to somebodyrecently about that and just
being powerful and knowingyourself and it's like the
(34:43):
thoughts that go in your headwhile you're having sex.
You know it's real, it's whatyou manifest, it's what you
create in that moment.
I'm trying not to say so muchand I'm laughing in my head
right now.
It was like, yeah, like myperson, right, it's always like
(35:04):
what are you thinking?
Like in the moment, I'm like whyare you asking me?
Why are you asking me what?
Just like, don't ask me whatI'm thinking.
I think when he asked that theother day, I was like that I'm
thankful that I'm flexible, butI think there was a moment, too
(35:26):
that he looked at me and he goesI fucking love when you look at
me like that, and I think itwas a moment I was like
manifesting in my head.
It was a moment that he caughtmy eyes manifesting and he was
like I love when you look at melike that and I was like, oh,
like I don't know what I'mlooking at you, but it was a
moment that, a manifestation andI say that because I very much
(35:49):
manifest during that time.
So, yeah, yeah, watch out.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Yeah, it's powerful, it's really powerful.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
There's a I have a friend of mine well, she's not a
friend anymore, but she's inQuayton's and I think her and
her partner manifest.
They, they're very well awareof each other's manifestations
during that course of time.
So then they're, they'reincreasing the energy, wow.
So they're very much aware thatthey're coming together to
manifest whatever it is.
(36:18):
So I don't know.
I mean well.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
I wonder what that would be like.
Well, you hear, I mean coupleshaving sex right and a baby's
born.
And you know, you know, likeyou, you know at that moment
what's going on too.
And the key to about violencenow is to be cage controlled in
such a way that people respecttheir pet dogà.
That's so interesting.
What you know when peopleconceive and there's a moment
(36:44):
that everybody knows that, it'sthat you've got pregnant right
at that moment.
Oh, I know, Do you know what Imean?
Because you've both.
Yeah, that's what I'm talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I tell people that sometimes,when I read them, I'm like
you're going to know, like assoon as you get pregnant, you'll
know you're pregnant.
Hmm, okay, let's switch thesubject off that.
Let's move on.
What were you saying?
We had sexuality, spiritualityand self, but it's all goes hand
(37:21):
in hand.
I don't know where else to go.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
It does.
No, I think this feels good.
I feel I think that feels likea good place to stop.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
That's it.
That was our conversation.
Do we have more to say?
No, I think.
I think we don't have any moreto say.
I think our conversation wasjust about we talked about more
sex than I thought we were goingto talk about, but we did talk
a lot about sex.
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (37:46):
really no, I know that doesn't surprise me, though
.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Oh, that were, yeah, I don't know both freaks
probably.
Yeah, do you really?
Speaker 2 (37:54):
thought any different .
No.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
And those of us who know me and who know you?
Actually are like.
Yeah, I mean, I know I have ohmy God, I got to share off stuff
off this, but I think theimportant part, though, is for
people to understand, like, justto, like you said, breaking
away from the barriers of likewhat people are telling you
things are, and allowingyourself to just feel safe.
(38:22):
I think it's feeling safe inyour exploration.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Yeah, it's you understanding that you're the
safe space and going out ofplace a pace that is safe for
yourself, like if even usingmasturbation as an example, if
even the word masturbationfreaks you out and that is not
something that you've done oryou can explore, then take it a
(38:45):
little bit out of time.
Read a sexy story first tostart right.
Like, do it, see it sexy?
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, larotica is amazing, guys, larotica is
amazing.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Like you know, do it in a way that you feel like
you're dipping your toe in alittle bit out of time, and I
think that goes with.
You know embracing your wholeself and your sexuality.
Go at a pace that feels rightfor you.
You don't have to do it the waythat other people did it, but
do it in a way that's authenticand only you know when you're
lying to yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
And I think the biggest thing in people like
always, like how do you lovemyself, right?
Like?
People have body images orpeople look at themselves in a
way, and I think the thing is islike you have to learn how to.
How do you guys want to wordthat most guys Letting your body
feel sexy, like letting me feelsexy regardless of who's with
me, right, like?
(39:39):
Like I, I feel sexy no matterwho's with me.
I don't know if that makessense.
It's like I.
I don't know how to explainthat other than just allowing
yourself to feel like I feelsexy no matter what.
I don't need that affirmationfrom somebody else.
You know it's like if I want totake.
That's why, if you, if you guyshave followed my journey,
people will see.
Like you know, if I take sexyphotos, it's not because I'm
(40:02):
taking sexy photos for thevalidation of others.
I'm taking sexy photos for thevalidation of me, because it
makes me feel like a woman.
It makes me feel what I need inthat moment Right.
If I buy matcha lingerie, I buymatcha lingerie to make me feel
in that moment, yeah, yeah, doit for yourself.
I guess I like it.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
All right, that's it.
So we will see you next season.
Next season, you and I in 24.
It's not that far, it's onlysix weeks away.
Okay, that's so close.
Have a.
Have the new year that you'resupposed to have everyone.
Yes, have lots of love, lots oflove, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
All right, bye, love you all.
think that's you.
I think we're both hitting that, that area where you know you.
We strive so hard to let go ofall those things that you know
projections or beliefs or stufflike that and then there comes a
point where you truly doembrace your whole self.
Yes, and it's, and I thinkthat's where it's like you know
(00:21):
whether we want to give it aname of Kingdom or Divine Family
or Mass, but it comes a pointwhere you're just like I know
who the fuck I am.
That like I just I know who thefuck I am and I feel like
that's that's where that's thesame with me.
I'm like I feel like I'm justlike no, I know who I am.
You like it, you don't like it,but I know who I am.
(00:41):
And for us both, I think youknow, you say you have a long
fucking time, yeah Long time,yeah, but you look amazing and
you know what and I feel likeyou feel younger.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm supposed to be 52 because I feel like if things
had come earlier, yeah, howweird.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You're 52 and I'm 42.
And I feel like this is thesame.
This is where I always and it'sweird that I've always known 42
.
This is where you will be andI'm still not there yet, but I'm
also very, very much in thatmotion of like.
Oh no, we're about to like.
It'll be really, reallyfreaking good.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, it feels really good.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Well, what are we talking?
I know last time we talkedabout I know I was looking at
our text messages to see and Isaid we could do about sexuality
, spirituality, self, which Ifeel like we kind of are moving
into a little bit of that.
I've just yeah.
I like that, all right.
Well, let's just navigate thisand see.
I have no idea how this isgoing to look or sound, like we
(01:55):
ever freaking do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I don't, and this is our season finale.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It's so sad.
Do you know how many peoplehave been asking, like, when you
coming back?
When you come back, what areyou guys doing?
And I'm just like, oh my gosh,like the grief pod, the grief
episode got good feedback frommy side.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah, yeah, people love people love grief.
People have been asking me towhen we're coming back, but I
think it's good for us to haveour season finale so we can even
plan what season two looks like.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, we're going to bring season two back After the
new year, huh.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
After the new year and I something tells me we'll
be doing a lot of episodes inperson.
Yeah, I feel it.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I feel that too.
That's because I'm going to bein LA and you're going to be in
LA, and we're going to be in LAtogether.
We're going to be in LAtogether.
I'm telling you, I didn't jointhat place that I told you about
, but there, I want to, I wantto, but I don't know yet.
Their, their podcast room, isabsolutely amazing, but I know
(03:05):
regardless if we have a podcastroom or not.
Uh huh, I definitely think thatwe need to be in person any.
Absolutely we do.
We should do like a fun.
I know we're probably going toget so many hits if I say this
right now It'd be fun to do likea live, a live recording with
people.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That would be awesome and I pulled.
I pulled a card while we weretalking.
The three of discs from this isfrom the Rachel, true, rachel,
true from the craft, this tarotdeck.
It's gorgeous, like it's every.
Every card is like a work ofart.
But I pulled the three of discs, which is teamwork, mentorship,
(03:50):
collaboration and planningstages.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
That's where we're going.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
That's where we're going In professional life.
Your hard work and egosacrifices have not gone
unnoticed.
Progress and recognition maynet you an investor who sees
your vision.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Calling it in, calling it in.
There we go, calling it in, allright, well, welcome to
motherland, let's go.
So I know that's that's ourgoal and I know a lot of it is
(04:44):
just like, I think, between megetting more clarity into my job
and like trying to redo thatwebsite and then we got to do
our other stuff and, yeah, it'sgoing to work out.
We will.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
We will.
And as we're talking about likesexuality and spirituality, I
love thinking of the idea, likethe conversation that we were
having, like pre show about justwho we are and what we're
stepping into, you know, andcalling it whatever kingdom,
divine, feminine, as you weresaying.
But I think one of the thingsI've been thinking about is, for
(05:17):
those of you who can't see, Istarted growing in my gray, I
noticed it.
Let's bring that, thank you.
And I think part of this islike me just stepping into who I
am.
And this is no shame againstpeople who color the gray.
I mean, I colored it for yearsand one day I may decide to
again but but there's this senseof you need to be exactly who
(05:39):
you are right now and sort ofjust take off any masks.
And that, I think, is also partof my sexuality and
spirituality not being able tobe boxed, not being able to be
told who I should be or could be, but letting it all come from.
All come from within.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well, I think when we talk about like you, when we
talked about it before, like youjust stepping, there comes a
stage where you step into yourwhole self and you start living
in that space.
Yeah, you can't box one thingup and then have the other box
open.
It has to be all boxes areflowing free.
And there the thing that I'vebeen learning, as I've been in
(06:24):
my situation, is is that thatsense of security to open up all
the boxes.
You know, and I've been talkinga lot to, like the people I say
whatever people and tick, talkand different things about, like
those different attachmentstyles, but in the sense that we
have to feel secure in ourselfin order to open up all of those
boxes, right.
(06:45):
So it's like I have to feelvery secure to have all my boxes
open and how I present myself,my sexuality right now, is
presented so freaking differentthan I was presenting a year ago
?
Tell me.
I don't have presenting is rightword.
But like I think, in the waythat I'm showing up for myself,
(07:07):
I feel so much more sexual thanI have felt in a really long
time I mean in a really longtime.
I'm very comfortable in my skin, I'm very comfortable with who
I am, you know.
That's why I was like oh, I'mdoing burlesque dancing because
I freaking just want to doburlesque dancing.
Or feeling into my sexuality,or in my expression of like you
(07:29):
know, my, I don't care wholistens my sex game is different
.
That's an entirely free game.
Whether it's the compatibilityof my partner, I don't know.
Like it's entirely different,but like I think, yeah, like
that's kind of it.
So I think that's just anoutward expression of what I'm,
(07:52):
the way that I show up formyself I don't know how to
explain it the way that I lookat it, I feel I don't know.
Everybody's always like now,they're like you look different,
you feel different.
Everyone's like you're on this,like, glow up, you're showing
up differently, and I think it'sjust the comfortability of self
.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I'm like, yeah, that's just who I am.
I think owning menopause andnot saying that like, oh,
menopause is this thing that Ihave to manage and it was in the
beginning.
I think, like the symptoms andalso acknowledging this
beautiful transition that I'mgoing through right, like
menopause is a threshold anddoing some things for myself
(08:30):
like HRT actually kicked my sexdrive back into gear and just
this sense of being a person whoconnects with the erotic, no
matter what I'm doing.
Do you know, like Audrey Lordused to talk about living an
erotic life even outside of sex,but just the way that you write
and I've been writing aboutthat actually and like just
(08:53):
being able to live lifesensually, whether it's eating
or working out.
But I find myself findingpleasure in so many things that
I didn't before and I thinkthere's a freedom for me that
I'm over 50.
And like this is like thesecond half of my life that I'm
(09:15):
supposed to really be enjoyingand it's really wonderful.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Is it weird that I feel like?
I mean, I have four kids, I wasmarried for 17 years, but I
feel like life is just startingfor me.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, I think that's, and it is some ways starting
again, starting.
You know, whatever you, howeveryou wanna call it, I actually
feel like parts of my life arejust starting for the first time
as well, and I don't wanna saylate bloomer.
I think things happen whenthey're supposed to happen, but
I think there was a lot of meholding on to external
(09:54):
narratives Of what I thought mylife was supposed to look like,
did you?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
find, yeah, that's the whole reason I have a job.
And that's the whole reason Ihave a job is when I coach
people in letting go of thoseexternal narratives.
But that's also what I had todo, too is letting go and
shedding all those externalnarratives.
You know it sucks.
I did a TikTok video recentlythat actually had a lot.
(10:20):
It was a TikTok Instagram andhad a lot of feedback where I
think I was, I don't know, Idon't know if it was TikTok or
Twitter, it doesn't matter.
The point is is I was sharingthat kind of those factors.
And I think what's hard is I canhear spirit saying just because
we let go of our externalfactors or we let go of those
certain beliefs, doesn't meanthat other people are going to
(10:41):
as well.
Right, and so I find now thatas I become more comfortable in
my own skin, as I become more myown self-expression, a lot of
people don't know how to come tothat.
They don't understand.
They don't understand it in away.
But the more comfortable I amin just knowing my sense of self
(11:02):
like it matters, but it alsodoesn't matter.
And I say it matters because,at the end of the day, I still
have feelings.
So when somebody still saysthings, it can hurt or sting.
But you know, yeah, I thinkwe're always letting go of, like
the external narratives, andthat's what we have to learn is
like who are you?
Who are you?
What brings me happinessdoesn't necessarily bring you
happiness.
The way that I show up isn'tnecessarily the way you show up
(11:25):
and then all of that's okay.
All of that's okay and that'swhy I think your big one that
talks about it and I talk aboutit too is the idea of
perfectionism doesn't reallyexist.
It's a man-made factor.
We don't even need to startwhere that actually fricking
started from right.
We all know If you listen topodcasts, you probably fricking
know.
So my point is it's not realand we're all chasing this idea
(11:47):
of being perfect.
We're all chasing this idea ofthings and it doesn't exist.
So giving yourself thatpermission to create your life
for yourself and what it lookslike is a huge fricking factor.
But it's scary as hell.
Everybody's like you know thatI work with is like what's it
gonna look like?
What does failure look like?
What if I don't succeed?
What if this doesn't work?
(12:08):
Or what if that doesn't?
Or what if this?
And and I always tell peopleyou gotta let go of the what ifs
and you have to just allowyourself to step forward and
navigate it and see what happens, because I don't think that any
of us are ever in a situationthat I can hear spirit saying
this sounds weird saying it butthat we're ever in a situation
that we don't need to be in,meaning that the situation that,
(12:30):
whatever good or bad thatyou're in, is where you need to
be in that moment in order tolearn whatever lesson that
you're having to learn.
And that sucks.
I get it.
I get there's a lot of thingsthat we could say in that, but I
think there's some truth inthat too.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Thank you, I like that.
I also don't think that there'simposter syndrome.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
You don't think there's imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I think imposter syndrome is just more oppression
and us believe swallowingnarratives, and so we don't
believe that we are who, exactlywho we are.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
That's an interesting thought.
I don't necessarily think itcomes from self.
I think it's swallowed storiesfrom external that we've
swallowed so we fool ourselvesinto thinking that we're not
worthy.
But once we start to do exactlyas you're talking about that
imposter syndrome or peoplesociety unconsciously telling us
(13:34):
that we aren't worthy we startto recognize, when we start to
claim ourselves and claim all ofourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I was okay.
So before we got on, I wastelling you how, like the other
day, I had that meeting with thebook coach and we're going over
what the book was going to looklike and I was telling her you
know, this is what I want towrite about and this is what the
book's looking like.
And she was like there's nobodyout there doing that, you know,
and, summing up, it's basicallycalling bullshit on all the
spirituality aspects, callingbullshit and all of it and how
(14:05):
it all just comes back withinyourself.
And then giving the tools forthat, as well as guiding the
factors, of course, like we'renot whitewashing the shit out of
spirituality anymore.
We're going to own for what itis right.
And then I moved from thatmeeting on to the other meeting
of the donation planning, adonation drive, and then also
planning not planning, but liketalking about an event in LA and
(14:29):
all of this is activism work,as far as you know, helping this
side.
So at the end of it, I verymuch at that end of those that
those two calls was in who thefuck am I Like to say?
Any of this fucking shit?
I don't know what I'm doing.
This is insane.
(14:51):
Like who am I to talk aboutactivism stuff or to speak up on
this, or who am I to shake upthe spiritual world?
And so I very much felt like inthat moment I was having an
imposter syndrome.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
And yes, and what I mean is that there's no imposter
syndrome.
I think we think we're told,through that white washing of
spirituality that you've alwaystalked about, that imposter
syndrome is us just not livingup to our potential and I'm like
no, I think that's centuries ofoppression telling us that we
(15:28):
aren't worthy.
So I think imposter syndromefor Black, brown and indigenous
women looks different than itmight for other people who have
proximity to whiteness.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Oh, that 100%.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah, that's, that's so that's what.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
I'm saying yeah, I think that's, that's 100%.
I mean, that's the whole reason, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I think that like imposter syndrome, or is it
shaking off of?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
oppression, shaking off of oppression yeah, I think
that's really what it is, youknow, and that's where I was on
a rant the other day about thison a live, and I was saying that
, you know, I finally realizedlike, yeah, I do life coaching,
I do all of these things, but mygoal is to be that voice, you
know, that voice for my people,or that voice for Black, brown,
whatever indigenous people ofcolor, to see somebody else out
(16:16):
there in the spiritual fieldleading it, versus the white
person that's leading it rightnow.
You know, and it's like youdon't see it and everybody's
like you're right, there isnobody out there and I'm like,
yeah, there's no one out thereBecause I'm not, I'm not soluble
.
I'm not soluble.
You know the chick with thetattoos and the and the.
(16:36):
You know I'm going to cuss thehell out of shit, like I'm not
soluble.
I'm not, you know, wearing thebig crystal on my forehead or
having the, you know the hugecrown on.
I'm not, you know, openlyspeaking my language all the
time, or I'm not soluble, andthat's.
(16:57):
I think that's one of thehardest things that I'm always
like I don't think it's yeah, Idon't know, but the right people
will be there.
I know that I think we'removing into a different stage.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Absolutely, I mean.
That's why I think my memoirwas a tougher sell at first to
get to get repped, because itwasn't a story that necessarily
everybody was interested inhearing about, like hearing
about people who areincarcerated, like doing
meditation.
Like you know, if most peoplewant to, don't want to think
about that.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I think that's the beauty, though I'm really
interested in 2024 because Ithink a lot of us are moving
into like we're becoming morerealistic.
People don't want the BS.
People want it real.
They want it raw.
They don't.
They don't want that BS part oflike you know, don't give me
the crap anymore.
I want to know what's works,what doesn't work, and I want to
know how to do it versus let'smake it a fairy tale and make it
(17:52):
you know, all the gimmicky andpretty and all that stuff and I
don't think people like thatanymore.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
No, I think people are interested in seeing things
clearly for what they really are, rather than what they want
them to be.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, because then they can actually
make a change and things canactually make a difference.
Right, right, it's always beenlike we're gonna teach you a
little bit, but we're not gonnateach you everything.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Not gonna teach you enough, because we still want
you to come back and buy ourother stuff.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
That's exactly what I'm saying.
That's exactly what I'm sayingyou need another Yoni ball.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Never try to.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yoni ball.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah, um, you know what I mean, I know.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I'm like, no, I'm like I've always thought about
this and no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, Yoni
balls.
But you know what I'm talkingabout.
I do, I do.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
This is this whole idea of sort of giving people
crumbs so they keep trying tocome back for more Exactly,
Rather than saying like no,let's just really talk about it
so you can step into your ownpower and you don't need a
teacher anymore.
That's the beauty of it.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
That's what we all teach.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
We all teach each other because we're all in
community together, and that'swhat this is all about.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, yeah.
It's a false sense of control.
I'm going to give you enough,that I'm going to give you
everything, and it's like no,that's not the way.
I don't believe that's the wayspirituality works.
I think that's why I always say, like you know, I think
spirituality is a sense of likeyou coming into yourself, you
finding what works for you andyou navigating it, and it's not
going to look like I said, it'snot going to look the same for
(19:26):
me as it looks for you, and Ithink collective care is very
sexy.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
To be honest with you , I think this idea of being in
community and sharing resourcesand talking about you know
what's really going on.
I don't think there's anythingsexier than talking about
revolution and how to dismantlethis shit.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I need one of you in my life.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
No, I'm saying like it's hot, like, really like,
let's talk about it.
I mean, it's amazing to be ableto talk about that and to do it
from a place of, like joyfulrevolution, right, like Alice
Walker said, at hard timesrequire furious dancing, and
that it doesn't have to be alldoom and gloom when we're
(20:08):
talking about it.
And yeah, we can grieve and cryand be mad because we should,
and we should be having sex andorgasms and enjoying life
because both are necessary,right?
Yes, both are definitelynecessary Definitely necessary.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
You know it's funny, you say it like this and I had
this.
This is just random.
The other day I was talking to,I'm gonna say, my friend I
don't know what to call them.
I was talking to my friend andwe were talking.
I was asking about lovelanguages, like what's your love
language, right?
And their response was acts ofservice.
(20:48):
And I was like, oh, like in myhead I was like well, that sucks
, because I'm all the way overhere, I can't do that.
But their response was it's notthe acts of service for me,
it's the acts of service forself.
It's the acts of service thatif you say you're gonna do
something and you say you'regonna like okay, he didn't use
this as an example, but I'msaying it you know, like I'm
(21:09):
gonna plan a donation drive,right, and then you go out and
you actually do what you'resaying you're gonna do fucking
hot.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I 100% and I was like I love that.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Oh my God, do you see what I'm having issues right
now?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I was like oh no, I really like that.
People doing what they saythey're gonna do is hot, people
taking care of themselves, andeach other is hot Like it is.
It's very, you know, it is sexyTo sort of.
You know, allow yourself tostep into your own brilliance.
How I mean, that's incredible.
(21:50):
Yeah, we don't celebrate itenough.
And the fact that you're datingsomebody who thinks that's hot,
that is hot.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
No, it is.
I was like, oh my God, I wasjust like taking back.
I was like I've never thoughtof it like that.
That is okay.
Okay, that's cool, that's cool.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, would you add other love languages, cause I
feel like there's more than justthe five love languages out
there.
I feel like that's what youneed to do you need to come up
with black, brown, indigenouslove languages that are outside
of this Right chat Michael'scute he is.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Her dog is in the background and it's the cutest
dog.
And a turtleneck and aturtleneck.
A pit bull and a turtleneckdoesn't get much cuter than that
.
Mine's like banging it out.
Yeah, there would be other lovelanguages, I think you know.
I think one of the biggestthings for me when I think of
that like what I find fuckingsexy as hell oh my God, this is,
(22:52):
I guess, in the line, like myeyes are actually getting watery
.
That means like I'm likeexcited about it Is drive.
And I'm not talking about sexdrive, I'm talking about your
drive and life.
That's right.
You are driving for something.
You are like you're hustlingbut you're achieving it.
Oh my God, that's hot.
(23:14):
I literally send him a messagesaying I just want you to know
that your hustle and your driveis so freaking attractive.
Yeah, like I was, like that ishot.
I don't know if that's a lovelanguage, but I think no, but I
think you know I think this isactually something I say.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
we talk about in season two is reframing the love
languages through our lens.
The same love languages, butlike looking at them differently
, just like that, as acts ofservice, as being an act of
service to yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I think, like you said earlier, like I think
revolution is a big, is a hot,like I think, in the sense that
you are gonna actually, you know, stand up for whatever it is
black, brown, identity Like youare revolutionist.
I think that's you know, it'slike okay, you know, I don't
know, I don't know.
That's one of those things thatI yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Closing.
You know, like I don't know,what a reframing of physical
touch would be.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I don't know.
Open, I don't know.
Yeah, I think like the physicaltouch.
Maybe I'm correct me if I'mwrong on this.
That's what he said Like so doyou know what mine are?
And goes physical touch isdefinitely one of yours and I'm
like absolutely.
But here's one of the thingsthat I was gonna say.
I think that the love languageof physical touch that we read
(24:43):
it is so like maybe it's becausethe person that actually wrote
the love language books was aChristian.
I don't know if you know that.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, I feel like they do needlike a they're very like watered
A reframing.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Where I'm like you wanna give.
I'm gonna talk to you about myphysical touch.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Okay, we talk yeah, it's physical touch, Like you
know, talking about consent andBDSM and talk to them.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah, you gotta throw me over this large table.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Like all of that kind of stuff goes under.
You know, like that reframingof physical touches is like that
, like I think we always talkabout it in sort of like these
dainty sort of generic ways thatare sort of like you know
what's the word that a whitewashis the one in, and I don't
(25:32):
literally mean white, but that'sjust, yeah, generic.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Or vanilla vanilla is the word that I'm looking for,
yeah that's a good way andthat's the what I was thinking
too when I was trying to say itwithout saying it.
But like the physical touches,exactly, it's very vanilla and
whereas, like, if you guys, Idon't care, I don't care who
fucking listens, if you know howI really get down, it's like I
don't care, you flip me, dip me.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I'm, I'm here, I'm showing up, yep, I'm showing up,
you know and and if you canarticulate that right somebody
who can articulate who they arebecause they know who they are
and can talk about the thingsthat they want like that's
incredibly important.
And I think all of that lendsitself to you know, this
(26:19):
dismantling and this revolutionand this collective care that
we're talking about, like it'sall about really knowing who you
are and knowing what you wantand knowing how you're going to
get there and being able to holdspace for the people in your
world to be able to do that too.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
And that's that's that's the biggest key.
There is that I don't thinkthat I'm interested.
I'm actually getting a readingright now, as I'm saying this
because, you know, a lot ofpeople were like read 2024 and
I'm like I can get like dips andglimpses.
I think the false, the falseteachers or the people that
aren't doing the work, aren'tgoing to show up anymore.
They just can't.
(26:59):
That's what I'm picking up onright now.
They can't, and so it's like,unless you really are living the
game and you're really doingthe work, then yeah, that's it,
and I really feel that, cominginto 2024, it's like okay, who's
still here?
Because those people that aregoing to be remaining or
successful or growing are thepeople that are actively.
This is my real, this is who Iam, this is me on an everyday
(27:21):
life, like when you guys here, Ithink, between me and Onika
talking is me and Onikaoffscreen too, like off that's
even the idea that when westarted working, just the two of
us together, that these werereally just conversations that
we would be having if no oneelse was listening yeah, but
knowing yourself, knowingyourself, raleigh, you know like
(27:41):
raw, like knowing that part ofyou is so important in order to
show up and hold that space forother people, or else you just
can't.
You can't, you know, I don'tknow, I spirits still calls me
out on my shit, like I still getcalled out where I'm like okay,
all the time.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
There is a teacher who I have a lot of respect for.
He had posted on his storieslike why do you, why do you have
a spiritual practice?
That was one of the questions.
And I wrote so I'm not anasshole.
And he, he messaged me and hewas like I think that's the best
answer I've ever read and I'mlike it's true, though, like I
(28:20):
really do practice.
So I'm not an asshole, becausefor so long I was so blocked
from my own heart, and beingblocked from my own heart made
me mean, because I didn't know.
I didn't know how to to act,because I was so far away from
myself and my practice crackedmy heart open so I could fall in
love with myself and I couldshow up authentically.
(28:40):
So that's why I continue topractice, so I don't go back to
that place and I and I recognizethat and I think that's
important, you know, I thinkit's important to say like I'm
not going to give you somebullshit answer like oh it's,
you know, I used to be a dickand I don't want to be a dick
anymore.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
I don't yeah, no, I like that.
I always talk about, I'm likeokay, when we block our hearts
because of whatever occurs to usin life, it's not just you
blocking others out, but it'syou blocking yourself out as
well.
And that's the most importantpart and that's why it's like
I'm always talking to peopleabout like be safe, you know,
coming back in yourself, tellingyourself I have permission to
(29:18):
come back in.
I allow myself to feel safe inmy body, I allow myself these
things and so coming into thatpart of it it's so interesting,
it's super intriguing.
I'm just like I.
It's weird because, like, asI'm talking to you, I can
actually see the energy of likehow we embody and don't embody
certain things.
(29:39):
Like I'm looking at how, likewe live in such a way that most
of us, throughout the years,haven't just embodied ourselves,
we haven't come into ourselves,and then how we now moving into
a different of embodiment oflike this is truly embodying
energetically myself on all likelevels and sort of going back
to love languages and likephysical touch and your practice
(30:00):
and sexuality.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
It's like learning how to touch yourself intimately
and you know whether it'smasturbation or whether it's
just sort of like being able tosay to yourself you're, you're
okay, you're okay, right.
I don't care, I'm gonna straightout say it everyone needs to
masturbate well, no, I mean yes,absolutely, you know, keeps the
(30:22):
, I think, the drama away.
But, like, I think it's alsothis idea that there are
different ways that we learnedhow to touch ourselves.
But if we don't practice right,if we don't have this place
that we start from where we know, sometimes the touch that I
need is like like a warm hug ofan embrace that I didn't get
(30:46):
from, maybe growing up to.
You know, sexual touch thatfeels safe and friendly, because
that was something that Ididn't get or I'm learning how
to foster that.
All of that, I think, should bea part of the spiritual
practice and and we have to beable to talk about it without it
, like you know, people be like,oh no, you can't say that.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I mean, why can't I talk about masturbation and
spirituality at the same time,because hand in hand, there's so
many people that manifestthrough orgasm.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Do you know how many times I've had orgasm and I've
manifested at the same time,like all the time, all the time,
all the time.
And you know, I used to do iton my own.
And then I actually read thatthat's a thing and I was like,
well, god damn, amika, you arejust really clever.
Yeah, I didn't know it was athing.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
What was it?
God, I hope they don't listento this podcast, because it's
true you do manifest when you'rewhatever you're thinking about
or whatever you're focusing onduring the course, you know,
(32:00):
okay, rewinding a little bitbefore I go forward into the
manifestation part.
I was on this podcast and itwas.
It was not what I thought itwas going to be.
It was about talking about sex.
It was like mom's talking aboutsex and so I was really
intrigued and kind of likeexcited to kind of talk about it
.
But the person that wasinterviewing me had wanted me to
talk about my marriage and Iwas like that was not.
(32:22):
That was like horrible sex.
Marriage, like sex, washorrible.
It was sexless by the end of it.
You know, there was, there wasjust not.
And she was like well, how didyou come into your own?
How did you come into your ownLike, how did you find sex or
things.
And I don't think she guidedthe conversation correctly, but
the answer was I, freaking,learned how to love myself, and
(32:45):
I meet that both by I worked out, I did self care, but I also
fucking loved myself, right,like I learned how to pleasure
myself in ways that I was likethis is me coming into myself
because I can't do it over here,like I'm not getting what I
need.
So it's like I always tellpeople look, we often time are
(33:08):
looking at our partners or otherpeople to give us what we are
lacking within ourselves.
Whether consciously orsubconsciously, you're
constantly being like I needthis, I need this, right, just
listen to the words that you'resaying, like what you need from
the person, when in reality,what you were seeking in the
other person is what you need tobe seeking in yourself and
giving yourself.
And when you find that balance,oh my God, game fucking changer
(33:33):
.
Yes, right.
And so somebody, even in a live, was like how do we, how do we
go from not needing somebody?
And I'm like by not puttingthat on them and giving yourself
what you need, right, so if I'mfeeling anxious or loveless or
whatever it is, I need to givethat to myself.
If I'm not feeling sexy, I'mgoing to feeling fucking hot,
sexy for myself, right, exactly,there's reasons why, like for
(33:57):
me, I'm like I'll buy fuckingmatching lingerie, not for them,
yeah, not for them, for me, andit's just about showing up for
yourself in a way that's like sothat's, that's one.
But that podcast was horrible.
It was horrible podcast.
She wasn't hitting it right.
I said no pun intended, no punintended.
I thought that when I said itright now, I was like she wasn't
(34:23):
hitting it right.
She wasn't hitting it right andI was like okay, so anyways, I
had to teach myself how to hitit right.
But yeah, that's kind of youknow what it is.
But the manifestation part ofsex is so real.
I was talking to somebodyrecently about that and just
being powerful and knowingyourself and it's like the
(34:43):
thoughts that go in your headwhile you're having sex.
You know it's real, it's whatyou manifest, it's what you
create in that moment.
I'm trying not to say so muchand I'm laughing in my head
right now.
It was like, yeah, like myperson, right, it's always like
(35:04):
what are you thinking?
Like in the moment, I'm like whyare you asking me?
Why are you asking me what?
Just like, don't ask me whatI'm thinking.
I think when he asked that theother day, I was like that I'm
thankful that I'm flexible, butI think there was a moment, too
(35:26):
that he looked at me and he goesI fucking love when you look at
me like that, and I think itwas a moment I was like
manifesting in my head.
It was a moment that he caughtmy eyes manifesting and he was
like I love when you look at melike that and I was like, oh,
like I don't know what I'mlooking at you, but it was a
moment that, a manifestation andI say that because I very much
(35:49):
manifest during that time.
So, yeah, yeah, watch out.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Yeah, it's powerful, it's really powerful.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
There's a I have a friend of mine well, she's not a
friend anymore, but she's inQuayton's and I think her and
her partner manifest.
They, they're very well awareof each other's manifestations
during that course of time.
So then they're, they'reincreasing the energy, wow.
So they're very much aware thatthey're coming together to
manifest whatever it is.
(36:18):
So I don't know.
I mean well.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
I wonder what that would be like.
Well, you hear, I mean coupleshaving sex right and a baby's
born.
And you know, you know, likeyou, you know at that moment
what's going on too.
And the key to about violencenow is to be cage controlled in
such a way that people respecttheir pet dogà.
That's so interesting.
What you know when peopleconceive and there's a moment
(36:44):
that everybody knows that, it'sthat you've got pregnant right
at that moment.
Oh, I know, Do you know what Imean?
Because you've both.
Yeah, that's what I'm talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I tell people that sometimes,when I read them, I'm like
you're going to know, like assoon as you get pregnant, you'll
know you're pregnant.
Hmm, okay, let's switch thesubject off that.
Let's move on.
What were you saying?
We had sexuality, spiritualityand self, but it's all goes hand
(37:21):
in hand.
I don't know where else to go.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
It does.
No, I think this feels good.
I feel I think that feels likea good place to stop.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
That's it.
That was our conversation.
Do we have more to say?
No, I think.
I think we don't have any moreto say.
I think our conversation wasjust about we talked about more
sex than I thought we were goingto talk about, but we did talk
a lot about sex.
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (37:46):
really no, I know that doesn't surprise me, though
.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Oh, that were, yeah, I don't know both freaks
probably.
Yeah, do you really?
Speaker 2 (37:54):
thought any different .
No.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
And those of us who know me and who know you?
Actually are like.
Yeah, I mean, I know I have ohmy God, I got to share off stuff
off this, but I think theimportant part, though, is for
people to understand, like, justto, like you said, breaking
away from the barriers of likewhat people are telling you
things are, and allowingyourself to just feel safe.
(38:22):
I think it's feeling safe inyour exploration.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Yeah, it's you understanding that you're the
safe space and going out ofplace a pace that is safe for
yourself, like if even usingmasturbation as an example, if
even the word masturbationfreaks you out and that is not
something that you've done oryou can explore, then take it a
(38:45):
little bit out of time.
Read a sexy story first tostart right.
Like, do it, see it sexy?
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, larotica is amazing, guys, larotica is
amazing.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Like you know, do it in a way that you feel like
you're dipping your toe in alittle bit out of time, and I
think that goes with.
You know embracing your wholeself and your sexuality.
Go at a pace that feels rightfor you.
You don't have to do it the waythat other people did it, but
do it in a way that's authenticand only you know when you're
lying to yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
And I think the biggest thing in people like
always, like how do you lovemyself, right?
Like?
People have body images orpeople look at themselves in a
way, and I think the thing is islike you have to learn how to.
How do you guys want to wordthat most guys Letting your body
feel sexy, like letting me feelsexy regardless of who's with
me, right, like?
(39:39):
Like I, I feel sexy no matterwho's with me.
I don't know if that makessense.
It's like I.
I don't know how to explainthat other than just allowing
yourself to feel like I feelsexy no matter what.
I don't need that affirmationfrom somebody else.
You know it's like if I want totake.
That's why, if you, if you guyshave followed my journey,
people will see.
Like you know, if I take sexyphotos, it's not because I'm
(40:02):
taking sexy photos for thevalidation of others.
I'm taking sexy photos for thevalidation of me, because it
makes me feel like a woman.
It makes me feel what I need inthat moment Right.
If I buy matcha lingerie, I buymatcha lingerie to make me feel
in that moment, yeah, yeah, doit for yourself.
I guess I like it.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
All right, that's it.
So we will see you next season.
Next season, you and I in 24.
It's not that far, it's onlysix weeks away.
Okay, that's so close.
Have a.
Have the new year that you'resupposed to have everyone.
Yes, have lots of love, lots oflove, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
All right, bye, love you all.
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