October 2, 2025 • 10 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
You know, yeah, all these people saying, oh, you know
you can't write. You know, you're not going to be
able to write a fictional novel, or your memoir won't
do good, or you can't you're not going to be
an actor, you're just the rapper guy.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Blah blah blah. Now at this phase.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Of my life, those things like I don't hear that.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I mean, I acknowledge it. I know I'm a human being.
Sometimes it hurts to hear it, but I've.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Gone through it my whole life, being told what I
can or can't do, not only personally, but then professionally.
You'll never be a rapper, you'll never sell out the garden,
you'll never this, you'll never that. And knowing that every
single thing that is, you know I've been told that
I couldn't do, I actually achieved it. And so as
(00:54):
a man, you know, at thirty and stepping back and
realizing my worth as a human being, now stepping into
this next round, this next chapter of creativity.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I know I can't. I know I can't.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
And for me, that's what this book is, That's what
this conversation is. It's letting people know, like, dude, you
can do it because at the end of the day,
I just feel like we're all kids. Like everyone's like,
you know, first graders with nuclear codes.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
As adults, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And when I look at, you know, other people, when
they tell me their dreams and their ambitions and all this,
I see this child inside of them that is pure.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
And excited, and I root for that person because the
child in me has been stepped on and kicked but
is still standing.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
So moving into this next chapter, I think the biggest thing,
even though it's hard, even though my own voice goes,
you can't do it, You're a fraud.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Everyone's gonna know.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I still say, yes, you can, you know you can,
you can do this. I just found out recently I
have cervical dystonian.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Do you know what this is?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I've only heard about it through you.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Well.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, So it's a neurological disorder which basically either can
cause a person's head to turn in one direction and
it's kind of stuck in that direction unless they use.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Like a sensory tick.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
And for me, I have a tremor, a head tremor,
and it goes in a no motion and I cannot
control it, and it causes me a lot pain, I
guess for me when it comes to these endeavors of
acting and writing scripts and all this stuff. The thing
that rips me from this, the fear that I have
(02:44):
is that I can't control my head from shaking. And
so for the last two years, I haven't written anything.
I haven't really sat down sat at a table the
way that I like to sit at a table normally
without my head doing this, which is shaking back, which
causes me extreme emotional pain, which also stems from the
(03:05):
fact that when I was a young boy, I would
see the elderly shaking and it freaked me out. It
scared me so bad. And then now I'm dealing with
this thing. I think it's crazy that, you know, as
we're having a conversation and you're talking to me, I'm
doing everything that I can to listen to you while
also wondering are your viewers watching my head shake, and
(03:28):
wondering why do they think I'm nervous? Do they think
I'm weird? Is it weird that I'm sitting on a
couch at a certain angle and turning my head while
trying to hold this and put my arm back here
to look as normals this is in my head, and
I wish all I had to worry about was the
creative aspect of it.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Now here's the funny part.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
There's always going to be some back in the basement.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I was broke with my mom, you know, and what
I was going through.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I was on welfare and food stamps, and you know
my stack dad's slitness achilles heel open and bleeding profusely all.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Over the.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Kitchen floor while my mom was hauled off by the cops,
or when she was in a psych ward and I
was all alone with my sisters. There's always something, and
so part of the reason that I bring this up
is to say, like, there's always going to be something
in our lives. There's always going to be something that
isn't right, but we can't let it stop us from
(04:26):
doing what we love. So many people have underlining things
that they deal with personally that nobody else would know,
and it's torture. Man.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It scares me. It scares me.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
What if I've given this to my son, What if
it becomes extremely debilitating and I'd become a burden to
my wife and my family.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
But at the same time, Yolo, I have to focus
on the present.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I have to look back on what I wish I
could have been focusing on in the basement.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
What I have right now is my health.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I am able to sit and have a conversation and
most people don't really notice it. And I will be
damned if I allow it to stop me from writing
or doing these things.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Just because it's like someone's poking you twenty four to seven.
You got to live with it.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Adaptation It's one of our you know, mankind's greatest.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Features, I believe. So you know, I had so many.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
People telling me what I was or what I wasn't
or that I was trying to be this, or that
I was trying to be that, and I was.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Just always just trying to be myself. You know. Sure,
I've tried to rap like Kendrick Lamar and j.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Cole because I think that they rap really cool, so
maybe I'll try a cadence like them.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I wasn't trying to be them, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
But you can say the same thing for Tribe call
Quest for you know, Nas and jay Z and Kanye West,
like these are guys that I look up to and
for me, it's funny that if you're in a not
to go on another tangent. But you can't be a
fan of a contemporary artist.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
It's just no. It's in a way they're your enemy,
but they're your brother.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
They're your competition, but they're And it's like, no, dude,
if Kendrick Lamar has a really cool beat, I'm gonna
be like six, let's make a beat like that.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I want to do it in a completely different way.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Realizing that that's okay, like all these all these imaginary
blurred lines on what you can, all.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
These rules that are just made up. You know.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
It's like I'm that child inside drawing and painting and
making the sky orange or whatever, you know, painting the
sky oornge.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And so with that, looking in the mirror now older.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I've realized everyone's fully nobody knows what they're talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I don't know why am I worried about this?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Like my son is beautiful, my wife is amazing, my
life is amazing. I'm just a guy who writes words
down and sometimes wraps them or sings them or acts
them out in a scene. And some people literally hate
me for it, and some people like me for it.
(06:55):
A majority of the people on this planet have no
view who I am, so what before honestly really moving
on to anything else in your life as far as
any passion. So if we're talking about music, let's use
that as an example. But at the end of the day,
we're talking about creativity, we're talking about life, We're talking
about dreams and goals, right, so utterly commit yourself to
(07:18):
this one thing before moving on.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
So I've been.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Doing music for seventeen years and it's only now that
I am moving on to film and different things like that,
while still doing music because I love it, because I'm
an addict. And what I would say is like, make
it your everything. And I'm still a student. I think
I know a lot about hip hop and music in general,
(07:45):
but it's like, dude, I'm still learning all the time.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Ask questions because it is better to ask.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
A question and learn and learn something everything, Like literally,
make it your everything. I would wake up think of
raps and ideas. I would wake up and record. I mean,
there was a point in time when I was doing
five songs.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
A day, minimum minimum five songs a day.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
No matter what I do, it's always never good enough
in the eyes of not necessarily just hip hop, but
entertainment in general, you know what I mean, it's not
good enough. You're gonna okay, you got you know, you
got a couple of followers on Twitter, but you can't
do a show.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
And then you do a show.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Okay, yeah, fifty people showed up, but five hundred people
to show, and then five hundred people show up, and
then five thousand people and then twenty five thousand people,
and then it's like, okay, yeah, but you ain't gon
you ain't got no album. You know, it's okay, but
the album's not platinum, okay, And that starts.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
To ingrain into your head.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
And it's not just the just music, I mean, it's life, right.
It's like, okay, you have no high school diploma, and
then you get high school, yeah, but you didn't go
to college. And you can go to college, yeah, but
you don't have your masters, and you get your masters
and then before you know, you're like eighty years old
and you didn't You don't even live your life, you
know what I mean. And I think I think I'm
really lucky to have discovered that.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
At a young age, you know, because thirty one is young.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
But my life is a lot just slower now because
I've been able to look back while creating this book
and realize that basically the goals I had as a
young man and a musician and a creative person.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So look, even though they were real.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And they make sense, you know, like Okay, I want
to put out an album, I want to sell a
certain amount my first week, or do this or do that.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
It was just this hamster wheel that.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Never stopped, and I think I just feel like that's
very unhealthy. I never once patted myself on the back
or said good job.
You know, yeah, all these people saying, oh, you know
you can't write. You know, you're not going to be
able to write a fictional novel, or your memoir won't
do good, or you can't you're not going to be
an actor, you're just the rapper guy.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Blah blah blah. Now at this phase.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Of my life, those things like I don't hear that.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I mean, I acknowledge it. I know I'm a human being.
Sometimes it hurts to hear it, but I've.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Gone through it my whole life, being told what I
can or can't do, not only personally, but then professionally.
You'll never be a rapper, you'll never sell out the garden,
you'll never this, you'll never that. And knowing that every
single thing that is, you know I've been told that
I couldn't do, I actually achieved it. And so as
(00:54):
a man, you know, at thirty and stepping back and
realizing my worth as a human being, now stepping into
this next round, this next chapter of creativity.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I know I can't. I know I can't.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
And for me, that's what this book is, That's what
this conversation is. It's letting people know, like, dude, you
can do it because at the end of the day,
I just feel like we're all kids. Like everyone's like,
you know, first graders with nuclear codes.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
As adults, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And when I look at, you know, other people, when
they tell me their dreams and their ambitions and all this,
I see this child inside of them that is pure.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
And excited, and I root for that person because the
child in me has been stepped on and kicked but
is still standing.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
So moving into this next chapter, I think the biggest thing,
even though it's hard, even though my own voice goes,
you can't do it, You're a fraud.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Everyone's gonna know.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I still say, yes, you can, you know you can,
you can do this. I just found out recently I
have cervical dystonian.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Do you know what this is?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I've only heard about it through you.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Well.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, So it's a neurological disorder which basically either can
cause a person's head to turn in one direction and
it's kind of stuck in that direction unless they use.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Like a sensory tick.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
And for me, I have a tremor, a head tremor,
and it goes in a no motion and I cannot
control it, and it causes me a lot pain, I
guess for me when it comes to these endeavors of
acting and writing scripts and all this stuff. The thing
that rips me from this, the fear that I have
(02:44):
is that I can't control my head from shaking. And
so for the last two years, I haven't written anything.
I haven't really sat down sat at a table the
way that I like to sit at a table normally
without my head doing this, which is shaking back, which
causes me extreme emotional pain, which also stems from the
(03:05):
fact that when I was a young boy, I would
see the elderly shaking and it freaked me out. It
scared me so bad. And then now I'm dealing with
this thing. I think it's crazy that, you know, as
we're having a conversation and you're talking to me, I'm
doing everything that I can to listen to you while
also wondering are your viewers watching my head shake, and
(03:28):
wondering why do they think I'm nervous? Do they think
I'm weird? Is it weird that I'm sitting on a
couch at a certain angle and turning my head while
trying to hold this and put my arm back here
to look as normals this is in my head, and
I wish all I had to worry about was the
creative aspect of it.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Now here's the funny part.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
There's always going to be some back in the basement.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I was broke with my mom, you know, and what
I was going through.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I was on welfare and food stamps, and you know
my stack dad's slitness achilles heel open and bleeding profusely all.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Over the.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Kitchen floor while my mom was hauled off by the cops,
or when she was in a psych ward and I
was all alone with my sisters. There's always something, and
so part of the reason that I bring this up
is to say, like, there's always going to be something
in our lives. There's always going to be something that
isn't right, but we can't let it stop us from
(04:26):
doing what we love. So many people have underlining things
that they deal with personally that nobody else would know,
and it's torture. Man.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It scares me. It scares me.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
What if I've given this to my son, What if
it becomes extremely debilitating and I'd become a burden to
my wife and my family.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
But at the same time, Yolo, I have to focus
on the present.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I have to look back on what I wish I
could have been focusing on in the basement.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
What I have right now is my health.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I am able to sit and have a conversation and
most people don't really notice it. And I will be
damned if I allow it to stop me from writing
or doing these things.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Just because it's like someone's poking you twenty four to seven.
You got to live with it.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Adaptation It's one of our you know, mankind's greatest.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Features, I believe. So you know, I had so many.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
People telling me what I was or what I wasn't
or that I was trying to be this, or that
I was trying to be that, and I was.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Just always just trying to be myself. You know. Sure,
I've tried to rap like Kendrick Lamar and j.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Cole because I think that they rap really cool, so
maybe I'll try a cadence like them.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I wasn't trying to be them, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
But you can say the same thing for Tribe call
Quest for you know, Nas and jay Z and Kanye West,
like these are guys that I look up to and
for me, it's funny that if you're in a not
to go on another tangent. But you can't be a
fan of a contemporary artist.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
It's just no. It's in a way they're your enemy,
but they're your brother.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
They're your competition, but they're And it's like, no, dude,
if Kendrick Lamar has a really cool beat, I'm gonna
be like six, let's make a beat like that.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I want to do it in a completely different way.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Realizing that that's okay, like all these all these imaginary
blurred lines on what you can, all.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
These rules that are just made up. You know.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
It's like I'm that child inside drawing and painting and
making the sky orange or whatever, you know, painting the
sky oornge.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And so with that, looking in the mirror now older.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I've realized everyone's fully nobody knows what they're talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I don't know why am I worried about this?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Like my son is beautiful, my wife is amazing, my
life is amazing. I'm just a guy who writes words
down and sometimes wraps them or sings them or acts
them out in a scene. And some people literally hate
me for it, and some people like me for it.
(06:55):
A majority of the people on this planet have no
view who I am, so what before honestly really moving
on to anything else in your life as far as
any passion. So if we're talking about music, let's use
that as an example. But at the end of the day,
we're talking about creativity, we're talking about life, We're talking
about dreams and goals, right, so utterly commit yourself to
(07:18):
this one thing before moving on.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
So I've been.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Doing music for seventeen years and it's only now that
I am moving on to film and different things like that,
while still doing music because I love it, because I'm
an addict. And what I would say is like, make
it your everything. And I'm still a student. I think
I know a lot about hip hop and music in general,
(07:45):
but it's like, dude, I'm still learning all the time.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Ask questions because it is better to ask.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
A question and learn and learn something everything, Like literally,
make it your everything. I would wake up think of
raps and ideas. I would wake up and record. I mean,
there was a point in time when I was doing
five songs.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
A day, minimum minimum five songs a day.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
No matter what I do, it's always never good enough
in the eyes of not necessarily just hip hop, but
entertainment in general, you know what I mean, it's not
good enough. You're gonna okay, you got you know, you
got a couple of followers on Twitter, but you can't
do a show.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
And then you do a show.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Okay, yeah, fifty people showed up, but five hundred people
to show, and then five hundred people show up, and
then five thousand people and then twenty five thousand people,
and then it's like, okay, yeah, but you ain't gon
you ain't got no album. You know, it's okay, but
the album's not platinum, okay, And that starts.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
To ingrain into your head.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
And it's not just the just music, I mean, it's life, right.
It's like, okay, you have no high school diploma, and
then you get high school, yeah, but you didn't go
to college. And you can go to college, yeah, but
you don't have your masters, and you get your masters
and then before you know, you're like eighty years old
and you didn't You don't even live your life, you
know what I mean. And I think I think I'm
really lucky to have discovered that.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
At a young age, you know, because thirty one is young.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
But my life is a lot just slower now because
I've been able to look back while creating this book
and realize that basically the goals I had as a
young man and a musician and a creative person.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So look, even though they were real.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And they make sense, you know, like Okay, I want
to put out an album, I want to sell a
certain amount my first week, or do this or do that.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
It was just this hamster wheel that.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Never stopped, and I think I just feel like that's
very unhealthy. I never once patted myself on the back
or said good job.
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