May 8, 2024 • 23 mins
When we come face to face with our darkest moments, what is the spark that ignites change? Ray Windum, an addictions counselor and Heal Your Life coach, shares the story of his transformation from a troubled past to a beacon of hope. As a child exposed to hard times, Ray turned to addiction as his refuge, only to encounter a profound realization that steered him toward sobriety and aiding others in their battles against personal demons.
Ray unveils the power behind those pivotal breakthroughs that reshape lives. We explore the intricate dance between past experiences, beliefs, and the present self, delving into how we react to life's boiling points—be it softening like a potato or hardening like an egg— Ray's insights into the nature of addiction, particularly alcohol, offer a stark look at the yearning for something beyond the substance. His wisdom casts a light on the essential first steps to recovery, understanding the allure of escape and the necessity of confronting what we seek to numb.
Ray leaves us with a powerful reminder of the influence one's personal journey can have on the world. The episode is a tribute to the indomitable human spirit and its capacity to overcome and transcend life's myriad challenges. Ray's story is a catalyst for listeners to harness their inner strength and navigate their path to healing and growth.
To learn more about Ray, check out his Facebook group.
To learn more about Heal Your Life® training, click HERE.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, beautiful listeners and viewers, and
welcome back to another episodeof the podcast.
I have with me today RaymondWindham, and he is an addictions
counselor that I had theprivilege of meeting in person
recently.
We were at the Heal your Lifetraining event in Banff for 10
days and this man is superfabulous and I'm so excited to
(00:25):
share him with you all.
Ray has an amazing story toshare, beautiful insights.
He is wise, wise, wise and justkeeps dropping these truth
bombs, so I'm so excited forthis podcast.
Welcome to the podcast, ray.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hi, victoria.
It's great to see you again andto talk.
The training was amazing.
I learned so much, even justabout myself, so it's a
privilege to be on here with youand to talk.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Wonderful.
Thank you.
Well, you know that's reallythe whole secret of life, isn't
it?
It is really learning aboutourselves.
And, ray, I know that you and Ihave shared a bit of our
stories with each other, and youknow I might have worn a
t-shirt that said you know, Ilearn lessons the hard way, but
(01:18):
I'm over that and I don't needto learn those lessons the hard
way anymore.
But so many of us have beendown, you know, a rough path and
one path looks different thanthe other and we bring out
different lessons to help people, and I know that's something
that you're very passionateabout as an addictions counselor
as well as as a Heal your Lifecoach and workshop teacher.
(01:41):
So let's just start at thebeginning.
Where would you like to startsharing your story from?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh well, let's see.
Originally I was born in WatsonLake in the Yukon, but I was
raised in Whitehorse.
So where to start?
Let's see?
I had a very, very troubledchildhood.
There was a lot of abuse andneglect just upon me.
(02:08):
It was a lot of favoritism inthe family.
I was, as you could say, likethe black sheep of the family
and kind of unwanted, andunfortunately that led to a lot
of issues in my teen years andmy young adult of uh issues in
(02:29):
my teen years and my young adultdrank a lot and, you know, just
partied, did drugs and stufflike that.
Uh, eventually I wound up onthe streets.
I was, uh, you know, living onthe streets, staying at the
shelters and drinking a vastamount, like the amount of
alcohol that I would drink.
People were just like surprisedand I'm like, oh, that's just
like another Tuesday yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Well, that must have been a really like.
When I think about the Ray, Iknow now and the Ray back then,
that must have been a very scarytime for you.
While you were going through it, did you recognize that it was
scary and dangerous, or how didthat feel?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
on actually like it was.
When I think back on it, likethere's a lot of like.
It was like normal, like, um, Itold people like I used to get
picked up by the cops and go tothe drunk tank three to four
times a week and to me it wasjust like everybody goes to the
drunk tank, like it was a normalpart of life.
(03:28):
It wasn't until, like, I gotsober I was just like, yeah,
that's like not normal, notnormal at all.
So like even like being drunkat one in the afternoon, passed
out in the middle of main street, like I didn't really see it as
a bad thing.
In a way, it was just like, oh,okay, yeah, this is just kind
of my life.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So you know I'm drawing a parallel to what
you're sharing now, to what yousaid just a few minutes ago
about your childhood.
You know, feeling like theblack sheep and feeling unwanted
.
And I think that when we areraised in that feeling, where we
feel unwanted or a black sheep,or maybe we feel like everyone
(04:11):
else comes before us, theirneeds come before ours.
That also is our normal and wejust think that's the way it's
supposed to be.
You know, if we're being, say,for example, if a person is
being physically abused, andthey think, okay, well, this is
the normal, this is what's whathappens to children, you know, I
did something wrong, just likeyou were saying with the
(04:35):
drinking and the drunk tank andthe passed out that that is
normal.
So at what point did yourecognize, uh, that the normal
was going to well, or did yourecognize that that normal was
going to mean the end of yourlife, like what?
What was that defining momentwhere you started to take steps
(05:00):
to come out of where you were at, take steps?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
to come out of where you were at.
Oh, the choice I made, becauseI drank really heavily, because
I was really depressed and I hada lot of like suicidal thoughts
and all that.
And a lot of the times, likewhen people think suicide, you
know, they just think.
You know just ending it at thatmoment.
But it also comes like with nottaking care of yourself.
(05:23):
You know just ending it at thatmoment, but it also comes like
with not taking care of yourself.
You know, I'm smoking lots ofcigarettes hoping that one day
you'll get cancer.
I'm not eating.
Well, you know when you'regetting yourself sick.
And mine was to get really drunkto where I would hope that I
would die in a blackout, eitherpass out in the snow and freeze
(05:44):
to death or get run over.
And then it just came to a pointwhere it wasn't happening fast
enough.
So then that's when I did mysuicide attempt.
I tried to hang myself in abathroom with a belt and, um, it
was, uh, the point where itstarted getting dark.
The darkness was closing in andI realized that I didn't want
(06:06):
to die.
So I took the belt off and copswere called on me because I
made a big thing about it and Iwent to the drunk tank and into
the hospital and realized thatyou know like I wanted to die so
bad when I was drinking.
And then, when the time camefor me to die, I realized I
(06:26):
didn't want to die and I waslike you know what?
I got?
To give up alcohol because thatwas one of the main reasons why
I drank so heavily it wasbecause I wanted to die.
And then, realizing I didn'twant to die, I decided to quit
wow.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
So I never.
First of all, thank you forsharing that story with us, and
and I too never knew that storyabout you, and I think what
happens and correct me if I'mwrong is that you know we're
feeling awful, so we drink forthe relief of those feelings,
but they're not recognizing thatalcohol deepens that depression
(07:06):
.
And you know it's just a spiral.
I think in life we're eitherspiraling up or we're spiraling
down, but we're always in somestate of movement.
And so you, you had that momentof actually I don't want to die
, so something's got to give.
Um, and what was your next move?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
oh well, um, I was working at Tim Hortons and I,
you know, had still had all thistime.
So I got myself three jobs.
I got, uh, worked in themorning at a Mark's Warehouse
and Tim Hortons and also gavemyself like a little challenge
to kind of keep me in thatenvironment.
So I worked as a bouncer at abar.
(07:48):
So from the time I woke up towhen I went to bed I was busy.
I had no time or energy todrink after that.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Good for you, good for you.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
That is really incredible and it shows such
incredible inner strength and,frankly, I think you have to
have a lot of inner strength tostay alive on the streets too.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I remember one time I passed out by the riverbank.
I was out for a couple hours.
I woke up and they were stillthere and I was like, oh, like,
you guys are still here andthey're like we don't leave our
own.
And it came to a shock becauseI passed out when I was younger
with my friends.
Wake up and they're gone.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
They're out having fun doing what?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
we do Well and thank you for sharing that um I I
think it's important for us all.
It's so easy to be callous inthis world and forget that the
people who are struggling um areare, you know, beautiful human
beings as well, and I don'tthink anyone ever wakes up one
day and says, hey, you know what?
I think I'm going to become ahomeless, alcoholic or drug
(09:07):
addict.
It's just this series of eventsthat keeps building and
building back to that spiralright, spiraling down and down
and down, until we end up withthat situation where we have
nothing left.
But I'm so glad that you hadpeople that were watching out
for you.
So how long have you been sobernow, ray?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I've been sober since August 18, 2014.
Wonderful.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Coming up on that 10-year anniversary.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And so now you work in addictions, and I know that I
mean, I'm just imagining howfulfilling that would be for you
.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
tell me, mom oh well, currently where I live, like
it's a little slow, like I'm ina little community, but I do a
lot of community engagements.
I do like adult night, whereyou know they bring the
community together, we do sportsand games and stuff like that.
Or I'll do like communitybarbecue and jam nights.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
That's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I've only been at this job for a couple of months,
but beforehand, for the lastcouple of years, I've been
working with a lot of peoplewith addictions and homeless,
working in shelters and as astreet outreach, and that was
that was very fulfilling.
That was.
You see a lot of things and Iexperienced a lot of traumatic
things, but I understood thatwent with the job.
(10:30):
But just to be able to connectwith them and for them, because
they knew, because to them Iwasn't just a clock-in
nine-to-five guy, Like they know, you know, being First Nations,
being a recovering alcoholicalso living on the streets.
So like you know, like you know, you know what it's like, like
you're one of us, but you madeit.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
And it was.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
That was very fulfilling and rewarding.
I still miss my old clients.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yes, yes.
So tell us now you came in, youdid this Heal, your Life
training where you reallylearned to really hands-on
experience some of those thingsthat I'm sure you already had as
a foundation, but things likebeing able to work on some of
(11:19):
that inner healing fromchildhood and we all have
childhood trauma.
You know, I'm not putting thison anybody's parents.
We all just did the best we can, you know, myself included as a
mom, yourself included as afather, I'm sure.
And so what?
What do you see on the horizonfor you as far as helping other
(11:39):
people to break through the, thebarriers that are holding them
back?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Let's see Like it's just like.
For me, the joy is just likethe like.
When we did that on thecoaching test runs, it was just
such a rewarding feeling just tosee the aha moment in them when
they're piecing together, whenI'm just coaching them, and
they're like holy crap, likeyeah, this, this really ties
(12:09):
into this.
And then they realize that alot of their issues tied in with
their personality and theirmindset of today.
That goes back to theirchildhood and I was just like
wow, that's.
That's incredible how you wereable just to word it and place
it like that.
And let myself figure it out aswell.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Well, and you know that's the thing is that so many
of our beliefs, you know, mayor may not even be true, but
they're true for us.
And you know things that webelieve that we have developed
in childhood, and some of themare great and they keep us safe
and really feed our life.
And others, you know, we can bewilling to let go of and
consider another point of view.
(12:49):
And, ray, you're an absolutelyexcellent coach.
Coach in terms of when we didthe, the heal, your life coach
practice sessions, and I knowyour clients were having real
breakthroughs.
And while we're on that subject, I'm going to do a little plug
for you, for those who want toconnect with Ray.
Ray has a Facebook group.
It's called Raymond Wyndhamhealing within, and I will put
(13:13):
the link for that in the shownotes.
One thing that I absolutelyloved about you, ray, was these
little gems of wisdom that youwould share with us, uh, when we
were together for those 10 days, and one of them was this quote
the same boiling water thatsoftens a potato hardens the egg
, and so what does that mean toyou?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
it's oh, for me it's um kind of gotta think like it's
um.
It's the same as, like you know, have two people who are in the
same environment but thatenvironment does different for
person a to person b.
So you know, like when I, if Iwere to have two different rays
(13:56):
in my childhood, one could beextremely traumatized by the
events and it breaks them, andthe other one it strengthens
them, which for me I'm kind ofboth.
It was really traumatic and itkind of broke me, but in the
long run I grew, I grew strongerfrom it broke me but in the
(14:16):
long run I just I grew, I grewstronger from it, kind of live
with it and not let it livethrough me, if that makes sense
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
It puts you back in control, you know for for being
able to make those choices, andyou know life really is just
such a series of choices that wemake.
And, and you know, I believe,and of course, within that, heal
your Life community.
We believe that you know, everythought we think and every word
we speak is creating our future, and so those strong words of
(14:46):
affirmation are what help us tomove forward in life.
And certainly in your situation, you could have chose to stay
where you were or even just tomaintain sobriety as a bare
minimum, but I admire you somuch for your ability to not
only to get sober but to commityour life to making a difference
(15:10):
for other people as well peopleas well, and I just want to.
You know, maybe some of you arelistening and you're thinking
okay, but I can't relate tobeing homeless or being on the
street, and I also do a lot ofwork in addictions and I find it
remarkable I was surprised bythis that most of my clients are
(15:31):
women 20s, 30s, 40s who startedwith that one glass of wine
while they're making supper thatis now turned into, you know,
one to two bottles of wine bythe time the evening is done,
and how it just kind of sneaksup on you that way.
And I would be interested toknow from your point of view,
ray, when someone has kind offallen into the routine of
(15:56):
drinking, um, how do like, whatare some of the first steps to
breaking out of that habit?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
well, especially like with addiction and alcohol,
because alcohol is so insidiouslike even when I was living on
the streets I didn't think ofmyself as an alcoholic.
But like, um, when you have tolook, like especially at
addiction, it's like not likethe bad that they're getting out
it, but like what's the goodthat they're getting out of the
substance that they're using.
(16:25):
You got to like really look intheir life like, um, what are
they getting out of it that theynormally don't get during their
life?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
right and for many people.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I think sorry it's like that, that, that good feel
in the sense of like peace andrelief, and escape they normally
don't get.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, the escape yes, yeah, that makes a lot of sense
.
I really like that.
So you know, if you'relistening to this today and
you're resonating a little bittoo, am I I using alcohol,
cannabis, whatever, scrolling onyour phone, shopping whatever
that addiction might be, andyou're thinking to yourself,
(17:03):
okay, am I using that as anescape?
Or do I have a healthyrelationship with, for example,
my phone?
Or do I have a healthyrelationship with a glass of
wine?
I guess that's the question.
What are you using it for right?
What is the payback?
What are you getting from it?
And then deciding if that is,in fact, a healthy escape and
(17:26):
what do you need it Like?
What do you need to process sothat you don't feel the need for
escape?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah, and like it affects people differently, like
I've known people who've drankfor 20, 30 years but they've
always been socially.
You know they after work theygo for a couple beers with their
friends, they go home andcontinue on their life.
And then there are there arepeople who are like me, who they
need to drink at all like I ifsomebody came over and was like,
yeah, I got a six pack.
(17:52):
I was like, what's the point ofdrinking a six-pack?
Oh, we just hang out socialized.
But in my mind it's like, well,I'm not even going to get a
buzz from that, so it's likealmost a waste of my time yeah,
yeah it's very much that all ornothing thinking.
Yeah yeah and like, because,especially with addiction and
like alcoholism, it's, it'sself-diagnosis like you really
(18:15):
got to look at within whenyou're going through those
issues.
You know, like, and it goesback into the thing.
I always say thataccountability is an addict
addict's bane, you know it's.
You know, being really hungover for work, you know, if you
keep going stuff like that oryou're, you're missing out on
(18:35):
things because you'd rather goand drink or you're too sick and
hung over, it's you got to kindof look within yourself to
really ask yourself, like, do Ihave a problem?
And it takes a while becausesome people, you know, like
their pride gets in the way,their ego, like I'm not an
alcoholic.
Because then they just they,they have a negative image of
their head of, like you know, ahomeless person or somebody from
(18:57):
the show, intervention, likeeven somebody who has a great
profession, a teacher, you know,or you know somebody really
successful who just drinks andlike, oh no, like I'm, I'm this
type of person, I can't be analcoholic.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Right, right, it's true, it's very true, that it
can be a little harder to takeresponsibility and be
accountable, for as long as youcan use logic to reason that out
, like I haven't lost my license, I still have a home, I'm fine,
I'm not an alcoholic.
But again, going back to whatRay was saying, ask yourself
what are you getting from it,right?
What's the perk?
(19:35):
You know?
And if the perk is escape, whatam I not processing?
You know?
What is it that I am avoiding?
What is it I'm escaping from?
And taking a look at thingsfrom that side of things, and
then and then a person has theopportunity to really go back
and do the healing that theyneed for their life in order to
break those patterns and moveforward.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, because that's how it was for me, because I was
a functioning alcoholic.
I always, I was always working,even when I'm living on the
streets, I knew people.
They would hire me for sidejobs here, or I just go and work
here and there and I just belike, well, I can't be an
alcoholic because I'm alwaysworking.
An alcoholic doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, so interesting, right, and I'm going to swing
that back around to the otherthings that we get addicted to
and I'm going to stay on thephone.
The theme of the phone.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
And so same thing.
Well, I'm not addicted to myphone.
I I have to check this for mywork, I have to look at this for
that, and but I see it all thetime.
As such and myself do I have toreally stay vigilant as a way
of escape, as a way of notinteracting with other human
beings, as a way of making sureyou don't have time to think.
(20:47):
You know you can just, insteadof actually sitting and thinking
about hey, I'm actually upsetwith my husband and I need to
have a conversation.
Well, I'd rather go on TikTokand just avoid the whole thing,
right.
And so, looking at your life, Iencourage you all, viewers and
listeners, to look at your life.
Take a peek, say where am Idisplaying addictive behavior,
(21:10):
what's the payoff?
Why am I doing it?
And that gives you that greatchance to just really reassess
things and maybe recognizesomething that you might have
missed if you didn't take thosesteps and take a look at that.
So, ray, any final words forour listeners and our viewers.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I can do.
You know a little tip thathelped me a lot, especially when
I um, when I first quitdrinking, I would, you know, I'd
be craving and I just like youknow what, I'm just gonna go.
So I just find myself walkingto the liquor store and then I
just kind of stop, take a deepbreath and be like you know what
I'll drink tomorrow, and then Igo home and then tomorrow would
come and you could use that.
(21:51):
You know, it doesn't even haveto be the next day, especially
people who want to quit smokingcigarettes.
You get a craving every sooften.
You'd be like you know what, ina half hour, in an hour, maybe
in 10 minutes, after this, afterthis, because then you keep
doing that, it becomes secondnature, because it's consistent.
You just keep doing it.
And then, even now, even now,like I can hang out with people
(22:14):
who are drinking and all that,I'll still crave it.
I'll crave the rest of my life,but it doesn't bother me.
I have the tools to help.
And yeah, you know, it's just,it's an everyday thing, but you
can take it from me.
It gets better.
Life gets so much better.
I haven't been this happy whenI was drinking.
(22:35):
It was a fake happiness.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
That's right, that's so true.
An amazing final note, and Ilove that tip as well, ray.
So thank you so much forsharing that with us and thank
you so much for being on theshow.
I cannot wait to just watch yourun forward and continue to
help other people and make adifference in the lives of
others, and to continue to doyour own personal work and that
(22:58):
personal growth that gives usthe strength to do that and move
forward.
So thanks again for being onthe show.
It's great to have you.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Thank you very much.
It was a pleasure being on here.
Hello, beautiful listeners and viewers, and
welcome back to another episodeof the podcast.
I have with me today RaymondWindham, and he is an addictions
counselor that I had theprivilege of meeting in person
recently.
We were at the Heal your Lifetraining event in Banff for 10
days and this man is superfabulous and I'm so excited to
(00:25):
share him with you all.
Ray has an amazing story toshare, beautiful insights.
He is wise, wise, wise and justkeeps dropping these truth
bombs, so I'm so excited forthis podcast.
Welcome to the podcast, ray.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hi, victoria.
It's great to see you again andto talk.
The training was amazing.
I learned so much, even justabout myself, so it's a
privilege to be on here with youand to talk.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Wonderful.
Thank you.
Well, you know that's reallythe whole secret of life, isn't
it?
It is really learning aboutourselves.
And, ray, I know that you and Ihave shared a bit of our
stories with each other, and youknow I might have worn a
t-shirt that said you know, Ilearn lessons the hard way, but
(01:18):
I'm over that and I don't needto learn those lessons the hard
way anymore.
But so many of us have beendown, you know, a rough path and
one path looks different thanthe other and we bring out
different lessons to help people, and I know that's something
that you're very passionateabout as an addictions counselor
as well as as a Heal your Lifecoach and workshop teacher.
(01:41):
So let's just start at thebeginning.
Where would you like to startsharing your story from?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh well, let's see.
Originally I was born in WatsonLake in the Yukon, but I was
raised in Whitehorse.
So where to start?
Let's see?
I had a very, very troubledchildhood.
There was a lot of abuse andneglect just upon me.
(02:08):
It was a lot of favoritism inthe family.
I was, as you could say, likethe black sheep of the family
and kind of unwanted, andunfortunately that led to a lot
of issues in my teen years andmy young adult of uh issues in
(02:29):
my teen years and my young adultdrank a lot and, you know, just
partied, did drugs and stufflike that.
Uh, eventually I wound up onthe streets.
I was, uh, you know, living onthe streets, staying at the
shelters and drinking a vastamount, like the amount of
alcohol that I would drink.
People were just like surprisedand I'm like, oh, that's just
like another Tuesday yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Well, that must have been a really like.
When I think about the Ray, Iknow now and the Ray back then,
that must have been a very scarytime for you.
While you were going through it, did you recognize that it was
scary and dangerous, or how didthat feel?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
on actually like it was.
When I think back on it, likethere's a lot of like.
It was like normal, like, um, Itold people like I used to get
picked up by the cops and go tothe drunk tank three to four
times a week and to me it wasjust like everybody goes to the
drunk tank, like it was a normalpart of life.
(03:28):
It wasn't until, like, I gotsober I was just like, yeah,
that's like not normal, notnormal at all.
So like even like being drunkat one in the afternoon, passed
out in the middle of main street, like I didn't really see it as
a bad thing.
In a way, it was just like, oh,okay, yeah, this is just kind
of my life.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So you know I'm drawing a parallel to what
you're sharing now, to what yousaid just a few minutes ago
about your childhood.
You know, feeling like theblack sheep and feeling unwanted
.
And I think that when we areraised in that feeling, where we
feel unwanted or a black sheep,or maybe we feel like everyone
(04:11):
else comes before us, theirneeds come before ours.
That also is our normal and wejust think that's the way it's
supposed to be.
You know, if we're being, say,for example, if a person is
being physically abused, andthey think, okay, well, this is
the normal, this is what's whathappens to children, you know, I
did something wrong, just likeyou were saying with the
(04:35):
drinking and the drunk tank andthe passed out that that is
normal.
So at what point did yourecognize, uh, that the normal
was going to well, or did yourecognize that that normal was
going to mean the end of yourlife, like what?
What was that defining momentwhere you started to take steps
(05:00):
to come out of where you were at, take steps?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
to come out of where you were at.
Oh, the choice I made, becauseI drank really heavily, because
I was really depressed and I hada lot of like suicidal thoughts
and all that.
And a lot of the times, likewhen people think suicide, you
know, they just think.
You know just ending it at thatmoment.
But it also comes like with nottaking care of yourself.
(05:23):
You know just ending it at thatmoment, but it also comes like
with not taking care of yourself.
You know, I'm smoking lots ofcigarettes hoping that one day
you'll get cancer.
I'm not eating.
Well, you know when you'regetting yourself sick.
And mine was to get really drunkto where I would hope that I
would die in a blackout, eitherpass out in the snow and freeze
(05:44):
to death or get run over.
And then it just came to a pointwhere it wasn't happening fast
enough.
So then that's when I did mysuicide attempt.
I tried to hang myself in abathroom with a belt and, um, it
was, uh, the point where itstarted getting dark.
The darkness was closing in andI realized that I didn't want
(06:06):
to die.
So I took the belt off and copswere called on me because I
made a big thing about it and Iwent to the drunk tank and into
the hospital and realized thatyou know like I wanted to die so
bad when I was drinking.
And then, when the time camefor me to die, I realized I
(06:26):
didn't want to die and I waslike you know what?
I got?
To give up alcohol because thatwas one of the main reasons why
I drank so heavily it wasbecause I wanted to die.
And then, realizing I didn'twant to die, I decided to quit
wow.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
So I never.
First of all, thank you forsharing that story with us, and
and I too never knew that storyabout you, and I think what
happens and correct me if I'mwrong is that you know we're
feeling awful, so we drink forthe relief of those feelings,
but they're not recognizing thatalcohol deepens that depression
(07:06):
.
And you know it's just a spiral.
I think in life we're eitherspiraling up or we're spiraling
down, but we're always in somestate of movement.
And so you, you had that momentof actually I don't want to die
, so something's got to give.
Um, and what was your next move?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
oh well, um, I was working at Tim Hortons and I,
you know, had still had all thistime.
So I got myself three jobs.
I got, uh, worked in themorning at a Mark's Warehouse
and Tim Hortons and also gavemyself like a little challenge
to kind of keep me in thatenvironment.
So I worked as a bouncer at abar.
(07:48):
So from the time I woke up towhen I went to bed I was busy.
I had no time or energy todrink after that.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Good for you, good for you.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
That is really incredible and it shows such
incredible inner strength and,frankly, I think you have to
have a lot of inner strength tostay alive on the streets too.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I remember one time I passed out by the riverbank.
I was out for a couple hours.
I woke up and they were stillthere and I was like, oh, like,
you guys are still here andthey're like we don't leave our
own.
And it came to a shock becauseI passed out when I was younger
with my friends.
Wake up and they're gone.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
They're out having fun doing what?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
we do Well and thank you for sharing that um I I
think it's important for us all.
It's so easy to be callous inthis world and forget that the
people who are struggling um areare, you know, beautiful human
beings as well, and I don'tthink anyone ever wakes up one
day and says, hey, you know what?
I think I'm going to become ahomeless, alcoholic or drug
(09:07):
addict.
It's just this series of eventsthat keeps building and
building back to that spiralright, spiraling down and down
and down, until we end up withthat situation where we have
nothing left.
But I'm so glad that you hadpeople that were watching out
for you.
So how long have you been sobernow, ray?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I've been sober since August 18, 2014.
Wonderful.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Coming up on that 10-year anniversary.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And so now you work in addictions, and I know that I
mean, I'm just imagining howfulfilling that would be for you
.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
tell me, mom oh well, currently where I live, like
it's a little slow, like I'm ina little community, but I do a
lot of community engagements.
I do like adult night, whereyou know they bring the
community together, we do sportsand games and stuff like that.
Or I'll do like communitybarbecue and jam nights.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
That's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I've only been at this job for a couple of months,
but beforehand, for the lastcouple of years, I've been
working with a lot of peoplewith addictions and homeless,
working in shelters and as astreet outreach, and that was
that was very fulfilling.
That was.
You see a lot of things and Iexperienced a lot of traumatic
things, but I understood thatwent with the job.
(10:30):
But just to be able to connectwith them and for them, because
they knew, because to them Iwasn't just a clock-in
nine-to-five guy, Like they know, you know, being First Nations,
being a recovering alcoholicalso living on the streets.
So like you know, like you know, you know what it's like, like
you're one of us, but you madeit.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
And it was.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
That was very fulfilling and rewarding.
I still miss my old clients.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yes, yes.
So tell us now you came in, youdid this Heal, your Life
training where you reallylearned to really hands-on
experience some of those thingsthat I'm sure you already had as
a foundation, but things likebeing able to work on some of
(11:19):
that inner healing fromchildhood and we all have
childhood trauma.
You know, I'm not putting thison anybody's parents.
We all just did the best we can, you know, myself included as a
mom, yourself included as afather, I'm sure.
And so what?
What do you see on the horizonfor you as far as helping other
(11:39):
people to break through the, thebarriers that are holding them
back?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Let's see Like it's just like.
For me, the joy is just likethe like.
When we did that on thecoaching test runs, it was just
such a rewarding feeling just tosee the aha moment in them when
they're piecing together, whenI'm just coaching them, and
they're like holy crap, likeyeah, this, this really ties
(12:09):
into this.
And then they realize that alot of their issues tied in with
their personality and theirmindset of today.
That goes back to theirchildhood and I was just like
wow, that's.
That's incredible how you wereable just to word it and place
it like that.
And let myself figure it out aswell.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Well, and you know that's the thing is that so many
of our beliefs, you know, mayor may not even be true, but
they're true for us.
And you know things that webelieve that we have developed
in childhood, and some of themare great and they keep us safe
and really feed our life.
And others, you know, we can bewilling to let go of and
consider another point of view.
(12:49):
And, ray, you're an absolutelyexcellent coach.
Coach in terms of when we didthe, the heal, your life coach
practice sessions, and I knowyour clients were having real
breakthroughs.
And while we're on that subject, I'm going to do a little plug
for you, for those who want toconnect with Ray.
Ray has a Facebook group.
It's called Raymond Wyndhamhealing within, and I will put
(13:13):
the link for that in the shownotes.
One thing that I absolutelyloved about you, ray, was these
little gems of wisdom that youwould share with us, uh, when we
were together for those 10 days, and one of them was this quote
the same boiling water thatsoftens a potato hardens the egg
, and so what does that mean toyou?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
it's oh, for me it's um kind of gotta think like it's
um.
It's the same as, like you know, have two people who are in the
same environment but thatenvironment does different for
person a to person b.
So you know, like when I, if Iwere to have two different rays
(13:56):
in my childhood, one could beextremely traumatized by the
events and it breaks them, andthe other one it strengthens
them, which for me I'm kind ofboth.
It was really traumatic and itkind of broke me, but in the
long run I grew, I grew strongerfrom it broke me but in the
(14:16):
long run I just I grew, I grewstronger from it, kind of live
with it and not let it livethrough me, if that makes sense
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
It puts you back in control, you know for for being
able to make those choices, andyou know life really is just
such a series of choices that wemake.
And, and you know, I believe,and of course, within that, heal
your Life community.
We believe that you know, everythought we think and every word
we speak is creating our future, and so those strong words of
(14:46):
affirmation are what help us tomove forward in life.
And certainly in your situation, you could have chose to stay
where you were or even just tomaintain sobriety as a bare
minimum, but I admire you somuch for your ability to not
only to get sober but to commityour life to making a difference
(15:10):
for other people as well peopleas well, and I just want to.
You know, maybe some of you arelistening and you're thinking
okay, but I can't relate tobeing homeless or being on the
street, and I also do a lot ofwork in addictions and I find it
remarkable I was surprised bythis that most of my clients are
(15:31):
women 20s, 30s, 40s who startedwith that one glass of wine
while they're making supper thatis now turned into, you know,
one to two bottles of wine bythe time the evening is done,
and how it just kind of sneaksup on you that way.
And I would be interested toknow from your point of view,
ray, when someone has kind offallen into the routine of
(15:56):
drinking, um, how do like, whatare some of the first steps to
breaking out of that habit?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
well, especially like with addiction and alcohol,
because alcohol is so insidiouslike even when I was living on
the streets I didn't think ofmyself as an alcoholic.
But like, um, when you have tolook, like especially at
addiction, it's like not likethe bad that they're getting out
it, but like what's the goodthat they're getting out of the
substance that they're using.
(16:25):
You got to like really look intheir life like, um, what are
they getting out of it that theynormally don't get during their
life?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
right and for many people.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I think sorry it's like that, that, that good feel
in the sense of like peace andrelief, and escape they normally
don't get.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, the escape yes, yeah, that makes a lot of sense
.
I really like that.
So you know, if you'relistening to this today and
you're resonating a little bittoo, am I I using alcohol,
cannabis, whatever, scrolling onyour phone, shopping whatever
that addiction might be, andyou're thinking to yourself,
(17:03):
okay, am I using that as anescape?
Or do I have a healthyrelationship with, for example,
my phone?
Or do I have a healthyrelationship with a glass of
wine?
I guess that's the question.
What are you using it for right?
What is the payback?
What are you getting from it?
And then deciding if that is,in fact, a healthy escape and
(17:26):
what do you need it Like?
What do you need to process sothat you don't feel the need for
escape?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Yeah, and like it affects people differently, like
I've known people who've drankfor 20, 30 years but they've
always been socially.
You know they after work theygo for a couple beers with their
friends, they go home andcontinue on their life.
And then there are there arepeople who are like me, who they
need to drink at all like I ifsomebody came over and was like,
yeah, I got a six pack.
(17:52):
I was like, what's the point ofdrinking a six-pack?
Oh, we just hang out socialized.
But in my mind it's like, well,I'm not even going to get a
buzz from that, so it's likealmost a waste of my time yeah,
yeah it's very much that all ornothing thinking.
Yeah yeah and like, because,especially with addiction and
like alcoholism, it's, it'sself-diagnosis like you really
(18:15):
got to look at within whenyou're going through those
issues.
You know, like, and it goesback into the thing.
I always say thataccountability is an addict
addict's bane, you know it's.
You know, being really hungover for work, you know, if you
keep going stuff like that oryou're, you're missing out on
(18:35):
things because you'd rather goand drink or you're too sick and
hung over, it's you got to kindof look within yourself to
really ask yourself, like, do Ihave a problem?
And it takes a while becausesome people, you know, like
their pride gets in the way,their ego, like I'm not an
alcoholic.
Because then they just they,they have a negative image of
their head of, like you know, ahomeless person or somebody from
(18:57):
the show, intervention, likeeven somebody who has a great
profession, a teacher, you know,or you know somebody really
successful who just drinks andlike, oh no, like I'm, I'm this
type of person, I can't be analcoholic.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Right, right, it's true, it's very true, that it
can be a little harder to takeresponsibility and be
accountable, for as long as youcan use logic to reason that out
, like I haven't lost my license, I still have a home, I'm fine,
I'm not an alcoholic.
But again, going back to whatRay was saying, ask yourself
what are you getting from it,right?
What's the perk?
(19:35):
You know?
And if the perk is escape, whatam I not processing?
You know?
What is it that I am avoiding?
What is it I'm escaping from?
And taking a look at thingsfrom that side of things, and
then and then a person has theopportunity to really go back
and do the healing that theyneed for their life in order to
break those patterns and moveforward.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, because that's how it was for me, because I was
a functioning alcoholic.
I always, I was always working,even when I'm living on the
streets, I knew people.
They would hire me for sidejobs here, or I just go and work
here and there and I just belike, well, I can't be an
alcoholic because I'm alwaysworking.
An alcoholic doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, so interesting, right, and I'm going to swing
that back around to the otherthings that we get addicted to
and I'm going to stay on thephone.
The theme of the phone.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
And so same thing.
Well, I'm not addicted to myphone.
I I have to check this for mywork, I have to look at this for
that, and but I see it all thetime.
As such and myself do I have toreally stay vigilant as a way
of escape, as a way of notinteracting with other human
beings, as a way of making sureyou don't have time to think.
(20:47):
You know you can just, insteadof actually sitting and thinking
about hey, I'm actually upsetwith my husband and I need to
have a conversation.
Well, I'd rather go on TikTokand just avoid the whole thing,
right.
And so, looking at your life, Iencourage you all, viewers and
listeners, to look at your life.
Take a peek, say where am Idisplaying addictive behavior,
(21:10):
what's the payoff?
Why am I doing it?
And that gives you that greatchance to just really reassess
things and maybe recognizesomething that you might have
missed if you didn't take thosesteps and take a look at that.
So, ray, any final words forour listeners and our viewers.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I can do.
You know a little tip thathelped me a lot, especially when
I um, when I first quitdrinking, I would, you know, I'd
be craving and I just like youknow what, I'm just gonna go.
So I just find myself walkingto the liquor store and then I
just kind of stop, take a deepbreath and be like you know what
I'll drink tomorrow, and then Igo home and then tomorrow would
come and you could use that.
(21:51):
You know, it doesn't even haveto be the next day, especially
people who want to quit smokingcigarettes.
You get a craving every sooften.
You'd be like you know what, ina half hour, in an hour, maybe
in 10 minutes, after this, afterthis, because then you keep
doing that, it becomes secondnature, because it's consistent.
You just keep doing it.
And then, even now, even now,like I can hang out with people
(22:14):
who are drinking and all that,I'll still crave it.
I'll crave the rest of my life,but it doesn't bother me.
I have the tools to help.
And yeah, you know, it's just,it's an everyday thing, but you
can take it from me.
It gets better.
Life gets so much better.
I haven't been this happy whenI was drinking.
(22:35):
It was a fake happiness.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
That's right, that's so true.
An amazing final note, and Ilove that tip as well, ray.
So thank you so much forsharing that with us and thank
you so much for being on theshow.
I cannot wait to just watch yourun forward and continue to
help other people and make adifference in the lives of
others, and to continue to doyour own personal work and that
(22:58):
personal growth that gives usthe strength to do that and move
forward.
So thanks again for being onthe show.
It's great to have you.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Thank you very much.
It was a pleasure being on here.
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