June 7, 2025 • 27 mins
Jordan, a man who battled severe social anxiety, terrifying psychosis episodes, and a schizophrenia diagnosis, shares his incredible story. He jumped into Niagara Falls and, through his profound faith in God, miraculously survived.
In this raw and powerful interview, Jordan opens up about the depths of his struggle, the moment he attempted to end his life, and the inexplicable way he emerged from the raging waters. His journey is a testament to resilience, the power of hope, and the unwavering strength he found in his spiritual beliefs.
This is more than a survival story; it's a testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome unimaginable darkness.
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Producer & Host: Jennica Sadhwani
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
So initially I was diagnosed with a drug-induced
psychotic episode.
Eventually they diagnosed mewith schizophrenia, but now
it's, thank God, it's beendowngraded to bipolar.
I always thought the drugs andthe alcohol helped me with my
(00:21):
communication abilities and mysocial ability.
I started to develop thoughtsthat people were following me
out to get me or after me.
I thought that meant someone wasfollowing me or after me for
some reason, that I had donesomething incredibly wrong in my
life.
And I chose to take my lifebecause of it.
(00:43):
And I stood on that rock forover eight hours, 400 meters
from the edge of the falls,waist deep in the Niagara River,
staring death in the face.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
Welcome to Multispective.
I'm so excited to have you onthis podcast episode.
SPEAKER_01 (01:03):
Thank you very much for having me.
It's absolutely fantastic and ablessing to be here.
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
Yeah, I love this positive spirit and this
positive vibe.
And I feel like once we kind ofknow a little bit more of your
story, all of this is going tocome together.
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
think I was just a happy kid the whole time and I
was just thinking some weirdshit in my head, you know?
SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So, Jordan, tell me a little bitabout your childhood.
Where does it all begin for you?
SPEAKER_01 (01:28):
i grew up in a small town called smithville um it's
in the west lincoln or close tothe niagara region of ontario
canada it's like a littlecountry like a little farming
town we had the the chicken millthat everyone kind of went to
play by the creek down in thewoods and we would build our
tree forts and go watch thecheerleaders play at the high
school and now back in the woodswe would have a bonfire and
(01:51):
that's sort of where i grew upas a child we would ride our
bikes to school.
It was very much an innocentchildhood.
My parents brought me to churchregularly, and at that point in
my life, I always make thecomment that I don't know if I
really connected, but recentlysomeone informed me, actually,
(02:13):
that at such a young age, I wasalready making comments and
sharpening Sunday schoolteachers with some very deep
questions but yeah i moved tothe niagara region st
catherine's niagara on the lakein the fifth grade where i went
to a new school and uh i ialways struggled with um the
(02:36):
demon of social anxiety um youknow i wrestled with feeling
like i wasn't enough and likeother people were judging me or
out to get me or against mequite often in my childhood as
well it didn't manifest intosomething really detrimental to
me until later in life but as akid i i sort of had those
(02:56):
prodromal symptoms all along Iwent to a new school in grade
five and I was heavily picked onas the new kid in school.
I was bullied quite a bit and Itook it upon myself to, you
know, try and fit in and do whatI can to fit in, which sometimes
involved telling little whitelies or even blatant ones like
Eminem is my brother to the kidsin school.
(03:20):
And it was all in a stupidchildish effort to fit in with
the new kids.
But it only made matters worsefor me because kids looked at me
and they go, well obviouslyEminem isn't your brother you're
just some kid from SmithvilleOntario but yeah I was
introduced to a youth group anda Pentecostal church called
Central Gospel Temple at thetime it's now Central Community
(03:42):
Church and I was heavilyinvolved in just a loving
inclusive environment there andI found a home I gave my heart
to God at 12 which honestly is Ibelieve saved me.
I mean it did literally save me.
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
So you mentioned that you had social anxiety
growing up.
Did you turn to your family, toyour siblings, to anyone else
that you could feel comfortableand safe with to share these
difficult challenges you wereexperiencing?
SPEAKER_01 (04:13):
Yeah, absolutely.
I had a good support network inmy family.
My sister was the first person Ireached out with when I started
having incredible problems thatI now know as a psychotic
episode.
And my sister, you know, shetrains mental health
professionals.
She's done addictions counselingin her life.
(04:34):
And she's been a great support,as has my mother and the rest of
my family.
They're all there for me.
They love me no matter what,which I'm extremely grateful for
because I know not everyone hasthat kind of support network.
SPEAKER_00 (04:48):
It's great that you had sort of that foundational,
you could come home to a safeplace, to a set of people that
loved and cared for you.
You mentioned psychoticepisodes, Kenny.
walk us through that?
SPEAKER_01 (04:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
It was around the age of 24 or25.
I started noticing someincredibly strange and surreal
things going on around me.
I started to develop thoughtsthat people were following me
out to get me or after me.
I was noticing unusual behaviorsin my roommates, in people of
(05:23):
the public.
I was taking the bus to work andI would be thinking that, oh, I
need to be seen on camera.
And then someone would walk infront of the camera and I would
think that they were trying tomake it look like I was doing a
drug deal on public cameras andall sorts of kinds of strange
and unusual thoughts like that.
(05:43):
I now know what doctors describeas a psychotic episode, at least
to my understanding to be aspiritual battle and something
that's incredibly demonic innature.
I sort of feel that it was Godspeaking to me the entire time
just through creation, but in anincredibly unusual way that I'm
not sure everyone completelyunderstands.
SPEAKER_00 (06:06):
Yeah, so, I
SPEAKER_01 (06:13):
mean...
I've learned over the years, youknow, in church environments and
settings that we kind of havethree voices within ourselves.
There's the voice of God,there's the voice of ourself,
and there's the voice of theadversary.
And they're all going to soundlike your own thoughts.
(06:35):
But I mean, at times, I supposeit can, when you're thinking to
yourself, sound very similar toeither someone you know, or a
public figure or someone else.
But yeah, it's It's quiteincredible.
I had been doing a good numberof drugs and drinking too much
(06:55):
prior to a lot of this, and Istarted to notice just unusual
thought patterns that I washaving.
And I looked at the TV at onepoint, and I saw the number 14.
And 14 had always been thisnumber that tells me that God is
with me every time I see thenumber 14.
(07:17):
And then years later down theroad, I was speaking with a
friend, and I found out that the14th day of the Nizam calendar
is the day before Jesus'crucifixion.
The crucial part to it, and thisis something the Bible calls us
to do, is to pray withoutceasing.
So anything you think in yourhead, that is a prayer to God
whether you know it or not.
(07:38):
And if you consciously pray toGod and ask Him questions, He
will answer and He will respondin the physical world.
SPEAKER_00 (07:48):
Interesting.
So can you just talk to me alittle bit more about your
journey?
So you mentioned that in yourearly 20s, you started having
these episodes.
Can you give me some instances,some circumstances?
What did it look like for you?
What did it look like for maybeyour family around you that they
would see you?
How were they able to sort oftell that, hey, something is not
(08:08):
quite right here?
I know you mentioned that youwere having these kind of
thoughts in your head, but howdid it manifest physically for
you?
SPEAKER_01 (08:15):
So quite honestly, it was like a month-long panic
attack for me.
I would have moments where Iwould stand frozen, almost being
unable to move, unable to think,unable to reason.
And it was just an incrediblyterrifying time for me.
(08:38):
My answer to everything was, Idon't know, at one point,
because I didn't know what wasgoing on around me.
And I was terribly confused andafraid and terrified.
by interactions with the world.
SPEAKER_00 (08:51):
So you actually did have an awareness that something
was wrong.
Because I do know a lot ofpeople who get into, have
episodes that are not aware ofthe thing that's wrong.
They're so deeply in it thatthey don't know that, hey,
something is off.
SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
I think that's actually accurate.
I didn't really know thatsomething was wrong.
I was just terrified and Ididn't, I was unaware that there
was something off in my brain.
SPEAKER_00 (09:18):
Right.
What would doctors call this?
I mean, this episode, is there aterm to this condition that you
were having?
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
So initially, I was diagnosed with a drug-induced
psychotic episode.
Eventually, because thesepsychotic episodes persisted
without drug and alcohol use,they diagnosed me with
schizophrenia.
But now it's, thank God, it'sbeen downgraded to bipolar.
I no longer experiencepsychosis.
(09:47):
And that's not only Possiblywith the help of medication over
the years But largely in partdue to a spiritual shift and the
healing that God's provided me
SPEAKER_00 (09:59):
interesting so How did they diagnose this with a
drug-induced psychotic episodefirst?
What was it that you took thatcaused potentially this?
SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
So at one point in my life, I was taking a lot of
cocaine and MDMA.
I think primarily it's thecocaine that maybe caused the
paranoia and confusion.
Doctors do attribute psychoticepisodes a lot to marijuana.
I know from their research, andI was smoking probably about a
(10:35):
half quarter a day, quite a goodamount of marijuana.
To me, I'm not so sure that it'snecessarily exactly the drugs
that caused it.
More so just experiences I hadin the world that...
you know the the enemy or satantook advantage of and uh started
(11:00):
to attack me harder i thinkbecause i had a higher spiritual
calling and and i've beenthrough an amount of suffering
that has brought me to this dayhonestly and and this time that
i'm going through right now umon a bit of a missions trip um
where i i still experienceattacks but i i also experience
(11:20):
incredible blessings along theway
SPEAKER_00 (11:22):
the psychosis is not happening to you because now
you're one more aware of of ityou are understanding hey this
is kind of i can feel Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:51):
I think I would be in denial to say that it wasn't
addiction.
A lot of people say it'srecreational, and they don't
realize that they're trapped ina cycle of addiction and
dependent use.
Even habitual use can sometimestoe the line into addiction the
more you use it, and you don'teven realize that one drink a
(12:13):
day, if it's every day, is alsoseen as addiction.
I took a lot of the weight of myparents' emotions on during
their divorce.
And I also struggled incrediblywith the social anxiety and
feeling insecure and just like Iwas less than or not enough.
And I always thought the drugsand the alcohol helped me with
(12:34):
my communication abilities andmy social ability and being able
to speak to women and friendsand stuff like that.
Where in the long run, Iactually believe it it hindered
me extensively.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Yeah.
I think a lot of it is like, youknow, we can really have a good
sense of like a good family baseand everything.
But at the end of the day, it's,if we are feeling, you know,
disconnected or we're feelinglonely or a sense of, you know,
not belonging in a way, then,you know, it can set us in a
very, very dark path in ourlater lives.
(13:10):
And so I can see how sort ofthis all spirals out for you.
So you were in this sort ofstate of paranoia and the
psychosis you mentioned for howlong?
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
So I was in and out of psychosis for...
You know, months at a time,weeks at a time, up to six,
seven weeks at a time, a numberof times in my life.
It was persistent for me.
It wasn't like a one day or aone hour experience.
It was something that wasextensive and absolutely
terrifying.
SPEAKER_00 (13:41):
Were you also experiencing hallucinations?
Were you seeing things as well?
Or was it mostly just auditory?
SPEAKER_01 (13:47):
That's the thing about what I experienced.
I don't believe I hallucinatedat any point in my life.
I was never seeing or hearingthings that weren't real.
Now, the schizophrenia diagnosisdoes fit because I had delusions
that were firmly held.
And at one point, my motoractions were slowed and
(14:09):
distorted as a result of what Iwas going through.
So I did fit two of the criteriafor diagnosis, but I've never
hallucinated in my life.
I've never experienced auditoryor visual hallucinations.
SPEAKER_00 (14:23):
And how did this sort of affect things like your
friendships, relationships?
Relationships, work, job?
I
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
was able to hold down a job for the most part.
But later in life, things reallystarted getting to me mentally
and physically too.
It was just exhausting anddraining.
And I found myself in and out ofwork, unable to hold on to jobs,
unable to do anything with arigid schedule because I was
unable to get up on time andtake care of myself.
(14:51):
And I went through some verydepressive type states as well.
SPEAKER_00 (14:56):
So walk me through sort of like the time when it
got really dark for you, reallybad for you.
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
You would have to say the darkest time of my story
is my life attempt.
And quite honestly...
I don't see it as a dark time.
I see it as an incredibleblessing.
But people look at it and theysay, what the hell?
Like, who would ever think to dothis in their life?
And I was thinking some strangethings and some very unusual
(15:25):
thoughts at the time.
And I was noticing these one ina million coincidences over and
over and over again.
And because I was noticing thesecoincidences, I was terrified.
I didn't know what was going on.
I thought that meant someone wasfollowing me or after me for
some reason, that I had donesomething incredibly wrong in my
life and I chose to take my lifebecause of it.
(15:48):
I drove up and down the NiagaraParkway close to Niagara Falls
and eventually stepped out of myvehicle, left it on the side of
the road and waded into thewater above the falls.
I floated the rapids with mybody for about a kilometer
before I had this incrediblysurreal experience in which I
believe I met God.
I saw my body in third person.
(16:10):
This was a visualization Iliterally saw myself in third
person tumbling about the rapidsas my soul was like ripped from
my body and it was during thatmoment that I heard the thought
that it wasn't my time to dieand I knew that that was God
speaking to me in my mind and Iwas returned to my body at that
exact second and then spit outof the rapids to a place that
(16:34):
was relatively calm where Icould swim to safety and I swam
to the edge of the river througha another set of rapids, which
is a miracle in itself.
And I located a rock close tothe edge of the river,
protruding from a wall of theNiagara power generating
(16:55):
station.
And it's funny because it's thisincredible power that I overcame
being the water and the river.
And it's this incredible powerbeing God that saved me.
And this rock I found in theriver, I can only see as a
metaphor for the rock that JesusChrist has been in my life,
(17:17):
which is absolutely incredible.
And I stood on that rock forover eight hours, 400 meters
from the edge of the falls,waist deep in the Niagara River,
staring death in the face, untilI was finally rescued.
Early in the morning, a ladypoked her head over the railing
just above me, and she just letout a, do you need help?
(17:39):
to which I responded with anobvious and emphatic yes.
Like, please get me the hell outof this river and back onto dry
land.
SPEAKER_03 (17:48):
My gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (17:51):
Yeah, it was an incredible experience and I only
see it as a blessing and ittaught me to value and cherish
life.
And now I appreciate everysingle breath I take that much
more.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:05):
Would you say that that moment that you had like
this outer body experience andyou were watching your body in
third person, was that like anNDE?
Would people call that anear-death experience?
SPEAKER_01 (18:15):
I believe they would.
And, you know, some people sayit's a psychological thing.
You know, you're just fearful ofyour, you know, descent into
death or facing death in theface or staring death in the
face.
People would generally say thatyou're fearful of staring death
in the face.
But I would actually say more sothat it's the moment between
(18:38):
life and death where God beginsto call you home and sends you
back to earth.
SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
Yeah, like you.
The most painful...
Part of death, I think, forpeople is the fear before it.
And the moment that you let goof that fear and you just accept
that, hey, look, this is, it iswhat it is, you know, like
today's the day that I die andI'm not, I'm just not going to
fear it anymore because I'vecome to accept that that's
(19:06):
happening.
And I just, you know, wisheveryone else in my life and in
my family well.
And, you know, you let go ofthat feeling, then it is
actually a very, veryoverwhelmingly peaceful
experience.
Do you think that that kind ofhappened to you at one point?
Did you feel like anoverwhelming sense of peace
during that time?
SPEAKER_01 (19:28):
I did, and it was incredible.
Like, I was embracing death whenI first dove into the rapids.
I was exhaling underwater,trying to kill myself, and
eventually my body just kind ofwent limp, and I went along for
the ride, and I shot the rapidswith my body until I was finally
spat out.
SPEAKER_00 (19:47):
Tell me about any injuries.
Did you sustain injuries?
You must have had some injuries.
SPEAKER_01 (19:51):
Absolutely none.
The hospital checked me forpneumonia because that water is
pneumonia-inducing year-round.
I had nothing.
They did an x-ray of my lungsfor water on the lungs.
I had absolutely nothing goingon in my lungs.
My heart was rock solid.
(20:13):
I had no physical injuries.
I had no cuts or bruises.
I just had a healed soul and anew lease on life.
SPEAKER_00 (20:22):
My God, that's crazy.
Did they say this is a miracle?
Were they like absolutelyshocked to see this?
SPEAKER_01 (20:29):
No, they said this kid's schizophrenic.
Give him some medication.
And when I told them that it wasGod and God healed me two years
later, they really struggled tobelieve me.
And I think that's somethingthat is you know, difficult to
(20:53):
process for me.
I mean, at times I struggle tosee exactly what's going on
within the institution, and Iknow there's definitely a lot of
good that goes on in the mentalhealth world, but I think
there's good and evil not onlyin every institution in the
world, but also in every personand human and being on this
(21:17):
planet, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:19):
I mean, I guess good is no good if there is no evil
to sort of like balance it in asense, right?
It's just like in the sense thatyou'll never appreciate the sun
or daylight if you don't havenight to sort of like balance
that too.
But when you got out of this,you obviously go through the
(21:39):
whole medical system, check foreverything.
You know, the doctor said thatyou're schizophrenic.
What happens after that?
Do they get you a medication?
Do they put you in aninstitution?
Like what happens after this foryou?
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
Yeah, I was in the mental institution in the
hospital for six or seven weeksthe first time, where I just...
I struggled through.
I was having strange thoughtsstill, not knowing what was
going on.
They were giving me medicationsleft, right, and center that I
felt didn't really do anythingfor me for the most part.
(22:13):
I think the most healing I foundwas in my mental shift, in
seeing the strange things thatscared me as an attack of Satan
and the good things that werepositive as a message or word
from God.
And that was what provided methe most healing Do
SPEAKER_00 (22:31):
you sometimes still sort of like battle with feeling
like, you know, with thedepressive thoughts or with some
kind of paranoia sometimes?
Not at all.
And the fact that you sort ofdid that all on your own and
just by your faith in God,right?
And how that sort of just likecompletely lifted you from it.
So Jordan, can you tell me alittle bit about what would you
say is like your purpose today?
I mean, given everything thatyou've gone through, what is
(22:53):
your purpose today?
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
Honestly, my purpose is to share and spread love,
hope, happiness, and purpose toeveryone in life.
And I just do that in absolutelyany way that I can.
SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
Yeah.
Tell us a little bit about theorganization that you started.
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Yeah, so in the hospital, actually, I founded a
nonprofit organization that I'vecalled One True Love and Light.
The One True Love and Light isJesus.
But we provide free mentalhealth and addiction services
and support online.
And recently, as we've movedinto Winnipeg, we're working on
(23:35):
implementing a free designateddriver service and a ride
service to kind of disrupt thetaxi and the cab industry and
provide anyone in need with aride anywhere they need to go
for free.
All volunteer based and with noexpectation or judgment.
SPEAKER_00 (23:55):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, your story is really,really powerful.
You should definitely thinkabout maybe writing a book about
it or documenting.
I've
SPEAKER_01 (24:04):
written a book.
Absolutely, yeah.
So I've written a book calledGrace in Recovery, A Path to
True Freedom.
It's available on Amazon.
I have music on Spotify, AppleMusic, and anywhere else you
stream.
Jordan DeYoung, check it out.
A lot of the lyrics are writtenby me.
And with the help of artificialintelligence, I've put along
(24:27):
some music and vocals.
I do intend to re-release andre-record things myself.
But at present, I'm using thatum to get myself through every
day honestly i listen to my ownmusic every day i've got it
pumping in the car and i'm just
SPEAKER_00 (24:43):
going your book is about your story your journey
SPEAKER_01 (24:46):
is it yeah so the book is uh it's actually a blend
of uh alcoholics anonymous andcelebrate recovery um it's a
christ-centered approach torecovery um from drug addiction
mental health issues andabsolutely any type of trauma in
life um and it it also includesa the autobiography of myself
(25:06):
too.
SPEAKER_00 (25:08):
Yeah.
Jordan, thank you so much forbeing on this podcast and
sharing your story and beingvulnerable on air with us today.
SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
Yeah, my pleasure.
It's been a blessing to be here.
Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_00 (25:22):
If you enjoyed the episode and would like to help
support the show, please followand subscribe.
You can rate and review yourfeedback on any of our platforms
listed in the description.
I'd like to recognize our guestswho are vulnerable and open to
share their life experienceswith us.
Thank you for showing us weThank you to our team who worked
so hard behind the scenes tomake it happen.
(25:44):
The show would be nothingwithout you.
I'm Jenica, host and writer ofthe show, and you're listening
to Multispective.
UNKNOWN (25:55):
Multispective
So initially I was diagnosed with a drug-induced
psychotic episode.
Eventually they diagnosed mewith schizophrenia, but now
it's, thank God, it's beendowngraded to bipolar.
I always thought the drugs andthe alcohol helped me with my
(00:21):
communication abilities and mysocial ability.
I started to develop thoughtsthat people were following me
out to get me or after me.
I thought that meant someone wasfollowing me or after me for
some reason, that I had donesomething incredibly wrong in my
life.
And I chose to take my lifebecause of it.
(00:43):
And I stood on that rock forover eight hours, 400 meters
from the edge of the falls,waist deep in the Niagara River,
staring death in the face.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
Welcome to Multispective.
I'm so excited to have you onthis podcast episode.
SPEAKER_01 (01:03):
Thank you very much for having me.
It's absolutely fantastic and ablessing to be here.
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
Yeah, I love this positive spirit and this
positive vibe.
And I feel like once we kind ofknow a little bit more of your
story, all of this is going tocome together.
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
think I was just a happy kid the whole time and I
was just thinking some weirdshit in my head, you know?
SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So, Jordan, tell me a little bitabout your childhood.
Where does it all begin for you?
SPEAKER_01 (01:28):
i grew up in a small town called smithville um it's
in the west lincoln or close tothe niagara region of ontario
canada it's like a littlecountry like a little farming
town we had the the chicken millthat everyone kind of went to
play by the creek down in thewoods and we would build our
tree forts and go watch thecheerleaders play at the high
school and now back in the woodswe would have a bonfire and
(01:51):
that's sort of where i grew upas a child we would ride our
bikes to school.
It was very much an innocentchildhood.
My parents brought me to churchregularly, and at that point in
my life, I always make thecomment that I don't know if I
really connected, but recentlysomeone informed me, actually,
(02:13):
that at such a young age, I wasalready making comments and
sharpening Sunday schoolteachers with some very deep
questions but yeah i moved tothe niagara region st
catherine's niagara on the lakein the fifth grade where i went
to a new school and uh i ialways struggled with um the
(02:36):
demon of social anxiety um youknow i wrestled with feeling
like i wasn't enough and likeother people were judging me or
out to get me or against mequite often in my childhood as
well it didn't manifest intosomething really detrimental to
me until later in life but as akid i i sort of had those
(02:56):
prodromal symptoms all along Iwent to a new school in grade
five and I was heavily picked onas the new kid in school.
I was bullied quite a bit and Itook it upon myself to, you
know, try and fit in and do whatI can to fit in, which sometimes
involved telling little whitelies or even blatant ones like
Eminem is my brother to the kidsin school.
(03:20):
And it was all in a stupidchildish effort to fit in with
the new kids.
But it only made matters worsefor me because kids looked at me
and they go, well obviouslyEminem isn't your brother you're
just some kid from SmithvilleOntario but yeah I was
introduced to a youth group anda Pentecostal church called
Central Gospel Temple at thetime it's now Central Community
(03:42):
Church and I was heavilyinvolved in just a loving
inclusive environment there andI found a home I gave my heart
to God at 12 which honestly is Ibelieve saved me.
I mean it did literally save me.
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
So you mentioned that you had social anxiety
growing up.
Did you turn to your family, toyour siblings, to anyone else
that you could feel comfortableand safe with to share these
difficult challenges you wereexperiencing?
SPEAKER_01 (04:13):
Yeah, absolutely.
I had a good support network inmy family.
My sister was the first person Ireached out with when I started
having incredible problems thatI now know as a psychotic
episode.
And my sister, you know, shetrains mental health
professionals.
She's done addictions counselingin her life.
(04:34):
And she's been a great support,as has my mother and the rest of
my family.
They're all there for me.
They love me no matter what,which I'm extremely grateful for
because I know not everyone hasthat kind of support network.
SPEAKER_00 (04:48):
It's great that you had sort of that foundational,
you could come home to a safeplace, to a set of people that
loved and cared for you.
You mentioned psychoticepisodes, Kenny.
walk us through that?
SPEAKER_01 (04:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
It was around the age of 24 or25.
I started noticing someincredibly strange and surreal
things going on around me.
I started to develop thoughtsthat people were following me
out to get me or after me.
I was noticing unusual behaviorsin my roommates, in people of
(05:23):
the public.
I was taking the bus to work andI would be thinking that, oh, I
need to be seen on camera.
And then someone would walk infront of the camera and I would
think that they were trying tomake it look like I was doing a
drug deal on public cameras andall sorts of kinds of strange
and unusual thoughts like that.
(05:43):
I now know what doctors describeas a psychotic episode, at least
to my understanding to be aspiritual battle and something
that's incredibly demonic innature.
I sort of feel that it was Godspeaking to me the entire time
just through creation, but in anincredibly unusual way that I'm
not sure everyone completelyunderstands.
SPEAKER_00 (06:06):
Yeah, so, I
SPEAKER_01 (06:13):
mean...
I've learned over the years, youknow, in church environments and
settings that we kind of havethree voices within ourselves.
There's the voice of God,there's the voice of ourself,
and there's the voice of theadversary.
And they're all going to soundlike your own thoughts.
(06:35):
But I mean, at times, I supposeit can, when you're thinking to
yourself, sound very similar toeither someone you know, or a
public figure or someone else.
But yeah, it's It's quiteincredible.
I had been doing a good numberof drugs and drinking too much
(06:55):
prior to a lot of this, and Istarted to notice just unusual
thought patterns that I washaving.
And I looked at the TV at onepoint, and I saw the number 14.
And 14 had always been thisnumber that tells me that God is
with me every time I see thenumber 14.
(07:17):
And then years later down theroad, I was speaking with a
friend, and I found out that the14th day of the Nizam calendar
is the day before Jesus'crucifixion.
The crucial part to it, and thisis something the Bible calls us
to do, is to pray withoutceasing.
So anything you think in yourhead, that is a prayer to God
whether you know it or not.
(07:38):
And if you consciously pray toGod and ask Him questions, He
will answer and He will respondin the physical world.
SPEAKER_00 (07:48):
Interesting.
So can you just talk to me alittle bit more about your
journey?
So you mentioned that in yourearly 20s, you started having
these episodes.
Can you give me some instances,some circumstances?
What did it look like for you?
What did it look like for maybeyour family around you that they
would see you?
How were they able to sort oftell that, hey, something is not
(08:08):
quite right here?
I know you mentioned that youwere having these kind of
thoughts in your head, but howdid it manifest physically for
you?
SPEAKER_01 (08:15):
So quite honestly, it was like a month-long panic
attack for me.
I would have moments where Iwould stand frozen, almost being
unable to move, unable to think,unable to reason.
And it was just an incrediblyterrifying time for me.
(08:38):
My answer to everything was, Idon't know, at one point,
because I didn't know what wasgoing on around me.
And I was terribly confused andafraid and terrified.
by interactions with the world.
SPEAKER_00 (08:51):
So you actually did have an awareness that something
was wrong.
Because I do know a lot ofpeople who get into, have
episodes that are not aware ofthe thing that's wrong.
They're so deeply in it thatthey don't know that, hey,
something is off.
SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
I think that's actually accurate.
I didn't really know thatsomething was wrong.
I was just terrified and Ididn't, I was unaware that there
was something off in my brain.
SPEAKER_00 (09:18):
Right.
What would doctors call this?
I mean, this episode, is there aterm to this condition that you
were having?
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
So initially, I was diagnosed with a drug-induced
psychotic episode.
Eventually, because thesepsychotic episodes persisted
without drug and alcohol use,they diagnosed me with
schizophrenia.
But now it's, thank God, it'sbeen downgraded to bipolar.
I no longer experiencepsychosis.
(09:47):
And that's not only Possiblywith the help of medication over
the years But largely in partdue to a spiritual shift and the
healing that God's provided me
SPEAKER_00 (09:59):
interesting so How did they diagnose this with a
drug-induced psychotic episodefirst?
What was it that you took thatcaused potentially this?
SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
So at one point in my life, I was taking a lot of
cocaine and MDMA.
I think primarily it's thecocaine that maybe caused the
paranoia and confusion.
Doctors do attribute psychoticepisodes a lot to marijuana.
I know from their research, andI was smoking probably about a
(10:35):
half quarter a day, quite a goodamount of marijuana.
To me, I'm not so sure that it'snecessarily exactly the drugs
that caused it.
More so just experiences I hadin the world that...
you know the the enemy or satantook advantage of and uh started
(11:00):
to attack me harder i thinkbecause i had a higher spiritual
calling and and i've beenthrough an amount of suffering
that has brought me to this dayhonestly and and this time that
i'm going through right now umon a bit of a missions trip um
where i i still experienceattacks but i i also experience
(11:20):
incredible blessings along theway
SPEAKER_00 (11:22):
the psychosis is not happening to you because now
you're one more aware of of ityou are understanding hey this
is kind of i can feel Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:51):
I think I would be in denial to say that it wasn't
addiction.
A lot of people say it'srecreational, and they don't
realize that they're trapped ina cycle of addiction and
dependent use.
Even habitual use can sometimestoe the line into addiction the
more you use it, and you don'teven realize that one drink a
(12:13):
day, if it's every day, is alsoseen as addiction.
I took a lot of the weight of myparents' emotions on during
their divorce.
And I also struggled incrediblywith the social anxiety and
feeling insecure and just like Iwas less than or not enough.
And I always thought the drugsand the alcohol helped me with
(12:34):
my communication abilities andmy social ability and being able
to speak to women and friendsand stuff like that.
Where in the long run, Iactually believe it it hindered
me extensively.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Yeah.
I think a lot of it is like, youknow, we can really have a good
sense of like a good family baseand everything.
But at the end of the day, it's,if we are feeling, you know,
disconnected or we're feelinglonely or a sense of, you know,
not belonging in a way, then,you know, it can set us in a
very, very dark path in ourlater lives.
(13:10):
And so I can see how sort ofthis all spirals out for you.
So you were in this sort ofstate of paranoia and the
psychosis you mentioned for howlong?
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
So I was in and out of psychosis for...
You know, months at a time,weeks at a time, up to six,
seven weeks at a time, a numberof times in my life.
It was persistent for me.
It wasn't like a one day or aone hour experience.
It was something that wasextensive and absolutely
terrifying.
SPEAKER_00 (13:41):
Were you also experiencing hallucinations?
Were you seeing things as well?
Or was it mostly just auditory?
SPEAKER_01 (13:47):
That's the thing about what I experienced.
I don't believe I hallucinatedat any point in my life.
I was never seeing or hearingthings that weren't real.
Now, the schizophrenia diagnosisdoes fit because I had delusions
that were firmly held.
And at one point, my motoractions were slowed and
(14:09):
distorted as a result of what Iwas going through.
So I did fit two of the criteriafor diagnosis, but I've never
hallucinated in my life.
I've never experienced auditoryor visual hallucinations.
SPEAKER_00 (14:23):
And how did this sort of affect things like your
friendships, relationships?
Relationships, work, job?
I
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
was able to hold down a job for the most part.
But later in life, things reallystarted getting to me mentally
and physically too.
It was just exhausting anddraining.
And I found myself in and out ofwork, unable to hold on to jobs,
unable to do anything with arigid schedule because I was
unable to get up on time andtake care of myself.
(14:51):
And I went through some verydepressive type states as well.
SPEAKER_00 (14:56):
So walk me through sort of like the time when it
got really dark for you, reallybad for you.
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
You would have to say the darkest time of my story
is my life attempt.
And quite honestly...
I don't see it as a dark time.
I see it as an incredibleblessing.
But people look at it and theysay, what the hell?
Like, who would ever think to dothis in their life?
And I was thinking some strangethings and some very unusual
(15:25):
thoughts at the time.
And I was noticing these one ina million coincidences over and
over and over again.
And because I was noticing thesecoincidences, I was terrified.
I didn't know what was going on.
I thought that meant someone wasfollowing me or after me for
some reason, that I had donesomething incredibly wrong in my
life and I chose to take my lifebecause of it.
(15:48):
I drove up and down the NiagaraParkway close to Niagara Falls
and eventually stepped out of myvehicle, left it on the side of
the road and waded into thewater above the falls.
I floated the rapids with mybody for about a kilometer
before I had this incrediblysurreal experience in which I
believe I met God.
I saw my body in third person.
(16:10):
This was a visualization Iliterally saw myself in third
person tumbling about the rapidsas my soul was like ripped from
my body and it was during thatmoment that I heard the thought
that it wasn't my time to dieand I knew that that was God
speaking to me in my mind and Iwas returned to my body at that
exact second and then spit outof the rapids to a place that
(16:34):
was relatively calm where Icould swim to safety and I swam
to the edge of the river througha another set of rapids, which
is a miracle in itself.
And I located a rock close tothe edge of the river,
protruding from a wall of theNiagara power generating
(16:55):
station.
And it's funny because it's thisincredible power that I overcame
being the water and the river.
And it's this incredible powerbeing God that saved me.
And this rock I found in theriver, I can only see as a
metaphor for the rock that JesusChrist has been in my life,
(17:17):
which is absolutely incredible.
And I stood on that rock forover eight hours, 400 meters
from the edge of the falls,waist deep in the Niagara River,
staring death in the face, untilI was finally rescued.
Early in the morning, a ladypoked her head over the railing
just above me, and she just letout a, do you need help?
(17:39):
to which I responded with anobvious and emphatic yes.
Like, please get me the hell outof this river and back onto dry
land.
SPEAKER_03 (17:48):
My gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (17:51):
Yeah, it was an incredible experience and I only
see it as a blessing and ittaught me to value and cherish
life.
And now I appreciate everysingle breath I take that much
more.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:05):
Would you say that that moment that you had like
this outer body experience andyou were watching your body in
third person, was that like anNDE?
Would people call that anear-death experience?
SPEAKER_01 (18:15):
I believe they would.
And, you know, some people sayit's a psychological thing.
You know, you're just fearful ofyour, you know, descent into
death or facing death in theface or staring death in the
face.
People would generally say thatyou're fearful of staring death
in the face.
But I would actually say more sothat it's the moment between
(18:38):
life and death where God beginsto call you home and sends you
back to earth.
SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
Yeah, like you.
The most painful...
Part of death, I think, forpeople is the fear before it.
And the moment that you let goof that fear and you just accept
that, hey, look, this is, it iswhat it is, you know, like
today's the day that I die andI'm not, I'm just not going to
fear it anymore because I'vecome to accept that that's
(19:06):
happening.
And I just, you know, wisheveryone else in my life and in
my family well.
And, you know, you let go ofthat feeling, then it is
actually a very, veryoverwhelmingly peaceful
experience.
Do you think that that kind ofhappened to you at one point?
Did you feel like anoverwhelming sense of peace
during that time?
SPEAKER_01 (19:28):
I did, and it was incredible.
Like, I was embracing death whenI first dove into the rapids.
I was exhaling underwater,trying to kill myself, and
eventually my body just kind ofwent limp, and I went along for
the ride, and I shot the rapidswith my body until I was finally
spat out.
SPEAKER_00 (19:47):
Tell me about any injuries.
Did you sustain injuries?
You must have had some injuries.
SPEAKER_01 (19:51):
Absolutely none.
The hospital checked me forpneumonia because that water is
pneumonia-inducing year-round.
I had nothing.
They did an x-ray of my lungsfor water on the lungs.
I had absolutely nothing goingon in my lungs.
My heart was rock solid.
(20:13):
I had no physical injuries.
I had no cuts or bruises.
I just had a healed soul and anew lease on life.
SPEAKER_00 (20:22):
My God, that's crazy.
Did they say this is a miracle?
Were they like absolutelyshocked to see this?
SPEAKER_01 (20:29):
No, they said this kid's schizophrenic.
Give him some medication.
And when I told them that it wasGod and God healed me two years
later, they really struggled tobelieve me.
And I think that's somethingthat is you know, difficult to
(20:53):
process for me.
I mean, at times I struggle tosee exactly what's going on
within the institution, and Iknow there's definitely a lot of
good that goes on in the mentalhealth world, but I think
there's good and evil not onlyin every institution in the
world, but also in every personand human and being on this
(21:17):
planet, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:19):
I mean, I guess good is no good if there is no evil
to sort of like balance it in asense, right?
It's just like in the sense thatyou'll never appreciate the sun
or daylight if you don't havenight to sort of like balance
that too.
But when you got out of this,you obviously go through the
(21:39):
whole medical system, check foreverything.
You know, the doctor said thatyou're schizophrenic.
What happens after that?
Do they get you a medication?
Do they put you in aninstitution?
Like what happens after this foryou?
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
Yeah, I was in the mental institution in the
hospital for six or seven weeksthe first time, where I just...
I struggled through.
I was having strange thoughtsstill, not knowing what was
going on.
They were giving me medicationsleft, right, and center that I
felt didn't really do anythingfor me for the most part.
(22:13):
I think the most healing I foundwas in my mental shift, in
seeing the strange things thatscared me as an attack of Satan
and the good things that werepositive as a message or word
from God.
And that was what provided methe most healing Do
SPEAKER_00 (22:31):
you sometimes still sort of like battle with feeling
like, you know, with thedepressive thoughts or with some
kind of paranoia sometimes?
Not at all.
And the fact that you sort ofdid that all on your own and
just by your faith in God,right?
And how that sort of just likecompletely lifted you from it.
So Jordan, can you tell me alittle bit about what would you
say is like your purpose today?
I mean, given everything thatyou've gone through, what is
(22:53):
your purpose today?
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
Honestly, my purpose is to share and spread love,
hope, happiness, and purpose toeveryone in life.
And I just do that in absolutelyany way that I can.
SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
Yeah.
Tell us a little bit about theorganization that you started.
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Yeah, so in the hospital, actually, I founded a
nonprofit organization that I'vecalled One True Love and Light.
The One True Love and Light isJesus.
But we provide free mentalhealth and addiction services
and support online.
And recently, as we've movedinto Winnipeg, we're working on
(23:35):
implementing a free designateddriver service and a ride
service to kind of disrupt thetaxi and the cab industry and
provide anyone in need with aride anywhere they need to go
for free.
All volunteer based and with noexpectation or judgment.
SPEAKER_00 (23:55):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, your story is really,really powerful.
You should definitely thinkabout maybe writing a book about
it or documenting.
I've
SPEAKER_01 (24:04):
written a book.
Absolutely, yeah.
So I've written a book calledGrace in Recovery, A Path to
True Freedom.
It's available on Amazon.
I have music on Spotify, AppleMusic, and anywhere else you
stream.
Jordan DeYoung, check it out.
A lot of the lyrics are writtenby me.
And with the help of artificialintelligence, I've put along
(24:27):
some music and vocals.
I do intend to re-release andre-record things myself.
But at present, I'm using thatum to get myself through every
day honestly i listen to my ownmusic every day i've got it
pumping in the car and i'm just
SPEAKER_00 (24:43):
going your book is about your story your journey
SPEAKER_01 (24:46):
is it yeah so the book is uh it's actually a blend
of uh alcoholics anonymous andcelebrate recovery um it's a
christ-centered approach torecovery um from drug addiction
mental health issues andabsolutely any type of trauma in
life um and it it also includesa the autobiography of myself
(25:06):
too.
SPEAKER_00 (25:08):
Yeah.
Jordan, thank you so much forbeing on this podcast and
sharing your story and beingvulnerable on air with us today.
SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
Yeah, my pleasure.
It's been a blessing to be here.
Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_00 (25:22):
If you enjoyed the episode and would like to help
support the show, please followand subscribe.
You can rate and review yourfeedback on any of our platforms
listed in the description.
I'd like to recognize our guestswho are vulnerable and open to
share their life experienceswith us.
Thank you for showing us weThank you to our team who worked
so hard behind the scenes tomake it happen.
(25:44):
The show would be nothingwithout you.
I'm Jenica, host and writer ofthe show, and you're listening
to Multispective.
UNKNOWN (25:55):
Multispective
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