July 13, 2024 • 41 mins
In this episode of the Muslim Life Hackers podcast, host Mifrah Mahroof chats with Hannah, a life coach and teacher, about her journey to finding her husband. Hannah opens up about overcoming societal pressures and self-doubt, transforming her mindset, and discovering love through yaqeen (certainty) in Allah's plans. This episode is packed with insights and inspiration for single Muslim women. Don't miss out on this heartfelt conversation!
Timestamps:
02:25 Marriage Journey and Personal Growth
03:31 Coping with Loss and Finding Faith
06:48 Shifting Mindsets and Making Dua
09:48 Recording the Journey and Finding Courage
12:40 Reframing Expectations and Embracing Change
21:52 Mindset and Self-Reflection for Single Muslim Women
22:29 Challenging Negative Beliefs About Marriage
23:39 Building Self-Esteem Before Marriage
27:06 Changing the Conversation Around Marriage in the Muslim Community
30:36 Personal Journey: Meeting My Husband Online
About Hannah El-Gashingi:
Hannah El-Gashingi is the founder and Head Coach at SHE Empowerment Coaching. After the sudden death of her mother, Salwa, in 2018, Hannah went on a journey to rediscover who she was now that grief took hold of her life. She discovered the powerful world of coaching. The Business name SHE is made up the initials of her Mum, Salwa and herself Hannah El-Gashingi.
Connect with Hannah El-Gashingi:
Resources Mentioned:
- Al-Ghazali on the Ninety-nine Beautiful Names of God by Abu Hamid al-Ghazali
- Imam Al-Ghazali Mukhtasar Ihya Ulum Ad-din by Imam Al-Ghazali
- The 99 names of Allah by Sheikh Ratib Al Nabulsi
Sign up to the Muslim Life Hackers newsletter: https://muslimlifehackers.substack.com
Listen to the Podcast:
Connect with Muslim Life Hackers:
Connect with Mifrah Mahroof:
🏖️ This episode is sponsored by Sisters Explore, a company I founded to offer guided small-group travel for Muslim women to connect, explore, and enjoy faith-centered journeys. Learn more at http://www.sisters-explore.com
Disclaimer: Some links in this description are affiliate links.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hannah El-Gashingi (00:00):
I'm going to show Allah that I have that
(00:01):
yaqeen and that strength, I'mgoing to get up I don't know
when I'm going to meet him, butI'm going to do, I'm going to
go, I bought him a jumper.
And then two months later I methim.
SubhanAllah
Mifrah Mahroof (00:12):
Assalamu Alaikum, Hannah.
Welcome to the show.
Hannah El-Gashingi (00:15):
Wa Alaikum Assalam.
Thank you so much for having meon board.
I really appreciate having thisconversation with you today.
Mifrah Mahroof (00:20):
I'm excited to hearing the insights that you
have.
So Hannah, let's start off withan introduction.
What do you do?
And, tell us more aboutyourself.
Hannah El-Gashingi (00:29):
Beautiful.
So I was born and raised inAustralia.
I lived there my whole lifeuntil the last year or so.
I'm a high school teacher bytrade.
I was a high school teacher inSydney for about six years, and
then I came across the wonderfulworld of life coaching.
And I always thought, First,that life coaches were like
wannabe psychologists.
So I was like, what are thesepeople?
(00:51):
I never knew really much aboutlife coaching until one day I
decided I'm like, oh, okay, letme just inquire.
I remember I heard someonespeaking.
They said there were a lifecoach.
This is really interesting.
I didn't know a life coachspeaks about self esteem and
things like that.
So I'm like, I love personaldevelopment.
I've always loved personaldevelopment.
I didn't know life coaching waspart and parcel of that.
(01:12):
So I looked into it.
I fell in love with that.
I signed up for a course, andtwo years later I became a
coach.
I studied it.
I fell in love with it.
And then I decided, in anutshell to transition out of
teaching, and go into mybusiness full time to helping
Muslim women.
So part of my work when I was inSydney at the time was I was
working with Muslim women and Iwas also working with schools.
(01:33):
So I was going in as a schoolconsultant and working with
school leaders.
I was working with teachers, ourparents and students, helping
them develop wellbeingframeworks and programs within
the school to to supportstudents, parents and staff,
because sometimes the focus is,Oh, Hannah, like when I would go
in and I help our students,that's well and good, but I also
(01:53):
need to help your teachers.
And I also need to support yourparents.
So I think it's a whole package.
Long story short, which we'lltalk about in a little bit more
depth, I think later on.
I met my husband online, decidedthat I wanted to marry him and
then moved out here to the UAE.
And so that's where I've been inthe last year, married to my
husband here in the UAE,literally in the desert,
Alhamdulillah.
(02:14):
And yeah, that's the nutshellsummary about who I am or where
I am at the moment.
Mifrah Mahroof (02:20):
Nice, nice.
Well, I know that, a lot ofpeople online know you by your
podcast actually.
So you have a podcast calledFinding My Husband and you share
your journey and share insightsabout being a single Muslimah
and then finding your husbandand that whole, it's not an easy
journey, right?
So, tell me more about that.
Hannah El-Gashingi (02:40):
Wow.
Okay.
Where do I even begin?
This is such a long story, but.
I'll share it all.
So for the longest time, I feltalmost ashamed that I would,
that I was never in arelationship, like never been in
a relationship with someone,like usually you have people
talk about the haramrelationship they had as a
teenager, or the person thatknocked on the door and, they
(03:00):
got to know.
I didn't have any of that.
And a lot of that I felt Iinternalized that and I'm made
that mean that I'm not goodenough, that what's wrong with
me.
If all these people around meare getting married, my friends
are getting married, they'rehaving babies and here I am so
single, no one's ever knocked onmy door officially.
So what does that mean about me?
So I carried a lot of shame oninternalized that to mean that I
(03:24):
wasn't good enough, untilAlhamdulillah, a lot of things
happened.
My mom alm, passed away in 2018.
And while that shook me to myabsolute core, and I miss her,
and the grief is still, thegrief doesn't ever leave you
because you still miss them.
There's still life milestonesthat you go through that you
really do miss them.
(03:44):
Losing my mom taught me a reallyimportant lesson.
And I always knew this lesson,but I never really internalized
it.
And that is, no one loves youmore than Allah.
That feeling, human love isalways temporary.
It's always going to come andgo.
It's always good.
They always has an expiry date,but Allah's love for you never
expires.
And so that gave me this feelinglike, Oh wow.
(04:06):
Oh my God.
Allah loves me more than my ownmom does.
it was such a profound.
Realization.
It really hit me.
I'm like, wow.
And my mom's love was anextension of Allah's love for
me.
The fact that my mom loved me sodearly was Allah placed that
love in her heart for me.
And I got to taste it.
So that was one element.
So I was coping with aninternalizing the death of my
(04:27):
mom.
Then I came across the world ofcoaching and I was like, wow,
this is what coaching is about.
I didn't realize that coachinghelps you understand who you
are.
It's not meant to like, Youdon't need to go to a life coach
if you have psychologicalillnesses, because that's what a
psychologist deals with, mentalillnesses.
That's not what a life coachdeals with.
A life coach just helps youunderstand who you are, why you
(04:48):
have the beliefs that you do.
And so when I was studying lifecoaching, I also got a coach
myself and I realized, wow, Ihave so many blocks around
marriage.
I didn't realize I had all theseblocks around marriage and all
of that.
And so it shined the light on,you know, I was focused on the
external world.
Like, why am I unmarried?
Is there something wrong withme?
Like I was looking so much onthe outside world that I didn't
(05:09):
really look internally to think,well, how can I uplevel myself?
What beliefs do I hold aboutmyself that are actually holding
me back in this process?
So I started working with mycoach.
I love her.
Her name's Amira.
I still work with her till now.
Three years later, I'm stillworking with her, Alhamdulillah,
and so.
I just lost my train of thought,but that's okay.
Mifrah Mahroof (05:30):
So how old were you at that time?
So you were like worried aboutmarriage and, being single at
that time.
And so,
Hannah El-Gashingi (05:37):
for a long time about being single.
So like in late twenties is whenI started to hit like, Oh my
God, but like everyone elsearound me is getting married.
Everyone else around me ishaving babies.
Because generally in the Muslimpopulation in Sydney, usually
the girls get married muchyounger.
And so to be of a certain agefor me was like, Oh my God.
Like, and I would go toweddings, a lot of pressure.
(06:00):
I'd go to weddings and peoplewould say Al Balik, in Arabic,
that means like, Oh, until younext.
And for me, when people used tosay that I used to want to stab
them in the face of just leaveme alone.
Why are you putting pressure onme?
Why, why, why?
Until like, there was so muchunresolved feelings that I
needed to cope through untilwhen I started working through
(06:20):
all of my baggage and all of mystuff, when people had said to
me, Abalik, it changed.
It was like, no longer feeling,Oh, why are they telling me
Abalik?
It turned into, Yeah, it wasn'ttriggering anymore.
It was like, Oh, they're tryingto show me some love.
They're sending love to me rightnow.
They're sending me some love.
They're wishing love on me.
And so it changed myperspective, SubhanAllah, which
(06:42):
was really beautiful.
So I put that all together.
And then a third thing was thatI did Sheikh Mohammed Sharif's
visionary course, about Dua.
I had already done it earlier,much earlier in 2011, I think it
was.
And then I revisited it again in2021, 10 years later.
And it was just so incredible touplevel your dua and to know
(07:04):
that you can ask literally likeinstead of asking a lawyer like,
give me a husband.
You can uplevel your diet withso much yaqeen that Allah SWT
will open the way, like itshifted my perspective rather
than a dua being please give itto me rather than, it was so
exciting making dua for thatthing.
I was fully living it, so likebreathing my dua, I'm like, yes,
(07:27):
I had so much.
It shifted that when I wascoming to making du'a, rather
than that feeling of doubt, orwill Allah give it to me, it
shifted to Allah will open itfor me, there's no way Allah is
going to turn me away.
That's what I did, and part ofthat was I said, okay, I'm going
to show Allah that I'm doing mywork.
Yes, ultimately it's up to Allahwhen and how and all of that,
(07:50):
but I'm going to show Allah thatI'm doing my bit.
Like Hajar AS when she was alonein the desert, just with her
baby, she just sit there andgive up and say, oh, it's okay.
It's too hot.
I give up.
And now that I live here in theUAE, I appreciate fully what
it's like to be in a hot desert.
So, SubhanAllah, she did notgive up.
She She She got up and she wasrunning back and forth.
(08:12):
And SubhanAllah, Al Fattah,Allah's name, the opener, opened
for her a way that she couldhave never imagined.
Zamzam underneath the foot ofher child that was gonna last
until the day of judgment,SubhanAllah.
So I feel like the story ofHajar is so significant cause
when we got to Umrah and Hajj,we have to walk her footsteps,
literally have to walk herfootsteps.
So I feel like there is such ahuge meaning.
(08:35):
For us in our lives as a Muslim,that we also need to follow the
metaphorical steps of Hajar aswell, her yaqeen, her strength.
And so that's what I decided todo.
I'm like, yeah, I'm going toshow Allah that I have that
yaqeen and that strength, I'mgoing to get up and I'm going to
run.
So what am I going to do?
I'm going to go out, I'm goingto buy my husband a present.
I don't even know who he is.
I don't know any of thisdetails.
(08:56):
I don't know when I'm going tomeet him, but I'm going to do,
I'm going to go And years him.
before you actually got marriedto just?
So the first, 2021, I bought hima perfume and then 2022, I
bought him a jumper.
And then two months later I methim.
SubhanAllah, actually one monthlater after Ramadan, I had met
him.
So SubhanAllah, like Allah'splanning was just so
(09:18):
unbelievable.
So that one element was me goingout and buying those presents
because it gave me thebutterflies of excitement.
I'm like, I'm going to go outand buy my husband a present.
I don't even know who this guyis, but so exciting to buy my
husband a
Mifrah Mahroof (09:30):
present.
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (09:31):
And just also made it real, one day I'm
going to hand this physical itemto somebody as proof that Allah
SWT opens the way.
And then the second thing waslike, okay, this was in 2022.
I'm like, you know what?
why don't I also record apodcast of my journey?
I don't know, it's going to bevery clunky.
I don't know what I'm going tosay, but I'm just going to
(09:51):
record a weekly progress orfortnightly progress or monthly
progress.
However often I'm going torecord this, just how I'm going.
Because one day, because I wasso certain that Allah was going
to open the way for me, I'mlike, one day someone will
listen to this.
And I know that there are somany single Muslim girls that
are in my position that wouldlove to hear somebody go on the
(10:12):
journey.
So I'm like, why don't I justrecord the journey and just
however many episode it takes.
So I started recording thejourney.
Mifrah Mahroof (10:17):
very courageous and brave of you because the
whole thing that I've noticed,when you're in that situation is
there's so much shame attached.
There's Oh, I'm still single.
So I might as well justdisappear out of the community.
Right.
And like for you to actually goout there, have a podcast and
share your journey out in publicis like, where did all that
courage and vulnerability comefrom?
Hannah El-Gashingi (10:39):
Honestly, it just came from knowing who Allah
is.
Honestly, that's what it camedown to knowing who Allah
Mifrah Mahroof (10:45):
So it was that certainty that, Hey, Allah SWT
is going to answer me.
And so what I'm doing is justpart of the journey.
Hannah El-Gashingi (10:52):
Yes, exactly.
It was just felt like it was theright steps for me.
I knew it in my depths of myheart that Allah is Al Fattah.
He's the opener, and he's AlWaqeel, the trustee, the one
that you give over to, and hesays, I'll take care of it.
So I'm like, if I'm giving itover to the trustee, what else
have I got to lose?
Just go for gold, Hannah, justGo out there and put yourself
(11:13):
out there.
And SubhanAllah, that just gaveme
Mifrah Mahroof (11:15):
you can take.
Hannah El-Gashingi (11:16):
lot of trust, yeah.
And SubhanAllah, it just, ratherthan make it such a journey of
dread, it makes it a journey ofexcitement.
And I think that was the biggestshift for me.
Previously, if my mum would comeup to me and say, Hey, Hannah.
Previously, before she passedaway, I have someone for you.
I'd be like, Oh, ma'am, that wasmy first reaction.
Mom, no, like rather thanafterwards, it was like, okay,
(11:41):
I'm open to getting to knowpeople and put it, and telling
my family, telling my dad,telling my brother, telling my
friends that, Hey, listen, Ifyou know anyone, please let me
know.
And that again was a huge stepfor me because previously I'd be
like, oh, I don't want to lookdesperate because I was scared.
You know, the guy's supposed tochase the girl, right?
Yeah.
So SubhanAllah, I had all ofthose, ideas that the man has to
(12:03):
be the one chasing the woman.
He has to be the one that comesup to the woman.
The woman can't go up.
But SubhanAllah, what do we talkfrom Khadija RA We know the
story.
Khadija RA and the Prophet SAW,just her courage to just know
what she wants and she goesafter it, I think is so brave
and so beautiful.
And so I think that's the lessonas single Muslim women we need
(12:25):
to take on that this journey canbe so beautiful and so exciting.
You can choose if you want to,how you want
Mifrah Mahroof (12:31):
it to be Smaller.
It's like those choose youradventure books.
You'd
Hannah El-Gashingi (12:35):
Yes.
Oh, beautiful.
Exactly like that.
Choose your adventure, and it'ssuch a beautiful journey because
I feel like, one of the wrongquestions that we ask is when
you're getting to know, whenyou're saying, Oh, I'm on the
market, the first questionpeople ask.
So what are you looking for?
Tell me.
And I feel like, I
Mifrah Mahroof (12:52):
question.
Hannah El-Gashingi (12:54):
I feel like that question is the wrong
question to ask.
I feel like the first questionI'll tell you why.
I feel like the first questionwe need to ask ourselves first
is, who do we want to be as thewife that we want to be on this
journey?
I think once we answer thatquestion first and choose to go
on that path of becoming thiswoman that we want to be as this
(13:15):
future wife, then we'll knowwho's compatible for us.
But if we're trying to answerthe question, who do we want
first, before we ask, who do wewant to be?
We put the expectation that weneed to find the perfect man.
And if we find the perfect man,then we're going to have a happy
life.
And we negate our role and ourcontribution in the discussion.
So I feel like the firstquestion we do really need to
(13:37):
ask ourselves is who do we wantto be and where are we going?
Once you know that, answerreally well, then you're going
to know who you're looking for.
You're going to know who youwant to attract because you're
also on that journey, if thatmakes sense.
So I feel when we flip thatquestion, it becomes really
empowering because It gives youthe ability to start walking the
(13:57):
path of the life that you wantand the marriage that you want
because marriage is somethingthat you co create with you and
your husband.
It's not like if I find theperfect husband, then my
marriage will be perfect.
Absolutely not.
so it puts the
Mifrah Mahroof (14:10):
yeah, the cause and the effect.
Hannah El-Gashingi (14:12):
Yes,
Mifrah Mahroof (14:13):
It's like we assume that if that's a cause,
this will be the effect, but whosays that would be the case?
Hannah El-Gashingi (14:18):
not at all.
Exactly.
Mifrah Mahroof (14:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
so if I understood youcorrectly, you were saying to
get clarity on who do you wantto be?
Not, what kind of wife you wantto be, right?
Because that would be adifferent question.
Hannah El-Gashingi (14:31):
Yes.
So who do you want to be?
In this life journey, as aperson, and then also, who do
you want to be as a wife, bydefault, in that journey?
Because you take on a newidentity, yeah?
A new identity is as a wife,when you choose to get married,
InshaAllah.
So, who do you want to be as awife?
How do you want to show up as awife in this beautiful
(14:52):
relationship that you do want tohave?
So, answer those two questions,go hand in hand, I believe.
Mifrah Mahroof (14:57):
And then it gives you a different answer
rather than, who are you lookingfor in a spouse?
if that was a case, if youanswered those questions, then
how did you answer the questionwhen people did ask you, who are
you looking for in a spouse,when you went and asked around?
Hannah El-Gashingi (15:12):
Because I had already answered that
question for myself, where Iwanted to be and who I was
looking for, the answering, whenpeople did ask me what I'm
looking for, I was so clear andit wasn't some huge list and it
wasn't something massive.
Like previously, if you hadasked me when I was 19 years
old, Hannah, What are youlooking for in a partner?
I would have given you somethingso long, so big.
(15:34):
And so just so unreal, somethingthat's made up in a fairy book,
I believe.
And so when I answered thatquestion a whole 10 years later,
it was so clear about who Iwanted to be, where I'm going,
where I'm walking currently, andwho I wanted to compliment on
that path.
So that became so clear.
It was like clear cut.
It wasn't some fluffy imagery.
(15:56):
Oh, he's got to be blah, blah,blah, blah.
It was so direct of exactly whoI was looking for.
Like
Mifrah Mahroof (16:01):
I see.
So by
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:02):
type of man.
Mifrah Mahroof (16:03):
question this question actually made more
sense, more clear and concise.
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:09):
Yes.
And it became more real becauseyou're like, I'm on the journey
to this pathway in my life.
So I want somebody thatcompliments me on that journey.
Somebody that's also sees thatsame vision.
And it's the example that I sayin the podcast, you're deciding
where the destination you wantto go.
Imagine you're on a rowing boat,you're deciding the destination
you want to go first before youchoose who goes in the rowing
(16:29):
boat with you.
And so once you have thedestination in mind, choosing
the person that really wants togo in that same destination
makes the rowing so much morecomplimentary.
It makes the rowing so much moreof a journey that you do
together.
Because imagine if I'm rowing toa mountain with you, Mifrah, and
you didn't really want to gothere, you want to go to the
other mountain, then we're goingto be
Mifrah Mahroof (16:48):
Hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:48):
it's just our life, our boat is going to
go opposite.
Mifrah Mahroof (16:52):
Yes.
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:53):
in our lives.
So
Mifrah Mahroof (16:55):
and the boat's not going to go anywhere too,
right?
So no
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:57):
it's not going to go anywhere.
It's going to go in circles.
It's going to be exhausting.
You're going to just, it's justgoing to be very tiring.
So once you know exactly whereyou want to go or in a way where
you want your life, what sparksyou, what's your vision for your
life, it becomes so much easierto answer the second question
that comes later on.
(17:18):
Okay, so who compliments you onthat journey?
What type of man compliments youon that journey?
So, I
Mifrah Mahroof (17:23):
guess in your case, when you figured that out,
then you're okay with actuallyleaving us here in Sydney and
going to Dubai.
Hannah El-Gashingi (17:30):
SubhanAllah, it was a big, SubhanAllah.
It was such a
Mifrah Mahroof (17:33):
right?
Hannah El-Gashingi (17:33):
huge,
Mifrah Mahroof (17:34):
so far away.
Hannah El-Gashingi (17:36):
SubhanAllah.
And, it wasn't on my mind.
In one of my coaching sessions,I remember my coach asking me,
this is before I met my husband.
She said, so are you okay with,say this husband that you're
looking for, right?
The one that you're very clearabout lives overseas.
Would you be okay to gooverseas?
And my first answer was like,no, never.
I had so many blocks around it.
(17:57):
And then I had to take a stepback and like, okay, let's
reanalyze what's really going onhere.
And then when I did actuallymeet my husband online, and then
I was like, Oh my God, this isthe exact situation now.
Do I really want to pursuesomething?
should I even consider this?
He's overseas, all of that.
So having the discussion with mydad, Subhanallah, really helped
(18:18):
open my mind to so manypossibilities of like, Yeah, why
not?
if this is someone you believecomplements you, then why not?
why limit yourself ingeographical terms?
Mifrah Mahroof (18:29):
Wow.
So in doing that introspection,you found out that, location
wasn't as important to you asyou initially thought it was.
SubhanAllah.
That's amazing.
Hannah El-Gashingi (18:40):
It is subhanAllah because I thought,
how can I be a good daughter?
If I leave my dad, my mom passedaway, so how can I just leave my
dad yet?
How can I just leave my brotherand my sister in law and my
nieces and nephews?
How can I just leave them?
So I had to reframe what itmeans to be still a supportive
sister, still a supportivedaughter, still a supportive
(19:01):
auntie without physically beingin the same time and space, so
subhanAllah.
I had to reframe that.
It's Well, yeah.
What does it mean to be that?
How could I still show up asthat supportive daughter that I
want to be, et cetera?
Mifrah Mahroof (19:16):
Hmm, that's very powerful insights when you
really think about it.
It sounds like you've done somuch work on yourself until you
came to that level.
I know that one of the thingsyou, mentioned was like a very
big reason, You might not bemarried.
So when I say you, I'm likereferring to, listeners who are
listening to this and feel like,look, I'm stuck.
(19:37):
I'm single.
I really want to get married.
And one of the things youmentioned is that it's the
mindset.
So it's a mindset that'sstopping you from getting
married.
So it's as though you're sayingit's our fault.
Hannah El-Gashingi (19:52):
Oh, is a big word.
It's our journey.
It's our journey.
Cause SubhanAllah, it is Ourjourney.
It is our mindset becausemindset is everything.
How you come into a situation,SubhanAllah, It changes how you
look at it, how you show up.
So for example, I showed up tothis podcast, I'm like, oh, I
don't want to speak to Mifrah.
(20:12):
Oh, this is going to be so hard.
Then it's going to show upphysically how I show up in this
conversation.
My energy, my excitement levels,all of that will shift.
But SubhanAllah, if we come intoa situation with our mindset
elevated, Then we get to enjoythat part or that stage of that
journey of our life.
And SubhanAllah, it's like I'mreally grateful.
(20:34):
And I say this from all depthsof my heart.
I'm so grateful that Allahplanned my life exactly the way
he planned it.
That I got married at the age Igot married, that I went on this
journey.
Like I'm so grateful becauseit's made me show up.
differently as a wife,Alhamdulillah.
It's made me show up differentlyin this stage, in this journey
of my life.
So yes, this mindset was socrucial in shaping who I would
(20:57):
be as a wife.
So yes, I'm so happy that I didthis work and it was hard and it
was confronting at times becauseI had to face sometimes things
that I didn't want to face,things that I buried in the past
beliefs about myself, but.
SubhanAllah, as a result ofthat, I showed up, not just as
Hannah, a better, as the wifethat I wanted to be, but I
(21:19):
showed up differently in myrelationships with my dad, for
example, so it was such a giftthat I could be who I really
wanted to be in therelationships that I was.
That was really important to me,not just this marriage that I
really wanted.
So I think it's just like such abeautiful gift that you can give
yourself just by working on whoyou are and your mindset and
(21:40):
your beliefs and your values,just knowing all of this,
SubhanAllah, just, It enlightensyou and empowers you to make the
decisions that just light youup.
Instead of feeling confusedabout a decision, you feel so
clear and you've got so muchyaqeen of the direction that you
want to go.
So yes, I believe mindset iseverything.
And yes, the more you work onyour mindset, the more elevated
(22:02):
you'll be in the betterrelationships that you have
within yourself and with thepeople that you love.
Yeah.
Mifrah Mahroof (22:08):
So would you say for someone who is single, just
asking that question tothemselves, what can I learn in
this situation that I'm in rightnow?
And how can I grow and elevatemy mindset?
Yeah, exactly.
So many questions you can askyourself if you're currently a
single
Hannah El-Gashingi (22:26):
Muslim woman like, so what are my beliefs
around marriage?
What do I really believe aboutmarriage deep down?
Do I believe marriage is reallyhard?
If I believe that, then I'malready coming into the
discussion already defeatedfeeling that our marriage is
going to be so hard marriagesand or maybe you tell yourself,
Maybe there's no good guys outthere, that already
Mifrah Mahroof (22:48):
a very common one.
Hannah El-Gashingi (22:49):
Huge one huge one and I had believed it
at one stage But that actuallyjust holds you back so much and
that limits the possibilitiesfrom you actually meeting really
great potentials and reallygreat matches.
Maybe they're not the one thatyou will marry, but it allows
you to be open.
It allows you, rather than, Oh,there's no good men out there.
You've already closed your heartoff.
You already closed yourself offto the world.
(23:11):
So when you come with thisopenness, SubhanAllah, it gives
you this ability to, okay, thereis so many possibilities.
So yeah, there are so manywonderful questions you can ask
yourself.
So what do I believe aboutmarriage?
What do I really believe aboutmen?
What do I really believe aboutthe getting to know process?
who do I want to be?
What's my vision for my life?
What are my values?
(23:33):
All of those questions.
What are my strengths?
Like.
When I had grown up with a lotof self esteem issues, as a
teenager, and I had made so manyconclusions about myself that
are really heartbreaking.
I drew the conclusion that I'mugly and that I'm fat.
And those are the beliefs that Iused to say to myself.
And that hindered my process inmy early twenties, when the idea
(23:55):
of a potential was mentioned tome, Am I beautiful enough?
Am I skinny enough?
And so when we work on also inour self esteem, we come into a
relationship loving who we arerather than looking for our
partner to make us feel good.
Because at the end of the day,our partner is also a human
being, to expect them to solveour self esteem issues it's just
never gonna work, right?
(24:16):
it's just not going to be a nicerelationship because they're
going to always feel like younever believe what I say.
When they say, Oh, you'rebeautiful deep down and you're
going to think, I'm not reallybeautiful.
Are they just saying that?
And so subhanAllah, when youwork on yourself and you work on
the beliefs about yourself, youcome into the relationship so
much more empowered and ready tocontribute and allow someone to
(24:38):
see you for who you are becauseyou love who you are.
I know loving yourself is suchan airy fairy term.
That's chucked around on socialmedia, but what it really means
is that you see yourself as thisbeautiful creation of Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and you'reallowing somebody else to fully
see your beauty rather thancoming in, feeling your lacking
or your minusing, I don't knowhow to use the word, but you're
(24:59):
like deficient in some wayyou're coming in.
Mifrah Mahroof (25:02):
needy in.
a
Hannah El-Gashingi (25:02):
a whole person.
Throw us
Mifrah Mahroof (25:04):
Hmm, I see like needy in a way, because if you
can't give to yourself, what, ifyou can't love yourself and
accept yourself and appreciateyourself as a creation of Allah
SWT, then getting that fromsomeone makes you very needy at
that point.
Hannah El-Gashingi (25:19):
it does.
And it just, it balances thewhole relationship and it just
not the relationship you arereally searching for.
So when you reflect and you askyourself these beautiful
questions and you discover thesewonderfully delicious answers,
your mindset completely changesand looking for your husband
becomes such an excitingjourney.
Mifrah Mahroof (25:40):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
Because it's like, you're alwaysgoing to be on this journey,
like with this journey ofappreciating yourself and these
mindset shifts and gettingcloser to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
So it's not that getting intomarriage is going to solve all
those problems.
Hannah El-Gashingi (25:53):
Yes,
Mifrah Mahroof (25:54):
married, those problems are still there to
solve.
Yes, 100 percent, and there arenew things that you learn about
youself and marriage.
Hannah El-Gashingi (26:00):
that's why we're taught that marriage is
half of our deen, because thereare way new things that pop up
that you didn't realize aboutyourself that you only realize
about yourself when you're in arelationship, SubhanAllah.
So, when you do the base workbefore getting married, then it
sets up the foundation reallynicely for you.
So when you're in a relationshipand then you learn way new
things about yourself, thenSubhanAllah, you've got the
(26:23):
essential tools already.
You've got the essentialbuilding blocks.
Mifrah Mahroof (26:27):
True.
Yeah, that's a really importantpoint.
I wish we just had more of thatdiscussion, especially in the
Muslim community with like youngwomen and stuff.
Cause there's just so muchpressure, shame around this.
Oh, after you reach a certainage, why are you not getting
married?
So instead of growing, you justwant to shrink.
That's it.
And you just want to shrink andhide away or something.
(26:47):
And that's very sad.
It is very sad.
It's one though.
Hannah El-Gashingi (26:50):
It is so sad.
When, you enter a marriage andyou're really not prepared, then
you're going to really strugglein that marriage.
Like you will struggle in thatmarriage because marriage is all
about having the essentialtools.
You need to have essentialtools.
So we really do need to havethis conversation way earlier
with both our boys and our girlsfrom a younger age about really
who are they as a person, andalso, like what does marriage
(27:14):
actually mean when we have allof these discussions and
subhanAllah, I think it sets thebase and the foundation because
like I've seen it, like forexample, my students that's in
grade 12, they've got a timelinein their head.
Like I'm going to finish schooland I'm going to get married and
I'm going to have babies at thisage.
And they tell me the ages.
They used to tell me the ages atthis age, at this age, at this
(27:35):
age.
Yes.
So they had their lives plannedout.
Right.
I was one of those people aswell.
When I was in high school, I hadmy life
Mifrah Mahroof (27:41):
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (27:42):
to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Mifrah Mahroof (27:44):
we were all said.
It's like, you just get taughtthis is it, right?
Alhamdulillah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (27:48):
you have to tick boxes, and it's
Mifrah Mahroof (27:50):
then you realize, no, it's not like that.
Hannah El-Gashingi (27:53):
that at all.
It's not like that at all.
So I think if we, have thisconversation with teenagers
about, it's not about tickingboxes.
This is not what life's about.
It's not about this timeline,this rigid timeline that you
need to have it in a certaintime.
I think we just alleviate somuch pressure off our
Mifrah Mahroof (28:09):
I totally
Hannah El-Gashingi (28:09):
agree.
I know.
Right.
And it's just like, you don'tfeel like, Oh, you're falling
behind.
Like what falling behind?
What is falling behind?
Mifrah Mahroof (28:17):
that concept?
What is it, right?
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (28:21):
It's such a horrible feeling to feel like
you're falling behind.
It feels like you're internalizeit to make it mean so many
things about yourself thatyou're lacking and unworthy in
so many ways.
But SubhanAllah when we re shiftit and we get rid of that
concept in our brain, we'relike, this is my journey.
This is my life journey.
Yes.
I have a different story foreveryone else.
Mifrah Mahroof (28:42):
and, also getting married is a rizq from
Allah SWT.
And Allah SWT chooses when thatrizq is going to come for every
person.
Hannah El-Gashingi (28:50):
He does.
And in the
Mifrah Mahroof (28:51):
different, right?
And yeah, exactly.
And I think that's the thingthat's not understood in our
communities.
It doesn't like, one person canbe trying their best to get
married, putting themselves outthere and doing all the right
things, but it's not happening.
And it's not their fault.
You know what I mean?
And then making them feel badabout it isn't going to make
(29:12):
anything product, like going tomake anything happen.
Really.
Hannah El-Gashingi (29:15):
no, It's just gonna set, it just
regresses back our community,right?
Just, it doesn't move us forward
Mifrah Mahroof (29:20):
exactly.
Yeah.
I really believe that, singleMuslims, MashaAllah, have so
much to contribute to ourcommunities and when they're
left feeling small and, justlike, Oh, I'm worthless because
I'm not married.
There's like, we're losing somuch as a community.
Like they
Hannah El-Gashingi (29:37):
yeah.
Mifrah Mahroof (29:38):
many things to offer, that's what
Hannah El-Gashingi (29:41):
So many things to offer.
They're so educated.
Most single Muslim women, ifyou're looking at the Sydney
population, single Muslim womenthat are over the age of 25,
they are educated, they'reworking, they're contributing,
they're volunteering, they'rehelping out.
MashaAllah, they're incredible,they've got so much to
contribute.
And so I'm with you.
Like we need to reshift thatconversation rather than why
(30:02):
aren't you married yet?
Like.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:04):
I know.
I know,
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:08):
a member of the family and you can actually,
like, this is where it getsreally frustrating.
Don't ask the question if you'renot actually a person that can
actually assist in the process.
Don't ask, mind your ownbusiness, unless you're a person
that can actually assist themin, getting to know someone,
expanding their web ofpotential.
Apart from that, just mind yourown business, that's what I say.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:32):
true.
I guess one question that I didwant to ask is you mentioned
when you were saying you metyour husband that you met him
online.
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:39):
Yes,
Mifrah Mahroof (30:39):
So that's not something that's common in a lot
of communities.
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:42):
not at all.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:43):
with that?
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:44):
Oh, so I had a lot of beliefs around meeting
people online.
I'm like, ew, it's
Mifrah Mahroof (30:49):
Hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:50):
What is
Mifrah Mahroof (30:51):
it's
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:51):
this?
How do you know if they're evengenuine?
How do you know they're not likeTinla Swindler guy?
If you've ever heard thedocumentary about Tinla
Swindler.
So I had all these beliefsabout.
online.
I'm like, no, I'll never dothat.
That's what I had told myselfuntil SubhanAllah went out to
breakfast with one of my familyfriends.
(31:14):
She had gotten married like ayear before and I'd never asked
her how she got to know herhusband or I was just so excited
cause I knew she was single fora long time and she was wanting
to get married and she finallymet him.
So.
We were so excited for her.
So anyway, me and my friend wereout with this family friend, and
then my best friend randomlyasked his family friend out of
nowhere, we never asked you howyou met your husband.
(31:37):
And then she's like, oh, I
Mifrah Mahroof (31:38):
Hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (31:38):
met him online.
I was like, what?
Really?
Online?
Mifrah Mahroof (31:41):
you are like shocked.
Hannah El-Gashingi (31:42):
I was like shocked.
I was like, but he's such a goodguy.
Like, cause like I met herhusband, like he's so genuine
and kind.
So it took out all of theseimages of what online people
look like, and then she told meabout the process and then she's
like, how do you should considerit?
Why not give it a shot?
You know, and then she wastelling me about the different
apps and you know why she likesapps, these apps better than the
(32:04):
others.
And she just gave me some
Mifrah Mahroof (32:05):
tips hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:06):
After I had that conversation with her, my
best friend looked at me,Bismillah, let's set up your
profile.
I'm like, am I actually going todo this?
Should I do this?
Is this the right move?
Let me pray istikhara.
Let me see, SubhanAllah.
And then I had a conversationwith my dad about it.
I'm like, Hey, listen, becausehe knows specifically this
family friend.
So I'm like, look, this familyfriend, do you know how she
(32:27):
actually met him?
She met him online.
He's like, Oh, wow.
That's amazing.
That's cool.
I didn't know that.
I'm like, yeah, but I'm alsogoing to put myself on this app
as well.
He's like, yeah, go ahead and doit.
Do it.
I fully support you.
Mifrah Mahroof (32:38):
wow.
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:39):
was like,
Mifrah Mahroof (32:40):
That's like,
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:41):
I've got expected
Mifrah Mahroof (32:41):
it.
That's the sign I need.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:50):
at night without my mom.
So like to him, for him to saythat, and I really believe that
my dad reached that pointbecause he could see how hard I
was working on myself and ourrelationship shifted so much in
those last couple of years andmonths.
When I was going through my ownjourney.
And so my dad could see, and hetrusted my judgment because he
could see how hard I am workingon myself.
(33:12):
So when he said, yeah, go aheadand do that, he trusted my
judgment, he didn't even need tosay, don't do anything haram or
anything, because he knows thestandards and the values that I
have for myself are very high.
So he encouraged it.
And so, yeah, I downloaded, twoapps.
One was called Muz and one wascalled Salams.
And I just, I was like, Oh myGod, I have to put a photo of
myself.
I have to put a profiledescription of like, what do I
(33:34):
say about myself?
All those thoughts went throughmy mind at first.
there was a moment of, thatmoment was so real.
So beautiful.
It's
Mifrah Mahroof (33:44):
so I had a friend who I was like telling
her, get online.
So she's like, Oh no, I'mscared, and then she's like, I'm
scared to put it on my card.
So we made her an account and Iput on my card and then she's
like, I don't want anyone to seethe statement.
But
Hannah El-Gashingi (33:58):
that she had a friend.
She had a friend that she couldlean on.
It's so beautiful.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:02):
Yeah.
it's all part of the journey atthe end and like the tools that
we have to take advantage of it.
So Alhamdulillah, but I must saylike your journey of getting in
the process of finding yourhusband, it's so beautiful how
you were able to grow as aperson.
You were able to get closer toyour own brother and your
father.
And I think that's so beautiful,and now you're married and it's
(34:23):
like, it would have been so,like you were saying earlier,
like Allah swt planned itexactly when it was the right
time.
Hannah El-Gashingi (34:29):
Exactly.
And in the most beautiful way,in a way that I could have never
imagined, subhanAllah.
So like, just having that trustthat Allah's got you and that
he's going to do beautifulthings for you in your life.
It's just, oh, like it justremoves all of the what ifs.
Those what ifs get just chuckeddown the toilet because you're
like, I've got a lot.
What do you mean these what ifs?
(34:49):
I don't need those what ifs inmy life.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:51):
yeah, SubhanAllah.
All right.
Well, look Hannah, we'reactually close to the ending of
this interview.
So I want to start asking youthe question that we ask all our
guests.
So the first one is what is onelife hack that has improved your
life?
Hannah El-Gashingi (35:05):
Oh, yeah.
Okay, first thing,
Mifrah Mahroof (35:07):
of this journey or marriage.
Hannah El-Gashingi (35:11):
okay, The life hack that just came to mind
is learning about Allah's 99names.
Once you learn about Allah's 99names and internalize it, your
life just gets so much
Mifrah Mahroof (35:21):
power, how do you actually go about with that?
were you going through classes,or were there books, or?
Hannah El-Gashingi (35:26):
beautiful.
So I was actually doing aSeries.
It was a Ramadan series by AmrKhaled.
He's an Egyptian da'ee.
He did this beautiful series ofgetting to know Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
And every day of Ramadan, hewould release a series talking
about a different name of Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala.
So that really sparked myjourney of, Ooh, I want to know
more about Allah subhanahu wata'ala's names.
(35:48):
And then I delved even deeper.
There's a beautiful book seriesby Sheikh Ratib Al Nabulsi.
It's all in Arabic.
So I can't like my Arabicreading is very slow.
So I need somebody to read itfor me, but SubhanAllah, and
this also got an Arabic serieson YouTube as well, where he
goes through Allah Subhanahu WaTa'ala's 99 names.
So going on that journey wasjust so beautiful.
(36:11):
And there was also two books,Imam Al Ghassani and his, Hiyat
Ulumuddin.
It's been translated intoEnglish.
He's got one of his volume isabout Allah's 99 names.
There was another book.
It was just a little book about,it says 99 names of Allah
Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la.
And you open it and it justgives you this book.
beautiful summary of Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala's names.
Maybe I just haven't found thatit's not as many resources in
(36:33):
the English language aboutAllah's names as much as there
are in Arabic.
There's a whole ocean ofknowledge, in the Arabic
language about Allah's 99 names.
So honestly, for me, it was justdabbling in all of those
different resources that I couldcome across about Allah
subhanahu names.
But really, I believe thatchanged my life.
When you know who Allah isthrough his 99 names, your life
(36:55):
just gets leveled up.
And although, it's like life canbe difficult.
we get tests, everyone has theirown tests.
And so when you lean on Allah'snames in different ways
throughout your life, then, Yourlife just becomes beautiful,
even in the hardship, even inthe waiting period, if you're
waiting to get married, or ifyou're waiting to have a baby,
(37:16):
or if you're waiting forsomething, a job, or whatever,
that waiting period becomesbeautiful because you're leaning
on Allah and His specific 99names.
That's what I recommend.
That's, I think, the best life
Mifrah Mahroof (37:27):
That's beautiful.
Awesome.
I love it.
So what's a book that has helpedyou.
It can also be a video or anarticle that's helped you level
up in your life.
Hannah El-Gashingi (37:35):
Oh, that's so hard.
There's too many books.
There's too many videos.
I don't know, Mifrah.
Too hard.
Like,
Mifrah Mahroof (37:41):
Just give me one that comes to mind or even one
that comes to mind recently.
Hannah El-Gashingi (37:45):
Oh, okay.
So I've always been fascinatedin relationships, very
fascinated, even since I was alittle girl.
When I was in the process ofgetting to know my husband, we
would do, courses together, andthe work that I really love is
of the Gottman Institute.
They have a lot of beautifulvideo courses and they have a
lot of resources and books.
So I've really enjoyed reading,and devouring the content of the
(38:10):
Gottman Institute because itjust teaches you so much about
relationships that, and there'sanother book that I really love,
it's by Dr.
Sue Johnson.
I've got the name.
It just flew out of my mind, butDr.
Sue Johnson and the GottmanInstitute.
Those are, if you are looking toget married or if you're in a
relationship, I would highlyrecommend looking up those two
places.
So dr.
(38:30):
Sue johnson.com and the gottmaninstitute.com.
They've got so many beautifulresources that just get you to
look at relationship.
What you can bring into arelationship and essential tools
that are needed in arelationship.
So, yeah, I would highlyrecommend that.
And that's what's changed mylife and has helped me come into
my relationship with having thetools.
(38:51):
Alhamdulillah.
There's always more tools that Ineed to learn and there's so
many areas that I still need tolevel myself up in.
Alhamdulillah.
Just beautiful having theseresources at my fingertips.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:03):
True, but the fact that you know what you
don't know, that's actually astep forward because sometimes
we can be caught in a, I don'tknow what I don't know.
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:10):
Yeah, 100%.
And when we're caught in the Idon't know what I don't know, it
just invicious cycle, right?
Mifrah Mahroof (39:15):
just
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:15):
only way to out of that is by learning and
by just like, okay, well, I'mjust going to learn and see
what's out there.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:23):
Yeah, true.
Alhamdulillah.
All right.
And, where can our listenersfind you?
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:28):
Beautiful.
They can find me, I'm onFacebook and Instagram and
there's my website, SheEmpowerment Coaching and my
website SheEmpowermentCoaching.
com.
They can send me a message onInstagram or Facebook or through
email on my website.
And I would love if they've haveany questions or if they have
any insights I'd love to sharewith me, I'd be more than
willing to, InshaAllah, discusswith them.
(39:50):
So
Mifrah Mahroof (39:50):
And also,
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:51):
me there.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:51):
also have your podcast as well, Finding Your
Husband.
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:54):
I forgot about my podcast just now.
Thank you.
Finding my husband on all of theplatforms.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:59):
called Finding My Husband.
So that actually, brings me toask you, Hannah, when's your
last episode coming?
Hannah El-Gashingi (40:06):
It's coming soon.
That's all I can say.
I can't give you an exact date,but it's not forgotten.
I know there's been a lot ofpeople that have messaged me
like, Hey, what happened to yourlast episode?
I'm like, I promise it's coming.
There's been strategic decisionsthat I've made, in order to
delay this episode.
And Alhamdulillah, Allah'stiming is so beautiful.
Now it's so clear for me, likewhy this episode is even more
(40:29):
delayed.
Like when you see the release ofthe episode, you will understand
fully what I mean by
Mifrah Mahroof (40:33):
that.
Everything will make sense.
All right.
I am looking forward to what to
Hannah El-Gashin (40:36):
Alhamdulillah.
So, like, all good things taketime, Alhamdulillah.
And I'm so glad that I took mytime with this final episode,
Alhamdulillah.
Likewise,
Mifrah Mahroof (40:46):
That's, really good.
I'm looking forward to listen toit.
And may Allah accept everythingyou're doing, Hannah.
It's so great to speak to youtoday.
Hannah El-Gashingi (40:53):
Khairan for this beautiful conversation.
May Allah reward you for hostingthese beautiful, important
conversations with people.
And JazakAllah Khairan forhaving me and for thinking about
me.
Mifrah Mahroof (41:03):
Thanks so much.
Mifrah (41:05):
Hey everyone.
That wraps up another episodefrom the Muslim Life Hackers
podcast.
I really hope you enjoyed ourchat today.
I've got some great takeaways.
if you like what you heard anddon't want to miss out on our
next conversations, hit thatsubscribe button on YouTube,
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, orwherever you're listening to
this from.
It means a lot to us, and ithelps us reach more people who
can benefit from this show.
(41:26):
Thank you again for tuning in.
Until next time, keep strivingand getting better every day.
I'm going to show Allah that I have that
(00:01):
yaqeen and that strength, I'mgoing to get up I don't know
when I'm going to meet him, butI'm going to do, I'm going to
go, I bought him a jumper.
And then two months later I methim.
SubhanAllah
Mifrah Mahroof (00:12):
Assalamu Alaikum, Hannah.
Welcome to the show.
Hannah El-Gashingi (00:15):
Wa Alaikum Assalam.
Thank you so much for having meon board.
I really appreciate having thisconversation with you today.
Mifrah Mahroof (00:20):
I'm excited to hearing the insights that you
have.
So Hannah, let's start off withan introduction.
What do you do?
And, tell us more aboutyourself.
Hannah El-Gashingi (00:29):
Beautiful.
So I was born and raised inAustralia.
I lived there my whole lifeuntil the last year or so.
I'm a high school teacher bytrade.
I was a high school teacher inSydney for about six years, and
then I came across the wonderfulworld of life coaching.
And I always thought, First,that life coaches were like
wannabe psychologists.
So I was like, what are thesepeople?
(00:51):
I never knew really much aboutlife coaching until one day I
decided I'm like, oh, okay, letme just inquire.
I remember I heard someonespeaking.
They said there were a lifecoach.
This is really interesting.
I didn't know a life coachspeaks about self esteem and
things like that.
So I'm like, I love personaldevelopment.
I've always loved personaldevelopment.
I didn't know life coaching waspart and parcel of that.
(01:12):
So I looked into it.
I fell in love with that.
I signed up for a course, andtwo years later I became a
coach.
I studied it.
I fell in love with it.
And then I decided, in anutshell to transition out of
teaching, and go into mybusiness full time to helping
Muslim women.
So part of my work when I was inSydney at the time was I was
working with Muslim women and Iwas also working with schools.
(01:33):
So I was going in as a schoolconsultant and working with
school leaders.
I was working with teachers, ourparents and students, helping
them develop wellbeingframeworks and programs within
the school to to supportstudents, parents and staff,
because sometimes the focus is,Oh, Hannah, like when I would go
in and I help our students,that's well and good, but I also
(01:53):
need to help your teachers.
And I also need to support yourparents.
So I think it's a whole package.
Long story short, which we'lltalk about in a little bit more
depth, I think later on.
I met my husband online, decidedthat I wanted to marry him and
then moved out here to the UAE.
And so that's where I've been inthe last year, married to my
husband here in the UAE,literally in the desert,
Alhamdulillah.
(02:14):
And yeah, that's the nutshellsummary about who I am or where
I am at the moment.
Mifrah Mahroof (02:20):
Nice, nice.
Well, I know that, a lot ofpeople online know you by your
podcast actually.
So you have a podcast calledFinding My Husband and you share
your journey and share insightsabout being a single Muslimah
and then finding your husbandand that whole, it's not an easy
journey, right?
So, tell me more about that.
Hannah El-Gashingi (02:40):
Wow.
Okay.
Where do I even begin?
This is such a long story, but.
I'll share it all.
So for the longest time, I feltalmost ashamed that I would,
that I was never in arelationship, like never been in
a relationship with someone,like usually you have people
talk about the haramrelationship they had as a
teenager, or the person thatknocked on the door and, they
(03:00):
got to know.
I didn't have any of that.
And a lot of that I felt Iinternalized that and I'm made
that mean that I'm not goodenough, that what's wrong with
me.
If all these people around meare getting married, my friends
are getting married, they'rehaving babies and here I am so
single, no one's ever knocked onmy door officially.
So what does that mean about me?
So I carried a lot of shame oninternalized that to mean that I
(03:24):
wasn't good enough, untilAlhamdulillah, a lot of things
happened.
My mom alm, passed away in 2018.
And while that shook me to myabsolute core, and I miss her,
and the grief is still, thegrief doesn't ever leave you
because you still miss them.
There's still life milestonesthat you go through that you
really do miss them.
(03:44):
Losing my mom taught me a reallyimportant lesson.
And I always knew this lesson,but I never really internalized
it.
And that is, no one loves youmore than Allah.
That feeling, human love isalways temporary.
It's always going to come andgo.
It's always good.
They always has an expiry date,but Allah's love for you never
expires.
And so that gave me this feelinglike, Oh wow.
(04:06):
Oh my God.
Allah loves me more than my ownmom does.
it was such a profound.
Realization.
It really hit me.
I'm like, wow.
And my mom's love was anextension of Allah's love for
me.
The fact that my mom loved me sodearly was Allah placed that
love in her heart for me.
And I got to taste it.
So that was one element.
So I was coping with aninternalizing the death of my
(04:27):
mom.
Then I came across the world ofcoaching and I was like, wow,
this is what coaching is about.
I didn't realize that coachinghelps you understand who you
are.
It's not meant to like, Youdon't need to go to a life coach
if you have psychologicalillnesses, because that's what a
psychologist deals with, mentalillnesses.
That's not what a life coachdeals with.
A life coach just helps youunderstand who you are, why you
(04:48):
have the beliefs that you do.
And so when I was studying lifecoaching, I also got a coach
myself and I realized, wow, Ihave so many blocks around
marriage.
I didn't realize I had all theseblocks around marriage and all
of that.
And so it shined the light on,you know, I was focused on the
external world.
Like, why am I unmarried?
Is there something wrong withme?
Like I was looking so much onthe outside world that I didn't
(05:09):
really look internally to think,well, how can I uplevel myself?
What beliefs do I hold aboutmyself that are actually holding
me back in this process?
So I started working with mycoach.
I love her.
Her name's Amira.
I still work with her till now.
Three years later, I'm stillworking with her, Alhamdulillah,
and so.
I just lost my train of thought,but that's okay.
Mifrah Mahroof (05:30):
So how old were you at that time?
So you were like worried aboutmarriage and, being single at
that time.
And so,
Hannah El-Gashingi (05:37):
for a long time about being single.
So like in late twenties is whenI started to hit like, Oh my
God, but like everyone elsearound me is getting married.
Everyone else around me ishaving babies.
Because generally in the Muslimpopulation in Sydney, usually
the girls get married muchyounger.
And so to be of a certain agefor me was like, Oh my God.
Like, and I would go toweddings, a lot of pressure.
(06:00):
I'd go to weddings and peoplewould say Al Balik, in Arabic,
that means like, Oh, until younext.
And for me, when people used tosay that I used to want to stab
them in the face of just leaveme alone.
Why are you putting pressure onme?
Why, why, why?
Until like, there was so muchunresolved feelings that I
needed to cope through untilwhen I started working through
(06:20):
all of my baggage and all of mystuff, when people had said to
me, Abalik, it changed.
It was like, no longer feeling,Oh, why are they telling me
Abalik?
It turned into, Yeah, it wasn'ttriggering anymore.
It was like, Oh, they're tryingto show me some love.
They're sending love to me rightnow.
They're sending me some love.
They're wishing love on me.
And so it changed myperspective, SubhanAllah, which
(06:42):
was really beautiful.
So I put that all together.
And then a third thing was thatI did Sheikh Mohammed Sharif's
visionary course, about Dua.
I had already done it earlier,much earlier in 2011, I think it
was.
And then I revisited it again in2021, 10 years later.
And it was just so incredible touplevel your dua and to know
(07:04):
that you can ask literally likeinstead of asking a lawyer like,
give me a husband.
You can uplevel your diet withso much yaqeen that Allah SWT
will open the way, like itshifted my perspective rather
than a dua being please give itto me rather than, it was so
exciting making dua for thatthing.
I was fully living it, so likebreathing my dua, I'm like, yes,
(07:27):
I had so much.
It shifted that when I wascoming to making du'a, rather
than that feeling of doubt, orwill Allah give it to me, it
shifted to Allah will open itfor me, there's no way Allah is
going to turn me away.
That's what I did, and part ofthat was I said, okay, I'm going
to show Allah that I'm doing mywork.
Yes, ultimately it's up to Allahwhen and how and all of that,
(07:50):
but I'm going to show Allah thatI'm doing my bit.
Like Hajar AS when she was alonein the desert, just with her
baby, she just sit there andgive up and say, oh, it's okay.
It's too hot.
I give up.
And now that I live here in theUAE, I appreciate fully what
it's like to be in a hot desert.
So, SubhanAllah, she did notgive up.
She She She got up and she wasrunning back and forth.
(08:12):
And SubhanAllah, Al Fattah,Allah's name, the opener, opened
for her a way that she couldhave never imagined.
Zamzam underneath the foot ofher child that was gonna last
until the day of judgment,SubhanAllah.
So I feel like the story ofHajar is so significant cause
when we got to Umrah and Hajj,we have to walk her footsteps,
literally have to walk herfootsteps.
So I feel like there is such ahuge meaning.
(08:35):
For us in our lives as a Muslim,that we also need to follow the
metaphorical steps of Hajar aswell, her yaqeen, her strength.
And so that's what I decided todo.
I'm like, yeah, I'm going toshow Allah that I have that
yaqeen and that strength, I'mgoing to get up and I'm going to
run.
So what am I going to do?
I'm going to go out, I'm goingto buy my husband a present.
I don't even know who he is.
I don't know any of thisdetails.
(08:56):
I don't know when I'm going tomeet him, but I'm going to do,
I'm going to go And years him.
before you actually got marriedto just?
So the first, 2021, I bought hima perfume and then 2022, I
bought him a jumper.
And then two months later I methim.
SubhanAllah, actually one monthlater after Ramadan, I had met
him.
So SubhanAllah, like Allah'splanning was just so
(09:18):
unbelievable.
So that one element was me goingout and buying those presents
because it gave me thebutterflies of excitement.
I'm like, I'm going to go outand buy my husband a present.
I don't even know who this guyis, but so exciting to buy my
husband a
Mifrah Mahroof (09:30):
present.
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (09:31):
And just also made it real, one day I'm
going to hand this physical itemto somebody as proof that Allah
SWT opens the way.
And then the second thing waslike, okay, this was in 2022.
I'm like, you know what?
why don't I also record apodcast of my journey?
I don't know, it's going to bevery clunky.
I don't know what I'm going tosay, but I'm just going to
(09:51):
record a weekly progress orfortnightly progress or monthly
progress.
However often I'm going torecord this, just how I'm going.
Because one day, because I wasso certain that Allah was going
to open the way for me, I'mlike, one day someone will
listen to this.
And I know that there are somany single Muslim girls that
are in my position that wouldlove to hear somebody go on the
(10:12):
journey.
So I'm like, why don't I justrecord the journey and just
however many episode it takes.
So I started recording thejourney.
Mifrah Mahroof (10:17):
very courageous and brave of you because the
whole thing that I've noticed,when you're in that situation is
there's so much shame attached.
There's Oh, I'm still single.
So I might as well justdisappear out of the community.
Right.
And like for you to actually goout there, have a podcast and
share your journey out in publicis like, where did all that
courage and vulnerability comefrom?
Hannah El-Gashingi (10:39):
Honestly, it just came from knowing who Allah
is.
Honestly, that's what it camedown to knowing who Allah
Mifrah Mahroof (10:45):
So it was that certainty that, Hey, Allah SWT
is going to answer me.
And so what I'm doing is justpart of the journey.
Hannah El-Gashingi (10:52):
Yes, exactly.
It was just felt like it was theright steps for me.
I knew it in my depths of myheart that Allah is Al Fattah.
He's the opener, and he's AlWaqeel, the trustee, the one
that you give over to, and hesays, I'll take care of it.
So I'm like, if I'm giving itover to the trustee, what else
have I got to lose?
Just go for gold, Hannah, justGo out there and put yourself
(11:13):
out there.
And SubhanAllah, that just gaveme
Mifrah Mahroof (11:15):
you can take.
Hannah El-Gashingi (11:16):
lot of trust, yeah.
And SubhanAllah, it just, ratherthan make it such a journey of
dread, it makes it a journey ofexcitement.
And I think that was the biggestshift for me.
Previously, if my mum would comeup to me and say, Hey, Hannah.
Previously, before she passedaway, I have someone for you.
I'd be like, Oh, ma'am, that wasmy first reaction.
Mom, no, like rather thanafterwards, it was like, okay,
(11:41):
I'm open to getting to knowpeople and put it, and telling
my family, telling my dad,telling my brother, telling my
friends that, Hey, listen, Ifyou know anyone, please let me
know.
And that again was a huge stepfor me because previously I'd be
like, oh, I don't want to lookdesperate because I was scared.
You know, the guy's supposed tochase the girl, right?
Yeah.
So SubhanAllah, I had all ofthose, ideas that the man has to
(12:03):
be the one chasing the woman.
He has to be the one that comesup to the woman.
The woman can't go up.
But SubhanAllah, what do we talkfrom Khadija RA We know the
story.
Khadija RA and the Prophet SAW,just her courage to just know
what she wants and she goesafter it, I think is so brave
and so beautiful.
And so I think that's the lessonas single Muslim women we need
(12:25):
to take on that this journey canbe so beautiful and so exciting.
You can choose if you want to,how you want
Mifrah Mahroof (12:31):
it to be Smaller.
It's like those choose youradventure books.
You'd
Hannah El-Gashingi (12:35):
Yes.
Oh, beautiful.
Exactly like that.
Choose your adventure, and it'ssuch a beautiful journey because
I feel like, one of the wrongquestions that we ask is when
you're getting to know, whenyou're saying, Oh, I'm on the
market, the first questionpeople ask.
So what are you looking for?
Tell me.
And I feel like, I
Mifrah Mahroof (12:52):
question.
Hannah El-Gashingi (12:54):
I feel like that question is the wrong
question to ask.
I feel like the first questionI'll tell you why.
I feel like the first questionwe need to ask ourselves first
is, who do we want to be as thewife that we want to be on this
journey?
I think once we answer thatquestion first and choose to go
on that path of becoming thiswoman that we want to be as this
(13:15):
future wife, then we'll knowwho's compatible for us.
But if we're trying to answerthe question, who do we want
first, before we ask, who do wewant to be?
We put the expectation that weneed to find the perfect man.
And if we find the perfect man,then we're going to have a happy
life.
And we negate our role and ourcontribution in the discussion.
So I feel like the firstquestion we do really need to
(13:37):
ask ourselves is who do we wantto be and where are we going?
Once you know that, answerreally well, then you're going
to know who you're looking for.
You're going to know who youwant to attract because you're
also on that journey, if thatmakes sense.
So I feel when we flip thatquestion, it becomes really
empowering because It gives youthe ability to start walking the
(13:57):
path of the life that you wantand the marriage that you want
because marriage is somethingthat you co create with you and
your husband.
It's not like if I find theperfect husband, then my
marriage will be perfect.
Absolutely not.
so it puts the
Mifrah Mahroof (14:10):
yeah, the cause and the effect.
Hannah El-Gashingi (14:12):
Yes,
Mifrah Mahroof (14:13):
It's like we assume that if that's a cause,
this will be the effect, but whosays that would be the case?
Hannah El-Gashingi (14:18):
not at all.
Exactly.
Mifrah Mahroof (14:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
so if I understood youcorrectly, you were saying to
get clarity on who do you wantto be?
Not, what kind of wife you wantto be, right?
Because that would be adifferent question.
Hannah El-Gashingi (14:31):
Yes.
So who do you want to be?
In this life journey, as aperson, and then also, who do
you want to be as a wife, bydefault, in that journey?
Because you take on a newidentity, yeah?
A new identity is as a wife,when you choose to get married,
InshaAllah.
So, who do you want to be as awife?
How do you want to show up as awife in this beautiful
(14:52):
relationship that you do want tohave?
So, answer those two questions,go hand in hand, I believe.
Mifrah Mahroof (14:57):
And then it gives you a different answer
rather than, who are you lookingfor in a spouse?
if that was a case, if youanswered those questions, then
how did you answer the questionwhen people did ask you, who are
you looking for in a spouse,when you went and asked around?
Hannah El-Gashingi (15:12):
Because I had already answered that
question for myself, where Iwanted to be and who I was
looking for, the answering, whenpeople did ask me what I'm
looking for, I was so clear andit wasn't some huge list and it
wasn't something massive.
Like previously, if you hadasked me when I was 19 years
old, Hannah, What are youlooking for in a partner?
I would have given you somethingso long, so big.
(15:34):
And so just so unreal, somethingthat's made up in a fairy book,
I believe.
And so when I answered thatquestion a whole 10 years later,
it was so clear about who Iwanted to be, where I'm going,
where I'm walking currently, andwho I wanted to compliment on
that path.
So that became so clear.
It was like clear cut.
It wasn't some fluffy imagery.
(15:56):
Oh, he's got to be blah, blah,blah, blah.
It was so direct of exactly whoI was looking for.
Like
Mifrah Mahroof (16:01):
I see.
So by
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:02):
type of man.
Mifrah Mahroof (16:03):
question this question actually made more
sense, more clear and concise.
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:09):
Yes.
And it became more real becauseyou're like, I'm on the journey
to this pathway in my life.
So I want somebody thatcompliments me on that journey.
Somebody that's also sees thatsame vision.
And it's the example that I sayin the podcast, you're deciding
where the destination you wantto go.
Imagine you're on a rowing boat,you're deciding the destination
you want to go first before youchoose who goes in the rowing
(16:29):
boat with you.
And so once you have thedestination in mind, choosing
the person that really wants togo in that same destination
makes the rowing so much morecomplimentary.
It makes the rowing so much moreof a journey that you do
together.
Because imagine if I'm rowing toa mountain with you, Mifrah, and
you didn't really want to gothere, you want to go to the
other mountain, then we're goingto be
Mifrah Mahroof (16:48):
Hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:48):
it's just our life, our boat is going to
go opposite.
Mifrah Mahroof (16:52):
Yes.
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:53):
in our lives.
So
Mifrah Mahroof (16:55):
and the boat's not going to go anywhere too,
right?
So no
Hannah El-Gashingi (16:57):
it's not going to go anywhere.
It's going to go in circles.
It's going to be exhausting.
You're going to just, it's justgoing to be very tiring.
So once you know exactly whereyou want to go or in a way where
you want your life, what sparksyou, what's your vision for your
life, it becomes so much easierto answer the second question
that comes later on.
(17:18):
Okay, so who compliments you onthat journey?
What type of man compliments youon that journey?
So, I
Mifrah Mahroof (17:23):
guess in your case, when you figured that out,
then you're okay with actuallyleaving us here in Sydney and
going to Dubai.
Hannah El-Gashingi (17:30):
SubhanAllah, it was a big, SubhanAllah.
It was such a
Mifrah Mahroof (17:33):
right?
Hannah El-Gashingi (17:33):
huge,
Mifrah Mahroof (17:34):
so far away.
Hannah El-Gashingi (17:36):
SubhanAllah.
And, it wasn't on my mind.
In one of my coaching sessions,I remember my coach asking me,
this is before I met my husband.
She said, so are you okay with,say this husband that you're
looking for, right?
The one that you're very clearabout lives overseas.
Would you be okay to gooverseas?
And my first answer was like,no, never.
I had so many blocks around it.
(17:57):
And then I had to take a stepback and like, okay, let's
reanalyze what's really going onhere.
And then when I did actuallymeet my husband online, and then
I was like, Oh my God, this isthe exact situation now.
Do I really want to pursuesomething?
should I even consider this?
He's overseas, all of that.
So having the discussion with mydad, Subhanallah, really helped
(18:18):
open my mind to so manypossibilities of like, Yeah, why
not?
if this is someone you believecomplements you, then why not?
why limit yourself ingeographical terms?
Mifrah Mahroof (18:29):
Wow.
So in doing that introspection,you found out that, location
wasn't as important to you asyou initially thought it was.
SubhanAllah.
That's amazing.
Hannah El-Gashingi (18:40):
It is subhanAllah because I thought,
how can I be a good daughter?
If I leave my dad, my mom passedaway, so how can I just leave my
dad yet?
How can I just leave my brotherand my sister in law and my
nieces and nephews?
How can I just leave them?
So I had to reframe what itmeans to be still a supportive
sister, still a supportivedaughter, still a supportive
(19:01):
auntie without physically beingin the same time and space, so
subhanAllah.
I had to reframe that.
It's Well, yeah.
What does it mean to be that?
How could I still show up asthat supportive daughter that I
want to be, et cetera?
Mifrah Mahroof (19:16):
Hmm, that's very powerful insights when you
really think about it.
It sounds like you've done somuch work on yourself until you
came to that level.
I know that one of the thingsyou, mentioned was like a very
big reason, You might not bemarried.
So when I say you, I'm likereferring to, listeners who are
listening to this and feel like,look, I'm stuck.
(19:37):
I'm single.
I really want to get married.
And one of the things youmentioned is that it's the
mindset.
So it's a mindset that'sstopping you from getting
married.
So it's as though you're sayingit's our fault.
Hannah El-Gashingi (19:52):
Oh, is a big word.
It's our journey.
It's our journey.
Cause SubhanAllah, it is Ourjourney.
It is our mindset becausemindset is everything.
How you come into a situation,SubhanAllah, It changes how you
look at it, how you show up.
So for example, I showed up tothis podcast, I'm like, oh, I
don't want to speak to Mifrah.
(20:12):
Oh, this is going to be so hard.
Then it's going to show upphysically how I show up in this
conversation.
My energy, my excitement levels,all of that will shift.
But SubhanAllah, if we come intoa situation with our mindset
elevated, Then we get to enjoythat part or that stage of that
journey of our life.
And SubhanAllah, it's like I'mreally grateful.
(20:34):
And I say this from all depthsof my heart.
I'm so grateful that Allahplanned my life exactly the way
he planned it.
That I got married at the age Igot married, that I went on this
journey.
Like I'm so grateful becauseit's made me show up.
differently as a wife,Alhamdulillah.
It's made me show up differentlyin this stage, in this journey
of my life.
So yes, this mindset was socrucial in shaping who I would
(20:57):
be as a wife.
So yes, I'm so happy that I didthis work and it was hard and it
was confronting at times becauseI had to face sometimes things
that I didn't want to face,things that I buried in the past
beliefs about myself, but.
SubhanAllah, as a result ofthat, I showed up, not just as
Hannah, a better, as the wifethat I wanted to be, but I
(21:19):
showed up differently in myrelationships with my dad, for
example, so it was such a giftthat I could be who I really
wanted to be in therelationships that I was.
That was really important to me,not just this marriage that I
really wanted.
So I think it's just like such abeautiful gift that you can give
yourself just by working on whoyou are and your mindset and
(21:40):
your beliefs and your values,just knowing all of this,
SubhanAllah, just, It enlightensyou and empowers you to make the
decisions that just light youup.
Instead of feeling confusedabout a decision, you feel so
clear and you've got so muchyaqeen of the direction that you
want to go.
So yes, I believe mindset iseverything.
And yes, the more you work onyour mindset, the more elevated
(22:02):
you'll be in the betterrelationships that you have
within yourself and with thepeople that you love.
Yeah.
Mifrah Mahroof (22:08):
So would you say for someone who is single, just
asking that question tothemselves, what can I learn in
this situation that I'm in rightnow?
And how can I grow and elevatemy mindset?
Yeah, exactly.
So many questions you can askyourself if you're currently a
single
Hannah El-Gashingi (22:26):
Muslim woman like, so what are my beliefs
around marriage?
What do I really believe aboutmarriage deep down?
Do I believe marriage is reallyhard?
If I believe that, then I'malready coming into the
discussion already defeatedfeeling that our marriage is
going to be so hard marriagesand or maybe you tell yourself,
Maybe there's no good guys outthere, that already
Mifrah Mahroof (22:48):
a very common one.
Hannah El-Gashingi (22:49):
Huge one huge one and I had believed it
at one stage But that actuallyjust holds you back so much and
that limits the possibilitiesfrom you actually meeting really
great potentials and reallygreat matches.
Maybe they're not the one thatyou will marry, but it allows
you to be open.
It allows you, rather than, Oh,there's no good men out there.
You've already closed your heartoff.
You already closed yourself offto the world.
(23:11):
So when you come with thisopenness, SubhanAllah, it gives
you this ability to, okay, thereis so many possibilities.
So yeah, there are so manywonderful questions you can ask
yourself.
So what do I believe aboutmarriage?
What do I really believe aboutmen?
What do I really believe aboutthe getting to know process?
who do I want to be?
What's my vision for my life?
What are my values?
(23:33):
All of those questions.
What are my strengths?
Like.
When I had grown up with a lotof self esteem issues, as a
teenager, and I had made so manyconclusions about myself that
are really heartbreaking.
I drew the conclusion that I'mugly and that I'm fat.
And those are the beliefs that Iused to say to myself.
And that hindered my process inmy early twenties, when the idea
(23:55):
of a potential was mentioned tome, Am I beautiful enough?
Am I skinny enough?
And so when we work on also inour self esteem, we come into a
relationship loving who we arerather than looking for our
partner to make us feel good.
Because at the end of the day,our partner is also a human
being, to expect them to solveour self esteem issues it's just
never gonna work, right?
(24:16):
it's just not going to be a nicerelationship because they're
going to always feel like younever believe what I say.
When they say, Oh, you'rebeautiful deep down and you're
going to think, I'm not reallybeautiful.
Are they just saying that?
And so subhanAllah, when youwork on yourself and you work on
the beliefs about yourself, youcome into the relationship so
much more empowered and ready tocontribute and allow someone to
(24:38):
see you for who you are becauseyou love who you are.
I know loving yourself is suchan airy fairy term.
That's chucked around on socialmedia, but what it really means
is that you see yourself as thisbeautiful creation of Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and you'reallowing somebody else to fully
see your beauty rather thancoming in, feeling your lacking
or your minusing, I don't knowhow to use the word, but you're
(24:59):
like deficient in some wayyou're coming in.
Mifrah Mahroof (25:02):
needy in.
a
Hannah El-Gashingi (25:02):
a whole person.
Throw us
Mifrah Mahroof (25:04):
Hmm, I see like needy in a way, because if you
can't give to yourself, what, ifyou can't love yourself and
accept yourself and appreciateyourself as a creation of Allah
SWT, then getting that fromsomeone makes you very needy at
that point.
Hannah El-Gashingi (25:19):
it does.
And it just, it balances thewhole relationship and it just
not the relationship you arereally searching for.
So when you reflect and you askyourself these beautiful
questions and you discover thesewonderfully delicious answers,
your mindset completely changesand looking for your husband
becomes such an excitingjourney.
Mifrah Mahroof (25:40):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
Because it's like, you're alwaysgoing to be on this journey,
like with this journey ofappreciating yourself and these
mindset shifts and gettingcloser to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
So it's not that getting intomarriage is going to solve all
those problems.
Hannah El-Gashingi (25:53):
Yes,
Mifrah Mahroof (25:54):
married, those problems are still there to
solve.
Yes, 100 percent, and there arenew things that you learn about
youself and marriage.
Hannah El-Gashingi (26:00):
that's why we're taught that marriage is
half of our deen, because thereare way new things that pop up
that you didn't realize aboutyourself that you only realize
about yourself when you're in arelationship, SubhanAllah.
So, when you do the base workbefore getting married, then it
sets up the foundation reallynicely for you.
So when you're in a relationshipand then you learn way new
things about yourself, thenSubhanAllah, you've got the
(26:23):
essential tools already.
You've got the essentialbuilding blocks.
Mifrah Mahroof (26:27):
True.
Yeah, that's a really importantpoint.
I wish we just had more of thatdiscussion, especially in the
Muslim community with like youngwomen and stuff.
Cause there's just so muchpressure, shame around this.
Oh, after you reach a certainage, why are you not getting
married?
So instead of growing, you justwant to shrink.
That's it.
And you just want to shrink andhide away or something.
(26:47):
And that's very sad.
It is very sad.
It's one though.
Hannah El-Gashingi (26:50):
It is so sad.
When, you enter a marriage andyou're really not prepared, then
you're going to really strugglein that marriage.
Like you will struggle in thatmarriage because marriage is all
about having the essentialtools.
You need to have essentialtools.
So we really do need to havethis conversation way earlier
with both our boys and our girlsfrom a younger age about really
who are they as a person, andalso, like what does marriage
(27:14):
actually mean when we have allof these discussions and
subhanAllah, I think it sets thebase and the foundation because
like I've seen it, like forexample, my students that's in
grade 12, they've got a timelinein their head.
Like I'm going to finish schooland I'm going to get married and
I'm going to have babies at thisage.
And they tell me the ages.
They used to tell me the ages atthis age, at this age, at this
(27:35):
age.
Yes.
So they had their lives plannedout.
Right.
I was one of those people aswell.
When I was in high school, I hadmy life
Mifrah Mahroof (27:41):
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (27:42):
to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Mifrah Mahroof (27:44):
we were all said.
It's like, you just get taughtthis is it, right?
Alhamdulillah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (27:48):
you have to tick boxes, and it's
Mifrah Mahroof (27:50):
then you realize, no, it's not like that.
Hannah El-Gashingi (27:53):
that at all.
It's not like that at all.
So I think if we, have thisconversation with teenagers
about, it's not about tickingboxes.
This is not what life's about.
It's not about this timeline,this rigid timeline that you
need to have it in a certaintime.
I think we just alleviate somuch pressure off our
Mifrah Mahroof (28:09):
I totally
Hannah El-Gashingi (28:09):
agree.
I know.
Right.
And it's just like, you don'tfeel like, Oh, you're falling
behind.
Like what falling behind?
What is falling behind?
Mifrah Mahroof (28:17):
that concept?
What is it, right?
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (28:21):
It's such a horrible feeling to feel like
you're falling behind.
It feels like you're internalizeit to make it mean so many
things about yourself thatyou're lacking and unworthy in
so many ways.
But SubhanAllah when we re shiftit and we get rid of that
concept in our brain, we'relike, this is my journey.
This is my life journey.
Yes.
I have a different story foreveryone else.
Mifrah Mahroof (28:42):
and, also getting married is a rizq from
Allah SWT.
And Allah SWT chooses when thatrizq is going to come for every
person.
Hannah El-Gashingi (28:50):
He does.
And in the
Mifrah Mahroof (28:51):
different, right?
And yeah, exactly.
And I think that's the thingthat's not understood in our
communities.
It doesn't like, one person canbe trying their best to get
married, putting themselves outthere and doing all the right
things, but it's not happening.
And it's not their fault.
You know what I mean?
And then making them feel badabout it isn't going to make
(29:12):
anything product, like going tomake anything happen.
Really.
Hannah El-Gashingi (29:15):
no, It's just gonna set, it just
regresses back our community,right?
Just, it doesn't move us forward
Mifrah Mahroof (29:20):
exactly.
Yeah.
I really believe that, singleMuslims, MashaAllah, have so
much to contribute to ourcommunities and when they're
left feeling small and, justlike, Oh, I'm worthless because
I'm not married.
There's like, we're losing somuch as a community.
Like they
Hannah El-Gashingi (29:37):
yeah.
Mifrah Mahroof (29:38):
many things to offer, that's what
Hannah El-Gashingi (29:41):
So many things to offer.
They're so educated.
Most single Muslim women, ifyou're looking at the Sydney
population, single Muslim womenthat are over the age of 25,
they are educated, they'reworking, they're contributing,
they're volunteering, they'rehelping out.
MashaAllah, they're incredible,they've got so much to
contribute.
And so I'm with you.
Like we need to reshift thatconversation rather than why
(30:02):
aren't you married yet?
Like.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:04):
I know.
I know,
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:08):
a member of the family and you can actually,
like, this is where it getsreally frustrating.
Don't ask the question if you'renot actually a person that can
actually assist in the process.
Don't ask, mind your ownbusiness, unless you're a person
that can actually assist themin, getting to know someone,
expanding their web ofpotential.
Apart from that, just mind yourown business, that's what I say.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:32):
true.
I guess one question that I didwant to ask is you mentioned
when you were saying you metyour husband that you met him
online.
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:39):
Yes,
Mifrah Mahroof (30:39):
So that's not something that's common in a lot
of communities.
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:42):
not at all.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:43):
with that?
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:44):
Oh, so I had a lot of beliefs around meeting
people online.
I'm like, ew, it's
Mifrah Mahroof (30:49):
Hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:50):
What is
Mifrah Mahroof (30:51):
it's
Hannah El-Gashingi (30:51):
this?
How do you know if they're evengenuine?
How do you know they're not likeTinla Swindler guy?
If you've ever heard thedocumentary about Tinla
Swindler.
So I had all these beliefsabout.
online.
I'm like, no, I'll never dothat.
That's what I had told myselfuntil SubhanAllah went out to
breakfast with one of my familyfriends.
(31:14):
She had gotten married like ayear before and I'd never asked
her how she got to know herhusband or I was just so excited
cause I knew she was single fora long time and she was wanting
to get married and she finallymet him.
So.
We were so excited for her.
So anyway, me and my friend wereout with this family friend, and
then my best friend randomlyasked his family friend out of
nowhere, we never asked you howyou met your husband.
(31:37):
And then she's like, oh, I
Mifrah Mahroof (31:38):
Hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (31:38):
met him online.
I was like, what?
Really?
Online?
Mifrah Mahroof (31:41):
you are like shocked.
Hannah El-Gashingi (31:42):
I was like shocked.
I was like, but he's such a goodguy.
Like, cause like I met herhusband, like he's so genuine
and kind.
So it took out all of theseimages of what online people
look like, and then she told meabout the process and then she's
like, how do you should considerit?
Why not give it a shot?
You know, and then she wastelling me about the different
apps and you know why she likesapps, these apps better than the
(32:04):
others.
And she just gave me some
Mifrah Mahroof (32:05):
tips hmm.
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:06):
After I had that conversation with her, my
best friend looked at me,Bismillah, let's set up your
profile.
I'm like, am I actually going todo this?
Should I do this?
Is this the right move?
Let me pray istikhara.
Let me see, SubhanAllah.
And then I had a conversationwith my dad about it.
I'm like, Hey, listen, becausehe knows specifically this
family friend.
So I'm like, look, this familyfriend, do you know how she
(32:27):
actually met him?
She met him online.
He's like, Oh, wow.
That's amazing.
That's cool.
I didn't know that.
I'm like, yeah, but I'm alsogoing to put myself on this app
as well.
He's like, yeah, go ahead and doit.
Do it.
I fully support you.
Mifrah Mahroof (32:38):
wow.
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:39):
was like,
Mifrah Mahroof (32:40):
That's like,
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:41):
I've got expected
Mifrah Mahroof (32:41):
it.
That's the sign I need.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hannah El-Gashingi (32:50):
at night without my mom.
So like to him, for him to saythat, and I really believe that
my dad reached that pointbecause he could see how hard I
was working on myself and ourrelationship shifted so much in
those last couple of years andmonths.
When I was going through my ownjourney.
And so my dad could see, and hetrusted my judgment because he
could see how hard I am workingon myself.
(33:12):
So when he said, yeah, go aheadand do that, he trusted my
judgment, he didn't even need tosay, don't do anything haram or
anything, because he knows thestandards and the values that I
have for myself are very high.
So he encouraged it.
And so, yeah, I downloaded, twoapps.
One was called Muz and one wascalled Salams.
And I just, I was like, Oh myGod, I have to put a photo of
myself.
I have to put a profiledescription of like, what do I
(33:34):
say about myself?
All those thoughts went throughmy mind at first.
there was a moment of, thatmoment was so real.
So beautiful.
It's
Mifrah Mahroof (33:44):
so I had a friend who I was like telling
her, get online.
So she's like, Oh no, I'mscared, and then she's like, I'm
scared to put it on my card.
So we made her an account and Iput on my card and then she's
like, I don't want anyone to seethe statement.
But
Hannah El-Gashingi (33:58):
that she had a friend.
She had a friend that she couldlean on.
It's so beautiful.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:02):
Yeah.
it's all part of the journey atthe end and like the tools that
we have to take advantage of it.
So Alhamdulillah, but I must saylike your journey of getting in
the process of finding yourhusband, it's so beautiful how
you were able to grow as aperson.
You were able to get closer toyour own brother and your
father.
And I think that's so beautiful,and now you're married and it's
(34:23):
like, it would have been so,like you were saying earlier,
like Allah swt planned itexactly when it was the right
time.
Hannah El-Gashingi (34:29):
Exactly.
And in the most beautiful way,in a way that I could have never
imagined, subhanAllah.
So like, just having that trustthat Allah's got you and that
he's going to do beautifulthings for you in your life.
It's just, oh, like it justremoves all of the what ifs.
Those what ifs get just chuckeddown the toilet because you're
like, I've got a lot.
What do you mean these what ifs?
(34:49):
I don't need those what ifs inmy life.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:51):
yeah, SubhanAllah.
All right.
Well, look Hannah, we'reactually close to the ending of
this interview.
So I want to start asking youthe question that we ask all our
guests.
So the first one is what is onelife hack that has improved your
life?
Hannah El-Gashingi (35:05):
Oh, yeah.
Okay, first thing,
Mifrah Mahroof (35:07):
of this journey or marriage.
Hannah El-Gashingi (35:11):
okay, The life hack that just came to mind
is learning about Allah's 99names.
Once you learn about Allah's 99names and internalize it, your
life just gets so much
Mifrah Mahroof (35:21):
power, how do you actually go about with that?
were you going through classes,or were there books, or?
Hannah El-Gashingi (35:26):
beautiful.
So I was actually doing aSeries.
It was a Ramadan series by AmrKhaled.
He's an Egyptian da'ee.
He did this beautiful series ofgetting to know Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
And every day of Ramadan, hewould release a series talking
about a different name of Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala.
So that really sparked myjourney of, Ooh, I want to know
more about Allah subhanahu wata'ala's names.
(35:48):
And then I delved even deeper.
There's a beautiful book seriesby Sheikh Ratib Al Nabulsi.
It's all in Arabic.
So I can't like my Arabicreading is very slow.
So I need somebody to read itfor me, but SubhanAllah, and
this also got an Arabic serieson YouTube as well, where he
goes through Allah Subhanahu WaTa'ala's 99 names.
So going on that journey wasjust so beautiful.
(36:11):
And there was also two books,Imam Al Ghassani and his, Hiyat
Ulumuddin.
It's been translated intoEnglish.
He's got one of his volume isabout Allah's 99 names.
There was another book.
It was just a little book about,it says 99 names of Allah
Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la.
And you open it and it justgives you this book.
beautiful summary of Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala's names.
Maybe I just haven't found thatit's not as many resources in
(36:33):
the English language aboutAllah's names as much as there
are in Arabic.
There's a whole ocean ofknowledge, in the Arabic
language about Allah's 99 names.
So honestly, for me, it was justdabbling in all of those
different resources that I couldcome across about Allah
subhanahu names.
But really, I believe thatchanged my life.
When you know who Allah isthrough his 99 names, your life
(36:55):
just gets leveled up.
And although, it's like life canbe difficult.
we get tests, everyone has theirown tests.
And so when you lean on Allah'snames in different ways
throughout your life, then, Yourlife just becomes beautiful,
even in the hardship, even inthe waiting period, if you're
waiting to get married, or ifyou're waiting to have a baby,
(37:16):
or if you're waiting forsomething, a job, or whatever,
that waiting period becomesbeautiful because you're leaning
on Allah and His specific 99names.
That's what I recommend.
That's, I think, the best life
Mifrah Mahroof (37:27):
That's beautiful.
Awesome.
I love it.
So what's a book that has helpedyou.
It can also be a video or anarticle that's helped you level
up in your life.
Hannah El-Gashingi (37:35):
Oh, that's so hard.
There's too many books.
There's too many videos.
I don't know, Mifrah.
Too hard.
Like,
Mifrah Mahroof (37:41):
Just give me one that comes to mind or even one
that comes to mind recently.
Hannah El-Gashingi (37:45):
Oh, okay.
So I've always been fascinatedin relationships, very
fascinated, even since I was alittle girl.
When I was in the process ofgetting to know my husband, we
would do, courses together, andthe work that I really love is
of the Gottman Institute.
They have a lot of beautifulvideo courses and they have a
lot of resources and books.
So I've really enjoyed reading,and devouring the content of the
(38:10):
Gottman Institute because itjust teaches you so much about
relationships that, and there'sanother book that I really love,
it's by Dr.
Sue Johnson.
I've got the name.
It just flew out of my mind, butDr.
Sue Johnson and the GottmanInstitute.
Those are, if you are looking toget married or if you're in a
relationship, I would highlyrecommend looking up those two
places.
So dr.
(38:30):
Sue johnson.com and the gottmaninstitute.com.
They've got so many beautifulresources that just get you to
look at relationship.
What you can bring into arelationship and essential tools
that are needed in arelationship.
So, yeah, I would highlyrecommend that.
And that's what's changed mylife and has helped me come into
my relationship with having thetools.
(38:51):
Alhamdulillah.
There's always more tools that Ineed to learn and there's so
many areas that I still need tolevel myself up in.
Alhamdulillah.
Just beautiful having theseresources at my fingertips.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:03):
True, but the fact that you know what you
don't know, that's actually astep forward because sometimes
we can be caught in a, I don'tknow what I don't know.
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:10):
Yeah, 100%.
And when we're caught in the Idon't know what I don't know, it
just invicious cycle, right?
Mifrah Mahroof (39:15):
just
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:15):
only way to out of that is by learning and
by just like, okay, well, I'mjust going to learn and see
what's out there.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:23):
Yeah, true.
Alhamdulillah.
All right.
And, where can our listenersfind you?
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:28):
Beautiful.
They can find me, I'm onFacebook and Instagram and
there's my website, SheEmpowerment Coaching and my
website SheEmpowermentCoaching.
com.
They can send me a message onInstagram or Facebook or through
email on my website.
And I would love if they've haveany questions or if they have
any insights I'd love to sharewith me, I'd be more than
willing to, InshaAllah, discusswith them.
(39:50):
So
Mifrah Mahroof (39:50):
And also,
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:51):
me there.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:51):
also have your podcast as well, Finding Your
Husband.
Hannah El-Gashingi (39:54):
I forgot about my podcast just now.
Thank you.
Finding my husband on all of theplatforms.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:59):
called Finding My Husband.
So that actually, brings me toask you, Hannah, when's your
last episode coming?
Hannah El-Gashingi (40:06):
It's coming soon.
That's all I can say.
I can't give you an exact date,but it's not forgotten.
I know there's been a lot ofpeople that have messaged me
like, Hey, what happened to yourlast episode?
I'm like, I promise it's coming.
There's been strategic decisionsthat I've made, in order to
delay this episode.
And Alhamdulillah, Allah'stiming is so beautiful.
Now it's so clear for me, likewhy this episode is even more
(40:29):
delayed.
Like when you see the release ofthe episode, you will understand
fully what I mean by
Mifrah Mahroof (40:33):
that.
Everything will make sense.
All right.
I am looking forward to what to
Hannah El-Gashin (40:36):
Alhamdulillah.
So, like, all good things taketime, Alhamdulillah.
And I'm so glad that I took mytime with this final episode,
Alhamdulillah.
Likewise,
Mifrah Mahroof (40:46):
That's, really good.
I'm looking forward to listen toit.
And may Allah accept everythingyou're doing, Hannah.
It's so great to speak to youtoday.
Hannah El-Gashingi (40:53):
Khairan for this beautiful conversation.
May Allah reward you for hostingthese beautiful, important
conversations with people.
And JazakAllah Khairan forhaving me and for thinking about
me.
Mifrah Mahroof (41:03):
Thanks so much.
Mifrah (41:05):
Hey everyone.
That wraps up another episodefrom the Muslim Life Hackers
podcast.
I really hope you enjoyed ourchat today.
I've got some great takeaways.
if you like what you heard anddon't want to miss out on our
next conversations, hit thatsubscribe button on YouTube,
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, orwherever you're listening to
this from.
It means a lot to us, and ithelps us reach more people who
can benefit from this show.
(41:26):
Thank you again for tuning in.
Until next time, keep strivingand getting better every day.
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