July 6, 2024 • 40 mins
In this episode, Mifrah Mahroof welcomes Sumaiya Siddiqui, a relationship and emotional coach, to delve into critical topics affecting our self-esteem and relationships. From understanding the roots of self-esteem issues to learning how to balance humility and self-respect, this conversation offers practical insights and advice for everyone, especially women. Sumaiya shares her experiences and wisdom, connecting everything back to the teachings of Islam, helping listeners build better self-awareness and relationships.
Timestamps:
01:53 Understanding Self Esteem and Its Impact
02:52 The Role of Self Concept and Self Image
04:13 Connecting Self Worth to Faith
08:59 Balancing Self Awareness and Humility
16:48 Accepting Yourself and Overcoming Low Self Esteem
21:31 Cultural Reflections on Family Dynamics
22:46 The Importance of Self-Respect
23:37 Navigating Boundaries in Relationships
26:59 Effective Communication Strategies
36:51 Learning from the Seerah
About Sumaiya Siddiqui:
Sumaiya Siddiqui is a Certified Life Coach from MUMKIN and AWARE ACADEMY (Australia). She is also the Founder and CEO of “Lead to Change” (Sydney). She has a Grad Dip Psychology (JCU, Australia) and is also pursuing a Master’s in Psychotherapy.
Connect with Sumaiya Siddiqui
Resources Mentioned:
- The Sealed Nectar (Biography of Prophet Muhammad) by Darussalam Publishers
- Golden Stories of Sayyida Khadijah (R.A) by Darussalam Publishers
- Lady Khadija (RA) - Defining Womanhood by Dr. Rania Awaad
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Connect with Mifrah Mahroof:
🏖️ This episode is sponsored by Sisters Explore, a company I founded to offer guided small-group travel for Muslim women to connect, explore, and enjoy faith-centered journeys. Learn more at http://www.sisters-explore.com
Disclaimer: Some links in this description are affiliate links.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (00:00):
When you start talking about self respect,
(00:01):
you're talking about boundaries.
Self respect, like, I'mimportant and I should be at the
dinner table as well, and youcannot start dinner without me.
Mifrah Mahroof (00:10):
As-salamu alaykum and welcome to the
Muslim Life Hackers podcast.
I'm your host Mifrah Mahroof,and this is the podcast where we
get better every day.
Through conversations withexperts, leaders, and inspiring
individuals.
We're going to give youactionable insights to help you
win in this life and the next.
So if you're ready to level upin every area of your life and
(00:31):
you committed to living withexcellence for the sake of your
Lord.
You're in the right place.
Get ready for insights,inspiration, and a whole lot of
life hacks.
This is a Muslim Life Hackerspodcast.
Let's dive in.
Asalamu Alaikum Sumaiya welcometo the show.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (00:47):
Walaikum Asalaam, Jazakallah Khair, for
inviting me here.
Mifrah Mahroof (00:52):
Thanks so much.
I appreciate that you're comingon.
So let's start off with anintroduction.
Can you give us an overview ofwho you are and what you do?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (01:00):
Yes, definitely.
So giving my introduction, myname is Sumaiya Siddiqui and I
live in Sydney.
I have been a relationship andemotional coach since last six
years now.
And, I have been coaching womenfrom all different areas, from
all different continents.
I have got like a degree inpsychology and I did my
(01:21):
certification in coaching.
And then, if I tell you aboutmyself, I've got grown up kids,
MashaAllah, I've got like fivegrandkids, Alhamdulillah.
So when I tell my coachingclients, if I'm coaching, it's
not coming on in my, like, it'sprofessionally, it's like I'm an
experienced grandmother,
Mifrah Mahroof (01:39):
So many insights, so many life
experience.
I'm really looking forward todiving deep into that,
InshaAllah.
I would really like to dive intothe area of, so you mentioned
how you are doing relationshipcoaching and emotion coaching as
well.
so the first thing I'd like tolearn about is the whole area of
self esteem.
So this is an area that you havedone some work on and do
(02:01):
workshops around.
And I want to really learn aboutHow it's impacting us and our
relationships and what we canactually do to improve it.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (02:10):
So, Mifrah, self esteem is such an important
topic, especially women, It'sactually affected by the
environment that we are in,sometimes it's our own belief
system is made through theenvironment.
for example, if a child is notgood enough, like not, slim or
smart or something, They get tohear from parents or from
(02:32):
relatives that like, you shouldbe losing weight or at a very
early age.
So that person starts thinkingthat I'm not looking good
enough.
She is good enough, but not goodenough according to the society.
So that's how she startsthinking about herself that I
should be good and I'm notlooking good, right?
(02:52):
so there's something that'scalled self concept.
I am not looking good.
This is her self concept.
And I should be looking good.
So this is her self image, forthe future.
So if there's a distance betweenthese two, it means that your
self esteem goes low.
And then, I should be, and I'mnot.
it's like, they're two bigdistance, right?
(03:14):
So your self esteem goes low,and you start thinking low about
yourself.
And when you start thinking lowabout yourself, then whatever,
you It's in our heart, whateverwe think about ourself, that is
actually projected towards theother person, and then whenever
you go out, you say, if you feellike, oh, I'm not good enough,
you try to hide yourself, or youdon't feel like talking with
(03:36):
confidence.
And that actually that's built.
Let's keep on building till thatperson's is Self aware this is
what's happening and this isstopping me from making good
relationship or moving forwardin my life Because every time
that person would think oh, I'mnot good enough.
I'm not good enough and you musthave heard from a lot of people
Oh, yeah, like they wouldn'teven appreciate themselves like
(03:59):
they have done this I've to bevery honest.
I was like that as well.
So, I never thought about likeI'm good enough.
And if I tell you like, it tookme a while to come up And say
things about myself like this isI'm good at.
it goes back to our Deen and Ialways, I want to connect
everything to my Deen.
(04:19):
There's There's There's a storyabout, Yusuf AS story.
Sayyidina Yusuf AS, he was goodwith numbers.
He was good with, counting or,He had all that knowledge.
So when there was a famine inEgypt, he went to the king and
he told the king that, I'm goodwith this.
You give me this charge and Ican take control of your, there
(04:44):
was a big, It's callednuzakheerah in Arabic, the big
treasure of the crops and I cantake care of it.
So you can come up and if you'reself aware of yourself, this is
my talent or this is my skill,then you can come up and tell
others.
But if you're not aware ofyourself, that talent is being
hidden and you're not evenpurposeful for everyone.
And sometimes as Muslims, whatwe have thing with people, We
(05:07):
always think about that'sarrogance to talk about ourself.
So we don't talk about ourselfso I've I've realized this is
not arrogance, we should betelling others like I'm good
enough and I can do this for youAnd there's no harm in doing
that.
like, keep a balance betweenhumility and the self esteem.
if you have a self esteem, lowself esteem, you're not going to
(05:27):
go forward and do anything.
And at the same time, if you areaware of your skills, whatever
your skills are, then you can goforward and you can let the
other person know, look, I cando this for you.
it always, reminds me back, theway we look at ourselves, that
we project, we get connectedwith the story of Bani Israel,
(05:47):
when Musa Alaihissalam askedBani Israel to enter into a
city, that city had the peoplewere very strong.
The armies had very strong, andthen Bani Israel was not ready
to enter, the city.
They said like, these people areso, strong for them.
we would look like grasshoppers,we are so weak, we are not gonna
(06:09):
enter this city, and we are notgonna conquer, we're not gonna
fight with them because they arevery strong armies.
We just like grasshoppers forthem.
they also said, if they look atus, they will say they are, we
are so weak.
and then, Allah Subhanahu WaTa'ala wasn't happy with them.
And then he left them,misguided, misleaded, and they
kept on moving around in thedesert for 40 years.
Mifrah Mahroof (06:31):
Yeah.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (06:32):
So when you start looking at.
Mifrah Mahroof (06:35):
fulfilling prophecy They thought themselves
weak and that's what they endedup getting.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (06:39):
Yes, that's right.
So our software that's comingfrom.
I would say our self worth iscoming from Allah SWT Allah
created you, for you, if youdon't like a person, you say,
Oh, I don't like the way she isor the way she looks like.
But if you look at from theCreator's perspective, Allah SWT
created that person with so muchlove.
(07:01):
And if you look at that person,you don't like the way she's
created, like, the features ofwhatever.
But if you look at fromcreator's perspective, Allah
liked her.
That's why Allah created her,and that's how she is, or that's
how what that person look like.
So you have to look at anythingor anyone from Allah SWT's
perspective.
Or if someone is having a lowself worth about themselves, it
(07:24):
means that they're not lookingat from the lens of the Creator.
And the creator is Allah SWT.
So you look at yourself, I amhere because Allah wanted me to
be here.
I am talking to you becauseAllah wanted me to talk to you.
This is all because of AllahSWT.
And it's nothing else, right?
So I am here with the permissionof Allah.
And one other thing, sorry, I'lljust take one more minute about
(07:46):
it.
It's a sort of important topic,when Allah SWT created jinn,
Allah SWT created Adam AS.
He asked all the angels to bowdown in front of Adam because he
wanted, Adam Al Aslam was soimportant for Allah SWT and but
when he created the earth andthe skies, he didn't ask the
(08:07):
angels to bow down to them.
Mifrah Mahroof (08:09):
That's
Sumaiya Siddiqui (08:09):
Yeah.
Allah SWT asked the angels tobow down to Adam.
we are the offspring of Adam AS.
So we are like, angelsprostrated.
So if you look at yourself,look, I'm here because Allah
wanted me to be here.
I look like this because Allahwanted me to be looking like
this.
Now, I feel, I should be soproud of myself.
(08:30):
So my self worth is actuallycoming from Allah SWT.
Like I'm not the one who isactually, be judging myself,
like what do I look like andwhat's my self worth is because
it's coming from Allah.
So it's like this, and you haveto look at it from the creator's
lens.
Mifrah Mahroof (08:47):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense when you change
the way you view this in adifferent light and not just
make it all about yourself andyou're like you take a step back
and look at it from theperspective of our creator.
You mentioned earlier about likehow you find that, when women
speak about self esteem, theyfeel that it's arrogant to speak
(09:08):
about myself or I have to hidemy talent and I think I don't
speak about it much.
How does the balance actuallylook like?
What I've seen time and timeagain, many women struggle with
this, men haven't seen thatstruggle as much.
So I'd like to know how would abalanced approach actually look
like in practice.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (09:27):
so first step is self-awareness.
Like you should be Yeah, we arenot aware of ourselves.
And I think it, it comes backfrom if you are a mother, if
someone is a mother, then theyshould be looking at the child,
let the child grow, grow in asense like, growing their
talents and the skills that theyhave.
(09:49):
And then appreciate them.
And when you appreciate that,and that person, like that child
would think, okay, yeah, I havegot this talent.
I've got this talent.
For example, if a child talks alot and he's a very good
speaker.
And then the parent is actuallyletting them know that like,
you're such a good speaker.
And then telling everybody like,my son or my daughter is such a
good speaker, and when thatchild grows up and, that person
(10:13):
would know that I am a very goodspeaker.
So he's very self aware ofhimself, and then he can have a
purpose in life, everythingconnected with Allah SWT, you
are a good speaker and do it forthe sake of Allah SWT, do
something, you can talk good andyou can, if you're a good
speaker, you can give talks oryou can do something that's
better.
(10:33):
So how to keep a balance, how tostrike a balance between them,
like how to tell the otherperson, this is who I am.
I would say having a purpose isvery, a clear purpose.
Why am I doing it?
That will actually keep you ontrack.
If you say, you just go out andsay, okay, this is who I am.
(10:53):
then nobody's going to buy youridea, but if you have a purpose
in mind, I'm doing it so that Ican please Allah SWT.
that thought or that beliefsystem is going to take you a
long way.
It's gonna keep all yourarrogance in the bud.
It won't let it grow becauseyou're only doing it for the
sake of Allah.
(11:14):
Allah SWT is there.
So, yes, you have to be selfaware of yourself.
Like, yes, this is my skill.
This is my strength.
And I can let others benefitfrom me.
Like you have to be self awareof yourself, and then I'm doing
this, this is why I'm doing it.
So you connect it with your why.
(11:36):
So if your why is strong, yourwhat doesn't fall.
But if your why is not strong,your what falls.
For example, if you're havingthe podcast, so what's the
reason of having this podcast?
Yes, I want to please Allah SWTbecause this is a Muslim for
Muslims, right?
I want to help Muslims.
So this is helping Muslim ispleasing Allah SWT.
(11:57):
So you have a stronger vibe.
So no matter what kind ofdifficulty that you face, you
say, Oh, yeah, that's right.
That's part of it.
And every time I'm doing it,I'll be getting rewards from
Allah SWT.
So this is, bit by bit, this iswhat we do.
And this is how you can connect.
So I would say striking abalance, having the purpose will
(12:18):
keep you balanced.
Mifrah Mahroof (12:20):
Hmm.
that's a really good way to putit.
I particularly liked it how youmentioned about part of self
awareness is having gratitudefor it.
So sitting down and askingourselves like, what am I
grateful for that Allah SWT hasgiven me?
And then when you think aboutdoing that for Allah SWT's sake,
yeah, like it's very hard forarrogance to be in that when you
have the right framing and theright mindset, so it makes a lot
(12:42):
of sense in that way.
Still on the topic of selfesteem though, you mentioned how
self esteem is the process whereyou have an idea of where you
are and where you need to be.
So how do you fix the issue?
Is it that you need to get tothat place or in order to fix up
your self esteem issues or whenyou start with that, I guess,
(13:05):
I'm not sure if I'm framing thisproperly.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (13:08):
yeah, you're right, how should I overcome
that distance?
Actually, accept the way youare.
Mifrah Mahroof (13:15):
Okay.
So that means there was no likedistance because like, when I
think distance is like, okay, wegot to make that, we got to
solve it.
We got to,
Sumaiya Siddiqui (13:23):
like, this is where I am, and this is where I
should be, like that, todistance, like the distance is
there.
So, Accept it like, I should be,so put the should down.
No I shouldn't be, this is who Iam.
Accept it the way I am lookingand usually self esteem is
usually a physical look.
Usually it's like, I'm notlooking good enough.
(13:46):
Where is it coming from, I'llgive you an example, you have
got a balance in, controllingthe advertisements that are
coming in between.
But on YouTube, still a lot ofads are coming up.
So if kids are watching cartoonor something on YouTube,
suddenly, an ad pop up.
So I remember a long time back,and I was telling it to my son.
(14:06):
I was live in Pakistan andthey're watching cricket.
So Pakistanis are very, youknow, they watch cricket.
and then suddenly, when there'sa break, An ad would come up and
it would say, no, you can haveonly two kids.
Having only two kids is a goodfamily.
And my son was still rememberit's been years now, maybe like
(14:27):
more than 10 years.
he still remembered that songthat was like a jingling song.
And then in Muslim countries,they encourage, don't have big
population and stuff like that.
We Muslims don't believe that.
But anyway, so he stillremembers that.
In the cricket, during thecricket, where it is coming
from, only two kids, right?
So it's like, subliminalmessages that are coming
Mifrah Mahroof (14:49):
up.
Right, I
Sumaiya Siddiqui (14:50):
Uh, yeah, yep, so subliminal majid, okay, we
should be having two kids, like,okay, so not no bigger families.
And whereas it's so against oursunnah, the Prophet shallallahu
alaihi wasallam would bestanding up and he was saying,
like, you know, a big, a caravanis coming up and we say, Oh,
these are my people.
This is my ummah.
there's so many people coming upand okay.
(15:10):
This is such a big group ofpeople coming up.
This is my ummah and Prophetwould be happy to see a big
ummah So if we are as Muslim, weare not discouraged with that.
This is another topic.
But the thing is that, there areso many subliminal messages
whatever we watch media.
So for women,
Mifrah Mahroof (15:28):
picking up on it.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (15:30):
yeah, yeah, for example, they used to be not
anymore But not long time backlike in a coke bottle figure.
And then here, even you canfind, short skirts for girls,
even five to six year old.
What's the point of having ashort skirt for girls before
four, five to six year old.
All these things are actuallygiving you subliminal messages
(15:51):
that you should be looking good.
You should be looking sexy.
You should be looking this way.
And that's how our image forourselves is being built up.
This is how I should be lookinglike, barbie doll figure, long
time back, there was a Barbiedoll figure was that, but it's
still people like, they go fordiet and then heavy diet, not
eating anything for, It's okay.
(16:13):
it's good.
Mifrah Mahroof (16:14):
not accepting where they're at, I guess.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (16:17):
It's okay.
it's very good that you, weshould not have weighed.
It's good.
But then, running after thatfigure is actually because
that's been inculcated in ourmind through subliminal
messages.
And this is how we see ourself,this is who I am.
This is how I want to look.
But, I'm not according to whatothers say about me, I'm not
(16:39):
according to the culture or theenvironment or the society, and
that's why I'm not good enough.
So that not good enough isactually lower self esteem.
So, I remember a long time back,I was talking to my health
coach, and she said when youlook at yourself, In the mirror,
what do you see?
I said, Oh, I see myself with abig belly.
(17:01):
I said, you should be lovingyour belly because you had four
kids.
MashaAllah.
So you should be loving yourselfthe way you are and SubhanAllah
and it doesn't mean that Ishould not go for eating healthy
or I should not go for exercise,but it's all about my self image
It's all about self imagepsychology like the way I am
(17:23):
here because of this I've beenthrough like, you know I've been
through these facts and that'swhy I'm here.
So if you have to accept myselfand then say, oh, Alhamdulillah,
Oh Allah SWT, You have given methis, and when you say
Alhamdulillah, Oh Allah, andthen this is how I want to see
myself, Allah, make it easy forme, so and then you know, you're
(17:43):
actually taking yourself towardspositivity rather than beating
yourself all the time.
Mifrah Mahroof (17:47):
It, make it easy for me as like the next goal,
like say that you acceptyourself for what you are today.
You have more kilos than you'dlike to
Sumaiya Siddiqui (17:55):
have, yeah.
Mifrah Mahroof (17:55):
And then, so how do you actually get to that
destination that you want to getto then?
If we say that, just be happywith where you are.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (18:02):
Accept yourself the happy, like for
example, someone does give birthand then of course, like that
person is not looking as theywanted them to be looking.
Mifrah Mahroof (18:13):
Hmm.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (18:13):
So accept it, that with every you've got, you
lost something, but you gainedsomething as well.
So look at something that youhave gained.
Yes.
I've got a kid now.
I have a baby, I have to lookafter.
Yes, I'm going to eat healthybecause this is also my body is
also an amanah from Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala.
So accept yourself the way youare means that, accept it like
(18:37):
this is how I will be lookingfor a little while.
It's not that I'll be lookinglike this forever, but people go
into depression.
And then they start think.
I remember one of the lady Iused to coach.
She was a chartered accountant.
She had such a big position ather workplace.
She wouldn't go to work.
She would work from home.
(18:57):
And that was at the COVID timeand she took the advantage and
said, I don't want to go to theoffice because everyone would
look at me like, I'm so fat.
I said, no, nobody would eventhink about it.
She had so much low self esteemthat she wouldn't like to go
out.
She wouldn't like to go into theparties.
Yeah, it's very hard because youhave to go and meet people and
(19:18):
talk to them.
People would look at you, okay,but this is who I am.
Okay.
That's fine.
But this is the skill that youare.
When you start talking tosomeone, they will be so
immersed in what you're talkingrather than looking at your
figure, right.
when you pick up yourself Youfelt self esteem will start
going higher as well because youknow, I'm going to the gym or
(19:39):
I'm doing this exercise I'm justpicking up and inshallah.
I'll be happy.
I'll be better the things likethat change But if you don't
accept the way you are right nowand keep on beating yourself,
you would never get there.
That's the thing.
Mifrah Mahroof (19:56):
Hmm.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (19:56):
Did it answer your question?
Mifrah Mahroof (19:58):
Yeah, yeah.
you resort to like very extrememeasures and try to fix it up
overnight or something.
But, I guess what I'm hearing,from what you're saying is
accept where you are and focusmore on the effort, think about
the effort that you're doing totake care of your body as an
amanah from Allah subhanahu wata'ala and, when you accept
(20:19):
yourself you can start radiatingthat so when you're out and
about, you're talking to people,then people will come and accept
you because you have acceptedyourself first, so everything
starts off with yourself.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (20:30):
Exactly.
Because, you are actually selfprojecting, right?
Whatever's inside you, you'reprojecting on the other person.
like, people don't like me.
You remember that story?
there was a lady who had hijabon and then she would go to the
marketplace and she complainedthat everyone frowns at me.
And then people ask her, like,why everyone frown at you?
(20:52):
And she said, I don't know.
Somebody asked, do you frown atthem?
She said, yeah.
So you frown at them as well.
So it's reflecting back on you.
Mifrah Mahroof (21:00):
Right.
that's an interesting story.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:03):
And if you smile,
Mifrah Mahroof (21:05):
hmm.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:08):
have an experiment, people will smile at
you.
Mifrah Mahroof (21:10):
True, true, it's amazing how it just all starts
off with us and how we treatourselves.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:16):
Yeah, it's how we treat ourselves.
Yeah.
And I think, most of our cultureis like, I'm from Pakistan and
our culture, and I think maybein our cultures, a lot of Arab
cultures as well, the motherdoesn't give them the
importance.
Mifrah Mahroof (21:30):
Yeah.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:31):
Yeah, that like everyone,
Mifrah Mahroof (21:33):
a lot of these cultures.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:35):
yeah, the whole family would eat and then
the mum wouldn't get a chancelike she's still cooking, baking
or making, we call it rotis, wecan make it rotis and fresh
bread, you can call it pitabread, something fresh bread and
giving it to the family, thewhole family is eating and by
the time mum's finished cookingand comes to a dinner, the
dinner is already done by mostof the family members.
(21:57):
So, that's
Mifrah Mahroof (21:57):
very sad.
that's very sad, actually.
Yeah, it's very much part of myculture.
And I think, this is not anyoneelse.
It is not children's fault.
The mom didn't give importanceto herself because this is how
she learned it.
This is what she has learnedthroughout her life this what I
have really modeling at thatpoint that she should be the
(22:18):
last person to think about.
And so then the children andeveryone else treated her that
way, essentially, because she'streating herself that way at
that point.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (22:26):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So why is she not coming?
I do that as well.
I'm not saying I'm not.
So my kids would say, Oh, whydon't you come as well?
I said, yeah, I'm coming.
But sometimes I put the food onthe table and then I'm sitting
down.
Okay, everyone has to come.
So I have to put myself in animportant position.
If I don't make myselfimportant, my kids are not going
(22:48):
to respect me.
The way they should berespecting and respect is not
only culture it's from our deen,we should be respecting our
parents.
We should be respectingourselves as well.
this is how self respect, selfesteem.
This is all, I think these areall one name to the other.
Whatever you say, you have tohave self esteem
Mifrah Mahroof (23:10):
Tell me more about that though, self respect
sounds a bit more different in away and treating ourselves as we
are important.
Like how does that actually looklike?
Because like again, I see it alot in women and sometimes I
even struggle with this as well.
Like not feeling that I'mimportant and then that kind of
radiates out and then you think,what about humility?
What about being in front ofAllah subhanahu wa ta'ala and
(23:33):
feeling that, I guess humilitywould be the best word that I
can describe what I'm thinking.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (23:37):
Self respect comes with boundaries.
When you start talking aboutself respect, you're talking
about boundaries.
Self respect, like, I'mimportant and I should be at the
dinner table as well, and youcannot start dinner without me.
So this is also your selfrespecting and then also you're
drawing boundaries, you know Youdon't need to start dinner with
me and you're actually tellingothers, I'm important, okay.
(24:01):
So it's not that like you'resaying it but you're doing it
with actions.
Self respect is also comes inwhen someone's, especially with
spouses, when husband sayssomething or when mother in law
say something and then, I haveto be quiet.
I can't really answer her back.
Yes, that's a good thing.
But then at the same time, youcannot let them be over on you
(24:26):
and run over you or whateverword you want to use here.
The thing is that, this is who Iam, and this is what I like and
what I dislike.
And I can convey to the otherperson, this is what I like and
what I dislike.
And that person should berespecting my likes and
dislikes, because I have respectas well.
(24:47):
What in our culture is, I don'tknow Western cultures doesn't
have it but the culture likeMuslim cultures a lot of time
like it happens especially whenpeople are living in joined
families you know you're notbeing given that much respect as
you should be getting it.
And if you talk back, then youare counted as, she is so
(25:07):
arrogant that she's talking, oryou've got so much ego in
yourself.
So there's a difference betweenan ego and self respect.
Yes, you cannot talk back, likeyou cannot talk to me like this.
And then you're drawingboundaries over there because
you have self respect as well.
And then you have to let theother person know, you're so
sorry you cannot talk to me likethis.
I don't know how to explain itto you, but I think drawing
(25:30):
boundaries will actually help uskeep our self respect.
And even before respectingourselves, you have to be aware
of yourself aware of yourposition, if you're a wife.
You have the rights, you havethis, in Arabic, this is your
Haq.
you have that.
You have to have that right as arespect.
Respect or you say issa, inArabic, you say it.
(25:50):
Issa is mean.
Like you give the position orthe place to person which that
person deserves.
So as a wife you deserve thisposition, you should be
respected as you deserve.
So, the husband cannot talkloudly or these are the things
that they should be respected.
So when you accept your selfrespect, you cannot be
(26:11):
disrespected, and that's thefirst person you should be
respected.
You're respecting yourself.
And then the other person willstart respecting because you'll
start growing boundaries.
And we will all do, I'll alsoask a question that if I tell my
husband or my mother in law,don't talk like this, that will
be a big issue.
We have it.
Mifrah Mahroof (26:30):
But that was, the next question I was
thinking.
Just read my mind.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (26:34):
Yeah, so I didn't say like, you cannot say,
oh, you can't really talk to melike this, and I would say
you're so arrogant.
Like, how can you say this?
I would say, you have to besmart enough.
You smart enough in a sense,like, Okay.
You cannot say you don't saythat if your husband is loud at
you, don't say don't talk to melike this, because if he's angry
(26:54):
and you're angry as well, andyou can imagine what blast
Mifrah Mahroof (26:58):
can happen yeah.
True.
Strategy, time and place.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (27:01):
Yeah.
So you have to be smart in astrategy.
So you have to be strategized.
Mifrah Mahroof (27:07):
I agree, because I have done, I have said so many
things, I have asked my husbandso many things at the wrong
time, and I
Sumaiya Siddiqui (27:14):
Uh, there must be a big
Mifrah Mahroof (27:15):
expect?
I was like, no, no, Mifrah, whatare you thinking?
Is this the right time to talkabout something?
He's like, no, wait untileverything is calm and good, and
then I sit down and say, hey,what about X, Y, Z?
So, okay, it's a, strategy isvery important, I agree.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (27:31):
that's right.
And also you have to makerelationship with the spouses.
If your husband is angry andhe's very loud, so you have to
sit back, okay, yep, alright,okay, and then after that You
can tell your husband, okay,look, whatever you said, that
was not right.
Or this was a case and youthought you took it differently
(27:55):
or whatever, give theexplanation later, but not at
that time because
Mifrah Mahroof (28:00):
the moment.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (28:01):
yeah, not at that time, at the heat of the
moment, because that's going tonot give you good results.
And, similarly,
Mifrah Mahroof (28:10):
The mother in law example you were saying?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (28:13):
red line.
Yeah, I have good relations withmother in law.
It's very difficult.
Yeah, some people have, like,whoever are they're living with,
a joint family.
Or not even joint family, like,you go and visit your mother in
law on Sundays or somethinglike, something happened.
When you respect the otherperson, there are so many cases
that vary, but if you starttalking about it, that will be
another chapter, I would say,but respect the elders, and if
(28:36):
she's not good enough at thattime, I would say instead of,
returning back the answer oranswering them at the same time,
stay quiet.
And, because sometimes itwouldn't help if you say, Oh no,
this wasn't the case, or I don'tlike it the way you talk to me.
And then, you start building upgood relationship with that
(28:57):
person.
You have to be smart enough.
You have to be smart.
And I remember like once I wasat the airport, that was long
time back.
And at that time it was like,and not everything was
computerized.
Now you just scan it and then goout.
At that time, there was apassport of, and that was not in
Australia, somewhere else, andpassport officer, he had to
check everyone's passport and hehad to stamp it.
(29:18):
So it was a big line, the bigqueue was there.
So one of the lady, she stoodthere and she kept on fighting
with her, no, you didn't do thisand you didn't write.
And then the passport officerwas also not doing it.
It was angry and the second ladycame and she was just smiling
and then she was like, Oh yeah,yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
That's good.
Sorry.
It was my mistake.
(29:38):
And then, she was done and shehad her work done.
Mifrah Mahroof (29:43):
True.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (29:43):
I was just watching both of the cases.
I was like the first lady, she'sbecause the passport officer was
not in a good mood.
So she stood by and she foughtfor herself.
But the other one was smartenough and there was no point in
fighting here she was a smilingand you know easily slipped out.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:03):
it sounds like, build the relationship first,
establish that first before youassert your boundaries and
start, pretty much that.
Like, asserting your boundarieswould be a secondary thing.
You need to first build thatrelationship in order for you
to, be taken in the right way.
Because I think when this wholething about, you're trying to
assert your boundaries andstuff, if you haven't built a
relationship, they're going totake you in another way and then
(30:25):
you're not going to get what youwanted to from the start.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (30:29):
that's right.
Yeah.
If you do it from the verystart, then they will have the
impression that, she doesn'ttake any easy or she's not an
easy person or whatever.
But if you keep on buildingrelationship, and I think the
listening skills really, reallyhelp a lot in building
relationship
Mifrah Mahroof (30:47):
Tell me more about that.
What do you mean by listeningskills?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (30:50):
Listening skills, when you're listening to
me, you're listening tounderstand rather than listening
to hear.
So there are two differentthings, when somebody's talking
to you, you say, Oh, yes.
So, you're not trying tounderstand.
When you're trying to understandthat person, then you can ask
the question, okay, then, well,what do you think about it or
what happened?
Why did it happen?
(31:11):
Right?
So you will be in theconversation, but when you're
listening to hear, then theother person would easily
understand that you're not therefor
Mifrah Mahroof (31:19):
her.
You're not really there.
yeah.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (31:23):
be in your cell phone.
Oh yeah.
I'm listening to you.
Just like, you know, we arecooking and the kids are coming
and telling us, and the kidswould tell you, Mama, you're not
listening to me.
And so I'm listening to you.
I'm cooking, but I can't reallylook at you.
So what is the Sunnah way ofsaying?
Prophet SAW used to, turn theirface to the other person, listen
to the other person, whateverhe's saying, and then, turn
(31:44):
back.
But, this is how you should bedoing it as well.
And when you're listening to theother person, that's called
empathetic listening.
Empathetic listening means like,how you empathize with that
person.
Oh, oh, that really thathappened.
Oh, I'm so sorry that happenedfor you.
sometimes when we jump ontoconclusion as well, before the
(32:04):
other person like finishes herwhole story, we come into
conclusion.
That is one thing.
And the other thing that we dois, We start telling our own
story.
For example, you start tellingme about an experience you had
at the supermarket.
And then half the story, I wouldsay, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This happened with me as well.
(32:25):
The other day I was there.
And you don't know how thisperson acted or behaved or
whatever.
So, you don't need to do that.
So don't give your opinions.
Once it happened with me, my sonwas telling me something and he
was saying, I was talking tothis friend and then this is
how, what I told him.
So I was watching the shows andthen I stopped and said, you
(32:47):
know what?
You should tell him this, this,this, this as well.
And he just looked at my faceand said, you know what?
I'm only telling you.
I'm not asking you for youradvice.
I said, okay, I'm sorry
Mifrah Mahroof (32:59):
kids tell it as it is, right?
When we're adults, we startthinking that.
We don't, we don't say itanymore.
So, I'm
Sumaiya Siddiqui (33:06):
not asking for your advice, yeah, they don't
need your advice all the time.
So, when you have a goodlistening skill, when you
empathize with them, you say,okay, this, I know how you feel,
no, this is how bad you feel, sowhat are you going to do?
Okay, don't ask a lot ofquestions, but then, make the
other person feel that you havelistened to it.
(33:28):
One other thing is rephrasing atthe end.
So you think that this, this,this happened and this is what
you're going to do?
Okay, so your friend has toldyou this and you don't like it?
And you want to act some otherway?
Or you don't want to meet himanymore?
This is what you think?
so you summarize it, yourephrase it, so the other person
(33:48):
would understand that you havelistened to.
And I think sometimes it'sreally important in our
conversation to rephrase it,because then you get to know
that you and the other personare on the same page, or
sometimes this ismiscommunication.
For example, someone's like yourhusband is saying something to
you, can you get me this, this,this, so you can rephrase it.
(34:09):
Okay.
So you want me to go to theoffice works and collect this
thing and then come back home.
This is what you want me to dothat.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Right.
So when you rephrase it, thecommunication becomes clearer.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:23):
100 percent yeah, and then it stops any
miscommunications.
Yeah, miscommunication is whatcauses a lot of conflict as
well.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (34:31):
Yes, that's right.
Causes a lot of conflict.
So communication has to be clearin relationships.
So if we talk about selfrespect, we talk about
boundaries before that, you haveto build up a relationship with
people.
So relationship builds up.
Yeah.
So relationship building is soimportant.
It's so important.
(34:52):
And then be smart.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:54):
It seems like the fundamental, aspect of
building a relationship is beingthat good listener and listening
with understanding and empathy.
And that way you can be able toconnect with that person and
then they would be morereceptive at that point to
listen to you as well.
And that's when we can reallybuild that strong relationship
(35:15):
and build that trust with thepeople around us so that when we
are coming to the point ofasserting our boundaries, they
would know that.
Okay, she's not just telling methis to cause a fight or be
difficult, like this is herboundaries and they would
respect that as the way as yourespected them.
So that's an interesting way toput it and it's amazing how all
(35:35):
of these things really come backto our own skills, like all of
these, our own skills of selfesteem, self respect, listening,
it all comes down to us.
It's very rarely, about theother person.
It's not, it's, there's so muchpower we have.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (35:51):
Oh yeah.
So much power that We have.
SubhanAllah.
Mifrah Mahroof (35:54):
and we give our power away to like situations,
people and all of these things.
It's like that story youmentioned earlier, like how that
lady's walking down the market,why is everyone frowning at me?
And she's just given her poweraway to everyone in the market.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (36:09):
That's so true.
And then, I'm feeling badbecause he talked to me like
that, or I'm feeling because ofthe situation, of the
circumstances.
So you have to control your ownemotions and feelings as well at
the same time.
So this is who I am.
So, control yourself.
(36:29):
As you said, like everyone,everything comes back to us, how
skilled or how strong we are.
So when we have a balance in ourapproaches, so then we will be
very focused in what we want todo.
Mifrah Mahroof (36:42):
and the more work we do on ourselves, our
mindset, our growth, then we canbetter be equipped to deal with
all these things at the end.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (36:50):
Yeah, that's right.
And I think everything goes backto, If someone wants to be
stronger in relationships, ifsomeone wants to be stronger in
their clock, they should begoing deeper down into the
Seerah of the Prophet SAW.
Mifrah Mahroof (37:05):
Hmm,
Sumaiya Siddiqui (37:05):
So Prophet Muhammad SAW's Seerah is
actually amazing, and you haveto contemplate a lot.
How his wives dealt with them,how he dealt with all of them,
how did they kept their dignityor their self-respect.
His wife Aisha RA, she was only18 when Prophet Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam died.
(37:25):
And I think she was 80 years oldwhen she passed away.
So at that time, Subhanallah,she lived for such a long time
with dignity, with a selfrespect.
And she would never give awaytheir self respect.
so I think going deeper into theSeerah, and studying their life.
How did they live?
(37:46):
they never had easy lives, and Ithink that Seerah is the
backbone of our deen.
If you want to learn, or if youwant to have a balanced
personality, you should bestudying Seerah in very,
contemplating it.
This is what the point is that Iwant to have it, go deeper.
Mifrah Mahroof (38:04):
Some of the questions that I ask our guess,
at the end of the show is what'sone book that's helped you level
up in your life?
So you're mentioning Serrah.
Is there a particular version ofthe Serrah that really resonates
with you a lot?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (38:14):
yeah, the sealed nectar, that's very much
in detail.
And then you have the Seerah ofthe Khulafah Rashidin.
I can't really remember the nameof the writer, but you can get
those books in Daarus Salaam.
So it's amazing, Seerah, of AbuBakar, Umar RA, all those like,
you know, um, all the KhulafaurRasyidin and then, you can
(38:40):
listen to podcast.
Dr.
Rania Awaad wa she had likebeautiful podcast on, Khadija
RA, the Life of khadija, that'sreally interesting.
She talks about from thepsychological perspective as
well.
So how she was so strong and howshe was so rich, she was a
working woman, she was runningher own business.
So she had so many aspects oflife that we can look into it.
(39:02):
And that's a learning lesson forus.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:04):
Please do share that link and InshaAllah we'll
add it on to our show notes sothat listeners can also check
that out as well.
That sounds
Sumaiya Siddiqui (39:11):
I'll do that.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:13):
Okay, we're actually close to the ending of
our interview, so I would loveto know how our audience can
reach out and connect with youand learn more about what you're
doing.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (39:22):
So I'll leave my Instagram page and my
website, inshaAllah.
So anyone can reach out.
And then they can talk about itif they have, if they're passing
through any, challenging issuesin their life or they want to
grow as a Muslim and want to dosomething for the ummah, I think
they should, and I think everywoman should be thinking like
that, as mothers.
(39:43):
This is how I see myself, we arethe role models for our kids.
So this is how moms should belooking at themselves like
strong and moving ahead.
Yeah.
So you're very welcome toconnect with me, InshaAllah.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:56):
Look, it's been an absolute pleasure.
Thank you so much for coming ontoday.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (40:00):
Yeah.
Jazakallah Khair, lovely to behere.
Mifrah Mahroof (40:02):
Hey everyone, that wraps up another episode of
the Muslim Life Hackers podcast.
I really hope you enjoyed ourchat today and got some great
takeaways from it.
If you like what you heard anddon't want to miss out on our
next conversations, hit thatsubscribe button.
It really means a lot to us andhelps us grow the show.
And you know what?
If you're feeling extra generoustoday, drop us a review or a
rating.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
(40:24):
Thank you again for tuning inuntil next time, keep striving
and getting better every day.
When you start talking about self respect,
(00:01):
you're talking about boundaries.
Self respect, like, I'mimportant and I should be at the
dinner table as well, and youcannot start dinner without me.
Mifrah Mahroof (00:10):
As-salamu alaykum and welcome to the
Muslim Life Hackers podcast.
I'm your host Mifrah Mahroof,and this is the podcast where we
get better every day.
Through conversations withexperts, leaders, and inspiring
individuals.
We're going to give youactionable insights to help you
win in this life and the next.
So if you're ready to level upin every area of your life and
(00:31):
you committed to living withexcellence for the sake of your
Lord.
You're in the right place.
Get ready for insights,inspiration, and a whole lot of
life hacks.
This is a Muslim Life Hackerspodcast.
Let's dive in.
Asalamu Alaikum Sumaiya welcometo the show.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (00:47):
Walaikum Asalaam, Jazakallah Khair, for
inviting me here.
Mifrah Mahroof (00:52):
Thanks so much.
I appreciate that you're comingon.
So let's start off with anintroduction.
Can you give us an overview ofwho you are and what you do?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (01:00):
Yes, definitely.
So giving my introduction, myname is Sumaiya Siddiqui and I
live in Sydney.
I have been a relationship andemotional coach since last six
years now.
And, I have been coaching womenfrom all different areas, from
all different continents.
I have got like a degree inpsychology and I did my
(01:21):
certification in coaching.
And then, if I tell you aboutmyself, I've got grown up kids,
MashaAllah, I've got like fivegrandkids, Alhamdulillah.
So when I tell my coachingclients, if I'm coaching, it's
not coming on in my, like, it'sprofessionally, it's like I'm an
experienced grandmother,
Mifrah Mahroof (01:39):
So many insights, so many life
experience.
I'm really looking forward todiving deep into that,
InshaAllah.
I would really like to dive intothe area of, so you mentioned
how you are doing relationshipcoaching and emotion coaching as
well.
so the first thing I'd like tolearn about is the whole area of
self esteem.
So this is an area that you havedone some work on and do
(02:01):
workshops around.
And I want to really learn aboutHow it's impacting us and our
relationships and what we canactually do to improve it.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (02:10):
So, Mifrah, self esteem is such an important
topic, especially women, It'sactually affected by the
environment that we are in,sometimes it's our own belief
system is made through theenvironment.
for example, if a child is notgood enough, like not, slim or
smart or something, They get tohear from parents or from
(02:32):
relatives that like, you shouldbe losing weight or at a very
early age.
So that person starts thinkingthat I'm not looking good
enough.
She is good enough, but not goodenough according to the society.
So that's how she startsthinking about herself that I
should be good and I'm notlooking good, right?
(02:52):
so there's something that'scalled self concept.
I am not looking good.
This is her self concept.
And I should be looking good.
So this is her self image, forthe future.
So if there's a distance betweenthese two, it means that your
self esteem goes low.
And then, I should be, and I'mnot.
it's like, they're two bigdistance, right?
(03:14):
So your self esteem goes low,and you start thinking low about
yourself.
And when you start thinking lowabout yourself, then whatever,
you It's in our heart, whateverwe think about ourself, that is
actually projected towards theother person, and then whenever
you go out, you say, if you feellike, oh, I'm not good enough,
you try to hide yourself, or youdon't feel like talking with
(03:36):
confidence.
And that actually that's built.
Let's keep on building till thatperson's is Self aware this is
what's happening and this isstopping me from making good
relationship or moving forwardin my life Because every time
that person would think oh, I'mnot good enough.
I'm not good enough and you musthave heard from a lot of people
Oh, yeah, like they wouldn'teven appreciate themselves like
(03:59):
they have done this I've to bevery honest.
I was like that as well.
So, I never thought about likeI'm good enough.
And if I tell you like, it tookme a while to come up And say
things about myself like this isI'm good at.
it goes back to our Deen and Ialways, I want to connect
everything to my Deen.
(04:19):
There's There's There's a storyabout, Yusuf AS story.
Sayyidina Yusuf AS, he was goodwith numbers.
He was good with, counting or,He had all that knowledge.
So when there was a famine inEgypt, he went to the king and
he told the king that, I'm goodwith this.
You give me this charge and Ican take control of your, there
(04:44):
was a big, It's callednuzakheerah in Arabic, the big
treasure of the crops and I cantake care of it.
So you can come up and if you'reself aware of yourself, this is
my talent or this is my skill,then you can come up and tell
others.
But if you're not aware ofyourself, that talent is being
hidden and you're not evenpurposeful for everyone.
And sometimes as Muslims, whatwe have thing with people, We
(05:07):
always think about that'sarrogance to talk about ourself.
So we don't talk about ourselfso I've I've realized this is
not arrogance, we should betelling others like I'm good
enough and I can do this for youAnd there's no harm in doing
that.
like, keep a balance betweenhumility and the self esteem.
if you have a self esteem, lowself esteem, you're not going to
(05:27):
go forward and do anything.
And at the same time, if you areaware of your skills, whatever
your skills are, then you can goforward and you can let the
other person know, look, I cando this for you.
it always, reminds me back, theway we look at ourselves, that
we project, we get connectedwith the story of Bani Israel,
(05:47):
when Musa Alaihissalam askedBani Israel to enter into a
city, that city had the peoplewere very strong.
The armies had very strong, andthen Bani Israel was not ready
to enter, the city.
They said like, these people areso, strong for them.
we would look like grasshoppers,we are so weak, we are not gonna
(06:09):
enter this city, and we are notgonna conquer, we're not gonna
fight with them because they arevery strong armies.
We just like grasshoppers forthem.
they also said, if they look atus, they will say they are, we
are so weak.
and then, Allah Subhanahu WaTa'ala wasn't happy with them.
And then he left them,misguided, misleaded, and they
kept on moving around in thedesert for 40 years.
Mifrah Mahroof (06:31):
Yeah.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (06:32):
So when you start looking at.
Mifrah Mahroof (06:35):
fulfilling prophecy They thought themselves
weak and that's what they endedup getting.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (06:39):
Yes, that's right.
So our software that's comingfrom.
I would say our self worth iscoming from Allah SWT Allah
created you, for you, if youdon't like a person, you say,
Oh, I don't like the way she isor the way she looks like.
But if you look at from theCreator's perspective, Allah SWT
created that person with so muchlove.
(07:01):
And if you look at that person,you don't like the way she's
created, like, the features ofwhatever.
But if you look at fromcreator's perspective, Allah
liked her.
That's why Allah created her,and that's how she is, or that's
how what that person look like.
So you have to look at anythingor anyone from Allah SWT's
perspective.
Or if someone is having a lowself worth about themselves, it
(07:24):
means that they're not lookingat from the lens of the Creator.
And the creator is Allah SWT.
So you look at yourself, I amhere because Allah wanted me to
be here.
I am talking to you becauseAllah wanted me to talk to you.
This is all because of AllahSWT.
And it's nothing else, right?
So I am here with the permissionof Allah.
And one other thing, sorry, I'lljust take one more minute about
(07:46):
it.
It's a sort of important topic,when Allah SWT created jinn,
Allah SWT created Adam AS.
He asked all the angels to bowdown in front of Adam because he
wanted, Adam Al Aslam was soimportant for Allah SWT and but
when he created the earth andthe skies, he didn't ask the
(08:07):
angels to bow down to them.
Mifrah Mahroof (08:09):
That's
Sumaiya Siddiqui (08:09):
Yeah.
Allah SWT asked the angels tobow down to Adam.
we are the offspring of Adam AS.
So we are like, angelsprostrated.
So if you look at yourself,look, I'm here because Allah
wanted me to be here.
I look like this because Allahwanted me to be looking like
this.
Now, I feel, I should be soproud of myself.
(08:30):
So my self worth is actuallycoming from Allah SWT.
Like I'm not the one who isactually, be judging myself,
like what do I look like andwhat's my self worth is because
it's coming from Allah.
So it's like this, and you haveto look at it from the creator's
lens.
Mifrah Mahroof (08:47):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense when you change
the way you view this in adifferent light and not just
make it all about yourself andyou're like you take a step back
and look at it from theperspective of our creator.
You mentioned earlier about likehow you find that, when women
speak about self esteem, theyfeel that it's arrogant to speak
(09:08):
about myself or I have to hidemy talent and I think I don't
speak about it much.
How does the balance actuallylook like?
What I've seen time and timeagain, many women struggle with
this, men haven't seen thatstruggle as much.
So I'd like to know how would abalanced approach actually look
like in practice.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (09:27):
so first step is self-awareness.
Like you should be Yeah, we arenot aware of ourselves.
And I think it, it comes backfrom if you are a mother, if
someone is a mother, then theyshould be looking at the child,
let the child grow, grow in asense like, growing their
talents and the skills that theyhave.
(09:49):
And then appreciate them.
And when you appreciate that,and that person, like that child
would think, okay, yeah, I havegot this talent.
I've got this talent.
For example, if a child talks alot and he's a very good
speaker.
And then the parent is actuallyletting them know that like,
you're such a good speaker.
And then telling everybody like,my son or my daughter is such a
good speaker, and when thatchild grows up and, that person
(10:13):
would know that I am a very goodspeaker.
So he's very self aware ofhimself, and then he can have a
purpose in life, everythingconnected with Allah SWT, you
are a good speaker and do it forthe sake of Allah SWT, do
something, you can talk good andyou can, if you're a good
speaker, you can give talks oryou can do something that's
better.
(10:33):
So how to keep a balance, how tostrike a balance between them,
like how to tell the otherperson, this is who I am.
I would say having a purpose isvery, a clear purpose.
Why am I doing it?
That will actually keep you ontrack.
If you say, you just go out andsay, okay, this is who I am.
(10:53):
then nobody's going to buy youridea, but if you have a purpose
in mind, I'm doing it so that Ican please Allah SWT.
that thought or that beliefsystem is going to take you a
long way.
It's gonna keep all yourarrogance in the bud.
It won't let it grow becauseyou're only doing it for the
sake of Allah.
(11:14):
Allah SWT is there.
So, yes, you have to be selfaware of yourself.
Like, yes, this is my skill.
This is my strength.
And I can let others benefitfrom me.
Like you have to be self awareof yourself, and then I'm doing
this, this is why I'm doing it.
So you connect it with your why.
(11:36):
So if your why is strong, yourwhat doesn't fall.
But if your why is not strong,your what falls.
For example, if you're havingthe podcast, so what's the
reason of having this podcast?
Yes, I want to please Allah SWTbecause this is a Muslim for
Muslims, right?
I want to help Muslims.
So this is helping Muslim ispleasing Allah SWT.
(11:57):
So you have a stronger vibe.
So no matter what kind ofdifficulty that you face, you
say, Oh, yeah, that's right.
That's part of it.
And every time I'm doing it,I'll be getting rewards from
Allah SWT.
So this is, bit by bit, this iswhat we do.
And this is how you can connect.
So I would say striking abalance, having the purpose will
(12:18):
keep you balanced.
Mifrah Mahroof (12:20):
Hmm.
that's a really good way to putit.
I particularly liked it how youmentioned about part of self
awareness is having gratitudefor it.
So sitting down and askingourselves like, what am I
grateful for that Allah SWT hasgiven me?
And then when you think aboutdoing that for Allah SWT's sake,
yeah, like it's very hard forarrogance to be in that when you
have the right framing and theright mindset, so it makes a lot
(12:42):
of sense in that way.
Still on the topic of selfesteem though, you mentioned how
self esteem is the process whereyou have an idea of where you
are and where you need to be.
So how do you fix the issue?
Is it that you need to get tothat place or in order to fix up
your self esteem issues or whenyou start with that, I guess,
(13:05):
I'm not sure if I'm framing thisproperly.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (13:08):
yeah, you're right, how should I overcome
that distance?
Actually, accept the way youare.
Mifrah Mahroof (13:15):
Okay.
So that means there was no likedistance because like, when I
think distance is like, okay, wegot to make that, we got to
solve it.
We got to,
Sumaiya Siddiqui (13:23):
like, this is where I am, and this is where I
should be, like that, todistance, like the distance is
there.
So, Accept it like, I should be,so put the should down.
No I shouldn't be, this is who Iam.
Accept it the way I am lookingand usually self esteem is
usually a physical look.
Usually it's like, I'm notlooking good enough.
(13:46):
Where is it coming from, I'llgive you an example, you have
got a balance in, controllingthe advertisements that are
coming in between.
But on YouTube, still a lot ofads are coming up.
So if kids are watching cartoonor something on YouTube,
suddenly, an ad pop up.
So I remember a long time back,and I was telling it to my son.
(14:06):
I was live in Pakistan andthey're watching cricket.
So Pakistanis are very, youknow, they watch cricket.
and then suddenly, when there'sa break, An ad would come up and
it would say, no, you can haveonly two kids.
Having only two kids is a goodfamily.
And my son was still rememberit's been years now, maybe like
(14:27):
more than 10 years.
he still remembered that songthat was like a jingling song.
And then in Muslim countries,they encourage, don't have big
population and stuff like that.
We Muslims don't believe that.
But anyway, so he stillremembers that.
In the cricket, during thecricket, where it is coming
from, only two kids, right?
So it's like, subliminalmessages that are coming
Mifrah Mahroof (14:49):
up.
Right, I
Sumaiya Siddiqui (14:50):
Uh, yeah, yep, so subliminal majid, okay, we
should be having two kids, like,okay, so not no bigger families.
And whereas it's so against oursunnah, the Prophet shallallahu
alaihi wasallam would bestanding up and he was saying,
like, you know, a big, a caravanis coming up and we say, Oh,
these are my people.
This is my ummah.
there's so many people coming upand okay.
(15:10):
This is such a big group ofpeople coming up.
This is my ummah and Prophetwould be happy to see a big
ummah So if we are as Muslim, weare not discouraged with that.
This is another topic.
But the thing is that, there areso many subliminal messages
whatever we watch media.
So for women,
Mifrah Mahroof (15:28):
picking up on it.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (15:30):
yeah, yeah, for example, they used to be not
anymore But not long time backlike in a coke bottle figure.
And then here, even you canfind, short skirts for girls,
even five to six year old.
What's the point of having ashort skirt for girls before
four, five to six year old.
All these things are actuallygiving you subliminal messages
(15:51):
that you should be looking good.
You should be looking sexy.
You should be looking this way.
And that's how our image forourselves is being built up.
This is how I should be lookinglike, barbie doll figure, long
time back, there was a Barbiedoll figure was that, but it's
still people like, they go fordiet and then heavy diet, not
eating anything for, It's okay.
(16:13):
it's good.
Mifrah Mahroof (16:14):
not accepting where they're at, I guess.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (16:17):
It's okay.
it's very good that you, weshould not have weighed.
It's good.
But then, running after thatfigure is actually because
that's been inculcated in ourmind through subliminal
messages.
And this is how we see ourself,this is who I am.
This is how I want to look.
But, I'm not according to whatothers say about me, I'm not
(16:39):
according to the culture or theenvironment or the society, and
that's why I'm not good enough.
So that not good enough isactually lower self esteem.
So, I remember a long time back,I was talking to my health
coach, and she said when youlook at yourself, In the mirror,
what do you see?
I said, Oh, I see myself with abig belly.
(17:01):
I said, you should be lovingyour belly because you had four
kids.
MashaAllah.
So you should be loving yourselfthe way you are and SubhanAllah
and it doesn't mean that Ishould not go for eating healthy
or I should not go for exercise,but it's all about my self image
It's all about self imagepsychology like the way I am
(17:23):
here because of this I've beenthrough like, you know I've been
through these facts and that'swhy I'm here.
So if you have to accept myselfand then say, oh, Alhamdulillah,
Oh Allah SWT, You have given methis, and when you say
Alhamdulillah, Oh Allah, andthen this is how I want to see
myself, Allah, make it easy forme, so and then you know, you're
(17:43):
actually taking yourself towardspositivity rather than beating
yourself all the time.
Mifrah Mahroof (17:47):
It, make it easy for me as like the next goal,
like say that you acceptyourself for what you are today.
You have more kilos than you'dlike to
Sumaiya Siddiqui (17:55):
have, yeah.
Mifrah Mahroof (17:55):
And then, so how do you actually get to that
destination that you want to getto then?
If we say that, just be happywith where you are.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (18:02):
Accept yourself the happy, like for
example, someone does give birthand then of course, like that
person is not looking as theywanted them to be looking.
Mifrah Mahroof (18:13):
Hmm.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (18:13):
So accept it, that with every you've got, you
lost something, but you gainedsomething as well.
So look at something that youhave gained.
Yes.
I've got a kid now.
I have a baby, I have to lookafter.
Yes, I'm going to eat healthybecause this is also my body is
also an amanah from Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala.
So accept yourself the way youare means that, accept it like
(18:37):
this is how I will be lookingfor a little while.
It's not that I'll be lookinglike this forever, but people go
into depression.
And then they start think.
I remember one of the lady Iused to coach.
She was a chartered accountant.
She had such a big position ather workplace.
She wouldn't go to work.
She would work from home.
(18:57):
And that was at the COVID timeand she took the advantage and
said, I don't want to go to theoffice because everyone would
look at me like, I'm so fat.
I said, no, nobody would eventhink about it.
She had so much low self esteemthat she wouldn't like to go
out.
She wouldn't like to go into theparties.
Yeah, it's very hard because youhave to go and meet people and
(19:18):
talk to them.
People would look at you, okay,but this is who I am.
Okay.
That's fine.
But this is the skill that youare.
When you start talking tosomeone, they will be so
immersed in what you're talkingrather than looking at your
figure, right.
when you pick up yourself Youfelt self esteem will start
going higher as well because youknow, I'm going to the gym or
(19:39):
I'm doing this exercise I'm justpicking up and inshallah.
I'll be happy.
I'll be better the things likethat change But if you don't
accept the way you are right nowand keep on beating yourself,
you would never get there.
That's the thing.
Mifrah Mahroof (19:56):
Hmm.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (19:56):
Did it answer your question?
Mifrah Mahroof (19:58):
Yeah, yeah.
you resort to like very extrememeasures and try to fix it up
overnight or something.
But, I guess what I'm hearing,from what you're saying is
accept where you are and focusmore on the effort, think about
the effort that you're doing totake care of your body as an
amanah from Allah subhanahu wata'ala and, when you accept
(20:19):
yourself you can start radiatingthat so when you're out and
about, you're talking to people,then people will come and accept
you because you have acceptedyourself first, so everything
starts off with yourself.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (20:30):
Exactly.
Because, you are actually selfprojecting, right?
Whatever's inside you, you'reprojecting on the other person.
like, people don't like me.
You remember that story?
there was a lady who had hijabon and then she would go to the
marketplace and she complainedthat everyone frowns at me.
And then people ask her, like,why everyone frown at you?
(20:52):
And she said, I don't know.
Somebody asked, do you frown atthem?
She said, yeah.
So you frown at them as well.
So it's reflecting back on you.
Mifrah Mahroof (21:00):
Right.
that's an interesting story.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:03):
And if you smile,
Mifrah Mahroof (21:05):
hmm.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:08):
have an experiment, people will smile at
you.
Mifrah Mahroof (21:10):
True, true, it's amazing how it just all starts
off with us and how we treatourselves.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:16):
Yeah, it's how we treat ourselves.
Yeah.
And I think, most of our cultureis like, I'm from Pakistan and
our culture, and I think maybein our cultures, a lot of Arab
cultures as well, the motherdoesn't give them the
importance.
Mifrah Mahroof (21:30):
Yeah.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:31):
Yeah, that like everyone,
Mifrah Mahroof (21:33):
a lot of these cultures.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (21:35):
yeah, the whole family would eat and then
the mum wouldn't get a chancelike she's still cooking, baking
or making, we call it rotis, wecan make it rotis and fresh
bread, you can call it pitabread, something fresh bread and
giving it to the family, thewhole family is eating and by
the time mum's finished cookingand comes to a dinner, the
dinner is already done by mostof the family members.
(21:57):
So, that's
Mifrah Mahroof (21:57):
very sad.
that's very sad, actually.
Yeah, it's very much part of myculture.
And I think, this is not anyoneelse.
It is not children's fault.
The mom didn't give importanceto herself because this is how
she learned it.
This is what she has learnedthroughout her life this what I
have really modeling at thatpoint that she should be the
(22:18):
last person to think about.
And so then the children andeveryone else treated her that
way, essentially, because she'streating herself that way at
that point.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (22:26):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So why is she not coming?
I do that as well.
I'm not saying I'm not.
So my kids would say, Oh, whydon't you come as well?
I said, yeah, I'm coming.
But sometimes I put the food onthe table and then I'm sitting
down.
Okay, everyone has to come.
So I have to put myself in animportant position.
If I don't make myselfimportant, my kids are not going
(22:48):
to respect me.
The way they should berespecting and respect is not
only culture it's from our deen,we should be respecting our
parents.
We should be respectingourselves as well.
this is how self respect, selfesteem.
This is all, I think these areall one name to the other.
Whatever you say, you have tohave self esteem
Mifrah Mahroof (23:10):
Tell me more about that though, self respect
sounds a bit more different in away and treating ourselves as we
are important.
Like how does that actually looklike?
Because like again, I see it alot in women and sometimes I
even struggle with this as well.
Like not feeling that I'mimportant and then that kind of
radiates out and then you think,what about humility?
What about being in front ofAllah subhanahu wa ta'ala and
(23:33):
feeling that, I guess humilitywould be the best word that I
can describe what I'm thinking.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (23:37):
Self respect comes with boundaries.
When you start talking aboutself respect, you're talking
about boundaries.
Self respect, like, I'mimportant and I should be at the
dinner table as well, and youcannot start dinner without me.
So this is also your selfrespecting and then also you're
drawing boundaries, you know Youdon't need to start dinner with
me and you're actually tellingothers, I'm important, okay.
(24:01):
So it's not that like you'resaying it but you're doing it
with actions.
Self respect is also comes inwhen someone's, especially with
spouses, when husband sayssomething or when mother in law
say something and then, I haveto be quiet.
I can't really answer her back.
Yes, that's a good thing.
But then at the same time, youcannot let them be over on you
(24:26):
and run over you or whateverword you want to use here.
The thing is that, this is who Iam, and this is what I like and
what I dislike.
And I can convey to the otherperson, this is what I like and
what I dislike.
And that person should berespecting my likes and
dislikes, because I have respectas well.
(24:47):
What in our culture is, I don'tknow Western cultures doesn't
have it but the culture likeMuslim cultures a lot of time
like it happens especially whenpeople are living in joined
families you know you're notbeing given that much respect as
you should be getting it.
And if you talk back, then youare counted as, she is so
(25:07):
arrogant that she's talking, oryou've got so much ego in
yourself.
So there's a difference betweenan ego and self respect.
Yes, you cannot talk back, likeyou cannot talk to me like this.
And then you're drawingboundaries over there because
you have self respect as well.
And then you have to let theother person know, you're so
sorry you cannot talk to me likethis.
I don't know how to explain itto you, but I think drawing
(25:30):
boundaries will actually help uskeep our self respect.
And even before respectingourselves, you have to be aware
of yourself aware of yourposition, if you're a wife.
You have the rights, you havethis, in Arabic, this is your
Haq.
you have that.
You have to have that right as arespect.
Respect or you say issa, inArabic, you say it.
(25:50):
Issa is mean.
Like you give the position orthe place to person which that
person deserves.
So as a wife you deserve thisposition, you should be
respected as you deserve.
So, the husband cannot talkloudly or these are the things
that they should be respected.
So when you accept your selfrespect, you cannot be
(26:11):
disrespected, and that's thefirst person you should be
respected.
You're respecting yourself.
And then the other person willstart respecting because you'll
start growing boundaries.
And we will all do, I'll alsoask a question that if I tell my
husband or my mother in law,don't talk like this, that will
be a big issue.
We have it.
Mifrah Mahroof (26:30):
But that was, the next question I was
thinking.
Just read my mind.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (26:34):
Yeah, so I didn't say like, you cannot say,
oh, you can't really talk to melike this, and I would say
you're so arrogant.
Like, how can you say this?
I would say, you have to besmart enough.
You smart enough in a sense,like, Okay.
You cannot say you don't saythat if your husband is loud at
you, don't say don't talk to melike this, because if he's angry
(26:54):
and you're angry as well, andyou can imagine what blast
Mifrah Mahroof (26:58):
can happen yeah.
True.
Strategy, time and place.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (27:01):
Yeah.
So you have to be smart in astrategy.
So you have to be strategized.
Mifrah Mahroof (27:07):
I agree, because I have done, I have said so many
things, I have asked my husbandso many things at the wrong
time, and I
Sumaiya Siddiqui (27:14):
Uh, there must be a big
Mifrah Mahroof (27:15):
expect?
I was like, no, no, Mifrah, whatare you thinking?
Is this the right time to talkabout something?
He's like, no, wait untileverything is calm and good, and
then I sit down and say, hey,what about X, Y, Z?
So, okay, it's a, strategy isvery important, I agree.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (27:31):
that's right.
And also you have to makerelationship with the spouses.
If your husband is angry andhe's very loud, so you have to
sit back, okay, yep, alright,okay, and then after that You
can tell your husband, okay,look, whatever you said, that
was not right.
Or this was a case and youthought you took it differently
(27:55):
or whatever, give theexplanation later, but not at
that time because
Mifrah Mahroof (28:00):
the moment.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (28:01):
yeah, not at that time, at the heat of the
moment, because that's going tonot give you good results.
And, similarly,
Mifrah Mahroof (28:10):
The mother in law example you were saying?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (28:13):
red line.
Yeah, I have good relations withmother in law.
It's very difficult.
Yeah, some people have, like,whoever are they're living with,
a joint family.
Or not even joint family, like,you go and visit your mother in
law on Sundays or somethinglike, something happened.
When you respect the otherperson, there are so many cases
that vary, but if you starttalking about it, that will be
another chapter, I would say,but respect the elders, and if
(28:36):
she's not good enough at thattime, I would say instead of,
returning back the answer oranswering them at the same time,
stay quiet.
And, because sometimes itwouldn't help if you say, Oh no,
this wasn't the case, or I don'tlike it the way you talk to me.
And then, you start building upgood relationship with that
(28:57):
person.
You have to be smart enough.
You have to be smart.
And I remember like once I wasat the airport, that was long
time back.
And at that time it was like,and not everything was
computerized.
Now you just scan it and then goout.
At that time, there was apassport of, and that was not in
Australia, somewhere else, andpassport officer, he had to
check everyone's passport and hehad to stamp it.
(29:18):
So it was a big line, the bigqueue was there.
So one of the lady, she stoodthere and she kept on fighting
with her, no, you didn't do thisand you didn't write.
And then the passport officerwas also not doing it.
It was angry and the second ladycame and she was just smiling
and then she was like, Oh yeah,yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
That's good.
Sorry.
It was my mistake.
(29:38):
And then, she was done and shehad her work done.
Mifrah Mahroof (29:43):
True.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (29:43):
I was just watching both of the cases.
I was like the first lady, she'sbecause the passport officer was
not in a good mood.
So she stood by and she foughtfor herself.
But the other one was smartenough and there was no point in
fighting here she was a smilingand you know easily slipped out.
Mifrah Mahroof (30:03):
it sounds like, build the relationship first,
establish that first before youassert your boundaries and
start, pretty much that.
Like, asserting your boundarieswould be a secondary thing.
You need to first build thatrelationship in order for you
to, be taken in the right way.
Because I think when this wholething about, you're trying to
assert your boundaries andstuff, if you haven't built a
relationship, they're going totake you in another way and then
(30:25):
you're not going to get what youwanted to from the start.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (30:29):
that's right.
Yeah.
If you do it from the verystart, then they will have the
impression that, she doesn'ttake any easy or she's not an
easy person or whatever.
But if you keep on buildingrelationship, and I think the
listening skills really, reallyhelp a lot in building
relationship
Mifrah Mahroof (30:47):
Tell me more about that.
What do you mean by listeningskills?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (30:50):
Listening skills, when you're listening to
me, you're listening tounderstand rather than listening
to hear.
So there are two differentthings, when somebody's talking
to you, you say, Oh, yes.
So, you're not trying tounderstand.
When you're trying to understandthat person, then you can ask
the question, okay, then, well,what do you think about it or
what happened?
Why did it happen?
(31:11):
Right?
So you will be in theconversation, but when you're
listening to hear, then theother person would easily
understand that you're not therefor
Mifrah Mahroof (31:19):
her.
You're not really there.
yeah.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (31:23):
be in your cell phone.
Oh yeah.
I'm listening to you.
Just like, you know, we arecooking and the kids are coming
and telling us, and the kidswould tell you, Mama, you're not
listening to me.
And so I'm listening to you.
I'm cooking, but I can't reallylook at you.
So what is the Sunnah way ofsaying?
Prophet SAW used to, turn theirface to the other person, listen
to the other person, whateverhe's saying, and then, turn
(31:44):
back.
But, this is how you should bedoing it as well.
And when you're listening to theother person, that's called
empathetic listening.
Empathetic listening means like,how you empathize with that
person.
Oh, oh, that really thathappened.
Oh, I'm so sorry that happenedfor you.
sometimes when we jump ontoconclusion as well, before the
(32:04):
other person like finishes herwhole story, we come into
conclusion.
That is one thing.
And the other thing that we dois, We start telling our own
story.
For example, you start tellingme about an experience you had
at the supermarket.
And then half the story, I wouldsay, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This happened with me as well.
(32:25):
The other day I was there.
And you don't know how thisperson acted or behaved or
whatever.
So, you don't need to do that.
So don't give your opinions.
Once it happened with me, my sonwas telling me something and he
was saying, I was talking tothis friend and then this is
how, what I told him.
So I was watching the shows andthen I stopped and said, you
(32:47):
know what?
You should tell him this, this,this, this as well.
And he just looked at my faceand said, you know what?
I'm only telling you.
I'm not asking you for youradvice.
I said, okay, I'm sorry
Mifrah Mahroof (32:59):
kids tell it as it is, right?
When we're adults, we startthinking that.
We don't, we don't say itanymore.
So, I'm
Sumaiya Siddiqui (33:06):
not asking for your advice, yeah, they don't
need your advice all the time.
So, when you have a goodlistening skill, when you
empathize with them, you say,okay, this, I know how you feel,
no, this is how bad you feel, sowhat are you going to do?
Okay, don't ask a lot ofquestions, but then, make the
other person feel that you havelistened to it.
(33:28):
One other thing is rephrasing atthe end.
So you think that this, this,this happened and this is what
you're going to do?
Okay, so your friend has toldyou this and you don't like it?
And you want to act some otherway?
Or you don't want to meet himanymore?
This is what you think?
so you summarize it, yourephrase it, so the other person
(33:48):
would understand that you havelistened to.
And I think sometimes it'sreally important in our
conversation to rephrase it,because then you get to know
that you and the other personare on the same page, or
sometimes this ismiscommunication.
For example, someone's like yourhusband is saying something to
you, can you get me this, this,this, so you can rephrase it.
(34:09):
Okay.
So you want me to go to theoffice works and collect this
thing and then come back home.
This is what you want me to dothat.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Right.
So when you rephrase it, thecommunication becomes clearer.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:23):
100 percent yeah, and then it stops any
miscommunications.
Yeah, miscommunication is whatcauses a lot of conflict as
well.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (34:31):
Yes, that's right.
Causes a lot of conflict.
So communication has to be clearin relationships.
So if we talk about selfrespect, we talk about
boundaries before that, you haveto build up a relationship with
people.
So relationship builds up.
Yeah.
So relationship building is soimportant.
It's so important.
(34:52):
And then be smart.
Mifrah Mahroof (34:54):
It seems like the fundamental, aspect of
building a relationship is beingthat good listener and listening
with understanding and empathy.
And that way you can be able toconnect with that person and
then they would be morereceptive at that point to
listen to you as well.
And that's when we can reallybuild that strong relationship
(35:15):
and build that trust with thepeople around us so that when we
are coming to the point ofasserting our boundaries, they
would know that.
Okay, she's not just telling methis to cause a fight or be
difficult, like this is herboundaries and they would
respect that as the way as yourespected them.
So that's an interesting way toput it and it's amazing how all
(35:35):
of these things really come backto our own skills, like all of
these, our own skills of selfesteem, self respect, listening,
it all comes down to us.
It's very rarely, about theother person.
It's not, it's, there's so muchpower we have.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (35:51):
Oh yeah.
So much power that We have.
SubhanAllah.
Mifrah Mahroof (35:54):
and we give our power away to like situations,
people and all of these things.
It's like that story youmentioned earlier, like how that
lady's walking down the market,why is everyone frowning at me?
And she's just given her poweraway to everyone in the market.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (36:09):
That's so true.
And then, I'm feeling badbecause he talked to me like
that, or I'm feeling because ofthe situation, of the
circumstances.
So you have to control your ownemotions and feelings as well at
the same time.
So this is who I am.
So, control yourself.
(36:29):
As you said, like everyone,everything comes back to us, how
skilled or how strong we are.
So when we have a balance in ourapproaches, so then we will be
very focused in what we want todo.
Mifrah Mahroof (36:42):
and the more work we do on ourselves, our
mindset, our growth, then we canbetter be equipped to deal with
all these things at the end.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (36:50):
Yeah, that's right.
And I think everything goes backto, If someone wants to be
stronger in relationships, ifsomeone wants to be stronger in
their clock, they should begoing deeper down into the
Seerah of the Prophet SAW.
Mifrah Mahroof (37:05):
Hmm,
Sumaiya Siddiqui (37:05):
So Prophet Muhammad SAW's Seerah is
actually amazing, and you haveto contemplate a lot.
How his wives dealt with them,how he dealt with all of them,
how did they kept their dignityor their self-respect.
His wife Aisha RA, she was only18 when Prophet Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam died.
(37:25):
And I think she was 80 years oldwhen she passed away.
So at that time, Subhanallah,she lived for such a long time
with dignity, with a selfrespect.
And she would never give awaytheir self respect.
so I think going deeper into theSeerah, and studying their life.
How did they live?
(37:46):
they never had easy lives, and Ithink that Seerah is the
backbone of our deen.
If you want to learn, or if youwant to have a balanced
personality, you should bestudying Seerah in very,
contemplating it.
This is what the point is that Iwant to have it, go deeper.
Mifrah Mahroof (38:04):
Some of the questions that I ask our guess,
at the end of the show is what'sone book that's helped you level
up in your life?
So you're mentioning Serrah.
Is there a particular version ofthe Serrah that really resonates
with you a lot?
Sumaiya Siddiqui (38:14):
yeah, the sealed nectar, that's very much
in detail.
And then you have the Seerah ofthe Khulafah Rashidin.
I can't really remember the nameof the writer, but you can get
those books in Daarus Salaam.
So it's amazing, Seerah, of AbuBakar, Umar RA, all those like,
you know, um, all the KhulafaurRasyidin and then, you can
(38:40):
listen to podcast.
Dr.
Rania Awaad wa she had likebeautiful podcast on, Khadija
RA, the Life of khadija, that'sreally interesting.
She talks about from thepsychological perspective as
well.
So how she was so strong and howshe was so rich, she was a
working woman, she was runningher own business.
So she had so many aspects oflife that we can look into it.
(39:02):
And that's a learning lesson forus.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:04):
Please do share that link and InshaAllah we'll
add it on to our show notes sothat listeners can also check
that out as well.
That sounds
Sumaiya Siddiqui (39:11):
I'll do that.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:13):
Okay, we're actually close to the ending of
our interview, so I would loveto know how our audience can
reach out and connect with youand learn more about what you're
doing.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (39:22):
So I'll leave my Instagram page and my
website, inshaAllah.
So anyone can reach out.
And then they can talk about itif they have, if they're passing
through any, challenging issuesin their life or they want to
grow as a Muslim and want to dosomething for the ummah, I think
they should, and I think everywoman should be thinking like
that, as mothers.
(39:43):
This is how I see myself, we arethe role models for our kids.
So this is how moms should belooking at themselves like
strong and moving ahead.
Yeah.
So you're very welcome toconnect with me, InshaAllah.
Mifrah Mahroof (39:56):
Look, it's been an absolute pleasure.
Thank you so much for coming ontoday.
Sumaiya Siddiqui (40:00):
Yeah.
Jazakallah Khair, lovely to behere.
Mifrah Mahroof (40:02):
Hey everyone, that wraps up another episode of
the Muslim Life Hackers podcast.
I really hope you enjoyed ourchat today and got some great
takeaways from it.
If you like what you heard anddon't want to miss out on our
next conversations, hit thatsubscribe button.
It really means a lot to us andhelps us grow the show.
And you know what?
If you're feeling extra generoustoday, drop us a review or a
rating.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
(40:24):
Thank you again for tuning inuntil next time, keep striving
and getting better every day.
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