Martha is joined by her friend Deanna Boyd, a longtime make-up artist and photographer who, through her work & her brand, encourages women to embrace their unique look.
Find Deanna:
Unfiltered and Evolving Beauty
Instagram
YouTube
In this conversation recorded before the podcast even launched, they compare notes on aging and discuss:
- What exactly IS clitoral atrophy?
- What happens to ALL our faces as we get closer to menopause?
- What do your sleep habits have to do with it?
- And what are Deanna's for changing your make up as you age?
A request: Martha’s STILL looking for the right longevity expert to bring to you. DM her on Instagram or reply to any Sisterhood email to make suggestions. I’m looking for someone fun. May be too much to ask. Who knows?
Important links
Nurse Jamie pillow to help you avoid scrunching your face while you sleep.
Affordable Mulberry silk pillow cases Martha uses to reduce wear and tear on her hair and her facial skin.
Meno belly.
Dr. Christiane Northrup menopause book that Deanna said opened her eyes, gave her comfort, and informed her approach to this transitional season.
MAV TIP: Love yourself as you are. Wear the bright lipstick. Keep your hair long if you want. Take the trip because you deserve it. Having fun and seizing our moments are important to healthy aging!
Take care of yourself. And take care of your vagina!
Everything show related at MyAloofVagina.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Martha (00:01):
Hey there here's what's coming up in this episode.
Deanna (00:04):
What is, is it just like the mom pouch?
what are we gonna call that?
Martha (00:07):
I think it's the mom pouch.
People have all their lives.
I know.
Is that thickening around themiddle where you just don't look
like a girl anymore.
You, it's just a grandma.
Look, it's called Menno
Deanna (00:16):
Menno Belly.
That's what we, yes.
Martha (00:18):
I've seen that.
I think on some terrible adsthat I was targeted by on
Facebook.
Deanna (00:22):
Yeah, I wonder what I'm gonna get now that it's been
listening.
Like what kind of thing?
I'll screenshot and send it toyou.
Martha (00:29):
Listen, I should actually put that into the
release.
by appearing on this podcast,you are telling the algorithm
that you want all of the adsabout men, Obel belly.
Yes.
Literal atrophy, libidoproblems, hair loss, eye lifts.
Welcome to the My Aloof VaginaPodcast, where we explore the
(00:49):
distress and surprise of ourmidlife transitions.
We take menopause seriously, butwe don't take ourselves
seriously.
We believe that learning what toexpect in perimenopause can be
entertaining.
It's inevitable, so we may aswell equip ourselves and have a
good time.
I'm your host, Martha, and thisepisode was actually recorded
before the podcast evenlaunched.
(01:10):
My friend Deanna Boyd and I hadbeen talking about what was
happening with our bodies andour brains, so we decided to
record it.
Deanna is a longtime makeupartist and photographer who
encourages women to their uniquelook through her work and with
her social presence.
As unfiltered and evolvingbeauty as friends do.
We meander a bit, we talk abouta lot of things.
(01:32):
What exactly is clitoralatrophy?
What happens to all our faces aswe get closer to menopause that
she even notices with the richand famous?
And what do your sleep habitshave to do with it?
And what key tips.
Does she have around changingyour makeup as you age?
We've got the answers to allthese questions and more in this
episode, so stick around.
(01:54):
By the way as always anything we talk about during
the show is referenced in theshow notes for each episode
links, more details photos,those kinds of things.
You can find them any time rightthere in your podcast app or at
myaloofvagina.com
My favorite part about thispodcast has been being able to
share some of my favorite peoplewith you, some of my
(02:16):
accomplished friends, myinteresting friends.
And before I tell you a littlebit more about the conversation
today, I do wanna let you knowthat I am still away from home.
That situation with the olderrelative who fell and needed
surgery has now doubled.
I now have two older relativeshere, both with osteoporosis,
(02:37):
both with dangerous fracturesthat required surgery.
It's been a lot, I mean, I feel.
Like I've aged a decade in thefew weeks I've been here, and I
am sure that I look like itright now.
I'm hidden away up in thetreehouse to record, so it might
not be great sound quality forthis intro, and you may even
hear in the background, wantedto mention it again because.
(02:59):
Longevity is still on my mind.
Osteoporosis is on my mind and Iwanna make sure I bring someone
on the show to talk about it, totalk about things we can do to
avoid it and to improve ourexperience as we age.
So if you know anybody, if youknow a longevity expert who's
fun or funny, which might be astretch, Or you have any other
(03:19):
suggestions for me and the show,please send me a DM on Instagram
or reply to any sisterhoodemail, and let me know.
Now, one key part of healthyaging is making sure you're
having fun choosing fun, andDeanna and I definitely have fun
in this conversation.
She mentions in passing a bookthat helped her realize she was
(03:41):
in perimenopause, that book islinked in the show notes for
you.
So this chat opens with measking her what she's noticed
about this stage of life.
symptoms that you're experiencing because I'm
cataloging these now.
because no one told me like, noone ever told me
Deanna (03:54):
So I'm starting to notice like just the differences
in my skin, you know, like howthe skin hangs.
That's been a big thing.
Martha (04:02):
Your jowls, you keep referencing your gel
Deanna (04:04):
right here, right And then the one eye that's Drew,
then the other.
And it, can we talk to that
Martha (04:10):
about that, can we just talk about the one eye, because
I'm, I don't, I
Deanna (04:13):
never know.
Are you noticing?
Well, I don't see, I alreadyyou, it's slight for you.
Okay, so that would be yourright eye like looking, My right
eye's the same.
if you're noticing celebritiesour age,
Martha (04:23):
well yeah.
So let's talk about that becauseI always had hooded eyes.
I always had one eye that wassmaller than the other.
But when you and I were talkinga couple months ago, you
mentioned like as a throwawayline.
Oh, you know how one side wellage differently in one eye.
And I had never heard that.
So please explain this one eyething what
Deanna (04:39):
is the story?
Well, most likely you're aroundour age range, so you're gonna
probably notice and I hatecalling out names, but you know,
they're out there.
But like Jennifer Aniston,Courtney Cox, Gwyneth Paltro,
Naomi Watts, around our agerange.
You know these actresses thatwere very popular in the
nineties.
And you just see it.
(04:59):
And here's the thing, it's arare occasion that you find
somebody like Janet Jackson,that's perfectly Like
symmetrical, you know, her eyesand usually you are gonna be a
little off, or your nose is alittle crooked and things like
that.
That's what makes us beautifulthose unique things.
It's just the way it is.
And it goes with boobs too.
boobs, same thing one.
You know what they're.
Sister's not twins.
(05:20):
Isn't that the the thing?
Okay.
It's like brown.
Martha (05:22):
Mine are cousins, cousin, My boobs are cousins.
They're not even
Deanna (05:28):
sisters.
No.
So, you know, I just wanna throwthat out there.
And you're beautiful just theway you are and this is just if
you're starting to see thatit's, it's natural.
Botox can't help that.
It's a facelift that's gonnahelp that.
Or like some kind of surgicaleye surgery that's gonna help
that Botox is not gonna help.
That.
that is a natural part of aging.
Martha (05:46):
You were saying something about I know our faces
aren't symmetrical.
Um, and by the way, this is notthe podcast where we have to
worry about, you know,everyone's beautiful.
This is not that podcast, Thisis a podcast where my vagina
wasn't working
Deanna (05:57):
so well know.
I know, but I believe there'senough on social media to make
you feel bad.
You know what I mean?
Right.
So I just, my clients, I justnever want them to ever feel
that way.
You know, as a makeup artist andphotographer, I'm like, you are
stunning just the way you are,yes, I can help you with that,
or I can tell you why that'shappening, But I never want
anybody to feel that bad about.
So
Martha (06:16):
the uneven part?
Not the fact that they're notsymmetrical, but you said as you
age, there's something aboutlike only one side falls
Deanna (06:24):
or something.
Is that, well, listen, I am nota professional d dermatologist,
plastic surgeon, whatever.
So this is just my opinion.
I've been a makeup artist for 30years.
Oh God.
Actually it'll be 31 years thisyear.
I, so I know.
I'm like, ugh.
But yeah, I just feel like whatI've noticed in my, you know,
(06:46):
experience it's one side thatjust kind of, and then
eventually it evens out, but oneside goes further.
I don't know if you've noticedthat.
part of your body, this, thispart is just, it's heading
downward earlier and then thisother side will eventually
match.
Martha (07:01):
So, so that's what you're saying is that when we
age, what you've noticed,because you're up close on
people's faces and all day longand paying attention.
Mm-hmm.
one side starts to go first.
So for a little while it looks alittle bit unbalanced.
That's
Deanna (07:14):
it from my experience.
That is just what I've seen andI've just, I see it with my
clients.
I see it with like celebritiesand these are people that pay
money to get all the thingsdone.
And you can even still see itwith them cuz they haven't had
the whole face lift or theyhaven't had the eye, surgery or,
that kind of thing.
So they haven't done that yet.
And hey, props to people that dothat, whatever makes you feel
Martha (07:34):
better.
You know, because I think I seeit on my face for sure.
I just am annoyed that it's thesame side that was already
smaller.
So it's just, it's just, um,intensifying that.
Whereas if it had been the otherside, I might have been even for
a
Deanna (07:46):
couple years, and that's probably why maybe that side has
always been that way, has alwaysbeen the one that's gravity wise
going downward faster.
Martha (07:55):
I don't mean to harp on it.
I just found it so fascinatingwhen you said that kind of in
passing to me and I said, Ooh,hold up.
Here's the other thing.
A friend of mine, her mom usedto have this party trick, she
could tell what side you sleepon because of the crease.
So, I have been trying probablyfor a decade to sleep on my
back.
I mean, I sleep with a silkpillow case, but I try to sleep
(08:15):
on my back as much as possible.
Of course, I wake up on my side,look at me and say, oh, I, you
sleep on this side,
Deanna (08:20):
on your right side.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and you know what?
And that's a PO that couldpossibly.
contribute to that too, youknow?
Definitely I have had necksurgery, So I sleep with like a
neck pillow it's a satin one.
I have a, I have one that I candefinitely recommend.
Ooh.
And she, we'll put that in theshow notes.
Yeah.
Nurse.
Jamie, I think it is.
And I love her pillow because ifyou are a side sleeper, so it
(08:41):
does the neck thing, which isactually really supportive here.
But she has this really uniquepillow it's a weird shape.
I'm trying to think of how todescribe it.
But it has this area where ifyou do sleep on your side, It's
open.
So, yeah.
So you so there's lessscrunching.
There's less scr.
I want that pillow.
Okay.
I'll show that pillow.
I'll show it to you.
It's fabulous.
But it's re really great fornext support too.
Martha (09:02):
That's good.
I'm all about gadgets andthings.
Mean the silk pillow casespeople.
Oh wow.
Like why wouldn't I?
They're not that expensive.
Oh yes.
It's good for my hair.
It's good for my skin.
And I change them more oftenbecause I'm aware I'm paying
attention, so.
Deanna (09:17):
oh yeah, that's true.
That's a whole other thing onjust like sleeping on a dirty
pillow and one thing I was gonnasay too, not only with like my
face, but it's that little frontarea right here, the little
pouch.
Like on on your stomach Okay.
Arm pouch Yes.
I think they call it f a fpa.
Isn't that what it is?
Oh,
Martha (09:34):
is it a fpa?
I thought FPA was lower.
It is, but
Deanna (09:37):
I don't know.
Technically it's a, I just,yeah, I don't know.
All I know is it's like thelittle tummy portion above the
FPA
Martha (09:43):
Yes.
Right,
Deanna (09:44):
Why is that?
why
Martha (09:46):
I was kind of, was fatter on the stomach.
Like I still don't like havelike a narrow waist or a flat
stomach.
Yeah, I, yeah, right.
I had great legs, but you know,more apple shaped so it was
never super flat.
It always carried fat there,even when I was thin.
But then I had that surgery withthe fibroids, which was
basically a cesarean, but nobabies, just mm-hmm.
giant fibroids.
so I had now a cesarean scar anda cesarean incision.
(10:09):
And since that happened, now Ihave that like shelf, which I
never had before, which reallywas upsetting to me because, you
know, zero to 45, none of that.
And now I've got that, it's.
I don't
Deanna (10:22):
understand.
it's very normal.
It's hormonal.
And even for the women that dowork out and they have typically
had had like a flat stomach andthat they're even noticing like
that area is just hard unlessyou're doing something
surgically to kind of help it,you know?
Martha (10:36):
So you're not talking about just the mom pouch, you're
talking about menopausalincreased fat around your
middle.
Deanna (10:42):
That's what I'm noticing.
Yes.
It's just all around, cortisollevels and things like that.
Sure.
Martha (10:48):
The thickening around the middle.
Deanna (10:49):
Yes.
Martha (10:50):
It's why women wear these big flower tops that like
tie at the boobs to create likea curtain
Deanna (10:55):
or Spanx
Martha (10:56):
or Spanx or older women, the whole dressing thing where,
you know, I shouldn't even saythis out loud because it's gonna
be me where they wear outfitsthat highlight their legs
because their legs still lookgood.
Uh huh that this whole kind offat middle thing doesn't exist.
You know what I'm talking aboutabout?
Deanna (11:14):
Yes, I know, I know.
Martha (11:16):
I have that build anyway, I have a feeling it's
gonna get worse with menopause.
Like that's gonna be my, LEWK
Deanna (11:22):
Well Nooo it's not gonna be your look.
We can change that.
We can fix that.
Come on, we can fix that.
But I think we're not ourparents 52.
You know?
Right.
So when you're talking aboutdressing,
Martha (11:32):
we're not Golden Girls 52 because they were in their
Deanna (11:34):
fifties.
Yes.
and the youngest one was intheir forties.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Martha (11:40):
You know, it just goes to show that those style choices
can make such a difference inhow you feel and how you look.
And you can disguise your, poochor whatever, your menopause,
what
Deanna (11:48):
is that called?
What is, is it just like the mompouch?
Is it what, what are we gonnacall that?
Maybe there's
a
Martha (11:52):
difference for that.
I think it's the mom pouch.
People have all their lives.
This is that thickening.
I know.
Is that thickening around themiddle where you just you don't
look like a girl anymore.
You, it's just a grandma.
Look, it's called Menno Belly.
I know.
Deanna (12:06):
I don't, yeah.
Menno Menno men.
Menno Belly.
That's what we, yes.
Martha (12:11):
I've seen that.
I think on some terrible adsthat I was targeted by on
Facebook.
Deanna (12:15):
Yeah, I wonder what I'm gonna get now that it's been
listening.
Like what kind of thing?
I'll screenshot and send it toyou.
Martha (12:22):
Listen, I should actually put that into the
release.
by appearing on this podcast,you are telling the algorithm
that you want all of the adsabout men, Obel belly.
Yes.
Literal atrophy, libidoproblems, hair loss, eye lifts.
Deanna (12:38):
I think you need a whole, I think you just need one
podcast on the clitoral atrophy.
I've heard a little bit, I'veread a little bit, but not, I
mean, I'd like to understandyour experience more.
Martha (12:49):
Yes, I, well, I've actually posted an episode that
I'll send you a link.
Ooh, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
It is the flagship affliction ofthis podcast, so I'm happy to
talk about it briefly.
Yes.
So
Deanna (13:01):
Mylo
Martha (13:01):
vagina.
Yes.
My aloof vagina is just, youknow, a different way to refer
to cli A atrophy.
Atrophy clitoral atrophy soclitoral atrophy or what we call
ca.
Okay.
is a real thing, it has to dowith a combination of hormone
changes but also lack of usebecause our body is very
efficient and it's not gonnaspend a lot of resources
(13:23):
keeping, your clitoris fullyplump with full circulation and
nerve sensitivity if it's notbeing used because that's just a
sensory organ.
Mm-hmm.
If you're not using it, you'rejust neglecting it and you're
not, getting aroused and havingall that erectile tissue fill up
with blood, then over time itjust atrophies.
(13:43):
The clitoral atrophy actually,Results in, it's shrinking so
it's less accessible.
And then harder to get iterected, bring it back to a
life.
Bring it back to life.
the other thing that peopledon't know is that your clitoral
spongy tissue that gets engorgedis actually a whole figure eight
around your body.
So it's from the what we knownow, men might not know.
(14:04):
Have you seen in my logo thatstar is the clitoris?
So, okay.
Deanna (14:09):
it makes sense now it's Right.
Martha (14:12):
Right there, everyone thinking is right there.
It's that spot.
And they're like, go in andthey're like rubbing it like and
a eraser.
Right.
cuz once like, I know where thelittle man in the canoe is so
they go there But it really, allthe nerve endings and everything
goes all the way around your Band your vagina and then crosses
in between like in the mm-hmm.
I don't know how to say theword.
Is it perineum?
Or perineum,
Deanna (14:31):
The taint.
Yeah, the taints.
Yeah.
It crosses.
Yes, it's the
Martha (14:35):
taint.
Cause this is not a medicalpodcast.
Yes.
Process,
Deanna (14:38):
please.
Yeah, please.
You.
I come here for that
Martha (14:40):
Yeah.
And surrounds your, anus, yourbutthole.
and then it also goes inside.
There are legs of it that gointo your vagina, which leads
to, what is your G-spot?
The G spot's not a separatething, it's just where some of
the spongy tissue ends up insideyour vagina.
It's all connected.
the outside clitoris that's thecanary in the coal mine.
If that starts to recede and gointo the hood and you can't get
(15:02):
it to work or it's notsensitive, that's just because
that is like dying from lack ofuse and hormone and, and
circulation.
Interesting.
So then that leads to otherissues because all those muscles
are together.
So it's not unrelated toincontinence, it's not unrelated
to other vaginal atrophy anddysfunction.
It's not unrelated to pelvicfloor health.
(15:23):
It's all together.
it's not just a sex issue.
Sure.
It's a pelvic health issue.
in my case, from being celibateand through some masturbation
free years out of guilt and anold toy, frankly, if I'm honest,
had, I hadn't using the samestyle toy for
Deanna (15:39):
20 years.
There's so many choices now.
I made Yeah, I know.
I mean,
Martha (15:43):
so I had to switch it up cause like, oh.
And since I wasn't working, Iwasn't doing it and I didn't
have a bathtub.
There are all these things thatwere leading to less of that.
so when I was surprised with afun, unexpected sexual encounter
that was, oh, hey, this isn'tworking properly.
The alert.
And then when I went and did theresearch, I realized that, but
that was a mild case.
(16:04):
Praise the Lord.
Yeah.
that research led to everythingelse because once I was aware of
that, I realized, oh, I am inperimenopause.
And then I started recognizingthe other symptoms.
And then doing all the otherresearch.
But it all started because, youknow, it, what is wrong with you
It wasn't working like itworked, but it kind of felt
like, I mean, I, I can speakopenly cause I'm not in that
(16:27):
relationship anymore.
And I was so sensitive andworried about his ego and
everything, but there were timeswhen I thought, shouldn't,
shouldn't I be feeling moreright now?
Like, shouldn't this feeldifferent?
Shouldn't, yeah.
and then I felt self-consciousand responsible because, you
know, it's, it's always ourfault if things aren't wonderful
right?
Like, oh, maybe I'm frigid,whatever, all those things.
(16:47):
But that is not my opinion.
It's not the truth.
But, we're such caregivers andwe feel so responsible that it
had to be an amazing experience.
And if my, sexual organs werenot responding properly, now, I
was at fault.
Although I don't hold a guy atfault if he has any kind of ed
issue.
Right.
But I totally do upon myself.
Remember it wasn't that
Deanna (17:06):
good, you know?
Well, here's, you could tellsomething.
You could tell something was up,something
Martha (17:11):
was wrong.
But I will tell you this nowthat its over and I wouldn't
have been able to say thisbefore.
I think that the good sex I wastrying to recover with him as as
I was going and I was justreally invested in it being
great cuz when I reflected, moreobjectively it was just any sex
in a storm, any sex in thequarantine And that it had been
(17:35):
so long, but also once Irealized that there was a
dysfunction, I was so focused onfixing that dysfunction I kind
of ignored that overall it wasfine.
Yeah.
It wasn't wonderful, but at thetime I was really invested in
believing that it was great andfabulous and that this was the
one issue.
But really it was so muchoverall.
No.
Like I'm like, oh that was greatbut I'm not gonna remember it as
(17:57):
this amazing, sexualcompatibility.
or experience.
But I'm grateful cuz I wouldn'teven have noticed.
Yeah.
I would been a couple more yearsdown the road possibly just cuz
of my nature.
I'm not really a hookup.
Gal, obviously Sure.
By the celibacy.
so if he hadn't shown up likewith his dick in his hand,
literally, like he was just
Deanna (18:17):
delivering it right there.
Yeah.
I mean, legendary
Martha (18:20):
epic bravo crap.
I I still am so impressed withhis, his ballsiness.
Yes.
No pun intended, but like reallyvery impressive.
Hilariously impressive.
But, if you hadn't shown up, Iwould've been two more years
maybe longer.
Oh yeah.
And, and not down the path ofdegradation and atrophy and for
me Sure.
Some hormone deficiencies whoknows?
(18:41):
So it all works out great.
And I'm not gonna sneeze at anysex, cuz it was still fine.
It was great, you know?
Yeah.
Because I was there and I'mpretty good at this.
Sure.
Yes.
But, it wasn't dreamy.
Yeah.
It just, I was distracted by theconcern about my own.
Functioning.
And so I
Deanna (18:56):
lot, I would be, would be too like, like, what is, what
is wrong with you?
Come on now.
You know, like, come on.
I was betrayed.
Come on you, come on now.
like, you know, work for me.
Work for me.
That's interesting.
It's very interesting to justthink about that whole thing I
was doing keels while we'retalking.
I'm like, I'm just, oh, let's dothose again.
Like as you're talking about,I'm like, no atrophy.
(19:16):
No atrophy,
Martha (19:17):
nothing.
Give That helps with circulationfor
Deanna (19:19):
sure.
I know.
I've been trying to do more ofthose, you know, they say when
you're pregnant you should dothat or whatever, and you should
just do it in general.
I forget about it until we starttalking about mm-hmm.
that, or if I read something,I'm like, oh, gotta do it.
Gotta work on it.
You know?
Martha (19:31):
I will add this cuz I've, of course I'm obsessed,
right?
Yes.
And so I've been researching andthere's a whole specialty now on
pelvic floor health.
And people who do pelvic-floortherapy and interventions and
things.
And, what they're saying now isthat kegels are not necessarily
the best way to do it.
they're good for you.
Cuz even when you do it, likeright now with my eyebrows,
right?
Yes.
I'm doing it.
I can feel that there's moreblood flow.
(19:53):
Yes.
Right?
Yes, yes.
Like you're almost, I could getmyself excited right.
If I
Deanna (19:57):
Oh wow.
Okay
Martha (19:57):
I'm just saying
Deanna (19:58):
Okay,
Martha (19:59):
Just because, because it's like a lot of attention
there.
Deanna (20:01):
Sure.
Martha (20:01):
So it, it's good for you.
But to do too many can, canstrengthen just one part of your
pelvic floor that can cause animbalance.
Nowadays they have exercisersWhat do you,
Deanna (20:14):
you like shove it up in there and do what?
What?
Martha (20:16):
Yeah.
I don't really know.
I, I haven't, I haven't actuallygone deeper in, cuz I have, I
did buy myself
Deanna (20:20):
deeper in
Martha (20:23):
I did buy myself something called a vFit Okay.
Which is, do you know aboutthis?
Deanna (20:29):
No, but I feel like I've seen that.
It's probably in my algorithmThat's probably why
Martha (20:32):
I'm sure you're getting ads cuz we're friends So Vfi is,
I dunno what it is right now,but it was like a$500 device.
My friend's like, you're buyinga$500 vibrator.
I'm like, all in the name ofresearch.
Deanna (20:42):
I knew it was gonna,
Martha (20:43):
I mean, bought myself a Dyson Airwrap Why wouldn't I buy
myself, the you know, equivalentof my vagina appliance.
the vFit uses red-light therapy
Deanna (20:53):
Okay.
Martha (20:54):
It uses red light to which we know is proven
Deanna (20:56):
Yes.
Martha (20:56):
To help, keep the tissues fresh
Deanna (20:58):
mm-hmm
Martha (20:58):
And moist and healthy,
Deanna (21:00):
moist
Martha (21:00):
and a certain kind of vibration.
And then you use it every otherday.
And then it helps with health.
That's just one thing it keepsthings, revved up, but it's not
a sex toy.
not that you can't use it thatway
Deanna (21:09):
Does it feel like a sex toy
Martha (21:10):
No.
It depends on
Deanna (21:11):
does it feel like a sex toy?
Martha (21:13):
It depends on the mood I'm in.
Deanna (21:14):
Right.
Martha (21:15):
If I'm, if I'm like scrolling through the news and
doing my 10 minutes, Mm-hmm.
it's just
Deanna (21:19):
Yeah.
It's just therapy.
Martha (21:21):
If I'm like, Ooh, I should do my vFit Hmm.
it's like anything else in acertain mindset, I'm like, oh,
and I can take care of otherthings at the same time.
but it does vibrate, but it'sinternal vibration.
It's specific to, I mean, Iimagine if that's what gets you
excited, then that would forsure be a sex toy.
obviously with my obsession withthe external, that's not really
Deanna (21:41):
not your thing
Martha (21:41):
Not currently.
anyway, things change.
Life is long
Deanna (21:45):
Things change Hello.
Hey there, I'm popping in totell you that the Vfi did not
cost$500.
I paid$500 for a Dyson Air wrap,so I must have confused it.
But you can actually pay evenless than I paid on any vfi
purchase by using my codes or mylinks.
In the show notes, you'll find alink for a special limited time
offer for the My Aloof Vaginabundle, where your price on a
(22:07):
complete Vfi starter kit isactually less than the regular
price for the vfi alone.
The kit comes with the gel,cleansing wipes, and other
things, and you save more than$50 on those bonuses.
The code for that is MAV Kit andit's available only while
supplies last.
Or you can pick any products youlike, including the VFI Gold and
(22:28):
get 10% off.
Everything with Mav 10.
You'll see the discounts appliedin the shopping cart.
I recommend the vfi to all myfriends you and your maturing
Vagina can thank me later.
Martha (22:40):
there are different exercisers that even have
feedback and apps.
I haven't looked into them, butI will now that we've talked
about it.
Mm-hmm.
where you stick it in and youuse different muscles or
whatever.
The whole point is, I alwaysthought keels and would do them.
And now, and I'm like,
Deanna (22:54):
as I'm focused,
Martha (22:55):
what, what'd you say?
Well, I can't hear you.
I'm feeling Um, I think it'sanother symptom.
The attention to our healththat's shifting, Yep.
But it's interesting to me thatit's not in the medical field,
it's all commerce.
It's the V fit.
It's doing the research whetherkeels are really the best way.
So now someone sees anopportunity and sells a gadget,
(23:16):
as opposed to the doctorssaying, keels are not the way.
Instead private industry.
yeah.
Women
Deanna (23:22):
industry, women's health in general, like, I mean the
beauty industry Yeah.
Is where it's happening.
that's just the way people shopanymore and the way they do
things is all influenced by,whether it's friends or
influencers or that kind ofthing or something.
You read, watch whatever, acelebrity endorsed it, yada
yada.
I do think since this is like,God, it sounds so, it sounds so
(23:45):
saying it from a 52 year old,but things are just so different
now.
The way we communicate, the waywe share information.
why not talk more about like,this is what's lacking in the
medical industry.
more focus on women and agingwomen and women that are going
through this time of life.
And you're starting to see moreof that.
And it's not just because thealgorithm rhythm says so.
(24:06):
It's because it's just ourgeneration.
We're just like, listen, we'reloud and but you need to help us
get through this period.
You know?
And I think there's just moreinformation, more doctors that
are focusing on that.
the book that I was talking toyou about, I'm throwing this
disclaimer out here now.
You don't need to give the
Martha (24:22):
disclaimer because Okay.
I don't, no, I don't want adisclaimer.
it's a useful
Deanna (24:26):
book.
Martha (24:26):
She's a specialist in women's health, and I think the
book, is useful.
And I also have seen her as anexpert in women's health for a
very long time.
So I, same.
Deanna (24:34):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, everything I'veresearched on her, and she was
one of the first people likesaying, listen, there is not
enough funding.
So I've had to create my ownfacility to help women during
this time.
They're not freaking just losingtheir mind.
Martha (24:48):
So, Dr.
Christian.
Northrop.
Mm-hmm.
long history of being someonewho focuses on our rhythms and
our health holistically andspiritually, energetically.
But also she's a gynecologist,yes, yes, yes.
Um, so she's a legitimate expertand has been talking about
menopause and change for yearsYes.
And years.
And this book that you read, um,what's the title of that book?
(25:11):
It's funny cause
Deanna (25:13):
show notes.
Martha (25:13):
So one of, when we were talking about you being a makeup
artist for more than 30 years.
More than 30 years So I knowthat, I mean, listen, I didn't
even own any makeup until youand I had a consultation.
you had some things come on now.
You were like, throw that away.
Throw that away.
Yes.
Throw it away.
I didn't have any foundation.
(25:33):
My brushes were sad and old.
I went to Sephora with a list.
My friend says, buy thesethings.
I know.
I love it.
it was great and I did it.
And now I have makeup and I wearmakeup more than ever now.
Thank you.
Yes, yes.
and I feel like I have all thethings I need, part of that
probably was that I had aged Iwas still doing things the way I
would've done them when I was25.
And we've talked in the past,about you have techniques and
(25:57):
some things that women can do.
as they get older there arechanges, right?
Deanna (26:01):
Oh yeah, I've got a lot of them.
We'll have to do another podcaston that, like, just full blown.
if you can take two takeawaysfrom today Yes, please.
Martha (26:09):
And then we'll and then we'll come back and we'll do a
whole thing about that.
Yes, yes,
Deanna (26:12):
yes, yes.
Then it would be fine because I,I deal with, you know, girls
that are your tweens to women intheir seventies.
So I'm dealing with women of alldifferent age ages.
But the one thing that I willsay, is we don't need foundation
to cover up every single thing.
It really is.
Less is more.
I love makeup, so I'm gonnawear, I love the eyeshadow,
eyelight or whatever.
(26:32):
especially in person, less ismore spot conceal versus like a
full mask of foundation.
Foundation really should just beto even out the skin tone.
And then to come in with spotconcealer.
Like I have some really big darksunspots on certain parts of my
face.
I have hereditary dark circlesthat I blame on my dad cuz they
(26:53):
are hereditary.
So covering those up.
and I just think that withmakeup, this is my second
biggest thing, I know there aretechniques to like lift and do
these things.
I believe that if you are justhappy wearing the way you like
to wear your makeup, and ifthat's a big bold lip, yes, you
do it because makeup such anexpression even until you're 95.
(27:17):
You know what I mean?
like, there's people on socialmedia that I follow that you
know, are models and they're intheir seventies and still
wearing a bright red lipstick,hot pink, I pro aging, you know
what I mean?
It's such a blessing to age,right?
It's such a privilege to age cuzwe know how short life can be,
have fun with your makeup, youknow, of course there's ways
that you can look fresh andyada, yada, yada.
(27:37):
But at the same time, I want youto still share your personality.
Martha (27:40):
so the two tips are, and as I'm, I'm like staring at your
face and look at my face and I'mso concerned about the, the
lighting, but also like, youlook beautiful and fresh and I'm
like, pull together.
No, but because, because ofpreferences on, on, you know,
also you have a differentcomplexion than I do.
Well,
Deanna (27:58):
but I did spot conceal.
Yeah.
I'm not wearing a full face offoundation either.
Yeah.
Martha (28:02):
Like, you know, the tips are you don't need a full face
of foundation.
You can just spot cover it.
And that's what you do to lookfresh when you're in person and
to maintain your personality.
So makeups for fun.
So if there's something youlove, like a bold lip or a
certain kind of eyeliner orsomething that you like to do,
keep doing it.
You don't have to change it justcuz you're aging
Deanna (28:20):
or just because the nothing bothers me more.
And this we can get in onto theother podcast but is watching
social media influencers tellingme, eh, this is wrong.
Eh, stop this, don't do this.
it just drives me crazy.
So it's like, you know, watchwho you follow, you know, but I
follow people that like feed me,you know what I mean?
Like, give me good information,but I'm not, I'm gonna still do
(28:42):
what makes sense to me.
If I wanna wear a full blushlike I always do, hell yeah.
I'm gonna do what I want, cuzthat feels good to me, I'm just
all about doing you.
And especially with makeup, ofcourse there's techniques, of
course, you can do things toaccentuate and, lessen the
appearance of whatever But atthe same time it's like, it's
still being your personality.
To me that's more youthful thananything
Martha (29:03):
else.
Well, I think that's a goodplace for us to end, because
really the message is, one ofthe gifts of aging is knowing
who you are and allowingyourself to just be you.
Thank you for listening.
Take care of yourself and takecare of your vagina.
If you enjoyed this episode,please share it with a friend
you think would enjoy it too.
And one of the surprises of theshow has been how great it is to
(29:24):
hear from you Remember to findme the next time you're on
Instagram to let me know whatyou think.
Look me up at my aloof vagina.
Hey there here's what's coming up in this episode.
Deanna (00:04):
What is, is it just like the mom pouch?
what are we gonna call that?
Martha (00:07):
I think it's the mom pouch.
People have all their lives.
I know.
Is that thickening around themiddle where you just don't look
like a girl anymore.
You, it's just a grandma.
Look, it's called Menno
Deanna (00:16):
Menno Belly.
That's what we, yes.
Martha (00:18):
I've seen that.
I think on some terrible adsthat I was targeted by on
Facebook.
Deanna (00:22):
Yeah, I wonder what I'm gonna get now that it's been
listening.
Like what kind of thing?
I'll screenshot and send it toyou.
Martha (00:29):
Listen, I should actually put that into the
release.
by appearing on this podcast,you are telling the algorithm
that you want all of the adsabout men, Obel belly.
Yes.
Literal atrophy, libidoproblems, hair loss, eye lifts.
Welcome to the My Aloof VaginaPodcast, where we explore the
(00:49):
distress and surprise of ourmidlife transitions.
We take menopause seriously, butwe don't take ourselves
seriously.
We believe that learning what toexpect in perimenopause can be
entertaining.
It's inevitable, so we may aswell equip ourselves and have a
good time.
I'm your host, Martha, and thisepisode was actually recorded
before the podcast evenlaunched.
(01:10):
My friend Deanna Boyd and I hadbeen talking about what was
happening with our bodies andour brains, so we decided to
record it.
Deanna is a longtime makeupartist and photographer who
encourages women to their uniquelook through her work and with
her social presence.
As unfiltered and evolvingbeauty as friends do.
We meander a bit, we talk abouta lot of things.
(01:32):
What exactly is clitoralatrophy?
What happens to all our faces aswe get closer to menopause that
she even notices with the richand famous?
And what do your sleep habitshave to do with it?
And what key tips.
Does she have around changingyour makeup as you age?
We've got the answers to allthese questions and more in this
episode, so stick around.
(01:54):
By the way as always anything we talk about during
the show is referenced in theshow notes for each episode
links, more details photos,those kinds of things.
You can find them any time rightthere in your podcast app or at
myaloofvagina.com
My favorite part about thispodcast has been being able to
share some of my favorite peoplewith you, some of my
(02:16):
accomplished friends, myinteresting friends.
And before I tell you a littlebit more about the conversation
today, I do wanna let you knowthat I am still away from home.
That situation with the olderrelative who fell and needed
surgery has now doubled.
I now have two older relativeshere, both with osteoporosis,
(02:37):
both with dangerous fracturesthat required surgery.
It's been a lot, I mean, I feel.
Like I've aged a decade in thefew weeks I've been here, and I
am sure that I look like itright now.
I'm hidden away up in thetreehouse to record, so it might
not be great sound quality forthis intro, and you may even
hear in the background, wantedto mention it again because.
(02:59):
Longevity is still on my mind.
Osteoporosis is on my mind and Iwanna make sure I bring someone
on the show to talk about it, totalk about things we can do to
avoid it and to improve ourexperience as we age.
So if you know anybody, if youknow a longevity expert who's
fun or funny, which might be astretch, Or you have any other
(03:19):
suggestions for me and the show,please send me a DM on Instagram
or reply to any sisterhoodemail, and let me know.
Now, one key part of healthyaging is making sure you're
having fun choosing fun, andDeanna and I definitely have fun
in this conversation.
She mentions in passing a bookthat helped her realize she was
(03:41):
in perimenopause, that book islinked in the show notes for
you.
So this chat opens with measking her what she's noticed
about this stage of life.
symptoms that you're experiencing because I'm
cataloging these now.
because no one told me like, noone ever told me
Deanna (03:54):
So I'm starting to notice like just the differences
in my skin, you know, like howthe skin hangs.
That's been a big thing.
Martha (04:02):
Your jowls, you keep referencing your gel
Deanna (04:04):
right here, right And then the one eye that's Drew,
then the other.
And it, can we talk to that
Martha (04:10):
about that, can we just talk about the one eye, because
I'm, I don't, I
Deanna (04:13):
never know.
Are you noticing?
Well, I don't see, I alreadyyou, it's slight for you.
Okay, so that would be yourright eye like looking, My right
eye's the same.
if you're noticing celebritiesour age,
Martha (04:23):
well yeah.
So let's talk about that becauseI always had hooded eyes.
I always had one eye that wassmaller than the other.
But when you and I were talkinga couple months ago, you
mentioned like as a throwawayline.
Oh, you know how one side wellage differently in one eye.
And I had never heard that.
So please explain this one eyething what
Deanna (04:39):
is the story?
Well, most likely you're aroundour age range, so you're gonna
probably notice and I hatecalling out names, but you know,
they're out there.
But like Jennifer Aniston,Courtney Cox, Gwyneth Paltro,
Naomi Watts, around our agerange.
You know these actresses thatwere very popular in the
nineties.
And you just see it.
(04:59):
And here's the thing, it's arare occasion that you find
somebody like Janet Jackson,that's perfectly Like
symmetrical, you know, her eyesand usually you are gonna be a
little off, or your nose is alittle crooked and things like
that.
That's what makes us beautifulthose unique things.
It's just the way it is.
And it goes with boobs too.
boobs, same thing one.
You know what they're.
Sister's not twins.
(05:20):
Isn't that the the thing?
Okay.
It's like brown.
Martha (05:22):
Mine are cousins, cousin, My boobs are cousins.
They're not even
Deanna (05:28):
sisters.
No.
So, you know, I just wanna throwthat out there.
And you're beautiful just theway you are and this is just if
you're starting to see thatit's, it's natural.
Botox can't help that.
It's a facelift that's gonnahelp that.
Or like some kind of surgicaleye surgery that's gonna help
that Botox is not gonna help.
That.
that is a natural part of aging.
Martha (05:46):
You were saying something about I know our faces
aren't symmetrical.
Um, and by the way, this is notthe podcast where we have to
worry about, you know,everyone's beautiful.
This is not that podcast, Thisis a podcast where my vagina
wasn't working
Deanna (05:57):
so well know.
I know, but I believe there'senough on social media to make
you feel bad.
You know what I mean?
Right.
So I just, my clients, I justnever want them to ever feel
that way.
You know, as a makeup artist andphotographer, I'm like, you are
stunning just the way you are,yes, I can help you with that,
or I can tell you why that'shappening, But I never want
anybody to feel that bad about.
So
Martha (06:16):
the uneven part?
Not the fact that they're notsymmetrical, but you said as you
age, there's something aboutlike only one side falls
Deanna (06:24):
or something.
Is that, well, listen, I am nota professional d dermatologist,
plastic surgeon, whatever.
So this is just my opinion.
I've been a makeup artist for 30years.
Oh God.
Actually it'll be 31 years thisyear.
I, so I know.
I'm like, ugh.
But yeah, I just feel like whatI've noticed in my, you know,
(06:46):
experience it's one side thatjust kind of, and then
eventually it evens out, but oneside goes further.
I don't know if you've noticedthat.
part of your body, this, thispart is just, it's heading
downward earlier and then thisother side will eventually
match.
Martha (07:01):
So, so that's what you're saying is that when we
age, what you've noticed,because you're up close on
people's faces and all day longand paying attention.
Mm-hmm.
one side starts to go first.
So for a little while it looks alittle bit unbalanced.
That's
Deanna (07:14):
it from my experience.
That is just what I've seen andI've just, I see it with my
clients.
I see it with like celebritiesand these are people that pay
money to get all the thingsdone.
And you can even still see itwith them cuz they haven't had
the whole face lift or theyhaven't had the eye, surgery or,
that kind of thing.
So they haven't done that yet.
And hey, props to people that dothat, whatever makes you feel
Martha (07:34):
better.
You know, because I think I seeit on my face for sure.
I just am annoyed that it's thesame side that was already
smaller.
So it's just, it's just, um,intensifying that.
Whereas if it had been the otherside, I might have been even for
a
Deanna (07:46):
couple years, and that's probably why maybe that side has
always been that way, has alwaysbeen the one that's gravity wise
going downward faster.
Martha (07:55):
I don't mean to harp on it.
I just found it so fascinatingwhen you said that kind of in
passing to me and I said, Ooh,hold up.
Here's the other thing.
A friend of mine, her mom usedto have this party trick, she
could tell what side you sleepon because of the crease.
So, I have been trying probablyfor a decade to sleep on my
back.
I mean, I sleep with a silkpillow case, but I try to sleep
(08:15):
on my back as much as possible.
Of course, I wake up on my side,look at me and say, oh, I, you
sleep on this side,
Deanna (08:20):
on your right side.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and you know what?
And that's a PO that couldpossibly.
contribute to that too, youknow?
Definitely I have had necksurgery, So I sleep with like a
neck pillow it's a satin one.
I have a, I have one that I candefinitely recommend.
Ooh.
And she, we'll put that in theshow notes.
Yeah.
Nurse.
Jamie, I think it is.
And I love her pillow because ifyou are a side sleeper, so it
(08:41):
does the neck thing, which isactually really supportive here.
But she has this really uniquepillow it's a weird shape.
I'm trying to think of how todescribe it.
But it has this area where ifyou do sleep on your side, It's
open.
So, yeah.
So you so there's lessscrunching.
There's less scr.
I want that pillow.
Okay.
I'll show that pillow.
I'll show it to you.
It's fabulous.
But it's re really great fornext support too.
Martha (09:02):
That's good.
I'm all about gadgets andthings.
Mean the silk pillow casespeople.
Oh wow.
Like why wouldn't I?
They're not that expensive.
Oh yes.
It's good for my hair.
It's good for my skin.
And I change them more oftenbecause I'm aware I'm paying
attention, so.
Deanna (09:17):
oh yeah, that's true.
That's a whole other thing onjust like sleeping on a dirty
pillow and one thing I was gonnasay too, not only with like my
face, but it's that little frontarea right here, the little
pouch.
Like on on your stomach Okay.
Arm pouch Yes.
I think they call it f a fpa.
Isn't that what it is?
Oh,
Martha (09:34):
is it a fpa?
I thought FPA was lower.
It is, but
Deanna (09:37):
I don't know.
Technically it's a, I just,yeah, I don't know.
All I know is it's like thelittle tummy portion above the
FPA
Martha (09:43):
Yes.
Right,
Deanna (09:44):
Why is that?
why
Martha (09:46):
I was kind of, was fatter on the stomach.
Like I still don't like havelike a narrow waist or a flat
stomach.
Yeah, I, yeah, right.
I had great legs, but you know,more apple shaped so it was
never super flat.
It always carried fat there,even when I was thin.
But then I had that surgery withthe fibroids, which was
basically a cesarean, but nobabies, just mm-hmm.
giant fibroids.
so I had now a cesarean scar anda cesarean incision.
(10:09):
And since that happened, now Ihave that like shelf, which I
never had before, which reallywas upsetting to me because, you
know, zero to 45, none of that.
And now I've got that, it's.
I don't
Deanna (10:22):
understand.
it's very normal.
It's hormonal.
And even for the women that dowork out and they have typically
had had like a flat stomach andthat they're even noticing like
that area is just hard unlessyou're doing something
surgically to kind of help it,you know?
Martha (10:36):
So you're not talking about just the mom pouch, you're
talking about menopausalincreased fat around your
middle.
Deanna (10:42):
That's what I'm noticing.
Yes.
It's just all around, cortisollevels and things like that.
Sure.
Martha (10:48):
The thickening around the middle.
Deanna (10:49):
Yes.
Martha (10:50):
It's why women wear these big flower tops that like
tie at the boobs to create likea curtain
Deanna (10:55):
or Spanx
Martha (10:56):
or Spanx or older women, the whole dressing thing where,
you know, I shouldn't even saythis out loud because it's gonna
be me where they wear outfitsthat highlight their legs
because their legs still lookgood.
Uh huh that this whole kind offat middle thing doesn't exist.
You know what I'm talking aboutabout?
Deanna (11:14):
Yes, I know, I know.
Martha (11:16):
I have that build anyway, I have a feeling it's
gonna get worse with menopause.
Like that's gonna be my, LEWK
Deanna (11:22):
Well Nooo it's not gonna be your look.
We can change that.
We can fix that.
Come on, we can fix that.
But I think we're not ourparents 52.
You know?
Right.
So when you're talking aboutdressing,
Martha (11:32):
we're not Golden Girls 52 because they were in their
Deanna (11:34):
fifties.
Yes.
and the youngest one was intheir forties.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Martha (11:40):
You know, it just goes to show that those style choices
can make such a difference inhow you feel and how you look.
And you can disguise your, poochor whatever, your menopause,
what
Deanna (11:48):
is that called?
What is, is it just like the mompouch?
Is it what, what are we gonnacall that?
Maybe there's
a
Martha (11:52):
difference for that.
I think it's the mom pouch.
People have all their lives.
This is that thickening.
I know.
Is that thickening around themiddle where you just you don't
look like a girl anymore.
You, it's just a grandma.
Look, it's called Menno Belly.
I know.
Deanna (12:06):
I don't, yeah.
Menno Menno men.
Menno Belly.
That's what we, yes.
Martha (12:11):
I've seen that.
I think on some terrible adsthat I was targeted by on
Facebook.
Deanna (12:15):
Yeah, I wonder what I'm gonna get now that it's been
listening.
Like what kind of thing?
I'll screenshot and send it toyou.
Martha (12:22):
Listen, I should actually put that into the
release.
by appearing on this podcast,you are telling the algorithm
that you want all of the adsabout men, Obel belly.
Yes.
Literal atrophy, libidoproblems, hair loss, eye lifts.
Deanna (12:38):
I think you need a whole, I think you just need one
podcast on the clitoral atrophy.
I've heard a little bit, I'veread a little bit, but not, I
mean, I'd like to understandyour experience more.
Martha (12:49):
Yes, I, well, I've actually posted an episode that
I'll send you a link.
Ooh, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
It is the flagship affliction ofthis podcast, so I'm happy to
talk about it briefly.
Yes.
So
Deanna (13:01):
Mylo
Martha (13:01):
vagina.
Yes.
My aloof vagina is just, youknow, a different way to refer
to cli A atrophy.
Atrophy clitoral atrophy soclitoral atrophy or what we call
ca.
Okay.
is a real thing, it has to dowith a combination of hormone
changes but also lack of usebecause our body is very
efficient and it's not gonnaspend a lot of resources
(13:23):
keeping, your clitoris fullyplump with full circulation and
nerve sensitivity if it's notbeing used because that's just a
sensory organ.
Mm-hmm.
If you're not using it, you'rejust neglecting it and you're
not, getting aroused and havingall that erectile tissue fill up
with blood, then over time itjust atrophies.
(13:43):
The clitoral atrophy actually,Results in, it's shrinking so
it's less accessible.
And then harder to get iterected, bring it back to a
life.
Bring it back to life.
the other thing that peopledon't know is that your clitoral
spongy tissue that gets engorgedis actually a whole figure eight
around your body.
So it's from the what we knownow, men might not know.
(14:04):
Have you seen in my logo thatstar is the clitoris?
So, okay.
Deanna (14:09):
it makes sense now it's Right.
Martha (14:12):
Right there, everyone thinking is right there.
It's that spot.
And they're like, go in andthey're like rubbing it like and
a eraser.
Right.
cuz once like, I know where thelittle man in the canoe is so
they go there But it really, allthe nerve endings and everything
goes all the way around your Band your vagina and then crosses
in between like in the mm-hmm.
I don't know how to say theword.
Is it perineum?
Or perineum,
Deanna (14:31):
The taint.
Yeah, the taints.
Yeah.
It crosses.
Yes, it's the
Martha (14:35):
taint.
Cause this is not a medicalpodcast.
Yes.
Process,
Deanna (14:38):
please.
Yeah, please.
You.
I come here for that
Martha (14:40):
Yeah.
And surrounds your, anus, yourbutthole.
and then it also goes inside.
There are legs of it that gointo your vagina, which leads
to, what is your G-spot?
The G spot's not a separatething, it's just where some of
the spongy tissue ends up insideyour vagina.
It's all connected.
the outside clitoris that's thecanary in the coal mine.
If that starts to recede and gointo the hood and you can't get
(15:02):
it to work or it's notsensitive, that's just because
that is like dying from lack ofuse and hormone and, and
circulation.
Interesting.
So then that leads to otherissues because all those muscles
are together.
So it's not unrelated toincontinence, it's not unrelated
to other vaginal atrophy anddysfunction.
It's not unrelated to pelvicfloor health.
(15:23):
It's all together.
it's not just a sex issue.
Sure.
It's a pelvic health issue.
in my case, from being celibateand through some masturbation
free years out of guilt and anold toy, frankly, if I'm honest,
had, I hadn't using the samestyle toy for
Deanna (15:39):
20 years.
There's so many choices now.
I made Yeah, I know.
I mean,
Martha (15:43):
so I had to switch it up cause like, oh.
And since I wasn't working, Iwasn't doing it and I didn't
have a bathtub.
There are all these things thatwere leading to less of that.
so when I was surprised with afun, unexpected sexual encounter
that was, oh, hey, this isn'tworking properly.
The alert.
And then when I went and did theresearch, I realized that, but
that was a mild case.
(16:04):
Praise the Lord.
Yeah.
that research led to everythingelse because once I was aware of
that, I realized, oh, I am inperimenopause.
And then I started recognizingthe other symptoms.
And then doing all the otherresearch.
But it all started because, youknow, it, what is wrong with you
It wasn't working like itworked, but it kind of felt
like, I mean, I, I can speakopenly cause I'm not in that
(16:27):
relationship anymore.
And I was so sensitive andworried about his ego and
everything, but there were timeswhen I thought, shouldn't,
shouldn't I be feeling moreright now?
Like, shouldn't this feeldifferent?
Shouldn't, yeah.
and then I felt self-consciousand responsible because, you
know, it's, it's always ourfault if things aren't wonderful
right?
Like, oh, maybe I'm frigid,whatever, all those things.
(16:47):
But that is not my opinion.
It's not the truth.
But, we're such caregivers andwe feel so responsible that it
had to be an amazing experience.
And if my, sexual organs werenot responding properly, now, I
was at fault.
Although I don't hold a guy atfault if he has any kind of ed
issue.
Right.
But I totally do upon myself.
Remember it wasn't that
Deanna (17:06):
good, you know?
Well, here's, you could tellsomething.
You could tell something was up,something
Martha (17:11):
was wrong.
But I will tell you this nowthat its over and I wouldn't
have been able to say thisbefore.
I think that the good sex I wastrying to recover with him as as
I was going and I was justreally invested in it being
great cuz when I reflected, moreobjectively it was just any sex
in a storm, any sex in thequarantine And that it had been
(17:35):
so long, but also once Irealized that there was a
dysfunction, I was so focused onfixing that dysfunction I kind
of ignored that overall it wasfine.
Yeah.
It wasn't wonderful, but at thetime I was really invested in
believing that it was great andfabulous and that this was the
one issue.
But really it was so muchoverall.
No.
Like I'm like, oh that was greatbut I'm not gonna remember it as
(17:57):
this amazing, sexualcompatibility.
or experience.
But I'm grateful cuz I wouldn'teven have noticed.
Yeah.
I would been a couple more yearsdown the road possibly just cuz
of my nature.
I'm not really a hookup.
Gal, obviously Sure.
By the celibacy.
so if he hadn't shown up likewith his dick in his hand,
literally, like he was just
Deanna (18:17):
delivering it right there.
Yeah.
I mean, legendary
Martha (18:20):
epic bravo crap.
I I still am so impressed withhis, his ballsiness.
Yes.
No pun intended, but like reallyvery impressive.
Hilariously impressive.
But, if you hadn't shown up, Iwould've been two more years
maybe longer.
Oh yeah.
And, and not down the path ofdegradation and atrophy and for
me Sure.
Some hormone deficiencies whoknows?
(18:41):
So it all works out great.
And I'm not gonna sneeze at anysex, cuz it was still fine.
It was great, you know?
Yeah.
Because I was there and I'mpretty good at this.
Sure.
Yes.
But, it wasn't dreamy.
Yeah.
It just, I was distracted by theconcern about my own.
Functioning.
And so I
Deanna (18:56):
lot, I would be, would be too like, like, what is, what
is wrong with you?
Come on now.
You know, like, come on.
I was betrayed.
Come on you, come on now.
like, you know, work for me.
Work for me.
That's interesting.
It's very interesting to justthink about that whole thing I
was doing keels while we'retalking.
I'm like, I'm just, oh, let's dothose again.
Like as you're talking about,I'm like, no atrophy.
(19:16):
No atrophy,
Martha (19:17):
nothing.
Give That helps with circulationfor
Deanna (19:19):
sure.
I know.
I've been trying to do more ofthose, you know, they say when
you're pregnant you should dothat or whatever, and you should
just do it in general.
I forget about it until we starttalking about mm-hmm.
that, or if I read something,I'm like, oh, gotta do it.
Gotta work on it.
You know?
Martha (19:31):
I will add this cuz I've, of course I'm obsessed,
right?
Yes.
And so I've been researching andthere's a whole specialty now on
pelvic floor health.
And people who do pelvic-floortherapy and interventions and
things.
And, what they're saying now isthat kegels are not necessarily
the best way to do it.
they're good for you.
Cuz even when you do it, likeright now with my eyebrows,
right?
Yes.
I'm doing it.
I can feel that there's moreblood flow.
(19:53):
Yes.
Right?
Yes, yes.
Like you're almost, I could getmyself excited right.
If I
Deanna (19:57):
Oh wow.
Okay
Martha (19:57):
I'm just saying
Deanna (19:58):
Okay,
Martha (19:59):
Just because, because it's like a lot of attention
there.
Deanna (20:01):
Sure.
Martha (20:01):
So it, it's good for you.
But to do too many can, canstrengthen just one part of your
pelvic floor that can cause animbalance.
Nowadays they have exercisersWhat do you,
Deanna (20:14):
you like shove it up in there and do what?
What?
Martha (20:16):
Yeah.
I don't really know.
I, I haven't, I haven't actuallygone deeper in, cuz I have, I
did buy myself
Deanna (20:20):
deeper in
Martha (20:23):
I did buy myself something called a vFit Okay.
Which is, do you know aboutthis?
Deanna (20:29):
No, but I feel like I've seen that.
It's probably in my algorithmThat's probably why
Martha (20:32):
I'm sure you're getting ads cuz we're friends So Vfi is,
I dunno what it is right now,but it was like a$500 device.
My friend's like, you're buyinga$500 vibrator.
I'm like, all in the name ofresearch.
Deanna (20:42):
I knew it was gonna,
Martha (20:43):
I mean, bought myself a Dyson Airwrap Why wouldn't I buy
myself, the you know, equivalentof my vagina appliance.
the vFit uses red-light therapy
Deanna (20:53):
Okay.
Martha (20:54):
It uses red light to which we know is proven
Deanna (20:56):
Yes.
Martha (20:56):
To help, keep the tissues fresh
Deanna (20:58):
mm-hmm
Martha (20:58):
And moist and healthy,
Deanna (21:00):
moist
Martha (21:00):
and a certain kind of vibration.
And then you use it every otherday.
And then it helps with health.
That's just one thing it keepsthings, revved up, but it's not
a sex toy.
not that you can't use it thatway
Deanna (21:09):
Does it feel like a sex toy
Martha (21:10):
No.
It depends on
Deanna (21:11):
does it feel like a sex toy?
Martha (21:13):
It depends on the mood I'm in.
Deanna (21:14):
Right.
Martha (21:15):
If I'm, if I'm like scrolling through the news and
doing my 10 minutes, Mm-hmm.
it's just
Deanna (21:19):
Yeah.
It's just therapy.
Martha (21:21):
If I'm like, Ooh, I should do my vFit Hmm.
it's like anything else in acertain mindset, I'm like, oh,
and I can take care of otherthings at the same time.
but it does vibrate, but it'sinternal vibration.
It's specific to, I mean, Iimagine if that's what gets you
excited, then that would forsure be a sex toy.
obviously with my obsession withthe external, that's not really
Deanna (21:41):
not your thing
Martha (21:41):
Not currently.
anyway, things change.
Life is long
Deanna (21:45):
Things change Hello.
Hey there, I'm popping in totell you that the Vfi did not
cost$500.
I paid$500 for a Dyson Air wrap,so I must have confused it.
But you can actually pay evenless than I paid on any vfi
purchase by using my codes or mylinks.
In the show notes, you'll find alink for a special limited time
offer for the My Aloof Vaginabundle, where your price on a
(22:07):
complete Vfi starter kit isactually less than the regular
price for the vfi alone.
The kit comes with the gel,cleansing wipes, and other
things, and you save more than$50 on those bonuses.
The code for that is MAV Kit andit's available only while
supplies last.
Or you can pick any products youlike, including the VFI Gold and
(22:28):
get 10% off.
Everything with Mav 10.
You'll see the discounts appliedin the shopping cart.
I recommend the vfi to all myfriends you and your maturing
Vagina can thank me later.
Martha (22:40):
there are different exercisers that even have
feedback and apps.
I haven't looked into them, butI will now that we've talked
about it.
Mm-hmm.
where you stick it in and youuse different muscles or
whatever.
The whole point is, I alwaysthought keels and would do them.
And now, and I'm like,
Deanna (22:54):
as I'm focused,
Martha (22:55):
what, what'd you say?
Well, I can't hear you.
I'm feeling Um, I think it'sanother symptom.
The attention to our healththat's shifting, Yep.
But it's interesting to me thatit's not in the medical field,
it's all commerce.
It's the V fit.
It's doing the research whetherkeels are really the best way.
So now someone sees anopportunity and sells a gadget,
(23:16):
as opposed to the doctorssaying, keels are not the way.
Instead private industry.
yeah.
Women
Deanna (23:22):
industry, women's health in general, like, I mean the
beauty industry Yeah.
Is where it's happening.
that's just the way people shopanymore and the way they do
things is all influenced by,whether it's friends or
influencers or that kind ofthing or something.
You read, watch whatever, acelebrity endorsed it, yada
yada.
I do think since this is like,God, it sounds so, it sounds so
(23:45):
saying it from a 52 year old,but things are just so different
now.
The way we communicate, the waywe share information.
why not talk more about like,this is what's lacking in the
medical industry.
more focus on women and agingwomen and women that are going
through this time of life.
And you're starting to see moreof that.
And it's not just because thealgorithm rhythm says so.
(24:06):
It's because it's just ourgeneration.
We're just like, listen, we'reloud and but you need to help us
get through this period.
You know?
And I think there's just moreinformation, more doctors that
are focusing on that.
the book that I was talking toyou about, I'm throwing this
disclaimer out here now.
You don't need to give the
Martha (24:22):
disclaimer because Okay.
I don't, no, I don't want adisclaimer.
it's a useful
Deanna (24:26):
book.
Martha (24:26):
She's a specialist in women's health, and I think the
book, is useful.
And I also have seen her as anexpert in women's health for a
very long time.
So I, same.
Deanna (24:34):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, everything I'veresearched on her, and she was
one of the first people likesaying, listen, there is not
enough funding.
So I've had to create my ownfacility to help women during
this time.
They're not freaking just losingtheir mind.
Martha (24:48):
So, Dr.
Christian.
Northrop.
Mm-hmm.
long history of being someonewho focuses on our rhythms and
our health holistically andspiritually, energetically.
But also she's a gynecologist,yes, yes, yes.
Um, so she's a legitimate expertand has been talking about
menopause and change for yearsYes.
And years.
And this book that you read, um,what's the title of that book?
(25:11):
It's funny cause
Deanna (25:13):
show notes.
Martha (25:13):
So one of, when we were talking about you being a makeup
artist for more than 30 years.
More than 30 years So I knowthat, I mean, listen, I didn't
even own any makeup until youand I had a consultation.
you had some things come on now.
You were like, throw that away.
Throw that away.
Yes.
Throw it away.
I didn't have any foundation.
(25:33):
My brushes were sad and old.
I went to Sephora with a list.
My friend says, buy thesethings.
I know.
I love it.
it was great and I did it.
And now I have makeup and I wearmakeup more than ever now.
Thank you.
Yes, yes.
and I feel like I have all thethings I need, part of that
probably was that I had aged Iwas still doing things the way I
would've done them when I was25.
And we've talked in the past,about you have techniques and
(25:57):
some things that women can do.
as they get older there arechanges, right?
Deanna (26:01):
Oh yeah, I've got a lot of them.
We'll have to do another podcaston that, like, just full blown.
if you can take two takeawaysfrom today Yes, please.
Martha (26:09):
And then we'll and then we'll come back and we'll do a
whole thing about that.
Yes, yes,
Deanna (26:12):
yes, yes.
Then it would be fine because I,I deal with, you know, girls
that are your tweens to women intheir seventies.
So I'm dealing with women of alldifferent age ages.
But the one thing that I willsay, is we don't need foundation
to cover up every single thing.
It really is.
Less is more.
I love makeup, so I'm gonnawear, I love the eyeshadow,
eyelight or whatever.
(26:32):
especially in person, less ismore spot conceal versus like a
full mask of foundation.
Foundation really should just beto even out the skin tone.
And then to come in with spotconcealer.
Like I have some really big darksunspots on certain parts of my
face.
I have hereditary dark circlesthat I blame on my dad cuz they
(26:53):
are hereditary.
So covering those up.
and I just think that withmakeup, this is my second
biggest thing, I know there aretechniques to like lift and do
these things.
I believe that if you are justhappy wearing the way you like
to wear your makeup, and ifthat's a big bold lip, yes, you
do it because makeup such anexpression even until you're 95.
(27:17):
You know what I mean?
like, there's people on socialmedia that I follow that you
know, are models and they're intheir seventies and still
wearing a bright red lipstick,hot pink, I pro aging, you know
what I mean?
It's such a blessing to age,right?
It's such a privilege to age cuzwe know how short life can be,
have fun with your makeup, youknow, of course there's ways
that you can look fresh andyada, yada, yada.
(27:37):
But at the same time, I want youto still share your personality.
Martha (27:40):
so the two tips are, and as I'm, I'm like staring at your
face and look at my face and I'mso concerned about the, the
lighting, but also like, youlook beautiful and fresh and I'm
like, pull together.
No, but because, because ofpreferences on, on, you know,
also you have a differentcomplexion than I do.
Well,
Deanna (27:58):
but I did spot conceal.
Yeah.
I'm not wearing a full face offoundation either.
Yeah.
Martha (28:02):
Like, you know, the tips are you don't need a full face
of foundation.
You can just spot cover it.
And that's what you do to lookfresh when you're in person and
to maintain your personality.
So makeups for fun.
So if there's something youlove, like a bold lip or a
certain kind of eyeliner orsomething that you like to do,
keep doing it.
You don't have to change it justcuz you're aging
Deanna (28:20):
or just because the nothing bothers me more.
And this we can get in onto theother podcast but is watching
social media influencers tellingme, eh, this is wrong.
Eh, stop this, don't do this.
it just drives me crazy.
So it's like, you know, watchwho you follow, you know, but I
follow people that like feed me,you know what I mean?
Like, give me good information,but I'm not, I'm gonna still do
(28:42):
what makes sense to me.
If I wanna wear a full blushlike I always do, hell yeah.
I'm gonna do what I want, cuzthat feels good to me, I'm just
all about doing you.
And especially with makeup, ofcourse there's techniques, of
course, you can do things toaccentuate and, lessen the
appearance of whatever But atthe same time it's like, it's
still being your personality.
To me that's more youthful thananything
Martha (29:03):
else.
Well, I think that's a goodplace for us to end, because
really the message is, one ofthe gifts of aging is knowing
who you are and allowingyourself to just be you.
Thank you for listening.
Take care of yourself and takecare of your vagina.
If you enjoyed this episode,please share it with a friend
you think would enjoy it too.
And one of the surprises of theshow has been how great it is to
(29:24):
hear from you Remember to findme the next time you're on
Instagram to let me know whatyou think.
Look me up at my aloof vagina.
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