Warning: NSFM* What it’s like to wait for “the menopause symptoms” to show up & then have your “big sign” be your period shifting a little at 55 and just *poof* ending in a span of less than 3 months?
Oh. AND mood swings? JUST crazy mood swings!
And what ABOUT those periods? What drastic intervention are some doctors offering as a “solution” to heavy periods in our 40s or early 50s?
It’s upsetting, but it’s something you should know.
In this NSFM* ladies-only episode, Martha & Stacy talk about unnecessary hysterectomies, the canaries in the coal mine that tip you off that you’re in perimenopause, and flooding periods.
Related: Here's Martha's TikTok from the "Convention Incident" (Men...be forewarned...this story isn't really for you!)
And finally - what’s a surefire way to make 30-year-old guys realize you’re more than old enough to be their mom?
And will that stop them from hitting on you?
Get the answers to these questions on this episode with Martha and Stacy.
* Are you one of my male listeners? This episode is marked NSFM (NOT suitable for men) due to menstruation stories you DEFINITELY don’t want to hear. 😂 Instead, please listen to one of my other “sexier” less-likely-to-traumatize-you episodes, like the one right before this focused on Happy Endings. You’re welcome!
Martha's Botox alternative: Frownies (Save 10% with MAV discount link or by using discount code MAV10)
MAV Tip: Get a second opinion if a hysterectomy is suggested and a) you're not already seeking it for your own reasons and b) there isn't a pathology or serious issue that makes removing your uterus urgent. A lot of the perimenopausal conditions that lead to "unnecessary"* hysterectomies can be handled pretty effectively with HRT, natural remedies, and other treatments like ablation.
Take care of yourself. And take care of your vagina!
Everything show related at MyAloofVagina.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stacy (00:00):
The shocking thing about is that you look in the mirror
some days and you're like, Well,who is that?" Like, I don't even
recognize this person lookingback.
Martha (00:06):
Yeah, I mean, cuz I worry about my appearance,
obviously I'm vain and we're oncamera all the time now, and so
we're more aware than ever.
But I also am realizing that wedon't actually pay that much
attention to each other.
We're not as scrutinized byothers as we think.
Stacy (00:19):
It's funny too cuz I'll see people that I went to high
school with and I'll be like,"Ohwow! She got old." And then I'm
like, oh wait, I look just likeher.
When we're like 75, are we gonnabe attracted to like 40 year old
guys or are we gonna beattracted to like 70 something
year old people?
Like, cause now I look and I'mthinking like a 25 year old guy,
maybe he's got a great body, butI'm not attracted to that.
Because like they're, they'relike a baby, they're like a
(00:41):
mental baby.
So, I'm thinking to myself, doyou, do you stay attracted to
the age that you're at?
Martha (00:47):
Yeah, I, I just had this conversation with someone I had
dated in my twenties he was ninemonths younger and that seemed
like a big deal.
So he used to joke that I wasrobbing the cradle.
So I recently saw him and hesaid something about,"Well, you
always liked younger guys." Isaid, what are you talking
about?
I've never dated a guy younger.
And he said, me himself.
And I'm like, yeah, that doesn'tcount.
(01:08):
But other than that, it's alwaysbeen guys my age or at most two
years older.
I'm very in my zone.
Stacy (01:15):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Martha (01:16):
I like being able to, connect on things and having
shared history through popculture and, perspectives.
I like someone to understand myjokes
Stacy (01:25):
Yeah.
Or know how to read a map, like,like
Martha (01:27):
Well, yeah, those things
Stacy (01:28):
read a map or turn a channel on the tv.
Martha (01:30):
Address an envelope.
You know, those sexy, sexythings.
Stacy (01:33):
Right.
Right.
Right.
Martha (01:34):
So my son is in his younger thirties, and guys his
age are kind of into me.
I just don't understand how theydon't know.
It's so obvious to me how old Iam and that I could be their
mother.
But then when they find out,they act shocked and I think,
oh, how flattering.
That's so cute that they arelike,"Oh!"
Stacy (01:51):
You don't really mean that.
Martha (01:52):
but also they're like making the moves.
And I'm like, are they just notrealizing that I'm my age?
Or do they not care?
But there's no way.
I'm not even gonna make out witha guy in his thirties.
It makes me uncomfortable toeven think about it.
Stacy (02:04):
That would feel really weird to me.
Like I would feel like morallywrong, even though they're
adults.
Martha (02:07):
Right! I mean a 30-year-old man is a MAN! B ut
it's just too much for me.
And I know I have friends who,who insist cuz I am single.
They're like, you've gotta tryit.
You need to, if you're attractedto him, just one of those times
just like do it and see howthings go.
And I just haven't had the gutsto do it.
Stacy (02:25):
I wouldn't wear the things, though.
Martha (02:27):
Right.
Well, this, this always tipsthem off.
The Frownies always tip them offthat I might be a little bit
older.
Stacy (02:33):
I cannot wait to see the final product because if that
works, I'm gonna be likelathering them ev, you know,
like everywhere.
Everywhere.
Martha (02:40):
I've been using them now for, Nine months.
They only work here because it'sabout repetitive muscle.
It's basically the poor girlsBotox or the anti Botox.
Botox because it prevents youfrom scowling.
And so a lot of us I turn out tobe one scowl in our sleep.
So you just wear'em at night andthen you're like saving yourself
that seven or eight hours ofscowling.
(03:01):
So I just left them on for thesight gag! I no longer tell my
friends they could benefit fromFrownies cause nobody wants to
hear that I'm noticing theirWhat-the-fuck?
lines.
Frownies gave me a discount.
And I'm able to pass thatdiscount along to other people.
So I think that's an affiliate.
Which makes me feel superofficial.
So if you want to try frowniesand I do really, truly recommend
(03:22):
them.
You can use my code MAV 10.
So it's M A V for My AloofVagina.
And you'll get 10% off.
I think at some point they maysend me a fruit basket or
something.
Not really sure how all thisworks, but I'm sure I'll figure
it out as I become moreprofessional.
There's always now going to be alink in the show notes, Which
makes me feel like I'm really,really doing this podcasting
(03:42):
thing.
Right?
Stacy (03:43):
I'm really glad that you're talking about this
because now that I've started totalk about it, because I'm in
it, and people my age are goingthrough it.
So like the R B F, when I saylike typically, no, this is my
face.
Resting bitch face, right?
Yeah.
Can I say the, can I curse onyour show?
Martha (03:57):
Yeah.
Didn't I say what the fuck?
Lines
Stacy (03:59):
Oh,
Martha (04:01):
You're welcome!
Stacy (04:02):
Right now though, although I'm a genuinely
positive, happy person, and I'mintentional about that.
Um, there are days where I justhave unbelievable mood swings
and I'm not normally that typeof person, and I can only, I can
only assume it's the M word
Martha (04:18):
Yeah.
Stacy (04:18):
I don't even like to say.
Martha (04:20):
Because it's pre, so it's not the m, You can call it
Perry.
Like it's a nickname.
Stacy (04:26):
Okay.
Like, like it's a date.
Martha (04:28):
Yeah.
So anyway, so with Perry, Ibecome enraged.
Stacy (04:34):
And then sometimes two minutes later I'm like crying.
You know, it's just like I feellike I'm crazy and I know that
typically, I am not, and I feellike I am.
Martha (04:44):
My PMS I could tell like, oh, if I didn't know, I'd
look at the calendar.
Oh my gosh, it's day 27, right?
Stacy (04:51):
Yeah.
You could predict it.
Martha (04:52):
Yeah.
Now, who knows?
So I was at a conference and Ihad just had my period So I
didn't bring stuff.
And I, at this conference, hadthe heaviest murder scene period
I've had in a while I hadnothing.
I had nothing I'd been verydisciplined in the way I packed
And so I didn't have anyextraneous clothing.
(05:14):
So I had to wash, leggings.
I had to wash, uh, my jeans,which took days to dry, and of
course my underwear.
And then also, Somehow I got iton my shirt.
I don't know.
I felt like a, 13 year old, youknow, I don't know.
And it got on the outside of mypajamas, just a big splash.
So I basically had thingshanging all over the hotel room
(05:35):
and then I was rinsing out thetowels because I didn't wanna
leave bloody towels Just, andthen, so I called the front desk
like, yeah, I called the frontdesk.
I'm like, Hey.
I'm having an emergency.
And I explained it to her andshe said, we don't have any, but
I have some in my purse.
And I was, I was like, oh mygosh.
She said, want me to bring'emup?
I'm like, no, I've, I'vefashioned something with, with
(05:57):
some things I have
Stacy (05:58):
your legs.
Martha (05:59):
And then she said, do you want overnight or light day?
I'm like, overnight.
So I got two.
They were still pretty thin cuzshe's, you know, in her
twenties.
I'm like, these were not gonna.
These were not really gonna lastme.
And I thought, oh, I'll go tothe C v s.
But then I was running around.
I went to the next hotel, it gotworse.
I called downstairs and said,Hey, do you guys have anything?
And they sent up an emergencybag.
(06:20):
I cannot be the only woman.
They had a little bag with avariety of different things in
it.
So they have a surprise.
They have my period bag readyto.
Stacy (06:29):
Yeah.
Aw.
Martha (06:30):
at that
Stacy (06:31):
Was there?
A little Hershey kiss in there?
A little piece of chocolate
Martha (06:33):
that's, what I would've added.
Definitely.
Definitely.
So, that was, so I ended upbasically wearing cashmere
sweatpants for two days at theconference because I didn't have
any dry pants to wear.
Stacy (06:46):
That's horrible.
Martha (06:47):
know no one knew.
They just thought I was casual.
I was wearing my
Stacy (06:49):
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Wow.
She's really laid back.
Martha (06:51):
She's like, oh, look at her.
She's like, she's like amiddle-aged lady rapper.
Stacy (06:55):
Now are you getting the mood, the mood fluctuations and
like the energy fluctuations?
Martha (07:00):
N no.
And so that, to go back to that,that is first of all, depression
in the lead up to this is verycommon, and women get
misdiagnosed all the time withjust depression.
They get given meds that don'thelp, and then, People, people
get divorced.
You know, women are raging anddon't know what it's from.
(07:23):
And maybe, you know, I, I wannatalk to you about this.
So there's this, concept I'mcalling Canary in the coal mine
because everything I was taughtwas that.
I was gonna get hot flashes andthen my periods would become
irregular and then stop, I mighthave insomnia.
Those are the things then Iwould look old, right.
(07:43):
And so the, the constellation ofsymptoms that I had, I did not
recognize for years that I wasentering into this.
And so I imagine if someone isthen their mid forties and
starts to hate their husband,period.
and have some other things thatthey don't recognize.
(08:03):
Then you could maybe think itwas your relationship, you.
Stacy (08:07):
Yeah.
Martha (08:07):
or screaming at your children and you think you've
got bad kids.
If there's no one to say, ohwait, this is a really common
thing, this depression is areally common symptom, and the
rage is a really common symptom,also the weeping and that it
might come long before the hotflashes.
I think that would help.
And that's one of the reasonsI'm talking about it, because
mine of course, was my, I had.
(08:28):
Clitoral atrophy.
I didn't really have it, but Ihad, a change in sexual
response.
That was my, my indicator.
And then I went on this researchjag, found out about clitoral
atrophy and freaked out and toldmy friends.
It turned out that wasn't whatthe issue was.
It is a freak out.
It's like, what?
Stacy (08:45):
yeah.
Martha (08:46):
What they should.
That should be yourgynecologist, should be
mentioned every year.
Fyi, there are hormonal causes,but there's also, your body is
very, very efficient.
It does not waste resourceswhere it's not used.
So if you're not using yourclitoris, then you are facing,
Stacy (09:03):
Gotta take it out for a spin
Martha (09:04):
you gotta take out for spin.
You got show a good time becauseit slowly will just kind of
shrink and slowly all thatperipheral circulation.
your body will stop expandingthe energy to to nourish it.
If anyone had told me I would'vebeen doing
Stacy (09:21):
This is a calling, like you need to tell the masses
about this.
Martha (09:24):
Well, we call it ca so that we can speak about it in
mixed company and be really openabout it.
But yeah, so the ca learningabout CA led to this and really
alarmed me.
But then when I looked back andexamined, there were a number of
symptoms that I had that no onehad told me might be this.
And if they had, maybe I couldhave dealt with some of them.
(09:46):
so my canary in the coal mineturned out to be this sexual
response.
What was your canary in the coalmine?
What was the thing that happenedthat made you realize, oh, I
might, I might be going throughthis thing.
Stacy (09:58):
You know what, this is an interesting thing.
So I don't know, it wasn't untillike just recently, so I had an
app on my phone because we, wegot married late.
I had kids very late and so Ispent my whole adult life trying
to not get pregnant so that whenI got married and got pregnant,
I mean, when I was gonna try, Ithought, oh, I'm gonna go off
the pill and just get pregnant.
(10:19):
You know, like you just have sexand get pregnant.
So I started tracking.
I use an app, I tracked, so Iknew that my periods.
Really regular.
Cause once I had gone off thepill, like I had no idea if I
was regular or regular, nothing.
Cause I'd been on the pillforever.
so I have this app.
I get pregnant at 37, I getpregnant at 39.
So like, I'm 40 years old.
So I've been, and then I had amiscarriage in between.
(10:40):
So from 36 till almost 40 I waspregnant and nursing.
So I'm like 41, 42 years old andlike everything is like going
haywire and like that's whenwomen start to go through
things.
But I thought, like you said,it's gonna be hot flashes and
it's gonna be, I'm not gonna getmy period.
Well I haven't had a single hotflash at all and have been like
the poster child for regularityuntil last year.
(11:04):
My period was like five weeksinstead of four, and then, so
then I got it, and then samething, five weeks instead of
four, like spread out a littlebit then August was my last
period, so I didn't even havethis like long drawn out irreg,
you know, get it, not get it.
I haven't had a period sinceAugust, and then I'm like, oh,
well maybe, maybe it's the.
Maybe it's happening, likemaybe, and then I was like, I
(11:27):
was getting these moods, like Iwas having pm s but it was worse
than PMs.
And then I was getting likecrazy, like crazy to the point
where like I, don't cook like I,I did.
I just don't prefer it.
I'll do it for survival.
But I'm not a baker and I don'treally cook.
And then back in December, I'mdriving home from church and I'm
like, I want bread.
(11:49):
and I just kept thinking, I wantbread.
I want bread, like a big likesour doughy thing.
And so like I just drove homeand then I'm just laying around.
I'm just no energy, super lowenergy.
I'm like, I'm gonna bake bread.
It was like the weirdest thing.
Like I don't, I've never bakedbread in my life, so I Google a
recipe, I'm like, well, I guessI'll bake bread.
So now I'm like, I happen tohave yeast who even knew that I
(12:09):
had yeast, had flour.
So now I'm doing this thing andI'm like, well, this fucking
bird better be good because I, Ilike, I really want it now.
And then I'm just like, then itwas the most bizarre thing that
I'm doing, this whole recipe.
And then when I realized I hadto put a blanket, like a towel
over it and put it in theto inthe fridge overnight.
I'm, what the fuck is not evengonna be ready today.
(12:30):
I was pissed.
I was like, I want this bread.
And it was like, that is just,if you know me, you know I don't
cook, which is like, and, andBill wakes up cuz he works
nights and he is been sleepingall day.
He wakes up and he, he's like,whatcha doing?
I'm like, I'll bread.
And he was like, what?
Then the next day, like, it likegot it Rose like it like it's
supposed.
Thank God.
It turned out that it came outand was delicious and amazing
(12:54):
and my son and I ate the entireloaf in like maybe two hours it
was, but I was that crazy that Ibaked bread like that is so
beyond my personality orwhatever.
But that was the kind of weirdstuff for me, you know?
Martha (13:08):
that's your canary in
Stacy (13:09):
I,
Martha (13:09):
mine.
Sorry,
Stacy (13:11):
it was, I bake, I was baking bread and then this, and
then just the low energy like Ihave, um, I, I exercise every
day.
I, I have a high energy and Iliterally don't wanna do
anything.
Like, and I just would lay, Ijust would lay in bed and I'm
laying there because everythingwas an effort and I really
wanted to.
but it was an effort.
(13:31):
Like even crying was an effort.
And that's not my nature.
You know what I mean?
That's not me normally.
And then poof, it's over.
Martha (13:40):
One of the things I think that's hard about that,
about the depression and the lowenergy, so I've lost a lot of
ambition, frankly, like I was avery ambitious person.
I'm just not as ambitiousanymore.
But what I am finding as I'mtalking to people, I think it's
gonna be pretty hard.
For those of us who are of acertain age, we're all, you and
I are in the very close agegroup.
(14:01):
and the women I'm talking to arekind of in this bubble of, of
age, and we're, that means a lotof us are entering into this and
entered into this during thatthree year pandemic.
And I,
Stacy (14:12):
I was chalking it up to that, like I was chalking it up
to like And um, so yeah, so Ithought that I just was, I
thought I was chalkingeverything up.
the pandemic.
And I think a lot of people are,I don't think they realize, or
women at our of our age thatit's not the pandemic.
And I remember was probablyabout seven years ago.
I think it was the beginnings ofit.
(14:32):
I remember thinking, I'm gonnago to my doctor.
Cause I was like, I'm gonna geton meds.
Like I'm gonna get on meds.
I think I should get on meds.
And I had gone to my doctor andsaid, is there something you can
give me for my p m s symptomsfor the maybe 20 days a year
that I felt really bad.
And the only thing that heoffered me was a prozay type of
pill.
And I was like, I don't wannachange my entire brain chemistry
(14:54):
for like the 20 days that Idon't feel good.
So well, he goes, well, ifyou're having a rough day, take
Xanax.
And I was like, okay.
So the next time I felt like Ineeded it.
I don't know if you've evertaken Xanax.
Okay.
I took it and I fell asleep.
I'm like, I can't drive a car onthis.
I, and I'm sure people take atherapeutic level, but I had
never taken it, so it made mefall.
(15:17):
And then I was like, well, I,this isn't gonna work.
So there was literally nothing.
There was no solution.
And then this one, this lasttime he said, you're definitely
starting.
I'm like, you're some kind oflining.
I don't even remember what hesaid.
Do you know what that is?
Martha (15:30):
Um, I.
Yeah, it depends.
But yes, as your estrogendeclines, you will have less of
a lining in your uterus.
That's kind of why you stophaving a period.
Progesterone can also do that.
So you can take progesterone incase you're having heavy
periods, and that will help, um,reduce the lining.
But ultimately you get to thepoint where you're, you're just
not collecting blood and liningand your uterus need more, and
(15:52):
that's why periods stop.
Stacy (15:54):
Isn't it crazy that I don't even know these things
that are happening to my body?
,I don't even know.
And I'm an educated person.
Like I don't know these simplethings, but he said to me, we
were talking about libido and Isaid, I don't have as much
interest, he goes, yeah, that'sgonna happen.
There's nothing you can do aboutit.
And I'm like, what?
Wait, you guys have Viagra?
(16:15):
Like, can I have something?
Like, there's nothing.
And I was like, gee, whizz toobad.
Martha (16:19):
It's, yeah.
I mean, part of the, the wholething, like I went on the hunt.
for a doctor who specialized inmenopause because of the sexual
thing and cuz I was verymotivated, I wanted to have a
good time and I wanted to beresponsive and right.
And I wanted this relationshipand I don't know that I would've
found any solutions if I hadjust been going to my regular
(16:41):
doctor because I mention it tothem.
And even my gynecologist,something came up and she said,
oh, you know, well if, if thathappened again, we would just,
we just give you a hysterectomy.
And I didn't react to what shehad to say, but in my head I
thought, thank God, thank God Ihave found additional healthcare
support because a lot of myfriends had hysterectomies
(17:05):
prematurely they're surgeons,they're not endocrinologists,
they're not hormone specialists,they are surgeons.
So, you know, to a hammer, everyproblem looks like a nail to a
surgeon.
Every problem that you can fixwith surgery.
And so the solution, the instantsolutions, we'll just take it.
You don't need it.
And my menopause doctor wouldnever just off the cuff knowing
(17:28):
nothing about my life or myplans suggest a hysterectomy for
a non-pathological problem.
Stacy (17:36):
Why don't we find the cause and address that instead
of just masking symptoms?
So taking out your uterus, isthat gonna solve your problem?
Martha (17:44):
Well, it would solve that problem cuz I have had
fibroids in the past and theyhad a major surgery for my
fibroids years ago, which by theway, Now I realize all of the
stuff around that wasperimenopause, but no one
mentioned it to me.
I was with the best surgeon inthe country and no one ever
said, oh yeah, this all isrelated to perimenopause.
(18:04):
Oh, and the fact that you haveheavy periods even after that
related to perimenopause.
No one ever said a word.
The reason we need to get, haveyou taken iron and you're
bleeding so much perimenopause.
Right.
What she was saying is, I said,I want an ultrasound just to
make sure the, the fibroidshaven't come.
And she said, well, if they did,we would just give you a
hysterectomy because I mean,it's a a much easier surgery.
(18:25):
It's much less bloody.
You don't need your uterus.
And this is a very good doctor,and even a really good doctor
was saying that, and I.
I, you know what your uterusdoes?
And by the way, many people havehad to have hysterectomies for
good reason, and some peoplehave had them for no good reason
because it's such an easy thingto recommend am some people want
(18:47):
them.
But your uterus holds all yourstuff up,
Stacy (18:51):
Yeah,
Martha (18:52):
so it does have a purpose.
Yeah, like a shelf My, my uterushas more purpose than just
making babies.
It turns out, and there areprobably things we won't know
for 10 or 20 more years becausethey don't study us closely
enough, but there are indicatorsthat your uterus does things
that, that it helps releasecertain hormones and certain
(19:15):
things that support you throughthis.
That someone just yank it outcuz it's easy and it's covered
by insurance with basically noargument is upsetting to me.
And so I sat in that room likingher for a lot of reasons, and
also thinking, oh my God, thisis why I have a podcast.
Because even though I'm like,yuck, yuck, yuck, Hardy, hard,
hard, like it's a comedypodcast.
(19:37):
I do also want to be able toprovide another outlet for women
to learn things and learn fromeach other because.
several of my friends who hadhysterectomies, it was because
they had heavy periods and theirdoctor said, well, we can just
take it out.
And they had them.
And now when we talk, they say,I can't believe that my doctor
(19:57):
ordered a hysterectomy when Icould have just taken
progesterone.
I could have gotten an i u.
that progesterone would havereduced my bleeding and made my
boobs stop hurting, cuz a lot inthe house I had like serious
breast pain from the estrogenlevel.
So the fact that they went incomplaining of breast pain and
heavy bleeding for that to bejust remove you the uterus
instead of saying, oh, we haveto balance out your progesterone
(20:18):
with your estrogen.
You're obviously a high estrogenis insane.
Stacy (20:23):
Yep.
And I think if we don't know toadvocate for ourselves, cause we
don't even know those otheroptions.
We're not talking about it.
And so I'm hoping Martha, withyour podcast and raising
awareness that more women willtalk cuz there's things I don't
even know that are gonna happento me, or the fact that I didn't
get a hot flash and up untillike three months ago, I was
still getting a period.
I didn't realize I was in it.
(20:43):
I feel like it's reallyimportant because it's this
taboo subject, at least in mymind, it's this taboo subject
that no, because nobody I knowis talking about it.
Martha (20:51):
I mean, it's, well, it's, it's taboo.
People are talking about itprivately.
Some people are talking about itwidely.
And of course now I've pluggedmyself in the algorithms surfing
up every, everyone who wants totalk about their vagina is like
showing up in my feed.
right?
So, so my worldview has shifted,but it's one-on-one and it's
with friends or girlfriends.
And even in groups, I have threeGroup chats in my life that are
(21:11):
girlfriends from differentstages in life.
And even in those, I know thatsome people are suffering and
not talking, even if we're beingopen and joking but I definitely
feel.
Like we are restricted and nottalking about it.
Maybe cuz it's sexually related.
Maybe because we live in a youthculture where youth is so
valued.
You don't wanna tip anyone off.
(21:33):
Like, I'm single.
Do I want men to know that I,you know, I'm not having this
one.
But when I have vaginal dryness,am I gonna wanna talk about that
in public?
How about itchy?
Itchy vagina?
Which apparently is a verycommon symptom.
So all of these things, thereare reasons why you don't wanna
talk about it.
I'm like very open.
Listen, if I, I'm pretty sure ifI went up to one of those 32
(21:53):
year olds I'm older and I needsomeone to scratch my vagina
with their young penis.
That yeah, I'm sure you couldfind they could use their
fingers, they could do whateverthey needed.
I, in fact, I am not picky.
They can use whatever they want,but, um, so I think that there
are reasons cuz you can't unlinkit from sex.
And sex is taboo.
In our culture, aging is kind oftaboo In our culture, mental
(22:15):
illness is kind of taboo.
These are things that are start,people start to talk about, but
they didn't talk about before.
So I think that's why it's sucha thing.
Stacy (22:23):
and I would think with the, it's funny about the sex
being taboo part.
It's that everything, if youlook at like TV or ads or movies
or whatever, they're using sexfor everything there.
But yet over here, it's not thething.
And I feel like for people whohave.
Had a healthy sex life afteryou've been married a while,
it's super comfortable and it'sfun and all of a sudden now
(22:46):
there's like no interest.
And I I want that part back.
Like where'd it go and how do Iget it back?
And that is really somethingthat sucks.
Martha (22:53):
come back?
Can we talk it is definitely athing.
Before we end, I do wanna you ofthe things the things that have
changed that you're actuallykind of happy about?
The things that have
Stacy (23:06):
I mean I do like the not getting a period part so that's
one good thing.
What's your thing?
Martha (23:11):
Um, the kind of the it don't give a fuck stuff.
Stacy (23:16):
Yeah.
Martha (23:16):
more, I don't give a fuck than I used to be because I
think I was so ambitious before.
And so wanting to be a goodbrand representation for other
people, that there were things Ididn't do cuz they just weren't
becoming.
Now I, listen, I did a lot ofthings that people would think
aren't becoming, and people whoknow me would say, what, what
didn't you do?
Cuz we've seen what you've done.
(23:36):
right Right, But the, there's alevel of, there's just
something, and I don't, I can'teven put my finger on it, but
it's shifted and I thought itwas just the pandemic, right?
Because we, we were all gonnadie and then we lived.
But I, I actually now recognizeit's kind of the shift in, in
me, and I'm happy.
So I Also on a mission, my P s Atrack periods for a while and
(23:57):
they say, oh, maybe I'm inmenopause.
And they don't know.
the date of their last periodand then they don't know what
day.
Cuz menopause is just one day.
your perimenopause and then yourpostmenopausal menopause is just
the day, that is one year sinceyour last period.
So um, track it so they knowwhen
Stacy (24:18):
I'm
Martha (24:18):
up.
Stacy (24:19):
app right now.
I'm gonna tell you when.
If I didn't have an app, it saysI'm 148.
Days late.
I should have gotten a periodI'm a little late.
I'm either pregnant or I'm in
Martha (24:28):
right.
Right, right.
So, um, that you, cuz I want, Idon't wanna lose that because a
lot of my friends preferences intheir life in different stages.
You guys got married, but youalso got married later and I
think for a woman to be.
married a long time, and, andtheir relationship is one where
they're like, if he doesn'treally wanna, I don't really
(24:49):
wanna do it anymore.
I, I, I'm glad to be past that.
I'm, I wanna be Grandma Mosesand focus my attention.
I, on the other hand, had allthat celibacy and kind of felt
like ripped vag Winkle.
Like I woke up at 50 and Ihadn't had sex and.
Almost a decade.
And I don't, I don't wanna havemissed out on great sex.
And so I'm still like, I, likeif we, this is the Golden Girls,
(25:10):
I'm Blanche like out hot totrot, trying to find a man
except I'm not really trying tofind a man.
I just really wanna have ahealthy sex life.
Stacy (25:17):
Right, right, right.
Martha (25:19):
a man for that kind of, but, um, it's, it's a, it's a
different, it's like a veryself-serving desire.
Stacy (25:26):
So I was a little nervous.
I thought you were gonna ask meto actually talk about my
vagina.
So thank you for not doing that.
Martha (25:32):
You know what?
I really that into the guestemail that I never sent you and
say, Hey, your vagina.
Stacy (25:38):
yes, But you know, who knows?
I'm so comfortable.
Maybe next time,
Martha (25:41):
Who knows?
Listen, we're only talking aboutmy vagina.
It's my, my vagina's the star.
Stacy (25:47):
I have one
Martha (25:48):
Okay, well oc listen, I can make this competition.
You'll come on and you'll spillall the vagina details.
So
Stacy (25:55):
I don't know.
You'll totally win
Martha (25:56):
yeah.
Alright,
The shocking thing about is that you look in the mirror
some days and you're like, Well,who is that?" Like, I don't even
recognize this person lookingback.
Martha (00:06):
Yeah, I mean, cuz I worry about my appearance,
obviously I'm vain and we're oncamera all the time now, and so
we're more aware than ever.
But I also am realizing that wedon't actually pay that much
attention to each other.
We're not as scrutinized byothers as we think.
Stacy (00:19):
It's funny too cuz I'll see people that I went to high
school with and I'll be like,"Ohwow! She got old." And then I'm
like, oh wait, I look just likeher.
When we're like 75, are we gonnabe attracted to like 40 year old
guys or are we gonna beattracted to like 70 something
year old people?
Like, cause now I look and I'mthinking like a 25 year old guy,
maybe he's got a great body, butI'm not attracted to that.
Because like they're, they'relike a baby, they're like a
(00:41):
mental baby.
So, I'm thinking to myself, doyou, do you stay attracted to
the age that you're at?
Martha (00:47):
Yeah, I, I just had this conversation with someone I had
dated in my twenties he was ninemonths younger and that seemed
like a big deal.
So he used to joke that I wasrobbing the cradle.
So I recently saw him and hesaid something about,"Well, you
always liked younger guys." Isaid, what are you talking
about?
I've never dated a guy younger.
And he said, me himself.
And I'm like, yeah, that doesn'tcount.
(01:08):
But other than that, it's alwaysbeen guys my age or at most two
years older.
I'm very in my zone.
Stacy (01:15):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Martha (01:16):
I like being able to, connect on things and having
shared history through popculture and, perspectives.
I like someone to understand myjokes
Stacy (01:25):
Yeah.
Or know how to read a map, like,like
Martha (01:27):
Well, yeah, those things
Stacy (01:28):
read a map or turn a channel on the tv.
Martha (01:30):
Address an envelope.
You know, those sexy, sexythings.
Stacy (01:33):
Right.
Right.
Right.
Martha (01:34):
So my son is in his younger thirties, and guys his
age are kind of into me.
I just don't understand how theydon't know.
It's so obvious to me how old Iam and that I could be their
mother.
But then when they find out,they act shocked and I think,
oh, how flattering.
That's so cute that they arelike,"Oh!"
Stacy (01:51):
You don't really mean that.
Martha (01:52):
but also they're like making the moves.
And I'm like, are they just notrealizing that I'm my age?
Or do they not care?
But there's no way.
I'm not even gonna make out witha guy in his thirties.
It makes me uncomfortable toeven think about it.
Stacy (02:04):
That would feel really weird to me.
Like I would feel like morallywrong, even though they're
adults.
Martha (02:07):
Right! I mean a 30-year-old man is a MAN! B ut
it's just too much for me.
And I know I have friends who,who insist cuz I am single.
They're like, you've gotta tryit.
You need to, if you're attractedto him, just one of those times
just like do it and see howthings go.
And I just haven't had the gutsto do it.
Stacy (02:25):
I wouldn't wear the things, though.
Martha (02:27):
Right.
Well, this, this always tipsthem off.
The Frownies always tip them offthat I might be a little bit
older.
Stacy (02:33):
I cannot wait to see the final product because if that
works, I'm gonna be likelathering them ev, you know,
like everywhere.
Everywhere.
Martha (02:40):
I've been using them now for, Nine months.
They only work here because it'sabout repetitive muscle.
It's basically the poor girlsBotox or the anti Botox.
Botox because it prevents youfrom scowling.
And so a lot of us I turn out tobe one scowl in our sleep.
So you just wear'em at night andthen you're like saving yourself
that seven or eight hours ofscowling.
(03:01):
So I just left them on for thesight gag! I no longer tell my
friends they could benefit fromFrownies cause nobody wants to
hear that I'm noticing theirWhat-the-fuck?
lines.
Frownies gave me a discount.
And I'm able to pass thatdiscount along to other people.
So I think that's an affiliate.
Which makes me feel superofficial.
So if you want to try frowniesand I do really, truly recommend
(03:22):
them.
You can use my code MAV 10.
So it's M A V for My AloofVagina.
And you'll get 10% off.
I think at some point they maysend me a fruit basket or
something.
Not really sure how all thisworks, but I'm sure I'll figure
it out as I become moreprofessional.
There's always now going to be alink in the show notes, Which
makes me feel like I'm really,really doing this podcasting
(03:42):
thing.
Right?
Stacy (03:43):
I'm really glad that you're talking about this
because now that I've started totalk about it, because I'm in
it, and people my age are goingthrough it.
So like the R B F, when I saylike typically, no, this is my
face.
Resting bitch face, right?
Yeah.
Can I say the, can I curse onyour show?
Martha (03:57):
Yeah.
Didn't I say what the fuck?
Lines
Stacy (03:59):
Oh,
Martha (04:01):
You're welcome!
Stacy (04:02):
Right now though, although I'm a genuinely
positive, happy person, and I'mintentional about that.
Um, there are days where I justhave unbelievable mood swings
and I'm not normally that typeof person, and I can only, I can
only assume it's the M word
Martha (04:18):
Yeah.
Stacy (04:18):
I don't even like to say.
Martha (04:20):
Because it's pre, so it's not the m, You can call it
Perry.
Like it's a nickname.
Stacy (04:26):
Okay.
Like, like it's a date.
Martha (04:28):
Yeah.
So anyway, so with Perry, Ibecome enraged.
Stacy (04:34):
And then sometimes two minutes later I'm like crying.
You know, it's just like I feellike I'm crazy and I know that
typically, I am not, and I feellike I am.
Martha (04:44):
My PMS I could tell like, oh, if I didn't know, I'd
look at the calendar.
Oh my gosh, it's day 27, right?
Stacy (04:51):
Yeah.
You could predict it.
Martha (04:52):
Yeah.
Now, who knows?
So I was at a conference and Ihad just had my period So I
didn't bring stuff.
And I, at this conference, hadthe heaviest murder scene period
I've had in a while I hadnothing.
I had nothing I'd been verydisciplined in the way I packed
And so I didn't have anyextraneous clothing.
(05:14):
So I had to wash, leggings.
I had to wash, uh, my jeans,which took days to dry, and of
course my underwear.
And then also, Somehow I got iton my shirt.
I don't know.
I felt like a, 13 year old, youknow, I don't know.
And it got on the outside of mypajamas, just a big splash.
So I basically had thingshanging all over the hotel room
(05:35):
and then I was rinsing out thetowels because I didn't wanna
leave bloody towels Just, andthen, so I called the front desk
like, yeah, I called the frontdesk.
I'm like, Hey.
I'm having an emergency.
And I explained it to her andshe said, we don't have any, but
I have some in my purse.
And I was, I was like, oh mygosh.
She said, want me to bring'emup?
I'm like, no, I've, I'vefashioned something with, with
(05:57):
some things I have
Stacy (05:58):
your legs.
Martha (05:59):
And then she said, do you want overnight or light day?
I'm like, overnight.
So I got two.
They were still pretty thin cuzshe's, you know, in her
twenties.
I'm like, these were not gonna.
These were not really gonna lastme.
And I thought, oh, I'll go tothe C v s.
But then I was running around.
I went to the next hotel, it gotworse.
I called downstairs and said,Hey, do you guys have anything?
And they sent up an emergencybag.
(06:20):
I cannot be the only woman.
They had a little bag with avariety of different things in
it.
So they have a surprise.
They have my period bag readyto.
Stacy (06:29):
Yeah.
Aw.
Martha (06:30):
at that
Stacy (06:31):
Was there?
A little Hershey kiss in there?
A little piece of chocolate
Martha (06:33):
that's, what I would've added.
Definitely.
Definitely.
So, that was, so I ended upbasically wearing cashmere
sweatpants for two days at theconference because I didn't have
any dry pants to wear.
Stacy (06:46):
That's horrible.
Martha (06:47):
know no one knew.
They just thought I was casual.
I was wearing my
Stacy (06:49):
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Wow.
She's really laid back.
Martha (06:51):
She's like, oh, look at her.
She's like, she's like amiddle-aged lady rapper.
Stacy (06:55):
Now are you getting the mood, the mood fluctuations and
like the energy fluctuations?
Martha (07:00):
N no.
And so that, to go back to that,that is first of all, depression
in the lead up to this is verycommon, and women get
misdiagnosed all the time withjust depression.
They get given meds that don'thelp, and then, People, people
get divorced.
You know, women are raging anddon't know what it's from.
(07:23):
And maybe, you know, I, I wannatalk to you about this.
So there's this, concept I'mcalling Canary in the coal mine
because everything I was taughtwas that.
I was gonna get hot flashes andthen my periods would become
irregular and then stop, I mighthave insomnia.
Those are the things then Iwould look old, right.
(07:43):
And so the, the constellation ofsymptoms that I had, I did not
recognize for years that I wasentering into this.
And so I imagine if someone isthen their mid forties and
starts to hate their husband,period.
and have some other things thatthey don't recognize.
(08:03):
Then you could maybe think itwas your relationship, you.
Stacy (08:07):
Yeah.
Martha (08:07):
or screaming at your children and you think you've
got bad kids.
If there's no one to say, ohwait, this is a really common
thing, this depression is areally common symptom, and the
rage is a really common symptom,also the weeping and that it
might come long before the hotflashes.
I think that would help.
And that's one of the reasonsI'm talking about it, because
mine of course, was my, I had.
(08:28):
Clitoral atrophy.
I didn't really have it, but Ihad, a change in sexual
response.
That was my, my indicator.
And then I went on this researchjag, found out about clitoral
atrophy and freaked out and toldmy friends.
It turned out that wasn't whatthe issue was.
It is a freak out.
It's like, what?
Stacy (08:45):
yeah.
Martha (08:46):
What they should.
That should be yourgynecologist, should be
mentioned every year.
Fyi, there are hormonal causes,but there's also, your body is
very, very efficient.
It does not waste resourceswhere it's not used.
So if you're not using yourclitoris, then you are facing,
Stacy (09:03):
Gotta take it out for a spin
Martha (09:04):
you gotta take out for spin.
You got show a good time becauseit slowly will just kind of
shrink and slowly all thatperipheral circulation.
your body will stop expandingthe energy to to nourish it.
If anyone had told me I would'vebeen doing
Stacy (09:21):
This is a calling, like you need to tell the masses
about this.
Martha (09:24):
Well, we call it ca so that we can speak about it in
mixed company and be really openabout it.
But yeah, so the ca learningabout CA led to this and really
alarmed me.
But then when I looked back andexamined, there were a number of
symptoms that I had that no onehad told me might be this.
And if they had, maybe I couldhave dealt with some of them.
(09:46):
so my canary in the coal mineturned out to be this sexual
response.
What was your canary in the coalmine?
What was the thing that happenedthat made you realize, oh, I
might, I might be going throughthis thing.
Stacy (09:58):
You know what, this is an interesting thing.
So I don't know, it wasn't untillike just recently, so I had an
app on my phone because we, wegot married late.
I had kids very late and so Ispent my whole adult life trying
to not get pregnant so that whenI got married and got pregnant,
I mean, when I was gonna try, Ithought, oh, I'm gonna go off
the pill and just get pregnant.
(10:19):
You know, like you just have sexand get pregnant.
So I started tracking.
I use an app, I tracked, so Iknew that my periods.
Really regular.
Cause once I had gone off thepill, like I had no idea if I
was regular or regular, nothing.
Cause I'd been on the pillforever.
so I have this app.
I get pregnant at 37, I getpregnant at 39.
So like, I'm 40 years old.
So I've been, and then I had amiscarriage in between.
(10:40):
So from 36 till almost 40 I waspregnant and nursing.
So I'm like 41, 42 years old andlike everything is like going
haywire and like that's whenwomen start to go through
things.
But I thought, like you said,it's gonna be hot flashes and
it's gonna be, I'm not gonna getmy period.
Well I haven't had a single hotflash at all and have been like
the poster child for regularityuntil last year.
(11:04):
My period was like five weeksinstead of four, and then, so
then I got it, and then samething, five weeks instead of
four, like spread out a littlebit then August was my last
period, so I didn't even havethis like long drawn out irreg,
you know, get it, not get it.
I haven't had a period sinceAugust, and then I'm like, oh,
well maybe, maybe it's the.
Maybe it's happening, likemaybe, and then I was like, I
(11:27):
was getting these moods, like Iwas having pm s but it was worse
than PMs.
And then I was getting likecrazy, like crazy to the point
where like I, don't cook like I,I did.
I just don't prefer it.
I'll do it for survival.
But I'm not a baker and I don'treally cook.
And then back in December, I'mdriving home from church and I'm
like, I want bread.
(11:49):
and I just kept thinking, I wantbread.
I want bread, like a big likesour doughy thing.
And so like I just drove homeand then I'm just laying around.
I'm just no energy, super lowenergy.
I'm like, I'm gonna bake bread.
It was like the weirdest thing.
Like I don't, I've never bakedbread in my life, so I Google a
recipe, I'm like, well, I guessI'll bake bread.
So now I'm like, I happen tohave yeast who even knew that I
(12:09):
had yeast, had flour.
So now I'm doing this thing andI'm like, well, this fucking
bird better be good because I, Ilike, I really want it now.
And then I'm just like, then itwas the most bizarre thing that
I'm doing, this whole recipe.
And then when I realized I hadto put a blanket, like a towel
over it and put it in theto inthe fridge overnight.
I'm, what the fuck is not evengonna be ready today.
(12:30):
I was pissed.
I was like, I want this bread.
And it was like, that is just,if you know me, you know I don't
cook, which is like, and, andBill wakes up cuz he works
nights and he is been sleepingall day.
He wakes up and he, he's like,whatcha doing?
I'm like, I'll bread.
And he was like, what?
Then the next day, like, it likegot it Rose like it like it's
supposed.
Thank God.
It turned out that it came outand was delicious and amazing
(12:54):
and my son and I ate the entireloaf in like maybe two hours it
was, but I was that crazy that Ibaked bread like that is so
beyond my personality orwhatever.
But that was the kind of weirdstuff for me, you know?
Martha (13:08):
that's your canary in
Stacy (13:09):
I,
Martha (13:09):
mine.
Sorry,
Stacy (13:11):
it was, I bake, I was baking bread and then this, and
then just the low energy like Ihave, um, I, I exercise every
day.
I, I have a high energy and Iliterally don't wanna do
anything.
Like, and I just would lay, Ijust would lay in bed and I'm
laying there because everythingwas an effort and I really
wanted to.
but it was an effort.
(13:31):
Like even crying was an effort.
And that's not my nature.
You know what I mean?
That's not me normally.
And then poof, it's over.
Martha (13:40):
One of the things I think that's hard about that,
about the depression and the lowenergy, so I've lost a lot of
ambition, frankly, like I was avery ambitious person.
I'm just not as ambitiousanymore.
But what I am finding as I'mtalking to people, I think it's
gonna be pretty hard.
For those of us who are of acertain age, we're all, you and
I are in the very close agegroup.
(14:01):
and the women I'm talking to arekind of in this bubble of, of
age, and we're, that means a lotof us are entering into this and
entered into this during thatthree year pandemic.
And I,
Stacy (14:12):
I was chalking it up to that, like I was chalking it up
to like And um, so yeah, so Ithought that I just was, I
thought I was chalkingeverything up.
the pandemic.
And I think a lot of people are,I don't think they realize, or
women at our of our age thatit's not the pandemic.
And I remember was probablyabout seven years ago.
I think it was the beginnings ofit.
(14:32):
I remember thinking, I'm gonnago to my doctor.
Cause I was like, I'm gonna geton meds.
Like I'm gonna get on meds.
I think I should get on meds.
And I had gone to my doctor andsaid, is there something you can
give me for my p m s symptomsfor the maybe 20 days a year
that I felt really bad.
And the only thing that heoffered me was a prozay type of
pill.
And I was like, I don't wannachange my entire brain chemistry
(14:54):
for like the 20 days that Idon't feel good.
So well, he goes, well, ifyou're having a rough day, take
Xanax.
And I was like, okay.
So the next time I felt like Ineeded it.
I don't know if you've evertaken Xanax.
Okay.
I took it and I fell asleep.
I'm like, I can't drive a car onthis.
I, and I'm sure people take atherapeutic level, but I had
never taken it, so it made mefall.
(15:17):
And then I was like, well, I,this isn't gonna work.
So there was literally nothing.
There was no solution.
And then this one, this lasttime he said, you're definitely
starting.
I'm like, you're some kind oflining.
I don't even remember what hesaid.
Do you know what that is?
Martha (15:30):
Um, I.
Yeah, it depends.
But yes, as your estrogendeclines, you will have less of
a lining in your uterus.
That's kind of why you stophaving a period.
Progesterone can also do that.
So you can take progesterone incase you're having heavy
periods, and that will help, um,reduce the lining.
But ultimately you get to thepoint where you're, you're just
not collecting blood and liningand your uterus need more, and
(15:52):
that's why periods stop.
Stacy (15:54):
Isn't it crazy that I don't even know these things
that are happening to my body?
,I don't even know.
And I'm an educated person.
Like I don't know these simplethings, but he said to me, we
were talking about libido and Isaid, I don't have as much
interest, he goes, yeah, that'sgonna happen.
There's nothing you can do aboutit.
And I'm like, what?
Wait, you guys have Viagra?
(16:15):
Like, can I have something?
Like, there's nothing.
And I was like, gee, whizz toobad.
Martha (16:19):
It's, yeah.
I mean, part of the, the wholething, like I went on the hunt.
for a doctor who specialized inmenopause because of the sexual
thing and cuz I was verymotivated, I wanted to have a
good time and I wanted to beresponsive and right.
And I wanted this relationshipand I don't know that I would've
found any solutions if I hadjust been going to my regular
(16:41):
doctor because I mention it tothem.
And even my gynecologist,something came up and she said,
oh, you know, well if, if thathappened again, we would just,
we just give you a hysterectomy.
And I didn't react to what shehad to say, but in my head I
thought, thank God, thank God Ihave found additional healthcare
support because a lot of myfriends had hysterectomies
(17:05):
prematurely they're surgeons,they're not endocrinologists,
they're not hormone specialists,they are surgeons.
So, you know, to a hammer, everyproblem looks like a nail to a
surgeon.
Every problem that you can fixwith surgery.
And so the solution, the instantsolutions, we'll just take it.
You don't need it.
And my menopause doctor wouldnever just off the cuff knowing
(17:28):
nothing about my life or myplans suggest a hysterectomy for
a non-pathological problem.
Stacy (17:36):
Why don't we find the cause and address that instead
of just masking symptoms?
So taking out your uterus, isthat gonna solve your problem?
Martha (17:44):
Well, it would solve that problem cuz I have had
fibroids in the past and theyhad a major surgery for my
fibroids years ago, which by theway, Now I realize all of the
stuff around that wasperimenopause, but no one
mentioned it to me.
I was with the best surgeon inthe country and no one ever
said, oh yeah, this all isrelated to perimenopause.
(18:04):
Oh, and the fact that you haveheavy periods even after that
related to perimenopause.
No one ever said a word.
The reason we need to get, haveyou taken iron and you're
bleeding so much perimenopause.
Right.
What she was saying is, I said,I want an ultrasound just to
make sure the, the fibroidshaven't come.
And she said, well, if they did,we would just give you a
hysterectomy because I mean,it's a a much easier surgery.
(18:25):
It's much less bloody.
You don't need your uterus.
And this is a very good doctor,and even a really good doctor
was saying that, and I.
I, you know what your uterusdoes?
And by the way, many people havehad to have hysterectomies for
good reason, and some peoplehave had them for no good reason
because it's such an easy thingto recommend am some people want
(18:47):
them.
But your uterus holds all yourstuff up,
Stacy (18:51):
Yeah,
Martha (18:52):
so it does have a purpose.
Yeah, like a shelf My, my uterushas more purpose than just
making babies.
It turns out, and there areprobably things we won't know
for 10 or 20 more years becausethey don't study us closely
enough, but there are indicatorsthat your uterus does things
that, that it helps releasecertain hormones and certain
(19:15):
things that support you throughthis.
That someone just yank it outcuz it's easy and it's covered
by insurance with basically noargument is upsetting to me.
And so I sat in that room likingher for a lot of reasons, and
also thinking, oh my God, thisis why I have a podcast.
Because even though I'm like,yuck, yuck, yuck, Hardy, hard,
hard, like it's a comedypodcast.
(19:37):
I do also want to be able toprovide another outlet for women
to learn things and learn fromeach other because.
several of my friends who hadhysterectomies, it was because
they had heavy periods and theirdoctor said, well, we can just
take it out.
And they had them.
And now when we talk, they say,I can't believe that my doctor
(19:57):
ordered a hysterectomy when Icould have just taken
progesterone.
I could have gotten an i u.
that progesterone would havereduced my bleeding and made my
boobs stop hurting, cuz a lot inthe house I had like serious
breast pain from the estrogenlevel.
So the fact that they went incomplaining of breast pain and
heavy bleeding for that to bejust remove you the uterus
instead of saying, oh, we haveto balance out your progesterone
(20:18):
with your estrogen.
You're obviously a high estrogenis insane.
Stacy (20:23):
Yep.
And I think if we don't know toadvocate for ourselves, cause we
don't even know those otheroptions.
We're not talking about it.
And so I'm hoping Martha, withyour podcast and raising
awareness that more women willtalk cuz there's things I don't
even know that are gonna happento me, or the fact that I didn't
get a hot flash and up untillike three months ago, I was
still getting a period.
I didn't realize I was in it.
(20:43):
I feel like it's reallyimportant because it's this
taboo subject, at least in mymind, it's this taboo subject
that no, because nobody I knowis talking about it.
Martha (20:51):
I mean, it's, well, it's, it's taboo.
People are talking about itprivately.
Some people are talking about itwidely.
And of course now I've pluggedmyself in the algorithms surfing
up every, everyone who wants totalk about their vagina is like
showing up in my feed.
right?
So, so my worldview has shifted,but it's one-on-one and it's
with friends or girlfriends.
And even in groups, I have threeGroup chats in my life that are
(21:11):
girlfriends from differentstages in life.
And even in those, I know thatsome people are suffering and
not talking, even if we're beingopen and joking but I definitely
feel.
Like we are restricted and nottalking about it.
Maybe cuz it's sexually related.
Maybe because we live in a youthculture where youth is so
valued.
You don't wanna tip anyone off.
(21:33):
Like, I'm single.
Do I want men to know that I,you know, I'm not having this
one.
But when I have vaginal dryness,am I gonna wanna talk about that
in public?
How about itchy?
Itchy vagina?
Which apparently is a verycommon symptom.
So all of these things, thereare reasons why you don't wanna
talk about it.
I'm like very open.
Listen, if I, I'm pretty sure ifI went up to one of those 32
(21:53):
year olds I'm older and I needsomeone to scratch my vagina
with their young penis.
That yeah, I'm sure you couldfind they could use their
fingers, they could do whateverthey needed.
I, in fact, I am not picky.
They can use whatever they want,but, um, so I think that there
are reasons cuz you can't unlinkit from sex.
And sex is taboo.
In our culture, aging is kind oftaboo In our culture, mental
(22:15):
illness is kind of taboo.
These are things that are start,people start to talk about, but
they didn't talk about before.
So I think that's why it's sucha thing.
Stacy (22:23):
and I would think with the, it's funny about the sex
being taboo part.
It's that everything, if youlook at like TV or ads or movies
or whatever, they're using sexfor everything there.
But yet over here, it's not thething.
And I feel like for people whohave.
Had a healthy sex life afteryou've been married a while,
it's super comfortable and it'sfun and all of a sudden now
(22:46):
there's like no interest.
And I I want that part back.
Like where'd it go and how do Iget it back?
And that is really somethingthat sucks.
Martha (22:53):
come back?
Can we talk it is definitely athing.
Before we end, I do wanna you ofthe things the things that have
changed that you're actuallykind of happy about?
The things that have
Stacy (23:06):
I mean I do like the not getting a period part so that's
one good thing.
What's your thing?
Martha (23:11):
Um, the kind of the it don't give a fuck stuff.
Stacy (23:16):
Yeah.
Martha (23:16):
more, I don't give a fuck than I used to be because I
think I was so ambitious before.
And so wanting to be a goodbrand representation for other
people, that there were things Ididn't do cuz they just weren't
becoming.
Now I, listen, I did a lot ofthings that people would think
aren't becoming, and people whoknow me would say, what, what
didn't you do?
Cuz we've seen what you've done.
(23:36):
right Right, But the, there's alevel of, there's just
something, and I don't, I can'teven put my finger on it, but
it's shifted and I thought itwas just the pandemic, right?
Because we, we were all gonnadie and then we lived.
But I, I actually now recognizeit's kind of the shift in, in
me, and I'm happy.
So I Also on a mission, my P s Atrack periods for a while and
(23:57):
they say, oh, maybe I'm inmenopause.
And they don't know.
the date of their last periodand then they don't know what
day.
Cuz menopause is just one day.
your perimenopause and then yourpostmenopausal menopause is just
the day, that is one year sinceyour last period.
So um, track it so they knowwhen
Stacy (24:18):
I'm
Martha (24:18):
up.
Stacy (24:19):
app right now.
I'm gonna tell you when.
If I didn't have an app, it saysI'm 148.
Days late.
I should have gotten a periodI'm a little late.
I'm either pregnant or I'm in
Martha (24:28):
right.
Right, right.
So, um, that you, cuz I want, Idon't wanna lose that because a
lot of my friends preferences intheir life in different stages.
You guys got married, but youalso got married later and I
think for a woman to be.
married a long time, and, andtheir relationship is one where
they're like, if he doesn'treally wanna, I don't really
(24:49):
wanna do it anymore.
I, I, I'm glad to be past that.
I'm, I wanna be Grandma Mosesand focus my attention.
I, on the other hand, had allthat celibacy and kind of felt
like ripped vag Winkle.
Like I woke up at 50 and Ihadn't had sex and.
Almost a decade.
And I don't, I don't wanna havemissed out on great sex.
And so I'm still like, I, likeif we, this is the Golden Girls,
(25:10):
I'm Blanche like out hot totrot, trying to find a man
except I'm not really trying tofind a man.
I just really wanna have ahealthy sex life.
Stacy (25:17):
Right, right, right.
Martha (25:19):
a man for that kind of, but, um, it's, it's a, it's a
different, it's like a veryself-serving desire.
Stacy (25:26):
So I was a little nervous.
I thought you were gonna ask meto actually talk about my
vagina.
So thank you for not doing that.
Martha (25:32):
You know what?
I really that into the guestemail that I never sent you and
say, Hey, your vagina.
Stacy (25:38):
yes, But you know, who knows?
I'm so comfortable.
Maybe next time,
Martha (25:41):
Who knows?
Listen, we're only talking aboutmy vagina.
It's my, my vagina's the star.
Stacy (25:47):
I have one
Martha (25:48):
Okay, well oc listen, I can make this competition.
You'll come on and you'll spillall the vagina details.
So
Stacy (25:55):
I don't know.
You'll totally win
Martha (25:56):
yeah.
Alright,
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