Rising from the Ashes

When your world shatters, sometimes the only way forward is through the broken pieces. Four years after losing my father to cancer, I found myself facing the darkest moment of my life. Today, I'm recording from Harmony, California, a fitting metaphor for the peace I've finally discovered within myself.

My Beautiful Bipolar Life isn't just a podcast title; it's the reality I've come to embrace. During my year-long hiatus, I've realized that launching this podcast prematurely was my desperate attempt to create normalcy when what I truly needed was time to heal. Listening back to earlier episodes, particularly my interview with Judge Lynn Toler, I can hear my manic state and internal struggles – evidence of a person doing their best while drowning.

What a difference a year makes. This relaunch marks a transformation in both content and purpose. This podcast will serve as a platform for authentic storytelling about mental wellness, travel, food, and the beautiful chaos of life. For anyone who feels everything that humanity has to offer, who wants to disrupt broken systems, and who strives to be the change they wish to see in the world – this space is for you.

Join me every Tuesday beginning July 15th as we navigate the complexities of bipolar disorder, challenge stigmas, and celebrate the unexpected joys found along the way. Together, we'll prove that our deepest struggles often lead to our greatest purpose. Are you ready for this beautiful ride?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome.
This is my Beautiful BipolarLife, and I am your host, kelly
Bauer.
If this is your first time, I'mso glad you're here, and
welcome back to those of you whohave been here before.
Today is July 7, 2025, and fouryears ago on this day, my dad,

(00:22):
randy, took his final breath,just one month shy of his 64th
birthday.
Cancer, and ultimately, hisdeath, became the catalyst for a
journey that would turn myworld upside down.
The last time I recorded anepisode was May 2024.
One month later, 2024.

(00:43):
One month later, I would beadmitted to the psychiatric ward
.
Had I not agreed to go, I wouldhave been subject to a 302, an
involuntary commitment.
I was in the midst of bipolardepression so deep that, for the
first time in my life, I madean active plan to end it.

(01:04):
First time in my life, I madean active plan to end it.
I would spend the summerfighting to stay alive and,
looking back, I realized thatstarting the podcast was a
mistake.
I was just so desperate to havenormalcy and a sense of purpose
, but I didn't give myself thechance to heal from the
relentless trauma that I hadendured since 2020.

(01:27):
And so I apologize to my firstguest, judge Lynn Toler.
She is the face of no-nonsenseTV, like Divorce Court and
Marriage Boot Camp.
Listening back to our interview, I was clearly manic and
struggling and I'm so gratefulthat she took a chance on me,

(01:51):
but embarrassed that I didn'tgive her the interview that she
deserved.
But I was doing my best andthat's all that I could do.
There were other episodes andother interviews, but listening
to them with a healed heart anda calm mind, I realized that I

(02:13):
wanted this podcast to not beabout interviews only, but about
sharing stories and reachingpeople where they are and
connecting on a level of loveand kindness, but not taking
anybody's bullshit.
But oh, what a difference ayear makes.

(02:33):
Today I am in Harmony,california, population 18.
And I can't think of a morefitting place to be, and I can't
think of a more fitting placeto be.
My visit here two years ago setoff a trajectory that is the
sort of thing that movies aremade of.
So I invite you to sit back andbuckle up, because this is

(02:56):
going to be a wild ride.
This is my Beautiful BipolarLife.
Join me every Tuesday beginningJuly 15th.
This podcast is for those whowant to disrupt the system, that
feel everything that humanityhas to offer and are here to

(03:18):
make the world a better placeand be the change that they wish
to see in the world.
So if you want to talk aboutmental wellness, travel, food
and shenanigans, I hope you'lltag along for this beautiful
ride.