August 14, 2024 • 44 mins
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Season 6: Episode 2. Benji and Brad discuss their summer holiday plans including what it is like going away as a queer person on a family holiday. Ever wondered what it’s like to date a brat? Benji and Brad dive into the world of "Brat Summer," exploring how childish and self-centered behavior is changing the dating game. Plus, Benji shares a cautionary tale about a friend's overzealous use of Viagra and the stigma surrounding sexual performance. From laughs to lessons, this episode has it all, making it one you won't want to miss!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hello and welcome to my big gay podcast with me,
benji Brad giving you the life,the loves and lols of living in
London.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
You really got into that, didn't you?
I did, yes, all the L's.
You know it gets me going Loser.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Two gays, one city.
What could possibly go?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
wrong.
She's feeling a bit hyperactivetoday.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I know it's all those Red Bulls from last week.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Just kicking in now hyperactive today.
I know it's all those red bullsfrom last week just kicking in
now, but I am so loving thesummer weather right now.
Yeah, I'm feeling the summervibes I've in my mind.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Today we're on summer holidays and here we are in a
very dark, air-conditionedstudio, actually podcasters.
We've got a little bit moremoody this week and we've turned
a lot of the lights off andwe've just left a couple of
lights on it's giving, it'sgiving chill out.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
The last person I want to be at a chill out with
is you.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
No offense, I'm just I'm just trickling the story for
later the podcast, because I'veseen the notes from our
producer for today and I'mintrigued to know where this is
going, where the chill out'sgoing.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
But before we go into chill outs, let's just talk
about summer for a second.
Just whilst I'm in this summerholiday vibe, I have booked a
holiday for next year Summerholiday.
I can't wait and I just want totell you all about it.
You just want and it's so hard,you're going to be so jealous
you get my face handy and yourub my face in it.
(01:47):
Now I've treated myself.
I'm going to LA next summer ondaddy's credit card on daddy's
credit card oh my goodness,that's great.
Yeah, I'm so excited.
I've never, ever been in mywhole life, wow.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I've never been either, so I don't know how to
come back to that, but Iobviously a lot of.
I was so weird.
You should say that I wassupposed to be there last week
to help one of my friends whowas there working at LA DragCon,
but I've never actually been.
I think I'd be a bit scared togo there personally.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
LA.
Yeah, everyone is like muscularsix foot tanned and here I am
ginger not long enough, ready toburn in the LA sun.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah, I do go pink, I do go lovely brown colour after
a while.
But yeah, I don't really knowall that much about LA other
than, obviously, the celeb glamside of it.
But I'd be very interested tohear how it is.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Well, it's all Hollywood and movies.
You go to all the movie studios.
Now, I'm really into movies.
I don't know if you are as wellPorn.
You're into the porn films.
No, you are.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Actually I don't really watch porn that much, do
I?
No, I know.
This is why I brought it out.
I find that so baffling.
No judgment, yeah, but just forsomeone who's had.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
You know the lifestyle you've had, that you
just, yeah, you don't watch porn.
Yeah, I just, obviously I havewatched porn.
I know exactly what it's allabout and I've seen it once.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I've seen it once.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I wasn't that into it I think in my early 20s I I
think obviously it was new and Iwas like, oh my god, logging on
to all the things Cinehole inblack and white wind up film.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I just Idon't know my kind of sort of
hit in my 30s for me justdoesn't really do it as much.
I think it's all a little bitfake and I personally prefer
(03:21):
remembering romantic experiencesthat I've had, oh god I was
sick it's because you're veryvanilla.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I think porn for a lot of people is like
exploration into, like kinks andnew, new things and you're very
much like we always say likeshower, lights off under the
duvet absolutely.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I'm very happy.
Quick five minutes and back tomy book.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I'm totally happy with that oh my god, we've got
our topic anyway.
La, yeah, that sounds reallycool yeah, really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And not just LA, I'm also going to San Francisco as
well.
Got like a it was like anin-town flight, whatever it's
called like a little mini flightto go to San Francisco for a
few days, which is obviously oneof like the the gayest places
to go in America.
So very excited to obviouslyreport back on that too.
And then obviously LA Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Sorry, just quickly how much does he get paid to do
this podcast and how has hefinally got all this money?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
to fly around the world.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I can't be doing this .
I'm very jealous.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, I've been super lucky.
I'm not really going on holidaythis year because I'm doing a
big holiday next year.
I was like, fine, I willobviously save my pennies.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Well, I don your face in it, but I am going on a
holiday this year.
Where are you going?
I am going to the middle of thearse end of france slightly
south of france, but not okay,so france is nice not south, not
to actually say I'm going southof france, but I'm going to
france and traveling south umwith my entire family kids,
grandkids, all of that, yeah,nieces, my brother's, sister's
kids, yeah, the grandkids.
I've got an uncle coming, mumdad, literally the full shebang.
(04:47):
Wow, we've got three jeets.
I don't know what that is a jeetyeah, it's like a, like a big
house farmhouse oh, is that,what a jeet yeah, I've never
heard of that.
A farmhouse, yeah, three jeetsall connected together, so
there's no space.
We're all just going to beliving on top of each other.
No, that's not true.
Like it's, it's literally inthe middle of nowhere.
We've got fields and fields andfields these three sheets.
(05:08):
Right in the middle, we've gota pool and whatnot.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
But, um, yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna escape
for any hookups yeah, I wasgonna say how do you feel about
going on a family holiday?
Do you like them?
My family no, I know you likeyour family, but like a family
holiday, that's quite a lot,isn't it?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I haven't done this larger family holiday ever.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh really.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
With brothers and sisters whilst they've been
married.
We did family holidays as a kid, like we did Disneyland, skiing
, that kind of thing.
I don't remember them that muchbecause I was much younger and
then last year no, two years agoI went to Disney, but it wasn't
again, it wasn't a full family.
This is literally everybody, wow, literally everybody.
And when they said we're goingto do it, my dad's doing it for
his 70th, so there wasn't reallyany way I could decline.
(05:46):
But I was like, okay, if I'mcoming and everyone's bringing
their spouses and children, I'mbringing the damn dog, I'm
bringing my dog.
And my dad was like, okay, cute, yeah, so Ned's coming with me.
Do you know how much it hascost me to bring Ned to France?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I don't know how much .
Speaker 2 (06:05):
About £500.
That's just for the medicalpassport, because since bloody
Brexit you have to get all thislike health certificates to get
them in and out of the country.
It's an absolute nightmare.
But I mean I'm not going tobore people with that.
But yeah, so he's coming.
He's cost more than me.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I think that's really nice that you get to do that
with your family, though,because obviously we know some
people in the queer community.
They come out as queer andtheir families just reject them,
don't they disown them?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
it's so true.
I mean I have got it good.
I mean I didn't actually talkabout my gay lifestyle at all.
Did they ever ask?
No, never, never, ever, ever,like now, and then, at like very
inappropriate moments like NewYear's eve or christmas eve, I
might get like a comment likeare you dating anybody?
To which I'll say no, and thenI'll, you know, have to go to
bed on new year's everemembering I'm going there uh,
(06:52):
going to bed alone, um, but itnever really comes up.
But equally, my nephews andnieces don't say, like, do you
have a girlfriend, or do youever want to have a wife, or are
you ever going to get married?
Like I never, I never have anyof that.
I don't want to say pressures,but when I was growing up I
remember a lot of people wouldbe like, oh, they're going to
get a girlfriend soon if theywere a guy.
And just, you know, making outif they're going to obviously
(07:14):
live this heterosexual lifestyle.
Blah, blah, blah.
So I don't get that pressurefrom the younger generation,
which I super, super gratefulfor.
Did they know you're gay?
Your nieces and nephews?
It's never a conversation we'vehad.
I don't.
I aren't being 100 honest withyou.
I don't know, literally I don'tknow.
(07:34):
With my niece, who's now 16,who I'm incredibly close with.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
She knows that I like to dress up as a pup, get the
dog mask out?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
no, she does not know that and she never will know
that um, she knows, I like todress a certain way, like quite
fabulously.
Sometimes I like to make aneffort with my appearance.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I dress up fabulously .
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Are you denying that I dress fabulously?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
No, but what a way to say it.
How do you?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
want me to say it I dress like a fucking superstar.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Okay, and my niece, she knows it.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I dress the house down, boots up no, but she does
know it and I wear like bigglasses and you know she'll see
something on TV and she'll belike Uncle Ben would look great
in that and it could be like itcould be Billy Porter wearing
the most loud suit.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
And she'd be like you look great in that.
It could be Borat wearing hisonly one thong.
Ain't nobody looking there?
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Listen, I'm making jokes, mate, I am fully joking.
So I wonder if she does know.
But I also wonder, with themgrowing up, if it's really like,
if there's any weight in it forthem, if they even need to know
or bring it up, I don't know ifthey care.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I do think it's a different generation now Fully.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
And obviously she's 16 and my youngest niece is 6th
she's roughly that age.
And then I've got a nephew inbetween who's about to turn 13,
and none of them have ever likereferenced gay, straight
husbands, wives, I mean.
When I was younger I had totake boyfriends home to meet my
(08:59):
oldest niece.
So I'm trying to be confusing.
I don't really want to givetheir names out, but um, and so
she will have met invertedcommas my friend who was my
boyfriend.
Whether or not she knew who'smy boyfriend or not, I don't
know.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I have no idea.
And were they introduced asyour friend Like, oh, this is
Benji's friend, so-and-so?
Or did your mum and dad be like, oh, this is Benji's boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
They definitely would have said boyfriend, because my
mum still to this day would belike if I there are people at
home that'd be like that'shomophobic.
That's really horrible, butthere's really no malice
involved.
I know it's not correct, I knowit's not being as open and as
freeing and honest as maybe asmuch as I should be, and they're
(09:40):
not necessarily fully embracingwho I am, but it's so much
better than it used to be, likeI've said, before I come from
very religious family, so don'tneed to go down that route.
But yeah, I think I'm actuallyreally happy with it being an
unspoken thing, because I feellike that keeps me very neutral
yeah, so that come the day, if Ido get married, if I do, if I
do ever get a boyfriend, wipeaway the tear, um, and if they
(10:03):
ever do, or if, even if theycome out themselves, if they
come to me and ask me questions,I don't want it to be a shock.
I don't want them to feel anyembarrassment about the
conversation.
I want it to be the quickestconversation possible, like if
they were like uncle ben, do youdate men or women?
I'd be like men done, yeah,literally done.
No way.
If they want to come to me andbe like, oh, I'm really
(10:24):
questioning my sexuality, orlike what was that like?
Of course I will talk about it,but I don't feel like it needs
to.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Personally, I don't feel like I need to give it too
much weight yeah, you know, andthat works for you, and that's
great, that's lovely, and thething is, you're still doing
family things all together,which is amazing, right, yeah,
it's, it's, you're part of thefamily.
You haven't been ostracized, orI?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
mean, I don't live there anymore.
I live, you know, 300 milesaway in london, in london and
they live in the channel islands.
Um, so there is a part of mylife that they just don't really
know about, but I don't.
I don't feel like I need toshare it with them.
It's just not the relationshipI have with them, yeah, and I
think for me and mycircumstances it works so fine.
They know I work with dragqueens.
(11:05):
They know I produce drag.
They know I live this sort ofmore fabulous lifestyle.
And they know they could ask meabout it if they wanted to.
We have heated discussionsabout certain things.
Heated, yeah, quite heated.
But you know, sometimes anargument is healthy, right.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
We really went off topic there, didn't we?
We did On my note here.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I've got Benji talk about brat summer, which is what
I really wanted to talk aboutxex, the channel xex, and here
we are not talking about that atall.
Have you heard about bratsummer?
Speaker 1 (11:35):
uh, yeah, it's the single or the album it's kind of
her album.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
What is her album?
Uh, she just released all thesesongs, right, but, and I love
the music.
In fact, music at the moment, Ifeel, has done a big shift.
I think we've gone back to likea really good pop era.
I feel like we'd moved awayfrom it a little bit and now
we've kind of gone back.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Because we've had, obviously, a new album from
Ariana this year.
We've had the Beyonce countryalbum out.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah, I mean that's not pop, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
No, no, but it's still, you know, queer icon
Beyonce.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Yeah, I feel like Ariana kind Rihanna kind of
started the movement.
Katy Perry's come back with anabsolutely like a really good
bop.
Jade Thirlwall's just come outwith her new track, which is
amazing.
But yeah, charli XCX has doneBrat Summer and just all the
songs are very I don't know.
I feel like it's made.
It's kind of like made thismovement in younger generations
where they're just happy to be abrat.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yes, you were saying about this Twinks being a bit
brat-ish.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, I don't know why I'm always on this podcast
talking negatively about twinks.
I feel like I need to talk tosomebody about why this always
comes up.
But yeah, it has come up a lotin conversation where people
will be like they'll just saysomething randomly like oh sorry
, and then they'll go actually,no, I'm not sorry, because I'm
living my brat summer.
Ew, yeah, it is.
I don't know.
But here's my question to youhow would you define a brat?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Oh, someone who's maybe a little bit childish, a
bit selfish, wants things theirown way and it's like I'm the
center of the universe and it'sall about me.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
So the thing is, I think you're really ahead of
your time because, as much aseveryone is living their brat
summer now, I think you've beenliving brat summer for, I would
say, at least 20 years.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
You've heard it here first guys, I'm the.
Og brat.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
You are the old brat, yeah, the old gay brat.
Yeah, and the main reason Iwanted to talk about Brat Summer
is I was recently, I want tosay dating someone, but we
actually only went on two, ifnot three dates.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
My first question always is how did you meet?
Because obviously last episodewe were talking about the
different dating apps and someof the toxic traits that they
come with, etc.
Etc.
So what was the app of choice?
Or was it an app?
Was it real life?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
No, it was an app.
I think it was Tinder.
Tinder.
It definitely wasn't Grindr.
It was either Tinder or Hinge.
I'm pretty sure it was Tinder.
We'll go for Tinder Met onthere, chat chat.
Like I said, I don't likeawkward walls and breaking the
ice just very quickly like let'sjust get straight into it yeah,
because it's not going to work.
It's better to find out now.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I always used to play this game when I was on the
dating scene um where you doquick fire questions yeah so I
might ask you like um, beyonceor Ariana, and you have to
answer quick.
I'm just like fire loads out.
You've got to give me yourfirst answer.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I have done that before.
Like you can ask me anythingsix questions, they can be
absolutely anything.
I have done that before.
Like you can ask me anything,six questions, they can be
absolutely anything.
I have to answer them, yeah,but you do one each.
That is kind of a good anicebreaker, I guess.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
And you can ask like silly questions as well, like
test their banter and just kindof see what they might reply.
If they reply with a funnyanswer, you're like oh, want in
a guy yeah, well, this was kindof like that it was going really
good great love that verycompatible blah blah.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
We met a couple times , all great.
I then went away for a littlewhile and then a few weeks ago
he was like oh my goodness, haveyou listened to the new charlie
xx album?
Uh, I'm definitely gonna startembracing my brat-ness in my
brat summer era now can I justsay that is not a nice quality.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I don't think.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
If someone said I'm gonna be a brat inspired by
charlie xcx's album, yeah, Idon't want to date a brat I know
I did think that, like maybeamongst your friends, like I'm
just gonna be, I'm just gonnalive my best brat life, like you
get it girl.
But yeah, in a relationshipwhere I don't really know you
that well.
Anyway, they said it and Ididn't, I didn't think too much
of red flag and and then sinceit's gone on, basically they
(15:09):
just actually turned quitebratty.
I called them and was like, ohlook, I don't think I can see
you tonight.
They were going to come to thishouse party I was going to.
I was like I don't think it'sgoing to be a good idea, but
I've got free tickets for thisfestival tomorrow.
Do you want to come?
And I was on loudspeaker at thetime, were with their mate and
they just were so dismissive andrude about the whole thing see,
(15:29):
for me that'd be like okay,done, red flag, I'm not
interested I know, but I'm notquite that cutthroat.
Anyway, the phone call ended andthey sent me a message and were
like oh, my mate just told me Iwas being really bratty lol and
I was like not a lol, checkyourself.
That is not nice well, they werebeing quite bad and I did say
that they were, and then Ididn't reply to their message
for like 24 hours.
(15:50):
And then, basically, theymessaged me and were like, look,
I don't think this is going towork.
I need someone who's got bettercommunication.
And I came back and I actuallypoured my heart and I was like
listen, I actually got reallygood communication, but I've
been already arranged, like thisfestival for you to come to,
blah, blah, blah.
They then apologized.
It was all back on again anyway.
(16:11):
Two days went past.
They said they went free forthe next two weeks and I was
like, yeah, no worries at all,but I go away after that for
like three weeks.
And they were like oh, howoften are you away?
I was like, I don't know, workis busy for me, like maybe a
week of every month.
And they were like oh no, Idon't think this is to work.
I know that I'm way too needyand I would need you in London
more often.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I'm rolling my eyes.
I'm rolling my eyes at thisconversation, brat Brat Summer.
No, thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
So I just replied and said yeah, no worries with the
peace sign.
And then I said also, I'd justlike to remind you that you are
the one that's busy for the nexttwo weeks, not me.
And they haven't replied, whichis probably a good thing.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Also, there's something red flaggy about.
Oh, you're away for one week ofevery month.
That's not good enough.
I need you more.
I need you around all the time,For sure.
Do you not have your own lifeto live?
Do you not have your own circleof friends to hang out with?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Do you not have your own things that you want to do
in life?
Like they had really closefriends.
They did Glastonbury, they wenton holiday with their family.
This just seemed really likefun and I was like, okay, I feel
this could work my lifestyleyeah, yeah.
As long as it's goodcommunication, which I do have,
I do have it.
I swear We'll be fine andobviously we're not going to see
(17:21):
each other every weekend at theearly stages.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, of course not, and it was too much, too much.
So, anyway, I'm not datingBratz anymore.
Bratz Summer is cancelled.
Bratz Summer is cancelled.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
If I see that green Bratz Summer visual on my
Instagram once more, there's nota lot I can do about it, but I
will be very unhappy.
I'll be at home like punchingmy phone Deep.
Sigh, you know I like it deep.
Anyway, I need a drink afterall that, something really
strong.
(17:53):
So get me out the tequila.
I feel like I'm gonna startdrinking.
And podcasters, we will beright back after this very short
break right, you feel betternow.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
You've had that drink and you've got that out of your
chest.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
That wasn't where we were supposed to be going at all
.
I feel like I've been just likeyou know, I suppose.
I say noshing my face off.
That's not what I mean.
I mean I wish I had.
I don't know what that is, butit sounds like something I would
do.
No, I thought, yeah, sorryabout that, it was a bit of a
therapy moment, but we're movingon.
(18:31):
Uh, because at the couple ofweekends ago we were asked to
host a house party now.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Can I just say I think I'm I've always loved a
house party all my life, right,but I feel like I'm really into
them again.
I go through like phases whereI'm like no, I want to go out
clubbing, I want to go out tothe bars.
I'm back into the house partyera yeah, I'm so here for you.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
In fact, I love house parties so much.
After lockdown, I tried to rentout.
I don't know if I ever told youthis.
I tried to rent out like amassive townhouse and ticket
like a house party, so it'll belike a club in a house.
Nice, I love that.
Yeah, I couldn't get theinsurance.
Uh, when I told the owners theyweren't happy.
Um, uh, no yeah, literally but Iwas trying to do it because I
(19:07):
thought that would be such avibe like a club but a house
party yeah, I'm so here for that.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I'm surprised that hasn't actually been done
already.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I don't know why the Soho Houses don't do it.
Yes, oh my goodness but anywaythat's not what we're talking
about.
We did our very own house party, but we hosted and gave them a
headache.
Now we we did all theentertainment we did.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, it was really fun.
Obviously we love playing gamesanyway, don't we on the podcast
, as I'm sure our regularlisteners know.
So we thought, right, let's putsome games together.
We'll make it all about ourfriend, because it was her
birthday, and it was quite a bigbirthday it was her 30th.
She's the last person of ourfriendship group to turn 30,
apart from me.
This is the Brat Summer Liescoming out.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Shut up.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So, yeah, we thought we'd make it extra special for
her and do all these fun gamesall about her.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Yes, and one of those games we called Shady Charades.
Before we talk about ShadyCharades, there is a disclaimer
that we do have three of ourfriends who aren't currently
talking to us, oopsie.
So, brad, do you want toexplain what Shady Charades is?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Okay, so I'm sure we're all familiar with the term
charades, right?
What you do is you play this inyour friendship group and you
write in stories about people inthe group, and we went down the
route of stories that peoplehave done within our friendship
group silly stories, drunkenstories, etc.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
etc which we kind of realized, but not the weight of
it.
Some people in the room may nothave known these stories but
because we announced that allthe stories were true, we were
kind of outing people with someembarrassing stories yeah,
that's basically what it was.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
So we put all these embarrassing stories about
everyone in the group in a bowl.
Our friend then acted them allout.
It's very funny, very silly,very ridiculous, yeah, uh.
But yeah, we didn't quiterealize that some people weren't
aware that not everyone knew ofthe stories.
Then suddenly this whole groupof people knew everyone's shady
stories yeah, and more that.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
The people that the stories involved.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
They didn't want people actually, in hindsight, I
think that game was a bit toxic.
I don't think we should playthat anymore.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I remember coming to you at one point in the evening
because we'd done two othergames before that.
We did Snatch Game like our ownversion of it and like a video
round, picture round.
Yeah, and there was that pointin the evening where I came to
you and I said, look, if wedon't play Shady Charades now,
it's not going to work becausepeople will be so like too
towards being intoxicated theycould get it could go really
(21:38):
wrong.
They could get like reallyangry or very upset or people
are going to sober up and itwon't be funny.
We have to do this now and wedid well.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
It generally went down well because our friend was
acting it all out.
It was really silly.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
She did such a good job.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, she was great, but yeah, maybe in hindsight.
The thing is, everyone hasdifferent levels of like what
Thickness of skin?
Is that the right way?
Yeah, like I'm happy for you totake the piss out of me 24
hours a day, you know, etc.
Like your toothy blowjobs, noone has ever said they're too
fee.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Not your face.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
So yeah, I don't care , I'm all up for the jokes, all
up for the banter, but obviouslyI forget that people have
different levels of thickness ofskin, right?
So maybe some of the thingswere a bit on the nose.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Is that the right saying for some people?
Yeah, I just think some peopledidn't want everyone, knowing
that they had gone up tosomebody's bedroom in the house,
who wasn't even at the party,got bed-backed against the chest
of drawers.
I don't know why they didn'twant to know that, but anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
So what we've learned from this?
Shady Charades is a toxic gameand we're not going to play it
ever again, Until next time.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Until next week's episode, where we're looking for
three lucky contestants to comeon down and play Shady Charades
with Benji and Brad.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
But after the games and all the parties, some people
went out clubbing, some peoplestayed in the house party.
You left and you went out tosomewhere else.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I actually went to Brewers.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
And where did you go after the two Brewers?
Speaker 2 (23:03):
The back room of two Brewers.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
And then, when you left the vicinity of the two
Brewers, where did you end upMcDonald?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Yes, okay, I went via the Common in Clapham.
Yeah, I did.
I went to the cruising areawhich, listen, it's really fun.
I know you had to be safe.
We talked about it before, I'mnot going to bore everyone about
it, but it's a vibe.
It really is a vibe.
If you're into that sort ofthing, it's very freeing.
And I tell you right now,because it's summer, now about
summer it was very busy.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Well, let me just let people know who might be like
what is this going on?
Clapham, common, cruising, etc.
So obviously Clapham is an areaof London that we both live by
and they've got a massive Commonlike a big park, yeah, and it's
really famous because Clapham'squite a gay area in London
anyway.
So on the Common there's aspecial spot, special spot
(24:00):
Within this park.
Where is it all?
Just men sometimes get women,yeah, no men, just men.
Um, go cruising, yeah, and it'slike a designated spot and
you've been there once or twicea week, yeah I've been there
multiple times over years.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Listen, just a quick one for, if you are new to the
podcast, cruising areas are soimportant for the culture of gay
men.
Cruising areas came about backwhen you weren't allowed to be
gay and you had to go and findyour tribe in certain areas, and
it was all very hush, hush wordof mouth, possibly on websites
when the internet came about,but it was very, very low key
(24:32):
and only those in the know knewabout it.
And obviously in modern day wenow have Grind, you have
different apps and we're able toexpress ourselves more in clubs
etc.
But these places still exist,and rightfully so, because I
know well, I would guess, a lotof people that go to these
cruising grounds are people whoare still trying to find their
sexuality or are not living howthey want to live, and this is
(24:52):
their way of like experiencinglike experiencing gay sex, to be
brutally honest with you.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
For sure, and also there's like a bit of a kink
side to it as well.
So people like outdoor sex?
And is it voyeurism where youget watched?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
So of course that is somewhere we can go to express
that in an environment thatgenerally is fairly safe, right,
because everyone's there forthe same reason.
Everyone knows why they'rethere.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I mean, listen it, it's not.
You can't I mean in anysituation you can't always
assume it's going to be safe.
You need to be cautious and becareful.
Um, but yes, I have, I did feelI do normally feel very safe
there.
And look, I think cruising getsa bit of a bad name.
It seemed to be quite likeseedy and people think it's very
like sexually dangerous, likeyou can catch all sorts of
things.
But really it's not that muchdifferent to like the modern day
chill out or the modern daygrinder orgy or a dark room in a
(25:45):
club or even just some of theseclubs that people go to.
Anyway, I mean, I've not beento them, but I know, like feel
it roast, these sorts of parties.
If you've been to them and ifyou haven't, just have a quick
like look them up.
Um, they're very fetish, drivenhigh sexually.
I don't even know how to evenexplain them without trying to
be derogatory to them, butthey're all basically about sex.
(26:06):
Yeah, either you're having sexor you're trying to come across
very sexual or, for sure, whatyou're wearing latex.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, um, lots of words, thoughnot many sentences, but lots of
words, um, so, yeah, I don't.
Personally, I don't see it asany different.
The only thing that I likeabout it is it's not like it's
an only invite.
You get like a massiveselection of different types of
people and you can leave at anypoint, and a lot of the times
(26:29):
people don't really see yourface.
If you want to put your hood up, you can like oh, I see,
usually it's busier.
Yeah, obviously at night time,right yeah, so it's a a bit more
mysterious.
You can hide who you are if youwant to.
I mean listen, I'm not tryingto glamorise this you do get
celebrities going to them.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Do you actually yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
because it's very low key, people might not
necessarily know who they are.
I have seen people there whoare in the media eye enjoying
themselves.
Oh wow, yeah, because no one'sgot phones out.
No one talks about it like it'sa very hush-hush thing.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I remember you took me there once a couple of years
ago.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
In the daylight.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
It was in the daylight.
We were on the Common, weren'twe?
And I was like where is thissite where people go?
And you're like it's not farfrom here show everyone to
through.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I'll show you where it is.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
And I remember, actually, when we were there it
must have been like 5pm on likea, you know, a random Thursday
the sun was still up.
There were a couple of peoplealready in the bushes Wandering
through.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, I, mean it is any time of day.
Obviously it's busier in theevening, especially after you
kick out from clubs.
But you do kind skin I wouldsay to go.
Uh, not in the sense likeyou'll get rejected, but like
people are coming from verydifferent parties.
Let's say they've been doingdifferent things.
Before they come maybe they'relooking for different things.
But um, yeah, I did go thereafter the house party and I had
(27:50):
a lovely old time.
I've never seen it so busy.
Oh really yeah, and because itwas quite a warm evening.
There were just so many peoplewho had literally just had no
clothes on, hung them on a treeand were just like walking
around in their trainers.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Wow, yeah, because have I ever talked about one
time where I went to a chill out?
I didn't realise I was at achill out.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
No, how did you not know you were going to a chill
out?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
So I had a boyfriend at the time.
This was a few years back and,uh, we were at a club with some
friends and we'd met a friendthat we a mutual friend of ours
and we were chatting away andthe club was coming to an end
it's like a random thursday orwednesday or something and uh,
uh, and the guy was like, oh,I'm going to an after party.
Do you two want to come with?
I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know,we'll carry on the party.
(28:33):
He said the word after party,never said the word chill out
and, to be honest, at that pointI didn't really know what a
chill out was.
And we ended up going to thisreally fancy penthouse in
Trafalgar Square like townhouse,penthouse money, and there must
have been about 20 to 30 peoplein this massive living room and
the music was on, everyone wasjust chatting and there were
(28:54):
drinks and the host was like,yeah, help yourself to
whatever's in the kitchen.
So very generous.
And we was all you know.
We were sat on a sofa.
There was lots of sofas in thisbig living room.
We just sat chatting and uh,yeah, we're just chatting away,
and I saw in the corner of myeye someone give someone a
blowjob in the opposite corner.
I thought that's a bit much fora house party at least.
Like go up to a bedroom or thebathroom.
(29:14):
I was like, well, I won't thinkanything of that.
And we just carried and chuckedaway and then look around and
then like suddenly there's a fewmore people joined in on that.
And then look again, someone'slike getting fucked on the sofa.
And I turned to my friend and Iwas like what kind of party
were you at?
And he's like, oh, it's a chillout.
She's like, okay, you neversaid those words.
And so, yeah, I found myself inthe middle of this chill out
(29:34):
without realizing Dot dot dot,dot dot dot.
It's like that Mamma Mia thing,isn't it?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
What a night.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
We danced on the beach, we kissed on the beach.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Honey, honey how he?
Fucked me huh.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah.
And then I thought, well, kindof here, I feel like I might
give it a go, and I dabbled alittle bit.
I was like you know what.
This just isn't for me.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pause.
I have just talked about how Ijust went to Clap and Common at
2am and had a 12% orgy on abench.
And here you are, like Idabbled.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
It literally was a dabble.
Yeah, go into it.
Yeah, because people are likeoh, do you want to take your
clothes off?
It's like, oh, I don't know,like I just don't know these
people.
That kind of orgy, chill-outthing isn't quite for me,
especially as I'm in a big groupand I end up sort of taking my
trousers down but still have myunderwear on.
I was like, oh God, I'm of theextent of it.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I was like this just well, then you left pretty much
yeah, and then went to anotherparty.
That was just like a normalhouse party where they played
steps absolutely loved it wowI've never been to a chill out,
have you not?
No, never, ever, ever, ever,ever.
I have had people just be likedo you want to come back?
And I just to me.
I'll be honest, I thought achill out was very like
(31:00):
substance abuse driven.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Yes, actually that just sparked a memory.
There was that going around aswell.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
So that's why I've never really attended one.
It's not to do with, like thegroup activities, but it's more.
I just, as you know, I don'thave nothing against it, but I
don't ever touch drugs, neverhave done.
I just it doesn't interest meand I don't like to mix the two.
I feel like for me that's quitea dangerous thing to do um, so
I've never attended one notsaying I wouldn't, but yeah,
there's no judgment.
Obviously I go to the park atnight time instead.
(31:28):
We're all into our own things,but it is interesting, isn't it?
Like the gay world and what weactually all like to get up to,
but maybe don't talk about itsure, yeah, yeah, yeah like why
do we have to call it a chillout?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
people are chilling out, I guess, but everyone's
kind of naked and just gettingwith everyone.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Sorry, when you say that, that just reminds me of
that video that went round inour group of our mate that went
to a chill out and they wereusing him as the pole for limbo.
And he was there in his likered speedo pants, rigid as a
board, as a pole, and peoplewere like limboing with no
clothes on underneath him.
Yeah, he was the pole, yeah,and then they were like kind of
skipping with him as a skippingrope.
(32:05):
Yeah, hilarious oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
But yeah, yeah, you are right.
There tends to be a lot ofsubstances that happen at those
parties and I think the reasonwhy is it keeps you awake.
So they just go on for hours,days, days and days.
And also it prevents you fromcoming as well, so it means you
can keep going and going.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
I mean, I can tell you a funny story about one of
my friends, but I'm not going todo any names at all.
They had an arranged.
I think it was a threesome.
Actually, they had an arranged.
I think it was a threesome.
Actually, I felt like there mayhave been more.
Anyway, him and a few others,and it was definitely going to
be a very sex-driven evening.
They had no clothes on and forthe very first time ever he took
Viagra.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Do you know what?
I've never tried Viagra and Ireally want to, out of curiosity
.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
I've never taken it and after this story I never
will, oh, really really.
So they took viagra.
Um, it was working really good,but a few hours in decided to
take another one, not sure why.
Okay, took another one anyway.
Long story short, they had agreat evening and morning and
afternoon like they wereliterally going out of like
hours, wow.
Then the next evening my friendhad a gig I know where this is
(33:06):
going and couldn't get rid oftheir hard-on.
Yeah, just couldn't get rid ofit.
And we said they were so sorebecause they'd literally been
like fucking for like 12 hours,oh God.
So literally had to wear aboutfour pairs of pants and just
like to like tuck it tuck it,tuck it away, and this person is
actually a working drag queen.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
So literally a drag queen with an erection.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
I'm not sure if that's the, but um, yeah, they
said they've never felt painlike it and like for like a week
afterwards like just couldn't,even couldn't touch it yeah, I
can totally see that happening.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
I do want to try a vagra at some point, just out of
curiosity.
I want to know how long it'sgoing to give me an erection,
for how it feels.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
But yeah, I won't take two I mean, maybe this is
something that men don't talkabout.
I personally have no problemsin that area.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, me neither.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I'm just actually, I can literally get up ready to go
and I can be ready to go forlike.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Morning soldier.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Literally hours, hours and hours.
I can keep it going for likesix.
Honestly, I have no problems.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Six hours yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
No problem at all.
No Viagra Now.
If I ever, as I get older, feellike that is not as strong as
it once was, I would definitelytry it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Iwouldn't until I absolutely
needed to.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (34:16):
I'd be too scared, it would go very, very wrong.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
I mean we have definitely gone off topic here,
but what a great conversation,because I did not know that
Viagra story.
That's amazing.
No, well, we don't again.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah, I don't actually talk about that with my
gay mates no people like maysay things like oh yeah, we were
like shagging for hours, but noone ever.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
You don't talk about those ins and outs and I don't
see why not well, here we are onthe podcast, sharing the
stories, collecting theinformation and delivering the
goods yeah, and actually it mustbe like a bigger thing than we
realize, because I do go intoclub toilets.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
You know they have on the wall like condoms yeah,
that's true, and they have that.
The vibra ones, yeah, yeah soit must be like a really common
thing that people need do youknow when you maybe start losing
your erections?
Can happen at any point no, butI I've been with guys.
Where that I've been with guys,they really struggle to get it
up.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I think that's a reflection on you, probably.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
No, that's not what I mean, but like it would go up
and down, up and down, up anddown throughout the evening.
Yeah, and they've been soembarrassed about it and I don't
really care, but maybe that'sthe sort of person that they
would then maybe want to tryViagra.
I don't know, viagra, I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
I see, and what sort of age range was those, those
people?
Because I always see Viagra assomething you take when you're
like an old man but I don't knowwhen is the age.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
That's because it was always advertised as that.
If you've ever seen likegrowing up an advert for Viagra,
it was always old men yeah,with like grey hair on the yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Loads of people at our age thatmaybe, maybe they struggle.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, we need to talk about it.
Boys, we do, we really reallydo.
So maybe we should put out apoll, a hard poll a hard poll.
We'll have a poll on thepodcast love me a poll?
Speaker 2 (36:03):
no, but seriously, like, if you have any experience
in this, whether it be yourselfor with ex-partners or whatever
like, write in because I thinkgenuinely it's really
interesting personally for me.
When I was, how old was I?
1920 and I know longer thanthat 22, 23 and I started like
seeing regular well, likesleeping with different guys.
I was terrified because I'dnever really seen someone else's
(36:25):
willy.
I was terrified of the wordwilly.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
It just makes me giggle all right that's really
childish.
It sounds like okay will?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Because I hadn't seen anybody else's tool.
Nob, yeah, it's much classier.
I used to get quite shy.
I was like I don't know if mineis really different to other
people's, and then, as you sleepwith more people or just I
don't know, get to know yourfriends better.
You um, you see, like everyoneis so different everyone's
willies are different, yeah, sodifferent.
(36:54):
Obviously, porn is really badfor that sort of thing.
It definitely depicts a veryclassic, normally much larger
than is natural yeah, size um,and that made me feel so much
better about myself, knowingthat everyone has all sorts of
different sizes length, girths,bends, you name it kicks, splits
(37:15):
.
So maybe this is something thatactually we should open up on
the podcast and talk about,because we may well have this as
a thing in our life one day andI actually would like to know
now how to tackle it how it allworks.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I feel okay.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I know how it works, but yeah, I think it's an
interesting topic.
So, yes, if you have anyexperience in this realm,
whether you teach about itbecause I know there's like sex
ed teachers that listen whetheryou have friends that have
expressed it, ex-partners oreven yourself, and you are happy
to write in, of course we willkeep it as anonymous as you want
us to please do, because Ithink it's a really important
(37:47):
thing for us as gay men to talkabout yeah, just to know the
information.
Right, we don't get taught thisunless someone tells us no, and
I think it's really importantand I think on this season, we
want to talk about more thingslike this.
So, yes, if you have anyexperience with this, please
write in.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
We would love to hear from you well, podcasters, it's
that time of the episode.
It's time for Queer Diary.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Yes, it is, and the question this week is Queer
Diary.
I've recently been datingsomebody and it's going really
well.
How long would you leave itbefore introducing your new
boyfriend to your friends?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Oh, now, that is a really good question Because,
like any of these things, youknow when should we move in
together, when should we sleeptogether, et cetera, et cetera.
There's just no timeline.
It's whatever works for you.
I would say you want to get toknow that person and be on quite
a good sort of level with eachother, before then throwing them
(38:49):
into your friendship group.
Yeah for sure, that's goodadvice.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I think you want to have had enough like banter back
and forth.
So you understand each other'ssense of humor, yeah, and
obviously feel comfortable withthem enough to have the
conversation of.
So when you meet my friends,they will probably rip me and
your arsehole in front of you.
Yeah, please don't take itseriously.
They're just like my matestaking the piss.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
And make it seriously .
They're just like my matestaking the piss.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Yeah, and make sure that they you know them well
enough that they will understandthat and not be like, okay,
that sounds like you're tryingto wiggle out of a red flag.
Sure, yeah, um, and also I knowthat my friends would ask my
person I'm dating loads ofquestions.
So I'd have to give them thewarning like they're probably
gonna ask you a lot of questionsthat will probably be slightly
interrogating, but it's onlybecause they just want to get to
know you.
Yeah, yeah yeah, just want toget to know you, you know.
So there's no set timeline,right?
Is the kind of long answer forthat.
(39:39):
There's not like one week, twoweeks, et cetera.
It's whenever you feel is theright time.
But again a question for youwould you introduce them in like
a group setting, for example,like a house party or a night
out, or would you do it in likedrips and drabs, like oh, come
to coffee or brunch with acouple of friends and then come
to this event with a couple morefriends?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
I think I'd do the whole hog.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I would do the same, like a night out or a group.
Throw in the deep end, sink orswim.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
But I would only do it when I was ready to take mine
and like our relationship tothat next level.
It doesn't have to be like abig level jump, but I would have
to have got to know them enoughto be like, okay, this could
potentially work.
I'm liking to get getting toknow you like the communication
is good, although apparentlywith me it's shit.
Um, communication's good, thebounce is good.
(40:23):
You know we're texting each daylike I'm happy.
I get excited when your namepops off my phone.
That's a nice love that um, yeah, let's, let's challenge it a
bit, let's put you in the deepend with my friends who, let's
be honest, our friendship group,anyone's friendship group is an
extension of themselves, rightfor sure, right?
So let's throw them in and justsee how they go and then have
(40:44):
those cute little moments andwhat would be your preferred, uh
kind of group environment likea brunch, a house party, a club
in.
I think a house party is areally good one, yeah,
personally, although I think,see, the thing is, I'm thinking
about this as me getting them tomeet my friends.
So there's me saying I would doit at a house party, which I
knew the house.
(41:04):
So, technically, I'm doing itall on my own terms, sure,
whereas if I was meeting theirfriends, I think maybe I'd
prefer, like a club setting.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Because in a club setting it's difficult to like
do loads of conversations right,so it's fine to just go for a
bit of a dance or like.
I'm just going to pop a saloon,go to the bar etc.
And kind of break off a bit.
In a house party you're sort ofsurrounded by people all the
time, Even if you could just goto the kitchen to get a drink.
Yeah, there are probably goingare going to be constant.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
It's not.
It's not neutral.
And then even getting a drinkyou're like should I be asking
to get a drink Like, can I usethis?
Speaker 1 (41:34):
cup.
That's so true, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Whereas a club.
You're like I was going to thebar, yeah, or if I'm feeling a
bit nervous, I'll go stand inthe smoking area.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
So I would say, probably, like a nice you know,
play some funny games orwhatever.
They're good to get to knoweach other and the banter levels
and have more chats.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
For sure, I definitely think more people
being there the better, yeah,but cute for whoever this is.
I hope it goes really well.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
And better than mine.
I really hope they're notliving their brats up.
Oh well, cute when I feelsingle and lonely.
Podcasters.
That's all we have time for onthis week's episode of my big
gay podcast.
If you don't already, pleasehead over to our instagram it's
at big gay podcast or, of course, to our tiktok channel, which
is at big gay podcast as well,and give us a follow, like our
(42:23):
content and send us a message ifyou want to and if you would
like to appear on queer diary,then get in touch.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
It can be via the dm, you can slide on in or send us
a voice note, or if you've got areal fun story to share, we
will give you a little call liveon the podcast and we'll get
you on in the studio.
So how about that?
How?
Speaker 2 (42:42):
about that.
We can interrogate you live.
Who would not want that Exactly?
But podcast, like I said,that's all we have time for in
this week's episode, Until nexttime.
See you next Wednesday.
Did you not want to join inwith me, mate?
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Sorry.
Oh my goodness, I just zonedout a little bit there.
Do you know what I was lookingat?
Yeah, me, me, the studio board,all the lights, like God.
There's a lot of buttons onthere that I kind of want to
press and see what happens.
And I just got transfixedPodcast.
(43:16):
Did you see what I had to putup with?
Do I destroy the pretty lines?
I was like God.
I've just never seen like amixing desk like that before.
I was like wow.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Could you set your line please?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
See you next Wednesday.
There we go, thank you.
Hello and welcome to my big gay podcast with me,
benji Brad giving you the life,the loves and lols of living in
London.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
You really got into that, didn't you?
I did, yes, all the L's.
You know it gets me going Loser.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Two gays, one city.
What could possibly go?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
wrong.
She's feeling a bit hyperactivetoday.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I know it's all those Red Bulls from last week.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Just kicking in now hyperactive today.
I know it's all those red bullsfrom last week just kicking in
now, but I am so loving thesummer weather right now.
Yeah, I'm feeling the summervibes I've in my mind.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Today we're on summer holidays and here we are in a
very dark, air-conditionedstudio, actually podcasters.
We've got a little bit moremoody this week and we've turned
a lot of the lights off andwe've just left a couple of
lights on it's giving, it'sgiving chill out.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
The last person I want to be at a chill out with
is you.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
No offense, I'm just I'm just trickling the story for
later the podcast, because I'veseen the notes from our
producer for today and I'mintrigued to know where this is
going, where the chill out'sgoing.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
But before we go into chill outs, let's just talk
about summer for a second.
Just whilst I'm in this summerholiday vibe, I have booked a
holiday for next year Summerholiday.
I can't wait and I just want totell you all about it.
You just want and it's so hard,you're going to be so jealous
you get my face handy and yourub my face in it.
(01:47):
Now I've treated myself.
I'm going to LA next summer ondaddy's credit card on daddy's
credit card oh my goodness,that's great.
Yeah, I'm so excited.
I've never, ever been in mywhole life, wow.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I've never been either, so I don't know how to
come back to that, but Iobviously a lot of.
I was so weird.
You should say that I wassupposed to be there last week
to help one of my friends whowas there working at LA DragCon,
but I've never actually been.
I think I'd be a bit scared togo there personally.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
LA.
Yeah, everyone is like muscularsix foot tanned and here I am
ginger not long enough, ready toburn in the LA sun.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah, I do go pink, I do go lovely brown colour after
a while.
But yeah, I don't really knowall that much about LA other
than, obviously, the celeb glamside of it.
But I'd be very interested tohear how it is.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Well, it's all Hollywood and movies.
You go to all the movie studios.
Now, I'm really into movies.
I don't know if you are as wellPorn.
You're into the porn films.
No, you are.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Actually I don't really watch porn that much, do
I?
No, I know.
This is why I brought it out.
I find that so baffling.
No judgment, yeah, but just forsomeone who's had.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
You know the lifestyle you've had, that you
just, yeah, you don't watch porn.
Yeah, I just, obviously I havewatched porn.
I know exactly what it's allabout and I've seen it once.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I've seen it once.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I wasn't that into it I think in my early 20s I I
think obviously it was new and Iwas like, oh my god, logging on
to all the things Cinehole inblack and white wind up film.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I just Idon't know my kind of sort of
hit in my 30s for me justdoesn't really do it as much.
I think it's all a little bitfake and I personally prefer
(03:21):
remembering romantic experiencesthat I've had, oh god I was
sick it's because you're veryvanilla.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I think porn for a lot of people is like
exploration into, like kinks andnew, new things and you're very
much like we always say likeshower, lights off under the
duvet absolutely.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I'm very happy.
Quick five minutes and back tomy book.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I'm totally happy with that oh my god, we've got
our topic anyway.
La, yeah, that sounds reallycool yeah, really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And not just LA, I'm also going to San Francisco as
well.
Got like a it was like anin-town flight, whatever it's
called like a little mini flightto go to San Francisco for a
few days, which is obviously oneof like the the gayest places
to go in America.
So very excited to obviouslyreport back on that too.
And then obviously LA Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Sorry, just quickly how much does he get paid to do
this podcast and how has hefinally got all this money?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
to fly around the world.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I can't be doing this .
I'm very jealous.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, I've been super lucky.
I'm not really going on holidaythis year because I'm doing a
big holiday next year.
I was like, fine, I willobviously save my pennies.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Well, I don your face in it, but I am going on a
holiday this year.
Where are you going?
I am going to the middle of thearse end of france slightly
south of france, but not okay,so france is nice not south, not
to actually say I'm going southof france, but I'm going to
france and traveling south umwith my entire family kids,
grandkids, all of that, yeah,nieces, my brother's, sister's
kids, yeah, the grandkids.
I've got an uncle coming, mumdad, literally the full shebang.
(04:47):
Wow, we've got three jeets.
I don't know what that is a jeetyeah, it's like a, like a big
house farmhouse oh, is that,what a jeet yeah, I've never
heard of that.
A farmhouse, yeah, three jeetsall connected together, so
there's no space.
We're all just going to beliving on top of each other.
No, that's not true.
Like it's, it's literally inthe middle of nowhere.
We've got fields and fields andfields these three sheets.
(05:08):
Right in the middle, we've gota pool and whatnot.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
But, um, yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna escape
for any hookups yeah, I wasgonna say how do you feel about
going on a family holiday?
Do you like them?
My family no, I know you likeyour family, but like a family
holiday, that's quite a lot,isn't it?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I haven't done this larger family holiday ever.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh really.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
With brothers and sisters whilst they've been
married.
We did family holidays as a kid, like we did Disneyland, skiing
, that kind of thing.
I don't remember them that muchbecause I was much younger and
then last year no, two years agoI went to Disney, but it wasn't
again, it wasn't a full family.
This is literally everybody, wow, literally everybody.
And when they said we're goingto do it, my dad's doing it for
his 70th, so there wasn't reallyany way I could decline.
(05:46):
But I was like, okay, if I'mcoming and everyone's bringing
their spouses and children, I'mbringing the damn dog, I'm
bringing my dog.
And my dad was like, okay, cute, yeah, so Ned's coming with me.
Do you know how much it hascost me to bring Ned to France?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I don't know how much .
Speaker 2 (06:05):
About £500.
That's just for the medicalpassport, because since bloody
Brexit you have to get all thislike health certificates to get
them in and out of the country.
It's an absolute nightmare.
But I mean I'm not going tobore people with that.
But yeah, so he's coming.
He's cost more than me.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I think that's really nice that you get to do that
with your family, though,because obviously we know some
people in the queer community.
They come out as queer andtheir families just reject them,
don't they disown them?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
it's so true.
I mean I have got it good.
I mean I didn't actually talkabout my gay lifestyle at all.
Did they ever ask?
No, never, never, ever, ever,like now, and then, at like very
inappropriate moments like NewYear's eve or christmas eve, I
might get like a comment likeare you dating anybody?
To which I'll say no, and thenI'll, you know, have to go to
bed on new year's everemembering I'm going there uh,
(06:52):
going to bed alone, um, but itnever really comes up.
But equally, my nephews andnieces don't say, like, do you
have a girlfriend, or do youever want to have a wife, or are
you ever going to get married?
Like I never, I never have anyof that.
I don't want to say pressures,but when I was growing up I
remember a lot of people wouldbe like, oh, they're going to
get a girlfriend soon if theywere a guy.
And just, you know, making outif they're going to obviously
(07:14):
live this heterosexual lifestyle.
Blah, blah, blah.
So I don't get that pressurefrom the younger generation,
which I super, super gratefulfor.
Did they know you're gay?
Your nieces and nephews?
It's never a conversation we'vehad.
I don't.
I aren't being 100 honest withyou.
I don't know, literally I don'tknow.
(07:34):
With my niece, who's now 16,who I'm incredibly close with.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
She knows that I like to dress up as a pup, get the
dog mask out?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
no, she does not know that and she never will know
that um, she knows, I like todress a certain way, like quite
fabulously.
Sometimes I like to make aneffort with my appearance.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I dress up fabulously .
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Are you denying that I dress fabulously?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
No, but what a way to say it.
How do you?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
want me to say it I dress like a fucking superstar.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Okay, and my niece, she knows it.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I dress the house down, boots up no, but she does
know it and I wear like bigglasses and you know she'll see
something on TV and she'll belike Uncle Ben would look great
in that and it could be like itcould be Billy Porter wearing
the most loud suit.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
And she'd be like you look great in that.
It could be Borat wearing hisonly one thong.
Ain't nobody looking there?
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Listen, I'm making jokes, mate, I am fully joking.
So I wonder if she does know.
But I also wonder, with themgrowing up, if it's really like,
if there's any weight in it forthem, if they even need to know
or bring it up, I don't know ifthey care.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I do think it's a different generation now Fully.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
And obviously she's 16 and my youngest niece is 6th
she's roughly that age.
And then I've got a nephew inbetween who's about to turn 13,
and none of them have ever likereferenced gay, straight
husbands, wives, I mean.
When I was younger I had totake boyfriends home to meet my
(08:59):
oldest niece.
So I'm trying to be confusing.
I don't really want to givetheir names out, but um, and so
she will have met invertedcommas my friend who was my
boyfriend.
Whether or not she knew who'smy boyfriend or not, I don't
know.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I have no idea.
And were they introduced asyour friend Like, oh, this is
Benji's friend, so-and-so?
Or did your mum and dad be like, oh, this is Benji's boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
They definitely would have said boyfriend, because my
mum still to this day would belike if I there are people at
home that'd be like that'shomophobic.
That's really horrible, butthere's really no malice
involved.
I know it's not correct, I knowit's not being as open and as
freeing and honest as maybe asmuch as I should be, and they're
(09:40):
not necessarily fully embracingwho I am, but it's so much
better than it used to be, likeI've said, before I come from
very religious family, so don'tneed to go down that route.
But yeah, I think I'm actuallyreally happy with it being an
unspoken thing, because I feellike that keeps me very neutral
yeah, so that come the day, if Ido get married, if I do, if I
do ever get a boyfriend, wipeaway the tear, um, and if they
(10:03):
ever do, or if, even if theycome out themselves, if they
come to me and ask me questions,I don't want it to be a shock.
I don't want them to feel anyembarrassment about the
conversation.
I want it to be the quickestconversation possible, like if
they were like uncle ben, do youdate men or women?
I'd be like men done, yeah,literally done.
No way.
If they want to come to me andbe like, oh, I'm really
(10:24):
questioning my sexuality, orlike what was that like?
Of course I will talk about it,but I don't feel like it needs
to.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Personally, I don't feel like I need to give it too
much weight yeah, you know, andthat works for you, and that's
great, that's lovely, and thething is, you're still doing
family things all together,which is amazing, right, yeah,
it's, it's, you're part of thefamily.
You haven't been ostracized, orI?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
mean, I don't live there anymore.
I live, you know, 300 milesaway in london, in london and
they live in the channel islands.
Um, so there is a part of mylife that they just don't really
know about, but I don't.
I don't feel like I need toshare it with them.
It's just not the relationshipI have with them, yeah, and I
think for me and mycircumstances it works so fine.
They know I work with dragqueens.
(11:05):
They know I produce drag.
They know I live this sort ofmore fabulous lifestyle.
And they know they could ask meabout it if they wanted to.
We have heated discussionsabout certain things.
Heated, yeah, quite heated.
But you know, sometimes anargument is healthy, right.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
We really went off topic there, didn't we?
We did On my note here.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I've got Benji talk about brat summer, which is what
I really wanted to talk aboutxex, the channel xex, and here
we are not talking about that atall.
Have you heard about bratsummer?
Speaker 1 (11:35):
uh, yeah, it's the single or the album it's kind of
her album.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
What is her album?
Uh, she just released all thesesongs, right, but, and I love
the music.
In fact, music at the moment, Ifeel, has done a big shift.
I think we've gone back to likea really good pop era.
I feel like we'd moved awayfrom it a little bit and now
we've kind of gone back.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Because we've had, obviously, a new album from
Ariana this year.
We've had the Beyonce countryalbum out.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah, I mean that's not pop, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
No, no, but it's still, you know, queer icon
Beyonce.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Yeah, I feel like Ariana kind Rihanna kind of
started the movement.
Katy Perry's come back with anabsolutely like a really good
bop.
Jade Thirlwall's just come outwith her new track, which is
amazing.
But yeah, charli XCX has doneBrat Summer and just all the
songs are very I don't know.
I feel like it's made.
It's kind of like made thismovement in younger generations
where they're just happy to be abrat.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yes, you were saying about this Twinks being a bit
brat-ish.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, I don't know why I'm always on this podcast
talking negatively about twinks.
I feel like I need to talk tosomebody about why this always
comes up.
But yeah, it has come up a lotin conversation where people
will be like they'll just saysomething randomly like oh sorry
, and then they'll go actually,no, I'm not sorry, because I'm
living my brat summer.
Ew, yeah, it is.
I don't know.
But here's my question to youhow would you define a brat?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Oh, someone who's maybe a little bit childish, a
bit selfish, wants things theirown way and it's like I'm the
center of the universe and it'sall about me.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
So the thing is, I think you're really ahead of
your time because, as much aseveryone is living their brat
summer now, I think you've beenliving brat summer for, I would
say, at least 20 years.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
You've heard it here first guys, I'm the.
Og brat.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
You are the old brat, yeah, the old gay brat.
Yeah, and the main reason Iwanted to talk about Brat Summer
is I was recently, I want tosay dating someone, but we
actually only went on two, ifnot three dates.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
My first question always is how did you meet?
Because obviously last episodewe were talking about the
different dating apps and someof the toxic traits that they
come with, etc.
Etc.
So what was the app of choice?
Or was it an app?
Was it real life?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
No, it was an app.
I think it was Tinder.
Tinder.
It definitely wasn't Grindr.
It was either Tinder or Hinge.
I'm pretty sure it was Tinder.
We'll go for Tinder Met onthere, chat chat.
Like I said, I don't likeawkward walls and breaking the
ice just very quickly like let'sjust get straight into it yeah,
because it's not going to work.
It's better to find out now.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I always used to play this game when I was on the
dating scene um where you doquick fire questions yeah so I
might ask you like um, beyonceor Ariana, and you have to
answer quick.
I'm just like fire loads out.
You've got to give me yourfirst answer.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I have done that before.
Like you can ask me anythingsix questions, they can be
absolutely anything.
I have done that before.
Like you can ask me anything,six questions, they can be
absolutely anything.
I have to answer them, yeah,but you do one each.
That is kind of a good anicebreaker, I guess.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
And you can ask like silly questions as well, like
test their banter and just kindof see what they might reply.
If they reply with a funnyanswer, you're like oh, want in
a guy yeah, well, this was kindof like that it was going really
good great love that verycompatible blah blah.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
We met a couple times , all great.
I then went away for a littlewhile and then a few weeks ago
he was like oh my goodness, haveyou listened to the new charlie
xx album?
Uh, I'm definitely gonna startembracing my brat-ness in my
brat summer era now can I justsay that is not a nice quality.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I don't think.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
If someone said I'm gonna be a brat inspired by
charlie xcx's album, yeah, Idon't want to date a brat I know
I did think that, like maybeamongst your friends, like I'm
just gonna be, I'm just gonnalive my best brat life, like you
get it girl.
But yeah, in a relationshipwhere I don't really know you
that well.
Anyway, they said it and Ididn't, I didn't think too much
of red flag and and then sinceit's gone on, basically they
(15:09):
just actually turned quitebratty.
I called them and was like, ohlook, I don't think I can see
you tonight.
They were going to come to thishouse party I was going to.
I was like I don't think it'sgoing to be a good idea, but
I've got free tickets for thisfestival tomorrow.
Do you want to come?
And I was on loudspeaker at thetime, were with their mate and
they just were so dismissive andrude about the whole thing see,
(15:29):
for me that'd be like okay,done, red flag, I'm not
interested I know, but I'm notquite that cutthroat.
Anyway, the phone call ended andthey sent me a message and were
like oh, my mate just told me Iwas being really bratty lol and
I was like not a lol, checkyourself.
That is not nice well, they werebeing quite bad and I did say
that they were, and then Ididn't reply to their message
for like 24 hours.
(15:50):
And then, basically, theymessaged me and were like, look,
I don't think this is going towork.
I need someone who's got bettercommunication.
And I came back and I actuallypoured my heart and I was like
listen, I actually got reallygood communication, but I've
been already arranged, like thisfestival for you to come to,
blah, blah, blah.
They then apologized.
It was all back on again anyway.
(16:11):
Two days went past.
They said they went free forthe next two weeks and I was
like, yeah, no worries at all,but I go away after that for
like three weeks.
And they were like oh, howoften are you away?
I was like, I don't know, workis busy for me, like maybe a
week of every month.
And they were like oh no, Idon't think this is to work.
I know that I'm way too needyand I would need you in London
more often.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I'm rolling my eyes.
I'm rolling my eyes at thisconversation, brat Brat Summer.
No, thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
So I just replied and said yeah, no worries with the
peace sign.
And then I said also, I'd justlike to remind you that you are
the one that's busy for the nexttwo weeks, not me.
And they haven't replied, whichis probably a good thing.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Also, there's something red flaggy about.
Oh, you're away for one week ofevery month.
That's not good enough.
I need you more.
I need you around all the time,For sure.
Do you not have your own lifeto live?
Do you not have your own circleof friends to hang out with?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Do you not have your own things that you want to do
in life?
Like they had really closefriends.
They did Glastonbury, they wenton holiday with their family.
This just seemed really likefun and I was like, okay, I feel
this could work my lifestyleyeah, yeah.
As long as it's goodcommunication, which I do have,
I do have it.
I swear We'll be fine andobviously we're not going to see
(17:21):
each other every weekend at theearly stages.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, of course not, and it was too much, too much.
So, anyway, I'm not datingBratz anymore.
Bratz Summer is cancelled.
Bratz Summer is cancelled.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
If I see that green Bratz Summer visual on my
Instagram once more, there's nota lot I can do about it, but I
will be very unhappy.
I'll be at home like punchingmy phone Deep.
Sigh, you know I like it deep.
Anyway, I need a drink afterall that, something really
strong.
(17:53):
So get me out the tequila.
I feel like I'm gonna startdrinking.
And podcasters, we will beright back after this very short
break right, you feel betternow.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
You've had that drink and you've got that out of your
chest.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
That wasn't where we were supposed to be going at all
.
I feel like I've been just likeyou know, I suppose.
I say noshing my face off.
That's not what I mean.
I mean I wish I had.
I don't know what that is, butit sounds like something I would
do.
No, I thought, yeah, sorryabout that, it was a bit of a
therapy moment, but we're movingon.
(18:31):
Uh, because at the couple ofweekends ago we were asked to
host a house party now.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Can I just say I think I'm I've always loved a
house party all my life, right,but I feel like I'm really into
them again.
I go through like phases whereI'm like no, I want to go out
clubbing, I want to go out tothe bars.
I'm back into the house partyera yeah, I'm so here for you.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
In fact, I love house parties so much.
After lockdown, I tried to rentout.
I don't know if I ever told youthis.
I tried to rent out like amassive townhouse and ticket
like a house party, so it'll belike a club in a house.
Nice, I love that.
Yeah, I couldn't get theinsurance.
Uh, when I told the owners theyweren't happy.
Um, uh, no yeah, literally but Iwas trying to do it because I
(19:07):
thought that would be such avibe like a club but a house
party yeah, I'm so here for that.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I'm surprised that hasn't actually been done
already.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I don't know why the Soho Houses don't do it.
Yes, oh my goodness but anywaythat's not what we're talking
about.
We did our very own house party, but we hosted and gave them a
headache.
Now we we did all theentertainment we did.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, it was really fun.
Obviously we love playing gamesanyway, don't we on the podcast
, as I'm sure our regularlisteners know.
So we thought, right, let's putsome games together.
We'll make it all about ourfriend, because it was her
birthday, and it was quite a bigbirthday it was her 30th.
She's the last person of ourfriendship group to turn 30,
apart from me.
This is the Brat Summer Liescoming out.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Shut up.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So, yeah, we thought we'd make it extra special for
her and do all these fun gamesall about her.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Yes, and one of those games we called Shady Charades.
Before we talk about ShadyCharades, there is a disclaimer
that we do have three of ourfriends who aren't currently
talking to us, oopsie.
So, brad, do you want toexplain what Shady Charades is?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Okay, so I'm sure we're all familiar with the term
charades, right?
What you do is you play this inyour friendship group and you
write in stories about people inthe group, and we went down the
route of stories that peoplehave done within our friendship
group silly stories, drunkenstories, etc.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
etc which we kind of realized, but not the weight of
it.
Some people in the room may nothave known these stories but
because we announced that allthe stories were true, we were
kind of outing people with someembarrassing stories yeah,
that's basically what it was.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
So we put all these embarrassing stories about
everyone in the group in a bowl.
Our friend then acted them allout.
It's very funny, very silly,very ridiculous, yeah, uh.
But yeah, we didn't quiterealize that some people weren't
aware that not everyone knew ofthe stories.
Then suddenly this whole groupof people knew everyone's shady
stories yeah, and more that.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
The people that the stories involved.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
They didn't want people actually, in hindsight, I
think that game was a bit toxic.
I don't think we should playthat anymore.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I remember coming to you at one point in the evening
because we'd done two othergames before that.
We did Snatch Game like our ownversion of it and like a video
round, picture round.
Yeah, and there was that pointin the evening where I came to
you and I said, look, if wedon't play Shady Charades now,
it's not going to work becausepeople will be so like too
towards being intoxicated theycould get it could go really
(21:38):
wrong.
They could get like reallyangry or very upset or people
are going to sober up and itwon't be funny.
We have to do this now and wedid well.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
It generally went down well because our friend was
acting it all out.
It was really silly.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
She did such a good job.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, she was great, but yeah, maybe in hindsight.
The thing is, everyone hasdifferent levels of like what
Thickness of skin?
Is that the right way?
Yeah, like I'm happy for you totake the piss out of me 24
hours a day, you know, etc.
Like your toothy blowjobs, noone has ever said they're too
fee.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Not your face.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
So yeah, I don't care , I'm all up for the jokes, all
up for the banter, but obviouslyI forget that people have
different levels of thickness ofskin, right?
So maybe some of the thingswere a bit on the nose.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Is that the right saying for some people?
Yeah, I just think some peopledidn't want everyone, knowing
that they had gone up tosomebody's bedroom in the house,
who wasn't even at the party,got bed-backed against the chest
of drawers.
I don't know why they didn'twant to know that, but anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
So what we've learned from this?
Shady Charades is a toxic gameand we're not going to play it
ever again, Until next time.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Until next week's episode, where we're looking for
three lucky contestants to comeon down and play Shady Charades
with Benji and Brad.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
But after the games and all the parties, some people
went out clubbing, some peoplestayed in the house party.
You left and you went out tosomewhere else.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I actually went to Brewers.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
And where did you go after the two Brewers?
Speaker 2 (23:03):
The back room of two Brewers.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
And then, when you left the vicinity of the two
Brewers, where did you end upMcDonald?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Yes, okay, I went via the Common in Clapham.
Yeah, I did.
I went to the cruising areawhich, listen, it's really fun.
I know you had to be safe.
We talked about it before, I'mnot going to bore everyone about
it, but it's a vibe.
It really is a vibe.
If you're into that sort ofthing, it's very freeing.
And I tell you right now,because it's summer, now about
summer it was very busy.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Well, let me just let people know who might be like
what is this going on?
Clapham, common, cruising, etc.
So obviously Clapham is an areaof London that we both live by
and they've got a massive Commonlike a big park, yeah, and it's
really famous because Clapham'squite a gay area in London
anyway.
So on the Common there's aspecial spot, special spot
(24:00):
Within this park.
Where is it all?
Just men sometimes get women,yeah, no men, just men.
Um, go cruising, yeah, and it'slike a designated spot and
you've been there once or twicea week, yeah I've been there
multiple times over years.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Listen, just a quick one for, if you are new to the
podcast, cruising areas are soimportant for the culture of gay
men.
Cruising areas came about backwhen you weren't allowed to be
gay and you had to go and findyour tribe in certain areas, and
it was all very hush, hush wordof mouth, possibly on websites
when the internet came about,but it was very, very low key
(24:32):
and only those in the know knewabout it.
And obviously in modern day wenow have Grind, you have
different apps and we're able toexpress ourselves more in clubs
etc.
But these places still exist,and rightfully so, because I
know well, I would guess, a lotof people that go to these
cruising grounds are people whoare still trying to find their
sexuality or are not living howthey want to live, and this is
(24:52):
their way of like experiencinglike experiencing gay sex, to be
brutally honest with you.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
For sure, and also there's like a bit of a kink
side to it as well.
So people like outdoor sex?
And is it voyeurism where youget watched?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
So of course that is somewhere we can go to express
that in an environment thatgenerally is fairly safe, right,
because everyone's there forthe same reason.
Everyone knows why they'rethere.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I mean, listen it, it's not.
You can't I mean in anysituation you can't always
assume it's going to be safe.
You need to be cautious and becareful.
Um, but yes, I have, I did feelI do normally feel very safe
there.
And look, I think cruising getsa bit of a bad name.
It seemed to be quite likeseedy and people think it's very
like sexually dangerous, likeyou can catch all sorts of
things.
But really it's not that muchdifferent to like the modern day
chill out or the modern daygrinder orgy or a dark room in a
(25:45):
club or even just some of theseclubs that people go to.
Anyway, I mean, I've not beento them, but I know, like feel
it roast, these sorts of parties.
If you've been to them and ifyou haven't, just have a quick
like look them up.
Um, they're very fetish, drivenhigh sexually.
I don't even know how to evenexplain them without trying to
be derogatory to them, butthey're all basically about sex.
(26:06):
Yeah, either you're having sexor you're trying to come across
very sexual or, for sure, whatyou're wearing latex.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, um, lots of words, thoughnot many sentences, but lots of
words, um, so, yeah, I don't.
Personally, I don't see it asany different.
The only thing that I likeabout it is it's not like it's
an only invite.
You get like a massiveselection of different types of
people and you can leave at anypoint, and a lot of the times
(26:29):
people don't really see yourface.
If you want to put your hood up, you can like oh, I see,
usually it's busier.
Yeah, obviously at night time,right yeah, so it's a a bit more
mysterious.
You can hide who you are if youwant to.
I mean listen, I'm not tryingto glamorise this you do get
celebrities going to them.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Do you actually yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
because it's very low key, people might not
necessarily know who they are.
I have seen people there whoare in the media eye enjoying
themselves.
Oh wow, yeah, because no one'sgot phones out.
No one talks about it like it'sa very hush-hush thing.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I remember you took me there once a couple of years
ago.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
In the daylight.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
It was in the daylight.
We were on the Common, weren'twe?
And I was like where is thissite where people go?
And you're like it's not farfrom here show everyone to
through.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I'll show you where it is.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
And I remember, actually, when we were there it
must have been like 5pm on likea, you know, a random Thursday
the sun was still up.
There were a couple of peoplealready in the bushes Wandering
through.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, I, mean it is any time of day.
Obviously it's busier in theevening, especially after you
kick out from clubs.
But you do kind skin I wouldsay to go.
Uh, not in the sense likeyou'll get rejected, but like
people are coming from verydifferent parties.
Let's say they've been doingdifferent things.
Before they come maybe they'relooking for different things.
But um, yeah, I did go thereafter the house party and I had
(27:50):
a lovely old time.
I've never seen it so busy.
Oh really yeah, and because itwas quite a warm evening.
There were just so many peoplewho had literally just had no
clothes on, hung them on a treeand were just like walking
around in their trainers.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Wow, yeah, because have I ever talked about one
time where I went to a chill out?
I didn't realise I was at achill out.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
No, how did you not know you were going to a chill
out?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
So I had a boyfriend at the time.
This was a few years back and,uh, we were at a club with some
friends and we'd met a friendthat we a mutual friend of ours
and we were chatting away andthe club was coming to an end
it's like a random thursday orwednesday or something and uh,
uh, and the guy was like, oh,I'm going to an after party.
Do you two want to come with?
I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know,we'll carry on the party.
(28:33):
He said the word after party,never said the word chill out
and, to be honest, at that pointI didn't really know what a
chill out was.
And we ended up going to thisreally fancy penthouse in
Trafalgar Square like townhouse,penthouse money, and there must
have been about 20 to 30 peoplein this massive living room and
the music was on, everyone wasjust chatting and there were
(28:54):
drinks and the host was like,yeah, help yourself to
whatever's in the kitchen.
So very generous.
And we was all you know.
We were sat on a sofa.
There was lots of sofas in thisbig living room.
We just sat chatting and uh,yeah, we're just chatting away,
and I saw in the corner of myeye someone give someone a
blowjob in the opposite corner.
I thought that's a bit much fora house party at least.
Like go up to a bedroom or thebathroom.
(29:14):
I was like, well, I won't thinkanything of that.
And we just carried and chuckedaway and then look around and
then like suddenly there's a fewmore people joined in on that.
And then look again, someone'slike getting fucked on the sofa.
And I turned to my friend and Iwas like what kind of party
were you at?
And he's like, oh, it's a chillout.
She's like, okay, you neversaid those words.
And so, yeah, I found myself inthe middle of this chill out
(29:34):
without realizing Dot dot dot,dot dot dot.
It's like that Mamma Mia thing,isn't it?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
What a night.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
We danced on the beach, we kissed on the beach.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Honey, honey how he?
Fucked me huh.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah.
And then I thought, well, kindof here, I feel like I might
give it a go, and I dabbled alittle bit.
I was like you know what.
This just isn't for me.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pause.
I have just talked about how Ijust went to Clap and Common at
2am and had a 12% orgy on abench.
And here you are, like Idabbled.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
It literally was a dabble.
Yeah, go into it.
Yeah, because people are likeoh, do you want to take your
clothes off?
It's like, oh, I don't know,like I just don't know these
people.
That kind of orgy, chill-outthing isn't quite for me,
especially as I'm in a big groupand I end up sort of taking my
trousers down but still have myunderwear on.
I was like, oh God, I'm of theextent of it.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I was like this just well, then you left pretty much
yeah, and then went to anotherparty.
That was just like a normalhouse party where they played
steps absolutely loved it wowI've never been to a chill out,
have you not?
No, never, ever, ever, ever,ever.
I have had people just be likedo you want to come back?
And I just to me.
I'll be honest, I thought achill out was very like
(31:00):
substance abuse driven.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Yes, actually that just sparked a memory.
There was that going around aswell.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
So that's why I've never really attended one.
It's not to do with, like thegroup activities, but it's more.
I just, as you know, I don'thave nothing against it, but I
don't ever touch drugs, neverhave done.
I just it doesn't interest meand I don't like to mix the two.
I feel like for me that's quitea dangerous thing to do um, so
I've never attended one notsaying I wouldn't, but yeah,
there's no judgment.
Obviously I go to the park atnight time instead.
(31:28):
We're all into our own things,but it is interesting, isn't it?
Like the gay world and what weactually all like to get up to,
but maybe don't talk about itsure, yeah, yeah, yeah like why
do we have to call it a chillout?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
people are chilling out, I guess, but everyone's
kind of naked and just gettingwith everyone.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Sorry, when you say that, that just reminds me of
that video that went round inour group of our mate that went
to a chill out and they wereusing him as the pole for limbo.
And he was there in his likered speedo pants, rigid as a
board, as a pole, and peoplewere like limboing with no
clothes on underneath him.
Yeah, he was the pole, yeah,and then they were like kind of
skipping with him as a skippingrope.
(32:05):
Yeah, hilarious oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
But yeah, yeah, you are right.
There tends to be a lot ofsubstances that happen at those
parties and I think the reasonwhy is it keeps you awake.
So they just go on for hours,days, days and days.
And also it prevents you fromcoming as well, so it means you
can keep going and going.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
I mean, I can tell you a funny story about one of
my friends, but I'm not going todo any names at all.
They had an arranged.
I think it was a threesome.
Actually, they had an arranged.
I think it was a threesome.
Actually, I felt like there mayhave been more.
Anyway, him and a few others,and it was definitely going to
be a very sex-driven evening.
They had no clothes on and forthe very first time ever he took
Viagra.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Do you know what?
I've never tried Viagra and Ireally want to, out of curiosity
.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
I've never taken it and after this story I never
will, oh, really really.
So they took viagra.
Um, it was working really good,but a few hours in decided to
take another one, not sure why.
Okay, took another one anyway.
Long story short, they had agreat evening and morning and
afternoon like they wereliterally going out of like
hours, wow.
Then the next evening my friendhad a gig I know where this is
(33:06):
going and couldn't get rid oftheir hard-on.
Yeah, just couldn't get rid ofit.
And we said they were so sorebecause they'd literally been
like fucking for like 12 hours,oh God.
So literally had to wear aboutfour pairs of pants and just
like to like tuck it tuck it,tuck it away, and this person is
actually a working drag queen.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
So literally a drag queen with an erection.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
I'm not sure if that's the, but um, yeah, they
said they've never felt painlike it and like for like a week
afterwards like just couldn't,even couldn't touch it yeah, I
can totally see that happening.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
I do want to try a vagra at some point, just out of
curiosity.
I want to know how long it'sgoing to give me an erection,
for how it feels.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
But yeah, I won't take two I mean, maybe this is
something that men don't talkabout.
I personally have no problemsin that area.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, me neither.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I'm just actually, I can literally get up ready to go
and I can be ready to go forlike.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Morning soldier.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Literally hours, hours and hours.
I can keep it going for likesix.
Honestly, I have no problems.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Six hours yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
No problem at all.
No Viagra Now.
If I ever, as I get older, feellike that is not as strong as
it once was, I would definitelytry it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Iwouldn't until I absolutely
needed to.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (34:16):
I'd be too scared, it would go very, very wrong.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
I mean we have definitely gone off topic here,
but what a great conversation,because I did not know that
Viagra story.
That's amazing.
No, well, we don't again.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah, I don't actually talk about that with my
gay mates no people like maysay things like oh yeah, we were
like shagging for hours, but noone ever.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
You don't talk about those ins and outs and I don't
see why not well, here we are onthe podcast, sharing the
stories, collecting theinformation and delivering the
goods yeah, and actually it mustbe like a bigger thing than we
realize, because I do go intoclub toilets.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
You know they have on the wall like condoms yeah,
that's true, and they have that.
The vibra ones, yeah, yeah soit must be like a really common
thing that people need do youknow when you maybe start losing
your erections?
Can happen at any point no, butI I've been with guys.
Where that I've been with guys,they really struggle to get it
up.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I think that's a reflection on you, probably.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
No, that's not what I mean, but like it would go up
and down, up and down, up anddown throughout the evening.
Yeah, and they've been soembarrassed about it and I don't
really care, but maybe that'sthe sort of person that they
would then maybe want to tryViagra.
I don't know, viagra, I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
I see, and what sort of age range was those, those
people?
Because I always see Viagra assomething you take when you're
like an old man but I don't knowwhen is the age.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
That's because it was always advertised as that.
If you've ever seen likegrowing up an advert for Viagra,
it was always old men yeah,with like grey hair on the yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Loads of people at our age thatmaybe, maybe they struggle.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, we need to talk about it.
Boys, we do, we really reallydo.
So maybe we should put out apoll, a hard poll a hard poll.
We'll have a poll on thepodcast love me a poll?
Speaker 2 (36:03):
no, but seriously, like, if you have any experience
in this, whether it be yourselfor with ex-partners or whatever
like, write in because I thinkgenuinely it's really
interesting personally for me.
When I was, how old was I?
1920 and I know longer thanthat 22, 23 and I started like
seeing regular well, likesleeping with different guys.
I was terrified because I'dnever really seen someone else's
(36:25):
willy.
I was terrified of the wordwilly.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
It just makes me giggle all right that's really
childish.
It sounds like okay will?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Because I hadn't seen anybody else's tool.
Nob, yeah, it's much classier.
I used to get quite shy.
I was like I don't know if mineis really different to other
people's, and then, as you sleepwith more people or just I
don't know, get to know yourfriends better.
You um, you see, like everyoneis so different everyone's
willies are different, yeah, sodifferent.
(36:54):
Obviously, porn is really badfor that sort of thing.
It definitely depicts a veryclassic, normally much larger
than is natural yeah, size um,and that made me feel so much
better about myself, knowingthat everyone has all sorts of
different sizes length, girths,bends, you name it kicks, splits
(37:15):
.
So maybe this is something thatactually we should open up on
the podcast and talk about,because we may well have this as
a thing in our life one day andI actually would like to know
now how to tackle it how it allworks.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I feel okay.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I know how it works, but yeah, I think it's an
interesting topic.
So, yes, if you have anyexperience in this realm,
whether you teach about itbecause I know there's like sex
ed teachers that listen whetheryou have friends that have
expressed it, ex-partners oreven yourself, and you are happy
to write in, of course we willkeep it as anonymous as you want
us to please do, because Ithink it's a really important
(37:47):
thing for us as gay men to talkabout yeah, just to know the
information.
Right, we don't get taught thisunless someone tells us no, and
I think it's really importantand I think on this season, we
want to talk about more thingslike this.
So, yes, if you have anyexperience with this, please
write in.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
We would love to hear from you well, podcasters, it's
that time of the episode.
It's time for Queer Diary.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Yes, it is, and the question this week is Queer
Diary.
I've recently been datingsomebody and it's going really
well.
How long would you leave itbefore introducing your new
boyfriend to your friends?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Oh, now, that is a really good question Because,
like any of these things, youknow when should we move in
together, when should we sleeptogether, et cetera, et cetera.
There's just no timeline.
It's whatever works for you.
I would say you want to get toknow that person and be on quite
a good sort of level with eachother, before then throwing them
(38:49):
into your friendship group.
Yeah for sure, that's goodadvice.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I think you want to have had enough like banter back
and forth.
So you understand each other'ssense of humor, yeah, and
obviously feel comfortable withthem enough to have the
conversation of.
So when you meet my friends,they will probably rip me and
your arsehole in front of you.
Yeah, please don't take itseriously.
They're just like my matestaking the piss.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
And make it seriously .
They're just like my matestaking the piss.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Yeah, and make sure that they you know them well
enough that they will understandthat and not be like, okay,
that sounds like you're tryingto wiggle out of a red flag.
Sure, yeah, um, and also I knowthat my friends would ask my
person I'm dating loads ofquestions.
So I'd have to give them thewarning like they're probably
gonna ask you a lot of questionsthat will probably be slightly
interrogating, but it's onlybecause they just want to get to
know you.
Yeah, yeah yeah, just want toget to know you, you know.
So there's no set timeline,right?
Is the kind of long answer forthat.
(39:39):
There's not like one week, twoweeks, et cetera.
It's whenever you feel is theright time.
But again a question for youwould you introduce them in like
a group setting, for example,like a house party or a night
out, or would you do it in likedrips and drabs, like oh, come
to coffee or brunch with acouple of friends and then come
to this event with a couple morefriends?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
I think I'd do the whole hog.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I would do the same, like a night out or a group.
Throw in the deep end, sink orswim.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
But I would only do it when I was ready to take mine
and like our relationship tothat next level.
It doesn't have to be like abig level jump, but I would have
to have got to know them enoughto be like, okay, this could
potentially work.
I'm liking to get getting toknow you like the communication
is good, although apparentlywith me it's shit.
Um, communication's good, thebounce is good.
(40:23):
You know we're texting each daylike I'm happy.
I get excited when your namepops off my phone.
That's a nice love that um, yeah, let's, let's challenge it a
bit, let's put you in the deepend with my friends who, let's
be honest, our friendship group,anyone's friendship group is an
extension of themselves, rightfor sure, right?
So let's throw them in and justsee how they go and then have
(40:44):
those cute little moments andwhat would be your preferred, uh
kind of group environment likea brunch, a house party, a club
in.
I think a house party is areally good one, yeah,
personally, although I think,see, the thing is, I'm thinking
about this as me getting them tomeet my friends.
So there's me saying I would doit at a house party, which I
knew the house.
(41:04):
So, technically, I'm doing itall on my own terms, sure,
whereas if I was meeting theirfriends, I think maybe I'd
prefer, like a club setting.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Because in a club setting it's difficult to like
do loads of conversations right,so it's fine to just go for a
bit of a dance or like.
I'm just going to pop a saloon,go to the bar etc.
And kind of break off a bit.
In a house party you're sort ofsurrounded by people all the
time, Even if you could just goto the kitchen to get a drink.
Yeah, there are probably goingare going to be constant.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
It's not.
It's not neutral.
And then even getting a drinkyou're like should I be asking
to get a drink Like, can I usethis?
Speaker 1 (41:34):
cup.
That's so true, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Whereas a club.
You're like I was going to thebar, yeah, or if I'm feeling a
bit nervous, I'll go stand inthe smoking area.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
So I would say, probably, like a nice you know,
play some funny games orwhatever.
They're good to get to knoweach other and the banter levels
and have more chats.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
For sure, I definitely think more people
being there the better, yeah,but cute for whoever this is.
I hope it goes really well.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
And better than mine.
I really hope they're notliving their brats up.
Oh well, cute when I feelsingle and lonely.
Podcasters.
That's all we have time for onthis week's episode of my big
gay podcast.
If you don't already, pleasehead over to our instagram it's
at big gay podcast or, of course, to our tiktok channel, which
is at big gay podcast as well,and give us a follow, like our
(42:23):
content and send us a message ifyou want to and if you would
like to appear on queer diary,then get in touch.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
It can be via the dm, you can slide on in or send us
a voice note, or if you've got areal fun story to share, we
will give you a little call liveon the podcast and we'll get
you on in the studio.
So how about that?
How?
Speaker 2 (42:42):
about that.
We can interrogate you live.
Who would not want that Exactly?
But podcast, like I said,that's all we have time for in
this week's episode, Until nexttime.
See you next Wednesday.
Did you not want to join inwith me, mate?
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Sorry.
Oh my goodness, I just zonedout a little bit there.
Do you know what I was lookingat?
Yeah, me, me, the studio board,all the lights, like God.
There's a lot of buttons onthere that I kind of want to
press and see what happens.
And I just got transfixedPodcast.
(43:16):
Did you see what I had to putup with?
Do I destroy the pretty lines?
I was like God.
I've just never seen like amixing desk like that before.
I was like wow.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Could you set your line please?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
See you next Wednesday.
There we go, thank you.
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