May 30, 2025 • 55 mins
Digital Dangers Facing Our Kids with Andy Murphy
In this episode of My EdTech Life, I sat down with Andy Murphy, also known as The Secure Dad, to talk about the uncomfortable truth: kids are being targeted online, and it’s not a fair fight.
We unpack how predators use everyday platforms like games and social media to groom and manipulate children, often right under their parents' noses. Andy drops powerful insights that every parent, educator, and EdTech leader needs to hear.
Whether you’re a teacher, a parent, or someone working in digital safety, this episode will shift the way you see online interactions.
👊 Let’s protect our kids by staying informed and building stronger conversations at home and in our classrooms.
⏱️ Timestamps
00:00 - Intro: Why this episode matters
02:18 - “It’s not a fair fight” — How predators approach kids
06:03 - Why predators use gaming platforms
10:45 - The danger of old phones and open access
14:20 - YouTube in the living room: Proximity matters
17:50 - Red flags parents need to watch for
22:10 - “My kid would never…” and the blind spots it causes
25:33 - Open conversations > parental controls
29:00 - Teaching kids to protect themselves online
33:45 - Final advice for parents and educators
36:20 - How to connect with The Secure Dad
39:00 - Wrap-up and sponsor shoutouts
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fonz Mendoza (00:30):
Hello everybody and welcome to another great
episode of my EdTech Life.
Thank you so much for joiningus on this wonderful day and, as
always, wherever it is thatyou're joining us from around
the world.
Thank you, as always, for yoursupport.
We appreciate all the likes,the shares, the world.
Thank you, as always, for yoursupport.
We appreciate all the likes,the shares, the follows.
Thank you so much for thewonderful feedback and the
wonderful emails.
(00:50):
It just really means the worldto us.
As you know, we do what we dofor you to bring you some
amazing conversations, and todayI am really excited about our
guest today, andy Murphy, who isknown as the Secure Dad or the
Secure Dad website, whereparents can go ahead and visit
that website and learn moreabout safety, not only home
(01:13):
safety, but also child'sprotection, and that's what
we're going to be talking about.
With this world that isinundated with tech, with phones
, devices and so much screentime, today's conversation is
definitely something that I knowthat the parents that I work
with will definitely appreciate,so I would love to welcome to
the show Andy Murphy.
Andy, how are you doing today?
Andy Murphy (01:35):
I'm doing great.
Fonz, thank you so much for theopportunity to hang out with
you.
I really do appreciate you andwhat you're doing.
I've been looking forward tothis all day, for us just to be
able to sit down and talk aboutthis, because I know you are
very educated in this space.
So I get to have like a higherlevel conversation today and I
really am looking forward to it.
Oh well, you've set the barhigh, Andy.
Fonz Mendoza (01:55):
So hopefully we can definitely have that
conversation.
But before we get started, Andy, one thing that I do want to
say also is I'm really thankfulfor you too as well, because I
do want to say that we haveknown each other for probably
going on two years, or maybe alittle bit over Thanks to Dylan
Schmidt, you know and, of course, learning more about podcasting
and connecting and so on.
(02:16):
So I'm very honored to have youon the show and obviously
amplify your voice and amplifyyour expertise in what you see,
because, as I follow you onsocial media too as well, I'm
like I'm continually learningfrom you and I'm continually
learning from your guests.
So, guys, everybody that'slistening, please make sure that
you definitely follow Andy andall that information will be in
(02:38):
the show notes as well and makesure that you go to
thesecuredadcom also as well andmake sure that you connect
there.
But before we dive into themeat of the conversation, Andy,
can you give us a little briefintroduction and what your
context is within the securityspace?
Andy Murphy (02:56):
Sure.
So the Secured Ad started backin 2016.
And I was really looking forlike a direction in life and God
changed a lot of things in mylife.
And he said you know, you'regoing to go and do something
different.
I was like, okay, cool.
And so we wind up finding out.
I was listening to Michael HyattI don't know if you are
familiar with him.
(03:16):
He's like a business coach andhe does a lot of things with
publishing and he made thecomment once.
It was like what can you talkabout all day, every day, and
never get tired of it?
And I said for me well, that'slike safety.
I love this, like this is justthe way my brain works.
You know, my wife teases me.
She causes me a safety spaz.
So I've always just been thatguy who's like looked over his
(03:36):
shoulder, that sort of stuff,double check the locks and all
that.
So I kind of channeled all ofthat together in 2016 to create
the Secure Dad, because Irealized there was a lot of
people out there who were likeme, who wanted to know more and
just didn't quite know where tostart.
So I just went out and I foundmy own way and I decided you
know what I'm going to startwriting blog posts about this
(03:58):
sort of stuff with, like homesecurity things like that, how
to be safe in public, and thatturned into a book and that
turned into a podcast.
And so you know, here we aretoday.
You know, doing this, you knowgreat interviews like this,
getting to be able to talk tonew people about ways that they
can be safe at home and publicand, most importantly, online.
I actually rebranded thepodcast from the Secure Dad
(04:20):
podcast to the Secure Familypodcast after having a lot of
feedback from families, and alot of that feedback was like
digital safety.
So that's really what my focushas been since the rebrand of
the podcast in January isdigital safety, and I'm glad to
be here talking about it withyou.
Fonz Mendoza (04:37):
Well, I'm excited about it too, you know, just
because this is something that Ihave learned about.
You know, obviously you'rerebranding in the mutual group
that we're in and learning tojust see what work that we are
all doing and the rebranding, Ithink, is something that's
fantastic.
That really opens it up to mycrowd Also as well.
I deal with parents a lotduring our Tech Tuesdays,
(04:59):
webinars or webinar Wednesdaysthat we do, where a lot of the
main things that I do talk toparents about is the online
aspect of child safety, childprotection, data privacy, all of
those things, and, as I've seenyour content on TikTok, I have
seen that turn there to whereit's open more to families.
(05:19):
But, of course, you know thecontent that you do have is
something that is fantastic.
Now I just want to dig in alittle bit deeper because I know
you said you know the contentthat you do have is something
that is fantastic.
Now I just want to dig in alittle bit deeper because I know
you said you know God changedsome things into your life, but
I'm kind of wondering was thesecurity aspect of that
something that was alwayssomething that you did or that
you grew up around, or what ledyou to really just hone in and
(05:40):
focus on the aspect of startingwith home security and now
moving into the digital securityand privacy aspect of it?
Andy Murphy (05:48):
Sure, so I come at this from a civilian point of
view.
I've never been in lawenforcement or military.
I go back to really where thisstarted was the day after the
shooting at Columbine HighSchool.
I was in high school at thetime.
I was several states away,nowhere near it, but I went back
to school the next day and Iwas sitting in my class and, of
(06:10):
course, we were all traumatizedby this horrible event.
We were talking about it.
In my community there had beena school shooting just maybe
five years earlier, and so thiswas, like you know, something
that was really affecting us,and I realized in that moment,
listening to everybody lookingaround, I thought somebody in
(06:32):
this room decided to become athreat.
There is no way our schoolresource officer is getting to
us in time, to us in time and Ihad to understand for the first
time that my safety was my ownresponsibility, because there's
(06:53):
a lot of people who will farmthat out to the police or to the
fire department or to EMS, andthose brave people will be there
when we need them.
But up front, in the momentwhere things go wrong, it's you
against, whatever the situationis, and so that is really kind
of what started me towardsunderstanding how people
interact around me affects mysafety, the environment, if
(07:16):
there's a mood shift, if thevibe gets off, maybe somebody's
in a place they shouldn't be, orthey're normally here and
they're not.
Why are they not that sort ofthing?
And so it was really justunderstanding that if you just
pay attention enough, peoplewill tell you what's going on.
They will tell you what they'reafraid of, what they like, that
sort of thing, and so I startedto study something that has
(07:39):
been championed by two brilliantgentlemen, which is Greg
Williams and Brian Marin ofArcadia Cognorati, and it's
called Human Behavior PatternRecognition and Analysis.
Now, way back then, I had noclue what that was, no clue.
But I just startedunderstanding that if I just
take a look around, if I notethese things, then I will
understand what couldpotentially happen next.
(08:01):
It's not as easy as that.
It's been a learning curve I'vehad.
I've been completely wrongabout stuff, but understanding
your environment, whether it isa physical environment or even a
digital environment, will helpyou stay safer if you just know
what you're looking for.
Fonz Mendoza (08:19):
Yeah, and that's very thorough of you and I know
that's one thing like for myselfis always that awareness,
wherever it is that we're at,you know, even when you're
walking to the car.
I know when cell phones firstcame out I was just really like
just walking out with my cellphone and you see a lot of
people and you observe peoplethat come out and they have no
line of sight of anybody that'scoming.
(08:41):
They have no clue if theremight be somebody coming in from
the flank or from the back oranything, because it just did
that distraction of the phones.
So I had to learn to reallyjust say you know what?
There needs to be a lot ofself-awareness.
So every time you are walkingin, you're walking out, you're
getting out of your car is justbeing very vigilant and
(09:01):
observant and just lookingaround at first.
And, like you said, one of thethings that I learned and I
think I saw this a while backwas the chances of somebody
doing something to you, likewhen you walk out and you just
make that eye contact.
Sometimes that deters somebodywith those intentions that they
have, and that just stuck withme for many years and that's
(09:24):
something that I always tell mywife, I said hey, if you're
going to go out, please makesure, before you walk to the car
, just stop outside the doorscan and make eye contact with
anybody, even if it's just likea nod or anything like that.
Many times that deters anythingfrom happening and that could
be your way out of a certainsituation.
You know, and so I've alwayslearned that, and then from then
(09:47):
on, I just took it to thatlevel of always finding exits.
You know, in restaurants,sitting always facing the doors,
finding the nearest exits andthings of that sort, because of
you know, tragically, the worldthat we live in, very unexpected
things can happen at any giventime, and what better way to
prepare than at least with justthose little things?
So I'm glad that there is awebsite and there's a great
(10:10):
resource that you have come upwith to be able to help just not
only, like you know, the dads,you know secure dads but the
family as a whole, now thatwe're going to get into, like
you mentioned, even the digitalcomponent and being self-aware
and aware within those spaces.
So I want to talk a little bitabout something that I know that
you've been talking a lot aboutin your content on TikTok, too,
(10:31):
as well, which is, you know,talking about and understanding
the online predators.
You know, so I know, in today'sdigital landscape, you've got
students that are playing.
You know on Roblox.
You've got students that are onMinecraft.
You've got students, you know,even on Discord, whatsapp,
snapchat, all of those places,and you know.
I want to ask you from yourexperience and what you've
(10:52):
learned through your guests, tooas well, and for our audience
that's listening that areeducators and parents as well.
You know, how do onlinepredators exploit these
platforms, how do onlinepredators exploit these
platforms and what are somespecific tactics?
Andy Murphy (11:13):
that parents should be aware about or be aware of
to help protect their child?
Sure, great question, and Ireally like your response just a
minute ago, talking about howto be safe in a physical
environment, because one youwere spot on in everything.
Safe in a physical environmentbecause one, you were spot on
and everything.
But what parents need tounderstand is think about the
last nature documentary that youwatched with your kids.
We watch those sorts of thingsall the time.
You know when a lion wants togo and hunt, they don't just go
(11:36):
and sit in the middle of a planeand wait for something to come
by.
They move to the watering holebecause that's where all the
impalas are.
They know that they're going tobe there, so they have a better
chance of eating one of theseimpalas if they go to the
watering hole knowing thatthat's where they're going to be
.
Digital predators know that yourchildren are going to be on
(11:58):
Roblox and they're going to beon Fortnite and they're going to
be on all these other socialmedia networks.
That's the digital wateringhole today.
So that's where predators aregoing to migrate to try to cast
their net as wide as they can,hoping to get one or two kids to
just play along with them untilthey can lay their trap to
(12:19):
exploit them.
So, while it is in the digitalworld, this is actually nothing
new.
This is something that mammalshave been doing for a long time.
They know where the prey is andthey know how to strike.
So a lot of parents are goingto sit there and think, hey, my
child would never fall victim toone of these predators because
they're smart and they are.
They're very smart.
(12:40):
But the predators are smarterbecause they have fully
developed adult brains.
Your 12-year-old does not.
I do not mean to be insultingto your 12-year-old at all.
They can't match wits with a45-year-old who probably has a
master's degree in something,who is going to try to pretend
to be another 12-year-old and isjust going to have this whole
(13:00):
pretext conversation set up thatyour kid is just going to fall
into step by step.
It's not a fair fight for yourkids.
So one of the things that youneed to understand with these
digital platforms is they openup the opportunity for
conversations to happen.
So it's not like somebody'sgoing to pop into your child's
(13:21):
DM and they're just going to say, hey, send me an inappropriate
picture.
There's a conversation thathappens with it.
It's not, that's not where theystart.
They start at hello and theystart hey, I liked your picture
of this.
Oh, were you fishing lastweekend?
That's great, I like to fishtoo.
Hey, you look good in a bathingsuit.
And so then it just kind ofspirals out of control.
(13:41):
Hey, send me another picturefrom your fishing trip, you know
.
Hey, do you have one whereyou're in your bathing suit,
that sort of thing?
And so that's where theconversation just kind of starts
to take a different tone thanwhere it started.
And so again, these predatorswill try to contact as many kids
(14:01):
as possible and they learn fromall of their failures.
They're like, oh well, thatdidn't work, that didn't work,
that didn't work.
So instead I'm going to changethings up now and I'm going to
try this.
So they're perfecting theircraft every single day.
This is what they do.
So really, you've just got tocontrol those conversations.
Now I know that, like, kids areprobably going to want to say,
(14:23):
hey, I can deal with this, Iknow what to do.
But when they start havingreally personal conversations
where they ask hey, can I see aparticular outfit that you wore?
What school do you go to?
You're really mature for yourage.
Those are those red flagaspects of these conversations
that kids need to know about andparents need to tell their kids
(14:44):
about.
Fonz Mendoza (14:45):
Yeah, exactly Now, like you mentioned too, I mean
through the social dynamics.
It plays a huge part because alot of these not only apps but,
like you mentioned, the videogames and so on there is that
communication component.
Now, many years ago, when Istarted doing these sessions
after school, doing a meetingwith parents and so on, it was
very interesting that howparents were just very shocked
(15:07):
as to what is happening or whatcould happen.
Where, you know, you get thoselittle talks and say, hey, if
you do this or you know whatever, I'll send you, like these Xbox
bucks, or I'll send you these,you know whatever currency there
is for a game and, like youmentioned, you know trying to
match wits with an adult thathas a fully developed brain and,
(15:29):
like you mentioned, very welleducated with and a very excited
12 year old that says, oh mygosh, I'm going to get 100, you
know Robux or whatever it is.
I mean they just think of, likeman, I'm going to get the next
skin or I'm going to get thisfor access to this, and they
completely just, you know,forget about that danger that
they're putting themselves inbecause they're getting that
(15:52):
other thing in exchange, like,oh my gosh, I've got a hundred
bucks here that I can go aheadand spend on what I like.
So I want to ask you you knowhow, and parents, and because
many times during these sessionsthere are plenty of resources
that are out there, but manytimes I think for a lot of
parents it can be veryoverwhelming.
So I want to ask you, in yourexperience and, of course, what
(16:14):
you've learned through yourguests or any kind of resources,
what would be maybe, let's say,the top three things that you
can share with parents on how toopen up these conversations and
, you know, help their childunderstand the dangers in just
simply trading, like thatinnocent picture, for these
hundred bucks or 50 bucks, youknow worth, of whatever it is
(16:38):
for their video game or fortheir app.
Andy Murphy (16:41):
Sure.
So the first thing that youreally have to do and I was very
fortunate I fell into thisconversation when my son was
very young and that was youdon't take pictures without your
clothes on.
That's not something that youdo.
No child should do that, and soI had that foundation with him
of that there are good picturesand that there are bad pictures.
(17:02):
There's actually kids' bookswritten about this sort of stuff
.
Depending on the age of yourchild, if you want to read one
of those with them, it's a greatway to kind of introduce that
sort of thing.
But you need to tell them whatmakes a good picture and what
makes a bad picture.
And we don't do it without ourclothes on.
We don't take pictures of us,you know, without our shirt on,
even though our pants may be onif it's a male, that sort of
(17:25):
thing.
So laying that foundation earlyon for, hey, the expectation is
for you growing up that youdon't take pictures without your
clothes on that is like ahousehold rule, that is a family
rule and that's how we holdourselves.
So number one, I think, wouldbe that.
Number two a lot of parents areafraid that if they even broker
(17:47):
this conversation, that they'regoing to ruin their child's
innocence and that fear holds alot of people back.
So I would tell parents youhave to have this conversation.
I've had it.
I worked myself up to it for acouple of days and I found the
opportunity and it was just ablessing to have that
conversation.
So you don't want to sit thereand just not be ready for it.
(18:13):
You've got to think about it,you've got to pray about it.
You've got to try to find someexamples of what's going on.
You know your child, you knowhow they learn what's going to
stick with them.
So, like I was, recently, I hada guest on, and whoever it was
just slipped my brain and Iapologize.
But they said if you were to goto a job interview, you would
(18:33):
prepare for that conversation,right?
Well, you need to prepare forthis conversation too that
you're going to have with yourkids, and so be ready and
recognize the opportunity whenthat comes up.
And what you don't want to do islike sit your kids down on the
couch and say, all right, kids,I'm going to tell you about
sexual predators and all thisstuff and just completely scare
(18:54):
them.
That's not the point.
Generally, you can have thisconversation.
When you're in the car, likeyou know, you're both just
having windshield time, out thefront You're maybe waiting for
soccer practice to start and youjust say, hey, I read this
story about this poor girl whowas abducted after meeting this
guy on roblox and I I don't wantthat to happen to you, because
(19:15):
I love you and because I careabout you.
That's why we say that youcan't have conversations.
We've turned all the chatfeatures off, because you also
have to justify what you'redoing and when you let your kids
in on why these things arehappening and that you're just
not being this.
You control freak of a parent.
When they know what the dangersare, they appreciate the fence.
(19:37):
So that's just one of the waysthat you need to take a look at
it.
You need to take an ownershipof that conversation and just be
ready for it, and you can haveit at any age.
It really does depend on thematurity level of your kid.
You know when they're ready andyou don't have the conversation
once.
You introduce this topic once,but you continue to follow up on
(19:59):
it.
You don't just let it.
Oh well, I talked to him whenhe was seven.
He's fine at the age 13.
He's probably not going toremember all that.
You know she's not going toremember all of that.
You know her choices in fashionhave changed and boys have
changed and all that sort ofstuff.
You have to change thatconversation with them as they
grow up.
So that's like the big stuffthat I would tell parents what
(20:23):
they need to do in having theseconversations.
And having had thisconversation and continue to
have it with my son, it's not asbig a deal as you think.
After you're done you're goingto be like, wow, that actually
went really well.
I'm so glad that I did it.
Will it be perfect?
Probably not, but your intentis good and they'll know that
they're appreciated and lovedExactly and I think that's
something that's very importantthat you hit on, andy, is that
(20:46):
having that open communication.
Fonz Mendoza (20:48):
And so a couple of things that I do want to
highlight is number one, really,in preparing yourself for that
conversation.
It's either you know you havethat conversation with them or
somebody else is going to havethat conversation with them, or
they've already had thatconversation and maybe it didn't
go as well as you thought youknow, because it's with somebody
else and they're trying to dowhatever it is that they're
(21:08):
trying to do to make sure thatthey get what they want from
your child, and so that's thedangerous aspect.
So it'd be very important tojust say, hey, as the parent,
let me be the first to talk toyou about this, as awkward as it
may seem, but, like you said,maybe it's going to seem awkward
at first, but when you do openup that communication and you're
both having and talking aboutthis together, I think that
(21:30):
builds a bigger bond and abigger relationship there, and
always the child understandinglike, okay, you know, this is
why which is my next point thatI love that you said it's not
just give me the phone, I'mgoing to take it away.
Well, why?
Well, I'm just take it awaybecause I don't want you texting
, I don't want you doing this, Idon't want you to do that.
But in explaining and saying,hey, look, you know we want you
(21:57):
to do that.
But in explaining and saying,hey, look, you know we're going
to go ahead and, you know,disable these features.
But let me explain to you why.
I want to make sure that youunderstand that at your age and
so on, and you know, because ofthat fear and just having that
open explanation for them, Ithink that makes a big
difference too as well.
And oftentimes I know myself,growing up, it was always like,
no, I'm just going to take itaway, and why?
Well, I know myself.
Growing up, it was always like,no, I'm just going to take it
away, and why?
Andy Murphy (22:14):
Well, just because I am your father and I am the
one that pays for this.
Fonz Mendoza (22:16):
Well, why, but?
And instead of that, justreally having those
conversations.
But I think, going back to yournumber one rule, which is
obviously.
Don't take any pictures thatare inappropriate or can seem
very inappropriate.
This is one of the biggestconversations that I have with
the parents that I work with, asmany students are involved in
(22:38):
sports and some sports require,you know, less clothing or
wardrobe, such as swimming, youknow their bathing suits, things
of that sort.
I always tell parents look, youknow, I know that you love what
your child has done or ifthey've accomplished, if the
team won something.
But I said, ask yourself too,is this picture OK to post?
(23:02):
Would your child be OK with youposting this picture?
Because they may be, you know,from their torso up still be,
you know, without a shirtbecause they're in swimming, and
then, of course, they've gottheir trunks on and everything.
We want to make sure and I helpthem understand.
You know there are some terriblepeople out there and with
technology as advanced as it is,with a lot of these AI apps
(23:24):
that can easily just remove anybit of clothing that anybody has
, bit of clothing that anybodyhas you're definitely opening
that up for some trouble,because people can just go in,
save pictures and I even sharewith them an article from many
years ago as far as the dark weband how these pictures are
traded.
(23:44):
You know, amongst people and youknow it's heinous.
I mean, it's something that'sterrible.
So just having that precautionand obviously sending pictures
to another, you know, eitherstudents or anybody else that
can also just be very harmfuland very detrimental to them.
So it's coming to them too, andmy side is I don't want them to
(24:07):
close any doors to their futurethat they may have based on one
bad decision.
You know, all it takes iseither one bad tweet, one bad
picture, one bad comment,something that somebody else
posts because out of jealousy orout of spite, that can close an
opportunity for that student togo to college or the college
(24:30):
that they want or a job thatthey want, because all of that
comes back and haunts them.
The other thing that I do sharewith parents also is here in my
area, in my geographic area, wein the Hispanic community, we
love to throw parties foreverything, and so there are
(24:50):
many parents here that throwparties, and there's just
something about just seeing ared solo cup that gives you a
specific kind of connotation.
So I always tell parents too aswell.
I said, look, although theremay not be anything in that cup,
but based on the company thatis around, where the setting,
(25:11):
where it is that you're at,please be very careful of the
types of pictures that are beingtaken of your child or anything
at all.
You as adults I mean you'readults, but for your child,
because it's all aboutperception you don't know how
somebody may interpret thatpicture and say, oh, look at
them, they've got their red solocup, even though it could be
(25:33):
Sprite water, orange juice ornot even anything on it, but
it's just those things.
So those are some of the thingsthat I share with parents on
how to protect themselves andalso even be aware of who you
invite to these parties and justkind of scoping the place out,
like you said, being very awareof who's where, who's taking
(25:53):
pictures and why they might betaking pictures in certain areas
, depending on the type of party.
That this is because I tellthem, believe it or not, you
know you might even need to bevery careful with your very own
family members thinking like,hey, this is very awkward, why
are they taking pictures, whyare they hanging around there in
those areas?
(26:13):
So that comes back, I know, notso much in the digital but here
in the real world, but it's justthose conversations that need
to be had and for parents toreally just say, hey, you know,
I need to do the same if I'mwilling to take care of my child
here in person.
You know, amongst these peoplethat are surrounding us in this
significant scenario orparticular scenario, I should
(26:35):
say I should do the same, evenif they're online, and protect
them.
So I think that's veryimportant there.
Now, andy, with your experienceand I know you said you've had
this talk with your child aswell and so I'm pretty sure that
they're very knowledgeable asto what to do, what not to do
but I want to ask you, with yourexperience and with the guests
(26:56):
that you've had, what are someof the flags that parents can
look out for that there might besomething happening with their
child, maybe with theirinteractions.
What are some things that theycan look out for to say, hey, I
need to have a conversation, Ineed to have a talk, quick and
intervene.
Andy Murphy (27:17):
Right, great question, and there's a lot of
things to actually look out for,and most of them are just your
child's behavior.
The first thing that you needto look out for is if your child
let's say they're obsessed withXbox and you have let them have
conversations with strangersand stuff like that, and all of
a sudden they don't want to playXbox anymore.
(27:38):
You know like, oh, they lovedit.
You know they spent all theirbirthday money on it.
This is all that they wanted,and now, three weeks later, that
they don't want to touch it.
Something bad happened and thatcould be like cyber bullying,
it could be all sorts of stuff,but that's one of those red
flags of like, ok, this kid onceloved this thing, they don't
love it anymore and that's, theyfell out of love with it pretty
(27:59):
quick.
Something has happened and Ijust need to go talk to them
about it.
Another thing is and the adviceis good, but I feel like it's a
little late and people are like, oh, if your child's grades go
down, that could be like if theywere a B student.
Now they're pulling out C's andD's and F's and that sort of
(28:19):
stuff.
You know that could be a signthat you know somebody is being
abusive towards them and it is,but you don't need to wait for,
like, the nine weeks report cardto do that.
There are other signs that youcan look for, and that is you
know, maybe they're not smilingas much as they were.
They're not talking about theirfriends.
They are, you know, choosing tolike not let go of their phone.
(28:41):
That's a big one If they've gota phone and they don't want to
let you see it, or they, youknow, try to sleep with it under
their pillow.
That sort of thing.
That's a red flag.
That's going to be a problemthat you're going to want to
address.
So, you know not letting go ofthe phone, you know being in a
spot where their grades aregoing to go down and all of a
(29:02):
sudden, they've fallen out oflove with something that they
had.
Those are three big signs tolook for in order to really
intervene.
Another one could be justrandom gifts showing up.
That's when a predator ispretty, you know, far along.
You kind of alluded to this aminute ago.
Well, they'll want to send youV-Bucks for a fortnight, or
whatever it is.
(29:23):
Or maybe buy you a subscriptionto Netflix when your parents
said no, and all of a sudden younotice, hey, they're watching
Netflix on their phone.
We didn't say they could dothat.
Where did they get that from?
So when things start to appearthat weren't there before,
that's also a red flag of hey, Ineed to have a conversation
here.
How do they have the funds todo this sort of thing?
Maybe it's because somebody'sgiven it to them in trade for
(29:46):
something.
Fonz Mendoza (29:48):
Yeah, no, definitely.
I think you've hit on a lot ofsimilar things that I share with
parents, like my big thing too.
Very similar is just thatwithdrawal.
You know being somebody that'svery happy and it's like, hey,
after school I'm going to takeyou to go buy ice cream at your
favorite shop and all of asudden they're like man, I don't
want any.
It's like whoa, what's going on?
But I think those are very muchimportant and sometimes what
(30:11):
happens, andy, during theseconversations that I've had with
parents, is usually they'll sayit's like oh well, it's
adolescence, it's puberty, youknow, and so they'll.
That's what a lot of them sayand I say, well, we need to, you
know, obviously, look at theage that they're at, but also,
regardless, if it's thatphysiological change where now
(30:32):
they're in that mode of I knoweverything, you know nothing
kind of deal, and that usuallyhappens around sixth grade or so
, usually after Christmas.
That's what I've noticed when Iwork in an elementary is that
you'll see the kids come in withthis kind of like I know
everything kind of attitude anda lot of times the parents would
say, oh well, you know, it'sjust that age They've hit that
age, but there could definitelybe something that's going on
(30:54):
that's a lot deeper than theyknow.
And so I think that, regardlessof thinking it's that age, just
having that open communicationand talking to them, speaking to
them, observing them and thenjust, you know, having those
crucial conversations and, likeyou said, hopefully it's not too
late, you know, and hopefullyit's something that could go
(31:15):
ahead and be taken care of,because it could always be taken
care of.
But, just like you said, it'ssomething that has not already
caused any harm, in that sense,whether it's physiological or
whether it's, you know, justeven with mental, the cyber
bullying aspect of it which issomething that is very rampant,
you know, and especially withsocial media, you know everybody
(31:36):
being able to communicate witheverybody and everybody's
connected and through DMs andInstagram and so on, so that's
definitely something there tolook out for.
So I want to ask you and I knowI had Bill Brady on my show
from TrueMe and I know thatyou're very familiar with Trumi
also, so it's a great kind ofsegue into this next question
you know, talking about toolslike Trumi, that you know these
(31:58):
phones that have parentalcontrols and they're available.
You know what are some otherways that parents can assess
either the type of technologythat they're going to go ahead
and buy their child or the typeof app that their child wants
their parent to buy for them ordownload for them?
Andy Murphy (32:15):
Sure.
So I think first, in gettingyour child a smartphone, you
have to ask okay, at their age,what is this device for?
If this device is for calling,you know to say hey, practice is
running long, don't come pickme up until 7 instead of 6.30.
Then you just kind of need abasic phone for that.
Maybe you want them to send youa text message with that same
(32:38):
thing, or take pictures of thedog or whatever.
That's totally fine.
But then when you start to lookat apps like you know,
instagram or TikTok, that sortof stuff I think the common
wisdom today is saying don't letyour kids have social media
until they're 16.
And I think that's a good levelto start at, even though your
kids are mature.
(32:59):
I think 16 is probably a goodplace to look at it before you
even consider doing.
That doesn't mean on their 16thbirthday they get to download
all the social media apps.
That's not it at all.
It's like that's just what weneed to have that conversation.
You can kick it back until then, but you just really need to
understand what's the motivationand what's the intent behind it
(33:20):
.
You know, because kids willwant to get these games that are
free and they will try to likeupgrade you through like, hey,
just get your credit card or useApple Pay or whatever it is,
and next thing you know you'verun up, you know $130 without
realizing it.
Or you know, maybe they'retracking all of your data.
That's something that we asparents really don't talk about,
(33:42):
and I know that you're aprivacy advocate, like I am, but
, like, your kids are beingtracked all their swipes and all
their.
You know that sort of stuff isbeing tracked and they're
building digital profiles ofyour kid and that's going to
stay with them, because you andI we didn't have digital
profiles at the age of 12.
But we do now and so, like kidstoday are going to have that go
(34:06):
with them for their entire life.
So that's another aspect of itto look at.
That probably nobody else isgoing to tell you is the data
that's being collected on yourkids.
But another thing to do if, like, they want to download a game
and you have no idea what it is,you can obviously, you know, do
a Google search for it, go toESRB and kind of look up the
rating.
But one of the most tellingthings about it is to say, hey,
(34:28):
I don't know anything about thisgame, let's go to YouTube and
let's watch footage of it.
And if they're like, oh yeah,sure, I want to show you all
about this game, and they'relike all excited about it and
you see it as like OK, well thisshould be OK for them.
But if you're like, oh no, Idon't think you would like it,
that's a red flag.
You know that sort of thing andthe same kind of with social
(34:56):
media as well.
If they get to the point thatthey're ready for it, just say,
hey, why do you want this?
Is it like you want to followyour favorite sports teams, or
do you want to follow yourfavorite influencers and just
kind of see what they say andkind of judge the response to
all that?
Fonz Mendoza (35:05):
Oh, I like that.
I like that a lot.
I know one of the things, oractually I should say one of the
resources that I do share withparents, especially with apps,
is commonsensemediaorg, becausethey do have app reviews there
and so on.
But I really love it.
I never thought about that.
I love what you said is likehey, okay, well, show me on
YouTube.
You know some clips of peopleplaying it and so on.
(35:26):
Immediately, you're going to goahead and see the look on their
faces and definitely judge andsaying like, ok, should I or
should I not?
So that'll be very telling, butso I really love that strategy
there, and he said it'swonderful.
The one thing that I did love,though, when Bill was on and
talking about, you know, trumiwas just the parental control
aspect too, as well as far ashey, if this is going to be just
(35:49):
for texting, it's going to beonly texting, no pictures.
Andy Murphy (35:53):
Or if it's going to be apps.
Fonz Mendoza (35:54):
They have a suite of educational apps that are
there that are free.
You know they're in.
They're asking questions like,hey, how old are you?
(36:25):
And it's amazing how quicklykids just give away that
information just freely.
And, like you mentioned, youknow they've got a digital
footprint, a digital profile ofthem that you said that will
follow them and that's the waythat they're going to get
targeted, and so that'ssomething that for me, you know,
maybe, like you know, a phonelike Trumi and I know that
there's other phones that kindof do the same would be a great
suggestion for parents.
Obviously, I know that in myexperience and I'm going to
(36:46):
share this with you that when Imoved to elementary I was a high
school teacher.
Then I moved to elementary, Ihad started doing sixth grade
and my sixth grade students werecoming in with iPhones.
I didn't even have an iPhone atthe time, I couldn't even
afford it, but they had theiPhones and iPad that they were
coming in.
And then, when I moved down tofifth grade two years later,
(37:07):
then I started seeing thirdgraders with iPhones and iPads
and I'm like you've got this$900 device in your pocket as a
third grader.
There is no reason for you tohave that, but they were just
again very married to it becauseof YouTube, and that's another
thing too that I don't know ofyour experience, but I know that
(37:28):
they have the YouTube for kids,but even then that YouTube to
me seems very compromised too,as well, right, and I want to go
back to something you said.
Andy Murphy (37:38):
It's so funny.
You talked about third gradershaving iPhones.
During COVID my son was doingclasses because he was issued a
Google Chromebook in like asecond grade and I was like
really dude, okay, whatever.
But you know that's just whatthey were doing then.
And so he's in it andthankfully, because you know,
when school got closed down fora while, he would do class on
that.
Because you know, when schoolgot closed down for a while, he
(37:59):
would do class on that.
And so I would set him up onone side of my office he was
doing third grade stuff on oneend of the room and I was doing
secure dad stuff on the otherand so they would have periods
to where they could just liketalk with each other or whatever
.
So he's got it all.
You know the speakers on thatsort of thing.
And there was this one kid inthe class who was just talking
(38:19):
about how tired he was, that hecouldn't sleep last night.
So he just pulled out hisiPhone at 4 am and he just
started scrolling through it at4 am.
And this is the same kid whohad disciplinary problems, was
not doing great academically.
And I'm not saying it'scompletely the phone, because
that's unfair, but like he wasstruggling with life and he was
(38:42):
going to his phone for answers.
What answers can a third graderfind?
What other stuff was he findingthat was not good for him to
see or that he didn't understandat you know four in the morning
, when he has just open accessto a smart device?
So like that is just kind ofstuck with me for all these
years and it's like we don'tjust need to hand this device to
(39:06):
our kid and just not doanything about it.
So that's where using parentalcontrols is really good.
They will help you some in allthat.
They're not like, oh, I'm justgoing to set the parental
controls and never have aconversation with my child
because the computer will do itall for me.
That's not what we need to do.
We need to have thoseconversations.
We need to use parental controlswhere it's necessary and just
(39:29):
take a holistic approach to it,really want to get your kids on
your side because, like you weretalking about, with adolescence
, we reached this point where webecome almost adversarial with
our parents.
You need them to understandthat it's your family against
the world.
They need to be in it with you,and you need to bring them in
and say, yeah, I'm the parent,I'm the leader, but we're on the
(39:51):
same team, we're fighting thissame battle together and this is
what you need to do to keep yousafe, and I'm going to do what
I need to do to keep you safe,and I'm going to do what I need
to do to keep you safe as well,and we're going to beat this
thing together.
Excellent, I love that.
Fonz Mendoza (40:03):
Well, andy, a couple of more questions before
we kind of wrap up.
But I want to ask you now forparents that are out there that
may and it's very hard, I don'tknow.
This is very hard because wesay, like, there are some
parents out there that may notbe too tech savvy, but for the
most part, a lot of the parentsare now.
However, maybe just in thisawareness of the digital safety
(40:24):
component, they may not be assavvy as they think they are,
but you know, just in kind ofclosing, you know for many
parents that may not be astechnologically inclined as you
know, some of the parents thatare around what are some of the
foundational steps that you canshare with them to just become a
little bit more informed andmore involved in their child's
(40:45):
digital life.
Andy Murphy (40:47):
Sure.
So I think the first thing thatparents need to understand who
aren't tech savvy is that it'sokay.
There's a lot of stuff thatwhen I started doing this, I
didn't know how to do it, and Ialways tell people if I can do
it, you can do it, that sort ofthing.
So when you are looking atstarting this journey with your
kids, obviously listening tothis show is a great step
forward in doing that listeningto the Secure Family podcast,
(41:10):
because both of us together aregoing to come in week after week
with good stuff that parentsneed to know, things that you
may not have even thought about.
But then also like follow, likethese different creators who
are in this space, like you andme, and just see what
information they're sharing, andthat's all like passive stuff
that you can just do in yoursocial media, looking when you
(41:30):
allow yourself to do it, thatsort of stuff.
Just follow the people who aredoing this and see what they're
doing and seeing why they'redoing it, and also be with your
kids when they have theirdevices or when they're playing
video games.
I am a big supporter of kidsbeing able to play games and
have social media when it'sappropriate, but they don't do
(41:51):
it behind closed doors.
So you need to watch and be anactive participant in that sort
of stuff.
So no phones, no Xboxes in youknow the bedroom, no phones in
the bathroom, no tablets thereeither.
You need to sit and watch whatthey're doing to really truly
understand the experience thatthey're having.
I tell people for, like YouTubewe talked about this a second
(42:14):
ago like I don't want to putYouTube on an iPad.
If you have a smart TV, putYouTube on the smart TV.
So then when they want to watchit, when they have permission
to do so, what they're seeing isbeing seen by everybody on the
first floor of your home.
So, no matter what you're doing, you can walk by and see okay,
he's watching the Izzy's orsomebody like that.
(42:37):
That's totally fine.
The Izzy's or somebody likethat, that's totally fine.
But you also need to monitorwhat they're watching, because a
lot of parents they say like,oh, I just don't want my kids to
have, like, access to porn.
Totally get that, but there'salso violence and there is hate
speech and there's all thisother stuff, and some of those
videos come from people who weredressed nice and look nice.
(42:58):
So you really have to stop andpay attention to not only the
video that they're seeing, butthe audio as well, to understand
fully what they're getting into.
And you can watch this, you canask questions about it with
your kids, you can go researchit on your own, or you can just
step in and intervene and say,hey, that doesn't mix with the
values of our family.
(43:19):
You know that.
I know you probably didn'trealize that this was going to
happen, but we don't need towatch this anymore and you can
step in right then and do it.
So you know, just don't leavethem completely unattended with
a device.
Fonz Mendoza (43:31):
Excellent, great advice, andy, great advice Now,
before we wrap up the lastquestion and I know we're going
to talk a little bit about this,but it's anticipating future
challenges, as you know, and wementioned earlier.
You know, the technology is soadvanced now and we're talking a
little bit pre-chat about theAI and apps such as Character AI
(43:51):
or any other apps that are outthere, like Replica and apps
where they create a companionavatar and things of that sort.
So those are some of theemerging trends that we are
seeing now.
So what are some of thechallenges that these pose now
in during this time, for ourchildren and obviously on the
parental side of things?
Andy Murphy (44:11):
Right.
So AI is changing all the time.
Like you wake up and all of asudden, Chad GPT is like oh,
here's like six more things thatyou didn't know about yesterday
.
And I'm a big supporter of AI Ireally am and this is going to
be the way that our kids dealingwith the future.
For me and my generation, itwas like oh hey, the internet
has come along, here's this biginnovation.
Well, for our kids, it's AI, andif they don't know how to use
(44:34):
it, behind when it comes toeducation and when it comes to
the job market, that sort ofstuff.
So they need to have anunderstanding of AI and how it
works.
But you can set up guidelinesabout when your kids can use it,
how they can use it Almost likeif it was.
I think you just need to treatit like it was a social media
app and make sure that theyunderstand that.
(44:56):
Like you know, you're not readyfor character AI, but we could
do co-pilot, that sort of thing.
And if your kids are set upwith kids accounts through email
and Microsoft, they may or maynot have access to all of the AI
features, but you just need tosit with them and see what
they're doing.
You brought up Trumi a littlewhile ago and they have their AI
(45:17):
chat bot, which is Trudi, whileago, and they have their AI
chat bot, which is Trudy, and itis geared towards kids and
being able to ask AI questionsand know that, hey, I'm speaking
to a child and if there issomething here that is a red
flag, I will send a note to theparents that say, hey, this was
talked about.
You might want to do somethingabout it.
Just depending on where you putthe settings.
(45:37):
You need to be aware that youprobably shouldn't say to your
kids no AI right now, becausethis is where things are going.
They're going to need to knowhow to do that.
Like I remember being a kid andI was messing around with
Photoshop and just as a kid,just messing around with it, I
understood a whole lot moreabout it.
I use those skills like up intotoday, and so I've been like on
(46:02):
that platform for like 30 years.
Like I think it came out like95 or something, and so that's
going to need to be thefoundation that they have for
coding and all sorts of jobsgoing forward.
But again, just be with themwhile they're using it.
Make sure that you check ontheir history of whatever
they're looking for, that sortof thing, and just a lot of
times you just have to be in thesame room with the screen to
(46:23):
really see what's going on.
Fonz Mendoza (46:31):
Excellent, well, great advice.
Andy, thank you so much for thewealth of knowledge and all
those knowledge nuggets that youshared today.
I'm really excited to get thisepisode out, and I know that a
lot of our listeners hereeducators I mean educators are
parents too.
I know that they're going totake a lot of stuff away from
this, but also a lot of theparent audience also is
definitely going to benefit fromthis.
So thank you so much for justbeing here and gracing us with
all of this.
But before we wrap up and weget into the last three
(46:53):
questions, andy, I want to giveyou a little bit of time.
Make sure that you let ouraudience members know where they
can find your website, how theycan connect with you should
they want to reach out or haveany questions.
Andy Murphy (47:04):
Absolutely.
You can find everything aboutme at thesecuredadcom.
I am also thesecuredad onInstagram and TikTok.
I will say, if you go to myTikTok channel, I didn't join
until after the ban, so like Idon't have as many followers as
you do, so I'm starting out newon TikTok, so please follow me
there.
You can also find the SecureFamily Podcast on Apple Podcasts
(47:27):
, spotify, even on YouTube aswell, so I'm pretty much
everywhere if you just searchfor the Secure Dad.
Fonz Mendoza (47:33):
Excellent.
Well, again, I definitelyrecommend that you engage with
Andy's content and make surethat you share that, and I
promise you you're going to finda lot of knowledge nuggets that
you can take and sprinkle ontowhat you are already doing.
Great as far as parents andsecurity and all of that.
So you'll definitely learn alot.
But, andy, before we wrap up, Ialways love to end the show
with these last three questions,just to kind of lighten up the
(47:56):
mood a little bit.
It just all depends on theanswers.
But question number one as weknow, every superhero has a pain
point or a weakness, forexample, superman.
Kryptonite was a pain point, orcaused or weakened Superman.
So I want to ask you, maybe inthe current state of security,
whether it's digital or whetherit's physical security at this
(48:18):
point, what would you say isyour current security,
kryptonite?
Andy Murphy (48:24):
Sure, and this is a great question.
I love this and the answerreally goes through physical
security and digital security aswell.
And that's just being fatigued,it's being tired.
Like when I'm tired I am not asobservant of my kid and their
behavior.
I'm also not as observant inthe parking lot when I'm coming
out of the grocery store, thatsort of thing.
(48:45):
So being aware of like when I'mtired is big, so that I know,
wait a minute.
You know my brain isn't in theright place, I'm really tired.
You know, maybe my child hashad an attitude shift or maybe
they're just tired too.
You know I still try to createsecure habits and that, no
matter what, even if I'm feelingtired, I still have those
(49:07):
habits in my life that I stillgo and like I double check the
doors before I go to sleep, thatsort of thing.
I make sure that my son's phoneis charging and his iPad is
charging, ready to go for thenext day, so one he can have it
for school when he's supposed tohave it, but also I know he
doesn't have it right now.
So like, just doing those twohabits can really help you out
(49:27):
when you were just tired and youjust don't feel like dealing
with anything security wise.
Fonz Mendoza (49:32):
Excellent, Great answer, Andy.
Question number two if youcould have a billboard with
anything on it, what would it be?
Andy Murphy (49:38):
and why Don't give your kids your old iPhone?
That is the biggest thing.
I love Apple.
They are great for privacy, butthat is a double-edged sword
when it comes to your kids,because the privacy that
protects you and the securitythat protects you also protects
them, which is why I like torecommend a Trumi phone that is
(49:59):
built for kids and can bemonitored by parents.
A lot of people are just like oh, I think, why I like to
recommend a Trumi phone that isbuilt for kids and can be
monitored by parents.
A lot of people are just likeoh, I think I'm going to save
some money, I'm going to get aniPhone, so I'll just give them
my old iPhone 11 and not put anyparental controls on it.
And if you know anything aboutit, those parental controls on
an iPhone can be turned offpretty easily with just a couple
of like Google searches orasking Copilot how to do it.
(50:21):
So I feel like kids need asmartphone that has safety
integrated into it first andparental controls and like
literally parent control into it, instead of just handing them
your old iPhone and not tellingthem how to use it and just
assuming that they're going toknow what to do.
That drives me crazy.
Fonz Mendoza (50:42):
Excellent, andy.
Great answer, all right.
Last question, andy, is if youcould trade places with one
person for a single day, whowould that be and why?
Andy Murphy (50:52):
Well, the person I would want to trade places with
is our mutual friend, dylanSchmidt.
Dylan is like, super motivated.
He lives out in California,learned how to lose 50 pounds
with AI.
When you ask the guy a question, he's got a great answer and he
just generally seems like hehas his life together.
And dadgummit, I could use thatfor a day.
Fonz Mendoza (51:11):
Definitely.
I don't know, honestly, likeeverything that he does, how he
manages to do all of that, andalso now being a dad and all
that stuff.
So that's fantastic.
But, yeah, great choice, Dylanis definitely great.
So big shout out to DylanSchmidt.
Thank you so much for alwayshelping us out and, of course,
making this connection too aswell.
(51:32):
So thank you so much.
Well, andy, again thank you, Ireally appreciate you being here
, and it's again an honor and apleasure to be able to connect
with you, not only through theContent Creator Club and all of
that good stuff, but just herehaving this great conversation
about security.
And thank you so much for allyour wonderful shares.
So again, my audience members,thank you, as always, for all of
(51:54):
your support and everythingabout Andy as far as contact
info and all that good stuffwill be in the show notes, so
please make sure that you visitthe website at wwwmyedtechlife
where you can check out thisepisode and the other 324
episodes, where I promise youthat you can find a little
something that you can sprinkleon to what you are already doing
(52:17):
.
Great Thank you, as always, forall of your support, and a big
shout out to our sponsors,eduaid, book Creator and
Yellowdig.
Thank you for believing in ourmission and bringing these great
conversations to continue tohelp our education space
continue to grow.
And as always, my friends,until next time.
Don't forget, stay techie.
Thank you.
Hello everybody and welcome to another great
episode of my EdTech Life.
Thank you so much for joiningus on this wonderful day and, as
always, wherever it is thatyou're joining us from around
the world.
Thank you, as always, for yoursupport.
We appreciate all the likes,the shares, the world.
Thank you, as always, for yoursupport.
We appreciate all the likes,the shares, the follows.
Thank you so much for thewonderful feedback and the
wonderful emails.
(00:50):
It just really means the worldto us.
As you know, we do what we dofor you to bring you some
amazing conversations, and todayI am really excited about our
guest today, andy Murphy, who isknown as the Secure Dad or the
Secure Dad website, whereparents can go ahead and visit
that website and learn moreabout safety, not only home
(01:13):
safety, but also child'sprotection, and that's what
we're going to be talking about.
With this world that isinundated with tech, with phones
, devices and so much screentime, today's conversation is
definitely something that I knowthat the parents that I work
with will definitely appreciate,so I would love to welcome to
the show Andy Murphy.
Andy, how are you doing today?
Andy Murphy (01:35):
I'm doing great.
Fonz, thank you so much for theopportunity to hang out with
you.
I really do appreciate you andwhat you're doing.
I've been looking forward tothis all day, for us just to be
able to sit down and talk aboutthis, because I know you are
very educated in this space.
So I get to have like a higherlevel conversation today and I
really am looking forward to it.
Oh well, you've set the barhigh, Andy.
Fonz Mendoza (01:55):
So hopefully we can definitely have that
conversation.
But before we get started, Andy, one thing that I do want to
say also is I'm really thankfulfor you too as well, because I
do want to say that we haveknown each other for probably
going on two years, or maybe alittle bit over Thanks to Dylan
Schmidt, you know and, of course, learning more about podcasting
and connecting and so on.
(02:16):
So I'm very honored to have youon the show and obviously
amplify your voice and amplifyyour expertise in what you see,
because, as I follow you onsocial media too as well, I'm
like I'm continually learningfrom you and I'm continually
learning from your guests.
So, guys, everybody that'slistening, please make sure that
you definitely follow Andy andall that information will be in
(02:38):
the show notes as well and makesure that you go to
thesecuredadcom also as well andmake sure that you connect
there.
But before we dive into themeat of the conversation, Andy,
can you give us a little briefintroduction and what your
context is within the securityspace?
Andy Murphy (02:56):
Sure.
So the Secured Ad started backin 2016.
And I was really looking forlike a direction in life and God
changed a lot of things in mylife.
And he said you know, you'regoing to go and do something
different.
I was like, okay, cool.
And so we wind up finding out.
I was listening to Michael HyattI don't know if you are
familiar with him.
(03:16):
He's like a business coach andhe does a lot of things with
publishing and he made thecomment once.
It was like what can you talkabout all day, every day, and
never get tired of it?
And I said for me well, that'slike safety.
I love this, like this is justthe way my brain works.
You know, my wife teases me.
She causes me a safety spaz.
So I've always just been thatguy who's like looked over his
(03:36):
shoulder, that sort of stuff,double check the locks and all
that.
So I kind of channeled all ofthat together in 2016 to create
the Secure Dad, because Irealized there was a lot of
people out there who were likeme, who wanted to know more and
just didn't quite know where tostart.
So I just went out and I foundmy own way and I decided you
know what I'm going to startwriting blog posts about this
(03:58):
sort of stuff with, like homesecurity things like that, how
to be safe in public, and thatturned into a book and that
turned into a podcast.
And so you know, here we aretoday.
You know, doing this, you knowgreat interviews like this,
getting to be able to talk tonew people about ways that they
can be safe at home and publicand, most importantly, online.
I actually rebranded thepodcast from the Secure Dad
(04:20):
podcast to the Secure Familypodcast after having a lot of
feedback from families, and alot of that feedback was like
digital safety.
So that's really what my focushas been since the rebrand of
the podcast in January isdigital safety, and I'm glad to
be here talking about it withyou.
Fonz Mendoza (04:37):
Well, I'm excited about it too, you know, just
because this is something that Ihave learned about.
You know, obviously you'rerebranding in the mutual group
that we're in and learning tojust see what work that we are
all doing and the rebranding, Ithink, is something that's
fantastic.
That really opens it up to mycrowd Also as well.
I deal with parents a lotduring our Tech Tuesdays,
(04:59):
webinars or webinar Wednesdaysthat we do, where a lot of the
main things that I do talk toparents about is the online
aspect of child safety, childprotection, data privacy, all of
those things, and, as I've seenyour content on TikTok, I have
seen that turn there to whereit's open more to families.
(05:19):
But, of course, you know thecontent that you do have is
something that is fantastic.
Now I just want to dig in alittle bit deeper because I know
you said you know the contentthat you do have is something
that is fantastic.
Now I just want to dig in alittle bit deeper because I know
you said you know God changedsome things into your life, but
I'm kind of wondering was thesecurity aspect of that
something that was alwayssomething that you did or that
you grew up around, or what ledyou to really just hone in and
(05:40):
focus on the aspect of startingwith home security and now
moving into the digital securityand privacy aspect of it?
Andy Murphy (05:48):
Sure, so I come at this from a civilian point of
view.
I've never been in lawenforcement or military.
I go back to really where thisstarted was the day after the
shooting at Columbine HighSchool.
I was in high school at thetime.
I was several states away,nowhere near it, but I went back
to school the next day and Iwas sitting in my class and, of
(06:10):
course, we were all traumatizedby this horrible event.
We were talking about it.
In my community there had beena school shooting just maybe
five years earlier, and so thiswas, like you know, something
that was really affecting us,and I realized in that moment,
listening to everybody lookingaround, I thought somebody in
(06:32):
this room decided to become athreat.
There is no way our schoolresource officer is getting to
us in time, to us in time and Ihad to understand for the first
time that my safety was my ownresponsibility, because there's
(06:53):
a lot of people who will farmthat out to the police or to the
fire department or to EMS, andthose brave people will be there
when we need them.
But up front, in the momentwhere things go wrong, it's you
against, whatever the situationis, and so that is really kind
of what started me towardsunderstanding how people
interact around me affects mysafety, the environment, if
(07:16):
there's a mood shift, if thevibe gets off, maybe somebody's
in a place they shouldn't be, orthey're normally here and
they're not.
Why are they not that sort ofthing?
And so it was really justunderstanding that if you just
pay attention enough, peoplewill tell you what's going on.
They will tell you what they'reafraid of, what they like, that
sort of thing, and so I startedto study something that has
(07:39):
been championed by two brilliantgentlemen, which is Greg
Williams and Brian Marin ofArcadia Cognorati, and it's
called Human Behavior PatternRecognition and Analysis.
Now, way back then, I had noclue what that was, no clue.
But I just startedunderstanding that if I just
take a look around, if I notethese things, then I will
understand what couldpotentially happen next.
(08:01):
It's not as easy as that.
It's been a learning curve I'vehad.
I've been completely wrongabout stuff, but understanding
your environment, whether it isa physical environment or even a
digital environment, will helpyou stay safer if you just know
what you're looking for.
Fonz Mendoza (08:19):
Yeah, and that's very thorough of you and I know
that's one thing like for myselfis always that awareness,
wherever it is that we're at,you know, even when you're
walking to the car.
I know when cell phones firstcame out I was just really like
just walking out with my cellphone and you see a lot of
people and you observe peoplethat come out and they have no
line of sight of anybody that'scoming.
(08:41):
They have no clue if theremight be somebody coming in from
the flank or from the back oranything, because it just did
that distraction of the phones.
So I had to learn to reallyjust say you know what?
There needs to be a lot ofself-awareness.
So every time you are walkingin, you're walking out, you're
getting out of your car is justbeing very vigilant and
(09:01):
observant and just lookingaround at first.
And, like you said, one of thethings that I learned and I
think I saw this a while backwas the chances of somebody
doing something to you, likewhen you walk out and you just
make that eye contact.
Sometimes that deters somebodywith those intentions that they
have, and that just stuck withme for many years and that's
(09:24):
something that I always tell mywife, I said hey, if you're
going to go out, please makesure, before you walk to the car
, just stop outside the doorscan and make eye contact with
anybody, even if it's just likea nod or anything like that.
Many times that deters anythingfrom happening and that could
be your way out of a certainsituation.
You know, and so I've alwayslearned that, and then from then
(09:47):
on, I just took it to thatlevel of always finding exits.
You know, in restaurants,sitting always facing the doors,
finding the nearest exits andthings of that sort, because of
you know, tragically, the worldthat we live in, very unexpected
things can happen at any giventime, and what better way to
prepare than at least with justthose little things?
So I'm glad that there is awebsite and there's a great
(10:10):
resource that you have come upwith to be able to help just not
only, like you know, the dads,you know secure dads but the
family as a whole, now thatwe're going to get into, like
you mentioned, even the digitalcomponent and being self-aware
and aware within those spaces.
So I want to talk a little bitabout something that I know that
you've been talking a lot aboutin your content on TikTok, too,
(10:31):
as well, which is, you know,talking about and understanding
the online predators.
You know, so I know, in today'sdigital landscape, you've got
students that are playing.
You know on Roblox.
You've got students that are onMinecraft.
You've got students, you know,even on Discord, whatsapp,
snapchat, all of those places,and you know.
I want to ask you from yourexperience and what you've
(10:52):
learned through your guests, tooas well, and for our audience
that's listening that areeducators and parents as well.
You know, how do onlinepredators exploit these
platforms, how do onlinepredators exploit these
platforms and what are somespecific tactics?
Andy Murphy (11:13):
that parents should be aware about or be aware of
to help protect their child?
Sure, great question, and Ireally like your response just a
minute ago, talking about howto be safe in a physical
environment, because one youwere spot on in everything.
Safe in a physical environmentbecause one, you were spot on
and everything.
But what parents need tounderstand is think about the
last nature documentary that youwatched with your kids.
We watch those sorts of thingsall the time.
You know when a lion wants togo and hunt, they don't just go
(11:36):
and sit in the middle of a planeand wait for something to come
by.
They move to the watering holebecause that's where all the
impalas are.
They know that they're going tobe there, so they have a better
chance of eating one of theseimpalas if they go to the
watering hole knowing thatthat's where they're going to be
.
Digital predators know that yourchildren are going to be on
(11:58):
Roblox and they're going to beon Fortnite and they're going to
be on all these other socialmedia networks.
That's the digital wateringhole today.
So that's where predators aregoing to migrate to try to cast
their net as wide as they can,hoping to get one or two kids to
just play along with them untilthey can lay their trap to
(12:19):
exploit them.
So, while it is in the digitalworld, this is actually nothing
new.
This is something that mammalshave been doing for a long time.
They know where the prey is andthey know how to strike.
So a lot of parents are goingto sit there and think, hey, my
child would never fall victim toone of these predators because
they're smart and they are.
They're very smart.
(12:40):
But the predators are smarterbecause they have fully
developed adult brains.
Your 12-year-old does not.
I do not mean to be insultingto your 12-year-old at all.
They can't match wits with a45-year-old who probably has a
master's degree in something,who is going to try to pretend
to be another 12-year-old and isjust going to have this whole
(13:00):
pretext conversation set up thatyour kid is just going to fall
into step by step.
It's not a fair fight for yourkids.
So one of the things that youneed to understand with these
digital platforms is they openup the opportunity for
conversations to happen.
So it's not like somebody'sgoing to pop into your child's
(13:21):
DM and they're just going to say, hey, send me an inappropriate
picture.
There's a conversation thathappens with it.
It's not, that's not where theystart.
They start at hello and theystart hey, I liked your picture
of this.
Oh, were you fishing lastweekend?
That's great, I like to fishtoo.
Hey, you look good in a bathingsuit.
And so then it just kind ofspirals out of control.
(13:41):
Hey, send me another picturefrom your fishing trip, you know
.
Hey, do you have one whereyou're in your bathing suit,
that sort of thing?
And so that's where theconversation just kind of starts
to take a different tone thanwhere it started.
And so again, these predatorswill try to contact as many kids
(14:01):
as possible and they learn fromall of their failures.
They're like, oh well, thatdidn't work, that didn't work,
that didn't work.
So instead I'm going to changethings up now and I'm going to
try this.
So they're perfecting theircraft every single day.
This is what they do.
So really, you've just got tocontrol those conversations.
Now I know that, like, kids areprobably going to want to say,
(14:23):
hey, I can deal with this, Iknow what to do.
But when they start havingreally personal conversations
where they ask hey, can I see aparticular outfit that you wore?
What school do you go to?
You're really mature for yourage.
Those are those red flagaspects of these conversations
that kids need to know about andparents need to tell their kids
(14:44):
about.
Fonz Mendoza (14:45):
Yeah, exactly Now, like you mentioned too, I mean
through the social dynamics.
It plays a huge part because alot of these not only apps but,
like you mentioned, the videogames and so on there is that
communication component.
Now, many years ago, when Istarted doing these sessions
after school, doing a meetingwith parents and so on, it was
very interesting that howparents were just very shocked
(15:07):
as to what is happening or whatcould happen.
Where, you know, you get thoselittle talks and say, hey, if
you do this or you know whatever, I'll send you, like these Xbox
bucks, or I'll send you these,you know whatever currency there
is for a game and, like youmentioned, you know trying to
match wits with an adult thathas a fully developed brain and,
(15:29):
like you mentioned, very welleducated with and a very excited
12 year old that says, oh mygosh, I'm going to get 100, you
know Robux or whatever it is.
I mean they just think of, likeman, I'm going to get the next
skin or I'm going to get thisfor access to this, and they
completely just, you know,forget about that danger that
they're putting themselves inbecause they're getting that
(15:52):
other thing in exchange, like,oh my gosh, I've got a hundred
bucks here that I can go aheadand spend on what I like.
So I want to ask you you knowhow, and parents, and because
many times during these sessionsthere are plenty of resources
that are out there, but manytimes I think for a lot of
parents it can be veryoverwhelming.
So I want to ask you, in yourexperience and, of course, what
(16:14):
you've learned through yourguests or any kind of resources,
what would be maybe, let's say,the top three things that you
can share with parents on how toopen up these conversations and
, you know, help their childunderstand the dangers in just
simply trading, like thatinnocent picture, for these
hundred bucks or 50 bucks, youknow worth, of whatever it is
(16:38):
for their video game or fortheir app.
Andy Murphy (16:41):
Sure.
So the first thing that youreally have to do and I was very
fortunate I fell into thisconversation when my son was
very young and that was youdon't take pictures without your
clothes on.
That's not something that youdo.
No child should do that, and soI had that foundation with him
of that there are good picturesand that there are bad pictures.
(17:02):
There's actually kids' bookswritten about this sort of stuff
.
Depending on the age of yourchild, if you want to read one
of those with them, it's a greatway to kind of introduce that
sort of thing.
But you need to tell them whatmakes a good picture and what
makes a bad picture.
And we don't do it without ourclothes on.
We don't take pictures of us,you know, without our shirt on,
even though our pants may be onif it's a male, that sort of
(17:25):
thing.
So laying that foundation earlyon for, hey, the expectation is
for you growing up that youdon't take pictures without your
clothes on that is like ahousehold rule, that is a family
rule and that's how we holdourselves.
So number one, I think, wouldbe that.
Number two a lot of parents areafraid that if they even broker
(17:47):
this conversation, that they'regoing to ruin their child's
innocence and that fear holds alot of people back.
So I would tell parents youhave to have this conversation.
I've had it.
I worked myself up to it for acouple of days and I found the
opportunity and it was just ablessing to have that
conversation.
So you don't want to sit thereand just not be ready for it.
(18:13):
You've got to think about it,you've got to pray about it.
You've got to try to find someexamples of what's going on.
You know your child, you knowhow they learn what's going to
stick with them.
So, like I was, recently, I hada guest on, and whoever it was
just slipped my brain and Iapologize.
But they said if you were to goto a job interview, you would
(18:33):
prepare for that conversation,right?
Well, you need to prepare forthis conversation too that
you're going to have with yourkids, and so be ready and
recognize the opportunity whenthat comes up.
And what you don't want to do islike sit your kids down on the
couch and say, all right, kids,I'm going to tell you about
sexual predators and all thisstuff and just completely scare
(18:54):
them.
That's not the point.
Generally, you can have thisconversation.
When you're in the car, likeyou know, you're both just
having windshield time, out thefront You're maybe waiting for
soccer practice to start and youjust say, hey, I read this
story about this poor girl whowas abducted after meeting this
guy on roblox and I I don't wantthat to happen to you, because
(19:15):
I love you and because I careabout you.
That's why we say that youcan't have conversations.
We've turned all the chatfeatures off, because you also
have to justify what you'redoing and when you let your kids
in on why these things arehappening and that you're just
not being this.
You control freak of a parent.
When they know what the dangersare, they appreciate the fence.
(19:37):
So that's just one of the waysthat you need to take a look at
it.
You need to take an ownershipof that conversation and just be
ready for it, and you can haveit at any age.
It really does depend on thematurity level of your kid.
You know when they're ready andyou don't have the conversation
once.
You introduce this topic once,but you continue to follow up on
(19:59):
it.
You don't just let it.
Oh well, I talked to him whenhe was seven.
He's fine at the age 13.
He's probably not going toremember all that.
You know she's not going toremember all of that.
You know her choices in fashionhave changed and boys have
changed and all that sort ofstuff.
You have to change thatconversation with them as they
grow up.
So that's like the big stuffthat I would tell parents what
(20:23):
they need to do in having theseconversations.
And having had thisconversation and continue to
have it with my son, it's not asbig a deal as you think.
After you're done you're goingto be like, wow, that actually
went really well.
I'm so glad that I did it.
Will it be perfect?
Probably not, but your intentis good and they'll know that
they're appreciated and lovedExactly and I think that's
something that's very importantthat you hit on, andy, is that
(20:46):
having that open communication.
Fonz Mendoza (20:48):
And so a couple of things that I do want to
highlight is number one, really,in preparing yourself for that
conversation.
It's either you know you havethat conversation with them or
somebody else is going to havethat conversation with them, or
they've already had thatconversation and maybe it didn't
go as well as you thought youknow, because it's with somebody
else and they're trying to dowhatever it is that they're
(21:08):
trying to do to make sure thatthey get what they want from
your child, and so that's thedangerous aspect.
So it'd be very important tojust say, hey, as the parent,
let me be the first to talk toyou about this, as awkward as it
may seem, but, like you said,maybe it's going to seem awkward
at first, but when you do openup that communication and you're
both having and talking aboutthis together, I think that
(21:30):
builds a bigger bond and abigger relationship there, and
always the child understandinglike, okay, you know, this is
why which is my next point thatI love that you said it's not
just give me the phone, I'mgoing to take it away.
Well, why?
Well, I'm just take it awaybecause I don't want you texting
, I don't want you doing this, Idon't want you to do that.
But in explaining and saying,hey, look, you know we want you
(21:57):
to do that.
But in explaining and saying,hey, look, you know we're going
to go ahead and, you know,disable these features.
But let me explain to you why.
I want to make sure that youunderstand that at your age and
so on, and you know, because ofthat fear and just having that
open explanation for them, Ithink that makes a big
difference too as well.
And oftentimes I know myself,growing up, it was always like,
no, I'm just going to take itaway, and why?
Well, I know myself.
Growing up, it was always like,no, I'm just going to take it
away, and why?
Andy Murphy (22:14):
Well, just because I am your father and I am the
one that pays for this.
Fonz Mendoza (22:16):
Well, why, but?
And instead of that, justreally having those
conversations.
But I think, going back to yournumber one rule, which is
obviously.
Don't take any pictures thatare inappropriate or can seem
very inappropriate.
This is one of the biggestconversations that I have with
the parents that I work with, asmany students are involved in
(22:38):
sports and some sports require,you know, less clothing or
wardrobe, such as swimming, youknow their bathing suits, things
of that sort.
I always tell parents look, youknow, I know that you love what
your child has done or ifthey've accomplished, if the
team won something.
But I said, ask yourself too,is this picture OK to post?
(23:02):
Would your child be OK with youposting this picture?
Because they may be, you know,from their torso up still be,
you know, without a shirtbecause they're in swimming, and
then, of course, they've gottheir trunks on and everything.
We want to make sure and I helpthem understand.
You know there are some terriblepeople out there and with
technology as advanced as it is,with a lot of these AI apps
(23:24):
that can easily just remove anybit of clothing that anybody has
, bit of clothing that anybodyhas you're definitely opening
that up for some trouble,because people can just go in,
save pictures and I even sharewith them an article from many
years ago as far as the dark weband how these pictures are
traded.
(23:44):
You know, amongst people and youknow it's heinous.
I mean, it's something that'sterrible.
So just having that precautionand obviously sending pictures
to another, you know, eitherstudents or anybody else that
can also just be very harmfuland very detrimental to them.
So it's coming to them too, andmy side is I don't want them to
(24:07):
close any doors to their futurethat they may have based on one
bad decision.
You know, all it takes iseither one bad tweet, one bad
picture, one bad comment,something that somebody else
posts because out of jealousy orout of spite, that can close an
opportunity for that student togo to college or the college
(24:30):
that they want or a job thatthey want, because all of that
comes back and haunts them.
The other thing that I do sharewith parents also is here in my
area, in my geographic area, wein the Hispanic community, we
love to throw parties foreverything, and so there are
(24:50):
many parents here that throwparties, and there's just
something about just seeing ared solo cup that gives you a
specific kind of connotation.
So I always tell parents too aswell.
I said, look, although theremay not be anything in that cup,
but based on the company thatis around, where the setting,
(25:11):
where it is that you're at,please be very careful of the
types of pictures that are beingtaken of your child or anything
at all.
You as adults I mean you'readults, but for your child,
because it's all aboutperception you don't know how
somebody may interpret thatpicture and say, oh, look at
them, they've got their red solocup, even though it could be
(25:33):
Sprite water, orange juice ornot even anything on it, but
it's just those things.
So those are some of the thingsthat I share with parents on
how to protect themselves andalso even be aware of who you
invite to these parties and justkind of scoping the place out,
like you said, being very awareof who's where, who's taking
(25:53):
pictures and why they might betaking pictures in certain areas
, depending on the type of party.
That this is because I tellthem, believe it or not, you
know you might even need to bevery careful with your very own
family members thinking like,hey, this is very awkward, why
are they taking pictures, whyare they hanging around there in
those areas?
(26:13):
So that comes back, I know, notso much in the digital but here
in the real world, but it's justthose conversations that need
to be had and for parents toreally just say, hey, you know,
I need to do the same if I'mwilling to take care of my child
here in person.
You know, amongst these peoplethat are surrounding us in this
significant scenario orparticular scenario, I should
(26:35):
say I should do the same, evenif they're online, and protect
them.
So I think that's veryimportant there.
Now, andy, with your experienceand I know you said you've had
this talk with your child aswell and so I'm pretty sure that
they're very knowledgeable asto what to do, what not to do
but I want to ask you, with yourexperience and with the guests
(26:56):
that you've had, what are someof the flags that parents can
look out for that there might besomething happening with their
child, maybe with theirinteractions.
What are some things that theycan look out for to say, hey, I
need to have a conversation, Ineed to have a talk, quick and
intervene.
Andy Murphy (27:17):
Right, great question, and there's a lot of
things to actually look out for,and most of them are just your
child's behavior.
The first thing that you needto look out for is if your child
let's say they're obsessed withXbox and you have let them have
conversations with strangersand stuff like that, and all of
a sudden they don't want to playXbox anymore.
(27:38):
You know like, oh, they lovedit.
You know they spent all theirbirthday money on it.
This is all that they wanted,and now, three weeks later, that
they don't want to touch it.
Something bad happened and thatcould be like cyber bullying,
it could be all sorts of stuff,but that's one of those red
flags of like, ok, this kid onceloved this thing, they don't
love it anymore and that's, theyfell out of love with it pretty
(27:59):
quick.
Something has happened and Ijust need to go talk to them
about it.
Another thing is and the adviceis good, but I feel like it's a
little late and people are like, oh, if your child's grades go
down, that could be like if theywere a B student.
Now they're pulling out C's andD's and F's and that sort of
(28:19):
stuff.
You know that could be a signthat you know somebody is being
abusive towards them and it is,but you don't need to wait for,
like, the nine weeks report cardto do that.
There are other signs that youcan look for, and that is you
know, maybe they're not smilingas much as they were.
They're not talking about theirfriends.
They are, you know, choosing tolike not let go of their phone.
(28:41):
That's a big one If they've gota phone and they don't want to
let you see it, or they, youknow, try to sleep with it under
their pillow.
That sort of thing.
That's a red flag.
That's going to be a problemthat you're going to want to
address.
So, you know not letting go ofthe phone, you know being in a
spot where their grades aregoing to go down and all of a
(29:02):
sudden, they've fallen out oflove with something that they
had.
Those are three big signs tolook for in order to really
intervene.
Another one could be justrandom gifts showing up.
That's when a predator ispretty, you know, far along.
You kind of alluded to this aminute ago.
Well, they'll want to send youV-Bucks for a fortnight, or
whatever it is.
(29:23):
Or maybe buy you a subscriptionto Netflix when your parents
said no, and all of a sudden younotice, hey, they're watching
Netflix on their phone.
We didn't say they could dothat.
Where did they get that from?
So when things start to appearthat weren't there before,
that's also a red flag of hey, Ineed to have a conversation
here.
How do they have the funds todo this sort of thing?
Maybe it's because somebody'sgiven it to them in trade for
(29:46):
something.
Fonz Mendoza (29:48):
Yeah, no, definitely.
I think you've hit on a lot ofsimilar things that I share with
parents, like my big thing too.
Very similar is just thatwithdrawal.
You know being somebody that'svery happy and it's like, hey,
after school I'm going to takeyou to go buy ice cream at your
favorite shop and all of asudden they're like man, I don't
want any.
It's like whoa, what's going on?
But I think those are very muchimportant and sometimes what
(30:11):
happens, andy, during theseconversations that I've had with
parents, is usually they'll sayit's like oh well, it's
adolescence, it's puberty, youknow, and so they'll.
That's what a lot of them sayand I say, well, we need to, you
know, obviously, look at theage that they're at, but also,
regardless, if it's thatphysiological change where now
(30:32):
they're in that mode of I knoweverything, you know nothing
kind of deal, and that usuallyhappens around sixth grade or so
, usually after Christmas.
That's what I've noticed when Iwork in an elementary is that
you'll see the kids come in withthis kind of like I know
everything kind of attitude anda lot of times the parents would
say, oh well, you know, it'sjust that age They've hit that
age, but there could definitelybe something that's going on
(30:54):
that's a lot deeper than theyknow.
And so I think that, regardlessof thinking it's that age, just
having that open communicationand talking to them, speaking to
them, observing them and thenjust, you know, having those
crucial conversations and, likeyou said, hopefully it's not too
late, you know, and hopefullyit's something that could go
(31:15):
ahead and be taken care of,because it could always be taken
care of.
But, just like you said, it'ssomething that has not already
caused any harm, in that sense,whether it's physiological or
whether it's, you know, justeven with mental, the cyber
bullying aspect of it which issomething that is very rampant,
you know, and especially withsocial media, you know everybody
(31:36):
being able to communicate witheverybody and everybody's
connected and through DMs andInstagram and so on, so that's
definitely something there tolook out for.
So I want to ask you and I knowI had Bill Brady on my show
from TrueMe and I know thatyou're very familiar with Trumi
also, so it's a great kind ofsegue into this next question
you know, talking about toolslike Trumi, that you know these
(31:58):
phones that have parentalcontrols and they're available.
You know what are some otherways that parents can assess
either the type of technologythat they're going to go ahead
and buy their child or the typeof app that their child wants
their parent to buy for them ordownload for them?
Andy Murphy (32:15):
Sure.
So I think first, in gettingyour child a smartphone, you
have to ask okay, at their age,what is this device for?
If this device is for calling,you know to say hey, practice is
running long, don't come pickme up until 7 instead of 6.30.
Then you just kind of need abasic phone for that.
Maybe you want them to send youa text message with that same
(32:38):
thing, or take pictures of thedog or whatever.
That's totally fine.
But then when you start to lookat apps like you know,
instagram or TikTok, that sortof stuff I think the common
wisdom today is saying don't letyour kids have social media
until they're 16.
And I think that's a good levelto start at, even though your
kids are mature.
(32:59):
I think 16 is probably a goodplace to look at it before you
even consider doing.
That doesn't mean on their 16thbirthday they get to download
all the social media apps.
That's not it at all.
It's like that's just what weneed to have that conversation.
You can kick it back until then, but you just really need to
understand what's the motivationand what's the intent behind it
(33:20):
.
You know, because kids willwant to get these games that are
free and they will try to likeupgrade you through like, hey,
just get your credit card or useApple Pay or whatever it is,
and next thing you know you'verun up, you know $130 without
realizing it.
Or you know, maybe they'retracking all of your data.
That's something that we asparents really don't talk about,
(33:42):
and I know that you're aprivacy advocate, like I am, but
, like, your kids are beingtracked all their swipes and all
their.
You know that sort of stuff isbeing tracked and they're
building digital profiles ofyour kid and that's going to
stay with them, because you andI we didn't have digital
profiles at the age of 12.
But we do now and so, like kidstoday are going to have that go
(34:06):
with them for their entire life.
So that's another aspect of itto look at.
That probably nobody else isgoing to tell you is the data
that's being collected on yourkids.
But another thing to do if, like, they want to download a game
and you have no idea what it is,you can obviously, you know, do
a Google search for it, go toESRB and kind of look up the
rating.
But one of the most tellingthings about it is to say, hey,
(34:28):
I don't know anything about thisgame, let's go to YouTube and
let's watch footage of it.
And if they're like, oh yeah,sure, I want to show you all
about this game, and they'relike all excited about it and
you see it as like OK, well thisshould be OK for them.
But if you're like, oh no, Idon't think you would like it,
that's a red flag.
You know that sort of thing andthe same kind of with social
(34:56):
media as well.
If they get to the point thatthey're ready for it, just say,
hey, why do you want this?
Is it like you want to followyour favorite sports teams, or
do you want to follow yourfavorite influencers and just
kind of see what they say andkind of judge the response to
all that?
Fonz Mendoza (35:05):
Oh, I like that.
I like that a lot.
I know one of the things, oractually I should say one of the
resources that I do share withparents, especially with apps,
is commonsensemediaorg, becausethey do have app reviews there
and so on.
But I really love it.
I never thought about that.
I love what you said is likehey, okay, well, show me on
YouTube.
You know some clips of peopleplaying it and so on.
(35:26):
Immediately, you're going to goahead and see the look on their
faces and definitely judge andsaying like, ok, should I or
should I not?
So that'll be very telling, butso I really love that strategy
there, and he said it'swonderful.
The one thing that I did love,though, when Bill was on and
talking about, you know, trumiwas just the parental control
aspect too, as well as far ashey, if this is going to be just
(35:49):
for texting, it's going to beonly texting, no pictures.
Andy Murphy (35:53):
Or if it's going to be apps.
Fonz Mendoza (35:54):
They have a suite of educational apps that are
there that are free.
You know they're in.
They're asking questions like,hey, how old are you?
(36:25):
And it's amazing how quicklykids just give away that
information just freely.
And, like you mentioned, youknow they've got a digital
footprint, a digital profile ofthem that you said that will
follow them and that's the waythat they're going to get
targeted, and so that'ssomething that for me, you know,
maybe, like you know, a phonelike Trumi and I know that
there's other phones that kindof do the same would be a great
suggestion for parents.
Obviously, I know that in myexperience and I'm going to
(36:46):
share this with you that when Imoved to elementary I was a high
school teacher.
Then I moved to elementary, Ihad started doing sixth grade
and my sixth grade students werecoming in with iPhones.
I didn't even have an iPhone atthe time, I couldn't even
afford it, but they had theiPhones and iPad that they were
coming in.
And then, when I moved down tofifth grade two years later,
(37:07):
then I started seeing thirdgraders with iPhones and iPads
and I'm like you've got this$900 device in your pocket as a
third grader.
There is no reason for you tohave that, but they were just
again very married to it becauseof YouTube, and that's another
thing too that I don't know ofyour experience, but I know that
(37:28):
they have the YouTube for kids,but even then that YouTube to
me seems very compromised too,as well, right, and I want to go
back to something you said.
Andy Murphy (37:38):
It's so funny.
You talked about third gradershaving iPhones.
During COVID my son was doingclasses because he was issued a
Google Chromebook in like asecond grade and I was like
really dude, okay, whatever.
But you know that's just whatthey were doing then.
And so he's in it andthankfully, because you know,
when school got closed down fora while, he would do class on
that.
Because you know, when schoolgot closed down for a while, he
(37:59):
would do class on that.
And so I would set him up onone side of my office he was
doing third grade stuff on oneend of the room and I was doing
secure dad stuff on the otherand so they would have periods
to where they could just liketalk with each other or whatever
.
So he's got it all.
You know the speakers on thatsort of thing.
And there was this one kid inthe class who was just talking
(38:19):
about how tired he was, that hecouldn't sleep last night.
So he just pulled out hisiPhone at 4 am and he just
started scrolling through it at4 am.
And this is the same kid whohad disciplinary problems, was
not doing great academically.
And I'm not saying it'scompletely the phone, because
that's unfair, but like he wasstruggling with life and he was
(38:42):
going to his phone for answers.
What answers can a third graderfind?
What other stuff was he findingthat was not good for him to
see or that he didn't understandat you know four in the morning
, when he has just open accessto a smart device?
So like that is just kind ofstuck with me for all these
years and it's like we don'tjust need to hand this device to
(39:06):
our kid and just not doanything about it.
So that's where using parentalcontrols is really good.
They will help you some in allthat.
They're not like, oh, I'm justgoing to set the parental
controls and never have aconversation with my child
because the computer will do itall for me.
That's not what we need to do.
We need to have thoseconversations.
We need to use parental controlswhere it's necessary and just
(39:29):
take a holistic approach to it,really want to get your kids on
your side because, like you weretalking about, with adolescence
, we reached this point where webecome almost adversarial with
our parents.
You need them to understandthat it's your family against
the world.
They need to be in it with you,and you need to bring them in
and say, yeah, I'm the parent,I'm the leader, but we're on the
(39:51):
same team, we're fighting thissame battle together and this is
what you need to do to keep yousafe, and I'm going to do what
I need to do to keep you safe,and I'm going to do what I need
to do to keep you safe as well,and we're going to beat this
thing together.
Excellent, I love that.
Fonz Mendoza (40:03):
Well, andy, a couple of more questions before
we kind of wrap up.
But I want to ask you now forparents that are out there that
may and it's very hard, I don'tknow.
This is very hard because wesay, like, there are some
parents out there that may notbe too tech savvy, but for the
most part, a lot of the parentsare now.
However, maybe just in thisawareness of the digital safety
(40:24):
component, they may not be assavvy as they think they are,
but you know, just in kind ofclosing, you know for many
parents that may not be astechnologically inclined as you
know, some of the parents thatare around what are some of the
foundational steps that you canshare with them to just become a
little bit more informed andmore involved in their child's
(40:45):
digital life.
Andy Murphy (40:47):
Sure.
So I think the first thing thatparents need to understand who
aren't tech savvy is that it'sokay.
There's a lot of stuff thatwhen I started doing this, I
didn't know how to do it, and Ialways tell people if I can do
it, you can do it, that sort ofthing.
So when you are looking atstarting this journey with your
kids, obviously listening tothis show is a great step
forward in doing that listeningto the Secure Family podcast,
(41:10):
because both of us together aregoing to come in week after week
with good stuff that parentsneed to know, things that you
may not have even thought about.
But then also like follow, likethese different creators who
are in this space, like you andme, and just see what
information they're sharing, andthat's all like passive stuff
that you can just do in yoursocial media, looking when you
(41:30):
allow yourself to do it, thatsort of stuff.
Just follow the people who aredoing this and see what they're
doing and seeing why they'redoing it, and also be with your
kids when they have theirdevices or when they're playing
video games.
I am a big supporter of kidsbeing able to play games and
have social media when it'sappropriate, but they don't do
(41:51):
it behind closed doors.
So you need to watch and be anactive participant in that sort
of stuff.
So no phones, no Xboxes in youknow the bedroom, no phones in
the bathroom, no tablets thereeither.
You need to sit and watch whatthey're doing to really truly
understand the experience thatthey're having.
I tell people for, like YouTubewe talked about this a second
(42:14):
ago like I don't want to putYouTube on an iPad.
If you have a smart TV, putYouTube on the smart TV.
So then when they want to watchit, when they have permission
to do so, what they're seeing isbeing seen by everybody on the
first floor of your home.
So, no matter what you're doing, you can walk by and see okay,
he's watching the Izzy's orsomebody like that.
(42:37):
That's totally fine.
The Izzy's or somebody likethat, that's totally fine.
But you also need to monitorwhat they're watching, because a
lot of parents they say like,oh, I just don't want my kids to
have, like, access to porn.
Totally get that, but there'salso violence and there is hate
speech and there's all thisother stuff, and some of those
videos come from people who weredressed nice and look nice.
(42:58):
So you really have to stop andpay attention to not only the
video that they're seeing, butthe audio as well, to understand
fully what they're getting into.
And you can watch this, you canask questions about it with
your kids, you can go researchit on your own, or you can just
step in and intervene and say,hey, that doesn't mix with the
values of our family.
(43:19):
You know that.
I know you probably didn'trealize that this was going to
happen, but we don't need towatch this anymore and you can
step in right then and do it.
So you know, just don't leavethem completely unattended with
a device.
Fonz Mendoza (43:31):
Excellent, great advice, andy, great advice Now,
before we wrap up the lastquestion and I know we're going
to talk a little bit about this,but it's anticipating future
challenges, as you know, and wementioned earlier.
You know, the technology is soadvanced now and we're talking a
little bit pre-chat about theAI and apps such as Character AI
(43:51):
or any other apps that are outthere, like Replica and apps
where they create a companionavatar and things of that sort.
So those are some of theemerging trends that we are
seeing now.
So what are some of thechallenges that these pose now
in during this time, for ourchildren and obviously on the
parental side of things?
Andy Murphy (44:11):
Right.
So AI is changing all the time.
Like you wake up and all of asudden, Chad GPT is like oh,
here's like six more things thatyou didn't know about yesterday
.
And I'm a big supporter of AI Ireally am and this is going to
be the way that our kids dealingwith the future.
For me and my generation, itwas like oh hey, the internet
has come along, here's this biginnovation.
Well, for our kids, it's AI, andif they don't know how to use
(44:34):
it, behind when it comes toeducation and when it comes to
the job market, that sort ofstuff.
So they need to have anunderstanding of AI and how it
works.
But you can set up guidelinesabout when your kids can use it,
how they can use it Almost likeif it was.
I think you just need to treatit like it was a social media
app and make sure that theyunderstand that.
(44:56):
Like you know, you're not readyfor character AI, but we could
do co-pilot, that sort of thing.
And if your kids are set upwith kids accounts through email
and Microsoft, they may or maynot have access to all of the AI
features, but you just need tosit with them and see what
they're doing.
You brought up Trumi a littlewhile ago and they have their AI
(45:17):
chat bot, which is Trudi, whileago, and they have their AI
chat bot, which is Trudy, and itis geared towards kids and
being able to ask AI questionsand know that, hey, I'm speaking
to a child and if there issomething here that is a red
flag, I will send a note to theparents that say, hey, this was
talked about.
You might want to do somethingabout it.
Just depending on where you putthe settings.
(45:37):
You need to be aware that youprobably shouldn't say to your
kids no AI right now, becausethis is where things are going.
They're going to need to knowhow to do that.
Like I remember being a kid andI was messing around with
Photoshop and just as a kid,just messing around with it, I
understood a whole lot moreabout it.
I use those skills like up intotoday, and so I've been like on
(46:02):
that platform for like 30 years.
Like I think it came out like95 or something, and so that's
going to need to be thefoundation that they have for
coding and all sorts of jobsgoing forward.
But again, just be with themwhile they're using it.
Make sure that you check ontheir history of whatever
they're looking for, that sortof thing, and just a lot of
times you just have to be in thesame room with the screen to
(46:23):
really see what's going on.
Fonz Mendoza (46:31):
Excellent, well, great advice.
Andy, thank you so much for thewealth of knowledge and all
those knowledge nuggets that youshared today.
I'm really excited to get thisepisode out, and I know that a
lot of our listeners hereeducators I mean educators are
parents too.
I know that they're going totake a lot of stuff away from
this, but also a lot of theparent audience also is
definitely going to benefit fromthis.
So thank you so much for justbeing here and gracing us with
all of this.
But before we wrap up and weget into the last three
(46:53):
questions, andy, I want to giveyou a little bit of time.
Make sure that you let ouraudience members know where they
can find your website, how theycan connect with you should
they want to reach out or haveany questions.
Andy Murphy (47:04):
Absolutely.
You can find everything aboutme at thesecuredadcom.
I am also thesecuredad onInstagram and TikTok.
I will say, if you go to myTikTok channel, I didn't join
until after the ban, so like Idon't have as many followers as
you do, so I'm starting out newon TikTok, so please follow me
there.
You can also find the SecureFamily Podcast on Apple Podcasts
(47:27):
, spotify, even on YouTube aswell, so I'm pretty much
everywhere if you just searchfor the Secure Dad.
Fonz Mendoza (47:33):
Excellent.
Well, again, I definitelyrecommend that you engage with
Andy's content and make surethat you share that, and I
promise you you're going to finda lot of knowledge nuggets that
you can take and sprinkle ontowhat you are already doing.
Great as far as parents andsecurity and all of that.
So you'll definitely learn alot.
But, andy, before we wrap up, Ialways love to end the show
with these last three questions,just to kind of lighten up the
(47:56):
mood a little bit.
It just all depends on theanswers.
But question number one as weknow, every superhero has a pain
point or a weakness, forexample, superman.
Kryptonite was a pain point, orcaused or weakened Superman.
So I want to ask you, maybe inthe current state of security,
whether it's digital or whetherit's physical security at this
(48:18):
point, what would you say isyour current security,
kryptonite?
Andy Murphy (48:24):
Sure, and this is a great question.
I love this and the answerreally goes through physical
security and digital security aswell.
And that's just being fatigued,it's being tired.
Like when I'm tired I am not asobservant of my kid and their
behavior.
I'm also not as observant inthe parking lot when I'm coming
out of the grocery store, thatsort of thing.
(48:45):
So being aware of like when I'mtired is big, so that I know,
wait a minute.
You know my brain isn't in theright place, I'm really tired.
You know, maybe my child hashad an attitude shift or maybe
they're just tired too.
You know I still try to createsecure habits and that, no
matter what, even if I'm feelingtired, I still have those
(49:07):
habits in my life that I stillgo and like I double check the
doors before I go to sleep, thatsort of thing.
I make sure that my son's phoneis charging and his iPad is
charging, ready to go for thenext day, so one he can have it
for school when he's supposed tohave it, but also I know he
doesn't have it right now.
So like, just doing those twohabits can really help you out
(49:27):
when you were just tired and youjust don't feel like dealing
with anything security wise.
Fonz Mendoza (49:32):
Excellent, Great answer, Andy.
Question number two if youcould have a billboard with
anything on it, what would it be?
Andy Murphy (49:38):
and why Don't give your kids your old iPhone?
That is the biggest thing.
I love Apple.
They are great for privacy, butthat is a double-edged sword
when it comes to your kids,because the privacy that
protects you and the securitythat protects you also protects
them, which is why I like torecommend a Trumi phone that is
(49:59):
built for kids and can bemonitored by parents.
A lot of people are just like oh, I think, why I like to
recommend a Trumi phone that isbuilt for kids and can be
monitored by parents.
A lot of people are just likeoh, I think I'm going to save
some money, I'm going to get aniPhone, so I'll just give them
my old iPhone 11 and not put anyparental controls on it.
And if you know anything aboutit, those parental controls on
an iPhone can be turned offpretty easily with just a couple
of like Google searches orasking Copilot how to do it.
(50:21):
So I feel like kids need asmartphone that has safety
integrated into it first andparental controls and like
literally parent control into it, instead of just handing them
your old iPhone and not tellingthem how to use it and just
assuming that they're going toknow what to do.
That drives me crazy.
Fonz Mendoza (50:42):
Excellent, andy.
Great answer, all right.
Last question, andy, is if youcould trade places with one
person for a single day, whowould that be and why?
Andy Murphy (50:52):
Well, the person I would want to trade places with
is our mutual friend, dylanSchmidt.
Dylan is like, super motivated.
He lives out in California,learned how to lose 50 pounds
with AI.
When you ask the guy a question, he's got a great answer and he
just generally seems like hehas his life together.
And dadgummit, I could use thatfor a day.
Fonz Mendoza (51:11):
Definitely.
I don't know, honestly, likeeverything that he does, how he
manages to do all of that, andalso now being a dad and all
that stuff.
So that's fantastic.
But, yeah, great choice, Dylanis definitely great.
So big shout out to DylanSchmidt.
Thank you so much for alwayshelping us out and, of course,
making this connection too aswell.
(51:32):
So thank you so much.
Well, andy, again thank you, Ireally appreciate you being here
, and it's again an honor and apleasure to be able to connect
with you, not only through theContent Creator Club and all of
that good stuff, but just herehaving this great conversation
about security.
And thank you so much for allyour wonderful shares.
So again, my audience members,thank you, as always, for all of
(51:54):
your support and everythingabout Andy as far as contact
info and all that good stuffwill be in the show notes, so
please make sure that you visitthe website at wwwmyedtechlife
where you can check out thisepisode and the other 324
episodes, where I promise youthat you can find a little
something that you can sprinkleon to what you are already doing
(52:17):
.
Great Thank you, as always, forall of your support, and a big
shout out to our sponsors,eduaid, book Creator and
Yellowdig.
Thank you for believing in ourmission and bringing these great
conversations to continue tohelp our education space
continue to grow.
And as always, my friends,until next time.
Don't forget, stay techie.
Thank you.
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