Why Listening to Yourself Is the First Step to Better Communication — Cynthia Kane on Learning to Pause

My guest for Episode #321 of the My Favorite Mistake podcast is Cynthia Kane, founder and CEO of the Kane Intentional Communication Institute and author of several books, including How to Communicate Like a Buddhist and The Pause: How to Keep Your Cool in Tough Situations.

Episode page with video and more

Cynthia shares a pivotal mistake from early in her life: letting other people’s opinions matter more than her own—especially after a college professor told her she’d never be a good writer. That moment stung, but it also eventually propelled her toward a path of mindfulness, self-trust, and transformational communication.

Cynthia explains how her journey through loss, meditation, and Buddhist principles helped her develop a more intentional way of communicating—not just with others, but with herself. We explore how mistakes, reactivity, and emotional attachment can all be reframed through mindfulness and self-awareness. Cynthia offers practical tools for staying calm during high-stakes conversations, including pausing, resetting the nervous system, and learning to speak from an “empty place”—a state of clarity without judgment or reactivity.

“Every mistake leads us to something better.”

Throughout the conversation, we also unpack the difference between being nice and being kind, how communication impacts stress levels, and why helpful language is honest, kind, and necessary. Cynthia’s insights are especially valuable for leaders, teams, and anyone who wants to communicate more effectively under pressure. As she says, “Every mistake leads us to something better.”

 

 

Questions and Topics:

• What’s your favorite mistake?
• When did you realize that listening to others more than yourself had become a pattern?
• How did the loss of your first love influence your journey of self-awareness and healing?
• What led you to start writing again after being discouraged?
• What is creative nonfiction, and how does it differ from other forms of writing?
• Did working with an editor bring up old doubts, and how did you manage that feedback process?
• How does Buddhism shape your view on mistakes?
• Does that mindset help you approach writing mistakes differently?
• How do you balance detachment from mistakes with still caring about your work?
• What does “communicating like a Buddhist” mean in everyday life?
• Can you give examples where helpful vs. hurtful language is more subtle?
• What’s the difference between being nice and being kind?
• How does changing our communication style help reduce stress?
• What inspired your newest book, The Pause?
• What’s an example of a workplace situation where not pausing leads to regret?
• What should someone do if they need a pause but the other person won’t allow it?
• How can we calm ourselves in the moment to respond more intentionally?
• What does it mean to respond from an “empty place”?
• What breathing techniques do you recommend in tough conversations?