June 14, 2024 • 48 mins
In this episode, John is joined by Anthony Alexander for a heartfelt conversation about fatherhood. Navigating blended families and past relationships can be a minefield, and Anthony candidly shares his experiences with these challenges. They talk about the emotional intricacies and personal growth required to maintain respectful relationships with former partners, while offering consistent love and support to all children.
They also touch on the Theology of the Body, reflecting on the sacredness of our existence and relationships. The episode wraps up with a thought-provoking discussion on how genuine connections and divine love can guide us in navigating love and relationships with God and others. Tune in for profound reflections and practical wisdom that will resonate deeply with anyone on the path of fatherhood and personal growth.
Anthony's Clothing Brand
Croquet by Anthony Alexander
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the my Friend the Friar podcast and
thanks for listening.
If you like my Friend the Friarand want to support us, please
consider subscribing orfollowing us.
If you haven't already done so,and if you found us on YouTube,
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release.
Thanks again and God bless.
(00:21):
See if that's working.
I feel like mine kind of felldown a little bit.
Yep, good enough.
What do they say?
They fix it in post-production,all right, welcome to the
(00:45):
podcast.
Thanks for joining me and myfriend Anthony.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Not the friar.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Anthony Alexander, all right, father Stephen's busy
.
He's traveling.
I think he's in Missouri rightnow.
Anyway, I can't keep track ofhim.
Yeah, he's super busy.
What do friars do?
Do they friar?
What's the verb for evangelize,preaching?
I don't know what he's doing.
He's off doing something right.
(01:14):
So Anthony here is joining me.
Nobody knows who you are, so Idon't know.
Real quick, you want to saysomething about yourself.
Help us know who you are.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I'm just a man from around the way.
You feel me Not too much toknow.
I'm from Texas, Dallas to beexact Clothing brand.
I'm dedicated to the loss of myson.
Basically, he passed back in 08due to a heart complication.
So when he passed I was kind ofstuck with the hurt and the
(01:48):
pain of trying to figure outexactly what to do with all that
emotion that I had pertainingto his death.
So, yeah, I just decided tolook deeper into his death and
kind of figure out what it meantto me and how could I take the
pain to kind of help me moveforward in life without blaming
God, as I did in the beginning.
(02:11):
But I quickly learned that Godgave me I wouldn't say gave me,
he allowed it to happen for areason.
You know what I mean so in doingthat, I was able to take a
lesson from it, and ever sincethen I've just been trying to
grind and hustle to make hismemory last forever yeah, you
know I mean so and that's, andthat's what we're talking about
today is fatherhood.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, so that's going to be our big topic.
Um man, what's cool is becauseyou and I've been friends for
yeah a minute.
Now it's been a while, so it'skind of sometimes we, we do this
icebreaker.
So how good is your whichobviously you don't need because
we know each other but uh, justfor fun, how good, how good's
your country voice, like, ifyou're gonna do like a redneck
(02:51):
kind of my country voice.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Uh, you have a pretty good one like way back there
you know what?
I don't know.
I think I have a good country,southern I don't want to use the
word, you know, slang country.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Okay, okay, you feel me, yeah, so the reason I ask is
Betty does so.
She had this question.
Who is the angel of the Lord?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
And for some reason she was asking it and she kind
of got on this kick and so shewould just keep saying it over
and over, but then it turnedinto a country accent so she's
like who is the angel of theload?
So a lot of times we just havepeople ask who is the angel of
the Lord?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
in a country accent.
No, I got you, you got it.
You want to give a shot?
Yeah, say it again.
Whose way?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Who is the angel of the Lord?
It's like load.
Who is the angel of the load?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
load.
Who is angel of the load?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I don't know, I can't do in the country accent.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
It's got to be like my accent, you know.
Go for it.
Go for it, yo.
Who, the angel of the lord, youfeel me?
It's like you had no syllables,just you're running it on just
run it through.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yeah, run it through.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
That's funny take your time don't make betty laugh
.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
That's good um cool.
What was your son's name?
It was.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
What is sorry is it was anthony alexander roberts,
so my real last name was roberts.
Um, I don't know.
My father never seen him, nevertalked to him.
So when my son was born Iwanted a, a name that kind of to
me stuck out.
I'm a fan of the romanistic eramythology.
(04:25):
So, with that being said, notsaying alexander the greatest
part of that, but he definitelyis in that era, you know I mean.
So I wanted my son's name to besomething I could be proud of,
that I loved and that I can just, you know, have fun with.
So I took his middle name andnamed it alexander.
But when he passed, I wanted mychildren born after him to have
a name that would keep hismemory alive.
(04:47):
So I changed my last name toAlexander.
You know what I mean.
So it all really came from him.
His middle name was Alexanderand I changed my last name once
he passed to Alexander.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
So my kids would have you know the last name as well
Nice, okay, and you have otherkids.
What are their names?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
We have William Isaiah Alexander uh, italy's
Elizabeth Alexander and AnthonyLangston Alexander.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
So that's how many?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
three boys, three no two boys.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Well with Anthony Roberts past three boys, one
girl, oh nice, and Italy's isabout to turn one, yeah, one on
Monday, yeah Tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
That's so awesome.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
That's crazy's crazy, though, man, how fast time goes
it is um, what's your favoritething about her so far?
Because, I mean, surprisingly,you got a lot of personality
before you hit one years old.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
You know that's it, though her personality.
I think it's a mixture of meand heidi together and the faces
that she makes like whenever Ilook at her.
I don't know who it of me andheidi together and the faces
that she makes like whenever Ilook at her.
I don't know who it is, me orheidi.
You know I mean so when?
I look and I'm like, I'm like,yo, what did you get this from?
From seeing her come out as ababy.
And you know you question thatlike I wonder, when you become a
certain age, like who would youtake more after your mother of
(06:01):
me?
Yeah you know, I mean.
So I think low key, I thinkit's me yeah you know, I mean, I
think her attitude is more ofmine, but I think her, her
sassiness, of course, is heidi,you feel me, I don't own that
yeah, yeah, yeah, you're pretty,you're pretty mellow yeah, well
, I mean at times right
Speaker 1 (06:19):
we all have those moments where we kind of light
up, yeah, right.
Yeah, so with fatherhood,before we get into that.
So I find you to be a veryreasonable person.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, I appreciate it .
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so I've been actually in my prayer and my
study a lot lately.
I've been kind of investigatingand contemplating reason and I
don't know what it was that.
You know, I heard somebodyprobably on another podcast
saying something about it and itreally kind of stuck in my
brain and so I want to kind oflay this down first, because I
(06:58):
think it's the framework that wecan then talk about fatherhood.
Yeah Right, okay, so there'sthree types of reason, and
there's probably more, butthere's three types of reason,
um, and there's probably more,but there's three at least that
we're going to look at.
Uh, one of them deductivereasoning.
Well, before I get into this,um, the thing to keep in mind is
that everybody's reason.
(07:18):
You can get to the wrongconclusion no matter what you
have sound logic, everythinglines up, but you can still get
to the wrong conclusion.
But that doesn't mean it was abad mental exercise, no right,
okay.
So deductive reasoning is kindof like hypothesis examination
conclusion a equals b, b equals.
Or if a equals b and b equals c, then a equals c, yeah, right,
(07:41):
because you kind of get to that,that train, so, um, so I wrote
this down, so I don't.
I don't mess it up, because I'mstill learning it.
So so we've got all theselogical components, and these
logical components bring us tothis logical conclusion.
But I'm going to show you how,where it makes sense, if a
equals b and b equals c, then aequals C as well, and how we can
(08:03):
get something wrong.
So if A is humans, okay, and Bis Anthony, and so then if all
humans are named Anthony andAnthony is your name, then
you're a human right, but theproblem is my name's, not
(08:24):
Anthony, yeah, so am I not?
a human Right, but the problemis my name's not Anthony.
Yeah, so am I not a human Right?
So it's like it makes sense,but you got to the wrong
conclusion even though the logicmade sense.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Right, and so we can think of this fatherhood too,
right.
Like all, fathers have children.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
You have children.
You're a father yeah Right, soit makes sense in that way.
You're a father no right, so itmakes sense in that way.
But we also know um kind oflike what you're hitting at with
with your father.
Yeah, there's a differencebetween being a biological
father like I made a child andbeing a father.
Yeah, right.
So even in this case, where itmade sense, it's still.
(09:01):
There's something deeper yeahthere, right.
Second kind of reasoninginductive.
So you're basically taking likea broad generalization of
information, right, and you'retrying to come to a conclusion.
So let's say we're having thesame conversation, we're at a
men's conference or somethingfor fathers, okay, and you see,
(09:23):
everyone in the audience is adad, and so you might assume
that all men are fathers, butnot all men are fathers.
It's just in that instance, inthat case, where we are, the
data suggests that all men arefathers.
You know, you can even go outin the parking lot and you find
you know a man who's not afather, kind of thing.
(09:45):
It's just where we were, wherewe are.
In that instance, the data thatwe have, the information we
have, leads us to a certainconclusion, but it could be
false, okay.
Last one is abductive reasoningand it's kind of like inductive
.
But you're kind of moving withincomplete data, incomplete
(10:05):
observations, and you're tryingto get to what's the most likely
thing.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Okay.
So give you a scenario.
Let's say you walk outside,right, and the grass is wet
first thing in the morning.
Okay, you might conclude.
Okay, the water sprinklers ranovernight, yeah, okay, if you
look at your neighbor's yard andtheir grass is wet too, maybe
their sprinklers ran overnight.
Yeah, okay, if you look at yourneighbor's yard and their grass
is wet too, maybe theirsprinklers ran too, right yeah
(10:31):
or maybe something else happenedand you look at the driveway
driveway's wet, the streets arewet, the trees are wet, the
rooftops wet, yeah, so do youthink the sprinklers went off or
it rained?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, so themore information you get, yeah
you start to kind of puttogether what really happened,
but, like in that case, youstill can't be 100 sure.
Because, like what if a firetruck drove by and it had a
(10:53):
leaky valve and it sprayed waterall over the the street?
yeah, you know, I mean likewhatever like you still never
truly know, but you can get to apoint of confidence in what you
know.
Yeah, right, so, um, so youcan't just rely on the one thing
, and I think that's what a lotof people do.
A lot of times and I was havingthis conversation with my buddy
(11:14):
, chris, the other day tooPeople want that one thing.
Yeah, that's like show me theone thing that's going to
convince me of something onething that's going to convince
me of something.
Well, that's like the A to B toC, like show me one thing, but
that one's really easy to makewrong.
But if you get all the bits ofinformation, you might be able
to start putting togethersomething that is reasonably
(11:37):
believable or true, that you cankind of build your life on.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Or your understanding of a moment or people or
whatever.
So you can't build your life onright, or your understanding of
a moment or people or whatever,right, so you can't.
The trick is you can't.
You can't be so settled, Iguess, that you're unwilling to
to contemplate otherperspectives or, more sorry, you
can't be, yeah, so settled thatyou're not willing to take in
more information and expand yourthought, but you can't be, so
(12:06):
you can't be so unsettled thatanything that changes everything
falls apart.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Right.
So you have to kind of findthat sweet spot.
So that's the trick.
So all of that kind of buildson the foundation of why I think
you're such a reasonable person.
Yeah, because there are a lotof people out there who are a to
b to c, no um, and that'seither just kind of the way
their mind works or their lifeexperiences, like they haven't
(12:31):
had a huge variety ofexperiences that have helped
them to understand yeah whatthings are.
But that's not you man likeyou've got a lot of experience.
Yeah, I appreciate that man,that's peace you know what I
mean.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, so well it without all the data, it's like
how are you supposed to know?
Yeah, yeah, you've got a lot ofexperience.
Yeah, I appreciate that man.
That's peace.
You know what I mean, yeah, sowell.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Without all the data it's like how are you supposed
to know?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
And so, with all that I don't know like, what do you
think makes a father a father?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Man.
Honestly, I think I've beenasking myself that question for
a while now, and I think it'sbecause of my situation and I
think that, growing up in abroken home for one, I never
truly understood what a fatherreally was.
I had a stepfather, right, butmy stepfather had secrets too
that I never knew about.
I remember going inside thecloset one day and seeing a
(13:22):
present wrapped and when Ipulled it out the closet it had
a name little jerry, and that'smy father's, my stepfather's
name, right when I would go tochurch with him, people would
say, hey, is that little jerry?
And I'm like little jerry.
Oh, did you send him becauseI'm a junior?
Maybe because I'm just, youknow, like I'm brushing it off,
or whatever.
Yeah, come to find out he had auh son from a previous
(13:44):
relationship and in my family wehad a lot of secrets, so I
didn't even know that he wasn'tmy real dad.
So I was like 13 years old, youknow I mean so, going through
life, I never really paidattention, um to like I don't
know how to explain it the bondthat me and him had.
I just had a lot of resentmentof every situation that my
family had going on, so I neverpaid attention to anything
(14:04):
outside of.
I can't wait to get out of here, you know I mean.
So when I turned 15 I was gone.
After that I think I juststarted making my own
conclusions in my head abouteverything, like you said before
in life, because of myexperience.
Um.
So when I had my first child Ihad it out of wedlock and in
doing it I didn't know exactlythe complications that will come
(14:28):
with it, you know I mean.
But unfortunately he passed andum with that hurt me and his
mother experience.
It was more like yo, if we tryit again, do you think that
would bring us closer together?
Which was stupid.
I mean, now that I look back atI was 20, 28 at the time and
(14:48):
I'm like yo, let's do it again.
But then again I didn'tunderstand why.
Or you know, like what am Idoing this for with you?
We're not married, we're not inany, even in the relationship.
I guess we're doing it to kindof ease some pain and kind of
see how would this one come out.
And in doing it I brought achild inside the world, broken
already because of the home notbeing unified.
(15:11):
So I think through it at leastI can finally kind of have that.
I wouldn wouldn't say closure,but begin that conversation with
myself about what really is afather, because now I have her
in the home with me every day.
I can look at her, I can pickher up, I can you know when she
cries.
Yo try to figure out what'swrong with her.
You know what I mean.
(15:31):
So I think now I'm on thatjourney Exactly what is a father
?
And for right now, what Ibelieve a father is is just
someone who is, I don't know man.
It's like you're not willing togive up on the idea of making
sure that you have this child'sbest interests from the time
that they're in this world untilthe time they're on their own,
(15:53):
outside of your reach.
You know what I mean.
I have to be the better personfor myself.
Every day when I wake up, Ineed to be the better version.
So I need to keep learning moreabout myself so that I can then
teach this little person whenthey're navigating through life,
like how to maintain emotions,how to look out for the snakes
in the grass and excuse my youknow talk.
(16:14):
It's just like my other sidecoming out.
You know what I mean, but, um,like I said, I'm still on that
journey, trying to figure outthat question.
And, um, I mean I I wouldn'tsay that I'm I don't use the
wrong word I'm not regretful ofthe decisions I made, um,
because of my children.
I mean, I love all of them.
(16:35):
I think I just wish I wouldhave done it right so that they
wouldn't have to be brought upin the home where the father is
not present, right.
And I think that, to me, iswhere, when she was born, I was
able to have that conversationwith myself, because even with
(16:55):
the children living outside thehome, I always had to doubt like
man, I messed up, I'm not agood father.
If I was a good father, I wouldbe with the mother and I would
be there with them every day.
I'll be able to go to everyfootball game, every basketball
game, go to every schoolrecreational activity when
needed.
You know what I mean.
So I think that made me doubtmyself in a lot of ways, having,
(17:16):
you know, those situationsoutside of home yeah but, um,
she's brought a whole new aspectto me, um, since she's been
born, and um, yeah, man, I thinkI'm having a conversation with
myself right now I think that'sthe whole point.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, yeah, that's it , yeah, that's, but that's
that's really interesting.
And again, this goes back towhy I think you're such a
reasonable person because,you're as you're, you're diving
deeply into this with Idelis.
You're like, well, wait, whatdoes that mean about me as a
father for my other children?
But if I don't find you to bethe kind of person who just goes
(17:49):
, yeah, I don't know, and justkind of move on right.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, no so.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Idelis is probably going to change how you are a
father to your other children.
Yeah right, going to change howyou are a father to your other
children.
Yeah, right, and how can I finda way that I can love them and
provide for them and be therefor them?
But it's different, right?
Yeah, because you and Heidi aremarried.
So there is this new entity inthe marriage that demands a
(18:15):
certain degree of I don't knowrespect, a certain degree of I
don't know respect, and thereare things that are unique to
that, which are not there withyour other children's mothers.
Yeah, right, and so you have tofigure out how to navigate that
and still be there for them andstill have the children
understand that we're family.
(18:37):
Yeah, and it's messy and it'scomplicated yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It's very complicated because a lot of the times
there's a lot of envious andjealousy in it.
Right, because of the mothers.
I'm not saying that they'rejealous, oh, he moved on and
this and this and this.
I think it's more like this iswhy god kind of told us, you
know, like or not to have sexbefore marriage, because I don't
think we realize the damagethat it causes each other and
(19:04):
the children at the time.
I think in the moment of youknow just what they call it
passion less, whatever you'redoing whatever and you're not
really thinking about theconsequences.
So a lot of the times now forme personally, the mothers are
still seeing me as that oldAnthony, like they don't see the
new Anthony that Heidi has,like even though I still mess up
.
When they look at me it's morelike oh, he's just that, still
(19:26):
who I met back then and that'stranslating to the child, kind
of you know what I mean and I'llbe open, like I don't believe
in hide anything.
So my son William, and hismother I believe that's what's
going on right now like I waskept from him the first three
years of his life, basically,you know, I mean, when he was
(19:48):
born, um, she had me goingthrough this whole court
situation to where it kind ofand I'm not gonna lie at the
point made me want to give up,because when anthony was, which
is, it's a get kind of confusing.
So let me try to break it down.
So it's not right.
Um, we're not talking about theAnthony.
That passed.
My other two sons were born twomonths apart.
(20:11):
And at this time of my life Iwas like man living it up in all
the wrong ways and I was movingreal fast and I'm not caring
about anything in life, justreally on this, you know, road
to destruction because of thepain that I felt because of
anthony, uh, alexander the past,you know I mean so when I had,
(20:32):
um, those two, anthony langstonand his mother, were cool.
We're like best friends, youknow what I mean.
That's like, well, I wouldn'tsay best friends.
I would say that then we werebest friends.
Now we just have this verystrong respect for one another
because of the fact that we havethis child together.
But the other mother is totallydifferent.
(20:52):
You know what I mean.
She is more like I hate you.
I don't think you understandthe issues you put me through
and what I realized is thatbefore me she had relationship
issues that I then contributedto you, played into it.
(21:19):
Played into it, right.
So it's not really me thatshe's mad at.
She's really mad at, I wouldn'tsay herself, but she's kind of
mad at the whole situation.
I am again with x, y and z.
You know, I mean, how did I dothis?
Oh, you know what it's him, andI think she, she, she never
knew me well enough to reallyunderstand who I was as a person
yeah like you said before, youknow me.
So when you look at me you havethis whole depiction of who I am
as a character with her and itmakes me sound so bad when I say
this.
But I'm not, you know.
I mean it was like one of thosegod forgive me, it's like a one
(21:42):
night stand type situation andI think that's what I had to
realize.
Like you know what thisindividual, when she's, when
she's, you know, coming at me inall different ways, attitude
wise, um, just going off on me,it's not really me, because she
doesn't really know me yeah, youknow, I mean I'm trying to get
to her to understand.
Like yo, we can work together toraise this child, but with her
(22:03):
it's more like I don't want thatwith you yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
You kind of become this embodiment of all the
things that she's angry exactlyyou know I mean.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So it took me a while to understand that, because
before I would feed into it likeyou know what, forget it, I
give up.
You know, I mean it shouldn'tbe this hard.
And I'm comparing myrelationship with her to the
mother of Anthony Langston andI'm like why can't it be like
that?
And if it's not, this is nothealthy for me, which is stupid
for me to think like that anyway.
(22:33):
But over the years it's made memore tougher and resilient
toward um, that situation as andyou know what I'm not going to
give up no matter how it looks.
You know what I mean.
So I think along the way a lotof it kind of helped put things
in perspective.
So when I talk to young, youknow men, now it's more like yo,
you got to be careful of onewho you entangle yourself with.
(22:53):
You got to be careful when youare, you know, in this world,
you know laying up with people.
You know what I mean.
Like I tell them this is whyGod gave us the I wouldn't say
commandment, but the advice ofnot to, you know, sleep around
before marriage because it doescause so much.
(23:15):
I mean.
You know strife within thekid's life, everybody, when it's
broken.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yeah, a couple things kind of spring to my mind when
you're saying this.
I've heard this saying thatcomparison is the thief of joy.
Yeah, so when you startcomparing different people,
different situations, it'll robyou of what is present that you
could have right.
So that kind of came to my mind.
The other thing I'm thinking ofis how it's interesting.
(23:45):
So the law thinking secularly,like I don't know, speed limit
signs or whatever right, the lawof our country is there.
You can kind of think of it,somebody with a stronger will or
authority imposing things onyou, right?
So, yeah, you want to driveyour car, that's fine.
Just don't drive over the speedlimit or else there's
(24:05):
consequences.
Exactly Right.
So but how that differs fromGod's law?
Yeah, because God's law, rightwhere he says you get married,
you become one.
Yeah, his law is there toencourage you to flourish in
life.
So instead of just saying no,don't do these things, like God,
(24:27):
he's such a gentleman, right?
He's like go do what you wantto do, that's fine.
There's consequences, though,but the consequences are it's
life or death right.
So you can go do whatever youwant that's going to lead to
death in some way, shape or form.
Or here's law and you can doyour best to follow it, and the
more you grapple with this overthe course of your life, the
more you're going to grow andthrive yeah.
(24:49):
Right, and just imagine man.
Just imagine what it would belike all those families out
there if all the couples werestill married, yeah, yeah, out
there if, if they were all, allthe couples were still married.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, yeah, I mean that I.
I have that thought sometimesand I think about what the world
will look like.
You know, I mean.
But then I snap back in realityand it's more like, as long as
we have evil and good, I mean it.
It's.
Yeah, you gotta marry badpeople too.
Yeah yeah, you know I mean, butit never and I hate to sound so
like negative, but it's like itnever marry bad people too, yeah
yeah, you know I mean, but itnever and I hate to sound so
like negative, but it's like itnever will change and I think
(25:24):
the best that we can do iseducate people or encourage
people as we continue to growand try to, you know, save as
many as we can to keep fromgoing down that road.
Yeah, letting them know likethis does really damage the kid,
because even growing up I wasdamaged which I didn't even know
until I went to counseling theeffects that my broken home had
(25:45):
on me.
You know I mean, and, um, Iwould never want that for my
children, but I understand nowthe challenge in it, um, exactly
again why god gave us, you know, as you say, the law.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
You know I mean to go by and it's like man, I wish I
would have listened a little bita little bit more well and and
but the the flip side of thistoo, which I I also think is
really kind of interesting, thefact that you didn't listen yeah
and now you carry this with you, right?
Uh, when?
When jesus came back to life,right after the crucifixion,
when he, after the resurrection,when he presented himself to
(26:19):
the apostles yeah, you know,you're like doubting Thomas.
He's like I won't believe untilI put my fingers in the hole in
his hand and his side right,like I don't believe until I see
it right.
So when Jesus after hisresurrection, he still had the
wounds.
Yeah, and I think there'ssomething very deeply there to
(26:39):
contemplate is his wounds wereredemptive for other people.
It brought Thomas into beliefbecause he could see the pain or
he could experience the woundcaused by the crucifixion.
Right, and so thinking nowabout our lives, right, it's the
guy who goes to prison and getsout of prison and says you
(27:01):
don't want to do that, brother.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
You're going to listen to him because he's been
there, exactly Right.
The guy who's the addict, who'ssaying you don't want to try
that.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
You're going to listen to him, yeah, so our
wounds become redemptive toother people too.
I think, as really crappy as itis right how things play out I
mean, I can say the same thingin my life too the bad choices
that I've made that have hurtpeople are like the holes in my
(27:33):
hands and the hole in my sidefrom the crucifixion.
They're the things that havebeen redeemed.
My pain has been redeemedenough to where I can go and
help other people not do that,or if they've done it, I can
help them through it.
So I think it's something.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
It's a hard medicine to swallow, but I think there's
something there to really thinkof it is because, I mean, every
negative situation has apositive, positive and I think
we have to be willing to gothrough and find that positive.
So, even though sometimes Idon't like the burn and the
headache and and the worriesthat come with it, yeah, um, as
you say, it's still my story,you know.
(28:14):
I mean my story definitely canhelp other individuals from not
going down the same road.
But yeah, that's peace, man.
I agree with you saying so wehad a.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
this is something new that I've been hearing about,
and I think this is somethingkind of interesting too, because
I think it goes to what you'vebeen describing as father and
marriage.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Right how the two are very closely related.
Yeah, and so we had a Pope acouple Popes ago, pope John Paul
II.
Yeah, you said a couple Popesago, yeah, yeah, a couple Popes
ago, yeah, saint Pope John PaulII.
He wrote this and I want to goget the document and actually
read it, cause I hear a lot ofteaching about it.
(29:02):
But he, the thing he wrote wasthe theology of the body, and so
the document speaks to thesacredness and the holiness of
our, our bodies, like who we are.
We're not just a soul, liketrapped in a body that we're
like controlling, like a robotor something.
We're not just our bodies.
We're both right, and with thatcomes the differences, the
(29:26):
beautiful complimentarydifferences between man and
woman.
Sex, all that stuff all plays apart of it, because who we are
as creatures, right.
So I was listening to this guytalking about it and he was
specifically talking about the,the theology of a man's body,
and as he was saying this I waslike what, like mind blown.
(29:46):
I'd never thought of thisbefore yeah right.
So you know how, like all, allthe words we use have some kind
of ancient root word like thatit comes from right, okay, uh,
have you ever thought of whatthe root word for testicle is?
No, Never.
Like why would anybody think ofthat?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
right.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
But anyway.
So he starts talking about itand I'm like, wait, what?
What?
Whoa mind blown, right.
So the root part is test, right.
You're like, okay, so what'sthe root word of that mean?
So it comes from some old Latinword, yeah, and what that word
to test means is when they wouldmelt like metal ore, they would
(30:30):
pour them in these little claypots and they'd see how the
metal would settle.
Yeah, or the liquid, I guessit's all molten right.
So they would see if it wouldsettle, because they were
testing it to see if there'sanything valuable in it gold,
silver stuff like that Okay.
so that's cool.
So now, to test something meansyou're looking for something,
but it's not just you're lookingfor something that the result
(30:52):
testifies to something, right.
So it speaks to something.
It speaks, in this case, thatthere's something valuable in
this thing, okay.
Speaks to something.
Speaks, in this case, thatthere's something valuable in
this thing, okay.
So, more interestingly thanthat, then when the church was
putting together the Old and NewTestaments of the Bible
Testaments, yeah so there's thatword again.
(31:12):
So that word testamenttestamentum, it doesn't talk to
it doesn't necessarily just meanlike I'm testifying to
something, I am bearing witnessto something.
It also means they used it toreplace the Greek word for
covenant yeah, so it is acovenant and a covenant.
(31:37):
So the difference between, likea contract and a covenant, okay
, is if you and I had a contracttogether and we're agreeing for
an exchange of goods orservices, for money or something
, you make a cool shirt.
I have a contract with you.
I'm going to buy 500 shirts andI'm going to give you this much
(31:57):
money, but they've got to begood quality, right kind of
thing.
Got to be good quality, yeah,right, kind of thing.
That's a contract, yeah, acovenant instead is an exchange
of peoples.
So a marriage is not a contract, it's a covenant.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
It's a we belong to one another now, yeah, there's
no separating this thing.
And so all of that then goes tothe root word of our male
genitals.
It is a testament, it is thething that testifies to where
you come from.
(32:32):
It's who you belong to.
Comes from this place, yeah, tocomes from this place, yeah,
and that is supposed to be, inthe Christian view at least,
intimately tied to marriage,yeah.
So we have this covenant thatforms and in this covenant we
(32:53):
have life.
Comes from it, right, and thatlife that comes from it
testifies back to our covenant,comes from it, testifies back to
our covenant, and our marriageis a sign of jesus and god's
love for his people.
So all of those things bringinglife, that that's the first
commandment god gives.
He makes adam and eve and hesays go, be fruitful and
(33:13):
multiply yeah, right.
So all of the all of that, godspeaks back to this covenant,
this testifying, this witnessingto our relationship with our
spouses.
So having children,relationship with spouse,
relationship with Christ,relationship with God as his
people, as his creation, stufflike that.
(33:34):
And just thinking about allthat, when this guy was talking,
I was like what the heck?
But it shows that they had avery deep understanding when
they chose that word for thatbody part yeah yeah, right,
there they're.
Like there is something herethat you should understand.
Anyway, I don't know like itseemed relevant to the kind of
thing we're going to talk abouttoday I just wanted to kind of
(33:56):
share it and just see what yeah,kind of what you think yo, man,
I mean, honestly, I neverthought I thought on the lines
of anything that deep.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
I mean, from listening to you, I'm like yo, I
understand it.
Yeah, it makes sense.
And I'm like man, okay, youtaught me something new today.
Yeah, like it's crazy.
Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
And it even kind of shows that deep connection with
bringing life, having children,to God too.
In Psalm 139, it says it saysFor you formed my inward parts,
you knitted me together in mymother's womb.
I praise you, for I amwondrously made.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
So just even God, so intimately, knows us that in
that moment of conception thatcovenant is present.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's something to think about.
That's for real.
I'm going to take that with meand ponder on that Like yo.
That was deep.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah, it's something right.
There's definitely things thereto think of and, you know, I
think there's a how I say I likethat you said earlier.
When you talk to young men, youtry and caution them about
certain things and I think a lotof times our world, we will do
things such as um, how do I live, how do I encourage you or
(35:20):
encourage myself to live a lifethat is like good enough?
yeah like I'm gonna stay out of.
Like you know you do what youthink, just don't get.
Don't get caught up in the law,right?
So like do your thing up tothat line yeah we're, you know,
get away with what you can getaway with, just don't cross it
yeah and that's kind of a verydifferent thought than teaching
(35:41):
someone to pursue virtue.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Exactly, and I think that's to me that's the most
important thing.
I tell a lot of young men like,don't waste time.
If I would have listened to alot of older people when I was
younger explain some of thethings to me that how they did,
I would be I wouldn't say morefar ahead than what I am right
now, but I would have savedmyself a lot of hurt and pain.
(36:05):
You know what I mean.
It's like I tell them all thetime don't worry about you, know
, um, don't worry about worldlythings, don't worry about the
women, don't worry about themoney.
Focus on who you are, yourpurpose in life, what is your
purpose.
When you focus on that,everything else will come and
(36:25):
you will know that it's meant tobe.
And my mom told me one thingI'll never forget, because when
I was growing up as you alreadyknow I was I was bad, yeah, and
my first car I ever had was aLexus at 19.
And when I brought it home shesaid you know you think you, you
think you hot stuff, don't you?
And I'm like you know I do whatI do and she was like.
(36:46):
Well, if it's a blessing fromGod, he'll make it to where
you'll always be able to keep it, and if it's from the devil,
he'll make it to where it'salways going to go, and you have
to do things to keep getting itback you know I mean like you
will lose this, but you got toget it back and that ambition
and that drive in you is comingfrom him and I try to explain
that to young men like yo.
Understand your spirit,understand exactly who you are
(37:07):
in this world, because now theyhave social media, um depicting
um what it means to be a man.
You know I mean in order to getthis, get this, you have to
have this house, this car, thisis so they're chasing material
things yeah and it's kind oflike yo, that's not really gonna
make you happy.
If you do get this audi a8,they're gonna come out with
another one two years later.
You're gonna want that one,right?
(37:28):
If they come out with this pairof gucci shoes, they're gonna
come out another pair next yearand you're gonna want that.
You're constantly chasingthings that really don't matter
you know, I mean like love, youfigure out you are and just
focus on that aspect and just yogrow within yourself.
I mean we have moreconversation than that, but it's
(37:49):
like the easiest way to breakit down.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
You know, what's sad, too, is because I often tell
people, when I can, a little offtopic.
I'm a super feminist in the waythat I sense that I mean that
what it is to be a woman callsmen to their highest calling.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Right, you think of the old fairytale kind of
stories, right, like somebody'sbuddy gets kidnapped by the
dragon.
They don't go save him.
They're like sorry bud, yeah,it didn't work out for you.
The princess is in the tower.
Yeah, they go to war to go savethe princess, yeah, right.
So there's like something aboutwoman that calls men to their
kind of greatness.
(38:28):
Yeah, and with all the socialmedia stuff, yeah, you know,
cars, the women.
Women have to look a certainway, have to act a certain way,
have to be a certain way.
Yeah, right, so it's calling usdown into this kind of base
level of being that there'snothing virtuous about it, and I
think, unfortunately, becausewe all have such a desire to be
(38:50):
loved and to love and to beknown, and that intimacy.
It just turns into thisdownward snowball of things
where men are.
They're not just chasing cars,they're chasing women, and the
women want to be chased, sothey're doing whatever to
themselves to to be more likeexactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
And I think that that's one thing about Heidi
that that stood out, because Ilive in downtown for like 10
years and living in downtown youcome across a lot of different
situations, a lot of differentwomen and people, and I've never
known anyone outside of mymaybe my grandmother that wanted
(39:32):
my spirit to be saved more thanHeidi.
Like when I was around myfriends, they didn't care about
what I was going to have in hell.
All they cared about is whatare we doing now?
What's the next lick, how canyou get us to this next stage of
life and how can we accomplishmore and more and more?
And on the inside, I'm goingthrough it.
No one knew like what I'm goingthrough.
(39:52):
As far as your depression, Ihave everything I need like and
more.
I mean I wasn't rich but Icould do whatever I wanted to do
in that time and get up.
And when I met Heidi, it Icould do whatever I wanted to do
in that time and get up.
And when I met Heidi, it wasmore like but are you happy?
And I never understoodhappiness in that moment.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
I mean I guess We've talked about that before you and
me like the difference betweenhappiness and joy.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
You know what I mean.
So I'm like I guess I am, Icould do whatever I want, like
I'm not hurting for anything.
And she's like, yeah, you go.
You know, I mean not knowing.
That conversation would thenlead me to like you know what?
I've never met anyone like you,like you have my best interest
and I tell every man that whenyou find that woman that has
(40:31):
your best interest and she isconcerned with where your soul
will desire once you leave thisearth, that's who you want to be
with.
That's the person's gonna holdyou down as we quote unquote
stay in the streets.
That's to hold you down to theT because she won't let you be
what you want to be.
She's going to challenge you inevery area to make you a better
you.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah, it's not so much a pursuit of what you want
to be, but who you're meant tobe Exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
You know what I mean, so that's what I try to convey
to anyone that comes to me.
Like yo, my wife not going tolie.
Sometimes yo, she do get on mynerve, but when I go back and I
sit down I think about what shesays, like you know what she's
right, though.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah, I hate that.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, you feel me Like, yeah,why'd you have to go and say
that?
Yeah, you know what I mean.
But yeah, man, to me is, mostof the time our relationships,
our worldly relationships,influence how we interact with
God.
Yeah, when it should be theother way around.
(41:26):
God should, sorry, influencehow we interact with one another
.
Yeah, right, so if I have a badrelationship with my father, I
might have a bad relationshipwith my spiritual father.
Yeah, because it's through mybad relationship or good
relationship or whatever, that Itry to understand God, when
(41:47):
instead I should be looking atmy worldly father going and how
do I be a son to him, like I'm ason to God the Father?
How do I be, how do I love youthe way I love God the Father?
Right, so we've always got itin reverse.
Yeah, got it in reverse.
Yeah, so, thinking about that,you know how do you think.
(42:07):
So let's say let's, let's behypothetical yeah how does
anthony dad, how do you be a dadthat's informed by how god is
your father like?
How do you with with yourchildren, with your spouse, with
Heidi like, how do you approachthat starting from God out
(42:27):
versus from them back to God?
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You know what, and I think if I answer this question
wrong, just forgive me.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
No, man, just use your imagination Like what do
you think?
Speaker 2 (42:38):
I think I understand the question and I think I'm
going to answer it in the waythat I know best.
I think I understand thequestion and I think I'm going
to answer it in the way that Iknow best To me.
God is love and when I look atanybody in the world, that's
what I see.
You know what I mean.
So when I look at you and Iapproach you, you can do.
I don't have expectations ofpeople.
Once I learn who you are andyou show me who you are as a
(42:59):
person, I take that and I try tounderstand, like yo, you gonna
do what you do and I love you.
From that standpoint, I won'tgive you the room to hurt me.
But God is love and, with thatbeing said, whatever you do as
my son, as my wife, as my mother, it's not saying that I won't,
(43:21):
I won't take it to heart, butI'll forgive you, no matter what
the situation is, because, nomatter what, it's, like yo, you
you're my family and God didn'tgive up on me and I'm not going
to give up on you.
You know what I mean.
So that's how I really approacha lot of people in my life.
But I have a small circle.
I've narrowed it down towards,like you know what, if I can
(43:41):
live without you and you're notserving a purpose in my life,
then so be it.
So, right now, I only havereally like three people as
males that I talk to you myfriend CJ, which is like my
solid man, and my brother, uh,sam, and then Heidi as my wife.
Other than that, my family andthat's where my biggest struggle
comes from is because my family, all women and they all have
(44:04):
male issues and it's like man.
It's taken life out of me intrying to be there for them, as
you know, family, and I take astep back to realize like, but
you know what my wife needs memore than that and that energy
that I'm putting toward them.
I got to redirect that to herand now my children.
(44:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
So the way.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
I was able to do.
That was more like you knowwhat.
No matter what y'all do, I'vemade up in my mind that you are
my mother, you are my sister andI know the pain and the things
you went through in life and Iknow what makes you who you are.
There's nothing you can do thatcan hurt me.
You know what I mean.
So, with that being said,whenever you want to talk to me,
you call me.
I'm not going to require you tocall me every day.
(44:47):
If you do something that youknow to other people may be
hurtful to me, I'm morerealistic.
I have that eye like yo, butthat's her.
I expected that from her.
You know, what I mean.
If that makes any sense, Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
No, no, yeah, it's good, because we have this
really sobering realization thatwe are not God.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Or we are not Jesus.
We are called to be like thatyes, exactly, but no matter what
we do, you can be the most holyperson in the world and you're
nowhere close, Exactly.
And so how do we love peopleand protect ourselves?
Yeah Right, how people andprotect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Right, how do we put that little bit of a distance
and say I'm going to love you,but I'm going to love you over
there?
Yeah, right, and I'm not goingto allow you to hurt me.
Yeah, I'm going to.
But, yeah, protecting yourself,protecting your family, right,
because you do kind of have tobuild up the walls and have some
kind of bubble around yourfamily.
This is my wife, this whatcomes in and out it was
definitely.
But that doesn't mean I don'tlove you.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Exactly Right Because .
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Jesus man, you could be the worst person in the world
like the worst possible thingyou can think of and you're the
one he's up on that cross foryeah, he's like no, I love you
enough to do this.
Right, and so it's so heroic.
It's something that I think,for men at least, like we're
(46:08):
like oh yeah, I could, I coulddo that, I could do that, and
then, when it comes down to it,we're like I'm a coward, you
know, like I don't know how, orwhatever right.
So yeah, man, that's, that'sreally interesting, so okay.
So if there was one of myfavorite things about doing a
podcast is like this stuff,it'll be there forever yeah.
so one of these days you'regonna be long gone, I'm gonna be
long gone.
Maybe my grandkids will hearthis, or something like this.
Right, so there's something youcould say to all your kids,
either individually or to themas a group, like what would be
(46:29):
the one thing you would wantthem to know more than anything
else?
Man?
Speaker 2 (46:37):
You know what?
I would definitely say that, nomatter how you view life,
you're not a mistake.
God has put you here for apurpose.
No matter what you believe, nomatter what you hear, and as
long as you pursue lovingyourself, knowing yourself and
(46:58):
just trying to figure out yourpurpose in life, everything else
would take care of itself.
You know what I mean.
That's one thing I want morefor my children, more than
anything, is to grow up knowingthat they're much more than what
society will depict them to be.
You know what I mean.
Like yo, you're much more thanjust I don't know what words to
(47:19):
use without making anyone feelany type of way but just to know
that there is something insideof you that, if you dig deep
enough inside yo, you're goingto change the perspective of so
many people, because, for one,you come from me right, but yeah
you come from me, you know whatI mean.
But no, really like just man.
Follow your heart and thejourney is beautiful.
(47:41):
It's a beautiful ride, full ofpain, man.
Follow your heart and thejourney is beautiful.
It's a beautiful ride, Full ofpain, man, Full of joy.
You know it can be hellsometimes.
You know what I mean, but it beall right.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
It be all right you feel me I do.
All right, man, this has beengreat.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Thanks for this, that's right.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
Everyone who joined us.
Thanks for joining us and we'llsee you next time.
God bless Peace.
Welcome to the my Friend the Friar podcast and
thanks for listening.
If you like my Friend the Friarand want to support us, please
consider subscribing orfollowing us.
If you haven't already done so,and if you found us on YouTube,
then don't forget to click thenotification bell when you
subscribe so you'll be notifiedof new episodes when they
release.
Thanks again and God bless.
(00:21):
See if that's working.
I feel like mine kind of felldown a little bit.
Yep, good enough.
What do they say?
They fix it in post-production,all right, welcome to the
(00:45):
podcast.
Thanks for joining me and myfriend Anthony.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Not the friar.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Anthony Alexander, all right, father Stephen's busy
.
He's traveling.
I think he's in Missouri rightnow.
Anyway, I can't keep track ofhim.
Yeah, he's super busy.
What do friars do?
Do they friar?
What's the verb for evangelize,preaching?
I don't know what he's doing.
He's off doing something right.
(01:14):
So Anthony here is joining me.
Nobody knows who you are, so Idon't know.
Real quick, you want to saysomething about yourself.
Help us know who you are.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I'm just a man from around the way.
You feel me Not too much toknow.
I'm from Texas, Dallas to beexact Clothing brand.
I'm dedicated to the loss of myson.
Basically, he passed back in 08due to a heart complication.
So when he passed I was kind ofstuck with the hurt and the
(01:48):
pain of trying to figure outexactly what to do with all that
emotion that I had pertainingto his death.
So, yeah, I just decided tolook deeper into his death and
kind of figure out what it meantto me and how could I take the
pain to kind of help me moveforward in life without blaming
God, as I did in the beginning.
(02:11):
But I quickly learned that Godgave me I wouldn't say gave me,
he allowed it to happen for areason.
You know what I mean so in doingthat, I was able to take a
lesson from it, and ever sincethen I've just been trying to
grind and hustle to make hismemory last forever yeah, you
know I mean so and that's, andthat's what we're talking about
today is fatherhood.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, so that's going to be our big topic.
Um man, what's cool is becauseyou and I've been friends for
yeah a minute.
Now it's been a while, so it'skind of sometimes we, we do this
icebreaker.
So how good is your whichobviously you don't need because
we know each other but uh, justfor fun, how good, how good's
your country voice, like, ifyou're gonna do like a redneck
(02:51):
kind of my country voice.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Uh, you have a pretty good one like way back there
you know what?
I don't know.
I think I have a good country,southern I don't want to use the
word, you know, slang country.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Okay, okay, you feel me, yeah, so the reason I ask is
Betty does so.
She had this question.
Who is the angel of the Lord?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
And for some reason she was asking it and she kind
of got on this kick and so shewould just keep saying it over
and over, but then it turnedinto a country accent so she's
like who is the angel of theload?
So a lot of times we just havepeople ask who is the angel of
the Lord?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
in a country accent.
No, I got you, you got it.
You want to give a shot?
Yeah, say it again.
Whose way?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Who is the angel of the Lord?
It's like load.
Who is the angel of the load?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
load.
Who is angel of the load?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I don't know, I can't do in the country accent.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
It's got to be like my accent, you know.
Go for it.
Go for it, yo.
Who, the angel of the lord, youfeel me?
It's like you had no syllables,just you're running it on just
run it through.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yeah, run it through.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
That's funny take your time don't make betty laugh
.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
That's good um cool.
What was your son's name?
It was.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
What is sorry is it was anthony alexander roberts,
so my real last name was roberts.
Um, I don't know.
My father never seen him, nevertalked to him.
So when my son was born Iwanted a, a name that kind of to
me stuck out.
I'm a fan of the romanistic eramythology.
(04:25):
So, with that being said, notsaying alexander the greatest
part of that, but he definitelyis in that era, you know I mean.
So I wanted my son's name to besomething I could be proud of,
that I loved and that I can just, you know, have fun with.
So I took his middle name andnamed it alexander.
But when he passed, I wanted mychildren born after him to have
a name that would keep hismemory alive.
(04:47):
So I changed my last name toAlexander.
You know what I mean.
So it all really came from him.
His middle name was Alexanderand I changed my last name once
he passed to Alexander.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
So my kids would have you know the last name as well
Nice, okay, and you have otherkids.
What are their names?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
We have William Isaiah Alexander uh, italy's
Elizabeth Alexander and AnthonyLangston Alexander.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
So that's how many?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
three boys, three no two boys.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Well with Anthony Roberts past three boys, one
girl, oh nice, and Italy's isabout to turn one, yeah, one on
Monday, yeah Tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
That's so awesome.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
That's crazy's crazy, though, man, how fast time goes
it is um, what's your favoritething about her so far?
Because, I mean, surprisingly,you got a lot of personality
before you hit one years old.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
You know that's it, though her personality.
I think it's a mixture of meand heidi together and the faces
that she makes like whenever Ilook at her.
I don't know who it of me andheidi together and the faces
that she makes like whenever Ilook at her.
I don't know who it is, me orheidi.
You know I mean so when?
I look and I'm like, I'm like,yo, what did you get this from?
From seeing her come out as ababy.
And you know you question thatlike I wonder, when you become a
certain age, like who would youtake more after your mother of
(06:01):
me?
Yeah you know, I mean.
So I think low key, I thinkit's me yeah you know, I mean, I
think her attitude is more ofmine, but I think her, her
sassiness, of course, is heidi,you feel me, I don't own that
yeah, yeah, yeah, you're pretty,you're pretty mellow yeah, well
, I mean at times right
Speaker 1 (06:19):
we all have those moments where we kind of light
up, yeah, right.
Yeah, so with fatherhood,before we get into that.
So I find you to be a veryreasonable person.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, I appreciate it .
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so I've been actually in my prayer and my
study a lot lately.
I've been kind of investigatingand contemplating reason and I
don't know what it was that.
You know, I heard somebodyprobably on another podcast
saying something about it and itreally kind of stuck in my
brain and so I want to kind oflay this down first, because I
(06:58):
think it's the framework that wecan then talk about fatherhood.
Yeah Right, okay, so there'sthree types of reason, and
there's probably more, butthere's three types of reason,
um, and there's probably more,but there's three at least that
we're going to look at.
Uh, one of them deductivereasoning.
Well, before I get into this,um, the thing to keep in mind is
that everybody's reason.
(07:18):
You can get to the wrongconclusion no matter what you
have sound logic, everythinglines up, but you can still get
to the wrong conclusion.
But that doesn't mean it was abad mental exercise, no right,
okay.
So deductive reasoning is kindof like hypothesis examination
conclusion a equals b, b equals.
Or if a equals b and b equals c, then a equals c, yeah, right,
(07:41):
because you kind of get to that,that train, so, um, so I wrote
this down, so I don't.
I don't mess it up, because I'mstill learning it.
So so we've got all theselogical components, and these
logical components bring us tothis logical conclusion.
But I'm going to show you how,where it makes sense, if a
equals b and b equals c, then aequals C as well, and how we can
(08:03):
get something wrong.
So if A is humans, okay, and Bis Anthony, and so then if all
humans are named Anthony andAnthony is your name, then
you're a human right, but theproblem is my name's, not
(08:24):
Anthony, yeah, so am I not?
a human Right, but the problemis my name's not Anthony.
Yeah, so am I not a human Right?
So it's like it makes sense,but you got to the wrong
conclusion even though the logicmade sense.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Right, and so we can think of this fatherhood too,
right.
Like all, fathers have children.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
You have children.
You're a father yeah Right, soit makes sense in that way.
You're a father no right, so itmakes sense in that way.
But we also know um kind oflike what you're hitting at with
with your father.
Yeah, there's a differencebetween being a biological
father like I made a child andbeing a father.
Yeah, right.
So even in this case, where itmade sense, it's still.
(09:01):
There's something deeper yeahthere, right.
Second kind of reasoninginductive.
So you're basically taking likea broad generalization of
information, right, and you'retrying to come to a conclusion.
So let's say we're having thesame conversation, we're at a
men's conference or somethingfor fathers, okay, and you see,
(09:23):
everyone in the audience is adad, and so you might assume
that all men are fathers, butnot all men are fathers.
It's just in that instance, inthat case, where we are, the
data suggests that all men arefathers.
You know, you can even go outin the parking lot and you find
you know a man who's not afather, kind of thing.
(09:45):
It's just where we were, wherewe are.
In that instance, the data thatwe have, the information we
have, leads us to a certainconclusion, but it could be
false, okay.
Last one is abductive reasoningand it's kind of like inductive
.
But you're kind of moving withincomplete data, incomplete
(10:05):
observations, and you're tryingto get to what's the most likely
thing.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Okay.
So give you a scenario.
Let's say you walk outside,right, and the grass is wet
first thing in the morning.
Okay, you might conclude.
Okay, the water sprinklers ranovernight, yeah, okay, if you
look at your neighbor's yard andtheir grass is wet too, maybe
their sprinklers ran overnight.
Yeah, okay, if you look at yourneighbor's yard and their grass
is wet too, maybe theirsprinklers ran too, right yeah
(10:31):
or maybe something else happenedand you look at the driveway
driveway's wet, the streets arewet, the trees are wet, the
rooftops wet, yeah, so do youthink the sprinklers went off or
it rained?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, so themore information you get, yeah
you start to kind of puttogether what really happened,
but, like in that case, youstill can't be 100 sure.
Because, like what if a firetruck drove by and it had a
(10:53):
leaky valve and it sprayed waterall over the the street?
yeah, you know, I mean likewhatever like you still never
truly know, but you can get to apoint of confidence in what you
know.
Yeah, right, so, um, so youcan't just rely on the one thing
, and I think that's what a lotof people do.
A lot of times and I was havingthis conversation with my buddy
(11:14):
, chris, the other day tooPeople want that one thing.
Yeah, that's like show me theone thing that's going to
convince me of something onething that's going to convince
me of something.
Well, that's like the A to B toC, like show me one thing, but
that one's really easy to makewrong.
But if you get all the bits ofinformation, you might be able
to start putting togethersomething that is reasonably
(11:37):
believable or true, that you cankind of build your life on.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Or your understanding of a moment or people or
whatever.
So you can't build your life onright, or your understanding of
a moment or people or whatever,right, so you can't.
The trick is you can't.
You can't be so settled, Iguess, that you're unwilling to
to contemplate otherperspectives or, more sorry, you
can't be, yeah, so settled thatyou're not willing to take in
more information and expand yourthought, but you can't be, so
(12:06):
you can't be so unsettled thatanything that changes everything
falls apart.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Right.
So you have to kind of findthat sweet spot.
So that's the trick.
So all of that kind of buildson the foundation of why I think
you're such a reasonable person.
Yeah, because there are a lotof people out there who are a to
b to c, no um, and that'seither just kind of the way
their mind works or their lifeexperiences, like they haven't
(12:31):
had a huge variety ofexperiences that have helped
them to understand yeah whatthings are.
But that's not you man likeyou've got a lot of experience.
Yeah, I appreciate that man,that's peace you know what I
mean.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, so well it without all the data, it's like
how are you supposed to know?
Yeah, yeah, you've got a lot ofexperience.
Yeah, I appreciate that man.
That's peace.
You know what I mean, yeah, sowell.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Without all the data it's like how are you supposed
to know?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
And so, with all that I don't know like, what do you
think makes a father a father?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Man.
Honestly, I think I've beenasking myself that question for
a while now, and I think it'sbecause of my situation and I
think that, growing up in abroken home for one, I never
truly understood what a fatherreally was.
I had a stepfather, right, butmy stepfather had secrets too
that I never knew about.
I remember going inside thecloset one day and seeing a
(13:22):
present wrapped and when Ipulled it out the closet it had
a name little jerry, and that'smy father's, my stepfather's
name, right when I would go tochurch with him, people would
say, hey, is that little jerry?
And I'm like little jerry.
Oh, did you send him becauseI'm a junior?
Maybe because I'm just, youknow, like I'm brushing it off,
or whatever.
Yeah, come to find out he had auh son from a previous
(13:44):
relationship and in my family wehad a lot of secrets, so I
didn't even know that he wasn'tmy real dad.
So I was like 13 years old, youknow I mean so, going through
life, I never really paidattention, um to like I don't
know how to explain it the bondthat me and him had.
I just had a lot of resentmentof every situation that my
family had going on, so I neverpaid attention to anything
(14:04):
outside of.
I can't wait to get out of here, you know I mean.
So when I turned 15 I was gone.
After that I think I juststarted making my own
conclusions in my head abouteverything, like you said before
in life, because of myexperience.
Um.
So when I had my first child Ihad it out of wedlock and in
doing it I didn't know exactlythe complications that will come
(14:28):
with it, you know I mean.
But unfortunately he passed andum with that hurt me and his
mother experience.
It was more like yo, if we tryit again, do you think that
would bring us closer together?
Which was stupid.
I mean, now that I look back atI was 20, 28 at the time and
(14:48):
I'm like yo, let's do it again.
But then again I didn'tunderstand why.
Or you know, like what am Idoing this for with you?
We're not married, we're not inany, even in the relationship.
I guess we're doing it to kindof ease some pain and kind of
see how would this one come out.
And in doing it I brought achild inside the world, broken
already because of the home notbeing unified.
(15:11):
So I think through it at leastI can finally kind of have that.
I wouldn wouldn't say closure,but begin that conversation with
myself about what really is afather, because now I have her
in the home with me every day.
I can look at her, I can pickher up, I can you know when she
cries.
Yo try to figure out what'swrong with her.
You know what I mean.
(15:31):
So I think now I'm on thatjourney Exactly what is a father
?
And for right now, what Ibelieve a father is is just
someone who is, I don't know man.
It's like you're not willing togive up on the idea of making
sure that you have this child'sbest interests from the time
that they're in this world untilthe time they're on their own,
(15:53):
outside of your reach.
You know what I mean.
I have to be the better personfor myself.
Every day when I wake up, Ineed to be the better version.
So I need to keep learning moreabout myself so that I can then
teach this little person whenthey're navigating through life,
like how to maintain emotions,how to look out for the snakes
in the grass and excuse my youknow talk.
(16:14):
It's just like my other sidecoming out.
You know what I mean, but, um,like I said, I'm still on that
journey, trying to figure outthat question.
And, um, I mean I I wouldn'tsay that I'm I don't use the
wrong word I'm not regretful ofthe decisions I made, um,
because of my children.
I mean, I love all of them.
(16:35):
I think I just wish I wouldhave done it right so that they
wouldn't have to be brought upin the home where the father is
not present, right.
And I think that, to me, iswhere, when she was born, I was
able to have that conversationwith myself, because even with
(16:55):
the children living outside thehome, I always had to doubt like
man, I messed up, I'm not agood father.
If I was a good father, I wouldbe with the mother and I would
be there with them every day.
I'll be able to go to everyfootball game, every basketball
game, go to every schoolrecreational activity when
needed.
You know what I mean.
So I think that made me doubtmyself in a lot of ways, having,
(17:16):
you know, those situationsoutside of home yeah but, um,
she's brought a whole new aspectto me, um, since she's been
born, and um, yeah, man, I thinkI'm having a conversation with
myself right now I think that'sthe whole point.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, yeah, that's it , yeah, that's, but that's
that's really interesting.
And again, this goes back towhy I think you're such a
reasonable person because,you're as you're, you're diving
deeply into this with Idelis.
You're like, well, wait, whatdoes that mean about me as a
father for my other children?
But if I don't find you to bethe kind of person who just goes
(17:49):
, yeah, I don't know, and justkind of move on right.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, no so.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Idelis is probably going to change how you are a
father to your other children.
Yeah right, going to change howyou are a father to your other
children.
Yeah, right, and how can I finda way that I can love them and
provide for them and be therefor them?
But it's different, right?
Yeah, because you and Heidi aremarried.
So there is this new entity inthe marriage that demands a
(18:15):
certain degree of I don't knowrespect, a certain degree of I
don't know respect, and thereare things that are unique to
that, which are not there withyour other children's mothers.
Yeah, right, and so you have tofigure out how to navigate that
and still be there for them andstill have the children
understand that we're family.
(18:37):
Yeah, and it's messy and it'scomplicated yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It's very complicated because a lot of the times
there's a lot of envious andjealousy in it.
Right, because of the mothers.
I'm not saying that they'rejealous, oh, he moved on and
this and this and this.
I think it's more like this iswhy god kind of told us, you
know, like or not to have sexbefore marriage, because I don't
think we realize the damagethat it causes each other and
(19:04):
the children at the time.
I think in the moment of youknow just what they call it
passion less, whatever you'redoing whatever and you're not
really thinking about theconsequences.
So a lot of the times now forme personally, the mothers are
still seeing me as that oldAnthony, like they don't see the
new Anthony that Heidi has,like even though I still mess up
.
When they look at me it's morelike oh, he's just that, still
(19:26):
who I met back then and that'stranslating to the child, kind
of you know what I mean and I'llbe open, like I don't believe
in hide anything.
So my son William, and hismother I believe that's what's
going on right now like I waskept from him the first three
years of his life, basically,you know, I mean, when he was
(19:48):
born, um, she had me goingthrough this whole court
situation to where it kind ofand I'm not gonna lie at the
point made me want to give up,because when anthony was, which
is, it's a get kind of confusing.
So let me try to break it down.
So it's not right.
Um, we're not talking about theAnthony.
That passed.
My other two sons were born twomonths apart.
(20:11):
And at this time of my life Iwas like man living it up in all
the wrong ways and I was movingreal fast and I'm not caring
about anything in life, justreally on this, you know, road
to destruction because of thepain that I felt because of
anthony, uh, alexander the past,you know I mean so when I had,
(20:32):
um, those two, anthony langstonand his mother, were cool.
We're like best friends, youknow what I mean.
That's like, well, I wouldn'tsay best friends.
I would say that then we werebest friends.
Now we just have this verystrong respect for one another
because of the fact that we havethis child together.
But the other mother is totallydifferent.
(20:52):
You know what I mean.
She is more like I hate you.
I don't think you understandthe issues you put me through
and what I realized is thatbefore me she had relationship
issues that I then contributedto you, played into it.
(21:19):
Played into it, right.
So it's not really me thatshe's mad at.
She's really mad at, I wouldn'tsay herself, but she's kind of
mad at the whole situation.
I am again with x, y and z.
You know, I mean, how did I dothis?
Oh, you know what it's him, andI think she, she, she never
knew me well enough to reallyunderstand who I was as a person
yeah like you said before, youknow me.
So when you look at me you havethis whole depiction of who I am
as a character with her and itmakes me sound so bad when I say
this.
But I'm not, you know.
I mean it was like one of thosegod forgive me, it's like a one
(21:42):
night stand type situation andI think that's what I had to
realize.
Like you know what thisindividual, when she's, when
she's, you know, coming at me inall different ways, attitude
wise, um, just going off on me,it's not really me, because she
doesn't really know me yeah, youknow, I mean I'm trying to get
to her to understand.
Like yo, we can work together toraise this child, but with her
(22:03):
it's more like I don't want thatwith you yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
You kind of become this embodiment of all the
things that she's angry exactlyyou know I mean.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So it took me a while to understand that, because
before I would feed into it likeyou know what, forget it, I
give up.
You know, I mean it shouldn'tbe this hard.
And I'm comparing myrelationship with her to the
mother of Anthony Langston andI'm like why can't it be like
that?
And if it's not, this is nothealthy for me, which is stupid
for me to think like that anyway.
(22:33):
But over the years it's made memore tougher and resilient
toward um, that situation as andyou know what I'm not going to
give up no matter how it looks.
You know what I mean.
So I think along the way a lotof it kind of helped put things
in perspective.
So when I talk to young, youknow men, now it's more like yo,
you got to be careful of onewho you entangle yourself with.
(22:53):
You got to be careful when youare, you know, in this world,
you know laying up with people.
You know what I mean.
Like I tell them this is whyGod gave us the I wouldn't say
commandment, but the advice ofnot to, you know, sleep around
before marriage because it doescause so much.
(23:15):
I mean.
You know strife within thekid's life, everybody, when it's
broken.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yeah, a couple things kind of spring to my mind when
you're saying this.
I've heard this saying thatcomparison is the thief of joy.
Yeah, so when you startcomparing different people,
different situations, it'll robyou of what is present that you
could have right.
So that kind of came to my mind.
The other thing I'm thinking ofis how it's interesting.
(23:45):
So the law thinking secularly,like I don't know, speed limit
signs or whatever right, the lawof our country is there.
You can kind of think of it,somebody with a stronger will or
authority imposing things onyou, right?
So, yeah, you want to driveyour car, that's fine.
Just don't drive over the speedlimit or else there's
(24:05):
consequences.
Exactly Right.
So but how that differs fromGod's law?
Yeah, because God's law, rightwhere he says you get married,
you become one.
Yeah, his law is there toencourage you to flourish in
life.
So instead of just saying no,don't do these things, like God,
(24:27):
he's such a gentleman, right?
He's like go do what you wantto do, that's fine.
There's consequences, though,but the consequences are it's
life or death right.
So you can go do whatever youwant that's going to lead to
death in some way, shape or form.
Or here's law and you can doyour best to follow it, and the
more you grapple with this overthe course of your life, the
more you're going to grow andthrive yeah.
(24:49):
Right, and just imagine man.
Just imagine what it would belike all those families out
there if all the couples werestill married, yeah, yeah, out
there if, if they were all, allthe couples were still married.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, yeah, I mean that I.
I have that thought sometimesand I think about what the world
will look like.
You know, I mean.
But then I snap back in realityand it's more like, as long as
we have evil and good, I mean it.
It's.
Yeah, you gotta marry badpeople too.
Yeah yeah, you know I mean, butit never and I hate to sound so
like negative, but it's like itnever marry bad people too, yeah
yeah, you know I mean, but itnever and I hate to sound so
like negative, but it's like itnever will change and I think
(25:24):
the best that we can do iseducate people or encourage
people as we continue to growand try to, you know, save as
many as we can to keep fromgoing down that road.
Yeah, letting them know likethis does really damage the kid,
because even growing up I wasdamaged which I didn't even know
until I went to counseling theeffects that my broken home had
(25:45):
on me.
You know I mean, and, um, Iwould never want that for my
children, but I understand nowthe challenge in it, um, exactly
again why god gave us, you know, as you say, the law.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
You know I mean to go by and it's like man, I wish I
would have listened a little bita little bit more well and and
but the the flip side of thistoo, which I I also think is
really kind of interesting, thefact that you didn't listen yeah
and now you carry this with you, right?
Uh, when?
When jesus came back to life,right after the crucifixion,
when he, after the resurrection,when he presented himself to
(26:19):
the apostles yeah, you know,you're like doubting Thomas.
He's like I won't believe untilI put my fingers in the hole in
his hand and his side right,like I don't believe until I see
it right.
So when Jesus after hisresurrection, he still had the
wounds.
Yeah, and I think there'ssomething very deeply there to
(26:39):
contemplate is his wounds wereredemptive for other people.
It brought Thomas into beliefbecause he could see the pain or
he could experience the woundcaused by the crucifixion.
Right, and so thinking nowabout our lives, right, it's the
guy who goes to prison and getsout of prison and says you
(27:01):
don't want to do that, brother.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
You're going to listen to him because he's been
there, exactly Right.
The guy who's the addict, who'ssaying you don't want to try
that.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
You're going to listen to him, yeah, so our
wounds become redemptive toother people too.
I think, as really crappy as itis right how things play out I
mean, I can say the same thingin my life too the bad choices
that I've made that have hurtpeople are like the holes in my
(27:33):
hands and the hole in my sidefrom the crucifixion.
They're the things that havebeen redeemed.
My pain has been redeemedenough to where I can go and
help other people not do that,or if they've done it, I can
help them through it.
So I think it's something.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
It's a hard medicine to swallow, but I think there's
something there to really thinkof it is because, I mean, every
negative situation has apositive, positive and I think
we have to be willing to gothrough and find that positive.
So, even though sometimes Idon't like the burn and the
headache and and the worriesthat come with it, yeah, um, as
you say, it's still my story,you know.
(28:14):
I mean my story definitely canhelp other individuals from not
going down the same road.
But yeah, that's peace, man.
I agree with you saying so wehad a.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
this is something new that I've been hearing about,
and I think this is somethingkind of interesting too, because
I think it goes to what you'vebeen describing as father and
marriage.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Right how the two are very closely related.
Yeah, and so we had a Pope acouple Popes ago, pope John Paul
II.
Yeah, you said a couple Popesago, yeah, yeah, a couple Popes
ago, yeah, saint Pope John PaulII.
He wrote this and I want to goget the document and actually
read it, cause I hear a lot ofteaching about it.
(29:02):
But he, the thing he wrote wasthe theology of the body, and so
the document speaks to thesacredness and the holiness of
our, our bodies, like who we are.
We're not just a soul, liketrapped in a body that we're
like controlling, like a robotor something.
We're not just our bodies.
We're both right, and with thatcomes the differences, the
(29:26):
beautiful complimentarydifferences between man and
woman.
Sex, all that stuff all plays apart of it, because who we are
as creatures, right.
So I was listening to this guytalking about it and he was
specifically talking about the,the theology of a man's body,
and as he was saying this I waslike what, like mind blown.
(29:46):
I'd never thought of thisbefore yeah right.
So you know how, like all, allthe words we use have some kind
of ancient root word like thatit comes from right, okay, uh,
have you ever thought of whatthe root word for testicle is?
No, Never.
Like why would anybody think ofthat?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
right.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
But anyway.
So he starts talking about itand I'm like, wait, what?
What?
Whoa mind blown, right.
So the root part is test, right.
You're like, okay, so what'sthe root word of that mean?
So it comes from some old Latinword, yeah, and what that word
to test means is when they wouldmelt like metal ore, they would
(30:30):
pour them in these little claypots and they'd see how the
metal would settle.
Yeah, or the liquid, I guessit's all molten right.
So they would see if it wouldsettle, because they were
testing it to see if there'sanything valuable in it gold,
silver stuff like that Okay.
so that's cool.
So now, to test something meansyou're looking for something,
but it's not just you're lookingfor something that the result
(30:52):
testifies to something, right.
So it speaks to something.
It speaks, in this case, thatthere's something valuable in
this thing, okay.
Speaks to something.
Speaks, in this case, thatthere's something valuable in
this thing, okay.
So, more interestingly thanthat, then when the church was
putting together the Old and NewTestaments of the Bible
Testaments, yeah so there's thatword again.
(31:12):
So that word testamenttestamentum, it doesn't talk to
it doesn't necessarily just meanlike I'm testifying to
something, I am bearing witnessto something.
It also means they used it toreplace the Greek word for
covenant yeah, so it is acovenant and a covenant.
(31:37):
So the difference between, likea contract and a covenant, okay
, is if you and I had a contracttogether and we're agreeing for
an exchange of goods orservices, for money or something
, you make a cool shirt.
I have a contract with you.
I'm going to buy 500 shirts andI'm going to give you this much
(31:57):
money, but they've got to begood quality, right kind of
thing.
Got to be good quality, yeah,right, kind of thing.
That's a contract, yeah, acovenant instead is an exchange
of peoples.
So a marriage is not a contract, it's a covenant.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
It's a we belong to one another now, yeah, there's
no separating this thing.
And so all of that then goes tothe root word of our male
genitals.
It is a testament, it is thething that testifies to where
you come from.
(32:32):
It's who you belong to.
Comes from this place, yeah, tocomes from this place, yeah,
and that is supposed to be, inthe Christian view at least,
intimately tied to marriage,yeah.
So we have this covenant thatforms and in this covenant we
(32:53):
have life.
Comes from it, right, and thatlife that comes from it
testifies back to our covenant,comes from it, testifies back to
our covenant, and our marriageis a sign of jesus and god's
love for his people.
So all of those things bringinglife, that that's the first
commandment god gives.
He makes adam and eve and hesays go, be fruitful and
(33:13):
multiply yeah, right.
So all of the all of that, godspeaks back to this covenant,
this testifying, this witnessingto our relationship with our
spouses.
So having children,relationship with spouse,
relationship with Christ,relationship with God as his
people, as his creation, stufflike that.
(33:34):
And just thinking about allthat, when this guy was talking,
I was like what the heck?
But it shows that they had avery deep understanding when
they chose that word for thatbody part yeah yeah, right,
there they're.
Like there is something herethat you should understand.
Anyway, I don't know like itseemed relevant to the kind of
thing we're going to talk abouttoday I just wanted to kind of
(33:56):
share it and just see what yeah,kind of what you think yo, man,
I mean, honestly, I neverthought I thought on the lines
of anything that deep.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
I mean, from listening to you, I'm like yo, I
understand it.
Yeah, it makes sense.
And I'm like man, okay, youtaught me something new today.
Yeah, like it's crazy.
Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
And it even kind of shows that deep connection with
bringing life, having children,to God too.
In Psalm 139, it says it saysFor you formed my inward parts,
you knitted me together in mymother's womb.
I praise you, for I amwondrously made.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
So just even God, so intimately, knows us that in
that moment of conception thatcovenant is present.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's something to think about.
That's for real.
I'm going to take that with meand ponder on that Like yo.
That was deep.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah, it's something right.
There's definitely things thereto think of and, you know, I
think there's a how I say I likethat you said earlier.
When you talk to young men, youtry and caution them about
certain things and I think a lotof times our world, we will do
things such as um, how do I live, how do I encourage you or
(35:20):
encourage myself to live a lifethat is like good enough?
yeah like I'm gonna stay out of.
Like you know you do what youthink, just don't get.
Don't get caught up in the law,right?
So like do your thing up tothat line yeah we're, you know,
get away with what you can getaway with, just don't cross it
yeah and that's kind of a verydifferent thought than teaching
(35:41):
someone to pursue virtue.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Exactly, and I think that's to me that's the most
important thing.
I tell a lot of young men like,don't waste time.
If I would have listened to alot of older people when I was
younger explain some of thethings to me that how they did,
I would be I wouldn't say morefar ahead than what I am right
now, but I would have savedmyself a lot of hurt and pain.
(36:05):
You know what I mean.
It's like I tell them all thetime don't worry about you, know
, um, don't worry about worldlythings, don't worry about the
women, don't worry about themoney.
Focus on who you are, yourpurpose in life, what is your
purpose.
When you focus on that,everything else will come and
(36:25):
you will know that it's meant tobe.
And my mom told me one thingI'll never forget, because when
I was growing up as you alreadyknow I was I was bad, yeah, and
my first car I ever had was aLexus at 19.
And when I brought it home shesaid you know you think you, you
think you hot stuff, don't you?
And I'm like you know I do whatI do and she was like.
(36:46):
Well, if it's a blessing fromGod, he'll make it to where
you'll always be able to keep it, and if it's from the devil,
he'll make it to where it'salways going to go, and you have
to do things to keep getting itback you know I mean like you
will lose this, but you got toget it back and that ambition
and that drive in you is comingfrom him and I try to explain
that to young men like yo.
Understand your spirit,understand exactly who you are
(37:07):
in this world, because now theyhave social media, um depicting
um what it means to be a man.
You know I mean in order to getthis, get this, you have to
have this house, this car, thisis so they're chasing material
things yeah and it's kind oflike yo, that's not really gonna
make you happy.
If you do get this audi a8,they're gonna come out with
another one two years later.
You're gonna want that one,right?
(37:28):
If they come out with this pairof gucci shoes, they're gonna
come out another pair next yearand you're gonna want that.
You're constantly chasingthings that really don't matter
you know, I mean like love, youfigure out you are and just
focus on that aspect and just yogrow within yourself.
I mean we have moreconversation than that, but it's
(37:49):
like the easiest way to breakit down.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
You know, what's sad, too, is because I often tell
people, when I can, a little offtopic.
I'm a super feminist in the waythat I sense that I mean that
what it is to be a woman callsmen to their highest calling.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Right, you think of the old fairytale kind of
stories, right, like somebody'sbuddy gets kidnapped by the
dragon.
They don't go save him.
They're like sorry bud, yeah,it didn't work out for you.
The princess is in the tower.
Yeah, they go to war to go savethe princess, yeah, right.
So there's like something aboutwoman that calls men to their
kind of greatness.
(38:28):
Yeah, and with all the socialmedia stuff, yeah, you know,
cars, the women.
Women have to look a certainway, have to act a certain way,
have to be a certain way.
Yeah, right, so it's calling usdown into this kind of base
level of being that there'snothing virtuous about it, and I
think, unfortunately, becausewe all have such a desire to be
(38:50):
loved and to love and to beknown, and that intimacy.
It just turns into thisdownward snowball of things
where men are.
They're not just chasing cars,they're chasing women, and the
women want to be chased, sothey're doing whatever to
themselves to to be more likeexactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
And I think that that's one thing about Heidi
that that stood out, because Ilive in downtown for like 10
years and living in downtown youcome across a lot of different
situations, a lot of differentwomen and people, and I've never
known anyone outside of mymaybe my grandmother that wanted
(39:32):
my spirit to be saved more thanHeidi.
Like when I was around myfriends, they didn't care about
what I was going to have in hell.
All they cared about is whatare we doing now?
What's the next lick, how canyou get us to this next stage of
life and how can we accomplishmore and more and more?
And on the inside, I'm goingthrough it.
No one knew like what I'm goingthrough.
(39:52):
As far as your depression, Ihave everything I need like and
more.
I mean I wasn't rich but Icould do whatever I wanted to do
in that time and get up.
And when I met Heidi, it Icould do whatever I wanted to do
in that time and get up.
And when I met Heidi, it wasmore like but are you happy?
And I never understoodhappiness in that moment.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
I mean I guess We've talked about that before you and
me like the difference betweenhappiness and joy.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
You know what I mean.
So I'm like I guess I am, Icould do whatever I want, like
I'm not hurting for anything.
And she's like, yeah, you go.
You know, I mean not knowing.
That conversation would thenlead me to like you know what?
I've never met anyone like you,like you have my best interest
and I tell every man that whenyou find that woman that has
(40:31):
your best interest and she isconcerned with where your soul
will desire once you leave thisearth, that's who you want to be
with.
That's the person's gonna holdyou down as we quote unquote
stay in the streets.
That's to hold you down to theT because she won't let you be
what you want to be.
She's going to challenge you inevery area to make you a better
you.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah, it's not so much a pursuit of what you want
to be, but who you're meant tobe Exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
You know what I mean, so that's what I try to convey
to anyone that comes to me.
Like yo, my wife not going tolie.
Sometimes yo, she do get on mynerve, but when I go back and I
sit down I think about what shesays, like you know what she's
right, though.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah, I hate that.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, you feel me Like, yeah,why'd you have to go and say
that?
Yeah, you know what I mean.
But yeah, man, to me is, mostof the time our relationships,
our worldly relationships,influence how we interact with
God.
Yeah, when it should be theother way around.
(41:26):
God should, sorry, influencehow we interact with one another
.
Yeah, right, so if I have a badrelationship with my father, I
might have a bad relationshipwith my spiritual father.
Yeah, because it's through mybad relationship or good
relationship or whatever, that Itry to understand God, when
(41:47):
instead I should be looking atmy worldly father going and how
do I be a son to him, like I'm ason to God the Father?
How do I be, how do I love youthe way I love God the Father?
Right, so we've always got itin reverse.
Yeah, got it in reverse.
Yeah, so, thinking about that,you know how do you think.
(42:07):
So let's say let's, let's behypothetical yeah how does
anthony dad, how do you be a dadthat's informed by how god is
your father like?
How do you with with yourchildren, with your spouse, with
Heidi like, how do you approachthat starting from God out
(42:27):
versus from them back to God?
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You know what, and I think if I answer this question
wrong, just forgive me.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
No, man, just use your imagination Like what do
you think?
Speaker 2 (42:38):
I think I understand the question and I think I'm
going to answer it in the waythat I know best.
I think I understand thequestion and I think I'm going
to answer it in the way that Iknow best To me.
God is love and when I look atanybody in the world, that's
what I see.
You know what I mean.
So when I look at you and Iapproach you, you can do.
I don't have expectations ofpeople.
Once I learn who you are andyou show me who you are as a
(42:59):
person, I take that and I try tounderstand, like yo, you gonna
do what you do and I love you.
From that standpoint, I won'tgive you the room to hurt me.
But God is love and, with thatbeing said, whatever you do as
my son, as my wife, as my mother, it's not saying that I won't,
(43:21):
I won't take it to heart, butI'll forgive you, no matter what
the situation is, because, nomatter what, it's, like yo, you
you're my family and God didn'tgive up on me and I'm not going
to give up on you.
You know what I mean.
So that's how I really approacha lot of people in my life.
But I have a small circle.
I've narrowed it down towards,like you know what, if I can
(43:41):
live without you and you're notserving a purpose in my life,
then so be it.
So, right now, I only havereally like three people as
males that I talk to you myfriend CJ, which is like my
solid man, and my brother, uh,sam, and then Heidi as my wife.
Other than that, my family andthat's where my biggest struggle
comes from is because my family, all women and they all have
(44:04):
male issues and it's like man.
It's taken life out of me intrying to be there for them, as
you know, family, and I take astep back to realize like, but
you know what my wife needs memore than that and that energy
that I'm putting toward them.
I got to redirect that to herand now my children.
(44:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
So the way.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
I was able to do.
That was more like you knowwhat.
No matter what y'all do, I'vemade up in my mind that you are
my mother, you are my sister andI know the pain and the things
you went through in life and Iknow what makes you who you are.
There's nothing you can do thatcan hurt me.
You know what I mean.
So, with that being said,whenever you want to talk to me,
you call me.
I'm not going to require you tocall me every day.
(44:47):
If you do something that youknow to other people may be
hurtful to me, I'm morerealistic.
I have that eye like yo, butthat's her.
I expected that from her.
You know, what I mean.
If that makes any sense, Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
No, no, yeah, it's good, because we have this
really sobering realization thatwe are not God.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Or we are not Jesus.
We are called to be like thatyes, exactly, but no matter what
we do, you can be the most holyperson in the world and you're
nowhere close, Exactly.
And so how do we love peopleand protect ourselves?
Yeah Right, how people andprotect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Right, how do we put that little bit of a distance
and say I'm going to love you,but I'm going to love you over
there?
Yeah, right, and I'm not goingto allow you to hurt me.
Yeah, I'm going to.
But, yeah, protecting yourself,protecting your family, right,
because you do kind of have tobuild up the walls and have some
kind of bubble around yourfamily.
This is my wife, this whatcomes in and out it was
definitely.
But that doesn't mean I don'tlove you.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Exactly Right Because .
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Jesus man, you could be the worst person in the world
like the worst possible thingyou can think of and you're the
one he's up on that cross foryeah, he's like no, I love you
enough to do this.
Right, and so it's so heroic.
It's something that I think,for men at least, like we're
(46:08):
like oh yeah, I could, I coulddo that, I could do that, and
then, when it comes down to it,we're like I'm a coward, you
know, like I don't know how, orwhatever right.
So yeah, man, that's, that'sreally interesting, so okay.
So if there was one of myfavorite things about doing a
podcast is like this stuff,it'll be there forever yeah.
so one of these days you'regonna be long gone, I'm gonna be
long gone.
Maybe my grandkids will hearthis, or something like this.
Right, so there's something youcould say to all your kids,
either individually or to themas a group, like what would be
(46:29):
the one thing you would wantthem to know more than anything
else?
Man?
Speaker 2 (46:37):
You know what?
I would definitely say that, nomatter how you view life,
you're not a mistake.
God has put you here for apurpose.
No matter what you believe, nomatter what you hear, and as
long as you pursue lovingyourself, knowing yourself and
(46:58):
just trying to figure out yourpurpose in life, everything else
would take care of itself.
You know what I mean.
That's one thing I want morefor my children, more than
anything, is to grow up knowingthat they're much more than what
society will depict them to be.
You know what I mean.
Like yo, you're much more thanjust I don't know what words to
(47:19):
use without making anyone feelany type of way but just to know
that there is something insideof you that, if you dig deep
enough inside yo, you're goingto change the perspective of so
many people, because, for one,you come from me right, but yeah
you come from me, you know whatI mean.
But no, really like just man.
Follow your heart and thejourney is beautiful.
(47:41):
It's a beautiful ride, full ofpain, man.
Follow your heart and thejourney is beautiful.
It's a beautiful ride, Full ofpain, man, Full of joy.
You know it can be hellsometimes.
You know what I mean, but it beall right.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
It be all right you feel me I do.
All right, man, this has beengreat.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Thanks for this, that's right.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
Everyone who joined us.
Thanks for joining us and we'llsee you next time.
God bless Peace.
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