October 24, 2024 • 36 mins
When you feel so many things have changed in your life and that you've lost everything, it's very hard to see outside your situation, see that you are more than your job, or your former ability.
In this episode, MSSN founder Dr Caroline Howe speaks to Warren Davies, The Unbreakable Farmer, about his journey about rebuilding his life from a point where he thought he had lost everything. The is a story of hope, of shifting perspectives and how to not only move forward, but to thrive!
For more on Warren Davies' story, his website www.theunbreakablefarmer.com.au has more on his story and the work he is doing to help fix communities and individuals.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:00):
The following episode contains material that may be triggering to
some listeners. Listener discretion is advised. Hello and welcome to
the My Social Support Network podcast, a series to guide
you along the path to recovery while on workers compensation.
In this series, we will answer questions from you and
provide information from experts and people with lived experience currently
(00:21):
going through worker's compensation and those who have made their
way to the other side. Through these interactions, we'll be
giving you tools, advice, but most importantly, encouragement on what
can be a stressful time when you're also recovering from
an injury sustained in your workplace. I did real estate.
S2 (00:38):
For three years, and I found myself sitting around kitchen
tables with clients, taking off a real estate agent's hat
and putting on a counsellor's hat because I was dealing
basically in that time period, I was dealing with three
DS every day of my life death, divorce or drought.
S3 (00:55):
Today we're speaking to Warren. He is the unbreakable farmer.
Some of you will know him with all the work
he does around our country, rural and regional areas. He
is a speaker, he is motivational and he has an
incredible mental health journey where he talks about having been
a dairy farmer. How do you rebuild your identity, how
(01:16):
you can take those next steps forward, and how you
need to surround yourself by a supportive community and rebuilding
your life? Just to give a little bit of context,
I had the opportunity to meet Warren face to face
yesterday and we drove all the way down to Gundagai.
Gundagai happened to be the halfway point between our place
(01:39):
and Warren's place, and it was just so exciting to
meet Warren face to face, because I've actually followed him
on LinkedIn for a little while, and I had a
bit of a starstruck moments because I was going to
ask you to do a selfie photo, and then I didn't,
I chickened out, I even wore the t shirt and everything,
and I didn't do it. Um, the way that we've
(01:59):
structured the My Social Support Network podcast has always been
to talk about issues that have been very specific to
people who have had a workplace injury. And what I
find so interesting about your story. Firstly, there will be
a lot of people listening that are likely to have
never have heard of your story. The second is that
your story very much is about having this complete and
(02:23):
full life. You then have this major event that occurs
that impacts the ability to have that life, and then
you have gone on this journey to rebuild yourself. And
it couldn't be more like chalk and cheese from what
you were doing before to what you're doing now.
S2 (02:38):
Yeah, definitely. I suppose I'll start with how I've got here.
And there's an underlying theme to my story that, you know,
not doing stuff about things when I should of when
some impactful things had happened during my life and, and
I found myself as a farmer Being subjected or had
some events thrust upon me, generally by my silent business
(03:01):
partner whose Mother Nature and she threw me some curve
balls that, um, triggered what I now call my mental
health journey. And that was, um, really, it started as
a flood, and the stress of that event kind of
brought everything literally flooding back. That had happened to me
as a kid that I hadn't dealt with. And from there, um,
(03:21):
I traveled for a number of years with this cloud
above my head, and then ended up having a family
bust up on the farm. And family is my number
one value. So that then turned that cloud into a
spiral and I started spiraling out of control. Then we
hit one of the most stressful events, which was a drought,
which was about 18 months into a ten year plan
that we'd set out on. And the stress of that
(03:44):
event hit that sent me plummeting through that spiral, not
having any tools to grab onto the edge of that
spiral to pull myself out of, I found fan myself
hitting rock bottom. And from that time we actually then
lost our farm. And then leaving my farm, I symbolically
unclipped my identity and hooked it on the front gate
(04:04):
of my farm and left it there because that's who
I thought I was. I thought I was Warren the farmer.
Nothing more and nothing less. Even though, you know, I'm
a husband and a dad and, you know, brother and
son and community member and I was a footy coach
and all those sort of things, my whole identity was
tied up with that farm, and I left it with
the farm that day. And that led me on a
search for my purpose and identity in life again, which
(04:27):
in a roundabout way, ended me up doing a speaker
course that that journey started eight and a half years ago.
And I find myself here today chatting with you on
the podcast.
S3 (04:37):
I find that it is so hard for men, in particular,
to be able to talk about that spiral and the
things that lead up to it, and I'm getting all
emotional talking to you, because I know I've seen the
video that you've got on your website And you have
this lovely way of making light, and probably for the
audience of what happened. But having your identity so fixed
(05:02):
in one space and then having that event that just
takes it to the edge where you can no longer cope,
and having to rebuild yourself, unfortunately, is a story that
happens time after time after time in a worker's comp
world as well. And oftentimes the events that occur are
beyond the control of the person that it's happening to.
(05:22):
So in your situation, you cannot control the flood, you
cannot control drought events. And the pressure that puts onto
a family and the financial pressure is incredible. But after
that event happened and you walked away from the farm,
how long did it take you to actually start to rebuild?
S2 (05:40):
Losing my identity was a massive thing for me and
that took a long time. So I did lots of
different things, which all those little pieces all add up
to what The Unbreakable Farmer is today. But basically most
of them were centered around agriculture, managing big farms, then
managing people on those farms not just cows, but managing
(06:02):
people on that farm. And then I learned lots about people,
and also a lot about myself and all those little pieces.
And then I suppose one of the seed planting jobs
that I had, um, as far as what I now
do now, is I did real estate for three years,
and I found myself sitting around kitchen tables with clients,
taking off a real estate agent's hat and putting on
(06:25):
a counselor's hat, because I was dealing basically in that
time period, I was dealing with three DS every day
of my life death, divorce or drought. And I kind
of thought, well, all these people are in a similar
situation to what I was. How else could I help them?
You know, farming and selling farms at that stage was
in a real stage of flux, I suppose, where it
(06:47):
was really hard to sell farms. There was a lot
of change happening, so they were searching for answers like
the kids didn't want to come back to the farm,
so they were always searching for answers. Or how do
we navigate this? And I'm thinking, well, this is similar
to where I was at, but really, in hindsight, thinking
about it now, most of them would have been in
that state of poor mental health as well. So I
(07:08):
was searching for this idea of just kind of coming
to me, and in the background it was probably building.
And then when I had the opportunity to do a
speaker course, I just did it purely out of self-development.
I never, ever thought I'd be a speaker. I didn't
think anyone would want to listen to my story. And really,
when I first started sharing my story, it was more
about resilience, persistence and determination. About my farming journey, about
(07:31):
my business journey, nothing about my mental health journey. I
didn't have the courage to do that then. But the
more I shared of my mental health journey, the more
impact that it was having, the more feedback I got,
and the more I realized. Like you said, my story
is not unique and it doesn't matter what what industry,
how you look at it. My story is not unique,
where you can lose everything and then have to rebuild,
(07:54):
including self, not just financially. And that was, you know, massive,
massive challenges.
S3 (08:00):
Potentially the the part that there's so much wrapped up
in losing everything and rebuilding. You have identity. There's embarrassment,
there's shame, there's fear. There are levels of anxiety and distress.
There's a there is a great deal of emotions that occur.
And the inspirational aspect of the story is the bravery
(08:21):
to say it, whereas most people carry it and then
don't know what to do with it, and then they
don't know where to go.
S2 (08:29):
I suppose that that fulfills the mission that I am
on now, and that is to create awareness and education
around mental health and wellbeing. But the second part of
my mission is probably the most important, and that's to
inspire conversations. And I'm a great believer in me sharing
my story then gives other people permission to share theirs.
Or it creates a safe space for them to say, well,
(08:50):
if he can share his story, I can share mine.
And thirdly, it's about empowering people to seek help in
an environment that's safe and free from stigma. So it's
around creating that awareness and education to create that safe
space so people feel more comfortable to stick their hand
up and realise that it's not a sign of weakness
to stick your hand up. And it's not a sign
(09:11):
of failure. It's just the cards that have been dealt
to you. And there's people that have been in your
spot before, because I know when I was at my
lowest of lows, I thought I was the only person
in the world that was going through that. You know,
it was very lonely and very isolated, but now realise
that there's so many people going through the same thing.
(09:31):
And if we all started sharing our stories, it just
makes that conversation lots more easy for other people to have.
S3 (09:38):
There's that one aspect of saying, you know, it's good
to share the story, but there's the reality of having
that deep sense of grief, of having lost that identity.
What was that first step that you took that just
helped nudge you forward, just helped the momentum? Well, if I.
S2 (09:56):
Take you back to either the catalytic or the catastrophic
event that happened, and that was me hitting rock bottom
and believing that the world was better off without me
being at that point is the driving force of why
I do what I do today, because that was a
scary place to be. By sharing my story can help
people not get to that spot, then that's fulfilling my
(10:19):
mission because you don't need to get to that spot.
I just did, because all the stuff that I talk
to people about now is the stuff that I was
doing poorly. And it wasn't until that rock bottom event
when life gave me two choices. It was either I
continue to spiral out of control, not get better, and
be this bitter and twisted at the world because of
(10:40):
what was being thrown at me. Or I could choose
to get better, and I chose to get better. And
and that kind of led into then that recovery phase,
which was really slow because a couple of months after that,
what I call my two feet of perspective moment took
a turn because we walked off our farm and then
I lost my identity as well. So everything that I'd
(11:01):
fought for was gone. And so then that slowed my
recovery down. And then, you know, we moved interstate to
manage a farm, which was a knee jerk reaction. And
the more I look at that now in hindsight, which
is a great privilege to have, um, to be able
to look in hindsight, is that everything that happened in
(11:21):
that next period, probably ten years, was all on the
back of how I was feeling mentally, like I went
through a number of jobs, even though they were great
jobs and good paying jobs. You know, I got sick
and tired of where I was, so I moved on
into the same industry, the same job, or, you know,
tried something totally different and tried to challenge myself, and
I never found that spot until, you know, I found
(11:43):
what I do now. And understanding that just by doing
something as simple as sharing your story can change someone's life.
And I get told that even though I don't realize that.
But subconsciously I'm getting told that stuff that, you know,
that conversation changed my life and I'm thinking, wow, you know,
I've I've found what I'm meant to be doing.
S3 (12:05):
When people have that psychological injury or that mental health event,
it's really easy to become very locked in to all.
The focus is just on you and you don't think
that anyone will understand. And this is what I love
so much, is the opportunity for people to hear that
they are not alone in this journey, and they've got
(12:25):
options and that there are choices. But you have to
make that choice. No one can ever make that choice
for you. If there was one thing that someone would
have been able to say to you before you got
to that catastrophic space, what could they have said that
you would have listened to?
S2 (12:46):
Well, I can really pinpoint that down to a day where, like,
something happened in my safe space, which was footy, and
the conversation that was had with me that afternoon by
an old life member of the footy club. I still
reckon that could have changed if he had had the
right conversation with me. It could have changed the trajectory
of what happened after that, that day playing footy and
(13:10):
the conversation that he had with me really vindicated my
behaviours that day. Um, instead of coming to me and
just sitting and listening one or asking me some open
ended questions, that would lead to some conversation around how
I was actually feeling or what he could do for
me to help me. Um, instead he just said, good
(13:31):
on you, mate. You did what you had to do.
And it wasn't. It was not the thing that I
needed to do that day. But I still reckon if
at that point onwards my spiral, just like it, was
like the floor dropped out from underneath me into that
spiral and there was no stopping my spiral then, because
I felt so. Well, one really isolated them because that
(13:53):
really fractured our my friendship group or our friendship group
as a family. It also, you know, it was my
safe space. And now something had happened within that safe
space which no longer was then a safe space for me. Um,
or an outlet, you know, if you had had the
tools in his toolbox, which I talked to, you know,
people about now is not only for people that are struggling.
(14:15):
They need the tools, people that are there surrounding we
as gatekeepers in our community. We need tools in our
toolbox to have better conversations. So I think that day,
if that could have changed the whole trajectory of my life.
And so I'm very well aware of that now in
conversations that you have, that it just simple words could
change someone's life, and we just need to be able
(14:36):
to have the courage to. Reach out if you are struggling.
But if you notice someone that's struggling. We'll have the
courage to reach in and have the appropriate conversations with them.
S3 (14:45):
Can you describe what helped you start to move forward?
Those small steps of like. Rebuilding a life that had
been your dream, your vision. It had a chaotic event.
And then. You're moving forward to where you are now.
S2 (15:00):
I think that was a step by step process because
I've stayed within the dairy industry. So I was managing
big farms and big lots of people as well. So
I was one satisfying that desire and that passion that
I still had. But the passion was slowly going because
it wasn't mine, it was working for someone else, and
it was building someone else's dream. And along the way
(15:22):
you grow yourself. And I was growing as a as
a person. But from that day, that moment in time,
I said I was going to get better. And I
tried all different ways. so? But a lot of that
stemmed from my own self-development. So getting back to your
point before is that you've got to want to get
better yourself as well, so you can lead a horse
to water, but you can't make it drink. And that
(15:44):
was me to a T, you know. So I started
my self-discovery journey, I suppose, and that just slowly but surely.
So I'm not saying my journey was ideal. It could
have been a lot quicker, but that was the journey
that I chose, and I'm glad it did, because, you know,
I could be doing something totally different now and not
doing what I'm doing. So that slow growth, experimenting, trying
(16:05):
things like that real estate job. But I learnt so
much from that as well. So everything that I did
over that ten year period was all leading into where
I am now.
S3 (16:16):
So how did the idea of The Unbreakable Farmer come
to life?
S2 (16:20):
My mental health is something that, or my mental illness
is probably a better term is something I struggle with
every day. Still, depression, anxiety play a massive role in
my life. I've got tools in my toolbox that I
use now to help deal with that. One of those
tools is medication, and I share that with every audience
because I try and break down the stigma around, you know, medication.
(16:43):
But it's only one of my tools. My toolbox is big,
and this is one small tool. You know, anxiety and
that play a big part. So actually going to Melbourne
to do this speaker course, it was a six month course,
three face to face sessions, you know, the rest of
it was weekly online. One of the things that I
deal with as part of my mental illness is internal dialogue,
(17:05):
and I talk myself out of it. You're no good.
And this all stems from my backstory as a kid
growing up, being bullied, having not really a connection to
a community because we always moved around. First day at
grade three at this school, I was asked up the
front of the class to do a math sum on
the blackboard, and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.
And that maths sum made me freeze. But I can
(17:27):
still remember the words that the kids were saying in
the classroom and that was your dumb, your stupid, your,
you know, all that sort of stuff. And so every
time I get to a stressful event now and I
analyze my own mental health, as soon as something happens,
I'm dumb or I'm not smart enough, I can't work
it out, you know, whatever. Because of that time and
(17:47):
and because I never dealt with it, then it's been
strongly internalized and it sits there. And when I'm standing
in front of a group of people, I share that
story every time I get goosebumps because it's that entrenched.
So got to the course because the other side of
my personality is also loyal. So I decided, you know,
couldn't let the guy down. Um, we had to give, um,
(18:08):
a seven minute presentation was one of the first things
we had to do after our introduction, and I didn't
know what I was going to talk about. I had
three words resilience, persistence. Determination was going to explain my
farming journey. And to fill seven minutes with three words.
I was going to have to talk really slowly, so
I had to fill in the gaps. But at that
stage it was never about my mental health journey. But
(18:29):
we had to tick off two boxes during that exercise.
One of them was that you had to be a
heartfelt message, and the second box we had to tick
off is we had to, you know, have an emotional
impact on people, make them cry, basically. And I achieved that,
which was quite surprising to me because I can't remember
what I said. I just blurted out seven minutes of
I don't know what it was. While I was standing
(18:51):
there doing that seven minute presentation, I'd already looked at
the agenda and there was this. The next exercise after
morning tea was going to be really. It was challenging
to me because it was way outside my comfort zone.
That was we had to come up with a superhero
name and I couldn't come up with anything. But my
internal dialogue kicked in while I was standing up there
doing that seven minute presentation, thinking superhero name, superhero names,
(19:14):
superhero name, and then all of a sudden a superhero
name clicked in. But the superhero name I came up
with was Warren the Wanker, because that's what I felt like.
Standing up in front of those people is what? That's
exactly what it felt like. But luckily for me, as
I was going to morning tea and grab a coffee,
one of the guys said to me, know your superhero name?
You're the unbreakable farmer. So I registered the domain name
(19:36):
and that's how I became the Unbreakable Farmer. No other way.
My story was actually broken then. Unbreakable. But it was
just a good name and I stuck with it. So
that's how this. That's how the unbreakable farm was actually
born out of the back of that speaker course. Basically
not thinking that past that six months, that would have
been it. It was just going to be self-development. And
then the more I started sharing my story, then it
(19:59):
did a bit of facilitation in footy clubs with a
mental health program. I started then having the courage to
share my own story, and once I started sharing my
own story, it started to have more impact and more feedback.
And so that's where it all started.
S3 (20:15):
I love your superhero name. The work that you do now,
is that your legacy work or is there more ahead
of you?
S2 (20:23):
It's a really interesting question, because I'm so busy that
I don't get much time to reflect, and if it
is reflecting, it's generally not thinking about me. It's thinking
about the people that I've worked with, you know, thinking
about their stories, what they've shared with me. How can
I plug them into people, into some help, or what
else can I do to support that community? So I
(20:45):
don't get to reflect, but I suppose it is. It's
a legacy thing. And the more that I get asked
back to go and speak in communities years down the track, well,
that is that's already a legacy because they want you
to come back and then you're creating more legacy within
those towns. There is more to come. It's just I've
got to as I said, I'm not the sharpest tool
(21:05):
in the shed, so I've got to work out what
that next step is and how that builds. And obviously
at some stage down the track, I'd like to have
the the mental capability of writing a book and doing
all those things. So it's there. But I think just
doing the work that I do and and hopefully do
that work well and leave a lasting impression is the legacy,
(21:28):
I suppose that I want that I want to leave.
S3 (21:30):
I think the thing that has resonated with me, um,
listening to Warren, is how similar all of our journeys
are in many ways, and this community is a savior.
And it's so very important for us to have this
community to, um, to all, all understand that we're not
(21:52):
doing this alone. We're not the only ones. I mean,
like I've said many times, your rational mind knows it,
but the rest of you doesn't until, um, you have
this connection with others. Warren, your story is is, um,
unbelievably touching. I'm sort of in a.
S4 (22:08):
Similar situation to that, identifying who I was as an
IT manager for 22 years in the same company in
a family owned business. And so it's not only am
I grieving the loss of who I was. I'm also
grieving the loss of my family because of what's taken place.
(22:28):
But what I really like about your story is how
you tried a lot of different things before you got
to The Unbreakable Farmer, and I'm kind of in that
stage where I'm trying to find out who I am
now without like, being fully raw and stripped back. My
whole life was my family business. Like, I'd introduced myself
at a networking event, or I'd be like a guest
(22:49):
speaker somewhere and my introduction would be, hi, I'm such
and such and I'm an IT manager for my family business.
Like it was part of who I was. Do you
have any tips on how to distinguish what gives you passion? Again,
I'm in this rut where I'm just constantly sad all
the time or I'm avoiding it.
S5 (23:07):
So it's it's really interesting.
S2 (23:09):
I've just recently done a series of workshops for a
shire council down closer to Melbourne from where I live. And, um,
I in those workshops, I ask a question at the
start as an icebreaker, and I asked the question. I said, well,
I'm going to go around the room, we're going to
all introduce ourselves, and I want to know who you
(23:30):
are and what do you do? 99% of the people
answer with what I do, not who I am. And
that's where I got to. And that's my whole identity
loss was because what I did was my whole identity,
where I was so many other things, and I had
to really sit back and think about, well, what are
those things? And, well, I mean, my husband, to start
(23:52):
off with, I'm a dad, I'm a, I'm a son
and a brother and all these things. So they're all important.
They're the big things, you know, that what we class
as the little things in life. But they're the they're
the important things. And I understand the family business part
is really difficult because that's what I was in a
family business. And that breakdown of relationship is really, really hard.
(24:12):
But trying to then differentiate between a business relationship and
a family relationship and then try and work on that
family relationship is what I did. But just taking those
steps forward and I did try lots of different things,
but a lot of those were all still in the
same industry. I was still dairy farming. I knew how
to do it with my arm tied behind my back,
but that just gave me time to be able to
(24:34):
work out well, what I didn't want to do and
maybe what I did want to do. One of the
things that made my decision easier is that we lost
everything when we lost our farm, so we we had nothing. Um,
I'm not going to be able to retire at 60. Um,
and so I tried to create a lifestyle that maybe
included a little bit of travel here and there, and
(24:55):
got to see the world and wish it was the world,
but lots more of Australia, which is fine with me.
There's plenty of Australia to see and working communities and
actually give back. So one of the things that I felt,
which is really, um, it's not real because it's, it's
it's not a real point of view because I've felt
really selfish after hitting rock bottom, you know? That it
(25:20):
was all about me. So I made a conscious effort
that it was going to be a lot about other people.
So not only do what I do now, I'm an
ambassador for a children's charity, and I'm fairly heavily involved
in that cottage by the sea down in Queenscliff, just
out of Melbourne. It's a people from, you know, diverse
and underprivileged backgrounds. The opportunity to have a beach holiday
like it's just a it's a great organization to be
(25:42):
involved in. So it's always giving back. But then the
more I worked in this space, the more then I
started to feel better about myself. So the best way
to describe how I did is I stabilised my position
and then tried to explore outside that position to see
what would what would tick my boxes moving forward and
(26:02):
what would I like to do? What would make me
feel good? You know I love my cows. Don't get
me wrong, I still do. I miss my cows every day. Um.
I love them like I loved cows, chaos. But what
else can I do? And, you know, working in rural
and regional communities like I do now, still gives me
contact with that lifestyle that those people and, you know,
(26:23):
gets me out on farms every now and again and,
you know, all that sort of stuff. So got to
find what suits you to be able to move forward,
what makes you feel comfortable, what lights you up. And
a lot of this is all about list writing. What
are your positive triggers? What are your negative triggers, your
stresses and your challenges and try and work out well.
There's some good stuff here on my positive list. Maybe
I should do some of that and just see where
(26:44):
that lands. You know, as long as I was putting
food on the table and I and I had a
very supportive network behind me, my wife and my kids
supporting me, whatever I did, they encouraged me to pursue that.
You know, I tried some stuff that didn't work and
that's okay. Tried to be a real estate agent that
didn't work. The kids got sick of eating baked beans
(27:05):
because I wasn't making enough money. But, you know, but
I tried it and I learned stuff from that because
I'd never worked in an office environment. So that taught
me stuff about that I didn't really know about. So,
you know, just challenging your boundaries and being able to
move outside where you feel really comfortable or where you
find your whole identity really attached and then try and
push the boundaries. But you can always fall back to
(27:26):
your identity or what you perceive your identity is, and
then move out from that again. And and my journey
over ten years was like that. It was pulsating. Went
in and out, in and out. I'd get reach out
and it just wouldn't work. So I would retract back,
and then I'd go again and then retract back and
and then all of a sudden I got onto a
role where, as I said, found this journey and my
(27:48):
purpose and identity, I think, is doing what I do now.
So and it just it's grown from there. Um, having
said that, when I first started, um, I thought speaking
was all about the glitz and the glamour, and it wasn't.
And until I redefined what my purpose was, you know,
and that was working with rural and regional communities. It didn't, um,
(28:08):
it didn't really grow until I made that real distinction
of this is where I need to work with my people,
basically my tribe and then and work and support those people.
And from there it's just gone, you know, bigger and
bigger every year.
S4 (28:23):
Awesome. I also have to say, I love my cows too.
I have miniature galloways.
S2 (28:28):
Oh well, they are beautiful.
S5 (28:29):
Yeah.
S4 (28:30):
They're great for just sitting out in the paddock and
just being teaching me to be present. So yeah, thank
you for that.
S3 (28:36):
We have, um, as my social support network decided to
adopt Warren Davies as one of our own and into
our community. Let me summarize what I think these are.
Some of the top tips are and then you can
jump in and say, no, Caroline, no go. You know
that finding your people, we talk about this so much,
(28:56):
but finding your people, being part of that community, without it,
you feel so lost and you can feel really isolated.
I often have thought about why did I build my
social support network, and I think I built this for
me because I needed a community. It is that you
have to choose to get better, and you have to
choose that. You want to try something different. But that
(29:19):
journey isn't easy and it isn't quick. You have to
focus on rebuilding your dream, and that can be a
different color and a different shape. And it can involve
different people. And in rebuilding yourself first, then you can
start to help those people around you, because you can't
do that unless you've actually rebuilt yourself. My grandfather used
(29:42):
to say, I'm like the tree trunk for this family,
and my job is to be steady and stable so
that you all, as branches and leaves of my tree,
can go out and do whatever it is you want
to do. And then the worst that could happen is
that you fall back to the tree. And so you're right,
making sure that you're stable. I also like that idea
(30:04):
of having those gatekeepers, Keepers. Those people around you that
can watch. And I think part of also what you
teach people to do is not just how to have
a conversation, but how do you hold someone and protect
someone and be that gatekeeper, even if they don't see
that they're falling apart? But how do you corral them
and then help them move forward?
S5 (30:25):
Well, I think.
S2 (30:25):
If I can just add one of the things that
I did in this speaker course, the exercise was about
unpacking our story, but the reason we were doing it
was to find the value in our story and what
we were going to share with an audience. But I
actually found out some stuff about myself that I probably
already knew. But then it was there, like I'd unpacked it.
Part of that exercise. And I think the most important
(30:48):
part of that exercise was one of those things, is
I worked out that I never had a detachment to
a community because I always moved around. So that's why
community is so important to me. The other thing is,
I knew that I'd been struggling with my mental health
probably since about the age of seven. Um, but never
acknowledged or understood it or reached out for help at
any stage which formed that underlying theme to my story
(31:10):
of not asking for help until I hit rock bottom.
But the interesting part, the biggest learning out of that
exercise for me was actually realizing that you have to
forgive yourself for parts of your story and say, well,
that's okay. You can forgive yourself, move forward, but then
understand that, well, I'm worthy of anything else. Like I'm
(31:31):
not what those grade three kids call me in the
back of the class. I'm not dumb, and I'm probably
not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm smart
enough to work stuff out. I got told by a
guy when I was searching in this search at a
business seminar that I went to, and he goes, if
you're smart enough to get yourself in a big hole,
you're smart enough to get yourself out of it. So, um, um,
(31:55):
it was always something that's always kind of been in
the back of my head. If you're smart enough to
get yourself into a into a pickle, you're always smart
enough to get yourself out of it. And you've just
got to, I suppose. Just take that time to give
yourself the space to think about what you want to
do and how you're going to move forward. But understanding
that there's parts of your story that are going to
eat away at you, but you've got to be able
(32:17):
to unpack that and then forgive yourself and move forward.
S3 (32:20):
You also have a podcast called Beyond the Back Paddock,
and you have a website called The Unbreakable Farmer. And
on that website, well, there are resources, but there are
there's also a great video of you telling more about
your story. And I think that that's an incredible video
to watch if people are interested in that. And then also,
(32:43):
how long is beyond the back paddock been going for?
I have Podcast Envy.
S2 (32:46):
Just over 12 months, but it's in its second iteration.
I tried years ago and then probably didn't think it
was up to standard, so I stopped doing it. And
then last year I decided, no, bugger it, I'm going
to do it. And just kept doing it. As I
warned people in their show notes or in the description
of the podcast. Don't expect any audio or multi visual
(33:12):
technology expert. That's not me, but basically it's just real stories.
And what I do is share the stories of some
of the people that I meet on my speaking journeys. And,
you know, there's some really good ones there. Lucy's story
is a good one. But even even like Wally Lewis,
like the rugby legend, that's Wally Lewis. You know, I
(33:32):
was in awe of meeting that man. But that's all
he is. He's just a man and he's got his
own challenges. And, you know, getting Wally on there to
have a chat about those challenges with me. It was
just such a privilege to, you know, so it's just
a passion project of mine that, um, I love getting
to talk to people with with the stories that I
(33:52):
hear and share them with the people that might not
hear those stories, but I get the privilege to hear them,
you know.
S5 (33:58):
Every.
S2 (33:58):
Day.
S3 (33:59):
And stories are how we learn because our brains think
it's interesting. So we listen.
S2 (34:04):
I didn't think anyone was going to listen to me.
So I never set out to have impact because I
didn't think anyone was going to listen to me anyway.
So that's what's developed. And that mission and that purpose
that I'm now on is developed. It didn't start off.
I didn't just walk in going, I'm going to be
the next mental health speaker. Like, and it's taken a
lot of hard work and a lot of go out
on this, you know, throwing stuff out there to see
(34:26):
what sticks and then kind of run with that. One
of the things that we've got to all be is
be agile, not physically agile, but agile that we can.
All right. I'll try this. And if it sticks, I'll
see where I can take it. But if it doesn't
stick or where can I take it on the other
side kind of thing. So we've just got to be agile.
I think that's that's probably a key word in our
(34:48):
modern world. We've just got to be agile and be
able to move and be flexible. And and that's what
happens when we do get fixated on something. That's where
our identity gets really adhered to. And that's what happened
to me. Even though I had footy and that outside
of farming, it was too fixated when I think about
it now. Driven for success and not the other things
(35:09):
and needed to be more rounded and not so focused, maybe.
S3 (35:13):
Thank you Warren. Thank you for everything today. Thank you
for your kindness, your enthusiasm to be part of this.
My social support isn't very old as a community, but
we're very grateful that you joined us today, and we're
very grateful to have the opportunity to continue to work
with you moving forward.
S2 (35:32):
Looking forward to it. Thanks, everyone.
S3 (35:34):
Today we got to have an opportunity to speak to
Warren Davis. He is the unbreakable farmer that is his
superhero name, and he will long be known as the
Unbreakable Farmer in our hearts as well. Our community thanks
him for what we learnt today. We learnt about how
important it is to choose to get better, how you
can rebuild yourself after having a catastrophic event, and how
(35:58):
even if you lose your identity, when you lose doing
the things that you love, you can move forward and
create something that may not look exactly the same, but
can be an amazing life. And it has been an
emotional journey for us as well. But we're very, very
grateful that he could be part of the podcast today.
S1 (36:16):
Today's episode featured Warren Davies from The Unbreakable Farmer. You
can find his website at The Unbreakable Farmer. Com.au if
you found the conversation challenging in today's episode and you'd
like to speak to someone about it, then reach out
to lifeline on 13 1114 Beyondblue on 1300 224 636 the 24
(36:39):
hour mental health access line on one 800 01511. And
of course, if it's an emergency and you require urgent support,
please reach out to the ambulance or police on 000.
Thanks for joining us and we'll be back next time.
The following episode contains material that may be triggering to
some listeners. Listener discretion is advised. Hello and welcome to
the My Social Support Network podcast, a series to guide
you along the path to recovery while on workers compensation.
In this series, we will answer questions from you and
provide information from experts and people with lived experience currently
(00:21):
going through worker's compensation and those who have made their
way to the other side. Through these interactions, we'll be
giving you tools, advice, but most importantly, encouragement on what
can be a stressful time when you're also recovering from
an injury sustained in your workplace. I did real estate.
S2 (00:38):
For three years, and I found myself sitting around kitchen
tables with clients, taking off a real estate agent's hat
and putting on a counsellor's hat because I was dealing
basically in that time period, I was dealing with three
DS every day of my life death, divorce or drought.
S3 (00:55):
Today we're speaking to Warren. He is the unbreakable farmer.
Some of you will know him with all the work
he does around our country, rural and regional areas. He
is a speaker, he is motivational and he has an
incredible mental health journey where he talks about having been
a dairy farmer. How do you rebuild your identity, how
(01:16):
you can take those next steps forward, and how you
need to surround yourself by a supportive community and rebuilding
your life? Just to give a little bit of context,
I had the opportunity to meet Warren face to face
yesterday and we drove all the way down to Gundagai.
Gundagai happened to be the halfway point between our place
(01:39):
and Warren's place, and it was just so exciting to
meet Warren face to face, because I've actually followed him
on LinkedIn for a little while, and I had a
bit of a starstruck moments because I was going to
ask you to do a selfie photo, and then I didn't,
I chickened out, I even wore the t shirt and everything,
and I didn't do it. Um, the way that we've
(01:59):
structured the My Social Support Network podcast has always been
to talk about issues that have been very specific to
people who have had a workplace injury. And what I
find so interesting about your story. Firstly, there will be
a lot of people listening that are likely to have
never have heard of your story. The second is that
your story very much is about having this complete and
(02:23):
full life. You then have this major event that occurs
that impacts the ability to have that life, and then
you have gone on this journey to rebuild yourself. And
it couldn't be more like chalk and cheese from what
you were doing before to what you're doing now.
S2 (02:38):
Yeah, definitely. I suppose I'll start with how I've got here.
And there's an underlying theme to my story that, you know,
not doing stuff about things when I should of when
some impactful things had happened during my life and, and
I found myself as a farmer Being subjected or had
some events thrust upon me, generally by my silent business
(03:01):
partner whose Mother Nature and she threw me some curve
balls that, um, triggered what I now call my mental
health journey. And that was, um, really, it started as
a flood, and the stress of that event kind of
brought everything literally flooding back. That had happened to me
as a kid that I hadn't dealt with. And from there, um,
(03:21):
I traveled for a number of years with this cloud
above my head, and then ended up having a family
bust up on the farm. And family is my number
one value. So that then turned that cloud into a
spiral and I started spiraling out of control. Then we
hit one of the most stressful events, which was a drought,
which was about 18 months into a ten year plan
that we'd set out on. And the stress of that
(03:44):
event hit that sent me plummeting through that spiral, not
having any tools to grab onto the edge of that
spiral to pull myself out of, I found fan myself
hitting rock bottom. And from that time we actually then
lost our farm. And then leaving my farm, I symbolically
unclipped my identity and hooked it on the front gate
(04:04):
of my farm and left it there because that's who
I thought I was. I thought I was Warren the farmer.
Nothing more and nothing less. Even though, you know, I'm
a husband and a dad and, you know, brother and
son and community member and I was a footy coach
and all those sort of things, my whole identity was
tied up with that farm, and I left it with
the farm that day. And that led me on a
search for my purpose and identity in life again, which
(04:27):
in a roundabout way, ended me up doing a speaker
course that that journey started eight and a half years ago.
And I find myself here today chatting with you on
the podcast.
S3 (04:37):
I find that it is so hard for men, in particular,
to be able to talk about that spiral and the
things that lead up to it, and I'm getting all
emotional talking to you, because I know I've seen the
video that you've got on your website And you have
this lovely way of making light, and probably for the
audience of what happened. But having your identity so fixed
(05:02):
in one space and then having that event that just
takes it to the edge where you can no longer cope,
and having to rebuild yourself, unfortunately, is a story that
happens time after time after time in a worker's comp
world as well. And oftentimes the events that occur are
beyond the control of the person that it's happening to.
(05:22):
So in your situation, you cannot control the flood, you
cannot control drought events. And the pressure that puts onto
a family and the financial pressure is incredible. But after
that event happened and you walked away from the farm,
how long did it take you to actually start to rebuild?
S2 (05:40):
Losing my identity was a massive thing for me and
that took a long time. So I did lots of
different things, which all those little pieces all add up
to what The Unbreakable Farmer is today. But basically most
of them were centered around agriculture, managing big farms, then
managing people on those farms not just cows, but managing
(06:02):
people on that farm. And then I learned lots about people,
and also a lot about myself and all those little pieces.
And then I suppose one of the seed planting jobs
that I had, um, as far as what I now
do now, is I did real estate for three years,
and I found myself sitting around kitchen tables with clients,
taking off a real estate agent's hat and putting on
(06:25):
a counselor's hat, because I was dealing basically in that
time period, I was dealing with three DS every day
of my life death, divorce or drought. And I kind
of thought, well, all these people are in a similar
situation to what I was. How else could I help them?
You know, farming and selling farms at that stage was
in a real stage of flux, I suppose, where it
(06:47):
was really hard to sell farms. There was a lot
of change happening, so they were searching for answers like
the kids didn't want to come back to the farm,
so they were always searching for answers. Or how do
we navigate this? And I'm thinking, well, this is similar
to where I was at, but really, in hindsight, thinking
about it now, most of them would have been in
that state of poor mental health as well. So I
(07:08):
was searching for this idea of just kind of coming
to me, and in the background it was probably building.
And then when I had the opportunity to do a
speaker course, I just did it purely out of self-development.
I never, ever thought I'd be a speaker. I didn't
think anyone would want to listen to my story. And really,
when I first started sharing my story, it was more
about resilience, persistence and determination. About my farming journey, about
(07:31):
my business journey, nothing about my mental health journey. I
didn't have the courage to do that then. But the
more I shared of my mental health journey, the more
impact that it was having, the more feedback I got,
and the more I realized. Like you said, my story
is not unique and it doesn't matter what what industry,
how you look at it. My story is not unique,
where you can lose everything and then have to rebuild,
(07:54):
including self, not just financially. And that was, you know, massive,
massive challenges.
S3 (08:00):
Potentially the the part that there's so much wrapped up
in losing everything and rebuilding. You have identity. There's embarrassment,
there's shame, there's fear. There are levels of anxiety and distress.
There's a there is a great deal of emotions that occur.
And the inspirational aspect of the story is the bravery
(08:21):
to say it, whereas most people carry it and then
don't know what to do with it, and then they
don't know where to go.
S2 (08:29):
I suppose that that fulfills the mission that I am
on now, and that is to create awareness and education
around mental health and wellbeing. But the second part of
my mission is probably the most important, and that's to
inspire conversations. And I'm a great believer in me sharing
my story then gives other people permission to share theirs.
Or it creates a safe space for them to say, well,
(08:50):
if he can share his story, I can share mine.
And thirdly, it's about empowering people to seek help in
an environment that's safe and free from stigma. So it's
around creating that awareness and education to create that safe
space so people feel more comfortable to stick their hand
up and realise that it's not a sign of weakness
to stick your hand up. And it's not a sign
(09:11):
of failure. It's just the cards that have been dealt
to you. And there's people that have been in your
spot before, because I know when I was at my
lowest of lows, I thought I was the only person
in the world that was going through that. You know,
it was very lonely and very isolated, but now realise
that there's so many people going through the same thing.
(09:31):
And if we all started sharing our stories, it just
makes that conversation lots more easy for other people to have.
S3 (09:38):
There's that one aspect of saying, you know, it's good
to share the story, but there's the reality of having
that deep sense of grief, of having lost that identity.
What was that first step that you took that just
helped nudge you forward, just helped the momentum? Well, if I.
S2 (09:56):
Take you back to either the catalytic or the catastrophic
event that happened, and that was me hitting rock bottom
and believing that the world was better off without me
being at that point is the driving force of why
I do what I do today, because that was a
scary place to be. By sharing my story can help
people not get to that spot, then that's fulfilling my
(10:19):
mission because you don't need to get to that spot.
I just did, because all the stuff that I talk
to people about now is the stuff that I was
doing poorly. And it wasn't until that rock bottom event
when life gave me two choices. It was either I
continue to spiral out of control, not get better, and
be this bitter and twisted at the world because of
(10:40):
what was being thrown at me. Or I could choose
to get better, and I chose to get better. And
and that kind of led into then that recovery phase,
which was really slow because a couple of months after that,
what I call my two feet of perspective moment took
a turn because we walked off our farm and then
I lost my identity as well. So everything that I'd
(11:01):
fought for was gone. And so then that slowed my
recovery down. And then, you know, we moved interstate to
manage a farm, which was a knee jerk reaction. And
the more I look at that now in hindsight, which
is a great privilege to have, um, to be able
to look in hindsight, is that everything that happened in
(11:21):
that next period, probably ten years, was all on the
back of how I was feeling mentally, like I went
through a number of jobs, even though they were great
jobs and good paying jobs. You know, I got sick
and tired of where I was, so I moved on
into the same industry, the same job, or, you know,
tried something totally different and tried to challenge myself, and
I never found that spot until, you know, I found
(11:43):
what I do now. And understanding that just by doing
something as simple as sharing your story can change someone's life.
And I get told that even though I don't realize that.
But subconsciously I'm getting told that stuff that, you know,
that conversation changed my life and I'm thinking, wow, you know,
I've I've found what I'm meant to be doing.
S3 (12:05):
When people have that psychological injury or that mental health event,
it's really easy to become very locked in to all.
The focus is just on you and you don't think
that anyone will understand. And this is what I love
so much, is the opportunity for people to hear that
they are not alone in this journey, and they've got
(12:25):
options and that there are choices. But you have to
make that choice. No one can ever make that choice
for you. If there was one thing that someone would
have been able to say to you before you got
to that catastrophic space, what could they have said that
you would have listened to?
S2 (12:46):
Well, I can really pinpoint that down to a day where, like,
something happened in my safe space, which was footy, and
the conversation that was had with me that afternoon by
an old life member of the footy club. I still
reckon that could have changed if he had had the
right conversation with me. It could have changed the trajectory
of what happened after that, that day playing footy and
(13:10):
the conversation that he had with me really vindicated my
behaviours that day. Um, instead of coming to me and
just sitting and listening one or asking me some open
ended questions, that would lead to some conversation around how
I was actually feeling or what he could do for
me to help me. Um, instead he just said, good
(13:31):
on you, mate. You did what you had to do.
And it wasn't. It was not the thing that I
needed to do that day. But I still reckon if
at that point onwards my spiral, just like it, was
like the floor dropped out from underneath me into that
spiral and there was no stopping my spiral then, because
I felt so. Well, one really isolated them because that
(13:53):
really fractured our my friendship group or our friendship group
as a family. It also, you know, it was my
safe space. And now something had happened within that safe
space which no longer was then a safe space for me. Um,
or an outlet, you know, if you had had the
tools in his toolbox, which I talked to, you know,
people about now is not only for people that are struggling.
(14:15):
They need the tools, people that are there surrounding we
as gatekeepers in our community. We need tools in our
toolbox to have better conversations. So I think that day,
if that could have changed the whole trajectory of my life.
And so I'm very well aware of that now in
conversations that you have, that it just simple words could
change someone's life, and we just need to be able
(14:36):
to have the courage to. Reach out if you are struggling.
But if you notice someone that's struggling. We'll have the
courage to reach in and have the appropriate conversations with them.
S3 (14:45):
Can you describe what helped you start to move forward?
Those small steps of like. Rebuilding a life that had
been your dream, your vision. It had a chaotic event.
And then. You're moving forward to where you are now.
S2 (15:00):
I think that was a step by step process because
I've stayed within the dairy industry. So I was managing
big farms and big lots of people as well. So
I was one satisfying that desire and that passion that
I still had. But the passion was slowly going because
it wasn't mine, it was working for someone else, and
it was building someone else's dream. And along the way
(15:22):
you grow yourself. And I was growing as a as
a person. But from that day, that moment in time,
I said I was going to get better. And I
tried all different ways. so? But a lot of that
stemmed from my own self-development. So getting back to your
point before is that you've got to want to get
better yourself as well, so you can lead a horse
to water, but you can't make it drink. And that
(15:44):
was me to a T, you know. So I started
my self-discovery journey, I suppose, and that just slowly but surely.
So I'm not saying my journey was ideal. It could
have been a lot quicker, but that was the journey
that I chose, and I'm glad it did, because, you know,
I could be doing something totally different now and not
doing what I'm doing. So that slow growth, experimenting, trying
(16:05):
things like that real estate job. But I learnt so
much from that as well. So everything that I did
over that ten year period was all leading into where
I am now.
S3 (16:16):
So how did the idea of The Unbreakable Farmer come
to life?
S2 (16:20):
My mental health is something that, or my mental illness
is probably a better term is something I struggle with
every day. Still, depression, anxiety play a massive role in
my life. I've got tools in my toolbox that I
use now to help deal with that. One of those
tools is medication, and I share that with every audience
because I try and break down the stigma around, you know, medication.
(16:43):
But it's only one of my tools. My toolbox is big,
and this is one small tool. You know, anxiety and
that play a big part. So actually going to Melbourne
to do this speaker course, it was a six month course,
three face to face sessions, you know, the rest of
it was weekly online. One of the things that I
deal with as part of my mental illness is internal dialogue,
(17:05):
and I talk myself out of it. You're no good.
And this all stems from my backstory as a kid
growing up, being bullied, having not really a connection to
a community because we always moved around. First day at
grade three at this school, I was asked up the
front of the class to do a math sum on
the blackboard, and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.
And that maths sum made me freeze. But I can
(17:27):
still remember the words that the kids were saying in
the classroom and that was your dumb, your stupid, your,
you know, all that sort of stuff. And so every
time I get to a stressful event now and I
analyze my own mental health, as soon as something happens,
I'm dumb or I'm not smart enough, I can't work
it out, you know, whatever. Because of that time and
(17:47):
and because I never dealt with it, then it's been
strongly internalized and it sits there. And when I'm standing
in front of a group of people, I share that
story every time I get goosebumps because it's that entrenched.
So got to the course because the other side of
my personality is also loyal. So I decided, you know,
couldn't let the guy down. Um, we had to give, um,
(18:08):
a seven minute presentation was one of the first things
we had to do after our introduction, and I didn't
know what I was going to talk about. I had
three words resilience, persistence. Determination was going to explain my
farming journey. And to fill seven minutes with three words.
I was going to have to talk really slowly, so
I had to fill in the gaps. But at that
stage it was never about my mental health journey. But
(18:29):
we had to tick off two boxes during that exercise.
One of them was that you had to be a
heartfelt message, and the second box we had to tick
off is we had to, you know, have an emotional
impact on people, make them cry, basically. And I achieved that,
which was quite surprising to me because I can't remember
what I said. I just blurted out seven minutes of
I don't know what it was. While I was standing
(18:51):
there doing that seven minute presentation, I'd already looked at
the agenda and there was this. The next exercise after
morning tea was going to be really. It was challenging
to me because it was way outside my comfort zone.
That was we had to come up with a superhero
name and I couldn't come up with anything. But my
internal dialogue kicked in while I was standing up there
doing that seven minute presentation, thinking superhero name, superhero names,
(19:14):
superhero name, and then all of a sudden a superhero
name clicked in. But the superhero name I came up
with was Warren the Wanker, because that's what I felt like.
Standing up in front of those people is what? That's
exactly what it felt like. But luckily for me, as
I was going to morning tea and grab a coffee,
one of the guys said to me, know your superhero name?
You're the unbreakable farmer. So I registered the domain name
(19:36):
and that's how I became the Unbreakable Farmer. No other way.
My story was actually broken then. Unbreakable. But it was
just a good name and I stuck with it. So
that's how this. That's how the unbreakable farm was actually
born out of the back of that speaker course. Basically
not thinking that past that six months, that would have
been it. It was just going to be self-development. And
then the more I started sharing my story, then it
(19:59):
did a bit of facilitation in footy clubs with a
mental health program. I started then having the courage to
share my own story, and once I started sharing my
own story, it started to have more impact and more feedback.
And so that's where it all started.
S3 (20:15):
I love your superhero name. The work that you do now,
is that your legacy work or is there more ahead
of you?
S2 (20:23):
It's a really interesting question, because I'm so busy that
I don't get much time to reflect, and if it
is reflecting, it's generally not thinking about me. It's thinking
about the people that I've worked with, you know, thinking
about their stories, what they've shared with me. How can
I plug them into people, into some help, or what
else can I do to support that community? So I
(20:45):
don't get to reflect, but I suppose it is. It's
a legacy thing. And the more that I get asked
back to go and speak in communities years down the track, well,
that is that's already a legacy because they want you
to come back and then you're creating more legacy within
those towns. There is more to come. It's just I've
got to as I said, I'm not the sharpest tool
(21:05):
in the shed, so I've got to work out what
that next step is and how that builds. And obviously
at some stage down the track, I'd like to have
the the mental capability of writing a book and doing
all those things. So it's there. But I think just
doing the work that I do and and hopefully do
that work well and leave a lasting impression is the legacy,
(21:28):
I suppose that I want that I want to leave.
S3 (21:30):
I think the thing that has resonated with me, um,
listening to Warren, is how similar all of our journeys
are in many ways, and this community is a savior.
And it's so very important for us to have this
community to, um, to all, all understand that we're not
(21:52):
doing this alone. We're not the only ones. I mean,
like I've said many times, your rational mind knows it,
but the rest of you doesn't until, um, you have
this connection with others. Warren, your story is is, um,
unbelievably touching. I'm sort of in a.
S4 (22:08):
Similar situation to that, identifying who I was as an
IT manager for 22 years in the same company in
a family owned business. And so it's not only am
I grieving the loss of who I was. I'm also
grieving the loss of my family because of what's taken place.
(22:28):
But what I really like about your story is how
you tried a lot of different things before you got
to The Unbreakable Farmer, and I'm kind of in that
stage where I'm trying to find out who I am
now without like, being fully raw and stripped back. My
whole life was my family business. Like, I'd introduced myself
at a networking event, or I'd be like a guest
(22:49):
speaker somewhere and my introduction would be, hi, I'm such
and such and I'm an IT manager for my family business.
Like it was part of who I was. Do you
have any tips on how to distinguish what gives you passion? Again,
I'm in this rut where I'm just constantly sad all
the time or I'm avoiding it.
S5 (23:07):
So it's it's really interesting.
S2 (23:09):
I've just recently done a series of workshops for a
shire council down closer to Melbourne from where I live. And, um,
I in those workshops, I ask a question at the
start as an icebreaker, and I asked the question. I said, well,
I'm going to go around the room, we're going to
all introduce ourselves, and I want to know who you
(23:30):
are and what do you do? 99% of the people
answer with what I do, not who I am. And
that's where I got to. And that's my whole identity
loss was because what I did was my whole identity,
where I was so many other things, and I had
to really sit back and think about, well, what are
those things? And, well, I mean, my husband, to start
(23:52):
off with, I'm a dad, I'm a, I'm a son
and a brother and all these things. So they're all important.
They're the big things, you know, that what we class
as the little things in life. But they're the they're
the important things. And I understand the family business part
is really difficult because that's what I was in a
family business. And that breakdown of relationship is really, really hard.
(24:12):
But trying to then differentiate between a business relationship and
a family relationship and then try and work on that
family relationship is what I did. But just taking those
steps forward and I did try lots of different things,
but a lot of those were all still in the
same industry. I was still dairy farming. I knew how
to do it with my arm tied behind my back,
but that just gave me time to be able to
(24:34):
work out well, what I didn't want to do and
maybe what I did want to do. One of the
things that made my decision easier is that we lost
everything when we lost our farm, so we we had nothing. Um,
I'm not going to be able to retire at 60. Um,
and so I tried to create a lifestyle that maybe
included a little bit of travel here and there, and
(24:55):
got to see the world and wish it was the world,
but lots more of Australia, which is fine with me.
There's plenty of Australia to see and working communities and
actually give back. So one of the things that I felt,
which is really, um, it's not real because it's, it's
it's not a real point of view because I've felt
really selfish after hitting rock bottom, you know? That it
(25:20):
was all about me. So I made a conscious effort
that it was going to be a lot about other people.
So not only do what I do now, I'm an
ambassador for a children's charity, and I'm fairly heavily involved
in that cottage by the sea down in Queenscliff, just
out of Melbourne. It's a people from, you know, diverse
and underprivileged backgrounds. The opportunity to have a beach holiday
like it's just a it's a great organization to be
(25:42):
involved in. So it's always giving back. But then the
more I worked in this space, the more then I
started to feel better about myself. So the best way
to describe how I did is I stabilised my position
and then tried to explore outside that position to see
what would what would tick my boxes moving forward and
(26:02):
what would I like to do? What would make me
feel good? You know I love my cows. Don't get
me wrong, I still do. I miss my cows every day. Um.
I love them like I loved cows, chaos. But what
else can I do? And, you know, working in rural
and regional communities like I do now, still gives me
contact with that lifestyle that those people and, you know,
(26:23):
gets me out on farms every now and again and,
you know, all that sort of stuff. So got to
find what suits you to be able to move forward,
what makes you feel comfortable, what lights you up. And
a lot of this is all about list writing. What
are your positive triggers? What are your negative triggers, your
stresses and your challenges and try and work out well.
There's some good stuff here on my positive list. Maybe
I should do some of that and just see where
(26:44):
that lands. You know, as long as I was putting
food on the table and I and I had a
very supportive network behind me, my wife and my kids
supporting me, whatever I did, they encouraged me to pursue that.
You know, I tried some stuff that didn't work and
that's okay. Tried to be a real estate agent that
didn't work. The kids got sick of eating baked beans
(27:05):
because I wasn't making enough money. But, you know, but
I tried it and I learned stuff from that because
I'd never worked in an office environment. So that taught
me stuff about that I didn't really know about. So,
you know, just challenging your boundaries and being able to
move outside where you feel really comfortable or where you
find your whole identity really attached and then try and
push the boundaries. But you can always fall back to
(27:26):
your identity or what you perceive your identity is, and
then move out from that again. And and my journey
over ten years was like that. It was pulsating. Went
in and out, in and out. I'd get reach out
and it just wouldn't work. So I would retract back,
and then I'd go again and then retract back and
and then all of a sudden I got onto a
role where, as I said, found this journey and my
(27:48):
purpose and identity, I think, is doing what I do now.
So and it just it's grown from there. Um, having
said that, when I first started, um, I thought speaking
was all about the glitz and the glamour, and it wasn't.
And until I redefined what my purpose was, you know,
and that was working with rural and regional communities. It didn't, um,
(28:08):
it didn't really grow until I made that real distinction
of this is where I need to work with my people,
basically my tribe and then and work and support those people.
And from there it's just gone, you know, bigger and
bigger every year.
S4 (28:23):
Awesome. I also have to say, I love my cows too.
I have miniature galloways.
S2 (28:28):
Oh well, they are beautiful.
S5 (28:29):
Yeah.
S4 (28:30):
They're great for just sitting out in the paddock and
just being teaching me to be present. So yeah, thank
you for that.
S3 (28:36):
We have, um, as my social support network decided to
adopt Warren Davies as one of our own and into
our community. Let me summarize what I think these are.
Some of the top tips are and then you can
jump in and say, no, Caroline, no go. You know
that finding your people, we talk about this so much,
(28:56):
but finding your people, being part of that community, without it,
you feel so lost and you can feel really isolated.
I often have thought about why did I build my
social support network, and I think I built this for
me because I needed a community. It is that you
have to choose to get better, and you have to
choose that. You want to try something different. But that
(29:19):
journey isn't easy and it isn't quick. You have to
focus on rebuilding your dream, and that can be a
different color and a different shape. And it can involve
different people. And in rebuilding yourself first, then you can
start to help those people around you, because you can't
do that unless you've actually rebuilt yourself. My grandfather used
(29:42):
to say, I'm like the tree trunk for this family,
and my job is to be steady and stable so
that you all, as branches and leaves of my tree,
can go out and do whatever it is you want
to do. And then the worst that could happen is
that you fall back to the tree. And so you're right,
making sure that you're stable. I also like that idea
(30:04):
of having those gatekeepers, Keepers. Those people around you that
can watch. And I think part of also what you
teach people to do is not just how to have
a conversation, but how do you hold someone and protect
someone and be that gatekeeper, even if they don't see
that they're falling apart? But how do you corral them
and then help them move forward?
S5 (30:25):
Well, I think.
S2 (30:25):
If I can just add one of the things that
I did in this speaker course, the exercise was about
unpacking our story, but the reason we were doing it
was to find the value in our story and what
we were going to share with an audience. But I
actually found out some stuff about myself that I probably
already knew. But then it was there, like I'd unpacked it.
Part of that exercise. And I think the most important
(30:48):
part of that exercise was one of those things, is
I worked out that I never had a detachment to
a community because I always moved around. So that's why
community is so important to me. The other thing is,
I knew that I'd been struggling with my mental health
probably since about the age of seven. Um, but never
acknowledged or understood it or reached out for help at
any stage which formed that underlying theme to my story
(31:10):
of not asking for help until I hit rock bottom.
But the interesting part, the biggest learning out of that
exercise for me was actually realizing that you have to
forgive yourself for parts of your story and say, well,
that's okay. You can forgive yourself, move forward, but then
understand that, well, I'm worthy of anything else. Like I'm
(31:31):
not what those grade three kids call me in the
back of the class. I'm not dumb, and I'm probably
not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm smart
enough to work stuff out. I got told by a
guy when I was searching in this search at a
business seminar that I went to, and he goes, if
you're smart enough to get yourself in a big hole,
you're smart enough to get yourself out of it. So, um, um,
(31:55):
it was always something that's always kind of been in
the back of my head. If you're smart enough to
get yourself into a into a pickle, you're always smart
enough to get yourself out of it. And you've just
got to, I suppose. Just take that time to give
yourself the space to think about what you want to
do and how you're going to move forward. But understanding
that there's parts of your story that are going to
eat away at you, but you've got to be able
(32:17):
to unpack that and then forgive yourself and move forward.
S3 (32:20):
You also have a podcast called Beyond the Back Paddock,
and you have a website called The Unbreakable Farmer. And
on that website, well, there are resources, but there are
there's also a great video of you telling more about
your story. And I think that that's an incredible video
to watch if people are interested in that. And then also,
(32:43):
how long is beyond the back paddock been going for?
I have Podcast Envy.
S2 (32:46):
Just over 12 months, but it's in its second iteration.
I tried years ago and then probably didn't think it
was up to standard, so I stopped doing it. And
then last year I decided, no, bugger it, I'm going
to do it. And just kept doing it. As I
warned people in their show notes or in the description
of the podcast. Don't expect any audio or multi visual
(33:12):
technology expert. That's not me, but basically it's just real stories.
And what I do is share the stories of some
of the people that I meet on my speaking journeys. And,
you know, there's some really good ones there. Lucy's story
is a good one. But even even like Wally Lewis,
like the rugby legend, that's Wally Lewis. You know, I
(33:32):
was in awe of meeting that man. But that's all
he is. He's just a man and he's got his
own challenges. And, you know, getting Wally on there to
have a chat about those challenges with me. It was
just such a privilege to, you know, so it's just
a passion project of mine that, um, I love getting
to talk to people with with the stories that I
(33:52):
hear and share them with the people that might not
hear those stories, but I get the privilege to hear them,
you know.
S5 (33:58):
Every.
S2 (33:58):
Day.
S3 (33:59):
And stories are how we learn because our brains think
it's interesting. So we listen.
S2 (34:04):
I didn't think anyone was going to listen to me.
So I never set out to have impact because I
didn't think anyone was going to listen to me anyway.
So that's what's developed. And that mission and that purpose
that I'm now on is developed. It didn't start off.
I didn't just walk in going, I'm going to be
the next mental health speaker. Like, and it's taken a
lot of hard work and a lot of go out
on this, you know, throwing stuff out there to see
(34:26):
what sticks and then kind of run with that. One
of the things that we've got to all be is
be agile, not physically agile, but agile that we can.
All right. I'll try this. And if it sticks, I'll
see where I can take it. But if it doesn't
stick or where can I take it on the other
side kind of thing. So we've just got to be agile.
I think that's that's probably a key word in our
(34:48):
modern world. We've just got to be agile and be
able to move and be flexible. And and that's what
happens when we do get fixated on something. That's where
our identity gets really adhered to. And that's what happened
to me. Even though I had footy and that outside
of farming, it was too fixated when I think about
it now. Driven for success and not the other things
(35:09):
and needed to be more rounded and not so focused, maybe.
S3 (35:13):
Thank you Warren. Thank you for everything today. Thank you
for your kindness, your enthusiasm to be part of this.
My social support isn't very old as a community, but
we're very grateful that you joined us today, and we're
very grateful to have the opportunity to continue to work
with you moving forward.
S2 (35:32):
Looking forward to it. Thanks, everyone.
S3 (35:34):
Today we got to have an opportunity to speak to
Warren Davis. He is the unbreakable farmer that is his
superhero name, and he will long be known as the
Unbreakable Farmer in our hearts as well. Our community thanks
him for what we learnt today. We learnt about how
important it is to choose to get better, how you
can rebuild yourself after having a catastrophic event, and how
(35:58):
even if you lose your identity, when you lose doing
the things that you love, you can move forward and
create something that may not look exactly the same, but
can be an amazing life. And it has been an
emotional journey for us as well. But we're very, very
grateful that he could be part of the podcast today.
S1 (36:16):
Today's episode featured Warren Davies from The Unbreakable Farmer. You
can find his website at The Unbreakable Farmer. Com.au if
you found the conversation challenging in today's episode and you'd
like to speak to someone about it, then reach out
to lifeline on 13 1114 Beyondblue on 1300 224 636 the 24
(36:39):
hour mental health access line on one 800 01511. And
of course, if it's an emergency and you require urgent support,
please reach out to the ambulance or police on 000.
Thanks for joining us and we'll be back next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!