November 14, 2024 • 50 mins
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Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth? You’re in the right place!
In this episode, we discuss:
- Home birth in Maine
- The decision to birth without any medical assistance
- What she did to prepare for this type of birth experience
- The joy of birthing in your full power, and without anyone telling you what to do
- ….and a whole lot more!
Additional Resources you’ll LOVE…
If you are ready to prepare for an autonomous birth experience, where you’re respected as the authority over your body and your baby… regardless of where you plan on birthing -
CLICK HERE for 10% off the MyAutonomous Birth self-paced, online course!
If you’re wanting a little more support as you prepare for an autonomous birth… Enrollment is now OPEN for the next round of the MyAutonomous Birth Cohort, a guided child birth education for moms who don’t want to be told what to do!
We’ll take time to get to know each other in a variety of ways throughout the program… Including:
- live support from our private community of like minded mothers
- weekly birth coaching over zoom as you work through the material
- special guest speaker workshops as you integrate and prepare for your birth
- Virtual women’s circle’s
Click HERE for all of the details!
Not sure where to start? I’ve got you covered! Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider. Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider.
Nicole shared her story with me just one week postpartum, and the joy and awe are very fresh for her in this episode! You won't want to miss it.
If you're interested in birth photography and doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website https://www.mymainebirth.com
Send me a message to inquire about your due date!
Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review!
Season 2 is coming to an end with this episode but stay tuned for Season 3 coming in January 2025!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nicole (00:00):
Yeah, and contractions are pretty consistent, but like
nothing.
I couldn't really manage formost of the day.
But, and again I was like, oh,could be, could not.
I was still in such denialbecause I was like I've been
here before, like I've hadcontractions like this, and I
was like it's just, you know,it's not happening, there's no
way.
Yeah Right, I'm going to bepregnant forever.
(00:25):
Like baby's never coming, he'sjust going to live in my body.
Um, so then I think and it waskind of cool because we're by
the water, so, like you know, Iwas like contracting and so like
I'd go and like hang out by thelake and like it was like
beautiful, like that part of itwas like how cool is this?
Like I get to, like you know,put my feet in the water and
(00:46):
like I was like in kind of likea spiritual.
That's when I started realizingI that I was more in labor,
like I kind of went into thismore spiritual realm.
Um, like I said, I do I umpractice, like I'm a Reiki
practitioner, so like all thatspiritual realm was kind of like
coming through and um, I was, Iremember, standing down by the
water with my feet in the waterand just like soaking up like
the water, energy and the wind,and I was like, oh, maybe I am
(01:06):
really into labor, like I'mstarting to kind of like go
somewhere else.
Angela (01:13):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a
space where we share the reallife stories of families and
their unique birth experiencesin the beautiful state of Maine,
from our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
and home births.
Every birth story deserves tobe heard and celebrated.
(01:34):
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth.
These episodes are for you.
World of birth, these episodesare for you.
Welcome to episode 100 and thefinal episode of season two of
the podcast.
Season three will be returningin January of 2025, so stay
(01:55):
tuned for that.
And, of course, if you have anyinterest in sharing your main
birth story, fill out thepodcast form over on my website,
mymainbirthcom, or shoot me amessage over on Instagram at
mymainbirth.
All right, today's birth storyguest is Nicole, and she's here
to share all about her main freebirth story.
(02:18):
Hi, nicole, welcome to my MainBirth.
Hi, how are you?
I'm good.
How are you Good?
Thank you so much for takingthe time to chat with me in this
postpartum period of yours.
I love that you reached out tome when you did.
Yeah.
Nicole (02:36):
I'm so excited.
It's been amazing and I'mexcited to do this do this
Incredible.
Angela (02:47):
Yeah, I feel like these stories really like are eye
opening for women that might noteven know that this path is an
option.
Nicole (02:51):
You know, I know it's so true, it's so true.
I didn't know either.
So I was so grateful when I waslike enlightened, and I was
like, oh, this is totally whatI'm doing.
Angela (03:00):
Yeah, awesome.
So to get started, will youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Nicole (03:06):
Sure, yeah, my name is Nicole Chase.
I live in Holton, northernMaine and Holton.
Currently, we have a camp downin Unity area and that's where
we ended up birthing our son,which was awesome.
Let's see, I'm a clinicalmental health counselor, so I
work with a lot of differentfolks with just mental health
(03:27):
challenges and life challenges,and my husband has a
construction business in Holdenand he grew up there and I grew
up in more Unity area, which iswhy we're down here.
Angela (03:39):
Awesome, that's amazing.
So now will you share a littlebit about when you found out you
were pregnant and your thoughtsin choosing your care?
Nicole (03:49):
Yeah.
So we consciously conceived, weknew we wanted a baby and I had
wanted one probably like twoyears before we actually before
I got my husband on board.
And so within those two years,I had discovered, I think I saw
a video online of a woman whogave birth in the ocean and I
(04:11):
was like blown away.
I was like, oh my gosh, I hadno idea, like that, you could do
this, you could birth outsideof the outside of the system,
like that.
And so I kind of led me to thisplace called the free birth
society and I was like immersedin this podcast and this whole
world of women who are havinglike wild pregnancies, where
(04:33):
they they don't receive like thetraditional prenatal care,
where they're, you know, justdoing their own thing, caring
for their body.
And so I started listening totheir podcast with all of these
free birth stories and wastotally inspired.
So for like two years, beforewe were even pregnant, I was
like when we get pregnant, likethis is what I'm doing.
(04:54):
I wasn't sure what I was goingto do with prenatal care.
I kind of was on the fenceabout it because I knew I didn't
want to do any, like any tests.
I was feeling a little nervousabout doing ultrasounds.
I, you know I knew I wasn'tgoing to like really engage and
so I was like, well, you know,what do I?
(05:14):
What do I do?
Do I like like start out thereand just see what happens?
And so I ended up around likesix weeks I started bleeding
quite a bit and I was, I wasreally nervous.
I was actually in Costa Ricafor a women for a Reiki mastery
retreat and I was like, well,there's nothing I can do.
(05:35):
You know, I was six weekspregnant and when I got back
home I decided to contact my OBand go in and just get an
ultrasound, because I wasnervous and everything was fine.
It sounded like I may have hadtwins and had lost one of them,
which was really interesting,and so then the other baby was
(05:56):
okay.
So I kind of engaged that way.
And then of course, they set meup for the second appointment
and I just never went back.
I decided I really didn't wantto like you know they I forget
what they were setting up forthe next appointment, but I
decided I didn't want to do that.
I did engage somebody actuallyin Lewiston who does like
(06:20):
ultrasounds without like kind ofquestions asked.
So I ended up doing anotherultrasound at 20 weeks because I
was in my head about the babymaybe being deformed or like
didn't have something, you know,had something wrong and I
really I just was so anxiousabout it that I needed to know.
So we did the anatomy scan at20 weeks and he was totally fine
, baby was good and that was allI did.
(06:44):
I didn't take a prenatal.
I was really really sick forthe first like 16 weeks, like
throwing up every every day, butI just continued to eat.
For some reason, when I'mnauseous I like to eat which
then made me throw up.
So it didn't really make a lotof sense, but that's what
happened.
Um, so I I just nourished mybody and just like listen to it.
(07:06):
When I needed to rest, I Irested as much as I could,
sometimes napping, like if I hadlike 30 minutes between clients
, I was like passed out on mycouch, my office and yeah.
So that was kind of my prenatalcare.
It was just taking care ofmyself, like you know, making
sure that I was getting the foodI needed.
We eat a lot.
We have our own like vegetablegarden and we both like hunt and
(07:28):
fish and do all of that.
So like we had our own, youknow, like we eat really good
food and I think that made a bigdifference.
I'm not like a McDonald's kindof person, so yeah, so it was
really great to just totallynourish my body as much as I
could and keep, keep nourishingand that was kind of my prenatal
care was the two ultrasoundsand just taking care of myself.
(07:50):
Oh, and I did engage with a um,a woman named Anna Fox, who is a
birth keeper, and she wasawesome.
So I met with her like on amonthly to bi-weekly basis just
via zoom, and like she helped methrough, you know, any like
fears I was having or anyquestions I was having or any
weird things that I felt washappening in my body and we
(08:12):
discussed she also waspotentially going to be
available If I did want herthere for the birth.
My husband really kind of wantedsomebody there.
I think he was nervous aboutjust kind of having that
responsibility, but I the wholetime was like, you know, I
really just want to do thismyself.
(08:32):
So I kind of like humored,humored him a little bit and was
like, well, we could talk aboutit, maybe Anna can be there.
And yeah, she was amazing.
Just like it's so nice to haveanother woman's support and be
like, yeah, like you've got this, you're you're doing it, like
everything sounds normal, andthen to also know that you know
she was able to like walk usthrough, like okay, you know,
(08:53):
here are the three emergenciesfor when you're birthing, like
if you need to like get up andgo to the hospital.
Um, and I also took the freebirth.
Society has like a, a course Iforget what it's called.
Angela (09:05):
I think it's called the Complete Guide to Free Birth.
Yes, and I actually have adiscount code.
If anybody is interested inpurchasing that, I will link it
in the show notes.
So, yes, I highly recommendthat.
Nicole (09:16):
Oh, so good, yeah, so I did that and so that was helpful
to just like learn.
And then I did a couple of themodules I would get my husband
to be on board with too, so heknew kind of like you know, any
emergency situations or whatkind of his role could be, as
you know, as a father and he metwith, he did some meetings with
(09:37):
Anna and I as well and kind ofjust talk through like what I
might be needing from him in themoment and how to kind of be a
support system for me as I'mbirthing.
So yeah, that's a long-windedanswer, but that's my prenatal
care.
Angela (09:51):
Yeah, no, that's amazing .
And nourishing your body withwhole foods and, yeah, just like
learning as much as you canabout physiologic birth is just
so helpful, right, yeah, it wasamazing.
How was your husband feeling asyou're getting closer to birth?
Nicole (10:10):
Yeah, so he was getting more nervous.
I started like, um, almost fiveweeks before my son was born, I
was experiencing like a ton ofcontractions, contractions and
prodromal labor, and I knew Iwanted to birth down here at our
camp and so I ended up takingmaternity leave earlier than I
anticipated because I was justlike I didn't know when I was
(10:32):
going to keep having thesecontractions and I just I
couldn't be present with anybody, with clients, when that was
happening.
So there was a time where I wasdown here and I was like I
don't know, it feels like labor,but I've never had a baby, so I
don't know.
So my husband came down,because he stayed up north to
work and then like kind of a lotof his fears came out after we
(10:54):
realized like, okay, it's justlike prodromal labor, like this
didn't happen.
He was kind of like we need totalk about like a code word,
like what to do if you need togo to the hospital, and so, like
it was, it was a good thingthat that kind of happened,
because it allowed him toexpress what his needs might be
around this, because I think hejust got really nervous,
thinking like, oh, my God, thisbaby's coming and I'm not
(11:16):
prepared and I don't know whatto do, even though we had kind
of prepared.
So it was a good, it was areally good thing and yeah, but
he, he was amazing, like afterthat, after we kind of worked
through that situation, he waspretty calm about it all.
He went back home after acouple of days and you know, I
would just like update him, likecontracting again today and
(11:36):
he's like okay, just let me knowwhen I need to come down, it'll
be there in two hours.
So yeah, so his, his fears, Ithink, subsided a little bit
there.
They did come back out a littlelater and I'll share.
I'll share in that part of thestory.
Angela (11:51):
But how were you doing as a first time mom experiencing
this?
I mean, you don't just soundreally secure in your choices,
but you said you you did talkwith Anna about some fears that
were coming up.
Would you mind sharing any ofthe things that you're kind of
experiencing?
Nicole (12:06):
Yeah, I think I was like I got really worried about like
I think like hemorrhaging was abig worry for me.
And then I was worried aboutlike you know, how will I know
if I need to go to the hospital,like if it's a, if it's an
emergency, versus just me beinglike, oh my God, this is really
hard.
(12:26):
And so those were kind of someof some of my fears.
I always felt like, okay, I cando this.
Like I was so inspired by byjust listening to all these
women who have done this and Iwas like I can totally do this.
Like women have been birthingthis way for for for millions of
(12:47):
years.
You know we wouldn't be here ifthat wasn't the case.
And just I think I was justlike by the end I was so ready
to get this baby out.
I ended up having him at like40, a little over 41 weeks, and
so I almost 42 and I was like,okay, but I didn't.
I think my fears were around.
(13:07):
I think a big part of my fearswere around like how, like my
husband's fears, like I wasworried that his fears might
come through in the birth, andthen like how do I handle that?
Like I can't, I can't beworried about how he's doing
when, when I'm trying to, likeyou know, deliver this baby, and
so that was a big part of it, Ithink, for me.
(13:29):
But yeah, I honestly, like Ididn't, I felt more fearful
about going to the hospitals, tobe honest, like that was
probably more for me like, oh myGod, if I have to go, like I
don't, I don't want to go, Idon't want to do that.
Um, because I just, I justdidn't want to engage with with
that.
I wanted so.
So that that was probably mybiggest fear.
Like what if I have to go?
Angela (13:51):
yeah, so now will you share about how your labor
started in this last kind of Ishared a little bit about like
the weeks leading up to it.
But, yeah, like what were likethose last few days like and
about your labor and birth?
Nicole (14:05):
yeah, yeah.
So, like I said, I was at ourum, at our camp, which is really
nice.
It's on a on a lake, so I feltlike I could just kind of like
get myself into like thebirthing mindset, which was nice
.
I wasn't working or seeingclients, so I was able to just
like be present and just likesleep when I needed to and kind
of like, you know like go for awalk if that's what I wanted to
(14:28):
do, or I have a big vegetablegarden, so I spent a lot of time
canning tomatoes and jams, butit was kind of nice.
But I was very, very tired,like exhausted.
I would like do things for likehalf the day and then be like,
okay, I'm going to read a bookfor the rest of the day or take
a nap.
But yeah, my parents have ourcampus on my parents' land and
(14:52):
they have quite a bit of land,so it was nice to just like walk
in nature and with my dog andjust kind of spend time with my
parents, which was great.
And yeah, the day before I gavebirth I had like a ton of energy
, but I was everyone's like, oh,it's going to happen, and I was
like, no, I've had all thisenergy before.
(15:13):
I've experienced this before.
Like he's not coming.
I had to put myself in themindset of like okay, I'm not
going to have this baby untillike 44 weeks pregnant.
Because I was going crazy.
I was like, just like, okay,like every time I kept having
that prodromal labor.
I was like this is it.
And then it was like, nope,this is not it.
So the day before I had all thisenergy, I like went grocery
(15:36):
shopping and then I went forlike a three or four mile walk
with my dog and then my dad andmy cousin they had a moose
permit and so they ended upharvesting a moose and we do all
of like the processing andeverything here.
So they showed up around likelike you know, in the evening
hours or whatever, and so wewere getting the moose kind of
(15:58):
processed and all of that.
And I was like I had all thisenergy and I was like, okay,
this is great, like.
And then I was like, oh God, Ineed to go home.
So I went home it was onWednesday at like 10 o'clock,
front and cause they were inlate with the moose, and I went
to bed and I woke up at two 30and I had a lot.
I went to the bathroom and lostmy mucus plug and I was like oh
(16:19):
.
And then I was like no, don'tget excited, nicole, like this
could be still weeks out.
And so I was like cause I justwas so in my head about it,
about like, oh, like this can'tbe it, this can't be it.
Like you've been thinking thisis it for weeks now.
Angela (16:36):
Oh, my gosh Was your husband in Holton at this point,
yeah he was in Holton so.
Nicole (16:41):
So I wasn't going to call him because I knew it was
like 2.30 in the morning and Iwas like well, we've been down
this road sort of before.
I was like but I haven't lostmy mucus plug, and so I waited
and then finally, at threeo'clock I called him and I was
like hey, just letting you know,I lost my mucus plug.
I'm contracting a little bit,but like go back to bed, it's
(17:02):
fine.
And he was like are you seriousright now?
He was like what do you want meto do?
I was like I don't know.
Like last time you came down itwas nothing, like we don't want
to go down that road, like itcould be weeks.
And he was like okay, and thenso he got.
I think he ended up getting upand like had coffee and like did
his thing and like packed a bag.
And then I called him back atlike five and I was like what
are you doing?
And he's like I feel like Ishould come down.
(17:31):
And I was like yeah, so I waslike contracting, but it wasn't
like like I was able to go backto bed.
A little later I think I got upand made food, cause I was like
starving and I and then, yeah,my husband Jesse got down, um
around like seven or eight, Ithink he had to stop by his
office and like grab some stuffand blah, blah, blah.
So then he goes down and I waslike contracting, but not like
you know, it was like earlylabor.
So it wasn't like I was unableto do anything.
(17:52):
So I just kind of went about myday.
Jesse worked from home and I Ilike I think I took the dog for
a small walk and like I madefood and I napped and I read a
book which I still haven'tfinished.
I was so close and yeah, andcontractions are pretty
consistent, but like nothing, Icouldn't really manage for most
(18:14):
of the day.
But and again I was like, oh,it could be, could not?
I was still in such denialbecause I was like I've been
here before, like I've hadcontractions like this, and I
was like it's just, you know,it's not happening, there's no
way.
Angela (18:27):
You're going to be pregnant forever, right?
Nicole (18:29):
Yeah Right, I'm going to be pregnant forever.
Like baby's never coming, he'sjust going to live in my body.
Um, so then I think and it waskind of cool because we're by
the water, so, like you know, Iwas like contracting and so like
I'd go and like hang out by thelake and like it was like
beautiful, like that part of itwas like how cool is this?
Like I get to, like you know,put my feet in the water and
(18:50):
like I was like in kind of likea spiritual.
That's when I started realizingI that I was more in labor,
like I kind of went into thismore spiritual realm.
Like I said, I do, I practice,like I'm a Reiki practitioner,
so like all that spiritual realmwas kind of like coming through
and I was, I remember, standingdown by the water with my feet
in the water and just likesoaking up like the the water
(19:12):
energy and the wind, and I waslike, oh, maybe I am really into
labor, like I'm starting tokind of like go somewhere else.
So, yeah, around like I thinksix or seven, the contraction
started getting um six or seven.
At night the contractionstarted getting more intense.
Like I was kind of needing tomove around more when it was
(19:34):
happening.
And I remember my husbandcooked some dinner and I ate
like one bite and I was like,nope, I remember trying to sit
down at the table and I justlike like shot up when I had a
contraction and I was like, okay, like things are getting more
intense now.
But I was still kind of indenial, which is weird, I don't,
I don't know, I just was likenot there.
(19:55):
So let's see, yeah, we started.
I was kind of chilly, so westarted like a fire in the
fireplace, which was kind ofcool.
And then my husband I was likeyou know what, we'll go get some
sleep.
You know I don't need you yet.
Just, you've been up sincethree as well Like go take a nap
or whatever.
So he went to bed at like eighto'clock and it was dark out and
I was in front of the fire andlike things were kicking in.
(20:17):
Like I was on my birth ball.
I was just, like you know, likemoaning, like really unable to
kind of like control anything atthat point, and I was just like
succumbing to it.
Like it was like I could feelthe contractions but I was like,
okay, like I was breathingthrough them and it felt good.
And so I labored like in theliving room in front of the
(20:38):
fireplace for a while and my dogwas in there and she was kind
of just like watching over mesleeping and my husband was
trying to sleep I don't know ifhe actually slept, probably not
and then, yeah, so I labored inthere for like a couple hours
and then I got to the pointagain where I was like I started
like needing to move and so Iwas like pacing around the
(20:59):
kitchen like anytime there wascontraction, like I couldn't be
on the birth ball anymore, likeit was too much to just like
stay in one position, like Ineeded to move.
So I was like walking around andlike holding onto the kitchen
countertop and all I keptthinking was, like I remember
being like okay, like breatheyour baby down, like you know
(21:19):
trying not to.
You know have like high pitched, like you know yelling, like
trying to keep things low andlike breathe, and at that point
I was totally able to do all ofthat which was awesome.
So around 11, we had bought thislike jacuzzi hot tub thing from
Martin's that they had recently, and so that was set up outside
(21:42):
and I was like convinced thatwas where I wanted to birth,
like under the stars and likethe lake sounds, and like it was
like this is gonna be amazing.
So around 11 o'clock I woke myhusband up.
I was like okay, I need you.
Like why don't we like I'mgoing to go out into the hot tub
?
And he was like okay, and I wasin there for like 10 minutes
and I was like nope, get me outof this place.
(22:04):
I just like couldn't handle itand for some reason I never
expected this to be like part ofmy thing.
I was like I am not birthing ina bathtub, like that's not
happening.
But I got out of that hot tuband immediately walked upstairs
into the bathroom and startedfilling the tub and I was like I
was like I never expected to dothat, but then I kept like
(22:28):
getting in and out of it.
It was more like I would likestand in it, but at that point
like contractions were gettingpretty, pretty painful, like I
was definitely in, like you know, moving towards transition
probably, and so I was likepacing around and, like you know
, just like really struggling,like still still breathing
through everything, but likestruggling to do so, and my
(22:50):
husband was there, so I probablypaced around for like an hour
or so.
I'm trying to think it's sohard.
Time was like you know, youjust don't really know Like I'm
going off of what, what Jessesaid too, oh, and then I started
having like like crazy amountsof diarrhea, and so that was
like another sign.
I was like okay, and then I waspuking as well.
(23:10):
So that was all happening atthe same time.
So that was fun.
I know my poor husband, but hewas amazing, he thought he was,
you know, with me.
At that point I just rememberbeing like I'm so sorry, you're
seeing me poop, and he was likeit's okay.
So that was a good bondingmoment, I think.
(23:31):
Yeah, and so that was happening.
And then I was still like inand out of the tub and then
finally I started just standingin the tub because I started,
like you know, expelling alittle bit of blood and.
I'm still like I'm not in denial, like I realized I'm in labor,
but I was like finally, like oh,I think this is actually
happening, like I'm actuallygoing to have this baby, and it
(23:54):
was cool Like I could feel, Icould start to feel him like
descending down, and that waswild.
I was like this is so cool, butit was like I was in another
world, but I could also likefeel it happening and that was
amazing.
And so I'm standing in the tuband we just a little bit of
water in there, for we realizedour water, like our water heater
(24:16):
, stopped working for somereason between the hours of like
midnight and like five.
I don't, I don't know.
It was a weird setting.
So like the water was cold butI was so hot, so it felt really
good.
But I was just standing in thetub and kind of bleeding a
little bit and then like my bodyjust started like like pushing
(24:36):
and I was like holy cow, like I.
I was not expecting like theintensity.
It felt like like a freighttrain or something, like it was
wild, but like it was, it wasdefinitely painful, like painful
, like I've never experiencedanything like it, but at the
same time it was also like.
It also felt like it wassomething I've done a million
(24:56):
times before, which must spendmy spiritual side, like other
lives or whatever.
I was like, oh, I've done thisbefore.
I was like I've done this andthat was the time I had, um, to
bring in the spiritual side, andthat was the time I had to
bring in the spiritual side.
I had like I kept having thisvision of like a, a bear, like a
grizzly bear, which was reallykind of cool.
(25:17):
And then and then all thesewomen were like which, who must
be like ancestors or whatever,were like surrounding me and
like holding me with like lightand touching me, and I was like
this is so wild.
So it's like, yeah, so it'slike that's going on in one
realm of my brain and then theother realm is like firmly
rooted, knowing I'm in thebathtub, like gripping onto my
(25:38):
husband.
It was such a crazy experiencebut so cool, yeah.
So I'm standing there and Istart using Jesse for support.
Like every contraction that'sand that's happening, that's
getting more intense, like I'mjust like gripping onto him and
kind of like standing up andthen squatting at the same time
in a weird like way.
But I was not like breathingthrough my contractions and
(26:01):
every time I come out of it it'dbe like Jesse, you need to help
me breathe, I'm just yelling,I'm just yelling.
And so anytime they would come,he'd be like a breathe, babe,
breathe.
But like I just wasn't and it'sfine, but for some reason in my
head I was like I need tobreathe, breathe this baby down.
(26:22):
And so, yeah, I feel like that.
I don't really know how longthat lasted, but it was like
minute, minute long contractionsand then maybe like a 30 second
rest and the best part, I haveto share all of this, my
husband's going to kill me.
But he he doesn't really have aweak stomach, but like he was
not feeling well, so, like some,like a couple of times he would
be like I just need to rundownstairs real quick and I'd be
like, okay, and it turns out hewas throwing up.
(26:45):
So I just have to share that,so the world knows.
Um, so that was happening.
But he would always come backup and hold me and help me
through it.
And then I started feeling likethe baby was really, really low.
I was like, okay, like he is,he is like in my pelvic area,
like he's down here.
I'm feeling this push.
(27:06):
So I yeah, so I think I gotdown on my hands and knees at
that point, I can't remember,but either way, I could feel his
head like emerging and then itwould go back in, like you know,
so like, and that happened likefour or five times and I
remember just being like like,oh, okay, like I really am doing
(27:27):
this, like Holy cow, like I'mhaving a baby.
Angela (27:30):
So were you in the tub or were you on, like next to the
tub right now?
Nicole (27:33):
I was on the in the tub at that point.
I was either standing or on allfours, I can't remember, but
our tub, I realized, is reallynarrow, so like I couldn't get
my legs out as much as I wanted,but it doesn't matter, but it
was kind of like annoying, soyeah, so I would contract and I
like feel his head kind of comein, come out, and then it would
go back in and that happenedlike four or five times and I
(27:56):
remember just being like okay,like that's okay, like he's just
stretching everything out.
And I also remember being like,oh, I like I thought I would
have that moment when I hit,like I can't do this, like when
women are like oh you're, youknow, that's when you know.
(28:16):
And that never really happenedfor me.
So like I was like shocked whenI started feeling his head,
like oh, oh, like he was reallycoming, and so I felt his head.
Finally I could.
It was like not completely out,but it was like sitting there
and I reached down and I felt itand I was like I don't, I don't
know if that's a head, jesse,like I don't know what that is
Like, like I'm like well, andthen I remember saying it
doesn't matter what it is, causeit's coming out Like, like
whatever body part it is, likeit doesn't matter.
(28:37):
Um, it just felt really soft tome for some reason and I was
like, oh, maybe it's a butt,like I don, like he's going to
miss this, like it was so funny,so I'm.
(29:01):
So his head comes out and thenJesse gets done vomiting and he
looks and he's like he's like no, it's a head, it's a head.
And I was like, okay, so myson's head was just out, for it
didn't feel that long, but Jessesaid it was like five minutes
and I didn't.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't,but I didn't push until.
I was just kind of waitinguntil I had another contraction,
(29:22):
and so I had my hand on hishead and I could feel his little
body rotate and I was like thatis so cool.
I was like I remember hearingabout this and I was like oh my
God.
And so he rotated and one bigcontraction and he came out and
I caught him which was amazingand brought him up to my chest
and kind of was like kneeling inthe tub at that point, cause I
(29:45):
was, I think, still on my handsand knees.
Yeah, I was on my hands andknees when I birthed them and
then I just kind of like sat upand he was kind of making some
gurgling noises, but he was okay, and he came around and he was
like a good color, and then hedid a few cries and then he's
looking at us and it was just,it was insane.
I was like, oh my God, webirthed a baby.
(30:07):
It was wild.
I was like, oh my God, webirthed a baby.
It was wild.
And we also at that point Irealized I had wanted to record
the whole thing and we didn't.
We totally forgot to recordanything.
So I was like Jesse take aphoto.
So he got some, a couple ofgood photos, which was nice once
he was born, but we didn't getanything recorded, but that's
okay.
And so we just kind of stoodthere for a minute and then I
(30:27):
was like, oh, I should probably,um, like I had it in my head, I
wanted, I really wanted myplacenta to come out, like
immediately, I think.
I just was like I just wantedto be done, like I just wanted
to be done, um, and of coursethat's not how that happened.
So I ended up calling Anna andwoke her up and I was like hey,
and she's like Hi.
(30:48):
I was like, so I had a baby.
And she's like what?
She's like oh, my God.
And I was like, yep, so we're,we're here.
Um, I was she's like, well,where are you?
And I was like I'm in the tuband, um, I was like I want my
placenta to come out.
And she's like, okay, she'slike you need to go sit
somewhere comfortable, go relax,just soak it up for a minute.
(31:09):
It'll come when it's ready.
You just had your baby.
And so we went downstairs andI'm just still bleeding.
I mean, I didn't realize howbloody birth was, I guess.
So I'm still bleeding.
My husband's amazing just kindof following along and cleaning
things up as we're going, but weget settled on the couch.
Oh yeah, I forgot, my dog alsowas like absent for most of the
(31:32):
labor, but then, within a minuteof my son being born, she like
came upstairs and immediatelywanted to like check out what
was going on.
And I was like, how cool isthat?
It was like her animalinstincts, right, like she just
knew like okay, now that thebaby's here, I'll come check it
out.
It was amazing.
She was so good.
So we went and sat down on thecouch for a little bit and I'm
(31:54):
just like looking at my baby.
I'm like this is crazy, um, andI was feeling good, I was
exhausted.
Um, we decided to, I think Iwent, I think I sat there for
like a half hour, an hour, andthen I was like all right, I'm
going to like see if I can tryto get the placenta out.
So I tried to like squatting,like put a bowl in the toilet
(32:15):
and like squatting and trying tolike gently pull a little bit
and like nothing was happening.
And I was kind of frustratedand I called Anna again.
I don't know why.
I just like had it in my headthat the placenta needed to come
out like within an hour, and sodid my husband, and so his
fears around, like hemorrhagingand things were like coming out,
so his fears were like makingit worse for me too, because I
(32:38):
was like, yeah, you're right,like we need to get this out, we
need to get this out.
And she was like go lay down inbed, like relax for a little
bit, like it's okay, see if youcan get him.
You know, get your baby to kindof like, you know, just keep
them on your chest and the cordwas a little short so like I
couldn't quite bring him up asfar as I wanted.
So it was kind of just likeresting on my on my belly and he
(32:58):
was just looking at us, whichwas very cool.
So we put a bunch of Chuck'spads on the bed and laid down
and then, like another hour ortwo goes by and I was like, okay
, I got to try again, Like thisneeds to come out.
So I went and like I was tryingto like, really tug, like not
to hurt myself, but enough tolike, and it still wasn't
happening.
So I called Anna again.
(33:19):
This poor woman got no sleepeither.
And as I'm talking to her,she's like what are, what are
your fears around this?
And I was like I just don'twant to like hemorrhage or I
just don't want to like, I justwant it out, I want to be done.
I'm like over, I'm just overhaving this inside me.
Like I want, you know, I wantit out.
And as I'm talking to her, Iwas like all of a sudden a huge
(33:40):
contraction happened and theplacenta just flew out on top of
the bed and I was like it waswild.
And she was like I was so gladshe was on the phone and then.
So out came the placenta, andthe out came like a really big
blood clot too.
And I got like cause I wastrying to like get out of the
(34:02):
bed when I felt the contractionand I just didn't make it and so
, but then I was standing on thefloor and I was like, holy shit
, I'm going to pass out, like Iwas.
So I just felt so weak and so,and luckily Anna was on the
phone, which I think was helpfulfor Jesse too, because that was
one of Jesse's fears for somereason was about me passing out.
And then he's like I don't knowwhat to do if, like, you're
unconscious, even though he does, but like he just was nervous.
(34:22):
So luckily Anna was on thephone and she's like, okay, like
hand your baby to Jesse, likeget on, like get her feet up.
And so I just laid back on thebed and then, once I was
horizontal and had my feet up,like I felt a thousand times
better, and so I I didn't end uppassing out, but I just it was
just like a lot, and I was, Iwas still bleeding, you know, I
(34:44):
was just like sitting in, likeblood just coming out.
But I stayed on the phone withAnna for a while and Jesse's
just like cleaning everything upand just making sure
everything's good.
I think at that point it hadbeen like four hours since the
birth.
So we ended up cutting the cord.
So I was like it's, like I'mlike I'm ready, I'm done.
Everything's cold, like let's,and I'm laying next to my
(35:05):
placenta.
At this point I'm like okay,like let's be done.
So we cut the cord and clampedand did all that and that was
awesome.
And it was pretty cool to seethe placenta and be like wow,
this was like amazing, like it.
Actually, you know, this iswhat sustained my baby for all
this time.
So we yes, I was feeling okay,I think, yeah, we cut the cord,
(35:30):
jesse got rid of the placenta.
I wanted to shower so bad and II attempted to go back upstairs
and take a shower, but I couldnot get up the stairs.
I was like I'm going to passout again, and so Jesse just
brought me into the bathroom andjust gave me a sponge bath,
basically, cause I was just likethere was just blood, and so he
bathed me, which was amazing.
I was so grateful, it waswonderful, and he's like I'm
(35:52):
still bleeding everywhere.
So he was like following mearound with like a Swiffer,
because the dog was like tryingto get the blood, so he's like
trying to manage all of that.
So he got me cleaned up andthen we laid back down in bed
and I just laid with baby on mychest and we all fell asleep for
a while, which was awesome, andI think we woke up a couple
(36:16):
hours later, or maybe an hour, Idon't even know.
Um, and yeah, it was cool, itwas amazing.
Um, we had let some people knowum, like our parents know, I
think we had texted them at likewhen we had him at like.
Yeah, cause he was born at likeone, 55 in the morning.
So I was in labor for I guesslike 23, 24 hours technically, I
(36:38):
guess, when you think about it.
Yeah, so we did that and wejust kind of recovered and I was
able to shower, I think like aday later.
I just like couldn't get upthose, those stairs, but yeah,
it was amazing, it was just so,so cool, so cool.
Angela (36:56):
Wow, oh my gosh.
So when did you have like, wereyou eating and stuff after
birth?
Is that helping you sort offeel a little bit better?
Nicole (37:03):
Yes, I did eat.
I had, um, some uh brought likehomemade chicken broth, um, and
so I I ate a bunch of that.
And then I think I had Jessemake me a smoothie and I felt
like I was still losing someblood.
So I was like you're going tohave to make me like a little
bit of a placenta smoothie.
And so I totally had a littlebit of placenta and, um, I think
(37:25):
like avocados and like I don'tknow.
I don't know what he put in it,but it was delicious and it
immediately helped.
Like I felt so much better andso that that was interesting,
cause I know I had heard thatbefore Like if you're not that I
was hemorrhaging, but just, youknow, lost a lot because it's
normal, and so, yeah, so I was.
I was like, well, we'll justthrow in a smoothie.
So that was great.
(37:47):
And then my parents, I think,came over around noontime and
they had brought like a homemademoose stew and that tasted so
good.
I know like how very mean of us, but it was awesome.
It tasted so good and I wasable to just feel nourished.
Like that was a big part of mywhole postpartum too was like
nourishing.
(38:07):
I had read the essential art ofnourishing the new mother book,
and I had given that to my mombecause it had a zillion recipes
in it and I was like pleasemake all this.
And so she had made a wholebunch of stuff and froze it.
So like I've just been likeeating and nourishing myself and
it's that was a big part ofwhat I knew I wanted to do.
But like it was just so amazingto like know that I birthed at
(38:30):
home and I didn't have to havelike I caught my own baby, which
was wild, and like just be ableto go back into my own bed and
not have to like be woken up andnot have to be pricked with
needles or have him pricked withneedles or like like anything.
It was just, it was wild and wedid weigh him, but we didn't
(38:51):
have a great scale.
Uh, we just had like an oldschool scale you step on with
like a dial.
So like he was around sevenpounds we're not entirely sure.
But whatever, yeah, not thatimportant, right?
Yeah, I was like it doesn'tmatter, he's healthy and fine.
Angela (39:04):
So oh my gosh, so it.
So he's one week old today, orone week old yesterday.
Nicole (39:11):
Yesterday, it's wild yeah.
Angela (39:15):
Oh my gosh.
So you've just been hanging outenjoying the fall colors,
eating the nourishing food fromyour mom and just bringing up
all the new baby snuggles.
Nicole (39:26):
Yeah, that's what we've been doing.
We've been, we've been justkind of navigating and learning
breastfeeding.
Um, that was a bit of I mean,I'm so, I'm just I thought it
would be more intuitive, butlike it didn't feel that way for
me.
And so my, my cousin, jamie, um, she's had three children and
her newest is 13 weeks old, andso she came over.
She was a godsend, like shecame over, like every day and
(39:50):
it's just been like helping usfigure, figure it all out, and
it's been, it's been amazing she, I don't think I could have
done it without her.
I was so happy to have her help.
So we've been navigating,breastfeeding and just like,
yeah, like, like, looking out atthe lake and when it's nice and
sunny, you know, trying to getmy cause.
I, my mental health is so like,and like the outdoors is
(40:12):
imperative for me.
So, like I don't know, and I'mlike, okay, I cannot sit on this
couch anymore, like let's gosit in a chair outside.
And so, just like, listening tomy body and yeah, eating
nourishing foods, lots of likebroth based soups and stews and
oatmeal and quinoas, and like Iha, it's funny, cause I ate so
many vegetables my wholepregnancy and I'm like not
(40:33):
really wanting anything butsoups, like there's vegetables
in it.
Like my husband was like youwant a salad?
I was like, oh, that soundshorrible.
I'm just wanting like thosewarm, kind of nourishing meals.
And yeah, we, so we've beengetting outside when, when we
can, and um, which has been nice, and like I've been able to,
(40:56):
the past couple of days, beenable to go for like smaller walk
.
I had a lot of like you know, Imean I gave birth so like it was
just walking was kind ofuncomfortable for a little bit,
but I'm like amazed at how fastmy body is healing too Like it's
.
It's wild to me how quicklythat happens.
I'm like, wow, it's only been aweek and like, definitely, you
know, not back to my normal selfand nor do I want to be like
(41:17):
just trying to like accept thatthis is where we're at and like,
yeah, some days like we aregoing to spend like a couple
like six hours sitting on thecouch just skin to skin when
nursing and watching TV, or youknow, maybe we'll get up like
and that's because I'm like adoer, I like to do things, and
so that's been kind of mypractice is like just letting go
(41:39):
of like anything I feel like Iwant to do during the day.
Like yesterday I was like, ohyeah, I really want to like do X
, y and Z, and then I was like,yeah, no, this isn't happening,
I'm too tired, and so that'skind of been.
My work is like it's okay if wejust lay on the couch and
snuggle all day and um, but itis an adjustment.
He's been.
He slept pretty good until lastnight and then he was up like
(42:02):
every hour.
So we're just kind ofnavigating day by day and
figuring all of it out andgetting outside when we can and
seeing the lake, and yeah, it'sbeen a really cool time.
I'm still like in awe of it.
Every time I think about it I'mlike, oh my God, like I birthed
my baby at home.
It's wild.
Angela (42:22):
It's wild, yeah, claiming that full power you
know in those moments is isreally really so unique and you
only get a few you knowopportunities to have moments
like that in your life.
You know, and yeah, yeah, itsometimes gets stolen you know
from women, when you know you'rein the hospital or even if you
have, like you know, the homebirth, midwife, obstetric model
(42:45):
kind of in your home, it can belike someone telling you what to
do and kind of taking some ofthat power from you.
And it's like when you did itall on your own your pregnancy,
you, you know you chose what youwanted and to the whole thing
on your own and and claim thatfull power.
Nicole (42:59):
Yeah, totally yeah, it was totally special and that's,
I think it gave me so much like,like.
I think if I had somebody elsehere, I wouldn't have felt as
comfortable to like make all thenoises I was doing and like do
the things Like.
I just felt like I was so freeto just like like labor the way
I needed to.
(43:20):
You know, whether that was likeholding my husband and crying
or like you know like, orleaning against the bed or like
the bathtub, I could just do itwithout and just putting all of
that trust in my body and tojust be like.
Yeah, maybe you haven't donethis in this lifetime, but
you've been here a million timesbefore and your body knows what
(43:40):
to do.
And it's wild, it's just wild,it's so cool and I don't think I
would have gotten thatexperience in the hospital.
I'm not I I'm more of like aprivate person and I just I
think, with the bright lightsand like you know, strangers
essentially kind of you knowwell-intentioned strangers, but
(44:00):
like I just I don't think itwouldn't have been a good fit
for me at all.
This was just so much moreempowering and just just amazing
.
It just was such an amazingoption and I'm so grateful that
I like learned about it, becauseI I don't I think my birth
experience would have been sodifferent and, like my, my mom,
(44:23):
when she had me, she had areally traumatic birth.
I was born like two monthsearly and so I was in, like you
know, the NICU and like she justhad a really, really hard time,
and so it also feels like I'mlike like reclaiming birth, like
okay, like we got like she hadthis horrible experience, you
know, and um, and now I get tolike have this blissful, amazing
(44:45):
, empowering experience and it'sjust so, it's so cool.
I'm still obviously so jazzedup about it but as you should be
.
Angela (44:54):
Oh my gosh, nicole, this is seriously so incredible.
I love hearing that, and thatmust've been so special for your
mom to to witness right thereLike you guys are all on the
same property and that's sospecial.
Nicole (45:06):
Yeah, it was very cool.
Yeah, she was pretty excitedabout it for sure.
And yeah, and I probably shouldmention like we kind of like we
kind of kept it a secret thatwe were free birthing.
We like told people we had likea midwife, which was easier
than explaining like what youknow what Anna does, and there
was the option that Anna couldbe there if we wanted her.
(45:27):
But yeah, we kind of were justlike yeah, we're just having a
midwife and a home birth.
My parents knew that there wasa potential and I think Jesse's
parents by the end knew that wewere going to do it on our own.
At that point, but I just wastrying to avoid like judgment or
or criticism, because I think alot of people's fears can get
(45:47):
in the way.
Um, and I just didn't reallywant that.
Like I didn't want people'sfears in my own birth space or
head or whatever, and so we justkind of really didn't share
with people.
But now I'm like shouting fromthe rooftops now that
everybody's safe and happy andhealthy, and maybe part of that
was like my own fear too, ofbeing like, well, if I tell
(46:07):
people I'm doing this andsomething does go wrong, then
like they're all, they're allright, you know.
And so I think that was part ofit too, but but everything went
well.
Angela (46:16):
So yeah, there's nothing wrong with protecting your own
mental space, especially whenyou're pregnant and you know,
going through your ownexperience, everybody has their
own experience and, yeah,whatever you choose to share,
nobody has the rights to yourbirth plans or your due dates.
Oh my God.
Nicole (46:32):
Birthing in the fall sometime.
I know I wish I wish I hadn'ttold people due dates, because
the amount of text messages fromvery well-intentioned people I
was like, oh my gosh.
Like I'm like, nope, stillpregnant.
They're like, oh, it must beuncomfortable.
Angela (46:47):
Yeah, definitely is like I'm ready yeah, that doesn't
make it any easier.
No, it doesn't.
Oh my goodness, wow.
Well, as a final question, Ialways ask if you were to give
advice to expecting parents, oreven new parents, what would be
(47:07):
the biggest thing you'd want toshare?
Nicole (47:16):
That's a good question, since I'm such a new parent
myself, I think, for, like theexpecting parents, just trusting
your body, like trust yourself,like if if you know, no matter
which model, you know, if you'reengaged in the medical model or
having a home birth or whateverlike trust yourself, like if it
feels icky and weird anduncomfortable, like if a doctor
or somebody is suggestingsomething, then then trust that
(47:36):
and I think that's you know.
It's so important to just dowhat feels right, like this is
your body, this is your baby,this is your birth.
Like just because somebody issaying like, oh, you need to do
this, or they're, you know aquote unquote expert in the
field yes, that holds someweight, but so did so do you
like you know yourself, you knowyour body, you know your baby?
(47:57):
Like trust that?
That would be my suggestion forexpecting parents and new
parents.
Man, I don't know, I'm only aweek into this, so I think.
I think maybe it's along thesame lines of just listening to
your body and nourishing Like II'm so grateful for all the good
foods, and like just I thinknourishment has helped me to
(48:18):
heal so so much quicker, I guess, than I anticipated.
And also, and also like, ifyou're a new parent and you had
a hospital birth or your birthdidn't go the way you want, and
like it's really like know thatthat is like this is my
therapist brain talking, butlike knowing that that is trauma
and you're also trying to holdon to a new life and you just
(48:40):
went through a traumaticexperience and so giving
yourself grace with that.
I think that's where a lot ofpostpartum can come into,
because you've just experiencedlike this horrendous,
potentially, you know, maybe not, but whatever you know, trauma
looks different in all forms.
And so just remindingyourselves, you know, to be
gentle and that like, yeah,that's just hard and tough and
(49:04):
and it's, it's okay to reach outfor help.
And yeah, just knowing, justtrusting, trusting yourself and
knowing that it's okay to reachout for help.
And yeah, just knowing, justtrusting yourself and knowing
that it's okay.
Yeah, if you're not feelinggreat, then that's it's okay and
reach out for help, absolutely.
Angela (49:19):
Yes, well, this has been incredible.
Thank you so much for takingthe time to chat with me today.
It's just been such an honor tohear your story.
Nicole (49:27):
Yeah, you're welcome, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to just share so.
Angela (49:34):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(49:54):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of Maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 questions to askyour care provider, whether
(50:18):
you've already established careor if you're in the process of
interviewing new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(50:39):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
Yeah, and contractions are pretty consistent, but like
nothing.
I couldn't really manage formost of the day.
But, and again I was like, oh,could be, could not.
I was still in such denialbecause I was like I've been
here before, like I've hadcontractions like this, and I
was like it's just, you know,it's not happening, there's no
way.
Yeah Right, I'm going to bepregnant forever.
(00:25):
Like baby's never coming, he'sjust going to live in my body.
Um, so then I think and it waskind of cool because we're by
the water, so, like you know, Iwas like contracting and so like
I'd go and like hang out by thelake and like it was like
beautiful, like that part of itwas like how cool is this?
Like I get to, like you know,put my feet in the water and
(00:46):
like I was like in kind of likea spiritual.
That's when I started realizingI that I was more in labor,
like I kind of went into thismore spiritual realm.
Um, like I said, I do I umpractice, like I'm a Reiki
practitioner, so like all thatspiritual realm was kind of like
coming through and um, I was, Iremember, standing down by the
water with my feet in the waterand just like soaking up like
the water, energy and the wind,and I was like, oh, maybe I am
(01:06):
really into labor, like I'mstarting to kind of like go
somewhere else.
Angela (01:13):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a
space where we share the reallife stories of families and
their unique birth experiencesin the beautiful state of Maine,
from our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
and home births.
Every birth story deserves tobe heard and celebrated.
(01:34):
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth.
These episodes are for you.
World of birth, these episodesare for you.
Welcome to episode 100 and thefinal episode of season two of
the podcast.
Season three will be returningin January of 2025, so stay
(01:55):
tuned for that.
And, of course, if you have anyinterest in sharing your main
birth story, fill out thepodcast form over on my website,
mymainbirthcom, or shoot me amessage over on Instagram at
mymainbirth.
All right, today's birth storyguest is Nicole, and she's here
to share all about her main freebirth story.
(02:18):
Hi, nicole, welcome to my MainBirth.
Hi, how are you?
I'm good.
How are you Good?
Thank you so much for takingthe time to chat with me in this
postpartum period of yours.
I love that you reached out tome when you did.
Yeah.
Nicole (02:36):
I'm so excited.
It's been amazing and I'mexcited to do this do this
Incredible.
Angela (02:47):
Yeah, I feel like these stories really like are eye
opening for women that might noteven know that this path is an
option.
Nicole (02:51):
You know, I know it's so true, it's so true.
I didn't know either.
So I was so grateful when I waslike enlightened, and I was
like, oh, this is totally whatI'm doing.
Angela (03:00):
Yeah, awesome.
So to get started, will youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Nicole (03:06):
Sure, yeah, my name is Nicole Chase.
I live in Holton, northernMaine and Holton.
Currently, we have a camp downin Unity area and that's where
we ended up birthing our son,which was awesome.
Let's see, I'm a clinicalmental health counselor, so I
work with a lot of differentfolks with just mental health
(03:27):
challenges and life challenges,and my husband has a
construction business in Holdenand he grew up there and I grew
up in more Unity area, which iswhy we're down here.
Angela (03:39):
Awesome, that's amazing.
So now will you share a littlebit about when you found out you
were pregnant and your thoughtsin choosing your care?
Nicole (03:49):
Yeah.
So we consciously conceived, weknew we wanted a baby and I had
wanted one probably like twoyears before we actually before
I got my husband on board.
And so within those two years,I had discovered, I think I saw
a video online of a woman whogave birth in the ocean and I
(04:11):
was like blown away.
I was like, oh my gosh, I hadno idea, like that, you could do
this, you could birth outsideof the outside of the system,
like that.
And so I kind of led me to thisplace called the free birth
society and I was like immersedin this podcast and this whole
world of women who are havinglike wild pregnancies, where
(04:33):
they they don't receive like thetraditional prenatal care,
where they're, you know, justdoing their own thing, caring
for their body.
And so I started listening totheir podcast with all of these
free birth stories and wastotally inspired.
So for like two years, beforewe were even pregnant, I was
like when we get pregnant, likethis is what I'm doing.
(04:54):
I wasn't sure what I was goingto do with prenatal care.
I kind of was on the fenceabout it because I knew I didn't
want to do any, like any tests.
I was feeling a little nervousabout doing ultrasounds.
I, you know I knew I wasn'tgoing to like really engage and
so I was like, well, you know,what do I?
(05:14):
What do I do?
Do I like like start out thereand just see what happens?
And so I ended up around likesix weeks I started bleeding
quite a bit and I was, I wasreally nervous.
I was actually in Costa Ricafor a women for a Reiki mastery
retreat and I was like, well,there's nothing I can do.
(05:35):
You know, I was six weekspregnant and when I got back
home I decided to contact my OBand go in and just get an
ultrasound, because I wasnervous and everything was fine.
It sounded like I may have hadtwins and had lost one of them,
which was really interesting,and so then the other baby was
(05:56):
okay.
So I kind of engaged that way.
And then of course, they set meup for the second appointment
and I just never went back.
I decided I really didn't wantto like you know they I forget
what they were setting up forthe next appointment, but I
decided I didn't want to do that.
I did engage somebody actuallyin Lewiston who does like
(06:20):
ultrasounds without like kind ofquestions asked.
So I ended up doing anotherultrasound at 20 weeks because I
was in my head about the babymaybe being deformed or like
didn't have something, you know,had something wrong and I
really I just was so anxiousabout it that I needed to know.
So we did the anatomy scan at20 weeks and he was totally fine
, baby was good and that was allI did.
(06:44):
I didn't take a prenatal.
I was really really sick forthe first like 16 weeks, like
throwing up every every day, butI just continued to eat.
For some reason, when I'mnauseous I like to eat which
then made me throw up.
So it didn't really make a lotof sense, but that's what
happened.
Um, so I I just nourished mybody and just like listen to it.
(07:06):
When I needed to rest, I Irested as much as I could,
sometimes napping, like if I hadlike 30 minutes between clients
, I was like passed out on mycouch, my office and yeah.
So that was kind of my prenatalcare.
It was just taking care ofmyself, like you know, making
sure that I was getting the foodI needed.
We eat a lot.
We have our own like vegetablegarden and we both like hunt and
(07:28):
fish and do all of that.
So like we had our own, youknow, like we eat really good
food and I think that made a bigdifference.
I'm not like a McDonald's kindof person, so yeah, so it was
really great to just totallynourish my body as much as I
could and keep, keep nourishingand that was kind of my prenatal
care was the two ultrasoundsand just taking care of myself.
(07:50):
Oh, and I did engage with a um,a woman named Anna Fox, who is a
birth keeper, and she wasawesome.
So I met with her like on amonthly to bi-weekly basis just
via zoom, and like she helped methrough, you know, any like
fears I was having or anyquestions I was having or any
weird things that I felt washappening in my body and we
(08:12):
discussed she also waspotentially going to be
available If I did want herthere for the birth.
My husband really kind of wantedsomebody there.
I think he was nervous aboutjust kind of having that
responsibility, but I the wholetime was like, you know, I
really just want to do thismyself.
(08:32):
So I kind of like humored,humored him a little bit and was
like, well, we could talk aboutit, maybe Anna can be there.
And yeah, she was amazing.
Just like it's so nice to haveanother woman's support and be
like, yeah, like you've got this, you're you're doing it, like
everything sounds normal, andthen to also know that you know
she was able to like walk usthrough, like okay, you know,
(08:53):
here are the three emergenciesfor when you're birthing, like
if you need to like get up andgo to the hospital.
Um, and I also took the freebirth.
Society has like a, a course Iforget what it's called.
Angela (09:05):
I think it's called the Complete Guide to Free Birth.
Yes, and I actually have adiscount code.
If anybody is interested inpurchasing that, I will link it
in the show notes.
So, yes, I highly recommendthat.
Nicole (09:16):
Oh, so good, yeah, so I did that and so that was helpful
to just like learn.
And then I did a couple of themodules I would get my husband
to be on board with too, so heknew kind of like you know, any
emergency situations or whatkind of his role could be, as
you know, as a father and he metwith, he did some meetings with
(09:37):
Anna and I as well and kind ofjust talk through like what I
might be needing from him in themoment and how to kind of be a
support system for me as I'mbirthing.
So yeah, that's a long-windedanswer, but that's my prenatal
care.
Angela (09:51):
Yeah, no, that's amazing .
And nourishing your body withwhole foods and, yeah, just like
learning as much as you canabout physiologic birth is just
so helpful, right, yeah, it wasamazing.
How was your husband feeling asyou're getting closer to birth?
Nicole (10:10):
Yeah, so he was getting more nervous.
I started like, um, almost fiveweeks before my son was born, I
was experiencing like a ton ofcontractions, contractions and
prodromal labor, and I knew Iwanted to birth down here at our
camp and so I ended up takingmaternity leave earlier than I
anticipated because I was justlike I didn't know when I was
(10:32):
going to keep having thesecontractions and I just I
couldn't be present with anybody, with clients, when that was
happening.
So there was a time where I wasdown here and I was like I
don't know, it feels like labor,but I've never had a baby, so I
don't know.
So my husband came down,because he stayed up north to
work and then like kind of a lotof his fears came out after we
(10:54):
realized like, okay, it's justlike prodromal labor, like this
didn't happen.
He was kind of like we need totalk about like a code word,
like what to do if you need togo to the hospital, and so, like
it was, it was a good thingthat that kind of happened,
because it allowed him toexpress what his needs might be
around this, because I think hejust got really nervous,
thinking like, oh, my God, thisbaby's coming and I'm not
(11:16):
prepared and I don't know whatto do, even though we had kind
of prepared.
So it was a good, it was areally good thing and yeah, but
he, he was amazing, like afterthat, after we kind of worked
through that situation, he waspretty calm about it all.
He went back home after acouple of days and you know, I
would just like update him, likecontracting again today and
(11:36):
he's like okay, just let me knowwhen I need to come down, it'll
be there in two hours.
So yeah, so his, his fears, Ithink, subsided a little bit
there.
They did come back out a littlelater and I'll share.
I'll share in that part of thestory.
Angela (11:51):
But how were you doing as a first time mom experiencing
this?
I mean, you don't just soundreally secure in your choices,
but you said you you did talkwith Anna about some fears that
were coming up.
Would you mind sharing any ofthe things that you're kind of
experiencing?
Nicole (12:06):
Yeah, I think I was like I got really worried about like
I think like hemorrhaging was abig worry for me.
And then I was worried aboutlike you know, how will I know
if I need to go to the hospital,like if it's a, if it's an
emergency, versus just me beinglike, oh my God, this is really
hard.
(12:26):
And so those were kind of someof some of my fears.
I always felt like, okay, I cando this.
Like I was so inspired by byjust listening to all these
women who have done this and Iwas like I can totally do this.
Like women have been birthingthis way for for for millions of
(12:47):
years.
You know we wouldn't be here ifthat wasn't the case.
And just I think I was justlike by the end I was so ready
to get this baby out.
I ended up having him at like40, a little over 41 weeks, and
so I almost 42 and I was like,okay, but I didn't.
I think my fears were around.
(13:07):
I think a big part of my fearswere around like how, like my
husband's fears, like I wasworried that his fears might
come through in the birth, andthen like how do I handle that?
Like I can't, I can't beworried about how he's doing
when, when I'm trying to, likeyou know, deliver this baby, and
so that was a big part of it, Ithink, for me.
(13:29):
But yeah, I honestly, like Ididn't, I felt more fearful
about going to the hospitals, tobe honest, like that was
probably more for me like, oh myGod, if I have to go, like I
don't, I don't want to go, Idon't want to do that.
Um, because I just, I justdidn't want to engage with with
that.
I wanted so.
So that that was probably mybiggest fear.
Like what if I have to go?
Angela (13:51):
yeah, so now will you share about how your labor
started in this last kind of Ishared a little bit about like
the weeks leading up to it.
But, yeah, like what were likethose last few days like and
about your labor and birth?
Nicole (14:05):
yeah, yeah.
So, like I said, I was at ourum, at our camp, which is really
nice.
It's on a on a lake, so I feltlike I could just kind of like
get myself into like thebirthing mindset, which was nice
.
I wasn't working or seeingclients, so I was able to just
like be present and just likesleep when I needed to and kind
of like, you know like go for awalk if that's what I wanted to
(14:28):
do, or I have a big vegetablegarden, so I spent a lot of time
canning tomatoes and jams, butit was kind of nice.
But I was very, very tired,like exhausted.
I would like do things for likehalf the day and then be like,
okay, I'm going to read a bookfor the rest of the day or take
a nap.
But yeah, my parents have ourcampus on my parents' land and
(14:52):
they have quite a bit of land,so it was nice to just like walk
in nature and with my dog andjust kind of spend time with my
parents, which was great.
And yeah, the day before I gavebirth I had like a ton of energy
, but I was everyone's like, oh,it's going to happen, and I was
like, no, I've had all thisenergy before.
(15:13):
I've experienced this before.
Like he's not coming.
I had to put myself in themindset of like okay, I'm not
going to have this baby untillike 44 weeks pregnant.
Because I was going crazy.
I was like, just like, okay,like every time I kept having
that prodromal labor.
I was like this is it.
And then it was like, nope,this is not it.
So the day before I had all thisenergy, I like went grocery
(15:36):
shopping and then I went forlike a three or four mile walk
with my dog and then my dad andmy cousin they had a moose
permit and so they ended upharvesting a moose and we do all
of like the processing andeverything here.
So they showed up around likelike you know, in the evening
hours or whatever, and so wewere getting the moose kind of
(15:58):
processed and all of that.
And I was like I had all thisenergy and I was like, okay,
this is great, like.
And then I was like, oh God, Ineed to go home.
So I went home it was onWednesday at like 10 o'clock,
front and cause they were inlate with the moose, and I went
to bed and I woke up at two 30and I had a lot.
I went to the bathroom and lostmy mucus plug and I was like oh
(16:19):
.
And then I was like no, don'tget excited, nicole, like this
could be still weeks out.
And so I was like cause I justwas so in my head about it,
about like, oh, like this can'tbe it, this can't be it.
Like you've been thinking thisis it for weeks now.
Angela (16:36):
Oh, my gosh Was your husband in Holton at this point,
yeah he was in Holton so.
Nicole (16:41):
So I wasn't going to call him because I knew it was
like 2.30 in the morning and Iwas like well, we've been down
this road sort of before.
I was like but I haven't lostmy mucus plug, and so I waited
and then finally, at threeo'clock I called him and I was
like hey, just letting you know,I lost my mucus plug.
I'm contracting a little bit,but like go back to bed, it's
(17:02):
fine.
And he was like are you seriousright now?
He was like what do you want meto do?
I was like I don't know.
Like last time you came down itwas nothing, like we don't want
to go down that road, like itcould be weeks.
And he was like okay, and thenso he got.
I think he ended up getting upand like had coffee and like did
his thing and like packed a bag.
And then I called him back atlike five and I was like what
are you doing?
And he's like I feel like Ishould come down.
(17:31):
And I was like yeah, so I waslike contracting, but it wasn't
like like I was able to go backto bed.
A little later I think I got upand made food, cause I was like
starving and I and then, yeah,my husband Jesse got down, um
around like seven or eight, Ithink he had to stop by his
office and like grab some stuffand blah, blah, blah.
So then he goes down and I waslike contracting, but not like
you know, it was like earlylabor.
So it wasn't like I was unableto do anything.
(17:52):
So I just kind of went about myday.
Jesse worked from home and I Ilike I think I took the dog for
a small walk and like I madefood and I napped and I read a
book which I still haven'tfinished.
I was so close and yeah, andcontractions are pretty
consistent, but like nothing, Icouldn't really manage for most
(18:14):
of the day.
But and again I was like, oh,it could be, could not?
I was still in such denialbecause I was like I've been
here before, like I've hadcontractions like this, and I
was like it's just, you know,it's not happening, there's no
way.
Angela (18:27):
You're going to be pregnant forever, right?
Nicole (18:29):
Yeah Right, I'm going to be pregnant forever.
Like baby's never coming, he'sjust going to live in my body.
Um, so then I think and it waskind of cool because we're by
the water, so, like you know, Iwas like contracting and so like
I'd go and like hang out by thelake and like it was like
beautiful, like that part of itwas like how cool is this?
Like I get to, like you know,put my feet in the water and
(18:50):
like I was like in kind of likea spiritual.
That's when I started realizingI that I was more in labor,
like I kind of went into thismore spiritual realm.
Like I said, I do, I practice,like I'm a Reiki practitioner,
so like all that spiritual realmwas kind of like coming through
and I was, I remember, standingdown by the water with my feet
in the water and just likesoaking up like the the water
(19:12):
energy and the wind, and I waslike, oh, maybe I am really into
labor, like I'm starting tokind of like go somewhere else.
So, yeah, around like I thinksix or seven, the contraction
started getting um six or seven.
At night the contractionstarted getting more intense.
Like I was kind of needing tomove around more when it was
(19:34):
happening.
And I remember my husbandcooked some dinner and I ate
like one bite and I was like,nope, I remember trying to sit
down at the table and I justlike like shot up when I had a
contraction and I was like, okay, like things are getting more
intense now.
But I was still kind of indenial, which is weird, I don't,
I don't know, I just was likenot there.
(19:55):
So let's see, yeah, we started.
I was kind of chilly, so westarted like a fire in the
fireplace, which was kind ofcool.
And then my husband I was likeyou know what, we'll go get some
sleep.
You know I don't need you yet.
Just, you've been up sincethree as well Like go take a nap
or whatever.
So he went to bed at like eighto'clock and it was dark out and
I was in front of the fire andlike things were kicking in.
(20:17):
Like I was on my birth ball.
I was just, like you know, likemoaning, like really unable to
kind of like control anything atthat point, and I was just like
succumbing to it.
Like it was like I could feelthe contractions but I was like,
okay, like I was breathingthrough them and it felt good.
And so I labored like in theliving room in front of the
(20:38):
fireplace for a while and my dogwas in there and she was kind
of just like watching over mesleeping and my husband was
trying to sleep I don't know ifhe actually slept, probably not
and then, yeah, so I labored inthere for like a couple hours
and then I got to the pointagain where I was like I started
like needing to move and so Iwas like pacing around the
(20:59):
kitchen like anytime there wascontraction, like I couldn't be
on the birth ball anymore, likeit was too much to just like
stay in one position, like Ineeded to move.
So I was like walking around andlike holding onto the kitchen
countertop and all I keptthinking was, like I remember
being like okay, like breatheyour baby down, like you know
(21:19):
trying not to.
You know have like high pitched, like you know yelling, like
trying to keep things low andlike breathe, and at that point
I was totally able to do all ofthat which was awesome.
So around 11, we had bought thislike jacuzzi hot tub thing from
Martin's that they had recently, and so that was set up outside
(21:42):
and I was like convinced thatwas where I wanted to birth,
like under the stars and likethe lake sounds, and like it was
like this is gonna be amazing.
So around 11 o'clock I woke myhusband up.
I was like okay, I need you.
Like why don't we like I'mgoing to go out into the hot tub
?
And he was like okay, and I wasin there for like 10 minutes
and I was like nope, get me outof this place.
(22:04):
I just like couldn't handle itand for some reason I never
expected this to be like part ofmy thing.
I was like I am not birthing ina bathtub, like that's not
happening.
But I got out of that hot tuband immediately walked upstairs
into the bathroom and startedfilling the tub and I was like I
was like I never expected to dothat, but then I kept like
(22:28):
getting in and out of it.
It was more like I would likestand in it, but at that point
like contractions were gettingpretty, pretty painful, like I
was definitely in, like you know, moving towards transition
probably, and so I was likepacing around and, like you know
, just like really struggling,like still still breathing
through everything, but likestruggling to do so, and my
(22:50):
husband was there, so I probablypaced around for like an hour
or so.
I'm trying to think it's sohard.
Time was like you know, youjust don't really know Like I'm
going off of what, what Jessesaid too, oh, and then I started
having like like crazy amountsof diarrhea, and so that was
like another sign.
I was like okay, and then I waspuking as well.
(23:10):
So that was all happening atthe same time.
So that was fun.
I know my poor husband, but hewas amazing, he thought he was,
you know, with me.
At that point I just rememberbeing like I'm so sorry, you're
seeing me poop, and he was likeit's okay.
So that was a good bondingmoment, I think.
(23:31):
Yeah, and so that was happening.
And then I was still like inand out of the tub and then
finally I started just standingin the tub because I started,
like you know, expelling alittle bit of blood and.
I'm still like I'm not in denial, like I realized I'm in labor,
but I was like finally, like oh,I think this is actually
happening, like I'm actuallygoing to have this baby, and it
(23:54):
was cool Like I could feel, Icould start to feel him like
descending down, and that waswild.
I was like this is so cool, butit was like I was in another
world, but I could also likefeel it happening and that was
amazing.
And so I'm standing in the tuband we just a little bit of
water in there, for we realizedour water, like our water heater
(24:16):
, stopped working for somereason between the hours of like
midnight and like five.
I don't, I don't know.
It was a weird setting.
So like the water was cold butI was so hot, so it felt really
good.
But I was just standing in thetub and kind of bleeding a
little bit and then like my bodyjust started like like pushing
(24:36):
and I was like holy cow, like I.
I was not expecting like theintensity.
It felt like like a freighttrain or something, like it was
wild, but like it was, it wasdefinitely painful, like painful
, like I've never experiencedanything like it, but at the
same time it was also like.
It also felt like it wassomething I've done a million
(24:56):
times before, which must spendmy spiritual side, like other
lives or whatever.
I was like, oh, I've done thisbefore.
I was like I've done this andthat was the time I had, um, to
bring in the spiritual side, andthat was the time I had to
bring in the spiritual side.
I had like I kept having thisvision of like a, a bear, like a
grizzly bear, which was reallykind of cool.
(25:17):
And then and then all thesewomen were like which, who must
be like ancestors or whatever,were like surrounding me and
like holding me with like lightand touching me, and I was like
this is so wild.
So it's like, yeah, so it'slike that's going on in one
realm of my brain and then theother realm is like firmly
rooted, knowing I'm in thebathtub, like gripping onto my
(25:38):
husband.
It was such a crazy experiencebut so cool, yeah.
So I'm standing there and Istart using Jesse for support.
Like every contraction that'sand that's happening, that's
getting more intense, like I'mjust like gripping onto him and
kind of like standing up andthen squatting at the same time
in a weird like way.
But I was not like breathingthrough my contractions and
(26:01):
every time I come out of it it'dbe like Jesse, you need to help
me breathe, I'm just yelling,I'm just yelling.
And so anytime they would come,he'd be like a breathe, babe,
breathe.
But like I just wasn't and it'sfine, but for some reason in my
head I was like I need tobreathe, breathe this baby down.
(26:22):
And so, yeah, I feel like that.
I don't really know how longthat lasted, but it was like
minute, minute long contractionsand then maybe like a 30 second
rest and the best part, I haveto share all of this, my
husband's going to kill me.
But he he doesn't really have aweak stomach, but like he was
not feeling well, so, like some,like a couple of times he would
be like I just need to rundownstairs real quick and I'd be
like, okay, and it turns out hewas throwing up.
(26:45):
So I just have to share that,so the world knows.
Um, so that was happening.
But he would always come backup and hold me and help me
through it.
And then I started feeling likethe baby was really, really low.
I was like, okay, like he is,he is like in my pelvic area,
like he's down here.
I'm feeling this push.
(27:06):
So I yeah, so I think I gotdown on my hands and knees at
that point, I can't remember,but either way, I could feel his
head like emerging and then itwould go back in, like you know,
so like, and that happened likefour or five times and I
remember just being like like,oh, okay, like I really am doing
(27:27):
this, like Holy cow, like I'mhaving a baby.
Angela (27:30):
So were you in the tub or were you on, like next to the
tub right now?
Nicole (27:33):
I was on the in the tub at that point.
I was either standing or on allfours, I can't remember, but
our tub, I realized, is reallynarrow, so like I couldn't get
my legs out as much as I wanted,but it doesn't matter, but it
was kind of like annoying, soyeah, so I would contract and I
like feel his head kind of comein, come out, and then it would
go back in and that happenedlike four or five times and I
(27:56):
remember just being like okay,like that's okay, like he's just
stretching everything out.
And I also remember being like,oh, I like I thought I would
have that moment when I hit,like I can't do this, like when
women are like oh you're, youknow, that's when you know.
(28:16):
And that never really happenedfor me.
So like I was like shocked whenI started feeling his head,
like oh, oh, like he was reallycoming, and so I felt his head.
Finally I could.
It was like not completely out,but it was like sitting there
and I reached down and I felt itand I was like I don't, I don't
know if that's a head, jesse,like I don't know what that is
Like, like I'm like well, andthen I remember saying it
doesn't matter what it is, causeit's coming out Like, like
whatever body part it is, likeit doesn't matter.
(28:37):
Um, it just felt really soft tome for some reason and I was
like, oh, maybe it's a butt,like I don, like he's going to
miss this, like it was so funny,so I'm.
(29:01):
So his head comes out and thenJesse gets done vomiting and he
looks and he's like he's like no, it's a head, it's a head.
And I was like, okay, so myson's head was just out, for it
didn't feel that long, but Jessesaid it was like five minutes
and I didn't.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't,but I didn't push until.
I was just kind of waitinguntil I had another contraction,
(29:22):
and so I had my hand on hishead and I could feel his little
body rotate and I was like thatis so cool.
I was like I remember hearingabout this and I was like oh my
God.
And so he rotated and one bigcontraction and he came out and
I caught him which was amazingand brought him up to my chest
and kind of was like kneeling inthe tub at that point, cause I
(29:45):
was, I think, still on my handsand knees.
Yeah, I was on my hands andknees when I birthed them and
then I just kind of like sat upand he was kind of making some
gurgling noises, but he was okay, and he came around and he was
like a good color, and then hedid a few cries and then he's
looking at us and it was just,it was insane.
I was like, oh my God, webirthed a baby.
(30:07):
It was wild.
I was like, oh my God, webirthed a baby.
It was wild.
And we also at that point Irealized I had wanted to record
the whole thing and we didn't.
We totally forgot to recordanything.
So I was like Jesse take aphoto.
So he got some, a couple ofgood photos, which was nice once
he was born, but we didn't getanything recorded, but that's
okay.
And so we just kind of stoodthere for a minute and then I
(30:27):
was like, oh, I should probably,um, like I had it in my head, I
wanted, I really wanted myplacenta to come out, like
immediately, I think.
I just was like I just wantedto be done, like I just wanted
to be done, um, and of coursethat's not how that happened.
So I ended up calling Anna andwoke her up and I was like hey,
and she's like Hi.
(30:48):
I was like, so I had a baby.
And she's like what?
She's like oh, my God.
And I was like, yep, so we're,we're here.
Um, I was she's like, well,where are you?
And I was like I'm in the tuband, um, I was like I want my
placenta to come out.
And she's like, okay, she'slike you need to go sit
somewhere comfortable, go relax,just soak it up for a minute.
(31:09):
It'll come when it's ready.
You just had your baby.
And so we went downstairs andI'm just still bleeding.
I mean, I didn't realize howbloody birth was, I guess.
So I'm still bleeding.
My husband's amazing just kindof following along and cleaning
things up as we're going, but weget settled on the couch.
Oh yeah, I forgot, my dog alsowas like absent for most of the
(31:32):
labor, but then, within a minuteof my son being born, she like
came upstairs and immediatelywanted to like check out what
was going on.
And I was like, how cool isthat?
It was like her animalinstincts, right, like she just
knew like okay, now that thebaby's here, I'll come check it
out.
It was amazing.
She was so good.
So we went and sat down on thecouch for a little bit and I'm
(31:54):
just like looking at my baby.
I'm like this is crazy, um, andI was feeling good, I was
exhausted.
Um, we decided to, I think Iwent, I think I sat there for
like a half hour, an hour, andthen I was like all right, I'm
going to like see if I can tryto get the placenta out.
So I tried to like squatting,like put a bowl in the toilet
(32:15):
and like squatting and trying tolike gently pull a little bit
and like nothing was happening.
And I was kind of frustratedand I called Anna again.
I don't know why.
I just like had it in my headthat the placenta needed to come
out like within an hour, and sodid my husband, and so his
fears around, like hemorrhagingand things were like coming out,
so his fears were like makingit worse for me too, because I
(32:38):
was like, yeah, you're right,like we need to get this out, we
need to get this out.
And she was like go lay down inbed, like relax for a little
bit, like it's okay, see if youcan get him.
You know, get your baby to kindof like, you know, just keep
them on your chest and the cordwas a little short so like I
couldn't quite bring him up asfar as I wanted.
So it was kind of just likeresting on my on my belly and he
(32:58):
was just looking at us, whichwas very cool.
So we put a bunch of Chuck'spads on the bed and laid down
and then, like another hour ortwo goes by and I was like, okay
, I got to try again, Like thisneeds to come out.
So I went and like I was tryingto like, really tug, like not
to hurt myself, but enough tolike, and it still wasn't
happening.
So I called Anna again.
(33:19):
This poor woman got no sleepeither.
And as I'm talking to her,she's like what are, what are
your fears around this?
And I was like I just don'twant to like hemorrhage or I
just don't want to like, I justwant it out, I want to be done.
I'm like over, I'm just overhaving this inside me.
Like I want, you know, I wantit out.
And as I'm talking to her, Iwas like all of a sudden a huge
(33:40):
contraction happened and theplacenta just flew out on top of
the bed and I was like it waswild.
And she was like I was so gladshe was on the phone and then.
So out came the placenta, andthe out came like a really big
blood clot too.
And I got like cause I wastrying to like get out of the
(34:02):
bed when I felt the contractionand I just didn't make it and so
, but then I was standing on thefloor and I was like, holy shit
, I'm going to pass out, like Iwas.
So I just felt so weak and so,and luckily Anna was on the
phone, which I think was helpfulfor Jesse too, because that was
one of Jesse's fears for somereason was about me passing out.
And then he's like I don't knowwhat to do if, like, you're
unconscious, even though he does, but like he just was nervous.
(34:22):
So luckily Anna was on thephone and she's like, okay, like
hand your baby to Jesse, likeget on, like get her feet up.
And so I just laid back on thebed and then, once I was
horizontal and had my feet up,like I felt a thousand times
better, and so I I didn't end uppassing out, but I just it was
just like a lot, and I was, Iwas still bleeding, you know, I
(34:44):
was just like sitting in, likeblood just coming out.
But I stayed on the phone withAnna for a while and Jesse's
just like cleaning everything upand just making sure
everything's good.
I think at that point it hadbeen like four hours since the
birth.
So we ended up cutting the cord.
So I was like it's, like I'mlike I'm ready, I'm done.
Everything's cold, like let's,and I'm laying next to my
(35:05):
placenta.
At this point I'm like okay,like let's be done.
So we cut the cord and clampedand did all that and that was
awesome.
And it was pretty cool to seethe placenta and be like wow,
this was like amazing, like it.
Actually, you know, this iswhat sustained my baby for all
this time.
So we yes, I was feeling okay,I think, yeah, we cut the cord,
(35:30):
jesse got rid of the placenta.
I wanted to shower so bad and II attempted to go back upstairs
and take a shower, but I couldnot get up the stairs.
I was like I'm going to passout again, and so Jesse just
brought me into the bathroom andjust gave me a sponge bath,
basically, cause I was just likethere was just blood, and so he
bathed me, which was amazing.
I was so grateful, it waswonderful, and he's like I'm
(35:52):
still bleeding everywhere.
So he was like following mearound with like a Swiffer,
because the dog was like tryingto get the blood, so he's like
trying to manage all of that.
So he got me cleaned up andthen we laid back down in bed
and I just laid with baby on mychest and we all fell asleep for
a while, which was awesome, andI think we woke up a couple
(36:16):
hours later, or maybe an hour, Idon't even know.
Um, and yeah, it was cool, itwas amazing.
Um, we had let some people knowum, like our parents know, I
think we had texted them at likewhen we had him at like.
Yeah, cause he was born at likeone, 55 in the morning.
So I was in labor for I guesslike 23, 24 hours technically, I
(36:38):
guess, when you think about it.
Yeah, so we did that and wejust kind of recovered and I was
able to shower, I think like aday later.
I just like couldn't get upthose, those stairs, but yeah,
it was amazing, it was just so,so cool, so cool.
Angela (36:56):
Wow, oh my gosh.
So when did you have like, wereyou eating and stuff after
birth?
Is that helping you sort offeel a little bit better?
Nicole (37:03):
Yes, I did eat.
I had, um, some uh brought likehomemade chicken broth, um, and
so I I ate a bunch of that.
And then I think I had Jessemake me a smoothie and I felt
like I was still losing someblood.
So I was like you're going tohave to make me like a little
bit of a placenta smoothie.
And so I totally had a littlebit of placenta and, um, I think
(37:25):
like avocados and like I don'tknow.
I don't know what he put in it,but it was delicious and it
immediately helped.
Like I felt so much better andso that that was interesting,
cause I know I had heard thatbefore Like if you're not that I
was hemorrhaging, but just, youknow, lost a lot because it's
normal, and so, yeah, so I was.
I was like, well, we'll justthrow in a smoothie.
So that was great.
(37:47):
And then my parents, I think,came over around noontime and
they had brought like a homemademoose stew and that tasted so
good.
I know like how very mean of us, but it was awesome.
It tasted so good and I wasable to just feel nourished.
Like that was a big part of mywhole postpartum too was like
nourishing.
(38:07):
I had read the essential art ofnourishing the new mother book,
and I had given that to my mombecause it had a zillion recipes
in it and I was like pleasemake all this.
And so she had made a wholebunch of stuff and froze it.
So like I've just been likeeating and nourishing myself and
it's that was a big part ofwhat I knew I wanted to do.
But like it was just so amazingto like know that I birthed at
(38:30):
home and I didn't have to havelike I caught my own baby, which
was wild, and like just be ableto go back into my own bed and
not have to like be woken up andnot have to be pricked with
needles or have him pricked withneedles or like like anything.
It was just, it was wild and wedid weigh him, but we didn't
(38:51):
have a great scale.
Uh, we just had like an oldschool scale you step on with
like a dial.
So like he was around sevenpounds we're not entirely sure.
But whatever, yeah, not thatimportant, right?
Yeah, I was like it doesn'tmatter, he's healthy and fine.
Angela (39:04):
So oh my gosh, so it.
So he's one week old today, orone week old yesterday.
Nicole (39:11):
Yesterday, it's wild yeah.
Angela (39:15):
Oh my gosh.
So you've just been hanging outenjoying the fall colors,
eating the nourishing food fromyour mom and just bringing up
all the new baby snuggles.
Nicole (39:26):
Yeah, that's what we've been doing.
We've been, we've been justkind of navigating and learning
breastfeeding.
Um, that was a bit of I mean,I'm so, I'm just I thought it
would be more intuitive, butlike it didn't feel that way for
me.
And so my, my cousin, jamie, um, she's had three children and
her newest is 13 weeks old, andso she came over.
She was a godsend, like shecame over, like every day and
(39:50):
it's just been like helping usfigure, figure it all out, and
it's been, it's been amazing she, I don't think I could have
done it without her.
I was so happy to have her help.
So we've been navigating,breastfeeding and just like,
yeah, like, like, looking out atthe lake and when it's nice and
sunny, you know, trying to getmy cause.
I, my mental health is so like,and like the outdoors is
(40:12):
imperative for me.
So, like I don't know, and I'mlike, okay, I cannot sit on this
couch anymore, like let's gosit in a chair outside.
And so, just like, listening tomy body and yeah, eating
nourishing foods, lots of likebroth based soups and stews and
oatmeal and quinoas, and like Iha, it's funny, cause I ate so
many vegetables my wholepregnancy and I'm like not
(40:33):
really wanting anything butsoups, like there's vegetables
in it.
Like my husband was like youwant a salad?
I was like, oh, that soundshorrible.
I'm just wanting like thosewarm, kind of nourishing meals.
And yeah, we, so we've beengetting outside when, when we
can, and um, which has been nice, and like I've been able to,
(40:56):
the past couple of days, beenable to go for like smaller walk
.
I had a lot of like you know, Imean I gave birth so like it was
just walking was kind ofuncomfortable for a little bit,
but I'm like amazed at how fastmy body is healing too Like it's
.
It's wild to me how quicklythat happens.
I'm like, wow, it's only been aweek and like, definitely, you
know, not back to my normal selfand nor do I want to be like
(41:17):
just trying to like accept thatthis is where we're at and like,
yeah, some days like we aregoing to spend like a couple
like six hours sitting on thecouch just skin to skin when
nursing and watching TV, or youknow, maybe we'll get up like
and that's because I'm like adoer, I like to do things, and
so that's been kind of mypractice is like just letting go
(41:39):
of like anything I feel like Iwant to do during the day.
Like yesterday I was like, ohyeah, I really want to like do X
, y and Z, and then I was like,yeah, no, this isn't happening,
I'm too tired, and so that'skind of been.
My work is like it's okay if wejust lay on the couch and
snuggle all day and um, but itis an adjustment.
He's been.
He slept pretty good until lastnight and then he was up like
(42:02):
every hour.
So we're just kind ofnavigating day by day and
figuring all of it out andgetting outside when we can and
seeing the lake, and yeah, it'sbeen a really cool time.
I'm still like in awe of it.
Every time I think about it I'mlike, oh my God, like I birthed
my baby at home.
It's wild.
Angela (42:22):
It's wild, yeah, claiming that full power you
know in those moments is isreally really so unique and you
only get a few you knowopportunities to have moments
like that in your life.
You know, and yeah, yeah, itsometimes gets stolen you know
from women, when you know you'rein the hospital or even if you
have, like you know, the homebirth, midwife, obstetric model
(42:45):
kind of in your home, it can belike someone telling you what to
do and kind of taking some ofthat power from you.
And it's like when you did itall on your own your pregnancy,
you, you know you chose what youwanted and to the whole thing
on your own and and claim thatfull power.
Nicole (42:59):
Yeah, totally yeah, it was totally special and that's,
I think it gave me so much like,like.
I think if I had somebody elsehere, I wouldn't have felt as
comfortable to like make all thenoises I was doing and like do
the things Like.
I just felt like I was so freeto just like like labor the way
I needed to.
(43:20):
You know, whether that was likeholding my husband and crying
or like you know like, orleaning against the bed or like
the bathtub, I could just do itwithout and just putting all of
that trust in my body and tojust be like.
Yeah, maybe you haven't donethis in this lifetime, but
you've been here a million timesbefore and your body knows what
(43:40):
to do.
And it's wild, it's just wild,it's so cool and I don't think I
would have gotten thatexperience in the hospital.
I'm not I I'm more of like aprivate person and I just I
think, with the bright lightsand like you know, strangers
essentially kind of you knowwell-intentioned strangers, but
(44:00):
like I just I don't think itwouldn't have been a good fit
for me at all.
This was just so much moreempowering and just just amazing
.
It just was such an amazingoption and I'm so grateful that
I like learned about it, becauseI I don't I think my birth
experience would have been sodifferent and, like my, my mom,
(44:23):
when she had me, she had areally traumatic birth.
I was born like two monthsearly and so I was in, like you
know, the NICU and like she justhad a really, really hard time,
and so it also feels like I'mlike like reclaiming birth, like
okay, like we got like she hadthis horrible experience, you
know, and um, and now I get tolike have this blissful, amazing
(44:45):
, empowering experience and it'sjust so, it's so cool.
I'm still obviously so jazzedup about it but as you should be
.
Angela (44:54):
Oh my gosh, nicole, this is seriously so incredible.
I love hearing that, and thatmust've been so special for your
mom to to witness right thereLike you guys are all on the
same property and that's sospecial.
Nicole (45:06):
Yeah, it was very cool.
Yeah, she was pretty excitedabout it for sure.
And yeah, and I probably shouldmention like we kind of like we
kind of kept it a secret thatwe were free birthing.
We like told people we had likea midwife, which was easier
than explaining like what youknow what Anna does, and there
was the option that Anna couldbe there if we wanted her.
(45:27):
But yeah, we kind of were justlike yeah, we're just having a
midwife and a home birth.
My parents knew that there wasa potential and I think Jesse's
parents by the end knew that wewere going to do it on our own.
At that point, but I just wastrying to avoid like judgment or
or criticism, because I think alot of people's fears can get
(45:47):
in the way.
Um, and I just didn't reallywant that.
Like I didn't want people'sfears in my own birth space or
head or whatever, and so we justkind of really didn't share
with people.
But now I'm like shouting fromthe rooftops now that
everybody's safe and happy andhealthy, and maybe part of that
was like my own fear too, ofbeing like, well, if I tell
(46:07):
people I'm doing this andsomething does go wrong, then
like they're all, they're allright, you know.
And so I think that was part ofit too, but but everything went
well.
Angela (46:16):
So yeah, there's nothing wrong with protecting your own
mental space, especially whenyou're pregnant and you know,
going through your ownexperience, everybody has their
own experience and, yeah,whatever you choose to share,
nobody has the rights to yourbirth plans or your due dates.
Oh my God.
Nicole (46:32):
Birthing in the fall sometime.
I know I wish I wish I hadn'ttold people due dates, because
the amount of text messages fromvery well-intentioned people I
was like, oh my gosh.
Like I'm like, nope, stillpregnant.
They're like, oh, it must beuncomfortable.
Angela (46:47):
Yeah, definitely is like I'm ready yeah, that doesn't
make it any easier.
No, it doesn't.
Oh my goodness, wow.
Well, as a final question, Ialways ask if you were to give
advice to expecting parents, oreven new parents, what would be
(47:07):
the biggest thing you'd want toshare?
Nicole (47:16):
That's a good question, since I'm such a new parent
myself, I think, for, like theexpecting parents, just trusting
your body, like trust yourself,like if if you know, no matter
which model, you know, if you'reengaged in the medical model or
having a home birth or whateverlike trust yourself, like if it
feels icky and weird anduncomfortable, like if a doctor
or somebody is suggestingsomething, then then trust that
(47:36):
and I think that's you know.
It's so important to just dowhat feels right, like this is
your body, this is your baby,this is your birth.
Like just because somebody issaying like, oh, you need to do
this, or they're, you know aquote unquote expert in the
field yes, that holds someweight, but so did so do you
like you know yourself, you knowyour body, you know your baby?
(47:57):
Like trust that?
That would be my suggestion forexpecting parents and new
parents.
Man, I don't know, I'm only aweek into this, so I think.
I think maybe it's along thesame lines of just listening to
your body and nourishing Like II'm so grateful for all the good
foods, and like just I thinknourishment has helped me to
(48:18):
heal so so much quicker, I guess, than I anticipated.
And also, and also like, ifyou're a new parent and you had
a hospital birth or your birthdidn't go the way you want, and
like it's really like know thatthat is like this is my
therapist brain talking, butlike knowing that that is trauma
and you're also trying to holdon to a new life and you just
(48:40):
went through a traumaticexperience and so giving
yourself grace with that.
I think that's where a lot ofpostpartum can come into,
because you've just experiencedlike this horrendous,
potentially, you know, maybe not, but whatever you know, trauma
looks different in all forms.
And so just remindingyourselves, you know, to be
gentle and that like, yeah,that's just hard and tough and
(49:04):
and it's, it's okay to reach outfor help.
And yeah, just knowing, justtrusting, trusting yourself and
knowing that it's okay to reachout for help.
And yeah, just knowing, justtrusting yourself and knowing
that it's okay.
Yeah, if you're not feelinggreat, then that's it's okay and
reach out for help, absolutely.
Angela (49:19):
Yes, well, this has been incredible.
Thank you so much for takingthe time to chat with me today.
It's just been such an honor tohear your story.
Nicole (49:27):
Yeah, you're welcome, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to just share so.
Angela (49:34):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(49:54):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of Maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 questions to askyour care provider, whether
(50:18):
you've already established careor if you're in the process of
interviewing new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(50:39):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
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