110. MyMaine Birth: Kay Shares About Her Four Maine Birth Stories in the Shadow of Abuse

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In this episode, we discuss:

• Four Maine Hospital Birth Stories
• Domestic Violence and how Kay handled her situation 
• Obstetric Care at Southern Maine Hospitals 
• ….and a whole lot more!

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Through These Doors

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Episode Transcript

Kay (00:00):
I really hope, like anyone that does listen to this, like
if they are in a similarsituation, that they can get out
in their R resources.
And you know, through thesedoors is fantastic.
What's the one in Sanford?
Caring, unlimited.
They are absolutely wonderful.
You know you call them ifyou're in a DV situation.

(00:22):
They'll get you.
Their DV shelters are beautiful.
You get your own room.
They help you within two weekson getting a housing voucher.
They set you right up.
You know they get you out ofthat situation.
I've been to a couple DVshelters.
They help you with diapers.
I didn't have a license.

(00:44):
The DV shelter they went outand bought me a double stroller
so I could, you know, go getgroceries.
And there are resources that Ireally think they need to be
advertised more because it'shard.
Maine doesn't have manyresources, but the ones we do
have are absolutely incrediblehave many resources, but the

(01:08):
ones we do have are absolutelyincredible.

Angela (01:09):
I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer,
experienced doula, childbirtheducator and your host here on
the my Maine Birth podcast.
This is a space where we sharethe real life stories of
families and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine, From our state'sbiggest hospitals to birth
center births and home births.
Every birth story deserves tobe heard and celebrated.

(01:32):
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome back.
You're listening to episode 110.
Today's birth story guest isKay, and she's here to share all
about her four main birthstories.

(01:52):
Hi, Kay, Welcome to my MainBirth.
Hello.
So, to get started, would youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Could?

Kay (02:04):
you share a little bit about you and your family.
Yeah, so I was a single mom toall four of my children.
Their dads have never reallybeen in the picture, so it was
just us.
I met my husband when my sonwas four months old.
We got married real quick whenI saw how well he did with the
kids.
He did with the kids and youknow all the time he takes off

(02:29):
of work to bring me down toBoston for my youngest, or
because he knows I don't like todrive in Boston, or I mean he
bought us a house.
He's just been incredible.
I knew I had to put a ring onhis finger, knew I had to put a
ring on his finger.
I had to, I had to have him.
And yeah, it's been incredible.

(02:57):
I have two preemies, both of myboys, surprisingly, both of my
girls for full term and both ofmy boys for preemies.
Landon was my first preemie.
He is in kindergarten and he'sdoing pretty good.
My daughter Mariana, she's inpreschool and, oh my gosh, she
loves it.
She's a little social butterfly.
Then I stay home with Renly andMiles.

Angela (03:18):
So now will you share a little bit about how you found
out you were pregnant for thefirst time and what your
thoughts were in choosing yourcare?

Kay (03:27):
The first time I it was funny I was a heavy smoker, I
was young and I lit up acigarette and I immediately
puked everywhere and I'm likewow, this, this isn't right.
And I took probably 50pregnancy tests over the week

(03:48):
and it's negative, negative,negative.
And I kept telling his dad, myboyfriend at the time I'm like I
think I'm pregnant and he'slike no, you're not.
All those tests are coming outnegative.
I tested the following week,still feeling icky, still
negative.
I was like what the heck?
Like I know my body, likesomething, is off.

(04:13):
And so I went to the ER andthere I was five weeks pregnant.
It was very, very scary.
I mean I was 19.
Very, very scary.
I found out I was pregnant atMaine Med, decided to have him
at Maine Med and they were allright with him.

Angela (04:37):
So how was your pregnancy looking?

Kay (04:41):
It was rough.
I mean, I have a very toughrelationship with my parents.
I was young and naive and Ifound out that his dad was doing
drugs and I left him the day Ifound out.
I don't tolerate it and Ihaven't really talked to him
much since, so it was definitelyscary.

(05:03):
I mean, I went through most ofmy pregnancy alone.
My morning sickness was really,really bad until the second
trimester.
The second trimester wasbeautiful.
I loved it, and then the thirdtrimester hit felt like the
first trimester all over again,like you're so fat but you're

(05:24):
also like puking, so then you'repeeing yourself.
It was.
It was crazy.
Definitely was probably myeasiest pregnancy out of all
four I'll never forget is 20002018.
It was a Halloween day.
I went in for a normal babyappointment and they told me

(05:48):
that I was contracting and I was34 weeks at this point.
They're like you're contracting.
They're like you don't feelthat I'm like, no, they're like
people are doubled down on thefloor, like you're in full, like
you're something's going on.

(06:10):
They kept me from monitoringfor about I don't know two hours
and they sent me home thatnight.
I had company over atHalloween's, my favorite holiday
, so I was so excited I was in.
At this point I am in pain, tothe point I kicked everyone out
of my house.
I was like get out.

(06:32):
I went to bed.
I woke up at six and I stood upand I peed myself.
What I thought?
Um, I, when I tooled around thehouse till like noon, um, and I
was still leaking and I waslike, okay, like this isn't
normal.

(06:52):
Like I said, I was a young mom.
I didn't do any research and Ibrought, I went to the hospital
and I was about to have a babyand the best part is, it was
also my birthday, so labor wasquick.
I had been obviously in laborsince Halloween.

(07:15):
I don't know why they didn'tadmit me or do anything to stop
it, which now I think about it,is mind-boggling.

Angela (07:25):
So how many days after Halloween was this happening?
Was it the next day?

Kay (07:29):
very next day, the very next day, um.
So I definitely, now that I'molder and I know more, they
definitely drop the ball withthat.
Um.
So I had Landon.
I pushed him out in eightminutes.
Uh, he was just a tiny old boy.
He was just five pounds, oneounce.

(07:49):
He cried.
I got to hold him for threeseconds, if even and I will
never forget the first time theyever lay that first baby on you
Like a whole sensation of love.
Oh my gosh, if I could havethat feeling in a jar.

(08:09):
Oh, it was amazing.
He then went to the NICU.
He did stop breathing and thenthey had to give him some
caffeine.
They didn't tell me till thenext day either, which I still.
That still doesn't mix up wellwith me.
The NICU, though the NICU wasabsolutely amazing.

(08:32):
We had a 17 day stay.
He had to.
He had a hard time working on aswallowing.
Once he got that down, we were,we were home.
So, other than, like my, mybirth main med there, um, all my
appointments were great, I dohave to say, like I said, my, my

(08:54):
birth wasn't all that great.

Angela (08:57):
Um, what were things that made it not all that great?

Kay (09:00):
Um, so I was waiting for.
They told me to wait until thepain was unbearable for an
epidural because I wanted oneand I did.
And then they checked me interms of I was at 10 and they're
like, oh, it's too late.
And then I immediately startedfeeling pressure.
Well, the doctors aren't in yet.
Um, I was like, well,something's about to happen.

(09:23):
I about to have this baby.
And the doctors came in and, Ikid you not, they were talking
about the weather.
They were talking about theweather.
As I'm like bawling my eyes outand I'm like this baby's coming,
they're like, no, he's not.
I'm like he is, I go, I need tostart pushing.

(09:45):
They're like don't push yet,we're not ready.
I was like I need to startpushing right now.
They're like, no, no, wait, Igo.
And so I screamed.
I'm like start pushing rightnow, do your jobs and look
between my legs.
And they're like you can startpushing, as they're still over
by the door.
And they're like you can startpushing, as they're still over
by the door.

(10:05):
Still over by the door.
That is insane to tell a motherto start pushing a pre mature
baby out before you were evensuited up.
They should have been suited upbefore.
Right when you know they foundout I was at 10, they should
have been suited up and in myroom and they weren't.
They were worried because whereI had been leaking so much

(10:28):
amniotic fluid, I was going tohave a dry birth.
I didn't.
He came out perfect, so thatwent really well.
Yeah, I think that's about itfor Landon's.

Angela (10:41):
How was your postpartum time landings?
How?

Kay (10:44):
was your postpartum time.
Postpartum was actually notthat bad for, like with him, I
wore diapers for about a month.
It was funny.
I'll never forget getting myfirst postpartum period.
I had just posted on Made NewMoms and I was like, when am I

(11:04):
supposed to get my period again?
They're like, oh, it dependslike per person if you're
nursing which I was pumping atthe time and I was like, oh,
okay, and I'll never forget, Iwent ice fishing.
I had like nine layers of pantson and I got my period that
same day.
I made that post out icefishing, as it would happen.

(11:28):
You know I look back and Ilaugh at that now.
Wasn't too funny then.
But feeling was great,surprisingly, for how fast I
pushed him out.
I didn't tear or anything, orat least they told me it did
really really really burn to pee.
I do have to say peeing reallyhurt.
So when I had my second and Ihad to pee the first time, I'm

(11:50):
like bawling my eyes outexpecting all this pain and I
was like, oh, I'm not burning,um.
So I think I did tear a littlebit and they just didn't tell me
.
But other than that I myhealing was great.
A month after I had him um myappendix when so I had to also

(12:11):
get.
I had landed on November 1stand on December 1st I had to get
my appendix out as well, sothat did make it a little more
rough.
I was still nursing, because Iremember freaking out after I
woke up from the anesthesia.
I'm like I need a pump.
They got me one.
I wish we could have nursedlonger.

(12:34):
We nursed for four months, buthe couldn't break down the
proteins in my milk so he had togo on some Elecare and that did
him wonders.
He started packing on theweight after that.
So I think that's it withLandon.

Angela (12:50):
So when did you find out you were pregnant now for the
second time and what was kind ofyour thoughts in choosing your
care now, having already gonethrough it once?

Kay (12:59):
So when I found out 13 days after I turned 21 I found out
on my mom's birthday, which wasamazing it was very, very
exciting.
I was really ecstatic.
Landon was very unexpected.

(13:21):
Mariana she was expected but ohmy gosh she I was.
I was very, very, very excited,like I was nervous when I found
out I was pregnant with Landon.
When I found out I was pregnantwith Mariana, I was so happy.
I knew from the get go I washaving a girl.
Like I peed on that.

(13:42):
I'm like it's a girl, it's agirl.
I picked out her name thesecond.
I peed on that.
I'm like it's a girl, it's agirl.
I picked out her name.
The second I peed on that stickand I was like that's her name.
I definitely decided to steeraway from bigger hospitals,
especially after you know thelack of compassion, the lack of
everything I feel like over thatmy experience at Maine Med.

(14:06):
So I decided to go to St Mary'sin Lewiston and they were
absolutely amazing.
I would have 100 babies there.
They closed, unfortunately, butthey were top tier.
I loved all the staff.
It was absolutely amazing.

(14:28):
So I was super excited when Ifound out I was having her.
I definitely had morningsickness, my whole entire
pregnancy.
I was miserable and she's aJune baby, so I was pregnant
what felt like all summer.

(14:49):
It was miserable and on top ofthat she was also a COVID baby,
which I don't think helped much.
You know I couldn't have asupport person in, you know, the
room with me.
You know the mask wearing.
You know mask wearing is hardwhen you're pregnant.
Like you know.
Changing my sheets, I'm out ofbreath.

(15:10):
You know, walking into the OBoffice, I'm out of breath and
then I have, you know, a mask onme.
It was really tough.
It was tough not being able tosee family and friends, so that
that was really reallychallenging and it really took a
toll on my mental health,especially being pregnant.
I mean, most people feel mostalone when they're pregnant and
then, on top of it, actuallybeing alone because you have to

(15:32):
quarantine, so that that wasrough.
My water broke with her on topof my boyfriend.
At the time, For some reason, Ihad an eerie feeling that our
bedroom was haunted, so I madeboth of us sleep on the living
room Not even both of us.
I wanted to sleep on the livingroom and he would not let me

(15:55):
sleep out there alone.
So he slept on the floor rightby the couch and this is really
gross.
But I had to pee and I stood upand like stepped over him and
my water broke on top of him.
I kid you not, I was 38 weekson the no, sorry, I was 37 weeks

(16:16):
on the dot.
Um, because that was ourbiggest fear, I wanted to have
her at St Mary's.
Obviously you can't havepreterm at St Mary's, obviously
you can't have preterm at StMary's.
So I was praying to the goodLord she was going to stay in
and she stayed in till 37 weeksand we were all amazed.
They're like she just barelymade it and it was funny.

(16:39):
So after my my water broke,after my my water broke, I
already had all my bags packed,because we never got to the
bottom of why Landon came early.
We still have absolutely notone clue, no idea.
So my bags had been packed fora couple weeks.

(16:59):
You know they're sitting by thedoor, everything's ready to
rock and roll and we had atrailer.
So I mean, we had long hallwaysand this man's just running
from one end of the house to theother just freaking out.
I'm just sitting there watchinghim.
I'm like are you done yet.
Um, so that was hilarious.

(17:23):
We dropped my son off to my mom.
We got to the hospital.
We only had one issue theywanted me to wear a mask while
pushing.
I started to pack my stuffbecause I was having that baby
at home.
I was going to have her in mybathtub.
I was not wearing a mask whileI was pushing.

(17:43):
That you know.
They already COVID swapped bothof us.
You know there was no reasonwhy both of us weren't sick.
All of our testing came backnegative.
Why I should have to wear amask?
I didn't care if he had to weara mask.
I was not wearing a mask.

Angela (18:00):
You were like, so I'm going to, I'm going to leave.
Did you threaten?

Kay (18:12):
Yeah, I started packing my stuff.
I didn't care I was not wearinga mask, it was not happening.
You know that that isabsolutely insane to have a
woman push out, you know, and hewere typically a seven to eight
pound baby wearing a mask.
Yeah, I was having that baby athome and the head of the
department came in.
We had a little chat and I wastold that I still had to have it

(18:33):
on my face but I could have itdown below my chin.
It was better than having towear it.
It was ridiculous.
You know, I felt bad for anyonethat didn't understand that they
are paying the hospital.
You know the hospital works foryou, and so I feel bad for
anyone that had to give birthwith a mask.

(18:53):
You know, I was going home.
There was absolutely not onechance I was wearing one, so
luckily I did get to put it down.
I did have an epidural with herUm.
Hers was probably my bestepidural I've ever had.

(19:15):
Um.
It made all the pain go away,except for when it was time to
push.
I still felt that pressure,which was amazing because, you
know it, it gave me that driveto get her out.
I had her within 15 minutes.
It was kind of funny because Iwas still in like a pain, you

(19:40):
know, and I called my mom and Iwas like I was on FaceTime with
her.
I'm like I'm never doing thisagain and she's like you better
not give birth to her while onthe phone with me.
And then the nurse was in therelaughing and she's like, oh,
I'm going to check you, and Iwas at 10.
And so, you know, things arehappening so fast I forget my

(20:00):
mom's on the phone.
She ended up staying on thephone and I had called her four
minutes prior to pushing and wewere only on the phone for like
19 minutes.
Um, so it was, it was nicewhere we've had such a rocky
relationship.
Um, that she was there, youknow, on the phone, um,

(20:25):
especially because she didn'tknow.
But, um, I had named Marianaafter her.
Um, my mom's middle name isJean and Mari's middle name is
Jean, which I thought was a verysweet touch to really like that
.
That.
That was great.
Um, I stayed for one day, whichI thought was a little weird,
but it was COVID time, so Iwasn't complaining.

(20:46):
I got to go home.
Uh, see, landon, landon got mehis sister.
I didn't lead as long as I didwith Landon.
I probably was led for wasn'teven that long, maybe two weeks.
Um, it was funny.
I I sent my ex to the store.
I was like, oh my gosh, Iforgot to get like pads.

(21:06):
I forgot pads.
I was like I need something.
And he's like, oh, I'll just go, I'll just go.
And he went to Family Dollarand he comes back in with six
bags.
He didn't know what to buy, sohe bought one of everything.
One of everything.

(21:27):
It was so funny but so cute atthe same time.
10 out of 10.
The Depends love them.
They were absolutely amazing.
We nursed for about I think westopped at around four months.
I got mastitis twice in a month.

(21:49):
Oh yeah, and I'm anoverproducer and I do want to
skip back to Landon, somethingthat I just forgot.
So the lactation consultantcame in after I had him, you
know, and they're telling methat.
They told me I had to pumpevery 30 minutes, every 30
minutes for 15 minutes.

(22:09):
So I go home with this schedule.
I'm attached to a pump.
Landon was four days old, sixweeks early, which, mind you, I
should still be trying to, youknow, get my milk out.
It should still be trying to.
I was pumping, I kid you, not30 ounces and forties, because I

(22:33):
I couldn't do anything.
I don't understand why theytold me I had to pump every 30
minutes for 15 minutes.
You know that that.
That that's a power pump,that's not just a normal pump.
And, like I said, I was young, Idid no research, I was going.
You know, she's a lactationconsultant, she knows all.
So that was crazy.

(22:54):
I was the get new pump partsand I had pumped in the truck.
I went into Walmart and Iliterally had to turn back out
because I looked down and I hadjust emptied my boobs and I
looked down and I'm soaked, youknow, and it was just too

(23:19):
painful to go anywhere.
So that was something else.
That was a pretty badexperience with Maine med.
Um, I definitely feel like um,um, they I don't want to say
better like educated, but yeah,I mean I should have educated

(23:40):
myself as well.
So that's kind of on me too.
But if you have a lactationconsultant badge, I feel like
you should know how to pump andyou should explain the
difference between a power pumpand a regular pump and all this
stuff.
Anyways, back to Mariana.

Angela (23:58):
Yeah, well, that's really.
The difference, though, is theeducation, like she's teaching
what she learned in hereducation, and the thing is,
there's other ways to do it.
You know, in other ways, otherpeople to take different
education.
So like lactation consultantless, like they're sort of in
some standardized, you knowprogram that they came out of
with accreditation or somethinghard to say OK, well, what

(24:21):
exactly?
Where did you learn?
How are you you know?
Yeah, yeah.

Kay (24:25):
Especially now, because my third daughter, I, was bound and
determined a nurse and I didfor well over a year, um, and I
did my fair share of research.
I joined, you know, every groupunder the sun.
Any breastfeeding group I'm in.
Any pumping group I'm in.
I did my own research.
I probably had 50 books aboutnursing.

(24:47):
You know, I, I really wanted tomake it work.
Um, I, I am not a huge fan offormula, um, cause I, I did my
research into that and you knowthere was a formula shortage and
you know a bunch of the worldwent crazy for a little bit, you
know, and but anyway, so I didget mastitis twice and I mean I

(25:11):
had to throw in because I, Ifeel like where my body, with
Landon, was producing so much, Ifeel like it was already kind
of programmed to produce a lot,because I, she was not as bad,
but I was still pumping way morethan what she needed, or even

(25:41):
way more than what she needed,or even for two months I
exclusively just nursed her andshe was, she was growing perfect
, but I was just producing waytoo much and she couldn't drink
at all.
Um, so, um, and juggling too, Iwas just having a really hard
time with my postpartum and thenI got the mastitis twice.
I had to throw it in.
It was hard, the mastitis.

(26:02):
Oh my gosh, I wouldn't wishthat on my worst enemy at all.
That was bad.
The second time I went in therelike you're back, and it was
awful because the second time Igot it I was camping and I was
so excited to go camping andthen, you know, I had the fevers
and the chills and I mean I wasfull blown mastitis.

(26:24):
My, you know, my boobs were high, it was.
I was miserable.
I got on those.
I can't remember what they putme on, like amoxicillin or
something.
It cleared right up.
Um, I did dry out my breastmilk though, um, and then I
started her on like the blue canof Similac or I can't remember

(26:48):
what it's called, and she, shedid great.
Uh, she's big, healthy, crazy,rowdy.
Now sassy, sassy, really sassy.

Angela (27:00):
She's fantastic, she's probably my funniest kid I got
Aw.
So now tell me about when youfound out you were pregnant for
the third time.

Kay (27:11):
My third we tried for and we got her.
It was super, super exciting.
We started.
I found out really early.
I always find out early.
I know my body.
I know my body very, very, very, very, very well.
So I know roughly about threeweeks and obviously I don't get

(27:35):
a positive test back to likefive, six weeks, but I always
know around three.
Something was off.
I knew I.
I knew I was pregnant At thispoint I think Mari was about a
year and a half, landon wasabout two, almost three.
I was so excited I started mycare.
I at this point lived in Naplesand I was willing to drive out

(27:59):
to Lewiston.
I was going to drive out ofLewiston to go to St Mary's
again.
Unfortunately I only got acouple appointments in before
they closed.
So then a tough decision ofwhere I'm going to pick my next
care.
I decided on Stevens Memorialin Norway, which I had had a

(28:19):
miscarriage in between Landonand Mariana.
I had gone to Maine Med.
I was bleeding, bleeding,really, really bad.
This was probably like one ofthe most traumatic things that
have ever happened to me.
It was just because of thehospital.
It wasn't even the miscarriage,you know the miscarriage I

(28:44):
could live with.
It was the hospital and ofcourse, I lived in Mechanic
Falls at the time.
I was visiting my mom and Iwent to the bathroom and I wiped
and you know there was quite abit of blood.
So she lived in Westbrook.
I was like I'll just run a mainmed ER, I'm sure I'll be in and
out.
You know, they made me wait inthe waiting room for four and a

(29:06):
half hours bleeding.
I'm wearing light gray pants,yoga pants.
I have blood down in my anklesand I'm crying.
I'm begging for a blanket.
Just you know, cover me like.
This is embarrassing.
Everyone's staring at me.
They're like why isn't she backthere?
Like she's covered in blood.

(29:26):
You know, and you know I, atthis point I'm obviously I'm
graduated.
I see someone I went to highschool with you know, and my mom
and her mom are friends and I'mgraduated.
I see someone I went to highschool with, you know, and my
mom and her mom are friends andI'm like this is, you know, this
is humiliating.
They did not give me a blanket.
They refused to give me pads.

(29:48):
They said that they didn't haveany.
I asked for one of those gowns,just something to cover me Like
I couldn't just one home.
I lived an hour away to youknow, grab new pants or whatever
.
That was rough.
They finally got me back andthey told me for an ultrasound.

(30:10):
You know the doctor comes in.
They're like your baby's fine.
You know the doctor comes in.
They're like your baby's fine.
I'm like, sir with all duerespect, I can take my pants off
and wring them out.
I'm like there's clots as bigas my hand.
My baby's not fine.
I go what do you mean?
They're like your baby's fine.
There's a heartbeat andeverything.

(30:31):
And I was like this is insane.
So I went home.
They told me my bleeding gotworse, to go back in.
So I got home, I showered totry and get, you know, some
dignity back.
I showered and I was like Igotta go somewhere.
I gotta go get a second opinion.
So I went down to StevensMemorial it's my first time ever

(30:53):
there.
They, I.
I told them there's a wholewaiting room of people and I
told them what was going on.
I kid you not, I did not evensit down in that waiting room.
They immediately brought meback and I had to use the
bathroom and I didn't flush.
I showed them all the clotsthat were in there and they're
like yeah, they had to takeclots out my uterus because they

(31:16):
were stuck in my uterus.
I was definitely having amiscarriage, so that that also
left a very, very salty taste inmy mouth with main med.
So anyways, when I decided togo to Stevens I already had that
sense of security.
You know they took me right in.

(31:36):
They were super.
You know the nurse almost criedwith me, you know, telling her
about my experience at Maine Medand they were nothing but
absolutely amazing.
So I knew that's absolutelywhere I wanted my care.

Angela (31:55):
When Lewiston closed, was it like how long did you
have?
Was it like an easy transition?

Kay (32:00):
Yeah, it was.
They did get me right in,surprisingly.
I think in like typically, howmany appointments you have?
I probably only missed like oneappointment, which wasn't bad.
Yeah, I think it was about one.
It probably took them only likea month to get me in.
It wasn't, and I was early.

(32:22):
I was early, early so I mean Iwasn't too concerned.
I had already heard herheartbeat in Lewiston so like I
knew we were good so I didn'tmind waiting.
Um, like I said, they got meright in.
It was only about a month.
All my hair was amazing.
I do love going to those smallerhospitals because you walk in,

(32:43):
you know everyone.
You know all the nurses, youknow all the people that take
your weight, you know all thedoctors, so you know when
they're like, oh, you're seeingdoctor.
You know someone, so you'relike doctor, you know someone,
so you're like, oh, yeah, great.
It's really relieving to seethe same familiar faces,
especially when you're pregnantand you're so vulnerable like
you know I, my face gets poofy.

(33:04):
You know, even during birththey're all up in your stuff.
Like you know, I don't want tostrain, you're all up in there.
So I really, really liked howtight-knit they are.
Do they still do births there?
Unfortunately not.
They closed as well, which wassad, because when I found out I
was pregnant with Miles, I wasgoing to go there, but they had

(33:25):
already closed.
It's so sad.
They're closing everywhere andyou know, a whole nother thing,
yeah, a whole nother thing.
So Landon and Mariana have thesame dad.
And then I had Renly withsomeone else.
Um, our relationship was veryrocky.
Um, after I found out I waspregnant, I found out he was

(33:47):
cheating on me, uh, continuously, and again and again and again.
And you know, not treat meright, but I stay a home mom.
I can't really do nothing aboutit.
So that the only thing I reallyhad to look forward was, you
know, having Ren and my otherchildren.
So I was.
I was still really excited forher coming, but my pregnancy was

(34:09):
very, very hard emotionally.
Um, I really, really struggled.
Um, we also lived in his, likemom's, basement.
It was like a finished basement.
We had a bathroom, we had akitchen, we had a room, we had a
living room, but there was nowindows, you know.
So I don't know if you like nowindows, it takes a toll, you

(34:34):
know.
So, on top of you know beingverbally abused, you know and
all that.
I was just down and depressed.
I had no windows.
Hers was probably the hardestI've ever had mentally.
She was really, really hard.
When I had her, her dad wasthere.

(34:55):
I was very, very sick.
I thought I had COVID, whichwas funny after you know
Mariana's experience.
I was sick, a green mucus comingout of everywhere my mouth, my
nose.
I swear if it could have cameout of my ears it would have
been.
I was so sick.

(35:18):
And then I got a bloody show.
Got a bloody show, called mydoctor and they're like, yeah,
come right in.
And they admitted me.
I did get an epidural with heras well.
Hers worked a little too well.
I couldn't feel anything.
I had no pressure.
So they're like push.

(35:39):
I'm like like you can't feelanything.
Um.
So I do have to say that wasprobably the hardest baby I had
to push out, even though Ididn't feel really anything,
like I had the ring of fire, butthat's about it.
It was hard not having thatdrive to get her out.
Uh, I mean, it still only tookme 45 minutes, especially being

(36:02):
sick.
I couldn't breathe out my nose.
All the nurses were great,except for one.
I had a fire one, we'll, we'll,we'll, get into that in a
minute.
So I had her.
Um, her cord was wrapped aroundher neck so I had to stop.
When her head came out, thenthey had to unwrap it and then I
had to get her out pretty quick.

(36:22):
She was very, very, very purplewhen she was born.
It took a lot of stimulatingher, a lot of sectioning to get
her to let out that first cry.
But when she did, oh my gosh, Iwas so scared.
I mean it felt like eternitybefore, you know, she let out
that cry.
And then I remember the nurse,like suctioning her, and she

(36:47):
hands me the suctioner, as she'slike pointing down her throat
and she's like here you go.
I looked at her.
I'm like I'm not doing that.
I've never done that before.
I'm not doing that.
I've never done that before.
I'm not.
I don't know how far to put thesuctioner down her throat to
get that stuff up.
She goes, then she's gonna stopbreathing.
If you don't, I'm like I'm nottrained for this and I just gave

(37:08):
birth.
What the heck?
Um.
So another nurse came over, gother her all you know good and
everything.
Wren cried, I kid you not, thewhole two days we were in there.
She did not stop.
I had to ask the nurse.
I was like why isn't shestopping?

(37:28):
I was bawling my eyes out.
I'm like I cannot bring thisinto, you know, into my
situation.
I mean, I obviously was goingto, but you know, it was very
overwhelming.
She, she would not stop.
Um, I had asked the nurses why,and they said that they think
that they had given me too muchsaline and she was having

(37:51):
withdrawals from the saline,which I've never heard of that.
I never looked too deep into it.
Um, but that's what theythought.
Um, so that that first night shehad been crying for like 12
hours straight.
Um, I had just given birth.

(38:12):
I was exhausted, her dad wasexhausted.
We just need a break.
So I had called the nurse andof course, the one that wanted
me to section out my owndaughter's throat came in.
I was like could you just pleasetake her to the nursery?
She goes, we don't have one.
I'm like you guys don't have anursery.

(38:32):
I was like can you guys takeher out to the nurse's station
just for like an hour?
It's like I need an hour ofsleep.
I was like you guys don't havea nursery.
I was like can you guys takeher out to the nurse's station
just for like an hour?
It's like I need an hour ofsleep.
I was like I she goes.
No, what are you going to doonce you get home?
Like it was like my first rodeoand I was like, oh my gosh,
because you know, I had previouslike really good experience

(38:57):
with them.
So I was absolutely floored.
This nurse was talking to melike this.
I immediately fired her.
I told her get out, don't comeback, and she didn't.
Another nurse came in.
They magically found thenursery and brought her to the
nursery.
So we did get a little bit ofsleep, which was great.

(39:18):
We got home.
She was perfect.
She was sleeping through thenight and everything.
She cried to eat and have herdiaper changed and that was it.
So I don't know what that twodays of screaming was.
That was crazy, because I waslooking forward to like, giving
birth.
I'm like, oh, it's a littleescape from my other one little

(39:40):
vacation, and it was far from avacation.
Yeah, but we got home and shewas absolutely amazing.
We nursed exclusively.
I think I only pumped duringour nursing journey maybe three
times.
My milk supply was perfect.
It was exactly what she needed.

(40:01):
We nursed for I think it was 16months.
My biggest thing is, you know, Ialways felt like a failure with
the other two because I hadsuch a large goal and you know,
my goal was to a year when, inall honesty, nursing every day

(40:22):
is, you know that that isamazing.
You know I needed so.
I knew, especially with myheadspace, my whole you know, my
relationship and everything I.
I knew I couldn't feel like afailure again because it just
sent me into a spiral.
So I made reasonable goals.

(40:42):
You know, for the first month Iwas like I'm going to nurse all
day today and then I'dcelebrate at night.
I'm like, oh, my gosh, I did it.
And then, you know, after, youknow the days were getting
easier and I wasn't thinkingabout it as much I'm like, okay,
I'm gonna nurse till the end ofthe week and then I'd celebrate

(41:03):
.
And then you know it.
Then I was like, oh, it wasjust amazing.
I really feel like that helpedmy head space a lot, making very
, very small goals other thanyou know, having a baby and
saying I'm going to nurse tillthey're a year is very, it's a
very unreasonable goal becauseyou don't know what obstacles

(41:27):
you're going to hit and so Ireally think that helped our
nursing journey.
And I have to say my postpartumwas kind of bad.
It wasn't as bad as the rest,but I think it was because I
could nurse her.
Honestly, you know that bond,seeing those little lips, with

(41:48):
the eyes and with the nose, oh I, I just loved it so much it.
I, I just loved it so much it.
It became my personality for alittle bit there.
You know, it was justabsolutely amazing.

(42:09):
I do have to say hers, hers wasprobably my perfect postpartum,
other than, like myrelationship, just like between
her and I, it had to have beenthe best healing, the most, you
know, rewarding, and I have tosay it's because I set those
small goals and it really reallyhelps me.
I, my feeling was, really wentreally well.

(42:30):
I honestly think I only bledwith her for like a week.
Honestly, I didn't get myperiod back in till I think we
were pretty much done nursing.
She self-weaned, that was sadand actually we could probably
just roll in a mile.
She self-weaned and I was likewhat the heck?

(42:50):
And like I pull out my boob andgo put her on it.
She's like I'm like you, toogood for my boob and go put her
on it.
She's like I'm like you toogood for my boob.
Now I was like a littleoffended.
I was like, okay, so I postedit.
I.
I asked in like one of mynursing groups.
I'm like my daughter justself-weaned one day.

(43:13):
I was like why Someone's liketake a pregnancy test?
I was like don't even right now.
So I run to the store.
I kid you not, I don't think mycar could have gone any faster.
I go to the store.
It didn't even load all the wayand I saw that first line.
I was like shit, because I washaving another baby with him.

(43:35):
And I was like, because I washaving another baby with him and
I was like, oh my goodness, Iwas like we'll make, we'll make
the most of it, you know.
So that is why rentsself-weaned was because I was
pregnant and apparently itchanges the taste of your milk
and she was just not having it.
I'm I'm trying to think I Ieither had one period or no

(43:59):
period in between them, becauseI mean I wasn't being careful,
that careful, but I hadn't gotmy period back.
I know that, you know that's anold wives tale, I know that,
but I wasn't really expecting itto happen before I got my first
period, especially where I Idon't know- you didn't have a

(44:22):
period in between thosepregnancies at all, then right.
No, I, I really don't think Idid.
Honestly I don't think I did,and so it was kind of a shock.
But you know, I was very sadwhen I found out I was pregnant
again, because I was looking formy way out.
I had just gotten my ownapartment and I didn't let him

(44:49):
sign the lease, so it was myfirst foot out the door.
So it was my first foot out thedoor and then to find out I was
pregnant again.
It was hard.
I'm not going to lie.
I had just started a new job.
You know things were looking upand I was like damn, just when
I was going to get away.

(45:09):
So that was very, very hard.
I definitely spent a lot ofnights thinking what was in my
best interest, what would be in,you know, his best interest.
It was a very, very harddecision and I mean I kind of
made kind of a selfish decision,not really.

(45:32):
So I had an abortionappointment set up but I did the
early testing for the genderand I told myself it was.
I did not want another girl.
Girls are so difficult.
But I do want.
I did want my kids close in age.
So I told myself you know, ifthe gender comes back as a girl,

(45:53):
I'll to the abortionappointment.
If it's a boy, I'll keep him.
I that may make me sound awful,but girls are hard, especially.
I mean, I have two that are ayear and a half apart.
They fist fight, they full out,fist fight.
They fight over everything.
Right now they're in the samesize clothes.

(46:14):
They, they can't get over thefact that they have to share
them.
Like you know it, it's hard andyou know it.
I was in a really, really toughplace and I was like you know
what I, I really, really wantanother boy and if it means
they're going to be, you know,two years apart because I was

(46:34):
going to be due January 2024, Idecide to keep them.
Luckily, I was able to leavehim after I had Miles, but it
took me till after I had Miles.
Did you both move into theapartment together or?

Angela (46:50):
were you.

Kay (46:51):
He was kind of staying at my place, half and half half
between his mom's in my place.
He didn't have a license, so Iwas uh, he has four oulis, um,
so I was the main transporter,but he, he definitely was
financially abusive, like hewould be like, well, I'm going

(47:13):
to help you with diapers if youdon't come and get me or if you
don't give me a ride here, or soit really put me in a really
tough spot.
You know he had me wrappedaround his finger and he knew it
.
But when I was pregnant withMiles he knew it was kind of
loosening, especially after, youknow, I got a job and I got the
apartment, like he knew I wason my way out.

(47:36):
So he I had never seen himactually excited for a positive
pregnancy test, um, and he wasecstatic.
And now, like I know why, nowMiles's pregnancy, it was very
hard.
I lost 11 pounds because I wasso violently sick.

(47:58):
I was a receptionist and therewas days I was at work, I
unfortunately we only had onebathroom and I was just there
and I would like be puking andpuking and then I'd clean up, go
get fresh air, let other peopleuse the bathroom.
Then I'd be right back in therepuking and then I'd clean up,
go get fresh air, let otherpeople use the bathroom, then
I'd be right back in therepuking.
It was.
It was a very, very rough firsttrimester.

(48:22):
Um, I did start going I wasgoing to Norway this time Um, my
OB care, it was all right.
Every time I went in for anappointment I went in, you know,
saying how you know sick I was,and they were.
They weren't really helping me.
They were giving me thosetablets that dissolve in your

(48:46):
mouth.
They don't help.
They did not help me whatsoever.
You know, nothing helped.
I mean, I couldn't eat, Icouldn't drink.
Like I said, I lost 11 pounds.
I'm 120 pounds.
I don't have 11 pounds to lose.
I was really, really sick andthen I hit my second trimester
and it's feeling like a millionbucks.
Yeah, I mean this, I mean that,you know.

(49:09):
Finally, and one thing that didnot sit right with me was my OB.
So after I lost that 11 pounds,I went back in and I'd gained
four pounds and I'd been liketwo weeks or something.
You know, no biggie.
It's my fourth kid too.
I don't care what I'm going tolook like, I really don't care.

(49:30):
I carried four beautifulchildren.
I don't care if I'm 200 poundsafter this.
And he told me that if I did notwatch my weight, that I was
going to regret it in the longrun.
I was like I'm still not evenat my pre-pregnancy weight.
I was like what the heck?

(49:51):
So I'll eat a little healthier,I guess.
So then the next appointmentI'm still haven't gained that
whole 11 pounds.
Back he says something about myweight again, about me gaining
too fast, and I'm like, oh mygosh, so I quiet.

(50:15):
I'm like, okay, okay, I go infor another appointment.
He says something about myweight again and I was like,
dude, if I have a problem withmy weight, you will be the first
person to know.
I was like I don't want to hearit again.
I go, you bring it up again.
I'm not coming back at all.

(50:36):
I am not coming back.
And after I had all thosethings about my weight, I would
be like driving home.
I'm like am I fat?
Like am I going to be fat afterthis?
I'm like I don't give a shit ifI'm fat after this.
I was like what is it to him ifI'm fat after this?
I'm like I don't give a shit ifI'm fat after this.

(50:57):
I was like, what is it to himif I'm fat after this?
You know what I mean.
Um, especially I'm pregnant.
I don't really care yeah, thosecomments are so unnecessary and
yeah, I was, you know, and I, Iknow I'm a very small girl, I'm
a very small stature, but I'venever had like body dysphobia or

(51:21):
anything like that.
But like what if he's sayingthat to someone that does, and
then on top of that they'repregnant too?
So they're already insecurebecause they're pregnant, and
then on top of that they'rementally oh my gosh, I could not
imagine.
I mean, I honestly hope I'm theonly one he ever said it to,
because I mean, I definitelytook it with a grain of salt,

(51:44):
you know, because I found morehumor in it than anything,
because I was like I don't care,dude.

Angela (51:52):
You're not even at your pre-pregnancy weight yet.
I know.

Kay (51:56):
Insane stuff.
But I, you know, I took it witha grain of salt.
You know, I know how my body isafter I have kids.
But, like I said, I didn't careif I was 200 pounds after I had
this baby, you know.
So that didn't sit right withme.
So I got home and I had my exat the time, cody.

(52:16):
He came over and I'm tellinghim we're laughing about it, you
know and I was like I want ahome birth.
I go, I want a home birth.
The only problem is insurancedoesn't really cover home births
.
So at least my insurance didn't, and I had two insurance

(52:38):
companies.
So we were looking at midwivesand everything.
So we're shopping around.
That is the one thing that heever like was going to allow me
to do, which I was shocked,absolutely shocked.
He would not spend the money onlike maternity photos.
You know, all I ever wanted wasmaternity photos or like

(53:00):
newborn photos.
I've always wanted professionalphotos.
I still never got them.
But when he told me we could dothe home birth, I was so
excited.
I was like, oh my gosh, he'sfinally hearing me like.
So I'm shopping around and I'mshopping around.
At this point I'm still seeingmy OB on, you know, on the back

(53:23):
burner.
I'm still looking at all myoptions.
I still have time.
I I think I was at like 20weeks ish and I had.
I had my 20 week ultrasound andthey couldn't see everything.
They we already knew we werehaving a boy, but the way he was
positioned we can see his penisand we couldn't see it was like

(53:45):
part of his heart or somethingI can't remember.
No, it wasn't his heart, it waslike a toe or something, cause
I remember it was somethingsilly and I'm like I'm not
driving all the way back toPortland for that, because
they're like let's go for moretesting because we can't see a
toe.
Yeah, it was something like that.

(54:06):
It was something silly, becauseI remember being like I'm not
going back in for that.
And then a couple weeks go by,like four weeks go by that, and
then a couple weeks go by, likefour weeks go by, I'm still
shopping for, you know, homebirth people and trying to

(54:31):
figure out like what we're doing.
So I called my OB and I reallywant a 3d ultrasound.
So I was like maybe if Ischedule one, that they might be
nice and do it.
So I was like you know, theynever got all the pictures we
needed.
I was like can you schedulethat again?
The day that they rescheduled itfor we realized that one of my
friends were missing.

(54:52):
He had been missing for fourdays.
We were the last people to talkto him.
He was.
He was going out riding and hewas supposed to work on my car
the next day.
But you know, we got three kids, he's got kids, we got houses.
But you know, life is crazy andwe we didn't think about it
when he didn't show up to thegarage.

(55:13):
And then Monday comes aroundand his ex-wife calls my ex and
he's like this is weird.
She's like have you heard fromJoe?
And we're like no, I have anultrasound in like two hours and
last we knew he riding, so wewent to his house.

(55:35):
No one had been there for days,so we called the sheriffs.
I'm just shaking talking aboutit.
I miss him so much.
We set up a search team.
We didn't find him until thesecond day of the search.
Luckily, we didn't find him.

(55:55):
The wardens did.
He had been out there for sevendays.
He was riding his ATV.
Oh yeah, his body.
Luckily he was out riding hisATV.
He died on impact.
It was still really, really,really tough.
You know he was Uncle Joe.

(56:16):
Do you know any of the teencenters?
He ran the teen centers.
It was like the CEO and then itwas Joe.
I mean, if that tells you howgood of a guy he is.
I mean, all those kids that goto the teen center, they go
there because they don't have,you know, loving homes, they
don't have good supports, theythey need the extra support.

(56:39):
They can't go to their, theirfamily, and Joe was that person.
Joe was just the mostincredible man I have ever met
and unfortunately, you know, Imissed the ultrasound because we
were searching for him and thenI rescheduled it.

(57:00):
We went in and she kept goingover and over and over the same
thing, over and over again.
This is my fourth kid.
We're supposed to be lookingfor a damn pinky toe.
You know, I was like, was like,oh, what is happening?

(57:21):
So I looked at her.
I'm like, is there somethingwrong?
She's like, um, and mind you.
So, uh, they, they send you tothe main med building, uh, to,
for these scans.
So, sorry, a little uneasy, I'mat main med you know I haven't
had the best luck with them andthe doctor comes in and they

(57:41):
told me that I had absent flowthrough my cord and he had
dropped from the 80th percentileto the first percentile in a
matter of four weeks.
He just stopped growing, likeimmediate, like I don't even

(58:02):
know when.
And I am just still so thankfulthat I rescheduled that
ultrasound.
You know, all we needed to seewas a pinky or a toe, whatever
it was, in his genitals.
Like I already knew I washaving a boy, like I don't know.
It was crazy the fact that Ieven rescheduled it and and then

(58:25):
, after you know finding out,joe died rescheduling it again.
You know, that was just.
It was crazy.
Um.
So the doctor comes in and theytell me, you know, if I don't
get admitted, I'm having astillborn.
They had to have said stillbornabout a hundred times and it

(58:49):
was crazy.
I'm bawling my eyes out, cody.
I've never seen him cry.
I'm bawling his eyes outbecause we're like what is
happening?
At this point?
I don't even know what absentflow is.
I don't know what IUGR is.
I hope they're throwing out allthese things.
My mind's racing and all I canhear on repeat is stillborn in

(59:12):
my head and I'm like is my baby?
Like?
Okay, they're, like, you needto be admitted and you need to
be admitted now.
And so that that was tough.
So I went home, I got the kidsfrom daycare, I got home and

(59:33):
this was probably the hardestpart of my whole thing.
You know, cody was my abuserand now I had to leave my kids
unattended with him, even hisown kid.
He was very, very mean to myoldest.
You know he always held him toa very, very high standard, like

(59:53):
almost like he's a 10 year old,you know, and you know at this
point he's only, you know, four.
You know he.
He said he shouldn't bethrowing toys.
He's four, he's four instead of, you know, doing the extreme
punishment.
You know you gotta talk to themand so I mean I, I was
terrified.
I no one else to take them.

(01:00:16):
I have no idea at this point ifI'm going in overnight.
They told me I could beovernight.
It could be until the day Igive birth.
Birth.
So at this point I'm only 20, Ithink it's 27 weeks.
24 weeks, no, it's 20, it's 27weeks at this point.

(01:00:39):
So if I have to stay in thehospital until January, that's a
long time.
You know, especially to.
You know, leave the kids, so Iget the kids off, I bring them
home, I get a babysitter there.
I don't know how much stuff topack.
So I was being optimistic.

(01:00:59):
I only packed a pair of pajamasand nothing else in my
toothbrush and I was like youknow, I'm gonna be overnight,
it's gonna be fine.
Well, one night, turning twonights into 34 days.
I was admitted for 34 days.
Uh, luckily, my best friendpractically moved in, uh,

(01:01:23):
because she knew how he was.
It was the second day I was inthere.
I texted her.
I was like I'm going to rip outmy IV and I'm going home.
I was like you know, I can't,can't do this.
I was like you know, I put mein a really tough spot.
You know I have my unborn babyand I also have, you know, I'm

(01:01:44):
even getting emotional eventalking about it.
It was a really really toughspot.
Emotional, even talking aboutit was a really really tough
spot.
But luckily, um, my best friendmoved in.
She made sure everything was,you know, handled.
Um, she made sure they, youknow, were brushing their teeth
because you know, basic caredidn't exist to him.

(01:02:05):
You know they were gettingbaths.
You know their hair was gettingbrushed, just all the basic
stuff that, like I knew hewouldn't do.
Making sure they had, you know,fruits and veggies and not, you
know, processed food all thetime.
And she's a lifesaver, shereally is.
So that really did put my mindat ease, knowing that they had

(01:02:29):
someone that truly loved themand cared for them there.
So I was admitted for 34 days.
I had I need to take ironsupplements, I had to eat Tums,
I had low calcium, I'm anemic,my blood pressure was through
the roof, so I had pre-E.
It was really really rough time.

(01:02:50):
So I get there the first I getthere, they gave me a steroid
shot in my butt.
That was wonderful.

Angela (01:03:01):
So we did the steroid shot and that was in the lungs,
right in case the baby's lungs,yeah, um, so they can only give
you one every 24 hours.

Kay (01:03:12):
So then at that point I knew I was at least staying for
48 hours.
Um, so after the first 48 hoursit was very, very irritating,
and I understand it was probablyirritating for the doctors too.
But like there was no game plan, they were looking at my, my
dopplers, making sure that theflow wasn't going reverse,

(01:03:36):
because it was still going tothe baby, but just not when my
heart was at rest.
Um, so he still was gettingnutrients just when my heart was
beating.
But we, they had to check it,make sure the cord didn't go
backwards.
The flow didn't, because thenthat would would have been

(01:03:56):
really bad.
We would have.
I don't even know what wouldhave happened.
So they keep telling me youknow, I they have to check this
every day.
But they're telling me, oh, youmight be able to go home.
Well, how can I go home if Ineed daily ultrasounds?
You know, I lived in Lewistonand they're all the way down in

(01:04:16):
Portland.
Lewiston won't take me becauseI'm still so early.
Let's say I had to give birth.
They don't have the NICU to.
You know, accommodate us.
So that was a little tough, youknow with my past experience,
but I do have to say the wholeprenatal care unit was
absolutely amazing.

(01:04:37):
I absolutely hate needles.
All the nurses did it everytime I needed lab work.
The nurses who had come in witha phlebotomist playing music,
dancing they're like you gotthis Crazy that I don't like
needles and I'm covered intattoos.
They used to make fun of me forthat, but it's just something

(01:04:59):
about it.
I don't like it.
They were absolutely incredible.
It definitely gave me adifferent outlook on Maine Med.
I do have to say I eventhinking about all the things
they did.
So I was admitted for mybirthday and Landon's birthday

(01:05:21):
and Halloween.
So, um, like I said previously,halloween's my favorite holiday
.
And bawling my eyes out, Idon't cry.
I don't cry in front of people.
It's very, very rare that I do.
Bawling my eyes out to thisnurse, I'm like it breaks my
heart.
I can't bring my kidstrick-or-treating.
I was like, cause I know likemy, my ex isn't going to.
I'm like you know, tayloractually at the time, who moved

(01:05:45):
in, we're due 10 days apart.
Isn't that amazing?
We were due 10 days apart.
Um, she was due january 2nd andI was due january 10th.
Um, so we were going throughthis pregnancy practically side
by side, like exactly together,until I was admitted I missed

(01:06:08):
her baby shower.
It was her first child too.
So I mean, at this point she'spretty pregnant.
She doesn't want to walk aroundwith three kids.
You know, trick or treating,that that's a lot to ask of her.
She's already moved in, she'salready sacrificed a lot for you
know us.
And I was crying to the nurse.
I was like you know, this isreally hard.
I was like they're just goingto, you know, sit at home.

(01:06:30):
And I was like that's reallysad.
And she put together a trick ortreat on our unit and I mean,
all the other moms, my gosh, shewent above and beyond.
I mean, oh yeah.

(01:06:54):
So my kids came in, they got togo trick or treating.
I mean there was only likethree other patients on the
floor, but it was absolutelyincredible.
Um, all of our kids got to play.
Um, my and Landon's birthdaywas the next day, so I had some
stuff that I ordered off Amazonto the hospital come in.

(01:07:17):
So we had like a littlebirthday party in there too.
One of the nurses broughtLandon in cupcakes.
They, they really, really wentabove and beyond.
And then I got a headache.

Angela (01:07:32):
The next day after?

Kay (01:07:34):
No, it was.
So what day is Halloween?
It's the 31st, so the 1st, soon the 12th, so probably on the
9th, they came in every day withtheir rounds headache.
You know their whole list ofthings.

(01:07:54):
They ask you and I'm like, youknow, I kind of do have a
headache.
They're like, you know, drinksome water, you know.
So I'm hydrating, hydrating,hydrating as much as I can.
And, you know, the next day Iwake up, it's a little worse and
I'm like I still got thisheadache.
Third day I wake up, I stillgot this headache.

(01:08:14):
Fourth day, I have a migraine.
They do my blood pressure.
It's through the roof, throughthe roof.
They're like, all right, well,through the roof.
They're like all right, well,we gotta get this headache gone

(01:08:37):
or you're delivering him today.
This was on wait, so this was onthe 11th.
So they pulled up Google ontheir phone.
They got a hundred ways to getrid of a headache.
They're putting me in all weirdpositions, put my face in ice.
Well, you know, doing weirdstuff.
It was hilarious, um, they madeit funny.

(01:08:59):
I mean, it was a very, veryscary time, but they they made
me feel so safe and comfortableand and they were amazing.
They tried everything theycould to get that headache away
and we just couldn't do it.
I then had to go on the dreadedmagnesium.
It was awful.

(01:09:21):
I would not wish that on anyone.
It was absolutely crazy.
I couldn't even walk to thebathroom by myself.
You know I that whole time Ihad already been in there.
I was in there already for amonth.
You know I was in there for 30days and I never once rung my

(01:09:46):
call bell.
You know I could still get upand do my own stuff.
You know I could still get upand do my own stuff.
You know I never had to ringthem.
They told me I was theireasiest patient because I didn't
ever need anything and I knew Iwas saving it for after I gave
birth.
But we I couldn't even I allforced to the bathroom.

(01:10:08):
Luckily I had my own privatebathroom, but fishbowl effect,
you know I couldn't walk.
It almost felt like I was drunk, maybe I don't even know.
It was such a weird feeling,just like with my eyes.

(01:10:28):
You know I can't even describeit was almost like I was in a
fishbowl, you know, like if Ifocused I could see right in
front of me, but everything elsewas just swirling.
It was almost like myperipherals were like a van gogh
painting.
It was so that made my headacheeven worse.

(01:10:51):
Um, not to mention my body sideeffects.
I had my body side effects.
I thought that I got hit with amac truck, I just didn't
remember.
Absolutely atrocious, I think Iwas it.
I think you can only do it forfour, 48 hours at a time or

(01:11:13):
something, so I had it for 24hours.
The doctors came in, cause Icouldn't get rid of my headache.
Um, my blood pressure was waytoo high and everything.
They came in and they said that, um, they were waiting for a OR
to open.
Mind you, this is like in themorning.
So I hadn't eaten since lastnight, like the night prior.

(01:11:36):
So they're like, don't eat.
Because I opted for a C-sectionwhere we were looking at having
a two pound baby.
I guess being that small canput too much stress on them
giving birth, um, so it wasn'treally something I was willing
to risk, so I just opted it.

(01:11:56):
My first c-section too,obviously.
So I I just opted for that.
I had signed all the consentpaperwork because I also got my.
I got tubal as well, so it was1111.
They told me I was having ababy that day and I was kind of
excited.
So the mom I was telling youabout earlier, she, she adopted

(01:12:19):
me.
My biological mom passed away aday before Mariana's gender
reveal and in in a car accident.
It was crazy, um so, and I usedto always make fun of her
because if she caught the clockat 11, 11, she'd post on
Facebook and all she would writewas 11, 11.

(01:12:41):
And I used to make fun of her.
I'm like you're an old lady,don't do that, mom.
Like what are you doing?
And so when on 11-11, when theytold me I was having him, it
kind of I mean, we're going intothis with so much uncertainty I
was almost like it's going tobe okay, it's 11-11.

(01:13:04):
Like we're going to make it.
And then we waited, like we'regoing to make it.
And then we waited and wewaited.
I can't even drink water there.
I'm on magnesium.
They have to take my bloodevery two hours.
They didn't even get me in tillfive o'clock in the evening the
next day the next day the nextday.

(01:13:27):
So, I mind you, they took me outof my prenatal room, where I
have lived, and for like 34 daysthey put me in one of those
like surgery prep rooms orwhatever.
No windows, no, nothing, nofood, no water.
They're taking my blood everytwo hours.
I can't sleep.

(01:13:48):
I'm starving.
They're taking my blood everytwo hours.
I can't sleep, I'm starving, Igot a headache, I'm in pain.
I felt bad because probably likethe last 12 hours before I had
him, I was over life.
I was so over it thatphlebotomist came in my room.
I was like I was like you'renot taking my blood.

(01:14:09):
She got out.
She got out and then anotherone came in and I was not too
pleased because the newphlebotomist, she goes.
I don't have to go in throughyour vein, I can prick your
finger.
I'm like, oh, you guys couldhave been pricking my finger
this whole time, but okay, so Ilet them get finger pricks the

(01:14:30):
remainder of the time.
So we get back to the OR.
I'm terrified, absolutelyterrified.
We get back there and at thispoint I'm scared.
It's no longer 11-11 anymore,it's 11-12.
So I'm like you know, I'm asuperstitious person.

(01:14:54):
I was like I don't know ifthat's supposed to mean
something, like if something Idon't know.
I was like I, you know, I felta lot more comfortable having
him yesterday opposed to today,and I was wicked weak, weak, I
hadn't seen anything.
They numb me.
They asked me if I want towatch and I said no, um, I don't

(01:15:16):
want to see my guts on a table.
So they're, they're doing theirthing, it it's going pretty
good.
And then all of a sudden they'relike he's in his sack.
I was like what they took himand he was still in his sack.
I was like what they took himand he was still in his sack.
And so I had read, like inother countries, if you're born

(01:15:38):
in your sack, that you'reautomatically royalty, you're a
king or you're a queen, and soat this point, like we don't
even know, like if he'sbreathing, so I mean he's
kicking in there, but like wedon't know what's going to
happen when we pop that sack.

(01:15:59):
No idea, um, they pop it.
So I was 32 weeks and one day,but he was more like a 27-weeker
.
So they popped the sack and helet out a tiny little cry, and I

(01:16:25):
have never cried so hard,because, you know, the NICU
really prepares you foreverything, especially when
you're a long term resident,like I was.
And they came up like two orthree times and they're telling
you know they refresh you whatlabor and delivery is going to
look like, what after is goingto look like.

(01:16:45):
So I was pretty prepared.
They said that you never know,with that size, you know they
might not come out crying, theymay come out crying.
I mean, you don't know.
And he came out crying and they, um, they, uh, uh, put them
over on the scale.

(01:17:06):
They wrapped him up in someplastic like a plastic bag,
almost wrapped him up.
They swaddled him and then theyput some oxygen in and I
actually got to hold him.
I didn't get to hold himbecause I just had a C-section,
but the nurse came over and itwas crazy because I got to look

(01:17:30):
at him a lot longer than I gotto look at Landon, and Landon
was a 34 weeker and Miles was a32 weeker, so it that was kind
of crazy, especially, um, mileswas two pounds seven ounces when
he was born.
I saw him, they took him to theNICU.

(01:17:53):
I had to go back into that roomand I couldn't leave until I
could twitch one of my limbs.
So I made the nurse stand inthere the whole time.
I'm like, because I need to godown that NICU For some reason.
My biggest fear is like my babygetting swapped and I was like

(01:18:16):
I feel like I couldn't reallysee him.
He was in a bag.
I was like I want to see mybaby's face, so I know what he
looks like, so he doesn't getswapped.
And it was so funny.
So the whole 30 days I wasthere I kept telling them how
scared I was that my baby wasgonna get swapped and they're

(01:18:37):
like it won't happen.
It won't happen.
So I made the nurse stay inbecause the second my toe
twitched.
I'm like, did you see?
that so they did.
They brought me down.
Um, I was still.
I mean, I just had majorsurgery, I'm still on the mag, I

(01:18:58):
still haven't eaten, I stillhaven't drank anything, so I'm
still really weak.
They, they wheel me down thereand just how I was so sad, just
the way the bed and the isolate,like how level they were, like
there was a whole blind spot.
I couldn't even see him.
I couldn't even see him.
They opened up like the littledoor and I could hold his hand,

(01:19:20):
but like I still couldn't seehis face because of like the,
like the I can't remember whatthey call it, but but I just
couldn't see his face and but Iwas just way too tired to argue.
I was like you know what Do?
Whatever you guys need to do, Imean I'll go get some rest.
And I did.
We did 54 days in the NICU.

(01:19:43):
That was that was really rough,trying to juggle, you know, home
life.
My kids had a really hard timewith the transition.
You know me not being there.
And then you know hearing, ohmy gosh, my brother is here.
And then, like mom coming homewith no baby, like I, actually I
pulled them out of daycareafter I I got out.

(01:20:14):
After I got out I found out thatbecause no one told me about
anything that was happening andno one told Taylor what was
happening at daycare.
But they weren't giving ourkids drinks.
All three of my kids got bit inthe same day.
I understand kids get bit.
My kids fist fight.
I understand.
I understand accidents happen.
I understand.
You know in daycares they'regoing to get bit, they're going

(01:20:35):
to get hit, they're going to.
You know, my gale scrape wasblood on it.
But for all three of my kids inthe same day to come home with
a bite mark one so bad they hadto call the police, one so bad
they had to call the police.
And then the day I was released,taylor was like you go home,

(01:20:56):
you know, get yourselfcomfortable.
I hadn't been home in a while.
I'm going to go pick up thekids and all the older
classrooms were outside.
And then there is the baby roomright by the front door and
then the baby teacher was allthe babies had lunch, they're
all eating.
And the teacher goes yeah, letme go get them.

(01:21:19):
And leaves taylor by herselfwith all those eating babies,
leaves them all unattended.
She got like snatched one.
One of those babies could havechoked.
What, if you know, someone cameup to the door and Taylor just
thought it was, you know, aparent and opened that door for
them, like she didn't know, andjust the abuse that has came

(01:21:43):
from that place.
I took them out.
So that was something else.
That was really, really hard.
When I found out, um, because Ithought I had it all planned out
I was like, oh, it'll beperfect, they can go to daycare
for the day, I can go spend thewhole day at the NICU, come home
and spend the night with mykids.
Of course, nothing works outthat easy, you know, we, we

(01:22:07):
found out and we weren't theonly case.
You know, we found out a lotabout that daycare.
It was very disheartening thatwe, I put my trust into that
daycare.
It was very, very hard, um.
So now, you know, I got threekids at home during the day, not
wanting to leave them with myex at night to go see him.
I did, um, I went and saw himevery single day.

(01:22:30):
There was maybe a day or two inthere that I, you know, just
couldn't make it in.
But trying to juggle NICU lifewith home life, it's terrible,
especially living an hour away.
You know we fought, I foughtand I fought and I fought once
he was starting to do better, toget him transferred over to CM

(01:22:53):
into theirs.
But by the time he was evenable or qualified to go over to
CM he only had like three orfour days left before he was
discharged.
I wasn't making him transferand all that would have been too
much stress on him, so, butthat was hard.

(01:23:15):
It was very, very hard, likegoing home pumping to for for no
baby, you know, at home.

Angela (01:23:26):
For almost two months.

Kay (01:23:26):
You said right home for almost two months.
You said, right, 54 days.
So, yeah, just about.
You know it was.
It was really tough.
Um and Cody, uh, my ex hadtaken a turn too.
Uh, after I came home, he, hewas.
He was rotten.
He really was.
I had just had miles, uh, itwas.
I think it was two dayspostpartum and I finally was

(01:23:48):
like, okay, I'm to go take ashower.
Well, I forgot a towel.
I'm going to go walk into mybedroom.
He's like you need to getclothes on.
No one wants to see that.
I'm like I was just cut openlike a Ziploc baggie and your
child was ripped out of me.
I almost died doing it.
And you want me to put clotheson, you know?
Um.
So then I was dealing with a lotof the verbal, almost like fat

(01:24:13):
shaming and stuff which he hadnever done before.
Um, which was hard.
I like I said I saw him take aturn for the worse.
Um start drinking every night,he started getting physical and
the last, last time he gotphysical, I said enough was
enough.
I called the cops.
He didn't get arrested.

(01:24:33):
I didn't want him arrested, Ijust wanted him, you know, off
my property.
Um, I kicked him out.
I've never heard from him again.
I got a restraining order.
That that was a huge breath,breath of relief, like relief,
um, that the courts I finallyfelt like heard.
You know, when you're a victim,you know, once you go to tell

(01:24:56):
your story, everyone's like youdidn't go through all that, you
were happy.
I'm like, yeah, I was happy onFacebook.
You know, it's like I wasn'tgoing to tell everyone
everything that was going on.
I was like I couldn't evenhandle it.
I'm like, even if I told people, no one would have stepped up
to the plate.

(01:25:16):
You know, no one was going tohelp me out of that situation,
you know.
So once I left him, it was ahuge weight off of my shoulders.
I literally felt like I lostlike 175 pounds.
Um, it was really, really good.

(01:25:36):
Um, my, my depression wasn'treally there.
Um, I didn't really havepostpartum with him, all that
bad.
Um, which was amazing, and Ireally think it was cause I
kicked him to the curb and youknow I he was like having
another child and it was very,very difficult.
Once we got home, he settledright in.

(01:25:59):
Unfortunately, we are stilldealing with a lot of health
issues that are stillundiagnosed undiagnosed.
I used to be very shy and timidand like go with the flow.
Once you're a mom especially tothese babies, or even like
nonverbal children, you aretheir only voice.

(01:26:20):
No one else is going to bat forthem like you do.
You know, I thought I had awonderful PCP that would have
gone to bat for me.
He didn't.
No one will stick up for yourchildren other than you.
Honestly, you are their bestvoice.
It's too bad it took me havinga medical baby to realize this,

(01:26:45):
but you have to.
If something in your gut istelling you something's wrong,
speak up.
You know you got to go withyour gut.

Angela (01:26:53):
Yeah, definitely.
So how have things been goingsince Miles's birth?

Kay (01:26:59):
It's rough, you know, being a single mom to four.
But honestly, when I, like Isaid, when I met my husband, I
knew right then and there youknow it's hard to date a mom of
four, you know.
So I'd have a couple friendsover for game nine.
He'd come over.
You know just seeing the way Imean the whole time he didn't

(01:27:21):
even care about me.
He was just over there playingwith the kids.
You know he reminds me of mydad.
I always told my dad he'd makea good gym teacher and it's just
, that's just Forrest.
And he's just got like so muchlove to give and you know all my
kids are calling him dad andall their behaviors have done a

(01:27:41):
180.
I mean from going from puretoxicity to just a pure loving
home.
You know he breaks his back forus.
I'm still a stay-at-home mom.
I mean none of these kids arehis.
I get no child support, we getno breaks.
His mom and his sister aregodsends.

(01:28:02):
I mean they watch the kids,they help us with the kids.
They are, I mean, truly amazingand honestly I wish I met
Forrest before.
I wish I had all the same kidsjust with him.
But you know, god works inmysterious ways and Forrest has
no kids.
Forrest has zero kids and he's30, 35.

(01:28:24):
No kids.
And he just took to mine andhe's like, yep, these are my
kids.
Now he's goes to everyappointment.
I mean, last time we were inBoston for that extended stay,
he, he took it right off of work.
He's great, he really is he.
I had to put a ring on thatfinger.

Angela (01:28:42):
That is amazing.
I'm so happy to hear your, yourhappy ending like it really was
.

Kay (01:28:49):
I mean, I honestly feel like and it was crazy because
Forrest was my first date afterI left Cody.
He was my first date.
I went on and I was like you'rethe one we met on a dating app.
We talked for like a coupleweeks.
Um, we met up in the old portwith a couple friends and then

(01:29:11):
he never left my side since, andthen we moved out the apartment
, moved in here.
He bought his mom a house, soshe lives next door.
Um, and they're connected toeach other oh my gosh, and he's
just amazing.
I literally could not.
I feel like everything I wentthrough was like a test and it

(01:29:33):
showed me like how much you canget through.
And you know I see a lot ofwomen going through the same DV
stuff that you know I've beenthrough.
Or you know the constantcheating or the, you know, like
I said, the financial abuse.
A lot of people don't realizehow many different variations of

(01:29:53):
abuse there is.
And you know I I've helped a lotof people and bringing it to
light because you know there'sno reason why you know your stay
at home mom, you, your husband,should be.
You know you should have accessto money to you, should, you
know, not get in trouble, foryou know getting yourself a cup

(01:30:16):
of coffee, you know it's likethat.
Being a stay at home mom isyour job.
You know, because I wentthrough, you know, four years
with Cody and I didn't have asingle dime to my name.
You know I had to do crazythings for gas money.
I had to, you know, just to get, you know, our kids to the

(01:30:36):
doctor's office.
Like no one should ever have todo that.
And so I like to bring light toyou know DV situations.
I actually Tony a lot of TV, alot of baby stuff recently to a
tv shelter.
Just, it takes a lot.
It takes a lot and you got tobe patient.

(01:30:58):
You know you'll know when thetime comes, when it's time to
leave, and when that time comesyou have to.
You have to because if yourgut's telling you you know it's
time to leave, there's a reasonwhy, because things are going to
hit the fan and it's going togo real bad.
So I love spreading light to it, because a lot of women don't

(01:31:22):
realize that they are beingabused.
So it's been great.
So now I don't put up with noshit.
Forrest even looks at me wrong.
I'm like stop.

Angela (01:31:33):
It is important to bring stories like this to light, you
know, because it's notsomething a lot of people are
talking about or sharing about,and a lot of people feel like
they're alone and like it's justhappening to them.
And it's not.

Kay (01:31:44):
And this is it really is and no matter, no-transcript.

(01:32:39):
You know two baby daddies thataren't in the picture and I
found them my first date.
It's.
It's fantastic and I I reallyhope, like anyone that does
listen to this, like if they arein a similar situation, that
they can get out in.
There are resources and youknow, through these doors is

(01:32:59):
fantastic.
What's the one in Sanford?
Caring, unlimited.
They are absolutely wonderful.
You know, you call them ifyou're in a DV situation.
They'll get you their deep,their, uh, how their DV shelters
are beautiful.
You get your own room, um, theyhelp you within two weeks on

(01:33:20):
getting a housing voucher, um,they set you right up.
You know, um, they get you outof that situation.
I I been to a couple dvshelters.
They help you with diapers.
One d, I didn't have a license.
The dv shelter they went outand bought me a double stroller
so I could, you know, go getgroceries.
And there are resources that Ireally think they need to be

(01:33:45):
advertised more because it'shard.
Ma Maine doesn't have manyresources, but the ones we do
have are absolutely incredible.

Angela (01:33:54):
You know, let's see if I can find the links for those
and link those in the show notesso people can can click over if
they need.

Kay (01:34:00):
Yeah, that would be fantastic.
A lot of doctors offices arewell.
All doctors offices are safespots too.
You can always you know talk toyour doctor about it.

Angela (01:34:11):
Well, thank you so much, Kay, for taking the time to
chat with me today.

Kay (01:34:16):
I'm really glad we finally got to connect.
This was absolutely amazing.
I listened to a lot of yourpodcasts when I was in the
hospital.
You know, it was nice to know Iwasn't alone.
I wasn't, you know, even if itdidn't pertain to, like IUGR, if
it didn't pertain to anything Iwas going through, it's nice to
know I wasn't the only onehaving complications.

(01:34:38):
I, it wasn't just, it wasn'teven my body that failed him,
but you know, in my head that'swhat it was, and it's especially
with Miles, you know, but Iwasn't the only one that felt
like that.
I, you know, I, your podcastreally, really helped me through
some really dark times and Ihope and I know I'm not the only

(01:34:59):
one.
You know, it's amazing that youdo this and shed light and
everything.
I mean you're great.

Angela (01:35:08):
Oh well, thank you.
I think you're great and all ofthe moms that share stories on
the podcast are great, and itreally wouldn't be possible
without all of you amazing momscoming on and sharing your
vulnerable.

Kay (01:35:18):
It wouldn't be possible without you doing it.
So we really really appreciateit.
I mean, I'm sure playing afirst time moms watch this.
I'm sure you know someonehaving their ninth kid is still
watching.
But I appreciate it so much,I'm so happy I was able to be on
.

Angela (01:35:38):
Before you go, I just want to remind you I have a ton
of resources for pregnancy andbirth.
If you're pregnant, whetheryou're a first time mom or if
this is your fifth baby, I wantyou to check out the show notes,
because I have some freetrainings and free downloads
that you can sign up for, aswell as the link to access my
Labor of Love, a comprehensive,self-paced online childbirth

(01:36:00):
education course.
I created this coursespecifically for moms who don't
want to be told what to do,regardless of where you're
birthing or who you're birthingwith, and I'd honestly love to
teach you everything that I knowso that you can prepare for an
autonomous birth experience andprepare to step into your role
as the leader of your birthjourney.

(01:36:21):
So click to the show notes,check out all of those links and
, if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my main
birth over on Instagram.