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- Midwifery care in Maine
- The importance of trusting yourself
- ….and a whole lot more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Courtney (00:00):
I felt really calm.
I had loved my first birth, butI wanted to feel less afraid,
and so all of the meditationthat I did in preparation for
this birth was kind of focusedon that, on accepting and not
feeling afraid, surrender, justletting everything happen.
(00:21):
Just letting everything happen,and I, I, and it just worked.
It just worked.
I felt comforted, I felt calm.
Charlie tells the story in afunnier way.
He's like I had one pant leg on.
You know, I'm like running intothe bathroom Right, I come
across the corner and it'scovered in blood.
You know, um, there was meconium.
(00:43):
My water broke.
There's meconium everywhere,which charlie was not prepared
for.
I don't know if he knew what itwas, but he was just like okay,
something is happening.
He's on the phone with themidwife.
I, um, had the thought came tome my body is opening.
That's what it felt like.
I felt like my body's openingto let my baby out.
My body is opening, she'stalking right now.
(01:06):
I remembered Ina May and Ireached down to feel her head
and I feel feet, and at first Ithought it was like her hand,
like maybe her hand was up byher head, and then I was like no
, it's feet.
And I said out loud it's feet,and my midwife is on
speakerphone.
Charlie is standing at thedoorway of the bathroom.
(01:28):
I'm in the bathroom by myself,which was perfect.
Angela (01:34):
I'm Angela and I'm a certified birth photographer,
experienced doula, childbirtheducator and your host here on
the my Main Birth podcast.
This is a space where we sharethe real-life stories of
families and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine, from our state'sbiggest hospitals to birth
center births and home births.
(01:55):
Every birth story deserves tobe heard and celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome back.
You're listening to episode 113.
Today's birth story guest isCourtney, and she is here to
(02:17):
share her two birth stories withus.
The first is the home birthstory of her daughter, who was
born 16 years ago, and hersecond story is her more recent
experience of the birth of hersecond daughter.
Courtney was planning for ahome birth again and when her
labor started it went veryquickly and her baby presented
(02:38):
in the breech position.
Courtney caught her baby in herbathroom well before her
midwife could arrive and in ouremails back and forth before we
recorded this call, shedescribed it as miraculous.
All right, hey, courtney,welcome to my Maine Birth.
Good morning.
Well, to get started, would youshare a little bit about you
(03:01):
and your family?
Courtney (03:02):
Sure, so I'm Courtney, I live in Midcoast, maine, I'm
41 and got married last year.
My husband is Charlie and wehave one baby that we had in
November, and then I have adaughter who's just about 16.
So I had her when I was 25.
And then I had this baby at 40.
Angela (03:22):
Amazing.
Now would you share a littlebit about how you found out you
were pregnant for the first timeand what were your thoughts in
choosing your care?
Courtney (03:31):
Yeah, that's great, I think I had.
I was.
So I was in my mid to early,early mid twenties and we were
trying to have a baby.
I was married at the time thisis my ex-husband and I don't
know if I had seen the businessof being born or somehow read
Ina May Gaskin's Guide toChildbirth or heard of it, but I
(03:53):
just somehow thought that Iwanted to have a home birth.
And then, once I got pregnant,I just dove right into that.
So, just only reading positivebirth stories at the time you,
16 years ago, you could watch alot of births videos on YouTube,
which are pretty censored now,I think.
But I watched a ton of birthsnatural births and was really,
(04:17):
really committed to home birth.
I think right away I think Iprobably liked that people
thought I was crazy and thatjust kind of pushed me on to be
like no, I'm absolutely having ahome birth as a rebellious 25
year old.
But yeah, I think I knew rightaway.
And then I, just like I was allin, I went into prenatal yoga
(04:37):
and connected with other momswho were having home births, who
were at yoga.
Angela (04:41):
That's great.
So how was your pregnancylooking?
How are you feeling?
Courtney (04:46):
My first pregnancy was pretty good.
I had morning sickness andheartburn both pregnancies, but
it was pretty good.
I was really young so Iremember feeling pretty relaxed
about it.
I had amazing prenatal care.
I remember being worried thatbecause insurance wouldn't pay
for it, that I would pay forhome birth care and then have to
(05:09):
transfer and then I would havetwo bills.
But I remember being midwaythrough my pregnancy and saying
like this prenatal care is worthit, like even if I didn't end
up giving birth at home, thesemeetings with these midwives and
just the support felt so worthit.
Angela (05:24):
So was this also in Maine or was this in a different
state?
Courtney (05:27):
That was also in Maine .
Yeah, do you care to share whoyour midwives were?
So my midwives were Robin andDeidre.
I don't think that they.
They don't practice togetheranymore.
I think Deidre may be a medicaldoctor, but Robin taught at
Birthwise for a while.
I think it was called opencircle midwifery, but don't
quote me, it might not be real.
(05:50):
So I had a really I had a fastbirth with my first baby.
I think it was seven hours atthe most from like thinking like
oh, I might be in labor togiving birth, but probably like
really five hours of being inlabor.
And so I didn't call mymidwives right away.
I didn't call my husband rightaway.
He was working nights in awarehouse and I was like what's
(06:14):
happening?
I wonder if I'm in labor.
And then, after like two hoursof watching Law and Order, I was
like I think I'm in labor and Icalled him and I couldn't reach
him because it's in a warehouseand like so I left a message
with his boss and left a messageon his cell phone and then it
was like it took him an hour toget home.
So I just labored alone for themajority of my labor and then
(06:40):
my husband got home he calledthe midwife, he called Deidre
and she said, okay, I'm going togo back to bed.
This is like 4am, I'll call youback in an hour.
Call me if anything changes.
And then my water broke like 30minutes later and I was like she
should come now.
But I was so worried I was like, oh, this can't be it.
(07:02):
Like I can't do this for 20more hours.
This is so intense.
I started bearing down and Iremember thinking like I'm glad
no one's here to tell me to notbear down, because I'm sure it's
too early.
It was not too early.
I gave birth.
I pushed her head out beforeDeidre got there and then Deidre
came running up the stairs, wasthere to like help me catch her
(07:27):
and then like reassure me thateverything was fine.
But it was really really fastand really intense and I was
really afraid.
But it was awesome.
I felt so empowered, I feltsuper strong.
It was both.
Angela (07:40):
So how did you feel about all of that?
Courtney (07:43):
Yeah, I felt really overwhelmed.
I felt I had to, kind of.
I think I've talked to othermoms who had fast first labors
and they sometimes say the samething like that.
They felt like they did itwrong or it was like should be
more peaceful.
I'm doing kind of air quotes.
You know, I talked to a midwifewhen I got pregnant the second
(08:07):
time and she's like, were youable to get into a birth zone?
And I'm like I don't think so,but I oh, that's my baby.
But I really I really lovedthat.
I was alone for most of itbecause I had this incredible
(08:27):
confidence in my ability.
It was like it was.
Nobody could tell me that Icouldn't do this or I couldn't
even, or even.
It made me feel empowered as amother because I was like I know
, when no one's there, myintuition and my instinct and my
body knows what to do and I wasable to kind of carry that into
my parenting.
You know, I know that I knowhow to take care of this baby.
(08:47):
Something inside me, somethingfrom before me, knows how to do
this.
Angela (08:51):
Yeah, I love that.
So how was your postpartum thefirst time?
Courtney (08:57):
My postpartum was um, I think it was pretty good.
It was um.
I was not cautious at all.
I just was like up and likedoing things and my midwives
were like, don't, like, don't dothat, why are you going for a
walk?
I remember walking aroundtarget.
This is hilarious.
And my I told my husband youhave to like go get me a chair,
(09:20):
like a folding chair from likethe furniture and like walk
around with me with this foldingchair so I could sit down.
Like every once in a while Iwas like go home, why didn't I
just stay at home?
But I was not willing to stayat home.
I was really restless and um,but it was fine because I was 25
.
So my body did, did bounce back, but yeah, it would have.
I could have taken better careof myself.
Angela (09:43):
Yeah, it's so hard to just stay in and not really go
anywhere.
But if you can just rest forthose first couple weeks at
least a week postpartum you'regoing to have an easier time
getting back into the swing ofthings when you do go out.
Courtney (09:56):
Yes, yeah, this is lesson learned, okay, so now
fast forward to your youngestdaughter's pregnancy and birth.
Angela (10:05):
Would you start by sharing a little bit about how
you found out you were pregnantand what your thoughts were in
choosing your care?
Courtney (10:12):
Yeah, so I was.
I was about to turn 40 and in acommitted relationship we
weren't married yet but we'recommitted and thought that I was
one and done, did not think Iwanted another baby.
And it just kind of came to methat that season of my life was
closing and that if I wanted tohave another baby I would have
(10:36):
to decide that really soon.
And kind of all of a sudden itfelt like I think I might want
that.
And so I brought that up to mypartner and he was speechless, I
mean surprised, because I hadbeen so clear.
He doesn't have other childrenand I just had this one child.
And when we got together we'vebeen together for six years we
(10:57):
got together I was like I'm nothaving more children, you know,
I had told him.
So I was like I might wantanother child, what do you think
?
And we both kind of went to ourown separate spiritual practice
and like prayed and meditatedabout it and both kind of came
back and said like I think it'sa yes for me.
I think you know my God issaying yes basically.
(11:17):
And so we kind of, withacceptance that it might not
work because we're older,decided to try and we were
pregnant in the second month oftrying, so it just felt like I
have another spiritual friendwho's like that was your baby
was like whispering in your earand she's ready to come, she's
ready to be here.
So it really kind of felt likethe stars aligned and so we were
(11:43):
excited.
I will say, both times in myfirst, both pregnancies, in my
first trimester, I had doubtsand fears, because the first
trimester I feel really nauseousand like not that good.
So both times a part of me waslike is this a huge mistake,
(12:05):
which is, you know, shameful tosay?
But in case other moms arelistening, right, that that and
that pretty much at my once mysecond trimester happened, kind
of disappeared.
But both times the firsttrimester was hard.
It was hard emotionally andphysically.
Angela (12:20):
Yeah, yeah, first trimester can really put a toll
on you, and then it's almostlike you turn that corner a lot
of times, like in the secondtrimester.
And how was that for you?
Courtney (12:31):
It was awesome, it was so good.
I also I didn't tell my teenagedaughter until the second
trimester or just the end of thefirst trimester.
So I felt like I couldn'ttotally own what was going on
because I didn't want her tofeel really sad and disappointed
if it didn't work out.
So I had a secret and I hatesecrets.
So once I was able to tell her,I was able to tell other people
(12:54):
um, I left my job, uh, whichwas not completely related, but
partially related to mypregnancy, and um, yeah, it just
felt great.
And then it was summer in Maineand I was so physically active.
It was so a lot of hiking, alot of tennis, just really,
(13:17):
really committed to physicalactivity as a way of staying
well and start, you know, anddaily meditation to prepare for
birth.
So that's a recipe for feelingpretty good.
If you're exercising every dayand meditating every day, it's
pretty easy to feel good.
So I felt great.
I love being pregnant, love it,love it, love it.
(13:38):
And I was so grateful to get todo it again.
I was like I can't believe Iget to do this again.
I didn't think I wanted anotherchild.
Angela (13:51):
And now I get to do this again.
I didn't think I wanted anotherchild and now I get to do this
super fun thing again.
Yeah, it really can be so fun.
And then add on top of that thebeauty of like mid coast Maine
and being outside in the springand summer.
And so who did you choose asyour midwife this time around?
Courtney (14:01):
I had Rebecca at Mother Seed in Whitefield, yeah.
So I looked on her website andit was like she quoted one of my
favorite books.
And then we met with her andshe was reading one of my
partner's favorite books and Iwas just like, yeah, and I want
(14:23):
I, because I had had this firstbirth almost by myself.
I just knew I wanted really lowintervention pregnancy and
birth.
So I don't have ultrasounds, Idon't want.
I was like I may not want youthere, really, you know, I may
want you in the other room, youknow, because I thought it would
probably be quick.
I said like I'll call, likeI'll call you, obviously, but I
(14:45):
may not want you, like all up inmy space, I definitely don't
want checks on my body.
And we met with another midwifewho and I said, and I said you
know, and I'm 40 years old, youknow, um.
And we met with another midwifewho said it was no problem that
I was 40, but she would feel alot more comfortable if we had
at least one ultrasound.
And she had, she had like aportable ultrasound machine and
(15:06):
that just didn't.
That didn't feel right for me.
That felt like, okay, this ismore intervention than I want.
And then we met with the midwifethat we ended up choosing and
she was like well, I catch a lotof babies for the Amish and I'm
like that's what I want.
I want that level ofintervention like none.
Unless there's a there isn't anemergency actually happening,
(15:27):
not an emergency that couldhappen at some day, but if
there's an actual emergencyhappening.
And she was really comfortable.
I wasn't even the oldest mamawho she was catching her baby.
That year she had a 42-year-oldand a 44-year-old mom and that
made me feel really comfortable.
She's also just extremelyconfident.
She had a bunch of informationthat I don't need to know, but I
(15:48):
felt like she knew you know,yeah.
So she was just totally lovelyand wonderful.
Angela (15:56):
Amazing.
So how were your appointmentslooking Like?
They're just really supportiveconnection appointments.
Courtney (16:02):
At that point then, right supportive connection
appointments at that point thenright, exactly, yeah, so without
a lot of testing.
Mostly she would ask questionsabout my symptoms or my body.
How am I feeling?
Any questions I had.
So I had some questions aboutmy activity and my physical yoga
.
You know at what point wouldyou stop doing this or that?
(16:24):
Her answers are primarilylisten to your body.
You know.
But she also shared.
You know I have I have moms whodo this or that.
Or when I was pregnant I didn'tfeel comfortable doing plow
pose anymore, you know, and thenwe and we did.
I do use the Doppler to hear herheartbeat, so that was nice.
(16:49):
A Doppler to hear her heartbeat,so that was nice the first few
times she measured fundal height, so that's, you know, just a
measuring tape right To estimateand to track to make sure that
it's good that it's increasingover time and my blood pressure.
So those are the, those are thetests, the kind of intervention
tests that we had, but mostlyit was just talking about how
I'm doing and any advice thatshe had for me.
(17:11):
So, like, at some point Istarted to feel kind of achy in
my body.
She encouraged obviously morewater and electrolytes and
magnesium.
So those are those kind ofthings I took as I was still
being really really activetowards the end of my pregnancy.
Angela (17:27):
Oh, that's so important Just taking good care of
yourself and just living yourlife and not really being
stressed, right.
Courtney (17:34):
Yeah, it was awesome.
I felt so.
I was so I'm so much healthierand so much more active and it
was great.
I love to play tennis and wewere playing tennis three times
a week and I was like at somepoint I might have to stop
playing tennis.
And I slowed down, like I'm notrunning, I'm not racing for the
ball.
We don't play competitively.
(17:54):
But I played on Friday and gavebirth on Tuesday.
I played the whole way I'm likenine months pregnant on, like
out on the tennis court, but itfelt awesome.
It felt awesome.
The hardest thing about thatwas that I had to pee like every
30 minutes, so I couldn't playfor very long before waddling
over to the port-a-potty.
Angela (18:14):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Well I feel.
I really feel like all of thatexercise and just being so
active throughout your wholepregnancy, if you're able to,
can just make, just help yourbody prepare for birth and have
things go so much more smoothly.
Courtney (18:29):
That was my thought too.
It also made me feel likeemotionally more competent in my
body, which helps in birth.
Right, I think birth is mentaland physical, but so much of it
is mental.
So I just felt still competent,like I'm fully in embodied.
(18:49):
I'm fully in my body.
My body is strong, my body cando things, and that mindset
carries into birth.
Angela (18:56):
Absolutely, that's amazing, so yeah.
So how were things looking likethose last final weeks leading
up to when your labor started?
Just overall, how was yourpositioning looking?
Courtney (19:08):
Yeah, so we had been like so, without ultrasound and
just with.
Oh gosh, maybe you know whatit's called.
Do you know what they use tolisten to the baby?
That's not a stethoscope, butit's not a Doppler.
Angela (19:22):
The fetus scope.
Courtney (19:23):
Thank you.
Fetus scope Okay, so just usingthe fetus scope to try to hear
where the baby's heartbeat is,and then my midwife would push
on my belly to try to feel like,okay, is this a head, is this a
bum, is this her back?
That kind of thing.
So she's feeling for herposition but we're not really
(19:44):
worried.
I had an extremely active babyAll that tennis is what we say.
So she was moving around a lotand lots of appointments.
She was head down, she was kindof side to side.
She was head up no problem,because it's still in 30 weeks,
32 weeks, 33 or 35 weeks.
And then we had a little bit oflike, so I wasn't worried about
(20:07):
it.
I was doing inversions where Ikind of prop myself up on the
side of the couch and hangupside down, and a lot of down
dog, but I wasn't worried abouther position.
Basically, we had some likehiccup with, like, the
appointments.
It was something like 35 weeks.
We were supposed to switch fromevery other week to seeing each
other every week.
(20:28):
But I had some.
I had something going on on theweek like 36 weeks, and I was
like I'm just too busy, can we,can we skip one and then we'll
go to every week.
Once I get to 37 weeks Ithought there's just no way this
baby is coming before December.
She's 40 weeks would have beenright around the 1st of December
(20:49):
.
I'm like we're going 40, we'regoing 41.
I'm so healthy.
Healthy mamas cook babieslonger.
The baby wants to stay in there.
You know, you know, when I waspregnant, when I was 25, I like
had quit smoking right when Igot pregnant, like I was not um,
which is great, but I wasn'tlike chemical free or you know,
(21:11):
or anything like that um, forvery long.
And and my daughter was born at,my first child was born at 39
weeks.
So I just, I just wasn'tworried about it, I just didn't
think that she was coming untilDecember.
So we met at like 35 weeks,feels good, position is unsure,
but that's no problem, becausewe're a month away from giving
(21:32):
birth and I still felt great andI was still playing tennis and
I was like, thanks so much, I'llsee you in two weeks.
We hadn't even met the kind ofbackup midwife.
So what Rebecca does is shekind of like contracts with
another midwife to come to thebirth, just so that there are
two midwives there and we weregoing to meet her at like the 37
(21:55):
week appointment or 37 and ahalf week appointment, but we
hadn't met her yet.
We're like, okay, great, youguys will come over to the house
, that'll be fine.
But that did not happen.
Angela (22:04):
You guys will come over to the house.
That'll be fine, but that didnot happen.
Okay, so you're busy duringyour whole 36th week of
pregnancy.
You're planning for your 37 anda half week appointment with
your midwives.
Somewhere in between there isthe Friday where you went to
play tennis.
How did that all unfold?
Courtney (22:20):
I go play tennis on Friday.
Sunday, I had this beautifulmother blessing with five of my
female friends.
Yeah, it was gorgeous.
They all prayed, they sharedtheir birth stories or birth
stories in their family and itwas so special and I had asked
them because I remember that Icouldn't.
(22:42):
I was meditating a lot andpracticing a lot of affirmations
Like my body is opening to letmy baby out, I'm co-creating
life with the goddess herself,I'm, you know, I'm fully present
and my higher power is helpingme give birth All of these kinds
of affirmations and prayers andmeditations.
(23:02):
But I remembered from my firstbirth that I lose the ability to
read when I'm in labor and telltime.
I don't know.
Does it, does it relate?
Angela (23:11):
to that.
No, that's two things aretotally like you're not reading
or telling time really, whileyou're like in it and anyone I
don't think yeah, so I knew thatwas true.
Courtney (23:20):
So I I didn't want to write out affirmations although
I think the process of writingthem can help a lot of people
but I wanted to have like acollage of pictures of my higher
power.
So I asked all these women whowere doing this this well birth
blessing for me to bringpictures of their higher power
to our gathering, and then I wasgoing to make a collage with it
(23:42):
, and I did.
Angela (23:43):
So I had this beautiful ceremony.
Courtney (23:45):
They all made me cry.
It was wonderful.
I came home with all theseflowers.
They all brought me flowers, sothey're just flowers all over
my house.
And then Sunday night I sitdown and I make this collage of
all these pictures thatrepresent higher power for
people.
Lots of goddessy pictures, lotsof mothers, but also, you know,
(24:06):
the Lord and flowers and otherthings like that birds.
So I made this beautifulcollage.
I think that was Sunday nightthat I made it.
I have no idea what I did onMonday.
And then Tuesday was going.
Tuesday, I had just this wholeday planned.
I went and met my mom in Auburn.
We had lunch.
I walked around the Auburn mallfor like two hours.
(24:28):
Looking back, I'm like I couldhave had my baby in the Auburn
mall.
That would have been hysterical.
My older child was in a play soand it was hell week, which is
the week before I guess theycall it tech week now they don't
call it hell week anymore.
The week before I guess theycall it tech week now they don't
call it hell week anymore.
But the week before the playthey have rehearsal every night
(24:53):
until 8.30 PM.
So I drove to pick her up atrehearsal and I got home.
We got home at 9 PM, so we gothome at 9.
PM.
I'm talking to my daughter.
We were laughing.
I remember we had a greatevening and I'm like I have to
go to bed.
It's 9.30.
I'm nine months pregnant.
I have to go to bed.
I was 37 weeks and three daysand someone had asked at my
(25:15):
birth blessing, when is yourbaby coming?
And I'm like, well, I'mtechnically 37 weeks now, so any
day, but probably not for threeor four more weeks.
And she's like let's get thisparty started, have the baby
come now?
And I was like no, no, she'snot coming but Tuesday.
So nine, nine, 30, I cameupstairs, I took a bath and then
(25:37):
I came and laid down or I camedown to.
I came and sat down to rest andI felt something and I just
felt like I'd been having a tonof Braxton Hicks contractions,
which are generally like notpainful tightening of the
abdomen the whole time, likesince 20 weeks, and so I thought
(25:57):
I was just having that and Ihad been practicing.
I'd been practicing theaffirmations, but also
practicing this breathing.
Every time I had a cramp or apainless contraction, I would
practice a long, slow exhale andlike relaxing my face, muscles
and shoulders.
So every morning I would wakeup and I had these horrible like
(26:19):
Charlie horses in my calf and Iwould think like let go, and I
would breathe out, relax my facemuscles, relax my shoulders and
breathe through that pain.
And I had been doing that toprepare for labor.
So I was having this like verymild discomfort at like 9.30, 10
PM, no, like 10 PM, Um, and Ithought, oh, great an
(26:44):
opportunity to practice mybreathing.
And so I practiced my breathingthrough one and then another
one happens right after and Iwas like, oh, like I should get
out that contraction timer.
Like someone mentioned acontraction timer, I'm like
maybe I should time these to see.
I should have known, because Icouldn't figure out the app.
(27:06):
Like I'm trying to read the appand I couldn't read.
I'm like looking at it and likeI'm just like it did not make
sense.
It took me like 20 minutes todownload this app and to record
two contractions that werecoming just like a minute apart.
And then so, once I noticedthat and had the app downloaded,
(27:29):
I was like I think I'm in labor.
I had one that felt like reallyuncomfortable and I had to
breathe and like I was watchingit in my mind.
So I was watching the intensityof the wave go up and then
watching it go down, and thatfelt very comforting.
And I was watching theintensity of the wave go up and
then watching it go down, andthat felt very comforting.
(27:50):
And I was like, okay, if I needto be comforted by this going
down, that's what labor is.
If I'm like waiting for that,that's.
So I thought any minute I'mgoing to get up and go get
Charlie, but I just didn't getup.
I just didn't want to get upuntil I felt like I had to pee.
And so I rushed to the bathroomand I peed and I heard a pop.
(28:16):
That's what it sounded like.
I don't know if that'sliterally what happened, but it
sounded like a pop, Um, andwater came gushing out.
I, my water broke, which wassurprising to me because I still
didn't 100% believe I was inlabor.
(28:36):
So I ran to wake up Charlie.
Charlie had gone to bed already.
It's 1030.
I know because I tapped thecontraction timer.
Again it's 1030.
And I just like burst open thedoor and I'm like, which I've
never done, Like I've neverwoken him up, I'm in labor.
And he's like what's happening?
And I'm like I am in laborright now and he's like, okay,
(28:58):
call the midwife.
I'm like, yes, call the midwife.
And then I run back to thebathroom because I just want to
labor alone.
I just want to labor in thebathroom, the bathroom because I
just want to labor alone.
I just want to labor in thebathroom.
Like the bathroom is the placewhere we get private and open
and like that.
That's where I gave birth to myfirst child.
I just wanted to be back inthere.
(29:19):
So I'm back in the bathroom andI'm laboring and I'm realizing
like I have to reach for moreand more tools very, very
quickly.
So at first it was doing thebreathing.
I'm watching the wave go up anddown, and then by the time
Charlie's there with the midwifeon the phone, I can hear myself
like with a low kind of groanout and a part of me felt like
(29:44):
that's too much, too soon, right.
But then I was like no, that'snot, it's not, I'm doing exactly
what I need to do.
I felt really calm.
I had loved my first birth, butI wanted to feel less afraid
and so all of the meditationthat I did in preparation for
this birth was kind of focusedon that on accepting and not
(30:06):
feeling afraid, surrender, justletting everything happen and I,
I and it just worked.
It just worked.
I felt comforted, I felt calm.
Charlie tells the story in afunnier way.
He's like I had one pant leg on.
You know, I'm like running intothe bathroom right, I come
across the corner and it'scovered in blood.
(30:27):
You know, there was meconium.
My water broke.
There's meconium everywhere,which Charlie was not prepared
for.
I don't know if he knew what itwas, but he was just like okay,
something is happening.
He's on the phone with themidwife.
I had the thought came to me mybody is opening.
(30:47):
That's what it felt.
Like I felt like my body'sopening to let my baby out.
My body is opening.
She's talking right now.
I remembered Ina May and Ireached down to feel her head
and I feel feet and at first Ithought it was like her hand,
(31:10):
like maybe her hand was up byher head, and I was like no,
it's feet.
And I said out loud it's feet.
And the midwife is onspeakerphone.
Charlie is standing at thedoorway at the bathroom.
I'm in the bathroom by myself,which was perfect.
Which was perfect.
And so she, I feel feet.
I say I feel feet to themidwife and to Charlie and I,
(31:32):
yeah, I just felt my body openand push her out, and then I'm
holding her body, her head isstill inside me, and at that
point my midwife on the phonesays you think she's coming feet
first?
And I said no, she has comefeet first, like I'm holding her
body and I assume my midwifewas trying to think about what
(31:53):
to say next, but I felt anotherrush and her head came out, just
like that.
Just two pushes just came rightout.
I know I tried to pick her up tomy chest but I couldn't because
her cord was wrapped around herneck, which I have since
learned is protective and good,but and I wasn't worried I
(32:16):
remember feeling kind ofconfused, like what do I do?
I felt like it was very slowmotion and I tried to turn her
one way and the cord didn'tunroll, like it got tighter.
And then I was like oh, turnthe other way and cord didn't
unroll, like it got tighter.
And then I was like, oh, turnthe other way.
And I just turned her twice andthen lifted her to my chest.
I asked Charlie later.
I was like was I moving in slowmotion?
(32:36):
And he said no, but I did.
I felt like it was just slowmotion.
I just felt I felt so calm OnceI realized that I was in labor.
I just felt like I'm doing this, we're doing this.
And all the affirmations cameback to me.
Nobody had to remind me, nobodysaid anything to me.
Really they were just inside meand with my higher power and it
(32:58):
was just so spiritual andmiraculous and I lifted her to
my chest and got some towels todry her off.
My partner said I said did Ilook like I felt really calm?
Did I look panicked?
He said no.
He said like it looked like thegoddess herself getting shit
done.
Yeah, that's what it felt likethat's what it felt, like it was
(33:21):
awesome.
And then so the midwife isstill on the phone.
She's like does the baby seemto be breathing?
I said yes, you know, I justdescribed her color.
She looks a little bit blue,but she's breathing and she's
warm.
She said that's totally fine,just put her on your chest Great
, you know.
Wrap her in the towel, dry heroff.
She tried to coach me throughlike delivering my placenta and
(33:43):
I was like I just need to laydown, like I just want to lay
down right now.
And then she was trying to tellCharlie stuff and Charlie was
just like I need to end the call, like we just need to be calm
and quiet for a little bit.
And my widow was like noproblem, I'm driving over, I'll
see you in an hour.
She's an hour away.
So we had this beautiful,beautiful hour, just the three
(34:06):
of us sitting in bed.
You know we latched the babyand still attached to my
placenta, which was still insidemy body, but that was fine, you
know she had a really long cord.
It was also wrapped around herlegs and that was totally fine
and we just nursed.
And then Rebecca came and wasthere in like an hour, and that
was 10, that was 10.39.
(34:29):
So I woke Charlie up at 10.30.
She was born nine minutes later.
Angela (34:34):
Oh, my goodness, wow, so wait, how did the placenta come
out then?
It was when she got there.
You kind of, how did that go?
Courtney (34:42):
Yeah.
So once Rebecca got therethanks, I didn't know if that
was too graphic for your so partof my placenta had come out.
So once Rebecca got therethanks, I didn't know if that
was too graphic for yourlisteners so part of my placenta
had come out.
So it's kind of like halfhanging out of me, which was
fine.
I just laid down in bed andrested and I didn't even notice.
Sometimes people talk about thefact that there are still
contractions to get the placentaout, like it's scary, but my
(35:03):
experience both times was thatit's so soft it doesn't.
It didn't, it didn't feel badat all.
So it was just kind of hangingout with my placenta.
And then Rebecca got there.
(35:24):
She just quickly checked me inthe baby.
She didn't even take the babyfrom me, but she was like let's
get this placenta out and kindof coached me through pushing it
out and catching it, which wasreally helpful.
I'm certain I could have donethat too, but at both times my
midwives kind of coached methrough that part.
So I really like them beingthere, but it was totally fine.
She looked it over, you know.
She wanted to make sure that itwas intact and that nothing was
(35:46):
still inside me and lookedgreat.
The cord was great.
It was really lovely and shetook it home to put it in her
garden.
That's what she does.
Angela (35:58):
Yeah, it can be a lot of things to coordinate when you
have like the overwhelming rushof hormones of just really
wanting to bond with your freshnew baby that you just birthed.
Like, what about the placenta?
It can be a lot to think about,but like to have that support
to be like, okay, you'reactually still pregnant.
Until we get this placenta out,let's complete this process
(36:19):
let's wrap this up?
Courtney (36:20):
yeah, it was great, yeah, you're so sweet oh, that's
awesome.
Angela (36:26):
So how has your postpartum been going?
How old is your baby now?
Courtney (36:30):
She's six months old and it was really great in some
ways and really hard in otherways.
So she was born early term, Ithink possibly because she was
great.
So she had a hard time nursing.
At first we had to work withlactation consultant.
We went to La Leche League andgot a lot of support there, big
(36:51):
recommend.
But now she's doing great.
I spent a lot more time in bed,which was extremely smart move
and that was really good.
And now coming back into myphysical body has been kind of
(37:12):
hard because I spent two monthsbasically sedentary, um, which
I'm, which is not that good forme, um, emotionally and mentally
, and I'm not as fit as I waswhen I was pregnant, even still
now, six months postpartum.
So that's been kind of hard, um, but now we're getting.
We just did a big hiking tripand I'm starting to get back
(37:33):
into my body in that way.
Angela (37:35):
Um it comes back and just to have that grace.
You know, let it come slowly.
I remember when my daughter wasjust born as went on a hike
with her and it was like it wasso slow and I had to take so
many breaks.
Now I do that same hike, likewithout taking any breaks, and
I'm just like you know to giveyourself grace and just take
that time like it does come back.
Courtney (37:56):
Yeah, yeah, our bodies have done this huge thing, yeah
, and are doing this huge thing.
I'm still exclusively nursing,you know, absolutely that's huge
right.
She was like less than sixpounds at birth and she's over
(38:17):
16 pounds now.
Like that's all from I mean,that's all from my body, all of
it.
So, yeah, it's a lot she's.
I'm really lucky to get to dothis again, all of it.
So, yeah, it's a lot.
Angela (38:33):
I'm really lucky to get to do this again.
Oh, that's beautiful.
So, as a final question, if youwere to give advice to someone
who's expecting, or even newparents, what's the biggest
thing you'd want to share?
Courtney (38:49):
Wow, yeah, that's a great question.
I think, definitely, that womenare just so much stronger than
we've been told, and that's alie.
(39:15):
You're like an absolute goddessand you're doing a miraculous
thing.
Um, I and we're really, I think, we're lucky to get to do it.
Um, but it's super, super hard.
Um, so it would want women tohave faith in, in our abilities.
Angela (39:25):
Yeah, yeah, so important .
Courtney (39:28):
Yeah, yeah, I just, I just refused to like hear
anything negative, um, aboutbirth and just said it's going
to be great, I love to givebirth, I'm so, so lucky, I'm so,
so powerful, um, and I believethat about all women.
Angela (39:47):
Yeah, oh well, what a great spot to end it on.
I believe that about all women.
Yeah, Well, what a great spotto end it on.
I believe that about all womentoo.
I love it.
So true, it really really isWell.
Thank you so much, Courtney,for taking the time to chat with
me today.
It's been awesome chatting withyou.
Courtney (40:00):
Well, thank you so much for doing what you do.
I appreciate it.
Angela (40:32):
Before you go, I just want to remind you I have a ton
of resources for pregnancy andbirth.
If you're pregnant, whetheryou're a first time mom or if
this is your fifth baby, I wantyou to check out the show notes,
because I have some freetrainings and free downloads
that you can sign up for, aswell as the link to access my
labor of love, a comprehensiveself-paced online childbirth
(40:55):
education course, or who you'rebirthing with, and I'd honestly
love to teach you everythingthat I know so that you can
prepare for an autonomous birthexperience and prepare to step
into your role as the leader ofyour birth journey.
(41:15):
So click to the show notes,check out all of those links and
, if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my main
birth over on Instagram.
I felt really calm.
I had loved my first birth, butI wanted to feel less afraid,
and so all of the meditationthat I did in preparation for
this birth was kind of focusedon that, on accepting and not
feeling afraid, surrender, justletting everything happen.
(00:21):
Just letting everything happen,and I, I, and it just worked.
It just worked.
I felt comforted, I felt calm.
Charlie tells the story in afunnier way.
He's like I had one pant leg on.
You know, I'm like running intothe bathroom Right, I come
across the corner and it'scovered in blood.
You know, um, there was meconium.
(00:43):
My water broke.
There's meconium everywhere,which charlie was not prepared
for.
I don't know if he knew what itwas, but he was just like okay,
something is happening.
He's on the phone with themidwife.
I, um, had the thought came tome my body is opening.
That's what it felt like.
I felt like my body's openingto let my baby out.
My body is opening, she'stalking right now.
(01:06):
I remembered Ina May and Ireached down to feel her head
and I feel feet, and at first Ithought it was like her hand,
like maybe her hand was up byher head, and then I was like no
, it's feet.
And I said out loud it's feet,and my midwife is on
speakerphone.
Charlie is standing at thedoorway of the bathroom.
(01:28):
I'm in the bathroom by myself,which was perfect.
Angela (01:34):
I'm Angela and I'm a certified birth photographer,
experienced doula, childbirtheducator and your host here on
the my Main Birth podcast.
This is a space where we sharethe real-life stories of
families and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine, from our state'sbiggest hospitals to birth
center births and home births.
(01:55):
Every birth story deserves tobe heard and celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome back.
You're listening to episode 113.
Today's birth story guest isCourtney, and she is here to
(02:17):
share her two birth stories withus.
The first is the home birthstory of her daughter, who was
born 16 years ago, and hersecond story is her more recent
experience of the birth of hersecond daughter.
Courtney was planning for ahome birth again and when her
labor started it went veryquickly and her baby presented
(02:38):
in the breech position.
Courtney caught her baby in herbathroom well before her
midwife could arrive and in ouremails back and forth before we
recorded this call, shedescribed it as miraculous.
All right, hey, courtney,welcome to my Maine Birth.
Good morning.
Well, to get started, would youshare a little bit about you
(03:01):
and your family?
Courtney (03:02):
Sure, so I'm Courtney, I live in Midcoast, maine, I'm
41 and got married last year.
My husband is Charlie and wehave one baby that we had in
November, and then I have adaughter who's just about 16.
So I had her when I was 25.
And then I had this baby at 40.
Angela (03:22):
Amazing.
Now would you share a littlebit about how you found out you
were pregnant for the first timeand what were your thoughts in
choosing your care?
Courtney (03:31):
Yeah, that's great, I think I had.
I was.
So I was in my mid to early,early mid twenties and we were
trying to have a baby.
I was married at the time thisis my ex-husband and I don't
know if I had seen the businessof being born or somehow read
Ina May Gaskin's Guide toChildbirth or heard of it, but I
(03:53):
just somehow thought that Iwanted to have a home birth.
And then, once I got pregnant,I just dove right into that.
So, just only reading positivebirth stories at the time you,
16 years ago, you could watch alot of births videos on YouTube,
which are pretty censored now,I think.
But I watched a ton of birthsnatural births and was really,
(04:17):
really committed to home birth.
I think right away I think Iprobably liked that people
thought I was crazy and thatjust kind of pushed me on to be
like no, I'm absolutely having ahome birth as a rebellious 25
year old.
But yeah, I think I knew rightaway.
And then I, just like I was allin, I went into prenatal yoga
(04:37):
and connected with other momswho were having home births, who
were at yoga.
Angela (04:41):
That's great.
So how was your pregnancylooking?
How are you feeling?
Courtney (04:46):
My first pregnancy was pretty good.
I had morning sickness andheartburn both pregnancies, but
it was pretty good.
I was really young so Iremember feeling pretty relaxed
about it.
I had amazing prenatal care.
I remember being worried thatbecause insurance wouldn't pay
for it, that I would pay forhome birth care and then have to
(05:09):
transfer and then I would havetwo bills.
But I remember being midwaythrough my pregnancy and saying
like this prenatal care is worthit, like even if I didn't end
up giving birth at home, thesemeetings with these midwives and
just the support felt so worthit.
Angela (05:24):
So was this also in Maine or was this in a different
state?
Courtney (05:27):
That was also in Maine .
Yeah, do you care to share whoyour midwives were?
So my midwives were Robin andDeidre.
I don't think that they.
They don't practice togetheranymore.
I think Deidre may be a medicaldoctor, but Robin taught at
Birthwise for a while.
I think it was called opencircle midwifery, but don't
quote me, it might not be real.
(05:50):
So I had a really I had a fastbirth with my first baby.
I think it was seven hours atthe most from like thinking like
oh, I might be in labor togiving birth, but probably like
really five hours of being inlabor.
And so I didn't call mymidwives right away.
I didn't call my husband rightaway.
He was working nights in awarehouse and I was like what's
(06:14):
happening?
I wonder if I'm in labor.
And then, after like two hoursof watching Law and Order, I was
like I think I'm in labor and Icalled him and I couldn't reach
him because it's in a warehouseand like so I left a message
with his boss and left a messageon his cell phone and then it
was like it took him an hour toget home.
So I just labored alone for themajority of my labor and then
(06:40):
my husband got home he calledthe midwife, he called Deidre
and she said, okay, I'm going togo back to bed.
This is like 4am, I'll call youback in an hour.
Call me if anything changes.
And then my water broke like 30minutes later and I was like she
should come now.
But I was so worried I was like, oh, this can't be it.
(07:02):
Like I can't do this for 20more hours.
This is so intense.
I started bearing down and Iremember thinking like I'm glad
no one's here to tell me to notbear down, because I'm sure it's
too early.
It was not too early.
I gave birth.
I pushed her head out beforeDeidre got there and then Deidre
came running up the stairs, wasthere to like help me catch her
(07:27):
and then like reassure me thateverything was fine.
But it was really really fastand really intense and I was
really afraid.
But it was awesome.
I felt so empowered, I feltsuper strong.
It was both.
Angela (07:40):
So how did you feel about all of that?
Courtney (07:43):
Yeah, I felt really overwhelmed.
I felt I had to, kind of.
I think I've talked to othermoms who had fast first labors
and they sometimes say the samething like that.
They felt like they did itwrong or it was like should be
more peaceful.
I'm doing kind of air quotes.
You know, I talked to a midwifewhen I got pregnant the second
(08:07):
time and she's like, were youable to get into a birth zone?
And I'm like I don't think so,but I oh, that's my baby.
But I really I really lovedthat.
I was alone for most of itbecause I had this incredible
(08:27):
confidence in my ability.
It was like it was.
Nobody could tell me that Icouldn't do this or I couldn't
even, or even.
It made me feel empowered as amother because I was like I know
, when no one's there, myintuition and my instinct and my
body knows what to do and I wasable to kind of carry that into
my parenting.
You know, I know that I knowhow to take care of this baby.
(08:47):
Something inside me, somethingfrom before me, knows how to do
this.
Angela (08:51):
Yeah, I love that.
So how was your postpartum thefirst time?
Courtney (08:57):
My postpartum was um, I think it was pretty good.
It was um.
I was not cautious at all.
I just was like up and likedoing things and my midwives
were like, don't, like, don't dothat, why are you going for a
walk?
I remember walking aroundtarget.
This is hilarious.
And my I told my husband youhave to like go get me a chair,
(09:20):
like a folding chair from likethe furniture and like walk
around with me with this foldingchair so I could sit down.
Like every once in a while Iwas like go home, why didn't I
just stay at home?
But I was not willing to stayat home.
I was really restless and um,but it was fine because I was 25
.
So my body did, did bounce back, but yeah, it would have.
I could have taken better careof myself.
Angela (09:43):
Yeah, it's so hard to just stay in and not really go
anywhere.
But if you can just rest forthose first couple weeks at
least a week postpartum you'regoing to have an easier time
getting back into the swing ofthings when you do go out.
Courtney (09:56):
Yes, yeah, this is lesson learned, okay, so now
fast forward to your youngestdaughter's pregnancy and birth.
Angela (10:05):
Would you start by sharing a little bit about how
you found out you were pregnantand what your thoughts were in
choosing your care?
Courtney (10:12):
Yeah, so I was.
I was about to turn 40 and in acommitted relationship we
weren't married yet but we'recommitted and thought that I was
one and done, did not think Iwanted another baby.
And it just kind of came to methat that season of my life was
closing and that if I wanted tohave another baby I would have
(10:36):
to decide that really soon.
And kind of all of a sudden itfelt like I think I might want
that.
And so I brought that up to mypartner and he was speechless, I
mean surprised, because I hadbeen so clear.
He doesn't have other childrenand I just had this one child.
And when we got together we'vebeen together for six years we
(10:57):
got together I was like I'm nothaving more children, you know,
I had told him.
So I was like I might wantanother child, what do you think
?
And we both kind of went to ourown separate spiritual practice
and like prayed and meditatedabout it and both kind of came
back and said like I think it'sa yes for me.
I think you know my God issaying yes basically.
(11:17):
And so we kind of, withacceptance that it might not
work because we're older,decided to try and we were
pregnant in the second month oftrying, so it just felt like I
have another spiritual friendwho's like that was your baby
was like whispering in your earand she's ready to come, she's
ready to be here.
So it really kind of felt likethe stars aligned and so we were
(11:43):
excited.
I will say, both times in myfirst, both pregnancies, in my
first trimester, I had doubtsand fears, because the first
trimester I feel really nauseousand like not that good.
So both times a part of me waslike is this a huge mistake,
(12:05):
which is, you know, shameful tosay?
But in case other moms arelistening, right, that that and
that pretty much at my once mysecond trimester happened, kind
of disappeared.
But both times the firsttrimester was hard.
It was hard emotionally andphysically.
Angela (12:20):
Yeah, yeah, first trimester can really put a toll
on you, and then it's almostlike you turn that corner a lot
of times, like in the secondtrimester.
And how was that for you?
Courtney (12:31):
It was awesome, it was so good.
I also I didn't tell my teenagedaughter until the second
trimester or just the end of thefirst trimester.
So I felt like I couldn'ttotally own what was going on
because I didn't want her tofeel really sad and disappointed
if it didn't work out.
So I had a secret and I hatesecrets.
So once I was able to tell her,I was able to tell other people
(12:54):
um, I left my job, uh, whichwas not completely related, but
partially related to mypregnancy, and um, yeah, it just
felt great.
And then it was summer in Maineand I was so physically active.
It was so a lot of hiking, alot of tennis, just really,
(13:17):
really committed to physicalactivity as a way of staying
well and start, you know, anddaily meditation to prepare for
birth.
So that's a recipe for feelingpretty good.
If you're exercising every dayand meditating every day, it's
pretty easy to feel good.
So I felt great.
I love being pregnant, love it,love it, love it.
(13:38):
And I was so grateful to get todo it again.
I was like I can't believe Iget to do this again.
I didn't think I wanted anotherchild.
Angela (13:51):
And now I get to do this again.
I didn't think I wanted anotherchild and now I get to do this
super fun thing again.
Yeah, it really can be so fun.
And then add on top of that thebeauty of like mid coast Maine
and being outside in the springand summer.
And so who did you choose asyour midwife this time around?
Courtney (14:01):
I had Rebecca at Mother Seed in Whitefield, yeah.
So I looked on her website andit was like she quoted one of my
favorite books.
And then we met with her andshe was reading one of my
partner's favorite books and Iwas just like, yeah, and I want
(14:23):
I, because I had had this firstbirth almost by myself.
I just knew I wanted really lowintervention pregnancy and
birth.
So I don't have ultrasounds, Idon't want.
I was like I may not want youthere, really, you know, I may
want you in the other room, youknow, because I thought it would
probably be quick.
I said like I'll call, likeI'll call you, obviously, but I
(14:45):
may not want you, like all up inmy space, I definitely don't
want checks on my body.
And we met with another midwifewho and I said, and I said you
know, and I'm 40 years old, youknow, um.
And we met with another midwifewho said it was no problem that
I was 40, but she would feel alot more comfortable if we had
at least one ultrasound.
And she had, she had like aportable ultrasound machine and
(15:06):
that just didn't.
That didn't feel right for me.
That felt like, okay, this ismore intervention than I want.
And then we met with the midwifethat we ended up choosing and
she was like well, I catch a lotof babies for the Amish and I'm
like that's what I want.
I want that level ofintervention like none.
Unless there's a there isn't anemergency actually happening,
(15:27):
not an emergency that couldhappen at some day, but if
there's an actual emergencyhappening.
And she was really comfortable.
I wasn't even the oldest mamawho she was catching her baby.
That year she had a 42-year-oldand a 44-year-old mom and that
made me feel really comfortable.
She's also just extremelyconfident.
She had a bunch of informationthat I don't need to know, but I
(15:48):
felt like she knew you know,yeah.
So she was just totally lovelyand wonderful.
Angela (15:56):
Amazing.
So how were your appointmentslooking Like?
They're just really supportiveconnection appointments.
Courtney (16:02):
At that point then, right supportive connection
appointments at that point thenright, exactly, yeah, so without
a lot of testing.
Mostly she would ask questionsabout my symptoms or my body.
How am I feeling?
Any questions I had.
So I had some questions aboutmy activity and my physical yoga
.
You know at what point wouldyou stop doing this or that?
(16:24):
Her answers are primarilylisten to your body.
You know.
But she also shared.
You know I have I have moms whodo this or that.
Or when I was pregnant I didn'tfeel comfortable doing plow
pose anymore, you know, and thenwe and we did.
I do use the Doppler to hear herheartbeat, so that was nice.
(16:49):
A Doppler to hear her heartbeat,so that was nice the first few
times she measured fundal height, so that's, you know, just a
measuring tape right To estimateand to track to make sure that
it's good that it's increasingover time and my blood pressure.
So those are the, those are thetests, the kind of intervention
tests that we had, but mostlyit was just talking about how
I'm doing and any advice thatshe had for me.
(17:11):
So, like, at some point Istarted to feel kind of achy in
my body.
She encouraged obviously morewater and electrolytes and
magnesium.
So those are those kind ofthings I took as I was still
being really really activetowards the end of my pregnancy.
Angela (17:27):
Oh, that's so important Just taking good care of
yourself and just living yourlife and not really being
stressed, right.
Courtney (17:34):
Yeah, it was awesome.
I felt so.
I was so I'm so much healthierand so much more active and it
was great.
I love to play tennis and wewere playing tennis three times
a week and I was like at somepoint I might have to stop
playing tennis.
And I slowed down, like I'm notrunning, I'm not racing for the
ball.
We don't play competitively.
(17:54):
But I played on Friday and gavebirth on Tuesday.
I played the whole way I'm likenine months pregnant on, like
out on the tennis court, but itfelt awesome.
It felt awesome.
The hardest thing about thatwas that I had to pee like every
30 minutes, so I couldn't playfor very long before waddling
over to the port-a-potty.
Angela (18:14):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Well I feel.
I really feel like all of thatexercise and just being so
active throughout your wholepregnancy, if you're able to,
can just make, just help yourbody prepare for birth and have
things go so much more smoothly.
Courtney (18:29):
That was my thought too.
It also made me feel likeemotionally more competent in my
body, which helps in birth.
Right, I think birth is mentaland physical, but so much of it
is mental.
So I just felt still competent,like I'm fully in embodied.
(18:49):
I'm fully in my body.
My body is strong, my body cando things, and that mindset
carries into birth.
Angela (18:56):
Absolutely, that's amazing, so yeah.
So how were things looking likethose last final weeks leading
up to when your labor started?
Just overall, how was yourpositioning looking?
Courtney (19:08):
Yeah, so we had been like so, without ultrasound and
just with.
Oh gosh, maybe you know whatit's called.
Do you know what they use tolisten to the baby?
That's not a stethoscope, butit's not a Doppler.
Angela (19:22):
The fetus scope.
Courtney (19:23):
Thank you.
Fetus scope Okay, so just usingthe fetus scope to try to hear
where the baby's heartbeat is,and then my midwife would push
on my belly to try to feel like,okay, is this a head, is this a
bum, is this her back?
That kind of thing.
So she's feeling for herposition but we're not really
(19:44):
worried.
I had an extremely active babyAll that tennis is what we say.
So she was moving around a lotand lots of appointments.
She was head down, she was kindof side to side.
She was head up no problem,because it's still in 30 weeks,
32 weeks, 33 or 35 weeks.
And then we had a little bit oflike, so I wasn't worried about
(20:07):
it.
I was doing inversions where Ikind of prop myself up on the
side of the couch and hangupside down, and a lot of down
dog, but I wasn't worried abouther position.
Basically, we had some likehiccup with, like, the
appointments.
It was something like 35 weeks.
We were supposed to switch fromevery other week to seeing each
other every week.
(20:28):
But I had some.
I had something going on on theweek like 36 weeks, and I was
like I'm just too busy, can we,can we skip one and then we'll
go to every week.
Once I get to 37 weeks Ithought there's just no way this
baby is coming before December.
She's 40 weeks would have beenright around the 1st of December
(20:49):
.
I'm like we're going 40, we'regoing 41.
I'm so healthy.
Healthy mamas cook babieslonger.
The baby wants to stay in there.
You know, you know, when I waspregnant, when I was 25, I like
had quit smoking right when Igot pregnant, like I was not um,
which is great, but I wasn'tlike chemical free or you know,
(21:11):
or anything like that um, forvery long.
And and my daughter was born at,my first child was born at 39
weeks.
So I just, I just wasn'tworried about it, I just didn't
think that she was coming untilDecember.
So we met at like 35 weeks,feels good, position is unsure,
but that's no problem, becausewe're a month away from giving
(21:32):
birth and I still felt great andI was still playing tennis and
I was like, thanks so much, I'llsee you in two weeks.
We hadn't even met the kind ofbackup midwife.
So what Rebecca does is shekind of like contracts with
another midwife to come to thebirth, just so that there are
two midwives there and we weregoing to meet her at like the 37
(21:55):
week appointment or 37 and ahalf week appointment, but we
hadn't met her yet.
We're like, okay, great, youguys will come over to the house
, that'll be fine.
But that did not happen.
Angela (22:04):
You guys will come over to the house.
That'll be fine, but that didnot happen.
Okay, so you're busy duringyour whole 36th week of
pregnancy.
You're planning for your 37 anda half week appointment with
your midwives.
Somewhere in between there isthe Friday where you went to
play tennis.
How did that all unfold?
Courtney (22:20):
I go play tennis on Friday.
Sunday, I had this beautifulmother blessing with five of my
female friends.
Yeah, it was gorgeous.
They all prayed, they sharedtheir birth stories or birth
stories in their family and itwas so special and I had asked
them because I remember that Icouldn't.
(22:42):
I was meditating a lot andpracticing a lot of affirmations
Like my body is opening to letmy baby out, I'm co-creating
life with the goddess herself,I'm, you know, I'm fully present
and my higher power is helpingme give birth All of these kinds
of affirmations and prayers andmeditations.
(23:02):
But I remembered from my firstbirth that I lose the ability to
read when I'm in labor and telltime.
I don't know.
Does it, does it relate?
Angela (23:11):
to that.
No, that's two things aretotally like you're not reading
or telling time really, whileyou're like in it and anyone I
don't think yeah, so I knew thatwas true.
Courtney (23:20):
So I I didn't want to write out affirmations although
I think the process of writingthem can help a lot of people
but I wanted to have like acollage of pictures of my higher
power.
So I asked all these women whowere doing this this well birth
blessing for me to bringpictures of their higher power
to our gathering, and then I wasgoing to make a collage with it
(23:42):
, and I did.
Angela (23:43):
So I had this beautiful ceremony.
Courtney (23:45):
They all made me cry.
It was wonderful.
I came home with all theseflowers.
They all brought me flowers, sothey're just flowers all over
my house.
And then Sunday night I sitdown and I make this collage of
all these pictures thatrepresent higher power for
people.
Lots of goddessy pictures, lotsof mothers, but also, you know,
(24:06):
the Lord and flowers and otherthings like that birds.
So I made this beautifulcollage.
I think that was Sunday nightthat I made it.
I have no idea what I did onMonday.
And then Tuesday was going.
Tuesday, I had just this wholeday planned.
I went and met my mom in Auburn.
We had lunch.
I walked around the Auburn mallfor like two hours.
(24:28):
Looking back, I'm like I couldhave had my baby in the Auburn
mall.
That would have been hysterical.
My older child was in a play soand it was hell week, which is
the week before I guess theycall it tech week now they don't
call it hell week anymore.
The week before I guess theycall it tech week now they don't
call it hell week anymore.
But the week before the playthey have rehearsal every night
(24:53):
until 8.30 PM.
So I drove to pick her up atrehearsal and I got home.
We got home at 9 PM, so we gothome at 9.
PM.
I'm talking to my daughter.
We were laughing.
I remember we had a greatevening and I'm like I have to
go to bed.
It's 9.30.
I'm nine months pregnant.
I have to go to bed.
I was 37 weeks and three daysand someone had asked at my
(25:15):
birth blessing, when is yourbaby coming?
And I'm like, well, I'mtechnically 37 weeks now, so any
day, but probably not for threeor four more weeks.
And she's like let's get thisparty started, have the baby
come now?
And I was like no, no, she'snot coming but Tuesday.
So nine, nine, 30, I cameupstairs, I took a bath and then
(25:37):
I came and laid down or I camedown to.
I came and sat down to rest andI felt something and I just
felt like I'd been having a tonof Braxton Hicks contractions,
which are generally like notpainful tightening of the
abdomen the whole time, likesince 20 weeks, and so I thought
(25:57):
I was just having that and Ihad been practicing.
I'd been practicing theaffirmations, but also
practicing this breathing.
Every time I had a cramp or apainless contraction, I would
practice a long, slow exhale andlike relaxing my face, muscles
and shoulders.
So every morning I would wakeup and I had these horrible like
(26:19):
Charlie horses in my calf and Iwould think like let go, and I
would breathe out, relax my facemuscles, relax my shoulders and
breathe through that pain.
And I had been doing that toprepare for labor.
So I was having this like verymild discomfort at like 9.30, 10
PM, no, like 10 PM, Um, and Ithought, oh, great an
(26:44):
opportunity to practice mybreathing.
And so I practiced my breathingthrough one and then another
one happens right after and Iwas like, oh, like I should get
out that contraction timer.
Like someone mentioned acontraction timer, I'm like
maybe I should time these to see.
I should have known, because Icouldn't figure out the app.
(27:06):
Like I'm trying to read the appand I couldn't read.
I'm like looking at it and likeI'm just like it did not make
sense.
It took me like 20 minutes todownload this app and to record
two contractions that werecoming just like a minute apart.
And then so, once I noticedthat and had the app downloaded,
(27:29):
I was like I think I'm in labor.
I had one that felt like reallyuncomfortable and I had to
breathe and like I was watchingit in my mind.
So I was watching the intensityof the wave go up and then
watching it go down, and thatfelt very comforting.
And I was watching theintensity of the wave go up and
then watching it go down, andthat felt very comforting.
(27:50):
And I was like, okay, if I needto be comforted by this going
down, that's what labor is.
If I'm like waiting for that,that's.
So I thought any minute I'mgoing to get up and go get
Charlie, but I just didn't getup.
I just didn't want to get upuntil I felt like I had to pee.
And so I rushed to the bathroomand I peed and I heard a pop.
(28:16):
That's what it sounded like.
I don't know if that'sliterally what happened, but it
sounded like a pop, Um, andwater came gushing out.
I, my water broke, which wassurprising to me because I still
didn't 100% believe I was inlabor.
(28:36):
So I ran to wake up Charlie.
Charlie had gone to bed already.
It's 1030.
I know because I tapped thecontraction timer.
Again it's 1030.
And I just like burst open thedoor and I'm like, which I've
never done, Like I've neverwoken him up, I'm in labor.
And he's like what's happening?
And I'm like I am in laborright now and he's like, okay,
(28:58):
call the midwife.
I'm like, yes, call the midwife.
And then I run back to thebathroom because I just want to
labor alone.
I just want to labor in thebathroom, the bathroom because I
just want to labor alone.
I just want to labor in thebathroom.
Like the bathroom is the placewhere we get private and open
and like that.
That's where I gave birth to myfirst child.
I just wanted to be back inthere.
(29:19):
So I'm back in the bathroom andI'm laboring and I'm realizing
like I have to reach for moreand more tools very, very
quickly.
So at first it was doing thebreathing.
I'm watching the wave go up anddown, and then by the time
Charlie's there with the midwifeon the phone, I can hear myself
like with a low kind of groanout and a part of me felt like
(29:44):
that's too much, too soon, right.
But then I was like no, that'snot, it's not, I'm doing exactly
what I need to do.
I felt really calm.
I had loved my first birth, butI wanted to feel less afraid
and so all of the meditationthat I did in preparation for
this birth was kind of focusedon that on accepting and not
(30:06):
feeling afraid, surrender, justletting everything happen and I,
I and it just worked.
It just worked.
I felt comforted, I felt calm.
Charlie tells the story in afunnier way.
He's like I had one pant leg on.
You know, I'm like running intothe bathroom right, I come
across the corner and it'scovered in blood.
(30:27):
You know, there was meconium.
My water broke.
There's meconium everywhere,which Charlie was not prepared
for.
I don't know if he knew what itwas, but he was just like okay,
something is happening.
He's on the phone with themidwife.
I had the thought came to me mybody is opening.
(30:47):
That's what it felt.
Like I felt like my body'sopening to let my baby out.
My body is opening.
She's talking right now.
I remembered Ina May and Ireached down to feel her head
and I feel feet and at first Ithought it was like her hand,
(31:10):
like maybe her hand was up byher head, and I was like no,
it's feet.
And I said out loud it's feet.
And the midwife is onspeakerphone.
Charlie is standing at thedoorway at the bathroom.
I'm in the bathroom by myself,which was perfect.
Which was perfect.
And so she, I feel feet.
I say I feel feet to themidwife and to Charlie and I,
(31:32):
yeah, I just felt my body openand push her out, and then I'm
holding her body, her head isstill inside me, and at that
point my midwife on the phonesays you think she's coming feet
first?
And I said no, she has comefeet first, like I'm holding her
body and I assume my midwifewas trying to think about what
(31:53):
to say next, but I felt anotherrush and her head came out, just
like that.
Just two pushes just came rightout.
I know I tried to pick her up tomy chest but I couldn't because
her cord was wrapped around herneck, which I have since
learned is protective and good,but and I wasn't worried I
(32:16):
remember feeling kind ofconfused, like what do I do?
I felt like it was very slowmotion and I tried to turn her
one way and the cord didn'tunroll, like it got tighter.
And then I was like oh, turnthe other way and cord didn't
unroll, like it got tighter.
And then I was like, oh, turnthe other way.
And I just turned her twice andthen lifted her to my chest.
I asked Charlie later.
I was like was I moving in slowmotion?
(32:36):
And he said no, but I did.
I felt like it was just slowmotion.
I just felt I felt so calm OnceI realized that I was in labor.
I just felt like I'm doing this, we're doing this.
And all the affirmations cameback to me.
Nobody had to remind me, nobodysaid anything to me.
Really they were just inside meand with my higher power and it
(32:58):
was just so spiritual andmiraculous and I lifted her to
my chest and got some towels todry her off.
My partner said I said did Ilook like I felt really calm?
Did I look panicked?
He said no.
He said like it looked like thegoddess herself getting shit
done.
Yeah, that's what it felt likethat's what it felt, like it was
(33:21):
awesome.
And then so the midwife isstill on the phone.
She's like does the baby seemto be breathing?
I said yes, you know, I justdescribed her color.
She looks a little bit blue,but she's breathing and she's
warm.
She said that's totally fine,just put her on your chest Great
, you know.
Wrap her in the towel, dry heroff.
She tried to coach me throughlike delivering my placenta and
(33:43):
I was like I just need to laydown, like I just want to lay
down right now.
And then she was trying to tellCharlie stuff and Charlie was
just like I need to end the call, like we just need to be calm
and quiet for a little bit.
And my widow was like noproblem, I'm driving over, I'll
see you in an hour.
She's an hour away.
So we had this beautiful,beautiful hour, just the three
(34:06):
of us sitting in bed.
You know we latched the babyand still attached to my
placenta, which was still insidemy body, but that was fine, you
know she had a really long cord.
It was also wrapped around herlegs and that was totally fine
and we just nursed.
And then Rebecca came and wasthere in like an hour, and that
was 10, that was 10.39.
(34:29):
So I woke Charlie up at 10.30.
She was born nine minutes later.
Angela (34:34):
Oh, my goodness, wow, so wait, how did the placenta come
out then?
It was when she got there.
You kind of, how did that go?
Courtney (34:42):
Yeah.
So once Rebecca got therethanks, I didn't know if that
was too graphic for your so partof my placenta had come out.
So once Rebecca got therethanks, I didn't know if that
was too graphic for yourlisteners so part of my placenta
had come out.
So it's kind of like halfhanging out of me, which was
fine.
I just laid down in bed andrested and I didn't even notice.
Sometimes people talk about thefact that there are still
contractions to get the placentaout, like it's scary, but my
(35:03):
experience both times was thatit's so soft it doesn't.
It didn't, it didn't feel badat all.
So it was just kind of hangingout with my placenta.
And then Rebecca got there.
(35:24):
She just quickly checked me inthe baby.
She didn't even take the babyfrom me, but she was like let's
get this placenta out and kindof coached me through pushing it
out and catching it, which wasreally helpful.
I'm certain I could have donethat too, but at both times my
midwives kind of coached methrough that part.
So I really like them beingthere, but it was totally fine.
She looked it over, you know.
She wanted to make sure that itwas intact and that nothing was
(35:46):
still inside me and lookedgreat.
The cord was great.
It was really lovely and shetook it home to put it in her
garden.
That's what she does.
Angela (35:58):
Yeah, it can be a lot of things to coordinate when you
have like the overwhelming rushof hormones of just really
wanting to bond with your freshnew baby that you just birthed.
Like, what about the placenta?
It can be a lot to think about,but like to have that support
to be like, okay, you'reactually still pregnant.
Until we get this placenta out,let's complete this process
(36:19):
let's wrap this up?
Courtney (36:20):
yeah, it was great, yeah, you're so sweet oh, that's
awesome.
Angela (36:26):
So how has your postpartum been going?
How old is your baby now?
Courtney (36:30):
She's six months old and it was really great in some
ways and really hard in otherways.
So she was born early term, Ithink possibly because she was
great.
So she had a hard time nursing.
At first we had to work withlactation consultant.
We went to La Leche League andgot a lot of support there, big
(36:51):
recommend.
But now she's doing great.
I spent a lot more time in bed,which was extremely smart move
and that was really good.
And now coming back into myphysical body has been kind of
(37:12):
hard because I spent two monthsbasically sedentary, um, which
I'm, which is not that good forme, um, emotionally and mentally
, and I'm not as fit as I waswhen I was pregnant, even still
now, six months postpartum.
So that's been kind of hard, um, but now we're getting.
We just did a big hiking tripand I'm starting to get back
(37:33):
into my body in that way.
Angela (37:35):
Um it comes back and just to have that grace.
You know, let it come slowly.
I remember when my daughter wasjust born as went on a hike
with her and it was like it wasso slow and I had to take so
many breaks.
Now I do that same hike, likewithout taking any breaks, and
I'm just like you know to giveyourself grace and just take
that time like it does come back.
Courtney (37:56):
Yeah, yeah, our bodies have done this huge thing, yeah
, and are doing this huge thing.
I'm still exclusively nursing,you know, absolutely that's huge
right.
She was like less than sixpounds at birth and she's over
(38:17):
16 pounds now.
Like that's all from I mean,that's all from my body, all of
it.
So, yeah, it's a lot she's.
I'm really lucky to get to dothis again, all of it.
So, yeah, it's a lot.
Angela (38:33):
I'm really lucky to get to do this again.
Oh, that's beautiful.
So, as a final question, if youwere to give advice to someone
who's expecting, or even newparents, what's the biggest
thing you'd want to share?
Courtney (38:49):
Wow, yeah, that's a great question.
I think, definitely, that womenare just so much stronger than
we've been told, and that's alie.
(39:15):
You're like an absolute goddessand you're doing a miraculous
thing.
Um, I and we're really, I think, we're lucky to get to do it.
Um, but it's super, super hard.
Um, so it would want women tohave faith in, in our abilities.
Angela (39:25):
Yeah, yeah, so important .
Courtney (39:28):
Yeah, yeah, I just, I just refused to like hear
anything negative, um, aboutbirth and just said it's going
to be great, I love to givebirth, I'm so, so lucky, I'm so,
so powerful, um, and I believethat about all women.
Angela (39:47):
Yeah, oh well, what a great spot to end it on.
I believe that about all women.
Yeah, Well, what a great spotto end it on.
I believe that about all womentoo.
I love it.
So true, it really really isWell.
Thank you so much, Courtney,for taking the time to chat with
me today.
It's been awesome chatting withyou.
Courtney (40:00):
Well, thank you so much for doing what you do.
I appreciate it.
Angela (40:32):
Before you go, I just want to remind you I have a ton
of resources for pregnancy andbirth.
If you're pregnant, whetheryou're a first time mom or if
this is your fifth baby, I wantyou to check out the show notes,
because I have some freetrainings and free downloads
that you can sign up for, aswell as the link to access my
labor of love, a comprehensiveself-paced online childbirth
(40:55):
education course, or who you'rebirthing with, and I'd honestly
love to teach you everythingthat I know so that you can
prepare for an autonomous birthexperience and prepare to step
into your role as the leader ofyour birth journey.
(41:15):
So click to the show notes,check out all of those links and
, if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my main
birth over on Instagram.
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