119. MyMaine Birth: Rachel's Two Birth Stories at EMMC in Bangor, Maine

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Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth?  You’re in the right place! 

In this episode, we discuss:

• Rachel's Two Birth experiences at EMMC in Bangor, Maine
• The cerclage procedure  
• The emotional toll of having a baby in the NICU and navigating postpartum 
• When your doula is a midwife - and how supportive that can be for women's birth experiences 
• ….and a whole lot more!

Additional Resources you’ll LOVE…

If you are ready to prepare for an autonomous birth experience, where you’re respected as the authority over your body and your baby…  regardless of where you plan on birthing -
CLICK HERE for 10% off  the MyAutonomous Birth self-paced, online course! 

Not sure where to start?  I’ve got you covered!  Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider.   Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider. 

Episode Transcript

Rachel (00:00):
So what's hilarious is because in Northern Light they
have this policy where if noone's actually like if a baby is
not actually being pushed out,I guess they have to go see
other patients.
So like all of those people hadgone to the other side of the
women's building.
So when they came in it was theOB on that day plus like four

(00:21):
other intern doctors and likethree other nurses, so there was
like a whole group of peoplethat like came in.
So I just remember like hearinga flurry, because the whole
time like I had this washclothon me the whole time like not
seeing anything.
But I just remember hearinglike a flurry of feet coming in
and the OB being like wow,there's a baby there you know
like, oh look, there's a head ofa baby.

(00:44):
So yeah, not super calm, butyeah it was.
It was pretty funny and I'mglad I had the watch clock
because I think if I didn't Iwould have been overwhelmed,
because when I came off and Isaw the people I was like, oh,
my word, I didn't know so manypeople had shown up.

Angela (00:59):
I'm Angela and I'm a certified birth photographer,
experienced doula, childbirtheducator and your host here on
the my Maine Birth podcast.
This is a space where we sharethe real-life stories of
families and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine, from our state'sbiggest hospitals to birth
center births and home births.

(01:20):
Every birth story deserves tobe heard and celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome back.
This is episode 119.
As you may or may not know, Iaccept all different types of

(01:41):
birth stories Hospital births,birth center births, all
different types of birth stories, hospital births, birth center
births, all different types ofhome births and everything in
between.
The only requirement forsharing a birth story on this
podcast is that at least one ofyour birth stories is a Maine
birth story.
As an added bonus, all of mypodcast guests receive a gift
certificate for a familyadventure photo session on the

(02:03):
session day of your choice.
I host session days for mypodcast guests at iconic
locations across Mainethroughout the spring, summer
and fall.
So if you'd like to join thecommunity of Maine moms sharing
birth stories on the podcast,fill out the form over on my
website, mymainbirthcom, or youcan always send me a message

(02:24):
over on Instagram at mymainbirth.
Today's birth story guest isRachel, and she's here to share
all about her two birth storiesat Eastern Maine Medical Center
in Bangor.
Hi Rachel, welcome to my MainBirth.
Hi, angela, how are you?
I'm good.
How are you?

(02:44):
I'm good.
Thanks, thank you so much fortaking the time to chat with me
today.

Rachel (02:51):
Of course, when I saw that you posted, I was like oh
yeah, I have some interestingthings to talk about.

Angela (02:57):
So I love talking about birth.

Rachel (03:00):
Yes, I have a friend who also had a friend who
interviewed with you before, sothat's how I heard about your
podcast.
And then when you posted, I waslike, oh, I know what that is,
so that was exciting, cool.

Angela (03:14):
I love it To jump right into your story.
Would you start by sharing alittle bit about you and your
family?

Rachel (03:22):
Yeah, so we're a family of four now I have two kiddos
and my husband.
My son, who's my oldest, justturned four this year and then
my youngest just turned a yearlast month.
So three years in betweenpretty good age gap.
I'm a stay-at-home mom but Ialso, like I'm a stay-at-home

(03:47):
mom full-time, but I also dabblein like some work during the
summer, like I work with asummer camp program right now.
So I do that kind of stuff, butmostly at home.
And we live just outside ofBangor, not too far.
So just far enough away to benear like cow farms, but not far

(04:09):
enough away where like runningto town is a chore kind of thing
.
So yeah, and we just we love theoutdoors, we love swimming,
hiking.
I haven't done camping with thekids yet.
I feel like that's a pretty bigexperience to do camping with
the kids yet.
I feel like that's a pretty bigexperience to do and travel

(04:32):
taking the kids on a few tripsto a couple of states so far.

Angela (04:34):
So yeah, it's just kind of like what we like to do.
That sounds so fun, Awesome.
Well, now to jump into yourbirth stories.
Would you start by sharing alittle bit about how you found
out you were pregnant for thefirst time and what your
thoughts were in choosing yourcare?

Rachel (04:48):
That's a little crazy.
So I had no idea I was pregnantwith my son, my first one,
because I have PCOS.
So I actually hadn't had aperiod since like the July of
that year, which was normal.
Like I've just experienced thatthrough my whole life.
But I just was feeling so grossand I like no idea why, because

(05:13):
my husband and I weren't I knowthis sounds hilarious because,
like you know the consequencesbut we weren't actually trying,
like we were not planning tohave a child yet, like we had
been talking about it, like juststarted talking about, like
maybe we're ready, but hadn'tfinalized.
And then I just started feelingsick and gross and I was like I
really don't like this.

(05:33):
And my mother-in-law hooked meup with her naturopath, who's an
amazing woman.
I still use her to this day andI love her.
And so I went to see her and Iwas like, yeah, like I just need
to be fixed, like I don't knowwhat's wrong with me, and she's
like have you taken a test?
And I was like there's no way,because we're using protection,
like blah, blah, blah.
She's like I think you shouldtry and totally like she's like

(05:57):
I'm not going to do any of yourblood work until I find out.
So you kind of have to cause.
I was like I don't really thinkI need to and I was like, fine,
took it the next morning, verypositive.
I was like, oh my goodness, youknow the, the feeling of like
shock and amazement, of likethat's not true, you know, and
it was just wild.
Um, so that's how I found out.

(06:19):
So, surprise, you know, oh,we're going to good thing, we
were talking about it, we'regoing to have a baby.
But it was very exciting.
My husband is excited and whenwe were talking about care, this
time like I hadn't really divedinto like specific care yet,

(06:40):
like I hadn't even been thinkingabout that.
I'm the youngest in my family,so all of my cousins and
siblings are like teens, liketeen years older than me, you
know.
So they've already had theirkids, but like a long time ago.
So everything changed right.
So I was like I don't know, Ijust knew that we weren't really
into home births at the time.

(07:01):
So it's like I, you know, I'veheard about this place.
I was going to go for a small OBoffice but they had just closed
.
So then I went with um Northernlight, so I went there because
we're close to it and that youknow I found an OB that I liked,
cause I you can look them upand yeah.

(07:22):
So that's what I did and Ireally just wanted someone who,
like I always knew I wanted anatural birth, so I wanted
someone who had experience inthat.
So that's what I like.
If, for those of you listeningyou don't know, you can look up
the OBs and they will tell you,like, what their experience is.
So I did that, um, quite a fewdays before I chose one, so that

(07:44):
was just kind of like theprocess of how that happened.

Angela (07:48):
Do you care to share?
Who was the OB that you lovedat Northern Light?

Rachel (07:53):
Yeah, I can totally share that.
So, for both of my kiddosactually.
Well, when we get to mydaughter, if we get there, that
was a whole thing.
But I ended up with um Dr,what's her first?

Angela (08:05):
name.

Rachel (08:05):
Amanda Query for both of them and loved her.
Uh, she was very great.
Um, I really appreciate howstraightforward she is.
She's one of those that'sstraightforward and like this is
how it is, you know, but I, wedefinitely were able to have
conversations about where I waslike no, I kind of want to back
off from that a little bit, orlike, yeah, I'm comfortable with

(08:28):
that.
She was really great with that.

Angela (08:31):
So yeah, awesome.
So how are you feelingthroughout that pregnancy?

Rachel (08:38):
So it was very exciting and you know I was learning all
the things very exciting, andyou know I was learning all the
things, um, but ended up likealmost losing my son at 20 weeks
.
So it was kind of like ahighlight.
Like took my mom to the anatomyscan because we waited that
time until 20 weeks and we weregoing to do a gender reveal and

(09:01):
my mom was in charge of that andthey just happened to catch
that something wasn't right andall that.
So that was kind of like ayou're riding the roller coaster
to the top and then all of asudden you just go, you know,
and so that was pretty much of aroller coaster.
From then on, like I ended uphaving to have a surclage

(09:23):
surgery the week after and I hadbeen pretty active up until
then but I went to full likecouldn't do anything but get up
to use the bathroom, basicallyfrom then on, and then having to
have the surclage, and then Iwas hospitalized during 2021 for

(09:43):
like a month.
So no visitors, visitors justmy husband.
So the feelings were kind ofmixed.
Like I was excited, but also itwas like scary, and you know,
because they weren't sure howwell the circlage was gonna hold
, because I was already likedilated a little bit when they
did it.
So it was kind of like everyday was like are we gonna make

(10:10):
it to the next day?
You, you know just kind of likeracing time, I feel, like until
I had my son.
So yeah, it's kind of hard toexplain the emotions that go
into that fully, I think.

Angela (10:19):
But yeah, did you.
Would you mind sharing a littlebit about why they did the
cerclage?

Rachel (10:34):
Yeah.
So when they did the scan, theysaw that my cervix had started
like shortening and so they werehoping that maybe like some bed
rest would do it.
And then, when I went in theweek after with my husband, it
had shortened even more andthey're like no, we have to do a
surclage.
So basically they had to.
You know, it's just a stitchthat closes your cervix so that

(10:56):
it's supposed to help like thelongevity of it, basically like
to keep you, like to stopwhatever is happening, um, and
basically like hold your to stopwhatever is happening, and
basically like hold your baby inplace throughout that time,
because my son was very eager,he was actually like moving his
way down.
So they were like, no, we gotto do this.

(11:17):
And then when I was in the OR,the operating room, they
realized I was already twocentimeters dilated.
So they were like, oh, my word,uh, it was even more necessary
then.
So, but that's that's why theythey do that, it's just to help
and it it's hard because DrQuery has a really amazing

(11:40):
success rate.
Um, her and Dr Rinaldi, theyactually were the ones that did
my first one with my son and shehas a great success rate.
But it's really hard when yougo into it because you know
obviously they're irritatingstuff down there, so like you
could go into labor.
You know they can't guaranteeresults or anything and it
doesn't always work very long,you know.

(12:01):
So it's always a little bitapprehensive when you have it.
But they were really great,they did a great job.

Angela (12:09):
So yeah, feeling supported, at least in those
moments, is really can make allthe difference.

Rachel (12:16):
Yes, absolutely A hundred percent agree.

Angela (12:20):
Yeah, so how was the rest of your pregnancy looking
then, leading up to when yourlabor started?

Rachel (12:47):
in there basically until I gave birth to him.
But you know, a month of seeingno one but your husband for
like two hours every night, andthen you know it was during the
end time of COVID, I guess.
So, like, even when I got homeI couldn't really see anybody,
so it was just kind of lonely.
So I really pushed to be likeno, like if everything's still
fine, like I want to go homebecause I want to be in a place

(13:09):
where I'm comfortable and I wantto see people in my family and
they're like yeah, sure.
So they did send me home and Iwas very good.
I was very strict about likenot doing anything, like my
husband was super supportive andwe live next to my in-laws
actually, and she mymother-in-law helped so much too
, and so it just was feelinglike it was going great and,

(13:33):
like I said, my son was growingvery well and they were happy
with his progress and theyhonestly didn't think he
wouldn't make.
I had a scan like 31 and a halfweeks, because I had to go in
every week for them to check andthey were like we can't believe
that he's like made it thislong.

(13:54):
I was like I know, like it's sogood.
But then he decided he couldn'twait any longer and I ended up
having him at exactly 31 weeks,which was really really good,
because they didn't think Iwould.
They really wanted to get me to23, because that's when the
NICU will take preemies with agood like.
It's not a good guarantee, butit's enough for them to feel

(14:19):
like you can have some goodfeelings about your baby being
in there, basically.
So, uh, you know, aftereverything, we weren't happy
that we even made it that long.
So it was, it was good and, um,yeah, it was just interesting.
No one I had known had had anexperience like that.
So it kind of felt like I was,you know, going into a new

(14:42):
frontier on my own and myhusband, basically.

Angela (14:45):
But how did your labor start?
Was it just shortly after thatscan or how did?
How did things go?

Rachel (14:54):
it was.
So I had that scan and my sonhad always been very active, you
know, very active, like all thetime kick could, didn't ever
have to really do kick countingbecause he was just that
predictable which I know is noteveryone's version, but that I
was lucky to have that with himso he got one from that skin and

(15:16):
like later that night, like Irealized that I hadn't really
felt him moving in a while and Iwas like that's so interesting,
like you know, but maybe he'sjust sleeping for a long time,
you know whatever.
Didn't really think anything ofit, but then he always would
start kicking at three in themorning.
He never did.
And then I was like weird, andI did all the things like you

(15:40):
know, laying down on your backdrinking the juice, you know,
poking and pronging a little bit, and he was just like not
really doing anything.
So I was concerned and so wecalled the OB and they took me
in and they checked him out andthey're like no, he's great,
like he's moving.
I was like okay, but I justdidn't feel right do you know
what I mean?
Like I just felt like something.

(16:01):
I just felt like something wasoff, but I didn't't know what
cause I never had a baby before.
I was like something justdoesn't feel right.
But they said he was fine and Ihad seen a lot of OBs filter
through when I was staying atthe hospital and it was Dr
Anderson.
Cannot remember his first name,but he was really great.
He's the one that did it thatday and he's like you know, just
come back every day if you needto.

(16:22):
And I was like that sounds good.
So went home and my son startedwiggling around just a little
tiny bit and I was like, okay,and I had a consulting business
at the time that I was stilldoing like remote, just to kind
of give myself something to do.

(16:42):
And I had an appointment withsomeone that evening and like,
leading up to it, like I justfelt so awful.
I was like, oh my gosh, what ishappening?
And then my lower back startedto hurt so bad and I was like oh
no, like did I sit wrong?
Like what's happening?
And it just kind of got worseand worse as the night

(17:03):
progressed and in the back of mymind I had a voice being like
you're probably in labor.
But I think I was in denial.
So I was like no, I'm notbecause he's gonna stay in there
until like 37 weeks.
You know, I was just trying todo the whole positive, like no,
no, it's, he's gonna.
You know, we've made it thisfar, um, but basically like nine

(17:29):
o'clock came around and it'dbeen like an hour and a half and
my husband was like you need tocall them.
And I was like no, I'm fine.
And he called them himself,cause he was, and he told them
he's like I'm really concernedabout her, but she says she's
not coming in.
They were like no, you need toget her in, like right now.
And he's like okay, so hepacked me up into the car and

(17:50):
I'm like I just don't know what.
Like there, nothing's gonna bewrong.
And he's like I don't care, weneed to go.
And he was really great aboutlike he knew I was delusional,
but he was really great at nottelling me like stop being
delusional, you know what I mean.

Angela (18:02):
Like you're in labor land you are experiencing all
those yeah labor right, yeah,exactly he, he was just very
good and like calming.

Rachel (18:12):
He's like no, it doesn't matter, he's like we're still
gonna go.
And I was like, okay, get inthere.
And, um, I had a note like theyhad said I couldn't be have a
cervical check because theydidn't at any check, because
they didn't at any time, becausethey didn't want to disturb the
stitch because it was sofragile anyway.
So I get in there and describeto them what's happening.

(18:33):
They rushed me right into aroom and at this point, like the
pain's intensifying and like Ifully know what is happening and
I'm like trying to resist itbecause I'm like maybe it'll
stop, you know, maybe you knowwhatever Um, so they I can't
remember what they gave me and Ithat was so long ago and I feel

(18:55):
so bad but they gave mesomething and a lot of fluids.
They hooked me up to an IVcause they were thinking maybe I
was dehydrated and if theyrehydrated me they could get
them to stop, so that maybe wethinking maybe I was dehydrated
and if they rehydrated me theycould get them to stop, so that
maybe we could have a few moredays, um see how much further we
could push it.
Basically that was always thegame Like how much more time can

(19:16):
we buy, basically.
And I was like, okay, that'sfine.
Um, cause, when they hooked meup to the monitor, like I was
having contractions, but theywere very sporadic and they
weren't matching with, like, thepain I was experiencing.
So they were like, okay, well,maybe that's why they were like
it's dehydration and like falselabor kind of stuff.
And I was like, yeah, okay, um,so there for quite a while and,

(19:41):
um, feel, you know, everythingkind of st stalled out.
I was actually feeling prettygood and they're like okay.
And I was like, yeah, like I'mactually feeling pretty good,
you know.
And now I know in my second onewhat that was.
But I was like, yeah, no, thisis fine.
And, um, at that time DrAnderson had come back in.

(20:03):
He was the OB that night and hewas like well, I do have to
check you before I let you go,obviously, because he's
responsible.
I was like, yeah, sure, and hedid a check and he was like well
, you're not going anywhere.
He's like you're sevencentimeters dilated.
And I was like, really, he'slike yeah.

(20:25):
So now it was my husband's turnto be in denial, because he's
like oh, but you can like stillstop it right.
And he's like, no, he's likeyou're having a baby.
And my husband was like whatyou know?
So?
And then it was my turn to belike it's okay.
It's okay, like they said, wehave a really good success right
now.
Like you know, it was my turn,um, but I had had a steroid shot
at 21 weeks.

(20:47):
They had given that to me tohelp my son's lung development
and it came in two doses.
So they gave me the second doseand I needed to have it in my
system for at least two to fourhours.
So they really bumped up againwish I know what it was, but I
cannot remember whatever theywere giving me to stall it,

(21:09):
because they just really wantedto make sure that he had good
lung capacity and then, afterthe amount of time had come,
that they felt okay with meprogressing.
The problem was they hadstalled it too much.
So now I was like not doinganything.
But you know, the preemie, youcan't really.

(21:31):
They didn't want to send mehome, they didn't really put it
up to chance.
So they gave me Pitocin to kindof jump started into gear, and
so after that it progressedrather quickly actually for me
which is not the case for a lotof women, but for me it did Uh.
And then yeah, ended up havinghim early in the morning and it

(21:53):
was great.
He did great Um.
They were happy with how itwent and I was able to have it
naturally, like I had wanted to,um, which I was very happy
about because I, you know, Inever given birth before.
I didn't know if I could do it,but I did so, yeah.
And then they it's kind of hardto explain to people like you

(22:15):
have your baby and they wrappedhim all up and you know he just
started crying from thebeginning and they're like, oh,
my word, we can't believe thatyou know they were expecting him
not to do anything.
He had a good set of lungs onhim, so that's really worked for
sure.
And you know, they wrapped himall up and gave him to my

(22:35):
husband and I for a picture andthen they just like took him
away and you know, you're there,you've had your baby, and you
have this euphoric like whoa,what's happening.
So I'm just kind of like, whatare you doing?
Like my brain was like what areyou doing?
You know, like I I knew whatthey were doing, but my brain
was like, uh, and I told myhusband I was like they're
taking our baby, like you needto stop them, and he was like,

(22:56):
oh, and he felt bad, but he wentwith them because I wanted, you
know, obviously, someone withour son.
So then you know you're justlaying there and you're like, oh
, my word, did I have a baby?
You know, cause there's no babythere.
So, uh, I think that was just aunique experience to recover.
Like the nurses were incredible.

(23:17):
They were so supportive.
Um, morgan, I nurse Morgan likeshe was great.
Um, she was there to help meand stayed with me the whole
time while my husband was goneand like moved me and and all
that stuff.
So yeah, that's kind of howthat went.
So once it got going it waspretty fast and furious, but,

(23:38):
you know, a little differentthan other people's labor and
delivery stories probably.

Angela (23:43):
So yeah, yeah, how were things going like immediately
postpartum for you?
When were you able to meet himfor the first time?
And, yeah, what did that looklike for you?

Rachel (23:55):
Yeah.
So once I was able to, you knowthey do the test, like you have
to get up and use the bathroomfirst before they move you.
So after that they do the test,like you have to get up and use
the bathroom first before theymove you.
So after that, and I was moved,um, they did tell my husband
down in the NICU like, oh, she'sbeen moved to the postpartum
ward, like you can go see her.
So he came up to see me andbasically that same afternoon

(24:21):
well, they didn't really want meto.
I think they would have wantedme to do it like the next day.
Um, I'd had no bleedingcomplications or anything like
that.
But I think, just because likeit was you know, it's traumatic,
you know, like you're not fullterm, you know, and it's just
like it was a whole thing Um, sothey, they really wanted me to

(24:42):
wait, but I told them that I wasseeing my son that afternoon.
Whether they said yes or not, Iwas like so, you know, get me a
wheelchair or whatever.
And so, um, they let me in thatafternoon, but I was only given
a half hour because I was tired, he was tired and they were
having to do all these tests onhim to make sure it was okay.
And, um, he didn't ever have tobe on a CPAP machine, which was

(25:06):
incredible.
Um, he just had to have alittle like just light oxygen
support for that day.
But after that and I think theywere also concerned about that
Like they didn't want to mess upany of the things, um, but then
after that I got to see him aslong as I wanted to.

(25:27):
I was discharged the next dayand I saw him pretty much all
morning before I was dischargedand I wanted to go right back
but my husband was like no, youneed to stay home and like sleep
, and I was like, okay, but thenevery day after that, like I
was in there pretty much fromlike 8am until like 7pm at night

(25:51):
.
You know I was there like allday Cause I had been able to
make that work with my businessand my husband's work, so like
that was good.
So it was just really weird.
You know you just have to leavethem every time.
You know like you don't takethem with you, you leave them

(26:14):
and hope that everything's goingto be OK.
But the NICU nurses were greatand we had two that were the
same during the day, the wholetime, and they were there from
the very beginning that I methim until he was discharged, and
they were incredible.
They've been doing it for manyyears, um, and so they really
helped with that transition,especially those first couple of

(26:35):
days when I was still in thehospital.
Like immediately, cause they?
They knew what I was feeling.
You know they'd worked in theremany years, but they also knew
I needed to go sleep.
So they're like it's okay,we'll call you if something
happens.
And I was like, okay, but yeah,it was good to just have people
that you can trust.
So that was a big thing.

(26:55):
How long was he in the NICU?

Angela (26:57):
for.

Rachel (26:59):
He was only in there for exactly one month, which was
really incredible.
That is not a story that a lotof NICU parents can say.
So we're very thankful for that.
But, um, and to this day hestill holds true to it.
He is a fighter and if you tellhim something he's going to be
defiant and say, no, I'm goingto do the opposite of that.

(27:20):
So he's just always had thatspirit in him to that.
So he's just always had thatspirit in him.
So that's that's what it was.
I mean, yeah, he just didreally great he.
He took to nursing pretty,pretty well for a NICU baby.
They were very, very supportive, the nurses and helping me with
that journey.

(27:40):
One in particular she was verylike ready to help me.
She called lactation down tohelp, even though, like some of
the doctors were like no, likeyou really shouldn't do it, like
you should just focus onpumping.
And she's like no, no, like youcan do it, like he's ready.
So that was really great and Ithink you know I'm one of those

(28:01):
people and I think many are thatlike the wonders of nursing,
you know.
So I don't know how much thatplayed into it too, but maybe
something, because after that Iwas able to.
I wasn't a big, big supplier,but I was able to get enough
where he was pretty much gettingfortified bottles pretty much

(28:21):
every day once we started doingthat certified bottles pretty
much every day once we starteddoing that.
So I think that also helped,because I know that a lot of
women it's hard when you don'thave them, you know, to get
something.
So the fact that I was able toget that was pretty great for me
so I think that helped a lothow was your postpartum like?

Angela (28:41):
kind of after you all got home, how was that looking
for you?

Rachel (28:45):
yeah it was.
It started out good, but then itjust really kind of declined
really quickly.
Like I think that just havingto be, I guess I would say, on
all the time like super positive, like, yeah, everything's going

(29:07):
to be fine.
And then you know, he gets homeand he was an amazing sleeper
in the hospital, but it was likethe minute we got him home he
was like no, I'm never going tosleep again.
So that was a hard transitionand at that point, like my
supply actually really startedto decline a lot and I was just
feeling really stressed and Ireally started getting really

(29:31):
heavy postpartum depression.
And it was very delayed.
But I think it's just because,like I said, like I felt like I
just had to be super, likestrong and like super mom the
whole time, like no, like Ican't give into this.
Like you know, I got to staystrong for him.
He's still in there.
And then, once we got him home,I think my body just felt safe

(29:52):
to be like oh no, like we can'tkeep this up anymore.
And it's not because I didn't,you know, like I think a lot of
women can say like my husbandwas so supportive, like he'd
never dealt with children at allbefore, but he learned really
quickly like how to bottle feedand like how to change a diaper
and like how to soothe him andand all that.
And so I was just kind of lip.

(30:16):
You know, I was just existingfor quite a bit.
Um, and I did seek therapy.
You know it took me a while butfinally, like between my doctor
and like my husband, you know II wanted to try a different
method besides medication.
Just for personal reasons, likeI've just had different effects

(30:36):
from other ones in my past, Iwas like I just don't really
want to do that unless I have to.
So, but I did seek therapy andthat was life changing and it
was super helpful.
But it did take a while and Ithink, just because you know it
didn't work out the way I wantedto, you know like it was

(30:57):
traumatic and it was all thesethings that I didn't expect and
like having to deal with it.
And then you know the constantlike follow-ups and worrying,
like is he doing okay?
Like you know, do I need to beworried about this?
You know, calling the doctorall the time like this is what's
happening, like I don't knowwhat to do, Um, just kind of
gets to you after a while.

(31:18):
So but yeah, it was.
It was definitely a journey, butI'm really thankful that I had
people that encouraged me tofind help, because I wasn't even
enjoying being a mom, which isnot like me.
Like I've worked with childrenlike many, many years of my life
and I'd always wanted to be amom and so, like the fact that I

(31:39):
like didn't enjoy it, it wassuper hard.
So I think this one, my husbandknew that something wasn't
right when I was like I justdon't enjoy it.
It was super hard.
So I think this one, my husbandknew that something wasn't
right when I was like I justdon't want to do this anymore,
you know.
And it was came to the pointwhere I even contemplated, like
in the middle of the night, likeif I just leave, like if I just

(31:59):
take the car and I just takemyself on a journey, like no
one's going to miss me, likehe'll be fine, um, that's really
when it was like a wake up call, like no, like you need to talk
to someone about what'shappening, um, so yeah, that was
kind of like basically thefirst year of my son's life
after having him was just kindof dealing with that and like
figuring out how to be a momthrough that type of stage, uh,

(32:24):
something I never been throughbefore.
And then, you know, after abouta year, like I started actually
feeling like more like myselfand like really enjoying
enjoying life and getting backinto it and started finding
enjoyment in being a mom whichis ironic because it only gets
harder after a year, I feel like, but you know, but yeah, we

(32:47):
made it through and I love himand he's four years old and
strong and has beaten everythingthat they've ever given him.
So very proud of him, yeah.

Angela (32:57):
Oh, that's amazing.
Yeah, postpartum can in somecases be really dark waters to
navigate, you know, and deep,deep dark waters and and yeah,
just finding your way throughand it's hard, you know, because
you obviously we all love ourkids and when you have those
feelings it just can be soconfusing and right, Cause

(33:20):
you're like it's not me, but Idon't know, but but it is.

Rachel (33:23):
You know, it's kind of like this weird, you know two
people at the same time, dualitything.

Angela (33:27):
But yeah, it's hard sometimes, for sure, yeah yeah,
integrating a hard birthexperience can can take time,
yeah, so when did you startthinking about your second?
Or how did you find out youwere pregnant for the second
time?

Rachel (34:04):
and 11 years older than me, and my husband's actually
the older of five and he and hissiblings are pretty, you know,
like three, two to three yearsspace in between each of them.
So, um, he grew up really closewith his siblings and I, you
know, I knew my siblings but,you know, when I was five, like,
my sister was in college and mybrother was just graduating,
you know, so I didn't reallyhave that kind of experience.

(34:27):
So I wanted that for mychildren personally.
Um, but, like you know, wedidn't plan for my son, so I had
no idea how it was gonna.
When he was oh, now I have todo some math when he was a year
and a half, yeah, about a yearand a half.

(34:51):
Well, I would say it wasFebruary of 2022.
So, yeah, he was a little morethan a year and a half.
We were like, okay, I feel likewe're ready to start because,
you know, we didn't know howlong it was going to take, but
if it happened, like right awayfor some reason, like we were
comfortable with the age gap,like that'd be fine and, you

(35:15):
know, just wanted to do it.
So it was like okay.
So that led into an 18 monthinfertility journey of like a
whole bunch of stuff.
Like I, you know, had to eat,like had to figure out like so
many tests with my naturopath,like what's happening with my
body, Like how do I deal withthis?
What do I need to take, what doI need to eat or not eat, you

(35:37):
know that kind of stuff.
Um, and then I went to I justfelt like I really need to do a
trip for myself.
I was like you know what, likeI need to do a girl's trip, and
so I went and visited a friendin Florida and in between my son
and our daughter I'd had threemiscarriages and the last one

(36:03):
was really hard because I foundout right around our wedding
anniversary and I was like, oh,now I have something to like
share with him and then, likethe next day like I ended up
losing the baby.
So I didn't actually reallytell my husband until a little
bit after because I was justlike so sad, you know, I was
like like man, like I thoughtthis is going to be a special

(36:23):
like thing.
So I was after that, I would sayI kind of lost interest in
trying.
We weren't really trying veryhard anymore, Cause I was like
this is just really hard.
If it doesn't happen, it's fine, Like I'm happy with our son,
but I just felt like I needed tohave a trip for myself to just
kind of free myself from thewhole like pressure of it all.

(36:48):
So, yeah, I went to see afriend and that was like is that
October?
Yeah, October, and I had notbeen feeling like myself and she
and I had been super close andshe'd just been close to me
during this journey and she waslike did you?
And I just happened to bring atravel bag that had some

(37:08):
leftover tests in it and we wereat this Airbnb and she's like
you know, you should just takeone.
She's like you've just done.
She's like you've just beenacting weird.
You said you've been feelingweird.
She's like just take one, and ifit's not, like whatever, we'll
go and like have a margaritas,or like have a, um, you know,
have a morning beverage orwhatever.

(37:29):
And I was like, yeah, sure, youknow a brunch.
I was like, okay, sure, and um,so I did, and I was shocked, to
say the least, that it was very, very positive.
Once again, I was like shut up.
I actually took two more than Ihad and I had to tell her she's
like, no, it's really positive.
I was like, oh my gosh, I can'tbelieve it.
And I was just sitting therelike no, that can't be true, you

(37:51):
know, cause it just been solong.
You know, I just didn't feellike it could be true.
Um, it was even so that Ididn't tell my husband at all
Cause I was going home that nextday.
I was like I want to tell myhusband at all because I was
going home that next day.
I was like I want to tell himlike in person, like I don't
want to tell him like over thephone, and so like I was still
in disbelief the next day thatwhen I got home, it was like 11

(38:20):
o'clock at night and I took apregnancy test just to make sure
, like a real one, like adigital one to make sure before
I told my husband and it waspositive and so I I told him we
were excited because he, youknow, he'd been feeling like sad
and you know I think peopledon't talk about how hard it is
on the guys too, you know,because he had some tests, like

(38:41):
it wasn't anything with him, itwas all on me.
But he also felt bad that likethere wasn't anything he could
do for me, you know.
So he was just really relievedand excited and uh, yeah, so it
was crazy to find out on agirl's trip.
I feel like other people have astory, but for you know, it was
a little different.
But, um, yeah, if my friendhadn't convinced me, I was just

(39:03):
planning on not taking one untilI was like throwing up,
basically.
So thank goodness she told meto take one, because otherwise
who knows how long it would havebeen before I realized.

Angela (39:13):
So oh my goodness.
So what were your thoughts inchoosing your care after you
found out?

Rachel (39:22):
Yeah, because it was a little different.
So I did.
You know, northern Light wasreally great with my son, you
know, obviously, like theyhelped save him and they were
really awesome.
But I really, after having himand going through that and then
like just really researchingmore, as we were actually
planning on having a baby, youknow, I felt like I could

(39:44):
actually prepare this time.
I just really looked into more.
Some people would say thecrunchy side, you know, the more
like less medical involved side.
Like that really appealed to me.
My naturopath's also a midwifeand doula but, like, because I
was high risk and I'm forevergoing to be called high risk,

(40:07):
she can't actually be a midwife,but she could be a doula.
So I was like, okay, I wouldreally like that this time.
I just really thought thatwould be really helpful to me to
have an extra support in there.
And then I just really wantedsomething in a little bit of a
smaller place with an OB thatwas a little more leaning

(40:29):
towards that that end as well.
So I ended up going to Mayo inDover for quite a few months.
However, like because of my PCOSand like having to go from very
active to like not active atall, and then having a baby, and
then like dealing withdepression and postpartum.
Like I was considered a littletoo overweight for them, so I

(40:52):
had to be very strict about likewhat I ate and what I did.
Like I could still exercise alittle bit, but it was a very,
very small window and I didpretty good a little bit, but it
was a very, very small windowand I did pretty good.
And then my thyroid medicationgot mixed, messed up, so that
actually did not help and theyactually had to send me to

(41:12):
Northern light once more.
But I ended up getting Dr Queryagain, so that felt good to me.
Yeah, I just really wanted toprioritize that like less
intervention, because I justreally was thinking, if
everything goes well, like Ijust want to have not very many
people involved, not very manythings involved, like I just

(41:34):
want to have as close to a homebirth as I can, but I had to do
it in a hospital, like Icouldn't have it in a different
clinic or not.
I couldn't have it in adifferent clinic or not.
So that was my goal going intomy second pregnancy was to try
and get that feeling as close aspossible, you know, as you can.
So that was kind of my, my goaland idea.

Angela (41:56):
Do you care to share how your naturopath is?
I know you said a lot of goodthings with her, about her in
the beginning too.

Rachel (42:02):
She's a midwife and doula too oh yeah, um, she, I
just she's not taking any newpatients because she's so busy,
but she's Dr Morgan Titus Rau.
She's from Baselboro I'm sureso many people have heard of her
by this point.
Um, she's really incredible.
Yeah, and she and even thoughshe and I didn't say this, like

(42:25):
when my son, like I literallyhad met her the day before I
found out I was pregnant andthen like didn't see her again
until after I'd had my son andwas like something is wrong, and
she was the one who was like Ithink you might be suffering
from postpartum depression and Iwas like, oh my gosh, so shout
out to her for just stickingwith me and like only knowing me
one time and then letting mereturn, come back and, um, yeah,

(42:51):
so she's, she's really great.

Angela (42:52):
So that's who she is, but look her up, she's, she's
really incredible so awesome andshe was able to support you
still in the hospital for thisbirth.

Rachel (43:03):
Yes, yes, thankfully, northern Light is really great
about doulas so she was able tocome in and be really great and
part of her doula package thatyou get is basically like you
can talk to her and message heranytime between when you have
her as your doula, to like evenafter you give birth, like I

(43:26):
would message her and like talkto her about things all the time
.
And like when I was trying toreally stay with Mayo and Dover,
she was really helpful intrying to curate like a good
diet that was healthy andbalanced but realistic.
You know, um, because I did endup having to have a circlage
given my daughter, but notbecause anything was happening,

(43:47):
but just because, like after youhave one, they do want to any
time after that, just as aprecautionary sort of thing.
Cause unfortunately withincommunicative cervix is like
there's not enough, even thoughother women suffer with it.
There's not enough data inbetween any women suffer with it
.
There's not enough data inbetween any of them to decide
how or when it will happen.

(44:09):
So you know she was able to helpme figure out like how I could
stay active, but that was stillsafe and good and would still
help prepare my body, but notlike put any stress on it.
So yeah, it was just reallyawesome.
And then you know, beingpregnant with a toddler, you
know that was also it's a wholedifferent ball game.
You know, like there's tiredpregnant and then there's tired

(44:33):
pregnant with a toddler, youknow, no nap, who doesn't take
naps anymore.
So that's like a wholedifferent thing.
So she was great in helpingwith that too.
So Great.

Angela (44:43):
So how are you feeling like overall throughout this
pregnancy?

Rachel (44:48):
I felt really great, honestly, like it was so
textbook, like nothing everhappened, like didn't ever show
any signs of incompetence or rexat all.
Like my daughter grew superwell, she was also quite a mover
and shaker like my son.
So again, I was very privilegedto not have to really worry
about the whole like kick countthing.

(45:10):
Like I could guarantee, um, youknow when she was going to do
that or whatever, um, so, yeah,it was just feeling really good
and it was nice to be able tolike still go on walks and, you
know, be with my son.
It was just hard during thispregnancy because with the

(45:30):
surquage, like you can't lift acertain amount.
So, like I wasn't able to likecarry my son the whole time, but
like we could sit together, youknow, and that that was a hard
transition for him, but but itit was just really nice and
peaceful.
But then, like in the back ofyour mind, you're always like
questioning every little thing,like, oh, is that pain?

(45:55):
Like something I need to beconcerned about?
Or is that just like ligamentpain?
Like oh, I don't feel goodtoday, like is, should I look
deeper into it?
Or is it just because, like I'mpregnant and that's what
happens, you know, um, so ifanyone else has been through
that journey maybe they canrelate.
But, like you know, it'sinteresting because when you're

(46:15):
surrounded by people and I'm notsaying this at all to like make
anyone feel bad or anything,but you know a lot of it is
butterflies and rainbows forpeople.
Their pregnancy, you know likeit's great.
They love being pregnant.
It's great.
I don't just because it's soanxiety ridden, because you just

(46:36):
don't.
You, I just realized, when myson is so unpredictable, you
know, I think that's what Ireally realized Like it's not a
guarantee thing, like onceyou're pregnant, like it is so
unpredictable and like alsoamazing but you just never know.
So there's always in the back ofyour mind like like this is
just so hard because like Idon't know what's going to

(46:57):
happen, like everything wasgoing well with him before, but
then it kind of took a hard turn, so like is that going to
happen again?
Um, but then, like you know, Ihave my son who is very like
he's very empathetic and likevery sensitive.
So you know he knew I washaving a surgery and why.
So he was also very concerned.

(47:18):
So having to like kind of playthat off for him and be like no,
it's fine, you know, we're inthe back of your mind, you're
like I hope it is, because howdo I explain to my son it
actually wasn't fine, you know?
Um, so yeah, it was happy.
But also, like my husband wouldsay the same thing, like you
just kind of are like are youdoing?

(47:38):
Okay?
Like every day we would have acheck-in of like how am I doing,
how am I feeling, should we beconcerned?
Is everything great?
So yeah, it's.
I feel like that sounds supernegative.
But I also want to be honest ifanyone else is going through
like the same thing, where youknow you just kind of have to
learn, where you can be happyand also like apprehensive at

(48:01):
the same time, based on justpast experiences.

Angela (48:04):
So yeah, I really appreciate you sharing that
perspective because, yeah,everybody goes through these
things differently.
So how were things looking likethose kind of last few weeks
and then days leading up to whenyour labor started?

Rachel (48:28):
your labor started, yeah .
So she was a huge tease.
So I had oh my gosh, what isthe word I have false labor
basically for like two weeksbefore I had her, and it was so
uncomfortable and I was like, ohmy gosh, um.
So I was able to make it fullterm with her, but you get the
sacrage removed at 36 weeks,just in case.
You know, she ended up, I endedup having her at 36 weeks, you

(48:49):
know.
So that happened and basicallyafter that I was like, okay,
anytime, like I'd never beenthat pregnant before and it was
like starting to get hot and Iwas like, oh my gosh, like let's
go, um.
And then false labor sort ofstarted.
So I'd have contractions on andoff, but they weren't bad, like
, and I was like, oh, really,but she was growing great, like

(49:10):
she was doing wonderful.
She was like head down, likeeverything was wonderful.
And then the weekend before shewas born, I was really having a
lot of frontal contractions andI was like, oh my gosh, like I
think this is like.
They were pretty consistent andI was like I think this is the
time and you know from pastexperience with my son, like,

(49:36):
because before they had stoppedmy labor.
Like they had and I didn't evenmention this before, but they
had mentioned how fast myprogression had been from like
going in at two to like all of asudden being seven, like it was
not, it was a very short window.
Um, even when they were tryingto like stall it like it was a

(49:57):
very short window.
So, you know, dr Morgie and Ihad had known that it was
probably going to be fairlyquick this time around, because
then, once they started me backinto labor, like again, it did
not take long for me to have him.
So I was like prepared like tohave him have her, like very
soon after I like had to go in.

(50:18):
So, yeah, we went in and calledDr Morgie and we're like, yeah,
like this is happening, and sheactually like bless her heart,
like she came all the way up tobangor and they got me in there
and I had never, you know, I'vebeen a few years since I had
been in there, so I didn't knowany of these nurses and there
was, like I it was near the endof the shift change I I will say

(50:42):
that.
So I would say the atmospherewasn't exactly very welcoming
because they were all tired andlike you know, like, oh my word,
this lady.
But like not really much ishappening because all of a
sudden, like it stalled and Iwas like what the heck?
Like I had waited a long timebefore coming in.
And once Dr Morgie got there,like we saw, and the nurse came

(51:04):
in and like my daughter was verylow and she just like went
floop like right back up and Iwas like OK, and then everything
just stopped and I was like Iguess you're not comfortable
being born today.
You know like, oh my word.
So you know, dr Mori gave mesome things to do and she'd been
really encouraging me to take abath and I just been so

(51:26):
resistant.
Can't tell you why.
I think it's just the pregnancyhormones.
Like no, I'm not gonna do it,like I don't have the energy to
do that after dealing with myson and bedtime and all these
things.
But it just kind of after that,like that was the Saturday,
sunday, oh my word, so tired.
I was like I'm just so donewith this.

(51:46):
And my husband was like whydon't you just do what she says?
And I'm like, because I justdon't understand how it's going
to make a difference.
I was like, yeah, maybe it'llmake me feel relaxed, but like,
obviously that's the answerRight, but I was just so.
I guess I cannot explain why.
But then that Monday, like itjust been so hard, like I'd had
contractions on and off, butthey were the same and they were

(52:09):
like very short, like nothing,and I had done everything Like
I'd been going on long walks, Ihad started drinking raspberry
tea, like a few days before.
You know, I had a couple ofdays like I was trying all the
things.
I was like we're going to getthis baby out of here, cause
also I'd had an appointment thatMonday morning.
Um, it was my second to lastone, and my last one was on my

(52:33):
due date and they were basicallylike, yeah, well, if you don't
have her by the time you come inon your due date, like we're
giving you a membrane sweep andI was like that's not what.
I want and they were basicallylike cause I and Dr Corey, I
would say, was a little bitpushier in this, but she's like
no, like you need to, and I waslike I don't think so.
So I was really, really tryingvery hard to get her to come

(52:58):
before that because I didn'twant to be induced, because I
remembered what the Pitocin waslike.
I was like no, no, no, like Idon't want that again.
And so I just surrendered and Iwas like what the heck?
Like my house is all clean,like I had gotten everything the
way that I had wanted it forwhen my daughter was born.
My son actually went to bedreally easily that night,

(53:20):
Blessings.
And I was like I am just goingto do it, like what the heck,
I'm just gonna take this stupidbath.
Like that's what I said outloud, like I'm just gonna take
this stupid bath and we're justgonna see what happens.
And it was the best math Ithink I've ever had.
Like I set up my little life.

(53:41):
It was so incredible.
I like had it just the perfecttemperature.
I had my little like snacksthat I like my little energy
snacks that I started eating tolike help encourage, like
lactation when the baby came andlike all this stuff, and I had
my electrolyte drink and I setup a little like screen so I

(54:03):
could like watch my show.
And, um, my husband does MMA,so he'd gone to the MMA gym that
night because I was like Idon't know how much longer
you're gonna be able to do thisfor this baby, so like, just go,
you know, and just go and comeback and I'll be fine.
It was, I was in that bath forlike two hours and he came home
and he's like, where are you?

(54:24):
And he's like, are you still inthe bath?
And I was like, yeah, becauseit's incredible.
And he was like, okay, um, andso we stayed up and just chatted
that night and we're like, youknow, we feel really good.
And he's like, if you do end uphaving to like have this thing,
he's like it's not the end ofthe world, like you can do it.
He's like you had our son andhe was just really great.

(54:44):
It's like you can do hardthings.
He's like you can do this again.
I was like, okay, you know,cause even though you've had a
baby before, it's still nervewracking.
You don't know what's going tohappen once labor starts.
You know it's all unpredictable, um, so I'd actually, for the
first time felt like so relaxedand like not stressed at all and

(55:07):
I was like this feels reallygood.
Um, woke up before thatfollowing morning back labor,
starting in, just like my sonhad, and I was like okay, and I
really felt it.
I was like okay, I feel likenow is the time.
But I didn't want to go in tooearly again Cause you know, the

(55:29):
hospital isn't necessarilyreally keen when you do that,
and I didn't want to be sentaway with my son.
You know that'd just be tooconfusing.
So, um, I was like you know,I'm going to try and get as much
sleep as I can.
You know, really hydrate.
And I had a little snack and Iwas like I'm just going to try
and get as much sleep as I can.
And I was like and when I can'tsleep anymore, that's when I

(55:51):
know that we need to go.
So I was able to doze on andoff until about like 630.
And it had been like off and onon, but it started really like
actually kicking in at like 6 30and I was like okay, like we're
gonna get up and I'm gonna takea shower, because I was like I

(56:12):
don't know when the next timeI'm gonna take a shower is, so
I'm gonna take a shower and washmy hair, like I was determined
that was gonna happen.
Um, and so I did that andbasically, like the alarm went
off for my husband and I wasstanding there and I was like
you got it, we got to go.
I was like you got to like callyour brother and I'm going to
call my parents because he'sgoing to watch him until my

(56:34):
parents get here.
But we have to go, like now.
And he was like like now.
And I was like like now, and Iwas like, yeah, like now.
So, yeah, that's kind of how itall was leading up to labor was
, once it started, it reallystarted in, but it was a slow.
I mean, she really preppedherself, that's for sure.
But yeah, when she was ready,she was like, yeah, let's go.

Angela (56:57):
So, oh, my gosh.

Rachel (57:04):
So how was it when you got to the hospital then?
This time, yeah, it was muchbetter, um, because I had called
ahead.
Well, it's funny, because I hadan ultrasound appointment that
morning and I called thehospital and they're like okay,
well, you just need to go to thethe women's health office,
because then you'll skipregistration, they'll just send
you right up.
I was like great, um calledthem right when they opened and,

(57:31):
uh, no one called me back.
So I'm like we should just goin.
But my husband convinced me weshould go to my ultrasound
appointment and I was like okay.
So the ultrasound tech sweetestwoman was like, oh gosh, she's
like, yeah, you're really havingthis baby.
And I was like, I know, but noone is like calling me back to
like get me up into labor anddelivery.
Um, so she called them and Ispent 30 minutes in the office

(57:53):
in labor because they were likemessing with the computer and I
was trying not to be like I.
I was, you know, trying to notmake a scene, but I was so
uncomfortable.
And my husband, finally, waslike she's going to sit down and
wait and you need to someonesend someone like right now.
He's like she's actually likehaving this baby and I'm like my
word Okay, and so I get back.

(58:15):
They insisted that I have an NSTyou know the stress test and I
was like I and I knew that I wasin transition because I felt
the same way I had with my sonand I was like I told Bill, I
was like my husband, I was likeI'm going to throw up all over
this office because I just I waslike I need to get to a room.

(58:35):
I was like I do not want tohave this baby in this little
office hooked up to thesemonitors.
Like I want to be in a laborand delivery room.
So, and my daughter wasn'thaving it anyway, she was not
staying.
Still, she's like I'm ready.
And they were gettingfrustrated.
And finally he was like can wejust have the OB?
Like I just need the OB to comein and be like, yeah, you need
to go.

(58:55):
So the OB came in and she'slike, okay, I'm here to check
you.
And like she looked and likedidn't even really do anything.
She's like, yeah, you're atlike probably seven centimeters.
And I was like I know, and I gotup, my water broke like all
over their little testing placeand I was like I'm so sorry.
And she's like, oh no, you needto go.

(59:17):
And she got me up there so fast.
Um, and so, on the way up, myhusband's calling our doula and
he's like yeah, cause I had beentexting her.
And she's like, no, like I'lljust wait till like you're
pretty close.
She's like because we want tosee what the hospital will do.
So we called her Dr Murray.
And he's like yeah, it's time.
And she's like, oh, my gosh,I'm actually seeing another

(59:38):
patient.
But like I'll end it superquick and get to you, but it's
going to be about an hour.
And I was like I don't know ifI have an hour.
Um, cause it was reallyprogressing like really fast.
And the day nurse was like wow,you're like really going.
I was like I know, um, but myhusband was so great, like we

(59:58):
had curated a playlist and likehe just sent me down.
We had taken some snacks andelectrolytes in our bags, so he
was like making sure that I likegot some things.
Um, he set the playlist goingand he's and I had told him like
I want to, I need to movearound, like that's what I want.
I was like and you need to helpme do that, cause I'm probably

(01:00:19):
not going to want to.
And he was like starting to belike you really need to move
around and I was like, yeah, butI don't want to have this baby
before Dr Morgan gets here, likeI want her to be here.
I was determined and around 11,she came and I was really really
in it and she's like okay, wasreally really in it and she's

(01:00:44):
like okay, and you know they,the hospital was great, like I
didn't have any hookups.
They had put an IV port in incase they needed to hook me up,
but I wasn't hooked up toanything.
I didn't have to have anymonitors on my belly, like I was
free range, you know, becauseeverything was great.
And she's like well, when didyou go to the bathroom?
She's like have you peed lately?
And I was like, oh my gosh, notsince, like so long ago.
And she's like, well, she'slike, well, when did you go to
the bathroom?
She's like have you peed lately?
And I was like, oh my gosh, notsince, like so long ago.
And she's like well, she's likeI think you really need to.

(01:01:06):
And then you know, then we'llwalk around.
From there she goes becausethis might be holding things up.
And I was like, oh, okay, so wego.
And as soon as I had peed, likewow, I felt the urge and I was
like I am, I was like I'm notdoing anything, but this baby is

(01:01:27):
coming.
And she's like, oh my gosh.
So you know my husband again indisbelief, I think, just the
shock of it happening.
And he's like what?
And she's like you need to callthe nurses because she's not
having a baby on a toilet.
And he's like, okay, and she'slike you need to call the nurses
because she's not having a babyon a toilet.
And he's like, okay, so he runsout and does that, she gets me
back to the bed.
And we get there.

(01:01:47):
And they came in and theychecked and they're like she's
only eight.
And I was like I don't.
And they're like you need tostop pushing.
And I was like I.
It was like you know, my bodywas doing it on its own.
I was like you know, my bodywas doing it on its own.
I was like I am not doinganything, like there is no
stopping this.
And they were starting to likemake me panic a little bit,
cause they're like you can'thave this baby right now, like

(01:02:10):
you're only eight centimetersdilated, like that's not good
and that's.
I'm super thankful that I mybody was able to wait until Dr
Morgan got there, because shewas like it's okay, like just
don't worry about them, and sheactually took a cold washcloth
and like put it over my eyesBecause somehow she had me on

(01:02:31):
the bed to like open up my hipsa little bit more to really
encourage.
And she was like you're goingto just be here and your husband
is going to do the.
You know he has this foreheadrub that I was really like it
was making me feel like lessstress.
She's like you're going to dothat and you're just going to
not, you're not going to focuson anything but yourself and
what your body is doing.

(01:02:52):
And she's like and I'm going todeal with everybody else.
She's like you don't need toworry about it.
She's like no matter how manypeople come in here, if you need
to be worried about something,I will tell you.
She's like, but until then,like you, just you, you do what
you need to do.
She's like it's going to beokay.
She's like it doesn't matterwhat they say, like your baby
will be fine and it'll be fine.
I was like okay, and so like Iwas really able to just like

(01:03:17):
surrender, and all of a sudden Ijust remember, like two minutes
later, her being like we need adoctor, like right now she's
like because the baby is hereand I can't catch it, you know.
And so I just remember likebeing there and like all of a
sudden, just like you know,having your body just doing it
on its own and then feeling thering of fire and being like your

(01:03:41):
body just do it on its own andthen feeling the ring of fire
and being like, oh, my word,like I'm so close.
And then she just came right outin like 12 minutes, like it was
12 minutes of the whole pushingprocess and she had been born.
And I was like wow, like talkabout totally different from my
son, cause with my I had donelike actual like pushing myself,

(01:04:02):
like you know I had to, butlike um, yeah, that was crazy
how fast it was.
And like I cannot even get overit to this day.
And like she, you know, hadcome out so fast that she hadn't
been able to have a lot of thefluid pushed out of her lungs,
so like she didn't cry rightaway.
So that was a little like, ohmy word.

(01:04:25):
But then when she started shewas, she was great.
So, yeah, it was a little fastand furious there for that one.

Angela (01:04:33):
So oh, my goodness, so was it?
Was there like calm wheneverybody came into the room as
your baby like was emerging, orwas it Well?

Rachel (01:04:42):
so what's hilarious is my cousin, northern Light.
They have this policy where ifno one's actually like if a baby
is not actually being pushedout, I guess they have to go see
other patients.
So, like all of those peoplehad gone to the other side of
the women's building, to theother side of the women's

(01:05:04):
building.
So when they came in it was theOB on on that day, plus like
four other intern doctors andlike three other nurses, so
there was like a whole group ofpeople that like came in.
So I just remember like hearinga flurry, cause the whole time,
like I had this washcloth on methe whole time, like not seeing
anything, um, but I justremember hearing like a flurry
of feet coming in and the OBbeing like, wow, there's a baby

(01:05:24):
there, you know, like, oh, look,there's a head of a baby.
So, yeah, not super calm, but,like you know, once the nurse
told her what was happening, shewas like oh, yeah, well, we'll
just sit here and wait, you know, until you know it happens.
And then I felt like then Ifeel like the other people kind
of like calm down, you couldfeel the energy kind of like oh,

(01:05:45):
okay, we're okay, you know.
So, yeah, it was.
It was pretty funny and I'mglad I had the washcloth because
I think if I didn't I wouldhave been overwhelmed, because
when I came off and I saw thepeople I was like, oh my word, I
didn't know so many people hadshown up.

Angela (01:06:06):
So yeah, I was like, oh, my word, I didn't know so many
people had shown up, so yeah, Iwas just pretty funny and
different.

Rachel (01:06:10):
But so how was your like immediate postpartum?
Yeah, that was.
That was even different than myson.
So after I had like given birthto my daughter, like she
actually like started latchinglike herself, like she was ready
and like that was prettyincredible and like I'd actually
started producing colostrumearly, like I hadn't done that

(01:06:30):
with my son.
So I was feeling good aboutthat, so I was nursing her and
just kind of you know, in thiseuphoric bliss, and the OB was
like, hey, where are thesecontractions Like you haven't
had the placenta yet.
And I was like, hey, where arethese contractions Like you
haven't had the placenta yet.
And I was like, oh, my word,there's still more.
But I had actually like my bodyand just full stop, they're
like, yeah, we're done.
So I was like, oh no.

(01:06:52):
So I had to actually push outthe placenta, which then led to
a lot of hemorrhaging, um, quitea bit.
And so they gave me a littlebit of Pitocin to try and
encourage some contractions,like stop that.
That didn't work at all.
Nothing happened.
So not long after that theytried a suppository, but that

(01:07:15):
didn't help at all and it waskind of coming to where, like I
was starting to feel a littleweak and like I knew that I had
lost a lot of fluid and blood.
And so they.
Then the OB was like, ok, I'mgoing to have to go and do this
myself.
And so she had to.
I don't know, I can't rememberthe procedures called, but she

(01:07:36):
had to go and, like, geteverything herself, and that, I
would say, is way worse thanactually having a baby.
I was.
It was not fun at all, but thatdid work, thankfully.
So I was in the labor anddelivery room for quite a long
time this time and because mydaughter had been born so fast,

(01:07:59):
I was very swollen.
I had her naturally again, likemy son.
So I had no catheter oranything to worry about.
But I had to go.
You know, I had to get up inhis bathroom before they could
move me and I was like, oh mygosh, like I don't know.
So that took a long time, butthen I was finally moved and it

(01:08:21):
was just other than that.
It was great.
You know, I did have to havequite a lot of frequent checks
because of the bleeding, um, butI didn't end up having to have
like any blood transfusions oranything Like, thankfully, it
started like not being as muchas the day progressed, so, um,
so that was good and like just,I don't know, it was just so

(01:08:45):
incredibly different Like tohave your baby stay with you,
because obviously I neverexperienced that before.
So like holding her when wewent to the room and like her
still being there and then likehaving her overnight, it was
like whoa, like this is crazy,but it was really good and, yeah

(01:09:07):
, it was just really reallygreat.
It was just a really, I think,healing experience from you know
, from when I had my son, um, sothat that was really nice for
me to like have that, I think soso how was your postpartum once
you guys all got home, and howare things looking over those

(01:09:29):
next like few months?
yeah, it was really great, um,so we actually had my son come
in and meet her like the dayafter she was born.
My parents brought him in andhe thought she was a cute little
baby doll and I was like no,she's real, she's going to come
home with us.
Um, and we actually had set itup so that when we, the first

(01:09:52):
day we were home, my son wasgoing to still be with my
parents, because we we reallywanted to have one night because
, you know, we knew from likeother people's experience, like
the first night home with yournew newborn was always the
hardest.
So I was like, okay, I wouldreally prefer that our son is in

(01:10:14):
home, because then he'll youknow, we'll kind of get used to
how she sleeps a little bit.
We'll get through that hardpart.
You know, we'll kind of getused to how she sleeps a little
bit.
We'll get through that hardpart.
My milk will come in, hopefullyand, like you know, we'll do
all that.
So that was good.
But then, like my milk didn'tcome in for quite a long time
actually, even though, like Ifelt like we were just nursing
like around the clock, like, oh,all the time, like every 10

(01:10:37):
minutes.
I felt like we were nursing andso, um, so my son came back and
we took her to her todayappointment.
But she lost a lot of weightand so I found Dr Mori got me in
contact with people to like getsome milk, some breast milk,

(01:10:57):
from other moms while we waited,and we did that and then my
milk did end up coming in, butthen as it progressed, like I
was producing quite a bit butshe didn't seem to be really
getting as much when she nursed,but, like when I would pump, I
would still have a lot left over.
Um, so that was a little tricky, like I was able to keep up and

(01:11:22):
like she would have, you knownurse, and then she would have a
bottle from like what I hadpumped, like before.
Um, and I was just like I don'tunderstand, cause, like her
latch was super good in thehospital, like I talked with
some consultants and I was likeI don't know what's happening,
like is it my supply is notenough, but like I feel like it
is because she doesn't drinkthat much after.

(01:11:42):
So come to find out like shehas a lip tie.
But by the time that I reallyfigured out what was happening,
we had made the decision to dolike half nursing, half formula.
But then I was like, oh, but Iwas still like producing a lot,
like I feel like I was producingenough milk where she was able
to latch like it would have beenenough because I was still

(01:12:04):
pumping.
So like she really didn't haveformula a lot, it was just like
if I didn't pump quite enough,like the day before or whatever
you know, because somethinghappened or I didn't drink
enough, or whatever.
But her pediatrician didn't wantto deal with the lip tie, which
was a little disappointing, andby that time she was probably

(01:12:25):
like three months old and atthat time we're like, is it
really?
Is it really worth it?
Like how worth it is it to me?
Like she was growing reallywell and like we, we were fine
with formula because, like myson had to have a special
formula anyway.
So like I didn't have anyadverse thoughts about it.
So I was like I just reallywish that, like people would

(01:12:46):
want to do something about it,but like because it was
different than like a tongue tie, and I feel like other people
were like, oh well, she hasother options.
It just didn't kind of feelvery important to them.
And at that point my husbandwas like I don't really want to
have her go through that, youknow, which I understand.
So I was like that's fine.
So that was a little hard,because I just kind of felt like

(01:13:08):
it was hard in the sense that Ifelt like maybe I should have
pushed a little bit more.
But it was also like relievingto know that like, because I
feel like when you nurse you puta lot of pressure on yourself
Like oh my gosh, like I'm such afailure.
But to know that like it wasn'tnecessarily my fault, which is
fine, it's not anyone's fault,you know.
But it's those postpartum likefeels of like no, this is, this

(01:13:32):
is the end or be all, you know,whatever.
But I made it to six monthsnursing with her, and I'd only
been able to make it just barelythree with my son before I had
to stop.
And then at six months sheended up getting a little cold
and like the lip tie was reallymaking it very difficult for her
to latch, and you know it'salso hard for them when they're

(01:13:56):
sick anyway to nurse.
So she had a couple of dayswhere she wasn't able to
actually like nurse.
She was just getting milk frombottles and so when she was
finally able to nurse she waslike no, I don't want that
anymore, like I just want thebottle, thank you.
And I was like oh, okay, like,and I did pump for about two a

(01:14:18):
little bit after and then I justwas like you know, I feel like
I'm okay if we transition, causeit was really starting to get
to me and I could feel that if Ikind of kept going in that way,
I probably would kind of goback into like some postpartum
depression and at that point Ihadn't had anything like that.
Like it was great Even with thetransition of two kids, like
which is not for the faint ofheart, like which is not for the

(01:14:39):
faint of heart, like it is hardat the beginning.
But so I was like you know, Ithink for my mental health and
for you know, it was upsettingmy daughter because she didn't
want it and she would just getvery angry when I tried to
introduce it again.
I was like I'm okay with justending it here, and after that I

(01:15:02):
feel like it kind of opened itup a little bit more for our
bond, because then she reallystarted actually really bonding
with my husband a little bitmore than she had been, um,
which was great for him andcause he was kind of feeling
like she didn't like him at alland I was like no, like you're
just not her food store, youknow, she's a baby, like she

(01:15:22):
just wants the food, you know,um.
So yeah, it was, it was greatand um, she'd been a good
sleeper, so the opposite of myson, so like she was still
sleeping super well and nappingsuper well.
So yeah, it was just, it was anopposite experience.
It was really good at the sametime.

Angela (01:15:44):
So, oh, that's awesome, yeah.
So as a final question, if youwere to give advice to someone
who's expecting, or even newparents, what's the biggest
thing that you'd want to share?

Rachel (01:16:02):
parents.
What's the biggest thing thatyou'd want to share?
Oh, my goodness, the hardestquestion for last.
I think there's so many things.
I think, if you're expectingjust I know that I did talk
about like how I did have someanxiety and apprehension, but
like, just really trust yourbody and like your intuition,
because that was the biggestthing that I really loved about
Mayo was that they were so likethey didn't really do many

(01:16:29):
checks on me.
They were like you, you'll knowwhen it's wrong.
Like they really helped metrust my body again and like
that I knew what it was doingand that my intuition was good,
you know, because I kind of feltlike that was damaged a little
bit from my experience with myson.
So I would just definitely say,like just relax and like trust

(01:16:49):
your body, like so many otherpeople have done it before, like
your body can do it.
And trust, you know, in yourintuition.
Like, if you you're not abother bother.
Like even if you feel likeyou're going to bother someone
because you're asking all thesequestions, or like doing all
this research, like it's okay,like just do it.
Because I haven't evenmentioned how many phone calls I

(01:17:11):
made to the OB office or, likeI said, I talked to Dr Morey all
the time.
So you know, you'd sometimesjust have to do that and I would
say for new parents, I thinkit's more in like the
relationship with your partneris that don't ever believe what

(01:17:33):
you say to each other in themiddle of the night when you're
tired, because it is not true90% of the time.
I would even say 95% of the time, because it's just, especially
if you're a first time parent.
You know you don't know whatyou're doing and you're probably
going to get frustrated andyou're tired and like that's

(01:17:55):
normal.
But just be really good athaving communication with your
partner and you know tellingthem like you know I had to tell
my husband like I need you tofeed her, like in the middle of
the night, because I can't nurseand pump and sleep at the same
time.
You know.
So like have thoseconversations of like what you

(01:18:18):
need and figure out how to makeit work, because I feel like
that is, I feel like if theparents, if you as the parents,
aren't getting what you need,then it's hard to take care of
your baby.
So that's what I would say.

Angela (01:18:36):
Yeah, that is really important.
I totally agree with that.
Yeah, well, thank you so much,rachel, for taking the time to
chat with me today and to shareyour story, of course, Thank you
, this was wonderful.

Rachel (01:18:52):
Thanks so much for having me on.
I really appreciate it.

Angela (01:18:56):
Before you go, I just want to remind you I have a ton
of resources for pregnancy andbirth.
If you're pregnant, whetheryou're a first time mom or if
this is your fifth baby, I wantyou to check out the show notes,
because I have some freetrainings and free downloads
that you can sign up for, aswell as the link to access my
labor of love, a comprehensive,self-paced online childbirth

(01:19:19):
education course.
I created this coursespecifically for moms who don't
want to be told what to do,regardless of where you're
birthing or who you're birthingwith, and I'd honestly love to
teach you everything that I knowso that you can prepare for an
autonomous birth experience andprepare to step into your role
as the leader of your birthjourney.

(01:19:39):
So click to the show notes,check out all of those links and
, if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my main
birth over on Instagram.