October 30, 2025 • 56 mins
Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth? You’re in the right place!
In this episode, we discuss:
- Mercy Hospital Birth Story
- The mind games and manipulation around the term "hospital policy"... spoiler - its not the law, and you can always just say "No" if you want to
- Midwifery care and doula support
- The dangers of disturbing the natural altered brainwave states of birth
- The challenges associated with pushing against the tide and the dangers of disturbing the natural physiology of the birth process, Kia's experience with a vaccum assisted birth
- ….and a whole lot more!
Additional Resources you’ll LOVE…
If you are ready to prepare for an autonomous birth experience, where you’re respected as the authority over your body and your baby… regardless of where you plan on birthing - check out my comprehensive child birth education course MyAutonomous Birth
Not sure where to start? I’ve got you covered! Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider. Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kia (00:00):
So my midwife at that point was like, okay, let me check
you.
Like, you know, you gotta sitback.
And sitting back felt awful.
But I sat back and I was onlyan eight.
So she at that point suggestedthat when I feel an urge to
push, you can push slightly withit to see if that will help you
(00:20):
dilate.
And so I did that.
And looking back, I really wishI hadn't.
Because I started doing thatand felt like, okay, like, you
know, there's somethingproductive happening with this.
And I started getting reallynauseous too.
I started vomiting.
So then they're like, oh, good,like transition.
(00:42):
Yay, it's happening.
And so they're trying to likehype me up.
But it was um, it was sointense, and obviously my body
wasn't quite ready.
So after about an hour in thetub, got out of the tub, started
doing different um maneuversback on the birth stool, over
(01:03):
the bed.
They gave me about three morehours of just trying to work
through it and work with mybody.
And they checked me againaround um, this was probably
like 5 p.m., 5 30, I think.
And I was still at an eight.
So I hadn't progressed at all.
And at that point, you startgetting like the feeling of
(01:26):
defeat, like uh-oh.
Like what's happening now?
Because I'm working so hard andnothing's happening.
Angela (01:34):
Um at that time about a cervical lip or any sort of
swelling?
Kia (01:39):
Not at that time, no.
Um, she she did mention,actually, she did mention there
was a tiny, tiny little curl,cervical lip curl.
She was like, it's it shouldn'tbe an issue though.
Like your bot, you know, sheshe didn't seem concerned about
that.
So yes, yeah, that wasmentioned.
Um, but it wasn't anything thatthey interfered with or
(02:01):
anything.
Um, they just felt, okay, youjust need a little more time.
But then around that point,they started because they had
just been doing the Doppler, butthey wanted me to get on the
bed to monitor baby for about 30minutes through a few
contractions just to see how shewas doing.
And during that time, we wouldsee that every time I had a
(02:22):
contraction and I was, you know,trying to work with it.
Um, I wasn't, you know,obviously actively pushing, but
I was kind of trying to workwith my body and do a little bit
of bearing down.
Um, she was deselling everytime I did that.
So at that point, the midwifesaid, actually don't do that.
(02:42):
Like, try not to push, try notto um uh overexert yourself
through these, like just breathethrough them.
But I had been doing this forso long now that I it was such a
it was so hard to get out ofthat mindset.
And so I was now working reallyagainst my body at that point,
and it felt 10 times worse, somuch worse for me.
Angela (03:07):
Um, so that was also then you're getting into your
thinking brain, you're thinkingabout all of these things, and
that brings you out of thesedeeper brainwave states that you
need to be in to allow it tofirst of all not be super
painful and to like, and thensecond, allow things to
progress, like right?
Kia (03:23):
Yes, yes, exactly.
When I had to start thinkingabout what I was doing, it was
yeah, it was bringing in so muchof that intense pain and
confusion and just like, do Ieven know what I'm doing?
Like, does my body know whatit's doing?
And which I hadn't had before.
And so that got really intense.
It was an hour of me trying towork now against my body at the
(03:48):
advice of my doctor to try tohelp my baby, who apparently
was, you know, having troublewith it.
So it was a whole thing.
So um, an hour goes by, and mydoula at that time, you know,
just kind of said, Kia, you'reyou're working so hard, you've
been working so hard.
Have you thought about anepidural?
(04:08):
Is that anything you would everconsider just to help you out?
Because you're so tired.
I'm like, Yes, I'm so tired.
So at that point, I had nothingleft to give.
Um, and it was it was sad inthe moment for me.
I because again, my thinkingbrain was turned on completely
(04:28):
during all of this.
So, like, maybe just havingsomeone say, No, you've got
this, you can do it.
And like helped, right?
Like, it might, it totallymight have helped.
And like, it's and my poorhusband was like, Are you sure?
I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker (04:45):
I don't know what's sure anymore.
Angela (04:48):
I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer,
experienced doula, childbirtheducator, and your host here on
the My Main Birth podcast.
This is a space where we sharethe real life stories of
families and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine.
From our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
(05:08):
and home births, every birthstory deserves to be heard and
celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-bemom, a seasoned mother, or
simply interested in the worldof birth, these episodes are for
you.
Welcome back.
You're listening to episode 133of My Main Birth.
(05:29):
It's been a little bit sincethe last episode.
I've spent the last monthtaking a little break from being
on call.
I've been doing so much hiking,and October is also when I
offered the most session daysfor my amazing podcast guests.
And this year did notdisappoint.
I had so much fun meetingeveryone and capturing your
(05:54):
family portraits.
I absolutely love getting outand meeting so many of you that
have shared your stories on thepodcast.
And if you don't know what I'mtalking about, I offer a gift
certificate for a familyadventure photo session to
everyone who shares their storyon the podcast.
It covers the session feecompletely and includes five of
(06:17):
your favorite digital imagesfrom the session.
You can upgrade to the fullgallery if you'd like to, but
also there's absolutely nopressure to do so.
You can just pick your fivefavorite images after this
session, and that's that.
I offer these in the spring,summer, and fall at iconic
locations across Maine, and theyare so much fun.
(06:38):
But now, as I shift back intobeing on call and spending more
time in my office again, I'mputting together some really
incredible episodes to close outseason three of the podcast
over the next month or so.
On this podcast, the seasonscoincide with each year.
I started in 2023 with seasonone, and I cannot believe I'm
(07:00):
already thinking about seasonfour coming in 2026.
So if you'd like to join thecommunity of main mom sharing
birth stories on the podcast,you can fill out the form over
on my website, mymainbirth.com.
Or you can always send me amessage over on Instagram at my
mainbirth.
Alright, today's birth storyguest is Kia, and she is here to
(07:26):
share all about her birth atMercy Hospital in Portland.
Hi, Kia.
Welcome to MyMainBirth.
Oh my gosh, I'm excited to behere.
Thank you.
Awesome.
Well, to get started, would youshare a little bit about you
and your family?
Kia (07:45):
Yeah, so I'm Kia, and my husband Brad and I live in South
Portland with oureight-month-old.
She's almost nine months.
Um, and we just have a reallynice life with our little dog
and our little family, and andthat's us, and we love it.
Angela (08:04):
Amazing.
Now, jumping into your birthstories, would you start by
sharing like how you found outyou were pregnant and what your
thoughts were in choosing yourcare?
Kia (08:15):
Yeah, so when I found out I was pregnant, we were not
trying, not preventing.
Um, we just kind of decided thetiming felt right for us to let
it be fate if we got pregnant.
And very shortly after makingthat decision, we found out we
were pregnant.
We were actually going to go toa dinner with some family and
(08:39):
knew that um, you know, I wouldtypically enjoy a glass of wine
if we were gonna be with them.
But I just had this weirdfeeling that I should test.
And I took the test and withinlike 30 seconds it lit up like a
Christmas tree.
So it was it was pregnant.
Um, so that was really excitingfor us.
But then we went to dinner andlike held this big secret the
(09:00):
whole time and it was justreally difficult.
Um, but we decided not to tellright away.
Um, I had always kind of hadthis weird feeling that it was
going to be hard for us to be toget pregnant.
I don't, I had had like ovariancysts in the past and some
family history.
So for some reason, I just Icouldn't believe it at first,
(09:20):
but it was definitely positive.
And um, yeah, we were just ableto hold on to that little
secret for a bit.
Angela (09:27):
Oh my gosh, what a special secret.
It was, it was so now what wereyour like opinions on birth
leading up to your pregnancy?
Kia (09:38):
Yeah, honestly, I really felt like I wanted as holistic
of a care throughout pregnancyas I could.
Um, I've never really been onethat goes too deep into like
medicine.
Like if I'm sick, I don't jumpto go take Tylenol, like that
kind of thing.
So I really wanted a combo careof holistic care as well as I
(10:02):
was nervous just having thatpreconceived kind of feeling
about not sure if the pregnancywould go well for whatever
reason.
It was just a weird feeling Ihad.
So I um we decided to go withMercy Midwives.
It felt like a good combinationbetween hospital care as well
as a little bit more of ahands-off approach.
So we we started right up withthem and I think I called them
(10:25):
like the week after I found outand and established care.
Angela (10:29):
Awesome.
So how was that looking likewhen you first started the
appointments with them?
Kia (10:35):
Yeah, yeah, it was it was going really well.
I loved them.
Um, they were all I startedlike with one appointment, and
then they said, you know, wewant you to meet all the
midwives.
So we kind of scheduled likeall the different midwives
throughout my pregnancy, whichwas awesome.
Um, I went in for that firstvisit, and they thought I was
(10:57):
around eight weeks, but wecouldn't quite get a heartbeat
right away.
So there was a little bit ofthat concern.
So they had me come back um, Ithink like a week later and do a
follow-up ultrasound.
And then we got the littleheartbeat.
So that was like big relief.
Um, but yeah, going into likediscussions around birth with
them and everything, it startedright from the jump, kind of
(11:18):
like, what do you envision?
And I really appreciated that,just them being so um, you know,
wanting to hear my story andand what I really wanted out of
this birth.
Um, so that was great.
And yeah, maintained care withthem throughout the whole
pregnancy.
Um, there were a few timesthroughout the pregnancy where I
(11:39):
just felt like lower movementsand things.
So I would call and immediatelythey would say, you know, just
come in, better safe than sorry.
So I'd do some fetalmonitoring, which was really
good because in that moment youfeel so like, you know, you you
have this sense that somethingcould be wrong.
So you get nervous about it,but then you feel so silly
calling because it's like,should I really be nervous about
(12:00):
this?
I don't know.
And um, they just really mademe feel like reassured that it's
always best to, you know, trustyour gut and do what you feel
is best in that moment.
So um, yeah, I reallyappreciated their care,
especially in the first like 20or so weeks where you're just so
nervous and it's all so new.
Angela (12:19):
Yeah, definitely.
So when you were talking tothem and they were asking you
like what your preferences were,what were they?
Like, what were your goals foryour birth?
Kia (12:30):
Yeah, so my goal, I had taken a birth class through um
birth roots.
So this was a little bit laterin the pregnancy, but we um took
the birth class.
But throughout the pregnancy, Iwas also listening to podcasts.
So I listened to your podcastand some other birth podcasts
just to kind of get an idea oflike what do I really want?
Because you kind of asked thisearlier, but growing up, I
(12:53):
really didn't know as a youngadult if I wanted children or
not.
So I hadn't really, you know,done too much research myself
going up to this point, and thenall of a sudden we're pregnant,
and I'm like, okay, I I reallywant to like take time to to
figure this out for myself andknow what's going to make me
feel a little bit in control.
Although, of course, birth, youknow, you have to be prepared
(13:16):
for anything.
Um, or you you can't reallyhave control over it.
Um, but yeah, just like havinga little bit of a feeling of
knowing what to expect or whatcould happen was really
important to me.
So um my preferences with Mercywas or Northern Light was
really like I would love to beable to go in when I wanted, um,
(13:38):
take my time coming in once I'mthere.
I really didn't want to do anepidural if I could help it.
Um, but I'll get into thatstory when we get there.
But yeah, my I was hoping forlow intervention.
Um I had some um knowledgeabout like nitrous oxide and
things like that.
So I was open to that if Ineeded it.
(14:00):
But I I really kind of gavethem a printout of a birth plan
that like had it was like a umtemplate from online.
So it just said, you know, yesor no to certain things.
And I kind of filled that outand um I handed it to them and
they put it in my file, whichwas also really great to be able
to just send that away so thatwe didn't forget about it when
(14:21):
we got there.
It was already in the file.
Um, so yeah, my hope was areally low intervention birth.
I also had a doula, um, so shewas gonna be there with me.
So I felt like I had a reallygood support system between the
midwives, the doula, and myhusband.
Um, and so that was that was mygoal going into it was just be
(14:42):
open to anything, but really asas much as I could let my body
do it, I was gonna try to let mybody do it.
Angela (14:48):
Yeah.
So how were you feelingthroughout your pregnancy?
Like all appointments aside,like how were you like
physically, emotionally?
I felt so good.
Kia (14:58):
Like I I really loved being pregnant.
Um, we didn't know what we werehaving, uh boy or a girl.
So that was really exciting tojust always kind of get these
dreams and get these feelingsaround what they could be.
Um, so that was really cool.
I felt great.
I had those couple of momentsof low fetal movement, so I did
(15:19):
go and get checked out.
Um, but at 30 weeks, I actuallyended up going to Spain with my
family.
We went overseas for a wedding.
It was wonderful.
Um, that's right around thetime when I started getting some
swelling.
So I had kind of the normalfoot swelling and had to manage
that, kick my feet up when Icould.
(15:40):
Um, I also started getting somecramping, like in my legs.
I ended up taking magnesium forthat, and that helped a lot.
Um, it also helped with mymigraines.
I had a few migraines, and theysay after I think it's 20
weeks, they they really don'twant you to be taking any
accedrin, which is how I wouldtypically manage at home.
So um the the magnesium reallyseemed to help with that, which
(16:02):
was awesome.
Didn't get them as often.
Um, and then besides that, theonly other kind of complication
in pregnancy was she was umbreach presentation on and off.
So constantly flipping around.
Um towards the end of mypregnancy at 35 weeks, she was
breach.
So I went to um get someacupuncture done, and I was also
(16:27):
seeing my chiropractor twice aweek, and we were doing like the
Moxa stick and a bunch of youknow, the miles circuit, like
trying to turn her.
And uh finally at 37 weeks, shedid flip right before I was
trying to make that decision umof how to proceed with that,
because that was really gonnajust blow up my whole thoughts
(16:49):
and feelings around the birth,obviously.
If we were gonna have to makeany decisions around trying to
turn her, or obviously C-sectionwould be the other option in a
hospital setting.
So that was that was astressful time.
Uh, but she did flip, and thatwas beautiful.
I was so thankful.
Angela (17:07):
Oh my goodness, yeah, that's that's difficult.
So 35 weeks she was breached,37 weeks she had flipped.
How was the time period inbetween there with like your
appointments, like theconversations that were
happening and yeah, like goingfor a little bit of a roller
coaster around that time, too?
Kia (17:26):
Yeah, I was doing weekly appointments, so 35 weeks uh she
was breached, and then wescheduled our 36-week check.
And in that one week period, Iwas going to the chiropractor um
twice a week and I gotacupuncture twice that week.
We went at 36 weeks, she wasstill breach.
So at that point, we starteddiscussing, like, okay, we'll
(17:50):
give it one more week, and thenwe have to decide do you want to
do um the oh my goodness, I'mblinking on the name the E the
ECB where they turn the baby,yeah.
Angela (18:00):
Or like they're gonna make you decide for a cesarean
at 37 weeks.
They weren't gonna give you anymore time, like they're like
that.
Kia (18:06):
They were gonna do it at 38 weeks.
So they were going to, yeah,they would schedule the C
section at 38 weeks, but I'dmake that decision at 37 if she
hadn't flipped.
And so that was, yeah,obviously extremely stressful.
That last week, I was like,Okay, come on, baby, like we got
this.
And I just I really like feltlike if I just almost talked to
(18:30):
her like every day, I was like,come on, like we can do this,
and you know, doing a lot ofinversions, um, still saw the
chiropractor and theacupuncturist did the Moxa stick
with my husband, and we justlike did it as a team and you
know, just had a lot of faith,just really put faith into the
fact that she was gonna do it.
And thank goodness, um, we gotin there.
(18:51):
And I was trying to just gointo it thinking she is going to
be flipped, like, not evengiving any thought that she
won't be, because I just had itin my mind that I was not gonna
have a C-section.
So, so we went in and did theultrasound, and thank goodness
the second she put it on mybelly, we saw the head and we're
(19:12):
like, Okay, we're good, she'sdown.
Um, so yeah, that was very,very oh, so good.
Angela (19:18):
Such a good the power of positive thinking.
Kia (19:23):
Right, yeah.
Yeah, and a lot of that I haveto credit my husband for that
because he was like, you know,he was kind of like the voice
behind me saying, like, we'vegot this, like we're good.
And I'm like, okay, you'reright.
Yes, we've got this.
So yeah, it really, really madea difference to be positive
about it because otherwise I'msure mentally I would have been
a wreck without him, honestly.
Angela (19:46):
It's so hard because you're really in between a rock
and a hard place, you know.
Say if she hadn't flipped, youknow, then it's like you're like
ultimatum, or you know, likeyou, or you know, like had you
ever considered if she hadn'tflipped, like not going with
their plan to choose either ofthose and just saying maybe you
let's wait longer, you know,trying to, but it's hard when
(20:06):
like they're like, no, you haveto do this, and you know, and
and hearing the language thatyou know is used in those
conversations, right?
Like, how did that definitelysay how do you feel about that?
Kia (20:16):
Yeah, I really appreciated um the midwife during that time
because she kind of she made thelanguage in a way that she was
really rooting for us.
Like she wasn't like verynegative about it either, which
I think again like really helpedme.
Um, because yeah, she was like,you know, you you don't have to
make a decision right now, likereally stressing that like
(20:39):
don't don't go googling, likedon't go, you know, down a
rabbit hole on it.
Um, so that really helped.
I never considered not doingone of the two options because
in that time, I think being afirst-time mom, I just felt like
this was these were the peoplethat I felt comfortable
delivering my baby because I'dbeen with them up to 36 weeks or
(21:01):
37 weeks that point.
Um, so I was like, okay, I Iwant to be with them.
And now these are gonna be mytwo choices if it doesn't work
out for us.
But um, but yeah, the midwifeJen, she was fantastic.
She just made me feel likereally at ease.
She knew I how stressed out Iwas about it, and she just
really was that like calmingplace that was like, it's gonna
(21:23):
all work out no matter whathappens, you know.
So that was really, reallygood.
Thank goodness for her.
Angela (21:29):
Yeah, that really makes all the difference in those
those moments and you're makinghard decisions.
Kia (21:34):
And yeah, she didn't make it so scary because I know like
she could have.
I'm sure a lot of providerswould have really pressured me a
lot more to just make theC-section decision, you know.
But she really tried to likegive me as much time as we could
per her policy, and yeah, itworked out.
Angela (21:51):
Yeah, it's hard.
That that hospital policy isalways like looming in the back
shadows.
Yes, absolutely.
Oh my goodness.
So, okay, so now 37 weeks, sheis head down.
How do things unfold afterthat?
Kia (22:06):
Yeah, so she was head down and we continued with our weekly
checks.
Um, I made it to 40 weeks.
I had it in my brain that Iwanted to make it to 40 weeks,
which I'm sure not a lot ofwomen think that way, but I was
like, I'm gonna make it to 40weeks because I had an event.
It was like a um a fundraisingevent I really wanted to go to,
(22:28):
and I would have been 40 andthree for the event.
So I was like, you know, I Ireally want you to stay in there
for this event.
I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do it.
And we went and it was a greatnight.
And then as soon as the nightended, I was like, you know,
okay, anytime now, you can comeon.
And uh she didn't want to comeout.
So 40 and three passed, andthen I got to 40 and five, which
(22:52):
was a Friday, and I had anothercheck to make sure she was, you
know, not too squished inthere.
Um, and at that ultrasound,they said, you know, we don't
want to make it to um, we don'twant to make it to 42 weeks
because hospital policy, you'renot, you're not gonna be able to
(23:13):
go past 42 weeks.
So do you want to schedule aninduction?
You're 45.
Um, and that's when I was like,ah no, another hard decision.
Um, so I didn't write away.
I said, you know, give me theweekend, let's think about it,
let her, you know, have somemore time.
Um, next week came at 41 weeks.
(23:36):
I had to have anotherappointment.
And so at 41 weeks,conversation came up again.
Um, let's, you know, just putone on the books because you're
gonna, you know, either way,whether she comes or not, we
gotta put one on the booksbecause you can't go past 42.
So we scheduled induction for41 and 5, which was a Monday.
(23:59):
Um, and during that timebetween that 41 appointment and
then 41 and 5, I did the milecircuit.
I did a ton of walking, morepositive thinking, uh, really
trying to, you know, tell babywe we're ready, like, let's go,
come on.
Um, and just really soaked itup.
(24:21):
I stopped working.
I had been working pretty muchup until this point.
Um, and I stopped working andjust tried to relax.
And my husband and I just tookthe time to really connect with
each other and like try to enjoyit as best as we could, um,
even though in the back of ourminds we were obviously like
very, you know, not wanting thatinduction if we could help it.
(24:45):
Um, so it was Sunday, the daybefore my induction, and I woke
up with um just kind of somenausea and didn't really think
much of it.
But then over the course of theday, I was just feeling a
little bit crampy here andthere.
(25:06):
And turns out labor wasstarting.
So I went into spontaneouslabor like 24 hours before my
induction.
So another blessing for that.
Angela (25:18):
Wow, oh my goodness.
Kia (25:20):
So how long did you stay at home then once things kind of
started and you started to feelyeah, so uh it started around 6
p.m., which was like the worsttime to start labor because it's
like you can't, you're soexcited then.
I uh I'm like gone on vacation,like yeah, I'm like no, six, so
(25:45):
six p.m.
it started and it was um it wasyou know fine, but I could tell
it was rhythmical, like therewere true contractions happening
every 20 minutes or so.
And so we just started thinkingabout them, timing them.
We watched a movie, um, andthen we went into the bedroom
just to try to, you know, get alittle bit of rest.
And of course I couldn't sleep,even though I desperately
(26:08):
wanted to, because I knew Iwould need to be so, you know,
so rested for this journey, butgosh, I could not settle.
Um they just kept increasing.
So by like midnight, um, no, itwas probably around like 11
p.m., they were about fiveminutes apart and they were
(26:28):
becoming a little more intenseand uncomfortable to like lay on
my side with.
So I just got up and decided tosit on my ball for a little bit
and again kind of feel them outand just try to be at peace
with it all and not stress outabout it.
Um, but by one o'clock in themorning, they were about two
minutes apart.
(26:49):
And so it was like, what ishappening?
Like this shouldn't behappening so fast.
What, you know, but I was usingmy little timer and I'm like,
this is really, really crazy.
But I was able to kind of talkthrough them.
So I called the doula and waslike, you know, I'm timing them,
they're very close together,but I'm not, I'm just confused.
(27:10):
Like, what is happening?
Um, so she advised me that, youknow, whatever you're
comfortable with, if you'drather just be in the hospital,
go to the hospital.
If you want to stay home, stayhome.
And about 2:30 that morning, wedid decide to go to the
hospital because again, I hadnever been through this before.
And I'm just like, I I thoughtthat when they're this close,
(27:31):
like we should be going, but um,and it's not that they weren't
intense, but they weren't like Iwas walking and stuff, so we
ended up going to the hospital,which in hindsight now I know I
I wouldn't have, even with theum timeliness of the
contraction.
I now know what that reallyintense contraction feels like.
(27:52):
So now I know for next time.
Um like I knew it would.
So I got there at 2:30, andshockingly enough, I was only
one centimeter dilated.
So that was, of course, likenow.
I'm like, yep, that makes a lotof sense.
(28:13):
Um, but I was one centimeterdilated, and so I consented to a
membrane sweep at that time.
Um, and just rested.
Now that I knew where I was at,I was able to rest.
Um, so we rested and I laborednaturally all day pretty much in
the hospital until about 1 p.m.
(28:33):
They did admit you when youwent in.
Uh they did admit me.
Yeah.
No, it hadn't yet.
Um, so I had bloody show thatmorning, like around midnight.
I had had bloody show.
Um and then the contractions,and that's pretty much it.
And then yeah, they they didadmit me.
Um I also allowed them to putan IV.
(28:58):
Um, I did consent to an HEPblock.
Again, just like kind of the ifI need it, it's there.
It's fine.
It's not bothering me.
So we did that in my hand,which was fine.
And yeah, rested, laborednaturally until about one.
Um, things were really gettingspicy at that point.
And I I had been like on thebed, on the ball, on the birth
(29:21):
stool, like all around the room.
And then finally, my doula wasthere at that time.
So she suggested, you know, gointo the shower and maybe see
how that feels.
So I went in with my husbandinto the shower and went from
the shower to the toilet, backto the shower.
Like, I just couldn't, I had tokeep moving really.
When I one of the times when Iwas on the toilet is when my
(29:43):
water broke.
So water broke on the toilet.
Um, I came out of the showerprobably about 45 minutes of
back and forth and decided toget in the tub to see how that
felt.
And that felt really great.
Um, but I started getting theum fetal ejection reflex in the
(30:04):
tub.
So it it was such a shift fromthe contraction, and then all of
a sudden it was like I likethere's no stopping this.
Like, what is happening?
You know, that whole feeling.
So my midwife at that point waslike, okay, let me check you.
Like, you know, you gotta sitback.
And sitting back felt awful.
But I sat back and I was onlyan eight.
(30:25):
So she at that point suggestedthat when I feel an urge to
push, you can push slightly withit to see if that will help you
dilate.
And so I did that.
And looking back, I really wishI hadn't.
Because um, I started doingthat and felt like, okay, like,
(30:49):
you know, there's somethingproductive happening with this.
And I started getting reallynauseous too.
I started vomiting.
So then they're like, oh, good,like transition, yay, it's
happening.
And so they're trying to likehype me up, but it was um, it
was so intense, and obviously mybody wasn't quite ready.
So after about an hour in thetub, got out of the tub, started
(31:15):
doing different um maneuversback on the birth stool, over
the bed.
They gave me about three morehours of just trying to work
through it and work with mybody.
And they checked me againaround um, this was probably
like 5 p.m., 5 30, I think.
Um, and I was still at aneight.
(31:35):
So I hadn't progressed at all.
And at that point, you startgetting like the feeling of
defeat, like, uh-oh.
Like, what's happening now?
Because I'm working so hard andnothing's happening.
Angela (31:49):
Um, about a cervical lip or any sort of swelling?
Kia (31:55):
Not at that time, no.
Um, she she did mention,actually, she did mention there
was a tiny, tiny little curl,cervical lip curl.
She was like, it's it shouldn'tbe an issue though.
Like your bot, you know, sheshe didn't seem concerned about
that.
So yes, yeah, that wasmentioned.
Um, but it wasn't anything thatthey interfered with or
(32:17):
anything.
Um, they just felt, okay, youjust need a little more time.
But then around that point,they started because they had
just been doing the Doppler, butthey wanted me to get on the
bed to monitor baby for about 30minutes through a few
contractions just to see how shewas doing.
And during that time, we wouldsee that every time I had a
(32:38):
contraction and I was, you know,trying to work with it.
Um, I wasn't, you know,obviously actively pushing, but
I was kind of trying to workwith my body and do a little bit
of bearing down.
Um, she was deselling everytime I did that.
So at that point, the midwifesaid, actually don't do that.
(32:58):
Like, try not to push, try notto um uh overexert yourself
through these, like just breathethrough them.
But I had been doing this forso long now that I it was such a
it was so hard to get out ofthat mindset.
And so I was now working reallyagainst my body at that point,
and it felt 10 times worse, somuch worse for me.
Angela (33:23):
Um, so that was also then you're getting into your
thinking brain, you're thinkingabout all of these things, and
that brings you out of thesedeeper brainwave states that you
need to be in to allow it tofirst of all not be super
painful and to like, and thensecond, allow things to
progress, like right?
Kia (33:39):
Yes, yes, exactly.
When I had to start thinkingabout what I was doing, it was
yeah, it was bringing in so muchof that intense pain and
confusion and just like, do Ieven know what I'm doing?
Like, does my body know whatit's doing?
And which I hadn't had before.
And so that got really intense.
It was an hour of me trying towork now against my body at the
(34:04):
advice of my doctor to try tohelp my baby, who apparently
was, you know, having troublewith it.
So it was a whole thing.
So um, an hour goes by, and mydoula at that time, you know,
just kind of said, Kia, you'reyou're working so hard, you've
been working so hard.
Have you thought about anepidural?
(34:24):
Do you is that anything youwould ever consider just to help
you out?
Because you're so tired.
And I'm like, Yes, I'm sotired.
So at that point, I had nothingleft to give.
Um, and it was it was sad inthe moment for me.
I because again, my thinkingbrain was turned on completely
(34:44):
during all of this.
So, like, maybe just havingsomeone say, No, you've got
this, you can do it.
And like helped, right?
Like, it might, it totallymight have helped.
And like it's and my poorhusband was like, Are you sure?
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know what sure anymore.
Angela (35:04):
Such a vulnerable state at that point.
It's so hard to not just do,okay, whatever you say, please.
Like, let's get this done,right?
Kia (35:11):
Like, exactly, exactly.
And yeah, so it it was, youknow, it was a decision I didn't
want to have to make, but atthe same time, I just wanted to
like surrender and just be ableto just rest, rest my brain and
my body.
So I I got a epidural aroundseven, uh 7 p.m.
(35:34):
Yeah.
So it was like an hour after Istopped working with my body.
Um, and they ended up giving meactually a spinal first and
then an epidural to try tobecause I just couldn't stop
moving.
And um that it did, it was areally good epidural.
I will say I was able to movemy feet.
I still felt the contractions,like very thankful for the
(35:54):
person that did the epiduralbecause it really, I was I was
picturing that I wouldn't beable to feel anything.
Um, and I really didn't wantthat, obviously.
So that was really great tohave the feeling to be able to
actually move my legs.
I was like, wow, okay.
Oh, thank goodness.
Um, so that was around seven.
And at that point, they wantedto try to get things moving.
(36:19):
And again, I was in that reallyvulnerable state of just like,
I feel like I need to surrenderand I don't want to, but I have
nothing like been up for so longnow, over 24 hours, and I'm
just exhausted.
So, because I had the hip lockin, they started Pitocin to try
(36:39):
to move things along.
However, they gave it to me,and every time I had a
contraction, baby D celledagain.
Angela (36:48):
Surprise, surprise.
Like, that's shocking.
Like your baby's already havingD cells.
Let's say Yep, yup, literally.
Kia (36:57):
So, like, and my husband's observing all this, and he's
starting to connect.
Like, wait a minute, like thecontractions were really intense
before.
Now she can't move.
Yeah, you know, it's like,okay, um, this is tough.
So thank goodness he was thereto like witness because we went
over this yesterday to try tolike remember everything, and
(37:20):
it's helpful because during thattime, again, I'm just like so
I'm glazed over and soexhausted.
So they tried for about uh, Ibelieve it was like so seven, it
was probably until about 10:30or 11 trying Pitocin, not trying
Potosin, like going back andforth between Pitocin, no
Pitocin, Pitocin, no Pitocin,and she kept not tolerating it.
(37:43):
Um by nine o'clock, I wasfinally around a nine.
And then by midnight, I was ata 10.
So my body did progress.
I just kept switching sides,doing peanut ball, um, trying to
keep things, my body moving alittle bit.
Um so by midnight I was at a10.
(38:05):
At that point, I didn't haveany Pitocin going.
They had completely stopped itat that point.
Um, and so yay, we can startactively pushing.
So I get on, obviously, I'm onmy back, have the squat bar
going on, um, trying that,pulling against the sheet.
(38:27):
Um, we try putting, you know,my legs completely up and do
pushing that way.
We try pushing on my side.
She's just not moving, comingdown.
So around two hours of pushinglater, my midwife keeps checking
me and she's just stuck.
There's just a little spotwhere she's stuck, um, might
(38:47):
have been that lip, um, andcan't quite get her down.
And obviously, I'm stilldelusional.
So I'm just like, please helpme.
Like, what do we do?
So she consulted the OB oncall, and she was wonderful.
I I loved her energy.
She kind of brought me back tolife a little bit.
She was like, We're gonna,we're gonna do this.
(39:08):
She advised to use a vacuum.
So she, you know, asked me if Iknew anything about it, and I I
really I remembered from birthclass us mentioning it, but that
was something that like nevercame up in the podcasts I was
listening to.
Like, I never really knew muchabout it, the pros and the cons
(39:30):
and everything.
So I had her explain to meeverything that she could and
everything that I could retain,and it was basically vacuum and
let's get her out, or c-section,and we're gonna prep the room
right now.
So another hard decision.
Um, but I had to choose vacuum.
There was no other option.
I I, you know, I didn't want todo a c-section, and at that
(39:53):
point, I'm just looking at myhusband and my doula, just like
scared because it's like I I'vedone all this work.
There's no way I can do ac-section.
Angela (40:04):
Um, was your doula helping you to explain like what
the vacuum was like during thistime?
Do you have like some time tomake that decision a little bit,
or was it feel feeling rushed?
Kia (40:14):
Yeah, it it didn't feel rushed, thankfully.
Um, she the Obi had come in,she explained to me everything.
She did give me time.
She said, let me go geteverything prepped, but I'm
gonna leave and come back andlike you talk and let me know
what you're thinking.
So yeah, we probably had about20 minutes to talk with my doula
(40:36):
and and my husband and mymidwife who was there, and just
kind of walk through it.
And so she came back, the OBcame back about 20 minutes
later, and with her followedsome people from the OR.
And I think there was amiscommunication because they
were like, Okay, like, are wegoing in?
And she was like, No, no, likewe're gonna try the OB said, No,
(40:59):
no, we're gonna try the vacuumfirst.
And the male doctor um who hadcome in said, like, okay, so
I'll hold the OR.
And she's like, Yep, like holdit.
And in that moment, I'm justlike, oh my God, don't wheel me
away to the OR.
You know, like it was like,wow, this is like right, like
it's this or bust, you know.
(41:19):
So that was crazy.
Um, but she had the vacuum withher and she said, you know, are
you good to make this decision?
Do you do you want to do thevacuum?
And I said, Yes, I do not wantto see section.
And she's like, Okay, we'regonna get the baby out then.
It's we're gonna be good.
I I have faith, you know.
She she did put confidence intoit that she was gonna be able
to do it.
(41:40):
And my midwife at the same timewas saying, like, you're lucky
that she's on call.
Like, if I had to pick anyoneto do this, it would be her, you
know.
So everyone was really tryingto like hype me up that this was
gonna work.
So that was good.
So she placed the vacuum andshe was explaining everything as
she was doing it, and told meon the next contraction, you're
(42:01):
gonna push, and I'm also goingto assist you with the vacuum to
get the baby out.
And so next contraction came, Ipushed.
Uh, baby moved about twocentimeters down, and then the
vacuum popped off.
And so she was like, Oh, itpopped off.
Like, no biggie, I'm just gonnago get another vacuum.
But she did move, she movedlike two centimeters, so it's
(42:23):
working, it's working.
And so my next contraction camewhile she was trying to prep
the second vacuum.
And so my nurse helped me coachme through the push during
that.
She's like, Let's just keepworking, like, come on, push.
And I ended up pushing her outon my own at that time.
Angela (42:39):
Were they having you do kind of like that purple pushing
where you like hold your breathand like it was like push,
push, push?
Okay.
Kia (42:45):
Yeah, yep, exactly.
Yep, coached purple pushing.
Um, and yeah, it thankgoodness, like that little bit,
that two centimeter down thatthat vacuum did was enough of
the loosening up that we needed.
And I was able to push the restof her out really easily.
And I felt it throughout that,which I really wanted to
(43:06):
experience that.
And of course, it wasn't thefull feeling because I had the
epidural, but I did get to havethat moment of like, I can feel
her coming, and like that wasamazing.
Um, thank goodness.
And so yeah, she came out.
We still didn't know she was ashe.
So they laid her on my chestand we were just like soaking it
up.
And I have pictures of me justlike laying back, like not even
(43:28):
looking at her, you know, justbreathing because I was like so,
so um, so tired.
But then the nurse was like,What's your baby?
So we lifted her up, and and myhusband announced that it was a
she, it was a girl.
And um yeah, it was just anamazing feeling to have her out.
(43:49):
And while she was on my chest,um, you know, they let me do
skin to skin.
She was she was doing reallywell.
So she was on my chest for awhile while they um stitched me
up.
I did have a first degree tear,but thankfully, no more than
that, which I kind of againthinking brain on, I was like,
oh gosh, I'm gonna be ruined,you know, like this is gonna be
hard because I was just workingso hard, pushing so hard.
(44:12):
But um, thankfully, just afirst degree internal tear.
Um, so they they stitched me upand she was beautiful and good,
and it was just it was like thepot of gold at the end of the
very long dark tunnel.
Um, it was beautiful.
Angela (44:29):
Yes.
Oh my gosh, that's amazing thatyou did it on your own after
like this before she got thatsecond vacuum.
Like, thank goodness, right?
Kia (44:38):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It was like such a it felt soempowering.
And she was, you know, tellingme, like, wow, you you did that.
You know, everyone was sayingthat.
Like, you did that, you didthat.
And it was like, after all ofthat, to be told that like I did
something, it was like, wow,yeah, okay, good, finally, I
could like be an activeparticipant in this, you know.
(45:00):
Um, so yeah, that was really,really amazing.
And she did have a smallhematoma on her head that
completely resolved um withinlike gosh, 48 hours probably it
was it was gone.
So also very grateful for thatbecause um I know, you know,
sometimes vacuums can have somescary birth injuries for babies.
(45:21):
So we were very lucky with thatas well.
Angela (45:24):
Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty positive vacuum story.
If we had, you know, despiteall of the all of the odds and
all of these roadblocks that youkind of kept coming up, we're
having to make these decisions,like with this policy living in
the background, like, but yeah,uh happy ending.
Kia (45:43):
Very much so, yes.
Oh my gosh, it just yeah, thewhole thing was like decision
after decision, and then finallywe just had a good, yeah, good
outcome of it all, which wasamazing.
Angela (45:55):
Wow.
So how was your immediatepostpartum like in the hospital?
Those, yeah, those first likecouple days.
Kia (46:02):
Yeah, so it was it was great.
Um, I I enjoyed being there.
The only thing is I just couldnot sleep.
So I don't know what it was.
I was so exhausted, and yet Icould not sleep.
So we were there.
Um, so to back up a little bit,I went into labor Sunday at 6.
I had her Tuesday at 336.
(46:24):
So I was in labor about 33hours from start to finish, and
then had her early morning onTuesday, and then we were in the
hospital till Thursdayafternoon.
So during all of that time,gosh, I probably only got 10
hours of sleep.
Um, it was not a lot at all.
(46:45):
And I remember duringdischarge, um, I was just
totally a zombie, like listeningbut not listening, like my eyes
were half shut.
I was just, I was a shell ofmyself.
But she was babe, um, my babywas amazing.
Like she was fantastic.
She still is, she's such a goodbaby.
Um, love her so much.
(47:06):
But yeah, she she was great.
My husband was such a goodsupport for me.
But during that hospital stay,I I didn't necessarily want to
run out of there because it wasstill so new to me, and I wanted
to take time to have the helpwhile I had the help.
But I was ready to be in my ownbed by Thursday for sure.
(47:26):
So we um we got home, settledin.
That was really, really lovelyto just have the space to
ourselves.
We set up like a meal train sowe excuse me, had had um some
you know meals ready for us whenwe got home, which was amazing.
Such a great thing that peopleset up for pregnant people.
(47:47):
It's amazing to have that mealwaiting for you.
Um, so that was it.
We were just in our littlebubble.
It was the end of January, soor now we're talking early
February because she was bornJanuary 28th.
Um, and so it was really cold,and we just stayed in the house
and watched the snowfall anddidn't really have anyone over.
(48:08):
We just really took the timefor ourselves to just enjoy the
moment.
Um, and yeah, did a lot ofsnuggling and just relaxing and
it was really nice.
Um, she she latched really wellfrom the start too.
So that was also a really bigwin because I I knew I really
wanted to breastfeed andthankfully she made that pretty
(48:31):
easy for us.
Um, and that was such ablessing to have that bonding
time with her.
And besides that, yeah, I justI caught up on a lot of sleep
well when I got home.
And then after that initial,like very early postpartum,
(48:52):
around week three, I would say,I ended up getting, or I had
had, but I didn't realize afissure, an anal fissure, and I
didn't know about those either.
And I will say that issomething I could have never
prepared myself for.
If anyone's ever gone throughthat, it is horrible, and I feel
(49:15):
for you.
Um, so that was a really like Iwas on this high, and then that
happened and it just knocked meright down.
So that postpartum period wasreally rough, like from three
weeks to like probably 12 weeks,I was dealing with that.
Um, and that really, reallysunk me down, which was which
(49:37):
was so sad because it had beenso good.
Um, but yeah, I I didn't, Ikind of laxed on my magnesium
that I had been takingthroughout my whole pregnancy.
And I wonder if that hadsomething to do with it.
Um, as well as, you know, theysay to take some stool softeners
after birth and stuff.
And I was I wasn't asconsistent as, you know, maybe I
(50:00):
could have been, but who knowswhat really did it.
But um, probably all thatpushing, if I'm being honest.
But but yeah, it it was wild.
So that's that's really ifanyone ever goes through that, I
am so sorry it is rough.
Angela (50:15):
Oh no, yeah, there can be a lot of side effects from
all of that pushing, you know,and and there also on the flip
side can be a lot of benefits oflike not pushing and just like
allowing your baby, you know,and your body to do the things,
and and that's sometimes not anoption with all this policy
looming around.
Kia (50:35):
Oh, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
I think, yeah, I think that allof that um kind of stress at
the end of the birth definitelywas not uh was not helpful for
my body.
Angela (50:48):
How did your placenta come out?
Kia (50:50):
Do you remember that part?
Yeah, yes, uh, very, very easy.
So yes, I do remember that.
I remember right after she wasum on me, laying on me.
Um, I had another smallcontraction and uh the OB was
at, you know, still down therefor me.
And so she said, you know, uhgive me just a tiny little push.
(51:10):
And she had the cord um in herhand and it it slid right out,
no problem.
Um, so that was great.
And I was able, they had theplacenta out next to me, but she
was still um, she was stillattached.
They hadn't cut the cord quiteyet.
So that was really nice too.
We got we got that time to justbe there.
And I got a little tour of myplacenta, which was awesome.
(51:33):
Got to see it, which I was likevery fascinated by that.
That was just wild.
Um, so yeah, had that time andit was it was no problem with
that, thank goodness.
Because that was another thingthat I obviously had had
researched and known about anddidn't really think about at all
after she was born, obviously,but it went smooth.
Angela (51:54):
Amazing, yes.
Placentas are very cool.
I love the placenta tour at theend where you get to you know
see this entire organ that yougrew, right, to support your
baby for all those months.
It's amazing.
It is such a cool organ.
Now, as a final question, ifyou were to give advice to
(52:14):
someone who's expecting or evennew parents after all of your
experience, like what's thebiggest thing that you'd want to
share?
Kia (52:22):
Yeah, I think leaning on your support is so huge.
And like being honest withyourself and the people around
you about what you need.
Um, I think I underestimatedthat.
I knew that that was important,like it takes a village, um,
that whole thing.
But I think I reallyunderestimated that, and you
(52:44):
don't necessarily have to havefamily around for that to be the
case.
Um, like I right at like twoweeks, I started going to a
lactation support group that umNorthern Light Mercy has on Four
River.
So it's every Friday at 10 a.m.
Um, lactation consultants thereand other new moms.
(53:07):
And so I went there weekly andlike just going to that, I met
so many amazing moms and justlike built a little community
and was able to ask questionsand um, you know, share
struggles or wins with thosetypes of things, um, as well as
like finding support groupsonline.
I unfortunately my supplydropped when I got my period and
(53:28):
I wasn't able to recover itsuccessfully.
So I started Amari on someformula, and they have these
like weekly lactation supportgroups that support both
breastfeeding and formulafeedings and combo feeding.
So, you know, I was able tojust kind of seek out um support
in different ways, and I thinklike leaning on that, and you
(53:51):
really do realize that yourexperience is um relatable to a
lot of other people, and that'sreally beautiful.
So yeah, I would say justreally lean on people, people,
strangers, new moms, um, as wellas your family, obviously, if
you have some local, but if youdon't, there's there's resources
out there, and I hope that youfind them if you're looking for
(54:14):
them.
Angela (54:15):
Yes, those groups are so important to find like the
in-person community and like ifyou have online community,
sometimes you can turn theonline community into the
in-person communities, you know,too.
And then after, you know, whenyour babies get a little bigger,
finding that community, whichis usually at the local
libraries to still get out, tostill like be with those other
(54:37):
moms because you're not alone inwhatever you're going through
and all of these differentphases as your little ones grow.
Kia (54:44):
Yeah, and it's so cool to hear about everyone else's
experiences and like you know,everyone parents differently,
everyone does everythingdifferently, but we're all so
successful in what we do, andit's really great to celebrate
that.
And yeah, I can't wait till mydaughter's a little bit older
and we can go do those library.
I've I've heard that that's alot of fun going to the library
with other moms.
(55:04):
So I'm looking forward to that.
Angela (55:07):
Yeah, like definitely venture into the library when
you start to, you know, get alittle I will.
Kia (55:12):
You know, we're gonna need stuff to do this winter, so
honestly, I probably will.
Yes.
Angela (55:18):
I love it.
Oh my goodness.
Well, thank you so much, Kia,for coming on and taking the
time to chat with me and shareyour story today.
Yeah, of course.
Thanks so much for having me,Angela.
Before you go, I just want toremind you, I have a ton of
resources for pregnancy andbirth.
If you're pregnant, whetheryou're a first-time mom or if
(55:39):
this is your fifth baby, I wantyou to check out the show notes
because I have some freetrainings and free downloads
that you can sign up for, aswell as the link to access My
Labor of Love, a comprehensive,self-paced online childbirth
education course.
I created this coursespecifically for moms who don't
want to be told what to do,regardless of where you're
(56:00):
birthing or who you're birthingwith.
And I'd honestly love to teachyou everything that I know so
that you can prepare for anautonomous birth experience and
prepare to step into your roleas the leader of your birth
journey.
So, click to the show notes,check out all of those links,
and if you ever have anyquestions, feel free to DM me at
(56:21):
my mainbirth over on Instagram.
So my midwife at that point was like, okay, let me check
you.
Like, you know, you gotta sitback.
And sitting back felt awful.
But I sat back and I was onlyan eight.
So she at that point suggestedthat when I feel an urge to
push, you can push slightly withit to see if that will help you
(00:20):
dilate.
And so I did that.
And looking back, I really wishI hadn't.
Because I started doing thatand felt like, okay, like, you
know, there's somethingproductive happening with this.
And I started getting reallynauseous too.
I started vomiting.
So then they're like, oh, good,like transition.
(00:42):
Yay, it's happening.
And so they're trying to likehype me up.
But it was um, it was sointense, and obviously my body
wasn't quite ready.
So after about an hour in thetub, got out of the tub, started
doing different um maneuversback on the birth stool, over
(01:03):
the bed.
They gave me about three morehours of just trying to work
through it and work with mybody.
And they checked me againaround um, this was probably
like 5 p.m., 5 30, I think.
And I was still at an eight.
So I hadn't progressed at all.
And at that point, you startgetting like the feeling of
(01:26):
defeat, like uh-oh.
Like what's happening now?
Because I'm working so hard andnothing's happening.
Angela (01:34):
Um at that time about a cervical lip or any sort of
swelling?
Kia (01:39):
Not at that time, no.
Um, she she did mention,actually, she did mention there
was a tiny, tiny little curl,cervical lip curl.
She was like, it's it shouldn'tbe an issue though.
Like your bot, you know, sheshe didn't seem concerned about
that.
So yes, yeah, that wasmentioned.
Um, but it wasn't anything thatthey interfered with or
(02:01):
anything.
Um, they just felt, okay, youjust need a little more time.
But then around that point,they started because they had
just been doing the Doppler, butthey wanted me to get on the
bed to monitor baby for about 30minutes through a few
contractions just to see how shewas doing.
And during that time, we wouldsee that every time I had a
(02:22):
contraction and I was, you know,trying to work with it.
Um, I wasn't, you know,obviously actively pushing, but
I was kind of trying to workwith my body and do a little bit
of bearing down.
Um, she was deselling everytime I did that.
So at that point, the midwifesaid, actually don't do that.
(02:42):
Like, try not to push, try notto um uh overexert yourself
through these, like just breathethrough them.
But I had been doing this forso long now that I it was such a
it was so hard to get out ofthat mindset.
And so I was now working reallyagainst my body at that point,
and it felt 10 times worse, somuch worse for me.
Angela (03:07):
Um, so that was also then you're getting into your
thinking brain, you're thinkingabout all of these things, and
that brings you out of thesedeeper brainwave states that you
need to be in to allow it tofirst of all not be super
painful and to like, and thensecond, allow things to
progress, like right?
Kia (03:23):
Yes, yes, exactly.
When I had to start thinkingabout what I was doing, it was
yeah, it was bringing in so muchof that intense pain and
confusion and just like, do Ieven know what I'm doing?
Like, does my body know whatit's doing?
And which I hadn't had before.
And so that got really intense.
It was an hour of me trying towork now against my body at the
(03:48):
advice of my doctor to try tohelp my baby, who apparently
was, you know, having troublewith it.
So it was a whole thing.
So um, an hour goes by, and mydoula at that time, you know,
just kind of said, Kia, you'reyou're working so hard, you've
been working so hard.
Have you thought about anepidural?
(04:08):
Is that anything you would everconsider just to help you out?
Because you're so tired.
I'm like, Yes, I'm so tired.
So at that point, I had nothingleft to give.
Um, and it was it was sad inthe moment for me.
I because again, my thinkingbrain was turned on completely
(04:28):
during all of this.
So, like, maybe just havingsomeone say, No, you've got
this, you can do it.
And like helped, right?
Like, it might, it totallymight have helped.
And like, it's and my poorhusband was like, Are you sure?
I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker (04:45):
I don't know what's sure anymore.
Angela (04:48):
I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer,
experienced doula, childbirtheducator, and your host here on
the My Main Birth podcast.
This is a space where we sharethe real life stories of
families and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine.
From our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
(05:08):
and home births, every birthstory deserves to be heard and
celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-bemom, a seasoned mother, or
simply interested in the worldof birth, these episodes are for
you.
Welcome back.
You're listening to episode 133of My Main Birth.
(05:29):
It's been a little bit sincethe last episode.
I've spent the last monthtaking a little break from being
on call.
I've been doing so much hiking,and October is also when I
offered the most session daysfor my amazing podcast guests.
And this year did notdisappoint.
I had so much fun meetingeveryone and capturing your
(05:54):
family portraits.
I absolutely love getting outand meeting so many of you that
have shared your stories on thepodcast.
And if you don't know what I'mtalking about, I offer a gift
certificate for a familyadventure photo session to
everyone who shares their storyon the podcast.
It covers the session feecompletely and includes five of
(06:17):
your favorite digital imagesfrom the session.
You can upgrade to the fullgallery if you'd like to, but
also there's absolutely nopressure to do so.
You can just pick your fivefavorite images after this
session, and that's that.
I offer these in the spring,summer, and fall at iconic
locations across Maine, and theyare so much fun.
(06:38):
But now, as I shift back intobeing on call and spending more
time in my office again, I'mputting together some really
incredible episodes to close outseason three of the podcast
over the next month or so.
On this podcast, the seasonscoincide with each year.
I started in 2023 with seasonone, and I cannot believe I'm
(07:00):
already thinking about seasonfour coming in 2026.
So if you'd like to join thecommunity of main mom sharing
birth stories on the podcast,you can fill out the form over
on my website, mymainbirth.com.
Or you can always send me amessage over on Instagram at my
mainbirth.
Alright, today's birth storyguest is Kia, and she is here to
(07:26):
share all about her birth atMercy Hospital in Portland.
Hi, Kia.
Welcome to MyMainBirth.
Oh my gosh, I'm excited to behere.
Thank you.
Awesome.
Well, to get started, would youshare a little bit about you
and your family?
Kia (07:45):
Yeah, so I'm Kia, and my husband Brad and I live in South
Portland with oureight-month-old.
She's almost nine months.
Um, and we just have a reallynice life with our little dog
and our little family, and andthat's us, and we love it.
Angela (08:04):
Amazing.
Now, jumping into your birthstories, would you start by
sharing like how you found outyou were pregnant and what your
thoughts were in choosing yourcare?
Kia (08:15):
Yeah, so when I found out I was pregnant, we were not
trying, not preventing.
Um, we just kind of decided thetiming felt right for us to let
it be fate if we got pregnant.
And very shortly after makingthat decision, we found out we
were pregnant.
We were actually going to go toa dinner with some family and
(08:39):
knew that um, you know, I wouldtypically enjoy a glass of wine
if we were gonna be with them.
But I just had this weirdfeeling that I should test.
And I took the test and withinlike 30 seconds it lit up like a
Christmas tree.
So it was it was pregnant.
Um, so that was really excitingfor us.
But then we went to dinner andlike held this big secret the
(09:00):
whole time and it was justreally difficult.
Um, but we decided not to tellright away.
Um, I had always kind of hadthis weird feeling that it was
going to be hard for us to be toget pregnant.
I don't, I had had like ovariancysts in the past and some
family history.
So for some reason, I just Icouldn't believe it at first,
(09:20):
but it was definitely positive.
And um, yeah, we were just ableto hold on to that little
secret for a bit.
Angela (09:27):
Oh my gosh, what a special secret.
It was, it was so now what wereyour like opinions on birth
leading up to your pregnancy?
Kia (09:38):
Yeah, honestly, I really felt like I wanted as holistic
of a care throughout pregnancyas I could.
Um, I've never really been onethat goes too deep into like
medicine.
Like if I'm sick, I don't jumpto go take Tylenol, like that
kind of thing.
So I really wanted a combo careof holistic care as well as I
(10:02):
was nervous just having thatpreconceived kind of feeling
about not sure if the pregnancywould go well for whatever
reason.
It was just a weird feeling Ihad.
So I um we decided to go withMercy Midwives.
It felt like a good combinationbetween hospital care as well
as a little bit more of ahands-off approach.
So we we started right up withthem and I think I called them
(10:25):
like the week after I found outand and established care.
Angela (10:29):
Awesome.
So how was that looking likewhen you first started the
appointments with them?
Kia (10:35):
Yeah, yeah, it was it was going really well.
I loved them.
Um, they were all I startedlike with one appointment, and
then they said, you know, wewant you to meet all the
midwives.
So we kind of scheduled likeall the different midwives
throughout my pregnancy, whichwas awesome.
Um, I went in for that firstvisit, and they thought I was
(10:57):
around eight weeks, but wecouldn't quite get a heartbeat
right away.
So there was a little bit ofthat concern.
So they had me come back um, Ithink like a week later and do a
follow-up ultrasound.
And then we got the littleheartbeat.
So that was like big relief.
Um, but yeah, going into likediscussions around birth with
them and everything, it startedright from the jump, kind of
(11:18):
like, what do you envision?
And I really appreciated that,just them being so um, you know,
wanting to hear my story andand what I really wanted out of
this birth.
Um, so that was great.
And yeah, maintained care withthem throughout the whole
pregnancy.
Um, there were a few timesthroughout the pregnancy where I
(11:39):
just felt like lower movementsand things.
So I would call and immediatelythey would say, you know, just
come in, better safe than sorry.
So I'd do some fetalmonitoring, which was really
good because in that moment youfeel so like, you know, you you
have this sense that somethingcould be wrong.
So you get nervous about it,but then you feel so silly
calling because it's like,should I really be nervous about
(12:00):
this?
I don't know.
And um, they just really mademe feel like reassured that it's
always best to, you know, trustyour gut and do what you feel
is best in that moment.
So um, yeah, I reallyappreciated their care,
especially in the first like 20or so weeks where you're just so
nervous and it's all so new.
Angela (12:19):
Yeah, definitely.
So when you were talking tothem and they were asking you
like what your preferences were,what were they?
Like, what were your goals foryour birth?
Kia (12:30):
Yeah, so my goal, I had taken a birth class through um
birth roots.
So this was a little bit laterin the pregnancy, but we um took
the birth class.
But throughout the pregnancy, Iwas also listening to podcasts.
So I listened to your podcastand some other birth podcasts
just to kind of get an idea oflike what do I really want?
Because you kind of asked thisearlier, but growing up, I
(12:53):
really didn't know as a youngadult if I wanted children or
not.
So I hadn't really, you know,done too much research myself
going up to this point, and thenall of a sudden we're pregnant,
and I'm like, okay, I I reallywant to like take time to to
figure this out for myself andknow what's going to make me
feel a little bit in control.
Although, of course, birth, youknow, you have to be prepared
(13:16):
for anything.
Um, or you you can't reallyhave control over it.
Um, but yeah, just like havinga little bit of a feeling of
knowing what to expect or whatcould happen was really
important to me.
So um my preferences with Mercywas or Northern Light was
really like I would love to beable to go in when I wanted, um,
(13:38):
take my time coming in once I'mthere.
I really didn't want to do anepidural if I could help it.
Um, but I'll get into thatstory when we get there.
But yeah, my I was hoping forlow intervention.
Um I had some um knowledgeabout like nitrous oxide and
things like that.
So I was open to that if Ineeded it.
(14:00):
But I I really kind of gavethem a printout of a birth plan
that like had it was like a umtemplate from online.
So it just said, you know, yesor no to certain things.
And I kind of filled that outand um I handed it to them and
they put it in my file, whichwas also really great to be able
to just send that away so thatwe didn't forget about it when
(14:21):
we got there.
It was already in the file.
Um, so yeah, my hope was areally low intervention birth.
I also had a doula, um, so shewas gonna be there with me.
So I felt like I had a reallygood support system between the
midwives, the doula, and myhusband.
Um, and so that was that was mygoal going into it was just be
(14:42):
open to anything, but really asas much as I could let my body
do it, I was gonna try to let mybody do it.
Angela (14:48):
Yeah.
So how were you feelingthroughout your pregnancy?
Like all appointments aside,like how were you like
physically, emotionally?
I felt so good.
Kia (14:58):
Like I I really loved being pregnant.
Um, we didn't know what we werehaving, uh boy or a girl.
So that was really exciting tojust always kind of get these
dreams and get these feelingsaround what they could be.
Um, so that was really cool.
I felt great.
I had those couple of momentsof low fetal movement, so I did
(15:19):
go and get checked out.
Um, but at 30 weeks, I actuallyended up going to Spain with my
family.
We went overseas for a wedding.
It was wonderful.
Um, that's right around thetime when I started getting some
swelling.
So I had kind of the normalfoot swelling and had to manage
that, kick my feet up when Icould.
(15:40):
Um, I also started getting somecramping, like in my legs.
I ended up taking magnesium forthat, and that helped a lot.
Um, it also helped with mymigraines.
I had a few migraines, and theysay after I think it's 20
weeks, they they really don'twant you to be taking any
accedrin, which is how I wouldtypically manage at home.
So um the the magnesium reallyseemed to help with that, which
(16:02):
was awesome.
Didn't get them as often.
Um, and then besides that, theonly other kind of complication
in pregnancy was she was umbreach presentation on and off.
So constantly flipping around.
Um towards the end of mypregnancy at 35 weeks, she was
breach.
So I went to um get someacupuncture done, and I was also
(16:27):
seeing my chiropractor twice aweek, and we were doing like the
Moxa stick and a bunch of youknow, the miles circuit, like
trying to turn her.
And uh finally at 37 weeks, shedid flip right before I was
trying to make that decision umof how to proceed with that,
because that was really gonnajust blow up my whole thoughts
(16:49):
and feelings around the birth,obviously.
If we were gonna have to makeany decisions around trying to
turn her, or obviously C-sectionwould be the other option in a
hospital setting.
So that was that was astressful time.
Uh, but she did flip, and thatwas beautiful.
I was so thankful.
Angela (17:07):
Oh my goodness, yeah, that's that's difficult.
So 35 weeks she was breached,37 weeks she had flipped.
How was the time period inbetween there with like your
appointments, like theconversations that were
happening and yeah, like goingfor a little bit of a roller
coaster around that time, too?
Kia (17:26):
Yeah, I was doing weekly appointments, so 35 weeks uh she
was breached, and then wescheduled our 36-week check.
And in that one week period, Iwas going to the chiropractor um
twice a week and I gotacupuncture twice that week.
We went at 36 weeks, she wasstill breach.
So at that point, we starteddiscussing, like, okay, we'll
(17:50):
give it one more week, and thenwe have to decide do you want to
do um the oh my goodness, I'mblinking on the name the E the
ECB where they turn the baby,yeah.
Angela (18:00):
Or like they're gonna make you decide for a cesarean
at 37 weeks.
They weren't gonna give you anymore time, like they're like
that.
Kia (18:06):
They were gonna do it at 38 weeks.
So they were going to, yeah,they would schedule the C
section at 38 weeks, but I'dmake that decision at 37 if she
hadn't flipped.
And so that was, yeah,obviously extremely stressful.
That last week, I was like,Okay, come on, baby, like we got
this.
And I just I really like feltlike if I just almost talked to
(18:30):
her like every day, I was like,come on, like we can do this,
and you know, doing a lot ofinversions, um, still saw the
chiropractor and theacupuncturist did the Moxa stick
with my husband, and we justlike did it as a team and you
know, just had a lot of faith,just really put faith into the
fact that she was gonna do it.
And thank goodness, um, we gotin there.
(18:51):
And I was trying to just gointo it thinking she is going to
be flipped, like, not evengiving any thought that she
won't be, because I just had itin my mind that I was not gonna
have a C-section.
So, so we went in and did theultrasound, and thank goodness
the second she put it on mybelly, we saw the head and we're
(19:12):
like, Okay, we're good, she'sdown.
Um, so yeah, that was very,very oh, so good.
Angela (19:18):
Such a good the power of positive thinking.
Kia (19:23):
Right, yeah.
Yeah, and a lot of that I haveto credit my husband for that
because he was like, you know,he was kind of like the voice
behind me saying, like, we'vegot this, like we're good.
And I'm like, okay, you'reright.
Yes, we've got this.
So yeah, it really, really madea difference to be positive
about it because otherwise I'msure mentally I would have been
a wreck without him, honestly.
Angela (19:46):
It's so hard because you're really in between a rock
and a hard place, you know.
Say if she hadn't flipped, youknow, then it's like you're like
ultimatum, or you know, likeyou, or you know, like had you
ever considered if she hadn'tflipped, like not going with
their plan to choose either ofthose and just saying maybe you
let's wait longer, you know,trying to, but it's hard when
(20:06):
like they're like, no, you haveto do this, and you know, and
and hearing the language thatyou know is used in those
conversations, right?
Like, how did that definitelysay how do you feel about that?
Kia (20:16):
Yeah, I really appreciated um the midwife during that time
because she kind of she made thelanguage in a way that she was
really rooting for us.
Like she wasn't like verynegative about it either, which
I think again like really helpedme.
Um, because yeah, she was like,you know, you you don't have to
make a decision right now, likereally stressing that like
(20:39):
don't don't go googling, likedon't go, you know, down a
rabbit hole on it.
Um, so that really helped.
I never considered not doingone of the two options because
in that time, I think being afirst-time mom, I just felt like
this was these were the peoplethat I felt comfortable
delivering my baby because I'dbeen with them up to 36 weeks or
(21:01):
37 weeks that point.
Um, so I was like, okay, I Iwant to be with them.
And now these are gonna be mytwo choices if it doesn't work
out for us.
But um, but yeah, the midwifeJen, she was fantastic.
She just made me feel likereally at ease.
She knew I how stressed out Iwas about it, and she just
really was that like calmingplace that was like, it's gonna
(21:23):
all work out no matter whathappens, you know.
So that was really, reallygood.
Thank goodness for her.
Angela (21:29):
Yeah, that really makes all the difference in those
those moments and you're makinghard decisions.
Kia (21:34):
And yeah, she didn't make it so scary because I know like
she could have.
I'm sure a lot of providerswould have really pressured me a
lot more to just make theC-section decision, you know.
But she really tried to likegive me as much time as we could
per her policy, and yeah, itworked out.
Angela (21:51):
Yeah, it's hard.
That that hospital policy isalways like looming in the back
shadows.
Yes, absolutely.
Oh my goodness.
So, okay, so now 37 weeks, sheis head down.
How do things unfold afterthat?
Kia (22:06):
Yeah, so she was head down and we continued with our weekly
checks.
Um, I made it to 40 weeks.
I had it in my brain that Iwanted to make it to 40 weeks,
which I'm sure not a lot ofwomen think that way, but I was
like, I'm gonna make it to 40weeks because I had an event.
It was like a um a fundraisingevent I really wanted to go to,
(22:28):
and I would have been 40 andthree for the event.
So I was like, you know, I Ireally want you to stay in there
for this event.
I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do it.
And we went and it was a greatnight.
And then as soon as the nightended, I was like, you know,
okay, anytime now, you can comeon.
And uh she didn't want to comeout.
So 40 and three passed, andthen I got to 40 and five, which
(22:52):
was a Friday, and I had anothercheck to make sure she was, you
know, not too squished inthere.
Um, and at that ultrasound,they said, you know, we don't
want to make it to um, we don'twant to make it to 42 weeks
because hospital policy, you'renot, you're not gonna be able to
(23:13):
go past 42 weeks.
So do you want to schedule aninduction?
You're 45.
Um, and that's when I was like,ah no, another hard decision.
Um, so I didn't write away.
I said, you know, give me theweekend, let's think about it,
let her, you know, have somemore time.
Um, next week came at 41 weeks.
(23:36):
I had to have anotherappointment.
And so at 41 weeks,conversation came up again.
Um, let's, you know, just putone on the books because you're
gonna, you know, either way,whether she comes or not, we
gotta put one on the booksbecause you can't go past 42.
So we scheduled induction for41 and 5, which was a Monday.
(23:59):
Um, and during that timebetween that 41 appointment and
then 41 and 5, I did the milecircuit.
I did a ton of walking, morepositive thinking, uh, really
trying to, you know, tell babywe we're ready, like, let's go,
come on.
Um, and just really soaked itup.
(24:21):
I stopped working.
I had been working pretty muchup until this point.
Um, and I stopped working andjust tried to relax.
And my husband and I just tookthe time to really connect with
each other and like try to enjoyit as best as we could, um,
even though in the back of ourminds we were obviously like
very, you know, not wanting thatinduction if we could help it.
(24:45):
Um, so it was Sunday, the daybefore my induction, and I woke
up with um just kind of somenausea and didn't really think
much of it.
But then over the course of theday, I was just feeling a
little bit crampy here andthere.
(25:06):
And turns out labor wasstarting.
So I went into spontaneouslabor like 24 hours before my
induction.
So another blessing for that.
Angela (25:18):
Wow, oh my goodness.
Kia (25:20):
So how long did you stay at home then once things kind of
started and you started to feelyeah, so uh it started around 6
p.m., which was like the worsttime to start labor because it's
like you can't, you're soexcited then.
I uh I'm like gone on vacation,like yeah, I'm like no, six, so
(25:45):
six p.m.
it started and it was um it wasyou know fine, but I could tell
it was rhythmical, like therewere true contractions happening
every 20 minutes or so.
And so we just started thinkingabout them, timing them.
We watched a movie, um, andthen we went into the bedroom
just to try to, you know, get alittle bit of rest.
And of course I couldn't sleep,even though I desperately
(26:08):
wanted to, because I knew Iwould need to be so, you know,
so rested for this journey, butgosh, I could not settle.
Um they just kept increasing.
So by like midnight, um, no, itwas probably around like 11
p.m., they were about fiveminutes apart and they were
(26:28):
becoming a little more intenseand uncomfortable to like lay on
my side with.
So I just got up and decided tosit on my ball for a little bit
and again kind of feel them outand just try to be at peace
with it all and not stress outabout it.
Um, but by one o'clock in themorning, they were about two
minutes apart.
(26:49):
And so it was like, what ishappening?
Like this shouldn't behappening so fast.
What, you know, but I was usingmy little timer and I'm like,
this is really, really crazy.
But I was able to kind of talkthrough them.
So I called the doula and waslike, you know, I'm timing them,
they're very close together,but I'm not, I'm just confused.
(27:10):
Like, what is happening?
Um, so she advised me that, youknow, whatever you're
comfortable with, if you'drather just be in the hospital,
go to the hospital.
If you want to stay home, stayhome.
And about 2:30 that morning, wedid decide to go to the
hospital because again, I hadnever been through this before.
And I'm just like, I I thoughtthat when they're this close,
(27:31):
like we should be going, but um,and it's not that they weren't
intense, but they weren't like Iwas walking and stuff, so we
ended up going to the hospital,which in hindsight now I know I
I wouldn't have, even with theum timeliness of the
contraction.
I now know what that reallyintense contraction feels like.
(27:52):
So now I know for next time.
Um like I knew it would.
So I got there at 2:30, andshockingly enough, I was only
one centimeter dilated.
So that was, of course, likenow.
I'm like, yep, that makes a lotof sense.
(28:13):
Um, but I was one centimeterdilated, and so I consented to a
membrane sweep at that time.
Um, and just rested.
Now that I knew where I was at,I was able to rest.
Um, so we rested and I laborednaturally all day pretty much in
the hospital until about 1 p.m.
(28:33):
They did admit you when youwent in.
Uh they did admit me.
Yeah.
No, it hadn't yet.
Um, so I had bloody show thatmorning, like around midnight.
I had had bloody show.
Um and then the contractions,and that's pretty much it.
And then yeah, they they didadmit me.
Um I also allowed them to putan IV.
(28:58):
Um, I did consent to an HEPblock.
Again, just like kind of the ifI need it, it's there.
It's fine.
It's not bothering me.
So we did that in my hand,which was fine.
And yeah, rested, laborednaturally until about one.
Um, things were really gettingspicy at that point.
And I I had been like on thebed, on the ball, on the birth
(29:21):
stool, like all around the room.
And then finally, my doula wasthere at that time.
So she suggested, you know, gointo the shower and maybe see
how that feels.
So I went in with my husbandinto the shower and went from
the shower to the toilet, backto the shower.
Like, I just couldn't, I had tokeep moving really.
When I one of the times when Iwas on the toilet is when my
(29:43):
water broke.
So water broke on the toilet.
Um, I came out of the showerprobably about 45 minutes of
back and forth and decided toget in the tub to see how that
felt.
And that felt really great.
Um, but I started getting theum fetal ejection reflex in the
(30:04):
tub.
So it it was such a shift fromthe contraction, and then all of
a sudden it was like I likethere's no stopping this.
Like, what is happening?
You know, that whole feeling.
So my midwife at that point waslike, okay, let me check you.
Like, you know, you gotta sitback.
And sitting back felt awful.
But I sat back and I was onlyan eight.
(30:25):
So she at that point suggestedthat when I feel an urge to
push, you can push slightly withit to see if that will help you
dilate.
And so I did that.
And looking back, I really wishI hadn't.
Because um, I started doingthat and felt like, okay, like,
(30:49):
you know, there's somethingproductive happening with this.
And I started getting reallynauseous too.
I started vomiting.
So then they're like, oh, good,like transition, yay, it's
happening.
And so they're trying to likehype me up, but it was um, it
was so intense, and obviously mybody wasn't quite ready.
So after about an hour in thetub, got out of the tub, started
(31:15):
doing different um maneuversback on the birth stool, over
the bed.
They gave me about three morehours of just trying to work
through it and work with mybody.
And they checked me againaround um, this was probably
like 5 p.m., 5 30, I think.
Um, and I was still at aneight.
(31:35):
So I hadn't progressed at all.
And at that point, you startgetting like the feeling of
defeat, like, uh-oh.
Like, what's happening now?
Because I'm working so hard andnothing's happening.
Angela (31:49):
Um, about a cervical lip or any sort of swelling?
Kia (31:55):
Not at that time, no.
Um, she she did mention,actually, she did mention there
was a tiny, tiny little curl,cervical lip curl.
She was like, it's it shouldn'tbe an issue though.
Like your bot, you know, sheshe didn't seem concerned about
that.
So yes, yeah, that wasmentioned.
Um, but it wasn't anything thatthey interfered with or
(32:17):
anything.
Um, they just felt, okay, youjust need a little more time.
But then around that point,they started because they had
just been doing the Doppler, butthey wanted me to get on the
bed to monitor baby for about 30minutes through a few
contractions just to see how shewas doing.
And during that time, we wouldsee that every time I had a
(32:38):
contraction and I was, you know,trying to work with it.
Um, I wasn't, you know,obviously actively pushing, but
I was kind of trying to workwith my body and do a little bit
of bearing down.
Um, she was deselling everytime I did that.
So at that point, the midwifesaid, actually don't do that.
(32:58):
Like, try not to push, try notto um uh overexert yourself
through these, like just breathethrough them.
But I had been doing this forso long now that I it was such a
it was so hard to get out ofthat mindset.
And so I was now working reallyagainst my body at that point,
and it felt 10 times worse, somuch worse for me.
Angela (33:23):
Um, so that was also then you're getting into your
thinking brain, you're thinkingabout all of these things, and
that brings you out of thesedeeper brainwave states that you
need to be in to allow it tofirst of all not be super
painful and to like, and thensecond, allow things to
progress, like right?
Kia (33:39):
Yes, yes, exactly.
When I had to start thinkingabout what I was doing, it was
yeah, it was bringing in so muchof that intense pain and
confusion and just like, do Ieven know what I'm doing?
Like, does my body know whatit's doing?
And which I hadn't had before.
And so that got really intense.
It was an hour of me trying towork now against my body at the
(34:04):
advice of my doctor to try tohelp my baby, who apparently
was, you know, having troublewith it.
So it was a whole thing.
So um, an hour goes by, and mydoula at that time, you know,
just kind of said, Kia, you'reyou're working so hard, you've
been working so hard.
Have you thought about anepidural?
(34:24):
Do you is that anything youwould ever consider just to help
you out?
Because you're so tired.
And I'm like, Yes, I'm sotired.
So at that point, I had nothingleft to give.
Um, and it was it was sad inthe moment for me.
I because again, my thinkingbrain was turned on completely
(34:44):
during all of this.
So, like, maybe just havingsomeone say, No, you've got
this, you can do it.
And like helped, right?
Like, it might, it totallymight have helped.
And like it's and my poorhusband was like, Are you sure?
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know what sure anymore.
Angela (35:04):
Such a vulnerable state at that point.
It's so hard to not just do,okay, whatever you say, please.
Like, let's get this done,right?
Kia (35:11):
Like, exactly, exactly.
And yeah, so it it was, youknow, it was a decision I didn't
want to have to make, but atthe same time, I just wanted to
like surrender and just be ableto just rest, rest my brain and
my body.
So I I got a epidural aroundseven, uh 7 p.m.
(35:34):
Yeah.
So it was like an hour after Istopped working with my body.
Um, and they ended up giving meactually a spinal first and
then an epidural to try tobecause I just couldn't stop
moving.
And um that it did, it was areally good epidural.
I will say I was able to movemy feet.
I still felt the contractions,like very thankful for the
(35:54):
person that did the epiduralbecause it really, I was I was
picturing that I wouldn't beable to feel anything.
Um, and I really didn't wantthat, obviously.
So that was really great tohave the feeling to be able to
actually move my legs.
I was like, wow, okay.
Oh, thank goodness.
Um, so that was around seven.
And at that point, they wantedto try to get things moving.
(36:19):
And again, I was in that reallyvulnerable state of just like,
I feel like I need to surrenderand I don't want to, but I have
nothing like been up for so longnow, over 24 hours, and I'm
just exhausted.
So, because I had the hip lockin, they started Pitocin to try
(36:39):
to move things along.
However, they gave it to me,and every time I had a
contraction, baby D celledagain.
Angela (36:48):
Surprise, surprise.
Like, that's shocking.
Like your baby's already havingD cells.
Let's say Yep, yup, literally.
Kia (36:57):
So, like, and my husband's observing all this, and he's
starting to connect.
Like, wait a minute, like thecontractions were really intense
before.
Now she can't move.
Yeah, you know, it's like,okay, um, this is tough.
So thank goodness he was thereto like witness because we went
over this yesterday to try tolike remember everything, and
(37:20):
it's helpful because during thattime, again, I'm just like so
I'm glazed over and soexhausted.
So they tried for about uh, Ibelieve it was like so seven, it
was probably until about 10:30or 11 trying Pitocin, not trying
Potosin, like going back andforth between Pitocin, no
Pitocin, Pitocin, no Pitocin,and she kept not tolerating it.
(37:43):
Um by nine o'clock, I wasfinally around a nine.
And then by midnight, I was ata 10.
So my body did progress.
I just kept switching sides,doing peanut ball, um, trying to
keep things, my body moving alittle bit.
Um so by midnight I was at a10.
(38:05):
At that point, I didn't haveany Pitocin going.
They had completely stopped itat that point.
Um, and so yay, we can startactively pushing.
So I get on, obviously, I'm onmy back, have the squat bar
going on, um, trying that,pulling against the sheet.
(38:27):
Um, we try putting, you know,my legs completely up and do
pushing that way.
We try pushing on my side.
She's just not moving, comingdown.
So around two hours of pushinglater, my midwife keeps checking
me and she's just stuck.
There's just a little spotwhere she's stuck, um, might
(38:47):
have been that lip, um, andcan't quite get her down.
And obviously, I'm stilldelusional.
So I'm just like, please helpme.
Like, what do we do?
So she consulted the OB oncall, and she was wonderful.
I I loved her energy.
She kind of brought me back tolife a little bit.
She was like, We're gonna,we're gonna do this.
(39:08):
She advised to use a vacuum.
So she, you know, asked me if Iknew anything about it, and I I
really I remembered from birthclass us mentioning it, but that
was something that like nevercame up in the podcasts I was
listening to.
Like, I never really knew muchabout it, the pros and the cons
(39:30):
and everything.
So I had her explain to meeverything that she could and
everything that I could retain,and it was basically vacuum and
let's get her out, or c-section,and we're gonna prep the room
right now.
So another hard decision.
Um, but I had to choose vacuum.
There was no other option.
I I, you know, I didn't want todo a c-section, and at that
(39:53):
point, I'm just looking at myhusband and my doula, just like
scared because it's like I I'vedone all this work.
There's no way I can do ac-section.
Angela (40:04):
Um, was your doula helping you to explain like what
the vacuum was like during thistime?
Do you have like some time tomake that decision a little bit,
or was it feel feeling rushed?
Kia (40:14):
Yeah, it it didn't feel rushed, thankfully.
Um, she the Obi had come in,she explained to me everything.
She did give me time.
She said, let me go geteverything prepped, but I'm
gonna leave and come back andlike you talk and let me know
what you're thinking.
So yeah, we probably had about20 minutes to talk with my doula
(40:36):
and and my husband and mymidwife who was there, and just
kind of walk through it.
And so she came back, the OBcame back about 20 minutes
later, and with her followedsome people from the OR.
And I think there was amiscommunication because they
were like, Okay, like, are wegoing in?
And she was like, No, no, likewe're gonna try the OB said, No,
(40:59):
no, we're gonna try the vacuumfirst.
And the male doctor um who hadcome in said, like, okay, so
I'll hold the OR.
And she's like, Yep, like holdit.
And in that moment, I'm justlike, oh my God, don't wheel me
away to the OR.
You know, like it was like,wow, this is like right, like
it's this or bust, you know.
(41:19):
So that was crazy.
Um, but she had the vacuum withher and she said, you know, are
you good to make this decision?
Do you do you want to do thevacuum?
And I said, Yes, I do not wantto see section.
And she's like, Okay, we'regonna get the baby out then.
It's we're gonna be good.
I I have faith, you know.
She she did put confidence intoit that she was gonna be able
to do it.
(41:40):
And my midwife at the same timewas saying, like, you're lucky
that she's on call.
Like, if I had to pick anyoneto do this, it would be her, you
know.
So everyone was really tryingto like hype me up that this was
gonna work.
So that was good.
So she placed the vacuum andshe was explaining everything as
she was doing it, and told meon the next contraction, you're
(42:01):
gonna push, and I'm also goingto assist you with the vacuum to
get the baby out.
And so next contraction came, Ipushed.
Uh, baby moved about twocentimeters down, and then the
vacuum popped off.
And so she was like, Oh, itpopped off.
Like, no biggie, I'm just gonnago get another vacuum.
But she did move, she movedlike two centimeters, so it's
(42:23):
working, it's working.
And so my next contraction camewhile she was trying to prep
the second vacuum.
And so my nurse helped me coachme through the push during
that.
She's like, Let's just keepworking, like, come on, push.
And I ended up pushing her outon my own at that time.
Angela (42:39):
Were they having you do kind of like that purple pushing
where you like hold your breathand like it was like push,
push, push?
Okay.
Kia (42:45):
Yeah, yep, exactly.
Yep, coached purple pushing.
Um, and yeah, it thankgoodness, like that little bit,
that two centimeter down thatthat vacuum did was enough of
the loosening up that we needed.
And I was able to push the restof her out really easily.
And I felt it throughout that,which I really wanted to
(43:06):
experience that.
And of course, it wasn't thefull feeling because I had the
epidural, but I did get to havethat moment of like, I can feel
her coming, and like that wasamazing.
Um, thank goodness.
And so yeah, she came out.
We still didn't know she was ashe.
So they laid her on my chestand we were just like soaking it
up.
And I have pictures of me justlike laying back, like not even
(43:28):
looking at her, you know, justbreathing because I was like so,
so um, so tired.
But then the nurse was like,What's your baby?
So we lifted her up, and and myhusband announced that it was a
she, it was a girl.
And um yeah, it was just anamazing feeling to have her out.
(43:49):
And while she was on my chest,um, you know, they let me do
skin to skin.
She was she was doing reallywell.
So she was on my chest for awhile while they um stitched me
up.
I did have a first degree tear,but thankfully, no more than
that, which I kind of againthinking brain on, I was like,
oh gosh, I'm gonna be ruined,you know, like this is gonna be
hard because I was just workingso hard, pushing so hard.
(44:12):
But um, thankfully, just afirst degree internal tear.
Um, so they they stitched me upand she was beautiful and good,
and it was just it was like thepot of gold at the end of the
very long dark tunnel.
Um, it was beautiful.
Angela (44:29):
Yes.
Oh my gosh, that's amazing thatyou did it on your own after
like this before she got thatsecond vacuum.
Like, thank goodness, right?
Kia (44:38):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It was like such a it felt soempowering.
And she was, you know, tellingme, like, wow, you you did that.
You know, everyone was sayingthat.
Like, you did that, you didthat.
And it was like, after all ofthat, to be told that like I did
something, it was like, wow,yeah, okay, good, finally, I
could like be an activeparticipant in this, you know.
(45:00):
Um, so yeah, that was really,really amazing.
And she did have a smallhematoma on her head that
completely resolved um withinlike gosh, 48 hours probably it
was it was gone.
So also very grateful for thatbecause um I know, you know,
sometimes vacuums can have somescary birth injuries for babies.
(45:21):
So we were very lucky with thatas well.
Angela (45:24):
Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty positive vacuum story.
If we had, you know, despiteall of the all of the odds and
all of these roadblocks that youkind of kept coming up, we're
having to make these decisions,like with this policy living in
the background, like, but yeah,uh happy ending.
Kia (45:43):
Very much so, yes.
Oh my gosh, it just yeah, thewhole thing was like decision
after decision, and then finallywe just had a good, yeah, good
outcome of it all, which wasamazing.
Angela (45:55):
Wow.
So how was your immediatepostpartum like in the hospital?
Those, yeah, those first likecouple days.
Kia (46:02):
Yeah, so it was it was great.
Um, I I enjoyed being there.
The only thing is I just couldnot sleep.
So I don't know what it was.
I was so exhausted, and yet Icould not sleep.
So we were there.
Um, so to back up a little bit,I went into labor Sunday at 6.
I had her Tuesday at 336.
(46:24):
So I was in labor about 33hours from start to finish, and
then had her early morning onTuesday, and then we were in the
hospital till Thursdayafternoon.
So during all of that time,gosh, I probably only got 10
hours of sleep.
Um, it was not a lot at all.
(46:45):
And I remember duringdischarge, um, I was just
totally a zombie, like listeningbut not listening, like my eyes
were half shut.
I was just, I was a shell ofmyself.
But she was babe, um, my babywas amazing.
Like she was fantastic.
She still is, she's such a goodbaby.
Um, love her so much.
(47:06):
But yeah, she she was great.
My husband was such a goodsupport for me.
But during that hospital stay,I I didn't necessarily want to
run out of there because it wasstill so new to me, and I wanted
to take time to have the helpwhile I had the help.
But I was ready to be in my ownbed by Thursday for sure.
(47:26):
So we um we got home, settledin.
That was really, really lovelyto just have the space to
ourselves.
We set up like a meal train sowe excuse me, had had um some
you know meals ready for us whenwe got home, which was amazing.
Such a great thing that peopleset up for pregnant people.
(47:47):
It's amazing to have that mealwaiting for you.
Um, so that was it.
We were just in our littlebubble.
It was the end of January, soor now we're talking early
February because she was bornJanuary 28th.
Um, and so it was really cold,and we just stayed in the house
and watched the snowfall anddidn't really have anyone over.
(48:08):
We just really took the timefor ourselves to just enjoy the
moment.
Um, and yeah, did a lot ofsnuggling and just relaxing and
it was really nice.
Um, she she latched really wellfrom the start too.
So that was also a really bigwin because I I knew I really
wanted to breastfeed andthankfully she made that pretty
(48:31):
easy for us.
Um, and that was such ablessing to have that bonding
time with her.
And besides that, yeah, I justI caught up on a lot of sleep
well when I got home.
And then after that initial,like very early postpartum,
(48:52):
around week three, I would say,I ended up getting, or I had
had, but I didn't realize afissure, an anal fissure, and I
didn't know about those either.
And I will say that issomething I could have never
prepared myself for.
If anyone's ever gone throughthat, it is horrible, and I feel
(49:15):
for you.
Um, so that was a really like Iwas on this high, and then that
happened and it just knocked meright down.
So that postpartum period wasreally rough, like from three
weeks to like probably 12 weeks,I was dealing with that.
Um, and that really, reallysunk me down, which was which
(49:37):
was so sad because it had beenso good.
Um, but yeah, I I didn't, Ikind of laxed on my magnesium
that I had been takingthroughout my whole pregnancy.
And I wonder if that hadsomething to do with it.
Um, as well as, you know, theysay to take some stool softeners
after birth and stuff.
And I was I wasn't asconsistent as, you know, maybe I
(50:00):
could have been, but who knowswhat really did it.
But um, probably all thatpushing, if I'm being honest.
But but yeah, it it was wild.
So that's that's really ifanyone ever goes through that, I
am so sorry it is rough.
Angela (50:15):
Oh no, yeah, there can be a lot of side effects from
all of that pushing, you know,and and there also on the flip
side can be a lot of benefits oflike not pushing and just like
allowing your baby, you know,and your body to do the things,
and and that's sometimes not anoption with all this policy
looming around.
Kia (50:35):
Oh, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
I think, yeah, I think that allof that um kind of stress at
the end of the birth definitelywas not uh was not helpful for
my body.
Angela (50:48):
How did your placenta come out?
Kia (50:50):
Do you remember that part?
Yeah, yes, uh, very, very easy.
So yes, I do remember that.
I remember right after she wasum on me, laying on me.
Um, I had another smallcontraction and uh the OB was
at, you know, still down therefor me.
And so she said, you know, uhgive me just a tiny little push.
(51:10):
And she had the cord um in herhand and it it slid right out,
no problem.
Um, so that was great.
And I was able, they had theplacenta out next to me, but she
was still um, she was stillattached.
They hadn't cut the cord quiteyet.
So that was really nice too.
We got we got that time to justbe there.
And I got a little tour of myplacenta, which was awesome.
(51:33):
Got to see it, which I was likevery fascinated by that.
That was just wild.
Um, so yeah, had that time andit was it was no problem with
that, thank goodness.
Because that was another thingthat I obviously had had
researched and known about anddidn't really think about at all
after she was born, obviously,but it went smooth.
Angela (51:54):
Amazing, yes.
Placentas are very cool.
I love the placenta tour at theend where you get to you know
see this entire organ that yougrew, right, to support your
baby for all those months.
It's amazing.
It is such a cool organ.
Now, as a final question, ifyou were to give advice to
(52:14):
someone who's expecting or evennew parents after all of your
experience, like what's thebiggest thing that you'd want to
share?
Kia (52:22):
Yeah, I think leaning on your support is so huge.
And like being honest withyourself and the people around
you about what you need.
Um, I think I underestimatedthat.
I knew that that was important,like it takes a village, um,
that whole thing.
But I think I reallyunderestimated that, and you
(52:44):
don't necessarily have to havefamily around for that to be the
case.
Um, like I right at like twoweeks, I started going to a
lactation support group that umNorthern Light Mercy has on Four
River.
So it's every Friday at 10 a.m.
Um, lactation consultants thereand other new moms.
(53:07):
And so I went there weekly andlike just going to that, I met
so many amazing moms and justlike built a little community
and was able to ask questionsand um, you know, share
struggles or wins with thosetypes of things, um, as well as
like finding support groupsonline.
I unfortunately my supplydropped when I got my period and
(53:28):
I wasn't able to recover itsuccessfully.
So I started Amari on someformula, and they have these
like weekly lactation supportgroups that support both
breastfeeding and formulafeedings and combo feeding.
So, you know, I was able tojust kind of seek out um support
in different ways, and I thinklike leaning on that, and you
(53:51):
really do realize that yourexperience is um relatable to a
lot of other people, and that'sreally beautiful.
So yeah, I would say justreally lean on people, people,
strangers, new moms, um, as wellas your family, obviously, if
you have some local, but if youdon't, there's there's resources
out there, and I hope that youfind them if you're looking for
(54:14):
them.
Angela (54:15):
Yes, those groups are so important to find like the
in-person community and like ifyou have online community,
sometimes you can turn theonline community into the
in-person communities, you know,too.
And then after, you know, whenyour babies get a little bigger,
finding that community, whichis usually at the local
libraries to still get out, tostill like be with those other
(54:37):
moms because you're not alone inwhatever you're going through
and all of these differentphases as your little ones grow.
Kia (54:44):
Yeah, and it's so cool to hear about everyone else's
experiences and like you know,everyone parents differently,
everyone does everythingdifferently, but we're all so
successful in what we do, andit's really great to celebrate
that.
And yeah, I can't wait till mydaughter's a little bit older
and we can go do those library.
I've I've heard that that's alot of fun going to the library
with other moms.
(55:04):
So I'm looking forward to that.
Angela (55:07):
Yeah, like definitely venture into the library when
you start to, you know, get alittle I will.
Kia (55:12):
You know, we're gonna need stuff to do this winter, so
honestly, I probably will.
Yes.
Angela (55:18):
I love it.
Oh my goodness.
Well, thank you so much, Kia,for coming on and taking the
time to chat with me and shareyour story today.
Yeah, of course.
Thanks so much for having me,Angela.
Before you go, I just want toremind you, I have a ton of
resources for pregnancy andbirth.
If you're pregnant, whetheryou're a first-time mom or if
(55:39):
this is your fifth baby, I wantyou to check out the show notes
because I have some freetrainings and free downloads
that you can sign up for, aswell as the link to access My
Labor of Love, a comprehensive,self-paced online childbirth
education course.
I created this coursespecifically for moms who don't
want to be told what to do,regardless of where you're
(56:00):
birthing or who you're birthingwith.
And I'd honestly love to teachyou everything that I know so
that you can prepare for anautonomous birth experience and
prepare to step into your roleas the leader of your birth
journey.
So, click to the show notes,check out all of those links,
and if you ever have anyquestions, feel free to DM me at
(56:21):
my mainbirth over on Instagram.
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