October 3, 2024 • 36 mins
Bekah's story is an emotional journey of unexpected challenges and resilience, tracing her path from a bustling life in California to her new beginnings in Maine.
After meeting her fiancé, Logan, Becca shares the ebbs and flows of her pregnancy, including her initial birthing plans and the eventual decision to deliver at Maine General Hospital.
Bekah's experience takes an intense turn at 39 weeks when a scheduled appointment revealed preeclampsia, leading to an unplanned labor induction. She candidly discusses the highs and lows of this unexpected path, including opting for an epidural and facing moments of insensitivity from medical staff.
The story continues into the postpartum phase, where Becca confronts birth trauma, breastfeeding struggles, and the emotional intricacies of early parenthood.
Her reflections offer heartfelt advice for new parents, emphasizing the importance of trusting one's instincts and ensuring open communication with healthcare providers. Tune in for a story that is both a testament to resilience and a source of guidance for those embarking on their own birthing journeys.
MyMaine Birth is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Angela (00:01):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a
space where we share the reallife stories of families and
their unique birth experiencesin the beautiful state of Maine.
From our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
and home births, every birthstory deserves to be heard and
(00:22):
celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome to episode 94 of the myMain Birth podcast.
Today we're going to be hearingfrom Becca, as she shares her
powerful story that sheds lighton the challenges, the
(00:45):
unexpected turns and theemotional aftermath of a birth
story that does not go as youimagined it would.
I believe it's important tocreate a safe space for these
narratives, to raise awarenessand to support those who've gone
through difficult birthexperiences.
To all the pregnant motherslistening, I encourage you to
assess your emotional readinessfor today's episode.
(01:07):
If hearing stories of birthtrauma might not be what you
need at the moment, please skipthis episode.
For those of you who've recentlyexperienced birth trauma
yourself, I want you to knowthat you are not alone.
I see you, I hear you and I'mhere to support you.
I offer a virtual servicedesigned specifically for
mothers who need to processtheir birth stories.
(01:29):
My birth healing sessions overZoom provide a safe and
confidential space to exploreyour emotions, find healing and
work through any lingeringfeelings of disappointment, fear
or grief.
I'm an experienced birthprofessional and I'm ready to
listen, offer guidance and helpyou navigate the complexities of
your birth experience.
(01:49):
If you're interested inscheduling a birth healing
session, visit my website,mymainbirthcom.
Remember your story matters andI'm here to support you every
step of the way.
Together, we can heal, grow andfind strength in our shared
experiences.
Thank you for joining me todayon my Main Birth, and remember
(02:09):
to take care of yourself andeach other.
And, as always, let's keep theconversation going.
You can always message me overon social media.
You can find me on Facebook orInstagram at my Main Birth.
All right, let's get to it.
Hi Becca, welcome toMyMainBirth.
How are you?
Good how are you Awesome?
(02:30):
So to get started, will youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Bekah (02:36):
Yeah, so I was raised in California and then I moved out
here in 2021.
So I've been here for aboutthree and a half years.
I was working at State PoliceDispatch when I met Logan, my
fiance, just not payingattention to the distance, which
I normally was pretty strictabout, and one night I just saw
(02:58):
his goofy, freaking smile so Iswiped on him.
He messaged me, I saw it, but Igot a 911.
So I had to put down my phoneand forgot to message him back.
Same thing happened the nextnight.
He messaged me, I saw it, wentto reply 911, picked it up, and
then on the third night becausehe told me after he has a three
(03:20):
night rule, he'll message youthree days in a row and if you
don't answer the third, heunmatches with you, like that
was his rule on Tinder.
And so on the third night I wassitting in the emergency room at
main general because I thoughtthat my appendix was about to
explode, and so he messaged meand I messaged back.
(03:42):
Then we just started talkingback and forth.
I mentioned that I was at thehospital and then we video
called and he stayed up with mebasically all night, even though
he had to work the next day.
So I didn't feel alone in thehospital and things moved pretty
.
So that was in October of 22,october of 22.
(04:06):
And then by July we found outthat we were pregnant and going
to have a baby.
How did?
Angela (04:16):
you find out you were pregnant.
Bekah (04:17):
So I was working midnights at state police at the
time and I was about to switchover to the turnpike.
But I was working midnights andI came home from work just
absolutely tired and exhaustedand like fell asleep like I
normally do, and I just likewoke up from a dead sleep and
was like I need to take apregnancy test.
(04:38):
So I did and it was positiveand I kind of just like sat
there for a second and then Itexted Logan that he needed to
pick up more tests on the wayhome because I didn't trust it,
even though it was digital andit said so clearly pregnant.
Angela (04:55):
You had that inner knowing, like you said.
Bekah (04:59):
I woke up from dead sleep and was like I need to,
and then I took a second and athird and fourth test and they
were all positive and called myOB the next day and scheduled my
first ultrasound.
I was about six weeks at thetime that I found out I was
pregnant.
Angela (05:18):
Oh, wow, yeah.
So that kind of leads into mynext question.
So when you found out you'repregnant, like what were your
thoughts in choosing your care?
Or did you kind of know rightaway what you wanted to go with?
Bekah (05:29):
So I wanted I definitely wanted to see the midwives
versus the gynecologists.
I just felt more comfortablewith midwives.
So I went directly to themidwives first and then my
initial thought and what Iwanted to do was give birth in a
birthing center versus ahospital.
But Logan was very much like ifsomething goes wrong, you need
(05:51):
to be in a hospital.
So we decided to do maingeneral and I went with the
midwives all the way throughuntil I gave birth and then it
became high risk so theyswitched me over to the OBs.
Angela (06:06):
How are you feeling throughout your pregnancy?
Oh, it was brutal.
Bekah (06:12):
I was so the first trimester I was so tired I mean
I was falling asleep at work,like during very important
meetings, sitting up and justout, and I had just started at
that job.
So it was so fantastic to get aletter from HR in the mail
saying we know you're pregnant,but you have to let us know if
you need some assistance.
(06:33):
You can't be falling asleep atyour workstation.
And I was like I'm sorry.
And then when I was done withtraining at the Turnpike,
because I was at the bottom ofthe totem pole, I went to
midnights.
So I was on midnights for themajority of my pregnancy and I
had such horrible morningsickness.
So like the first two weeksthat I started getting morning
(06:57):
sickness, I called out two,three times a week because I
just couldn't go to work.
I was like not leaving thebathroom.
And then my doctor recommendedtaking the Unisom with the B6.
And I was doing that and itsort of faded from there, Like
during the day I was okay.
And then, because I was onmidnight shift and nothing
(07:17):
really happens on midnights, Iwas okay, Like if I had to run
to the bathroom to throw up, Ilike didn't have to worry too
much about missing somethingimportant because I was by
myself on midnights.
And then my third trimester Istarted getting like super
swollen.
I mean like my skin was glossy.
(07:39):
I was so swollen I was my shoesweren't fitting.
I had to wear shoes that werelike two sizes too big and it
just like hurt to walk, it hurtto move and I was blown up like
a whale.
I got so huge.
I think I gained like 80 poundsduring my pregnancy.
So the last trimester, I think,was the hardest.
A little bit of the morningsickness came back, so I was
(08:02):
like balancing that and thenbeing swollen and not really
being able to run to thebathroom anymore, Like waddle as
fast as I could.
But even though it was such abrutal pregnancy, I would do it
all over again.
Angela (08:15):
Yeah, yeah, it's like really a crazy whirlwind of an
experience.
Bekah (08:20):
Yeah, and like he's my first, so like I didn't know
what to expect.
You know, everybody tells youwhat to expect, but it just it's
not the same as like actuallyexperiencing it.
Angela (08:34):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it's definitely one ofthose things.
You can hear all the stories,but, yeah, until you go through
it yourself, you're like youdon't really know.
Bekah (08:42):
Right, well, I mean, everybody is so different during
their pregnancies Like no twopregnancy stories are going to
be the same.
Angela (08:48):
Even of your own pregnancy, Like a lot of moms
that are.
Like you know, you'll have yoursecond or third pregnancy and
you'll be comparing it toprevious pregnancies and it's
just completely different.
Bekah (08:58):
Yeah, yeah, let's hope my next one's easier.
Angela (09:01):
So now, will you share kind of about the final weeks
and then days leading up to whenyour labor started and, yeah,
about your birth?
Bekah (09:11):
Yeah.
So I ended up getting inducedat 39 weeks, so I had him a week
early.
The last few weeks, like Imentioned, I was super swollen.
You know going to the doctorsevery week just saying like
something doesn't feel right.
You know preeclampsia runs inmy family.
I'm really swollen, kicking upmy feet, wearing compression
socks nothing's helping.
(09:31):
And it was like you're fine,you're just a first time mom,
you've got jitters, you're okay.
I knew it was getting close, soI was getting anxious.
On top of everything, I wasrushing to get everything done
in the baby room.
We ended up co-sleeping for sixmonths but he didn't go in
(09:52):
there.
We didn't even open the door tohis baby room unless it was to
get diapers.
I remember taking a bath at likemy 38-week mark.
I was like I just want to takea warm bath.
And I got in and Lois was atwork and I thought, like this
week mark.
I was like I just want to takea warm bath.
And I got in and Logan was atwork and I thought like this is
fine, I can do it.
I've been taking baths all thistime and I just didn't gauge
(10:13):
how big I had gotten.
So I took my bath and then thewater started getting cold and I
was like I need to get out andI struggled for 20 minutes to
get out of the bathtub and likeI texted Logan and I was like no
more baths.
Angela (10:29):
If I say I want a bath, don't let me yeah, it comes with
when you kind of have to likeroll yourself out right like
trying to like get myself ontomy knees to push myself up.
Bekah (10:40):
At 37 weeks I had my maternity shoot with Jandine
Boudoir down in, I believe, bathor Brunswick, no Westbrook
Jandine Boudoir for photography,and I mean it was such a great
experience.
They did my hair and my makeupand they had all these outfits I
could put on and we spent liketwo, three hours just doing the
(11:03):
photos that's so fun to gettogether like you know, late
pregnancy and get your hair doneand get dressed up and go out
and do the photos.
Yeah, that's amazing and she'slike so she's like I'll contact
you in like two weeks and we'lllike go through all the pictures
and then you'll pick out likethe package that you want and
(11:24):
make your first payment and allof this.
And I was like that soundsgreat, Like I'll be 39 weeks.
I won't be quite ready to pop.
Everybody in my family goesover anyway.
So we scheduled it for the 12th, which was the day of my 39
week appointment, and I went infor my 39 week appointment,
(11:46):
totally ready, just to get mymembrane sweep and everything.
The nurse comes in and she takesmy blood pressure and she's
like it's a little bit high, butyou should be fine.
I'm just going to let themidwife know why don't you just
go ahead and take your pants off, so when she comes in we can
just do the membrane sweep?
I was like that sounds great tome.
So when she comes in, we canjust do the membrane sweep.
(12:07):
I was like that sounds great tome.
So I'm sitting on theexamination table like buck,
naked from the waist down withjust their tiny little blanket
over me.
That doesn't cover anything,and she walked.
The midwife walks in and she'slike yeah, no, we're admitting
you, your blood pressure is waytoo high.
We're probably going to end upinducing you, so you might want
(12:28):
to call your significant otherand whoever you want to be in
the room with you.
I was like, okay, you know,that sounds great.
Angela (12:37):
So she kind of just came in and was like this is what
we're going to do, or did shekind of present it to you with,
like these are your options.
Bekah (12:45):
She didn't present any options.
It was we're going to bring youin, we're going to monitor you
and you're probably gettinginduced, so prepare, kind of
thing.
So I was like this is fine,this is great.
So they took me over to thematernity ward, got me all set
up in a delivery room andeverything, and by the time that
(13:07):
I had gotten in the ward myblood pressure had spiked to 174
, over 90 and they did all thetesting and they came back and
they're like yeah, you havepreeclampsia, we're going to
have to induce you.
So they started pumping me fullof blood pressure meds to get
my blood pressure down beforethey started the induction
(13:28):
process.
But I guess I was already in theearly stages of labor.
I was having contractions, butI wasn't quite feeling them yet.
I was having contractions, butI wasn't quite feeling them yet.
So I called Logan and I waslike, hey, they're inducing me.
And he had just woken up, likenot even finished his coffee yet
.
He's like I'm sorry, what?
(13:49):
And I was like today's the day,get dressed, get here, bring my
hospital bag.
So he got in the car and rushedover and by the time they had
he had gotten there.
They lowered my blood pressureenough to start the induction,
like the med medicine to kind ofrelax my cervix.
(14:12):
They hadn't started the Pitocinor anything yet and I started
kind of feeling my contractionsand it wasn't too bad.
I was like I can handle this,this is good, I'm okay.
And then I sent Logan out to getme dinner at like six or seven
o'clock and one of the doctorthe resident doctors came like
(14:36):
barreling into the room and waslike when was the last time that
you ate?
And I was like I haven't eatenat all today.
And she's like I was like Ijust sent Logan out to get me
lunch, like dinner, and she'slike don't eat, you know we
might need to do a c-section.
And like didn't exactly ask meif I wanted to do a C-section
(14:58):
and I kind of like stopped for asecond and I was like, well,
last resort, right.
And she's like, well, we mightneed to.
And then walked out and thenaround I want to say nine or 10
o'clock they started thepictosin.
Keep in mind I went into myappointment at 11am.
So like now we're at nineo'clock and they're just now
starting the pictosin.
(15:18):
Haven't eaten all day, I'mstarving and they won't let me
because they might need to do aC-section and they're like these
.
The contractions might be alittle intense.
Just let me know if you wantthe epidural.
And I was like very upfrontfrom the whole process I do not
want epidural, like last resortepidural, like no kind of thing.
(15:42):
And then, like the first twopictosin contractions hit and it
was brutal.
So I like looked at Logan and Iwas like I changed my mind.
So they came in, they gave methe epidural around like
midnight and the firstcontraction after the epidural
(16:03):
didn't feel it.
It was great.
I was able to sleep a littlebit.
And then the next one afterthat the epidural just stopped
working and so from that pointon it just every I felt, but I
couldn't move my legs, so likeonly thing it succeeded in doing
was blocking my legs fromworking Around.
(16:24):
See, he was born at 11.
So I want to say around 9amLogan's parents came to visit
for like the last time beforebecause they had to work that
day.
So they came to visit and I waslike sitting on the bed, hadn't
had him yet, and like obviouslyI'm under my birthing gown,
(16:46):
there's nothing on, and one ofthe male doctors walked in and
just pulled my blanket off, andso I was exposed to everybody in
the room.
Angela (16:57):
He just walked in, pulled it off, didn't say like
anything to you, wow.
Bekah (17:01):
Nope, he pulled it off and said I just need to check
and I was just kind of like okay, like thanks for that.
Angela (17:15):
So not only did he pull the blanket off, but he said I'm
also going to do this thingthat I'm not even really like
asking you if like this is agood time to do Right in front
of everyone, huh, in front of.
Bekah (17:24):
So like Logan's stepmom and dad were there and luckily
Logan's dad was like not lookingat that point, so like he
didn't expose my cooch to myfather-in-law, but I was just
kind of like Sam saw, saw ithappen, logan's stepmom and we
just like looked at each other,like did this?
Did he really just do that?
That's really insensitive, wow,it really was.
(17:46):
And then around 10 am, theycame in and they broke my water
because I still hadn't done it,naturally.
Now, how did that?
conversation go still hadn'tdone it, naturally.
Now, how did that conversationgo?
She just came in and she's likewe're going to have to break
your water to move this processalong.
We can't have it like go toolong.
Angela (18:06):
So now, how is your blood pressure at that point?
Was it, was it settled, or wasit?
Bekah (18:10):
It was still high, but it was manageable.
I want to say it was like 145,maybe 150, over 85, 90.
So it was still pretty high,but it wasn't insanely high.
It wasn't like to the pointwhere they're like we need to do
a C-section.
They were like you can do thisnaturally, kind of thing.
(18:33):
And I was like, well, hownatural can you be when you're
pumped full of drugs, kind ofthing.
And I was like, well, hownatural can you be when you're
pumped full of drugs?
Yeah, so I think I was likeeight and a half centimeters
dilated by the time they brokemy water.
And she's like I'm gonna comeback in like an hour and check
on you.
And she like came back.
She's like how are you feeling?
You feeling ready to push?
(18:54):
Do you feel like you have to goto the bathroom or anything?
I was like not quite yet.
And then she walked out like 10minutes later I could feel like
it was time.
So we pushed the call buttonand I was like I think it's time
.
And she came in and she's likeit definitely is.
On the next contraction, I wantyou to push.
(19:15):
On the next contraction, I wantyou to push.
So I like started pushing andagain like I couldn't.
I could feel everything, but Icouldn't move my legs without
pulling them.
So she had me like turn on myside.
Logan had to push me onto myside and then pull my leg like
all the way to my chest and thenpulled my leg like all the way
(19:38):
to my chest and I was likepushing for a couple minutes and
I just could hear the doctorschatter, and one of them was
like his heart rate is dropping.
So like I started getting alittle bit scared and the doctor
like looked up at me and she'slike so you need to push him out
in the next contraction orwe're going to have to use the
(19:58):
vacuum.
And then, in the same breath,was like which can cause
bleeding on the brain and behindthe eyes and bruising, and all
of this like which really likescared me, Like this is my first
time having a kid and she wasjust coming hard at me with all
of these facts.
Angela (20:19):
And this is in your final moments of labor, as your
baby's emerging from your body.
Bekah (20:25):
Right.
Yeah, I mean it was terrifyingto hear her say like his heart
rate is dropping, you need topush him out now.
So I she's like I don't evenwant you to wait until the next
contraction.
So I she's like I don't evenwant you to wait until the next
contraction, you just need topush.
So I started pushing and Icould feel like his head halfway
out, when one of the nurses waslike just push mama.
(20:48):
Which like was just the tip ofthe freaking iceberg.
So I screamed I am pushing,which like got a chuckle out of
everybody in the room, whichlike is not funny because I was
(21:09):
in so much pain.
And I finally like felt him outand there was just no cry.
And so I like stopped for asecond and they like put him on
my chest for a heartbeat andwe're like trying to get him to
cry.
And she's like, yep, this isn'tgoing to work.
And pulled him away, cut thecord and took him over to the
incubator area and I'm likelooking at Logan and I'm just
(21:33):
saying, over and over is hecrying?
Is he crying?
Is he OK saying over and over,is he crying?
Is he crying, is he okay?
Meanwhile, the doctor isholding up my placenta and going
so this is your placenta, andlike pointing out different
things to me, and all I canthink is I really don't care.
Is my baby okay?
Finally, logan's like he'scrying, he's okay.
(21:54):
He's like okay, good.
And the doctor like stitched meup or whatever because I got a
second degree tear because theyhad you push like so ferociously
in those last right and saidand the doctor's like you pushed
him out in seven minutes, likethat's basically unheard of.
(22:16):
And I was like wow, that'sreally fast.
She's like a lot of first-timemoms are pushing for like hours
and I was like, well, you toldme I had to push him out, like
or else right so I like satthere for a minute and I never
(22:37):
got to hear his first crybecause the doctor was just
talking over it and like that'ssomething I think about now,
like watching, like Call theMidwife or whatever.
I just never heard his firstcry and that's such an important
thing.
Then they mentioned that hewasn't retaining his body heat,
so they kept him under the heatlamps for a couple hours and
(23:00):
meanwhile, like I can't walk, Istill have the epidural, you
know, trying to make its waythrough my system, so I can't go
over to the other side of theroom and see him where they kept
him over there.
And Logan's parents came backand they got to see him fully
before I did, and like I sat,like I would just lay there and
(23:24):
like listen to him breathingbecause he had so much amniotic
fluid and stuff in his nose andin his airways because I pushed
him out so fast it didn't havetime to squeeze out of him.
And then they like brought himover to me for a couple minutes
so I could finally hold him forthe first time, like fully to
see if maybe some skin to skinwould help him with regaining
(23:47):
his body temperature.
And then, like within twominutes they checked his
temperature and it was likefalling again.
So they put him back under theheat lamp so like I got to hold
him for maybe two, two to fiveminutes in a five hour span.
And then I finally got him backand got to hold him because he
was retaining his body heat atthis point and we noticed that
(24:10):
like he just sounded like he wasstruggling to breathe.
So we mentioned it to thedoctor and she took him out with
logan went with him, but theytook him to like the little
nursery area and they shovedtubes down his throat and nose
to try and suck everything out.
And the doctor looked at me andshe's like, well, it's because
(24:31):
you pushed him out so fast.
Like kind of like it was wrongof me to push him out in seven
minutes and my blood pressurewas like skyrocketing again.
Angela (24:43):
Um, really like you're separated from your baby, like I
think that's right, all rightat that point, wow so we went in
.
Bekah (24:52):
I got admitted tuesday, I had him wednesday and then we
didn't get out of the hospitaluntil Saturday Because, with him
having to retain his body heat,he had a little bit of jaundice
and just like a couple otherlittle complications and then me
with my blood pressure just notlowering on its own.
(25:12):
So as much as I loved themidwives at Maine General, I
don't think that my next kidwill be there Just because my
whole last trimester I told themthat I was worried I had
preeclampsia and they shut medown and then ended up having to
induce me due to preeclampsia.
(25:33):
And I just can't get the thoughtout of my head that if they
would have listened and treatedme, I might have been able to
have him the way I wanted toFully natural, no pictosin
standing up, no epidural kind ofthing, and like nothing on my
birth plan was followed.
Plus with so many residentswhich I don't mind, like they
(25:58):
have to learn somehow justmaking me feel so uncomfortable
the whole time between the onebarging in and saying we need to
do a C-section, don't eat, andthen the next one coming in and
just ripping down my blanket infront of everybody.
It just like was not a greatfirst experience to having a
(26:18):
baby and it really like put meoff on wanting another one for a
very long time.
So like I just I mean, he's sixmonths old now and I'm just now
getting to the point where I'mlike thinking about planning to
plan for another baby, Because Ijust don't want to go through
(26:41):
that again yeah, yeah, it's a.
Angela (26:46):
It's a big.
It's a big thing to process anda really big experience to to
go through.
I had birth trauma with myfirst birth and I didn't have
another baby for eight yearsafter that.
So, um, it's real, you know,and you're not alone and
unfortunately, I think thestatistic is something like 35%
of moms, like, are walking awayfrom their birth experiences
(27:08):
with trauma and I I just wishthat wasn't the case, you know,
cause, yeah, like you kind ofmentioned, there were, you know,
some things that maybe couldhave been done throughout the
entire experience to make itjust more positive for you, you
know.
Bekah (27:24):
Right and I mean like, even if they listened to me and
they treated me and I still hadto be induced, still had to go
through all of that, at leastthey listened to me and like I
know, I know at that point, likethey did the best that they
could and they really triedtheir hardest to make it a good
(27:46):
experience for me, instead ofjust putting me down and just
not giving me the ear that Ineeded during that pregnancy.
Angela (27:57):
So how was your postpartum?
You're still really postpartumin six months, right, I mean.
So how was your like initial,like those first few weeks?
Bekah (28:09):
how was your like initial like those first few
weeks go?
So the first few weeks werelike they weren't bad.
Logan had just started a newjob, like I, I did, like we both
were not at our jobs for a fullyear yet.
So, like my first six weeks offthat I took were unpaid, and
then Logan only got a coupledays off that he had to and then
used his vacation.
(28:29):
So all of his vacation he usedfor that first week, which was
not even a good like bondingperiod because we were running
back and forth between doctor'sappointments and the hospitals
to get Billy Rubens and likemake sure that he wasn't at a
point in jaundice where heneeded to be admitted and
treated.
And then his second week, homeafter the jaundice had cleared
(28:54):
and he started feeling better.
It's when it like reallyclicked.
Like I'm kind of having to dothis on my own during the day.
First few days were hard justbecause he went.
He is such a velcro baby and hereally was the first few days
too, and I just felt glued tothe couch because I was
(29:17):
breastfeeding so I didn't haveto get up to make a bottle.
He was too young to really playyet.
He didn't want to be put downat all.
So it was just constant contact, naps and laying on me and I
loved it.
It was so great and I cherishedevery moment of it.
But I felt like such a couchpotato for like the full six
(29:39):
weeks because I never got offthe couch until Logan got home.
Angela (29:44):
Wrong with that?
That's actually the less you dopostpartum, I feel like, the
faster you heal.
Bekah (29:50):
I think really the only issue that we had in the first
two weeks was breastfeeding.
The hospital never really wentover how to breastfeed with me
so I only did it on one side,like I would feed him on one
side and then alternate to theother on the next feeding.
And he has a tongue tie.
So he had such a poor latch inthe first few weeks and it
(30:13):
wasn't explained that you'resupposed to do both sides so he
wasn't gaining weight as fast ashe should have been.
But once somebody finally toldme like no, you're supposed to
feed on both sides Like we kindof got it down and in the bag.
But I kind of credit that tothe fact that I'm not producing
(30:33):
so great right now, especiallyon my right side, because he's
always favored the left.
I mean, right now we're down tobreastfeeding once a day and
just bottles the rest of the daybecause I'm not producing
enough.
Like it takes all day for me toproduce enough for him to eat
once.
Producing enough.
Like it takes all day for me toproduce enough for him to eat
once.
So it took a little bit toadjust.
And then going back to work wasrough because we had to hire a
(30:56):
nanny.
But I had a caber in here andwe ended up getting to hire
Logan's babysitter, when he wasa kid, to watch little man.
Yeah, she started callingherself Grand Nanny.
She was just so great and wewould have kept her like the
whole time.
But now we both have day jobsand it's just too expensive to
(31:17):
have a nanny full time.
I mean we were only paying heror we were only having her for
four days a week, six hours aday, and then now we're full
time, so it'd be closer to 10hours a day, five days a week,
and we just can't afford that intoday's economy.
Angela (31:37):
Yeah, it's tough, oh my gosh.
Bekah (31:40):
But she helped make postpartum easier because she
specialized in newborns andnewborn care so she like kind of
knew what to do when I didn't,which was great because I would
just ask her a question andshe'd be so quick to answer and
it made it feel right, um, but Idon't think it really clicked
(32:07):
in my head that I'm a mom untilmaybe like the four month mark
when he started to smile and helike and not just like the
little gassy smiles, like a full, open mouth learning how to
smile, smile, and he looked atme and smiled for the first time
, seeing me, and I just kind ofwas like oh, oh, my God, that is
(32:30):
my son, and it felt so amazing.
So I had a little bit of a darkperiod, but I mean it was gone
within two weeks, probably justbaby blues, I guess.
Angela (32:46):
Yeah, yeah, it is, is.
It's incredible and it, likeyou said, it does take like a
while to process, even in yourbrain, and like your whole new
role in life.
Really, you know an importantone too, so it's amazing.
Now, as a final question, ifyou were to give advice to
someone who's expecting, or evennew parents, what would be the
(33:09):
biggest thing you'd want toshare?
Bekah (33:11):
Just like listen to your gut and lay down the law, Like
do not let your doctors walk onyou.
If you feel like something iswrong, then most likely
something is wrong and just tellthem, like I know you say it's
probably not this, but just testto be safe and we'll get that
(33:34):
over with.
And then then you can say I'mjust a first time mom and being
overly anxious.
Just put your foot down andfight for what you think you
need, Because if you don't, itmight end up kind of like mine.
Angela (33:58):
Yeah, totally Like really just tuning into your
intuition and not, you know,being pushed into anything too
Cause you know you can feel likein that moment it's like okay,
do this, like you know, or weneed to do this, or else this
could happen.
It's like a lot of times, youknow you have a few minutes to
think about, you know thesituation and it can really feel
like you know, like you don'tright, like sometimes.
Bekah (34:15):
Yeah, it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Yeah, and with new parents too,like, if you feel like
something's wrong with your kid,it's better to be safe than
sorry.
Just take him to the emergencyroom or take him to their
doctors.
Angela (34:29):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much, Becca,for taking the time to chat
with me tonight.
It's been such an honor to hearyou tell your story.
Bekah (34:38):
Well, thank you for letting me tell my story.
It feels pretty good to get itout and not just tell it to
family.
You know there's only so manytimes my dad can listen to my
birth story.
Angela (34:51):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(35:11):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of Maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 questions to askyour care provider whether
(35:34):
you've already established careor if you're in the process of
interviewing new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(35:56):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a
space where we share the reallife stories of families and
their unique birth experiencesin the beautiful state of Maine.
From our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
and home births, every birthstory deserves to be heard and
(00:22):
celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome to episode 94 of the myMain Birth podcast.
Today we're going to be hearingfrom Becca, as she shares her
powerful story that sheds lighton the challenges, the
(00:45):
unexpected turns and theemotional aftermath of a birth
story that does not go as youimagined it would.
I believe it's important tocreate a safe space for these
narratives, to raise awarenessand to support those who've gone
through difficult birthexperiences.
To all the pregnant motherslistening, I encourage you to
assess your emotional readinessfor today's episode.
(01:07):
If hearing stories of birthtrauma might not be what you
need at the moment, please skipthis episode.
For those of you who've recentlyexperienced birth trauma
yourself, I want you to knowthat you are not alone.
I see you, I hear you and I'mhere to support you.
I offer a virtual servicedesigned specifically for
mothers who need to processtheir birth stories.
(01:29):
My birth healing sessions overZoom provide a safe and
confidential space to exploreyour emotions, find healing and
work through any lingeringfeelings of disappointment, fear
or grief.
I'm an experienced birthprofessional and I'm ready to
listen, offer guidance and helpyou navigate the complexities of
your birth experience.
(01:49):
If you're interested inscheduling a birth healing
session, visit my website,mymainbirthcom.
Remember your story matters andI'm here to support you every
step of the way.
Together, we can heal, grow andfind strength in our shared
experiences.
Thank you for joining me todayon my Main Birth, and remember
(02:09):
to take care of yourself andeach other.
And, as always, let's keep theconversation going.
You can always message me overon social media.
You can find me on Facebook orInstagram at my Main Birth.
All right, let's get to it.
Hi Becca, welcome toMyMainBirth.
How are you?
Good how are you Awesome?
(02:30):
So to get started, will youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Bekah (02:36):
Yeah, so I was raised in California and then I moved out
here in 2021.
So I've been here for aboutthree and a half years.
I was working at State PoliceDispatch when I met Logan, my
fiance, just not payingattention to the distance, which
I normally was pretty strictabout, and one night I just saw
(02:58):
his goofy, freaking smile so Iswiped on him.
He messaged me, I saw it, but Igot a 911.
So I had to put down my phoneand forgot to message him back.
Same thing happened the nextnight.
He messaged me, I saw it, wentto reply 911, picked it up, and
then on the third night becausehe told me after he has a three
(03:20):
night rule, he'll message youthree days in a row and if you
don't answer the third, heunmatches with you, like that
was his rule on Tinder.
And so on the third night I wassitting in the emergency room at
main general because I thoughtthat my appendix was about to
explode, and so he messaged meand I messaged back.
(03:42):
Then we just started talkingback and forth.
I mentioned that I was at thehospital and then we video
called and he stayed up with mebasically all night, even though
he had to work the next day.
So I didn't feel alone in thehospital and things moved pretty
.
So that was in October of 22,october of 22.
(04:06):
And then by July we found outthat we were pregnant and going
to have a baby.
How did?
Angela (04:16):
you find out you were pregnant.
Bekah (04:17):
So I was working midnights at state police at the
time and I was about to switchover to the turnpike.
But I was working midnights andI came home from work just
absolutely tired and exhaustedand like fell asleep like I
normally do, and I just likewoke up from a dead sleep and
was like I need to take apregnancy test.
(04:38):
So I did and it was positiveand I kind of just like sat
there for a second and then Itexted Logan that he needed to
pick up more tests on the wayhome because I didn't trust it,
even though it was digital andit said so clearly pregnant.
Angela (04:55):
You had that inner knowing, like you said.
Bekah (04:59):
I woke up from dead sleep and was like I need to,
and then I took a second and athird and fourth test and they
were all positive and called myOB the next day and scheduled my
first ultrasound.
I was about six weeks at thetime that I found out I was
pregnant.
Angela (05:18):
Oh, wow, yeah.
So that kind of leads into mynext question.
So when you found out you'repregnant, like what were your
thoughts in choosing your care?
Or did you kind of know rightaway what you wanted to go with?
Bekah (05:29):
So I wanted I definitely wanted to see the midwives
versus the gynecologists.
I just felt more comfortablewith midwives.
So I went directly to themidwives first and then my
initial thought and what Iwanted to do was give birth in a
birthing center versus ahospital.
But Logan was very much like ifsomething goes wrong, you need
(05:51):
to be in a hospital.
So we decided to do maingeneral and I went with the
midwives all the way throughuntil I gave birth and then it
became high risk so theyswitched me over to the OBs.
Angela (06:06):
How are you feeling throughout your pregnancy?
Oh, it was brutal.
Bekah (06:12):
I was so the first trimester I was so tired I mean
I was falling asleep at work,like during very important
meetings, sitting up and justout, and I had just started at
that job.
So it was so fantastic to get aletter from HR in the mail
saying we know you're pregnant,but you have to let us know if
you need some assistance.
(06:33):
You can't be falling asleep atyour workstation.
And I was like I'm sorry.
And then when I was done withtraining at the Turnpike,
because I was at the bottom ofthe totem pole, I went to
midnights.
So I was on midnights for themajority of my pregnancy and I
had such horrible morningsickness.
So like the first two weeksthat I started getting morning
(06:57):
sickness, I called out two,three times a week because I
just couldn't go to work.
I was like not leaving thebathroom.
And then my doctor recommendedtaking the Unisom with the B6.
And I was doing that and itsort of faded from there, Like
during the day I was okay.
And then, because I was onmidnight shift and nothing
(07:17):
really happens on midnights, Iwas okay, Like if I had to run
to the bathroom to throw up, Ilike didn't have to worry too
much about missing somethingimportant because I was by
myself on midnights.
And then my third trimester Istarted getting like super
swollen.
I mean like my skin was glossy.
(07:39):
I was so swollen I was my shoesweren't fitting.
I had to wear shoes that werelike two sizes too big and it
just like hurt to walk, it hurtto move and I was blown up like
a whale.
I got so huge.
I think I gained like 80 poundsduring my pregnancy.
So the last trimester, I think,was the hardest.
A little bit of the morningsickness came back, so I was
(08:02):
like balancing that and thenbeing swollen and not really
being able to run to thebathroom anymore, Like waddle as
fast as I could.
But even though it was such abrutal pregnancy, I would do it
all over again.
Angela (08:15):
Yeah, yeah, it's like really a crazy whirlwind of an
experience.
Bekah (08:20):
Yeah, and like he's my first, so like I didn't know
what to expect.
You know, everybody tells youwhat to expect, but it just it's
not the same as like actuallyexperiencing it.
Angela (08:34):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it's definitely one ofthose things.
You can hear all the stories,but, yeah, until you go through
it yourself, you're like youdon't really know.
Bekah (08:42):
Right, well, I mean, everybody is so different during
their pregnancies Like no twopregnancy stories are going to
be the same.
Angela (08:48):
Even of your own pregnancy, Like a lot of moms
that are.
Like you know, you'll have yoursecond or third pregnancy and
you'll be comparing it toprevious pregnancies and it's
just completely different.
Bekah (08:58):
Yeah, yeah, let's hope my next one's easier.
Angela (09:01):
So now, will you share kind of about the final weeks
and then days leading up to whenyour labor started and, yeah,
about your birth?
Bekah (09:11):
Yeah.
So I ended up getting inducedat 39 weeks, so I had him a week
early.
The last few weeks, like Imentioned, I was super swollen.
You know going to the doctorsevery week just saying like
something doesn't feel right.
You know preeclampsia runs inmy family.
I'm really swollen, kicking upmy feet, wearing compression
socks nothing's helping.
(09:31):
And it was like you're fine,you're just a first time mom,
you've got jitters, you're okay.
I knew it was getting close, soI was getting anxious.
On top of everything, I wasrushing to get everything done
in the baby room.
We ended up co-sleeping for sixmonths but he didn't go in
(09:52):
there.
We didn't even open the door tohis baby room unless it was to
get diapers.
I remember taking a bath at likemy 38-week mark.
I was like I just want to takea warm bath.
And I got in and Lois was atwork and I thought, like this
week mark.
I was like I just want to takea warm bath.
And I got in and Logan was atwork and I thought like this is
fine, I can do it.
I've been taking baths all thistime and I just didn't gauge
(10:13):
how big I had gotten.
So I took my bath and then thewater started getting cold and I
was like I need to get out andI struggled for 20 minutes to
get out of the bathtub and likeI texted Logan and I was like no
more baths.
Angela (10:29):
If I say I want a bath, don't let me yeah, it comes with
when you kind of have to likeroll yourself out right like
trying to like get myself ontomy knees to push myself up.
Bekah (10:40):
At 37 weeks I had my maternity shoot with Jandine
Boudoir down in, I believe, bathor Brunswick, no Westbrook
Jandine Boudoir for photography,and I mean it was such a great
experience.
They did my hair and my makeupand they had all these outfits I
could put on and we spent liketwo, three hours just doing the
(11:03):
photos that's so fun to gettogether like you know, late
pregnancy and get your hair doneand get dressed up and go out
and do the photos.
Yeah, that's amazing and she'slike so she's like I'll contact
you in like two weeks and we'lllike go through all the pictures
and then you'll pick out likethe package that you want and
(11:24):
make your first payment and allof this.
And I was like that soundsgreat, Like I'll be 39 weeks.
I won't be quite ready to pop.
Everybody in my family goesover anyway.
So we scheduled it for the 12th, which was the day of my 39
week appointment, and I went infor my 39 week appointment,
(11:46):
totally ready, just to get mymembrane sweep and everything.
The nurse comes in and she takesmy blood pressure and she's
like it's a little bit high, butyou should be fine.
I'm just going to let themidwife know why don't you just
go ahead and take your pants off, so when she comes in we can
just do the membrane sweep?
I was like that sounds great tome.
So when she comes in, we canjust do the membrane sweep.
(12:07):
I was like that sounds great tome.
So I'm sitting on theexamination table like buck,
naked from the waist down withjust their tiny little blanket
over me.
That doesn't cover anything,and she walked.
The midwife walks in and she'slike yeah, no, we're admitting
you, your blood pressure is waytoo high.
We're probably going to end upinducing you, so you might want
(12:28):
to call your significant otherand whoever you want to be in
the room with you.
I was like, okay, you know,that sounds great.
Angela (12:37):
So she kind of just came in and was like this is what
we're going to do, or did shekind of present it to you with,
like these are your options.
Bekah (12:45):
She didn't present any options.
It was we're going to bring youin, we're going to monitor you
and you're probably gettinginduced, so prepare, kind of
thing.
So I was like this is fine,this is great.
So they took me over to thematernity ward, got me all set
up in a delivery room andeverything, and by the time that
(13:07):
I had gotten in the ward myblood pressure had spiked to 174
, over 90 and they did all thetesting and they came back and
they're like yeah, you havepreeclampsia, we're going to
have to induce you.
So they started pumping me fullof blood pressure meds to get
my blood pressure down beforethey started the induction
(13:28):
process.
But I guess I was already in theearly stages of labor.
I was having contractions, butI wasn't quite feeling them yet.
I was having contractions, butI wasn't quite feeling them yet.
So I called Logan and I waslike, hey, they're inducing me.
And he had just woken up, likenot even finished his coffee yet
.
He's like I'm sorry, what?
(13:49):
And I was like today's the day,get dressed, get here, bring my
hospital bag.
So he got in the car and rushedover and by the time they had
he had gotten there.
They lowered my blood pressureenough to start the induction,
like the med medicine to kind ofrelax my cervix.
(14:12):
They hadn't started the Pitocinor anything yet and I started
kind of feeling my contractionsand it wasn't too bad.
I was like I can handle this,this is good, I'm okay.
And then I sent Logan out to getme dinner at like six or seven
o'clock and one of the doctorthe resident doctors came like
(14:36):
barreling into the room and waslike when was the last time that
you ate?
And I was like I haven't eatenat all today.
And she's like I was like Ijust sent Logan out to get me
lunch, like dinner, and she'slike don't eat, you know we
might need to do a c-section.
And like didn't exactly ask meif I wanted to do a C-section
(14:58):
and I kind of like stopped for asecond and I was like, well,
last resort, right.
And she's like, well, we mightneed to.
And then walked out and thenaround I want to say nine or 10
o'clock they started thepictosin.
Keep in mind I went into myappointment at 11am.
So like now we're at nineo'clock and they're just now
starting the pictosin.
(15:18):
Haven't eaten all day, I'mstarving and they won't let me
because they might need to do aC-section and they're like these
.
The contractions might be alittle intense.
Just let me know if you wantthe epidural.
And I was like very upfrontfrom the whole process I do not
want epidural, like last resortepidural, like no kind of thing.
(15:42):
And then, like the first twopictosin contractions hit and it
was brutal.
So I like looked at Logan and Iwas like I changed my mind.
So they came in, they gave methe epidural around like
midnight and the firstcontraction after the epidural
(16:03):
didn't feel it.
It was great.
I was able to sleep a littlebit.
And then the next one afterthat the epidural just stopped
working and so from that pointon it just every I felt, but I
couldn't move my legs, so likeonly thing it succeeded in doing
was blocking my legs fromworking Around.
(16:24):
See, he was born at 11.
So I want to say around 9amLogan's parents came to visit
for like the last time beforebecause they had to work that
day.
So they came to visit and I waslike sitting on the bed, hadn't
had him yet, and like obviouslyI'm under my birthing gown,
(16:46):
there's nothing on, and one ofthe male doctors walked in and
just pulled my blanket off, andso I was exposed to everybody in
the room.
Angela (16:57):
He just walked in, pulled it off, didn't say like
anything to you, wow.
Bekah (17:01):
Nope, he pulled it off and said I just need to check
and I was just kind of like okay, like thanks for that.
Angela (17:15):
So not only did he pull the blanket off, but he said I'm
also going to do this thingthat I'm not even really like
asking you if like this is agood time to do Right in front
of everyone, huh, in front of.
Bekah (17:24):
So like Logan's stepmom and dad were there and luckily
Logan's dad was like not lookingat that point, so like he
didn't expose my cooch to myfather-in-law, but I was just
kind of like Sam saw, saw ithappen, logan's stepmom and we
just like looked at each other,like did this?
Did he really just do that?
That's really insensitive, wow,it really was.
(17:46):
And then around 10 am, theycame in and they broke my water
because I still hadn't done it,naturally.
Now, how did that?
conversation go still hadn'tdone it, naturally.
Now, how did that conversationgo?
She just came in and she's likewe're going to have to break
your water to move this processalong.
We can't have it like go toolong.
Angela (18:06):
So now, how is your blood pressure at that point?
Was it, was it settled, or wasit?
Bekah (18:10):
It was still high, but it was manageable.
I want to say it was like 145,maybe 150, over 85, 90.
So it was still pretty high,but it wasn't insanely high.
It wasn't like to the pointwhere they're like we need to do
a C-section.
They were like you can do thisnaturally, kind of thing.
(18:33):
And I was like, well, hownatural can you be when you're
pumped full of drugs, kind ofthing.
And I was like, well, hownatural can you be when you're
pumped full of drugs?
Yeah, so I think I was likeeight and a half centimeters
dilated by the time they brokemy water.
And she's like I'm gonna comeback in like an hour and check
on you.
And she like came back.
She's like how are you feeling?
You feeling ready to push?
(18:54):
Do you feel like you have to goto the bathroom or anything?
I was like not quite yet.
And then she walked out like 10minutes later I could feel like
it was time.
So we pushed the call buttonand I was like I think it's time
.
And she came in and she's likeit definitely is.
On the next contraction, I wantyou to push.
(19:15):
On the next contraction, I wantyou to push.
So I like started pushing andagain like I couldn't.
I could feel everything, but Icouldn't move my legs without
pulling them.
So she had me like turn on myside.
Logan had to push me onto myside and then pull my leg like
all the way to my chest and thenpulled my leg like all the way
(19:38):
to my chest and I was likepushing for a couple minutes and
I just could hear the doctorschatter, and one of them was
like his heart rate is dropping.
So like I started getting alittle bit scared and the doctor
like looked up at me and she'slike so you need to push him out
in the next contraction orwe're going to have to use the
(19:58):
vacuum.
And then, in the same breath,was like which can cause
bleeding on the brain and behindthe eyes and bruising, and all
of this like which really likescared me, Like this is my first
time having a kid and she wasjust coming hard at me with all
of these facts.
Angela (20:19):
And this is in your final moments of labor, as your
baby's emerging from your body.
Bekah (20:25):
Right.
Yeah, I mean it was terrifyingto hear her say like his heart
rate is dropping, you need topush him out now.
So I she's like I don't evenwant you to wait until the next
contraction.
So I she's like I don't evenwant you to wait until the next
contraction, you just need topush.
So I started pushing and Icould feel like his head halfway
out, when one of the nurses waslike just push mama.
(20:48):
Which like was just the tip ofthe freaking iceberg.
So I screamed I am pushing,which like got a chuckle out of
everybody in the room, whichlike is not funny because I was
(21:09):
in so much pain.
And I finally like felt him outand there was just no cry.
And so I like stopped for asecond and they like put him on
my chest for a heartbeat andwe're like trying to get him to
cry.
And she's like, yep, this isn'tgoing to work.
And pulled him away, cut thecord and took him over to the
incubator area and I'm likelooking at Logan and I'm just
(21:33):
saying, over and over is hecrying?
Is he crying?
Is he OK saying over and over,is he crying?
Is he crying, is he okay?
Meanwhile, the doctor isholding up my placenta and going
so this is your placenta, andlike pointing out different
things to me, and all I canthink is I really don't care.
Is my baby okay?
Finally, logan's like he'scrying, he's okay.
(21:54):
He's like okay, good.
And the doctor like stitched meup or whatever because I got a
second degree tear because theyhad you push like so ferociously
in those last right and saidand the doctor's like you pushed
him out in seven minutes, likethat's basically unheard of.
(22:16):
And I was like wow, that'sreally fast.
She's like a lot of first-timemoms are pushing for like hours
and I was like, well, you toldme I had to push him out, like
or else right so I like satthere for a minute and I never
(22:37):
got to hear his first crybecause the doctor was just
talking over it and like that'ssomething I think about now,
like watching, like Call theMidwife or whatever.
I just never heard his firstcry and that's such an important
thing.
Then they mentioned that hewasn't retaining his body heat,
so they kept him under the heatlamps for a couple hours and
(23:00):
meanwhile, like I can't walk, Istill have the epidural, you
know, trying to make its waythrough my system, so I can't go
over to the other side of theroom and see him where they kept
him over there.
And Logan's parents came backand they got to see him fully
before I did, and like I sat,like I would just lay there and
(23:24):
like listen to him breathingbecause he had so much amniotic
fluid and stuff in his nose andin his airways because I pushed
him out so fast it didn't havetime to squeeze out of him.
And then they like brought himover to me for a couple minutes
so I could finally hold him forthe first time, like fully to
see if maybe some skin to skinwould help him with regaining
(23:47):
his body temperature.
And then, like within twominutes they checked his
temperature and it was likefalling again.
So they put him back under theheat lamp so like I got to hold
him for maybe two, two to fiveminutes in a five hour span.
And then I finally got him backand got to hold him because he
was retaining his body heat atthis point and we noticed that
(24:10):
like he just sounded like he wasstruggling to breathe.
So we mentioned it to thedoctor and she took him out with
logan went with him, but theytook him to like the little
nursery area and they shovedtubes down his throat and nose
to try and suck everything out.
And the doctor looked at me andshe's like, well, it's because
(24:31):
you pushed him out so fast.
Like kind of like it was wrongof me to push him out in seven
minutes and my blood pressurewas like skyrocketing again.
Angela (24:43):
Um, really like you're separated from your baby, like I
think that's right, all rightat that point, wow so we went in
.
Bekah (24:52):
I got admitted tuesday, I had him wednesday and then we
didn't get out of the hospitaluntil Saturday Because, with him
having to retain his body heat,he had a little bit of jaundice
and just like a couple otherlittle complications and then me
with my blood pressure just notlowering on its own.
(25:12):
So as much as I loved themidwives at Maine General, I
don't think that my next kidwill be there Just because my
whole last trimester I told themthat I was worried I had
preeclampsia and they shut medown and then ended up having to
induce me due to preeclampsia.
(25:33):
And I just can't get the thoughtout of my head that if they
would have listened and treatedme, I might have been able to
have him the way I wanted toFully natural, no pictosin
standing up, no epidural kind ofthing, and like nothing on my
birth plan was followed.
Plus with so many residentswhich I don't mind, like they
(25:58):
have to learn somehow justmaking me feel so uncomfortable
the whole time between the onebarging in and saying we need to
do a C-section, don't eat, andthen the next one coming in and
just ripping down my blanket infront of everybody.
It just like was not a greatfirst experience to having a
(26:18):
baby and it really like put meoff on wanting another one for a
very long time.
So like I just I mean, he's sixmonths old now and I'm just now
getting to the point where I'mlike thinking about planning to
plan for another baby, Because Ijust don't want to go through
(26:41):
that again yeah, yeah, it's a.
Angela (26:46):
It's a big.
It's a big thing to process anda really big experience to to
go through.
I had birth trauma with myfirst birth and I didn't have
another baby for eight yearsafter that.
So, um, it's real, you know,and you're not alone and
unfortunately, I think thestatistic is something like 35%
of moms, like, are walking awayfrom their birth experiences
(27:08):
with trauma and I I just wishthat wasn't the case, you know,
cause, yeah, like you kind ofmentioned, there were, you know,
some things that maybe couldhave been done throughout the
entire experience to make itjust more positive for you, you
know.
Bekah (27:24):
Right and I mean like, even if they listened to me and
they treated me and I still hadto be induced, still had to go
through all of that, at leastthey listened to me and like I
know, I know at that point, likethey did the best that they
could and they really triedtheir hardest to make it a good
(27:46):
experience for me, instead ofjust putting me down and just
not giving me the ear that Ineeded during that pregnancy.
Angela (27:57):
So how was your postpartum?
You're still really postpartumin six months, right, I mean.
So how was your like initial,like those first few weeks?
Bekah (28:09):
how was your like initial like those first few
weeks go?
So the first few weeks werelike they weren't bad.
Logan had just started a newjob, like I, I did, like we both
were not at our jobs for a fullyear yet.
So, like my first six weeks offthat I took were unpaid, and
then Logan only got a coupledays off that he had to and then
used his vacation.
(28:29):
So all of his vacation he usedfor that first week, which was
not even a good like bondingperiod because we were running
back and forth between doctor'sappointments and the hospitals
to get Billy Rubens and likemake sure that he wasn't at a
point in jaundice where heneeded to be admitted and
treated.
And then his second week, homeafter the jaundice had cleared
(28:54):
and he started feeling better.
It's when it like reallyclicked.
Like I'm kind of having to dothis on my own during the day.
First few days were hard justbecause he went.
He is such a velcro baby and hereally was the first few days
too, and I just felt glued tothe couch because I was
(29:17):
breastfeeding so I didn't haveto get up to make a bottle.
He was too young to really playyet.
He didn't want to be put downat all.
So it was just constant contact, naps and laying on me and I
loved it.
It was so great and I cherishedevery moment of it.
But I felt like such a couchpotato for like the full six
(29:39):
weeks because I never got offthe couch until Logan got home.
Angela (29:44):
Wrong with that?
That's actually the less you dopostpartum, I feel like, the
faster you heal.
Bekah (29:50):
I think really the only issue that we had in the first
two weeks was breastfeeding.
The hospital never really wentover how to breastfeed with me
so I only did it on one side,like I would feed him on one
side and then alternate to theother on the next feeding.
And he has a tongue tie.
So he had such a poor latch inthe first few weeks and it
(30:13):
wasn't explained that you'resupposed to do both sides so he
wasn't gaining weight as fast ashe should have been.
But once somebody finally toldme like no, you're supposed to
feed on both sides Like we kindof got it down and in the bag.
But I kind of credit that tothe fact that I'm not producing
(30:33):
so great right now, especiallyon my right side, because he's
always favored the left.
I mean, right now we're down tobreastfeeding once a day and
just bottles the rest of the daybecause I'm not producing
enough.
Like it takes all day for me toproduce enough for him to eat
once.
Producing enough.
Like it takes all day for me toproduce enough for him to eat
once.
So it took a little bit toadjust.
And then going back to work wasrough because we had to hire a
(30:56):
nanny.
But I had a caber in here andwe ended up getting to hire
Logan's babysitter, when he wasa kid, to watch little man.
Yeah, she started callingherself Grand Nanny.
She was just so great and wewould have kept her like the
whole time.
But now we both have day jobsand it's just too expensive to
(31:17):
have a nanny full time.
I mean we were only paying heror we were only having her for
four days a week, six hours aday, and then now we're full
time, so it'd be closer to 10hours a day, five days a week,
and we just can't afford that intoday's economy.
Angela (31:37):
Yeah, it's tough, oh my gosh.
Bekah (31:40):
But she helped make postpartum easier because she
specialized in newborns andnewborn care so she like kind of
knew what to do when I didn't,which was great because I would
just ask her a question andshe'd be so quick to answer and
it made it feel right, um, but Idon't think it really clicked
(32:07):
in my head that I'm a mom untilmaybe like the four month mark
when he started to smile and helike and not just like the
little gassy smiles, like a full, open mouth learning how to
smile, smile, and he looked atme and smiled for the first time
, seeing me, and I just kind ofwas like oh, oh, my God, that is
(32:30):
my son, and it felt so amazing.
So I had a little bit of a darkperiod, but I mean it was gone
within two weeks, probably justbaby blues, I guess.
Angela (32:46):
Yeah, yeah, it is, is.
It's incredible and it, likeyou said, it does take like a
while to process, even in yourbrain, and like your whole new
role in life.
Really, you know an importantone too, so it's amazing.
Now, as a final question, ifyou were to give advice to
someone who's expecting, or evennew parents, what would be the
(33:09):
biggest thing you'd want toshare?
Bekah (33:11):
Just like listen to your gut and lay down the law, Like
do not let your doctors walk onyou.
If you feel like something iswrong, then most likely
something is wrong and just tellthem, like I know you say it's
probably not this, but just testto be safe and we'll get that
(33:34):
over with.
And then then you can say I'mjust a first time mom and being
overly anxious.
Just put your foot down andfight for what you think you
need, Because if you don't, itmight end up kind of like mine.
Angela (33:58):
Yeah, totally Like really just tuning into your
intuition and not, you know,being pushed into anything too
Cause you know you can feel likein that moment it's like okay,
do this, like you know, or weneed to do this, or else this
could happen.
It's like a lot of times, youknow you have a few minutes to
think about, you know thesituation and it can really feel
like you know, like you don'tright, like sometimes.
Bekah (34:15):
Yeah, it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Yeah, and with new parents too,like, if you feel like
something's wrong with your kid,it's better to be safe than
sorry.
Just take him to the emergencyroom or take him to their
doctors.
Angela (34:29):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much, Becca,for taking the time to chat
with me tonight.
It's been such an honor to hearyou tell your story.
Bekah (34:38):
Well, thank you for letting me tell my story.
It feels pretty good to get itout and not just tell it to
family.
You know there's only so manytimes my dad can listen to my
birth story.
Angela (34:51):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(35:11):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of Maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 questions to askyour care provider whether
(35:34):
you've already established careor if you're in the process of
interviewing new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(35:56):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
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