Imagine being told you might never have children at a young age, and then you grow up and find yourself pregnant. This is the raw and inspiring journey of Desiree, who, against odds, embarked on the path to motherhood. Join us as Desiree shares the rollercoaster of emotions and the unwavering support she received from her partner, James, her mother, and the incredible team at Northern Lights Mercy Hospital in Portland, Maine, as she navigated a high-risk pregnancy with remarkable resilience.
Throughout her pregnancy, Desiree faced significant challenges, including a subchorionic hematoma that threatened to derail her hopes of carrying her baby to term. She candidly accounts these daunting moments, balanced with the exceptional care and reassurance offered by her medical providers. We also explore how Desiree prepared for childbirth utilizing hypnobirthing techniques, building her confidence and overcoming fears as she anticipated the arrival of her daughter, Ivy.
But the journey never ends with birth. Desiree emphasizes the transformative power of postpartum support and community resources, such as Birth Roots classes and The Postpartum Project, which aim to provide invaluable assistance to new mothers. Through her story, Desiree highlights the importance of advocating for your wishes, finding your voice as a parent, and the crucial role of a support system in creating a positive parenting experience. Whether you're a parent, expecting, or simply moved by stories of resilience, this episode offers heartfelt insights and invaluable resources for navigating the journey of parenthood.
If you're looking to connect with The Postpartum Project you can find them on facebook or instagram https://www.instagram.com/_thepostpartumproject/
You can head to their website by clicking here https://postpartumproject.me/
Email - info@postpartumproject.me
MyMaine Birth is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
If you're interested in birth photography or doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website https://www.mymainebirth.com and send me a message to inqure about your due date.
Thank you for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!
I'll see you back here again, next week.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Desiree (00:00):
And anytime I would move to any other position, her
heart rate would just kind ofstart to drop.
And this is where Lily wasamazing.
She did not leave my side atall during the entire evening
and night while I was laboring.
She rubbed my back.
My mom was there, my partnerwas there and she like held the
(00:21):
heart monitor onto my stomachbecause I was on my hands and
knees and I had the epidural soI couldn't feel anything.
And so like my partner, my mom,are helping to like hold me up
on my hands and knees and wewould try position change and
then her heart rate would dropagainst and we'd go back to my
hands and knees.
And that was like a very pivotalmoment in me where, like I kind
(00:42):
of felt like the, the matronleave from me and like the
mother was born.
A part of me really gave in towhat was happening and I don't
know, I guess like mama beartook over and all I cared about
was that my baby was okay.
I kept on asking them if shewas okay.
Anytime they would suggest aposition change.
(01:03):
I would say no, she is happy,like where we are now.
We're just going to stay inthis.
Like I, I did not care about,like, my legs, I didn't care
about any of it, I only caredabout her being okay.
And I just remember, like now,looking back on it, I'm like,
wow, that was like such apivotal moment in my life where,
like that transition really wasmade.
(01:24):
And so, yeah, I continuedlaboring and then, around, um,
probably like six or 7.00 AM thefollowing day, it was the day
of my due date and, um, myepidural had shifted out of
position and come out of my backand I so, and I hadn't had a
cervical check.
And since I was two centimetersdilated, so I was like, so, and
I hadn't had a cervical check,and since I was two centimeters
(01:44):
dilated, so I was like, well, Iwant it readministered, um, if
I'm not fully dilated.
So they did a cervical checkand, thank goodness, I was fully
dilated and completely effacedand ready to push.
So I pushed for an hour, um,and then I had Ivy and I
remember she just looked rightat me.
It was like the most beautiful,magical experience I've ever
(02:06):
had.
It was like a little bitoverwhelming, because everyone
comes into the room and theyturn on all the lights and
you're just like, oh my gosh,but I had a really amazing group
of providers there to help me.
My mom helped me push, mypartner held my hand and gave me
so much encouragement that Icould do it, and I had two
(02:28):
nurses from the previous day whoI had had, and I had Dr
Gettinger and I'd had her a fewtimes in my prenatal
appointments so I was prettycomfortable with her and she
just kept on telling me how Icould do it.
She was almost there.
It was really amazing.
And then, yeah, and then I got aholder and they gave me, um, a
delayed cord clamping.
(02:49):
They knew that that's what Iwanted.
They respected all of my wishes.
Like, pretty early on theyasked me, like what I wanted?
Um, we were like declininghepatitis B and um, we just I
just wanted like an hour.
I wanted that golden hour whereit was just me and the baby, as
long as we were both okay.
I just wanted to enjoy thattime and really soak it in with
(03:09):
her and that's what they gave me.
Angela (03:13):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth A
space where we share thereal-life stories of families
and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine, from our state'sbiggest hospitals to birth
center births and home births,every birth story deserves to be
heard and celebrated.
(03:34):
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome to episode 97.
Today's birth story guest isDesiree, and she's here to share
all about her main birth storyat Northern Lights Mercy
(03:55):
Hospital in Portland.
Hi, desiree, welcome to my mainbirth.
Hi, thank you so much fortaking the time to chat with me
today.
Desiree (04:05):
Thank you for having me on.
I really appreciate it.
Angela (04:09):
Yeah, awesome.
So to get started, will youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Desiree (04:15):
Yeah, so my name is Desiree and right now I am a
full-time student and stay athome mom.
I'm getting my double master'sdegree in nutrition and public
health, so I'm very busy.
I have a six and a half monthold daughter, ivy, and she's our
first daughter, and I live herewith my partner, james, and
(04:39):
he's a business owner, so we getthe luxury of kind of like
working from home and getting tospend a lot of time with her,
which is really awesome.
And then we have our dog, nova,and we have three chickens.
Angela (04:51):
Oh my gosh, I love it, wow.
So now share with me when youfirst found out you were
pregnant and what were yourthoughts in choosing your care.
Desiree (05:02):
Yeah.
So when I first found out I waspregnant it's pretty surprising
I it was like I was reallymoody and I had just gotten off
my period, but it was like alittle bit shorter than normal,
um, and I was like very, verymoody and that's not very much
like me.
And, um, a lot of my friendswere just like, just take a
pregnancy test, just see.
(05:22):
And I was like, okay, there'sno way.
Um, when I was 13 for like alittle backstory when I was 13,
um, I had like a lot ofreproductive health issues and
so, um, they told me that Iwasn't going to be able to have
children.
And I got some surgeries when Iwas 19 to kind of like see what
was going on.
Um, and one of my fallopiantubes is like permanently sealed
(05:44):
clothes and because of that,like I have a very hostile
uterus, um, so it was just, Inever thought I was going to
have kids, um, and so I was verysurprised and I didn't like
believe it at first, cause Itook one and I was like it kind
of looks like there's a line,but then when I sent it to like
some of my best friends, they'relike I don't see one.
(06:05):
So I don't think there'sanything.
And then, like a couple moredays went by and I kept on
taking them and I was like, no,there's definitely a second line
.
It's getting darker every time.
And then my partner, james, hadasked me he's like, did you
finally take a pregnancy test?
And I was like yes, because Itook a digital one.
And he was like okay, and and Iwas like, and I'm pregnant and
(06:27):
it was really exciting for bothof us.
It was definitely like, like Isaid, like a really big surprise
, but it was really awesome.
And then I had to go aboutfinding some care and so I had
previously done like a lot ofreproductive health work with
Coastal Women's and I reallyenjoyed the care that I got
there.
I worked with a lot of women atthe time and all of them had
(06:47):
their children through MercyNorthern Lights and I just kind
of liked their stories, theirexperiences.
I loved the birth center atMercy and it kind of like drew
me to go there instead.
So I started receiving carethere at the All About Women's
and, yeah, it was fantastic, itwas super amazing.
(07:11):
I really wanted a midwife.
I knew I wanted a more of anatural birth, but I did have a
very high risk pregnancy and sowe stuck with seeing OBs.
I had to get a lot ofultrasounds in the beginning and
blood work, and so it was kindof like I thought it was going
to be at some point I could kindof switch over, but we just
(07:31):
kind of remained high riskthrough the entire thing.
So, um, but they all treated meamazing and they answered all
the questions I had and I got tomeet all of the providers and
they made me feel reallycomfortable and, um, put a lot
of my anxiety at ease because itwas definitely nerve wracking
being high risk with my firstpregnancy.
Angela (07:51):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Well, so to go into thebackstory then a little bit more
.
Oh my goodness, I feel likesome of the terms like hostile
uterus is like so harsh is likeso harsh.
Desiree (08:03):
Yeah, no, it definitely .
Yeah, it definitely was.
Yeah, I think I feel likemedicine has come a really long
ways in the past 10 years,specifically in women's health,
and so I kind of feel like whenall this first happened, when I
was 13, that women's health justwasn't taken as seriously,
(08:23):
there wasn't as much light shedon it, and I think that the
doctors were kind of justfollowing protocols and since I
was so young, when I was liketold what was going on, they
just had me wait for surgery fora long time.
So it was kind of just likeknowing like, oh, like being
told, oh, you're probably notgonna be able to have children
(08:45):
when you're like really young.
And then you just kind of growup like being like okay, I won't
be able to have children, um,and then like you, but you're
also kind of like in like thedark because nobody really is
explaining like other options tohave children or what it
exactly means, if it's likereversible.
There's just so much that wasleft, I guess, unanswered.
(09:07):
And it it wasn't.
It wasn't that they weren'tanswering questions or they were
avoiding questions, it justthat they didn't have answers to
give me.
So we were just all kind oflike on the edge, just like okay
, just kind of accepting it,Cause there wasn't really much
more you could go from therewith.
Angela (09:24):
So yeah, yeah, that's super hard at such a young age,
especially so you said you had asurgery that was done.
Was it was just to explore,like what was going on, or was
there actually something elsethat was done?
Desiree (09:38):
Yeah, so when I was originally they thought that I
had really bad endometriosis andobviously you need to get like
an exploratory laparoscopicprocedure to see like how it's
going and what's going on.
And so I got that when I was 19.
And when they went in they werelike there's no endometriosis
here.
But when they did the dye testthrough my fallopian tubes, one
(10:01):
of them was completely blockedand they did try to go in and
open it.
But, um, the way that basicallydescribed it to me was like it
was like cement, um, and so theyfeel like it was probably
always closed since I was young,um, and I was like born with it
closed and I I at the time toget my period very frequently
and they said that they believeonly one side was releasing eggs
(10:23):
and that's why I got likereally bad ovarian cyst and my
periods were so heavy because mybody just didn't know what was
going on.
And yeah, so since I was 19, Iget blood work done every six
months just to check my hormonelevels, just since all my eggs
are only releasing from one sideand they release so frequently
(10:44):
and I have premenopausal bloodwork.
So we just keep track on itbecause I'm just so young.
I'm only 23.
So I'm really young and we'rejust like making sure
everything's OK.
Angela (10:55):
Yeah, awesome.
So then you had.
So then what did your pregnancysort of look like as you
started care?
Yeah, over at Mercy.
Desiree (11:05):
Yeah, um.
So it kind of it started outpretty um traumatic but the care
I received was amazing.
So that's like something Ireally want to highlight.
Um, because I had a?
Um subchorionic hematoma and itwas fairly large um at the
beginning.
So I kind of like found it, Iwas pregnant, was able to digest
(11:26):
.
It was like excited and nervousand surprised.
And then I immediately it mightbe hard to like carry a baby,
to term, um, so I was reallynervous.
I ended up going to theemergency room at mercy and they
were really great with me.
(11:51):
Um, they took an ultrasound.
They didn't see anything in theultrasound.
So then I was like, okay, maybethis is like something else
going on.
Um, and they had me follow upmy provider the next morning.
So the next morning I hadanother ultrasound, um, and they
had already confirmed throughblood work that I was pregnant
and my HCG was rising, um, andthe next morning they um ended
(12:15):
up seeing like a little bit of ahematoma.
And then, as my pregnancyprogressed, um, it did get
larger and it was right wherethe placenta was trying to
attach.
It did get larger and it wasright where the placenta was
trying to attach.
So it took until about 24 weeksfor the hematoma to finally go
away so the placenta couldfinish attaching to my uterus.
And in that time I got lots ofultrasound.
(12:36):
So I was getting them all thetime.
They were just checking oneverything, making sure that
everything was going good.
I was put on restricted duty atwork Um, everything was going
good.
I was put it on restricted dutyat work Um.
So I just had to like kind ofbe up on my um, put my feet up,
rest a lot, drink tons of waterUm.
But the care that I got likethey I swear I would call their
phone number all the time andjust be like I'm just worried,
(12:58):
like I'm still bleeding, shouldI come in.
And they were just really goodat putting me at ease,
connecting me with the providerand just letting me know it's OK
and if it got like so bad, thento come in and they would see
me.
But after that 24 week mark itwas just smooth sailing.
I felt so much better.
The bleeding had stopped and Ijust really got to like rest and
(13:20):
digest and just explore my newgrowing body, like all the
growing pains and everything.
And I was really nervous togive birth.
I was really, really scared,just because I kind of never
thought I was going to do it.
So it was just something that Ididn't really think about.
And once I started to thinkabout it, I knew I wanted a more
(13:40):
natural birth.
But I was like maybe I justneed a planned C-section.
I don't know if I can do this.
And my one of my providers wasactually able to connect me with
a hypnobirth therapist and so Iwent through hypnobirthing and
some parenting classes and myfears just completely subsided.
I felt really confident in myability to do it.
(14:00):
So that was really awesome anda great resource from them.
Angela (14:04):
Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
Your mindset going into itreally can make such a big
difference.
And feeling prepared and havingthat like calm and like
confidence in your body, reallyit's just, yeah, so helpful.
Desiree (14:16):
Yeah, absolutely.
They really empowered me in mybody and like kept on reminding
me like you're born to do this,you're built to do this, like
it's your first time.
You don't really know what'sgoing to happen, but your body
will like take over, and Idefinitely think that's true.
Angela (14:32):
Yeah, wow.
So now tell me about kind ofthe final like weeks and then
days leading up to when yourlabor started and about your
birth.
Desiree (14:43):
Yeah.
So, um, I started gettingBraxton Hicks like pretty early
on, and so I, for like probablyabout a month before I gave
birth, I kept on thinking I wasgoing into labor and then I
would call the provider line,and then they would be like
you'll know, like you'll knowwhen you're going into labor,
just drink some more water, andlike it'll go away.
(15:05):
Most of the time it did.
And so I actually went intolabor a day before my due date
and, um, so I had gone for mylike 39 week checkup a couple of
days prior and we decided to doa cervical check and I was
still, I had a closed cervix.
So I was like, oh, I kind offelt a little bit bummed, cause
(15:25):
all my friends were like, oh, Iwas one centimeter, I was three
centimeters dilated for likeweeks before and I was like, oh
gosh, this baby is not going tocome out anytime soon, like she
is so comfy in there.
And then the night before Iwent into labor, we just were
relaxing.
I made sure like I hadeverything packed because I was
so close to the end.
(15:47):
And then at three o'clock inthe morning I woke up and my
water had broke and you know Iwas really thinking it was going
to be like you see in all themovies or it's just like your
water breaks and you know andit's a gush of water.
But it was not.
And I thought I like had peedmyself in my sleep and I like
(16:07):
got up and changed and laid backdown and then like 10 minutes
later I was like soaked againand I was like, okay, my water
definitely broke, um, and mypartner had like just fallen
asleep because I couldn't getcomfortable before that and I
was like, well, I know, I'm notlike going into labor right this
second.
Like my water just broke.
So I started doing the dishesand cleaning the house and then
(16:31):
I called my mom at like 5.00 AMand she was like, have you
called the doctors?
And I was like, no, I'm justdoing the dishes and making sure
everything's all set for when Ihave to leave Um.
And then I did end up callingthe doctor and they told me just
to labor at home for a couplehours the typical like if they
(16:54):
start to get really intense youcan't talk through them, they're
really close together.
You can come in.
But they told me I could laborat home until about 9am and then
I could go into the hospital.
So I went in at nine.
They checked my water hadbroken but my cervix was still
closed, um, and since I was atthe hospital, they had to admit
me now.
So I got admitted in um at likenine 30 in the morning and I I
(17:21):
was like under the umunderstanding.
I thought that they were goingto have to induce me, cause I
didn't understand.
Um, I thought that there waslike a 24 hours since your water
breaks and you have to have thebaby or like you need a
C-section.
But it felt really good.
They really reassured me thatthat's not what they do, that
they really like to let yourbody like naturally labor as
(17:43):
long as like there's no stressto you or the baby for really as
long around.
They said like around 24 hours.
If you're still completelyclosed, they might take some
intervention to kind of speedthings up a little bit.
But there was no rush and thatmade me feel really good.
It was really nice.
So I labored there for about 12hours.
(18:03):
It was just me and my partner.
We were filling out all thepaperwork, making sure
everything was ready, tellingour family that we were at the
hospital and we were in labor,um, and yeah, after about 12
hours they came in and asked todo a cervical check and I was
still finally closed and I wasso bummed out because the
(18:24):
contractions were like gettingintense, like more intense, and
I was like getting excited and Iwas like in the bathtub and I
was bouncing on the ball and Iwas just like doing everything I
could to kind of like movethings along and I thought I was
getting somewhere and then theywere like no, you're still
closed.
So, um, at that point wediscussed, like what we were
going to do going forward, if wewere still just going to let me
(18:46):
labor some, um, or if we wantedto take some intervention.
And, um, we had decided tostart me on pictosin.
We're going to start maybe onlike a low amount, just to see
if we could get my cervix toopen a little bit, and then
maybe things would move along.
Um, and it works.
Um, it got me to twocentimeters by hour, 18.
(19:08):
Um, and at that point mycontractions were so intense and
I wasn't on that much pictosum,but it was just I couldn't bear
the pain much more.
They're happening every 30seconds.
Um, it was like just so, sointense.
I couldn't talk through it LikeI couldn't do anything, but
just kind of like ease my bodyinto the pain and breathe
(19:30):
through it.
And there was actually a nurseshift change and my new nurse
had come in and she is.
She was my saving grace.
Her name was Lily.
She became best friends.
She was really amazing and sucha pivotal point in my care.
She advocated for me so muchwhen I really could not advocate
for myself and she showed upfor me and she kept on reminding
(19:54):
me that I could do it and thatI also had to be comfortable and
it was really great.
So around like hour 18-ish, mycontractions are really intense.
I have me on pictosin.
Nothing's moving along.
I've been only two centimetersdilated, um, and we talked about
pain management because I justreally could not breathe through
(20:16):
it.
I wasn't getting anywhere, um,and I really did not want to up
the pictosin anymore because itwas so intense and I had tried
bouncing on the ball.
I was trying everything andjust nothing was working, um,
and so we talked about thedifferent page management
options and I decided on anepidural Um.
There was like a medication Icould take, but when they had
(20:39):
described it they were just kindof like.
It just kind of makes you feeldrunk and it's a one and done.
So once you take it you can'treally take it again, and I am a
recovered alcoholic so I didnot want that feeling at all
involved in my labor, so Idecided on epidural.
The anesthesiologist came in.
They had my mom and my partnerleave the room.
They administered the epiduraland it really wasn't that bad.
(21:03):
I like was obviously verynervous big needles going into
my back, like I'm.
So I was nervous, but theytalked to me through it, they
explained it, they placed it.
It was placed like a little bitoff to the side.
They asked how it felt and thenthey replaced it into a great
position and I got like a littlebit of relief and I was like,
yes, this is great.
I was so excited to take a nap.
(21:25):
But my daughter had other other,um, other things on her mind.
She did not want me to take anap and so I ended up having to
labor on my hands and knees forthe remainder of my labor, which
was about eight hours.
Anytime I would move to anyother position, her heart rate
would just kind of start to drop, and this is where Lily was
(21:46):
amazing.
Um, she did not leave my sideat all during the entire evening
and night while I was laboring.
Um, she rubbed my back.
My mom was there, my partnerwas there, um, and she like held
the heart monitor onto mystomach because I was on my
hands and knees and I had theepidural so I couldn't feel
anything.
Um, and so, like, my partner,my mom, are helping to like hold
(22:09):
me up on my hands and knees andwe would try position change
and then her heart rate woulddrop again.
So then we go back to my handsand knees and that was like a
very pivotal moment in me where,like, I kind of felt, um, like
the, the matron leave from meand like the mother was born.
Um, a part of me really gave into what was happening and I
(22:34):
don't know, I guess, like mamabear took over and all I cared
about was, um, that my baby wasokay.
I kept on asking them if shewas okay.
Anytime they would suggest aposition change.
I would say, no, she is happy,like where we are now.
We're just going to stay inthis.
Like I, I did not care about,like, my legs, I didn't care
about any of it, I only caredabout her being okay.
(22:55):
And I just remember like now,looking back on it, I'm like,
wow, that was like such apivotal moment in my life where,
like that transition really wasmade.
And so, yeah, I continuedlaboring and then, around
probably like six or 7 am thefollowing day, it was the day of
my due date and my epidural hadshifted out of position and
(23:17):
come out of my back and I hadn'thad a cervical check since.
I was two centimeters dilated.
So I was like, well, I want itreadministered if I'm not fully
dilated.
So I was like, well, I want itreadministered, um, if I'm not
fully dilated.
So they did a cervical checkand, thank goodness, I was fully
dilated and completely effacedand ready to push.
So I pushed for an hour, um,and then I had Ivy and I
(23:41):
remember she just looked rightat me.
It was like the most beautiful,magical experience I've ever
had.
Um, it was like a little bitoverwhelming because everyone
comes into the room and theyturn on all the lights and
you're just like, oh my gosh.
But I had a really amazing groupof providers there to help me.
My mom helped me push, mypartner held my hand and gave me
(24:02):
so much encouragement that Icould do it, and I had two
nurses from the previous day whoI had had, and I had Dr
Gettinger and I'd had her a fewtimes in my prenatal
appointments, so I was prettycomfortable with her and she
just kept on telling me how Icould do it.
She was almost there.
It was really amazing.
(24:23):
And then, yeah, and then I gota hold of her and they gave me a
delayed cord clamping.
They knew that that's what Iwanted.
They respected all of my wishes.
Like pretty early on they askedme like what I wanted.
We were like declininghepatitis B and we just I just
wanted like an hour.
I wanted that golden hour whereit was just me and the baby, as
(24:43):
long as we were both okay.
I just wanted to enjoy thattime and really soak it in with
her.
And that's what they gave me.
After I delivered my placenta,which was a little bit traumatic
because, like you just had ababy and then now you have to
like deliver, basically again,and my placenta had gotten like
stuck.
So I ended up having most of myplacenta like ripped out, which
(25:06):
was fairly uncomfortable, um,and I had something called um
voluptuous cord insertion, whereum the wartum's jelly, like the
placenta come um, the umbilicalcord comes out of the placenta
with no wartum's jelly and thenit goes back into the placenta
and then it comes back out, andso it was just really really
frail, um, and, thankfully, like, my daughter was extremely
(25:28):
healthy and I didn't hemorrhageand everything was really great
Um, in those regards, becausethey had never caught that on
any of the ultrasounds.
And, yeah, I just soaked up allthe love for a whole hour and
it was just me, her and her dad,um, my mom.
After I had her, my mom steppedout so we could really just have
that time together.
And then and then, yeah, thenthey just slowly came in and
(25:50):
they were really great, like itwasn't like at one hour they
came in and they were like, okay, now give us the baby.
You have to do all this stuff.
Like they came in and they werelike, do you want some more
time with her?
Like do you mind if we weighher?
And they like asked me everystep of the way like I didn't
feel rushed, pushed, I didn'tfeel Like I just really felt
like they were giving me thatopportunity to like be with her
(26:12):
and just enjoy this likebeautiful time that we have
together.
Angela (26:17):
Yeah, exactly, you'll never get those moments back, so
it's so amazing when you'rereally able to soak it in.
Desiree (26:23):
Yeah, it was really wonderful and obviously
something I never experiencedbefore, but I was really
thankful that I had such anamazing group of people to help
encourage me to get to thefinish line, because it was long
30 hours was very, very longand I really didn't know what to
expect, and it exceeded all myexpectations, like, even though
(26:43):
it didn't go exactly how I hadimagined, a couple of days
before my labor, I had givenbeen given some really awesome
advice that, like you might havea perfect plan in your head,
but you have to be willing tocompromise and make changes, um,
and just accept them as theycome.
And that's what I did, and so Ifelt very pleased with it all
in the end, um, cause I feltlike all I wanted was a healthy
(27:06):
me and a healthy baby, andthat's exactly what I got.
Angela (27:16):
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's awesome that they, yeah,really let you lead the way on
certain things Like, even likethe delayed cord clamping.
How long did you guys waituntil you clamped the cord?
Desiree (27:23):
Um, I think we waited at least a couple minutes.
Um, I'm not, honestly, I don'tknow like exactly how long.
I know my mom got to um clampthe cord, cause she was like
really excited about that.
But yeah, we waited at least acouple minutes, I think, because
, like my placenta had detached,that we didn't like wait overly
(27:43):
long because the placenta wasno longer attached to the
umbilical cord.
So it was just kind of like weit like we got what was in the
umbilical cord.
So it was just kind of like welike we got what was in the
umbilical cord to like finishgoing, but then they just
clamped it after that.
Angela (27:55):
Wow.
So now, how was your postpartum?
Desiree (27:58):
plan.
It was good.
You know it's your brain doessuch an amazing thing where it
just really protects you fromall the craziness.
After Um, once you get thosefirst smiles and those giggles,
you just forget about everythingand um.
But overall I feel like it wentreally well.
I had a really amazing supportsystem.
(28:19):
Um, my in-laws live across thestreet from me and my
mother-in-law was amazing aboutcoming over every day for at
least a couple hours so I couldget a nap, a nap in.
She would make us dinner, whichwas really helpful, and we
really got the chance to justlike be at home.
We stayed at home for likealmost six weeks, other than
(28:39):
just like the one monthappointment for our daughter,
which was a really amazing timefor us.
My partner took like a littlebreak from his businesses so he
could be really present with us,which was just really great.
Yeah, I feel like we hadawesome support.
And then I did end up attendingone of the birth roots classes
(29:00):
for four weeks and that reallybrought everything together for
me, because I got to be in aroom with other new moms who
made me feel not so alone, whomade me realize that, like what
I'm experiencing, like I wasn'tthe only person experiencing
that.
It really shed a lot of light onthe fact that I was going to
need like a little bit oftherapy because I had like a
(29:22):
little bit of postpartum anxietyand but that I wasn't alone in
like those thoughts and thosefeelings and getting the help
that I needed, which wasprobably that community was the
most left to the side when a newbaby comes into play and a lot
(29:51):
of people forget that like thisis a nerve wracking time for,
like everyone involved in thesituation.
And creating and fostering acommunity that's supportive and
loving and understanding andshows up for you in those ways
that you need them to show upand they really respect your
boundaries is so important and Iam so fortunate that I got that
opportunity and that I did havethat and I was able to build my
(30:14):
network and build my communityin that postpartum period,
because I know that so manywomen and families in this
country don't have thatopportunity and I hope that as
things change and progress, thatwe will be able to refoster
that community and people,because it's essential.
Like you can't do this alone.
Angela (30:33):
It really does take a village and we need to build
those villages back up yeah,absolutely, having community and
postpartum really can make thedifference in your entire
postpartum experience.
So which birth roots class didyou attend, because I know they
have several different classes.
Which one was the one that wasreally helpful for you in the
postpartum time you remember?
Desiree (30:55):
yeah, so I was in the buds class, um, so that's like I
think it's like four weeks to12 weeks.
My daughter and I were theoldest, she was the oldest ones
there but and yeah, there's fiveother moms and we would get
together like every Thursdaymorning we would meet down in
Portland and we would just likechat and discuss and like feed
(31:19):
our babies and be around othermoms and just get out of the
house.
And I feel like for a lot of usit was kind of like our first
venture out of the house alonewith our child and like getting
comfortable feeding them inpublic and when they're fussy in
public and it's such a safespace to be able to do that and
to not worry.
Like, oh, my child is likecrying a lot right now.
(31:40):
Like I don't want to like upsetothers, cause that's such like
a guilty feeling you do feel,but everyone was like
experiencing it together and youdidn't feel that there.
And like they would ask mequestions about like where my
daughter was at now, like andlooking forward for, like where
their kids are going to be at,and I would really get to
reflect on those periods, likewhen my daughter was barely
(32:01):
sleeping through the night, andlike remind others and remind
myself like, oh yeah, like ifthere was a time where it was
every two hours we were gettingup and now we're getting like
four or five hours and like I'mreally grateful for that and it
was really nice to just havespace held for me and like to be
able to hold space for others.
Angela (32:21):
That's awesome Hearing about other resources in the
community, because sometimes,like they're out there and you
don't even realize that you knowthere's these things going on.
So I'm pretty sure about that.
So now, as a final question, ifyou were to give advice to
someone who's expecting, or evennew parents, what would be one
of the biggest things you'd wantto share?
Desiree (32:42):
I think one of the biggest things I would want to
share is, I guess, two things.
The first would be you reallyhave to find your voice as a
parent.
I think that you really need tobe okay with making other
people uncomfortable in yourboundaries that you're holding,
and it can be really tough.
But one thing that I've done tolike really remind myself of it
(33:06):
is like I have this littlechild that cannot speak for
themselves and so like I have tomake those choices for them and
I need to advocate for them.
And it can be tough, especiallywhen it's family or friends or
even unsolicited advice bystrangers, but really just being
okay with being uncomfortablebecause you do need to hold up
those boundaries for you, yourfamily, your child.
(33:27):
And then the second one wouldbe to seek out resources.
I am an intern at thePostpartum Project, which is a
nonprofit through Saucon ValleyMidwives and we host, like
parents, free parent supportclasses twice a month and it's
for parents with any agechildren where they can come
with their children bythemselves, just get together
(33:49):
and foster more community, askquestions, get resources and
it's just.
I think that that's somethingthat's really awesome, that I
didn't know prior to having mychild that these were like
things, so I think that that isdefinitely very important.
And then finding a really goodset of care providers, people
that make you comfortable, likeit's okay to change things up If
(34:09):
you're not getting the carethat you wish to receive.
There are other options, thereare other avenues you can go
through.
If you're in a financialposition to hire a doula, you
can hire a doula and they'rereally good at advocating for
you and you can't advocate foryourself and they're very tough,
strong women who put you firstand your plan first, and so, if
(34:32):
that's something that's reallyhard for you to do, I would
definitely suggest looking intogetting a doula.
And then, yeah, just reallyfinding care providers that you
respect they respect you andyour wishes and you feel
comfortable with, because Ithink it changes and makes your
experience so amazing.
Angela (34:49):
Oh my gosh, I love all of that, and I love that you're
part of the postpartum projecttoo, so that's a new thing
that's been created recently,right?
Is there anything else you wantto share about that, because
that's incredible.
Desiree (35:04):
Yeah, so we're working on bringing affordable doula
services to rural York andOxford counties and so these
would be free of charge to thefamilies and they would apply
for a care credit grant throughus.
And we would cover 24 hours ofpostpartum doula care and it's
in-home care, so the doula cancome to you.
And we have a 24 hours ofpostpartum doula care and it's
in-home care, so the doula cancome to you.
(35:24):
And we have a list of doulas sothe family would interview the
doulas, find the one that theyreally like, and then they would
get six four-hour shifts withinthe first year after their
child's born, so they can usethat early on.
A lot of postpartum doulas donutrition services.
They'll come and take care ofthe baby.
If you want to sleep, they cando night shifts for you so you
(35:47):
can get some more rest.
They can even just come andcook and clean for you really
anything that you need.
A lot of them can help you withlactation if you're having
issues with that.
So, yeah, this would be free ofcharge to families in those
rural york and oxford areas andyeah, it would be six times
charge to families in thoserural York and Oxford areas and,
yeah, it would be six timesfour hour shifts in the first
(36:07):
year of life and we're startingour pilot project in January of
2025.
We're going to be choosing twofamilies who live in the area
and then just follow themthroughout their time and see
how it goes.
We are applying to a lot ofgrants right now to help get
more funding and, yeah, we'rejust like hosting different
events.
We have a giveaway right now onour Instagram for a basket of
(36:30):
goodies from some localbusinesses and we're doing a
pumpkin carving event thisSunday in Steep Falls and that's
free from one to four o'clockpeople of any ages, and we'll be
doing a raffle there as well,where all the proceeds will go
towards funding our projects.
But yeah, it's a really greatgroup of providers.
It's backed by the SockbyValley Midwives.
(36:51):
Brenda, who is the owner andshe is the founder of this
nonprofit, has been doing it for35 years helping families and,
yeah, we're just trying reallyhard to bring some community
back into the world and toreally bring a lot of that
support and help that familiesneed that's just been lost and
(37:12):
to do it in affordable ways forthem, especially because so many
things are centralized to likePortland.
We want to expand out and bringthose services to other areas
for people.
Angela (37:23):
Yeah, that's incredible.
And what a better time thanpostpartum to?
Yeah, I love that, oh my gosh.
So is there a way for people toapply to like if they are, like
, a family, in need of somethinglike that in rural, those rural
counties that you mentioned?
Desiree (37:43):
Yeah, so they can apply .
There's a form available on ourwebsite.
It's postpartumprojectme.
And then also, you can feelfree to send us an email.
It's info atpostpartumprojectme.
Or you can follow our socialmedias.
We're the Postpartum Project onFacebook and we are underscore
(38:04):
the Postpartum Project onInstagram, and I run all the
social medias too, so reach outon any of them.
We can connect you with anyproviders or care, answer any of
your questions.
We're hoping to startinterviewing families.
We're going to choose twofamilies through lottery system
for our 2025 pilot project, andso we're hoping in December
(38:29):
we'll have that, all theapplications open and then, by
the very end of December, we'llpull two families to start in
January.
Angela (38:38):
Oh, that is incredible, and I will have all of that
information that you justmentioned linked in the show
notes.
So if anyone's interested inchecking that out, click over to
the show notes and can followthose links to.
Yeah, follow you guys over atthe postpartum project.
I love this.
Thank you so much, desiree, fortaking the time to chat with me
today and, yeah, to share yourstories and a little bit about
(39:00):
what you guys have been workingon over there.
Desiree (39:02):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me on.
I love your podcast.
I listen to it all the time.
I love what you're doing and,yeah, this is so amazing and I
really appreciate theopportunity to be on here and
share my birth story.
Angela (39:17):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth Podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(39:37):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of Maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 Questions to Askyour Care Provider, whether
(40:01):
you've already established careor if you're in the process of
interviewing new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(40:22):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
And anytime I would move to any other position, her
heart rate would just kind ofstart to drop.
And this is where Lily wasamazing.
She did not leave my side atall during the entire evening
and night while I was laboring.
She rubbed my back.
My mom was there, my partnerwas there and she like held the
(00:21):
heart monitor onto my stomachbecause I was on my hands and
knees and I had the epidural soI couldn't feel anything.
And so like my partner, my mom,are helping to like hold me up
on my hands and knees and wewould try position change and
then her heart rate would dropagainst and we'd go back to my
hands and knees.
And that was like a very pivotalmoment in me where, like I kind
(00:42):
of felt like the, the matronleave from me and like the
mother was born.
A part of me really gave in towhat was happening and I don't
know, I guess like mama beartook over and all I cared about
was that my baby was okay.
I kept on asking them if shewas okay.
Anytime they would suggest aposition change.
(01:03):
I would say no, she is happy,like where we are now.
We're just going to stay inthis.
Like I, I did not care about,like, my legs, I didn't care
about any of it, I only caredabout her being okay.
And I just remember, like now,looking back on it, I'm like,
wow, that was like such apivotal moment in my life where,
like that transition really wasmade.
(01:24):
And so, yeah, I continuedlaboring and then, around, um,
probably like six or 7.00 AM thefollowing day, it was the day
of my due date and, um, myepidural had shifted out of
position and come out of my backand I so, and I hadn't had a
cervical check.
And since I was two centimetersdilated, so I was like, so, and
I hadn't had a cervical check,and since I was two centimeters
(01:44):
dilated, so I was like, well, Iwant it readministered, um, if
I'm not fully dilated.
So they did a cervical checkand, thank goodness, I was fully
dilated and completely effacedand ready to push.
So I pushed for an hour, um,and then I had Ivy and I
remember she just looked rightat me.
It was like the most beautiful,magical experience I've ever
(02:06):
had.
It was like a little bitoverwhelming, because everyone
comes into the room and theyturn on all the lights and
you're just like, oh my gosh,but I had a really amazing group
of providers there to help me.
My mom helped me push, mypartner held my hand and gave me
so much encouragement that Icould do it, and I had two
(02:28):
nurses from the previous day whoI had had, and I had Dr
Gettinger and I'd had her a fewtimes in my prenatal
appointments so I was prettycomfortable with her and she
just kept on telling me how Icould do it.
She was almost there.
It was really amazing.
And then, yeah, and then I got aholder and they gave me, um, a
delayed cord clamping.
(02:49):
They knew that that's what Iwanted.
They respected all of my wishes.
Like, pretty early on theyasked me, like what I wanted?
Um, we were like declininghepatitis B and um, we just I
just wanted like an hour.
I wanted that golden hour whereit was just me and the baby, as
long as we were both okay.
I just wanted to enjoy thattime and really soak it in with
(03:09):
her and that's what they gave me.
Angela (03:13):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth A
space where we share thereal-life stories of families
and their unique birthexperiences in the beautiful
state of Maine, from our state'sbiggest hospitals to birth
center births and home births,every birth story deserves to be
heard and celebrated.
(03:34):
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome to episode 97.
Today's birth story guest isDesiree, and she's here to share
all about her main birth storyat Northern Lights Mercy
(03:55):
Hospital in Portland.
Hi, desiree, welcome to my mainbirth.
Hi, thank you so much fortaking the time to chat with me
today.
Desiree (04:05):
Thank you for having me on.
I really appreciate it.
Angela (04:09):
Yeah, awesome.
So to get started, will youshare a little bit about you and
your family?
Desiree (04:15):
Yeah, so my name is Desiree and right now I am a
full-time student and stay athome mom.
I'm getting my double master'sdegree in nutrition and public
health, so I'm very busy.
I have a six and a half monthold daughter, ivy, and she's our
first daughter, and I live herewith my partner, james, and
(04:39):
he's a business owner, so we getthe luxury of kind of like
working from home and getting tospend a lot of time with her,
which is really awesome.
And then we have our dog, nova,and we have three chickens.
Angela (04:51):
Oh my gosh, I love it, wow.
So now share with me when youfirst found out you were
pregnant and what were yourthoughts in choosing your care.
Desiree (05:02):
Yeah.
So when I first found out I waspregnant it's pretty surprising
I it was like I was reallymoody and I had just gotten off
my period, but it was like alittle bit shorter than normal,
um, and I was like very, verymoody and that's not very much
like me.
And, um, a lot of my friendswere just like, just take a
pregnancy test, just see.
(05:22):
And I was like, okay, there'sno way.
Um, when I was 13 for like alittle backstory when I was 13,
um, I had like a lot ofreproductive health issues and
so, um, they told me that Iwasn't going to be able to have
children.
And I got some surgeries when Iwas 19 to kind of like see what
was going on.
Um, and one of my fallopiantubes is like permanently sealed
(05:44):
clothes and because of that,like I have a very hostile
uterus, um, so it was just, Inever thought I was going to
have kids, um, and so I was verysurprised and I didn't like
believe it at first, cause Itook one and I was like it kind
of looks like there's a line,but then when I sent it to like
some of my best friends, they'relike I don't see one.
(06:05):
So I don't think there'sanything.
And then, like a couple moredays went by and I kept on
taking them and I was like, no,there's definitely a second line
.
It's getting darker every time.
And then my partner, james, hadasked me he's like, did you
finally take a pregnancy test?
And I was like yes, because Itook a digital one.
And he was like okay, and and Iwas like, and I'm pregnant and
(06:27):
it was really exciting for bothof us.
It was definitely like, like Isaid, like a really big surprise
, but it was really awesome.
And then I had to go aboutfinding some care and so I had
previously done like a lot ofreproductive health work with
Coastal Women's and I reallyenjoyed the care that I got
there.
I worked with a lot of women atthe time and all of them had
(06:47):
their children through MercyNorthern Lights and I just kind
of liked their stories, theirexperiences.
I loved the birth center atMercy and it kind of like drew
me to go there instead.
So I started receiving carethere at the All About Women's
and, yeah, it was fantastic, itwas super amazing.
(07:11):
I really wanted a midwife.
I knew I wanted a more of anatural birth, but I did have a
very high risk pregnancy and sowe stuck with seeing OBs.
I had to get a lot ofultrasounds in the beginning and
blood work, and so it was kindof like I thought it was going
to be at some point I could kindof switch over, but we just
(07:31):
kind of remained high riskthrough the entire thing.
So, um, but they all treated meamazing and they answered all
the questions I had and I got tomeet all of the providers and
they made me feel reallycomfortable and, um, put a lot
of my anxiety at ease because itwas definitely nerve wracking
being high risk with my firstpregnancy.
Angela (07:51):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Well, so to go into thebackstory then a little bit more
.
Oh my goodness, I feel likesome of the terms like hostile
uterus is like so harsh is likeso harsh.
Desiree (08:03):
Yeah, no, it definitely .
Yeah, it definitely was.
Yeah, I think I feel likemedicine has come a really long
ways in the past 10 years,specifically in women's health,
and so I kind of feel like whenall this first happened, when I
was 13, that women's health justwasn't taken as seriously,
(08:23):
there wasn't as much light shedon it, and I think that the
doctors were kind of justfollowing protocols and since I
was so young, when I was liketold what was going on, they
just had me wait for surgery fora long time.
So it was kind of just likeknowing like, oh, like being
told, oh, you're probably notgonna be able to have children
(08:45):
when you're like really young.
And then you just kind of growup like being like okay, I won't
be able to have children, um,and then like you, but you're
also kind of like in like thedark because nobody really is
explaining like other options tohave children or what it
exactly means, if it's likereversible.
There's just so much that wasleft, I guess, unanswered.
(09:07):
And it it wasn't.
It wasn't that they weren'tanswering questions or they were
avoiding questions, it justthat they didn't have answers to
give me.
So we were just all kind oflike on the edge, just like okay
, just kind of accepting it,Cause there wasn't really much
more you could go from therewith.
Angela (09:24):
So yeah, yeah, that's super hard at such a young age,
especially so you said you had asurgery that was done.
Was it was just to explore,like what was going on, or was
there actually something elsethat was done?
Desiree (09:38):
Yeah, so when I was originally they thought that I
had really bad endometriosis andobviously you need to get like
an exploratory laparoscopicprocedure to see like how it's
going and what's going on.
And so I got that when I was 19.
And when they went in they werelike there's no endometriosis
here.
But when they did the dye testthrough my fallopian tubes, one
(10:01):
of them was completely blockedand they did try to go in and
open it.
But, um, the way that basicallydescribed it to me was like it
was like cement, um, and so theyfeel like it was probably
always closed since I was young,um, and I was like born with it
closed and I I at the time toget my period very frequently
and they said that they believeonly one side was releasing eggs
(10:23):
and that's why I got likereally bad ovarian cyst and my
periods were so heavy because mybody just didn't know what was
going on.
And yeah, so since I was 19, Iget blood work done every six
months just to check my hormonelevels, just since all my eggs
are only releasing from one sideand they release so frequently
(10:44):
and I have premenopausal bloodwork.
So we just keep track on itbecause I'm just so young.
I'm only 23.
So I'm really young and we'rejust like making sure
everything's OK.
Angela (10:55):
Yeah, awesome.
So then you had.
So then what did your pregnancysort of look like as you
started care?
Yeah, over at Mercy.
Desiree (11:05):
Yeah, um.
So it kind of it started outpretty um traumatic but the care
I received was amazing.
So that's like something Ireally want to highlight.
Um, because I had a?
Um subchorionic hematoma and itwas fairly large um at the
beginning.
So I kind of like found it, Iwas pregnant, was able to digest
(11:26):
.
It was like excited and nervousand surprised.
And then I immediately it mightbe hard to like carry a baby,
to term, um, so I was reallynervous.
I ended up going to theemergency room at mercy and they
were really great with me.
(11:51):
Um, they took an ultrasound.
They didn't see anything in theultrasound.
So then I was like, okay, maybethis is like something else
going on.
Um, and they had me follow upmy provider the next morning.
So the next morning I hadanother ultrasound, um, and they
had already confirmed throughblood work that I was pregnant
and my HCG was rising, um, andthe next morning they um ended
(12:15):
up seeing like a little bit of ahematoma.
And then, as my pregnancyprogressed, um, it did get
larger and it was right wherethe placenta was trying to
attach.
It did get larger and it wasright where the placenta was
trying to attach.
So it took until about 24 weeksfor the hematoma to finally go
away so the placenta couldfinish attaching to my uterus.
And in that time I got lots ofultrasound.
(12:36):
So I was getting them all thetime.
They were just checking oneverything, making sure that
everything was going good.
I was put on restricted duty atwork Um, everything was going
good.
I was put it on restricted dutyat work Um.
So I just had to like kind ofbe up on my um, put my feet up,
rest a lot, drink tons of waterUm.
But the care that I got likethey I swear I would call their
phone number all the time andjust be like I'm just worried,
(12:58):
like I'm still bleeding, shouldI come in.
And they were just really goodat putting me at ease,
connecting me with the providerand just letting me know it's OK
and if it got like so bad, thento come in and they would see
me.
But after that 24 week mark itwas just smooth sailing.
I felt so much better.
The bleeding had stopped and Ijust really got to like rest and
(13:20):
digest and just explore my newgrowing body, like all the
growing pains and everything.
And I was really nervous togive birth.
I was really, really scared,just because I kind of never
thought I was going to do it.
So it was just something that Ididn't really think about.
And once I started to thinkabout it, I knew I wanted a more
(13:40):
natural birth.
But I was like maybe I justneed a planned C-section.
I don't know if I can do this.
And my one of my providers wasactually able to connect me with
a hypnobirth therapist and so Iwent through hypnobirthing and
some parenting classes and myfears just completely subsided.
I felt really confident in myability to do it.
(14:00):
So that was really awesome anda great resource from them.
Angela (14:04):
Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
Your mindset going into itreally can make such a big
difference.
And feeling prepared and havingthat like calm and like
confidence in your body, reallyit's just, yeah, so helpful.
Desiree (14:16):
Yeah, absolutely.
They really empowered me in mybody and like kept on reminding
me like you're born to do this,you're built to do this, like
it's your first time.
You don't really know what'sgoing to happen, but your body
will like take over, and Idefinitely think that's true.
Angela (14:32):
Yeah, wow.
So now tell me about kind ofthe final like weeks and then
days leading up to when yourlabor started and about your
birth.
Desiree (14:43):
Yeah.
So, um, I started gettingBraxton Hicks like pretty early
on, and so I, for like probablyabout a month before I gave
birth, I kept on thinking I wasgoing into labor and then I
would call the provider line,and then they would be like
you'll know, like you'll knowwhen you're going into labor,
just drink some more water, andlike it'll go away.
(15:05):
Most of the time it did.
And so I actually went intolabor a day before my due date
and, um, so I had gone for mylike 39 week checkup a couple of
days prior and we decided to doa cervical check and I was
still, I had a closed cervix.
So I was like, oh, I kind offelt a little bit bummed, cause
(15:25):
all my friends were like, oh, Iwas one centimeter, I was three
centimeters dilated for likeweeks before and I was like, oh
gosh, this baby is not going tocome out anytime soon, like she
is so comfy in there.
And then the night before Iwent into labor, we just were
relaxing.
I made sure like I hadeverything packed because I was
so close to the end.
(15:47):
And then at three o'clock inthe morning I woke up and my
water had broke and you know Iwas really thinking it was going
to be like you see in all themovies or it's just like your
water breaks and you know andit's a gush of water.
But it was not.
And I thought I like had peedmyself in my sleep and I like
(16:07):
got up and changed and laid backdown and then like 10 minutes
later I was like soaked againand I was like, okay, my water
definitely broke, um, and mypartner had like just fallen
asleep because I couldn't getcomfortable before that and I
was like, well, I know, I'm notlike going into labor right this
second.
Like my water just broke.
So I started doing the dishesand cleaning the house and then
(16:31):
I called my mom at like 5.00 AMand she was like, have you
called the doctors?
And I was like, no, I'm justdoing the dishes and making sure
everything's all set for when Ihave to leave Um.
And then I did end up callingthe doctor and they told me just
to labor at home for a couplehours the typical like if they
(16:54):
start to get really intense youcan't talk through them, they're
really close together.
You can come in.
But they told me I could laborat home until about 9am and then
I could go into the hospital.
So I went in at nine.
They checked my water hadbroken but my cervix was still
closed, um, and since I was atthe hospital, they had to admit
me now.
So I got admitted in um at likenine 30 in the morning and I I
(17:21):
was like under the umunderstanding.
I thought that they were goingto have to induce me, cause I
didn't understand.
Um, I thought that there waslike a 24 hours since your water
breaks and you have to have thebaby or like you need a
C-section.
But it felt really good.
They really reassured me thatthat's not what they do, that
they really like to let yourbody like naturally labor as
(17:43):
long as like there's no stressto you or the baby for really as
long around.
They said like around 24 hours.
If you're still completelyclosed, they might take some
intervention to kind of speedthings up a little bit.
But there was no rush and thatmade me feel really good.
It was really nice.
So I labored there for about 12hours.
(18:03):
It was just me and my partner.
We were filling out all thepaperwork, making sure
everything was ready, tellingour family that we were at the
hospital and we were in labor,um, and yeah, after about 12
hours they came in and asked todo a cervical check and I was
still finally closed and I wasso bummed out because the
(18:24):
contractions were like gettingintense, like more intense, and
I was like getting excited and Iwas like in the bathtub and I
was bouncing on the ball and Iwas just like doing everything I
could to kind of like movethings along and I thought I was
getting somewhere and then theywere like no, you're still
closed.
So, um, at that point wediscussed, like what we were
going to do going forward, if wewere still just going to let me
(18:46):
labor some, um, or if we wantedto take some intervention.
And, um, we had decided tostart me on pictosin.
We're going to start maybe onlike a low amount, just to see
if we could get my cervix toopen a little bit, and then
maybe things would move along.
Um, and it works.
Um, it got me to twocentimeters by hour, 18.
(19:08):
Um, and at that point mycontractions were so intense and
I wasn't on that much pictosum,but it was just I couldn't bear
the pain much more.
They're happening every 30seconds.
Um, it was like just so, sointense.
I couldn't talk through it LikeI couldn't do anything, but
just kind of like ease my bodyinto the pain and breathe
(19:30):
through it.
And there was actually a nurseshift change and my new nurse
had come in and she is.
She was my saving grace.
Her name was Lily.
She became best friends.
She was really amazing and sucha pivotal point in my care.
She advocated for me so muchwhen I really could not advocate
for myself and she showed upfor me and she kept on reminding
(19:54):
me that I could do it and thatI also had to be comfortable and
it was really great.
So around like hour 18-ish, mycontractions are really intense.
I have me on pictosin.
Nothing's moving along.
I've been only two centimetersdilated, um, and we talked about
pain management because I justreally could not breathe through
(20:16):
it.
I wasn't getting anywhere, um,and I really did not want to up
the pictosin anymore because itwas so intense and I had tried
bouncing on the ball.
I was trying everything andjust nothing was working, um,
and so we talked about thedifferent page management
options and I decided on anepidural Um.
There was like a medication Icould take, but when they had
(20:39):
described it they were just kindof like.
It just kind of makes you feeldrunk and it's a one and done.
So once you take it you can'treally take it again, and I am a
recovered alcoholic so I didnot want that feeling at all
involved in my labor, so Idecided on epidural.
The anesthesiologist came in.
They had my mom and my partnerleave the room.
They administered the epiduraland it really wasn't that bad.
(21:03):
I like was obviously verynervous big needles going into
my back, like I'm.
So I was nervous, but theytalked to me through it, they
explained it, they placed it.
It was placed like a little bitoff to the side.
They asked how it felt and thenthey replaced it into a great
position and I got like a littlebit of relief and I was like,
yes, this is great.
I was so excited to take a nap.
(21:25):
But my daughter had other other,um, other things on her mind.
She did not want me to take anap and so I ended up having to
labor on my hands and knees forthe remainder of my labor, which
was about eight hours.
Anytime I would move to anyother position, her heart rate
would just kind of start to drop, and this is where Lily was
(21:46):
amazing.
Um, she did not leave my sideat all during the entire evening
and night while I was laboring.
Um, she rubbed my back.
My mom was there, my partnerwas there, um, and she like held
the heart monitor onto mystomach because I was on my
hands and knees and I had theepidural so I couldn't feel
anything.
Um, and so, like, my partner,my mom, are helping to like hold
(22:09):
me up on my hands and knees andwe would try position change
and then her heart rate woulddrop again.
So then we go back to my handsand knees and that was like a
very pivotal moment in me where,like, I kind of felt, um, like
the, the matron leave from meand like the mother was born.
Um, a part of me really gave into what was happening and I
(22:34):
don't know, I guess, like mamabear took over and all I cared
about was, um, that my baby wasokay.
I kept on asking them if shewas okay.
Anytime they would suggest aposition change.
I would say, no, she is happy,like where we are now.
We're just going to stay inthis.
Like I, I did not care about,like, my legs, I didn't care
about any of it, I only caredabout her being okay.
(22:55):
And I just remember like now,looking back on it, I'm like,
wow, that was like such apivotal moment in my life where,
like that transition really wasmade.
And so, yeah, I continuedlaboring and then, around
probably like six or 7 am thefollowing day, it was the day of
my due date and my epidural hadshifted out of position and
(23:17):
come out of my back and I hadn'thad a cervical check since.
I was two centimeters dilated.
So I was like, well, I want itreadministered if I'm not fully
dilated.
So I was like, well, I want itreadministered, um, if I'm not
fully dilated.
So they did a cervical checkand, thank goodness, I was fully
dilated and completely effacedand ready to push.
So I pushed for an hour, um,and then I had Ivy and I
(23:41):
remember she just looked rightat me.
It was like the most beautiful,magical experience I've ever
had.
Um, it was like a little bitoverwhelming because everyone
comes into the room and theyturn on all the lights and
you're just like, oh my gosh.
But I had a really amazing groupof providers there to help me.
My mom helped me push, mypartner held my hand and gave me
(24:02):
so much encouragement that Icould do it, and I had two
nurses from the previous day whoI had had, and I had Dr
Gettinger and I'd had her a fewtimes in my prenatal
appointments, so I was prettycomfortable with her and she
just kept on telling me how Icould do it.
She was almost there.
It was really amazing.
(24:23):
And then, yeah, and then I gota hold of her and they gave me a
delayed cord clamping.
They knew that that's what Iwanted.
They respected all of my wishes.
Like pretty early on they askedme like what I wanted.
We were like declininghepatitis B and we just I just
wanted like an hour.
I wanted that golden hour whereit was just me and the baby, as
(24:43):
long as we were both okay.
I just wanted to enjoy thattime and really soak it in with
her.
And that's what they gave me.
After I delivered my placenta,which was a little bit traumatic
because, like you just had ababy and then now you have to
like deliver, basically again,and my placenta had gotten like
stuck.
So I ended up having most of myplacenta like ripped out, which
(25:06):
was fairly uncomfortable, um,and I had something called um
voluptuous cord insertion, whereum the wartum's jelly, like the
placenta come um, the umbilicalcord comes out of the placenta
with no wartum's jelly and thenit goes back into the placenta
and then it comes back out, andso it was just really really
frail, um, and, thankfully, like, my daughter was extremely
(25:28):
healthy and I didn't hemorrhageand everything was really great
Um, in those regards, becausethey had never caught that on
any of the ultrasounds.
And, yeah, I just soaked up allthe love for a whole hour and
it was just me, her and her dad,um, my mom.
After I had her, my mom steppedout so we could really just have
that time together.
And then and then, yeah, thenthey just slowly came in and
(25:50):
they were really great, like itwasn't like at one hour they
came in and they were like, okay, now give us the baby.
You have to do all this stuff.
Like they came in and they werelike, do you want some more
time with her?
Like do you mind if we weighher?
And they like asked me everystep of the way like I didn't
feel rushed, pushed, I didn'tfeel Like I just really felt
like they were giving me thatopportunity to like be with her
(26:12):
and just enjoy this likebeautiful time that we have
together.
Angela (26:17):
Yeah, exactly, you'll never get those moments back, so
it's so amazing when you'rereally able to soak it in.
Desiree (26:23):
Yeah, it was really wonderful and obviously
something I never experiencedbefore, but I was really
thankful that I had such anamazing group of people to help
encourage me to get to thefinish line, because it was long
30 hours was very, very longand I really didn't know what to
expect, and it exceeded all myexpectations, like, even though
(26:43):
it didn't go exactly how I hadimagined, a couple of days
before my labor, I had givenbeen given some really awesome
advice that, like you might havea perfect plan in your head,
but you have to be willing tocompromise and make changes, um,
and just accept them as theycome.
And that's what I did, and so Ifelt very pleased with it all
in the end, um, cause I feltlike all I wanted was a healthy
(27:06):
me and a healthy baby, andthat's exactly what I got.
Angela (27:16):
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's awesome that they, yeah,really let you lead the way on
certain things Like, even likethe delayed cord clamping.
How long did you guys waituntil you clamped the cord?
Desiree (27:23):
Um, I think we waited at least a couple minutes.
Um, I'm not, honestly, I don'tknow like exactly how long.
I know my mom got to um clampthe cord, cause she was like
really excited about that.
But yeah, we waited at least acouple minutes, I think, because
, like my placenta had detached,that we didn't like wait overly
(27:43):
long because the placenta wasno longer attached to the
umbilical cord.
So it was just kind of like weit like we got what was in the
umbilical cord.
So it was just kind of like welike we got what was in the
umbilical cord to like finishgoing, but then they just
clamped it after that.
Angela (27:55):
Wow.
So now, how was your postpartum?
Desiree (27:58):
plan.
It was good.
You know it's your brain doessuch an amazing thing where it
just really protects you fromall the craziness.
After Um, once you get thosefirst smiles and those giggles,
you just forget about everythingand um.
But overall I feel like it wentreally well.
I had a really amazing supportsystem.
(28:19):
Um, my in-laws live across thestreet from me and my
mother-in-law was amazing aboutcoming over every day for at
least a couple hours so I couldget a nap, a nap in.
She would make us dinner, whichwas really helpful, and we
really got the chance to justlike be at home.
We stayed at home for likealmost six weeks, other than
(28:39):
just like the one monthappointment for our daughter,
which was a really amazing timefor us.
My partner took like a littlebreak from his businesses so he
could be really present with us,which was just really great.
Yeah, I feel like we hadawesome support.
And then I did end up attendingone of the birth roots classes
(29:00):
for four weeks and that reallybrought everything together for
me, because I got to be in aroom with other new moms who
made me feel not so alone, whomade me realize that, like what
I'm experiencing, like I wasn'tthe only person experiencing
that.
It really shed a lot of light onthe fact that I was going to
need like a little bit oftherapy because I had like a
(29:22):
little bit of postpartum anxietyand but that I wasn't alone in
like those thoughts and thosefeelings and getting the help
that I needed, which wasprobably that community was the
most left to the side when a newbaby comes into play and a lot
(29:51):
of people forget that like thisis a nerve wracking time for,
like everyone involved in thesituation.
And creating and fostering acommunity that's supportive and
loving and understanding andshows up for you in those ways
that you need them to show upand they really respect your
boundaries is so important and Iam so fortunate that I got that
opportunity and that I did havethat and I was able to build my
(30:14):
network and build my communityin that postpartum period,
because I know that so manywomen and families in this
country don't have thatopportunity and I hope that as
things change and progress, thatwe will be able to refoster
that community and people,because it's essential.
Like you can't do this alone.
Angela (30:33):
It really does take a village and we need to build
those villages back up yeah,absolutely, having community and
postpartum really can make thedifference in your entire
postpartum experience.
So which birth roots class didyou attend, because I know they
have several different classes.
Which one was the one that wasreally helpful for you in the
postpartum time you remember?
Desiree (30:55):
yeah, so I was in the buds class, um, so that's like I
think it's like four weeks to12 weeks.
My daughter and I were theoldest, she was the oldest ones
there but and yeah, there's fiveother moms and we would get
together like every Thursdaymorning we would meet down in
Portland and we would just likechat and discuss and like feed
(31:19):
our babies and be around othermoms and just get out of the
house.
And I feel like for a lot of usit was kind of like our first
venture out of the house alonewith our child and like getting
comfortable feeding them inpublic and when they're fussy in
public and it's such a safespace to be able to do that and
to not worry.
Like, oh, my child is likecrying a lot right now.
(31:40):
Like I don't want to like upsetothers, cause that's such like
a guilty feeling you do feel,but everyone was like
experiencing it together and youdidn't feel that there.
And like they would ask mequestions about like where my
daughter was at now, like andlooking forward for, like where
their kids are going to be at,and I would really get to
reflect on those periods, likewhen my daughter was barely
(32:01):
sleeping through the night, andlike remind others and remind
myself like, oh yeah, like ifthere was a time where it was
every two hours we were gettingup and now we're getting like
four or five hours and like I'mreally grateful for that and it
was really nice to just havespace held for me and like to be
able to hold space for others.
Angela (32:21):
That's awesome Hearing about other resources in the
community, because sometimes,like they're out there and you
don't even realize that you knowthere's these things going on.
So I'm pretty sure about that.
So now, as a final question, ifyou were to give advice to
someone who's expecting, or evennew parents, what would be one
of the biggest things you'd wantto share?
Desiree (32:42):
I think one of the biggest things I would want to
share is, I guess, two things.
The first would be you reallyhave to find your voice as a
parent.
I think that you really need tobe okay with making other
people uncomfortable in yourboundaries that you're holding,
and it can be really tough.
But one thing that I've done tolike really remind myself of it
(33:06):
is like I have this littlechild that cannot speak for
themselves and so like I have tomake those choices for them and
I need to advocate for them.
And it can be tough, especiallywhen it's family or friends or
even unsolicited advice bystrangers, but really just being
okay with being uncomfortablebecause you do need to hold up
those boundaries for you, yourfamily, your child.
(33:27):
And then the second one wouldbe to seek out resources.
I am an intern at thePostpartum Project, which is a
nonprofit through Saucon ValleyMidwives and we host, like
parents, free parent supportclasses twice a month and it's
for parents with any agechildren where they can come
with their children bythemselves, just get together
(33:49):
and foster more community, askquestions, get resources and
it's just.
I think that that's somethingthat's really awesome, that I
didn't know prior to having mychild that these were like
things, so I think that that isdefinitely very important.
And then finding a really goodset of care providers, people
that make you comfortable, likeit's okay to change things up If
(34:09):
you're not getting the carethat you wish to receive.
There are other options, thereare other avenues you can go
through.
If you're in a financialposition to hire a doula, you
can hire a doula and they'rereally good at advocating for
you and you can't advocate foryourself and they're very tough,
strong women who put you firstand your plan first, and so, if
(34:32):
that's something that's reallyhard for you to do, I would
definitely suggest looking intogetting a doula.
And then, yeah, just reallyfinding care providers that you
respect they respect you andyour wishes and you feel
comfortable with, because Ithink it changes and makes your
experience so amazing.
Angela (34:49):
Oh my gosh, I love all of that, and I love that you're
part of the postpartum projecttoo, so that's a new thing
that's been created recently,right?
Is there anything else you wantto share about that, because
that's incredible.
Desiree (35:04):
Yeah, so we're working on bringing affordable doula
services to rural York andOxford counties and so these
would be free of charge to thefamilies and they would apply
for a care credit grant throughus.
And we would cover 24 hours ofpostpartum doula care and it's
in-home care, so the doula cancome to you.
And we have a 24 hours ofpostpartum doula care and it's
in-home care, so the doula cancome to you.
(35:24):
And we have a list of doulas sothe family would interview the
doulas, find the one that theyreally like, and then they would
get six four-hour shifts withinthe first year after their
child's born, so they can usethat early on.
A lot of postpartum doulas donutrition services.
They'll come and take care ofthe baby.
If you want to sleep, they cando night shifts for you so you
(35:47):
can get some more rest.
They can even just come andcook and clean for you really
anything that you need.
A lot of them can help you withlactation if you're having
issues with that.
So, yeah, this would be free ofcharge to families in those
rural york and oxford areas andyeah, it would be six times
charge to families in thoserural York and Oxford areas and,
yeah, it would be six timesfour hour shifts in the first
(36:07):
year of life and we're startingour pilot project in January of
2025.
We're going to be choosing twofamilies who live in the area
and then just follow themthroughout their time and see
how it goes.
We are applying to a lot ofgrants right now to help get
more funding and, yeah, we'rejust like hosting different
events.
We have a giveaway right now onour Instagram for a basket of
(36:30):
goodies from some localbusinesses and we're doing a
pumpkin carving event thisSunday in Steep Falls and that's
free from one to four o'clockpeople of any ages, and we'll be
doing a raffle there as well,where all the proceeds will go
towards funding our projects.
But yeah, it's a really greatgroup of providers.
It's backed by the SockbyValley Midwives.
(36:51):
Brenda, who is the owner andshe is the founder of this
nonprofit, has been doing it for35 years helping families and,
yeah, we're just trying reallyhard to bring some community
back into the world and toreally bring a lot of that
support and help that familiesneed that's just been lost and
(37:12):
to do it in affordable ways forthem, especially because so many
things are centralized to likePortland.
We want to expand out and bringthose services to other areas
for people.
Angela (37:23):
Yeah, that's incredible.
And what a better time thanpostpartum to?
Yeah, I love that, oh my gosh.
So is there a way for people toapply to like if they are, like
, a family, in need of somethinglike that in rural, those rural
counties that you mentioned?
Desiree (37:43):
Yeah, so they can apply .
There's a form available on ourwebsite.
It's postpartumprojectme.
And then also, you can feelfree to send us an email.
It's info atpostpartumprojectme.
Or you can follow our socialmedias.
We're the Postpartum Project onFacebook and we are underscore
(38:04):
the Postpartum Project onInstagram, and I run all the
social medias too, so reach outon any of them.
We can connect you with anyproviders or care, answer any of
your questions.
We're hoping to startinterviewing families.
We're going to choose twofamilies through lottery system
for our 2025 pilot project, andso we're hoping in December
(38:29):
we'll have that, all theapplications open and then, by
the very end of December, we'llpull two families to start in
January.
Angela (38:38):
Oh, that is incredible, and I will have all of that
information that you justmentioned linked in the show
notes.
So if anyone's interested inchecking that out, click over to
the show notes and can followthose links to.
Yeah, follow you guys over atthe postpartum project.
I love this.
Thank you so much, desiree, fortaking the time to chat with me
today and, yeah, to share yourstories and a little bit about
(39:00):
what you guys have been workingon over there.
Desiree (39:02):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me on.
I love your podcast.
I listen to it all the time.
I love what you're doing and,yeah, this is so amazing and I
really appreciate theopportunity to be on here and
share my birth story.
Angela (39:17):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth Podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(39:37):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of Maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 Questions to Askyour Care Provider, whether
(40:01):
you've already established careor if you're in the process of
interviewing new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(40:22):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
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