November 13, 2024 • 32 mins
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Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth? You’re in the right place!
In this episode, we discuss:
- Unassisted Home birth in Maine
- Having trust and patience in the physiological process of birth
- Midwifery care and sovereign birth support options
- The decision to go to the hospital when her water broke and meconium presented to check on her baby, and her subsequent decision to sign AMA papers and leave after she discovered her baby was doing just fine.
- Her Free Birth in the arms of her husband later that night
- ….and a whole lot more!
Additional Resources you’ll LOVE…
If you are ready to prepare for an autonomous birth experience, where you’re respected as the authority over your body and your baby… regardless of where you plan on birthing -
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We’ll take time to get to know each other in a variety of ways throughout the program… Including:
- live support from our private community of like minded mothers
- weekly birth coaching over zoom as you work through the material
- special guest speaker workshops as you integrate and prepare for your birth
- Virtual women’s circle’s
Click HERE for all of the details!
Not sure where to start? I’ve got you covered! Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider. Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider.
What if you could embrace the idea of birth as a transformational power rather than a medical event? Join me as Kiley, a returning guest, shares her third birth story, filled with intuition, and power.
To hear the first part of Kiley's story, check out Episode 28 of MyMaine Birth.
If you're interested in birth photography or doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website https://www.mymainebirth.com
Send me a message to inquire about your due date.
Thank you for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review!
Season 2 is coming to an end with Episode 100 but stay tuned for Season 3 coming in January 2025!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kiley (00:00):
Yeah, and you have full control.
There's nobody shining lightsin your face and yelling at you.
So I think there's justsomething so special about that
type of birth and it reallychanges you as a person.
When mothers truly are in theirpower and know how strong they
(00:20):
are.
It's going to change you andit's going to change the people
witnessing that they are.
It's going to change you andit's going to change the people
witnessing that.
Like my husband, like everytime I give birth, I feel like
he steps up more.
You know he becomes a betterdaddy, becomes a better husband,
and I really think it's fromwitnessing that you know what
it's like to bring life into theworld in a powerful way, right
(00:43):
when you're in charge, chargesthem up, when you are able to
listen to your body and trustyour body.
Angela (00:51):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a
space where we share the reallife stories of families and
their unique birth experiencesin the beautiful state of Maine,
from our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
and home births, every birthstory deserves to be heard and
(01:11):
celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome to episode 99.
Today's birth story guest isKylie, and she is a returning
guest here on the podcast.
(01:32):
She shared her first two birthstories in episode 28.
So go check that out to hearthe first part of her story.
I have it linked over in theshow notes, and today she's here
to share about her third birthexperience, which was a free
birth.
Hi, kylie, welcome back to myMain Birth, hi.
(01:54):
So will you share a little bitabout when you found out you
were pregnant for the third time?
Kiley (02:08):
you found out you were pregnant for the third time.
Yeah, so I think so.
A month previous, last summer,I had a conversation with my
husband and I was like you know,I really would love to think
about trying for another one.
You know, I'd love another babyat some point.
And he goes Nope, I'm good,like we're, we're set, we're set
at two.
And I remember that night justfalling asleep and I cried so
(02:30):
hard so I was like, oh, I justfeel like I'm missing somebody,
like I just I have a feeling ourfamily isn't complete yet
anyway.
So like a month later I thinkit was probably like three days
after she was conceived I waslike I'm pregnant, I know I am.
I just had such a deep knowingof that and obviously I'm not
(02:51):
going to get a positivepregnancy test at that point.
So I waited till my birthday totake a test, because I already
know, so I could find out mybirthday and remember that as
being a special moment of just,you know, being able to tell my
husband officially.
And yeah, it was very exciting.
I definitely cried because Iwas, I was very excited to have
another baby.
Angela (03:10):
So that is so special?
Yeah, for sure.
So now you shared your firsttwo birth stories in episode 28
of the podcast, and your secondwas a free birth.
So what was your thoughts asyou were conceiving and when you
found out you were pregnant?
(03:31):
You know about how you weregoing to approach this pregnancy
and birth.
Kiley (03:37):
Sure, yeah.
So my husband and I, you knowhe trusts in my ability to birth
, he trusts in my body and howit can function and grow a human
and he knows that birth is anormal aspect of life.
Like I've drilled that into himat this point, so we kind of,
you know, talking about it, hehad a cousin who had a heart
(03:59):
defect and ended up needingmedical treatment right out like
right as he was born, and so Ithink for him, he kind of has
that fear in the back of hishead.
So you know, he just asks thatI get, you know, a couple of
scans just to make sure thebaby's okay and to be seen by
some sort of provider at somepoint in my pregnancy which I
totally understand, you know.
(04:20):
And I want him to be involvedin this as much as possible, and
I want him to feel involved inthis as much as possible and I
want him to feel safe in this aswell.
So I found a midwife out ofEastern Maine.
Her name is Taylor Harper.
I love her, she was amazing.
I came in pretty late in mypregnancy to her practice just
because I wait as long aspossible.
(04:40):
I did the 20 week scan just toyou know, make sure she was good
anatomically.
I did the blood work at 12weeks as well, because I we have
two girls and I wanted to see,but it's another girl, which is
amazing.
But so I did a couple of scanswith her and the baby looked
fine.
I had maybe four totalappointments in my second and
last trimester with her.
She was very understanding.
(05:02):
You know, I told her right offthe bat that I would be doing a
birth at home and she was likeOK, sounds good.
You know, how can I support youin that?
What can I do for you?
Do you need anything specificfrom me?
You know any tests you want toget.
So she just really worked withme well, was very understanding,
which I was surprised by, youknow, being out of the hospital
like that.
Angela (05:25):
So, yeah, she was, she was great.
Wow, that that is incredible.
So did did she know that youwere not going like you were
just going to birth like at home, with no support from like a
licensed midwife?
Kiley (05:36):
She did.
Yeah, I told her right off thebat.
I'll you know, I had my secondone at home on on assisted as
well, so she was like, okay,sounds good, sounds like you
know what you're doing, and soyeah.
Angela (05:47):
Wow.
So how was you know?
How was the rest of yourpregnancy then?
Um, as far as like appointments, looked after that 20 week like
anatomy scan.
Kiley (05:58):
Yeah, so I had, you know, not many appointments, but we
just kind of chatted about youknow what my plans were.
She just really wanted to makesure I was okay, right, she
seemed to genuinely care, whichwas awesome.
I had one appointment with adifferent provider and I didn't
have that same experience.
She was, you know, verystandoffish and just kind of
(06:18):
arrogant, but that was fine.
It was just one experience withher.
So, yeah, not many appointments.
After that she called me on mydue date just to check in and
see how I was doing and stuff.
And I was like nothing yet andshe was like, please just call
me when you go into labor, justso I can, you know, kind of be
thinking about you and stuff.
And you know, she just like hadher phone open to me, allowed
(06:41):
me to call her with anyquestions.
Angela (06:44):
So yeah, open to me, allowed me to call her with any
questions.
So, yeah, amazing.
So how are you feelingthroughout your pregnancy?
What's sort of your mindsetkind of going through?
Kiley (06:52):
Yeah, I mean I definitely have the mindset of you know,
birth and pregnancy that's all.
It's all a state of health,right?
If you're able to get pregnant,you are a healthy human being.
So I don't love the mindset of,oh, I'm pregnant, so I'm, you
know, I'm sick.
I hate it when people say I'msick in pregnancy all the time,
over and over, because your mindwill shape your reality, right.
So you know, having thatmindset of I am healthy, you
(07:17):
know you probably are going tobe a little bit tired Me chasing
two toddlers around and thenbeing pregnant on top of that is
exhausting.
But I knew I was healthy.
You know I had the blood workdone and stuff to prove that I
was, but I felt, I felt great.
You know, through most of mypregnancy it was harder, I felt
like it was just harder on mybody.
You know, being a mom of twoand then being pregnant, but
(07:39):
yeah, so I think that yourmindset is really going to
determine your outcome inpregnancy, for sure.
Angela (07:47):
Yeah, totally, mindset really is everything.
So how about the final weeksand then days leading up to when
your labor started, and aboutyour birth?
Kiley (08:00):
Yeah, so, okay, my first one, my very first girl, I had
her on the due date that thedoctor thought.
So I was like, okay, that'sawesome, you know, my first
baby's on her due date.
And then my second one was onthe due date that I thought it
was going to be, which wasprobably a week and a half after
the doctor.
You know what they had set.
And then for Audrey, she wasdue, I believe it was the 16th
(08:21):
of May, and so I was like, youknow, my third baby, I'm going
to have her early, it'll be fine.
You know, I'm I'm so ready tobe done.
You know, your last trimester,you're exhausted, and then, you
know, the 16th comes around, andthen the 18th comes around, and
then it's the 21st and I'm like, what is going on?
I'm so tired, I'm so done.
(08:42):
And she ended up being born onthe 27th, which was, you know, a
few days after her due date.
But yeah, it was definitelyvery impatient.
I didn't do anything like takecasserole or anything, so that's
disgusting, but, you know, justtrusting that she knew when she
needed to come, she would comewhen she was ready.
So like just having thatknowing of like I know this is
(09:02):
frustrating to be waiting for solong, but your baby comes when
she needs to, when they need to.
I think that's so important toremember.
Angela (09:11):
Yeah, those last few weeks of pregnancy it's so hard
to stay patient.
But having that patience andtrust in the physiologic process
of birth can make the biggestdifference in your birth
experience.
Kiley (09:26):
Definitely yeah, yeah, for sure.
Angela (09:29):
So how did things?
Kiley (09:32):
get going.
So I, with all my births so far, I've woken up in the morning
around 7 am and I'm like I thinkI'm going to have this baby
today.
I had quite a few prodromallabor moments in the weeks
leading up to my birth, which isvery normal.
But yeah, I woke up thatmorning and I told Jeremy.
(09:53):
I said I think you need to stayhome from work Cause I'm pretty
sure today's the day.
He was like all right, soundsgood.
He called out.
My girls were still sleepingand I rested as long as possible
and then around 11 o'clock Igot up to use the bathroom and
my water broke while I wassitting on the toilet.
I was like what?
But it was very meconiumstained and which?
(10:15):
She was very late term, whichis normal for that Right.
But I just had like a moment ofpanic.
I was like oh no, like what ifshe's in distress?
I was like when's the last timeI felt her move?
So I just talked throughthrough it a little bit with
Jeremy and I was like I don'tknow what to do right now.
I called my mom and she goes.
(10:40):
You know what?
The hospital's there for you toutilize what they have If you
want to go just to make sure thebaby's okay and then come home
Like that will be fine, right,like they're there for
situations like that or they'rethere to just hey, can you check
on my baby?
You know, most of the timethey're willing to just do that
for you, just like, okay, I'lljust go get her checked out and
then I'll come home, you know,just to make sure, cause I would
I would feel so guilty if, like, she wasn't doing okay, and
then, you know, something badended up happening.
(11:01):
But I just had that moment ofpanic and I was like I think I
need to go have this settled soI can have peace in order to
give birth there.
So we went.
We went to Eastern Maine and myfriend had a great experience
there.
She.
We went to Eastern Maine and myfriend had a great experience
there.
She told her birth story heretoo.
Her name's Natalie.
She had an awesome experiencedoing her natural birth.
So I was like, okay, maybe I'llget lucky too, like she did,
and have somebody who's justsuper understanding and kind.
(11:23):
So we got there.
It was Memorial day, so it wasdead in the hospital.
I got checked in, they took meup to the room and you know
right away they're like allright, take all your clothes off
, put our gown on.
We need a pee sample, all thiskind of stuff.
And I was like I'll just stayin my clothes for now, cause I'm
pretty sure I'm going to gohome.
And they, I got in the room,sat down and the nurse hooked me
(11:46):
up and then she goes okay, I'mgoing to have to check your
cervix.
And I said, well, since mywater's broken, I prefer you not
to, just because that canincrease the risk of infection.
Right, like logical things here.
And I'm pretty early in mylabor right now, like I'm not
having crazy strong contractionsor anything yet, like I know my
body and labor and know how itfeels when I'm about to have a
(12:07):
baby.
And she was immediately justnasty, like belittled me, told
me that you know she has to,she's going to.
And I was like you're not,you're not going to, I don't
know what you um.
So it was just like probablyfive to 10 minutes of just
arguing with her.
It was like just straight uparguing, like we were in middle
(12:29):
school or something.
I was like no, you're not goingto put your hand inside my body
If I'm telling you no, that'scalled rape, right.
Like that's, that's what it is,even though we're in the
hospital, it's still.
It's still that Right.
And so my husband piped up andwas like no, you're not leave
the room, please.
So she was awful.
So she's like well, I'm goingto go talk to the doctor.
(12:52):
So she's like, well, I'm goingto go talk to the doctor.
So she walks out, probablymakes a phone call to the doctor
telling her that I'm anon-compliant patient, whatever,
whatever.
And so she came back in a littlebit with the doctor and the
strip was looking fine, like thebaby was doing great.
My contractions were consistent, like she was having
acceleration.
She was, she was doing fine.
(13:13):
And I even told her.
I said I'm a nurse, so I kindof like, I kind of know what I'm
talking about, you know, justto kind of have that in with her
.
But no, that didn't matter, she, she goes.
Oh, since you know everything.
So I was like, oh, man, you arenot very nice.
But when she came in with adoctor, the doctor was like so,
your water's broken, we're goingto check your cervix, we're
(13:34):
going to start you on Pitocin,and if you don't have the baby
by, I think it was like eight inthe morning, it was probably
four, 30 at night.
At this point then we're goingto have to do a C-section.
I was like whoa, whoa, back itup.
I came in here to get monitoredfor a minute and then just
leave, right.
So I said, well, you can goahead and bring in the AMA
papers and I'll sign them.
(13:54):
So they brought them in, Isigned them and we left and I
feel like that was just such aconfirming thing for me, like,
wow, I do not belong in ahospital.
You know, I'm not going to arguemy way through birth.
That's not what a peaceful,undisturbed birth should look
like.
You know, a lot of thesehospitals will say they're
natural birth friendly or motherbaby friendly and whatever that
(14:15):
means, but they still havetheir policies that are not
evidence based that they'regoing to adhere to.
You know, like even checking mycervix after my water had
broken, you know, and on thepapers that said risk of
infection and maternal deaththat's what it said on the AMA
papers that they were worriedabout infection but they wanted
to check my cervix.
So it just they.
(14:37):
I don't know where the logicalanything is in that situation.
But yeah, it definitelyconfirmed for me that I was
supposed to be having her athome, and I think for my husband
too.
You know I talked to him abouthow rough the hospital can be
for mothers.
I don't think he reallyunderstood until we had that
confrontation there.
So, yeah, I got in contact withthe head nurse of labor and
(15:00):
delivery and we had a longconversation about that
afterwards.
But I think just theobstetrical model of care has
such a misunderstanding andmistrust of mothers' bodies and
their abilities to birth and Ithink it's more dangerous for a
healthy mom to be giving birthin that model of care than it is
to be at home in your power andhave a physiological birth.
Angela (15:23):
So, yeah, yeah, birth is pathologized all the time in
the hospital and, unfortunately,even in a lot of births that
are attended by licensed medicalmidwives, and homes too.
And it's just, you know, andthat can be almost even worse
because you don't even realizethat's coming and it's like sort
of the obstetrical model likeimported into the home and it's
(15:46):
like, well, I thought I wasgoing to have a peaceful home
birth with a midwife and that'snot exactly what you always get.
So, yeah, there's real value inthis unassisted birth thing and
that's the thing that you didn't.
You know we're able to findpieces of the system that did
support you, but it is kind oflike a crapshoot when you just
randomly go into labor.
(16:07):
It's like who is going to be atthe hospital working today?
Are they going to be friendlyto the way that you're gonna be
birthing and respect yourchoices?
And and I feel like it can.
So many times, like you said,it felt like middle school, like
that's exactly my sentiment insome of these situations where I
see like mothers arguing withthe providers and it's like this
(16:29):
is not middle school, like weare respectable adults.
Um, we know our bodies and wetrust in our ability to birth.
So it would be really great ifeveryone would stop
pathologizing that right.
Kiley (16:42):
Definitely yeah, and I feel for those first time moms
who are going in and are likeyou know, they'll listen to me,
they have that trust right andthat they're going to really be
cared for and really going to belistened to, and that's not
always the case.
So my advice I know I'm alittle bit jumping ahead, but
definitely get a doula if you'regoing to the hospital.
You need that, you needsomebody to fight for you when
(17:03):
you're in that vulnerableposition.
Yeah, that's my little sidepiece there.
Angela (17:08):
So you checked yourself out, signed those papers, walked
out the door, self out, signedthose papers, walked out the
door and how was?
Kiley (17:15):
like the rest of your night, yeah, so we, we left and
as soon as I walked out of thebuilding my contractions just
ramped right up, cause I was soI was so glad to be getting out
of there.
You know, and my husband and Iwe were just kind of talking and
, like you know, felt feltrelief that she was doing great
and also felt relief that wewere leaving and going back home
to our safe place.
(17:36):
Um, so I got home and it wasprobably a little bit after five
, 30.
I don't really remember all thetimes, but you know, somewhere
in the evening there and I wentupstairs and I laid down in our
room for a little while and thenmy contractions just were like
(17:56):
definitely ramping up.
I knew I was getting closer andI was so excited.
But I went downstairs and I tooka hot shower because that
always helps me, I love heatwhen I'm in labor like just a
hot shower to relax me and thenfilled up the tub and sat there
for a while and then filled upthe tub and sat there for a
while and I hit transition.
Definitely, when I was in thetub, being so relaxed, I was
(18:25):
very, very vocal, very loud, andmy husband, he just like sat
there with me and just havinghim there is so helpful even
though he didn't like he woulddo things like give me water if
I asked or whatever, but justhis calm presence there in that
is so peaceful and reassuringfor me and I love that it was
just him this time.
And so finally I was like, okay, I think I need to get out, and
I I made this little nest inour office area so I got a blow
(18:49):
up pool from Walmart last yearon clearance, um, and I had that
, and then I had a liner inthere and then I just filled it
with like pillows and blanketsand towels and all that kind of
stuff so I could rest in thereand then it's easy to clean up
after Um.
But I got in that and I waslike so tired.
At that point I said I don'tthink I can do this anymore,
which is always the key word,right, and like I'm done, I'm
(19:11):
tired, I'm over this, I can'ttake any more.
And then I hit that like restand reflect stage and I was like
, oh my gosh, like she's comingright now and just being patient
is so important in that stage.
Right, like you, you feel likeyou can't do it anymore, but you
can, you have it and you knowyou're almost there.
(19:32):
If you're saying that, you needto know you're almost there.
So, as she, like I felt hercoming down and I was like
Jeremy, just so you know she'scoming right now and I felt like
so peaceful in that moment,just like breathing through um,
letting her come in her time,and I felt her starting to crown
, and the whole time I'm justtalking to her, jeremy.
(19:55):
I don't really remember talkingto her, but Jeremy said the
whole time I was like you'reokay, you can do this, like it's
going to be fine, you're almosthere.
And it makes me a little teary,but I think it's just so
beautiful when you can have thatundisturbed birth at home and
you know like you were made todo this.
(20:17):
So, um, and then she was bornand she had the cord around her
neck and I remember her layingthere and I just unwrapped it
and I picked her up and justheld her and I love how they
feel when they first come out.
They're just like warm andsnuggly and it's just so, so
(20:37):
special when you get to be thefirst one to hold your baby.
Angela (20:42):
So Nobody else is touching you.
Nobody else is rubbing yourbaby, Nobody is.
Yeah, like it's just you inthat space and your husband.
Kiley (20:52):
Yeah, and you have full control.
There's nobody shining lightsin your face and you yeah, and
you have.
You have full control.
There's nobody shining lightsin your face and you know
yelling at you.
So I think there's justsomething so special about that
type of birth and it reallychanges you as a person.
You know when mothers truly arein their power and know how
strong they are.
(21:12):
It's going to change you andit's going to change the people
witnessing that.
Like my husband, like everytime I give birth, I feel like
he steps up more.
You know he becomes a betterdaddy, becomes a better husband,
and I really think it's fromwitnessing that you know what
it's like to bring life into theworld in a powerful way, right
(21:35):
when you're in charge as the mom, when you are able to listen to
your body and trust your body.
So, yeah, it's definitelysomething I'm passionate about
is encouraging moms on thatjourney.
Angela (21:47):
So it's so beautiful.
How did the placenta come out?
Kiley (21:54):
And so when she was born, obviously I unwrapped her cord
and stuff and with my second Ihad a little bit of a retained
placenta, like retained, as inlike a piece literally broke off
inside me and then I ended uppassing it later on.
So I was like a little bitworried about that.
Nothing, nothing happened withmy second, like that was
detrimental to my health oranything.
But so a couple minutes later Iwas just holding her and then
(22:23):
my mom came in with some warmblankets and wrapped us all up
after a little bit and then Istarted to feel the urge to push
again.
So when I did, I pushed outmost of it and then a little
piece was still inside.
So I just kind of tugged on ita little and then the placenta
was birthed.
But I also forgot like one bigpart.
When she was being born I toldmy husband I was like I think I
(22:44):
need to stand up, and so heliterally like picked me up, I'm
shaking all over, and then Ipushed her out and then she came
out with my husband likeholding me, and that was just so
special.
So I felt like he was like apart of, like you know, helping
me push her out, so that wasreally cool.
Angela (23:04):
Oh wow, I love that.
Yeah, I love, yeah when you'relike all together and it's
happening.
Kiley (23:17):
Yeah, yeah.
So after the placenta came out,you know my mom and sisters
came in, and my mother andfather was there too.
They all came in and saw thebaby and talked to me.
And you know, my mom andsisters came in and my
mother-in-law that was there too.
They all came in and saw thebaby and talked to me and, you
know, got me what I needed andthen I just got to sit with her.
I think it was probably forlike two and a half hours.
I just sat with her there, youknow, and she latched for the
first time, and being able tojust hold her and not be rushed
to give her away to anybody isso special, yeah.
(23:40):
So I nursed her and snuggledher and talked to her for a long
time and she opened her eyes.
She barely cried, she likewhimpered maybe, but she was
breathing great, her color wasgreat, all of that.
So they don't always need to bescreaming coming out either.
That's such a I don't know.
That doesn't need to always bethe case when they're born.
(24:01):
You know it should be, itshould be peaceful like that.
And this was 1115 that she wasborn at night, so it was
probably 130 in the morning andmy husband got some skin to skin
with her also, and I got to geta nice long hot shower, which
is the best after you just getbirth, to just get a nice long
shower and kind of reflect andthink about things.
(24:21):
And then I got some cozyjammies on and went upstairs and
snuggled in my bed and my momhad gotten me this giant sub and
I ate the whole thing at like 230 in the morning.
Um, I'm always starving afterbirth, but uh, and then I yeah
right, she really came in clutchthere and then I got to hold
(24:44):
her and fall asleep with her andshe, you know, took that long,
long nap after birth.
And yeah, it's just, it's sospecial when you get to climb
into your own bed after thatwith your baby and you're next
to your husband and all that.
Angela (24:56):
So yeah, oh my gosh.
So what did you do with thecord?
When did you cut the cord ordid you cut it?
Kiley (25:03):
Yeah, we cut it probably.
It's probably like an hourafter, but obviously we wait
until it's completely white sothe baby can get all the good
stuff in there.
You know lots of stem cells andall that, so we waited for a
while.
I always buy my clamps off of amidwife site online.
You can get tons of medicalsupplies there.
But yeah, Cool, yeah.
Angela (25:24):
So you had everything ready ahead of time.
So you just clamped the cordand cut it yourself and good to
go, ready to come into bed withyour baby.
Yes, love it.
So how was your postpartum?
Kiley (25:51):
How was those first few days and then weeks following
your birth usually?
But I feel like they just kindof got a sense of just a calm,
peacefulness about them.
You know, when there's a newbaby it definitely shifts the
dynamic of your house.
So they were able to just kindof it's almost like a weird
reverence that they have, likewow, like there's a baby, right,
(26:18):
but they were just great.
They loved her so much.
And my husband he got to stayhome.
He had a few days off.
Didn't have much time off, buta few days that he was home.
You know, he just took care ofeverything.
Like I literally got to justlay in bed or sit on the couch
the whole time, didn't have tolift a finger.
And you know, I think that comesfrom like witnessing wow, like
(26:40):
versus really hard.
But yeah, no, he was amazing.
And you know, when he'd gethome from work, when he had to
go back, he would still doeverything, you know make sure
we had lunches for the next day,would make my girls breakfast
in the morning, he'd make dinnerevery night when he got home,
did all the chores, um, so thatwas amazing.
And I think with my first two Ireally struggled with
(27:01):
postpartum depression, but thistime I was definitely more
prepared for that.
I saw a naturopath and she kindof got me on some things to
support me and to, you know,remineralize my body.
So, yeah, that was very helpfulto see her through that and,
you know, getting my nutritionbetter than it was the last time
(27:21):
, all that kind of stuff.
Angela (27:22):
So yeah, I feel like that can be a like commonly
overlooked thing.
A lot of moms be like you knowwhat I do.
Postpartum and really focusingon your nutrition can make all
the difference sometimes like,are you really eating healthy
foods, you know?
Kiley (27:38):
Definitely yeah, for sure .
Angela (27:42):
So now, as a final question, if you were to give
advice to expecting parents, oreven new parents, what would be
some of the biggest things you'dwant to share with them?
Kiley (27:55):
So I think you know your birth, your pregnancy and you as
a mom, that shouldn't feelburdensome.
And if you have a provider thatmakes you feel like a burden or
, you know, pits you againstyour baby or your body or is
like they pull the dead babycard all the time, I hate it
when they say that it's like no,give me the statistics.
Tell me why you're saying thatit's like no, give me the
(28:16):
statistics.
Tell me why you're saying that.
If that's kind of theirvocabulary is kind of getting
you to mistrust your body, youneed to find somebody else.
They are not for you.
They are not going to supportyou in a healthy pregnancy and
physiological birth.
I wouldn't recommend, if youhave a healthy pregnancy, going
to an OB.
They're for high riskpregnancies, that's what they're
(28:38):
trained in.
They're trained.
They're for high riskpregnancies.
That's what they're trained in.
They're trained in surgical andhigh risk pregnancies.
They're not trained inphysiological births.
They don't see physiologicalbirths often.
I think if you are healthy andyou want somebody at your birth,
then a sovereign midwife or alay midwife is the way to go, A
hundred percent.
They're not going to be all upin your business all the time.
They're not going to becoercing their hand up your body
(29:00):
, which is so unnecessary, butthey trust a woman's innate
ability to birth and I thinkthat's so important.
Angela (29:09):
A physiological birth cannot really happen at a
hospital because you'reinterrupting the physiological
process by leaving your house.
Kiley (29:19):
Exactly.
Yeah, that's the firstintervention is going to the
hospital, right?
Angela (29:23):
Yeah, and even if you are going to the hospital and I
think your story is a reallygreat highlight to this point
you can interact with it as yousee fit.
You don't have to do anything.
Kiley (29:37):
I mean, yeah, like you said, take it and do what you
will with it, you don't have todo anything.
I mean, yeah, like you said,take it and do what you will
with it.
You know you don't have to dothe glucose test, you don't have
to get five or six ultrasounds,like that is.
It's totally up to you.
You know you don't need to bevaccinated during pregnancy.
Please don't all of that stuff.
Right?
Like you, you are in charge.
This is your body, this is yourbaby.
(29:57):
This is your body, this is yourbaby.
This is your birth experience.
You know, and if you want it tobe positive, it is up to you,
to who you choose to be there,right?
Like, if you choose somebodywho is going to intervene
constantly, you're not going tohave a peaceful birth.
But if you're choosing to have,you know the people around you
that love you and truly careabout you, like mom, your mom,
your sisters, your husband.
(30:17):
Not that you know the peoplearound you that love you and
truly care about you, like mom,your mom, your sisters, your
husband, and that's it.
You know.
They know you, they really careabout you and they will support
you and how you need to besupported, right.
So my first free birth, myhusband was like Whoa, what is
this, you know.
But I had him just, you know, Ipresented him with the numbers
right.
Our maternal mortality rate isthe highest in the US out of any
(30:40):
developed country, and it's notdue to the 1% of women who give
birth at home, it's not.
It's due to obstetricalviolence and obstetrical
takeover and sabotages of birth.
That's what's happening.
We've medicalized birth to thepoint of it's becoming dangerous
for women in the hospital.
Medicalized birth to the pointof it's becoming dangerous for
(31:02):
women in the hospital.
So I would just suggest youknow, really, really think about
who you want in your birthingspace.
That is going to make all ofthe difference.
Angela (31:07):
So yeah, yeah, totally.
It's really really personalpreference and, yeah, knowing
what you're getting into, if youdo choose to go with the
hospital care, you know for sure.
Kiley (31:18):
Yeah.
Angela (31:19):
Well, Kylie, it has been amazing chatting with you and
hearing your birth story.
It's such an honor to listen toyou share it, and I thank you
for joining me on the podcasttoday.
Kiley (31:30):
Yes thank you for having me.
Angela (31:34):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(31:54):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 questions to askyourider Whether you've already
(32:18):
established care or if you'rein the process of interviewing
new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(32:39):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
Yeah, and you have full control.
There's nobody shining lightsin your face and yelling at you.
So I think there's justsomething so special about that
type of birth and it reallychanges you as a person.
When mothers truly are in theirpower and know how strong they
(00:20):
are.
It's going to change you andit's going to change the people
witnessing that they are.
It's going to change you andit's going to change the people
witnessing that.
Like my husband, like everytime I give birth, I feel like
he steps up more.
You know he becomes a betterdaddy, becomes a better husband,
and I really think it's fromwitnessing that you know what
it's like to bring life into theworld in a powerful way, right
(00:43):
when you're in charge, chargesthem up, when you are able to
listen to your body and trustyour body.
Angela (00:51):
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a
space where we share the reallife stories of families and
their unique birth experiencesin the beautiful state of Maine,
from our state's biggesthospitals to birth center births
and home births, every birthstory deserves to be heard and
(01:11):
celebrated.
Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply
interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
Welcome to episode 99.
Today's birth story guest isKylie, and she is a returning
guest here on the podcast.
(01:32):
She shared her first two birthstories in episode 28.
So go check that out to hearthe first part of her story.
I have it linked over in theshow notes, and today she's here
to share about her third birthexperience, which was a free
birth.
Hi, kylie, welcome back to myMain Birth, hi.
(01:54):
So will you share a little bitabout when you found out you
were pregnant for the third time?
Kiley (02:08):
you found out you were pregnant for the third time.
Yeah, so I think so.
A month previous, last summer,I had a conversation with my
husband and I was like you know,I really would love to think
about trying for another one.
You know, I'd love another babyat some point.
And he goes Nope, I'm good,like we're, we're set, we're set
at two.
And I remember that night justfalling asleep and I cried so
(02:30):
hard so I was like, oh, I justfeel like I'm missing somebody,
like I just I have a feeling ourfamily isn't complete yet
anyway.
So like a month later I thinkit was probably like three days
after she was conceived I waslike I'm pregnant, I know I am.
I just had such a deep knowingof that and obviously I'm not
(02:51):
going to get a positivepregnancy test at that point.
So I waited till my birthday totake a test, because I already
know, so I could find out mybirthday and remember that as
being a special moment of just,you know, being able to tell my
husband officially.
And yeah, it was very exciting.
I definitely cried because Iwas, I was very excited to have
another baby.
Angela (03:10):
So that is so special?
Yeah, for sure.
So now you shared your firsttwo birth stories in episode 28
of the podcast, and your secondwas a free birth.
So what was your thoughts asyou were conceiving and when you
found out you were pregnant?
(03:31):
You know about how you weregoing to approach this pregnancy
and birth.
Kiley (03:37):
Sure, yeah.
So my husband and I, you knowhe trusts in my ability to birth
, he trusts in my body and howit can function and grow a human
and he knows that birth is anormal aspect of life.
Like I've drilled that into himat this point, so we kind of,
you know, talking about it, hehad a cousin who had a heart
(03:59):
defect and ended up needingmedical treatment right out like
right as he was born, and so Ithink for him, he kind of has
that fear in the back of hishead.
So you know, he just asks thatI get, you know, a couple of
scans just to make sure thebaby's okay and to be seen by
some sort of provider at somepoint in my pregnancy which I
totally understand, you know.
(04:20):
And I want him to be involvedin this as much as possible, and
I want him to feel involved inthis as much as possible and I
want him to feel safe in this aswell.
So I found a midwife out ofEastern Maine.
Her name is Taylor Harper.
I love her, she was amazing.
I came in pretty late in mypregnancy to her practice just
because I wait as long aspossible.
(04:40):
I did the 20 week scan just toyou know, make sure she was good
anatomically.
I did the blood work at 12weeks as well, because I we have
two girls and I wanted to see,but it's another girl, which is
amazing.
But so I did a couple of scanswith her and the baby looked
fine.
I had maybe four totalappointments in my second and
last trimester with her.
She was very understanding.
(05:02):
You know, I told her right offthe bat that I would be doing a
birth at home and she was likeOK, sounds good.
You know, how can I support youin that?
What can I do for you?
Do you need anything specificfrom me?
You know any tests you want toget.
So she just really worked withme well, was very understanding,
which I was surprised by, youknow, being out of the hospital
like that.
Angela (05:25):
So, yeah, she was, she was great.
Wow, that that is incredible.
So did did she know that youwere not going like you were
just going to birth like at home, with no support from like a
licensed midwife?
Kiley (05:36):
She did.
Yeah, I told her right off thebat.
I'll you know, I had my secondone at home on on assisted as
well, so she was like, okay,sounds good, sounds like you
know what you're doing, and soyeah.
Angela (05:47):
Wow.
So how was you know?
How was the rest of yourpregnancy then?
Um, as far as like appointments, looked after that 20 week like
anatomy scan.
Kiley (05:58):
Yeah, so I had, you know, not many appointments, but we
just kind of chatted about youknow what my plans were.
She just really wanted to makesure I was okay, right, she
seemed to genuinely care, whichwas awesome.
I had one appointment with adifferent provider and I didn't
have that same experience.
She was, you know, verystandoffish and just kind of
(06:18):
arrogant, but that was fine.
It was just one experience withher.
So, yeah, not many appointments.
After that she called me on mydue date just to check in and
see how I was doing and stuff.
And I was like nothing yet andshe was like, please just call
me when you go into labor, justso I can, you know, kind of be
thinking about you and stuff.
And you know, she just like hadher phone open to me, allowed
(06:41):
me to call her with anyquestions.
Angela (06:44):
So yeah, open to me, allowed me to call her with any
questions.
So, yeah, amazing.
So how are you feelingthroughout your pregnancy?
What's sort of your mindsetkind of going through?
Kiley (06:52):
Yeah, I mean I definitely have the mindset of you know,
birth and pregnancy that's all.
It's all a state of health,right?
If you're able to get pregnant,you are a healthy human being.
So I don't love the mindset of,oh, I'm pregnant, so I'm, you
know, I'm sick.
I hate it when people say I'msick in pregnancy all the time,
over and over, because your mindwill shape your reality, right.
So you know, having thatmindset of I am healthy, you
(07:17):
know you probably are going tobe a little bit tired Me chasing
two toddlers around and thenbeing pregnant on top of that is
exhausting.
But I knew I was healthy.
You know I had the blood workdone and stuff to prove that I
was, but I felt, I felt great.
You know, through most of mypregnancy it was harder, I felt
like it was just harder on mybody.
You know, being a mom of twoand then being pregnant, but
(07:39):
yeah, so I think that yourmindset is really going to
determine your outcome inpregnancy, for sure.
Angela (07:47):
Yeah, totally, mindset really is everything.
So how about the final weeksand then days leading up to when
your labor started, and aboutyour birth?
Kiley (08:00):
Yeah, so, okay, my first one, my very first girl, I had
her on the due date that thedoctor thought.
So I was like, okay, that'sawesome, you know, my first
baby's on her due date.
And then my second one was onthe due date that I thought it
was going to be, which wasprobably a week and a half after
the doctor.
You know what they had set.
And then for Audrey, she wasdue, I believe it was the 16th
(08:21):
of May, and so I was like, youknow, my third baby, I'm going
to have her early, it'll be fine.
You know, I'm I'm so ready tobe done.
You know, your last trimester,you're exhausted, and then, you
know, the 16th comes around, andthen the 18th comes around, and
then it's the 21st and I'm like, what is going on?
I'm so tired, I'm so done.
(08:42):
And she ended up being born onthe 27th, which was, you know, a
few days after her due date.
But yeah, it was definitelyvery impatient.
I didn't do anything like takecasserole or anything, so that's
disgusting, but, you know, justtrusting that she knew when she
needed to come, she would comewhen she was ready.
So like just having thatknowing of like I know this is
(09:02):
frustrating to be waiting for solong, but your baby comes when
she needs to, when they need to.
I think that's so important toremember.
Angela (09:11):
Yeah, those last few weeks of pregnancy it's so hard
to stay patient.
But having that patience andtrust in the physiologic process
of birth can make the biggestdifference in your birth
experience.
Kiley (09:26):
Definitely yeah, yeah, for sure.
Angela (09:29):
So how did things?
Kiley (09:32):
get going.
So I, with all my births so far, I've woken up in the morning
around 7 am and I'm like I thinkI'm going to have this baby
today.
I had quite a few prodromallabor moments in the weeks
leading up to my birth, which isvery normal.
But yeah, I woke up thatmorning and I told Jeremy.
(09:53):
I said I think you need to stayhome from work Cause I'm pretty
sure today's the day.
He was like all right, soundsgood.
He called out.
My girls were still sleepingand I rested as long as possible
and then around 11 o'clock Igot up to use the bathroom and
my water broke while I wassitting on the toilet.
I was like what?
But it was very meconiumstained and which?
(10:15):
She was very late term, whichis normal for that Right.
But I just had like a moment ofpanic.
I was like oh no, like what ifshe's in distress?
I was like when's the last timeI felt her move?
So I just talked throughthrough it a little bit with
Jeremy and I was like I don'tknow what to do right now.
I called my mom and she goes.
(10:40):
You know what?
The hospital's there for you toutilize what they have If you
want to go just to make sure thebaby's okay and then come home
Like that will be fine, right,like they're there for
situations like that or they'rethere to just hey, can you check
on my baby?
You know, most of the timethey're willing to just do that
for you, just like, okay, I'lljust go get her checked out and
then I'll come home, you know,just to make sure, cause I would
I would feel so guilty if, like, she wasn't doing okay, and
then, you know, something badended up happening.
(11:01):
But I just had that moment ofpanic and I was like I think I
need to go have this settled soI can have peace in order to
give birth there.
So we went.
We went to Eastern Maine and myfriend had a great experience
there.
She.
We went to Eastern Maine and myfriend had a great experience
there.
She told her birth story heretoo.
Her name's Natalie.
She had an awesome experiencedoing her natural birth.
So I was like, okay, maybe I'llget lucky too, like she did,
and have somebody who's justsuper understanding and kind.
(11:23):
So we got there.
It was Memorial day, so it wasdead in the hospital.
I got checked in, they took meup to the room and you know
right away they're like allright, take all your clothes off
, put our gown on.
We need a pee sample, all thiskind of stuff.
And I was like I'll just stayin my clothes for now, cause I'm
pretty sure I'm going to gohome.
And they, I got in the room,sat down and the nurse hooked me
(11:46):
up and then she goes okay, I'mgoing to have to check your
cervix.
And I said, well, since mywater's broken, I prefer you not
to, just because that canincrease the risk of infection.
Right, like logical things here.
And I'm pretty early in mylabor right now, like I'm not
having crazy strong contractionsor anything yet, like I know my
body and labor and know how itfeels when I'm about to have a
(12:07):
baby.
And she was immediately justnasty, like belittled me, told
me that you know she has to,she's going to.
And I was like you're not,you're not going to, I don't
know what you um.
So it was just like probablyfive to 10 minutes of just
arguing with her.
It was like just straight uparguing, like we were in middle
(12:29):
school or something.
I was like no, you're not goingto put your hand inside my body
If I'm telling you no, that'scalled rape, right.
Like that's, that's what it is,even though we're in the
hospital, it's still.
It's still that Right.
And so my husband piped up andwas like no, you're not leave
the room, please.
So she was awful.
So she's like well, I'm goingto go talk to the doctor.
(12:52):
So she's like, well, I'm goingto go talk to the doctor.
So she walks out, probablymakes a phone call to the doctor
telling her that I'm anon-compliant patient, whatever,
whatever.
And so she came back in a littlebit with the doctor and the
strip was looking fine, like thebaby was doing great.
My contractions were consistent, like she was having
acceleration.
She was, she was doing fine.
(13:13):
And I even told her.
I said I'm a nurse, so I kindof like, I kind of know what I'm
talking about, you know, justto kind of have that in with her
.
But no, that didn't matter, she, she goes.
Oh, since you know everything.
So I was like, oh, man, you arenot very nice.
But when she came in with adoctor, the doctor was like so,
your water's broken, we're goingto check your cervix, we're
(13:34):
going to start you on Pitocin,and if you don't have the baby
by, I think it was like eight inthe morning, it was probably
four, 30 at night.
At this point then we're goingto have to do a C-section.
I was like whoa, whoa, back itup.
I came in here to get monitoredfor a minute and then just
leave, right.
So I said, well, you can goahead and bring in the AMA
papers and I'll sign them.
(13:54):
So they brought them in, Isigned them and we left and I
feel like that was just such aconfirming thing for me, like,
wow, I do not belong in ahospital.
You know, I'm not going to arguemy way through birth.
That's not what a peaceful,undisturbed birth should look
like.
You know, a lot of thesehospitals will say they're
natural birth friendly or motherbaby friendly and whatever that
(14:15):
means, but they still havetheir policies that are not
evidence based that they'regoing to adhere to.
You know, like even checking mycervix after my water had
broken, you know, and on thepapers that said risk of
infection and maternal deaththat's what it said on the AMA
papers that they were worriedabout infection but they wanted
to check my cervix.
So it just they.
(14:37):
I don't know where the logicalanything is in that situation.
But yeah, it definitelyconfirmed for me that I was
supposed to be having her athome, and I think for my husband
too.
You know I talked to him abouthow rough the hospital can be
for mothers.
I don't think he reallyunderstood until we had that
confrontation there.
So, yeah, I got in contact withthe head nurse of labor and
(15:00):
delivery and we had a longconversation about that
afterwards.
But I think just theobstetrical model of care has
such a misunderstanding andmistrust of mothers' bodies and
their abilities to birth and Ithink it's more dangerous for a
healthy mom to be giving birthin that model of care than it is
to be at home in your power andhave a physiological birth.
Angela (15:23):
So, yeah, yeah, birth is pathologized all the time in
the hospital and, unfortunately,even in a lot of births that
are attended by licensed medicalmidwives, and homes too.
And it's just, you know, andthat can be almost even worse
because you don't even realizethat's coming and it's like sort
of the obstetrical model likeimported into the home and it's
(15:46):
like, well, I thought I wasgoing to have a peaceful home
birth with a midwife and that'snot exactly what you always get.
So, yeah, there's real value inthis unassisted birth thing and
that's the thing that you didn't.
You know we're able to findpieces of the system that did
support you, but it is kind oflike a crapshoot when you just
randomly go into labor.
(16:07):
It's like who is going to be atthe hospital working today?
Are they going to be friendlyto the way that you're gonna be
birthing and respect yourchoices?
And and I feel like it can.
So many times, like you said,it felt like middle school, like
that's exactly my sentiment insome of these situations where I
see like mothers arguing withthe providers and it's like this
(16:29):
is not middle school, like weare respectable adults.
Um, we know our bodies and wetrust in our ability to birth.
So it would be really great ifeveryone would stop
pathologizing that right.
Kiley (16:42):
Definitely yeah, and I feel for those first time moms
who are going in and are likeyou know, they'll listen to me,
they have that trust right andthat they're going to really be
cared for and really going to belistened to, and that's not
always the case.
So my advice I know I'm alittle bit jumping ahead, but
definitely get a doula if you'regoing to the hospital.
You need that, you needsomebody to fight for you when
(17:03):
you're in that vulnerableposition.
Yeah, that's my little sidepiece there.
Angela (17:08):
So you checked yourself out, signed those papers, walked
out the door, self out, signedthose papers, walked out the
door and how was?
Kiley (17:15):
like the rest of your night, yeah, so we, we left and
as soon as I walked out of thebuilding my contractions just
ramped right up, cause I was soI was so glad to be getting out
of there.
You know, and my husband and Iwe were just kind of talking and
, like you know, felt feltrelief that she was doing great
and also felt relief that wewere leaving and going back home
to our safe place.
(17:36):
Um, so I got home and it wasprobably a little bit after five
, 30.
I don't really remember all thetimes, but you know, somewhere
in the evening there and I wentupstairs and I laid down in our
room for a little while and thenmy contractions just were like
(17:56):
definitely ramping up.
I knew I was getting closer andI was so excited.
But I went downstairs and I tooka hot shower because that
always helps me, I love heatwhen I'm in labor like just a
hot shower to relax me and thenfilled up the tub and sat there
for a while and then filled upthe tub and sat there for a
while and I hit transition.
Definitely, when I was in thetub, being so relaxed, I was
(18:25):
very, very vocal, very loud, andmy husband, he just like sat
there with me and just havinghim there is so helpful even
though he didn't like he woulddo things like give me water if
I asked or whatever, but justhis calm presence there in that
is so peaceful and reassuringfor me and I love that it was
just him this time.
And so finally I was like, okay, I think I need to get out, and
I I made this little nest inour office area so I got a blow
(18:49):
up pool from Walmart last yearon clearance, um, and I had that
, and then I had a liner inthere and then I just filled it
with like pillows and blanketsand towels and all that kind of
stuff so I could rest in thereand then it's easy to clean up
after Um.
But I got in that and I waslike so tired.
At that point I said I don'tthink I can do this anymore,
which is always the key word,right, and like I'm done, I'm
(19:11):
tired, I'm over this, I can'ttake any more.
And then I hit that like restand reflect stage and I was like
, oh my gosh, like she's comingright now and just being patient
is so important in that stage.
Right, like you, you feel likeyou can't do it anymore, but you
can, you have it and you knowyou're almost there.
(19:32):
If you're saying that, you needto know you're almost there.
So, as she, like I felt hercoming down and I was like
Jeremy, just so you know she'scoming right now and I felt like
so peaceful in that moment,just like breathing through um,
letting her come in her time,and I felt her starting to crown
, and the whole time I'm justtalking to her, jeremy.
(19:55):
I don't really remember talkingto her, but Jeremy said the
whole time I was like you'reokay, you can do this, like it's
going to be fine, you're almosthere.
And it makes me a little teary,but I think it's just so
beautiful when you can have thatundisturbed birth at home and
you know like you were made todo this.
(20:17):
So, um, and then she was bornand she had the cord around her
neck and I remember her layingthere and I just unwrapped it
and I picked her up and justheld her and I love how they
feel when they first come out.
They're just like warm andsnuggly and it's just so, so
(20:37):
special when you get to be thefirst one to hold your baby.
Angela (20:42):
So Nobody else is touching you.
Nobody else is rubbing yourbaby, Nobody is.
Yeah, like it's just you inthat space and your husband.
Kiley (20:52):
Yeah, and you have full control.
There's nobody shining lightsin your face and you yeah, and
you have.
You have full control.
There's nobody shining lightsin your face and you know
yelling at you.
So I think there's justsomething so special about that
type of birth and it reallychanges you as a person.
You know when mothers truly arein their power and know how
strong they are.
(21:12):
It's going to change you andit's going to change the people
witnessing that.
Like my husband, like everytime I give birth, I feel like
he steps up more.
You know he becomes a betterdaddy, becomes a better husband,
and I really think it's fromwitnessing that you know what
it's like to bring life into theworld in a powerful way, right
(21:35):
when you're in charge as the mom, when you are able to listen to
your body and trust your body.
So, yeah, it's definitelysomething I'm passionate about
is encouraging moms on thatjourney.
Angela (21:47):
So it's so beautiful.
How did the placenta come out?
Kiley (21:54):
And so when she was born, obviously I unwrapped her cord
and stuff and with my second Ihad a little bit of a retained
placenta, like retained, as inlike a piece literally broke off
inside me and then I ended uppassing it later on.
So I was like a little bitworried about that.
Nothing, nothing happened withmy second, like that was
detrimental to my health oranything.
But so a couple minutes later Iwas just holding her and then
(22:23):
my mom came in with some warmblankets and wrapped us all up
after a little bit and then Istarted to feel the urge to push
again.
So when I did, I pushed outmost of it and then a little
piece was still inside.
So I just kind of tugged on ita little and then the placenta
was birthed.
But I also forgot like one bigpart.
When she was being born I toldmy husband I was like I think I
(22:44):
need to stand up, and so heliterally like picked me up, I'm
shaking all over, and then Ipushed her out and then she came
out with my husband likeholding me, and that was just so
special.
So I felt like he was like apart of, like you know, helping
me push her out, so that wasreally cool.
Angela (23:04):
Oh wow, I love that.
Yeah, I love, yeah when you'relike all together and it's
happening.
Kiley (23:17):
Yeah, yeah.
So after the placenta came out,you know my mom and sisters
came in, and my mother andfather was there too.
They all came in and saw thebaby and talked to me.
And you know, my mom andsisters came in and my
mother-in-law that was there too.
They all came in and saw thebaby and talked to me and, you
know, got me what I needed andthen I just got to sit with her.
I think it was probably forlike two and a half hours.
I just sat with her there, youknow, and she latched for the
first time, and being able tojust hold her and not be rushed
to give her away to anybody isso special, yeah.
(23:40):
So I nursed her and snuggledher and talked to her for a long
time and she opened her eyes.
She barely cried, she likewhimpered maybe, but she was
breathing great, her color wasgreat, all of that.
So they don't always need to bescreaming coming out either.
That's such a I don't know.
That doesn't need to always bethe case when they're born.
(24:01):
You know it should be, itshould be peaceful like that.
And this was 1115 that she wasborn at night, so it was
probably 130 in the morning andmy husband got some skin to skin
with her also, and I got to geta nice long hot shower, which
is the best after you just getbirth, to just get a nice long
shower and kind of reflect andthink about things.
(24:21):
And then I got some cozyjammies on and went upstairs and
snuggled in my bed and my momhad gotten me this giant sub and
I ate the whole thing at like 230 in the morning.
Um, I'm always starving afterbirth, but uh, and then I yeah
right, she really came in clutchthere and then I got to hold
(24:44):
her and fall asleep with her andshe, you know, took that long,
long nap after birth.
And yeah, it's just, it's sospecial when you get to climb
into your own bed after thatwith your baby and you're next
to your husband and all that.
Angela (24:56):
So yeah, oh my gosh.
So what did you do with thecord?
When did you cut the cord ordid you cut it?
Kiley (25:03):
Yeah, we cut it probably.
It's probably like an hourafter, but obviously we wait
until it's completely white sothe baby can get all the good
stuff in there.
You know lots of stem cells andall that, so we waited for a
while.
I always buy my clamps off of amidwife site online.
You can get tons of medicalsupplies there.
But yeah, Cool, yeah.
Angela (25:24):
So you had everything ready ahead of time.
So you just clamped the cordand cut it yourself and good to
go, ready to come into bed withyour baby.
Yes, love it.
So how was your postpartum?
Kiley (25:51):
How was those first few days and then weeks following
your birth usually?
But I feel like they just kindof got a sense of just a calm,
peacefulness about them.
You know, when there's a newbaby it definitely shifts the
dynamic of your house.
So they were able to just kindof it's almost like a weird
reverence that they have, likewow, like there's a baby, right,
(26:18):
but they were just great.
They loved her so much.
And my husband he got to stayhome.
He had a few days off.
Didn't have much time off, buta few days that he was home.
You know, he just took care ofeverything.
Like I literally got to justlay in bed or sit on the couch
the whole time, didn't have tolift a finger.
And you know, I think that comesfrom like witnessing wow, like
(26:40):
versus really hard.
But yeah, no, he was amazing.
And you know, when he'd gethome from work, when he had to
go back, he would still doeverything, you know make sure
we had lunches for the next day,would make my girls breakfast
in the morning, he'd make dinnerevery night when he got home,
did all the chores, um, so thatwas amazing.
And I think with my first two Ireally struggled with
(27:01):
postpartum depression, but thistime I was definitely more
prepared for that.
I saw a naturopath and she kindof got me on some things to
support me and to, you know,remineralize my body.
So, yeah, that was very helpfulto see her through that and,
you know, getting my nutritionbetter than it was the last time
(27:21):
, all that kind of stuff.
Angela (27:22):
So yeah, I feel like that can be a like commonly
overlooked thing.
A lot of moms be like you knowwhat I do.
Postpartum and really focusingon your nutrition can make all
the difference sometimes like,are you really eating healthy
foods, you know?
Kiley (27:38):
Definitely yeah, for sure .
Angela (27:42):
So now, as a final question, if you were to give
advice to expecting parents, oreven new parents, what would be
some of the biggest things you'dwant to share with them?
Kiley (27:55):
So I think you know your birth, your pregnancy and you as
a mom, that shouldn't feelburdensome.
And if you have a provider thatmakes you feel like a burden or
, you know, pits you againstyour baby or your body or is
like they pull the dead babycard all the time, I hate it
when they say that it's like no,give me the statistics.
Tell me why you're saying thatit's like no, give me the
(28:16):
statistics.
Tell me why you're saying that.
If that's kind of theirvocabulary is kind of getting
you to mistrust your body, youneed to find somebody else.
They are not for you.
They are not going to supportyou in a healthy pregnancy and
physiological birth.
I wouldn't recommend, if youhave a healthy pregnancy, going
to an OB.
They're for high riskpregnancies, that's what they're
(28:38):
trained in.
They're trained.
They're for high riskpregnancies.
That's what they're trained in.
They're trained in surgical andhigh risk pregnancies.
They're not trained inphysiological births.
They don't see physiologicalbirths often.
I think if you are healthy andyou want somebody at your birth,
then a sovereign midwife or alay midwife is the way to go, A
hundred percent.
They're not going to be all upin your business all the time.
They're not going to becoercing their hand up your body
(29:00):
, which is so unnecessary, butthey trust a woman's innate
ability to birth and I thinkthat's so important.
Angela (29:09):
A physiological birth cannot really happen at a
hospital because you'reinterrupting the physiological
process by leaving your house.
Kiley (29:19):
Exactly.
Yeah, that's the firstintervention is going to the
hospital, right?
Angela (29:23):
Yeah, and even if you are going to the hospital and I
think your story is a reallygreat highlight to this point
you can interact with it as yousee fit.
You don't have to do anything.
Kiley (29:37):
I mean, yeah, like you said, take it and do what you
will with it, you don't have todo anything.
I mean, yeah, like you said,take it and do what you will
with it.
You know you don't have to dothe glucose test, you don't have
to get five or six ultrasounds,like that is.
It's totally up to you.
You know you don't need to bevaccinated during pregnancy.
Please don't all of that stuff.
Right?
Like you, you are in charge.
This is your body, this is yourbaby.
(29:57):
This is your body, this is yourbaby.
This is your birth experience.
You know, and if you want it tobe positive, it is up to you,
to who you choose to be there,right?
Like, if you choose somebodywho is going to intervene
constantly, you're not going tohave a peaceful birth.
But if you're choosing to have,you know the people around you
that love you and truly careabout you, like mom, your mom,
your sisters, your husband.
(30:17):
Not that you know the peoplearound you that love you and
truly care about you, like mom,your mom, your sisters, your
husband, and that's it.
You know.
They know you, they really careabout you and they will support
you and how you need to besupported, right.
So my first free birth, myhusband was like Whoa, what is
this, you know.
But I had him just, you know, Ipresented him with the numbers
right.
Our maternal mortality rate isthe highest in the US out of any
(30:40):
developed country, and it's notdue to the 1% of women who give
birth at home, it's not.
It's due to obstetricalviolence and obstetrical
takeover and sabotages of birth.
That's what's happening.
We've medicalized birth to thepoint of it's becoming dangerous
for women in the hospital.
Medicalized birth to the pointof it's becoming dangerous for
(31:02):
women in the hospital.
So I would just suggest youknow, really, really think about
who you want in your birthingspace.
That is going to make all ofthe difference.
Angela (31:07):
So yeah, yeah, totally.
It's really really personalpreference and, yeah, knowing
what you're getting into, if youdo choose to go with the
hospital care, you know for sure.
Kiley (31:18):
Yeah.
Angela (31:19):
Well, Kylie, it has been amazing chatting with you and
hearing your birth story.
It's such an honor to listen toyou share it, and I thank you
for joining me on the podcasttoday.
Kiley (31:30):
Yes thank you for having me.
Angela (31:34):
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main
Birth podcast.
Thank you for joining me andlistening.
If you're looking to documentyour birth story or if you're
interested in doula support foryour upcoming birth, head over
to my website, mymainbirthcomand check out my packages.
(31:54):
I'm a certified professionalbirth photographer and an
experienced doula, and I offerin-person services to families
throughout the state of maine,as well as virtual birth
coaching worldwide.
I want to invite you to grab mytop free resource for newly
pregnant moms.
It's called 37 questions to askyourider Whether you've already
(32:18):
established care or if you'rein the process of interviewing
new providers.
This is for you.
Not only are you going to getthe questions to ask, but I also
share how to assess theiranswers and the major red flags
that you should be looking for.
So go grab that.
It's at mymainbirthcom slashdownload.
(32:39):
Thank you again for tuning inand I look forward to bringing
you more amazing birth stories.
Don't forget to subscribe andleave me a review, and I'll see
you back here again next week.
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