Episode 230 | Mystery Maniacs | The Brokenwood Mysteries | "Bride Not to Be" | Worst Bachelorette Party Ever! - Mystery Maniacs

Episode Transcript
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Sarah (00:00):
We greet each other in the hallway at work going,

(00:02):
bobber, bobber.

Mark (00:18):
Hey, Maniac. Hey, Mystery Maniacs. Mystery Maniacs is a
comedy recap podcast dedicatedto mystery TV. Each week, we dig
into an episode of a showincluding the murders, the
mayhem, the loonies, andeverything else we love this
week.

Sarah (00:33):
Bride Not to Be, Broken Wood season five episode two.
I'm Mark. I'm Sarah. Oh, boy.

Mark (00:41):
I feel

Sarah (00:41):
a lot better.

Mark (00:42):
We couldn't have felt much worse.

Sarah (00:45):
So Whatever you do, don't get the norovirus. It's twenty
four hours of hell followed by aweek of purgatory.

Mark (00:54):
I'm assuming we had norovirus and stomach flu at the
same time.

Sarah (00:59):
At the same time.

Mark (01:00):
And it it affected it affected Sarah and I. This is
why we didn't have an episodelast week. It affected Sarah and
I within minutes of each other.

Sarah (01:09):
So we go to bed on a Wednesday night. Happy as clams.
Fall asleep. No problem. Atmidnight, I'm feeling nauseous,
so I get up.
And while I'm being sick, I hearMark run past the master
bathroom into the hall bathroomand get sick. So we're both
sitting in the floor of ourbathrooms, a hall, hall and a

(01:29):
bend away from each other everyhour, on the hour, all night
long.

Mark (01:34):
You didn't sleep that night at all.

Sarah (01:36):
Oh my gosh. One of our kids no. Our kids don't drive.
Don't ask me why. But, walked toKroger for us and brought us
back, like, grown up Pedialyteand saved our lives.
Oh my god. We were gonna die.

Mark (01:50):
We're not well. And then it came back at me.

Sarah (01:54):
Yeah. It

Mark (01:55):
had a second round.

Sarah (01:56):
If we hadn't both been sick at the end of the first
twenty four hours, I was gonnasay, I think I need to go to the
hospital. I think I need an IV.But the thought of both of us
being in the waiting room at thelocal hospital for hours being
sick, like, they wouldn't knowwhich one of us to treat. Oh.
You know, they would have had totake us both.

Mark (02:14):
It was not good.

Sarah (02:15):
It was bad. So wash your hands up to your elbows. Don't
trust anybody else to have doneit. Yeah. Yeah.
I I wash because I work in abuilding with a ton of students
in it.

Mark (02:28):
Yep.

Sarah (02:28):
And I see them rush out of the bathroom without washing
their hands. So I don't trustanybody to have washed their
hands, and I scrub mine, like,nine times a day.

Mark (02:40):
And I'm gonna have to say roast chicken is off the menu.

Sarah (02:44):
Oh, we're never eating

Mark (02:45):
that again.

Sarah (02:47):
And speaking of sickness while we're on the topic, thank
you so much to everybody whosent such nice messages.

Mark (02:54):
I couldn't believe all the messages we got on social media,
telling us, a, it was okay topostpone an episode and b, to
get well.

Sarah (03:03):
When I wasn't sure if I was gonna live or if I wanted
to, it was really nice to seethat other people were cheering
us on because I certainly didn'tfeel like I was ever gonna get
better. It was nice to knowother people thought we would.

Mark (03:20):
And I read out all the messages to Sarah.

Sarah (03:22):
Yeah. While we were sitting on the couch going, oh.

Mark (03:27):
Well, we're all better now. So

Sarah (03:30):
So thank you for all the kind messages. We appreciate it.

Mark (03:33):
Thank you so much.

Sarah (03:34):
But we're better now.

Mark (03:35):
Yes. We've recovered completely. Oh, boy. Did we get
an email? It was, like, from thepast.
Yeah. We got an email from Mark.

Sarah (03:44):
Every once in a while, because of I think because of
the topic of the podcast,because we talk about mysteries.

Mark (03:50):
Mhmm.

Sarah (03:50):
And people who like mysteries don't just like
mystery shows. They likemysteries in general, and
they're the kind of people whowhen they need to know something
can't leave it alone.

Mark (04:00):
That's the

Sarah (04:00):
kind of people that listen to us, and that's the
kind of people we are too.

Mark (04:03):
And we ask questions and then just

Sarah (04:06):
We just hope maybe somebody figures it out and lets
us know. And if they do, great.And if they don't but, seldomly,
do we get an answer to aquestion that was, what, 200
episodes ago?

Mark (04:17):
Almost 200 episodes ago.

Sarah (04:19):
Which is awesome. We got one this week.

Mark (04:22):
We mentioned a poster in episode 73. So this is the, lady
Felicia screaming into the nightepisode.

Sarah (04:31):
Midsummer. Yeah. Yeah. And it was a poster in the cop
shop that was some kind of roadcrossing poster.

Mark (04:38):
Yes.

Sarah (04:39):
And I think there was a kid, like, face down in the road
or something.

Mark (04:42):
Multiple kids in different positions. The same kid in
multiple positions.

Sarah (04:47):
But we couldn't read the text on it. No. And we said,
hey. If anybody's familiar withit, let us know what it says.
Mark found out.

Mark (04:54):
Yes. So Mark found that the campaign an article about
the campaign in the BBC News,and it was for pedestrian young
pedestrian safety. So you thinkthe posters must they they say
55 teenagers a week wish they'dgiven the road their full

(05:14):
attention Yeah. Because they'redoing something.

Sarah (05:17):
I guess 55 kids get hit by cars

Mark (05:19):
I guess so.

Sarah (05:20):
Trying to cross the road.

Mark (05:22):
But his last line of his email is chef's kiss. The last
line of his email does spendingforty five minutes on this
project during the working dayqualify me as a mystery maniac?

Sarah (05:35):
Yes.

Mark (05:36):
Yes. It does.

Sarah (05:36):
Gold star mystery maniac.

Mark (05:38):
Gold star.

Sarah (05:39):
You go. That's just awesome. And when I do something
like that, go deep deep deepdown a pointless fruitless
rabbit hole that is for no realpurpose other than I need to
know. The satisfaction when youfind the answer is so sweet.
That So I I hope Mark enjoyedfinding that answer, and we

(06:02):
really appreciate you doingthat.

Mark (06:04):
Episode episode number 73, the great and the good Justin's
big yellow shy and Nervousballs. Nervous balls was
released 02/01/2021. Wow. Fouryears ago.

Sarah (06:24):
I love that.

Mark (06:25):
Thank you. That would have been our second February.

Sarah (06:28):
That's amazing. That's but, you know, I'm doing that
right now to a podcast I'mlistening to. Yeah. I this
history podcast, I really like.I mean, history doesn't change.
So every time I open up iTunes,I'm like, scroll, scroll,
scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll,scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll,
scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll,scroll, scroll, down, down,
down, down, down, down, down,down, trying to get to the
bottom of the list because youcan't just sort it by oldest

(06:50):
first because it's stupid. Like,scroll. Scroll. You know?

Mark (06:54):
See, like, down to the bottom. Like, the rest is
history. I search by topic.Yeah. I put the topic in.
They don't have one aboutGutenberg. I don't like that.
They need a printing pressepisode.

Sarah (07:04):
Speaking of funny podcasts, so one of the things I
did when I was recovering fromthe sickness was listen to a
bunch of BBC podcasts that Ihadn't caught up on, and one of
them is a true crime podcast. Itdoesn't really matter what the
case was. What's important wasthat they were talking about the
British detective who wasworking the case in the, like,

(07:26):
eighteen seventies or somethingwhose first name was Bobbert.
Bobbert. And I'm now obsessedwith Bobbert.

Mark (07:36):
She says it quite often.

Sarah (07:38):
So much so. And one of the kids and I regularly go on
these Bobbert riffs where we go,my name is Bobbert. Hello. I am
Bobbert. And we say it to eachother, and it's driving Mark and
Xander crazy.

Mark (07:52):
It is indeed.

Sarah (07:53):
And now I've infected my whole team at work because I
told them about it, and theythink it's fun to say too,
Bobbert. And so now we we greeteach other in the hallway at
work going, Bobbert. Bobbert.

Mark (08:06):
And now we have the beginning of that episode noise.

Sarah (08:10):
No. I want to infect all of the maniacs with Bobbert. So
they're all around the worldsaying Bobbert to people.

Mark (08:19):
Also, a number of, fans thankfully reached out to me
mentioning how pleased they werethat a certain team beat another
certain team in a certain icebased

Sarah (08:32):
sport. We beat you.

Mark (08:35):
No. We beat you. Who's we? Canada won against the United
States. Sarah will tell you.
I it's not that I lacked faithin the the Canadian team. They
they were incredibly wellmatched. That was one of the
best games of hockey I

Sarah (08:54):
ever thought. Meme I've seen of it is, the Monty Python
fish slapping meme where they'reboth standing on the side of the
weir, and the the ones the oneguy prances over and slaps the
other guy on the face with alittle fish repeatedly. And then
the second guy gets out thisgigantic fish and just whacks
the other guy into the water,and it's Canada and America. You

(09:16):
know? Like, the Americans cameup and slapped the Canadians
with the little fish.
Yeah. And the Canadians justwent,

Mark (09:22):
I was pleased we'd won, but if we didn't win, it was
overtime. It was like

Sarah (09:27):
It was just a good game.

Mark (09:28):
Like, they kept doing the stats of the period breaks, and
they were exactly the same onboth sides. Like, it was a fine
game of hockey.

Sarah (09:36):
It was fun. Are you ready to talk about Brad not to be

Mark (09:39):
I am. 11/04/2018 is when this was released.

Sarah (09:45):
Gosh. So long ago.

Mark (09:46):
Directed by Katie Wolf. Now Katie Wolf is a name that we
should remember because she'sactually an actress that
appeared in an earlier episode.She was in the spider widows
episode. She was the woman whoran the horse farm. Oh.
And she's a, Maori woman whowhose dad was a sports person

(10:09):
personality and, whose mom wasMaori. And, she, went to acting
school and directing school andis directing this episode. I
think it's fantastic.

Sarah (10:20):
It's a good episode. I reckon.

Mark (10:21):
By Pippa Hall and Tim Baum.

Sarah (10:24):
This is not the first episode of of a show that we've
covered where a bride dieseither on her wedding day or in
her wedding dress.

Mark (10:34):
This is not also not the first episode of a hen party
that we've seen or not the firsttennis episode or not the first
tennis ball shooting machineepisode.

Sarah (10:45):
It is a little on the nose that her name is Ophelia,
and she dies in the water faceup floating, and her boy
fiance's last name is Hammett.There there I mean, it's kind of
bing bing bing. We get thereference. Okay? We get it.

Mark (11:02):
But I think they do it in an interesting way, and that
it's not like, oh, okay. Like,Hamlet is indecisive and his
father is married to his uncle'smarried

Sarah (11:12):
to his brother. Take it that far.

Mark (11:14):
They don't take it.

Sarah (11:14):
But it it's a little Lincoln and nod.

Mark (11:17):
This boat

Sarah (11:18):
that we You mean captain James Cook's boat?

Mark (11:21):
Yes. It's a little too close to the shore and too big.

Sarah (11:27):
You're just jealous of his boat.

Mark (11:30):
I like boats. I wish I had a boat for about an afternoon a
year. Yeah. And then I don'twish I had a boat anymore.

Sarah (11:38):
He's enjoying himself, though.

Mark (11:40):
There's a guy who has, like, a cigarette boat down the
street from us. I wanna borrowhis boat. I wanna just drive it
around for a few hours.

Sarah (11:48):
Is it a cigarette boat or a cigar boat? Aren't they called
cigar boats?

Mark (11:51):
Cigar boats.

Sarah (11:51):
Because they're shaped like a cigar.

Mark (11:53):
I I just wanna borrow his boat and drive around

Sarah (11:55):
And then give it back and not be responsible for the
maintenance or anything.

Mark (11:59):
Not any of that stuff.

Sarah (12:00):
Well, captain Cook's doing the king of the world
thing out on the prowl with thiscoffee.

Mark (12:05):
He is, and he runs across Ophelia.

Sarah (12:08):
He well, he throws a he throws a lifesaver at her. It
doesn't she doesn't do anything.She's not gonna

Mark (12:15):
And at first, I was like, he can't run that boat by
himself, but he calls back tosomebody to stop the boat.

Sarah (12:20):
So Yeah. He's not driving it with his mind. I know.

Mark (12:25):
Who knows with New Zealand people?

Sarah (12:27):
I don't wanna stay at this hotel, this Tidal View
Tower.

Mark (12:30):
Yes.

Sarah (12:31):
First of all, Tidal View Tower is a horrible name. Yes.
This is a TVT run by Marcuswho's

Mark (12:38):
No. No. Horrible. Not run by Marcus. Solely run by Marcus.

Sarah (12:43):
Yeah.

Mark (12:43):
He has no other employees. This is a it's an estate.

Sarah (12:49):
Like, just cleaning the rooms would take and and he's
got a bar that he's running. Hesays he's got another event
booked, and he's got caterersand stuff coming in. So,
clearly, he gets outside help.Maybe he's got a cleaner who
just comes in in the afternoonand cleans the rooms.

Mark (13:04):
My my sister ran an inn for, I think, fifteen years, and
it took her and her husband andher entire family constant work.

Sarah (13:12):
Yeah. Well, maybe that's why Marcus is going out of
business. Yeah. That and he's alying jerk.

Mark (13:17):
I don't like him. Well, I don't like him.

Sarah (13:20):
There's very few likable characters in this. Ophelia, the
victim, is really unlikable.

Mark (13:25):
Oh, she is

Sarah (13:25):
I don't know how she has any friends. Yeah. She's a
professional tennis player who'sreturned to Brokenwood because
her dad has passed away, andshe's taking care of his estate.
But when she was there as a kid,she was clearly a bullying jerk.

Mark (13:40):
And just just happens to fall in love with this guy and
get married? Like, it seemsrebounding. And you usually
don't rebound after your daddies.

Sarah (13:48):
Yeah. So They explained that. Her dad was her fixer.

Mark (13:52):
Yeah. She

Sarah (13:52):
needs a man to take care of stuff.

Mark (13:54):
Death of a parent affects you in different ways.

Sarah (13:57):
Wow. Especially if you're a jerk to begin with.

Mark (14:00):
At the scene of the crime, Mike is cagey about what he's
doing.

Sarah (14:04):
What what he was interrupted Yes. Doing on Sunday
morning?

Mark (14:07):
Yes.

Sarah (14:08):
We find out later he was line dancing.

Mark (14:10):
He says he was line dancing. I think he was at rodeo
clown school.

Sarah (14:17):
Wild West reenactment club. Something with his boots.

Mark (14:21):
He would be a he would do the Wild West reenactment club.

Sarah (14:24):
Would too. I

Mark (14:25):
think he would.

Sarah (14:25):
I think he'd be sheriff. Sheriff Mike. Shepherd. Yep.
Sheriff Shepherd.
This town ain't big enough forboth of

Mark (14:34):
us. He would love that and get into it. I don't think line
dancers get like like, okay.Line dancing is a late night
activity at bars on theweekends. Mhmm.
So why are you doing it Sundaymorning?

Sarah (14:47):
Maybe he goes to line dancing church.

Mark (14:50):
Maybe?

Sarah (14:51):
It's a different kind of church.

Mark (14:53):
Yeehaw. Welcome to line dancing church.

Sarah (14:55):
We cleared out the pews so we could dance for Jesus in
lines. But it's gotta be, like,

Mark (15:02):
it's gotta be New Zealand too. We play too.

Sarah (15:07):
We can't do New Zealand accents. Don't even try.

Mark (15:13):
I love how he Bree keeps saying, captain Cook found the
body, and Mike's like, what?

Sarah (15:18):
No. Yeah. They they enjoy that little, like, name joke,
and nobody comments on Opheliaand Hammitt.

Mark (15:28):
No. Now she is a international tennis player.

Sarah (15:33):
Mhmm.

Mark (15:33):
If an international tennis player died in this way, even
off the circuit, do you notthink somebody from the noose
would show up?

Sarah (15:44):
Okay. Yeah. If this was Martina Navratilova or something
or one of the Williams sisters,you bet the press would be
there. And she's obviously verysuccessful at it Yes. And has
the personality to boot.
So I would think there would bepress who would be interested in
her.

Mark (16:03):
Also, those people, apart from her father and her
boyfriend, have people who workfor him.

Sarah (16:09):
Oh, yeah. They got managers.

Mark (16:11):
PA and a manager and stuff like that.

Sarah (16:13):
Well, but if she just went home because her dad passed
away, maybe she didn't want thatstuff around her. You know? Just
I'm just gonna go. Leave mealone.

Mark (16:21):
I love how they could find a body that was decapitated, and
Sims could say, I think thecause of death is decapitation.
And Gina would

Sarah (16:30):
be like,

Mark (16:31):
no. Don't jump to conclusions. It could be
drowning.

Sarah (16:34):
We don't know yet. Sims? If Mike said it was
decapitation, Gina would say,you're probably right. Jesus,
the the body was garrotted. Yep.
And Sims is like, you mean,like, medieval garrotes? It's
like Yeah. I'm surprised Ginadidn't say, well, you know, the

(16:57):
KGB used garrotes until, like,the nineteen eighties or
something.

Mark (17:01):
So Or guards or belts or later also.

Sarah (17:03):
Yeah. Was there a Bavarian at the party? Yes. They
they talk about garats. You doyou know what a garat is?

Mark (17:12):
Yeah. It's like a wire or a string that's on handles that
allows you to facilitate thestrangulation of an individual.

Sarah (17:20):
Quickly wrap it around somebody's throat and use the
handles for leverage. Yeah.Right? I have several garotes in
the garage.

Mark (17:26):
Yeah. Because you use them to cut, To cut clay. Clay.

Sarah (17:30):
Yeah. Like, every basic clay sculpting kit comes with a
garat. Yes. Not that I'm gonnause it that way.

Mark (17:37):
Well, I hope not.

Sarah (17:39):
I've got it in case I need it. A strap wrench would
probably do it too.

Mark (17:43):
Help me.

Sarah (17:45):
But that's not the most common form of garrot. Oh, okay.
And by common, I mean, mostwidely used to kill people,
garrot. Because in Spain, foralmost a hundred years, the
official government form ofexecution was garrote. Oh.
Did you know that?

Mark (18:02):
No. How did they do that? Was that the strap around

Sarah (18:05):
them? From 1828 to 1897, the official form of execution
in Spain was garrote, but it wasa garroting chair.

Mark (18:14):
Yes. So you sat in the chair, and the thing went around
your neck.

Sarah (18:18):
A strap goes around your neck.

Mark (18:20):
And that shows up in a later episode. Remember?

Sarah (18:23):
The garroting chair. Yes. But the first record we have of
somebody using a garrote is in,the first century BC in Rome.

Mark (18:31):
Which we know because we are aware of the timeline in
history is not medieval. No.

Sarah (18:39):
They weren't even really all that popular in medieval
times except for assassinsbecause it's quiet.

Mark (18:46):
I guess. Yeah.

Sarah (18:46):
And they didn't have machine guns. You know? They
they were limited on theirchoices. This is the worst
bachelorette party ever.

Mark (18:55):
This is

Sarah (18:56):
Even before Ophelia dies. The the the bachelorette is a
jerk Yeah. That nobody reallylikes. Her maid of honor is
pregnant with her fiance's baby.

Mark (19:06):
Nikki's there for some reason.

Sarah (19:08):
Nikki, the rich broke girl is there as is Frodo's not
girlfriend, Kim.

Mark (19:15):
Yes. And then I'm not his girlfriend.

Sarah (19:18):
And then four other random ladies who get drunk and
leave.

Mark (19:22):
I have in my notes. Why is she living? Why is Nikki living
with Frodo's not girlfriend?

Sarah (19:27):
And, apparently, the party started by going thrift
shopping for ugly dresses.

Mark (19:32):
I guess.

Sarah (19:33):
That's what that's what they did first.

Mark (19:35):
And and involved actual worm eating.

Sarah (19:38):
Like, tequila worms are stupid.

Mark (19:40):
It's just dumb. Dumb. And then the 50 year old stripper

Sarah (19:45):
shows up. Oh my gosh.

Mark (19:47):
Hey. Isn't that your dad?

Sarah (19:51):
We need a stripper for the party. I know. Let's call
our friends dad. No.

Mark (19:57):
And by friend, I mean, the person in high school that we
Bullied. Bullied

Sarah (20:02):
mercilessly. But can you imagine, though? Okay. Because
you grew up in a small townwhere everybody knew each other.
Right?

Mark (20:08):
Yep.

Sarah (20:09):
You you go home. Let's say you you decided to go home
to have your bachelor partyOkay. Because you had friends
there.

Mark (20:17):
Okay.

Sarah (20:17):
I know that's not the case with you, but let's say you
did.

Mark (20:20):
Okay.

Sarah (20:21):
And the stripper shows up, and it's your elementary
school friend's mom

Mark (20:26):
Ugh.

Sarah (20:27):
That you remember giving you Kool Aid and cookies after
school, and now she's strippingfor the party. No. I would be
horrified. Like, get out ofhere. Never mind the

Mark (20:37):
fact that he's a physio on top of it.

Sarah (20:40):
Well, you're either a stripper or you work at the
tennis club or both.

Mark (20:46):
Far both.

Sarah (20:47):
Or maybe you work at a tea shop.

Mark (20:49):
Or

Sarah (20:49):
Chantelle works at

Mark (20:50):
the tea shop. Interpreter.

Sarah (20:51):
Yeah. Well, yeah, she's got a job.

Mark (20:53):
Oh, more on the tea shop. I got stuck in a rabbit hole.
The rabbit hole I got stuck inis when they show the car
license plate real quick.

Sarah (21:03):
Mhmm.

Mark (21:04):
The Which car? The car in the parking lot of the hotel. I
forget who owns the car. Okay.It has a dealership name around
it, and I found the dealership.
And then I read this incrediblysad story about the family that
ran that dealership losing theirfranchise after thirty eight

(21:25):
years.

Sarah (21:25):
Do we do we wanna know if it's sad?

Mark (21:27):
No. No. Okay. It's it it just it the the New Zealand car
market was changing, and theywere changing with it. Were you
But it was weird that, like,

Sarah (21:38):
I was a real franchise. Were you surprised that Kristen
knows sign language?

Mark (21:44):
Not really because you always need a character who
knows that. And I know a lot ofcops know a little bit of a lot
of stuff. Like, I bet your copsin this town know a little bit
of Spanish, a little bit ofother things.

Sarah (21:59):
I bet you none of them knows braille.

Mark (22:01):
Probably not.

Sarah (22:05):
More likely that somebody knows a bit of sign language
than that they can read Braille.So if you wanna get away with a
crime and you need to leave anote, leave it in Braille.

Mark (22:13):
The ride back to the station with the three hungover
hands and Mike is the best.

Sarah (22:22):
He's driving just knowing that one of them is gonna throw
up in

Mark (22:24):
his car.

Sarah (22:27):
Somebody's gonna throw up in his car. So Kahu works at the
tennis club. Yeah. Alex works atthe tennis club. The strip Alex
the stripper.
Scotty, the boyfriend, works atthe tennis club. Does Darren?

Mark (22:39):
Darren doesn't, and Darren's friend works at the
the, hotel. Because remember,he's waiting for him to get off.
Peter?

Sarah (22:48):
Yeah. Peter works at the Tidal View Tower?

Mark (22:51):
Yeah. The because remember, they they go the
stripper takes him home. Oh,

Sarah (22:57):
so it isn't just Marcus who runs it. Marcus and Peter.
Right?

Mark (23:00):
Yes. There's two of them.

Sarah (23:02):
I don't know why Peter's in the episode. Two of them.
Really serve a purpose. Yeah.He's purposeless Peter.

Mark (23:09):
It it I was like, are they gay? And then he's like, oh, I
love Zoe. And I'm like, I guesshe's not gay.

Sarah (23:18):
Well and Peter's also deaf. Right? So it's not like
he's helpful in that way thathe's Darren's friend and his
fluent sign language.

Mark (23:27):
Know why he's in the episode.

Sarah (23:29):
He's purpose purposeless Peter at the Title View Title
View Tower.

Mark (23:35):
The stag party is at the tennis club, and we hear

Sarah (23:39):
Let's have the party where I work. Yeah. That'll be
fun.

Mark (23:43):
Because I'm a weirdo. Even though it looks similar, the
tennis club is not the golfcourse from the previous
episode.

Sarah (23:52):
No. They do look very similar, though. From the
episode where the lady getssprayed in the face with the
pesticide

Mark (23:57):
Yes. I

Sarah (23:58):
They are a similarly kind of, like, community club.

Mark (24:02):
I may have taken pictures, but yes.

Sarah (24:04):
With a bar. Yep. Yeah.

Mark (24:06):
And this is where we find out the cop strip stripper also
works there.

Sarah (24:10):
Right. And that Ophelia was garroted with something that
wasn't typical.

Mark (24:16):
Yes.

Sarah (24:16):
And Gina thinks it could be braces from lederhosen.

Mark (24:20):
Or garter belts. Or What kind of garter belts are you
wearing that you could stranglesomebody with? Lederhosen, I
understand. They're leather.They're leather.
Are you wearing leather garterbelts?

Sarah (24:34):
Well, how big is your thigh? It's gonna go around
somebody's head? That's a bigthigh. Because, you know,
there's not a buckle on a garterbelt. You have to slide it up
your leg.
Or or unless unless they meant,like, garter belt, like, the one
that goes around your waist andhas the straps that go down and

(24:54):
click onto your hose. Maybe?That maybe. Because that's like
an elastic with some kind ofclosure on it.

Mark (25:02):
But that's not the garter belt.

Sarah (25:04):
Yeah. It it it is literally

Mark (25:06):
a belt. Yeah. Well, it goes around belt part. Yes.

Sarah (25:08):
We'd said belt. But when we think of garter belt, we
think of one of those littleones that slides up your leg

Mark (25:13):
Yes.

Sarah (25:14):
That a a bride wears and then jerky husbands put on their
rearview mirror. Gross.

Mark (25:20):
Oh, wait, Sarah. This episode needs a stupid gambling
subplot red herring. No. Itdoesn't.

Sarah (25:26):
All I thought

Mark (25:27):
is that Doesn't need that at all.

Sarah (25:28):
Gina is like, were there any Bavarians at the party? And
I thought, were there anySpanish executioners at the
party?

Mark (25:35):
I don't think so.

Sarah (25:37):
Somebody at a garage. Yeah. The gambling thing. The
whole I don't know. Marcus.

Mark (25:44):
Marcus is is so bad. This is a collection of unlikable
people.

Sarah (25:50):
But they it's like they don't know that Marcus is an old
guy. Yeah. Because he's bettinghe's trying to play against,
like, basically, the tennis club

Mark (26:00):
pro Champion?

Sarah (26:01):
The pro, and thinks he's gonna beat him. He thinks people
are gonna believe that thatNicki wanted to sleep with him.
Yeah. No way. Nobody's gonnabelieve that.

Mark (26:10):
No. I mean, it's just This like, okay. This hen party is
four suspects. Well, sorry. Thebride and three suspects, four
nonsuspects who left early, whowho did the

Sarah (26:24):
right thing names.

Mark (26:25):
Who did the right thing leaving early, and two middle
aged men, one of which is astripper. It's a bad hen party.

Sarah (26:34):
But you're forgetting in the background. Purposeless
Peter is there too.

Mark (26:38):
Oh, yes.

Sarah (26:39):
Sorry. Apparently, hanging out.

Mark (26:42):
Well, the the boyfriend and his deaf brother don't show
up until after the party. So

Sarah (26:47):
his brother.

Mark (26:48):
Oh, his friend. Yeah. It's not really Scotty and Darren.
Scotty and Darren aren't reallyat the party, the hen party.

Sarah (26:55):
No. They come over to to tell Ophelia that Chantelle is
pregnant with Scotty's baby.

Mark (27:03):
Or Worst

Sarah (27:04):
10 party ever. Or so Scotty and Ophelia can make out.
I don't know which one or theother.

Mark (27:10):
We're not sure.

Sarah (27:11):
We're not sure. Either way, Darren being there,
awkward.

Mark (27:17):
Darren does such a good job at looking awkward Yeah. On
the bed.

Sarah (27:21):
He's out and then he's outside smoking. He doesn't even
look like he smokes. Like, I'mjust doing

Mark (27:27):
something. I'm away from all of that.

Sarah (27:29):
Away from that.

Mark (27:30):
But it's not the biggest mystery of the episode. The
biggest mystery of the episode,Sarah, is something that you did
not notice. I pointed it out toyou. You did not notice. At the
cop shop, when they're talkingabout all these things, behind
the murder board on anotherwhiteboard is written the
following.
Please wash and return all mugs.This means you, Nigel.

Sarah (27:56):
Dun dun dun.

Mark (27:58):
Nigel is underlined. What did Nigel do?

Sarah (28:04):
So he either doesn't wash his mugs or he doesn't return
his mugs or both, I guess.

Mark (28:11):
I I don't like, that sort of passive aggressiveness is
fantastic.

Sarah (28:16):
Who do you think wrote it?

Mark (28:17):
I I think Sims wrote it.

Sarah (28:19):
Well, it's typical passive aggressive workplace
note Oh. Making.

Mark (28:23):
Most definitely.

Sarah (28:26):
Like like, in the kitchen in my office, there are two
signs. One says, your motherdoesn't work here. Oh. I don't
know who put it up. Yep.
And the other one says, sodasare for bridge employees only.
Now you you No. I'm a I'm abridge employee.

Mark (28:43):
You worked in this place called The Bridge, which is
really the executive suite ofthe business school.

Sarah (28:48):
It's called The Bridge because it connects it goes over
the road connecting twobuildings.

Mark (28:53):
This is the fanciest office in in the business
school. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Andthey have a sign that says, your
mother doesn't work.
Here.

Sarah (29:02):
Yeah. Well, it's in the kitchen where, you know, like,
wealthy donors wouldn't go.

Mark (29:07):
At least it doesn't say your mother doesn't work here,
Sarah. If I was Nigel, I mightbe, suggesting this is a hostile
workplace.

Sarah (29:20):
Mhmm.

Mark (29:21):
But then we see Nigel later on. Nigel arrives with the
Thai food, and they go, thankyou, Nigel. I'm like, don't
forget to do your chores. Yes.

Sarah (29:32):
Dropping off delivery food does not excuse you from
washing your mug, Nigel.

Mark (29:37):
But it says wash and return. Did he take some mugs
home?

Sarah (29:43):
He's a mug smuggler. Mugs.

Mark (29:46):
All all these broken wood police force mugs at home.

Sarah (29:51):
He's got a he's got a shrine of them at home. So And
they've all got Kristen'slipstick on them. Before that,
though, Sims So Sims says toKristen, well, when you work
with two sex gods Yes. And Mikemakes the coals to Newcastle
comment.

Mark (30:10):
Yes.

Sarah (30:11):
And they both go, what? Cold to what?

Mark (30:13):
Yeah.

Sarah (30:13):
And he's like, never mind.

Mark (30:15):
Yep.

Sarah (30:15):
Do you know what he means?

Mark (30:16):
He means you can't sell coal to people in Newcastle
because that's where all thecoal comes from.

Sarah (30:21):
Yeah. Like, you can't

Mark (30:23):
take It's ice to the Eskimos.

Sarah (30:24):
Right. It's ice to Eskimos. Exactly. But there's
also this,

Mark (30:28):
like And other incredibly racist things for me to say.

Sarah (30:32):
There's also a great Scottish punk band called Coles
to Newcastle, and he's alwaysmaking music references. I
thought, is he making areference to that punk band?

Mark (30:41):
Maybe. I don't think so.

Sarah (30:43):
I don't think so. But it would have been funny if he was.
But he listens to country music,

Mark (30:48):
so he

Sarah (30:48):
never mind. We find out that Alex is the freelance
stripper and is Zoe's dad.

Mark (30:53):
Zoe is the interpreter. Do you think she has another job?

Sarah (30:57):
I no. I don't. Because I think she's kinda fragile. I
think she's

Mark (31:01):
Now I think we

Sarah (31:02):
see her way into working in general.

Mark (31:04):
I think we see Zoe again, but really up until the point
where her father confesses tothe killing. And even a little
bit further than that, I thoughtZoe was the killer because she
acts nervous and suspicious.

Sarah (31:18):
Well, that's so red herring, though.

Mark (31:21):
Yeah.

Sarah (31:21):
I love that Nikki is so stereotyped, but then lives up
to the stereotype at everyopportunity. Like

Mark (31:31):
Yes.

Sarah (31:32):
I have to go. My aunt's in the hospital. Okay. You don't
have an oh, never mind. She'sgone.
Yep. Oh, and she's got the deadwoman's credit card, and she's
off buying stuff with it. What?It's she's not that stupid, is
she? I mean, come on.

Mark (31:47):
She obviously lost the golf course and the house and
half the town because remember,her family owned it all.

Sarah (31:53):
She should be incredibly wealthy.

Mark (31:55):
But, no, she's living with Frodo's girlfriend. No. He's not
my girlfriend.

Sarah (32:01):
We should just have a sound clip that we just hot key
on the board Yeah. To playFrodo's not my my boyfriend.
Certainly, nobody's gonnabelieve that she hooked up with
Marcus.

Mark (32:14):
No. Why does he even say that? It doesn't give him
anything at all, not an alibi oranything like that.

Sarah (32:21):
I I think he's such a jerk face.

Mark (32:25):
Now her going out the window and having psychotic,
psychodiol and look forglowworms.

Sarah (32:32):
Yeah. That's totally Nikki.

Mark (32:33):
Totally expect Nikki to do.

Sarah (32:35):
He I think he's so self delusional, and he thought
people would believe it. And hethinks so little of her Yeah.
That he thinks people willbelieve it. Well, she's skanky
anyway.

Mark (32:45):
So Yeah.

Sarah (32:46):
You know, which he basically says.

Mark (32:48):
Missus m shows up and discusses the language of
flowers and then leaves.

Sarah (32:55):
She quotes Hamlet and leaves. And then we find out
Frodo's got yet another new job.

Mark (33:03):
Yes. He's running. Finally, Frodo is selling
coffee.

Sarah (33:08):
Not not at his own coffee truck yet.

Mark (33:10):
No. It's Ricardo's coffee truck.

Sarah (33:12):
But what jobs has he had? He's been a lawn a landscape
guy.

Mark (33:16):
Yep. He ran the the ice cream place. The hot dog truck.
Somebody suggested that we hatetoo many

Sarah (33:22):
Frodo dogs, and that's why. That's how we got sick?

Mark (33:25):
Well, I don't know.

Sarah (33:26):
Looking at a Frodo dog almost made me sick.

Mark (33:28):
Yeah.

Sarah (33:29):
He's worked at the auto body car shop.

Mark (33:32):
The car shop.

Sarah (33:32):
That's five jobs. Yeah. Has he had any other jobs? What
job did he have in the bachelorparty episode when the first one
where the guy got shot?

Mark (33:41):
Oh, he's working at the That's the car shop. It's he
works at two different carshops.

Sarah (33:45):
Yeah. What's he gonna be next time?

Mark (33:47):
He I think it's coffee from now on. He's not in the
next episode.

Sarah (33:52):
They go to the hospital because there's a victim in the
hospital, and the surgeon comesin and pulls his mask down, and
it's Frodo. Frodo's discountsurgery.

Mark (34:01):
Frodo's psychiatry, physiotherapy, and stripping.
No, Frodo. No, Frodo. No.

Sarah (34:07):
That's going job Frodo cannot have. Frodo's discount
animal husbandry and breeding.No. No. No.
I'm here

Mark (34:16):
to collect the sample.

Sarah (34:17):
No, Frodo. Get out of here.

Mark (34:19):
Would you like me to dance while

Sarah (34:20):
I'm here? That's how he gets it. He moves the animal by
dancing.

Mark (34:27):
Frodo animal stripper.

Sarah (34:32):
And biological sample collection.

Mark (34:35):
Wow. We have gone off the rails, and that woman is
certainly not that person'sgirlfriend.

Sarah (34:41):
I'm gonna give you a note that says to meet me at the
wharf. Wharf. It's a dock.

Mark (34:46):
It's a dock. Why call

Sarah (34:47):
it a wharf? Kristen reveals that she's tricky. Yes.
Because she's willing to lie.

Mark (34:54):
About being a florist.

Sarah (34:56):
I don't know what the rest of that conversation was
supposed to be. Right? The ideais that she gets the hospital to
tell her whether auntie Ruth orwhatever her name is is in the
hospital. Right? But she doesn'tknow her name.
Yeah. So she's gonna call andsay, I've got a delivery for
somebody whose first name isRuth or Anne or Renee or

(35:18):
whatever her name is.

Mark (35:19):
Maybe.

Sarah (35:19):
And they're gonna give her the last name and the room
numb I don't

Mark (35:23):
Well, you know, if it's a cop and they answer the phone,
they just shout no no no intothe phone. But if it's a
florist, oh, let me look up thatinformation for you.

Sarah (35:32):
A cop, they say, I'm sorry. We can't give you any
patient information. But if it'sa florist, they say, yeah. Aunt
Renee, who had bypass surgeryand is doing very well and is
typo, is in Room 212 and isright now wearing a red hospital
gown. Like, yeah.
They'll just give youeverything. I just I I find it
fun that they call her theflorist of Broken Wood. Yes.

(35:54):
Which sounds like an assassin'sname or something. Yes.
Which means Gina would be likethe borscht chef of
Brooklynwood. Mike is the Linedancer of Brooklynwood. Or the
rodeo clown.

Mark (36:07):
Yeah. You see Mike in his underwear here.

Sarah (36:11):
I didn't need that.

Mark (36:13):
I guess?

Sarah (36:13):
I mean, he's he broke his leg many years ago, and Alex has
to

Mark (36:17):
do didn't. It was, like, three episodes ago.

Sarah (36:20):
And Alex has to twist it. Yeah. You're right. That's in
the the non rear window episode.

Mark (36:26):
Yes. So, also, we find out that Fi has a ticket, and the
ticket is weird for two reasons.One, she's decided to fly out on
my birthday. So my birthday islisted as the time in which
she's flying out to The UnitedStates.

Sarah (36:45):
In a one one person flight. She's not going with
Scotty.

Mark (36:49):
But weirder is she's flying air broken wood.

Sarah (36:54):
I think Frodo owns that too. It's a pedal plate.

Mark (36:58):
I'll be your captain. I'm Frodo. Captain Frodo. Frodo air.
No wonder that woman jumped outof that plane.
And then he just goes, oh, well,she was going to The States. And
they go, okay.

Sarah (37:14):
Because she was gonna continue her career, and he just
had to accept it.

Mark (37:17):
What? Alright. Then why is she getting married? She's not.
That Chantelle's like, oh, it'sa baby.

Sarah (37:28):
Chantelle works at the Kiwiland tea room.

Mark (37:31):
Which is fantastic.

Sarah (37:32):
If it's not a real tea room, it's the best dress set
I've ever seen. The chalkboardalone is fantastic.

Mark (37:38):
Chalkboards and food out and other customers and tables
and menus, I looked for that. Ilooked in the credits to see if
they thanked, a a shop orsomething.

Sarah (37:52):
Restaurant of some sort.

Mark (37:53):
None of that.

Sarah (37:54):
Well, so here's a challenge to you listeners. On
the chalkboard, the menu board

Mark (37:59):
Yep.

Sarah (37:59):
At the Kiwi Land tea room is an item called a Filthy
Burger, p h I l t h y.

Mark (38:08):
Maybe it's like a a Philadelphia sandwich, like a
Philly cheesesteak burger,maybe?

Sarah (38:15):
Then call it a cheesesteak burger. Why would
anybody in New Zealand get thatreference? Get that p h I l
reference. Yeah. What is afilthy burger?
It's not real. It doesn't exist.We Googled it. We couldn't find
an answer. No.
What do you think a filthyburger is? Is it made of meat
from Phil? Guy's name Phil? Idon't know. We tried to guess.

(38:36):
You guess. Yes. Tell us what youthink. What you think is. If I'd
said you gotta make a filthyburger, p h I l, filthy burger,
what would be on it?

Mark (38:45):
The other thing I learned from this episode on careful
examination, I learned thatanyone who plays tennis for any
amount of time, especially withone of those ball machines, gets
frustrated and angry. No one ishaving fun playing tennis

Sarah (39:02):
at this tennis. I hate tennis.

Mark (39:05):
It's just it looks to be, like, it's like golf. Anyone who
plays golf in any of these showshates playing golf.

Sarah (39:13):
They get frustrated.

Mark (39:14):
Play golf every day. If it frustrates you so much. I
remember when I was playing golfon a regular basis, and if I hit
the ball and it didn't go whereI wanted it to, I just dropped
another ball and hit it again. Ididn't care. No.
It was it was a day out that Ienjoyed being outside.

Sarah (39:34):
Well, you weren't playing thousand dollar rounds of
tennis.

Mark (39:38):
Why is he playing the champion that well? He needs
money. Why does he

Sarah (39:44):
If he needs money, that's not a good way to win it.

Mark (39:46):
Not a good way to win money.

Sarah (39:48):
I mean, challenge Peter to a game of tennis, you know,
like, not the the club champion.

Mark (39:56):
He's also quite an alcoholic.

Sarah (39:58):
Well, you made me stay in a hotel with a bar. Yeah. Did we
make you drink? Yeah. Marcus,you're a loser.
In every way, we're beating thatdead horse. It's dead.

Mark (40:10):
Speaking of dead horses

Sarah (40:11):
Maybe that's what a filthy burger. Philly, it's a
horse burger.

Mark (40:14):
It's a horse burger. Well, actually

Sarah (40:16):
They do have horse meat in

Mark (40:17):
New Zealand, don't they? Horse meat in New Zealand.

Sarah (40:20):
We might have just solved it. But that's not how you spell
Philly. Is it like a horsethat's with an f?

Mark (40:25):
No. I don't know. I don't know. Now I'm worried. I do know
that speaking of a

Sarah (40:33):
It's a dirty horse burger.

Mark (40:36):
Speaking of beating a dead horse, Scott is like, look at my
bloody hand.

Sarah (40:43):
I punched Marcus in his squishy nose.

Mark (40:46):
Look at it. It's bloody. My hand.

Sarah (40:49):
I busted my knuckles.

Mark (40:52):
It's not the best most natural acting.

Sarah (40:55):
No. No. Poor Zoe. She's fragile.

Mark (40:59):
Yes.

Sarah (41:00):
She really is

Mark (41:01):
As fragile. As I completely understand. Her mom
left when

Sarah (41:05):
she was little, which apparently upset her a lot.

Mark (41:09):
Drove her dad into stripping. He went right to the
pole.

Sarah (41:15):
She's struggled with bulimia and anxiety and
depression, and she's clearlymaking big efforts to get her
life together.

Mark (41:23):
Yep.

Sarah (41:24):
She's so nervous to be coming to do this translator
job, but wants to do a good jobat it.

Mark (41:30):
And she also knows Darren isn't telling everything.

Sarah (41:33):
And for good reason, she hates Ophelia with a white hot
gash.

Mark (41:38):
Gosh. I would wanna take a poker and put it into Ophelia's
head No. If she said that.

Sarah (41:45):
She says Zoe Fuller full of fat. I would have just she
was on a crutch. I I would havejust choked her out.

Mark (41:53):
This is why I thought she was the killer.

Sarah (41:55):
Yeah. Because she would have been justified.

Mark (41:58):
By the way, Nigel brings Thai food, and Kristen leaves.

Sarah (42:02):
Because she's tired of their Thai food. She's tired of
their fatty mamas.

Mark (42:05):
Yeah. The other winner of this episode is Broken Wood Real
Estate. They're cleaning up.They're selling everything.

Sarah (42:11):
There's all of Philly's Fee's dad's house.

Mark (42:14):
And the hotel.

Sarah (42:15):
The TVT. Yep. I think Scotty's kinda brave. Now he's
drunk.

Mark (42:21):
Yes.

Sarah (42:21):
But he's sort of brave to go to the hotel where they're
having the bachelorette party totell Fi that Chantel is pregnant
with his baby. And

Mark (42:31):
it's actually I

Sarah (42:32):
think I would have waited until the next day when
everybody was sober.

Mark (42:36):
But it is good writing when she says, do you want the
baby or do you want me? And hesays, I want both. Both. I can
be a dad and be your husband.

Sarah (42:45):
Because he didn't cheat on her.

Mark (42:47):
He didn't cheat on and everyone admits that.

Sarah (42:49):
Yeah. He hasn't done anything wrong. And I don't know
why Chantel likes him so much.

Mark (42:54):
I can't either.

Sarah (42:56):
He's not all that likable. Though he does look a
lot like, Jack, Whitehall. Yes.If you don't know who Jack
Whitehall is, he's a Britishcomedian, and he looks so much
like him.

Mark (43:09):
He does, but he's so milk toast. He just doesn't do this
or that or No. No. Meanwhile,Darren's in the other side of
the room going, can I leave

Sarah (43:19):
now, please? This is maximum awkward. Even being deaf
isn't helping me stay out ofthis awkward conversation.

Mark (43:25):
In the hallway going, glow worms. Yeah.

Sarah (43:29):
I saw fairies on the credit card. I am not going to
sleep with Marcus. They'retaking all these handwriting
samples because they have thenote. Yes. The 2AM note.
Yes. And they make a big dealout of Alex writing in all caps.
And I was like, I write in allcaps. Am I the killer?

Mark (43:47):
Did you kill her?

Sarah (43:48):
Did I do it?

Mark (43:49):
Did you use later, Hossen?

Sarah (43:50):
Yes. You got me. No. It was Alex the stripper physio
killer dead.

Mark (43:55):
There's only one way into this place. There's never any
one way into any place.

Sarah (44:01):
There's a road. Yeah. There's a boat. Yeah. There's a
path.
Yeah. There's parachuting.

Mark (44:06):
Just to name a few. There's a fence that you could
climb over?

Sarah (44:12):
No. There's only one way. Yeah. Except the two ways.

Mark (44:16):
Well, oh, wait a minute. So the dad is interviewed and as
well as admitting to becoming astripper, he admits that maybe
he made a mistake.

Sarah (44:25):
That he garroted Fi with her own ugly bridal purse.

Mark (44:30):
Okay. So let's talk about the purse because I have a
problem.

Sarah (44:38):
And why is she carrying a purse in the hotel where she's
staying?

Mark (44:41):
I do not know. Now I realize that I'm a bit
different. When I stop anywhere,I place my wallet, my keys, and
my phone in specific areas so Iknow where they are, but I don't
like sitting around with thosethings in my pocket.

Sarah (44:56):
Mhmm.

Mark (44:57):
Okay? So I understand that I'm a little different. But if
I'm the bride to be at my henparty, I can imagine these
things.

Sarah (45:06):
Mhmm.

Mark (45:06):
There's only eight of us in the hen party plus the
stripper and the middle agedbartender.

Sarah (45:12):
And Peter. And Peter. Purposeless Peter. Purposeless
beef. Mybert.

Mark (45:20):
I would have left it in my room. Yeah. Okay. So then I go
back to my room because we'vewe've hen partied it up. Mhmm.

Sarah (45:29):
He

Mark (45:29):
ate the worm. Now my boyfriend has to come over and
he say he's impregnated anotherlady while his friend sits
awkwardly on the bed. Mhmm.

Sarah (45:40):
She has her Purse on the whole time.

Mark (45:42):
On the entire time.

Sarah (45:45):
Mhmm. Why? There's a couple of things you don't know
because you're a man. Okay.Number one, wedding dresses and
most women's clothing don't haveappropriate pockets.

Mark (45:55):
I understand that she doesn't have pockets.

Sarah (45:57):
Where is she gonna put her phone? You're not gonna
leave your phone in your room.

Mark (46:00):
You might hold on to it?

Sarah (46:01):
No. You put it in your bra? No. Put your bra on? If
pause.
If you have not watched themusic video for a song called
Brenda Put Your Bra On, go do itright now.

Mark (46:15):
I'll put it in the show notes. It's a fantastic It's

Sarah (46:18):
an earworm. I've warned you.

Mark (46:20):
Yep.

Sarah (46:20):
It will get in your head, and you'll never get it out.

Mark (46:22):
It's country too. It's epic. Yep.

Sarah (46:24):
I love it. Anyway, no. You can't put your phone in your
bra because you know what else?What? You can't wear a bra with
most wedding gowns.

Mark (46:33):
I I get that. I get that. Alright.

Sarah (46:35):
So now you've got, like, some kind of wacky corset thing
on or, like, if you're not bigand down, you got, like, tape on
your tatas or whatever, andyou're gonna shove a phone in
there. It's gonna work its waydown into the waist of your
dress, fall out the bottom. Whythey don't put pockets anything?
I don't know.

Mark (46:53):
Why is she in her dress?

Sarah (46:54):
It's a thing that they're doing.

Mark (46:56):
Okay.

Sarah (46:56):
Right? They're all wearing tacky dresses. This is
not her real wedding dress. It'sa tacky dress that she bought at
the second hand store.

Mark (47:03):
Okay. So that's why they don't freak out like Darren
doesn't go. Why are you seeingher in her wedding

Sarah (47:08):
dress? Exactly. Okay. No. It doesn't matter.

Mark (47:10):
Okay.

Sarah (47:10):
Okay. So there's that. That's one reason why. Two, the
bridal industry is amanipulative industry Okay. To
the point where they don't evensize wedding dresses in the same
way they size regular women'sclothes.
Okay?

Mark (47:27):
Know that.

Sarah (47:27):
And they try to make you buy all kinds of useless crap
because

Mark (47:34):
it's your special day.

Sarah (47:35):
Yes. Right? Including ugly ass purses that you're
supposed to carry to keep yourstuff in.

Mark (47:42):
Okay.

Sarah (47:42):
They could easily just put a pocket in the big frou
frou dress, but, no, you gottabuy an ugly purse.

Mark (47:48):
Okay. But you do the worm, and you're drunk, and you come
back to your room before yourboyfriend comes home. Thing you

Sarah (47:54):
do is get that thing off and set it down. Yeah.
Absolutely. But she's reallydrunk, so maybe she's forgotten
that she has it on.

Mark (48:00):
But then she stomps off with it.

Sarah (48:02):
She does. But it's got her phone in it and her athletic
tape and her lipstick.

Mark (48:08):
Okay. I'm gonna say that this is

Sarah (48:10):
I agree with

Mark (48:11):
you completely. Sus.

Sarah (48:12):
I agree with you completely.

Mark (48:13):
But not as sus as, oh, I accidentally wrapped it around
your neck and choked you outwith it.

Sarah (48:18):
Yes. I don't believe for a second that the thing would be
made well enough that the strapwould be strong enough to
actually strangle somebody.

Mark (48:26):
I'm sure that was made of plastic, not actual metal.

Sarah (48:29):
And I'm really disappointed in Gina that she
thought that the strangulationmarks from a pearly twisted
beaded handle Yeah. Could beLederhosen. Yes. Those are
completely different. Unless,Gina's got a pair of Lederhosen
at home that are, like,bejeweled.

Mark (48:48):
Maybe. Like those coats that they wear the pearl buttons
on.

Sarah (48:52):
Yeah. In England.

Mark (48:53):
Maybe it's like that.

Sarah (48:54):
Maybe she's got bejeweled laterhosen. Maybe that's her
thing.

Mark (48:57):
She's into it. But Fi comes into her own.

Sarah (49:00):
If she does, she's definitely gonna find out where
Mike's line dancing class is andwear them to the line dancing
class.

Mark (49:06):
She is indeed. Fi is a bully. Fi is a horrible human
being. Fi's flying on Frodo'sairline, but boy, is she a good
dead body. Yeah.
She's a fantastic in that dress,in the water. She just floats
away

Sarah (49:22):
Yep. Out to captain Cook.

Mark (49:24):
I love how, like okay.

Sarah (49:27):
And I guess nobody ran into Alex's stripper wet.

Mark (49:30):
No. And they also are very purposeful in saying it's a
river. Because if it wasn't ariver, the waves would have
pushed her back into the water.

Sarah (49:40):
Yeah.

Mark (49:41):
Right? Instead, he gives her a little push and then,
like, attaches a small outboardengine, and she'll go

Sarah (49:49):
She drifts off. Well, tall is very floaty because it's
mostly plastic. I I get it.Skirt is basically plastic
netting

Mark (49:58):
I more

Sarah (49:58):
or less. Be. So it might be kind of, like, you know,
like, flotsam and jetsam kind oftrash is floaty. It would kinda
act the same way, But she getsquite a distance. She's out in
the open water

Mark (50:10):
by the time

Sarah (50:11):
Captain Cook finds her.

Mark (50:12):
Again, the is she in the ocean? Is she not in the ocean?
Is Captain Cook in the river?

Sarah (50:18):
Okay. In New Zealand, I bet all rivers lead to the
ocean.

Mark (50:21):
Well, all rivers always lead to the ocean.

Sarah (50:24):
They could lead to a great lake.

Mark (50:26):
That's true. But that great lake then leads to an
ocean.

Sarah (50:29):
Okay. But that's a lot of distance. Yeah.

Mark (50:30):
I guess.

Sarah (50:31):
You're out there with the freighters at that point.

Mark (50:35):
Isn't it about time that we had a Mentos commercial?

Sarah (50:40):
Let's play tennis.

Mark (50:41):
Fresh and fun Mentos tennis commercial. Oh, this is
mixed doubles. Oh, yes. It is.Like, the whole thing, it should
end with them doing freezeframes.

Sarah (50:53):
High fives. Hey. Up high. I love that Breen gets to be
referee. He's having the mostfun.
Yep. And Gina's like, I'vewanted to do this since I was a
little girl. Thank you. And andshe's but she's she's not a
tennis player. She may havedreamed about it as a child, but

(51:14):
she that's not her thing now.
And yet, she's got the gear.Yeah. Fully coordinated at

Mark (51:19):
all fit.

Sarah (51:19):
Ready to go.

Mark (51:20):
Totally coordinated.

Sarah (51:21):
And Mike, who could barely walk twenty minutes ago,
is now ready to play.

Mark (51:26):
Yeah. And was junior and senior boys champion.

Sarah (51:29):
Yeah. But

Mark (51:30):
They do that, like It's fun. So there's a scene in Ted
Lasso in which Ted showsproficiency in something that
people don't think he would beproficient in. It's a fantastic
scene.

Sarah (51:44):
Yeah.

Mark (51:44):
He does it in a really great way. It it's spectacular.
That is not what happens. Yeah.Mike just goes bonk.
Oh, I was junior and seniorboys' champ. Yes.

Sarah (51:57):
And I'm still just as fit as I was then.

Mark (52:00):
Not. And Brie goes, 15 love.

Sarah (52:04):
It's alright. Gina's just gonna fly around on their side
of the court and Yep. Volleyevery ball back anyway. It's
it's a fun episode. The peoplewho are not likable are really
unlikable.
There's no ambiguity, you know?Yeah. So after after the
credits, are Scotty and Chantalgonna get together? They're

(52:24):
certainly, like okay. They're atleast gonna co parent.

Mark (52:27):
As we know as we know intimately, when you have
children with someone, thatperson is in your life forever.

Sarah (52:34):
Especially if you live in a small town Yes. And neither of
you leaves.

Mark (52:37):
So I would hope that Scotty and Chantelle formed a
positive relationship. Is itromantic? I don't know. Mhmm.
But certainly positive.

Sarah (52:47):
Is Darren gonna ask Zoe out? I I don't Or is Zoe so
screwed up because her dad's akiller that there's no hope?

Mark (52:55):
My dad was a killer stripper is should be the
headline. Killer stripper head,physio.

Sarah (53:02):
And killed somebody basically for me.

Mark (53:05):
Yeah. Like, Zoey's gonna have

Sarah (53:07):
some rough day. Damaging.

Mark (53:09):
She gonna have some rough day.

Sarah (53:11):
And now she's on her own. Yeah. She doesn't even have her
dad to lean on.

Mark (53:14):
Well, hopefully, Darren gives her some comfort. He
doesn't again, doesn't have tobe romantic. It could be friend
wise comfort.

Sarah (53:22):
Yeah.

Mark (53:22):
But she obviously needs somebody to listen and validate
her feelings because wow.

Sarah (53:28):
Is Nikki going to jail for car credit card fraud?

Mark (53:31):
Be. Yeah. She should. See Nikki again. So maybe she goes
to jail.

Sarah (53:36):
Maybe she's like, now I'll use all my money. Get
myself a lawyer. I just couldn'tthink of a way to use those
millions. But now I can think ofsomething.

Mark (53:47):
Yes.

Sarah (53:48):
Kim's gonna go off not being Frodo's girlfriend. Yes.
And the other four are off toanother bachelorette party. I
guess. Another namelessbachelorette.
That is bride not to be.

Mark (54:01):
I I like that they didn't weigh into the Hamlet thing. I
like that. It doesn't need tohave Petey. Petey needs not be
there. Peter.
Purposeless Peter. I would saythe entire tennis thing needs
not to be there. And I wouldalso say, there's no reason he's
a stripper Because he leaves andcomes back. He could just go

(54:28):
over there because Zoe admittedto him what she said. Yeah.
He's like, I'm gonna go overthere and teach her a lesson.

Sarah (54:36):
Yeah. He could have known that Zoe was, that, Ophelia was
in town without being thestripper for her bachelorette
party. What would have beengreat is if in the middle of his
dance, knowing that she was whoshe was and that he hated her,
He, like, just choked her out infront of everybody in part of
his dance.

Mark (54:56):
This is a weird stripper.

Sarah (54:57):
It's my special move. I'm gonna strangle her with my
thighs.

Mark (55:03):
I don't wanna put anything in his belt. He's a weird
stripper.

Sarah (55:08):
Yeah. Oh my god. That's the other four.

Mark (55:12):
I need tequila. The other four left because they were
like, it's a middle eggstripper.

Sarah (55:21):
And creepy Marcus lives here, and he's prowling around.
Yeah. And then there'spurposeless Peter in the dark.

Mark (55:27):
Plus, there's a wolf.

Sarah (55:28):
A wolf? A wharf. Oh, a wharf. Wharf. It could be an e r
f.

Mark (55:33):
Meaning E r f.

Sarah (55:34):
And then there's Roger. Mysterious Roger. Could be room.
Why is Frodo not

Mark (55:41):
the stripper? Why is Frodo not the stripper? Because that
would have been comedy gold. Orwhy isn't Nigel the stripper?
Kahu.

Sarah (55:49):
Yes. Kahu could have been the stripper.

Mark (55:52):
I think this is the last time

Sarah (55:53):
People would pay to see Kahu strip.

Mark (55:55):
I think this

Sarah (55:55):
is the last time

Mark (55:56):
you see him.

Sarah (55:58):
Poor Sims. Just when she was playing tennis Yep. And
chess. Yep. Well, that's pridenot to be or to be or not to be.
Not to be.

Mark (56:10):
And then they they they touch on it, but they don't go
into it. Nope. It it's good.It's good.

Sarah (56:17):
Alright. Until next time.

Mark (56:18):
Bye, Bobberts. Bye, maniacs. Say it.

Sarah (56:25):
I did. I said bye, Bob Ertz. No. Bye, maniacs.

Mark (56:29):
Bye, maniacs. Thanks for joining us on the Mystery
Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyedour crazy podcast today, don't
miss out on future episodes.Follow us on social media for
updates, behind the scenescontent, and exclusive sneak
peeks. Subscribe, like, andshare to spread the word.
Bye, maniacs.

Sarah (56:48):
You're gonna edit out all my bombards.

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Episode 230 | Mystery Maniacs | The Brokenwood Mysteries | "Bride Not to Be" | Worst Bachelorette Party Ever!

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 230 | Mystery Maniacs | The Brokenwood Mysteries | "Bride Not to Be" | Worst Bachelorette Party Ever!